Roxanne Roberts's Blog

A Solitary Journey

There are times on this journey of mine, the one I contracted for, the one I agreed to, when I have been given moments to pause and go...WHAT?

I am sure I am not at all alone in this experience. Every one, every single person has moments in their lives where they have cause to wonder why something happens, why ugliness is allowed, why loneliness occurs, why it seems at times that our life journey is particularly hard or distasteful, all of those things...

At the moment, my journey is a relatively solitary one. I am human, I enjoy the company of good people, I love cooking for and interacting with others, I need the solace that comes from interacting with a like minded person, as all humans do. 
At the moment though, my journey appears to be a solitary one. ALL attempts at letting people in to my inner circle, opening up to others, invites to a meal a coffee or a chat are being spurned or for totally valid and non personal reasons, just not working out (A sick child, bad timing, not enough notice, busy lives etc)

This has made me stop and pause...for three weeks now (possibly longer) the only contact I have had with other humans is superficial and fleeting; a five minute chat with the person making my coffee, a glance and a wave at a familiar face down town, a little joke and a laugh with the fabulous team at my local post office, all of which are wonderful moments, however, no lasting and deeper interaction.

So, since "coincidence" on this scale seems ludicrous, I have looked at this moment and asked WHAT??????

If you are a frequent reader of this blog (not that my posts have been all that frequent lately...sorry) then you know that I generally follow my instincts and the tugs at my heart that let me know louder than words that I am being offered a direction and guidance from the team of divine beings that I constantly interact with.

So...what is the direction, what am I being told, what lesson is there to learn in all of this solitary confinement I seem to be experiencing at the moment? I actually still don't know.

There are some things I DO know though.

Through each of these seeming "rejections" of me as a person (and P.S. I am an amazing person to know *silly grin*) I have constantly heard a phrase from a book I read once called The Four Agreements that states, "Stop taking things so personally!" OK...so, lesson being, breathe, relax, be grateful and thankful, and stop taking it personally...I get that, and have "chucked" some dissolving fluid on those thought patterns, and released the need to take it all personally..."Job done," I say to my team, "So now can I have some company?"

Hmmm...it seems "No," was the answer to that question as the polite declines, and some not so polite declines kept coming in.

"Be happy in your own company before you invite someone else in to join you. That way, you will know whether you enjoy their company, or whether you are seeking them out through desperation," is the next thought I heard whispered on the wind. This one seemed a little more complex that the "Don't take it personally" insight, I mean, after all, I am truly happy in my own company, I LOVE alone time and be myself time and not responsible for any one or anything time. I pondered, in a light and non thinking way, on this recurring thought. In the silent times, the alone times, the no company for weeks times I have noticed a tendency for my brain and ego (damn them...*Wry grin*) to intervene with ridiculous and ludicrous thoughts like, "You'll always be alone," "No one really loves and understands you," "You can only ever rely on yourself, everyone else will let you down," "Perhaps there's something wrong with you/me?" These thought patterns are totally dismissed for the ego driven rubbish that they are, from my concious mind at least, so I dug a little deeper and pondered a little further and found that perhaps still a part of me (a very small part of me) might possibly believe some of these things. I sat by moving water, breathed deeply, immersed myself totally in the moment and the surroundings and the universe as a whole, and again "chucked" some dissolving fluid on those particular types of thoughts and promised myself I will totally be on the look out for that kind of ego sabotage in future.....feeling lighter and more buoyant as each moment passes.

At this point, I have given up of fathoming the lesson...that's right, I threw in the towel *laughing* In the end, I stated quite emphatically to my divine team, "This is not what I want, nor what I contracted for, so, guide me to change it...in human time please" Then, I let the whole thing go and went to dinner by myself in a lovely restaurant. I took my drawing journal and sketched faeries while I waited for my meal. This made people look at my book and several struck up a conversation. I chatted to the people in charge of serving me for the evening, I had lovely interactions with complete strangers that were complimentary, and genuine and heart warming.

Then, it dawned on me (I'm a bit slow sometimes I'll admit) that the moment I stopped struggling and questioning and, I'll admit it, demanding, people were automatically attracted to my energy and bought themselves into my space, however fleetingly.

So, for the moment, my journey is a solitary one, but not for one minute am I really on my own. I am happy to be me, I am happy to be uniquely different, weird, and eccentric. I love me dearly, and I am/can be patient in waiting and learning and growing and for sometimes to NOT understand the next step or the current moment.

I write this post, wondering if somewhere, some beautiful, magnificent and totally awesome light being needed to hear that they are not the only one who feels lonely, abandoned and isolated at times? 

You're not alone dear one, I'm right there beside you at the moment.

With love and light
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

To my twin soul....

I have heard often about the twin soul or twin flame idea, and I fully believe that we have an "other" and not always are they meant to be our life partner. Sometimes, they are our best friend, our team mate, our relative or have some other relationship to us. However, having said that, i think we all secretly wish that our twin soul is our life long partner *smile.

I decided that I would write a letter to my twin, I haven't met them yet, but I wanted to send out to the universe that I was ready. It was a brilliant and healing exercise for me, so I thought I would share it with you all and suggest that maybe this is not a bad healing exercise, especially if you're feeling a bit low. 

I called it a sending because I am sending this message out into the universe for action....

My dear Beloved,

As much as I want to meet you and be with you, as much as my soul yearns to reach out and embrace yours to combine with the very stuff the universe is made from, there are some things I must first know...

Can you love? Can you fully be with me in the moments we may have alone together? Can you forget, I mean truly forget all else in those moments and see only you and I combined?

Can you nurture? Can you offer succour when I am hurt without me asking and without question?

Can you worship and be worshipped in return? Can your touch be tender and filled with all of the love, wonder and joy the universe gives to every moment?

Can you let go? Can you release yourself and me from feelings of guilt, hate, judgement and harm when the time comes? Can you walk away from the moment and feel only the joy that is present and the love that surrounds it?

Can you remember? Can you look upon me and recall our divine origins?

Can you share? Can you be genuine, honest and forthright in all of your interactions with me? Can you share your passions and your joys, and are you willing to share mine? Can you converse freely in all matters and know that love supersedes all judgement and all other feelings despite that our humanness means that these things will creep into our conscious at times?

Can you send me away? If a time comes when our joining does not meet our higher purpose, can you tell me and send me away so that we may both be happy?

Beloved, these things are most important to me and to us both. So while my soul hungers to be with yours, and while my body aches in longing for that first gentle touch, that first kiss; I would walk away now beloved, so that I may meet you again in this life when our journey's are truly ready to combine.

Know this, we have met before and loved before. We are joined across the ages and through all of space and time. If we cannot physically touch, meet, or be one in this life time, in this present moment, then I will find you again in the next.

Come if you can, I miss you

With love and light
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

I am me

It's been quite some time I know. In fact, a REALLY long time since last I posted. I write what I am guided to write, and for such a long time, I apparently had little to say...smile. It seems that my path lay in other directions for quite some time, and a whole gambit of learning experiences took my focus away from writing. 
Today, I went to the beach and just sat for a while (always a healing and cleansing experience) and I began to write again. I wanted to share this first writing with you all...

"She's got to be loved,
woah, the woman's got to be loved.
She's got to be looooved
she's got to be wanted..."

So, I'm led here, by the beach side, with this song playing over and over in my head. All morning, all the images of the men I have so foolishly loved pass through my head. It brings me no sorrow though. Instead, an insatiable joy fills me my heart and mind smile and I almost feel that anticipation that marks the beginning of a new love. The pulse quickens and a spontaneous smile comes unbidden to my lips. The door to my heart opens wide and I feel the invitation flow out of me and into the universe. Joy and wonder fill this moment as I truly release, truly let go of past loved; sending them every blessing and all the joy the universe so graciously provides to all those who ask it.

Instead of the sad and hollow place that was how I defined myself and my lover, I now, surprisingly, find a gladness, an anticipation, a waiting. In all of the faces that pass me by I see my lover, my soul, my friend. I smile the smile of one newly in love, that smile that is so different from any other smile and I know it radiates from my being as I see the joy in the faces of others as they pass me.  I see the acknowledging nod of one being to another and I feel my being respond the same way it would were they a cherished, lost friend I am meeting again on the street rather than the random stranger they humanly are.

Never has the remembering been so strong before. I remember the joy of home, the one-ness of all beings in a place where only love is real, only the joy of communion exists. So much do I feel that home is a part of me in this existence now, that the "reality" of here seems one and the same. The longing for home that has afflicted my heart for so long, has vanished in this moment.

Home seems no longer separate and a place of "other", it is here and now, surrounding me with loving grace and freeing my heart from the bonds of fear, servitude, aloneness and worry that have bound me to a path I knew I did not want to travel.

I find myself filled with love and courage. A fearlessness, which is neither ill-advised nor reckless, fills me, and I know that in this moment, the word impossible is meant for others on a different path.

I create, I love, I live and I shine a light for the world to see. I am me.

Being me is to be sensitive, to love and show loyalty with my whole being in combination and without reservation. There is nothing in me that is not perfect. There is nothing to change, to dwell on or to regret.

I am able to embrace the whole of me with loving abandon and to know that my faults are only perceptions. A perception fed and fuelled by the opinion of others who look at me because it is too hard to look at themselves and love without condition.

I am in love with me; with my precious and perfect self...and it is enough.

I walk my path and forge a new way of being, an old way of being. I go back to the place I originated before this mortal existence began and I remember.

I look into my own heart and find there is nothing left wanting. There, instead of pain, I find the joy of awakening and I am able to sing and dance and be free. I am me.

I no longer recriminate or judge myself and my past and try to identify moments I see as mistakes. I don't need to. I am me.

I am me. I am the bringer of joy, but more than that, I am the personification of joy and through that example, I can lead others to find their own.

I understand my path. The rest of the moments to come belong to this path.

I am me.

With love and light
xoxoxoxoxoxo

The instructions I am given

I am always being given fantastic advice and instructions from the divine. These are sometimes in the nature of dreams, impulses, intuition (for want of a better word), dreams, repeated signs, songs, so-called "coincidences" and a range of other things.

I would LOVE to tell you I always listen to and follow those instructions and advice *sheepish grin* but I don't make a habit out of lying, even on seemingly little things! 

Needless to say, those times when I haven't listened, I soon discover why it would have been to my advantage to do so... *Wry grin*

The ones I really want to focus on tonight is the information I am constantly getting from my body. The simple version is, that every part of me, every fibre, tissue, cell, molecule, understands the connection to the divine that we all have. It KNOWS the contract, knows what's best for me, and the choices that would equal perfect and divine health. It is my connection to both the earth, and the divine all in one.

Last Thursday, I had to have some surgery (don't worry, sparing you the details) and as circumstances were at the time, I had to go on my own, staying overnight in a hotel as the hospital is a three hour drive each way from where I live. When I arrived, I found I had been given little to no information, was being condescended to and treated as the body part being dealt with rather than as a human being. That there was limited compassion and a WHOLE lot of judgement. As the day progressed (It had started at 4am when I had hit the road to get to the place) I became increasingly more distressed. I called on the whole team to be there, Raphael in particular. I was OK, but certainly not fantastic. 

As I sat waiting in the common waiting area, dressed in my ultra attractive surgical gown I began to have second thoughts about the whole deal. Raphael calmly informed me that "chickening out" was not really an option (damn!) I was moved to the pre-op area to wait for someone to come and give me the initial bout of chemicals and there was a picture on the wall of a path leading through a forest. As I sat there, I imagined walking through the forest with Raphael having a chat about the procedure and the after procedure care and all of the things I was frightened about.

At one point, I asked about all of the pain and the anti-biotic and other drugs I had been told I MUST take and the like. I live a reasonably natural existence, using herbs to treat most things, and was reluctant to take any chemical drugs, although I was certainly not going to refuse western treatment or any thing like that.

Raphael challenged me to heal myself! 

As I went into the surgery, all I could think about was how I could heal myself????????

After the operation, as I was lying on the bed in my hotel room, it suddenly "came to me" that I could just ask my body to heal itself. "What a strange idea" I thought to myself, but as I thought that (with my brain) my heart said, "Go on, can't hurt any worse than you do right now can it?" So, I set myself to the task of imagining a discussion with every cell in my body *laugh* This may have been made easier with the after effects of a general anaesthetic. I gave every cell the instruction that energy was to be converted to the place of surgery; that it was ALL hands on deck and the wound needed to be pain free and healing and ready for the three hour car trip home the next day. I also issued orders that I was to be fit for work on the following Monday. I went to sleep smiling to myself and laughing at what a "silly goose" I was.

I have been virtually pain free since the surgery, I have not taken the anti-biotic chemicals, instead using calendular and ginger (naturally occurring anti-biotic) because that's what my body said would be OK. No infection, and...a week later, other than some bruising, absolutely no evidence that I had the surgery at all.

Knock me over with a feather! That ACTUALLY worked *laugh*

I am of course, not suggesting that anyone ignore medical advice, or not seek treatment of they need to. After all, Raphael suggested the visit which led to the need for surgery being discovered. (Just as an aside, I also asked him to take care of finding me a really good specialist too *smile*) What I am saying is, that within each of us, is a most amazing and powerful tool; an unbelievably strong connection to the divine. Every cell in your body is attuned and waiting for your permission.

Give yourself permission to be powerful and hear the instructions you are given! Honour the voice inside of you that tells you what course to take...it's the divine, you can trust it.

With love and light
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Another key secret to success

OK, so I'm on a bit of a roll at the moment *smile* and am being asked to pass on these really simple, yet impactful truths about the way I view myself and the things I do in terms of being successful.

Just as an aside, we all have our own models for what "success" actually looks like, obviously, when I am talking about this topic, I am totally influenced by my own definition *wry grin*

So today, I was confronted with remembering another key to living a successful life. It is so simple I actually overlooked it as a key factor...duh.

Speaking kindly to yourself and loving your whole self from your every particle is one of the BIGGEST contributors to being successful. 

There is simply NO point to putting yourself down, punishing yourself, or dwelling on mistakes and perceived rejections. The only thing this does to and for you, is to slow you down and undermine your confidence in taking the next step.

Being human, there WILL be mistakes, there ARE moments I am sure I would have liked to choose another path or another way of dealing with a situation. There are times when I feel TOTALLY lost, and places I wish with all of my heart that I had NEVER put myself in or chosen (Reading the fine print on the contract far more closely next time *laughing).

However, what I know now (finally) is that NONE of these things has the power to stop me, to dissuade me or to prevent me from seeking my truth and my successful life. None of these things are worth punishing myself relentlessly for, nor are they necessarily moments I "had to go through" even though they have certainly acted to show me my strengths. None of these things, "mistakes" if you will can define who I choose to be. They are only moments in time, not great ones, but all the better for that.

Forgive instantly, love unconditionally and respect yourself for not only who you are, but the person you choose to be from this moment on.

With love and light
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

A key secret to succeeding in life...

There is no one secret that can be passed from one person to another, that will guarantee or prove successful for every person. This is not a "one size fits all" kind of life (awesomely cool really!). However, having said that, I have found there are some key ingredients which, when added to your overall mix, most certainly add together for having the highest possible chances.

One of these things is looking at the list of things you wish to achieve, from the biggest (reaching thousands with my words of healing and message of love, having children and parents read my stories and discovering the magic within) to the smallest (getting the laundry done and my four year old pixie in bed at a decent hour) and then make some decisions.

Your time is NOT an infinite resource, each moment in time is quite precious and should be treated as such. Making decisions about how you prioritise your time and therefore the things that are the most important to you, is a great way to start ensuring that when you spend time on things they are important things and that you are maximising the time you spend.

There have been times I have been so wrapped up in being supper Mumma, in having home baked goods for the lunch box, having a spotless and ordered house, and being extra super organised about getting us here, and being there etc.  I often find, during these times I am pleased with my "Superness" and yet, these are the times that, when my little one goes to bed, I realise we didn't do much playing, or spending time together.... *REALLY sad face* In short, I realise my prioritising of my time did NOT match with the things I feel are most important, and I feel awful!!!!!

I look at my time as a commodity, valuable beyond compare (and the time of others also). My "to do" list is filled with things I feel are the most important, and this is updated daily to change with my changing priorities. 

With this, there are also a LOT of things that I have NO time for, refuse to make time for, and account no priority to at all....

Complaining about "stuff"
Negativity
Self-Doubt
Things I have no control over and am powerless to change.
Worry 
Stress
Nastiness

...and a whole heap more, but I know you get the point *smile*

If you don't feel as though you are walking fast enough towards you goal, have a GOOD look at where you are spending the very precious commodity of your time and see if making a few changes might not improve matters.

After all, the clearer you set your intentions and focus on those things you wish to see more of, the faster the universe acts to create the opportunities you need.

With love and light
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Believe...

Can you feel it, can you feel it?

In my head right now is that song that goes, "Can you feel it? Can you feel it....can you feeeel it?" I have no idea who wrote or sang in, sometime in the 80's...right now though, a very poignant message in many ways.

Over the last few days I have made a really conscious effort and decision to no longer shelter the whole of me from the world. A lot of the time, up until now, I do not take my whole self to places. The brightest light shining part of me, the part that is the most thoroughly connected and a little bit vulnerable to hurt, gets protected by a crystal shield every time I leave the protection on my sacred space...my home. 

No more (well mostly *smile*)

I have decided this for many reasons, the most important and influential of which was a message, and urging from my divine team. This provoked some interesting commentary from me starting with, "You want me to do WHAT??????? WHEN???? You mean ALLLLLL the time????" *laugh* It took some convincing and MANY signs before i would follow through on this one.

I am sure you can predict the results from previous posts...smile.

Yep, you guessed correctly, as soon as i followed the signs and instructions, and walked out into the world shining brightly and letting all people see the all of me, I noticed a magic shift in the winds. Our power/ability to influence each other is astronomical, and is even stronger when shining the full and loving intent of our divine selves. 

Nothing seems hard or even impossible. People have responded to me beautifully where at other times they may not have....magic.

I feel we are on the verge of a mass consciousness shift...there are more and more people waking up (So to speak) to the true them, to remembering the love and majestic moments that occur when we listen to the inner voice guiding and protecting us....can you feel it?

With love and light
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

It's all about perspective really

Exponential learning curve for me in the last few months has been the concept of choosing the way I view potentially negative situations. There are a lot of times in my profession (my real world profession of teaching that is) where I am confronted with massive amounts of ego, of people taking things personally and then seeking revenge and general nastiness.

I have often struggled in coping with these situations without feeling large amounts of heart hurt. It makes me feel terribly sad to see the way human beings treat each other, it is only us, of all creation, that has this incredible sense of cruelty towards others of our kind. *sad

I choose a different perspective, that has been long in the learning/remembering and understanding of. Often I have heard people say, "Just smile, it will either make them warm to you, or annoy them, either way, you win" While I don't necessarily subscribe to this exactly, the intent is sound.

During a particularly trying time of judgement and conflict with and from others, I finally found myself in a place to practise seeing differently in a way that was easy.

I have a fantastic imagination and I bought it into play in this defining moment. *smile* It was like this; a beautiful light bringer friend of mine sees the love energy we share as brightly coloured bubbles (awesome right?) and so, when I felt myself subjected to some not very pleasant "stuff" I pictured myself blowing love bubbles at them. Soon, I saw the tantrums as amusing rather than annoying, I saw the nasty comments as a reflection of their lack of self worth rather than a personal affront to me (I know this is still a judgement...baby steps...*smile*) and I looked at all of these behaviours from INSIDE the biggest, most multi-coloured love bubble you could ever imagine. It worked. I came home feeling NO impact whatsoever from THEIR CHOICES...none!

There was a moment or two where even the love bubble trick was not working, and in those moments I sang a little nonsensical ditty inside my head that went something along the lines of, "There's a light being here, and another over there, there is light in their clothes, their is light in their hair, there's a lot of lovely light in the air, everywhere, it's a lovely kind of day."  Who couldn't be smiling after singing this to themselves? *Laugh* This served to remind me that even though the current actions chosen were not from a place of love, that the amazing light bringer was in there still, and that was who I would choose to see and direct my attention to.

The FREEDOM I feel today is amazing....I released my need to judge others for their actions, embraced the love and light that resides within us all regardless of our current choices...and I did it all by singing and imagining big bubbles of love...how easy is that!?

With love and light
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoox

Are you giving people permission?

I LOVE this quote:

 "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent: ~Eleanor Roosevelt. 

I love it for so many different reasons, the main one being the power it transfers into my hands when I read it.

We have all had people in our lives from time to time whom we feel gave us the impression that we were/are less than, who gave us the impression that what we could give, was never going to be enough.

All of us, at some time or another, will have a crisis of confidence based on what we believe others perception of us to be.

Each time I have experienced something like this, a sign from the divine pops up, like this quote, and reminds me that the only judgement I should be concerned with is my own...and even then, first making sure my own opinion is not reinforced by the belief of others.

In understanding that it is through giving people permission that we allow them to impact on us, we receive all of the power for our purpose and direction back into our own hands. Denying people permission to judge, or for their judgements to impact on us, is a very basic first step into growing into the co-creators of our own destiny and outcomes.

People have a right to their own opinion, just as I have a right not to acknowledge theirs *smile* I have no real desire to know what other people are thinking of me or saying about me (unless of course that it's that I am amazingly awesome *laugh*) It's their opinion, and most of the time, the people saying stuff about me, know nothing of me anyway. So why should their opinion count for anything?

Take back your permissions, refuse to acknowledge the negativity of others and to accept THEIR judgements of you. Don't listen, don't accept the information if someone tries to tell you, don't repeat it, dwell on it, or give it any power over you at all. Reaffirm your own self worth, look in the mirror and remember that you are AMAZING, and that everyday, you bring a beauty and a light into the world in a way no one else can.

With love, light and respect
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo