Sue Julsen's Blog - Posts Tagged "help"
Scars of Abuse
I watch them. Strangers walking down the street, smiling and laughing, and I wonder: What was their life like growing up? Did they have a normal life? Did their parents love them; tell them they were wanted? Were they told they were, and are, cherished?
As children, did they easily fit in with other kids, or go out of their way trying to fit in? Did they succeed, or were they laughed at? In a crowd, did they slink into a corner trying to be invisible? Did they get beatings—or whippings—or just grounded? Were they told how useless they were and they never should’ve been born?
As adults, do they have self-confidence or are they intimidated easily? Are they afraid to voice an opinion? Afraid of being ridiculed? Afraid of doing something wrong?
While watching these seemingly normal, happy men and women I wonder: Are their smiles are fake? Are they laughing outside, but crying inside?
Thanks to my father running off with me, most of my life I cried inside while faking a smile. I felt alone. Unloved. Unwanted. I didn’t have a mother to confide in…to be my best friend. That dreadful night, as he drove away from the only home I’d ever known, I had no idea how much my life was about to change—forever.
Starting at age three, my life was filled with sorrow, neglect and abuse—a life no child should ever experience. Hurt time and again by people who claimed to love me, I grew up in the shadow of fear, uncertainty and hate. I lived life on the run, starving, abused and terrified. So terrified, in order to survive, I split into multiple personalities. This disassociation allowed me to detach from the abuse as if it was not happening to me.
The first disassociation was with Daddy, but the number of times and the duration increased over the years as the abuse escalated. Just when I thought my life couldn’t get any worse, Daddy left me alone in the car for days while he went off with a woman. When he finally returned and told me he’d married her, I was devastated! I begged him to leave her, but he slapped me so hard I saw stars.
During the next two years, living with the evil stepmother, I found out just how bad things could get. She did awful things, but the worst—she sold me to her male friends for twenty bucks and a bottle of booze.
All my life I tried to run from myself. I tried to forget the horrible things that had happened, but I couldn’t. I’d been left with scars from so many bitter memories, voices in my head, and nightmares. Horrendous nightmares that I felt sure would haunt me for the rest of my life.
For years I always wondered if I’d be a better person today if I’d had a normal life? What is normal anyway?
I wonder how many adult survivors have asked themselves that question? I’ve asked for as long as I can remember, and I still don’t know. How could I? My life was as far from normal as it could possibly get.
Although unnerving, Bitter Memories is a gripping account of the extremes a child can undergo—and survive. Written from the heart, taking on a life of its own, I relived those memories of heartache, sadness, extreme hunger, and intense fear in hopes of helping other adult survivors find a path toward healing their “hidden” scars. My story deals with explosive topics that former child victims of mental, physical, and sexual violence will understand.
My life was a living hell, one of extreme worst. But it doesn’t take extreme to mess up a child’s head. It doesn’t take extreme to drive a child beyond the breaking point.
Without professional help to deal with abuse issues, long term effects include fear, anxiety, depression, anger, hostility, inappropriate sexual behavior, poor self esteem, tendency toward substance abuse and difficulty with close relationships.
Without help, abused kids continue to experience the trauma. Fear, insecurities, a sense of hopelessness prevents the child from living a happy, fulfilled life. Many times, as I did, victims relive their abuse in recurring nightmares.
Pain of abuse is so intense, yet victims feel they can’t talk to anyone about the abuse. They feel ashamed. They have low self esteem. In a crowd, they feel totally alone. Feelings of despair sets in; they believe the abuse was their fault; they’re being punished for being bad; life isn’t worth living. When this hidden pain inside becomes overwhelming, the victim is more likely to attempt suicide.
Child abuse, neglect and/or abduction are national epidemics. Sweeping it under the rug, or choosing to believe it doesn’t happen, won’t make it go away, nor does it change statistics: (1) Almost five children die daily from abuse in the United States. (2) Three million abuse reports—physical, emotional, sexual and/or neglect—are made every year. (3) It’s estimated nearly 10 million cases will go unreported. (4) It’s estimated 60 million survivors of childhood sexual abuse live in America today. (5) Girls are three times more likely to be sexually abused than boys, however, boys have a greater risk of emotional neglect and serious injury than girls.
It doesn’t matter how abuse is inflicted, it still leaves a lasting impression on the victim. Homes in which women are beaten are at greater risk of having abused children. Children abused, as much as they don’t want to, often subject their own children to abuse.
If you see, or even suspect a child is being abused, report it immediately. It would be better to be wrong, than to be right and do nothing, and you may help save a child from a lifetime of heartache.
All an abused child needs is a chance and an environment full of love and kindness to show them how truly important they are.
http://sj2448.wix.com/suejulsen
As children, did they easily fit in with other kids, or go out of their way trying to fit in? Did they succeed, or were they laughed at? In a crowd, did they slink into a corner trying to be invisible? Did they get beatings—or whippings—or just grounded? Were they told how useless they were and they never should’ve been born?
As adults, do they have self-confidence or are they intimidated easily? Are they afraid to voice an opinion? Afraid of being ridiculed? Afraid of doing something wrong?
While watching these seemingly normal, happy men and women I wonder: Are their smiles are fake? Are they laughing outside, but crying inside?
Thanks to my father running off with me, most of my life I cried inside while faking a smile. I felt alone. Unloved. Unwanted. I didn’t have a mother to confide in…to be my best friend. That dreadful night, as he drove away from the only home I’d ever known, I had no idea how much my life was about to change—forever.
Starting at age three, my life was filled with sorrow, neglect and abuse—a life no child should ever experience. Hurt time and again by people who claimed to love me, I grew up in the shadow of fear, uncertainty and hate. I lived life on the run, starving, abused and terrified. So terrified, in order to survive, I split into multiple personalities. This disassociation allowed me to detach from the abuse as if it was not happening to me.
The first disassociation was with Daddy, but the number of times and the duration increased over the years as the abuse escalated. Just when I thought my life couldn’t get any worse, Daddy left me alone in the car for days while he went off with a woman. When he finally returned and told me he’d married her, I was devastated! I begged him to leave her, but he slapped me so hard I saw stars.
During the next two years, living with the evil stepmother, I found out just how bad things could get. She did awful things, but the worst—she sold me to her male friends for twenty bucks and a bottle of booze.
All my life I tried to run from myself. I tried to forget the horrible things that had happened, but I couldn’t. I’d been left with scars from so many bitter memories, voices in my head, and nightmares. Horrendous nightmares that I felt sure would haunt me for the rest of my life.
For years I always wondered if I’d be a better person today if I’d had a normal life? What is normal anyway?
I wonder how many adult survivors have asked themselves that question? I’ve asked for as long as I can remember, and I still don’t know. How could I? My life was as far from normal as it could possibly get.
Although unnerving, Bitter Memories is a gripping account of the extremes a child can undergo—and survive. Written from the heart, taking on a life of its own, I relived those memories of heartache, sadness, extreme hunger, and intense fear in hopes of helping other adult survivors find a path toward healing their “hidden” scars. My story deals with explosive topics that former child victims of mental, physical, and sexual violence will understand.
My life was a living hell, one of extreme worst. But it doesn’t take extreme to mess up a child’s head. It doesn’t take extreme to drive a child beyond the breaking point.
Without professional help to deal with abuse issues, long term effects include fear, anxiety, depression, anger, hostility, inappropriate sexual behavior, poor self esteem, tendency toward substance abuse and difficulty with close relationships.
Without help, abused kids continue to experience the trauma. Fear, insecurities, a sense of hopelessness prevents the child from living a happy, fulfilled life. Many times, as I did, victims relive their abuse in recurring nightmares.
Pain of abuse is so intense, yet victims feel they can’t talk to anyone about the abuse. They feel ashamed. They have low self esteem. In a crowd, they feel totally alone. Feelings of despair sets in; they believe the abuse was their fault; they’re being punished for being bad; life isn’t worth living. When this hidden pain inside becomes overwhelming, the victim is more likely to attempt suicide.
Child abuse, neglect and/or abduction are national epidemics. Sweeping it under the rug, or choosing to believe it doesn’t happen, won’t make it go away, nor does it change statistics: (1) Almost five children die daily from abuse in the United States. (2) Three million abuse reports—physical, emotional, sexual and/or neglect—are made every year. (3) It’s estimated nearly 10 million cases will go unreported. (4) It’s estimated 60 million survivors of childhood sexual abuse live in America today. (5) Girls are three times more likely to be sexually abused than boys, however, boys have a greater risk of emotional neglect and serious injury than girls.
It doesn’t matter how abuse is inflicted, it still leaves a lasting impression on the victim. Homes in which women are beaten are at greater risk of having abused children. Children abused, as much as they don’t want to, often subject their own children to abuse.
If you see, or even suspect a child is being abused, report it immediately. It would be better to be wrong, than to be right and do nothing, and you may help save a child from a lifetime of heartache.
All an abused child needs is a chance and an environment full of love and kindness to show them how truly important they are.
http://sj2448.wix.com/suejulsen
HELP ME GET HUSBAND HOME
I DON’T NORMALLY POST PERSONAL THINGS, HOWEVER, I AM MAKING AN EXCEPTION NOW.
MY PARTNER OF 26 YEARS, THE LOVE OF MY LIFE, HAS BEEN VERY SICK SINCE APRIL 2017. A BACTERIA ATTACKED THE WIRES OF HIS PACEMAKER CAUSING A BLOOD INFECTION KNOWN AS SEPSIS. THIS INFECTION THEN SHUT DOWN HIS KIDNEYS SO HE’S BEEN ON DIALYSIS 3 DAYS A WEEK SINCE MAY OF 2017.
AFTER 3 MONTHS 7 DAYS IN THE HOSPITAL LAST YEAR THEY MANAGED TO GET THE INFECTION UNDER CONTROL, BUT THE INFECTION, ALTHOUGH DORMANT, STILL REMAINED INSIDE HIS BODY. THE CARDIOLOGIST FELT IT TOO RISKY TO TRY AND REMOVE THE PACEMAKER AND INFECTED WIRES AND WANTED TO TRY TO KEEP THE INFECTION UNDER CONTROL WITH STRONG (AND VERY EXPENSIVE) ANTIBIOTICS.
THE MEDICINES WORKED FOR A WHILE, BUT THIS LAST MONTH HE KEPT GETTING WEAKER AND WEAKER EACH DAY. SATURDAY I HAD TO CALL AN AMBULANCE TO RUSH HIM TO THE HOSPITAL. THE INFECTION HAD RETURNED, LEAVING US WITH NO OPTION OTHER THAN REMOVING THE INFECTED WIRES DEEPLY EMBEDDD IN HIS HEART.
THE DOCTORS HERE DID NOT HAVE THE EQUIPMENT OR THE KNOWLEDGE TO ATTEMPT THIS RISKY SURGERY, SO THEY AIRLIFTED HIM TO THE UNIVERSITY OF UTAH MEDICAL CENTER SUNDAY NIGHT WHERE THEY DID THE SURGERY WEDNESDAY, FEBRUARY 28. 2018.
HE IS THERE, ALONE, BECAUSE I COULDN’T GO WITH HIM. THEY WOULD FLY HIM THERE, BUT NOT ME, AND WITH MY CAR NEEDING A NEW ENGINE I HAD NO WAY TO GET THERE. I MISS HIM SO MUCH AND IT’S DIFFICULT NOT BEING WITH HIM, BUT HE KNOWS I’M THERE IN SPIRIT.
WE WERE TOLD AFTER HE RECOVERS, UTAH WOULD FLY HIM BACK HOME, HOWEVER, THE CASE WORKER IN UTAH TOLD ME MONDAY THIS IS NOT TRUE -- I HAD TO FIND A WAY TO GET HIM HOME.
I CALLED A FRIEND WHO IS WILLING TO DRIVE 600+ MILES (ONE WAY) TO GO GET HIM AND BRING HIM HOME TO ME, BUT I DESPERATELY NEED HELP TO PAY THIS WONDERFUL FRIEND’S GAS, FOOD, A ROOM IF NEEDED, AND HIS LOST WAGES FOR TAKING TIME OFF WORK TO DO THIS FOR US. ALSO, WE WILL NEED TO MAKE SEVERAL TRIPS TO UTAH FOR FOLLOW UP SO I NEED MY CAR RUNNING. THE OLD TRUCK IS OKAY FOR AROUND TOWN ON SHORT TRIPS, BUT IT WILL NOT MAKE IT TO UTAH.
WITH DIALYSIS TREATMENTS FOR ALMOST A YEAR, AND ALL THE OTHER NUMEROUS DOCTOR BILLS, MEDICARE IS NO LONGER PAYING FOR TREATMENTS OR THIS SURGERY, LEAVING US WITH MORE ENORMOUS DEBTS. OPEN HEART SURGERY IS SO EXPENSIVE, AND MY CREDIT CARDS ARE MAXED FROM GETTING THE MEDICINES HE NEEDED TO KEEP HIM ALIVE WHILE HOPING THE INFECTION WOULD NOT RETURN.
FOR THE FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE I AM REACHING OUT TO OTHERS FOR HELP TO GET HIM HOME, GET MY CAR RUNNING, AND A LITTLE HELP ON THE RAPIDLY GROWING DOCTOR BILLS.
ANY AMOUNT WILL HELP AND WILL BE GREATLY APPRECIATED!
IF YOU CANNOT HELP WITH THE MONETARY NEEDS I TOTALLY UNDERSTAND, BUT IF YOU BELIEVE IN THE POWER OF PRAYER YOU CAN STILL HELP BY PRAYING HE WILL NOT HAVE ANY COMPICATIONS AND WILL HAVE A SPEEDY RECOVERY.
IF YOU CAN HELP WITH THE MONETARY NEEDS, PLEASE SEND DONATIONS HERE: https://www.youcaring.com/suejulsen-1...
LOVE AND HUGS TO EVERYONE READING THIS AND PRAYING FOR US. THANK YOU IN ADVANCE FOR YOUR HELP.
THANK YOU TO THOSE OF YOU WHO HAVE ALREADY DONATED!
MY PARTNER OF 26 YEARS, THE LOVE OF MY LIFE, HAS BEEN VERY SICK SINCE APRIL 2017. A BACTERIA ATTACKED THE WIRES OF HIS PACEMAKER CAUSING A BLOOD INFECTION KNOWN AS SEPSIS. THIS INFECTION THEN SHUT DOWN HIS KIDNEYS SO HE’S BEEN ON DIALYSIS 3 DAYS A WEEK SINCE MAY OF 2017.
AFTER 3 MONTHS 7 DAYS IN THE HOSPITAL LAST YEAR THEY MANAGED TO GET THE INFECTION UNDER CONTROL, BUT THE INFECTION, ALTHOUGH DORMANT, STILL REMAINED INSIDE HIS BODY. THE CARDIOLOGIST FELT IT TOO RISKY TO TRY AND REMOVE THE PACEMAKER AND INFECTED WIRES AND WANTED TO TRY TO KEEP THE INFECTION UNDER CONTROL WITH STRONG (AND VERY EXPENSIVE) ANTIBIOTICS.
THE MEDICINES WORKED FOR A WHILE, BUT THIS LAST MONTH HE KEPT GETTING WEAKER AND WEAKER EACH DAY. SATURDAY I HAD TO CALL AN AMBULANCE TO RUSH HIM TO THE HOSPITAL. THE INFECTION HAD RETURNED, LEAVING US WITH NO OPTION OTHER THAN REMOVING THE INFECTED WIRES DEEPLY EMBEDDD IN HIS HEART.
THE DOCTORS HERE DID NOT HAVE THE EQUIPMENT OR THE KNOWLEDGE TO ATTEMPT THIS RISKY SURGERY, SO THEY AIRLIFTED HIM TO THE UNIVERSITY OF UTAH MEDICAL CENTER SUNDAY NIGHT WHERE THEY DID THE SURGERY WEDNESDAY, FEBRUARY 28. 2018.
HE IS THERE, ALONE, BECAUSE I COULDN’T GO WITH HIM. THEY WOULD FLY HIM THERE, BUT NOT ME, AND WITH MY CAR NEEDING A NEW ENGINE I HAD NO WAY TO GET THERE. I MISS HIM SO MUCH AND IT’S DIFFICULT NOT BEING WITH HIM, BUT HE KNOWS I’M THERE IN SPIRIT.
WE WERE TOLD AFTER HE RECOVERS, UTAH WOULD FLY HIM BACK HOME, HOWEVER, THE CASE WORKER IN UTAH TOLD ME MONDAY THIS IS NOT TRUE -- I HAD TO FIND A WAY TO GET HIM HOME.
I CALLED A FRIEND WHO IS WILLING TO DRIVE 600+ MILES (ONE WAY) TO GO GET HIM AND BRING HIM HOME TO ME, BUT I DESPERATELY NEED HELP TO PAY THIS WONDERFUL FRIEND’S GAS, FOOD, A ROOM IF NEEDED, AND HIS LOST WAGES FOR TAKING TIME OFF WORK TO DO THIS FOR US. ALSO, WE WILL NEED TO MAKE SEVERAL TRIPS TO UTAH FOR FOLLOW UP SO I NEED MY CAR RUNNING. THE OLD TRUCK IS OKAY FOR AROUND TOWN ON SHORT TRIPS, BUT IT WILL NOT MAKE IT TO UTAH.
WITH DIALYSIS TREATMENTS FOR ALMOST A YEAR, AND ALL THE OTHER NUMEROUS DOCTOR BILLS, MEDICARE IS NO LONGER PAYING FOR TREATMENTS OR THIS SURGERY, LEAVING US WITH MORE ENORMOUS DEBTS. OPEN HEART SURGERY IS SO EXPENSIVE, AND MY CREDIT CARDS ARE MAXED FROM GETTING THE MEDICINES HE NEEDED TO KEEP HIM ALIVE WHILE HOPING THE INFECTION WOULD NOT RETURN.
FOR THE FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE I AM REACHING OUT TO OTHERS FOR HELP TO GET HIM HOME, GET MY CAR RUNNING, AND A LITTLE HELP ON THE RAPIDLY GROWING DOCTOR BILLS.
ANY AMOUNT WILL HELP AND WILL BE GREATLY APPRECIATED!
IF YOU CANNOT HELP WITH THE MONETARY NEEDS I TOTALLY UNDERSTAND, BUT IF YOU BELIEVE IN THE POWER OF PRAYER YOU CAN STILL HELP BY PRAYING HE WILL NOT HAVE ANY COMPICATIONS AND WILL HAVE A SPEEDY RECOVERY.
IF YOU CAN HELP WITH THE MONETARY NEEDS, PLEASE SEND DONATIONS HERE: https://www.youcaring.com/suejulsen-1...
LOVE AND HUGS TO EVERYONE READING THIS AND PRAYING FOR US. THANK YOU IN ADVANCE FOR YOUR HELP.
THANK YOU TO THOSE OF YOU WHO HAVE ALREADY DONATED!
