Michael Joe Armijo's Blog, page 129

Good Etiquette

"It's fatal...not knowing what you're doing."
-Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps,
2010 motion-picture

Twenty-five years ago today

February 22, 1986
Saturday

I went to see 'ma and pa', joining them for breakfast. I helped slice the potatoes. Yummy.

I made it to the US Postal Service interview successfully. It was a beautiful sunny day. I was fifteen minutes early for the interview which is 'good etiquette' (I think). The interview was a big joke. As it turned out the interview was not the actual US Postal Service. It was the Federal Careers Institute. They practically wanted to recruit me as a sale rep for them. They only teach people to take and pass the Civil Service test (a required test to get a US Postal Service position).  It was all a hoax.  I felt a bit out of place there. What the hell—I was only inquiring.

After that I returned home because it was such a beautiful day. I went cycling and rode up to Castro Valley.  I rode half way up Briar Ridge (a very steep street).  I stopped by to see Chad.  He had just finished cutting the lawn and was straightening up in the backyard.  He was surprised—but glad--to see me. I thought Chad looked fatter than usual.  I didn't say anything because I figured it would hurt his feelings.  Maybe he feels a bit non-presentable.  Perhaps that is why he is 'sort of' avoiding me.
Chad said, "Yeah, I worked until ten-thirty last night on a couple of basketball shootings for the TV station."
I believe it was a Chabot College sports broadcasting event.

Chad was going to wash his car.  I ate some pasta with him and Larry.  Then I just hopped on my bike and left the scene. I stopped by Rachelle Davies' house since I was in the area.  She wasn't there.  Her step father answered the door.  He looked his usual fat self.  He looked especially surprised to see me.

I continued my cycling ride down Cold Water Drive, up Castro Valley Boulevard, up Lake Chabot Road, down Fairmont, up Halcyon and all the way home to Alameda.
As I was riding I recalled that I had suggested to Chad, "You're welcome to go to dinner with me at Mary McTiernan's house tonight—if you want."

I was home by 5PM and it was hard riding against the wind. The song by Christopher Cross (RIDE LIKE THE WIND) helped me through it.  I so love that song.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A3S5lgxJ3Xk&feature=related

I telephone Chad to get a straight answer as to whether he wanted to accompany me to the dinner party in South City.
"Oh, I had forgotten that Dave and Narn's fifth anniversary dinner is scheduled at my mom's tonight."
"Oh, okay."
I thought, "Whatever."
I let it go. I got ready and went to Mary's. David Vigil was there as well as Margaret Lai and her son, Lance.  It was a good dinner that was done Chinese style with Margaret's assistance.

I left Mary's house in South San Francisco by 8:45PM for David's pad in The City.  We went out on the town.  He gave me a couple of lines of COKE.  I hadn't done that in a while.  We went to the Midnight Sun, a gay bar that showed comical videos and music videos.  Then we left this place for THE STUD, a gay bar/dance club that had mixed clientele.  I met a gal named Kelly there.  She was with her friends Elisa and Debbie.  They all work at the Navy Hospital in Alameda.  Kelly was cute.
Kelly asked, "So why don't you model?"
I laughed and said, "I guess I'm just not serious enough about it."
After Kelly made this statement I began thinking that if Steph Redding pushes me a bit more I might make a move on the modeling thing.  She is a VP of an agency now.


I also met a guy named Doug Rasic who had a neat baseball vest on.  His friend, Matt, is originally from Kentfield.  They both live in Berkeley now.  I gave Doug my business card and my home telephone number.  He does auto repairs and seemed pretty nice.

I also met Michael Barnell who does window displays at Neiman Marcus. He was pretty nice, too. He had big arms and defined stomach muscles.
Barnell said, "Living in San Francisco is blah-zay. I'm planning to return to L.A. to do what I used to do."
"And what may I ask is that?"
"Act."
He seemed pretty tough. He didn't look the type that would decorate windows. Whatever.


I left THE STUD scene and David took some guy home with him.
David said, "It's like I knew this guy for a while but he only arrived here yesterday from Minneapolis!"
I thought, "Ugh," and yet, who am I to talk down on him. Ha-ha.

I left after David drove me to my parked car in the RENTAL CAR lot where David rented a car.


My tits are sore. It's a long story. I got home by 3:30AM.

"I came here to get pleasure, not to give it."
-George Clooney
"THE AMERICAN, 2010 motion-picture

Chap Stick

In the Natural Order two and two NEVER make four;  to do so, four exactly similar units must be had,  and you know how impossible it is to find two leaves alike on the same tree,  or two trees alike of the same species.  Two and two, therefore, only make four through a false conception.
-Honroe de Balzac
"Seraphita"

Twenty-five years ago today

February 21, 1986
Friday

I guess I am really itching for a job change.

I received a surprise phone call today from the United States Postal Service. I have an interview with them tomorrow. I am scheduled to meet them Saturday, across the street from Kaiser Hospital. It never hurts to inquire about a new job, so I will look into it.

Steph Redding gave some good tips on interviewing.
She said, "You must use proper etiquette. Be sure to say please, may I and thank them frequently."
"Okay, I'll remember that."
Steph continued, "Be sure you use Chap Stick before you go in because dry mouth and dry lips are common when nervous."
I had to laugh at that one.  
I had a great sales day which made up for my previous day.

I was home before I knew it and I decided to go and visit my Dad for a bit. I moved on to the gym, working out until 9:15PM. It was a pretty good workout. During the drive home I heard Robert Palmer's song, ADDICTED TO LOVE:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MVlZiKkPXS4&feature=fvsr
I began to wonder if I was addicted to love.


I did not call Chad. I haven't spoken to him since last Wednesday when he returned my call at midnight. I was missing him. In fact, I was listening for cars, hoping it would be him coming over to see me. It never was his car.

"He never says anything original;  he always just jumps on the bandwagon and casts the final stone in the most damaging terms he can get away with."
-Steig Larsson
"The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo"

I Had A Dream

"I took great pleasure in knowing what he'd do next."
-Angelina Jolie to Johnny Depp
in the 2010 Film, "The Tourist"

Twenty-five years ago today

February 20, 1986
Thursday

What a shitty sales day! I did get some good leads though. The only problem is that the prospective customers have NOT ordered yet. I have yet to close these sales but at least they have my telephone number.

It's great getting out at 4:30PM. There was overtime offered but I was in no mood for it. I walked out of the building today only to learn that Judy would simultaneous walk out with me. She's flirting with me. I love it. Who knows? She's a few years older but so what.

I worked out at the gym and was kind of sulking because Stephanie Redding found out how much Leonard was worth: 9.2 Million. It made me sick. What the hell---I've never seen much of his money. I saw Bob Maloney and Mark Landreth at the gym. We exchanged a few words. They're both really nice guys. I may ask one of them about possibly becoming my roommate. Chad doesn't' give me a 'for sure' word at all.

I had a dream last night.
Chad asked, "When are we getting married?"
I had a somewhat serious tone and asked, "How about in May?"
He said, "No, because I want a divorce."
After Chad made the comment about the divorce he started laughing hysterically.
I woke up from the dream, wondering if I'll even hear from the bastard this weekend. It's like a barrier of separation is building-up. If this is the case I suppose LIFE will go on.

I telephoned Chris Cordellos to thank him for the haircut.

Steph Redding claims she opened all sorts of new accounts.
Steph alerted me, "I may need a new assistant soon."
She was feeling me out but I have to have the 'right price'. I may be interested but I doubt I will hear the salary figure I want to hear (not yet—anyway).

"So marriage would make medical management a lot easier...how romantic!"
-Laura Linney
On-Stage in the NYC Play
TIME STANDS STILL, 2010

Fibbing

"The slower we move the faster we die.
We are not swans...we're sharks."
-UP IN THE AIR, 2009 film

Twenty-five years ago today

February 19, 1986
Wednesday


Getting out of work at 4:30PM is simply grand. Traffic is usually lighter when I drive back to the East Bay.


This morning Karyn Kossoff and Michelle Falls drove up a few parking spaces next to me. I pretended not to notice them because I failed to attend their housewarming party last Saturday. I feel a bit guilty for that. Then again--what the hell... Do they really constitute those who have and will really mean anything in my life now and in the future? Time will tell.


I telephoned a Consumer Credit Services company yesterday. They're going to send me an application of sorts. Perhaps they can or cannot help me sort out my credit card bind. We'll see. Whether they can help or not I am currently doing fairly well on my own.


I explained to Stephanie Redding about Wilkes-Bashford moving across the street from their current location and she made a quick connection by calling to speak to Wilkes.  Is she fibbing?  Ha-ha. She doesn't waste a minute of time.  I wonder if one day she could get me on a major magazine cover after all. Who knows?  Who cares?


I was at the gym as soon as I took a quick nap at home. I saw Leonard briefly. He's being a jerk now that I think about it. He's definitely not 'God's Gift'.


I ate a bit and went to bed. Stephanie Redding telephoned me a couple of times.


This Saturday Mary McTiernan will have me, Margaret and 'who knows who' as dinner guests. It sounds good to me.  I wonder if Chad will end up going with me.  I kind of hope so and then again—I kind of don't hope so. (?)

DYNASTY, the TV show, was pretty good. Alexis Carrington tried to seduce Blake.  My prediction for next week is that Alexis and Krystle become friends.  Alexis uses her friendships for her own ulterior motives.  I bet Joan Collins probably does that in real-life. Maybe…

"Most behavior is learned."
-Michael J Armijo,
January 26, 1989
University of San Francisco
Human Sexuality Graduate Course Notes

'Some Friends'

"Freud said there are not accidents. We are a product of where we come from, psychologically."
-John Katzenbach
"The Analyst"

Twenty-five years ago today

February 18, 1986
Tuesday

At precisely 6AM my alarm clock went off. I heard all of these horror stories about the weather. I was almost afraid to get out of bed. I actually did get out of bed and I decided to leave a little earlier than usual (6:45AM). The traffic and weather conditions were fine. I was in The City by 7:40AM.

I have my scheduled facial appointment tonight. I may go to the gym in San Francisco. There's a 24-Hour Fitness near Van Ness and I never go there. So why not go for a change?

I gave Margaret Lai copies of the photos from our outing in Fairfield, CA. She enjoyed them. I asked Margaret to join me for lunch but she had errands to run. I chose to go for a walk since it wasn't raining. I walked all the way to Wilkes-Bashford. I saw good ole Bob Umland there. I noticed that he shaved his moustache and his hair has receded even more. He's beginning to look short.
He did say, "I weigh one-hundred and eighty-five pounds."
He still looked 'kind of' all-right.

It was great to get out of the office at 4:30PM today. I arranged my facial appointment for 5PM sharp. I met with a lady named Shannon. She was 'okay' looking (but older—too old for my taste). She did a good facial. At least it made me feel good.


After the facial the traffic was still backed-up to get on to the Oakland-Bay Bridge; therefore, I chose to go to the 24 Hour Nautilus in S.F. It was an okay—but brief workout. As I was walking out of the gym David Vigil happened to be walking in. We spoke briefly.
"Yeah, I was at MACY's and the traffic was so backed-up," I said in an effort to explain why I was there.
"Oh, I see," said David, nodding.
"Yeah, so I decided to work out here for a change."
It was a short and brief chat. I left and drove straight home.


The rain was ugly on the way home. Steph Redding called me.
"How was your facial?"
"You remembered! Yeah, it felt so good."
"Just give me some time, Michael. I'm going to make you my right-hand man and a TOP model."
I silently thought, "Give me a break!"
Then again, who knows? It could be possible.


I telephoned Chad at 8:55PM but he was not home. I left a message: "Call me!"
Chad returned my call at midnight!
"I went to the Ohlone College Library in Fremont with a friend."
"Oh, so that's why you weren't home."
"Yeah, and yesterday on Washington's Birthday I tried calling you but you weren't home."
"Oh, I had to make an H and R Block excursion—but then I went to the gym."
"I played racquetball with 'some friends' and then retired to a not-so-good video."
I knew he'd arrived home late since Larry had called me.  I wondered if he actually played racquetball with his kid brother versus 'some friends'.  I know he was supposed to go skiing with his family but the weather didn't permit.  I bet he spent the day with his family.  Yet, I wonder why he said 'some friends'.  I hate that term (some friends).  I like to know names, places and events in-detail!  Ah, it's just as well.  I tried not to pry too much because I could tell Chad was getting antsy.  He probably felt that I was checking-up on him. In a way—I was.  I guess I'm worried he may go out on me.  Why?  I don't know why, considering the limitations in our relationship.  We cut our conversation short.


I couldn't fall asleep after the phone call. I was thinking about sending in my IRS and STATE Income Tax returns.  I also began to think of my old flame, George Jones, wondering why he appeared 'in voice' only briefly in my life last year.  And now there is no word from him whatsoever. I thought about my vacation and whether I should go to Hawaii in May.  I also wondered if I would accompany Chad to Florida in May.  Will Chad be moving-in with me or not?  Should I look into another roommate like Russ or 'Mark Landreth' from the gym?  If Chad continues to withhold from taking a stand about moving-in I have to decide what to do. Oh well—a lot was on my mind. Maybe that is why I couldn't sleep.

My thoughts continued. The Garbage Company forgot to pick up my garbage. I haven't heard about my new job Transfer Requests. I received a returned-check statement about a check that I wrote for my Cal Fed MasterCard. And the new Atlantic-Richfield VISA I got with a low 16.5% rate is on my mind. The damn insurance foolishly paid my dentist for my January 22nd cleaning visit instead of paying me! I had paid the dentist already.


Dale Orlando is stranded in Reno, Nevada due to the blocked Interstate 80 mudslides and floods. He always finds himself in the middle of problems. Judy didn't come in to work either. The weather has been wet but it is much worse in the Napa, Guerneville, Marin, Santa Cruz and Fairfield-Suisun. These areas have been hardest hit with flash floods.


I'm glad Chad called me even if it was at such a late hour. I'll give him the chance to call me again. I'm not sure where we stand anymore. It's awkward. I have not seen him since last Saturday night. He could have—but didn't—come by my place on Sunday or Monday. Oh well…

"I wasted time, and now doth time waste me," said Shakespeare's Richard II.
-May Sarton, Sept. 21, 1993
AT EIGHTY-TWO, A Journal

Choices

"You'll meet the best people later in life."
-Philosophical Statements
by Michael J Armijo

PHOTO: Rachelle Davies, Michael Armijo
GREAT AMERICA, Santa Clara
May 26, 1985 Flashback:  http://007gentleman.blogspot.com/2010/05/great-america.html

Twenty-five years ago today

February 17, 1986
Monday

I went over for breakfast at mom's house. I was able to get my income tax filing squared away today.
After breakfast I went to H&R Block and an amendment was issued by them for when they had figured my income tax in 1982. I had an IRA Contribution for two-thousand dollars that was never deducted. I should get about $1100 back from the Feds this year (along with eighty-seven dollars from the State of CA).

After the H&R Block visit I came home and dressed for the gym. I worked out from noon until two o'clock. Chad wasn't there either. I hadn't called him all day. I didn't really care to do so. I didn't have much to say.

After working out I went to my folk's house. Mom, Dad and I talked about selling the house on Solomon Lane (the one I am living-in) and buying a new one. I accompanied them to look at some new Heritage Home Models on Oleander Drive. I can't make the decision for them but I sure would like to move out of this townhouse into one of those newer models.

After browsing at the model homes I returned to my pad and tried to nap. I couldn't sleep.

Steph Redding telephoned me.
"You wouldn't believe the flooding problems we've had here, Michael!"
"Oh no…I know it was pouring rain all night long last night."

I cleared my dining table of all of its art supplies and dumped my garbage out.
PHOTO: Actor, Marc Singer
in BEASTMASTER
I JO'd while watching more of that BEASTMASTER movie. That 'Marc Singer' is something else. Then I showered and the phone rang.
It was Bonni Jayne calling. We didn't have a whole lot to say.
She ended by saying, "Give me a call some time."
I thought, "Yeah, sure. She's sweet—as a friend—but I have no interest right now."


I talked to mom about the TV movies that were going to be on tonight. We laughed together over the telephone. I realize how much I love my mom (so much). She's a true sweetheart in my book.


I still haven't spoken to Chad all day today—nor do I want to. Oh…who am I kidding? I want to see him and talk to him but I don't know how to start talking.


The last time I saw him was on Saturday night. And to think that was the night that Rachelle Davies telephoned as soon as I returned home from the movie. It's odd that she called at that time as I felt my relationship with Chad was history.


I heard a song today called "REUNITED" by Peaches and Herb. I hadn't heard that song in a long time.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rGQi9mz4upo
Rachelle and I may have lunch together this coming Wednesday. Who knows? Chad and I belong together in a way but there's a lack of communication. I only wish he'd call me. He's probably expecting me to call—but…I can wait…at least until…I can't anymore.


I watched a movie called "CHOICES". George C. Scott (ugh) was married to Jacqueline Bisset and George had a daughter (Melissa Gilbert) who got pregnant. Then his wife (Jacqueline) got pregnant and it was about the 'choices' they had to make. Melissa had an abortion while Jacqueline decided to keep her baby. During the movie (at about 10PM) Larry called.
"Hi Mike. By any chance is Chad there?"
"No, he's not here."
"Oh, okay, he's probably at his folk's house."
Wherever Chad may be he wasn't with me. Should I be suspicious? I don't think so--not just yet anyway. I went to sleep after watching "CHOICES".

He said, "Some women, look like that one, more trouble than they're worth. Not worth the price of admission, you could say..."
-John Katzenbach
"The Analyst"

There's No Rush

"Did it ever occur to you that maybe I'm NOT in the mood."
-actor Jason Statham
as Frank Martin
in the 2008 film, TRANSPORTER III

Twenty-five years ago today

February 16, 1986
Sunday

I woke up on this Sunday morning and went to mom's house for a RICE CHEX cereal breakfast. I returned to my place and read some of my magazines. I programmed my phone to CALL FORWARDING to mom's house because I wanted to go back to mom and dad's house and take a nap there.

Suzy called while I was napping. She proceeded to tell me about her excursion with Bonni.
"I didn't enjoy it…and I didn't like the bar scene at all," Suzy revealed.
They began at the WHALE'S TAIL and then to some other hole-in-the-wall bar that had a pool table. I gave her my mild opinion and apologized for not inviting her to the movies. I didn't feel too bad because I had called Sue earlier that morning in hopes of getting together for breakfast.
Suzy said, "I was still asleep when you called."

My brother, Tony, and Helen came over to mom and dad's house with Lauren. Mom and Dad showed up after an Alameda shopping excursion.

I started to watch the movie TAXI DRIVER with mom and dad until I decided to leave in the middle of it.
I remembered I was supposed to call Chad about two hours ago. When I did call he was working on a term paper for school.
Chad said, "I called you earlier to tell you I had just gone to the gym."
"You did?"
"Yeah, and guess who I saw there?"
"Let's see…Leonard Perillo, Mark Landreth or Bob Maloney?" I asked.
"No, I saw David Vigil and some girlfriend of his named Janie. They're at my house right now—in fact."
I ended up speaking to David for a bit.
David spoke in his flamboyant gay tone, "Michael, this place looks so rich!"
I knew Chad had just lured him there to make an impression. I don't believe Chad realizes that though. Whatever.
Chad invited me over.
I said, "I can be there in about forty minutes I guess."
"Okay, I'll see you soon."
As I was getting myself ready Chad called back to say, "There's no rush, Mike. They already left."
"I was going to see you…not them!"
Anyway, I was ready to leave and Chad said, "You know—it's better if I come over there since Larry has guests over and he doesn't want you to spend the night."
"Oh, okay."
"I'm working on my paper for now. I should be there by eight-thirty."

Chad called back at nine o'clock.
"I'm really into my paper, so I probably won't be there until eleven o'clock."

PHOTO: Marc Singer, Tanya Roberts
in BEAST MASTER, 1982 film
I watched a movie called BEAST MASTER and read more magazine articles. By 11:45PM I decided to give Chad a telephone call. He was still home. It was stormy outside. Chad decided he wasn't coming over. I was upset to say the least. I expected him since eight o'clock! Hell…he could have told me. I was pissed.

I abruptly said, "All right. I'm going to bed!"
Oh, he burned me up. Why tell me one thing and then lead me on only to falter out at the last minute?

"My head is about to explode and I need to find out what I want."
-PLAN B, 2009 film

A Candy Bar

His sudden mad love was a psychological phenomenon. There was no doubt that curiosity had much to do with it, curiosity and the desire for new experiences; yet it was not a simple but rather a very complex passion.
-Oscar Wilde
"The Picture of Dorian Gray"

Twenty-five years ago today

February 15, 1986
Saturday

It was kind of awkward last night when Chad asked, "Are you going to spend the night?"
I never ask him that question when he comes to my place. I just take it for granted that he is going to spend the night. I left in the morning.
I explained, "I'm going to leave now because I want to go to an art supply shop to get started on a portfolio."
Chad was very accommodating to my leaving. It was almost as if he wanted me to leave. Oh well.

I went to mom's house for breakfast and then I invited mom to accompany me to Standard Brands Paints and Crafts store. I bought twenty-nine dollars worth of ART goods. Afterwards, mom and I stopped at the newly opened McDonald's in Alameda on Shoreline Drive. I dropped her home after lunch and went straight to my pad to do some sketching and other art graphic-related creations. I worked most of the afternoon on this one sketch.

Mom stopped by to bring me a couple of sharpened pencils along with my travel coupons that she received in her mailbox. The travel coupons were incentive prizes from my sales at work. I had forgotten that I'd left the coupons at her house. Mom straightened up my place while I continued to sketch. She left after making my pad 'spic and span'.

I telephoned Chad about going to see actor Kevin Bacon in the new QUICKSILVER film.
"I wish I could go but I have no money," Chad informed me.
I didn't want him to expect me to pay his way so I said, "Oh well…I guess I'll go by myself…or maybe I won't even go. I don't know."
Chad replied, "You do that. I've got to run."
He abruptly hung up the phone.

I called Denise Vinsonhaler and we arranged to meet at BAXTER's.

Judy called from Sacramento. She was calling from her girlfriend's house (Shelly) to invite me to some party tomorrow night "in Sacramento"!
Judy said, "Don't worry—you can spend the night at my house and we can drive in to the City together on Monday."

As soon as I hung up the phone it rang again. This time it was Bonni Jayne and Suzy Miller calling.
"Hey Mike, let's meet for a drink at the RUSTY PELICAN," Suzy stated.
"Well, I don't really feel like going out."
Sue and Bonni were so insistent that they decided to come over to my place to persuade me.

Chad called me back.
"You know, Mike. Larry overheard our conversation earlier and he said he'd lend me some money."
I realized I wanted to be with Chad most of all, so I skedaddled Sue and Bonni out of my pad, telling them that I had to meet this friend of mine.
I ended up meeting Chad at SOUTHLAND MALL in Hayward. I was the first to arrive. Chad appeared at around ten o'clock. I offered him some of my Reese's Peanut Butter cup.
"No thanks. I don't want any."
He seemed to be acting his usual aloof way.
The QUICKSILVER movie started and during the first quarter of the flick I noticed him eating a candy bar.
After he took the last bite of his candy bar I asked him, "You don't believe in sharing?"
My statement made him feel bad.
Chad had said earlier, "I stopped at my friend…Greg's place and that's why I was late."
I felt like I had to bounce back and I did so by saying, "Well, Judy called me about a party in Sacramento. I think I will go."
I already knew that Chad had plans to go skiing on Monday with his folks. I really hadn't made any definitive decisions for myself. Throughout the rest of the movie Chad sat very far from his seat and 'away from me'. I felt the tension. It was clear his body language was saying he did not want to be near me.


After the movie Chad didn't say one word and went directly to the men's room. I stayed outside, waiting for him. I didn't like the "vibes". There was clearly some sort of lack of communication between the two of us.
I wanted to break the ice, so I said, "I thought the movie as pretty action-packed. I liked it."
I later learned that he hated the movie. He later confided that he wanted to walk out. The truth of the matter is that he had other things on his mind.


I walked with Chad to his car.
Chad said, "I'll drive you to your car."
I could tell that we were both trying to decide what to do next. When he drove me to my parked car Chad gave me a 'Well, get out of my car' look. I remained in his car.
Chad finally said, "I wish I wasn't in such a financial bind…but once I finish school and have my degree all of that will change."
I kind of ignored his statement. I didn't feel like talking finances, knowing how much I owe on my credit cards.
I simply asked, "Well, do you want to come over to my house?"
"I appreciate the offer but I'd rather not."
I said, "Okay, I'll see you later."
I immediately opened his passenger car door and started to open my car door as I heard him drive off.


I went home, thinking and wondering whether he'd still come over. I kept a stiff upper lip. I wondered if he was seeing someone else. I decided to just go to bed when the phone rang. It was Chad.
"You seemed rather upset when I left and I wanted to talk."
We exchanged words and I remember Chad saying, "I feel like I don't really know you after all."
"That's rubbish. You've known me for three months! And I've known you for the same length of time! Of course we know each other," I blurted swiftly.
I wondered what he was getting at. It all boiled down to his finances.
Chad confessed, "You don't realize how tight my budget is and how I have to save to move out by May for a deposit and a new place."
"You know you can move-in here for two-hundred and fifty dollars a month without having to pay a deposit!"
Chad concurred, "It would be more economical."
I said, "I wish I could do what Larry's done…but there's no way."
We argued a bit more and I explained how I owe money.
Chad contradicted me by saying, "I know for a fact about the savings you have."
Regardless to what I had heard I had made my point. He made his. Our lack of communication had to do with money. What else? If it's not sex, love, money, power or fame—what else could it be? We ended on a good note of how we really care about each other. We both agreed that we don't want to lose it.

Age, such as I have reached, of course brings other interpretations. Our veins harden, and so do our opinions.
-John Katzenbach
"The Analyst"

Stormy Weather

I believe literature provides a looser, broader, more varied medium in which to explore one's identity than movies or television do.
-Christopher Bram
"Mapping the Territory"

Twenty-five years ago today

February 14, 1986
Friday

It was pouring rain this morning. Traffic was tough. The workday was busy and a lot of my coworkers didn't show up for work. Strangely enough, a lot of folks were allowed to leave the office early. I worked alongside Judy today because Cindy Chow had the day off. Judy would ask me a question whenever she ran into a problem. I was more than happy to assist her.

Work finally ended and the rumor about the Oakland-Bay Bridge being CLOSED was just that: "a rumor".

I drove home thinking about the phone call I received at work from Chad.
Chad asked, "Why don't you come over to my place and we'll send out for pizza since it's so stormy."
I had said, "Okay, I'll be at your house between seven-thirty and eight o'clock."

I arrived at Chad's house at seven-thirty and we decided to go to FAT FANNY's in Fremont for dinner. I treated him on this Valentine's Day. We had a good time. He liked the Valentine's Card I gave him. I liked the Valentine's Card he chose for me, too. It was thoughtful. I almost didn't expect one.

After eating at FAT FANNY's we were going to see the new Kevin Bacon movie called QUICKSILVER. There are a lot of good bike scenes I had noticed from the Preview of Coming Attractions. We missed the last showing by fifteen minutes, so we ended up going back to Castrol Valley to watch TV.

We lounged around and I decided to spend the night. I 'came' real soon. I was not up to my usual scheme of things. Chad made up for it in the morning. I've missed Chad. We had a good Valentine's Day.


"I felt like a happy bear with a pot of excellent honey as I absorbed it."
-May Sarton (commenting on POETRY)
At Eighty-Two, A Journal

"They Used To Call Me G"

"One has lived if one has loved."
-North Face
2008, German Film
based on a true story

On December 8, 2010 my cousin Liz Lucero wrote:

Fifteen years ago I wrote this paper. It is an oral history told to me by my grandmother for a school project. It mostly centers on her youth during the Great Depression and how it affected her life. All the quotes in this paper are her exact words.


"They Used To Call Me G"
An ORAL HISTORY
by Liz Lucero-Muise

In 1913 Woodrow Wilson was President, the fox trot was the popular dance of the day and the suffragettes were marching down Washington's Pennsylvania Avenue. Meanwhile in the quiet little mining town of Cerrillos, New Mexico, on July 10th Genevieve Leyba was born. She was eighth of nine children born to Vitalia and Luis Leyba. Her mother had a handful to deal with so Genevieve's Aunt Rosarito took her in for the next thirteen years. Even at the tender age of one, Genevieve embarked on a lifestyle that kept her continually on the go.
PHOTO: Cerrillos, NM
Her first trip took her eighty-five miles away to Las Vegas, New Mexico where her Aunt Rosarito lived. Rosarito's only son was serving as a sergeant in WWI which enabled her to care for Genevieve.
"My Aunt used to say very pretty stories. You know my Aunt Rosarito the one that I was…liked to say I was adopted. I stayed so long with her you know."

Genevieve eventually returned to Cerrillos, NM to live with her parents. She recalls they were not very poor.
"I had everything I wanted. I was always dressed nice and everything. My father had a lot of cows so we didn't go through that (hard times) during the Depression you know. My father used to kiss the cows. We used to sell the meat and everything at that time. He used to sell it for maybe twenty-five cents a pound or sell a complete cow."
Her father's job was to take water in the tank he had by wagon train to the people on the other side of town.

Vitalia was a midwife and delivered all but one of Genevieve's nine children. Vitalia worked very hard. She would grind the wheat to make tortillas. She was also deeply concerned with cleanliness.
"I remember I had a pretty white cat but my mother was very clean you know and she had this bedspread and the cat went and that was the end of the cat. My mother was very clean you know she even had carpet on the toilets outside—she had carpet and wallpaper on those toilets outside. She couldn't see a leaf on the ground. She would pick it up. Yeah, she used to work a lot. She used to do everything. Always sweeping and sweeping all the time. She did her housework and cooked and everything. At that time we used to eat breakfast in the morning about six o'clock and in the afternoon it had to be at twelve o'clock and in the evening it had to be at five o'clock because the miners you know they have like a whistle and we used to hear everything. If they were going to work sometimes they set four whistles (that meant) all the mine was gonna work and sometimes three and so on. So we had to eat at that time."

Genevieve was named after a sister who had gotten burned during Lent.
"She was gonna throw the ashes from the stove and you know her dress got… Well, it wasn't that much that she burned but the smoke that she inhaled. And that was her name. It was Genevieve."

"I used to read a lot which I do today. I used to read a lot of true stories and things like that. Because I was spoiled I never did help my mother—you know—not like my sister. My sister was with my other sister and she used to help her because she had a lot of kids you know. But I didn't."

In 1926, Genevieve stayed in Denver with her mother for about six months while her oldest sister, Pina, was hospitalized. It was there in the big city of Denver that she would see the flappers dance live on stage before a movie.
"Like in Las Vegas they used to dance there."

After her short stay in Denver it was back to Cerrillos again. Genevieve recalls Cerrillos as a very quiet place where there was nothing to do. Even though it was a very boring town, Genevieve lived life to the fullest. She indulged in her passion of dancing. If there was a dance, Genevieve, was sure to be there.
"Yeah, I was very popular in dancing and everything. They used to call me "G" all the time. Yeah, me and my sister were very popular. My sister used to play basketball. She was a guard."
She was very close with her younger sister, Celia.

In school Genevieve enjoyed New Mexico History, Geography and just about all of her classes except Math. The teachers especially liked her handwriting. In fact, she would help out the teachers with writing in their grade books.
"We learned English and Spanish in school. I learned how to write in Spanish and we talked English there. But at home we spoke Spanish."

Genevieve managed to get into just a little trouble while in school.
"One time we were passing by and one of my friends' mother had some wine so I drank some wine and I guess I got a little tipsy and went to school. And they noticed me that I was drunk so they took me to where the first grade was to cut the paper dolls which I know—do you know? There's where I learned how to cut. That was the first time. I don't know how they noticed me right away. They never told my mother or father anything."

Genevieve recalls another incident.
"I used to hit all the girls there in school. We used to get mad or sometimes when my sister played some of the girls were rough and I would jump right away for my sister. And at school, too, you know sometimes I used to even hit the teachers. I used to get mad. I used to have a bad temper. And sometimes we played hooky. Well, the teacher was gonna tell my father but I just…that's one thing with me…I used to make it up so good that my parents didn't understand."

"My father and mother were very good. Oh yeah, they were very strict. We had to be in at seven-thirty. We used to go to choir but we had to be a certain hour there. They were very strict with me. I sang in the choir, yeah, and it was just--you know--the church was near my house opposite us so we used to go to choir. But sometimes we went out. So if we stayed long you know we'd get into trouble. And sometimes my father had a little strap—you know—and then he used to hit my sister and I used to have a heavy coat on and then I used to laugh about my sister. I used to (make gestures in the background) and then my sister used to say 'eeeh my name she's laughing about me'. I'm not laughing and it's just because we came late—you know."

Genevieve lights up when she talks about all of the dances that she had a chance to go to. She was allowed to go to dances only one Saturday a month.
"Oh yeah, I really liked to dance. In fact, me and my sister were the ones that started the band. Sometimes I told my sister I'm gonna see who's going to start first. Sometimes she did and sometimes I did. So we had a good time—you know."
In the dances that were held in Madrid, New Mexico orchestras from Albuquerque usually played American music. The dances that were held in Cerrillos were played in Spanish by the musicians.

There were times when Genevieve tried to sneak past her parents so she could go to a dance.
"Sometimes when my father didn't let me go I used to get my pearls and then my mother used to say—'Well, I don't know if your father lets you'. And then my father says if your mother lets you. So I had to go. So I used to tell him yeah my mother said if you let me. My sister used to play in Santa Fe, so I used to go with her and everything. But one time we wanted to go to the dance there so we hide the clothes. We made it up and I said you hide the clothes on the porch of my mother. So we went to the dance. But there was another girl that came to invite us and she said well, no there was no game—you know—so then, my sister told my father, so we really got it—Oh boy."

"In September, we used to go to the fiestas in Santa Fe. They had the Fiestas de Vargas. It was maybe about a week and we used to go sometimes three days—you know. We used to go around there, watch everything, all the people there. I remember one time we went to the fiestas and my mother gave us a dollar that time. I didn't even want to waste them—but then I was going around with your Grandpa then and he asked us if we wanted to go eat and I was that kind of person that I didn't like somebody to take me to eat. I said if I ever get mad with him he might tell me 'I took you to eat'. So I was that kind of person."

"But we didn't have no dances until Good Saturday. It's not like now—you know—there are dances during Lent—you know." Over there all the people were very Catholic. They used to go to Church every Sunday."

Genevieve remembers what Christmas was like.
"My mother used to buy everybody gifts. No, we never did have a tree you know—just a nativity. No, at that time they didn't put no Christmas trees—that I remember. Nobody did. In Madrid…yeah. Oh, that was beautiful. Everything was so pretty there. Everybody—even people from New York—used to come and see that because it was beautiful. We used to get candy and we used to sometimes get a dress. My mother used to buy me a dress—you know—for the dance and everything. A dress that my mother bought me—it was velvet, like burgundy wine. I used to like that dress and I used to take it all the time…even summer I wanted to wear it."

"The styles were very nice at that time, not very short—you know—kind of long. And the dresses were cheap! You could send for a dress for three dollars at Montgomery Ward's and it was beautiful silk and everything or a suit."

At age sixteen, Genevieve met Fidel Lucero. He lived on the other side of town. During their courtship Fidel stayed in South Dakota for two years but continually wrote her letters. At the age of twenty, Genevieve and Fidel were finally married. One thing was for sure after her marriage, there was to be no more dances. Fidel was not the type to party and socialize like Genevieve.
"He never did like to travel—not even to a restaurant. And his brother was the same way."
It turned out that her sister, Celia, married Fidel's brother, Reynaldo.

The year was 1933 and the country was in the middle of the Great Depression. After they got married Fidel worked for the Railroad but soon after got laid off. It was then that her husband had to go to California to work in the shipyards. Genevieve stayed on in New Mexico, awaiting his return home.

She would visit him in California from time to time. She wanted to help him in the shipyards.
"In the shipyards—you know—you had to…well, everybody was working there. You could find a job there because they used to teach you how."

She knew that other women were working alongside the men there.
"He was jealous, but it was okay for him. All my sisters worked and my nieces. Everybody worked but not me. You know—everybody tells me did you work. No I never did work—your Grandpa didn't let me work. Well, I had to take care of the kids and everything, look for a babysitter and everything."

She felt bad but couldn't say anything.
"No, I never worked. I wanted to work but like he told me 'you work too much with the kids'. He told me 'when I die then you can work'."
The only job she did have was babysitting for a short while when she lived in California but-even then-her husband didn't like it.

Franklin Roosevelt was the first President Genevieve voted for. Her father was Republican as was most of the State prior to Roosevelt's Presidency.
"My father was Republican, but your Grandpa was Democrat. All his family were Democrats. So I voted Democrat. So I've been a Democrat since then."
Photo: FDR, 1940

"During the war we had stamps for the food, for the sugar, for the shoes and everything. And sometimes I didn't have enough, so I used to give my mother for the sugar. She used to bake and she used to give me the stamps for the kids to get their shoes. We had the stamps for meat, too—you know. So, we were the same. The rich couldn't buy. We were all equal."

Her husband, Fidel, came back to Cerrillos after his shipyard job was finished. They lived in the Domingo Reservation where their rent was only twelve dollars per month.
"At the time everything was cheap. At that time during the war you could buy a loaf of bread for ten cents, a pack of cigarettes for ten cents, eggs for seven cents a dozen. I didn't get a radio until I got married. I had big radio—you know—when we first got married. I sent for it at SPIEGEL—but it was with batteries. So if I didn't have enough like I used to watch those stories and if I didn't have enough I used to go to my friend there…I had a friend there in Domingo."
She used to enjoy listening to the radio shows such as MA PERKINS, STELLA DALLAS and DRAGNET.

Genevieve had nine children (six boys and three girls).
"Grandpa was very strict—you know—but I used to do for the kids all the time. But you should have seen when your Grandpa used to come home. Oh…they looked like angels—yeah, they were so good—you know. Once they seen him passing the overpass over there—Oh, they were angels. But when he left next Monday they disappeared—even the dog disappears—yeah, even the dog disappeared."

The year is 1960 and once again Genevieve packs her bags. This time she and her family move to California.
"Oh I liked it here right away because my sons were here. All My Children were here already—you know."

Her husband didn't have to serve in WWII because he worked in the mines and received a deferment. Two of Genevieve's sons were not so luck when the Vietnam War broke out. Knowing her son's lives were in jeopardy put a great hardship on Genevieve. She worried plenty and prayed daily. She also became sick with ulcers.
"I went through a lot with my kids—trouble here, trouble there. You know what I say, sometimes I say, I wish I would have been a nun. Life would have been better. Maybe I would have had a better life. You know when you have a lot of kids like that—but you know you go through a lot—especially now—things are happening so much with kids. I always say I should have been a nun. No, I didn't expect such a big family, but I love my kids. They're so good with me."

It wasn't until Genevieve turned sixty-two (1975) that she requested her Birth Certificate to apply for her husband's Social Security. That was when she found out her legal First Name was actually MARIA.

Genevieve joined a Senior Citizens group shortly after her husband suddenly passed away (1978). Her life has become more focused on the kind of socializing she enjoyed so much when she was a young woman. She is always out and about. She takes the bus or gets a ride. She never did learn how to drive a car.
"I regret it now that I don't drive. Betty says 'if you had one…I can't find you now'."

There are about thirty people in her Senior Citizens Group.
"We play BINGO there and then I make these books for the handicapped kids. They really enjoy it. I put Christmas Cards or Easter Cards…and I put them very, very nice. Everything to match…they enjoy it. They sit down and look at the pictures—you know. So a lot of people bring cards there and I put them in the book. But I have compliments because I put everything that matches and every kind of nationality. Dora tells me, she's the Director. They really liked them because one of the teachers said so. Well, I used to cut. We used to make things like that. I have to train them because some people don't know how to cut and I'm very—you know. So, that's what I do. It's nice. I have a good time there."
Photo:  Mary Genevieve Leyba-Lucero

Genevieve has been many places.
"I have traveled quite a bit."
She's been to Maui, Waikiki, Puerto Vallarta, Los Angeles and Seattle. In July 1995, Genevieve took a trip to Las Vegas, Nevada. It was a birthday treat from her youngest son, John Raymond, and two of her daughters (Betty and Virginia) came along. They went to the TREASURE ISLAND Casino.
"We passed through where an elephant was—you know…a bronze elephant. And Betty says 'Let's touch it—you know—maybe we'll get lucky' and I touched it."

Genevieve had the magic touch that day. She had just put in six nickels in the nickel machine and found herself knee deep in silver. She had hit the biggest jackpot in Nevada from a nickel machine. She won a whopping $257,000 (two-hundred and fifty-thousand dollars).

"Oh you should have seen all the people! I got so excited! Virginia was there near me—you know—and then when I got it I seen it—you know—and it was the four NEVADA nickels. I'm the first one in California that got the NEVADA nickels. You should have seen all the people hugging me. Everybody came to my machine and then they asked me if I wanted to drink something. I even said YEAH, I WANT A MARGUERITA. So they sent me several pictures—you know—and they put a picture over there..The big one. The first thing they gave me was the income tax."
PHOTO: Virginia, Betty, Mary Genevieve, John Raymond
Genevieve has experienced many joys and heartbreaks along her journey in life. From the dusty roads of Las Vegas, New Mexico to the bright lights of Las Vegas, Nevada. Genevieve had always embraced life to the fullest.
Liz Lucero wrote the above ORAL HISTORY on December 5, 1995. Mary Genevieve Leyba-Lucero passed away in Walnut Creek, CA on that same day, December 5, 2010 (exactly fifteen years later).

Twenty-five years ago today

February 13, 1986
Thursday

I had lunch with Stephanie Bautista, my supervisor, at NATOMA's. We had a nice regular talk 'in general' about possible career moves. It was fun.

After work I went to Southland Mall in Hayward and bought a couple of boxes of candy for Valentine's Day. I bought one for 'Chad and I' and one for my Section at work. I scouted the mall and also found Chad a Valentine's Card. I went to the gym after the mall and worked out until 9PM.

I watched THE COLBY's on TV when I arrived home. I munched out and wrote out Chad's Valentine's Card. Then I simply went to bed. I didn't call or talk to anyone. I did manage to read my new US Magazine. I like it a lot. It keeps me on top of things in the Entertainment world. It interests me sometimes. When I think about it I have a lot of diverse interests.


I would like to write a book. I like to do specialized art work. It's interesting to know what's going on in the entertainment world. I think it would be fun to mingle with some of them. A lot of my very own friends are STARS in their own right. I'm a star 'in my own way'.

"I'm a luxury item."
--KM.O (Kilometer Zero),
2001 Film from SPAIN