Sue Julsen's Blog - Posts Tagged "hunger"

The blog has been slow in coming, but I've been busy with my next book that is now available. More on this at the end of today's blog.

The farther down the road we traveled, the more comfortable Daddy became. I had no idea where we were. I'd watched night turn to day and back to night several times before I saw Daddy smile.

Seeing his smile, I began to feel more at ease and not as afraid, but still, I would not mention Judy again. I didn't want Daddy getting mad again, and like it or not, I had to accept the fact that Judy, my best friend in the whole world, was gone.

I'd been sleeping off and on for several days, Each time I'd awaken I'd tell Daddy I was hungry, and each time he'd tell me we hadn't gotten to a town yet and to go back to sleep.

Curling up on the backseat, I thought I'd starve if we didn't get to a town soon...

For more info on my next book, Trophy Murders, the fictionalized sequel to Bitter Memories: A Memoir of Heartache & Survival please visit my website:
http://sj2448.wix.com/suejulsen

I watch them. Strangers walking down the street, smiling and laughing, and I wonder: What was their life like growing up? Did they have a normal life? Did their parents love them; tell them they were wanted? Were they told they were, and are, cherished?

As children, did they easily fit in with other kids, or go out of their way trying to fit in? Did they succeed, or were they laughed at? In a crowd, did they slink into a corner trying to be invisible? Did they get beatings—or whippings—or just grounded? Were they told how useless they were and they never should’ve been born?

As adults, do they have self-confidence or are they intimidated easily? Are they afraid to voice an opinion? Afraid of being ridiculed? Afraid of doing something wrong?

While watching these seemingly normal, happy men and women I wonder: Are their smiles are fake? Are they laughing outside, but crying inside?

Thanks to my father running off with me, most of my life I cried inside while faking a smile. I felt alone. Unloved. Unwanted. I didn’t have a mother to confide in…to be my best friend. That dreadful night, as he drove away from the only home I’d ever known, I had no idea how much my life was about to change—forever.

Starting at age three, my life was filled with sorrow, neglect and abuse—a life no child should ever experience. Hurt time and again by people who claimed to love me, I grew up in the shadow of fear, uncertainty and hate. I lived life on the run, starving, abused and terrified. So terrified, in order to survive, I split into multiple personalities. This disassociation allowed me to detach from the abuse as if it was not happening to me.

The first disassociation was with Daddy, but the number of times and the duration increased over the years as the abuse escalated. Just when I thought my life couldn’t get any worse, Daddy left me alone in the car for days while he went off with a woman. When he finally returned and told me he’d married her, I was devastated! I begged him to leave her, but he slapped me so hard I saw stars.

During the next two years, living with the evil stepmother, I found out just how bad things could get. She did awful things, but the worst—she sold me to her male friends for twenty bucks and a bottle of booze.

All my life I tried to run from myself. I tried to forget the horrible things that had happened, but I couldn’t. I’d been left with scars from so many bitter memories, voices in my head, and nightmares. Horrendous nightmares that I felt sure would haunt me for the rest of my life.

For years I always wondered if I’d be a better person today if I’d had a normal life? What is normal anyway?

I wonder how many adult survivors have asked themselves that question? I’ve asked for as long as I can remember, and I still don’t know. How could I? My life was as far from normal as it could possibly get.

Although unnerving, Bitter Memories is a gripping account of the extremes a child can undergo—and survive. Written from the heart, taking on a life of its own, I relived those memories of heartache, sadness, extreme hunger, and intense fear in hopes of helping other adult survivors find a path toward healing their “hidden” scars. My story deals with explosive topics that former child victims of mental, physical, and sexual violence will understand.

My life was a living hell, one of extreme worst. But it doesn’t take extreme to mess up a child’s head. It doesn’t take extreme to drive a child beyond the breaking point.

Without professional help to deal with abuse issues, long term effects include fear, anxiety, depression, anger, hostility, inappropriate sexual behavior, poor self esteem, tendency toward substance abuse and difficulty with close relationships.

Without help, abused kids continue to experience the trauma. Fear, insecurities, a sense of hopelessness prevents the child from living a happy, fulfilled life. Many times, as I did, victims relive their abuse in recurring nightmares.

Pain of abuse is so intense, yet victims feel they can’t talk to anyone about the abuse. They feel ashamed. They have low self esteem. In a crowd, they feel totally alone. Feelings of despair sets in; they believe the abuse was their fault; they’re being punished for being bad; life isn’t worth living. When this hidden pain inside becomes overwhelming, the victim is more likely to attempt suicide.

Child abuse, neglect and/or abduction are national epidemics. Sweeping it under the rug, or choosing to believe it doesn’t happen, won’t make it go away, nor does it change statistics: (1) Almost five children die daily from abuse in the United States. (2) Three million abuse reports—physical, emotional, sexual and/or neglect—are made every year. (3) It’s estimated nearly 10 million cases will go unreported. (4) It’s estimated 60 million survivors of childhood sexual abuse live in America today. (5) Girls are three times more likely to be sexually abused than boys, however, boys have a greater risk of emotional neglect and serious injury than girls.

It doesn’t matter how abuse is inflicted, it still leaves a lasting impression on the victim. Homes in which women are beaten are at greater risk of having abused children. Children abused, as much as they don’t want to, often subject their own children to abuse.

If you see, or even suspect a child is being abused, report it immediately. It would be better to be wrong, than to be right and do nothing, and you may help save a child from a lifetime of heartache.

All an abused child needs is a chance and an environment full of love and kindness to show them how truly important they are.

http://sj2448.wix.com/suejulsen

If you missed Bill Murray's blog radio show last night where I was the guest, here’s the replay link. Enjoy!

http://www.blogtalkradio.com/bill-mur...

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Stop Child Abuse Now (SCAN) - 298 -- special guest Sue Julsen

Tonight's special guest is Sue Julsen from Nevada, a survivor and thriver and author of "Bitter Memories: A Memoir of Heartache & Survival." Largely autobiographical, Ms Julsen has chosen to use fictional names so as to protect some of those in the story from the horrors that actually occurred. Abducted by her father when she was three, the book's main character, Sarah, found herself in a world of criminal neglect and unfathomable oppression as her father and stepmother perpetrated more and more horrible acts of verbal, mental and sexual abuse on the innocent girl. So continually terrified was Sarah, that she began to form separate personalities so that she herself did not have to face the hideous reality of her day to day life. Only through the nightmare pictures that the other personalities sometimes presented to her while she slept did Sarah have any hint about the horrific abuse she was being subjected to. The personalities would block out time for Sarah and bear the horror of the experiences themselves so that their dear Sarah would not have to. This tale of the author’s early life, a life on the run, featuring starvation, fear and molestation, is a truly unnerving and gripping account of the extremes of neglect and mistreatment a child can undergo. "Bitter Memories" is dedicated to all adult survivors of abuse and is written with the hope that exposing these horrors will help to prevent them from happening to others. "Trophy Murders" is the fictionalized sequel to her first book, and she is currently working on the third book in this series that will be out later this year.

BITTER MEMORIES: A Memoir of Heartache & Survival tells the story of events that changed my life forever. This is a story of extreme child abuse, but also about the will to survive.

My story exposes a life on the run after being kidnapped by my father——a life of hunger, fear and abuse. When the FBI finds me and I return home with my mother, I think my life is going to improve...but does it?

NOTE: Strong language and heartbreaking content in Bitter Memories is not suitable for children.

TROPHY MURDERS is the creative non-fiction/crime fiction sequel, and is an action-packed story about a sadistic gang of killers, and the life of the cop (my uncle/adoptive father) who tries to bring justice and solace back to his little town while struggling to keep his own family secrets hidden.

CUTTER'S REVENGE, although mostly fiction, completes the trilogy with another ruthless serial killer stalking our small town. But this time years of secrets and lies are finally revealed ... and an ending to die for...

While BITTER MEMORIES is the actual true story of my life, TROPHY MURDERS and CUTTER'S REVENGE have a little bit of everything a reader will want: action, suspense, drama, a love story or two, and so much more; both mixed with truth, making this a trilogy you will not want to miss.

After reading Bitter Memories you'll know truth from the fiction included in the sequels of this series.

Please visit my website for more about these books, my new poetry book (also in audio), as well as what will be coming out soon. Links to amazon are available on the site for your convenience.

http://sj2448.wix.com/suejulsen

Bitter Memories: A Memoir of Heartache & Survival
True Story of a little girl (me) kidnapped by her father, living a life on the run, hungry, abused and terrified...

Daddy had lied from the start, even while dating Mama. He told everyone he was an only child, but he had a brother...a twin brother!

We stayed with this brother and his family for quite awhile, but Uncle Frank wasn't a nice man, and his three sons were no better than their father. Staying with them was one of the worst and most terrifying times in my short life...


Other books in this series — creative non-fiction/crime fiction:
Trophy Murders is not only an action-packed pure fiction crime story, but I take you deeper into the journey of true events after going to live with Uncle Henry (the cop) and his heavy-handed wife, Olivia. A life I wouldn’t wish on any kid!

Cutter's Revenge continues my story after my adoption. While another fictionalized serial killer stalks our little town, I write my story the way it could have been if...turning my life into a fantastic, exciting, and happy ending!

My Newest Book — non-fiction:
From The Heart is a book of fifteen poems written from events in my life. Included are short stories that inspired the writing of each poem. This book is also available in audio, with Beth MacEwan narrating. Beth did a wonderful job bringing life to each poem and story. It is awesome!



NOTE: Bitter Memories: A Memoir of Heartache & Survival is NOT a cozy, feel-good book. It's a true story of extreme child abuse and my struggle to survive. It contains strong language and heart-breaking content, but it was my life. The language is toned down in the other books in this trilogy, and the abuse isn't nearly as intense or as often.

All my books are based on or from events in my life and have received 4 and 5 star reviews. Please consider my books as a great gift this Christmas, either for yourself or for a loved one. Enjoy!

To learn more about the bitter memories trilogy, and my new poetry book, plus other books coming soon, please follow the link below to my website:

http://sj2448.wix.com/suejulsen

Bitter Memories: A Memoir of Heartache & Survival
True Story of a little girl (me) kidnapped by her father, living a life on the run, hungry, abused and terrified...

I don’t even know if Daddy knew how to tell the truth. His whole life consisted of one lie after the other, but two of the biggest lies told to me were:
1) I’ll never hurt you
2) I’ll never leave you
Daddy did both of these, many, many times.

Of course, the first time he hurt me was by kidnapping me, but compared to the other hurts over the years, the kidnapping was nothing! He hurt me by yelling at me, something he never did until after the kidnapping, and he backhanded me a few times, also something he’d never done to me before running off with me.

He knocked Mama around, a lot, but with me, the few months before he took me from my bed in the middle of the night, he just acted like he hated me…like he wished I’d never been born. That hurt, deeply, but even that didn’t hurt as much as what happened the time we stopped at a motel…


Other books in this series — creative non-fiction/crime fiction:
Trophy Murders is not only an action-packed pure fiction crime story, but I take you deeper into the journey of true events after going to live with Uncle Henry (the cop) and his heavy-handed wife, Olivia. A life I wouldn’t wish on any kid!

Cutter's Revenge continues my story after my adoption. While another fictionalized serial killer stalks our little town, I write my story the way it could have been if...turning my life into a fantastic, exciting, and happy ending!

My Newest Book — non-fiction:
From The Heart is a collection of fifteen poems written from events in my life, including short stories that inspired the writing of each poem. This book is also available in audio with Beth MacEwan narrating. She did a fantastic job bringing life to each poem and story. It is awesome!


NOTE: Bitter Memories: A Memoir of Heartache & Survival is NOT a cozy, feel-good book. It's a true story of extreme child abuse and my struggle to survive. It contains strong language and heartbreaking content, but it was my life. The language is toned down in the other books in this trilogy, and the abuse isn't nearly as intense or as often, and tossing in the serial killers does make for a very exciting (even a bit twisted and sadistic) read.

All these books are based on or from events in my life and have received 4 and 5 star reviews. If you still need a gift this Christmas, or would just like a new read for yourself, please consider one or all of my books. Thanks, and Enjoy!

To learn more about the bitter memories trilogy, my new poetry book, plus other books coming soon (just waiting on cover art to be finished), please follow the link below to my website:

http://sj2448.wix.com/suejulsen