Sue Julsen's Blog - Posts Tagged "relationships"
Scars of Abuse
As children, did they easily fit in with other kids, or go out of their way trying to fit in? Did they succeed, or were they laughed at? In a crowd, did they slink into a corner trying to be invisible? Did they get beatings—or whippings—or just grounded? Were they told how useless they were and they never should’ve been born?
As adults, do they have self-confidence or are they intimidated easily? Are they afraid to voice an opinion? Afraid of being ridiculed? Afraid of doing something wrong?
While watching these seemingly normal, happy men and women I wonder: Are their smiles are fake? Are they laughing outside, but crying inside?
Thanks to my father running off with me, most of my life I cried inside while faking a smile. I felt alone. Unloved. Unwanted. I didn’t have a mother to confide in…to be my best friend. That dreadful night, as he drove away from the only home I’d ever known, I had no idea how much my life was about to change—forever.
Starting at age three, my life was filled with sorrow, neglect and abuse—a life no child should ever experience. Hurt time and again by people who claimed to love me, I grew up in the shadow of fear, uncertainty and hate. I lived life on the run, starving, abused and terrified. So terrified, in order to survive, I split into multiple personalities. This disassociation allowed me to detach from the abuse as if it was not happening to me.
The first disassociation was with Daddy, but the number of times and the duration increased over the years as the abuse escalated. Just when I thought my life couldn’t get any worse, Daddy left me alone in the car for days while he went off with a woman. When he finally returned and told me he’d married her, I was devastated! I begged him to leave her, but he slapped me so hard I saw stars.
During the next two years, living with the evil stepmother, I found out just how bad things could get. She did awful things, but the worst—she sold me to her male friends for twenty bucks and a bottle of booze.
All my life I tried to run from myself. I tried to forget the horrible things that had happened, but I couldn’t. I’d been left with scars from so many bitter memories, voices in my head, and nightmares. Horrendous nightmares that I felt sure would haunt me for the rest of my life.
For years I always wondered if I’d be a better person today if I’d had a normal life? What is normal anyway?
I wonder how many adult survivors have asked themselves that question? I’ve asked for as long as I can remember, and I still don’t know. How could I? My life was as far from normal as it could possibly get.
Although unnerving, Bitter Memories is a gripping account of the extremes a child can undergo—and survive. Written from the heart, taking on a life of its own, I relived those memories of heartache, sadness, extreme hunger, and intense fear in hopes of helping other adult survivors find a path toward healing their “hidden” scars. My story deals with explosive topics that former child victims of mental, physical, and sexual violence will understand.
My life was a living hell, one of extreme worst. But it doesn’t take extreme to mess up a child’s head. It doesn’t take extreme to drive a child beyond the breaking point.
Without professional help to deal with abuse issues, long term effects include fear, anxiety, depression, anger, hostility, inappropriate sexual behavior, poor self esteem, tendency toward substance abuse and difficulty with close relationships.
Without help, abused kids continue to experience the trauma. Fear, insecurities, a sense of hopelessness prevents the child from living a happy, fulfilled life. Many times, as I did, victims relive their abuse in recurring nightmares.
Pain of abuse is so intense, yet victims feel they can’t talk to anyone about the abuse. They feel ashamed. They have low self esteem. In a crowd, they feel totally alone. Feelings of despair sets in; they believe the abuse was their fault; they’re being punished for being bad; life isn’t worth living. When this hidden pain inside becomes overwhelming, the victim is more likely to attempt suicide.
Child abuse, neglect and/or abduction are national epidemics. Sweeping it under the rug, or choosing to believe it doesn’t happen, won’t make it go away, nor does it change statistics: (1) Almost five children die daily from abuse in the United States. (2) Three million abuse reports—physical, emotional, sexual and/or neglect—are made every year. (3) It’s estimated nearly 10 million cases will go unreported. (4) It’s estimated 60 million survivors of childhood sexual abuse live in America today. (5) Girls are three times more likely to be sexually abused than boys, however, boys have a greater risk of emotional neglect and serious injury than girls.
It doesn’t matter how abuse is inflicted, it still leaves a lasting impression on the victim. Homes in which women are beaten are at greater risk of having abused children. Children abused, as much as they don’t want to, often subject their own children to abuse.
If you see, or even suspect a child is being abused, report it immediately. It would be better to be wrong, than to be right and do nothing, and you may help save a child from a lifetime of heartache.
All an abused child needs is a chance and an environment full of love and kindness to show them how truly important they are.
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AUTHOR SPOTLIGHT: NATHAN DANIELS
Author Bio:
Nathan Daniels is the author of, Surviving the Fourth Cycle, a new
non-fiction book about surviving abuse, overcoming suicide, and learning to live with mental illness.
Nathan grew up in Massachusetts, where he lived in fear and suffered abuse at the hands of his psychotic father and older sister. The only source of love in his life was his mother, who did her best to protect him from his ominous surroundings.
Frequently molested by his big sister, beginning when he was six years old, Nathan endured this dark secret for nearly a year. At the same time, he did his best to hide from the verbal emasculation and looming threat of violence that his father had to offer.
Nathan's parents eventually divorced, and he moved across the country to live in Texas. There he would face social isolation, living with his mother, grandmother, and a new step dad.
He did not attend school for a full year, and had no peers in the dusty, forgotten trailer park where they lived for a year.
Next came Maine, where he did enroll in school and tried to fit in with kids who hadn't had sexual relationships with their sisters, or been in bar fights (at eight years old) for their drunken daddy's amusement.
It was here that his mom discovered she had Breast Cancer, and he learned his best friend was going to die.
They moved back to Texas again, and the Nathan continued his downward spiral into madness during another long year of seclusion. He began "cutting" himself on a regular basis, and he developed chronic PTSD and severe insomnia.
After another year the family relocated again, moving back to Massachusetts where Nathan began losing touch with reality, while his mother's health deteriorated. She died within a year, and when Nathan tried to reach out to his estranged father, he found out he'd died as well.
At seventeen, Nathan Daniels found himself orphaned, homeless, and at the brink of madness.
He overcame his desperate situation, doing his best to adjust to the world around him, going back and forth between periods of high functionality and intense bouts of insanity for the next twenty years of his life.
He has managed to achieve success as a warehouse manager, and has worked as a Kung-Fu teacher and tattoo artist. An avid bodybuilder and fan of wrestling, Nathan was a semi-finalist in the WWF's first season of, Tough Enough. He's also a licensed truck driver and nationally certified personal trainer.
Nathan Daniels has been diagnosed with: Borderline Personality Disorder, Social Anxiety Disorder, Agoraphobia, Chronic Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, and he suffers panic attacks, insomnia, hallucinations, self-mutilation, and suicidal tendencies.
Nathan lives with these psychological disorders, and against all odds, he survived a lifetime of trauma.
With a family of his own now, he had to unlock the mysteries of his mind to prevent himself from succumbing to the call of the grave.
He now uses writing to raise awareness for, and fight the stigma associated with abuse, suicide, and mental illness.
Book Description:
Surviving the Fourth Cycle
After a turbulent childhood filled with traumatic events, including the death of his parents, Nathan Daniels downward spiral brought him into hopeless despair and thoughts of suicide.
Orphaned and homeless, he miraculously clawed his way out of the bottom of the barrel and lived a relatively normal life for nearly five years before he felt himself starting to slip into a familiar darkness.
A cycle had begun that would continue to repeat itself throughout his life with ever-growing intensity and threats.
Surviving the Fourth Cycle swings pendulously back and forth between two stories that ultimately bleed into one.
You will experience the author's most recent battle with mental illness through raw and honest journal entries that give you a rare "fly on the wall" perspective from a truly haunted mind.
At the same time, Nathan rips his closet door off its hinges and lets all the skeletons come rattling out through a series of writings that are, in essence, the chapters of his life.
You are in for a bumpy ride as he picks through the bones in these extremely personal essays that examine the intense relationships and experiences that have led to both his struggle to function in society, and his ability to persevere.
Author links:
Main Website
http://survivingthefourthcycle.com/
Facebook
https://www.facebook.com/Nathan.danie...
Twitter
https://twitter.com/NathanDaniels75
Linkedin
http://www.linkedin.com/pub/nathan-da...
Google+
https://plus.google.com/1051735556914...
Pinterest
http://pinterest.com/nathancdaniels/
Youtube
http://www.youtube.com/channel/UCPj35...
Goodreads
http://www.goodreads.com/author/show/...
Like or Follow Surviving the Fourth Cycle:
Facebook Page:
https://www.facebook.com/pages/Surviv...
Google+ Page
https://plus.google.com/1124284034990...
Goodreads
http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/16...
To Purchase Surviving the Fourth Cycle:
From the publisher
http://booklocker.com/books/6455.html
From Amazon
http://www.amazon.com/SURVIVING-FOURT...
From Barnes & Nonble
http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/survi...
From Itunes
https://itunes.apple.com/us/book/surv...
I understand the pain Nathan tells about in his book, and I highly recommend Surviving the Fourth Cycle. Like Nathan, I too, am a survivor of child abuse. To learn about my own struggles and my fight to survive, please visit my website.
http://sj2448.wix.com/suejulsen
