Michael Joe Armijo's Blog, page 128

A Simple Infatuation

My mood is extremely low. I am in the perennial panic of not knowing how to handle my life.
-May Sarton
Journal Entry October 15, 1993
"At Eighty-Two, A Journal"

Twenty-five years ago today

March 4, 1986
Tuesday

I went to bed early last night because I couldn't wait for today. I am anxious to see Karen tonight.

Chad said, "I may go to the gym on Monday night."
I was there. He wasn't. We are supposed to see each other on Friday night but I've come up with new limitations where we're concerned.

I did not go to that Career Directions seminar after all. I decided to go home and bike ride. Then I got ready for my 'heavy date' with Karen and Amy.

We ended up meeting at CROGAN's in Walnut Creek. Karen and Amy ran into 'Dave and Kevin' who happened to be a couple of guys that they had met before. After a drink I left in my car and re-met Karen and Amy at BAXTER's. I saw Denise Vinsonhaler there but I pretended not to notice.

I had a good time with Karen and Amy. I liked getting to know Amy a little better as I witnessed Denise being grossly flirtatious. I thought about Denise for a split-second and realized that it was no wonder that her ex-boyfriend treated her like shit. I continued getting to know Amy.

As the night came to an end we all left (Amy, Karen and I). I decided to return to Karen's Apartment intercom to announce myself to see if she would let me in and hopefully spend the night. She didn't. I guess she was afraid I'd molest her. There was some old lady on the lower balcony gave me a cup of tea. I was slightly intoxicated so the courteous tea gift made me feel better. I felt I could drive home despite the foggy night.

As I was driving home I was regretting that I had mailed those cards to Karen yesterday. I realize now that I was a simple infatuation. I misread her friendliness for much more. It must have been something about her keen, irresistible eyes.

I do think I like Amy now. She's kind of special. I hugged and kissed her on the cheek as a brief good night gesture. It's true that I did return to Karen's front steps and spoke to her via her intercom. Karen was nice enough to give me directions. She didn't invite me inside her apartment after I had asked. I think she was afraid. It was funny how that old woman gave me some of her tea. I ended up burning my tongue. The tea was much too hot. I made it home safely.  It was so mysterious, driving through the foggy mist.

He had, he thought, become a man of far fewer words.-John Katzenbach
"The Analyst"

Romancing the Stone

"I find you incredibly attractive. But you know that already."
-Stieg Larsson
"The Girl Who Kicked the Hornet's Nest"

Twenty-five years ago today

March 3, 1986
Monday

Everyone noticed my tan at the office today. I received quite a few 'double-takes'.

I had a pretty fair sales day.

Cedric Green appeared at the office today. It was his first day at the SDC (Sales Development Center). He's cool. I accompanied him at lunch at WENDY's today. I got the feeling that Margaret was a tad prejudice of him but he's cool as far as I'm concerned.

I arranged a favor for Karen Craven by calling her folks in Kentucky. I tried to connect them (via a freebie phone call) but Karen was not at work (or home). Oh well. Her mother, Ruth, ended up leaving a message on her answering recorder.
Ruth asked, "Karen, would you please call me at home?"

Karen is always on my mind. In fact, she was on my mind for most of the day. I wonder if I was in her thoughts.

After work I went to the gym and showed-off my tan. Only Bob Maloney mentioned the tan though. I met a gal at the gym named "RAINY". She goes to the gym a lot. I also spoke to some other blond girl but neither of them compared to Karen Kraven.

When I returned home from work I munched out and called Karen once more. To my surprise she answered the phone. And better yet…we are going out tomorrow night! I think I'll take advantage of my four hours paid-off time tomorrow.  I'm so excited about tonight.  I'm to go to Karen's place at nine o'clock tomorrow night.  I hope I can spend the night with her.  She's very much 'my type'.  I hope she likes me as much as I like her.

Tonight I go to that Career Directions thing from 5:15PM to 7:15PM.  It sounds okay. We'll see.  I am more excited about seeing Karen.  I wrote Karen a few words on a greeting card. I sent her that 'shower scene' card that I was saving.


I may send Karen that 'past and futuristic' aircraft postcard along with the 'Romancing the Stone' postcard.  I bought that 'Romancing the Stone' movie postcard in France.  Karen likes me but 'time will tell'.

'I don't know whether this is the best of times or the worst of times, but I do know this:
It's the only time you've got.'
-Michael J Armijo
PHILOSOPHICAL STATEMENTS

A Little Bummed Out

In the world of time, purposes and goals are prefectly appropriate, but there is so much investment placed on the attachement and expectations that surround them.
-Tony Parsons
"As It Is"

Twenty-five years ago today

March 2, 1986
Sunday

I woke up and had to give Chad a phone call. I clearly stated the latest about my weekend. I, of course, did not mention Doug (since nothing ever came of it that would be worth mentioning). I did choose to mention my meeting with Karen Craven last night.
Chad responded, "Well, I'm a little bummed out because I felt like going out last night, too."
"I thought you told me you would be working. Why didn't you call me?"
Chad answered, "I called you last."
I couldn't believe my ears. Like it was supposed to be 'my turn' to call.
I stated firmly, "If we have to take turns calling each other…give me a break."
We continued with more gibberish until Chad said, "Well, I'm going to go wash my car."
"Okay."
"And I'm going to a Bar-B-Que at 'some friends' house."
Once again I hated his reference to 'some friends'. I'm going to have to borrow that line.

I telephoned Karen Craven and left a message on her answering machine.
"Hi Karen, call me back so we can see about dinner or getting me out there to lay out by your pool."

I went bike riding for a while. Then I took my niece, Ashley, to South Shore Beach.

I telephoned Karen upon my return to see if she might have called while I was gone. Her answering recorder was still "on". So, I chose to go cycling again.

I called on Karen a third time at four-thirty and she still was not at home. I went for a long miserable drive in to San Francisco, Diamond Heights and all the way back home and 'crashed'. No, I didn't crash the car. I crashed my body from exhaustion.

Doug had said, "I'll call you today."
He didn't.

I just hope Karen Craven likes me as much as I like her.  Time will tell.

'A Pretty Girl Is Like A Melody.'
a song referenced in the book by Nial Kent, "A Divided Path"
and in the 1936 film "The Great Ziegfeld".

Karen and Amy

"This isn't a blasted literary epic!"
-Rex Harrison,
"The Ghost and Mrs Muir", 1947 Film

Twenty-five years ago today

March 1, 1986
Saturday

I was wondering whether Chad might come over to visit but he didn't. I slept well.

I had called Doug about getting together per our tentative plans but he never returned my call. So I'm going to 'later' the idea of him altogether.

I went to mom's house for breakfast. I then went riding on my bike via Shoreline Drive. I laid out on South Shore beach for a couple of hours. I got burnt a bit.

I figured Chad was working, so I didn't bother calling him today.

In the evening I felt like going out alone only because a couple of cute gals gave me the eye at Baxter's last night while I was in the company of Denise. And so…I got dressed and went to Bobby McGee's.

While at Bobby McGee's I met two girls within fifteen minutes of standing around by the bar. I met Karen Craven and her pal, Amy Pratt. Amy's a New Yorker. Karen is from Kentucky and she's gorgeous. Karen has brown hair and blue-gray eyes. We danced and laughed quite a bit. Karen gave me her telephone number.
Karen giggled as she said, "Why you ought to come with us to Fat Fanny's."
And so I did. I followed Karen and Amy to Fat Fanny's. It was fun.  We followed the Fat Fanny's place with a visit to Denny's.  Karen drives like a maniac but she's still a doll.  She's joyful fun.  I wish I could have made love to Karen that night.  I learned that her ex-beau's name is Michael, too.


When I arrived back home in Alameda at 3AM I called Karen's telephone number.
"I just wanted to make sure you got home all right."
"Yeah, you're sure sweet. I'm okay," Karen said with that Kentucky way of speaking.
"Okay, Good night," I said.
"Good night."
CLICK.
Dreamland.

"At the end of the day...who really knows?"
-FAIR GAME,
2010 motion-picture

A Self-Help Survey

"Time is a powerful cure."
-Joanne Harris
"CHOCOLAT"

I found a Hadley Fitzgerald survey that I completed when I went to an introductory Counselor meeting in Los Angeles on February 5, 1991 (a little over twenty years ago). I met with the Counselor only once but it was not Hadley Fitzgerald. He had another name which escapes me now. I heard the Counselor had died from an aneurysm to the brain a few weeks later (I hope it didn't have anything to do with the way I filled out the form).

I just did an internet search and learned that Hadley Fitzgerald is a licensed therapist and counseling astrologer working internationally with clients from her home base north of LA in Sherman Oaks, CA. The survey was a fill-in-the-blank survey and it's supposed to give the counselor INSIGHT on the patient (I suppose).  Here is what I wrote (the capital LETTERS are the portions where I filled in the blanks):

I was born in OAKLAND, CA on 5-26-19XX at 11:56PM.
When I was born, the delivery was FINE, and there were NO complications.

I grew up in OAKLAND AND ALAMEDA. My parents had THREE children, and I was the SECOND. The names of my older brothers and sisters (in order) were TONY (ANTHONY FIDEL). The names of my younger brothers and sisters were JOHN (JOHN EDWARD). I had NO health problems.

Before I finished the 6th grade, I lived in TWO different places and attended FOUR different schools. My mother worked for pay outside the home SOMETIMES after I was SEVEN years old. She usually spent her spare time doing COOKING AND SOAP-OPERA WATCHING. I generally felt OKAY about her work and spare time activities. She was always showing that she was FUN, and when I was with her, she would often seem LIKE A BIG SISTER.

My father worked REGULARLY as a MACHINIST SUPERVISOR. He was often CONTENT which made me feel COMFORTABLE. My parents' marriage was GOOD. I think this was so because THEY LOVED EACH OTHER. I wish they COULD'VE TRAVELED MORE. I think my mother WOULD agree with this last statement and my father WOULD agree with this last statement. I imagine my father felt HAPPY about my birth and my mother felt HAPPY about my birth. When things got tough, my mother WAS STRESSED and my father WAS STRESSED. If I could've had anything I wanted from my father when I was a child, I would've wanted A SPECIAL PLACE FOR US TO GO AND TALK. When I didn't get what I wanted as a child, I GOT UPSET. Through most of my childhood, I felt closer to my MOTHER.

When I was very young (about 4 to 7 years old), my life was filled with JOY. At that time, I can remember being afraid of WEREWOLVES.

Afterward, about the time I was in the 6th grade, I spent my time with BROTHERS AND FRIENDS by ALAMEDA RESIDENTIAL SUBURBIA. My favorite relative then was VARIOUS COUSINS because THEY WERE ALL SO DIFFERENT. What I liked best, then, was MY NEW SCHOOL, and I used to wish that I COULD EXCEL MORE. I now realize that I HAVE EXCELLED. As a child, I considered myself a HAPPY person, and I tended to associate with FAIR AND HONEST people. My main philosophy about people was that they BE FRIENDLY AND TRUSTWORTHY. My father would become disappointed in me when I DISOBEYED OR IGNORED HIM, and he would GET ANGRY. When my mother was upset, I was supposed to COMFORT HER. The secret I decided not to reveal when I was a child was MY MASTURBATING ACTIONS. I LOVED my name. My FRIENDS nicknamed me MIKE OR MIKEEEE. Today I like being called MICHAEL because it makes me feel like THE REAL BIRTH NAMED person. When I was little, my favorite fairy tale, story, hero movie or poem was THE INCREDIBLE MR LIMPET, HIGH HOPES or IMITATION OF LIFE. This was about LOVE, FAMILY, CARING NON-DISCRIMINATELY AND THOSE who FOUND IT.

When I was an adolescent, my favorite character in the movies, television or in a book became BARNABAS COLLINS.  I WASN'T like that character because I DIDN'T WANT TO BE. My favorite song when I was a child was HAVE YOU EVER SEEN RAIN. My favorite song now is PROMISE ME YOU'LL REMEMBER (GODFATHER PART III THEME). 

My partner regards me as LOVEABLE and I feel he/she is A JOY TO BE WITH. I expect my partner to BE IN LOVE WITH/AND ONLY ME. I HAVE discussed with my partner the fact that I am coming to see a counselor. I believe that he/she would feel such counseling would be really GOOD for me.

I feel what is basically wrong with me is that I PROCRASTINATE AND I'M INDECISIVE AT TIMES. I sometimes go out of my way to feel bad about my FUTURE BECAUSE IT'S UNKNOWN. I usually take out my bad feelings on MY PARTNER OR MOTHER by COMPLAINING AND/OR WORRYING. The thing I feel most guilty about is NOT BICYCLING AND/OR GOING TO THE GYM AS OFTEN AS I USED TO DO. I am mostly bothered by BAD DRIVERS, BEING WHERE I WANT TO BE CAREER-WISE, AND OBNOXIOUS AND SNOBBY PEOPLE. If, by magic, I could change anything about myself, I would change MY PHYSIQUE TO AN IMPROVED STAMINA CAPACITY AND MY INCOME.
What I like best about myself is that I MOTIVATE MYSELF AND MAKE MY OWN DECISIONS.
What I like least about people with whom I am in a relationship is NOT BEING DEVOTED ENOUGH.

For me heaven on earth would be A PITCHER OF ORANGE, STRAWBERRIES, AND SANGRIA CHAMPAGNE IN THE SPANISH RIVIERA.

My biggest problem now is PAYING OFF BILLS. My life would have been much better had I been born MORE WEALTHY, BUT I HAVE NO COMPLAINTS.

The greatest difficulty a counselor is likely to have with me is NOT KNOWING UNLESS I REVEAL IT FIRST. My feeling is that he/she will probably GAIN GOOD INSIGHT TO MY PSYCHE AND PERSONALITY. I've noticed that one of the ways I avoid changing, even when I want to change, is TO PROCRASTINATE.

For me, I would consider it "risky" to BET $1000 ON ONE BET IN VEGAS OR DRIVE A STICK-SHIFT.

My life slogan or motto…what I'd put on my sweatshirt so people would know it was me coming down the street is: "WHATEVER IT IS…IT COULD BE WORSE!"
On the back of that sweatshirt is: LAUGHTER IS HEALTHY AND FEELS GOOD.

My particular talent is CREATIVITY IN ART AND DESIGN.
For friends I tend to select people who CARE ABOUT THEMSELVES AND THEIR FRIENDS AND FAMILY.

If I were to list 5 words that describe my mother I would say she was FUN TO BE WITH, HARD TO READ, CARING, LOVEABLE AND OPINIONATED.
Out of those words, the ones that also describe me are CALM, CRAFTY, FUN TO BE WITH, CARING, WISE.
If I were to characterize my partner, I would say he/she was INTELLIGENT, HANDSOME AND CARING.

To best understand me, it is necessary to add or emphasize the following:
About my parents, family, and culture: ____________________________________________
About my childhood: __________________________________________________________
About my adolescence:_________________________________________________________
About my schooling and friends:__________________________________________________
About my occupation:__________________________________________________________
About my hobbies and interests:__________________________________________________
About my faith, religion, or philosophy:_____________________________________________
About my problems, troubles, and traumas:_________________________________________
About my aims, goals, aspirations:_________________________________________________
About my strengths and weaknesses:______________________________________________
About my adulthood and present situation:_________________________________________

(I never filled in the above blanks.)

What, in simple language, would you like to change about yourself? MY ABILITY TO BE MORE FREE WITH MY TIME AND LESS RESTRICTED (in a 9 to 5 JOB FOR EXAMPLE).

What will you resist changing about yourself? NOTHING. I'M OPEN FOR (AND LOVE) CHANGE WHEN IT'S IN MY FAVOR.
How are you keeping yourself from changing the way you want to right now? BY DWELLING ON THINGS LONGER THAN I SHOULD AND NOT TAKING ACTION IMMEDIATELY.

What did you learn, directly or indirectly (i.e., from observing life style, body language, attitude, etc.) from your mother about:
Sex and Pleasure: NOT MUCH
Marriage and Male-Female Relationships: THAT THEY'RE GOOD…HER RELATIONSHIP LASTED LONG ENOUGH.
Money and Possessions: IT'S NICE TO BE COMFORTABLE AND NEVER GREEDY.
Growing Up: THAT I COULD ALWAYS HAVE A GOOD TIME WITH HER.

…from your father:
Sex and Pleasure: NOT MUCH, JUST JOKES NOW AND AGAIN…
Marriage and Male-Female Relationships: THAT THERE'S NOT RUSH, TAKE YOUR TIME
Money and Possessions: MONEY WILL ALWAYS HELP AND POSSESSIONS DON'T MEAN MUCH.
Growing Up: THAT I COULD ALWAYS GO TO HIM FOR ADVICE AND TO BE 'HAPPY'.

How old are you now? 31
How old do you feel most of the time? ALWAYS A LITTLE OLDER
How many more years do you think you will live? 40 to 50.
What will you have written on your tombstone (what do you want your epitaph to be)?
A KIND MAN
What was your mother's main advice? DO WHAT YOU WANT TO DO.
What was your father's main advice? DON'T WORRY AND BE HAPPY.
If all goes very badly, what will your life be like, and how will you be feeling 5 years from now?
I'D TAKE INITIATIVE AND FIGHT FOR THINGS TO GET BETTER BECAUSE I'D PROBABLY LACK LOVE AND FRIENDSHIP IF THINGS GOT VERY BAD.
If all goes very well, what will your life be like, and how will you be feeling 5 years from now?
I'LL BE BUSY HELPING PEOPLE AND VACATIONING A LOT AND BE QUITE CONTENT AND COMFORTABLE: HAPPY.

Twenty-five years ago today

February 28, 1986
Friday

After work today I felt like "partying". And so, I went to the gym for my workout and then called Denise Vinsonhaler to make arrangements about meeting her at BAXTER's in Concord.

When I arrived at BAXTER's Gaylene was there with another friend named Kim. Kim was only nineteen years old. I danced. I spoke to a guy named Manuel at the bar for a while. He seemed illiterate.

I left early at about 12:40AM. I hit the hay. I was feeling tired—but I knew the next day was Saturday, the first day of March 1986. Hurrah!

Because of your smile, you make life more beautiful.
-Thich Nhat Hanh
"Being Peace"

Unfinished Business

"We all need a place to call our own."
-UP IN THE AIR,
2010 'George Clooney' film

Twenty-five years ago today

February 27, 1986
Thursday

Paloma wrote on a photo postcard (Stiletto by Mal Watson), including a letter:
------------------------------------------Paris, 27 Fevrier 86

Dear Michael,
Sorry I didn't answer before, I mean I'm really sorry I'm just such a lazy writer and I've been really busy with my friend coming over. He is still here in fact but he will be leaving on Sunday. I thought so much about you when I took him to all those places where we've been together. What can I say? I miss you, I wonder why?

Thank you for the information on Elisabeth's telephone number. That really helped. I got lots of my clothes back. You're just the best detective there is, for me at least. Too bad it didn't help you to find your way in Paris, though, huh? Talking about your snapshots, I just got two, the last one you sent me and another one where you're leaning on a tree. In fact I wrote you a card two months ago about that picture (kind of). I just never sent it. I'm going to in this letter, maybe I was just kind of mad at the time, may be just because you were not writing me that much, but again isn't that the way it's always been between us (I mean to get mad at each other for a few months and then to love to see each other again).

Well nothing is really new for me except what I told you on the phone. I've been on vacation for about two months now, that just feels really good. For the CLUB MED I went thru an interview about two weeks ago and so far it's been working pretty well. I have to go thru another one on March 7th at 9:30AM. I hope it's going to be the last one. I'm dying to know where I'll be sent. I should be leaving on May 15th. I think we won't have enough time to connect in May but maybe we could do it in August. That would be great.

Besides that, like I told you on the phone, I got an apartment. I'm really glad about that. My new address is = 36, Rue Lehot…but don't write me there. Keep writing at my mom's. I want to be able to get my mail once I'm gone.

I just got a letter from Monica. I was glad to hear from her. She moved to Hawaii. She is inviting me to go visit her. Too bad I can't. That's ok. I'm sure I'll catch up with CLUB MED! I really think it would be fun if you came. Do you know that people working for CLUB MED do the entertainment? That means I'll sing and dance for you, baby. Isn't that going to be great? Some show they're going to have at CLUB MED!

Well as usual I want to send this letter really fast but I'll write again soon. I'll tell you about my friend (my American friend who came to visit me, he lives in San Rafael). I can't right now. He is just behind me! Let's just say he is the kind who'd try to read my letter while I'm writing it!

Well, Michael, I really hope to read you soon!
Love You-
Paloma_
My new phone number: 47 90 3532.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------

After work today the group met at SPENGER's in Berkeley. I thought of Doug Rasic while I was there since he lives in Berkeley.


Judy and I went to SPENGER's first. It was fun. We had a few drinks. Judy shared her 'latest goings-on'. The key to our conversation was how a lot of relationships seem to end as "unfinished business".


I paid a lot of attention to Judy over dinner. I also gave her a good 'quick kiss' in front of the work group. Margaret Lai was jealous (I think). There is no reason she should be and besides that, neither Margaret or Judy are my types.


After dinner at SPENGER's I drove straight home. During the drive home I laughed to myself at the thought of Dale Orlando bringing up x-rated 'glory holes' over dinner. Ugh.

To relax and let life flow opens one to another possibility.
-Tony Parsons
"AS IT IS"

A Tentative Plan

"For painters, practice and observation are everything;
and when theories and poetical ideas begin to quarrel with the brushes, the end is doubt."
-Honroe de Balzac
"The Unknown Masterpiece"

Twenty-five years ago today

February 26, 1986
Wednesday

I can't believe that my boss, Stephanie Bautista, called me this morning to remind me of my lunch with Larry Elkington at the SHERATON Garden Court. I guess she wanted to be sure I'd be dressed in a presentable fashion. What a bitch! I remember that she felt rather silly for calling, too. Oh well…maybe 'in a way' it was thoughtful of her.

The lunch was okay but I'd say I was the best-dressed. Sue Fisher looked good, considering she's pregnant. I ordered prime rib (and to think tomorrow night is dinner at SPENGER's).

Work has been so busy lately. I learned that BJ, Chris, Kathy and Roxanne are all getting their VIP requests filled because BJ wrote a letter to Al Basholti or Chuck Hensley about being able to have VIP.  She had expressed in the letter that she was advised to take legal action against the company. And so, I am somewhat amazed. That letter BJ initiated enabled her to get VIP'd.

I made a connection with Phillip Abrams from "Out of Our Minds" Advertising Agency. I may send him a resume. I'd love to work at an ad agency. Steph Redding offered to help me out, too (with the resume, etcetera).

After work I had a great bike ride along the beach. Then I hit the gym. There were lots of folk on the beach because of the weather. It has been so spectacular. I went to the gym, too. I saw Randy there.
Randy asked, "Hey, Where's Chad lately?"
"Oh yeah, he's been slacking off," I answered with a smile.

Before I knew it I was home watching DYNASTY.

Steph Redding invited me to attend some modeling seminar. I may go.

I telephoned Doug Rasic and left a second message on his recorder.

Chad telephoned me after 11PM.
"I was just going to bed but I was missing you, so I thought I'd call."
"Oh, I was just going to bed, too."
"Why haven't you called?" Chad asked seriously.
I thought to myself, "It works both ways. Why haven't you called?"
In reality, I said, "Just been busy…"
"I've been really busy, too. I have to work this weekend…but not on Sunday."
It was clear that the Sunday remark was a hint, so we may meet-up.

Ten or fifteen minutes after I hung up from Chad my phone rang again. It was Doug Rasic (the stud I met at THE STUD).
"Hey Mike, what's up?" Doug asked.
"Oh hi, what are you doing?"
"I'm just working."
"Do you have to work weekends?"
"Yeah, I'm working a little this weekend, making some extra money with auto repairs."
"We should get together."
"Maybe it'll work sometime on Saturday."
And so, it's a tentative plan to meet up on Saturday.


I did not tell Chad about meeting Doug at THE STUD; however, I will tell him. I can always have a friend. Doug may just be a future good one. He lives in Berkeley on Ward Street. I just wonder why his telephone number is listed under Desmond J. Colorado while the bill is under his name: Doug Rasic. Doug sounds cool over the phone. I like him and I think the feeling is mutual. He did finally return my call. He did say he's been very busy, too.


This Friday I have no real plans. Saturday will be 'bike day' while I will possibly see Doug that night. I have the tentative plans with Chad for Sunday. Who knows about that?


I couldn't really work out very hard at the gym because I was already burnt from biking. I stopped by at MACY'S CLEARANCE PLACE and bought a salt and pepper colored sport jacket, a white short-sleeve NEWS STAFF print shirt and a colorful, bright spring plaid short-sleeved shirt all for forty-five dollars. I figured I owed myself a gift.


I spoke to mom briefly. The week has been going by so fast.


I need to seriously commit a time frame for myself to write more seriously.


I spoke to Ryan Hargrave at work this morning. He's really bummed out about being stuck in the SDC (Sales Development Center) and wants out.
"What are you doing about it?" I asked.
"I've been lazy…doin' nothing," Ryan replied with a half-smile smirk.
"I know the feeling…but we have to be patient."

Q: "How do you lie to someone?"
A: "You have to know why you're lying and never forget the truth."
-as heard while watching the 2010 motion-picture
"FAIR GAME", starring Naomi Watts

A Warm, Sandy Beach

"He felt Paul was oblivious to his real feelings and considered him merely a good friend--his best friend, yes, but only a friend."
-Nial Kent
"The Divided Path"

Twenty-five years ago today

February 25, 1986
Tuesday

Dale Orlando happened to drive in to the parking lot in The City at approximately the same time as I did. We walked to our office building at 633 Folsom together.
I said, "Hey Dale, your hair looks good!"
"Oh, do you think so? My new found friend, Paul, cut it for me."
I thought silently, "Big deal."
I could tell he wanted me to pry about his newfound Paul fellow. Dale's hair—in fact—looked kind of purple in color. Whatever…

My sales day did not feel very good.

Margaret Lai and I went to CARL's JR. together during lunchtime. Our section went to the Expo Telemarketing Fair at the Sheraton later in the afternoon. It was okay. I felt kind of silly since I dressed casual summer (in my khaki pants and long-sleeved white shirt). It didn't really matter.

After work I went for my much needed nap time. The nap is becoming habit-forming. I better not do it anymore. I did manage to do thirty-five minutes of my aerobics tape. I munched on snacks while I watched a lot of the 28th Annual GRAMMY AWARDS. The Best Rock Vocals went to Tina Turner for ONE OF THE LIVING and to Don Henley for THE BOYS OF SUMMER.  Tina Turner's song was featured in Mel Gibson's MAD MAX-Beyond Thunderdome movie. Quincy Jones won Album of the Year for WE ARE THE WORLD with Michael Jackson and Lionel Ritchie winning Best Songwriters for writing it. Best POP Vocal Female Performance was won by Whitney Houston. The Best POP Vocal Male Performance winner was Phil Collins.

Steph Redding telephoned.
"Hey Mike, do you want to attend a HAIR SHOW in San Francisco on March 13th?"
"Uh, I don't know…maybe."
Hell, maybe I will go. It sounds like something different to do.

I am going to start reading up on my Writer's Handbook for my novel. I want to get it outlined. I want to get it started.

I am tempted to take a vacation soon. I need some time-off on a warm, sandy beach. When I informed Steph of this she had her own opinions.
"I think you should go to Bora Bora, Michael!"
"That's an idea—but I don't want to be Bored Bored in Bora Bora," I replied.


I went to bed by ten-thirty.


I still have not heard from Chad since I spoke to him last Saturday (when I invited him to Mary's dinner party). I need to find out his plans. I am considering a new roommate if he doesn't' give me a final word.


The weather has been so nice. I guess that's why I want to vacate.


...besides an almost diabolical expression in the face that met his gaze, there was that indescribable something which has an irresistable attraction (for artists).
-Honroe de Balzac
"The Unknown Masterpiece"

Thirsty

There was a tender spot just below his ear, behind the curve of the jaw, where Michael longed to place his lips.
-Nial Kent
"The Divided Path"

Twenty-five years ago today

February 24, 1986
Monday

I had a pretty good day. A customer sent me a 'dime' and an RCF order. Another customer sent me a brochure for the Sundance Cruise Lines.

I enjoyed lunch with Larry Elkington and others for being the 'Number ONE' group in January Sales Excellence. I also received a free portrait shooting by one of Steph Redding's photographers because I set-up an off-premise telephone service at no-charge.

I had a brief talk with Mark Landreth and with Joyce at the gym. Mark and I talked about the proper usage of the abdominal machine.  I couldn't hold back from a flirtatious line.
I said, "Well, Thanks for not wearing that Sunkist half-tee shirt today. It makes me thirsty."
Mark just laughed. I don't think he caught my drift.

I tried talking to Joyce for a while but then she called David, the Nautilus employee over. That's when I chose to exit stage left, assuming she didn't want to talk to me any longer.

The gym experience was actually fun tonight. I didn't feel up to par for my workout because of my bruised tit (or pectoral muscle). It's still sore.

I stopped at SAFEWAY for some of my favorite YOPLAIT Yogurt and some sardines, oatmeal cookies, milk, almonds and a chocolate bar.

I tried watching the mini-series CROSSINGS again but decided to hit the hay.

Oh yes---I went to H and R Block and I received confirmation that I will receive $451.00 for my back tax discrepancy refund from 1982. This was due to the fact that my $2000 IRA Contribution had not been deducted. Hurrah!

"I feel like I came here in the dark and I'm leaving into a bigger darkness. What am I going to do now?"-Laura, a character
in the TV Series "In Treatment"

A Chatter-Box

"Perfection is not just about control. It's about letting go."
-actor, Vincent Cassell
BLACK SWAN,
2010 motion-picture

Twenty-five years ago today

February 23, 1986
Sunday

All in all I did have a pretty good time last night.

This morning I awoke at nine-thirty but I felt I needed to sleep even longer. I tried to do just that. Then I went for breakfast at mom and dad's house from ten-thirty until eleven-thirty. I was back at my pad by noon and Stephanie Redding telephoned. She's such a chatter-box. She really does call a lot. I truly appreciate her friendship at times. She gives good advice. She really does. She means well.

PHOTO: Mom and Ashley, 1986
I was going to go biking to the beach when mom called.
"Ashley is here."
And so, I went back to mom's house and presented Ashley with 'Rupert the Clown' to play with. Dad was teasing Ashley about worms and potato bugs in the backyard. He was trying to make her NOT fear them but it worked the other way around (I think).


Helen, Tony and Lauren came over as well. Helen and I went to Alpha-Beta together to buy seven boxes of LUVS diapers for FREE with her special coupons. Helen made the chicken at mom's house and we all ate together. It was very good. I ate and ran.
I watched the movie, FAME, and read a bit. Then I started to watch a movie called CROSSINGS but I couldn't get into the storyline. I went to bed.
I am dreaming of my next vacation. I must have that talk with Chad as to whether or not he'll be moving-in or not. I ought to look for another roommate. Mark Landreth or maybe the new guy I met at THE STUD, Doug Racic…or whoever.
I invented an invisible friend named Mister Ravioli. My psychiatrist says I don't need him anymore.
-Mary and Max
2009 Australian film