(Very Damn Important Law #7, #8, and #9): The Trifecta.

“These lessons are not meant to cause you consternation or feelings of guilt. They can neither be passed or failed; you can neither be passed nor failed...the only way you can “fail” a lesson is if you punish yourself for failing.”  - Marianne Williamson

I think one of the hardest things about change, at least for me, is that I have this sort of vision that I’m going to make a mental decision to change and then BAM, done: I’m now perfect at this new thing I’ve decided to do or at giving up this thing I’ve decided to get rid of, and that’s. IT. 
But probably one of the best pieces of guidance I’ve both gotten and given is to just go easy on yourself. Oddly enough, I’ve taken some comfort in the fact that, in order for most people to successfully recover from an addiction, it takes, on average, about 7 or 8 attempts. Even if you don’t consider yourself an addict of something, that little fact can provide succor when faced with the challenge of changing a habit. Which is why I created Very Damn Important Law #7: Go Easy On Yourself, Pal.

I already know this is going to be hard. I know I'm going to mess up. Probably a lot. There are going to be days when it's going to be easier to slide back into being weird about my body and myself, when I'm fucking tired of meditating and journaling and would rather veg out in front of the latest episode of Reign (GOD I love that show. So historically inaccurate, but who cares when MEGAN FOLLOWS from ANNE OF GREEN GABLES is in it). And when that happens, this Law will be there to remind myself that I don’t have to change everything all at once (if I did, then I wouldn’t have anything to blog about). I know this is going to blow minds, but I don’t have to be perfect all the time. I can make a mistake every once in a while...it’s even preferred, because it will help me figure out what factors  led me to that choice and then I can better figure how to do it all better next time. Which is kind of fun, in a way...it’s like this big experiment in habit changing and new life forming. 

And when I’m tempted to beat myself up about something, I’ll simply call up Very Damn Important Law #8: Talk To Yourself Like You Would To Someone You Love. When it comes to relationships and friendships, I’m the first girl to tell you that you’re doing alright and that you shouldn’t be so hard on yourself and that everything is going to be okay. But I rarely give that same kind of consideration and pep talk to myself. I wait and wish for other people to make me feel better about my bad day, when I could so easily do it for myself. Which is why this Law is Very Damn Important (see what I did there?)…it cements the fact that I keep looking for others to give me what I most need to start giving to myself.  

Which also enacts Very Damn Important Law #9: Use the F-Bomb (Forgiveness). The hardest emotions for me to deal with are guilt, shame, and remorse. I can even tell you where in my body I hold these emotions - just by touching those places, a whole epic 11 season series of The Gross Feels will replay on fast-forward. And I know this isn’t a unique She's Just Bein’ Amber thing - I used to think it was just me who had sleepless nights of not being able to escape every single cringe-worthy memory I’ve ever stored, but it’s actually a pretty common thing for most people...those in new-agey type circles call it being attacked by your ego, or your wrong-mindedness. I call it The Return To Total Sucktown. And the only way to erase that tape? By enacting Laws #7, #8, and especially #9. I already know that learning how to actually, permanently forgive ourselves and others is really the only way to leave certain neighborhoods of Total Sucktown for good. But with this Law, I wanna make it a conscious, permanent practice. 


Kind of like how I'm working everyday to master this: 

It's going to happen, you guys. I'm gonna master that routine, and then I'm going to do it for all of you, and then I will be worshipped and loved FOREVER!
*whispers* Foreverrrrrr…

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Catch up, half-pint: 

I Am the One I Am Waiting For

In Which RuPaul Becomes My Spirit Guide

The End Game

(Very Damn Important Law #1) Be (Unapologetically) Amber

(Very Damn Important Law #2) #BodyLove
(Very Damn Important Law #3) Learn From the Masters
(Very Damn Important Law #4) Meditation Is Like Making Out With Yourself
(Very Damn Important Law #5) Journaling Is Like a Daily Date With Yourself
(Very Damn Important Law #6) Release The Kraken!