Sherry Ellis's Blog, page 117
March 29, 2012
Fake Nail Job
"Mama, can I please go to Walgreens and get fake nails?" my ten-year-old daughter asked.
"Why?" I asked. "Those things ruin your nails."
"All my friends have them."
I looked at her. "Well, you shouldn't get them because all your friends have them."
"But they're so pretty. Can I please try them?"
I thought about that for a second. "Okay. We'll get you some fake nails so you can see what they're like."
We made a little trip to Walgreens. She picked a fancy sparkly set. Then we came home and she put them on.
"These things are awful!" she said. "They hurt, and I can't even pull up my pants!"
I nodded. "And you'll probably have a little trouble playing in the woods and petting your dog."
She sat down and watched TV for a little while. Fifteen minutes later she was in the bathroom taking off the nails.
"These are the worst things ever! I'm not wearing fake nails ever again!" she announced.
Seven dollars well-spent.
"Why?" I asked. "Those things ruin your nails."
"All my friends have them."
I looked at her. "Well, you shouldn't get them because all your friends have them."
"But they're so pretty. Can I please try them?"
I thought about that for a second. "Okay. We'll get you some fake nails so you can see what they're like."
We made a little trip to Walgreens. She picked a fancy sparkly set. Then we came home and she put them on.
"These things are awful!" she said. "They hurt, and I can't even pull up my pants!"
I nodded. "And you'll probably have a little trouble playing in the woods and petting your dog."
She sat down and watched TV for a little while. Fifteen minutes later she was in the bathroom taking off the nails.
"These are the worst things ever! I'm not wearing fake nails ever again!" she announced.
Seven dollars well-spent.
March 28, 2012
Lucky 7 Meme Award
Something a little different today: I just received another award. This one is from Peaches at Conceive Writing. Thanks, Peaches! This award is for writers, and it's a chance to showcase your latest manuscript. So today, you won't learn something new about me, but you will get to read an excerpt from a children's book I'm working on. Lucky 7 Meme Award Rules
1. Go to page 77 of your current manuscript.
2. Go to line 7.
3. Copy the next 7 lines (sentences or paragraphs) and post them as they're written. No cheating!
4. Tag 7 other writers to pass this meme on to.
Manuscript Excerpt ( I don't have 77 pages in my manuscript, so this is from page 7 of Bubba and Squirt's Big Hole to China.)
Then I looked at Squirt, becauseI wanted to show her my good job. But Miss Lazy Bones was staring up at thesky. So I gave her a little something to attract her attention. Except shedidn't much like it. Because when my dirt ball hit her on the head, she said,"Hey, watch it!" real angry-like.
"Oops," I said. "Sorry about that." Iwas. Really. Because I wanted that thing to go splat in her lap.
She sat up and inspected my good job."Not bad, digger dude."
"Want to help?" I asked.
"Not really."
7 Other Writers
1. Christine Rains
2. Susanne Drazic
3. Tonja
4. Rena
5.Billy Burgess at Ramblings of a Coffee Addicted Writer
6. Medeia Sharif
7. Stacey Jensen
I hope you have a chance to visit these fine writers. Thanks again, Peaches!
March 27, 2012
Sillies at Suppertime
I don't know what got into my kids, but the minute they stepped off that school bus, it was nothing but silliness. The giggles and stupid behavior continued at dinner time.
"Dude," I said to my son, who was piling ziti noodles on his head. "What exactly are you doing?'
"I'm a noodle head!"
"Yeah you are. Now kindly remove the noodles from your hair."
He obliged. Two seconds later, he was up to more mischief.
He speared a matzah ball from his soup with a straw. The things were a little dense (don't blame me - my husband made them this time.), so they didn't fall apart. Next thing I knew, my son had a matzah ball microphone.
"Bubba," I said, as he belted out a song. "We're not doing karaoke at the dinner table. Disassemble the microphone."
He didn't disassemble it, but he ate it. So I guess that was good enough.
Meanwhile, my daughter was laughing so hard, she was snorting soup out of her nose.
What the heck? Have my children not learned anything about good table manners?
"Dude," I said to my son, who was piling ziti noodles on his head. "What exactly are you doing?'
"I'm a noodle head!"
"Yeah you are. Now kindly remove the noodles from your hair."
He obliged. Two seconds later, he was up to more mischief.
He speared a matzah ball from his soup with a straw. The things were a little dense (don't blame me - my husband made them this time.), so they didn't fall apart. Next thing I knew, my son had a matzah ball microphone.
"Bubba," I said, as he belted out a song. "We're not doing karaoke at the dinner table. Disassemble the microphone."
He didn't disassemble it, but he ate it. So I guess that was good enough.
Meanwhile, my daughter was laughing so hard, she was snorting soup out of her nose.
What the heck? Have my children not learned anything about good table manners?
March 26, 2012
Versatile Blogger Award (Again!)
I've been nominated again for the Versatile Blogger Award! Whoo Hoo! Actually, I've been nominated by two people: Dawn, at Since You Asked, and Shay at Seriously - WTH. Thanks Dawn and Shay! Be sure to check out their blogs!Okay, so what I'm supposed to do is share 7 random pieces of information about myself. I'll give you eight since I've been nominated twice. (Yeah, I should probably do fourteen, but I'm being lazy.) Then I'm supposed to nominate fifteen other people. But since this is my fourth nomination for this award, I'm just going to say, if you want it, go ahead and nominate yourself. You can find the rules on Shay or Dawn's blog, or you can see mine from about a month ago.
So here we go, again. 8 Random Pieces of Information About Myself
1. I've lived through 3 hurricanes, 1 tornado, and numerous blizzards.
2. When I was a kid, I used to ride dirt bikes in the woods and play football.
3. My favorite place to SCUBA dive is Cozumel.
4. I would like to visit Marrakesh. I don't know why. It just sounds cool.
5. I understand five languages. I can't say I'm great at speaking all of them, though.
6. I still like to jump on pogo sticks. My kids have a couple, so I borrow theirs.
7. I enjoy hiking. ( My family complains about some of the death marches I take them on.)
8. An interesting memory: Playing my viola in the middle of the Black Forest in Germany when it was almost dark. My friend and I were a little lost, and we thought our music would scare away the wild boars. (It worked.)
March 25, 2012
Why You Should Wash Your Hands
My seven-year-old son is learning all about personal hygiene in school. I personally think the extra reinforcement is good for him. He's a bonified slob!
Anyway, he had a test on the subject.
He knew why you should brush your teeth. He knew why you should eat a healthy diet. But he seemed to have a little trouble on why you should wash your hands.
In sloppy print, he wrote: Because mice have rabies.
I'm sure the teacher thought that was a great reason to wash your hands!
Anyway, he had a test on the subject.
He knew why you should brush your teeth. He knew why you should eat a healthy diet. But he seemed to have a little trouble on why you should wash your hands.
In sloppy print, he wrote: Because mice have rabies.
I'm sure the teacher thought that was a great reason to wash your hands!
March 24, 2012
Bigfoot Trap
You may remember a few weeks ago, my seven-year-old son was howling on our front porch. The reason? To attract a Yeti. Now he's trying to trap one.
Only, he didn't trap a Yeti. He trapped my daughter. She came into the house completely covered in mud.
"What happened?" I asked.
"I fell into a Bigfoot trap."
"Huh?"
"Bubba and his buddy made a slippery mud slope on the bank of the creek. Any Bigfoot that comes too close is doomed."
I looked at her muddy clothes. "Yeah. I see that. I know you have a size 9 shoe, but I don't think you're Bigfoot. So stay away from that thing."
She nodded and went off to clean herself up.
I'll keep you updated as to whether or not this trap works for any real resident Bigfoots.
Only, he didn't trap a Yeti. He trapped my daughter. She came into the house completely covered in mud.
"What happened?" I asked.
"I fell into a Bigfoot trap."
"Huh?"
"Bubba and his buddy made a slippery mud slope on the bank of the creek. Any Bigfoot that comes too close is doomed."
I looked at her muddy clothes. "Yeah. I see that. I know you have a size 9 shoe, but I don't think you're Bigfoot. So stay away from that thing."
She nodded and went off to clean herself up.
I'll keep you updated as to whether or not this trap works for any real resident Bigfoots.
March 23, 2012
Vomit Comet
I knew it was going to be a good day when I took my dog out to go potty this morning and he wanted to eat grass.
"Schultz, don't do that! You're going to vomit!" Two seconds later, the dog's tummy rumbled. He heaved a giant heave, and white slime came out of his mouth.
I groaned. "Told you."
I led him away from that mess and waited for him to do his business. "Come on, Schultz!"
So what did he do? Ate more grass of course. "What are you, stupid?" In response he vomitted again.
Obviously he was a little sick.
He lay around pretty much all morning. Things changed when he spotted some paper towels I was using to clean the windows. He decided those would be just what he needed to fix his little tummy problem. So he ate a few.
Problem solved. No more vomitting, and he was back to normal for the rest of the day.
"Schultz, don't do that! You're going to vomit!" Two seconds later, the dog's tummy rumbled. He heaved a giant heave, and white slime came out of his mouth.
I groaned. "Told you."
I led him away from that mess and waited for him to do his business. "Come on, Schultz!"
So what did he do? Ate more grass of course. "What are you, stupid?" In response he vomitted again.
Obviously he was a little sick.
He lay around pretty much all morning. Things changed when he spotted some paper towels I was using to clean the windows. He decided those would be just what he needed to fix his little tummy problem. So he ate a few.
Problem solved. No more vomitting, and he was back to normal for the rest of the day.
March 22, 2012
Junior Politician
All of this election business has sparked some political conversations amongst my children and other neighborhood kids.
"I want to be President," one little boy said.
"Why?" my daughter asked.
"Because it's cool."
"I'll be Vice President," my daughter said. "Because then I'll be President if something happens to you." Then she added, "I want to make America a better place, too."
Well that's nice.
Then my son got in on the conversation. "I want to be Speaker of the House. Because then I'll be President if something happens to you and you. And I'll make $8,000 a week."
That's what I call thinking like a politician!
"I want to be President," one little boy said.
"Why?" my daughter asked.
"Because it's cool."
"I'll be Vice President," my daughter said. "Because then I'll be President if something happens to you." Then she added, "I want to make America a better place, too."
Well that's nice.
Then my son got in on the conversation. "I want to be Speaker of the House. Because then I'll be President if something happens to you and you. And I'll make $8,000 a week."
That's what I call thinking like a politician!
March 21, 2012
Don't Eat the Salmon!
Today I thought I'd make a nice salmon with dijon sauce. I gathered the ingredients and started mixing. Except I ran out of mustard. I looked through the refrigerator and found another jar. I added that to the mix and spooned the stuff over the salmon.
Then my nose kicked into action. This stuff doesn't smell quite right, I thought. Then I tried a bit from the spoon. Oh my gosh! This stuff is awful! I wondered what the heck could be wrong. That's when I decided to check the expiration date on the mustard jar.
That was the problem. It expired six months ago. So I washed off the salmon and seasoned it with something else so my family wouldn't die.
So ladies and gentlemen, if I suddenly stop blogging, you'll know I died from mustard poisoning.
Then my nose kicked into action. This stuff doesn't smell quite right, I thought. Then I tried a bit from the spoon. Oh my gosh! This stuff is awful! I wondered what the heck could be wrong. That's when I decided to check the expiration date on the mustard jar.
That was the problem. It expired six months ago. So I washed off the salmon and seasoned it with something else so my family wouldn't die.
So ladies and gentlemen, if I suddenly stop blogging, you'll know I died from mustard poisoning.
March 20, 2012
More Pets?
It's bad enough we have a menagerie of pets living inside our house. Now my kids have started a collection outside. They informed me that they now have pets for their outdoor club.
"What kind of pets?" I asked.
"Oh, a couple of frogs. And a snake."
"What?" I had to inspect this. What I found was an aquarium filled with water and two frogs: one on top of the other (and you know what that means). I also found a bucket with a two foot long snake inside.
"Okay, guys. You have to let these creatures go. And what's with the snake? Haven't I told you to leave snakes alone?"
Right on cue, one of the neighborhood boys pulled the snake out of the bucket. "But he's a queen snake. He's not poisoness."
I shook my head. "Release the snake."
"But can we keep the frogs?"
"For a couple of days, only if you feed them."
"Mama, next time you go to the pet store, can you buy crickets?"
Oy gewalt!
"What kind of pets?" I asked.
"Oh, a couple of frogs. And a snake."
"What?" I had to inspect this. What I found was an aquarium filled with water and two frogs: one on top of the other (and you know what that means). I also found a bucket with a two foot long snake inside.
"Okay, guys. You have to let these creatures go. And what's with the snake? Haven't I told you to leave snakes alone?"
Right on cue, one of the neighborhood boys pulled the snake out of the bucket. "But he's a queen snake. He's not poisoness."
I shook my head. "Release the snake."
"But can we keep the frogs?"
"For a couple of days, only if you feed them."
"Mama, next time you go to the pet store, can you buy crickets?"
Oy gewalt!
