Joshua Becker's Blog, page 65

Write Your Own Permission Slip: 3 Ways to Give Yourself Permission to Make Life Simpler

Note: This is a guest post from Melissa of Melissa Camara Wilkins.

Life is complicated. What I’ve always wanted life to be is . . . simple. Simpler, anyway. But no. Life has always been complicated, and most of the time I was pretty sure I was doing it wrong.

In fact, I used to have a charming personal mantra that went like this: I am the worst.

It was like an affirmation, except the opposite. Some people say, “I’m good enough, I’m smart enough, and I have what it takes.” I said, “Ugh, I should have known.”

My phone is
out of power? I am the worst at recharging.

Sauce on my
shirt? I am the worst at spaghetti.

What was
that guy’s name? I am the worst at remembering.

Everyone else seemed pretty much okay and I was kind of a
mess, so everyone else was better and I was the worst. It seemed perfectly
logical to me.

But life just IS complicated. Being a person is hard. That doesn’t mean we’re doing anything wrong. That’s just the way it is. And blaming myself for the nature of reality was making things more complicated all along.

We all know—at least in theory—how to sort through our
closets and clear off our counters, but how do you clean out the mess in your
head and in your heart? How do you learn to set down all the stuff you carry
that isn’t really helping you? How do you decide that the person you are
inside—the real you, the person underneath all the expectations and comparisons
and measuring up and fitting in—is allowed to show up in your life?

I tell the whole story of how I learned to give myself permission to be who I really am in my book, Permission Granted. But in the meantime, start here:

Permission to rewrite the story

We all have stories looping around in our minds somewhere.
Sometimes these are helpful, but often they’re just mental clutter that keeps
us stuck.

If you’re not sure what your stories sound like, listen for what you say to yourself when things fall apart, or when you’re overwhelmed, or when you look in the mirror, or when you first wake up in the morning.

What messages are you sending yourself? Are they helpful?

The story in my head, the one that sounded like “I am the
worst”? That one wasn’t true, and it wasn’t helpful. I needed to rewrite that
story with something truer. I didn’t need to convince myself that I was the
best instead of the worst—I just needed to tell the truth.

The truth is, I’m not the worst. The truth is, I am the
way I am for a good reason, and I’m allowed to be this person.

Now when I hear those old stories crop up, I know to take
a deep breath and tell myself something truer. Give yourself permission to
change the story.

Permission to un-meet expectations

There are approximately a zillion things to do in the
average day: carpool and deadlines and laundry and dinner, email and meetings
and phone calls and paperwork. And don’t forget to be an informed citizen and
an engaged community member, and to raise courageous, compassionate humans (if
you happen to be contributing to the raising of children)—oh, and to make room
for your own self to thrive, in whatever ways work best for you.

It’s a tall order.

But when we stop to ask ourselves why we’re doing half
those things in the first place, sometimes what we discover is that we’re doing
them because that’s just the way it’s
done, in our community or in our society or in our circle. We didn’t choose
those things, exactly, they just fell into our laps because they were expected
of us.

And sure, we can just keep trying to be the person the
world expects us to be forever… but when you’re trying to meet other people’s
expectations instead of your own, that is when things get complicated.

So this is how you un-meet expectations, then. You say no.
You throw out or give away all the stuff you’re tired of organizing. You let
the laundry pile up, or you tell everyone to wear those jeans one more time.
You get slow at replying to email. You delete stuff. You delete more stuff. You
give yourself permission to do what you need to do, and you don’t wait for
anyone else’s approval.

Give yourself permission to be who you really are, not who
everyone else expects you to be.

Permission to experiment

I used to think that if I couldn’t get it together the way
everyone else could, I should at least pretend
to know what I was doing. Fake-it-till-you-make-it? Smile and nod and say
yes to everything everyone else puts on your plate, spin your wheels faster and
faster until you can’t spin anymore… sound familiar? It never quite got me to
where I wanted to go.

But when I decided to stop doing all that, I wasn’t sure
what would happen. I knew I needed to quit trying to be who everyone else
expected me to be. I knew I needed to tell the truth. But I wasn’t sure exactly
what that would look like, or what would happen next.

What I didn’t realize was this: when we make changes, we’re going to try some things that aren’t going to work.

We’re going to forget which direction we meant to walk and have to circle back around again. We might hear ourselves whispering: oh wow, I really am the worst at this. (Don’t worry, you’re not.) But if we wait to get started until we’ve figured out our whole path, we’re never going to take the first step. You’re allowed to just try and see what happens.

Try saying no to something that doesn’t fit. Try saying
yes to something that excites you. Try telling the truth next time someone asks
how you are. Try listening to yourself to see what you hear. Try following your
heart instead of waiting until you know why. Give yourself permission to
experiment.

Give yourself permission

This is how we start to make life simpler on the inside. We
start by noticing what needs to change, and by trusting ourselves to make those
changes.

Give yourself permission to experiment. Give yourself
permission to learn from what doesn’t work and try again. Give yourself
permission to be gloriously imperfect.

Give yourself permission to be who you really are.

***

Melissa’s new book, Permission Granted: Be Who You Were Made to Be and Let Go of The Rest, is brand new and available now. Permission Granted is all about giving yourself permission to be who you really are—and making your whole life simpler in the process.

Encouraging Simplicity. Weekend Reads.

For the last seven years, I have been compiling and publishing curated articles that inspire simplicity in life. At first, it was an exercise in communicating to Becoming Minimalist readers the most popular articles I sent out on Twitter.

But over the years, it has become more than that. It has become a place where people (every other week) come for a dose of inspiration. And it has become a place to promote and encourage writers around the world who are publishing content about minimalism, simplicity, and intentional living.

I think you will enjoy this collection of articles hand-selected for you this weekend. Grab some coffee, tea, or lemonade and be inspired to live a simpler life today.

Declutter Your Fantasy Self | No Sidebar by Karen Trefzger. Beware of trying to buy the fantasy. Invest your limited time, energy, and money actually doing what you like rather than buying stuff, since things will never make you something you are not.

How to Build a Life Based on Intentional, Mindful Consumption | REI by Jenni Gritters. Members of the outdoor community share their tips for embracing minimalism, zero waste and other mindful consumption trends.

Warren Buffett Says This 1 Simple Habit Separates Successful People From Everyone Else | Pocket by Marcel Schwantes. Hint: It starts with a two-letter word.

Couple Sell Everything They Own to Live Debt-free on Bus with Daughter and Dog | Mirror UK by Bradley Jolly. Will Watson and wife Kristin, from Jacksonville, Florida, have been keen adventurers since they were children.

7 Powerful Reminders to Focus on What Matters | Marc and Angel Hack Life by Marc Chernoff. “Am I making meaningful use of this scarce and precious day?”

Overcoming Envy | Becoming Minimalist on YouTube

10 Minimalist YouTube Channels to Watch

Note: This is a guest post from Gabriella Hileman, Director and Editor of the Becoming Minimalist YouTube Channel.

You probably already know that minimalism is more than interiors bathed in neutrals and expensive, totally-not-kid-proof ultramodern furniture, that it is more than owning few enough items to fit into one suitcase. It is more, even, than keeping only what sparks joy.

And here’s the thing that gets confusing sometimes: minimalism can be a decorating style. It can be part of asceticism. It is joyous.

Done
well, however, minimalism isn’t one size fits all, nor should it be.

Its followers are old and young, single people and large families. It works equally well for doctors, farmers, teachers, Silicon Valley programmers, families in suburban bungalows and digital nomads.

Minimalism
isn’t being choosy about lamps and vases. It’s being choosy about
what means the most to us, as people, and where we want to direct our
energy.

Here are 10 different Youtube channels that showcase how minimalism works differently in peoples lives, and how it reflects and amplifies the values and goals of those who practice it:

Matt D’Avella – With a following that surpassed the 2 million mark this year, filmmaker and documentarian Matt D’Avella’s sharp eye for cinematography and editing have made him a natural fit for YouTube. D’Avella’s videos about minimalism are frank, funny, and refreshingly self aware.

Typical Video Length: Around 10 minutes

The Minimal Mom – Dawn invites us into her home to share her family of four’s journey towards a minimal life. Watching The Minimal Mom feels like visiting your favorite neighbor, who offers you a warm cup of coffee and warmer words of encouragement to finally let go of all of that junk you’ve been needing to go through for ages.

Typical Video Length: Around 12 minutes

The Minimalists – Most people recognize Ryan Nicodemus & Joshua Fields Millburn from their wildly popular Netflix documentary and books, but their YouTube channel is not to be missed. Video formats run the gamut, from casual living room conversations to podcasts and more. Topics range well beyond minimalism, from creativity to breakups to health. There’s a lot to dig into, and we’re happy about that.

Typical Video Length: Varies

Break the Twitch – Anthony Ongaro’s videos explore healthy habit building and self improvement, with a big picture perspective about the end-life of the objects we buy. He has a knack for breaking down the big concepts of minimalism into approachable and bite sized servings that really land.

Typical Video Length: Around 5 minutes

Joshua Becker – Of course, we couldn’t make a list without including our own channel. The majority of videos focus on practical tips for decluttering and simplifying life. If you like the content here, consider subscribing to our channel.

Typical Video Length: Around 5 minutes

A Small Wardrobe – A Small Wardrobe proves that a capsule wardrobe doesn’t need to be beige, boring, and basic, and that velvet is most definitely allowed. Not limited to the dresser, she also shares tours of her apartment and how to navigate successful no-buys.

Typical Video Length: Around 15 minutes

Shannon Torrens – A mom with two small children, Torrens’ videos feel approachable and real, with a lot of great tips on how to maintain a minimalist lifestyle after the initial declutter.

Typical Video Length: Around 10 minutes

Benita Larsson – Benita Larsson’s videos are a peek into the calm and gorgeously curated home of a visual merchandiser living in Stockholm. With a residence that feels as though it springs to life from the pages of a magazine, Larsson shares insight into how she organizes, diys, and decorates her home to cozy, airy bliss. Sharing in her gentle, quiet pace of life is respite from a busy day.

Typical Video Length: Around 5 minutes

Sorelle – Sorelle made a name for herself as a globe-trotting lifestyle photographer with a larger than life personality. While many focus on creativity and self improvement, numerous videos detail how minimalism and sustainable living have enabled her travels and amplified her goals, values, and success.

Typical Video Length: Around 12 minutes

Heal Your Living – Heal Your Living’s channel has exploded with growth this year. A self-proclaimed “extreme minimalist,” Youheum is someone who utilizes an intense form of minimalism, which she recognizes isn’t a fit for everyone, to live a highly contemplative, peaceful, and intentional life.

Typical Video Length: Around 10 minutes

It’s Ok to Be Happy with a Quiet Life

Note: This is a guest post from Brian Gardner, Creative Director and Operations at Becoming Minimalist.

“Sometimes you need to sit lonely on the floor in a quiet room in order to hear your own voice and not let it drown in the noise of others.” —Charlotte Eriksson

We live in a world where busyness is king. We’re so busy glorifying how busy we are, we miss out on experiencing the moments that matter. And while we’re so busy making a living, we forget to make life—which is quite tragic.

Here’s a sobering truth: Busyness crushes our soul, and we should focus more on reducing the number of things on our calendar than adding to it.

The key to removing busyness is simple—live intentionally, and identify areas in our life we can replace with quiet time. After all, the white space is where the magic happens. And who isn’t down for a little magic?

How Comparison is the Thief of Joy

“Envy is ever joined with the comparing of a man’s self; and where there is no comparison, no envy.” —Sir Francis Bacon

When we compare ourselves to others, we set ourselves up to add “more” into our life. More money, more cars, more houses, and more stuff. We fall victim to the old adage of “keeping up with the Joneses” which prevents us from living the life we really want to live.

The problem is that we typically compare our “worst” to their “best”, which really paints a bleak picture.

As Joshua Becker writes, “Too many people live their lives without intentionality or thought. They rarely find a quiet moment to sit in meditation or solitude and examine their life—who they are and who they are becoming.”

We should stop stop comparing our lives, and start living them.

The Importance of a Quiet Life

“Almost everything will work again if you unplug it for a few minutes, including you.” —Anne Lamott

I’m convicted of this… All. The. Time.

Many of us, including me, suffer from FOMO—the fear of missing out. We’re simply afraid if we don’t attend that event, don’t sign up for that committee, or don’t enroll our kids in that sport, we’ll miss out on something.

We think there is happiness to be had, joy to be experienced, and moments to be made. Yes, there might be some truth to this, but who’s to say the moments of solitude or quiet time won’t measure up—or even exceed those altogether?

I love what Katrina Kenison shares in her essay, Why You Must Have Time Alone:

In solitude, we see more clearly. Alone—in moments of prayer or meditation, or simply in stillness—we breathe more deeply, see more fully, hear more keenly. We notice more, and in the process, we return to what is sacred.

Do yourself a favor and reclaim margin in your life. It might make a world of difference and bring you happiness. Because you are worthy of it.

Why Minimalism is the Answer

“I am pursing minimalism. I know this to be true. I want less, and I want simplicity, and I want to spend my days connecting and caring, not consuming and completing.” —Erin Loechner

I don’t know about you, but that sounds appealing to me. Isn’t this the kind of life you want to live? It’s definitely the kind of life I want to live.

Minimalism doesn’t have to be about living in a tiny house with only a few shirts in your closet. Minimalism is about paring down and focusing on the things that are important—or as Marie Kondo says, the ones that bring us joy.

Here’s how Joshua Fields Millburn and Ryan Nicodemus define minimalism, “Minimalism is a tool that can assist you in finding freedom. Freedom from fear. Freedom from worry. Freedom from overwhelm. Freedom from guilt. Freedom from depression. Freedom from the trappings of the consumer culture we’ve built our lives around. Real freedom.“

I believe we all want to incorporate some level of minimalism into our life, and experience the freedom that Joshua and Ryan talk about. And it’s important for us to know there isn’t a “right” or “wrong” way to do it.

Annie Dillard says, “How we spend our days is how we spend our lives.”

It starts with the decision to live more intentionally, and to make quiet time a priority. Each day is just as important as the next in creating the life we imagine.

Experience the Quiet Life

Here’s the bottom line: It is not selfish to want time for yourself.

There is a reason the next issue of Simplify Magazine takes a deep-dive into the topic of Self-Care.

It is not selfish to want moments where you can leave the world behind, and recapture the magic. I encourage you today to find one—just one—area in your life that you can make a change. Take one small step towards a quiet life.

So turn it off. Put it down. Do not open it. And do not answer it.

For once, put yourself first. Love yourself, and make yourself a priority. Even for just one day, you deserve everything. Every part of the life you are after.

A Season of Excess

Today is Halloween in America.

It’s a fun day—one I always look forward to.

When I was a kid, I LOVED trick-or-treating with my brother and sister (even in the cold October 31st weather of South Dakota). Nowadays, in Phoenix, we host a party in our driveway on Halloween night for our friends while our kids gather candy from the neighbors. It’s a fun holiday—I do enjoy it.

However, in my mind, Halloween also marks the beginning of the longest season of excess in our country:

I think of it this way:

Halloween is… followed by Thanksgiving…followed by Black Friday…followed by Cyber Monday… followed by Christmas… followed by New Year’s Eve.

No wonder everybody in the country decides on January 1st they need to make changes in how they are living. Halloween through New Year’s has just equaled 64 days of excess.

Look at some of the stats:

For Halloween, Americans are expected to spend $8.8 billion on candy, costumes and decorations this year—that’s $86 for every person who plans to celebrate. Including $2.6 billion on candy (for a one-day holiday!) and half a billion dollars on costumes for their pets. And somewhere along the way, inflatable Halloween decorations in our front yard became a thing…

Thanksgiving is famous for three things: family, football, and overeating. Meals are important and so is celebration. Thanksgiving is a special day in our home with good food and meaningful traditions. So please don’t read that I disapprove of the holiday.

But let’s be honest, when the average American consumes 4,500 calories in a single day (almost twice the recommended daily intake), it’s easy to see how the holiday contributes to this season of excess.

Thanksgiving gives way to Black Friday (with some stores choosing to open on Thanksgiving Day). Black Friday gives way to Small Business Saturday, Cyber Monday, and Giving Tuesday. All told, Americans will spend $90B shopping for unneeded items the weekend immediately following a day being grateful for all the things they do have.

And then of course, we have the Christmas season and all the excesses that accompany the holidays celebrated during the month of December.

The calendar is full of scheduled events (work parties, church parties, dance recitals, band performances, family gatherings, and community events). Billfolds are opened wide and often—50% of holiday shoppers either overspend their holiday budget or do not set one at all and 28% of holiday shoppers enter the season still paying off debt from last year’s gift shopping.

One week later, we’ll gather again to celebrate the start of a New Year (or in this year’s case, a new decade). We’ll eat more, drink more, attend more parties, and stay up later than we normally would.

When everything is all said and done, on January 1, we’ll stand on the scale, open our credit card statement, or take one look around the house and realize that change is necessary.

We will resolve to lose weight, get out of debt, organize the house, or overcome an addiction that began in moderation but grew into excess. We’ll know we overdid it the past couple months and resolve to do better going forward.

Seasons of extended excess often lead to the realization that change must occur. And that season of excess starts today… on Halloween.

The upcoming months are a wonderful time of year filled with family, traditions, and memories to be made. We honor our faith, our past, and the communities we live in.

But if you are often swept away by the excesses of the upcoming season, resolve today to not make the same mistakes of the past. You don’t need to wait until January 1st to make that decision.

Set boundaries on your spending. Know your financial limitations and develop your budget now for the entire season. Don’t let November & December ruin your January thru October.

Set boundaries on your celebrations. You do not need to embrace excess to enjoy this season of the year. Halloween can still be enjoyed without an inflatable black cat in your front yard. Thanksgiving can still be enjoyed without a stomachache. Christmas can be appreciated without falling into consumerism. And New Year’s can be enjoyed in moderation.

Set boundaries on your expectations. Too many of us fall into the thinking that the perfect holiday requires us to overextend ourselves. We want everything perfect for our kids (regardless of their age), our friends, and ourselves. And we think that means mountains of decorations, gifts, or sugary foods. But your perfect holiday season doesn’t require your excess. Many times, it simply needs your presence.

I will enjoy myself this evening out in the driveway handing out candy, visiting with my neighbors, and celebrating a simple American tradition.

I can enjoy this holiday (and the next one) without falling into the trap of excess. Most of those excesses are entirely manufactured by those who profit from it anyway.

Minimalism Means…

Misconceptions have always swirled around the word minimalism.

When I first began speaking on the topic 10 years ago, I’d ask organizers not to use the word in the title of my presentation.

“Too many misconceptions,” I would say. Use simplicity or
decluttering… people have less misconceptions about those phrases and will be
more likely to attend.

And, in both of my books (The More of Less and The Minimalist Home), I took time to discuss misconceptions and explain how minimalism isn’t about subtracting joy from life, it’s about adding purpose, meaning, and passion.

But the conversation has turned over the past decade. People are no longer afraid of the word: minimalism. In fact, just the opposite is true.

People are intrigued by the idea and desire more of it in their lives. Just yesterday, I was asked to speak to a Women’s Group in January. “You were the most requested topic by our women,” the email said. The tide has definitely turned.

Minimalism has become more mainstream than I ever imagined.

But with this cultural acceptance of the lifestyle, I am noticing a new misconception emerge. The misconception becoming more and more prevalent these days is this:

Minimalism is to everyone what it is to me.

This week alone, I received three messages containing the misconception. They were worded like this:

Minimalism means we should choose to waste less of our life stuck at work.Minimalism means we should repair, re-use, and buy secondhand as much as possible.Minimalism means you should use less words and write shorter posts.

These examples of “Minimalism means…” could be added to
the countless others I have heard over the years:

Minimalism means we should care for the environment and look for ways to live zero waste.Minimalism means we shouldn’t save money, but give it all away.A true minimalist wouldn’t be on social media.Minimalism means you should cut off every relationship that doesn’t serve you.

And the list continues.

Each time, the author makes the same misconception: What minimalism means to me is what it must mean to everyone else.

But this line of thinking couldn’t be further from the truth.

Minimalism is always going to look different from person to person based on any number of important factors: family size, socioeconomics, residence, occupation—just to name a few.

But even more importantly, minimalism is about promoting our
values and passions in life. And because each of us have different values and
passions, minimalism is never going to look to everyone else as it looks to
me. 

There are some minimalists who don’t view minimalism as a means to work less… they embrace minimalism so they can work more.

There are some minimalists who are not interested in buying secondhand items for their life…. they embrace minimalism so they can purchase higher quality items instead.

There are some minimalists who have embraced minimalism not
because they want to write less… but because they want to write more.

There are many minimalists who adopt minimalist principles because climate change is of utmost importance to them… but there are also countless minimalists who are not nearly as concerned about the environment as others may be. The cause motivates some, but not all.

When I first embraced minimalism, it was because I desired more time to spend with my kids and there were no other motivations in mind.

There are some minimalists who have decided people are
different than things and decluttering relationships is a much different
conversation than minimizing possessions. They may have even embraced
minimalism as a means to find opportunity to restore broken relationships.

In each and every case, minimalism means something different.

Minimalism is the intentional promotion of the things we
most value by removing everything that distracts us from it.

It is about owning fewer possessions and becoming more intentional with our limited resources.

But what we value most will always determine how it is lived out in our lives. Because what is important to me is different than what is important to you.

Inspiring Simplicity. Weekend Reads.

There’s more to life than buying stuff.

There are many wonderful people pursuing and promoting simplicity. Fortunately, some of them are gifted in communication and choose to encourage and inspire us with their words. I enjoy reading their unique perspective. I’m sure you will too.

So fix yourself a cup of coffee or tea on this beautiful weekend. Find a quiet moment. And enjoy some encouraging words about finding more simplicity in your life today.

How Cognitive Traps Make It Harder to Let Go of Our Stuff | Psychology Today by Austin Perlmutter M.D. Three reasons we cling to things we don’t need, and how to avoid these pitfalls.

Creating the Habit of Not Being Busy | Zen Habits by Leo Babauta. Let’s get at the heart of this always-busy habit, and then reverse it.

You Are Not Your Clothes | Medium by Siva Shanmugam. It’s time to accept that you have lost reason when it comes to buying clothes.

What’s an Experience Worth? The Math Is Tricky* | The Wall Street Journal by Kevin McAllister. Increasingly, people are valuing experiences over things. But the hard part is knowing how to compare the two.

*WSJ may require a digital subscription to access.

How to Be Happier Today | Joshua Becker on YouTube.

Too Busy Not to Minimize

Excess possessions rob us of time, money, energy, and focus. As the old proverb goes, “Those who buy what they do not need steal from themselves.”

Additionally, excess possessions add stress, worry, and burden. As Randy Alcorn writes, “Every increased possession adds increased anxiety onto our lives.”

Our lives have become busy, hurried, rushed, and stressed because we own too much stuff! Consider this: Never in human history have individuals owned as much stuff as they do today.

There is freedom in owning less—if only we could catch our breath long enough to take hold of it.

Some of us have become so busy pursuing, accumulating, and caring for our things, we can’t even find the time to remove those that are no longer needed. How long has your basement been filled with boxes? How long have the shelves in your garage needed sorting? Or the clothes in your closet needed to be gone through?

On one hand, I can see it. Minimizing possessions takes work (especially if you have a lot to begin with). It takes effort and energy and an investment of time. And if both parents are working jobs to make ends meet, finding extra time to own less can be tough.

It can be hard enough to minimize just one room of a house—much less an entire home.

On the other hand, it is essential we find the time to reclaim our lives.

Consider these three truths:

1. Any time invested minimizing your possessions is never wasted.

Not only is it not wasted time, it is time multiplied back to you. There’s an old quote from Abraham Lincoln that goes like this, “Give me six hours to chop down a tree and I will spend the first four sharpening the ax.”

When we invest minutes removing unnecessary possessions from our homes, we receive an hour on the backend of less cleaning and tidying and organizing and maintaining.

And the sooner we get started, the better. The sooner we free up our lives to live the one we want, the longer we get to live it!

2. Don’t waste the rest of your life decluttering.

Sure, you can commit 5 or 10 minutes/day to your minimalism journey. But as Zoë Kim says, “Do you really want to spend the rest of your life decluttering?”

The better investment is to set aside intentional time, as soon as possible, to remove as many possessions as you can, as early as you can, so you can begin enjoying the benefits of owning less as quickly as possible.

Here are 7 specific ways to create the time you need.

3. Your life is too valuable to waste caring for things you don’t need.

Joy, happiness, and fulfillment are found in the invisible things of life: love, hope, peace, and relationships. They are not on sale at your local department store. Stop looking for them there. People who live their lives in pursuit of possessions are never content.

Our lives are too important. Don’t sacrifice your important role in this world by settling for possessions that can be purchased with a card of plastic.

If you’re feeling rushed and stressed and overly-busy, creating the time to minimize your possessions is your first step in the right direction.

Overcoming Overconsumption

Overcoming consumerism is an essential step in living a simplified life.

Even more, it is an important step in living a focused, intentional life—one that is lived to our greatest potential.

So how we can accomplish that in our lives? How do we overcome overconsumption? I put together this short video with a few ideas:

In fact, I have recorded an entire series of videos about minimalism. To watch more, subscribe to Becoming Minimalist on YouTube.

The Stories We Tell Ourselves

A good story can entertain, motivate, and teach valuable lessons.

That is why it is important we pay attention to the stories we tell ourselves.

Stories can change how we see the world. But they can also impact how we see ourselves—especially if we tell ourselves the same ones over and over again.

I had a rule when my kids were young. Under no circumstances would they wear clothing that told an unflattering story.

You know the type. Most of the time, designers created them to be funny. They use brightly colored fonts on a t-shirt with sayings like: “Here comes trouble.” “Wild Child.” Or “Just a kid that loves to watch YouTube.”

And I suppose they are kinda funny to the adults in the room. I just didn’t want my kids wearing them. The last thing I wanted every time my child walked into a room was everybody greeting him/her by saying, “Oh, here comes trouble!” Or “Here’s Wild Child!”

If every time my child walked into a room they were referred to as “trouble,” it wouldn’t take long before they began to believe that story and act on it.

The stories we tell ourselves matter. And the stories we allow others to tell us about ourselves matter as well.

Too often, as adults we miss this fact. Or we get so used to the same stories over and over again, we forget that we get to write our own.

Somewhere along the way we adopted the story as truth. So we believe certain things to be true about ourselves:

I can’t declutter my home, I’m just a messy person. I can’t get in shape, it’s not my thing. I can’t be brave, I’m a worrier.I can’t quit smoking, I’ve tried.I can’t be stable, my entire family is dysfunctional.I can’t achieve that lifelong goal, I’m just not wired that way.

In almost every one of the circumstances above, it’s not you that can’t achieve the change you want to see in life… it’s the story you are telling yourself that is keeping you from achieving that goal.

And you can change the story you tell yourself any time you want!

You don’t have to be a messy person.
You don’t have to be unhealthy.
You don’t have to be a worrier.
And on and on and on.

Those old stories don’t have to define you. Start telling yourself a new one!

You accomplish this in two ways: 1) The words that you use and 2) The actions you take.

I am a fan of positive self-talk. But I’m wise enough to know that you don’t just speak change into existence. Change takes work, effort, and discipline. But the first step is to change how you talk to yourself. That is why positive self-talk is so valuable.

Every positive change begins with these four words: “I can do this.”

So start there.

If you are a person who struggles with eating healthy and have always believed you cannot change, start each morning with one simple phrase, “I can do this.” Look yourself in the mirror and say it aloud, “I can do this. I can change my diet. I can be a healthier eater.”

And then follow it up with action.

How? By choosing to only eat fruits and vegetables every meal for the rest of your life? Probably not. But your first step in the right direction doesn’t need to be a large one. Change one meal. Go one day without sugar. Or change your order at the restaurant.

When you go to bed, remind yourself, “I did it. I ate healthier today. I feel better about myself. I can do it again tomorrow. I can become a healthier person.”

Almost certainly there will be progress and setbacks. When the setbacks happen, don’t fall back into the same old story of “See, I knew I couldn’t do it.” Tell yourself a new story, “I can’t believe I took a step backward! I was doing so well. I will start again tomorrow. I can do it.”

The stories we tell ourselves matter. Choose positive ones that foster the life you want to live and the person you want to become.