Sherry Ellis's Blog, page 116
April 8, 2012
Noisy Watch
When my in-laws returned from the south seas, they brought each of my kids a watch. This was a really good thing, because my son especially, is notorius for not paying attention to the time. Things changed after he strapped that watch to his wrist. Every three minutes he asked me if the time was right.
"Yeah, dude. It's in sync with my watch. You're good."
"Are you sure?" he asked.
"Yes."
All day long, he'd ask. I couldn't wait to go to sleep, so he'd stopping asking about the time. Well, as it turns out, going to sleep didn't help much.
This morning, at the crack of dawn, the boy came in to my bedroom with his watch. It was beeping loudly.
"Mama. Can you fix my watch?"
I looked at the clock. It was 5:00 AM. "Um, no. Ask Daddy."
Fortunately, the daddy who is a technical genious any time of day or night, came to the rescue. He shut that watch right up.
Unfortuantely, we were all wide awake by that time. So we went downstairs to see what the Easter Bunny left. There was my boy, watch strapped on, eating chocolate at 5:00 in the morning.
Oy gewalt!
"Yeah, dude. It's in sync with my watch. You're good."
"Are you sure?" he asked.
"Yes."
All day long, he'd ask. I couldn't wait to go to sleep, so he'd stopping asking about the time. Well, as it turns out, going to sleep didn't help much.
This morning, at the crack of dawn, the boy came in to my bedroom with his watch. It was beeping loudly.
"Mama. Can you fix my watch?"
I looked at the clock. It was 5:00 AM. "Um, no. Ask Daddy."
Fortunately, the daddy who is a technical genious any time of day or night, came to the rescue. He shut that watch right up.
Unfortuantely, we were all wide awake by that time. So we went downstairs to see what the Easter Bunny left. There was my boy, watch strapped on, eating chocolate at 5:00 in the morning.
Oy gewalt!
April 7, 2012
Coffee-drinking Dog
My mother-in-law made the big mistake of leaving her coffee mug on the coffee table in the family room. It was a steaming cup of fresh-brewed java. And apparently, it was too much for our German Shepherd to resist.
As soon as my mother-in-law left the room, that dog was on it.
"Schultz!" my daughter screamed. "No! Don't drink the coffee!"
But it was too late. The hairy beast slurped up that stuff with his big pink tongue. (It's a wonder he didn't burn that big pink tongue!)
Then my mother-in-law returned to finish her nice cup of coffee. "Where's my coffee?" she said. "I know I had a full cup here a minute ago!"
My daughter and I looked at each other. "Um. Somebody with a big pink tongue drank it." I said.
"Schultz!" she bellowed.
The dog ran. He knew he shouldn't mess with the mother-in-law!
As soon as my mother-in-law left the room, that dog was on it.
"Schultz!" my daughter screamed. "No! Don't drink the coffee!"
But it was too late. The hairy beast slurped up that stuff with his big pink tongue. (It's a wonder he didn't burn that big pink tongue!)
Then my mother-in-law returned to finish her nice cup of coffee. "Where's my coffee?" she said. "I know I had a full cup here a minute ago!"
My daughter and I looked at each other. "Um. Somebody with a big pink tongue drank it." I said.
"Schultz!" she bellowed.
The dog ran. He knew he shouldn't mess with the mother-in-law!
April 6, 2012
The Half-birthday Cake
It's my daughter's half-birthday today, and to celebrate the occasion, I made a cake. A half-frosted cake.
Yeah, I did. Because that cake came out of the pan all broken up, so I had to use most of the frosting as glue to hold the pieces together. When I was done, the top was frosted, and the middle was frosted, but the sides weren't.
"Tah-dah!" I showed my daughter her half-birthday cake.
She gave me a funny look. "Mom, what happened here?"
"It's a half-birthday cake. You only get a full frosting job when it's your full birthday."
"Oh," she said. Then as she casually walked away she added, "Don't forget, Granny's coming over later."
Oh shoot. Yeah. My mother-in-law. I would never hear the end of it if I served her granddaughter a half-frosted cake. I guess I better get to the store and buy another tub of frosting!
Yeah, I did. Because that cake came out of the pan all broken up, so I had to use most of the frosting as glue to hold the pieces together. When I was done, the top was frosted, and the middle was frosted, but the sides weren't.
"Tah-dah!" I showed my daughter her half-birthday cake.
She gave me a funny look. "Mom, what happened here?"
"It's a half-birthday cake. You only get a full frosting job when it's your full birthday."
"Oh," she said. Then as she casually walked away she added, "Don't forget, Granny's coming over later."
Oh shoot. Yeah. My mother-in-law. I would never hear the end of it if I served her granddaughter a half-frosted cake. I guess I better get to the store and buy another tub of frosting!
April 5, 2012
Storm Chaser
My son has a fascination with storms and tornadoes. He has decided that he wants to be a storm chaser. So today, he put on some storm chaser gear and headed out to the great outdoors.
A little while later, a delivery man arrived at our house. He spotted my son. "Are you going fishing?" he asked.
My son straightened out his fishing vest. "No, sir. I'm a storm chaser."
"Oh," said the delivery man. "Then why are you wearing a fishing vest?"
"It's holding my equipment."
"What kind of equipment?"
My son emptied his pockets. "Well, here are some bandaids in case I get hurt. A flashlight because it gets real dark in thunderstorms, and a compass so I can find my way back home in case a tornado picks me up and drops me somewhere else."
Now that's what I call prepared!
A little while later, a delivery man arrived at our house. He spotted my son. "Are you going fishing?" he asked.
My son straightened out his fishing vest. "No, sir. I'm a storm chaser."
"Oh," said the delivery man. "Then why are you wearing a fishing vest?"
"It's holding my equipment."
"What kind of equipment?"
My son emptied his pockets. "Well, here are some bandaids in case I get hurt. A flashlight because it gets real dark in thunderstorms, and a compass so I can find my way back home in case a tornado picks me up and drops me somewhere else."
Now that's what I call prepared!
April 4, 2012
Mr. Fix-it
Picture this: A seven-year-old kid wearing a striped t-shirt, glasses, a bicycle helmet, shorts, and black rubber boots arriving at your door with a big black tool box. Then picture the kid asking you to fix something around your house. That's exactly the way it was with my son today.
"Mama," he said in his get-up. "I'm going to go around the neighborhood and fix people's broken things."
I took a good look at him. "Oh, yeah?" I said. "Maybe you should practice around here first."
He nodded. "That's a good idea." Then he went off to find some things to fix.
A half hour later he came back inside. "I walked all around our property. I didn't find anything to fix. But I found a red ant nest."
"Did you fix that?" I asked him.
"Mama, I'm a repair man, not an exterminator!"
"Mama," he said in his get-up. "I'm going to go around the neighborhood and fix people's broken things."
I took a good look at him. "Oh, yeah?" I said. "Maybe you should practice around here first."
He nodded. "That's a good idea." Then he went off to find some things to fix.
A half hour later he came back inside. "I walked all around our property. I didn't find anything to fix. But I found a red ant nest."
"Did you fix that?" I asked him.
"Mama, I'm a repair man, not an exterminator!"
April 3, 2012
Eating Bubbles
When you were a kid, did you like blowing bubbles in your beverages? I did. It seems that my kids inherited this little idiosyncracy from me.
"Mama," my son said after I poured him a glass of milk. "Can I have a straw?"
"Me too," my daughter said.
I knew exactly what this meant, but I gave them straws anyway. "Just don't make a mess."
They proceeded to blow bubble towers with their milk. Those things got pretty high. Then they stuck their faces in the bubble pile and slurped them up.
"Mmmm. Bubbles are yummy!" exclaimed my daughter.
"Yeah," my son said. "Delectable!" (For seven years old, he has a rather expansive vocabulary!)
Pretty soon the milk bubbles spilled over the sides of the glasses, leaving puddles of milk on the table.
"Kids, you need to get a paper towel and clean up that mess!"
No worries, because just then, our big old German Shepherd with the big pink tongue came along. He licked the table clean. Apparently he likes eating bubbles, too.
"Mama," my son said after I poured him a glass of milk. "Can I have a straw?"
"Me too," my daughter said.
I knew exactly what this meant, but I gave them straws anyway. "Just don't make a mess."
They proceeded to blow bubble towers with their milk. Those things got pretty high. Then they stuck their faces in the bubble pile and slurped them up.
"Mmmm. Bubbles are yummy!" exclaimed my daughter.
"Yeah," my son said. "Delectable!" (For seven years old, he has a rather expansive vocabulary!)
Pretty soon the milk bubbles spilled over the sides of the glasses, leaving puddles of milk on the table.
"Kids, you need to get a paper towel and clean up that mess!"
No worries, because just then, our big old German Shepherd with the big pink tongue came along. He licked the table clean. Apparently he likes eating bubbles, too.
April 2, 2012
The Golden Nut
My son likes munching on pistachios. Today, we opened a new bag of the little green nuts. He happened to notice a little Angry Bird sticker on it.
"Mama, what's this?"
"I don't know," I said. "Why don't you take it off and find out ?"
"You do it," he said.
Yeah, of course. That's the way it always goes. So, I pulled off the sticker. "It says here in fine print, 'The Hunt for the Golden Pistachio.'"
My son got all excited. "Does that mean there's a golden pistachio in the bag?"
"No. It means you get a code to play some kind of video game involving Angry Birds and a Golden Pistachio."
Apparently that went in one ear and out the other. He grabbed the bag of pistachios and started munching. After about fifteen minutes, he ran over to me all excited. "I found the golden pistachio!"
I looked at him kind of funny. "Oh yeah? Let me see."
He showed me a nut with definitive yellow streaks on it. "I'm going to keep it, because it's worth a million bucks."
So now he a a million dollar golden pistachio sitting on his book shelf. Anybody want to buy it?
"Mama, what's this?"
"I don't know," I said. "Why don't you take it off and find out ?"
"You do it," he said.
Yeah, of course. That's the way it always goes. So, I pulled off the sticker. "It says here in fine print, 'The Hunt for the Golden Pistachio.'"
My son got all excited. "Does that mean there's a golden pistachio in the bag?"
"No. It means you get a code to play some kind of video game involving Angry Birds and a Golden Pistachio."
Apparently that went in one ear and out the other. He grabbed the bag of pistachios and started munching. After about fifteen minutes, he ran over to me all excited. "I found the golden pistachio!"
I looked at him kind of funny. "Oh yeah? Let me see."
He showed me a nut with definitive yellow streaks on it. "I'm going to keep it, because it's worth a million bucks."
So now he a a million dollar golden pistachio sitting on his book shelf. Anybody want to buy it?
April 1, 2012
Shredding Kleenex
First of all, before I start this post, I wanted to let you all know that the A-Z blog challenge has begun. As you can see, I'm not doing it on this blog, but I am doing it on my other blog, Gone Gardening. If you'd like, you can stop by and visit that blog, as well as click on the A-Z badge to visit other bloggers.
Now to the regularly scheduled programming. It's been a while since you've had a dog report. Mostly because he's been pretty good lately. Today he wasn't so good. Maybe it was his April Fools joke.
I was in the kitchen doing dishes. All of a sudden, my daughter starts yelling, "No, Schultz! Bad boy!"
I knew the dog was definitely up to something.
I walked into the family room. The varmint had gotten a hold of a box of Kleenex. He decided it would be great fun to shred that thing. So what I found was a bunch of torn Kleenex and shredded box all over my floor.
"Schultz!" I bellowed. "Quit eating the Kleenex!"
He cocked his head and looked at me.
"Yeah, you," I said.
He knew he was in a bit of trouble, so he high-tailed it right into his crate, dragging along a piece of Kleenex in his mouth.
What's with that dog? A couple weeks ago he was eating paper towels. Now it's Kleenex. Something isn't right with that. I think I'm going to take him to a dog shrink.
Now to the regularly scheduled programming. It's been a while since you've had a dog report. Mostly because he's been pretty good lately. Today he wasn't so good. Maybe it was his April Fools joke.
I was in the kitchen doing dishes. All of a sudden, my daughter starts yelling, "No, Schultz! Bad boy!"
I knew the dog was definitely up to something.
I walked into the family room. The varmint had gotten a hold of a box of Kleenex. He decided it would be great fun to shred that thing. So what I found was a bunch of torn Kleenex and shredded box all over my floor.
"Schultz!" I bellowed. "Quit eating the Kleenex!"
He cocked his head and looked at me.
"Yeah, you," I said.
He knew he was in a bit of trouble, so he high-tailed it right into his crate, dragging along a piece of Kleenex in his mouth.
What's with that dog? A couple weeks ago he was eating paper towels. Now it's Kleenex. Something isn't right with that. I think I'm going to take him to a dog shrink.
March 31, 2012
Tadpole in the Mail
Apparently somebody thought we needed more pets. Because when I went out to get the mail today, I found a tadpole in a test tube sitting in my mail box.
Okay, so maybe I should back this story up a bit. Last July, my father-in-law took my son to Gander Mountain to select a birthday present. I figured that would be a good place to get something useful, like camping or fishing gear. Well, when the boy and the old man came home, they did not have anything that looked like camping or fishing gear. They had a frog habitat. You know - one of those things where you send for a tadpole and then you watch it grow up to be a nice little frog.
"Seriously?" I said when I saw it. "We already have a frog."
"That's what he wanted," said Grandpa.
I shook my head. Thanks a lot, Grandpa.
So we sent the request for the tadpole. It usually comes within a month. Not this one. We got a nice message that they were out of stock. So their frogs had to get busy to make more.
Fine.
Fall came. Winter came. No tadpole. I was secretly pleased. I figured they had lost the order, and no tadpole would be arriving at our abode.
Well, they didn't forget. We now have a nice leopard frog tadpole sitting in a mini-swamp next to the African clawed frog and hermit crabs. His name is Speedy.
Okay, everybody. Listen up. I do not want any more pets! So don't even think about sending me another tadpole in a test tube!
Okay, so maybe I should back this story up a bit. Last July, my father-in-law took my son to Gander Mountain to select a birthday present. I figured that would be a good place to get something useful, like camping or fishing gear. Well, when the boy and the old man came home, they did not have anything that looked like camping or fishing gear. They had a frog habitat. You know - one of those things where you send for a tadpole and then you watch it grow up to be a nice little frog.
"Seriously?" I said when I saw it. "We already have a frog."
"That's what he wanted," said Grandpa.
I shook my head. Thanks a lot, Grandpa.
So we sent the request for the tadpole. It usually comes within a month. Not this one. We got a nice message that they were out of stock. So their frogs had to get busy to make more.
Fine.
Fall came. Winter came. No tadpole. I was secretly pleased. I figured they had lost the order, and no tadpole would be arriving at our abode.
Well, they didn't forget. We now have a nice leopard frog tadpole sitting in a mini-swamp next to the African clawed frog and hermit crabs. His name is Speedy.
Okay, everybody. Listen up. I do not want any more pets! So don't even think about sending me another tadpole in a test tube!
March 30, 2012
Leg Art
After I finished teaching violin lessons, I walked into the kitchen. My ten-year-old daughter was standing there. I looked down. Her legs were completely covered in marker drawings. It looked like she had visited some sort of tatoo parlor.
"What the heck did you do?" I asked, dumbfounded.
"I was bored," she replied.
"And you couldn't find something a little more constructive to do?"
"No."
I looked at the drawings. They were actually pretty good. Even her feet and toes were covered. "Well, young lady," I said. "Your artwork is very nice. But next time, do it on paper." Then I added, "I certainly hope that stuff is washable."
"It is," she said. "I knew you wouldn't let me walk around long like this, so I used washable marker."
Well, I'm glad she at least had the good sense to think ahead. If it were my son, I'm sure he'd be markered up for the rest of his life!
"What the heck did you do?" I asked, dumbfounded.
"I was bored," she replied.
"And you couldn't find something a little more constructive to do?"
"No."
I looked at the drawings. They were actually pretty good. Even her feet and toes were covered. "Well, young lady," I said. "Your artwork is very nice. But next time, do it on paper." Then I added, "I certainly hope that stuff is washable."
"It is," she said. "I knew you wouldn't let me walk around long like this, so I used washable marker."
Well, I'm glad she at least had the good sense to think ahead. If it were my son, I'm sure he'd be markered up for the rest of his life!
