Tim Lundmark's Blog, page 21

The Man Who Is Angered By Nothing Loves Nothing

"Love implies anger. The man who is angered by nothing cares about nothing."

Edward Abbey

This quote has been on my mind a lot as of late. I have been repeating it over and over as a personal mantra for many days. I look at all the things I value most in my life and those are the things I try and fight for the hardest to stay the same. I try and realize if I am stirred to anger than that means I still care, because I am still feeling strong emotions. Right? I think if I ever get to the point where I no longer care, then I will just be whatever about it. If these things I once was very emotional over no longer affect me then what does that say about my feelings on the matter? This is an important guiding stick for me, and it has not failed me yet. I just wonder if the concept of love implying anger is correct, or is this something a rageaholic says to make himself feel better about his actions?

It seems to me the things in my life I care for the most will always stir me to anger if things are not going as planned or if there is a bump in the road. Inside I know I must really care about this if I am going to allow it to twist me up. I am usually a laid back Zen type of person who is just ho-hum about most things, but I get into protect mode when something crosses certain boundaries. I know I care about my family, theology, philosophy, friendships, mental illness, work and my writing because these are the things where most of my passion comes from. Are the feelings I have about this stuff misguided passion, or defensive anger? This is not blind rage anger it is something different. I get into panic mode because I want to fix whatever the problem is so my world stays the same. This comes through as anger but is always something much deeper, much more painful. Edward Abbey was not talking about interpersonal relationships when he said this. It was geared towards his passion over the west and the environment. I think even though this quote is not taken in direct context it can still be a guiding stick to your personal relationships and your dreams

Tao Te Ching: Verse 20

Give up learning and you will be free

from all your cares.

What is the difference between yes and no?

What is the difference between good and evil?

Must I fear what others fear?

Should I fear desolation

when there is abundance?

Should I fear darkness

when that light is shining everywhere?

In spring, some go to the park and climb the terrace,

but I alone am drifting, not knowing where I am.

Like a newborn babe before it learns to smile,

I am alone, without a place to go.

Most people have too much;

I alone seem to be missing something.

Mine is indeed the mind of an ignoramus

in its unadulterated simplicity.

I am but a guest in this world.

While others rush about to get things done,

I accept what is offered.

I alone seem foolish,

earning little, spending less.

Other people strive for fame;

I avoid the limelight,

preferring to be left alone.

Indeed, I seem like an idiot:

no mind, no worries.

I drift like a wave on the ocean.

I blow as aimless as the wind.

All men settle down in their grooves;

I alone am stubborn and remain outside.

But wherein I am most different from others is

in knowing to take sustenance from the great Mother!

Lao-tzu

One of the central themes behind most eastern religions is the concept of living in the moment, and live free from striving for more of this or that. It is about being content and being free from our lives of constant hustle and bustle. This verse discusses these issues. The 20th verse asks me to live a life free of striving not only for possessions, but for attachments to anything that doesn't include the here and now such as what work am I going to get done tomorrow when it is only 11:00am today. I need to learn to slow down my demands for more, and slow down my anticipation to be somewhere else. I need to live in the moment. I need to enjoy each key stroke while my office fills with great music. I should take the time to stop for a moment and soak the process in not just hurrying to get the process done.

I need to not only be here in my body but I also must be here in my mind. I should achieve a state of appreciation of what is now with an absence of longing. Often times I write multiple posts in a day especially the days where I am in a mania state. The words just pour out at a rapid pace and I do everything I can to write them down as fast as I am thinking them. When I go to type them I am often times concerned about my next thought and not my current piece. This causes me to write poorly thought out posts. I am also consumed with this idea of completing my query letter to agents, and the what-ifs of me sending them out. This one thought cycles in my mind over and over again until it completely consumes me and the writing is all but stunted. This is also the case with my future readings plan. I cannot stop thinking about getting my business cards, buying my "reading" book, and what my set list is going to be. I am looking into what the future may be, completely neglecting the here and now. I need to release the what-ifs and all my goals for the future, and replace them with the power of this instant. Thinking of being someplace else uses up your precious present moments.

In my studying I have found that "being" here now is accomplished by adopting an acceptance of life as it is presented by the Great Mother. This is a hard concept for me because it requires me to have faith and surrender to a higher power above myself. Instead of trying to live a life of routines I should just allow this great all-creating, all nourishing source to take me where it will. I think with any religion surrendering is a key process into becoming religious; every religion is built on faith. This surrendering allows me to not fear desolation because the Tao is abundant. This surrendering allows me to not fear death because why should I fear the darkness when light is shining everywhere. I need to trust in the great source to provide me with what I need, as it has done for all beings.

The Tao teaches us to simplify our lives by not seeking another thing or striving to be somewhere or someone else. You're no longer living inside yourself with a desire to be someone else. Am I totally missing out on the experience to becoming a published author by consistently striving to become said writer? I need to trade striving for arriving and enjoy the ride with all the good and bad things that may come my way. I think Lao-tzu is telling me to change how I see what's here now in my life, for then it will become exactly what I need in order to BE happy. I don't NEED another thing or accomplishment to be happy; it's always being provided for me right here and right now. I need to be in the moment, and free myself of striving for something more or to become someone else.

I need to let go of my daily demands, along with my beliefs that I can't be happy because of what is supposedly missing in my life. Insisting that I need what I don't have is insane and robs us years worth of present moments. The fact that I am okay without what I think I need is proving I do not really need this thing after all. I did a post on Facebook after reading this verse several times and I think it is fitting to end on it.

"The foolish live today thriving for tomorrow; the wise live today loving each moment."

Tim

Underappreciated In The Workplace

The days have long since past since there was a dedication between employee and employer. Often times back in the day an employee would dedicate his/her entire working life to their employers. The employers re-paid these services in the form of pensions paid out upon retirement. These were not just matched 401k this was actual company profits put aside to the lifer employee. These employees rarely if ever called in sick and the employer rarely if ever hired from the outside. Their talent was raised from within; which created a well educated employee. There was the prospect of starting out as a stock boy and working your way up to the vice president. This was one component of the American Dream, finding employment and working your way up from scratch all the way to the top. This promoted harder work ethic because everyone knew the hardest worker reaped the greater benefits. These days are all but gone.

The concept of a pension after retirement is very rare. I believe you get a pension on government jobs, and I have heard high level CEO's get large pensions, while normal employees get nothing. I am sure there are a few businesses who still give out pensions, but I would guess they are all but extinct. It is rare for an employee to start his working career with one company and becomes a lifer. The people who usually do are later cut when they become to high price of an employee. If they can find a twenty-four year old to do your job at half the efficiency for a fraction of the price the company is going to choose the kid regardless of the time and dedication this aging person put in. I think if employers took the money they spent on turn around and put it into a pension plan they would be able to keep dedicated employees. It is a win-win-win.

I have always had strong work ethic. I have not called in just because I didn't feel like coming to work in over six years. Even then the day I called in I was filled with such guilt I couldn't enjoy the day. I have come to work and 95% of the time put forth optimal amounts of production. I learned a valuable lesson while I was managing a Video Update back in 2000. My district manager told me one day "you should always work as hard as if it were your own company." I have kept this mantra with me in every single job I have ever done. This mode of thinking helped me become an asset in any job I have ever undertaken, and aided me in working my way up the corporate ladder.

Now flash forward to where I am today. I am a staffing coordinator at a nursing home in Plymouth Minnesota. There is no room for advancement. If I choose to stay here for the long haul this will be what I always am. When I first started here this was a huge issue and I wanted to quit the first few weeks on the job. I am glad I hanged in there because this job suits me perfectly for where I am in my life. My job is to ensure this nursing home is staffed, so I encounter all the call-in's and quitting and what not. I have never in my entire working career had to deal with such irresponsible undedicated workers in my life. On average in a seven day week there are at least 15 call in's. The amount of money we spend on overtime and calling pool can get into over $8k a month. These employees call in because they do not care, and are aware their employer cares just as little for them.

I noticed this one girl who started working here in April of this year has had 22 excused absences' with one unexcused. I brought this up to my boss, who by the way I could tell by here body language I was the last person on earth she even wants to speak to (another post for another time.) I bring this up to her and she says "oh yea she has mental illness" I said "well so do I, and I don't miss any days." She responded with "well you're stable" (I hide my illness very well.) I dropped the conversation since she was present in my office but her desire and mind were way down the hall. In six and a half months this girl has missed 23 days, (average to 3.8 call ins a month!) and this is just ok because she has MI? If her MI is that bad she should probably go on disability. I qualify to collect social security so I am pretty sure IF she was this bad she could to. 

I have just grown frustrated with this place. I have worked here for over two years and I have zero unexcused absences with two excused. Every time I have been sick I come to work. I work when I don't want to. I work when my mental state is so bad I should probably be hospitalized. I am one of their most dedicated employees. When raise time comes around guess what worth they put on all my dedication and hard work? A nickel in year one, and a quarter in year two. Thirty cents in two years! I figure I should start valuing them as much as they value me. I should start calling in all the time because my MI is so bad I can't work. They have already set the bar so there is nothing they could do about it.

In the end I would never do this even though my moral is at an all time low. I take to much pride in the insignificant scope of what I do. The small things I do that no one else really appreciates need to get done. I have too much dedication to my boss and employer to ever be irresponsible. If this place offered a pension plan I would stay here my entire life, regardless of being underpaid and underappreciated. (As it stands now I will leave after I have given up on my writing career.) My point is many people would. High turn around is bad for business in that it can costs millions of dollars, and produces less educated employees. Part of what makes a company thrive is on the backs of their employees. If corporate America would take some of their profits to bring pensions back it would help everyone involved; the employee, employer, and the customer. Win-win-win.

Because I Was Up All Night Praying

Every time I think I can no longer be surprised by my daughters' mom Melissa Fleury, she proves to out due herself. This is the first time I have used her actual name in a post; as you know I have been lovingly referring to her as Satan. She was supposed to pick my daughter up for their four-hour visit two Sundays ago. It was my wife's birthday weekend so we were not sure if the change would work or not. I told her I would let her know Sunday morning if we had a change in plans. I texted Satan in the morning letting her know she could take her. I never received a response back so I kept checking with my daughter to see if she had heard from her. It was getting close to the pick-up time so I decided to ask my daughter once again. She told me that her mom text her and can't see her this week because she was up all night praying and is too tired to visit. Upon hearing this I was a bit shocked, but then started laughing over the absurdness of the excuse.

Melissa is a perfect example of religion gone wrong. She has always been in my opinion lacking normal intelligence. Because of this void of a brain it had been difficult dealing with her in the past, but once religion got a hold of her it totally twisted her up. Throughout the whole time she wasn't seeing her daughter she often referred to how God was trying to "teach" my daughter a lesson by not allowing my daughter to see her and her sisters. She has referred to how she has been praying that our daughter would just admit that her husband was not mistreating her when in reality he had. It just amazes me how a semi-functional human being can be totally misguided by faith. She has gotten to the point of extremism.  

It is because of these things and others I had to stop them from talking on the phone without it being monitored. When she wrote her final letter to our daughter saying she was no longer going to see her anymore she stated how she had to pray really hard before the answer came (I am assuming from God) to her which was to no longer see her. I am not a Christian, but I am pretty sure God would not condone a mother abandoning her first-born daughter.

Either way this woman is insane. To say you cannot come and see your daughter because you are hung over from praying is just borderline psychotic. She still had to get up and take care of her other two daughters, but couldn't take four hours out of her day to see her first-born child, which is much easier to care for then her younger daughters. The sad part is my daughter thought this was a normal acceptable excuse. I know she has come to grips with the fact that her mom is not a very good mom, but still. I think part of the reason she wasn't coming was because there was a Green Bay Packer game on Sunday night. Her husband (Fuck Face) is from Wisconsin so he makes a big deal out of these games. I think he didn't want to have to watch the girls so he made Melissa stay home. It has been one year and eight months since she has seen her sisters and this would have been a perfect time to allow her to see her them. I know my daughters' youngest sister was just a baby the last time she saw her, and the other was only two. I am pretty sure they are unaware they even have a sister.

I am on the fence whether she was really up all night praying and was too tired to come and see her. The excuse just seems so out there and unbelievable… which is why I tend to believe it.

Please Help Me Find My Identity

I know I have written about this before but I believe I need to reach my hands out to my readers and hopefully find some much needed feedback.  I have been writing this blog now for eleven months. Even though I have a small readership I am grateful for the few who take the time to read my stuff. I am just conflicted on my identity. I check out other peoples blogs and I notice every one of them has the same general theme. Many of them find a niche and gains readers out of their consistency.  My Taoist idol Rambling  http://ramblingtaoist.blogspot.com/ focuses on one specific theme and he has many readers all over the world. I can only strive to reach is knowledge. I have found a blog focusing on motherhood http://4mothers1blog.wordpress.com/ This is her niche. There are many others like Simone http://spontaneousoverflow.com/wordpress/ who focuses on poetry. Then there is Marcus who is up my alley http://1markt.wordpress.com/ All these people have found their voice.

I am kind of just floating in the breeze. I log on and I write what is ever on my mind. I think Johanna said it best "one day you are writing about theology, then the next write humor." Is this what I am, my blog reflects my life just random. Should I stick to one specific topic say theology or philosophy? Is my random ways actually hurting me? The last thing I want to do is sit there and focus on one thing and stick to that every time. I will become fake. I want to just be random, and be myself. This blog has been so therapeutic for me. This is just me, but being me is not drawing in readers. I just want to be heard. I just don't know.

I need your feedback to tell me do I sell out and just stick to one topic? If so what topic should be addressed? Is what I am doing entertaining to my readers? I know I tend to ramble about a topic, because of this are my posts to long? Would I benefit from saying less so I do not lose the reader in boredom? Please help me answer these questions.

It's Been A Year and I Still Miss You

In two weeks it will be the one year anniversary of the passing of my very special friend Dale Brown. Nursing home policy says I can't use his real name, but I will not cheat him or his memory by covering it up. He should be a man who is celebrated. I haven't been looking forward to this time of year because I do not do well with sadness. I have written about him a time or two in the past and even then it was hard to fight back the tears. I don't think I ever really sat there and just cried my hurt away. I instead have chosen to run and hide. I have a very hard time expressing this level of sadness, because I do not know how to process these feelings. I can handle sadness of either this or that, although most of the time anger masks how I am truly feeling inside. I refuse to let the world see me weak and in my fucked up head it is better people see you angry over shedding tears. This pain I feel over losing him is different. I cannot reprocess it and project anger onto the world. In the pit of my soul my psyche weeps, but my deficiencies as a man keeps those tears from reaching my eyes.

I would love nothing more than to just sit here and turn the faucets on, but I cannot bring myself to do it. I think I am still in the denial stage of grieving. I mean seriously is it healthy to hold onto denial this long? I still expect to see him here as if he had just been hiding from me this whole time; but I don't, and each time that realization hits me it is as if I am reliving his death all over again. Since his passing I have not been able to allow myself to get close to another resident, because I do not want to build a friendship only to have them taken away from me. Just typing this I realize how selfish that is of me. Why should I deny others the special bond Dale and I shared? Why should I deny myself of these special bonds?

The one thing I learned from my relationship with Dale is I can be real around these guys, because many of them are beyond judgment. I know Dale showed himself to me without blinders on pretending to be someone he wasn't, and I did the same with him. The conversations we had were some of the only honest conversations I have had with anyone. There was another man here I started to form a bond with, but he eventually left, not by deaths touch but by a relocation. When I first found this out I was devastated yet again, but at least I knew he was still alive, and had not suffered the same fate as Dale did. Awhile back before Dale passed away I became friends with this man who is so wonderful in his own right. He has trouble speaking so you really need to give him some dedicated time so he can express his feelings. When this is done he lights up knowing somebody took the time to stop what they were doing to pay attention to him and truly hear his feelings.

After Dale passed I sort of pushed him and the other residents away. I chose to stay secluded in my office away from the residents so not to get hurt again. I still have a really hard time opening myself up. I know I made just as much of an impact on Dales life as he did mine. I would here compliments from the staff on our special bond, and how it was benefiting Dale. I don't think they realized his impact on my life was just as strong. I knew I could tell him anything and he would not think any different of me. I could tell him about my recent diagnosis and he would love me just the same. I don't even feel comfortable stating my diagnosis on this blog, and everyone should know I don't hold back on my personal opinions and feelings no matter how out there they are.

I think me starting to work at this nursing home at just the right time to have him enter my life was serendipity. If it were not for him "The Bucket List Foundation" would not have been created. The visions I have of him laying alone while he passed away still haunt my mind. I have many regrets in my life but this one sits a top. I claimed to truly care for him as a friend and as a person yet I was not with him when he died. Saying this now just rips at my insides. Before he lost the ability to speak he expressed his fear of dying alone. He was scared, and I wasn't there to tell him everything was going to be ok. I was not there to hold his hand so he felt the warmth of a loved ones touch. I failed him.

The Bucket List Foundation will serve many purposes but the most important for me is our pledge that our clients will not die alone. I have said this before but perhaps if I am able to deliver on this promise it will heal my intense guilt over letting him pass alone. I hope this does because I can't deal with a yearly reminder of one of my greatest failures.

Tao Te Ching: Verse 19

Give up sainthood, renounce wisdom

and it will be a hundred times better for everyone.

Throw away morality and justice

and the people will do the right thing.

Throw away industry and profit

and there will be no thieves

All of these things are outward forms alone;

They are not sufficient in themselves.

It is more important

to see the simplicity,

to realize one's true nature,

to cast off selfishness

and temper desire.

Lao-tzu

This was a tough verse for me to fully grasp. I am aware that the concepts within this verse are much the same as in verse 18. If is as if I forgot the lessons learned and just spun my mental wheel because I was continually stuck on the first six lines. Lao-tzu was asking me to give up some of the very lessons the Tao has been teaching me. This was really throwing me off guard. I grew frustrated focusing all my energy on discovering the meaning of these six lines. I became blinded by them; causing me to ignore the remainder of this verse. The one aspect I was able to get and have always gotten is the benefit of throwing away industry and profit. In my opinion these two things have become a cancer on our society.

After meditating on this subject several times; I was urged to look at my interpretation of the 18th verse, then completely skip the first six lines all together and focus on the remainder of the verse. I went back and read my post on the 18th verse, and the next few times I read this verse; I was finally able to see some clarity. I focused on the main lesson I learned from the previous verse and focused on how the Tao tells us to not act virtuous but to be virtuous. Armed with this mode of thinking, the remainder of this verse seemed to fall into perspective. I was finally able to understand how these six lines played into the greater picture.

Starting out reading the seventh and eighth lines made the previous six lines make more sense. Lao-tzu was saying education, morality, and business are "outward forms" and "were not sufficient in themselves." Lao-tzu was not asking me to throw these things out, he was saying I should not just seek out sainthood and act as how I view a saint should act. I should be saintly in all my endeavors. He was not renouncing the importance of wisdom; he was asking me to renounce my complex societal interpretation of what constitutes wisdom. He was not asking me to throw my morals and concept of justice out the window, he was asking me to not let these "laws" define how I act, but how I act should be in a manner that is inline with the Tao. He was asking me to see the simplicity of these things and tap into my true inner self, the self that is one with the Tao. If I am able to properly tap into and become one with this true inner self then I will go beyond these "outward forms."

We need to find the true simplicity and our own inner nature; then we will become the saint we not only wanted to be, but one that is inline with the eternal Tao. Lao-tzu does not want us to be without wisdom. He warns us against seeking wisdom for wisdoms sake. Going to college, just because it is what we are suppose to do is not obtaining true wisdom. You may hold in your hand a fancy diploma from a top notch university, but this does not mean you automatically possess knowledge or wisdom. You may just end up possessing a $150K piece of paper. The simplest man living on the streets could very well be wiser, because he has within him discovered his true nature, and learned the valuable lesson of not complicating life.    

Perhaps in our search for wisdom, our desire for money, and our thought on societal obligations of morality we have some how complicated these simple things. A truth is a truth until you organize it, and then it becomes a lie. Why? Because the purpose of the organization begin to take precedence over that which it first attempted to keep in order. I think Lao-tzu is telling us we place too much attachment on these things. We hold these things in too high of regard in our lives. We blindly and selfishly desire to obtain these labels, until the labels become what we seek, not what is behind them. We begin to think these things define us as human beings; instead of being human beings that describe our labels.  

We all have a piece of God in each and every one of us, and becoming one with this part allows us to live everyday as being one with the Tao. This way of living will be "a hundred times greater for everyone" because we are living as a divine being. We look beyond these labels and become better than what we previously thought of. Our inner piece of God wants us to care for our fellow man. He wants us to obtain wisdom. He wants us to live with infinite kindness. He wants us to live within and become one with the eternal Tao. Now as for the industry and profit…well, I think he really wants us to throw them away.

The Moral Implications of "Billy Budd"

I just finished reading "Billy Budd" by Herman Melville. It was a good book, although at times was rather dry to read. The one appealing part of this book to me was the moral dilemma it called to order. Melville challenges his readers by asking; which is the right decision; choosing between what is morally right and wrong based off emotion, understanding, and compassion for your fellow man, or should society's laws dictate to us what is right and wrong, regardless of our emotions; all in the name of order. This was the central struggle behind this book.

"Billy Budd" was Melville's last book, and was written the year of his death in 1891. The story takes place in 1797 on a British navel ship the Bellipotent. The main character Billy Budd was an uneducated, simple and just man. He was well liked and respected by his peers on the ship. His superior officer Claggart was the one man who despised Billy for his gentle nature and popularity among the men. Claggart in an attempt to frame Billy accused him of attempted mutiny in front of their Captain. Billy unable to express his feelings in words became frustrated and hauled off and punched Claggart; he ended up dying by the blow. Captain Vere assembled a military tribunal to proceed over the trial with Vere as the sole witness. The internal struggle Vere and those presiding over the trial caused me to question my moral opinions.  

The struggle Captain Vere went through in testifying against Budd was interesting in that there appeared to be no struggle at all. Yes he felt emotional over this because he was fond of Billy, but knew that military order came before any emotional feelings. The feelings of those who presided over the tribunal were not as cut and dry as Vere's. They believed Billy to be a morally sound man who although made a mistake, was acting justly considering the circumstances. They had compassion for Billy, and for the situation he was in. Vere on the other hand was very matter of fact in his stance that military law reigns supreme in this issue. He expressed to the tribunal that he two felt bad that Billy was on trial but was also the main person who convinced the tribunal to convict Budd of this crime.

Veres stance was one of this; had the trial been a non-military trial then the jurors could afford Billy the compassion and mercy he deserves, but since this is a military trial then compassion and mercy do not apply. Billy had either done it or not. Since Vere had witnessed the crime, and Billy had admitted to it then there was no room for discussion. Billy must be sentenced to death. He feared if Budd was not convicted and word got out about his acquittal then the integrity of British military law would be under minded. Vere could tell the men standing over the tribunal were having a difficult time with this decision, and therefore pleaded to them.

Seeing this and knowing what was at stake Vere made one final speech to the officers. He said "but the exceptional in the matter moves the hearts within you. Even as mine is moved. But let not warm hearts betray heads that should be cool. But something in your aspect seems to urge that it is not solely the heart that moves in you, but also the conscience, the private conscience. But tell me whether or not, occupying the position we do, private conscience should not yield to the imperial one formulated in the mode under which alone we officially proceed?"  He made the argument that it is human nature to feel for a man who they see as right with God, but called to their attention the buttons they were wearing. He said "do these buttons that we wear attest that our allegiance is to Nature? No, to the King." In the end Budd was convicted and hanged.

This story holds many different outlooks on morality. In one hand you have Budd who was a good man with good morals who accidently committed the most immoral crime one can commit. In this scenario is Budd a good or bad man? Well this is tough. It is not as though Budd killed a man in self-defense. He killed a man out of anger, because he was not properly educated enough to express complex emotions. In this scenario you could say this was a crime of passion, because it was fueled by anger. I think Budd is guilty of the crime, but I disagree with the punishment. I feel the only time murder is warranted is when it is in self-defense. This should be the only exception to the rule.

Next you have the officers presiding over the tribunal. They wanted to give Budd a non-guilty verdict because they believed he was a just man who was right in God's eye. There compassion reigned over their duty. They knew what kind of man Claggart was, and believed he had it coming to him. They also understood the severity over the accusation of mutiny, which by its own standards also carried a death sentence. There desired decision was to hand down a not guilty verdict. They truly struggled with this decision. The question is if judges used personal feelings in deciding sentencing then the whole system becomes less about justice and more about personal feelings. Can we afford to live in such a system? This is a tough question for me because there are some crimes I think do not warrant such harsh penalties and others I think are not harsh enough. This is a slippery moral question to answer.

Finally we have Captain Vere, who I believe holds the key dilemma of morality in this story. Should he be condemned as an evil man because of his abstract notion of duty blinded him to true justice and compassion? Or should he be considered a hero who rose above sentiment to meet the need for order, authority, and law in human affairs. I battle with this question because I think there is a huge grey area in-between that is hard to quantify. I think your own personal answer will show what side of morality you are on.

Everything I need to Know I Learned From Rap Music: 1

Grabbing a gat and going rat a tat tat is the proper way to solve a problem.
When contemplating money it is advised to roll down the street and smoke Indo while sipping on some gin and juice. This is guaranteed to make you laid back.
Apparently to have a "good day" you must not see a jacker, there must be no helicopters looking for a murder, and not having to use my AK. According to this I have NEVER had a good day.
I have learned to respect all those who break their neck to keep their hoes in check.
I think I am lonely because I keep renewing my membership into sharing Other Peoples Property. I have to remember there is no room for relationships there's only room to hit it. I just wish this membership had an insurance plan for STD's.
I will throw my hands in the air from time-to-time just to remind my co-workers I am a true playa.
To get the biatches you must: creep from behind, ask who you want to be with, what your interests are, what number to dial, then tell them I am going to call my crew..they should call their crew, then we will rendezvous… then at the rendezvous tell the ladies that they should be havin' my babies.
I try my hardest to not get my monkey ass played by hanging out with a true crew down with the coochie bang.
I learned complex mathematic riddles such as: Do I have enough hands If I were to have my hands on a sawed off shotgun hand on the pump. My left hand is on the forty where I am puffin on a blunt, while simultaneously pumping said shotgun.
It feels good to be a gangsta for the following reasons:


They always have a hip cap
They think deep
They are us 365 a year 24/7
Bitches look at them as a stop sign
They hit switches in a black six-fo

World of WarCrack

Last week I wrote a post about Robert Nozick book "Anarchy, State and Utopia." I used the game "War of Warcraft" to illustrate how people contrary to Nozick's theory would jump at the chance to enter this machine. This got me thinking about the un-bachelor party I went to a few weeks ago. We all ended up getting into a debate about this game. The conversation started when one of the more socially awkward guys brought up the game. He started explaining his character and how he is part of something called a guild. If there is one thing that will clear the room quickly it is talking about your fantasy football team, or anything regarding "World of WarCraft." The other guys at the party were ripping on him for playing this game, but they were doing it in a sly way.

This guy is the brother in-law of the person who throws this yearly party. I always feel responsible for taking care of him because I know what it is like to be socially awkward. I quickly changed the subject a bit and instead of discussing his guild I went into how addictive this game and others can be. This has become such a problem they have built treatment centers to help people quit playing MMORPG's, on-line shooters, and Madden. The topic changed a bit when someone brought up how a guy is suing the makers of "World of WarCraft" because he became addicted to it. He was unable to stop and was so pulled into the game he lost his job, house, and family His case is; there should have been sign on the package warning people of how addictive this game can be. I believe he will win this case and win big; others disagreed with me.

I have felt, and seen the withdrawal symptoms from not being able to play video games. I have also seen how they can stunt your progress in life. My video game addiction is Madden. I get so into the franchise mode I end up feeling like I really own this football team (or that could be a psychosis symptom.) Madden will call to me every second of the day. My mind becomes consumed with my next game, or what kind of off season moves will I make. I will get irritable if I am unable to get lost into this fantasy world. I did buy the newest installment, but I do not play very much. The games I do play are just as intense as getting high. I will only play once or twice in a two-week period. I am immediately consumed with wanting to play another game. It is really hard for me to walk away. This compulsion to consistently play almost destroyed my relationship.

My son is a huge Call of Duty gamer, and plays online with his friends all the time. He chooses to do this any chance he gets. Last year his grades slipped and he was grounded from video games until his grades improved. This entire time he was crabby, irritable, and restless. He seemed to slip into a minor depression and the first week without them seemed to be the worst. He would spend his free time watching other people play this game on YouTube. I could not believe the effects this was having on him. His withdrawals seemed almost as worse than anything I had experienced. I think it is the on-line factor which seems to cause a greater feeling of longing. Playing on-line seems to create a realism factor you cannot find by playing against the computer.

My younger brother is a huge World of WarCraft player. He is twenty years old and does nothing but play this game morning noon and night. He started playing this game when it first came out and has accomplished nothing since. He is an intelligent person, but chose not to go to college. The thing that blows me away more than anything else is he has never had a job. He still lives with his mom and shows no signs of ever doing anything with his life besides playing this game. I have heard of people spending tens of thousands of dollars to purchase characters from other people. This concept just blows my mind, and is a perfect example of addictive behavior.

It will not be long before Nozick's concept of the experience machine becomes a reality. My entire life has been spent playing video games. I have seen how they have evolved over the years. It is getting to the point where they have done all they can do with these systems. The only logical step up is virtual reality. Once this concept becomes a reality you will find many more people losing their house, job, and families. I think this guy will win and win big. I am guessing the settlement will be in the multi-million dollar range. The stupid thing is everyone knows this game is addictive, and he should have recognized his addiction prior to losing everything. This settlement will open up the doors to multiple lawsuits with every Tom Dick and Harry trying to cash in.