Rob Smyth's Blog, page 194
January 21, 2013
Zambia v Ethiopia: Africa Cup of Nations – as it happened | Rob Smyth
Adane Girma's equaliser gave 10-man Ethiopia a deserved draw against the reigning champions
Rob Smyth
January 19, 2013
India v England – as it happened | Rob Smyth
The local boy MS Dhoni hit the winning runs in Ranchi's first international as India marmalised England with more than 20 overs to spare
Rob SmythJanuary 18, 2013
The Fiver | Nigel Adkins; and modern football | Rob Smyth
SACKED FOR EXCELLENCEIt's minus 47 degrees outside – at least we assume so from the way everyone is dancing – but the Fiver's got hot hot heat over Southampton's decision to sack Nigel Adkins and appoint Mauricio Pochettino. And not just because it's yet another example of them foreigners coming over here and taking our jobs. Let's look at the hairless facts: Adkins's win percentage of 54.03 is the highest by a Southampton manager since the 19th century; he achieved back-to-back promotions from 2010-12; Southampton have lost two of their last 12 Premier League games and are 15th in the table.
Not that Adkins was sacked, of course. Southampton announced that they had "relieved him of his managerial duties", the most lamentable euphemism since Weird Uncle Fiver starting rambling about Mr Sheen and Kojak. "This decision has been made with the long-term ambitions of Southampton Football Club in mind," spraffed the club's palpably sane chief executive Nicola Cortese. "Whilst we acknowledge the contribution Nigel has made during the past two years, for the club to progress and achieve our long-term targets a change was needed."
Adkins has essentially been sacked for excellence. It is common to see newly-promoted managers sacke … sorry, relieved of their duties, under such circumstances. It's football's Pochettino Principle: chairmen sack a manager for failing to satisfy expectations that only exist because the manager overachieved to such an extent as to create a deluded sense of entitlement among the showers-that-be.
"I'm shocked at the timing, it's very strange and it's an odd thing to come to terms with today," said Matt Le Tissier. "It seems to be the way the club's being run under the chairman. Nothing's surprising and it's a bit of a laughing stock." Le Tissier is one of many reasons why the majority of football fans have been pretty fond of Southampton down the years, but plenty won't give a stuff what happens to them now.
QUOTE OF THE DAY"The display of a provocative and inappropriate banner" – the brains trust at Uefa explains its reasoning after fining Ajax €10,000 for their fans holding aloft a banner reading 'Against modern football' at the Big Cup clash with Manchester City in October. A suitable companion to today's main story, we're sure you'll agree.
GET A FREE £25 BET WITH BLUE SQUAREFIVER LETTERS"So, after his legendary efforts to win the Spanish league with only the majority of the best Spanish national side in living memory, the consensus best player in the world up front, an unlimited transfer budget and one serious opponent to help him, Pep Guardiola will be managing far and away the biggest club in Germany who currently sit nine points clear at the top of the Bundesliga and have reached Big Cup final in two of the last three years (yesterday's Fiver). He likes a challenge, doesn't he?" – Jason Tew.
"Re: the era of hoaxes reaching its high point (yesterday's Fiver). At least your hoaxes involve real people. Here in USA! USA!! USA!!! our sporting hoaxes involve non-existent dead girlfriends. I'm sure Fiver readers will understand" – Shane Street.
"Last year, during a rare moment of clarity, I wrote a letter to the Fiver. It got published and won me a copy of Football Manager. This resulted in another missive praising your mail department. All good so far. Now, however, I send sad tidings. My copy has developed a habit of shutting the computer down at random moments, normally after an impressive cup result or sustained run of good form (sorry Halifax, Norwich and Brisbane Roar). It would appear your Stop Football campaign is now a computer virus. I never thought the Fiver was that technologically advanced. I salute you, you evil dark lord" – Phil Withall.
"It's commendable that you reacted so swiftly to Dexter Varley's request regarding the Fiver's increased girth and the additional effort this requires from him and other Microsoft Outlook users (yesterday's Fiver letters). However I fear you may have neglected to consider the effect of this change on users of other email management software, as well as the wider social implications. I use Apple's Mail program, and was perfectly happy with the old (or new, depending on your perspective), fuller-bodied Fiver. This new (old?), skinny format actually requires twice as much scrolling as the old (new?), curvaceous Fiver. Good natured as your intentions surely were, I think yesterday's girth-reduction smacks of Microsoft bias, as well as encouraging an unnatural body image. Please change back to your former, shapely self posthaste" – Jonny Anderson.
Send your letters to the.boss@guardian.co.uk. And if you've nothing better to do you can also tweet the Fiver. And to placate certain readers, the Fiver awards prizeless Fiver letter o' the day to: Shane Street.
JOIN GUARDIAN SOULMATESWe keep trying to point out the utter futility of advertising an online dating service "for interesting people" in the Fiver to the naive folk who run Guardian Soulmates, but they still aren't having any of it. So here you go – sign up here to view profiles of the kind of erudite, sociable and friendly romantics who would never dream of going out with you.
BITS AND BOBSTheo Walcott has signed da ting and will get £100,000 a week to play in the shadow of Jack Wilshere.
The Queen's Celtic have rejected Norwich City's bid for Gary Hooper.
Snowmageddon has forced a flurry of postponements in the English leagues. The latest list being ….
Unlucky Spurs midfielder Sandro will miss the rest of the season with knee-knack.
A diamond-encrusted motorbike designed by Manchester United's Wayne Rooney is expected to fetch £60,000 for a Danish children's charity at auction. "The bike we have designed takes its inspiration from the celebration of my overhead kick against Manchester City two seasons ago," cheered Rooney, adding another shin protector to the blueprint.
And Manchester United have agreed a three-year deal with Japanese manufacturer Kansai as their official paint partner.
Yes.
You read that correctly.
Against modern football.
RECOMMENDED VIEWINGMore girth. And AC Jimbo.
STILL WANT MORE?Brian Clough v Peter Taylor, Stuart Pearce's teeth and Nathan Tyson's corner flag antics all feature in this week's Joy of Six: Nottingham Forest v Derby County memories.
Ivory Coast could, apparently, fly or flop in the Africa Cup of Nations. But the indecision ain't bugging Paul Doyle.
Forget Robin van Persie, Arsenal have a new No10 to worship, praises Amy Lawrence.
David Lacey on why the FA has planted two feet into refs' attempts to deal with dangerous tackles.
And Simon Burnton and Louise Taylor penned 10 things to look forward to in the Premier League this weekend, presumably before they heard about Snowmageddon.
SIGN UP TO THE FIVERLUTZ COULD PROBABLY HAVE PICKED BETTER DAYS FOR HIS MEMORIAL TOURRob Smythguardian.co.uk © 2013 Guardian News and Media Limited or its affiliated companies. All rights reserved. | Use of this content is subject to our Terms & Conditions | More Feeds
January 16, 2013
Pep Guardiola's decision: winners and losers
Pep Guardiola's decision to resume his managerial career at Bayern Munich next season is good news for some, but bad news for others, particularly the Premier League
WINNERSBayern Munich
Guardiola is a blockbuster acquisition for the club known as FC Hollywood. Bayern are already one of the world's greatest clubs, but Guardiola's arrival will raise their profile even further.
José Mourinho
Mourinho is now the outstanding candidate for any major jobs that become available, whether in Manchester, London or Paris.
Roberto Mancini
If Mourinho also goes elsewhere, Mancini may keep his job by a process of elimination.
Rafael Benítez
With Guardiola taken, Benítez's chances of losing "interim" from his job description have increased.
David Moyes
Moyes is perceived by many as one of only three serious candidates for the Manchester United job along with Mourinho and Guardiola.
LOSERSRoman Abramovich
His chosen one has chosen another, which means the Russian will have to draw up yet another plan if he decides to get rid of Benítez.
Manchester City
If Mourinho also goes elsewhere, they will have to look to the B-list should they want a new manager.
Jupp Heynckes
The current Bayern coach was expected to retire at the end of the season anyway, but his final months – which should include a Bundesliga title – will now be overshadowed.
The Premier League
The prospect of Guardiola and Mourinho resuming their rivalry in England has gone for now. The Premier League had no players in Fifa's World XI; now it has failed to attract one of the world's best managers.
Pep GuardiolaBayern MunichBarcelonaRob Smythguardian.co.uk © 2013 Guardian News and Media Limited or its affiliated companies. All rights reserved. | Use of this content is subject to our Terms & Conditions | More Feeds
The Fiver | A good birthday shindig | Rob Smyth
BREAKING NEWSBayern Munich have confirmed that Pep Guardiola will take over as their manager from next season until 2016. "He is one of the most successful trainers in the world and we are sure that not only Bayern Munich but the whole of German football will benefit from what he brings," cheered Karl-Heinz Rummenigge. Meanwhile, at Stamford Bridge …
SWEET FAThe Fiver loves a good birthday shindig. Every year we go to our local, the Slug & Where Did It All Go Wrong, with our three best friends, Regret, Guilt and Shame. Invariably we get totalled on Liver Compromiser and swing homoerot1c haymakers at each other, but that's not the only way you can celebrate the passing of another year – as the Football Association demonstrated today by celebrating its 150th birthday with a 150-man backslapathon.
"150 years ago a group of people met on this site and they changed the world by producing the first laws of the game," said the FA chairman David Bernstein, as retching hacks in the middle of their special 150-course buffet thumped the ground in submission. "Throughout that extraordinary journey the FA continued to sit at its heart. Despite occasional frustrations we have always and will continue to our play our full part in influencing the development of football in Uefa and Fifa."
The FA invited some great England players of the past to celebrate, including the matchwinner in the 1966 World Cup final, the Azerbaijani linesman Tofiq Bahramov, and also Michael Ricketts, Carlton Palmer, Mick Harford, Mike Phelan, Brian Deane, Tony Daley, Barry Venison, Colin Cooper, Steve Guppy and Seth Johnson.
"Even after 150 years there remains a simple beauty to the universality of football – from Wembley to parks football a single unbreakable thread runs through," deadpanned the chairman of the company responsible for the Premier League, as one hack with a sausage roll stuck in his windpipe thanked his lucky stars that he had stumbled into an 0rgy of backslapping, his life saved by a particularly zesty congratultory backslap from the guest of honour, Barry Venison.
One man who wouldn't slap his own back even if it was physically possible is caution's Mr Roy. He captured the mood with some spine-bothering rhetoric. "The first thing we have to do is qualify for the World Cup, that's vitally important," he Churchilled. "And when we qualify we have to give a good account of ourselves in Brazil and once you are there you have a chance of winning it, who knows?" he continued, subtly homaging Sven Duncan Smith's half-time team talk against Brazil in 2002. One of the many highlights of the FA's life that are well worth celebrating. Happy birthday FA!
LIVE ON BIG WEBSITE TONIGHTQUOTE OF THE DAY"He is a footballer and in that regard he is relatively well paid" – Carlos Tevez's solicitor, Gwyn Lewis, responds during a Manchester magistrates' court hearing at which the forward was banned from driving for six months. The court heard Tevez received letters from the police in relation to speeding offences but failed to respond because he did not recognise the word 'constabulary'. The Fiver doesn't understand the word 'relatively'. Or the words 'well paid', for that matter.
GET A FREE £25 BET WITH BLUE SQUAREFIVER LETTERS"After following the link to yesterday's 'Recommended Viewing', I was surprised to read in the caption below that 'last year the Vatican withdrew its support for the [Clericus Cup] saying it had moved away from its goal of educating young people about fair play and sportsmanship'. If there's one thing you can be sure of, the Vatican will always stand up for the best interests of young peop … ah" – Philip Stephenson.
"Re: Matt Dony and his critique of Fiver Ed's selection of the Prizeless Fiver Letter o' the Day (yesterday's Fiver letters). Through the mathematically sound statistical technique of trawling back through my inbox of archived emails (it's depressing to see how long I have been subscribed to the Fiver), I have conducted a random sample of the nation's favourite tea-timely email and discovered that, since 12 December, 75% of awards have been given to the first letter printed – with exception to the end-of-year awards on 19 December. This points to one of two possible causes: either this is a new addition to the mounting body of evidence highlighting the culture of laziness that permeates from the foundations of Fiver Towers to the very top; or I have too much time on my hands to make up my own statistical analysis of rather trivial information. Hmmm" – Aharon Donaghy.
"As any Chinese reader of the Fiver could tell you, bet on Michael Owen for first goal at the weekend, because a bird defecating on you is considered immense good luck by our Eastern friends" – Guy Bailey [1,057 others were too busy riffing on a tall lady – Fiver PC Ed].
Send your letters to the.boss@guardian.co.uk. And if you've nothing better to do you can also tweet the Fiver. And to placate certain readers, the Fiver awards prizeless Fiver letter o' the day to: .
JOIN GUARDIAN SOULMATESWe keep trying to point out the utter futility of advertising an online dating service "for interesting people" in the Fiver to the naive folk who run Guardian Soulmates, but they still aren't having any of it. So here you go – sign up here to view profiles of the kind of erudite, sociable and friendly romantics who would never dream of going out with you.
BITS AND BOBSHaving been linked with decreasingly good teams in the past few transfer windows, Loïc Rémy has wound up being bought by QPR for £8m.
Big Sam has accepted substantial damages for defamation from Steve Kean-out, his successor as Blackeye Rovers boss, for saying he was fired by the club for being a crook. "While in Hong Kong, Mr Kean[-out] was in a bar and falsely alleged that Sam Allardyce, our previous manager, was sacked by us because he was a crook," the apology said. "This is completely false."
MK Dons have rejected Blackpool's approach to speak with manager Karl Robinson over their job vacancy.
And Kilmarnock have sold defender Michael Nelson to Bradford for £50,000. "We can't look a gift horse in the mouth," cliched Killie boss Kenny Shiels.
RECOMMENDED VIEWINGWatch out! One of them's got a plastic bag!
From iconic stadiums to seemingly forgotten pitches around the world, this week's lovely Beautiful Games gallery.
Pass off the Knowledge as your own. This week: which top-flight team has conceded the most goals without reply?
Paul Campbell revisits the footballers who failed after promising so much.
And what if Jack Wilshere had broken a leg? Would Man City have appealed against Vincent Kompany's red card then, eh? ehs? Paul Wilson.
SIGN UP TO THE FIVERWHERE'S THE BEEF?Rob Smythguardian.co.uk © 2013 Guardian News and Media Limited or its affiliated companies. All rights reserved. | Use of this content is subject to our Terms & Conditions | More Feeds
January 15, 2013
India v England – as it happened | Rob Smyth
England were thrashed by 127 runs after a familiar collapse against spin in Kochi
Rob SmythJohn AshdownJanuary 11, 2013
India v England – as it happened | Rob Smyth
Ashley Giles's side secured a first ODI win in India since 2006 after the hosts came up just nine shy of England's 325-4
Rob SmythJohn AshdownJanuary 6, 2013
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