Amber L. Carter's Blog, page 30

(Very Damn Important Law #10): Check Yo'self Before You Wreck Yo'self.

When it comes to this process, I can already tell that I’m going to have to constantly check my motives for stuff. It’s kind of like when I stopped smoking...I kept telling myself (and others) that I would step outside for a cigarette when I was writing because I needed a break...some time and space to step away from the story and just clear my head for a minute. Yet one day I realized that what I really wanted out of that smoke break was to numb my feelings: I only stepped out to smoke when I started to get emotional about something. I smoked because feelings were hard. And realizing that made it so much easier to quit, because hey - that’s weird, and I could probably find a cooler way to deal with stuff. 
(Besides, you know, the whole fact that smoking is so not healthy and it’s kind of super gross and also a total sign that I don’t respect my body)
Anyway! The point is this: A lot of this body and #IAmtheOne stuff is all wrapped up in particular motivations (or lack thereof). Most of which I wanna work on changing. I need to check my motivations when it comes to wanting to work out like a motha so I can attract a guy who looks like Christian Bale so I can live out my Dark Knight Catwoman fantasies, because that motivation is hollow and won’t fulfill me the way I want it to and also it’s really ridiculous-sounding when I write it out here for everyone to read. I want to get better at purer motivations. At being conscious of those motivations…like the old “I’m eating my feelings” joke, except all serious-like about not doing exactly that. I want to get better at recognizing what my motivations are when I do things that are not so great for me, and I want to get better about doing things because they’re good for me, because they inherently make me feel good and do good. And I want that particular motivation to grow stronger and stronger. 

I’ll still make the joke about eating my feelings, though. Mostly because fries don’t talk back, chocolate never asks silly questions, and ice cream doesn’t try to talk about their problems instead of just listening to mine. 
-----------------------------------
Catch up, half-pint: 

I Am the One I Am Waiting For

In Which RuPaul Becomes My Spirit Guide

The End Game

(Very Damn Important Law #1) Be (Unapologetically) Amber

(Very Damn Important Law #2) #BodyLove
(Very Damn Important Law #3) Learn From the Masters
(Very Damn Important Law #4) Meditation Is Like Making Out With Yourself
(Very Damn Important Law #5) Journaling Is Like a Daily Date With Yourself
(Very Damn Important Law #6) Release The Kraken!

Traveled down this road and back again.

This past week I was in Arizona to cheer on my elder brother, Kris, as he competed in his first Ironman.  It was kind of a whirlwind - I flew into Vegas on Thursday and met up with my parents, then we drove out to Phoenix, hung out there with our entire family (minus sweet baby LC) for a few days (Kris did GREAT for his first Ironman! Super proud of that guy), and then my parents and I traveled from Phoenix to Vegas again on Monday, going the scenic route through Sedona and couple of state parks.

The change in landscape was stunning, and I was really, really taken in by Sedona, something I didn't expect. I will definitely be making a return trip there soon.

Sedona

What does the top of this remind you of...

At a scenic overlook, my mom took this photo of me with her iPhone camera and then was immediately freaked out by what showed up on it (even though, by now, she should probably be used to it…she's taken photos of me where orbs with faces in them have showed up. C'mon, Mom.) I told her it was just my Spirit Guide, Bea Arthur, showing up to let me know that she was with me.



We ended our little vaca with a night on the Vegas Strip. I don't think Vegas is my town, you guys…it just kind of felt like walking through a noisy, smoky, crowded shopping mall that never ends. My mom did tell me that I should try to go back sometime without my parents, that I'd probably like it more if I were there with some friends. I immediately burst into tears and ran off, yelling that I didn't have any friends and the only people I had left to hang out with were my parents, and so I would never like it more and was never, ever gonna come back, ever!

And then when we were walking back from dinner, some girls asked a couple of guys walking by if they could sit on their faces, which horrified my parents and thus delighted me to no end.

Vegas is weird, you guys.

Things I learned about myself from my trip:

1) I should not travel with my parents. My normally laid-back travel attitude becomes irrationally impatient and then I act like an immature jerk and then feel horrible about myself afterward.

2) The introvert in me desperately needs some regular alone time when I'm vacationing with a group of people. Otherwise I get super cranky and act like a brat. Which my family might be used to by now, but still.

3) Arizona grew on me really quickly. The first day I was there, I was pretty sure it just wasn't the geographical area for me (my SIL Becky and I talked about this our first morning there while we were co-working at a local Starbucks (our condo didn't have WiFi) and Becky posted an FB status about it, and my brother Kris - who loves Arizona - was like, "You've been in Arizona for less than 24 hours and 4 of those have been spent in a Starbucks"…hilarious)…but I really loved hiking in Phoenix, the weather was supreme, Fountain Hills (where our condo was) was really beautiful and surprisingly verdant, and like I mentioned before, an easy day's trip from Phoenix to Flagstaff was pretty damn stunning. Plus it reminds me of "Can't Buy Me Love" and, for some reason, this thing I saw about Kip Winger of Winger on a Vh1 "Where are they now" special, so that's cool, too.

4) I am over the "changing of the seasons" thing. I want perfect weather (Amber's Definition of Perfect Weather: Anything between 45 and 95 degrees), and I want it all the time. Don't get me wrong - I still love the Northwoods, but it's definitely in the long-term plans to flip the double birds to the long Wisconsin winters and head for warmer climes.

5) I never really thought that I'd be a person who loooooves Vegas, and guess what…I was right.

6) No matter how old I get, I'm still probably going to take photos of rock formations that look like peens and send them to all my friends.

Dapper Dozen Launch Party!

Last Tuesday evening, some of the most interesting men of the Northwoods and their friends, family, and fans descended upon Mooselips Martini Lounge in Seeley, WI, to celebrate the release of the Dapper Dozen 2014 Men’s Calendar! Mr. September and Dapper Dozen Photographer (Erik Thue) with fellow DD photographer Meg Thue, Mr. November (Rick Christian) and DD Producer Amber Carter. Dapper Dozen Stylist Jennifer Titus with the wife of Mr. November, Michelle Christian! Mr. February (Ryan Hansen), Mr. September (Erik Thue), and Mr. May (Chuck Schleif) at the Dapper Dozen Launch Party! You betta WORK! Your Girl(s) from the Northwoods, DD Producer Amber Carter and DD Photographer Meg Thue. Mr. July (Dustin Beckwith) with his wife Salle at the Dapper Dozen Launch Party!In between posing for the Dapper Dozen Photo Booth and sipping on a special Dapper Dozen Cocktail, attendees got to get their calendars signed by their favorite calendar 2014 calendar men AND meet some of the picks for the 2015 Dapper Dozen.
A fantastic time was had by all at the suave soiree, and almost 200 of the 500 Limited Edition Calendars were gone by the time the last cocktail was served!
Thanks to everyone who came out to celebrate and support this fun little project! A special thanks to Cindy at Mooselips for letting us hold the party in one of our favorite Northwoods spots!If you weren’t able to make the party, you can pick up your calendar online or at one of these fine local establishments below (but hurry!!! The 2014 calendars are going FAST, and once they’re gone, they’re gone forever!)

Riverbrook Bike & Ski in Hayward (get your calendar signed by Mr. January!)

Hansen Family Chiropractic (get your calendar signed by Mr. February!)

Angler’s Haven & Resort (get your calendar signed by Mr. March!)

Mooselips Martini Lounge in Seeley (get your calendar signed by Mr. May!)

Century 21 Woods 2 Water Realty (get your calendar signed by Mr. July!)

Salon Soleil 

Art Beat 

And don’t forget to check out our Dapper Dozen Facebook Page for all the latest on your favorite calendar men…trust us, it’s definitely a fun place to be 

—————————–* Want to support a great local project and make a nice little profit by selling the Dapper Dozen calendars at your establishment? Hit us up ambercoloredproductions@gmail.com for more details! 

(Very Damn Important Law #7, #8, and #9): The Trifecta.

“These lessons are not meant to cause you consternation or feelings of guilt. They can neither be passed or failed; you can neither be passed nor failed...the only way you can “fail” a lesson is if you punish yourself for failing.”  - Marianne Williamson

I think one of the hardest things about change, at least for me, is that I have this sort of vision that I’m going to make a mental decision to change and then BAM, done: I’m now perfect at this new thing I’ve decided to do or at giving up this thing I’ve decided to get rid of, and that’s. IT. 
But probably one of the best pieces of guidance I’ve both gotten and given is to just go easy on yourself. Oddly enough, I’ve taken some comfort in the fact that, in order for most people to successfully recover from an addiction, it takes, on average, about 7 or 8 attempts. Even if you don’t consider yourself an addict of something, that little fact can provide succor when faced with the challenge of changing a habit. Which is why I created Very Damn Important Law #7: Go Easy On Yourself, Pal.

I already know this is going to be hard. I know I'm going to mess up. Probably a lot. There are going to be days when it's going to be easier to slide back into being weird about my body and myself, when I'm fucking tired of meditating and journaling and would rather veg out in front of the latest episode of Reign (GOD I love that show. So historically inaccurate, but who cares when MEGAN FOLLOWS from ANNE OF GREEN GABLES is in it). And when that happens, this Law will be there to remind myself that I don’t have to change everything all at once (if I did, then I wouldn’t have anything to blog about). I know this is going to blow minds, but I don’t have to be perfect all the time. I can make a mistake every once in a while...it’s even preferred, because it will help me figure out what factors  led me to that choice and then I can better figure how to do it all better next time. Which is kind of fun, in a way...it’s like this big experiment in habit changing and new life forming. 

And when I’m tempted to beat myself up about something, I’ll simply call up Very Damn Important Law #8: Talk To Yourself Like You Would To Someone You Love. When it comes to relationships and friendships, I’m the first girl to tell you that you’re doing alright and that you shouldn’t be so hard on yourself and that everything is going to be okay. But I rarely give that same kind of consideration and pep talk to myself. I wait and wish for other people to make me feel better about my bad day, when I could so easily do it for myself. Which is why this Law is Very Damn Important (see what I did there?)…it cements the fact that I keep looking for others to give me what I most need to start giving to myself.  

Which also enacts Very Damn Important Law #9: Use the F-Bomb (Forgiveness). The hardest emotions for me to deal with are guilt, shame, and remorse. I can even tell you where in my body I hold these emotions - just by touching those places, a whole epic 11 season series of The Gross Feels will replay on fast-forward. And I know this isn’t a unique She's Just Bein’ Amber thing - I used to think it was just me who had sleepless nights of not being able to escape every single cringe-worthy memory I’ve ever stored, but it’s actually a pretty common thing for most people...those in new-agey type circles call it being attacked by your ego, or your wrong-mindedness. I call it The Return To Total Sucktown. And the only way to erase that tape? By enacting Laws #7, #8, and especially #9. I already know that learning how to actually, permanently forgive ourselves and others is really the only way to leave certain neighborhoods of Total Sucktown for good. But with this Law, I wanna make it a conscious, permanent practice. 


Kind of like how I'm working everyday to master this: 

It's going to happen, you guys. I'm gonna master that routine, and then I'm going to do it for all of you, and then I will be worshipped and loved FOREVER!
*whispers* Foreverrrrrr…

-----------------------------------
Catch up, half-pint: 

I Am the One I Am Waiting For

In Which RuPaul Becomes My Spirit Guide

The End Game

(Very Damn Important Law #1) Be (Unapologetically) Amber

(Very Damn Important Law #2) #BodyLove
(Very Damn Important Law #3) Learn From the Masters
(Very Damn Important Law #4) Meditation Is Like Making Out With Yourself
(Very Damn Important Law #5) Journaling Is Like a Daily Date With Yourself
(Very Damn Important Law #6) Release The Kraken!

(Very Damn Important Law #9, #8, and #10): The Trifecta.

“These lessons are not meant to cause you consternation or feelings of guilt. They can neither be passed or failed; you can neither be passed nor failed...the only way you can “fail” a lesson is if you punish yourself for failing.”  - Marianne Williamson

I think one of the hardest things about change, at least for me, is that I have this sort of vision that I’m going to make a mental decision to change and then BAM, done: I’m now perfect at this new thing I’ve decided to do or at giving up this thing I’ve decided to get rid of, and that’s. IT. 
But probably one of the best pieces of guidance I’ve both gotten and given is to just go easy on yourself. Oddly enough, I’ve taken some comfort in the fact that, in order for most people to successfully recover from an addiction, it takes, on average, about 7 or 8 attempts. Even if you don’t consider yourself an addict of something, that little fact can provide succor when faced with the challenge of changing a habit. Which is why I created Very Damn Important Law #7: Go Easy On Yourself, Pal.

I already know this is going to be hard. I know I'm going to mess up. Probably a lot. There are going to be days when it's going to be easier to slide back into being weird about my body and myself, when I'm fucking tired of meditating and journaling and would rather veg out in front of the latest episode of Reign (GOD I love that show. So historically inaccurate, but who cares when MEGAN FOLLOWS from ANNE OF GREEN GABLES is in it). And when that happens, this Law will be there to remind myself that I don’t have to change everything all at once (if I did, then I wouldn’t have anything to blog about). I know this is going to blow minds, but I don’t have to be perfect all the time. I can make a mistake every once in a while...it’s even preferred, because it will help me figure out what factors  led me to that choice and then I can better figure how to do it all better next time. Which is kind of fun, in a way...it’s like this big experiment in habit changing and new life forming. 

And when I’m tempted to beat myself up about something, I’ll simply call up Very Damn Important Law #8: Talk To Yourself Like You Would To Someone You Love. When it comes to relationships and friendships, I’m the first girl to tell you that you’re doing alright and that you shouldn’t be so hard on yourself and that everything is going to be okay. But I rarely give that same kind of consideration and pep talk to myself. I wait and wish for other people to make me feel better about my bad day, when I could so easily do it for myself. Which is why this Law is Very Damn Important (see what I did there?)…it cements the fact that I keep looking for others to give me what I most need to start giving to myself.  

Which also enacts Very Damn Important Law #9: Use the F-Bomb (Forgiveness). The hardest emotions for me to deal with are guilt, shame, and remorse. I can even tell you where in my body I hold these emotions - just by touching those places, a whole epic 11 season series of The Gross Feels will replay on fast-forward. And I know this isn’t a unique She's Just Bein’ Amber thing - I used to think it was just me who had sleepless nights of not being able to escape every single cringe-worthy memory I’ve ever stored, but it’s actually a pretty common thing for most people...those in new-agey type circles call it being attacked by your ego, or your wrong-mindedness. I call it The Return To Total Sucktown. And the only way to erase that tape? By enacting Laws #7, #8, and especially #9. I already know that learning how to actually, permanently forgive ourselves and others is really the only way to leave certain neighborhoods of Total Sucktown for good. But with this Law, I wanna make it a conscious, permanent practice. 


Kind of like how I'm working everyday to master this: 

It's going to happen, you guys. I'm gonna master that routine, and then I'm going to do it for all of you, and then I will be worshipped and loved FOREVER!
*whispers* Foreverrrrrr…

-----------------------------------
Catch up, half-pint: 

I Am the One I Am Waiting For

In Which RuPaul Becomes My Spirit Guide

The End Game

(Very Damn Important Law #1) Be (Unapologetically) Amber

(Very Damn Important Law #2) #BodyLove
(Very Damn Important Law #3) Learn From the Masters
(Very Damn Important Law #4) Meditation Is Like Making Out With Yourself
(Very Damn Important Law #5) Journaling Is Like a Daily Date With Yourself
(Very Damn Important Law #6) Release The Kraken!

Hiking in AZ with my baby brother Dan.

Best part of my trip so far.

I Also Went From Totally Geek To Totally Chic, Too. And Then Back To Totally Geek Again.

Probably the most exciting thing about being in Arizona right now (besides, you know, the whole spending time with family / watching my older brother compete in his first Ironman thing) is that it constantly reminds me of the movie Can't Buy Me Love . 

A.k.a., the movie I watched (and idolized) every single day the entire summer before 6th grade to both prepare me for middle school and distract me from the fact that I didn't have any friends. 


It's also the reason why I became a cheerleader and chose to date nerds. 

Still waiting to own a totally bitchin' suede suit-dress ensemble, though.

But sometimes you gotta save some dreams for later. 

Maybe Jesus will call you, too. Maybe tomorrow.

My old friend Jason and I regularly trade stuff like this on Twitter that reminds us of our bible camp days of old. After a week of spotty internet and whirlwind haps, I finally got the chance to sit down and check out his latest Twitter present.

He wins, this week.

Maybe the whole year, even.

(Very Damn Important Law #6) Release the Kraken!

[By arieare-d45m9wu on Deviant Art]I am my own worst critic (you guys probably picked up on that already, though, huh). And sometimes I’m that kid in high school who won’t let herself participate in any reindeer games because she’s afraid she’s going to look stupid...so instead she slumps up against the gym wall and rolls her eyes and mumbles under her breath about how dumb everything is. I’ve declined invitations to people’s boats or left the party before everyone got into the hot tub or sat nursing my drink while friends danced at intermmitent times in my life because I was afraid of being The Fat Girl Having Fun. 

You know who I’m talking about. Yes, you do. The one that others - usually skinny girls - make fun of because they have the audacity to have fun even though they might be carrying around a little more cushion for the pushin'. 

Oh, do you not know who I’m talking about? 
OH! Right. Because that scenario only lives in my own head. 
And that scenario is bullshit.  So starting with this law, I’m stepping up. You know how we keep a list of things in our head that we'll do When/I'll? When I'm thinner, I'll…When I have a boyfriend, I'll…When I make more money, I'll…? I call them Krakens, because they're these things that we think just won't feel as perfect or powerful or as good unless we release them at the most perfect time. But the thing is? I will never have this moment again. This exact moment, right here, right at this place in time. I will never be 34 on November 15th at 7:05 a.m. ever again. And I’ve stolen a lot of joy from myself in my lifetime - time I’ll never get back - because I was afraid that certain things wouldn't feel as good - or actually, that they would feel awful - if I wasn't thin when I did them. I have a whole list in the back of my head of Things I'll Wait To Do When I'm Thinner. And you know what? I'm not doin' that shit no mo'. If I'm going to start loving my body and myself the way I want to - the way I know I need to - then I need to learn how to love it through everything. I need to release those Krakens and stop being a wuss about stuff and get out there and fucking wrangle the motherfucking shit out of this life. All of it. At any stage, at any weight.

And it's going to be scary. I already know it is. It's going to feel all sorts of vulnerable and hokey and cheesy and scary and annoying. I have this one thing that I've been waiting on that I know I need to do that I just so do not want to do, but that I know I need to…both to build up my courage and to break down that wall. I'm going to have to call up a whole shitload of Very Damn Important Law #2 (we really need to find a short name for these things) #BodyLove in order to power myself through it, but godfuckingdammit, I'm going to do it...I'm going to do that and I'm going to do everything else that I automatically tell myself not to do because I feel like I can't or shouldn't until _____.

Another thing that's going to help is to mentally visualize myself victoriously riding a Kraken while waving a sword. Because dreams, and awesome.

-----------------------------------
Catch up, half-pint: 

I Am the One I Am Waiting For

In Which RuPaul Becomes My Spirit Guide

The End Game

(Very Damn Important Law #1) Be (Unapologetically) Amber

(Very Damn Important Law #2) #BodyLove
(Very Damn Important Law #3) Learn From the Masters
(Very Damn Important Law #4) Meditation Is Like Making Out With Yourself
(Very Damn Important Law #5) Journaling Is Like a Daily Date With Yourself

(Very Damn Important Law #5) Journaling is like a daily date with yourself.

This one *kind* of goes hand-in-hand with Be Amber ...you know how, when you first start to date someone, all you wanna do is find out more about them? Whether it’s the questions that you ask or the social network feeds that you stalk or the diaries you read when they’re running out to grab the morning paper, you have this insatiable curiosity for them. To know more about them. To figure them out. To secure some information that you can later use to either delight or destroy them. 

A couple months ago, for one of my weekly nonfiction reads, I picked up one of Steve Harvey's relationship books. From reading it, I started to realize that I didn't really have a clear view on what my values, standards, and requirements were…not just for a relationship, but for myself. The basic values were easy - Racism and homophobia are wrong, stand up to bullies, etc - but when it came to getting clear - really, really clear, as in, being able to recite each value (and why I had it) to someone else…that stuff got hazy. Buried in the pile of everyday life. More grey than black and white.

And when I thought about how much time and energy I usually funnel into getting to know the person I'm dating - I could prepare the kind of detailed dossier on the information I obtained and retained on any boyfriend I've ever had that would make the CIA cower with intimidation (and RESPECT) - it kind of made me laugh. Because one of my biggest pet peeves when I'm dating someone is that I'm putting all this energy into getting to know them when they don't even take the time to find out what my favorite song is. And the point is…why should they, when I don't even take that time for myself?

And the best way to do that, I decided - along with meditation - is journaling. I'm looking at journaling as sacred time…the all-important daily date with myself. I'm not going to put rules on it: I'm not going to force myself to journal three pages everyday (No thanks, The Artist's Way!) or for 15 minutes or anything like that. I can do it once a day or twice or fifteen times, and I can either do it as blogging or in the leather-bound journal I have that looks like the one Sebastian uses in Cruel Intentions. But I know it's going to important, especially as I'm doing all this work and things get hard or frustrating or crazy, to have an outlet for the thoughts and feelings and stuff that will invariably comes up. And maybe I'll light a candle or something. Put on some classical music. Have myself a nice cup of tea while doing it! Make it a real romantic experience for myself, without all that annoying, "Oh, guess I'll just sit here and listen while YOU talk the entire time" bullshit of real dates.

I GET TO TALK, ON THESE DATES! IT'S MY TURN TO TALK NOW! JUST ME! ONLY ME THIS TIME!