Michael Joe Armijo's Blog, page 67

The Beginnings - Part 123: AN ANALYST

When you do something, one never knows whether you intend a courtesy or mockery, an honor or a rap on the knuckles.-Hermann HesseTHE GLASS BEAD GAME
The Beginnings – Part 123:   AN ANALYSTPaloma called tonight with an explanation, “I have a dentist appointment.   And I can’t make dinner on Thursday night.”I don’t know how the dentist had anything to do with the dinner…whatever.   Oh well.
I turned in my four job transfer requests to my supervisor, Sue Reppert.  Sue said, “I like the up-to-the date Net Credited Service plan.”She knew I wasn’t wasting any time.   I submitted all three transfer requests for Directory Yellow Page SALES and one for an ANALYSTposition in San Francisco.   Now I have to sit tight and wait.
I telephoned Jim, inviting him to dinner since things didn’t pan out with Paloma.   He forfeited his jazz class to be with me.   We ate at NATIONS Burgers and then stopped by to see his sister and Dad in Concord.   We also dropped by another friend’s house named Dick.Jim said, “I owe Dick five-dollars from skating last Tuesday because he paid my way.”I like how he felt a need to immediately pay his debts.
I ended up spending the night with Jim at his house in Martinez.   We talked about how he wants ‘this and that’ from me in terms of a relationship.     I couldn’t hold back and had to share with him about my feelings for Paloma and my semi to non-recurring memories of George.   It was unfortunate because I think I made Jim feel depressed.   I learned that he was depressed because he was so hurt from his last relationship.   There seemed to be more to his story.I said, “Well, the last thing I want to do is hurt you.   That’s why I feel a need to tell you what I’m thinking.”We ‘got off’ eventually (hand-to-hand).   I just couldn’t do it to his ‘TA’ for some reason.  I am still trying to figure that out.  Whoops.
Jim made an excellent Hawaiian punch with orange juice.  It was good.   I still didn’t fulfill my Root Beer float craving.   I despise Jim’s snoring.   I had to nudge him all night to stop.   We are still going out to see the TORCH SONG TRILOGY play on Saturday night.    

I had to drive to work from Martinez.    Ugh…that was a tiresome drive.
“Whoops.”
“Whoops?   Did you say whoops?  No.Whoops is when you fall down an elevator shaft.Whoops is when you skinny-dip in a school of piranha.Whoops is when you accidentally douche with DRANO!No.   This was no whoops.  This was an AAAAAAAH-HA-HA.”-TORCH SONG TRILOGY

The Beginnings - Part 122: I'M A SPY

You measure people first by their kindness and their capacity for devotion.-Michael CunninghamTHE HOURS
The Beginnings – Part 122: I’M A SPY
I had an excellent sales day.  I accomplished over five-hundred dollars in new revenue.   I received an award pin because of it.  The pin has an imprint of five words: PACIFIC BELL, WEBSTER, THE ANSWER.   No, it wasn’t a bad day for me at all.   There was also a free Pacific Bell Celebration Luncheon.  
For dinner I had leftover lasagna.   It was the homemade dish that Jim had made the other night.   It still tasted quite good.
I called Vicki Perata while I was home this evening.   The truth came out.Vicki said, “I’m just hesitant about beginning a new relationship because I’m still ‘sort of’ seeing an ex-boyfriend.”I caught her drift and figured ‘such is life’.  
I called Lynne Major, an old flame.   There was no answer.   My notion to call her is beyond me.  
Then I telephoned Paloma once again.   She wasn’t home.  I later learned that she claimed to be at the dentist.
I telephoned Howard Edelstein.   My notion to call him is beyond me.  He had just left the house, so I never spoke to him anyway.   Some unknown guy gave me this information.  Could he have a new roommate?   Did his roommate, Seanne, move out?
Jim called me back.  “I did get your two messages and I tried calling you up until twelve-thirty on Halloween,” Jim said.“I guess I just missed you.”“I also missed you on Tuesday because I didn’t see you at the skating rink.   I thought I’d see you there.”“Oh well, I, for one, don’t really like that joint…and I don’t skate.”“I understand.”We rapped awhile and we made a date for this Saturday night to see a play in San Francisco called THE TORCH SONG TRILOGY.  
I explained to Jim about my Halloween night in San Francisco.“Yeah, I met this French girl named Paloma.”He didn’t seem very interested and switched on a subject that he thought would interest me.“I learned about some of the extracurricular activities of George for you.”“You did?” I asked most curiously.“Yes, he was at the rink Tuesday night, flirting around as usual.”“Well, I sent him a postcard because he owes me some money.”He didn’t seem very interested.   Suddenly, Jim started rambling on in a blunt sort of way about sex.   He cracks me up about how he so openly talks about sexual subjects.   I felt a need to close the subject.“Okay, let me watch DYNASTY now and I’ll call you back.”Jim said, “Okay…but only if you promise to call me back.”“I will.”
I sat on the sofa and munched on some candy when the phone rang.   I thought it might be Nici Maurino.   I wasn’t feeling too thrilled about the possibility of Nici calling; however, it wasn’t Nici.   It was Paloma!   “I really enjoyed talking to you last night,” I stated as I sat upright on the couch.I was so excited by her reply, “I felt the same way.”“I want to invite you out for dinner.”“Why don’t you call me tomorrow night about dinner?”“Okay, I will do that.”We may just go out.   After hanging-up I wondered if she was going to change plans with another guy in order to go out with me.   I couldn’t be sure.   It thought it a bit strange that I had to call again tomorrow about the hopeful dinner date.   I also said, “I want to give you a tour of Alameda on Saturday…since you don’t know the area.”After I said it I had forgotten that I am committed to working from 8:30 until half passed noon on Saturday…but so what.    I asked Paloma, “Do you know that restaurant called Hs Lordships or Spengers?”She seemed to know but no date was arranged. I mentioned that show called BEACH BLANKET BABYLON.Paloma said excitedly, “I still want to see THE ROAD WARRIOR movie.”Maybe we will see that movie together on Friday night.   Who knows?   She’s an okay gal.   I explained, “I know that you live with The Walsh Family.”I could hear that she was amazed that I knew that.   I had to explain that I looked up her phone number while at work and saw that the telephone number was listed under the Walsh name.   She probably thinks I’m a spy now.
When I hear the UB40 song, RED RED WINE, I can only see Paloma.   I can hear her laughter.   I see her smile.
 “Do you know what the FRENCH call a beauty spot, a mouche like that, high on the cheek?”“They call that one ‘courage’.”-Thomas HarrisHANNIBAL

The Beginnings - Part 121: THE CENTER OF MY THOUGHTS

"Not many people are capable of forgetting their worries for the second it takes to marvel at this extravaganza.  It seems that the thing that we all seem to be least aware of is our own life."-Marc LevyIF ONLY IT WERE TRUE
The Beginnings – Part121:   THE CENTER OF MY THOUGHTS
November 1, 1983
I neglected to mention that the mishap at work was settled without any penalty involved.   There was just a mere documentation made of the incident, giving me the questionable ‘shadow of a doubt’ on the case.   I’m in the clear.
I left a message on Jim’s answering machine.I asked, “When are we going to start working out at the gym?”I haven’t received a response from him about it yet.
I have plans to send George a post card.   I feel a need to remind him of the one-hundred and fifty bucks that he owes me.   What a creep!   I hate to have to ask about shit like that.
I telephoned Paloma.   She wrote my number down.   She was asleep when I called her.   I guess she had a longer night than I did.   We didn’t talk for very long.  Maybe I’ll get lucky and she will call me back.
I feel tired tonight.   I want to rest.   These last few minutes have been pretty active.
I guess my brother, John, will be moving-in to the Townhouse today.  I noticed there is a new recliner here.  His bed and desk are here already.   It looks nice because that room looks sort of ‘lived-in’ now.
I spoke to Bunny Berney yesterday as a customer.   She is living with Elisa (her sister) now.  I graduated from Alameda High School with Elisa.   I gave Bunny my new telephone number.I said, “Tell Elisa to call me!” I turned in at around 8:30PM and decided to call on Paloma one more time.   She was home and we had such a nice talk.   We talked about the thirty parties Elizabeth had set-up for next Saturday night.    We were talking about that song that I love by UB-40 called RED RED WINE.   It was a funny coincidence because the song came on the radio as we were discussing it.  
“Where exactly do you live?”  I asked.“In the Berkeley Hills,”she said with the sexy accent.We spoke of the KABUKI CLUB in San Francisco and discussed how self-conscious she felt about her accent.   She’s still trying to learn to speak better English.   I learned of her two elder brothers.   I explained about my two brothers and I teased her about being older than I because she was born in January while I was born in May (of the same year).   “Maybe we can go out next Saturday,” I hinted. “Maybe,” she answered.Was she playing hard to get?We talked about the modeling scene and the ELITE Modeling Agency in San Francisco.   She could certainly be a model.   I liked how she went on about how she loves the little girl that she babysits in the Berkeley Hills.   She’s a sensitive, loving gal.   I really like Paloma.   She is the center of my thoughts now.
There aren't too many second chances in life!  This is gonna take everything you got!-Sebastian JungerTHE PERFECT STORM

The Beginnings - Part 120: PALOMA, "WILL YOU CHANGE MY DIAPER?"

The reason we have expectations in the first place is because we want to aim as high as we can because when you love someone there's no limit as to what you can accomplish.-KYLE-XY, TV seriesSeason II
Twenty-five years ago, October 31, 1987 
Ashley was now three and a half and she was dressed as a ballerina for Halloween.   Mom invited me over and I managed to snap a few pictures of her, using my Polaroid Instamatic.   Mom was babysitting Ashley and Lauren.   It’s fun to have kids around for Halloween.
The Beginnings – Part 120:   PALOMA, “WILL YOU CHANGE MY DIAPER?”
October 31, 1983
A few people wore Halloween costumes to work.  Some of them looked rather stunning.   Rose Rodarte dressed as a nun.   That was hilarious.   Juanita dressed as a ‘little girl’ with a giant lollipop.   Barbara was a ‘lady of the evening’ and Salima dressed as a ‘homeless bum’.   It got me into the mood to go out for one more Halloween bash tonight. Rose said, “You know Michael…you have a lot of spunk to want to go out.”I laughed.   I don’t think I’ve ever heard anyone use the word spunk to describe me.       I tried calling Tammy because I thought we’d have a fun time together. Tammy said, “Oh Michael, I promised to give out candy tonight with my sister.”
I called Nici Maurino and she was ‘free’.   We decided to go to a nightclub in San Francisco.  It was great because we danced to a few tunes together but we played it openly by having the freedom to dance with others. 
PHOTO:  Ann Turkel  The most interesting girl I met on this Halloween night was Paloma Guerra from France.“I live in Berkeley,” she said.I loved her French/English accent.   It was a turn-on.   She was so sweet.   I was dressed as a baby in a diaper for Halloween with a blanket, teddy bear, etc.   I gave Paloma my strawberry-vanilla sucker (lollipop).    Paloma has auburn colored hair and green eyes.   What a combination.While dancing with Paloma I said, “You know, you look a lot like that model named Ann Turkel.”I wasn’t sure if she knew who I was talking about.   We kept dancing.  The music inspired me.   She was dressed as a sexy cave girl.  “Are you supposed to be Tarzan’s Jane?” I asked. She laughed and I said, “I knew I should have come here dressed as Tarzan.”  I also saw and spoke to Steve Mooney.   I remembered him from my sixth-grade class with Mr. Livermore at LINCOLN SCHOOL.   He remembered me, too. He looked good and was dressed as a California Highway Patrolman.   He looked like the guy from that CHIPS TV-show with lighter blond hair.    He was nice and commended my bravery for my costume (as did many others).  
I remember asking Paloma, “Will you change my diaper?”She really laughed at that question.
I didn’t win the five-hundred dollar grand prize for Best Costume though.   The other fascinating costumes included Gumby, an upside-down man with a penis, a tree, a Christmas Tree, lips and the creativity went on and on.   It was an amusing night of fun.   Nici and I had a great time.   Nici was dressed as an Indian girl (Native American).   She was helpful with my baby costume.   She had a big diaper pi and a baby bottle.   They came in handy as my props.   I think I looked cute.Nici said, “A lot of the girls thought you were cute.   They told me.”I liked getting that inside information.   Nici and I made a tentative date for hors d'oeuvres on Friday night.   We’ll see if that happens.   I was in bed at 2:30AM.   I was just glad to have acquired Paloma’s telephone number.   I didn’t have a pen but I managed to memorize it:  524-4562.   I can’t wait to call her.   
Music brings me clarity....maybe I need music to shed my distractions and better understand the visions I've been having.-KYLE-XY, TV seriesSeason II

The Beginnings - Part 119: THE BIG CHILL

Without honor one does not live, one merely exists.“Some might say the same about love.”-Paul RussellTHE UNREAL LIFE OF SERGEY NABOKOV, a novel
The Beginnings – Part 119:   THE BIG CHILL
October 30, 1983Sunday
There were occasions when I mentioned George.   Jim did the same but we made a pact to try to NOT mention him.   It’s a closed-case.   The relationship is over.
Jim cooked an excellent breakfast.   We listened to tunes by YAZ and tracks from the CAT PEOPLE movie soundtrack.   I napped.    Jim showered.  
We went to Sun Valley Shopping Mall in Jim’s Trans-Am.   The car has a lot of ‘Vroom’ power.   It was nice.   We had fruit smoothies and browsed at the Chess King store.   We eventually went to Pleasant Hill to see the movie THE BIG CHILL.   It was one of those ‘make you think’ flicks about the past, present and future.   We enjoyed it.
Our next phase of the ‘big chill’ Sunday was Jim’s homemade lasagna at his pad with C.J. and Eddie.   They’re a couple of Jim’s friends.   It was a nice evening.   I left by 10:30PM.
Jim and I shared a lot of good times over the weekend.   I am still leery about beginning an extensive relationship with another fellow (so soon after the haunting experience of George Jones).   Something is missing.
I want to see where things will lead with Vicki Perata.   Perhaps I should give Tammy another chance as we shall see where we stand tomorrow night.   This sums up my Halloween weekend.   Although, tomorrow is the actual Halloween.   Who knows what new pumpkins and goblins will come my way?
“I happen to know this crazy, weird technique with the vagina…”-Ethan HawkeAs heard while watching the 2009 filmNEW YORK, I LOVE YOU

The Beginnings - Part 118: A ROMAN GLADIATOR

“No noble and exalted life exists,” he once said, “without knowledge of devils and demons, and without continual struggle against them.”-Hermann Hesse, The Glass Bead Game, a novel
Twenty-five years ago today, Oct. 29, 1987:
Photo Collage from the Halloween Party at my gym, 24 Hour Nautilus, San Leandro.Anne Alberti, dancing as a cave girl with a cone head.Anne, me 'as the ghost' with Safari hat, unknown chap with hat and Lorraine Garcia.Lower Right: Patty and Stuart Western.

The Beginnings – Part 118:  A ROMAN GLADIATOR
October 29, 1983
It was 7:30AM and I decided to phone Jim in Martinez.   We had a good talk.   He wakes up early, so it was no problem.“Guess what?”  Jim asked.“What?”“I rented a Roman Gladiator costume for you.”I thought that was nice of him.   It should be fun going to Walnut Creek with him.   We also have dinner planned on Sunday:  Homemade lasagna.  Yum. 
At 9AM I spoke with mom and invited myself over for breakfast.   I told her about my plans to attend a Halloween Party in Walnut Creek.
At 9:20AM Helen telephoned.   We may go bike riding around Lake Merritt today.
At 9:40AM Tammy telephoned.   I explained the latest current events in my life and I boosted her ego.   I spoke about ‘The End of George’, Jim’s Halloween party and how gorgeous she looked outside of HMS last night.    I am very much ‘in like’ with Jim, Vicki and Tammy right now.
I went for that bike ride with Helen.   We cruised all around Lake Merritt.   It was a neat feeling as we took a break and walked through the chrysanthemum show.   We both ate sweet tangerines under a tree.   After the ride we went to Helen’s mom where we sipped Amaretto coffee and ate hot apple turnovers.   We lounged around, watching a stupid Bruce Lee flick and The Bowery Boys.   I left on my bike and was home quickly.
After a quick shower I ate dinner at mom’s house and took a brief nap.  
Eventually, I was driving to Martinez to see Jim.   I checked out the Roman Gladiator costume and actually looked half-way decent as a Roman Gladiator.   Who would have guesses?   I paid him twenty-five dollars for going to the trouble.   I thought Jim was living in a very nice house in the Martinez suburbs.   I was kind of in awe at the sight of a poster of Jon Erik-Hexum, the actor.   
Jim dressed up as a punk rocker with Rod Stewart spiked hair with a bright lime green streak.   We left for THE HUB together.   There were a lot of amusing costumes:  Lucille Ball, Chesterfield Cigarettes, three guys dressed as female nurses, and ‘Mel’, a peculiar bunny rabbit.   Jim and I danced the night away, having a good time.  
Photo:  Jon-Erik Hexum Poster  We attended an after-hours party in Pleasant Hill.   We didn’t stay there for very long.   We watched a bit of the CHIPPENDALES DANCERS in an exercise video on a giant, full-length TV screen.   A few people were giving me ‘the eye’.   I kept close to Jim.   We left for his pad where I made love to him—though not in a climactic sort of way.   He seemed to enjoy it.   It was so late.   I was quite tired.   We were happy that we turned the time back an hour.   It was climactic in the morning as Jim jacked me off to the point of no return.   And of course, Jon Erik’s poster was displayed right there, looking at me.   That was too much.  Ha-ha.   Jim is fun.
“Manual release, if you please,” he implored.-Paul RussellTHE UNREAL LIFE OF SERGEY NABOKOV, a novel

The Beginnings - Part 117: IN POOR TASTE

“With enough conviction the truth is whatever you say it is.”-as heard while watching the 2011-2012 seriesTHE KILLING, Season I
The Beginnings – Part 117:   IN POOR TASTE
Jim spent the night with me.   I think he’s very nice.  I am attracted to him.  There’s only one thing I don’t particularly like.   He’s into that ‘popper’ aroma stuff.   I find that gory.   Yuck!  
We actually spent a nice night together.   I went down on him.   He did the same for me (though I didn’t cum).   I was too uncomfortable.   It’s too early in our so-called introduction phase.
George was, of course, on my mind; however, not as much as before.   Now that I have met Jim and Vicki I have new minds to meander.  
I telephoned Jim during my first break today.   He had left my pad at around ten o’clock this morning.He was happy when I accepted his invitation.“Yes, I will come to your Halloween party this Saturday at THE HUB.”THE HUB is a local gay bar in Walnut Creek.  I just hope I don't feel to uncomfortable.  Sometimes these local gay bars give me the creeps.
Sue, my supervisor, had good news for me.“Michael, don’t worry about the incident.   It’s still being checked on but I’m sure it will be fine.”And so, I am not worrying.  I’m sure she felt I was telling the truth.  I will just continue to feel open-minded and not guilty.  After all, I am supposed to be presumed innocent unless the evidence is overwhelming.
After my work day I went to mom’s house for that green, scary looking mask and some white sheets to set-up my mysterious costume.   I don’t want to be recognized to I am scratching the football player costume idea.  
My costume disguise did surprise some people.   They didn’t know who I could be.   I’m glad I went because I needed to understand what was going on with my fading relationship with George.    George was there but he seemed to avoid me.   Finally, George confronted me and asked, “How are you?   What are you up to?”It was as if everything was clean and normal between the two of us.   I replied nonchalantly, “Oh…a lot of things are going on right now.   Did you ever get that job in San Francisco?”
“Yes, I may be starting as early as next week.   That’s why I’ve been in Millbrae and San Francisco the last few days.”Was that supposed to be his defense about being in the Millbrae home of the mysterious James West?   This was about the jest of our conversation.   He left the party without another word to me.   This was fine in my book.   I pretty much summed up the whole picture.
I also spoke to George’s friend, Kevin, a bit later.I asked pointedly, “Is George seeing someone else?”“Yes…but it was done in poor taste with the way he presented it to you.   It’s only because he still does care a lot about you.  I think he still likes you.”I nodded without a remark.   I guess George could have told me but Kevin woke me up to the fact that it was too hard for him to do so.    As far as I’m concerned it is ‘later days’ for Mr. George.   I guess we can remain friends (period).   I’m not so sure if I want that either.  
Jim confided in me at the party.“You know, Mike…Kevin told me that George is the type that would see three people at the same time.”I said, “I guess he likes variety…like me—but that’s getting a bit out-of-hand!”
During the party I found myself talking to a blond chap named Don.Don said, “I’m leaving this place to go to HMS next.”I knew HMS was a gay club in San Jose.   I also knew he told me in hopes that I would meet him there.   I know he probably wanted me to unzip his pants.  And so, I took him up on his hint.   I arrived at HMS at about 12:45AM.   Don waved at me.  That was the end of Don.I suddenly noticed Steve.   Steve is the roommate of Scott, George’s ex-manager at WHEREHOUSE RECORDS.   I eventually found myself dancing with Steve.   We talked and I explained about my situation with George.Steve made a sound suggestion.“I don’t think you should prolong, pursue or bug George anymore.  You can easily find someone else.”“I guess so.”Talking to Steve was comforting.   I began to feel as though he was—in fact—attracted to me.  He was playful and he touched me as we danced.
As I walked out of the club I was surprised to see a familiar face.   It was Tammy.   She was with Jeff.   Tammy and I were buzzed with a bit of alcohol and we became ecstatic about the surprise fated rendezvous.   We kissed.   We talked for a good fifteen minutes.   It was late and it was time to go.“Tammy, I’ll call you tomorrow.”“Okay,” as he batted her eyelashes the way she does.
Cautiously, I slid my arm across the armrest till it touched him.   The slight pressure I exerted was returned.   For several exciting minutes we sent furtive tactile signals back and forth.   But what did they mean?   Did I dare expand upon my presumption, however slight?   Was he conscious of intent, or was it all simply reflexive playfulness on his part, like good-natured jostling in the courtyard?-Paul RussellTHE UNREAL LIFE OF SERGEY NABOKOV, a novel

The Beginnings - Part 116: I NEED SOMEONE

“You’ve chosen a rather public place for a private meeting,” I note.“I’ve always found it best to hide in plain sight.”-Paul RussellTHE UNREAL LIFE OF SERGEY NABOKOV, a novel
The Beginnings – Part 116:    I NEED SOMEONE
October 27, 1983
Today was a drab day.   The reason being happened at around two o’clock.   My Supervisor, Sue Reppert said, “I need to talk to you at three thirty…to discuss something that may require disciplinary action.”I was biting my nails for a good hour and a half, wondering what she planned to burden me about.   Could it be that minor adjustment I gave to George’s phone bill?   She asked, “Do you want a Union steward present?”I said, “No.”  I didn’t feel like I had anything to hide.   I was nervous.   I was prepared for anything that might come my way.  
I felt I did such an excellent performance.  In fact, it was Academy-Award caliber.  Last month I made a call to Los Gatos to Call George Jones.   I had it billed to Rose Rodarte’s private line.   Rose is a coworker and I had taken a call at her desk.   I guess someone noticed that the call originated from my telephone number.   I acted dumbfounded. I lied through my teeth by saying, “I just called a customer after work to give a listing.”Sue was kind of suspicious about my response.Sue answered, “There were return calls on your bill to that same number.”I persisted by giving a no knowledge expression.   I was good at that.   I said, “It could have been my kid brother.  I don’t know.”Sue said, “If it was…I don’t know how far it could go.  He could go to jail.”I abruptly replied, “Well then, I’ll take full responsibility.”“You could get suspended.”“I don’t know what to say.”“I’ll abeyance the incident for now and discuss it with you tomorrow after you speak with your brother.”
I now feel I have a good fib laid out.   It’s a shame I have to play a double-agent at times.   Secrets must be kept secret.   I just hope my reputation with the company isn’t totally shot.   I very much doubt it.   I could tell that Sue believed my Award-winning performance.It was especially innocent when I asked, “Why would I do something like that?”“I don’t know.”I added, “You know…when I was a Computer Operator I used to print out intra-company phone bills and I know they were always being reviewed by management.”George has still remained invisible.   Jim did call me at around 8:45PM.   He’s driving from his house in Martinez to visit me in Alameda.  He actually lives in Martinez…not Walnut Creek.     It will be nice to see him outside of a gay skating rink.   I need someone right now.   I feel distraught over my disciplinary talk at work.   It was a bit scary.
Drawing two fingers across my brow, I discovered I was sweating.-Paul RussellTHE UNREAL LIFE OF SERGEY NABOKOV, a novel

The Beginnings - Part 115: YOU'RE BEING BRAVE NOW

“What matters is how we spend the time we’re given.”-Paul RussellTHE UNREAL LIFE OF SERGEY NABOKOV, a novel
The Beginnings – Part 115:  YOU’RE BEING BRAVE NOW
October 26, 1983
Work always seems to be the same routine.   I did enjoy lunch with Helen though.   We went to the Ordway Building.   We found our way inside some shop and opened a bottle that had the words ‘Pet Fart’ printed on the outside of the container.   I opened it and a man’s voice said out loud, “Uh oh, you let it out!”That was funny.   There was another box that was imprinted ‘How do you spell relief?’Inside it spelled our S.H.I.T.   Once again we laughed.   Helen and I were cracking-up. 
After work I went for a bike ride along the beach that lasted until six-thirty when it started to get dark.   It felt good.   My cough seems to be neutralizing.   I feel better.
George never bothered to contact me.   He had promised he would call.   Once again he did not keep to his word.   I’ve decided to NOT call him anymore.   I know I’ve written those words before but this time I really must allow him to do the initiating.  
One guy did keep his word though.   It was Jim.   The guy from Walnut Creek that I met at the skating rink last night.   We had such a good talk.   We spoke of diverse subjects like WHEATIES Cereal, bowling, bike riding, DYNASTY, George Jones, being aggressive, weight lifting, Halloween costumes, Walnut Creek and the Martinez area.   He is such a nice guy.   We have such a good, easy time conversing.   I learned a lot about myself from his insights, opinions and predictions.Jim said, “You know…you really resemble Clark Gable.”I laughed, but took the compliment with a grain of salt. “Thanks.”“You also remind me of my brother who is also a Gemini.”“What is your opinion of a Gemini?”“Well…sometimes they are uncaring about what others think.   They have a two-way personality and they’re willing to be adventurous and do some pretty wild things when the feelings arise.”“Wow…I can relate to some of that.   I think.”Jim laughed.  I liked how he was so frank with me.   We had such a good, intelligent and open-conversation.“Listen…why don’t I call you after DYNASTY and we can talk more?”“Okay,” Jim replied.
I telephoned Vicki Perata but her mom answered the phone and said, “Oh, Vicki went shopping.”I gave my information and her mother promised she would have her call me back.
I really liked Jim’s response when I said, “I am not going to call George anymore.”Jim answered, “You’re being brave now…and that’s a very good decision.”We continued our talk and I liked his sense of optimism when he said, “I predict we will end up together at Dan and Ken’s Halloween Party…but I don’t know.”Was he testing me?   I played it cool like any secret agent would.   There’s no point in saying too much.
I realize that George, dope (marijuana) and I simply do not mix well.   I know he loves to have his dope time.   Shit!   During our last contact George had said, “I had a joint when we went to see Carol Burnett.   I deserved it for holding out for such a long while.”Somehow I didn’t believe him.   I’m sure he wasn’t holding out on the junk.
During the course of watching the latest episode of DYNASTY I received a phone call from Helen.   She felt a need to speak to me about her ex-fiancé, Arnold.Helen said, “Arnold had a kid with some lady and he told me I should think about having a kid soon.”She actually hinted that I would be a likely prospect for her to court in order to conceive.   This surprised me; however, I really believe she was serious.   I am unsure about which passage to take.   What door should I open?  
Vicki also called me back.  She was quite sincere.Vicki said, “My exam was postponed.   And now my sister is up here from Washington and will be leaving for Germany soon.”This all led to her cancelling-out on our date for tomorrow night.“It’s okay.   I understand.”“I feel really bad.  I do want to go out with you.  Maybe we can go out next week.   Call me early next week.”“Okay.”I was a tad disappointed.   I will have to share this news with Jim.   Perhaps he and I can arrange something in Walnut Creek tomorrow night since I will now be free.   When I called Jim again we had another great conversation.   I have to admit that I was surprised when he asked me a question with regard to penis size.Jim asked, “Are you small or medium?”I felt pressured to answer, “Medium.”“I’m in-between medium and big.”Whatever that means?   I suppose it’s all relative.   It was funny.   He’s really an interesting chap.   I enjoy his company.   He gave me a good suggestion for my Halloween costume.Jim said excitedly, “I think you should be a football player.”“I’ll have to look into it.   If I do that I’m sure I’ll look really big.”He laughed.
Though I am filled with irresolvable questions about his motives, and am half expecting that he has laid some sort of trap (but why go to all that trouble?), I am at the same time hungry for this bit of honest human contact.  Perhaps he is as well.-Paul RussellTHE UNREAL LIFE OF SERGEY NABOKOV, a novel

The Beginnings - Part 114: A LAME EXCUSE

“You learn as you get older you actually know less about who you are.”-as heard in the 2006 filmTHE CURIOSITY OF CHANCE
The Beginnings – Part 114: A LAME EXCUSE
Twenty-five years ago today:  October 25, 1987
I accompanied mom to the Holy Sepulchre Cemetery in Hayward.   Mom wanted to clean Dad’s grave site and set some new flowers.   It’s almost two months since Dad has passed away.   It’s very hard to believe sometimes.   Mom misses him so much.  I miss him, too.  When I hear a Hank Williams or Elvis Presley song I think of Dad.   It’s as if he is giving me a message.
We celebrated Lauren’s Birthday today.   Her actual Birthday is October 18th but it was festive fun.   My favorite photo was when Ashley (Lauren’s 1st cousin) couldn’t wait and blew out Lauren’s candles.   Lauren was oblivious to the moment.    Sweet.
October 25, 1983
I did choose to call George during my first break period while at work today.   We finally talked.George asked, “Why did you hang up on me?”He was clever at turning the tables.   He knows very well that he was the one who hung up on me.  He went on and on about how childish I have been.   Was I?   I put him in his place when I shouted, “We had the weekend pre-planned for our four-month anniversary!”I am still kind of ‘blah-zay’ about our entire relationship.I asked a couple of questions like, “Where have you been?   What have you been up to?”   His response was not good.George replied, “I’ve been busy.”If he’s too busy to NOT make time for me, then F#&!K - it!   “I’ll call you tonight,” George stated calmly.   It is now tonight and he has yet to call.
I decided to call Dan and Ken but George was not there.   I tried to find out if they had plans to go to San Leandro for gay skate night.Dan said, “We have no intentions of going to the rink tonight.”So…who knows?
Heck!   I called Tammy.Tammy said, “I’m going to the rink tonight.”“Well, I’ll see you there then.”I’m simply curious to see whether or not George will be there.   Why is he NOT making time for me?  
Nici called me but I am still in a questionable quandary about her being ‘my type’.  
What an evening.   There was a tall blond that gave me a ‘killer smile’.   It wrenched my heart.   She seems interesting.   It’s too bad I didn’t get to speak with her.    Tammy pulled a 'no-show'.PHOTO:  Robert Conrad as James West  I did speak with a guy named Jim from Walnut Creek.   He was talking to Kevin at the skating rink last week.   Jim is really very polite.   I felt free to talk to Jim about my relationship with George.I said, “I just feel leery about his affection at this point.   I noticed directly dialed phone calls on George’s phone bill to someone named James West in Millbrae.”Perhaps I wanted to hear Jim say that he’s seeing someone else.   I took matters into my own hands.   When I arrived back home I called the Millbrae telephone number myself.  
“Hello,” James West stated.   I assume it was him.  I hated his name because it reminded me of the character name of Robert Conrad in The Wild Wild West. “Is George there?”James handed the phone to George.   George was there!   I easily detected the shocked silence in George’s voice when he realized it was me.   George was not very open with me.   How could he be?   I knew he wasn’t pleased to hear me.   He suddenly gave me a lame excuse about why he hadn’t called me.   I feel he is initiating a fight with me.I foolishly asked, “Do I have anything to worry about?”George said abruptly, “No.”I was confused.   I will give him the benefit of the doubt until I get actual proof.  
I hope George will call me tomorrow night as he promised (once again).   If George doesn’t call me I hear the voice of Jim whispering in my ear.Jim had said earlier tonight, “I will call you and maybe I can get some inside tips from Kevin ‘about George’ for you.”Why does this all feel so ‘high-school’?   I don’t know.   I do feel that I shared something special with Jim tonight.
I still have Vicki Perata to call tonight to confirm our date for Thursday…
“That was a kind of powerful, intimate situation…just now—sharing the flame.”-Ethan HawkeAs heard while watching the 2009 filmNEW YORK, I LOVE YOU