Joshua Becker's Blog, page 71

The Case Against Extravagant Weddings

According to a recent study, the average wedding cost in the US is $33,391—and that’s not even including the amount spent on an engagement ring.

As you might imagine, the figures vary widely from state-to-state. Couples in New York City spend the most at $76,944, while couples in New Mexico spend the least at $17,584.

If that sounds like a lot of money, it is. To put that into historical perspective, wedding spending has increased 3000% since the 1950s! Extravagant, expensive weddings are becoming the norm.

A wedding is an important day and a significant moment in time. It signifies the day we commit the rest of our lives to another human being—to love, cherish, and honor until death do us part. It is a commitment we make in front of friends and family and often represents the joining of two families into one.

This article is, by no means, meant to downplay the importance of that special day. But we should consider if this trend to spend more and more money on weddings is a wise choice.

It is helpful, I think, to consider some of the negative ramifications of an expensive and extravagant wedding. Ever-increasing wedding costs are not necessary and may actually do more harm than good.

Consider the reasons:

1. Extravagant weddings result in increased stress and distraction. Wedding days are stressful enough—adding dozens of unnecessary frills and expenses makes them even more so.

On the other hand, a simple wedding helps keep focus on the bride and groom rather than decorations, accommodations, and food.

2. Expensive weddings bring financial consequences felt for years. If you are going into debt to pay for your wedding, please don’t. Financial pressures consistently rank as one of the top reasons for divorce.

Even if you do have the money saved, it can almost certainly
be spent wiser elsewhere: paying off debt, a down payment on your first home,
or even the honeymoon experience.

3. Extravagant weddings often distract from the hard work of preparing for marriage. When it comes to joining two lives into one, how many flowers will be in each centerpiece at the reception dinner is the least of your concerns. You and your future spouse should be talking about plans for your life together, methods of communication, and family experiences that may result in mismatched expectations.

Spend as much time together in premarital counseling as you do planning the actual ceremony. That is where the true foundation for a successful marriage is laid.

4. Expensive weddings are not necessarily more beautiful. The early assumption made by brides and grooms is that spending more money will result in a more beautiful experience and ceremony. But that is simply not the case. I have attended expensive weddings that were beautiful, for sure. But I have also attended simple weddings that were even more beautiful and often showcased more of the bride’s (and groom’s) personality.

Simplicity, as they say, is the ultimate sophistication.

5. Extravagant weddings magnify mistakes and mishaps. Almost no wedding gets by without some mishap occurring during the day—whether before, during, or after the ceremony. In my opinion, when a couple has invested so much time, energy, and money into a ceremony, they are more likely to sweat the small stuff thinking their financial investment would have insulated them from any moments of imperfection.

Take heart. The little mishaps on your wedding day will be the memories you talk about the most. Not allowing them to ruin your special moment when they occur is key to enjoying your day.

6. Extravagant weddings tend to promote (or result from) competition. Thinking your wedding day must measure up to a purely subjective standard set by a friend or family member is a foolish way to spend your day. “Comparison is the thief of joy,” Theodore Roosevelt once famously said. Allowing it to creep into your wedding day, in any fashion, is a poor choice.

Your wedding day is about you and your future spouse. Nobody else.

7. Expensive weddings often result in shorter marriages. Believe it or not, there is evidence that marriage duration is inversely associated with spending on the engagement ring and wedding ceremony. Couples who spend less on their ceremony are more likely to remain together longer.

In the same study, there was also connection made between the honeymoon and the marriage: Going on a honeymoon is “significantly associated with a lower hazard of divorce.” Based on these stats, spending money on your honeymoon is a wiser investment than money on the ceremony.

My wedding occurred before my introduction to minimalism. And yet, it was not an extravagant one. It was big, but not expensive.

Kim and I got married at our home church in Omaha, NE with 400-500 people in attendance. Our ceremony was not flashy, but included many beautiful elements you would assume to be present at a traditional church wedding service. For our reception, we served sandwiches and cake and punch. If I could do it over, there’s not a single thing I would change.

Not a single day of our lives have we looked back and regretted not spending more on our wedding. But I know many couples who look back and regret the amount of money they wasted on their ceremony.

If you’d like a simple wedding, here are some helpful ideas
to get you started:

Set a budget (and stick to it).



Choose elements that are important to you, but limit the number. Try fewer flowers, simpler decorations, or less food choices. You can keep many of the traditional elements (if that is your style) without needing to go over the top with any of them.



Don’t shell out big money for expensive accommodations. A simple church building can be just as beautiful as an expensive wedding chapel. And if the time of year permits, a backyard can easily host an intimate, informal, unforgettable reception with little expense.



Look for personal touches. A wedding ceremony that communicates your unique personalities and/or time together will always be considered more thoughtful by your guests than expensive add-ons bought at the bridal store.



Realize the wedding industry is built entirely on convincing you that you need x. There are entire stores, catalogs, and websites in business today working tirelessly to convince you that you need x or y in order for your wedding to be perfect. They are wrong. You don’t need anything—except for maybe official paperwork from your state and a few witnesses to sign the document.



Enjoy your simple, precious day focused on the things that matter most.

Marital happiness has nothing to do with your wedding ceremony. It has everything to do with the weeks and years and life together after.

That’s why the simplest weddings are often the happiest.

What is Rational Minimalism?

Some people I speak with get nervous when they hear the term minimalist. For them, it conjures up images of destitution, barren walls, and empty cupboards. Rightly so, they decide that is no way to enjoy life. Believe me, I agree—that is no way to enjoy life.

They seem to assume that minimizing means throwing out everything or, at any rate, almost everything. That’s not the case at all. Rather, minimalism is about living with less, and as I often say, less is not the same as none.

Minimalism is the intentional promotion of the things we most value and the removal of everything that distracts us from it.

It’s about living with what you need. And that is always
going to look different from one person to another and one household to
another.

If you were to walk into my home today, you would probably not immediately assume that a minimalist family lives there. In our living room, you would find seating for five, a family photo, a rug, a coffee table, a clock on the wall, and our television. In our coat closet, you would find jackets, baseball caps, and a few winter-weather accessories. In our kids’ rooms, you would find books, craft supplies, and a drum set. The house is tidy and clutterfree, but it is not empty.

We are seeking to live a minimalist life, but at the same time we are still living, breathing, changing human beings. To live is to consume. So we still have possessions. But we have worked hard to escape the excessive accumulation of possessions.

That’s what I mean when I use the term “rational minimalism.” It’s a strategic approach to owning less. I don’t advocate getting rid of everything humanly possible and there are no rigid rules that need to be followed. Instead, I encourage people to get rid of what isn’t necessary so they can better pursue their goals in life.

This process requires rationality, intentionality, and a thought-out approach to discern what to keep and what to get rid of.

Take my life for example: We live in the suburbs of Phoenix and have two teenage children. We are active in our community. We like to entertain, show hospitality, and host small groups from our church in our living room. We love when our kids’ friends come over to play. I am a writer and my wife does bookkeeping. Our life is not identical to anybody else. It is our life—nobody else’s.

If we were going to become minimalist, it would have to be a style of minimalism specific to us. It would require us to ask questions, give-and-take, identify what we most value, and be humble enough to change course when necessary. It must be a style of minimalism that allows us to pursue our passions while discarding all the distractions that keep us from it.

The minimalism that works for us is almost certainly going to look different than the minimalism that works for you.

Find a style of minimalism that works for you. One that is not cumbersome, but freeing—based on your values, desires, and passions.

I am passionate about my soul, about my family, and about
loving and influencing others. I focus on these priorities above everything
else. Minimalism is a means to these ends for me. It removes physical
distractions so I can realize my greatest priorities. So I ruthlessly get rid
of what I have to in order to be true to my objectives. But if there are things
that help me live my life the way I need to, I keep them and I use them. I
don’t feel guilty about them at all.

It can be the same for you as you choose to walk down the
path of minimalism. Don’t make the mistake of thinking you have to live with
nothing. Live with whatever possessions give you the life you want.

This is a rational approach to owning less. And it’s the only approach that will free you to experience the life you want to live.

Inspiring Simplicity. Weekend Reads.

There’s more to life than buying stuff.

There are many wonderful people pursuing and promoting simplicity. Fortunately, some of them are gifted in communication and choose to encourage and inspire us with their words. I enjoy reading their unique perspective. I’m sure you will too.

So fix yourself a cup of coffee or tea on this beautiful weekend. Find a quiet moment. And enjoy some encouraging words about finding more simplicity in your life today.

Buying Too Much Stuff is Driven By Uncertainty | Zen Habits by Leo Babauta. Most of our stuff, we buy because of one feeling: the feeling of uncertainty.

Who Doesn’t Love Sales? There’s Just One Problem: They Lead Us to Make Dumb Choices | TED Ideas by Dan Ariely + Jeff Kreisler. Most people’s hearts leap up when they see the words “50% off” or “Buy One Get One Free.” Unfortunately, discounts cause us to act quickly and spend more than we should.

Give Yourself The Gift Of A Decluttered Home That Lasts | Mind Body Green by Caroline Muggia. Our stuff is literally stealing away our joy and our lives. It’s stealing the most precious thing in the world—our motherhood.

The Case for Doing Nothing | The New York Times by Olga Mecking. Stop being so busy, and just do nothing. Trust us.

Minimalism Is Not My Greatest Goal | YouTube.

The Impact You Can Have From a Small Space

There is a temptation to believe we need a lofty standing in
the world before we can accomplish impressive deeds.

If we had “this much” in our bank account, we could start doing big things. If we had “that job,” we could accomplish so much good. If we had “that skill,” “this talent,” or “that degree,” we could make such a difference in the world.

These are lies that we tell ourselves.

I’m currently typing these words on a 13.3” computer screen. I’m sitting at a desk in an otherwise empty room. There is no secretary downstairs, no warehouse connected to the back. It’s just me, in an empty room, with a computer and an internet connection.

Yet, from this small, quiet space, I will write words that
will possibly be read by hundreds of thousands of people.

From this small, humble room, I am able to make a difference in the world—hopefully inspiring someone, somewhere, to own less stuff and live more.

It’s actually quite extraordinary when you think about the time that we live in, and the opportunity to influence the world from anywhere we might be.

In some ways, the opportunities that exist to connect and communicate with others are more available to us today than at any point in human history.

But in other ways, I suppose they are not all that
different.

Henry David Thoreau wrote his masterpiece, Walden , from a small cabin in Massachusetts.Mother Theresa changed the world for good and became a role model for millions from the slums in Calcutta, India.Rosa Parks became the face of the civil rights movement in the United States of America from a public bus in Montgomery, Alabama.Steve Jobs launched Apple (one of the three most valuable companies in the world) from a garage in little Cupertino, California.

The list of people who made a big difference from a small place could fill countless volumes.

It’s amazing when you think about the opportunities that each of us have, every day, to bring good into this world—even from the humblest of places. To think we must accomplish a certain degree of worldly success before we can be a meaningful source for good is to miss out on the opportunities right in front of us each day.

Theodore Roosevelt is credited as saying, “Do what you can, with what you have, where you are.” His words ring true.

No matter who you are, where you live, or how many zeroes are present in your bank account, you can bring good into the world:

Every day, we have opportunity to model a healthy, selfless, disciplined life for our children. Every day, we can offer a smile to the person serving us behind the counter.Every day, we can work hard at our job, bringing value to the people we serve and our co-workers.Every day, we can look for opportunities to serve others in big ways and small ways.Every day, we can be generous with our time and our money (no matter how small that amount might be). Every day, we can offer kind words or a listening ear to someone who needs it most.

Ordinary people making the most of their every day will result in extraordinary change. It worked in the past, it works in the present, and will continue to do so well into the future.

One Dollar a Day Can Provide a Family for a Child

This weekend, my family (along with many others) will celebrate Mother’s Day. It is a time to honor those amazing women who love, encourage, and care for children. Of course, with Father’s Day right around the corner as well, the subject of family is center in our thoughts this time of year.

Family has always been a central component of my life—and my journey into minimalism. In fact, my introduction to minimalism stemmed from the realization that all of the stuff I owned was actually keeping me from more important things, like spending time with my family.

I was recently asked on Facebook how I define success. I responded with this statement, “Success to me is faithfulness to God, my family, and the work I’ve been placed on this earth to accomplish.” Clearly, family is never far from the top of my priorities.

I think we can all agree that family is important. But if you want to hear it from the experts—kids, of course—check out this quick (and super cute) video:

But around the world, many kids are still longing to be part of a family. Millions of orphaned children are growing up in institutions rather than in a loving family environment. In November 2015, my wife Kim and I, along with a few other individuals, decided to change that.

With the support of the Becoming Minimalist community, we founded The Hope Effect, a nonprofit organization on a mission to change the way the world cares for orphans.

In developing countries, orphans are commonly placed in institutional care, which research shows has damaging effects such as stunted development and delayed learning abilities.

At The Hope Effect, we know there’s a better way. We know that children belong in families. That’s why we are working tirelessly to bring family-based solutions to orphans around the world.

Our model of care mimics the family unit, with two parents and no more than 6-8 children in a household. This type of loving, family-style environment provides opportunities for children to flourish and thrive.

The Becoming Minimalist community has been instrumental in the growth and success of The Hope Effect, and I am so grateful. You have literally contributed hundreds of thousands of dollars. Because of your passion, we are providing family-style care to children in multiple locations in Mexico and Honduras.

In Chihuahua, Mexico, we are helping expand foster care to provide families for many of the 1,500 children currently living in institutional care in Chihuahua City. In Santa Rosa, Honduras, we are providing transitional care to children who are waiting for foster and adoptive families to become available. And we are close to obtaining government approval to pioneer our unique model of orphan care in San Luis Río Colorado, a small town in Sonora, Mexico, on the U.S.-Mexico border.

You can learn more about all of our projects here.

This is possible because of you—you are changing the way the world cares for orphans!

And if you’d like to continue to partner with us, you can make a difference in the life of a child… for just one dollar a day.

I’m excited to introduce our Dollar a Day Team—a new opportunity to provide loving, family-style care for orphans in need. What exactly does one dollar a day accomplish? Just one dollar a day opens up a home for an orphan currently in institutional care. One dollar a day provides continued family-style care for that child.

One dollar a day gets a child into a family.

I believe this work is critical—that’s why I am doubling your impact in the month of May! I will match the donations of the first 50 people who join the team, for the first entire year. Minimalism has provided me with so many benefits, including opportunities to practice generosity. Will you join me during the month of May?

The Hope Effect is a 501(c)(3) organization, so your donation is tax-deductible within the U.S. And because we know you want your donation to be used for the reason it was given, you can choose to direct 100% of your gift for orphan care work.

Thank you for embracing the mission of The Hope Effect over the last several years. You are making such a difference in the lives of children in need.

Together, we are changing how the world cares for orphans.

Minimalism on the Path to Financial Independence

Editor’s Note: This is a guest post from Jillian Johnsrud of Montana Money Adventures.

I grew up in a small town in Montana tucked close to the Canadian border, it was a place with vast wheat fields and cattle herds. While there were sweet parts of my childhood, it was often tumultuous. As a result, from even a young age, I started dreaming of life being able to look different.

Starting at age 12, I took on part-time jobs and stocked piled my modest savings. I left high school with $8000 in my bank account and one burning desire: Freedom. I wanted safety, opportunity, and choice.

So I took six years of savings and bought a very used, and very 80’s camper. I attended Bible college in Idaho and that camper was my student housing. More importantly, it was mine. A safe place.

This was the start of my journey with minimalism and financial independence. Those two concepts have been intertwined my entire journey.

The term financial independence refers to the point that your investments can cover all your expenses. At 18, that seemed like a pipe dream. But I understood that money could buy you choices.

At 12, I had begged my mom to move us out of a challenging and scary situation. She looked at me with her steady and matter of fact brown eyes and said, “There is no way I can raise three kids on my own. Jillian, we just don’t have the money for that.”

I cried hot tears in my bed that night. Then started saving that $8000, $5 at a time. Like a kid building rockets in the basement, I was scheming for a different life—a life with more financial freedom. I didn’t have the audacity to hope for financial independence. But I never wanted to be in that same dilemma again, where money gets to decide your basic well-being.

So into the camper I moved. $8000 was a lot of money at 18. I could have rented an apartment. A nice one, in fact. But that would have used up my financial freedom instead of creating it.

During the Spring of my freshman year, I met my husband. He was leading a youth group in the coffee shop where I worked and the high school kids had put him up to give me his phone number.

Later that week, we talked and talked. About my desire to adopt, his foster brother, my dream of travel, his love of the mountains. After we married, we moved back into a camper. 31 feet of housing bliss.

This was 17 years ago. Tiny homes weren’t a thing. Van life wasn’t on Instagram. Heck, phones didn’t have the internet. They could barely text.

That first year of marriage, I was blissfully happy. Deeply in love and with our whole lives stretched out in front of us. People often ask, with some disdain, how we could have made such a huge sacrifice living in an old camper. The camper taught me an important lesson about minimalism.

It had room for everything we needed and used, but nothing else.

It’s a radical idea really. All those things I didn’t need or use weren’t the underpinning of my happiness. That we can be truly happy, blissfully happy without the stuff we never use. It’s still a radical idea.

Armed with my half-finished degree, Adam’s (my husband) degree in social services, and $55k in debt, he enlisted in the military.

Growing our financial freedom was a top priority. Without high earning jobs, it made our path with minimalism that much more clearer.

We simply didn’t have the income to buy or rent more space than we needed and fill it with stuff we wouldn’t use. Not if we wanted to grow our financial freedom.

I could look rich, or I could actually grow wealth, but I couldn’t afford to do both. (tweet that)

We had to choose.

To look rich, with all the square footage, clothes closet bursting at the seams, and every gadget, there would be a real trade-off.

Plus, I still wanted to adopt children. When I was 17, I got to know one of my coworkers who was a foster parent. It touched my heart. Then at college, my pastor and his wife had adopted two teenagers from foster care.

The idea of having two loving, supportive, caring parents is the greatest gift one person could give another. If there was any way I could give that gift to someone, I wanted to try.

And I still wanted to see the world. I loved the small town I grew up in, but I longed to see how big this world was.

So we saved half our income. From that first year of marriage in the camper, we committed to saving half of everything we earned—a fill 50%, no exceptions.

Some years that meant renting places smaller than ideal. It meant driving older cars and packing lunches. For three years we had a roommate, even while we had our first two kids.

The idea of financial independence can seem daunting. That might mean a million dollars in net worth.

At each step, we celebrated.

Between the Army student loan repayment program, a sign on bonus and living in my parent’s basement while Adam was at basic training, we had paid off the $55,000 in debt by our second year of marriage.

I’ll never forget the moment we were debt free and saved our first $10,000. I was depositing a paycheck in our local bank. It was the procedure for the teller to print the deposit receipt, circle the balance in red and then slide the paper across the counter. In this military bank, the teller was a 60-year-old Korean woman. I saw her eyes grow wide when we saw our balance. Trying to hide her excitement, she mouthed the words, “You have $10,000!!!” I wanted to burst into tears. For the first time in our marriage, we were debt free with ten grand in the bank. I just kept nodding my head mouthing the words, “I know! I know!”

It wasn’t financial independence, but to be debt free and have $10,000 cash in the bank felt like Ed McMahon just showed up to our front door with a larger than life Publisher’s Clearing House check.

We adopted our first child, Micah, while we were at our first duty station in Washington DC. He had been in foster care most of his life and at 11, the odds of him finding a forever home were getting slim. Actually, the caseworker told me rather bluntly, “Either you can adopt him, or he’ll be put in a group home until he ages out of foster care. Because I’ve asked every potential family, and they all said no.” Totally unprepared, and in over my head, I became a mom to Micah when I was 22.

After DC, we were stationed in Germany, which gave us four amazing years to explore Europe from a home base. We slow traveled through 25 countries while we were there.

At 29, my biggest financial goal came true. Ten years after starting my journey with Adam, and after ten years of renting, we paid cash for our first home. We had to gut the whole thing to remove the mold that was rapidly spreading. It was a lot of painting and learning to lay floors after my nine-hour work days. But we had a home. One that was ours. A home with four bedrooms that would welcome a foster sibling group of three just two years later.

In one year, we went from one child at home to four. With these three kiddos came twelve weekly appointments, visits with birth parents, case workers, court dates and crushing uncertainty for all of us.

Minimalism spread to all areas of my life by necessity. I spent most of that year feeling like I was on the verge of drowning, every inch of margin was a lifeline. We applied minimalism to our schedule, our meal planning, our relationships.

We only had space for the necessary and needed, for the life-giving, for the best things.

Everything else had to fall away or I feared it would pull me under. My number one job was to stay afloat for these kids.

I dubbed it The Year of Easier, Not Harder.

Minimalism and frugality are two sides of the same coin. It’s taking an honest look at your budget, schedule, relationships, habits, self-care, mindset, and possessions. What is truly adding value? What is helping you move closer to your core values, best work, lasting impact, and biggest life?

Between a military pension, rental properties, and investments, we became financially independent at 32—just a year before we were able to adopt those three kiddos. It was perfect timing really. Because the next year, four kids at home became five kids when we found out we were expecting another baby.

Three and a half years ago, we stepped away from our 9-5 jobs. We have traveled all over the Midwest and West Coast with our kids. We’ve seen a dozen National Parks. Hiked in the mountains, swam in the ocean, and slept by Joshua trees.

I’ve done my best to fulfill that dream I had 17 years ago on a first date with Adam. Give kids who have had a rough go of it two loving, supportive and caring parents. Parents that have the health, emotional energy, and ability to show up for them, every single day.

If you haven’t heard the term FIRE, it stands for Financial Independence Retire Early. This idea that we can create enough income from investments like stocks or rentals to never have to create earned income again to cover our bills.

For me, FIRE was never meant to be an opting out but a leaning in. It’s like minimalism and frugality. It’s focusing all our energy, time and resources toward building our best life and biggest impact. Letting the rest fall away. The 100 stuffed animals, overpacked closets, or extra box of Christmas decor. It’s trading the good for the great.

Now that we don’t have to work to cover our bills, we can choose our very best work. Work we love, that creates change in the world and that gives us the flexibility to be the very best parents we can be. That’s my why for FI.

This winter I could tell that my kids were getting worn down. A few of them struggle in the school setting and part way through the year it starts to show. Montana, where we live, was having a cold, hard January. It was taking a toll on all of us. So we decided last minute to take a break. With the support of the teachers, who could see how tired our kids were getting, we took off for three weeks.

We spent some time in sunny Vegas. We went to the beach in LA. Did a few days at Disney. Stayed on the water in San Diego and spend a few days at the zoos. We all came back full of rest, some sunshine and ready to tackle the rest of the winter.

I learned at 12 that money gives you options. Options to take care of yourself and your family. Both in dire situations, and when everyone just needs a vacation. Financial independence and minimalism gave me those options.

***

Jillian Johnsrud blogs at Montana Money Adventures where she helps people custom build a lifestyle that perfectly reflects their values, passion, and purpose. For more inspiration, find her on Instagram or check out her free Ten Day Intentional Living course.

Inspiring Simplicity. Weekend Reads.

Minimalism is the intentional promotion of the things we most value and the removal of anything that distracts us from it. It requires a conscious decision because it is a countercultural lifestyle that stands against the culture of overconsumption that surrounds us.

The world we live in is not friendly to the pursuit of minimalism. Its tendencies and relentless advertising campaigns call us to acquire more, better, faster, and newer. The journey of finding simplicity requires consistent inspiration.

For that reason, I hope you will make an effort this weekend to find a quiet moment with a cup of coffee or tea and enjoy some of these hand-picked articles to encourage more simplicity in your life.

Simplify Your Day to Have a Greater Impact | Zen Habits by Leo Babauta. Imagine clearing out space in your day by simplifying, letting go of the small tasks, not constantly answering messages and emails, and instead giving yourself the generous gift of focusing.

11 Powerful Questions To Get Out of Your Rut | Practigal by Sheila Price. When you feel stuck, there are key decluttering questions to ask yourself about each of your items. Answering these questions will be just the push you need to get out of your rut and into decluttering success.

11 Unexpected Benefits of Simplifying Your Home & Life | Simple Lionheart Life by Melissa Russell. I’ve been simplifying, decluttering, living in and enjoying our clutter-free home for well over 6 years now. I love the extra time and space simplifying has given me and my whole family. But I’ve noticed the benefits of simplifying go far beyond what I was first expecting.

10 Steps You Can Take To Keep Advertisers From Dictating Your Life | Forbes by Joshua Becker. Commercials, advertisements, and marketers work tirelessly to convince us that products manufactured on assembly lines will make us happier. But in reality, these unnecessary purchases separate us from our dollars and add stress, burden, and obligation to our lives

Breaking The Rules of Minimalism | Joshua Becker on YouTube.

You Choose Your Life Every Day

On June 12th, 1999, I married my wife Kim. I stood in front of friends and family, witnesses and God, and declared that I would love her and be faithful to her, for better or worse, until death do us part.

It was a decision and commitment made at a specific moment in time. Early in the afternoon on Saturday, June 12th.

It was a one-time decision. But that was not the end. It is also a decision that has to be re-chosen every single day.

You see, every morning when I wake up, I am offered a choice: Will I be faithful to my wife today? And every day, I must choose faithfulness.

My marriage vows were a one-time declaration but an everyday
decision.

This is true about many of the most important decisions we
make for our lives.

We choose our life every day.

We don’t necessarily choose our circumstances every day, but
we do choose the person we are going to be.

My faith is important to me. I made a commitment to God and others many years ago… but each day I must choose to follow Him.

My family is important to me. I love my kids and I want to be both available for them and intentional in parenting… but every day I must choose to put their interests ahead of mine.

My health is important to me. Countless times I have committed to regular exercise and a healthy diet… but you know as well as I do, this is an intentional decision we must make every day.

I chose minimalism as a lifestyle almost 11 years ago… but every day, I must choose to reject the empty promises of consumerism because the temptation surrounds me constantly.

I desire to live a life of impact and significance… this requires me to make intentional decisions about time and opportunity almost every day of my life.

I believe a life lived in the pursuit of wealth is a temptation and a trap… but choosing to live for greater purposes is something I must do each day.

For you, the examples may be different. But the reality is the same:

We choose our life every day.

Annie Dillard said it this way, “How we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives.”

Some may see this as a burden. Their thinking might go like this, “Oh man, I have to choose a healthy diet again today.”

But seeing our daily choice as a burden is faulty thinking.

Because I get to choose my life every day, it means each day
is filled with opportunity. It also means, with each new sunrise, I am provided
opportunity to change or redirect course.

When I recognize choosing faithfulness, health, significance, impact, and intentionality is the best thing I can do for my life going forward, it means each day I am presented opportunity to choose the greater good.

Every morning, we get to choose the direction and the habits that lead us to live our best life possible. What a privilege!

What an honor!

What an opportunity!

May we choose the best for ourselves (and others) every single day.

10 Ways to Lower Your Life’s Fixed Costs

In Accounting terms, a company’s expense budget is comprised of two types of expenses: fixed costs and variable costs.

A fixed cost is an expense that does not change with an increase or decrease in the number of goods or services produced or sold. These are expenses that have to be paid by a company, independent of any business activity. Think rent, insurance, salaries.

Variable costs, on the other hand, may change significantly from one month to another based on the level of production or activity.

Household budgets hold the same reality. They are comprised of two types of expenses: fixed and variable. Our mortgage payment, for example, does not change from one month to another (fixed), but the exact amount of money spent on clothing or ice cream varies wildly from one month to another (variable).

In fact, the personal budgeting tool I recommend most is built on the foundation of comparing fixed expenses to income in order to discover how much is left for variable costs.

Theoretically, fixed costs are not easy to change—that is why they are called “fixed.” But not easy and not possible are not the same.

A business (and a household) can always make changes to their fixed costs. And when they lower them, they are left with more margin in the budget and more money in the bank. So let’s consider a few ways to lower life’s fixed costs.

Here are ten ways to lower your life’s fixed costs:

1. Buy/Rent a smaller home. In most situations, housing costs (rent, mortgage, taxes) take up the largest percentage of a person’s income. Living in a smaller home offers opportunity to cut these fixed costs. In our society, moving into a smaller home is equated with taking a step back in life, but that is a shame. There are many benefits to a family living in a smaller home. And your largest expense offers the greatest opportunity.

2. Avoid car payments. Among the most important financial advice I’ve ever received was the recommendation to never carry a car payment. “Buy the most reliable car you can purchase with cash, and then begin saving for your next vehicle. Sell your old one, add the cash you’ve saved, and upgrade.” I have followed it my entire life. And it is advice that can dramatically reduce your life’s fixed cost.

3. Double-check recurring expenses. Take a hard look at your next credit card/bank statement searching for recurring monthly expenses (memberships, subscriptions). Are you still using them all? Did you forget that some were even there? Cancel any of those you no longer need or use. Your monthly fixed cost will shrink immediately.

4. Research insurance costs. Insurance is often like elevator music—it’s running in the background but we rarely pay any attention to it. We research insurance before we buy it (property, auto, life, health). But once the decision has been made, we rarely consider other options. If it’s been five or more years since you selected your insurance company, it’s worth the time investment to double-check your premiums and compare other options.

5. Take your lunch to work. Food is a necessity, but how much we spend on food can vary greatly. Reduce the fixed cost of your food bill by choosing to pack a sandwich or salad for lunch rather than dining out.

6. Pay off your credit card debt. Interest payments are like flushing dollars down the drain—we don’t receive anything for them. I understand fully that some borrowed money pays off in the long run (mortgage, business, some student loans), but it is still important to think thoroughly about the implications of taking on a loan. Also, if you are requiring loaned money for consumeristic purchases (credit card debt), this is an interest payment that should be eliminated as quickly as possible.

7. Stop upgrading your phone. The monthly fees paid to cell phone providers have increased dramatically over time. Check other rates and options in your area. But one way to lower your fixed costs in the long run is to stop upgrading your phone just because you are eligible. Use your existing phone until it dies rather than needing the new model just because your company of choice announced a new one.

8. Cut utility bills at home. According to some studies, the average consumer spends 7% of their annual income on energy. Cutting utility bills may not seem significant, but reducing each, over the course of time, does result in substantial savings. Get a programmable thermostat, lower the temperature on your water heater, unplug unused electronics, cut cable, or better seal your home for cold or heat.

9. Research childcare options in your area. If your children are not in school (or need supervision before/after), look into new childcare options that have sprung up in your neighborhood. Just last week, my wife was chatting preschools with a friend. Our friend was shocked to hear the registration fee for a new, high quality preschool that had just opened in our area—it was much less expensive than the one she had intended to enroll her daughter in. After a few phone calls and independent research, she lowered her fixed costs significantly by enrolling in the new one.

10. Ditch the storage unit. 10% of Americans rent offsite storage. In almost every case, it is simply not necessary. I understand they can be helpful in certain situations: during moves or in incredibly high rent areas. But if your storage unit is simply storing stuff because you own too much stuff, get rid of it. Stop paying money to keep stuff you don’t need. Free your life of the financial and mental burden today.

Lowering our life’s fixed costs offers great opportunity. We can get ahead financially, we can pay off debt, or we can live more generous lives. Either way, it’s always worth the effort.

I Am Thankful for My Past. I’m Just Not Moving That Direction.

It is difficult for me to articulate how blessed and thankful I am for my past. My parents love me, love each other, and love life. They provided me with stability, security, acceptance, and love. They continue to provide the same even today.

My grandparents could be described in the same way. All four of them were faithful to each other, faithful to God, and involved in my life growing up. Two of them are still alive today—and continue to be a part of my life.

The education I received was valuable. A private Christian school in South Dakota for elementary, a public school in North Dakota for high school, a four-year university in Nebraska for my Bachelor’s degree, and a four-year private university in Minnesota for my Master’s degree. 

I am thankful for a mind that allowed school to come easy and a body that allowed me to participate in sports.

In high school, I met Kimberly. Shortly after graduating
college, we married—20 years ago. And I couldn’t be happier. She is loving and
patient and selfless and kind and beautiful. She has supported me every step of
the way and I hope I’ve done justice in supporting her.

I have never worked a job I did not find fulfilling. I am thankful for the men and women who offered opportunities and mentorship along the way.

My two kids are 16 and 13. Both are healthy, do well in school, participate in extracurricular activities, are active at church, and have close friends they can rely on.

Not every day of my life has been perfect, certainly not. To live is to suffer strife and trials of every kind. But in almost every imaginable way, my life until now has been richly blessed.

I am thankful for my past, but I am not moving in that direction. My past has been lived and can never be re-lived.

Forward is the only direction we can live our lives.

This is true whether our past is something we want to
remember or something we want to forget.

If our past was difficult, we learn from it. We redeem our past mistakes by learning from them. And we overcome wrongs committed against us by serving others and vowing to chart a different path forward for ourselves.

If our past was positive, we honor it most by living our best life in the current season and the next.

This is something we need to be reminded of often. It is easy, over the course of life, to collect more and more possessions from previous seasons of life: objects that were passed on to us by our parents, things that were used by our children when they were young, or items that signify accomplishments in life and career. Items that, by nature, represent the past—whether it be a season of life, a relationship, an accomplishment, or an experience we want to remember.

But the possessions we keep should represent the person we are trying to become, not the person we were.

Sometimes we think we’re honoring our departed loved ones by
keeping their stuff, but let’s ask ourselves if they would want us to be
burdened by their belongings. Doubtful. The best way to honor those who loved
us is to live our best life possible, not to be weighed down by their things.

In the same way, we do not do ourselves favors when we cling to past seasons of life after we have entered into new ones.

You may have loved mothering young kids, for example, and look back on those days with great fondness. But if your kids have grown and have families of their own, you are in a new stage of life and should embrace it fully. Holding on to a lot of mementos of motherhood and longing for those days may be hindering you from fully entering into the potential of your new time of life.

Minimizing possessions from our past is not a sign of disrespect. Quite the opposite. It is the most honoring thing we can do. Because no matter how sweet the memories, our lives are not moving in that direction.

Just because something brought you joy in the past doesn’t mean you should carry it forever. (tweet that)