Z. Allora's Blog, page 10

Resetting Your Life for 2020

Everyone needs to do different things to reset your world. Here are some suggestions.


I'm currently in the process of doing a space reset. If you know me at all you can probably guess I might be organized. It's one of the ways I fight anxiety and it helps my go smoother.

You might want to give it a try. 

Hugs, Z.

Cuckold, Polyamory and Cheating

Cuckold is a fetish for men who get masochistic pleasure in seeing or knowing their partner is having sex with someone else. The female version is called cuckquean.
Why would someone want to be cuckolded?
The intensity of being left out is what stimulates some people. Watching or knowing titillates the cuckold giving sexual stimulation and pleasure.
*Some people feel mental humiliation at having their partner have sex with someone else. The thought is their partner is seeking someone else because they are not good, virile or strong enough. This can feed low self-esteem or be just what the doctor ordered in terms of getting off. There’s a satisfaction in making sure your partner is satisfied even if it’s not with you.
*There are a few psychosexual theories that suggest the drive to reclaim their partner and compete with the lover their partner just had as too intoxicating to ignore.
*Some feel pride in sharing their amazing partner with others and humiliation doesn’t play into it. They are allowing someone to temporarily experience the joy their partner is sexually. The overwhelming joy when their partner choses to return to them also adds to the experience, reinforcing the relationship and the pleasure they get from sharing.
How is Cuckolding Related to BDSM?
Cuckholding/Cuckqueaning falls into the BDSM realm when the cuckhold is submitting to this experience because for their more dominant partner. They are agreeing to yield to their partner’s wishes even at their own discomfort (or especially because of that hurt). The submission and surrender to the partner’s will can’t be denied.
If humiliation is a part of this experience then that’s a direct link to a BDSM activity.
There’s an orgasm denial/delay aspect to being a cuckold. Their sexual pleasure is on hold (or at least not given to them by the partner) while their partner is giving that attention to someone else. Sometimes, chastity play and devices can be involved in these dynamics as well.
Voyeurs or lookers get a great deal of satisfaction watching their partners get off and get someone else off. The pleasure is not gained from participating but witnessing.
Of course, if cuckolding is occurring while in a BDSM relationship the terms are negotiated and guidelines are followed. Though this may not always be the case.

Polyamory
A polyamory is a relationship with more than one partner, but I thought I’d give us the Wikipedia definition so we are all on the same page for the length of this blog post.
“Polyamory (from Greekπολύ poly, "many, several", and Latin amor, "love") is the practice of, or desire for, intimate relationships with more than one partner, with the consent of all partners involved.[1][2]It has been described as "consensual, ethical, and responsible non-monogamy".[3][4][5]People who identify as polyamorous believe in an open relationship with a conscious management of jealousy; they reject the view that sexual and relational exclusivity are necessary for deep, committed, long-term lovingrelationships.” ((https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Polyamory))
Polyamory’s focus isn’t usually on sex but a desire for love and intimacy with more people. It’s about wanting to see your partner content.

Polyamory vs. BDSM
Many BDSM relationships/novels can have elements of polyamory to it… though not all.
Some polyamorous relationships can have BDSM in it but it doesn’t relate to the polyamory status of the relationship. It’s about multiple partners finding love, but it is not cuckolding or a Master taking on another slave persay.
Polyamory’s focus isn’t about a mental masochism but a relationship with more than one partner. Each receives what they are seeking to be fulfilled.
Jealousy is managed in a polyamorous relationship where in cuckolding it’s (at times) the desire.

CheatingDictionary.com defines cheating as: “to defraud; swindle: to deceive; influence by fraud, to violate rules or regulations.”Clearly based on this definition polyamory is not cheating. (And no one I’ve ever spoken to in a polyamorous relationship views it as such. There’s too much respect for everyone involved.)
With cuckolding it might be a little murkier because even though no one is being deceived or even violating the rules between the partners involved > it’s the perception of a breach of societal agreements that can tantalize some cuckolds.

Random Thoughts
I know at there’s some people who feel additional partners equates to cheating. I don’t judge though I simply challenge those folks to consider what’s right for you might not be right for others. Polyamorous people don’t see multiple loving relationships as cheating. I’d even suggest that cuckolding while mirrors “cheating” it is playing by different rules in order to poke at the concept of cheating to excite and satisfy.
Again, it seems to me communication and honesty is key to getting your needs met. Holding your partner(s) to standards you are comfortable with has the greatest potential to help you find happiness.
To me a happily ever after is when each person/character gets exactly what s/he needs.
Always seek your own truth.
I’d love to hear from you so feel free to use the contact information and touch base with me.
Many hugs, Z. Allora
To contact Z. Allora: E-mail: Z.AlloraHappyEndings@gmail.comFACEBOOK:   Z Allora AlloraWebsite: www.zallorabooks.comTwitter: @ZAlloraBlog: http://zallora.blogspot.comDreamspinner: https://bit.ly/2Jv14r1

Perspectives on Sex

Towel Trick

Happy Holidays!Holidays can be stressful.Take a moment and enjoy the silliness of The Towel Trick. Have fun! Hugs, Z.  

The Longest Night

Friday December 20th my Solstice story The Longest Night will be live. It's about the big, muscular construction worker Ben longs to submit, but he has his doubts about Foster as a Dom. Can the small and delicate-looking man finally give Ben what he’s always wanted?
Since it revolves around the holidays especially Winter Solstice or Yule I thought I'd share a Yule 101 video. 
Enjoy!









The holiday season is lonely for construction worker Benjamin Morgan, a big muscular guy who just wants to submit, obey, and serve. But the men he’s attracted to usually don’t have a dominant bone in their bodies. He’s done seeking his BDSM dreams with someone who isn’t interested in putting him in his rightful place—on his knees at their feet.
When a friend sets up a meeting with Foster Ridgeway at the BDSM club, Entiwned, Benjamin has his doubts. Of course he is attracted to bookish Foster, who works for the same construction company, but how will someone so small and delicate-looking master Benjamin? But when Foster--the tiny temple of dominance wielding a crop--heads toward Benjamin, he might get what he’s always wanted, just in time for Solstice.Buy Links:Ebook
 

Gay Men Answer Sexuality Questions You're Afraid To Ask

Lots of different perspectives!
I LOVE there's not just one way to be!
Enjoy!
Hugs, Z.

14 Sex Facts You Won't Believe... or maybe you would.

Many hugs, Z.

An Interview

1.     How did you get started as an author?I’ve always written but I never shared. I was sitting in China and I watched Adam Lambert being protested in Malaysia because he would “make the children gay.” I realized I needed to share my writing and lend my voice to promote equality (and information). I believe understanding leads to acceptance.2.     Do you have a favorite song or playlist you listen to while writing?
I usually have a kick off song. For my 1st book With Wings it was Fever by Adam Lambert (30 seconds into the video... and it's clear where inspiration for my 1st published work came from LOL) with my latest book Rocking Thin Ice it was watching Johnny Weir skate to Bad Romance. Music gets me into the head space of the characters. During Rocking Thin Ice Blaze skates to Hit Me With Your Best Shot by Pat Benatar and We Are The Champions by Queen which sums up his reaction to the negativity he received for being openly gay which I played over and over as I wrote and edited that chapter. SEE MORE
3.     What was your most frustrating plot bunny? And did you end up writing it?As soon as a bunny bounces out of the hutch it’s a challenges. All of my characters seem to show up lost and are looking for me to help them find where they belong. I usually don’t have a name only a scene so then I must play Z. Allora detective at large as I sleuth who they are and who they want to belong to….4.     Do you have a hobby or activity you enjoy during your down time?Traveling with my love. We love spending our time with animals (at sanctuaries), museums, and shopping.If you are reading this and we're Facebook friends you know I TMI my trips!
5.     What is the one thing that impacted you most as a writer, be it good or bad?Finding connections: Finding my love allowed me to believe in romance (included insta-love) and assembling my Pretty Ones (aka the people on my friends list on Facebook). They are lovely and supportive while making me laugh and think. I truly am a better person because of them.
6.     If you could change anything about your life, what would it be?Death and illness. I’d spare everyone from it if I could… but that’s not realistic so I guess having a better handle on my anxiety.
7.     Now for a little fun: If you had unlimited resources, what would you be doing?I’d create a writer and readers playhouse. Lots of tea and coffee and calorie free but deliciously magical treats… Writers could have an editor beside you to correct you as you type. (“No, Z. that’s not a word…” “Um, Z. that’s not a thing.” “Z. I need to stop you right there his cock cannot be that magical….). Readers (aka that’s everyone) could sit and listen to writers tell the stories in their heads (the ones they don’t have time to write).


                                           

Air Travel with BDSM equipment

Much of the items we use (rope, scissors, gags, bondage tape, handcuffs, etc.) can look like kidnapping equipment.
Always check the TSA allowances for checked bags. Double check on your airline’s website to make sure they don’t have any additional issues and regulations. And if you’re traveling outside your country know the laws of the country/countries you are entering.
How To Pack Equipment? 
Separate batteries from vibrating devices. This allows TSA to see what's what without searching your carry on. (Putting the batteries in your checked bag is best)
Clean all your items on arrival. I recommend bring your toy cleaner or something to sanitize your things with.
Lubrication should be stored with a bit of plastic wrap under the cap and in a plastic bag. If you put it in your carry-on make sure it's less than 3oz.
Rope and handcuffs must be packed in your checked bag. Put them on top of your stuff in a plastic bag because when your bag is inspected you want the agents to see them without ripping apart your bag to find it. You can also use the rope around your clothing to hold them together.
Paddles, whips or crops should be packed in checked baggage.  
Check e-stim devices (& make sure your airlines would allow them) because x-ray machines can read them as bombs. (Sometimes having an instruction manual or a printout identifying the item can assist.)
Remember in some countries porn is illegal. Please know the definition of pornography in the country/countries you’re traveling to so you can avoid issues.
Condoms should be kept a safe container that's not going to get poked with sharp things.
Getting through TSA without excessive delaysThis section is quoted from How to fly with BDSM related gear (http://www.airsafe.com/issues/baggage...)
Tell the truth: If a TSA screener or other security official asks you what is in your baggage just say what it is. Turn items off: If you have any battery-powered items in your carry-on bags, make sure they are turned off before you go through your security screening. Remove batteries from checked items: If you have any battery-powered items in your checked bags, remove the batteries before your flight. Put sensitive items in separate clear plastic bags: Keeping items in Ziploc type bags keeps them from being contaminated by handling by TSA screeners or other security officials. Don't pack banned items: Most sharp items, and liquid filled or gel filled items are typically banned from carry-on baggage, but can be packed in checked luggage.

This next part is not recommendations but some things I’ve done when I’ve experienced an agent who decides embarrassing a traveler is a fun thing to do. I always respect the TSA (they keep us safe). But I’ll own my items and my joy of BDSM. I bat my eyelashes and ask if s/he wants a demonstration of the item in question… usually the offer mortifies the agent enough to make them stop harassing me.
If s/he's bold and calls my bluff: I simply show how a vibrator can take away migraines by massaging your sinuses and focusing on the pressure points. On occasion I gave big eyes and ask if s/he thought you used it to bring yourself to orgasm? Makes them sputter every time.
When you don’t speak the language: Using the word “medical” can help you move through quickly. Once in India, we landed in a smaller airport. I had items pulled out of my bags by several agents and they waved them around as if they were landing a plane. (It was like I watched a confused BDSM circus.) I uttered the words “medical” and if by magic the agents nodded and restored all my items.

Being Creative Can Avoid the Hassel
Simply find other items with dual purposes. Shoes=paddlesHandcuffs=leather bracelet (See Etsy:  https://www.etsy.com/listing/28950936... scenes can require not equipmentOr find items at your destination. (Finding sex shops at the destination can be educational because they show you a peek into what the country you’re visiting is into BDSM. BTW Germany Holy Hell those folks understand kink just saying.)

Always seek your own truth.
I’d love to hear from you so comment here or use the contact information to touch base with me privately.
Many hugs, Z. Allora
To contact Z. Allora: E-mail: Z.AlloraHappyEndings@gmail.com FACEBOOK :   Z Allora AlloraWebsite: www.zallorabooks.com Twitter: @ZAlloraBlog: http://zallora.blogspot.comDreamspinner: https://bit.ly/2Jv14r1
BIO: Z. Allora believes in happily ever after for everyone. She met her own true love through the personals and has traveled to over thirty countries with him. She’s lived in Singapore, Israel and China. Now back home to the USA she’s an active member of PFLAG and a strong supporter of those on the rainbow in her community. She wants to promote understanding and acceptance through her actions and words. Writing rainbow romance allows her the opportunity to open hearts and change minds.

Zombies Coming

I’m re-releasing Zombies Coming on my birthday because in many ways one of the main characters is like me: nonbinary. Erick McGarth is nonbinary of the transfeminine variety. I’m of the transmasculine meaning more boy in my brain than girl.
Pronouns for cisgender people usually match their anatomical sex. For transgender people their use pronouns that match their gender identity.
Now what about folks who look at the male – female boxes and shrug?
Nonbinary or genderqueer people don’t fit into those gender boxes so sometimes ask to be called by gender neutral pronouns.
Here are some options: They/Them/Their Ze/Sie/HirZe/Sie/ZirXe/Xem.
At the time of this post neither he nor I claimed have claimed different pronouns than the ones bestowed on us at birth … as of yet.
Why not?
A number of reasons: 1)    We (Erick & I) “look” the gender we are clocked as (according to society’s norms)2)     Explaining nonbinary to people on a day to day basis can be exhausting. I’ve had people simply say “it’s just grammatically incorrect to use they” >>> fighting society’s expectation of your assigned anatomical sex at birth is hard enough without someone telling you they don’t want to validate you because of grammar… yes it is pretty horrible.3)    Asking for something and then having someone say no… Just gives people one more opportunity to kick us.4)    Neither Erick or I like upsetting people. People become uncomfortable when they get things wrong… and we look like what society says we’re supposed to….
But I will say the Zombies Coming cover made me cry when I saw it. Erick looks exactly how I look to myself (before I look in the mirror).
Keep in mind everyone has a unique journey in life. Every nonbinary people expresses themselves differently, and in Zombies Coming this is only how one person has decided to live their truest self… at this time.


Zombies suck—but they’re not after brains! These zombies are young, hot, and looking for their mates.
Cassidy Frost, who writes everyone else’s happily ever after, has all but lost hope he’ll ever find his own. Every night he’s sucked until his jaw hurt, praying for his other half more out of habit than faith his mate is out there. Life has never been kind so he doesn’t dare hope fate will simply drop his mate into his lap.
Erick McGrath learned how cruel and short life could be when he lost his brother. Despite his parents’ toxic attitude, Erick decides to take steps in accepting his nonbinary gender identity. Going to Club Zombie’s Drag Night is his first attempt at embracing his new grasp at freedom. A stumble lands him into the arms of an angel, but he knows better than to believe in something that good.
Both of them seem to be each other’s dream come true, but Cassidy and Erick will have to take risks to have what they desire.
(Zombies Coming is part of the Club Zombie series but can be read as a standalone for a perfectly happy and satisfying ending.)
This is a sexy happily ever after with much lighthearted fun. Zombies suck but mine swallow.
Buy Link
Z. Allora believes in happily-ever-afters for everyone. Z. met her own true love through the personals and has traveled to over thirty-four countries with him. Z.’s lived in Singapore, Israel, and China. Now back home in the USA, Z.’s a strong supporter of those on the rainbow in her community. Z. wants to promote understanding and acceptance through her actions and words. Writing rainbow romance that explores the spectrum within each letter of the LGBTQIA+ community allows Z. to validate and open hearts as well as bring a greater understanding of orientation and gender.
Contact Z. Allora: Email: Z.AlloraHappyEndings@gmail.comwww.zallorabooks.comzallora.blogspot.comFacebook: Z Allora AlloraJoin Yaoified Love: https://bit.ly/2n0ZBCCTwitter: @ZAlloraBookBub: https://bit.ly/2nD5S7X