Z. Allora's Blog, page 12

Best Writing Advice

I adore watching this vlogger, Jenna Moreci.

She's cracks me up and gives wonderful advice on writing.

Enjoy!

Heartbroken Characters... Meet Blaze Parker

My plots bunnies hop over to me with an emotionally wounded and scarred. Maybe it’s my Masters in Psychology but I feel the need to understand why they are acting a certain way. So when this entered into my brain:
Olympian Blaze Parker doesn't do relationship longer than twenty minutes until he brings home rock star Drake Keys.
I went crazy trying to find out why? How did Blaze get so hurt he didn’t want a relationship? (Note: I knew he wasn’t aromantic because he wanted love and companionship but wouldn’t allow himself to have it.) Why? Why! WHY!  Buy Link
Excerpt for Rocking Thin Ice :It happened seven years ago, but every sharp and painful detail had etched itself into his brain like the drama went down yesterday. He had been such an idiot. 
He couldn’t believe he’d gotten his first invitation to a party thrown by the other skaters. Maybe they were finally accepting him. But even better, Trent would be there. 
During the party, Blaze had sat mostly by himself in a chair off to one corner as the others talked in little groups scattered around the room. 
He felt like an outsider, observing them, until Trent approached him. 
“You want to go someplace and... talk?”
Trent’s invitation had Blaze tripping up the stairs after him like an eager puppy.
There wasn’t much talking. Trent unzipped his pants and asked, “So, Blaze, do you spit or swallow?”
“I gargle. Want to see?” Blaze tried to be bold yet graceful as he dropped to his knees. He was thrilled to have the guy he was half in love with offer him exactly what he wanted to do. 
Even now, mortification swamped him. He hadn’t had much experience, but he’d idolized Trent since he was ten, so he never even considered Trent didn’t feel the same way. 
Rooted in his brain was how calmly his older brother, Luke, took the fact that Blaze had become infamous at eighteen. Trent and his friends had posted the G-rated parts of the hidden video they had taken, ensuring Trent remained anonymous but Blaze’s stupid comment could be heard, and the bobbing of his head clearly implied everything that happened. As much as Blaze missed his parents, he was grateful they hadn’t been alive to see him humiliated in such a way. 
His coach had already been on him about being too gay. Blaze had tried being more masculine. He wanted to please his coach and the judges, he really did, but that simply wasn’t him. His scores suffered for his inability to pretend to be someone he wasn’t. 
The announcer broke into Blaze’s trip down Bullshit Lane.

So not only was Blaze betrayed by his crush in his mind he had lost everything. His hurt morphed into anger because rage is easier to vent then sadness. He was forever changed by those terrible events but as with many horrible things life can throw at us, there’s usually a silver lining. This path leads him however indirectly to something or someone he never expected.

Here’s Rocking Thin Ice’s Blurb:Can a sexy rock star show a relationship-phobic ice skater that there’s more to life than gold medals?  
When ice-skating’s bad boy Blaze first glimpses Drake, every fantasy he’s ever had flares to life. Not only is rock star Drake sexy as sin, his songs awaken a longing in Blaze that he’s denied for years. But Blaze Parker doesn’t believe in relationships—at least not those that last more than twenty minutes. 
Drake Keys has dreamed about the sensual ice skater for years. When Drake is kicked out of his band because of his bisexuality, he drives across the country to finally see the man he’s had a crush on skate live.   
Though the attraction is instant and intense, both Blaze and Drake have baggage that puts any relationship on thin ice. Blaze is driven by a long-ago betrayal to prove himself a champion, and Drake, uncertain about the future, hopes to resurrect his music career. As they take a road trip together, Drake romances Blaze, hoping to melt his heart and show him that love is possible… but not without some tough decisions.

BUY LINKSDreamspinner: eBook PrintKoboiTunes

Sooooooo even as heartbroken plot bunnies hop over to me I will happily ever end their sweet little asses whenever I can! 
Many hugs, Z. 

BDSM Munches

BDSM munches are for people interested or involved in BDSM. The gatherings are usually held at places like coffee shops, restaurants, or bars. The focus is on exchanging information, socializing, and getting advice about BDSM.
Usually no BDSM activity is done, since it’s in a public space, though I’ve heard of a few demos such as rope work when it’s in a private room.
I’ve not had the greatest experiences at munches, so I’ve asked a couple of special guests to join us.
Allow me to introduce me to introduce Jenifer, a collared slave who owns a BDSM event destination, and Brigham, a sub and a masochist who is the host of an area munch.
So, Jenifer, can you tell us about your experiences with munches?
Jenifer gives me her infectious smile and begins. “A munch is nothing more than a group of like-minded individuals gathering together for a meal and some face time to hang out and exchange news and gossip. The munches around the South Carolina, and there are about four or five different groups that host them, but that varies with time, are very casual, and most do not have any 'official' structure other than they may read announcements.” 
It is my pleasure to introduce to you another writer, who identifies as a sub and masochist Brigham Vaughn. She hosts munches in her area.
Brigham, can you share your munch journey with us?In the summer of 2015, I got divorced. I joined FetLife shortly after and started to do a lot more research into BDSM (which I had been curious about for a year or two before that). I wasn’t quite ready to join the real-life community though, and the thought of going to a public place to meet strangers (kinky or not!) made me incredibly nervous.
In January of 2016, I felt braver, so I posted a message on one of the local community boards and said I was looking to meet a submissive or a D/s couple who regularly attended munches and would be willing to give me an introduction. I’ve always been more comfortable exploring new experiences with a friend by my side, so getting to know one or two people first seemed like it might be the best way to ease into a very nerve-wracking thing.
A lovely couple answered my post. They immediately came across as warm, kind, and friendly as we chatted online. I met them for coffee, and they were just as wonderful in person. They put me at ease, assured me they’d been equally nervous to attend their first munch, and discussed various aspects of the community I had questions about. 
One of them wasn’t able to make it to the next munch due to a scheduling conflict, but although I was nervous going into my first munch, knowing that there was one friendly face at the table was a huge relief. 
I was introduced to other people, and everyone was so warm and welcoming and assured me they’d been equally intimidated their first time too. I even connected with a fellow writer who sat across the table with me, which helped break the ice. 
Do you still attend this munch, Brigham?That munch is held once a month and I attend it as often as I can. A second munch in my general area began in the fall of 2016, which I began to attend as well. In the summer of 2017, I was asked to come on as co-host. I felt like I had enough experience to help welcome new people, so I agreed. I regularly attend both munches and truly find them to be a wonderful way to connect with others in the lifestyle. I’ve made some great friends, and I always know that if I need help, feedback, or advice, there are a number of people I can reach out to.
And the D/s couple who reached out to me over three years ago? Well, we’re still very close friends. The Dom was the first person outside of a D/s relationship who I ever bottomed for impact play for. And we occasionally still play when our schedules allow. With his sub’s knowledge and approval, of course. Sometimes she even likes to co-Top and give him suggestions from the sidelines! 
I have eaten dinner at their home, gone to concerts with them, and cried on their shoulders after a very meaningful relationship ended.
I am eternally grateful that they answered my post and helped make my first munch a wonderful experience. They set the tone for my future in the local kink community that I am so glad to be a part of.
Jenifer, what was your first time at a munch like? Were you nervous?I was very nervous but found the people to be very warm and friendly. Everyone welcomed me with open arms. One common fear that people have, and I did too, is that they will be seen by someone who would or could “out” them, but it was explained to me this way: If one of my friends or co-workers shows up at the same munch or event, then they are in the same position. We are all in this together, and we all protect each other. Your friend has as much to lose as you do.
We sat, ate, and chatted for the first hour or hour and a half, and then the sponsoring group called the room to order. We each stood up and stated our Fet names (scene name) and what our connection to kink was. After it went all the way around the room, they asked any “first-time munchers” to raise their hands. I did so and everyone cheered saying, “Welcome!”
Next, they proceeded with announcements, which generally consisted of news, events, and play parties coming up. There were several leaders of other groups in attendance, and they each stood, one by one, and announced their group’s next event. By the end of the night, all of my apprehensions about the infamous “kink community” were quelled.
What a wonderful experience! 
Would you recommend munches to others? Why? Brigham nods. “I do think everyone should give a munch a try at least once and preferably twice. I say twice, because sometimes, they’re just poorly run.”
What do you mean by “poorly run?”I’ve heard from people that munches can be clique-ish or that people are unfriendly. In the end, I think that’s often down to how well the leaders do making new people feel welcome. At least in my experience, most munch attendees mean well, but sometimes they get wrapped up in conversations with friends and don’t always look around to see who the nervous newbies are. It’s not intentional. They’re just excited to see people they only have the opportunity to see once or twice a month. And if the hosts aren’t actively trying to make new people feel welcome, it can absolutely make them feel unwelcome. 
As a host, I try to be mindful of that, but sometimes I’m feeling a little more introverted or tired, or drained from a long day of writing, and I don’t do as good of a job as I’d like to. We all have off days, but being aware of that is something I’m actively working on.
And like every other group in the world, there are bad eggs. People who are poor leaders. Members who feel the need to create tension and drama where there is none. Even people who use the power of being a “leader of the community” to prey on new members who may not have the experience to realize what is appropriate and what isn’t. It’s unfortunate, but it does happen.But for the most part—at least in my experience—most munches are filled with good people. It can be a great way to talk about questions you have, ask about protocol and behavior, learn about play parties and classes, etc. It can be an invaluable resource for people who want to grow and thrive with a sense of community. Often, knowing that there are others with similar kinks is an incredibly freeing feeling. And it helps people feel less isolated.
If someone has never been to a munch, I’d encourage them to go. If they’ve gone in the past and had a less than positive experience, I’d encourage them to go to different one with new organizers. The kink community is no more perfect than the rest of the world. But I have met an enormous number of kind, wonderful people in it, and many of them I met through munches.
Jenifer, what’s your opinion on recommending munches? I kind of don't like this question because it’s not something that is the same for any two people. I will say that if you're kinky (you know who you are) and you want to meet other kinky people, then the munch is the place. There are a lot of people that come once and never return, others eventually take it over. It's certainly not going to hurt you, unless you eat something that you are allergic to…Think of it as a bunch of friends that hang out and have dinner together, just like the friends that hang out at vanilla places like bowling alleys or the local swimming or golf clubs.
I want to thank both Jenifer and Brigham for sharing their experiences with us. I hope this allows some of you on the fence but interested in exploring see how you might dip your toe in the BDSM water.
How can I find a munch near me?Google your area and BDSM munch and see what comes up.FetLife usually gets you a decent list of munches in your area: https://fetlife.com If you’re lucky enough to have a BDSM club in your community, email them for information.

Always seek your own truth.
I’d love to hear from you, so comment here or use the contact information to touch base with me privately.
Many hugs, Z. Allora
To contact Z. Allora: E-mail: Z.AlloraHappyEndings@gmail.com FACEBOOK :   Z Allora AlloraWebsite: www.zallorabooks.comTwitter: @ZAlloraBlog: http://zallora.blogspot.comDreamspinner: https://bit.ly/2Jv14r1
BIO: Z. Allora believes in happily ever after for everyone. She met her own true love through the personals and has traveled to over thirty countries with him. She’s lived in Singapore, Israel and China. Now back home to the USA she’s an active member of PFLAG and a strong supporter of those on the rainbow in her community. She wants to promote understanding and acceptance through her actions and words. Writing rainbow romance allows her the opportunity to open hearts and change minds.

Colorado Home of Rocking Thin Ice

Blaze Parker lives in Safe Haven Colorado... a place that doesn't exist but the place it was based off of is Breckenridge Colorado. During a road trip we toured Colorado and was stunned by the beauty. (If the state had oxygen I'd move there in a heartbeat! LOL)

Here's some of my pictures that built the story.

These are pictures of the stream Drake and Blaze dip their feet in and decide to start a Never-Done-It list so they can start doing it. (Because our sweet badass Blaze has never taken the time away from practicing to even wade through the stream like everyone else.) 



The town of Breckenridge aka Safe Haven is beautifully laid out with lots of shops filled with art, restaurants, and flowers.










Can a sexy rock star show a relationship-phobic ice skater that there’s more to life than gold medals? 

When ice-skating’s bad boy Blaze first glimpses Drake, every fantasy he’s ever had flares to life. Not only is rock star Drake sexy as sin, his songs awaken a longing in Blaze that he’s denied for years. But Blaze Parker doesn’t believe in relationships—at least not those that last more than twenty minutes.

Drake Keys has dreamed about the sensual ice skater for years. When Drake is kicked out of his band because of his bisexuality, he drives across the country to finally see the man he’s had a crush on skate live. 

Though the attraction is instant and intense, both Blaze and Drake have baggage that puts any relationship on thin ice. Blaze is driven by a long-ago betrayal to prove himself a champion, and Drake, uncertain about the future, hopes to resurrect his music career. As they take a road trip together, Drake romances Blaze, hoping to melt his heart and show him that love is possible… but not without some tough decisions.


BUY LINKS
Dreamspinner:
eBook: https://bit.ly/2W40Wt1
Print: https://bit.ly/2ZUGvwf
Kobo: https://bit.ly/2xhOWWa
iTunes: https://apple.co/2YvIzdX

RE-WRITING, RE-EDITING, RE-COVERING

As an author one of my goals is to become a better writer.

I spend years living with my characters and sharing their happily ever afters is a true joy.

I wrote the original Club Zombie series over 10 years ago. It was the second series I wrote. I still hadn't a clue as to beta readers, critique partners or romantic arcs.

I saw a lot of issues with my writing. I wasn't pleased...

Finally, I found two editors and a proof reader along with my critique partners and beta readers who I trusted to help me get this series polished and back onto the page.

My goal is to release the book one after the other with only a few weeks apart ending the year with Book #4: Zombies Blow .

The first in my unconventional fated mates series is up for preorder & for the first time will be available on Kindle Unlimited.


Buy Link


Zombies suck, but they’re not after brains! These zombies are young, hot, and looking for action. One day Kai Bauer is tending vineyards in Germany, the next he’s on a plane heading for… well, he doesn’t really know.
Wait a minute! He’s a what? And they have to drink male essence to live forever? The transition begins on his nineteenth birthday. He must find a mate in four years or he won’t ever be emotionally or physically satisfied.
That’s Jasper’s problem. After decades, the ex-priest has given up on finding his mate. He’s living a chaste life but he’s willing to be Kai’s mentor and friend. Gorgeous, distant, and off-limits meet young, virile, and gay.
This is a sexy happily ever after with much silliness. Zombies suck but these swallow.

Bathhouses Aren’t for getting cleanAre bathhouses part of...

Bathhouses Aren’t for getting clean Are bathhouses part of BDSM? Not directly but some of the same needs might be met and one just might find a sub or Dom who rocks your world. 
I’m going to quote Wikipedia’s definition of bathhouse:
“A gay bathhouse, also known as a gay sauna or a gay steam bath, is a commercial space for men to have sex with other men. In gay slang, a bathhouse may be called just "the baths," "the sauna" or "the tubs". In general, a gay bath is used for having sexual activity rather than only bathing. 

Not all men who visit a gay bathhouse are considered gay. Bathhouses offering similar services for women are rare, but some men's bathhouses occasionally have a “lesbian” or "women only" night.
Bathhouses vary considerably in size and amenities – from small establishments with 10 or 20 rooms and a handful of lockers to multi-story saunas with a variety of room styles or sizes and several steam baths, Jacuzzi tubs, and sometimes swimming pools. Most have a steam room (or wet sauna), dry sauna, showers, lockers, and small private rooms.

Many bathhouses are, for legal reasons, "membership only", though membership is generally open to any adult who seeks it, usually after paying a small fee. Unlike brothels, customers pay only for the use of the facilities. Sexual activity, if it occurs, is not provided by staff of the establishment but is between customers, and no money is exchanged. Many gay bathhouses, for legal reasons, explicitly prohibit or discourage prostitution and ban known prostitutes.” https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gay_bathhouse

I do not have direct experience with bathhouse so I turned to my Pretty Ones on Facebook. The lovely Kyle volunteered to answer some basic questions about his experiences at a bathhouse




1) You've gone to bathhouses. How often? Same one?
I have been going to a few bathhouses since 2009. In San Diego I went to Club SD.  Up here, I go to Steamworks (if I ever get the urge to go).  Over the past years, I have pretty much stopped going.  I didn't have a car, and there was no way I was letting somebody drive me 45 minutes from home just to end up stranded should they decide to leave without me.
2) Can describe the interior(s)? Inside they are usually dimly lit, humid, industrial-esk, loud, and smell of disinfectant and chlorine.  Both bathhouses are fashioned like hotels in similar fashion except Steamworks (SW) is single storied and has no ceiling (the roof is about 60' up) and Club SD (CSD) is two storied with a few two-storied open areas.  Inside are group showers (sometimes lights on, sometimes off), wet and dry saunas, hot tubs with seating for about 20-30 comfortably, a gym, rooms with various types of seating and various types of porn playing on many different screens, oh and there are vending machines with condoms, lube, cock rings, vibrating bullets, anal douches, toothpaste, mouth wash, dental floss, nail clippers, OMG just ask me if a particular item can be found in these vending machines.  They also have vending machines with drinks, snacks, and other food types.  Both have common areas away from all the action, and everybody respects that area.  Go there to have a cigarette and catch a breather.
3) If you have gone to different locations, did you notice a different vibe/rhythm or language?
Honestly, I have not noticed a language, nor have I been able to figure out if there even IS a language used. Usually, I can tell if someone wants to play with me by the way they are looking at me, or the fact that they just reach for my junk (there really isn't a safe place unless you get a room and lock the door.  Leaving the door open tends to mean one wants someone to join, or just be watched.  I am absolutely more passive at these places when it comes to language.  Sometimes I've had my junk grabbed by a stranger as we walk down a dimly lit, narrow hallway, doors lining both walls completely.  If I took one look at him and thought Oh my, fuck yes! then I went along with the guy, or led him to my room.  Other times, I've had to tell some guys "No means no, even here."
5) Why do you go? I'm assuming it's for more than getting your back washed.
(TRIGGER WARNING for chemical usage)My first time at a bathhouse was when a man at a bar was to take me to base because I missed the last bus back from my favorite gay bar in San Diego.  He took me to CSD where I bought a room (receipt was credit in my name), by the time we got to the room, I was in and out of being blacked out (I had a drinking problem when I was younger and in the Navy. It was called, not respecting my limits) but I remember being into it when I was "there."  Sex and drugs?  Yes!  Give me a place where I don't have to worry about the cops, bags are checked, I can be almost as loud as I want and I can have as many drug induced sexual encounters as I can?!  Shut up and take my filthy gay drug money!  Literally why I went back, every damn time.
6) Can you share with us why you &/or other men find bath houses appealing?
I refer to the end of answer 5. I don't know why other men go, I've never really asked.  Always seemed to have other things on my mind at the time. I also don't go very often now. If I do, a small group of us will go and have the time of our lives.
7) Are sex safe practices used or ignored?
I can count the number of men I had safe sex with. I can also tell you I have surpassed triple digits in the number of men I have had sex with. I have had sex with men all along the spectrum of HIV and AIDS statuses and have not contracted the disease. The only two things I have ever contracted were from when I was raped, and when I cheated on my boyfriend.  Both instances have been completely cured and I have had a clean bill of health for many years.  I am actually going to the VA to get my tests done next week, and I am scheduling an appointment with them to be prescribed HIV preventative treatment. I abhor the feeling of nails and condoms inside of me. There is a lot more on this subject that we can get into later if you'd like.
In summary, Bathhouses are a place to get clean, get dirty, and should be repeated as needed. 


Always seek your own truth.
I’d love to hear from you so comment here or use the contact information to touch base with me privately.
Many hugs, Z. Allora
To contact Z. Allora: E-mail: Z.AlloraHappyEndings@gmail.com FACEBOOK :   Z Allora AlloraWebsite: www.zallorabooks.comTwitter: @ZAlloraBlog: http://zallora.blogspot.comDreamspinner: https://bit.ly/2Jv14r1
BIO: Z. Allora believes in happily ever after for everyone. She met her own true love through the personals and has traveled to over thirty countries with him. She’s lived in Singapore, Israel and China. Now back home to the USA she’s an active member of PFLAG and a strong supporter of those on the rainbow in her community. She wants to promote understanding and acceptance through her actions and words. Writing rainbow romance allows her the opportunity to open hearts and change minds.

Rocking Thin Ice's Inspiration

My friends Danny & Val kept feed me skating plot bunnies... way before Yuri On Ice.

Johnny Weir feeds my nonbinary soul. I adore the way he thumbed his nose at tradition and the binary to come out roaring with self confidence and deliciousness!

This is just an exhibition so there's no extreme jumps but ahhhhh the presentation scores a million in my head.

Rocking Thin Ice is up for preorder.


Rocking Thin Ice Blurb:
Can a sexy rock star show a relationship-phobic ice skater that there’s more to life than gold medals? 
When ice-skating’s bad boy Blaze first glimpses Drake, every fantasy he’s ever had flares to life. Not only is rock star Drake sexy as sin, his songs awaken a longing in Blaze that he’s denied for years. But Blaze Parker doesn’t believe in relationships—at least not those that last more than twenty minutes.
Drake Keys has dreamed about the sensual ice skater for years. When Drake is kicked out of his band because of his bisexuality, he drives across the country to finally see the man he’s had a crush on skate live. 
Though the attraction is instant and intense, both Blaze and Drake have baggage that puts any relationship on thin ice. Blaze is driven by a long-ago betrayal to prove himself a champion, and Drake, uncertain about the future, hopes to resurrect his music career. As they take a road trip together, Drake romances Blaze, hoping to melt his heart and show him that love is possible… but not without some tough decisions.

Link

Many hugs, Z.

THE GENDERBREAD PERSON by it’s pronounced METROsexual.com

I know for some of you this is blog post is a review, but I think it’s important to understand these pieces that makeup a person. It is especially important to know as much as we can about the person we are planning to exchange power.
This information can help: Set expectations (ie: if someone’s aromantic=they aren’t looking for a romantic attachment it’s good to know). Avoid hurting an individual’s feelings (ie: you don’t want to invalidate someone’s gender identity so it follows knowing it can be important.), To navigate around some potential issues. Limits are not just physical but we need to respect the individual’s headspace.




This picture is awesome. I’ve put the links below so you can get download your own Genderbread Person by it’s pronounced METROsexual. (Many hugs to such an amazing educator for sharing this with all).
Let’s review this picture:
Gender Identity:This is based in your brain. How you think about yourself in terms of woman-ness and man-ness. As with all things this is a spectrum and can shift (or not) over time. It’s how we see ourselves through the filters our society has given us of gender. Before we move on let’s discuss different gender identities. I usually use GLAAD’s definitions but the Young.Scot’s were a bit more direct for our purposes here.
This list comes direction from their page of gender identities: https://young.scot/information/identity/gender-identity-terms/
Gender Identities from Young Scot:
“Agender - not having a gender or identifying with a gender. They may describe themselves as being gender neutral or genderless.
Bigender - a person who fluctuates between traditionally “male” and “female” gender-based behaviours and identities.
Cisgender - a person whose gender identity and biological sex assigned at birth are the same. For example, they were born biologically as a male, and express their gender as male.
Gender Fluid – a mix of boy and girl. A person who is gender fluid may always feel like a mix of the two traditional genders, but may feel more man some days, and more woman other days.
Genderqueer (Nonbinary)– a gender identity label often used by people who do not identify with being a man or a woman, or as an umbrella term for many gender non-conforming or non-binary identities.
Intersex – a person born with a reproductive or sexual anatomy that doesn’t seem to fit the typical definitions of female or male. For example, a person might be born appearing to be female on the outside, but having mostly male-typical anatomy on the inside.
Gender Variant – someone who either by nature or by choice does not conform to gender-based expectations of society.
Third Gender – a term for a person who does not identify with either man or woman, but identifies with another gender. This gender category is used by societies that recognise three or more genders, both contemporary and historic, and is also a conceptual term meaning different things to different people who use it.
Transgender – A person who lives as a member of a gender other than that expected based on sex assigned at birth.
Two-Spirit – is an umbrella term traditionally used by Native American people to recognise individuals who possess qualities of both genders.” Young Scot https://young.scot/information/identity/gender-identity-terms.
Back to the picture:
Gender Expression:  This is how you present yourself based on your society’s view of gender. Feminine to Masculine. Hair style, clothing/shoe choice, use of cosmetics, jewelry/ornamentation, etc. all amount to how we are showing the world who we are.
Anatomical Sex:(changed in 4.0 version from Biological Sex) This assignment is given when the doctor looks at our parts and decides if they look more male or female. 1 in 2000 babies have ambiguous genitalia. The doctor gives the assignment of sex based on his/her best “guess.”
You might have heard the terms AFAB (assigned female at birth) or ABAB (assigned male at birth). Because while the doctor can take a look and assign it s/he doesn’t know your gender identity.
Sexual Attraction: Who a person wants to have sex with. (Note: Asexual someone who does not experience or to a low level attraction for another.)
Romantic Attraction: Identities who wants to have romantic relationships and who does no need (Note: Aromantic is someone who is not seeking a romantic attraction but seeks friendships)
**Not version 4.0 has two changes**Sex Assigned at Birth: The doctor assigns female, male, or IntersexAnatomical Sex instead of Biological Sex is a notable change as well. Anatomical refers to the look of the parts. Biological sex would relate to chromosomes.
How I typically simplify this picture for people: Heart: Attraction (sexual & romantic)Head: Gender IdentityGenitals: Anatomical sex assigned at birthMaleness and Femaleness are on a scale and people fall along the spectrum.
Why is knowing this information important? When getting involved with a new partner might use the BDSM checklist (a huge alphabetized list of possible activities) to determine interests, knowing gender identity, attraction, assigned sex at birth are just another way of getting information. Extra credit if you discuss how each makes the person feel.
Much of BDSM is about mind play. You don’t want to be stomping around or having someone else stomp around your mind making careless assumptions. (Biggest bone kill for me is to refer to be referred to as a woman, lady, female, etc. though my gender expression appears to be female but my love knows that’s simply my costume.)
If a Dom/Master/Mistress doesn’t understand what triggers delicious and what triggers negative how are they going to guide the sub and the scene to where it should be headed?
At the risk of sounding preachy, it simply makes sense for each of us to know as much as we can about ourselves. I would never suggest a label to pathologize a person. However, labels can help us understand ourselves and others. It can help you find community and answers to questions from people who feel like you do.
For decades, I had no clue what was “wrong with me” until I heard the word gender queer quickly followed by nonbinary. It was lovely to know I wasn’t alone. Everything made more sense to me.
Here’s the link to the genderbread person: https://www.genderbread.org/resource/...

Always seek your own truth.
Hugs, Z. 

Cleaning Routine

I'm always about the satisfaction... right? So these YouTube Videos on cleaning flick all my buttons. I could watch them for hours! 
Enjoy! 

It's movie time! 10 Facts about the Penis