Amber L. Carter's Blog, page 31

(Very Damn Important Law #4) Meditation Is Like Making Out With Yourself.

When I'm in a relationship with someone, I like making out. A LOT. Besides the fact that it's just freaking fun, it helps me feel bonded and connected to that person.

I've talked a lot about meditation in the past few years…beyond writing, it’s the one thing that makes me feel most connected to myself. Fulfilled. Bonded to my better self. But I've noticed that, even though it's one of the best things I can do for myself, it's also the first thing I drop when I have a hard day or when I get busy. And I find that, during downward spirals and the like, I actually resist it. I literally deprive myself of the thing that would do the most good to make me feel better and lighter because I either feel like I don't deserve to have that time or priority over other stuff, or because I know it's going to bring up something I don't want to acknowledge at that time.

(GOD this stuff is weird, when I start to actually examine it. It's crazy how there are so many areas in my life where I'm so quick to stand up for myself and be autonomous and self-possessed, and then there are other areas like this where it's actually almost embarrassing to admit this stuff out loud.

Sorry for ruining the perfect perception that all of you guys had of me, everybody! I know this is probably a real blow, to realize that I'm not as together and effortlessly perfect as you all thought. Guess I'm not the role model that you all thought I was. It's going to be okay, though…just take a deep breath and hold my hand…we're get through this together.)

So, in my quest to focus the energy that I would ordinarily put toward attracting or keeping a relationship with someone else, I'm retraining myself to look at meditation as making out with myself. Just as valuable, just as important to do in order to build the kind of relationship and inner succor for myself that I (again, mistakenly) keep trying to seek from external sources.

Also, it's just super fun to think of mediation as making out with yourself. You're welcome.

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Catch up, half-pint: 

I Am the One I Am Waiting For

In Which RuPaul Becomes My Spirit Guide

The End Game

(Very Damn Important Law #1) Be (Unapologetically) Amber

(Very Damn Important Law #2) #BodyLove
(Very Damn Important Law #3) Learn From the Masters

Launching.

After nearly a year of dreaming, planning, producing, and pulling, the Dapper Dozen 2014 calendars are printed and ready for release.

Tonight is our Launch Party, and while I'll be scrambling the entire day to get ready for it, at some point later tonight I plan to let out a deep breath, clink a glass of wine with the rest of my crew, and let myself have a moment of total elation. We wanted to make something fun that would help feed hungry kids in our community.

And we did.

(Very Damn Important Law #3) Learn From the Masters

Probably the most challenging thing about trying to change this body image thing is that I'm basically fighting against a whole lifetime of thinking and doing things a certain way. And even though I'm now seeing that those ways aren't exactly working for me, I also know that, when it comes to psychology and behavior and habits, it's so much easier to rely on the right hand than it is to start practicing with the left.
For about two years now, I’ve made a habit of reading a self-help book for about 20 minutes a day. It’s become a part of my morning meditation routine, and I’ve learned a ton from doing it. But I haven’t really implemented most of what I’ve learned, and I haven’t really shared it with you guys, either (outside some of the stuff I’ve learned about meditation and the like). So I created Law #3 to remind me that, not only is it awesome to devour everything that will teach me more about positive self and body image, but it's also pretty awesome to try my hand at learning new ways of thinking and doing. And then share it with you fine peeps.
The first on the docket is Marianne Williamson’s A Course In Weight Loss . But I’m reading it with one caveat: My goal is not necessarily weight loss. I’m reading the book because it combines meditation and introspection and structured activities and exercises that focus on healing one’s relationship with the body...things of which are all part of Very Damn Important Laws #4 and #5 (up next). 

---------------------------------------

Catch up, half-pint: 

I Am the One I Am Waiting For

In Which RuPaul Becomes My Spirit Guide

The End Game

(Very Damn Important Law #1) Be (Unapologetically) Amber

(Very Damn Important Law #2) #BodyLove

(Very Damn Important Law #3): Learn From the Masters

Probably the most challenging thing about trying to change this body image thing is that I'm basically fighting against a whole lifetime of thinking and doing things a certain way. And even though I'm now seeing that those ways aren't exactly working for me, I also know that, when it comes to psychology and behavior and habits, it's so much easier to rely on the right hand than it is to start practicing with the left.
For about two years now, I’ve made a habit of reading a self-help book for about 20 minutes a day. It’s become a part of my morning meditation routine, and I’ve learned a ton from doing it. But I haven’t really implemented most of what I’ve learned, and I haven’t really shared it with you guys, either (outside some of the stuff I’ve learned about meditation and the like). So I created Law #3 to remind me that, not only is it awesome to devour everything that will teach me more about positive self and body image, but it's also pretty awesome to try my hand at learning new ways of thinking and doing. And then share it with you fine peeps.
The first on the docket is Marianne Williamson’s A Course In Weight Loss . But I’m reading it with one caveat: My goal is not necessarily weight loss. I’m reading the book because it combines meditation and introspection and structured activities and exercises that focus on healing one’s relationship with the body...things of which are all part of Very Damn Important Laws #4 and #5 (up next). 

(Very Damn Important Law #2) #BodyLove*

After I wrote this, I started to become really conscious of the fact that it’s kind of become a way of life for me, to look at my body as something that needs to be beaten into submission. When I don’t feel good about my body, my automatic response is to think of how I can force my body to do what I want (primarily, lose weight). To punish it, even, by crafting and instituting a list of restrictive rules…no more carbs…cut out all sugar…wait until your stomach literally hurts from hunger pains before you eat…work out three times a day…no eating after 6, no matter how hungry you get…
There's a lot of these rules. When I think them inside my own head, they make total sense. When I write them here…it suddenly becomes painfully obvious just how messed up they are. 
There’s no love there. This thing that I carry around with me - my body - is not taken care of. I can’t remember the last time I thought a genuinely nice thing about it. In fact, sometimes I catch myself thinking of it as not even being a part of me...it’s just this thing that I don’t like, an enemy that has caused me more pain than good. 
And with Very Damn Important Law #2, I want to start to change that.
There’s this scene in “Little Nicky” - a movie that obviously is not critically-acclaimed but that I think is hilarious - where Nicky discovers his inner light and realizes that, by mentally focusing on something he digs, he can “release the awesome” and transform something scary into something rad. 

And that’s what the law of #BodyLove is. What I realized, when I was thinking through this law and what I wanted it to mean, was that #BodyLove is a mental game. It’s about transforming those negative thoughts, those punishing patterns, into acts of love toward my body. It’s not about completely revamping my eating patterns or working out more or “visualizing” my ideal shape. It’s about tiny little daily acts of deliberate kindness that will eventually add up to a whole new way of thinking of - and therefore treating - my body. Every time I’m confronted with my daily body demons, I’m going to concentrate on releasing the awesome. 
And it’s going to be fucking tough. I can already tell that, just from writing this post and finding it hard and scary and like an immense task to simply declare that this is something that I’m going to do. 

Which is also why I’m bringing in Very Damn Important Law #3...COMING YOUR WAY NEXT. 
We are going to blast through these, kids. Cause I'm tired of thinking of them, and ready to start freaking doing.



*I know that hashtags are starting to become played out but I had this idea in my head for about a year when I did this other thing and so it's already burned into my brain so I'M USING IT.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Catch up, half-pint: 

I Am the One I Am Waiting For

In Which RuPaul Becomes My Spirit Guide

The End Game

(Very Damn Important Law #1) Be (Unapologetically) Amber

(Very Damn Important Law #2): #BodyLove*

After I wrote this, I started to become really conscious of the fact that it’s kind of become a way of life for me, to look at my body as something that needs to be beaten into submission. When I don’t feel good about my body, my automatic response is to think of how I can force my body to do what I want (primarily, lose weight). To punish it, even, by crafting and instituting a list of restrictive rules…no more carbs…cut out all sugar…wait until your stomach literally hurts from hunger pains before you eat…work out three times a day…no eating after 6, no matter how hungry you get…
There's a lot of these rules. When I think them inside my own head, they make total sense. When I write them here…it suddenly becomes painfully obvious just how messed up they are. 
There’s no love there. This thing that I carry around with me - my body - is not taken care of. I can’t remember the last time I thought a genuinely nice thing about it. In fact, sometimes I catch myself thinking of it as not even being a part of me...it’s just this thing that I don’t like, an enemy that has caused me more pain than good. 
And with Very Damn Important Law #2, I want to start to change that.
There’s this scene in “Little Nicky” - a movie that obviously is not critically-acclaimed but that I think is hilarious - where Nicky discovers his inner light and realizes that, by mentally focusing on something he digs, he can “release the awesome” and transform something scary into something rad. 

And that’s what the law of #BodyLove is. What I realized, when I was thinking through this law and what I wanted it to mean, was that #BodyLove is a mental game. It’s about transforming those negative thoughts, those punishing patterns, into acts of love toward my body. It’s not about completely revamping my eating patterns or working out more or “visualizing” my ideal shape. It’s about tiny little daily acts of deliberate kindness that will eventually add up to a whole new way of thinking of - and therefore treating - my body. Every time I’m confronted with my daily body demons, I’m going to concentrate on releasing the awesome. 
And it’s going to be fucking tough. I can already tell that, just from writing this post and finding it hard and scary and like an immense task to simply declare that this is something that I’m going to do. 

Which is also why I’m bringing in Very Damn Important Law #3...COMING YOUR WAY NEXT. 
We are going to blast through these, kids. Cause I'm tired of thinking of them, and ready to start freaking doing.



*I know that hashtags are starting to become played out but I had this idea in my head for about a year when I did this other thing and so it's already burned into my brain so I'M USING IT.

WELL LOOK WHO IT IS! (Jason DeRusha Edition #275)

Someone in Minneapolis please grab a copy of this for me - I need to add it to my "It's Not About The Zubaz: The Life & Times Of My Famous Friend  Jason DeRusha " scrapbook (to be published as a Tell-All in the fall of 2020).

Day #4

Yesterday my Girl from the Northwoods partner Meg and I dragged our friend Lacy up to Bayfield (she had never been before) for a long-awaited interview and roastery tour with Dani and John of Big Water Coffee Roasters. It was, quite frankly, the most amazing day. There is nothing like spending the day with bright, driven women…this morning I was still floating on the energy of our conversations.

Day #3

I took this idea from my friend Jess Kubis…since I primarily work from home and spend most of my free time creating projects or writing stories, it can be hard for me to justify the carving out of some hardcore relaxing. I have this tendency to feel like…if I have a free day, I should be spending it by writing. Or promoting our calendar. Or organizing tasks and projects and meetings for the next week.

But a few weeks ago, I decided that I was just going to make Sunday my day for hardcore relaxing. Sleep in, pop into the coffee shop across the way for my favorite latte, and then just spend the rest of the day lounging around, reading books, catching up on Netflix or favorite TV shows, reading new magazines, and having phone dates with my favorite friends. And it is the best ever.

It's NaNoWriMo Time! It's NaNoWriMo Time! Get Out Yer Pens Everybody, Cause Its NaNoWriMo Time! [Reblogged]

The above is a little song I made up. You know, on the fly. In like, 2 SECONDS.

Why yes, my songwriting skills are available for hire. 

I'm not exactly an expert at NaNoWriMo, but I have learned a few things through trial and error during the past eight years. Since today is the first day of NaNoWriMo 2013, I thought this might be a good time to share some of those things I've learned, in no particular order (because, I don't know if you know this, but I'm a little too busy writing some other stuff right now to spend my time editing blog posts. Just like every other time of the year):

1. Learn to write anywhere
Just like with working out, if you're not flexible with how you reach your goal, you're not going to be consistent at it. I used to be that writer who could only write if I was sitting at my desk at night in a quiet house with a cup of hot coffee and a candle burning. Seriously. And I hardly ever got any work done, because only being able to write in that particular environment is just not conducive to real life. There might be certain environments where you can do your best writing, and that's great, but during November, you've got to be an animal about writing. You've got to be able to do this anywhere, at anytime, with anybody. One of the reasons why I got my teeny-tiny laptop was because I had spent the first 3 years of NaNoWriMo wishing that I had something I could just whip out during those odd 10 to 15 minutes of waiting or free time that always pop up during the course of any day. And one thing you'll find during this month is that, even when you're not writing, you're still thinking about writing. And then you'll be sitting there, and BAM! Inspiration will hit, and you'll know that if you just had your laptop with you, you could easily pound out 1,000 words right now.

2. Write NOW. Edit LATER.
It's really hard for me to not spend an hour on each sentence (I'm not kidding), making sure it says exactly what I want to say and how I want to say it. But during NaNo, you're not shooting for perfection. You're shoot for fingers-flying, hands-furiously-pounding-on-that-keyboard, words-racing-on-the-screen, just straight up, who-the-hell cares writing.Which is the beauty and joy of it, but also the torture of it. I have a big sign on my bulletin board right now that says, "November is for WRITING. December is for PERFECTION." so that I can constantly remind myself to let go of the editing and just write the shit out of this book.

However, sometimes it's still not that easy, and you might come to a point in your writing when you get a really great idea for how you would want to edit an earlier chapter, rearrange a certain passage so it fits this one, etc. And you don't want to wait on it for too long because you're scared that you'll lose the inherent idea or image of what you want to do. I'm here to tell you that's okay - BUT! Get your daily word count in first (or, even better, get your word count over the daily goal) and then feel free to edit. If you keep editing while you're writing you're going to keep losing words (duh), so reach your goal, revel in your accomplishment for that day, and then go ahead and prune and polish and perfect.

3. The block means you're right where you need to be. 
Writer's block means you need to try something new. I often picture writers block as a bunch of actors on stage, all of them staring at you, like, "What we gonna do next, num-nuts?" Get crazy. Have fun. Remember - none of this has to make sense. Sometimes the best writing happens when you just let your characters take over and do the thinking for you. Jacob was never supposed to be a major character in Twilight, but the author, Stephanie Meyer, started to like him so much that she wanted to keep finding out about him...and tah-dah, the best thing to happen to werewolves since screen-printed sweatshirts was born. Do some crazy shit. Blow some stuff up. Make a hero into a villain. Make your villain into a hero. Base a character off the person you hate most. Surprise yourself. Again - it doesn't have to make sense, and if it doesn't work for this particular book, who knows - maybe it will end up giving you an idea for a whole new one.

4. When in doubt, dialogue.
Do me a favor - go to your favorite coffeeshop, sit there for a couple of hours, and just start copying down all the conversations around you. I can guarantee that at least one of the conversations you copy down reads like the worst writing you've ever read in your entire life. However - that's also how writers get good at dialogue. People who say they can't write dialogue are fooling themselves - unless you live in a cave, you probably talk to someone at least once a day, right? That's called dialogue. Some of the best dialogue out there is the stilted, full-of-awkward pauses, weird convos between the main character and the barista at Starbucks. Why? Because we've all had the same conversation, that's why. Dialogue is also an amazing, blow-your-mind, move-up-the-action word count builder. It's the perfect tool for more "show, don't tell" writing. So use it. And then use it some more. And then keep using it, all the time, until it becomes a natural thing for you to have your characters talk about what's happening instead of you doing the talking for them.

5. Have some fuckin' fun already, why don't cha?
This is supposed to be fun. Alright? So stop taking yourself so seriously. No one ever wrote a perfect book during NaNoWriMo, because no one is meant to. Even the ones who did end up publishing their NaNoWriMo books (Water For Elephants was a NaNo book. So was Holiday Chick) did so after at least a few months of rewrites and editing. So lighten up, Hemingway. Give yourself a break. Go read a People's Magazine or something. 

6. Sprint!
I am not what you would call a "naturally focused" person. One moment I'm thinking about how I should get more involved in activism and the next moment I'm thinking about how good James Franco looks in flannel. So I have to use certain tools in order to get anything done in my life - to-do lists, post-it reminders, Google Calendars, and NaNoWordSprints. Follow @NaNoWordSprints on Twitter and get ready for a few amazing hours of productive writing. It's better to write for 20 minutes straight and give yourself a 5 or 10 min break before getting back to it than to write for one hour and then get distracted for the rest of the day. So follow them and let them guide you through the process. And then ask them why they never reply back to me when I ask them (nice, polite) questions but instead can take the time to repeatedly answer the rude dumbasses who constantly tweet "What are sprints?" and "You tweet too much! LOL!".

7. Reward yourself.
Seriously. You're doing something amazing. You're writing a whole book in one month. Some people go through their whole lives saying, "Someday I'm going to write a book" and you're actually doing it right now. And yeah, it's hard. It's tough shit, especially when you're so dedicated that it means giving up on some fun stuff with friends or missing out on things like lazy Saturdays. This is also why I think the universe has been ordered in a particular way so as to ensure that NaNo happens to fall on the same time of year that Starbucks has their Holiday Lattes out. So get yourself one, sparky. You deserve it.

And when everything else fails -
1. Make a playlist for each character. What kind of music do they like? Listen to it before you write about them.

2. Sit down and ask yourself this question for every single character in your book - "What does __ want most in the entire world?" If you can't easily answer it for every character that you're writing, then you need to get to know them better, which also means the reader also needs to get to know them better. Looks like you just came up with at least 2 more chapters for your book.

3. Go to Barnes & Noble. Take a look around. Bookstores are like speed for writers - one step inside and a glance at all the other books that everyone else has finished writing, and you'll be doing the "I'm walking fast but trying not to look like I'm walking fast" walk to the cafe to get some writing done (because you've already mastered the tip of bringing your laptop everywhere with you so that you can write anywhere, right?!).

4. Shut out your inner audience. During NaNoWriMo, every time you hear a voice in your head that says, "Someone's probably going to read that and say "borrrring" or "Art won't think this plot device makes any logical sense" or "I don't want Emily to read this and think it's stupid"...tell that voice TO SHUT THE HELL UP. You're writing fiction, here. It doesn't have to make sense. It's probably not going to. And why should it? This is your own personal book. Make it whatever you want it to be.