Michael Joe Armijo's Blog, page 68

The Beginnings - Part 113: THE HAUNTING PASSION

“You’re not as complicated as you think you are.”-as heard during the 2006 filmTHE CURIOSITY OF CHANCE
The Beginnings – Part 113:   THE HAUNTING PASSION
Twenty-five years ago today, October 24, 1987
A photo of mom and I at her house (356 Magnolia Drive, Alameda, CA); a solo shot of me at the dining table; a solo shot of my mom on the telephone.
October 24, 1983Monday
I did a foolish thing.   What else is new?   We learn as we get older (I hope).   I telephoned George during my first break time while at work.   I was lucky this time. Why, of course, because there was no answer.  I have been very good so far this evening.   I haven’t chosen to call on him.   I wonder if he has even made an attempt to call me.   I wonder if he will go to the gay skating rink in San Leandro tomorrow night.   I asked myself, “What to do?  Do I really care whether he goes to the rink or not?”I know I care.   That’s the problem.   The longer I have been away from him the better I can cope without him.  It’s been a week since I’ve seen the chap.   The last time I was with him was during the Natalie Wood screening of BRAINSTORM.   My brain should have woken up at that point.
While at lunch today I dropped a payment off at CAPWELL’s.   I sneaked-up behind Kathy and Sue (two of the Assistant Manager’s in my office) while I was in the department store.   I said, “Stick ‘em up.”They both smiled at me.I ended up buying a new BART ticket at the nearest BART station.  
Helen found a payroll check for $1,150 dollars.   Wow!   There’s not much she can do with it though.
After work I drove to MACY’s and dropped off my payment.  I bought a pair of comfortable hiking boots.  I also found a great pair of NIKE tennis shoes at FOOTS-A-LOT.   The NIKE shoes looked very much like the pair I saw at the VALLCO Shopping Center in Sunnyvale.
I also got my hair cut.   There are new girls working there now.   There’s a new blond that is really cute but she has those pants that zipper over her rear end.   I think that looks so sleazy.    It’s as if she’s trying to invite one to unzip them.   The one girl named Cheryl is nineteen years old.   She is cute.  Her nickname is PEBBLES.  She’s the one who cut my hair.Cheryl said, “I’m going to thin your hair out because it’s so thick.”
“Okay,” I said as if I knew what she was talking about. She was very nice.  She was a lot more talkative than most of the others that have cut my hair in the past.  I found her sweet and I believe she is worth seeing for another haircut sometime soon.
There are always little reminders of George.  For instance, there’s a Grand Central Hot Tub joint next door to the hair salon.     George and I had talked about having an adventure into a hot tub at some point.   Time will tell...for now it's just me in the tub.
I guess my haircut looks pretty good.   I am really looking forward to Friday night, so I can check-up on George at the Halloween Party in Los Gatos.   If I talk to him between now and then I plan to inform him that I cannot attend due to my office party; however, I can still go ‘in costume’ and surprise the fellow.   That’s if he ever calls me, of course.   While at work I looked at George’s telephone bill.   He’s been give over one-hundred fifty dollars in credit.  He still owes me one-hundred dollars.   I won’t mention it for a while.  It was tough to be quite about it when he had said that he loaned Kevin three-hundred dollars.   What a jerk!
There’s a movie tonight starring Jane Seymour called THE HAUNTING PASSION.   It sounds like a movie I should see (given the title).   I plan to watch it if I can stay awake.
I am so glad that I met Vicki Perata.   When I feel down about the idea of George I realize there is someone, new and exciting who likes me.   I can branch out and revisit a new network of my life.   There are so many avenues to take.
When the phone rang tonight it was so startling.  It was exciting.  I hadn’t heard it ring in a while.   I was hoping (and thinking) it might be George.   It was my brother, John.John said, “I might bring some clothes over tonight.”“Okay…great.”
I believe George is in the middle of some fantastic business venture.   He wants a car badly.   I remember him saying that.  He also mentioned some unknown gentleman who was going to see about having a car leased for him.   I don’t know exactly what that was all about.   Maybe that’s why he hasn’t taken the time to call me.  It’s so very unlike him to make time for me.   It’s as if there is a secret.
I forgot to mention that part of my lunch was spent talking with Dolores, my old Directory Assistance Operator coworker.   We reminisced about Devonie O’Keefe, a fellow coworker.Dolores said, “Oh my, Devonie now has two little chubby toddlers.”I still recall dating Devonie.   I was nineteen and she was twenty-three.   I felt so young at the time.   She looked a lot like that actress Meredith Baxter-Berney.   We went to see the movie SATURDAY NIGHT FEVER together.   Wow!  It seems like such a long time ago.   It really was…a long time ago. 
To keep my mind off our circumstances, I leaned against a pillar and watched the pigeons perched in the iron girders high above our heads.   Every now and then, with a noisy flapping of wings, one would sail out in a lazy circle and return to its companions; how I envied those ordinary birds, unaffected by the human stupidities taking place below.-Paul RussellTHE UNREAL LIFE OF SERGEY NABOKOV, a novel

The Beginnings - Part 112: CHOOSEY GUYS

“There may not be another time okay…we may never be able to return to this moment.”-Ethan HawkeAs heard in the 2009 filmNEW YORK, I LOVE YOU
The Beginnings – Part 112:   CHOOSEY GUYS
October 23, 1983
I was watching AM MAGAZINE on ABC-TV this morning and there was a female guest who gave a national prescription for everyone:  “Write more.   Exploratory writing is what I do.   It helps me collect my thoughts and it’s a good reference for ideas when I eventually plunge into the ‘real written work’.”  I thought, “Hey, that’s what I do!”
I went for a quick bike lap along the beach.
Breakfast was good at mom and dad’s house.   I took off on my bike again and went directly to the FRUITVALE BART station where I ended up getting off (with my bike) at the Embarcadero Station.   I rode along Fisherman’s Wharf.   I stopped over at PIER 39 for a couple of milkshakes.  Yes, I drank two of them.   I did get quite a few double-takes as I rode along in The City but nothing serious happened.
I headed back to Alameda but was pissed-off when the CONCORD bound BART Train closed its doors on me.   I had to wait another twenty minutes for another train.   That was annoying.  
I decided to telephone Vicki Perata but her phone kept ringing and ringing.  
I decided to telephone George.George’s mom said, “Well, I just got home.   He’s not here now.”I assumed she would relay the message that I’d called.   We shall see.
I suddenly have a slight cough (since last Tuesday).   I believe it’s from smooching with George last Monday night.   We were watching BRAINSTORM, Natalie Wood’s last movie, and he was just getting over his cold.
John’s SONY 19-inch TV and remote control is fun.   I like it.
I tried calling Vicki Perata again.   I hit the jackpot.  We now have a date scheduled for this Thursday night.   It will be fun.   She’s such a fun, outgoing girl.   We had a good talk over the phone about various subjects (pasta, Mexican food, German, pet supplies, Chabot College, exams, brothers and sisters, Halloween Party invitations and her own Halloween Party that is on Saturday night.   I said, “I’m invited to a Halloween Party on Friday night but I’m not sure if I will go.”
I tried giving George a call again.   Of course, there is no answer.  I give up.  I mean it in a FINAL way.
Mom came by and brought me two hot dogs, chips and a soda.   She’s such a doll.   Her concern was only because she heard me coughing ‘on and off’ today.
I wrote out a couple of greeting cards today.   One was for Maria de Lourdes in Mexico and the other was for Vicki Perata.   It’s time for me to branch out into new markets instead of centering in on the needs of one (namely George Jones).   I do like variety.  I want to maintain my high standards though.   I like to be choosey.  Choosey guys choose JIF (Peanut Butter).  Ha-ha.
My brother, Tony, stopped by tonight to see if he could be of some assistance in getting John’s new SONY TV to work.   I guess my brother, John, will definitely be moving-in with me sometime this week.   That’ll be good.   Now it’s time for bed.
He draped an arm over my shoulder, his visible breath warm against my cheek, and for a moment I was afraid this all might evaporate into nothing more than a dream.-Paul RussellTHE UNREAL LIFE OF SERGY NABOKOV, a novel

The Beginnings - Part 111: OF COURSE, THERE WAS NO ANSWER

“There’s a link between inspiration and perspiration…you need to focus!”-as heard in the 2006 filmTHE CURIOUSITY OF CHANCE
The Beginnings – Part 111:  OF COURSE, THERE WAS NO ANSWER       
October 22, 1983
My day began quite well.   I awoke with an ambitious nature by washing my car.   After this accomplishment I drove to mom and dad’s house.  I had a small check ($86.18), waiting for me from Sacramento.   It was like a payment for washing my car.  How nice.   I ate a bowl of RICE CHEX and then left to deposit my check at Great Western Savings on Otis Drive and Park Street.     I proceeded to pick up my gold framed poster print of the beautiful Nastassja Kinski with the snake wrapped around her sexy body.   They did an excellent job.   I just love the picture.  Her eyes are so electric and I placed it above my sofa in the living room. 
After positioning the Nastassja Kinski print I picked up the phone to call George Jones.   I decided to let bygones be bygones.   Perhaps I was hypnotized by Nastassja’s green cat eyes.    George spoke to me in such a caring way last Monday and Tuesday.   He tends to do that so naturally.   I am so gullible at swallowing his effortless adoration.   Of course, there was no answer when I called him.   I struck out again.   I knew he had gone to see Carol Burnett on Friday night with some of his friends.   Friday night was the four-month mark since we’d met.   I can only figure that he spent the night with these friends.
I admired my car.   It looked so shiny and clean.   I couldn’t wait to hop in and go for a spin.   I thought about driving to Sunnyvale.   I figured George would probably be home by the time I arrived.   So I did it.   I started my drive down south.   I arrived at around 11:30AM.   Of course, there was no answer.  George was not home.  
I took a walk to the local 7-11 Convenient Store.   There was a phone booth there, so I called Dan and Ken to see if they might know of George’s whereabouts.   Of course, there was no answer.
I walked back to my shiny, black Mustang convertible.   I drove around and filled the car with gas.    I returned to George’s trailer park area and decided to lie out there on the patio chair for a while.   The sun felt good on my face.   Before long, Dan and Ken showed up.   I talked to them for a little while.Dan said, “George was going to a wedding.   We just stopped here for some written directions that Kevin left here for Kev’s date tonight.”“A wedding?”  I asked in a surprised tone, “I’ll probably stay a bit longer and just leave him a note.”When Dan and Ken left I did write a short note.    I wrote:  ‘1PM - I’m here.   I’ll be back in a couple of hours.’
I drove over to the local VALLCO SHOPPING CENTER.   I browsed around and called his house periodically.   Of course, there was no answer.  
At precisely 2:30PM it was a tad funny.   I telephoned and I allowed it to ring five times.   Of course, there was no answer.   Then I immediately hung-up and tried my luck by calling again.   George answered the phone this time!    He acted happy to hear from me; however, at the same time I could almost sense that he was thinking, “OH SHIT!” George asked, “Where are you?”“Vallco.”“Oh shoot…well, I’m really busy today.   I tried to call you yesterday.   I’m going to a wedding reception and I was just running out of the door.   They’re waiting for me outside.   Have a nice day, okay.”Then he hung-up!“Yeah…right!” I thought, “What an asshole!”To say the very least I was burning up inside.   I was also very hurt at the same time.   My thoughts were nonstop:  “SHIT…I drive all this way to surprise him for a four month anniversary celebration.  I hoped to show him the Westwood pictures from his hometown.   I wanted to drive him over to Alameda to spend the weekend.  We had planned it weeks in advance.   What a fool I am!   To think that some reception comes up and that takes priority.   I wonder if he remembered my cousin, Diana, was getting married today also.   I forfeited going to that wedding because I knew he had been working weekend after weekend.   This was the time we could finally be together for a while.”
Oh well, I started-up my car and split the Sunnyvale vicinity.   I wasn’t in a cheerful mood during the drive home.  
When I arrived at my place I found my mom and dad there.   I snapped at them negatively.   My mood had brought me down and it didn’t help matters.
I tried to sleep away my troubles.   I couldn’t.
I called mom and apologized for snapping negatively at her.“That’s okay,” Mom said.I can always count on mom.
I rode my bike over to mom and dad’s house.   The short ride and breeze made me feel better, so I kept riding and continued on over to Alameda South Shore beach.   I did five laps.   I was riding so fast.   It eased my pain.   I was listening to music that lifted my spirits.   It was ironic how certain tunes seemed so pertinent to my current feelings (LOVE IS A BATTLEFIELD by Pat Benatar and CRUMBLIN’ DOWN by John Cougar Mellencap).   Then there were the songs that made me feel better (MAJOR TOM, COMING HOME by Peter Schilling, EVERYDAY I WRITE THE BOOK by Elvis Costello, IT’S GONNA GET BETTER by Genesis and DON’T FORGET TO DANCE by The Kinks).    I was able to collect my thoughts.   I began to realize how foolish I was being.   I suddenly felt that I should understand George’s predicament.I thought, “If I had an event that I really felt I should attend while simultaneously having a tentative date with George I would probably break it off, too.   I guess I just felt stupid because I drove all the way down there for nothing.    I just hope he’s not playing games.  I will…and must…LET HIM KNOW as per that title song by Bryan Adams.   The lyrics to that song are so appropriate right now.”
LET HIM KNOW lyrics by Bryan Adams
Another day goes by and still you
wonder what happened
You'd give the world for one more try
But you're too shy to ask him
You don't wanna ask him now
I know your heart will pull you through
If he means that much to you -
you gotta let him know
Let him know that you love him
You gotta let him know
What can I say it's up to you
You gotta make up your own mind
Well it's your life it's up to you
Cause you didn't believe me
You still don't believe me
Now you're gonna see it's all comin' true
That's why I'm leavin' it up to you
Yeah you gotta let him know
The news is out I guess you heard
I shouldn't breathe a single word
The bottom line is nothing'sgonna stop you now
You gotta let him know...
The only question is if it will make a difference if I do LET HIM KNOW.   Right now, I refuse to hold a grudge.   I want him to always be ‘my buddy’…no matter what.
Tonight is SOLID GOLD night.   I watched it for more musical inspiration.  It got me in the mood for dancing.   I decided it would be a perfect night to drive in to San Francisco to go to ECHO BEACH.    Mom called to tell me that there was a milkshake waiting for me at her house, so I’ll go and gulp that down before I go to The City. ECHO BEACH was fun (even if I only stayed there until 11:45PM).   I met three girls from Clayton named Terry, Leslie and Virginia before the place had officially opened.   They were waiting outside.  I liked Terry the best.   She was cute.   I could see the form of her tits from a side view.   I just couldn’t resist taking a sneak peak at her nipples.   They never went inside the nightclub though.   They left before the doors opened.Terri said, “We’re going to come back later…but I will look for you.”I smiled, yet wondered if they would actually come back.
Another girl I met inside the club was wearing a black checkerboard skirt.   Her name was Laurie and she was visiting from Oregon.  I loved it because she asked me to dance.    We talked while dancing.
I also met a girl named Vicki Perata.   I asked her to dance and found it funny because she was from Alameda.Vicki said, “Yes, I went to Alameda High.”She lives on the same street as my former Marketing Studies teacher (Lori Kidd).   Vicki had to leave because one of her girlfriends was under twenty-one.   They had to leave the club.I said, “I’ll call you.”“Okay, see you later.”It sounds promising.   The meeting of Vicki did lift my spirits after the drudgery incident today with George in Sunnyvale.   I couldn’t help still thinking about George.   I wanted to inform him that I was ‘neutral’ and not mad over the situation.   I know he doesn’t help matters though.   He wasn’t home when I called him at midnight (or at 9AM the next morning).  Of course, there was no answer.  Who knows where he may have slept?   I just hope he’s not out, getting wasted and ‘high’ on dope.  What if he’s out fooling around with someone else?   Does it matter?
“Why give him that kind of control over me?”-as heard in the 2006 filmTHE CURIOSITY OF CHANCE

The Beginnings - Part 110: MAGNI-FEET

“I like when things are over and done…no time wasted.”-as heard while watching the 2001 film INTIMACY
The Beginnings – Part 110:   MAGNI-FEET
October 21, 1983
Dave Vigil leaves for New York City tomorrow.  He will be running in a Marathon there.He said, “Watch for me on the Wide World of Sports.  You might see me on TV.”“Yeah, right,” I replied with a smirk.
The Assistant Manager, Kathy Dombrowski, covered three of my incoming customer contact calls (unbeknownst to me).   Everything was A-Okay, so that was great news.   I dislike that pressure.
Helen and I were riding on BART together until we reached the Fruitvale Station.   My car was safely in the parking lot and I drove to YOSHI’s for dinner in North Oakland.   It was okay.  She raves about it.   We went to her place afterward and watched some sit-com called WEBSTER.   We massaged each other while watching TV.   It was relaxing.   We discussed the idea of opening a foot massage business.   We came up with Business name ideas like ‘Magni-Feet’ (as in Magnifique).   We also thought of ‘SAGE Feet’ or ‘Free Your Feet’.   It was funny; however, it was quite an interesting idea.   Foot and hand massages are great.   We enjoyed some Hills Brothers Amaretto coffee, too.   I had never had that almond flavor in coffee.   I really liked it.    I left her house at around 11:30PM.
When I arrived home I was thrilled to find my pictures in the mailbox.   It was upsetting though.   They only processed 3 x 5 prints instead of the larger 4 x 6.   Helen’s 8 x 10 print came out very well.   The 3 x 5’s look great.   I especially like the ones I took of George and Paige and George’s nephews.
“One day you’ll no longer know me,” he said, “You’ll drop me as if I were contagious.”“Why would I ever do that?”He looked at me with the saddest expression I had ever seen on anyone’s face.  “There’s much about me you don’t know.”“Then tell me.”“Ah, yes.   But that’s the point.   There’s much I don’t want you to know.”-Paul RusselThe Unreal Life of Sergy Nabokov, a novel

The Beginnings - Part 109: A JEALOUS LOVER

If you’re an intelligent person and have a creative mind you always create situations to overcome.-Michael J ArmijoPhilosophical Statements
The Beginnings – Part 109:   A JEALOUS LOVER
October 20, 1983
Salima took me out to lunch to BIFF’s.   It was more like a brunch because I ordered a strawberry waffle with whipped cream.   Salima ordered French toast.   We had a nice talk about her time as a Service Representative at PAC TEL, her husband (who happens to be named Michael), her son, my Tammy, my intended job transfer requests, my ex-Computer Operator position.I announced seriously, “Sometimes I feel like I want to go back to Computer Operations because I feel there is more opportunity there.   I may even transfer back to that position.”
I phoned George at approximately 2:10PM.  Of course there was ‘no answer’.  
I phoned mom and she received the FTS Flowers I ordered for her.  I could hear how thrilled and shocked she was to receive them.   It made my day to ‘make her day’.   I received my brass peacock for my fireplace.  It looks good.
I received a sweet card from Maria de Lourdes from Tepic, Mexico.
I ate more lasagna at mom’s house and was happy to find that my brass peacock was delivered.
I spent the remainder of the evening with my latest edition of READERS DIGEST and a couple of episodes of MAMA’s FAMILY. 
I didn’t want to phone George.   I knew I would be pissed-off at him for not being here.   Who knows what he is doing?   Who knows where he may be right now?   Why doesn’t he ever initiate a surprise visit to me?   Oh hell…I guess I’m pissed because his friend, Kevin, had blatantly made a statement to me that irked me at the gay skating rink.Kevin had said, “You’re a jealous lover.”And now…George is probably out somewhere getting high on marijuana.   Yeah…what a creep!   All I can say is that if he is getting high…’what a bastard’ (to use Tammy’s word).    Perhaps I am overly jealous; however, I find myself getting over it.   I haven’t called him.   That’s good.   Avoidance.
Tammy called me last night.   She stated sexily, “I received a message that you called.”I simply played it off…but it must have been another Michael.
Barbara Reynolds phoned tonight also.I gave her the latest scoop by saying, “Salima may have to move back to Los Angeles because her husband may have to go there for work.”“Are you sure?” Barbara asked.“Yes.   It’s true.”“Well, I called you because our supervisor, Sue Reppert, was in tears today and I thought you might know why.”“No, I have no idea.   I’m just counting my days for November 3rd when I can transfer out of the office.”Barbara laughed, “Where will you go?”“I hope to get one of my four transfers accepted to Directory Advertising, Directory Sales, or Advertising Sales.  There’s also an Analyst position that sounds appealing.  I’m crossing my fingers for any one of those.”
“You have often told me that it is personalities, not principles that move the age.”-Oscar WildeTHE PICTURE OF DORIAN GRAY

The Beginnings - Part 108: WAS THAT ALL A DREAM?

“Why is that squirrel chasing the other squirrel?”“Because he loves her.”“Then why is she running away?”“Because she’s scared.”-as heard while watching the2009 film, NEW YORK, I LOVE YOU

The Beginnings – Part 108:   WAS THAT ALL A DREAM?
October 19, 1983
I enjoyed my lunch with Helen Wong today.   I now have a definite date set for November 10th in Danville-San Ramon at BOBBY McGEE’s for dancing with Helen and ‘six’ other gals!Helen asked, “Would you like to come over for dinner tonight?”“Well, my mom is making her lasagna tonight, so I’ll probably be going there.”
I did enjoy mom’s lasagna.   Once I returned home the first phone call I received was from Nici Maurino.“Why don’t you come over here to Daly City?” Nici asked.I wasn’t hot on driving over there but she persuaded me.   We went to some Clothing Boutique and while there I was introduced to KEZR radio.   They play some very nice, mellow tunes.   Nici didn’t buy a thing at the shop; however, we had a nice time.   The drive wasn’t so bad and our get-acquainted evening worked out splendidly.  We actually stopped at McDonald’s and then went to her pad to watch DYNASTY.  
Now I’ve returned home to Alameda and I’m getting ready for bed.   I can’t help but wonder if I should have spent the night with Nici.   She makes me reexamine myself inner feelings.  I began to get a nice, queasy feeling when she teasingly unbuttoned my new 501 LEVI jeans.   She’s on fast-forward.   She’s funny.   I only wish she was more sophisticated.   I dislike her smoking habit.  Ugh!
George telephoned me around 11:30PM.He said, “I just got back from Los Gatos.   I really think I’m going to get that clerk job in San Francisco at the Pacific Coast Stock Exchange.”“I hope you get it.   It sounds more prestigious than that Fiberglass place.   You deserve it!”“Call me tomorrow during one of your breaks.”“Okay.”“I’m just not sure if I’ll be working or not.”Our conversation was short.George said, “I Love you.”I went along with it by saying, “Me too.”It was time to call it a night.   Or was that all a dream?
It can be so tough sometimes!   But, remember this:  It has been SO MUCH worse for others.-Michael J ArmijoPhilosophical Statements

The Beginnings - Part 107: DEPARTED ON GOOD-TERMS

“Your eyes will suffice to give tired men hope.”
-as heard while watching the
2009 film, NEW YORK, I LOVE YOU

The Beginnings – Part 107:   DEPARTED ON GOOD-TERMS
October 18, 1983
I didn’t sleep very well last night.  I was tossing and turning.  I kept thinking and analyzing my situation with George and his many friends and his lying and cancelling-out on me.   I am simply taking it all in stride.   I will not call him as much to show him that he cannot truly take me for granted all of the time.   I want him to want me (Yes, just like the song by CHEAP TRICK).   Ironically, in the long run he could be a ‘cheap trick’.   I won’t smother him in this relationship.
This afternoon I went to the FTS Flower Shop to purchase flowers for Charlene.   It’s her last day and Pacific Telephone.  
Salima and I walked to BART together after work.  Salima announced sweetly, “You know, Michael.   I’m treating you to lunch tomorrow!”
Actually, she has the day off tomorrow but she said she’d treat me on Thursday. Ha-ha.

I telephoned Tammy Duhr during my break time today.   We made a mutual decision to go to the skating rink together tonight.Tammy said, “I just want to see if my friend, Jeff, will show up.”
I didn’t say it aloud but I wanted to see if George would show up.

I went to MACY’s for a new pair of 501 LEVI jeans.   After that Tammy accompanied me to QUIK STOP for some grapefruit juice and vodka.   We both felt we needed a buzz before we walked into that ‘gay skating rink’.  
I was rather pissed when I walked in because I did—in fact—see George there.   I am sure he saw me.   He ignored me for a minute.   I learned (later) from his friend, Kevin, what he was doing there. 
Kevin whispered, “Michael…George isn’t out gallivanting.   He’s just out to get addresses and telephone numbers for Dan and Ken’s Halloween Party.”
George also got laid-off from his Fiberglass job.  He has plans for a job as a clerk at the Pacific Coast Stock Exchange in San Francisco.   George said, “If that doesn’t pan out I may get something from Kevin’s friend.”
George was referring to that so-called older, rich gentleman friend that Kevin knows so well.

Before the night was over I did actually fool around with George by way of kissing and hugging outside in the parking-lot.    We looked deep into each other’s eyes.   There was something there.George said, “I want to point out that I’m not ignoring you.”
We departed on good-terms.
“I’ll talk to you tomorrow,” George said.
I know I cannot and will not depend on that.

Nici Maurino invited me out for dinner.   It was nice to get that message on my answering machine when I arrived home.
Tammy gave me two of her photographs before I dropped her off at her house in Hayward.  I would say we also departed on good-terms.
“Fish don’t do well out of water.”-WHITE COLLAR
Season III, Episode 15: Stealing Home

The Beginnings - Part 106: THERE'S A CATCH OR A SCHEME

There will be days that turn your life around:  D.D.D.A.R. Days.DISGUST:  The day you’ve had it with the way your life is going.DECISION:  The day you’ve decided what you do want; however, getting on with it is easier than deciding.DESIRE:  The day you’ve got to internally want it, search for it, look for it, ask for it and develop it.ACTION:  The day you take yourself there.   Not just a knock or a talk…but massive action.RESOLVE:  The day you really do it.   You’re there.   You’ve discovered the human challenge and how tough it is to die.   Do or die.-Michael J ArmijoPHILOSOPHICAL STATEMENTS
The Beginnings – Part 106: THERE'S A 'CATCH' OR A 'SCHEME'
October 16, 1983
Last night Mom and Dad confided in me that they may buy another house on Lilac Street.   They have the cash.  I suggested, “There’s a lady at work named Susan Espino who is looking for a four-bedroom to rent.”Dad said, “Let’s see if our offer at one-hundred twenty-six thousand goes through.   You can mention it to her though.”“Okay, I will.” I have a great feat to write about.   I completed ten laps along the beach (on my bike) from nine o’clock this morning until 11:30AM.   It was a good feeling.   I didn’t even feel very tired afterwards.   It’s probably because the winds were mild.  
I went to mom’s for breakfast and then came to my pad to read the book SIX DAYS OF THE CONDOR, a novel by James Grady.  It was made into the film THREE DAYS OF THE CONDOR.  It’s one of my very favorite films.
Nici called and asked, “Would you like to come with me to Daly City to meet my dad?”“Not this time because I have to go to Sunnyvale to get some money that a friend owes me.”It was true.   George is supposed to pay me about one-hundred dollars and we’re going to see the BRAINSTORM movie.
Jackie Woods called me also.She said, “I called you last night.   I wanted you to meet me at StarGaze.”“Oh well, I was with my folks, watching that Lesley Ann Warren mini-series.”
George called to say he had to work until seven o’clock.   Now I’m waiting for his next ‘green light’ phone call about driving down there.   What a drag.   Who knows if we’ll ever see Natalie Wood in BRAINSTORM?  
Mom stopped by with my brother John.  They had some good news.“Guess what?”  John asked.“What?”
“I won seven-hundred twenty dollars for the World Series.   I bet on the Orioles.”“That’s great!”I was proud of John.   It worked in his favor this time.   John said, “I’m thinking of quitting that bar-back job at GALLAGHERS.   I may want to move-in here, too.”I thought it was good for him to be thinking about new opportunities.   I hope he does move-in with me.   It would be fun.
George never called me all evening.    It upset me.  I decided to phone him at 8PM.George’s mother answered the phone and said, “He’s not here.”By 8:30PM I had given up and went to bed around nine-thirty.   I knew he wasn’t going to call me.   He failed to keep his word.   I was pissed.   I guess something better came along.
Twenty-nine years ago today:  October 17, 1983
Work was cool.   Salima is slowly becoming my very favorite coworker.   Of course, Barbara Reynolds and Helen Wong are close runner-ups.   I completed Salima’s WTS (Waiting To Serve) work.   She thanked me with a short note.   I wrote a note right back to her and it thrilled her.   She especially liked my new acronym:  L.Y.V.M.  (Love You Very Much).  While on the BART train I saw my old supervisor, Inez Jones, who now works in Berkeley.   I still say she should be a VOGUE Cover model.   She’s one high-class looking black woman.
I had a reception of visitors this evening.   It was my brother, John, and two of his friends (Robert Gaspar and Geoff Rookard).    John’s SONY TV was delivered here, so I assume that he will be moving-in with me.   If he is paying dad $225 per month that is exactly what I will be paying.   This is good news.
I received my new California Driver’s License.   I think the photo looks fairly decent.   It looks like me.   I think I may grow my moustache again because Salima suggested I do it.   And so…I think I will for a change (for a while).   After all…For Things To Change, You Have to Constantly Be Changing As Well (inside and out). 
I telephoned George and he seemed pleased to hear from me.I did pointedly say, “You know…I wasn’t very happy about last night.   And when you say you’re going to call at such and such a time and then not keep your word it pissed me off.”He sighed and shouted, “You know…you stood me up once for Tammy’s party!”This abruptly thrown statement gave me much insight.   It’s like I caught him right there.   He’s a good liar, fibber and ‘what have you’.   I can detect his fibs.   I’m sure he lied about his having to work on Saturday night because he was going on and on about these things that he’s done.   I knew it couldn’t have been possible if he didn’t do them on Saturday or Sunday night.   How could he have been working?    I know he just didn’t want to make me feel disturbed because he wanted to spend time with other friends.   These so-called friends may be of value to him in some way.
For example, George said, “I watched THE MAKING OF A MALE MODEL while at Steve and Scott’s apartment.”He also disclosed outwardly, “I saw Kevin and his older gentleman friend.   His older friend showed me a fantastic mansion in Los Gatos.   He thinks I should quit my job at FIBREGLASS and pursue investment ventures with him.”“What kind of ventures?” I asked.“He mentioned Business Management of QUIK STOP stores or something like that.”“I guess it’s your decision.”“Yeah, but it seems like there’s a catch or a scheme.”“You never know.”“Yeah, but the guy seems to be ‘legit’ when I look in his eyes.   It’s like he cares.” “Of course, he seems caring about two younger ‘fellas’ named Kevin and George ‘making it’.  He wants you guys to be successful in terms of wealth and prosperity…like him, right?  Or could he maybe want something more?”  I asked sarcastically. “Maybe so…and on Friday night I went out with a couple of other friends named Jim and Chris.”I didn’t comment.   Who knows where he went with them?    Oh yes, he said they went to MARINE LAND.   I had forgotten because I lost track with all of the names he was suddenly mentioning.   I thought I knew him but I guess I don’t.   George added, “This Friday I’m going to see some Carol Burnett show or something with Jim and Chris.”“What else have you been doing?”  I asked, wondering if there was more.“Well, I’ve been spending my days off with my sister, Cathy.”It made me wonder about the times that he says he is with his sister, Cathy.    Could it just be a scapegoat, so he doesn’t have to tell me who he is really spending time?   Oh yes, I could tell I’ve caught this young man in multiple lies.   It’s very transparent.   It’s okay though.   I think he just doesn’t want me to feel that he deliberately doesn’t want to see me.   He clearly needs to make time for his other friends because ‘in the long run’ he knows he’ll benefit from these friends in some way.  
George makes a good point.   Great friends are worth a million bucks.   I just wish he’d tell me the honest to goodness truth because I know he has lied.   It’s clear he doesn’t want me to feel bad.  He also said, “I ended up getting off of work at eight o’clock last night and stopped home for a quick minute and ran out again to help Fred with his broken down car.”Fred is the guy that gives him a ride to work.   Why does this statement sound like poppycock?   It’s his excuse for not calling me back.
Oh well, I went ahead and drove to Sunnyvale on this Monday night to see him.  George and I saw an excellent motion-picture anyway.   We saw BRAINSTORM finally.   It moved me to see Natalie in her last movie.   It was touching.   After the flick we ate breakfast at the COACHMAN’S LOUNGE.   I made love to him on his roll out sofa bed with his mom sound asleep in the other room.   We made it quick with as few moans and groans as possible.   It was worth every minute.
I drove home and was back in Alameda by one o’clock in the morning.  I am still bewildered about George’s ridiculous fibs.   I wonder if I should confront him with what I suspect.   Should I simply let it go?    Another factor is that his old Stanford University friend, Rob, called him.   George had to slip this fact in to me.George said, “I haven’t returned his call though.   I’m thinking of introducing him to Harry.”I didn’t even bother to ask, “Who is Harry?”  We did have a good, spontaneous evening.   I disliked his talk about money and material things though.   This doesn’t impress me at all.   However, Tammy seems to be the same way.   I now recall last Friday night when Tammy said, “I went to this fancy Fashion Show in San Francisco with Jeff.”  It’s all about money, material things and social gatherings.   They’re only things.   It’s not reality:  realness, closeness, honesty, friendship.   Fun is what counts.   Money, material things, and social events are NOT always the most important contributing factors.   It is about how a person feels at a given moment during an original experience.   The movie, BRAINSTORM, depicted it with Louise Fletcher during her thoughts just before her death.    The meaning of life is as simple as fun memories.   Now…I must sleep and listen to an old cassette tape I have called ADVENTURES IN ACHIEVEMENT.   I may learn something new.
Man needs not only strength but moderation (avoidance of excesses and extremes, absence of violence).  There is always a time for calmness.-Michael J ArmijoPHILOSOPHICAL STATEMENTS

The Beginnings - Part 105: BLOODTHIRSTY ZOMBIES

It had seemed like the beginning of happiness, and she is still sometimes shocked, more than thirty years later, to realize that it was happiness;  that the entire experience lay in a kiss and a walk, the anticipation of dinner and a book.-Michael CunninghamTHE HOURS, a novel
The Beginnings – Part 105:   BLOODTHIRSTY ZOMBIES
October 14, 1983
Three girls at work were celebrating today.   It was their last day in this office.   They were all transferring to the FREMONT EBO Office:  Susan Wiebe, Mary Alexander and Charlene Nakagaki.   I’m envious of them.   I could use a change from this office, too.
Helen was snobby when she commanded me to get my brother, Tony, some goodies.   I don’t like someone to give me random orders like that.   I decided to ditch her at lunchtime.   I simply went for a solitary walk to the Kaiser Center.   There was no need to eat.   I returned to the office and called my mom.  
I tried to call George also but he wasn’t home.   I confirmed my date with Tammy for tonight.
It was an interesting evening.   There was no answer for about five minutes after I was ringing Tammy’s doorbell.    It was frustrating.  I finally knocked on the door and her mom answered.   Tammy finally emerged about ten minutes later.   It takes her so long to get ready between all of the make-up, eye shadow, perfume and hair.
We departed in my car as I played that Talking Heads song PSYCHO KILLER.   She liked it.   We were going to walk along Alameda’s South Shore Beach as part of our ‘Play It By Ear’ date.     I had planned to visit my pad next but I decided to take a spontaneous detour to Berkeley.   We were walking along University Avenue and I noticed that NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD was playing, so we went to see it.   It was scary and funny at the same time.   Listening to the dialogue of such a classic from 1968 about a group of people hiding from bloodthirsty zombies in a farmhouse made for a very original evening.I recall one line in particular:  “We’ll beat them all night until they’re all burned up and we’ll stay up all night to do it!”It was hilarious in some parts.   I said to Tammy, “We have become so sophisticated in our movie watching expectations since the sixties.”After the flick we missed out on an accident on the freeway.   Our timing was good.  
I brought Tammy to my house.   She liked it.   It was her first time to the Townhouse.   We listened to my INXS and GREG KHIN BAND cassette tapes as we browsed the latest Neiman-Marcus and SPIEGEL Catalogs.    “What else would you like to do tonight?” I asked.Tammy said, “There’s an after-hours party in Castro Valley at my friend’s house but I don’t know if I want to go.” “Which friend is that?”
“Jeff.” We didn’t go to that party.   Instead, we returned to Tammy’s house in Hayward and ate quesadillas.   It was fun to just randomly cook at this hour.   We were cracking-up over the oozing cheese between the tortilla creases when it was removed from the microwave.“Wow--look how good that looks,” I remarked excitedly.We were laughing a lot while seated comfortably on the couch.   We started to watch THE EXORCIST.“Oh I’ve always wanted to see that bloody masturbation scene.   I’ve always been deprived of that from the TV version,” Tammy said.I laughed, “I never thought of it that way.”
We had both fallen asleep.   When I woke up I had a hard-on and I could have possibly taken advantage of the situation but I knew her folks were there.   I felt it was late, so I got up and put my shoes on.   I kissed her goodnight and drove off.  I left Tammy’s house at around 2:45AM.    I was in my bed by 3:15AM.   
October 15, 1983
George never called last night.   I guess the hopeful BRAINSTORM date is still on for tonight.  I woke up at 8AM and went bicycling until 9:45AM.   After the ride I enjoyed breakfast at mom’s house and watched THE EDGE OF NIGHT, laughing over the antics of Raven Alexander Whitney, played by actress Sharon Gabet.   I love her.   I also enjoy the strengths of Jody Travis played by that young actress who is about my age (born 1964), Lori Loughlin.   I left mom’s house after the mail delivery.   My latest edition of the INTERNATIONAL MALE/UNDERGEAR Catalog arrived.   I skimmed through it.
When I was home again I tried to take a nap. 
Nici called me and I felt bad because I have been avoiding her.    I guess it’s apparent through her eyes because she shouted, “I’m not going to call you anymore!”“Calm down,” I snapped.“It doesn’t matter.   I started smoking again and I have a joint now and then.”I was not too thrilled by this confession.  Yuck!   I wondered if George has been ‘getting high’ himself these days.   I know he likes that.   I suppose I shall find out soon.   It’s 3PM now and he should be calling if our movie fling for tonight is still ‘ON’.  
I still feel a bit bad about Nici.   I fibbed a little when she asked what I did last night.I said, “I went to the library.   And then I went to see a movie…alone.”I mean, I couldn’t tell her I woke up with a hard-on in Tammy’s living room after two o’clock in the morning.   Now…could I?   I will have to call Nici at a later time to smooth things over.   She needs some straightening out.   I only wish she’d quit her naïve habits.   I suppose we all have our own vices.   Every one of us can ‘at least’ make an effort on kicking the ugly habits.
What do you know?   George did call me at around 3:20PM.   I questioned him, “By any chance…have you been smoking any joints lately?”“I’ve been tempted a few times…but I’ve held back from it.”I do want to believe him for his sake (health wise).   I hope he continues to avoid the junk.
Unfortunately, BRAINSTORM (Natalie Wood’s last film) was ‘OFF’ for tonight.    George said, “I’m required to work overtime from six o’clock tonight until midnight.   It’s mandatory.”I was skeptical and simply said, “Oh…okay.”George suggested, “We could maybe go see it tomorrow.”“Okay…that’ll be great.”I was disappointed.    I decided to call Nici and I asked, “Why don’t you come over?”“I have to stop at a girlfriend’s house first.”She never showed up by five-thirty, so I went to ma and pa’s and watched Lesley Ann Warren in a flick called BEULAH LAND.   It was very good.   I enjoyed it very much.
Mom, Dad and I almost made it to GALLAGHERS in Jack London Square for dinner but got side-tracked and went to MEXICALI ROSE instead.   It was all right; however, it was the Lesley Ann Warren movie that sticks in my mind.   Lesley Ann Warren truly does something for me internally.   The BEULAH LAND flick was the highlight of the evening for me.   It was a miniseries detailing the lives of two Civil War families.   It also starred Michael Sarrazin.  I left mom and dad’s house at 1:30AM because this flick was six hours.  
He was clearing them from his mind, just like draining water from a bucket.-Arthur GoldenMEMOIRS OF A GEISHA

The Beginnings - Part 104: A GOOD CATHOLIC SCHOOLBOY

After asimple piano exercise the brain motor cortex changed as a direct result oftheir practice.-RayKurzweilTHESINGULARITY IS NEAR
TheBeginnings – Part 104:   A GOOD CATHOLIC SCHOOLBOY
I broughtsome cookies in the office especially for Salima today.   She was pleased.
Iaccompanied my brother, Tony, and Helen for lunch today.   We went for a walk near Lake Merritt.   The conversation was interesting.   Helen mentioned a friend (some guy) whofooled around with some gal and now the gal is pregnant.“That’swild,” I said.Helenadded, “And it gets more complicated because the guy isn’t sure if he’s thefather!”I said, “I’dhate to fall into one of those predicaments.”Tonylistened and didn’t say much.
I nappedat home after my work day until six-thirty when I received a phone call fromNici.Sheflirted.Ireplied, “I’m a good Catholic schoolboy.”Shelaughed hysterically.
Doug Siucalled me while I was working out.   Wehad a short talk about ‘Critical Thinking’.  That’s the class that he is currently taking.   I changedthe subject and asked Doug, “Did you hear about Michael Padazinski leaving thephone company to join the priesthood?”“No, myGod…I had no idea!”It wasfun to hear is shocking tone.   Doug knewof Michael but he didn’t know him well.  We continued gossiping about work and then I finally managed tohang-up.  
I workedout a little more with some QUAKE radio tunes while watching MAMA’S FAMILY onTV.   
While inbed I listened to some piano music.  Then I thought of Debbie Honcik and decided to give her a call.   We had a nice talk about the Park-WebsterCondominiums that are for sale, the areas of Guerneville and Grass Valley, bikeriding and hiking.   We plan to go on anice walk together very soon.
I calledHoward Edelstein.   He answered the phoneI hung-up.    His voice brought back tomany stressful memories.   Who needs it?
I calledHelen Wong and we spoke for only a few minutes.I said, “Sweetdreams.”She wasalready half asleep. I triedcalled George at about 2:15PM today but there was no answer.   The last time I spoke to him was briefly onWednesday at around 2PM.   What a creep!    I know he had the day off today.   
Tomorrownight is ‘Tammy Night’.   I wonder what perfume she will be wearing.
The mostexpensive perfume in the world, and one of the enduring classics, JOY, is ablend of two floral notes:  jasmine andlots of rose.-DianeAckermanA NATURALHISTORY OF THE SENSES