Sherry Ellis's Blog, page 110

Bubba's First Job

Ladies and gentleman, my boy has a job.  Doing what?   You'd better sit for this.  Ridding the neighbor's yard of ... dog poop!  (No, it's not our dog's poop.)

Apparently, the neighbor was tired of cleaning up the stuff from his two dogs, so he asked Bubba if he'd be interested in doing it every week.

Bubba wasn't too sure about it until the guy told him he'd get paid.

"Sure," my boy said.  "I'll do it."  Anything for money.

I watched the little dude do his job with a big shovel and garbage bag.

When he was done, he came home with a big grin, showing me his wages. "Mama, look what I got," he said, holding up a dollar.

"A dollar?  That's all you got for scooping a bunch of poop?"

"Yeah, I got to set my wages."

Wow, that neighbor got a deal!   I would've charged a lot more for a job like that.

So now, once a week Bubba will do his job.  I'm sure that'll look nice on his resume:  Pooper Scooper. 

Fried Earwigs

"Mama," my seven-year-old son said.  "I ate some fried earwigs."

I did a double-take on that one.  "What did you say?  Fried earwigs?"

"Yeah."

"You're talking earwigs, like the bugs, right?"

My son nodded his head.

"Okay, you better explain where you got fried earwigs."

"My buddy made them."

This is the same buddy who wanted to stick that frog in his pants. 

I shook my head.  "How exactly did he fry them?"

My son grinned.  "When his mom was making pizza, he snuck some on the tray."

Unbelievable.  I wonder if any ended up on the pizza.

My son won't be eating over there any time soon!   

Shoe Lace Shredder

I bet you can't guess who the shoe lace shredder is.  You can?  Really?  Yes, it's Schultz, the German Shredder.

I suspected it might be him for a long time.  I used to have very nice shoe laces on my tennis shoes, but lately, they've been looking a little ragged.  I thought perhaps, they were just getting old.  But in the back of my mind, I knew it was the dog.  I discovered this little fact today as I went into the laundry room.

The beast likes to go into the dark, windowless laundry room to nap.  At least he pretends to nap.  He lays on the floor next to the shoe bin and closes his eyes when I'm looking.  When I go away, he does other things. Like chew on shoe laces. I snuck up on him today when he was in the middle of chewing.

"Schultz!"

I startled him, and he quickly let go of the lace.

"What do you think you're doing?"

He put his head on the ground and looked at me with his soulful brown eyes.

I picked up the slobbery shoe lace.  He had done quite a job on it.  "No more shoe laces, Dufuss!"  I grabbed his fresh bone and put it in front of his snoot.  "Chew on that."

He sniffed it and looked away.  Apparently shoe laces are better.

Freaky Sea Urchin

I took my kids to the pet store today to replenish pet supplies.  When I was ready to check out, the kids went over to a huge salt water tank.  They peered into the glass and oohed and ahhhed over the aquatic creatures.

Then they saw something strange.  "Mama," my daughter said.  "Come here and check this out."

"Hold on a minute.  Let me finish paying."

When I was done, I walked over to the tank.  "What do you want to show me?"

"That sea urchin has an eyeball."

Huh?  "I don't think sea urchins have eyeballs."

My son pointed to the creature.  "Yeah they do.  Look."

Sure enough, there was some kind of round eyeball thing on it.  And it looked like it was looking at me.  That was a little freaky, but I still didn't think that sea urchins had eyeballs. So I asked the worker.  "What's that bubble thing on the sea urchin?"

"An eyeball."

"Seriously?  Sea urchins have eyeballs?"

The guy nodded.  "It's used to see and excrete waste materials."

Okay.  That was way more than I needed to know. What a freaky creature! 

Did you know that sea urchins had eyeballs (that excrete waste material, too)?  

Don't Look Up!

Today we loaded everybody into the SUV and headed to the park.  By everybody, I mean, my husband, my two kids, grandpa, myself, and Schultz, the big, goofy German Shepherd.  My husband and I were in the front, the kids and grandpa were in the next row, and Schultz was in the back.  He parked himself so that his ginormous head was just above my seven-year-old son's head.  He must've figured he could fit there.

So we drove along, listening to the panting dog in the back, when my son commented, "Is it raining?"

I looked at the sky.  "Um, no."

"But I'm getting wet!"

I looked back.  Sure enough, a big pink tongue was hanging out, just above my son's head.  "Dude, don't look up!"

"Why?"  he asked as he looked up.

A drip of slobber landed right on the boy's nose.  "Ewwww!  Schultz!"

That's why.  

Backstage Mayhem

Have you ever wondered what goes on backstage during musical productions?  A whole lot of chaos...that's what.  Let me tell you about it.

I volunteered to help with my daughter's dance recital, because I'm a "dance mom."  We dance moms are required to put in time to help with productions.  Let me just say,  this was no rinky dink production.  This is a big time dance studio with some incredible guest artists that come in to perform and do choreography.   It was my job to help the dancers change costumes, fix hair and makeup, and get them where they needed to be on time.

I was assigned to a group of dancers, and my official job title was, "The Runner."  Here's how it went:

"Mrs. Ellis, I can't find my ribbons and hairpiece."

"Okay," I frantically searched under an assortment of costumes that were lying on the table.  "Found it!" I announced, just as another girl came up to me, saying that her pony tail needed to be changed to a bun. 

I fixed her hair and got it done just in time for makeup check.  Lipstick, eyeliner, and blush had to be reapplied and perfect.  I checked the dancers and hustled them off to the backstage waiting area.  Another volunteer took it from there as another dancer ran off the stage for a costume change.  It was my job help her get ready.  So we literally ran to the changing area, got her into another fancy costume, checked hair and makeup, and then ran her to the back stage waiting area just as the previous number finished.

I corralled the exiting dancers back to their waiting rooms.

On and on it went.  Running back and forth, and listening to, "Mrs  Ellis, can you help me with this?" and "Mrs. Ellis, I need this."

Do you know how long each show was?  Two hours!  Do you know how many shows there were?  Five!  Do the math.  Ten hours of running!

Talk about exhausting!

Watering the Dog

This evening, when I was watering my plants, a certain hairy beast came out to visit.  I like to keep this particular creature contained in the house when I water because he usually wreaks havoc on my plants.  Unfortunately, he escaped when my daughter opened the back door.  Yes, this creature is none other than my obnoxious German Shepherd, Schultz.

That dog charged out the door with a furious vengeance.

"Schultz!"  I yelled.  "Watch it!"

He didn't watch it.  He crashed into my hydrangeas, breaking yet more branches on the bushes and crushing the big snowball flowers.

"You know, Schultz," I said.  "You are destroying everything I worked so hard to plant."

He didn't care.  He just took off like a bullet and charged through more flowers.

I decided to take action against the beast.  I sprayed that dog with the hose.  "Take that, you troublemaking varmint!"

It didn't work quite the way I had planned.  That stupid dog liked it.  In fact, he opened his huge mouth to get a drink.  By the time he was done, he was soaked.  So was I.  Do you know why?  Because beasty boy decided to take a giant shake less than a foot away from me.  He plastered me with water and wet hair.

Ugh!  All I wanted to do was water my flowers, gosh darn it!

Frog Down the Shirt

"Mama," my seven-year-old son said.  "Check this out!"

I followed him through the woods to the fish tank where he keeps his "pet" frog.  His buddy was already at the tank.

My boy grabbed the frog and promptly deposited him down his shirt.

"Bubba," I said.  "What the heck?"  I watched a little lump make its way up my son's chest.   Then the lump became a frog peeking out from under the shirt.  I shook my head.  "Don't you think that's a little ridiculous?"

My son giggled. 

Then his buddy got involved in the act.  "I'm going to put him in my pants!"

"No.  You are not putting that frog down your pants," I said.  "What do you want to do, traumatize it?"

Poor little frog!   

Misplaced Coral

I took my kids to the grocery store today.  That itself is usually an adventure, because we always end up with more than planned.  Anyway, we pushed our cart through the produce section, selecting fruits and vegetables.  As we did, my son noticed an unusual-looking product.

"Mama," he said.  "What's this coral doing here?"

"Coral?" I said.  "What are you talking about?"

"Yeah, look!"  He brought over a gnarled, coral-shaped object.

I examined it.  "Dude, that's ginger." I said.

"Ginger?"  He looked at me funny.  "But, it doesn't look like that stuff you sprinkle from a bottle."

"No," I said.  "This is fresh ginger root.  You can grate it to make the powder."

"I don't think so, Mama.  This is coral.  It belongs in the ocean."

(Hmmm.  Too bad it really wasn't coral - with an ocean.  A trip to the beach sounds kind of good right now! ) 

Farm Animals

Today was adventure day.  During the summer, I take my kids to a new place every week - someplace we've never seen.  The destination du jour was Youngs Jersey Dairy Farm.  This place is about an hour and a half away from my house.  So needless to say, it was a long car ride, and my kids were getting a little antsy.

We arrived at the destination.  (Incredibly, I didn't get lost.)  We played a game of put put (yes, there was put put on the farm), slid down a huge slide on blankets, fed goats, sniffed stinky cows,  and then decided to head over to the little restaurant for some homemade ice cream (made, of course, from the resident cows' milk).  

By this time, my kids were a little slap-happy.  They were giggling and acting like obnoxious idiots. We ordered our ice cream.  My daughter and I ordered a Buckeye sundae, and my son ordered a banana split.  Lots of sugar - exactly what we needed, right?

My daughter decided to shove an over-sized buckeye in her mouth.  Chocolate dribbled down her chin.  And my son?  He decided to shove his entire face into his banana split to get an ice cream gottee ( a very nice one, by the way).

I looked at those kids and busted out laughing.  Unfortunately, I was in the middle of drinking my water.  Do you know what it's like to laugh with unswallowed water?  Well, let me tell you.  Unswallowed water ends up coming out your nose.  Which is exactly what happened to me.

Just then the waitress came over.  She took a look at us and laughed.  "You animals belong out there, on the farm!" 

Yeehaw!