Rob Smyth's Blog, page 179

Liverpool v Manchester City: Capital One Cup final – as it happened

The much maligned Willy Caballero saved three penalties as Manchester City won the cup in a dramatic shoot-out

7.27pm GMT

Vincent Kompany lifts the trophy to a huge roar. It might kickstart a title challenge as well. A week ago, Pellegrini was slaughtered for the entirely understandable decision to rest players at Chelsea. Since then they have won in Kiev and beating Liverpool in the final. A great seven days for Pellegrini, and an even better seven days for Willy Caballero.

Thanks for your company, night!

7.24pm GMT

The Willy Caballero story is a feelgood classic, but you have to feel for Liverpool – especially Lucas, who played magnificently at centre-half against the great Sergio Aguero.

7.21pm GMT

In penalty shoot-outs, whichever keeper makes the decisive save or saves is the hero – even if those penalties are poor. This time, most of Liverpool’s penalties were excellent and the saves from Lucas and Lallana were outstanding.

7.20pm GMT

Seven days ago, Caballero had a shocker at Chelsea. Pellegrini was ridiculed by pretty much everyone for picking him today, and now he will be forever associated with City winning the 2016 Capital One Cup.

7.16pm GMT

Toure dragged another excellent penalty into the bottom corner, and the entire City squad run straight to Willy Caballero. He made three saves in the penalty shoot-out, two of them absolutely magnificent.

He didn’t even know City had won! He was walking over for the next penalty when he realised the entire team were charging towards him.

7.15pm GMT

Toure scores!

7.14pm GMT

City are one kick away from winning the League Cup. It’ll be taken by Yaya Toure.

7.14pm GMT

CABALLERO SAVES FROM LALLANA! Liverpool 1-2 Manchester City

This is another sensational save from Caballero, beating it away one-handed at full stretch to his right!

7.13pm GMT

AGUERO SCORES! Liverpool 1-2 Manchester City

A class penalty, straight into the bottom-left corner. Mignolet went the right way for the third time but couldn’t get there.

7.12pm GMT

COUTINHO MISSES! Liverpool 1-1 Manchester City

Caballero saves again! Coutinho did an Aldridge-style stop, and then took a poor penalty that Caballero saved to his left.

7.12pm GMT

NAVAS SCORES! Liverpool 1-1 Manchester City

Mignolet went the right way but it was very precise in the bottom-left corner.

7.11pm GMT

CABALLERO SAVES FROM LUCAS! Liverpool 1-0 Manchester City

7.10pm GMT

FERNANDINHO HITS THE POST! Liverpool 1-0 Manchester City

7.09pm GMT

CAN SCORES: Liverpool 1-0 Manchester City

Emre Can, who missed in the semis, scores a Panenka!

7.08pm GMT

Liverpool will go first, which is an obvious advantage.

7.08pm GMT

After 120 minutes, it all comes down to this: Caballero v Mignolet.

7.08pm GMT

Jurgen Klopp is smiling. He looks calm, relaxed, and must be a late contender for tonight’s Best Actor award.

7.05pm GMT

But then City will always have 1999

7.05pm GMT

Liverpool have won their last three trophies on penalties – the Champions League in 2005, the FA Cup in 2006 and the League Cup in 2012. Their overall record in penalty competitions is scary: W14 L3.

7.03pm GMT

Penalties.

7.03pm GMT

ET 30+1 min One last corner for City – and Fernandinho heads tamely wide from 10 yards. Bony was in a better position behind him.

7.02pm GMT

ET 30 min Lucas heads Toure’s free-kick behind for a corner, which is headed away. Lucas has been heroic.

7.01pm GMT

ET 29 min Fernandinho is finally booked. Actually, it may have been him rather than Toure who was booked after the Lallana incident.

7.01pm GMT

ET 28 min Here’s some exclusive footage of Lucas in action today.

7.00pm GMT

ET 27 min Lallana lost it after a tackle from Yaya Toure – and rightly so, as Toure went over the ball and should have been sent off. Lallana then went for Toure, and had to be held back as he started shaking. Toure look down at him with a kind of quizzical amusement, a bit like when Wilshere headbutted Fellaini. Both were booked.

6.59pm GMT

It’s kicking off!

6.59pm GMT

ET 25 min Navas’s dangerous low cross is calmly intercepted by Lucas, doing a passable impersonation of Franco Baresi.

“I think Daniel Sturridge missed in his last penalty shoot out at Wembley,” says Niall Mullen. “It was in the Olympics. He got dog’s abuse on Twitter for not being as good as the rowers and whatnot. This would definitely be no chance at all to atone for that. Primarily as most of the Olympic audience have reverted to not watching sport in any form.”

6.56pm GMT

ET 24 min Yaya Toure is moving gingerly, and City have used all three substitutes.

6.56pm GMT

ET 23 min Navas tries to find Zabaleta on the right of the box, and Lucas concedes a corner with a storming man-and-ball challenge. He has arguably been the man of the match.

6.54pm GMT

ET 22 min I can’t keep up with this. Milner’s abysmal back header goes straight to Aguero, who lobs high over the bar on the stretch.

6.54pm GMT

ET 21 min Milner’s seductive inswinging cross from the left is this far from the outstretched right foot of Origi. City put on Navas to get at Milner but it has been the other way round. Miler’s playing like Paul bloody Breitner!

6.53pm GMT

ET 20 min City make their final substitution, with Bony replacing Silva. Caballero makes a comfortable save from Sturridge’s free-kick. The save from Origi was a dramatic one, though Origi will probably feel his header was too close to the centre of the goal.

6.52pm GMT

ET 19 min Caballero makes a vital save from Origi’s header! Milner stood up a cross from the left towards the head of Origi, who thumped it towards goal from six yards. Caballero, who was going the other way across his line, dived back to his right to beat it away. Moments later, Otamendi is booked for mistaking a Liverpool player for an old sock and hoofing him up in the air.

6.51pm GMT

ET 18 min Oof, that was a chance for Liverpool. Origi, on the right touchline, floated an inviting cross towards the head of Sturridge – but Lallana got in his way and the chance passed.

6.49pm GMT

ET 16 min Liverpool begin the final period of extra time. Let’s be clear: there are final periods and final periods. Which will this turn out to be?

6.48pm GMT

Today on Guardian pubvertising, we have this from David Mowbray. “From a pubs point of view this extra time........and hopefully penalties is golden ! We pay almost £1000 a month to show the footy and this helps tremendously ;-) Colliers Arms, Chadderton, Oldham.”

6.46pm GMT

Fifteen minutes to penalties.

6.46pm GMT

ET 15 min This is a brilliant save from Mignolet. Aguero zoomed through a tired defence onto a return pass from Silva and flicked the ball across goal with the outside of his right foot. Mignolet had scarcely any reaction time but threw out his left hand to make the best save of the match.

6.44pm GMT

ET 14 min Navas and Zabaleta haven’t really been able to exploit the presence of Milner at left-back, at least not yet.

6.43pm GMT

ET 13 min Lallana’s booming deep corner leads to a mini-scramble before an overzealous Kolo Toure is given offside.

6.42pm GMT

ET 12 min Origi wafts a long-range shot in the direction of Brent Cross IKEA.

6.41pm GMT

ET 11 min A corner to City on the left. It goes out to Toure on the right, whose fierce cross is well held by Mignolet.

6.39pm GMT

ET 9 min Liverpool have been slightly sharper in the first period of extra time, but it’s all irrelevant: everyone knows it’s going to penalties.

6.36pm GMT

ET 6 min Fernandinho commits his 94th foul without being booked, this time on Lallana.

6.35pm GMT

ET 4 min Liverpool’s record in penalty shoot-outs is spectacular – 14 wins out of 17 I think, including two League Cup finals – so City might be well advised to do the necessary in extra-time.

6.34pm GMT

ET 3 min “If this game stopped right now and everyone just went home do you think anyone would care?” chirps Paul Jaines. “It really is the most meaningless competition that gets in the way of a decent Sunday lunch.”

What time do you have your Sunday lunch?

6.30pm GMT

ET 1 min City kick off from right to left.

6.30pm GMT

City are making two substitutions for extra-time, with Pablo Zabaleta and Jesus Navas replacing Bacary Sagna and Fernando.

6.29pm GMT

If this goes to penalties, Caballero or Mignolet will end the day as a hero. Imagine.

6.27pm GMT

“I’m not a doctor,” says Simon McMahon, “but I think Matt Dony might be concussed. Deep breaths.”

6.23pm GMT

After a tedious first half and a thrilling second, the Capital One Cup final will go to extra time. No way I’ll make it home for Countryfile now.

6.21pm GMT

90+1 min Yaya Toure, who did nothing for 83 minutes, must have been particularly affronted by that Coutinho goal because since then he has lorded over the game like a colossus.

6.20pm GMT

90 min There will be four minutes of added time. The game has been ragged since the equaliser.

6.19pm GMT

89 min ... Toure makes a mess of a great headed chance, and then has his follow up shot blocked brilliantly by Mignolet!

6.18pm GMT

89 min An outstanding through pass from Toure is miscontrolled by Silva, of all people. He would have been through on goal. It kicked up awkwardly and seemed to hit his arm, though Michael Oliver allowed play to go on and City won a corner. From which....

6.17pm GMT

87 min Now Kompany is booked. This game is crazily open, and Henderson’s mishit shot deflects off Coutinho and is saved by Caballero. It was a comfortable save, but had Sturridge also diverted the ball – and he might have done – then Caballero would have been in trouble.

6.16pm GMT

86 min A crucial save from Mignolet! A cross from the left was pulled down smartly by Fernando, who then flicked a shot towards goal from eight yards. It was too close to Mignolet, however, and he was able to beat the shot away.

6.15pm GMT

85 min Coutinho was booked for taking his shirt off, and now Can has been booked for a sliding foul on someone or other.

6.14pm GMT

The goal was scruffy in its conception but Liverpool won’t care. Sterling couldn’t clear the ball and it broke to Sturridge on the right of the box. He drilled it low across goal and beyond the far post, where Lallana’s shot hit the face of the post. It rebounded to Coutinho, who hammered it into the net from 12 yards.

6.12pm GMT

Liverpool have equalised!

6.10pm GMT

81 min Jurgen Klopp makes his last substitution, with Divock Origi replacing Roberto Firmino.

6.10pm GMT

80 min Sterling misses another chance. This one wasn’t as clear as the first but he should probably have scored. Aguero slipped Milner and Lucas on the right with some lovely skill before cutting the ball back for Sterling, who mishit a bobbling shot wide of the far post from 15 yards.

6.07pm GMT

77 min Sturridge plays a fine angled pass to find Milner in loads of space on the left side of the box, but Milner’s indecision allows City defenders to shuffle over and eventually his low cross is cleared.

6.06pm GMT

77 min “Sturridge just tried (and failed) to pick up ball on the center stripe,” says Rick McGahey. “Says it all on attack.”

6.05pm GMT

76 min Fernando is booked for dragging Lallana over.

6.04pm GMT

75 min Liverpool haven’t had a shot on target. That’s a crime at the best of times, even more so when you’re Willy Caballero is in goal.

6.02pm GMT

73 min Milner has gone to left-back I think. Liverpool are really struggling at the moment.

6.01pm GMT

72 min It’s Lallana for Alberto Moreno. Sound the tactical reshuffle klaxon!

6.00pm GMT

71 min Adam Lallana is getting ready to come on. Liverpool have a corner.

Liverpool no longer have a corner. It amounted to nothing.

5.58pm GMT

70 min “Unfortunately there is no quick way to assess how serious a head injury is,” says Dr Colum Farrelly. “It often takes hours before the signs of damage inside the skull become evident, even to the best of doctors. So the absence of signs means nothing. In the interim, the victim feels and looks normal but all the time the trouble is brewing. And if such a victim continues to play sport, (say heading a football) he is likely to make it worse.

“Classic examples include the Irish hurling player who gets a bit of a knock on the side of the head, plays on but is found dead in his bed the next morning. But it seems sensible to consider that an injury bad enough to cause immediate signs such as confusion, double vision, loss of conciousness (knockout) and so on be taken to indicate that serious consequences may ensue, so off the field you go. Even if you don’t want to, or think that’s being soft.”

5.58pm GMT

69 min Aguero forces a good plunging save from Mignolet with a rasping left-footed shot from 20 yards. City have been in control since the goal.

5.56pm GMT

68 min “I spend a sizeable portion of my time apologising for assorted ills,” says Matt Dony. “Niall, I’m sorry. I’m really, really not dealing with this well.”

5.55pm GMT

66 min Silva curls the free-kick a few yards over the bar.

5.54pm GMT

65 min Moreno is penalised this time for fouling Fernandinho just outside the box. He’s booked as well.

5.53pm GMT

64 min This game is very open now. Liverpool are attacking desperately – perhaps a bit too desperately, because they are only one down with 25 minutes to go but are leaving themselves so exposed at the back. Who do think they are, Danish Dynamite?

5.53pm GMT

62 min Aguero has a big penalty shout turned down by Michael Oliver. City broke again, with Aguero running from inside his own half onto a long pass. He came back inside Moreno, who dangled a leg behind his back and seemed to trip Aguero. That said, it’s not entirely clear whether Aguero dragged his leg into Moreno’s before falling over. At first I thought it was a clear penalty, though I’m not quite so sure now.

5.50pm GMT

60 min What a miss from Sterling! Madon, that was shocking. City broke through Toure and then Silva, whose deflected low cross came to Sterling. He was six yards out, Mignolet had already committed himself towards the far post, and Sterling contrived to pass the ball wide of the near post.

5.45pm GMT

56 min That’s much better from Liverpool. A neat, short-passing move ends with Sturridge stabbing the ball through for Milner, who makes a fine angled run from right to left but then screws his shot wide of the near post from the corner of the six-yard box.

5.43pm GMT

54 min Mignolet should have saved that shot, but I would say one thing in his defence:

football is the winner
it was hard and low, right at his feet, the sort of shot that a playground keeper just hoofs away before carrying on with his sneaky fag. Proper goalkeepers, of course, try to get down with their hands and the result is often that it goes through them and into the net.

5.42pm GMT

53 min Liverpool look a bit rattled, and Clyne is booked for a poor tackle on Sterling.

5.41pm GMT

52 min “Can Matt Dony please apologise?” sniffs Niall Mullen.

5.40pm GMT

Aguero received another long pass on the edge of the box, and waited and waited while Fernandinho galloped past him on the outside. Aguero slipped it into the space in front of Fernandinho, who rifled a low shot towards goal from a tight angle on the right of the box. It looked a routine save, but it went straight through Mignolet and into the far corner.

5.38pm GMT

In a surprising development, there’s been a goalkeeping error in a match involving Simon Mignolet and Willy Caballero.

5.38pm GMT

49 min Silva sprays a long angled pass to Aguero in the inside-right channel. He heads it into the space in front and then outpaces Lucas, but by the time he gets to the ball the angle is prohibitive and he smashes it high and wide.

5.37pm GMT

48 min “My humble suggestion for a rule change in football would be the introduction of a “medical substitution” that could be issued by an impartial medical expert on the sideline,” says Paul Done. “If the expert decides that the player can’t continue because of a possible concussion, the team would be forced to replace the player but the sub wouldn’t count against their standard three allowed. In the long run, it’s imperative that these decisions be taken away from the player and team.”

5.35pm GMT

47 min “Reaching our generations, releasing into the nations,” begins Matt Dony. “Is that a Muse lyric? I’m definitely going to be shouting that at the next game I attend. On topic, it’s been an awfully long time since Liverpool’s defence made me feel confident, so I’m immune to the worry over Lucas and Toure. I’m just hanging on to the hope that Caballero will do something stupider than Mignolet.”

5.34pm GMT

46 min Peep! City begin the second half, kicking from left to right.

5.22pm GMT

“The issue is mostly in the substitutes structure of football,” says Kevin Smith of the concussion issue. “I mentioned ice hockey earlier for a reason, they have a protocol (which is far from perfect and not always followed) where impartial medical observers are watching the game and can call for players to go to the quiet room for diagnosis. If the player is deemed to appear okay after some 10min, they can return to the game. Otherwise they would be done for the remainder.

“However, with stoppage time, frequent and unlimited substitutions, and two intermissions rather than one, ice hockey is far more suited to such a protocol than football. Whether there can be an alternative protocol structured within football’s current substitution rules is, frankly, doubtful, as the limits and inability to return the player to the field makes teams/players unwilling to sub for what may or may not be a concussion.”

5.19pm GMT

D- Must do better.

5.17pm GMT

44 min “Quick update from Hong Kong – since what else is there to talk about – on shirts,” writes our fashion correspondent Drew Gough. “In addition to one Jordan Henderson shirt, there’s a guy whose shirt reads “Reaching our Generations... ...Releasing into the Nations!” All capitalization and punctuation original.”

I am Jack’s confused sorrow.

5.16pm GMT

43 min The free-kick is dinked into the area by Yaya Toure, and almost breaks to Otamendi. He’s about to shoot when Milner gets his toe to the ball, so Otamendi kicks Milner instead and then goes over in the comedy heap. That was a vital touch from Milner.

5.14pm GMT

42 min Lucas is aggrieved to be penalised for a tackle on Aguero. Quite why, I’m not sure, as it was a bad tackle with both feet off the ground. He should hve been booked.

5.13pm GMT

41 min Fernando is perhaps lucky not to be booked for an emphatic bodycheck on Coutinho, who had beaten him with a lovely first touch. The game is going nowhere.

5.12pm GMT

40 min “Currently,” says Niall Mullen, “football is not the winner.”

5.10pm GMT

38 min This has been an uneventful rather than a poor half of football. Sterling attempts to address that by winning a corner for City. That’s the first corner of the match, shortly followed by the second. Nothing happens. To be honest if I could have my time again I wouldn’t bother with this entry, but it’s done now so let’s move on.

5.09pm GMT

36 min “It used to be tacticians but now everyone is an armchair neurologist,” says Niall Mullen. “Concussion isn’t black and white especially when a player doesn’t lose consciousness. Either all head injuries should come off or there’s going to be a necessarily imperfect system given the nature of the diagnosis.”

I just hope that, whatever happens, football is the winner.

5.07pm GMT

34 min The lively Moreno falls over after a tackle from Fernandinho just inside the box. Michael Oliver says not out. I’d like to see that again. City break, and Sterling’s shot from the edge of area is heading towards goal when it hits Silva and goes out for a goal-kick. I suspect Mignolet had it covered. As for the penalty, the Sky summariser Alan Smith reckons it’s a dive. I’m not so sure. It was, at best, pretty clumsy from Fernandinho.

5.05pm GMT

33 min Moreno plays a crisp pass to Sturridge on the left. He faffs for a good 10 or 15 seconds before falling over. Michael Oliver gives a free-kick, possibly out of sympathy because there didn’t seem to be a foul. The free-kick is laid off to Coutinho, who smashes a swirling cross-shot that goes for a throw-in on the other side of the pitch.

5.03pm GMT

30 min Here’s Kevin Smith. “The jacket covering may have been done by the medical staff, as well as him heading down the tunnel. If he’s suffered a concussion, best thing to do is get him into a dark room, away from the lights and noise, a practice they’ve only recently introduced in ice hockey where concussions (from hits and fights) are far too common. So, respectfully, I don’t think he has ‘done one’ down the tunnel.”

Ah yes, fair point, my apologies. I put two and two together based on his reaction to being substituted, but you are almost certainly right.

5.01pm GMT

28 min “Sakho should never have come back on,” says JR. “I don’t know the exact protocol for head injuries there in England but there’s no way they were followed there. The lack of seriousness with which this subject is treated is absolutely scandalous.”

5.00pm GMT

27 min Firmino makes space cleverly 20 yards out and then, not so cleverly, wallops a shot into orbit.

4.58pm GMT

26 min Liverpool’s centre-back pairing is now Lucas and Kolo Toure. Sakho has done one down the tunnel.

4.57pm GMT

25 min Sakho has been replaced by Kolo Toure. He’s taken the decision about as well as Les Sealey did when the Manchester United physio Jim McGregor tried to sub him during the 1991 League Cup final. He flings his water bottle into the ground, and is now hiding under a jacket, possibly in tears.

4.56pm GMT

AGUERO HITS THE POST! Sakho is still struggling after that clash of heads, and staggers all over the place when Aguero runs at him and Lucas on the edge of the area. He beats them both and curls a shot that Mignolet, diving low to his left, tips onto the post. That’s a fine save, though Aguero should maybe have done better.

4.53pm GMT

22 min “Are Liverpool targetting Sagna?” asks Rick McGahey. “Don’t think they’ve played a ball down the right side for the entire match all on the left, maybe hoping to catch Fernandinho upfield?”

Their own left-sided attackers are better as well, as James Milner shows by making a Horlicks of a promising break.

4.53pm GMT

21 min Sterling, probably the most dangerous player so far, is wrestled to the floor by Henderson. It’s another free kick for City just outside the box on the left. Silva will again take it ... and it’s headed clear.

4.51pm GMT

20 min Breaking news: this game needs a goal.

4.50pm GMT

18 min “GOAL!!! Liverpool 0 Man City 1 (Mignolet OG),” writes Simon McMahon. “Sorry, Matt. I’m trying to help, really I am.”

Back in real life, it’s still 0-0.

4.49pm GMT

17 min Both players are on their feet and are going to play on.

4.48pm GMT

16 min Sakho and Can clash heads while trying to clear a throw-in. That’s pretty nasty, and both look very groggy – Sakho in particular.

4.47pm GMT

15 min Breaking news for possession-stats fans: it’s literally 50-50 at the moment.

4.45pm GMT

13 min It is too early to say that, as it’s been a pretty breezy start from both sides, albeit without anything resembling a chance.

4.45pm GMT

12 min Is it too early to say this game needs a goal?

4.41pm GMT

9 min “No, Simon,” says Matt Dony, whose noggin has already gone and we’ve only had nine minutes. “A 4-3 wouldn’t be nice. I’m currently visiting my parents, with no Sky Sports (take that, Murdoch!), so I’m relying on this MBM. Which is tense enough as it, without extra time and ridiculous score lines thrown in. A clear winner by half time will ease my nerves, thanks. I’m really not dealing with this well...”

4.40pm GMT

8 min The resulting free-kick is taken by Silva, headed away by Sakho and volleyed into a different postcode by Fernandinho.

4.39pm GMT

7 min Sterling, who is feeling the hate of the Liverpool fans with every touch, is fouled by Clyne just outside the box on the left.

4.38pm GMT

6 min Milner drags the ball back smartly on the edge of the box, setting himself up for a shot that is blocked by Kompany. Liverpool look sharp, and moments later Coutinho’s no-look pass almost puts Clyne clear on goal. It was fractionally overhit.

4.35pm GMT

4 min Liverpool have had more of the ball thus far. That’s all. Pulitzer please!

“Like yourself, I’m a genuine neutral here,” says Simon McMahon. “Don’t care who wins. But 4-3 AET would be nice, thanks.” You’re welcome.

4.34pm GMT

3 min “Due to time zones and broadcast rights in the Far East, there are evidently only a few pubs showing this game at midnight thirty local time,” writes Drew Gough. “This Hong Kong pub is Liverpudlian, and I’d like to report the smattering of jerseys on show: Coutinho (fair), Firmino (fine), Mignolet (getting confusing), Gerrard (ode?), and Benteke (whooooooops).”

4.34pm GMT

2 min It seems somebody lied to the official Manchester City Twitter feed, because Silva has started behind Aguero, as in Kiev, with Fernandinho playing from the right as a kind of inverted false 6.75.

4.33pm GMT

34 seconds Moreno’s driven cross from the left of the box is well held by the stretching Caballero.

4.32pm GMT

1 min Michael Oliver blows the whistle to signify the commencement of proceedings, with Liverpool kicking off from left to right.

4.31pm GMT

32 - The last 8 games between Liverpool & Man City (all comps) have produced 32 goals, with both teams finding the net in each match. Party.

4.29pm GMT

It’s time for the national anthem, a stirring experience for the English players who are starting the game, all five of them.

4.26pm GMT

The players emerge from the tunnel. “’mon boys!” shouts someone or other. Everyone looks pretty relaxed, almost too relaxed.

4.18pm GMT

Some gamble from Manuel Pellegrini. Maybe Willy Caballero will prove everyone wrong - but there are times when he's a danger to his own team

4.15pm GMT

“Yeah, come on, Rob,” says Matt Dony. “We’re all friends here. We can past basic character flaws, such as ‘supporting United’. Which one of these teams would you least hate to see win something?”

I would just hate for football not to get the victory it deserves, Matt.

4.14pm GMT

Meanwhile, in the Premier League ... Marcus Rashford beat Arsenal 3-2, while Spurs came from behind to win 2-1 against Swansea. Read all about it here.

3.55pm GMT

“Come on then, Rob,” says Simon McMahon. “Who do you want to win?”

Football, Simon. I just want football to be the winner.

3.44pm GMT

The first nervous breakdown of the day

“The way both of these teams play, this could be 5-0 to either side, or any score in between,” says Matt Dony. “All depends on who turns up and who doesn’t. I know it’s ‘only’ the League Cup, but that uncertainty is both exciting and terrifying. I haven’t been as nervous about a cup game since the 2007 Champions League final. Just hope this one turns out better than that one. (Cue attritional 1-0 win, late Aguero scramble taking the spoils, after a Henderson slip in homage to Stevie.) I’m not dealing with this well, sorry.”

3.33pm GMT

It seems that City will return to their usual 4-2-3-1 shape, with Yaya Toure playing behind Sergio Aguero and David Silva moving back to the right.

TEAM NEWS: The City line-up competing for the #capitalonecup today! #cityatwembley #mcfc pic.twitter.com/kegpOEJ3EQ

3.32pm GMT

Lucas will play in defence for Liverpool, who are unchanged. City make one change, with Willy Caballero replacing Joe Hart in goal.

Liverpool (4-2-3-1) Mignolet; Clyne, Lucas, Sakho, Moreno; Can, Henderson; Milner, Firmino, Coutinho, Sturridge.

2.07pm GMT

Past/foreign country department

Here’s Bruce Grobbelaar before the 1984 Milk Cup final.

10.31am GMT

Look, we’re all friends here, so forgive me for speaking frankly: the Capital One Cup is never going to regain the magic of its golden age in the late 1980s. It’s too old, let go, it’s over. But after looking like an endangered competition around the turn of the century, it has found its niche in English football.

It works on two levels, as a means to an end and an end in itself. Many of the best English teams of the last 15 years won this trophy first: Chelsea in 2004-05, Sir Alex Ferguson’s last great Manchester United side a year later, Manuel Pellegrini’s Manchester City, not to mention Juande Ramos’s all-conquering Spurs.

Continue reading...

The most goals scored by different players in a single game of football | The Knowledge

Plus: lengthy player/manager hiatuses, further adventures in the world of darts/football crossover skills, and very late abandonments. Send your questions and answers to knowledge@theguardian.com or tweet us @TheKnowledge_GU

“As I type, the full-time whistle has just blown at Villa Park where Liverpool have scored six goals, all by different players, which seems unusual to me. So, what is the most goals scored in a game by one side, all by different players?” wondered Andrew Hill the other week.

Most of you chose to ignore Andrew’s question and simply send in some interesting, different-goalscorer trivia. We did the same; we’re not judging anyone. We’ll get to those later but first let’s answer the actual question: the most goals scored by one side, all with different goalscorers.

Related: Did a football fan shoot the ball to stop the opposition scoring? | The Knowledge

Related:

Continue reading...

Chelsea v Manchester City: FA Cup fifth round –as it happened

Chelsea breezed into the quarter-finals with a 5-1 win over a Manchester City side full of youngsters

Chelsea travel to Everton in sixth round: see the full quarter final draw

5.51pm GMT

Wait, come back!

See the full draw for the quarter finals here:

Related: FA Cup sixth round draw – live!

5.50pm GMT

This match was decided at 3pm, when the teams were announced, but the formality of the actual football was fun. There were some fine goals, some lovely passing and movement from Fabregas, Hazard, and everyone goes home happy. Goodnight!

5.49pm GMT

90+1 min The excellent Barker wins a corner for City. It almost leads to a goal - for Chelsea. Oscar and Hazard break two on one, but Hazard’s pass isn’t great and then Oscar welts one high and wide from 20 yards.

5.48pm GMT

Oscar’s cross from the left was backheaded towards the far post by Traore, and it looped in off the far post as Caballero leered at it in confusion. He probably should have saved it, though it was a smart, speculative header from Traore.

5.46pm GMT

Oh, Willy.

5.45pm GMT

88 min Barker has looked good on the left wing since coming on. City can be pleased with the performance of their youngsters. It’s the geriatricos, Caballero and Demichelis, who haven’t been so good. In other news, Courtois makes a good diving save from Kolarov’s low shot.

5.43pm GMT

86 min “Almost a hundred years on since William Carlos Williams dedicated this poem to all members of the MBM community,” begins Ian Copestake.

Danse Russe

5.40pm GMT

83 min Nemanja Matic replaces Jon Obi Mikel, who is giving a rousing send-off by the Chelsea fans.

5.39pm GMT

81 min Fabregas slips a nice ball behind the defence for Hazard on the right; he cuts it back to Traore, who bobbles a shot onto the far post. So many Chelsea attacks have involved late runs from midfield in the inside-left or inside-right channel.

5.35pm GMT

78 min City replace Fernando with the 17-year-old Cameron Humphreys.

5.34pm GMT

77 min Manu Garcia makes space on the edge of the box and hits a shot that is blocked superbly by Ivanovic. Or Cahill. They all look the same!

5.33pm GMT

Oscar did an Aldridge-style stop before whipping an imperfect penalty to his left. Caballero dived a long way and made a good save.

5.31pm GMT

Demichelis blunderbusses into Traore from behind, and Andre Marriner gives a penalty. It looks a bit soft.

5.31pm GMT

75 min Chelsea’s late runs from midfield have destroyed City, a rare example of tactics deciding a football match.

5.30pm GMT

74 min “To be fair to Cabellero,” says Ian Copestake, “he does have the look of a man who exists in a different dimension.”

It’s a lonely job being a keeper. No wonder you have sympathy for him.

5.29pm GMT

72 min Poor old Cahill has taken another one in the coupon. This time it was a flailing arm from Iheanacho. Accidental.

5.28pm GMT

70 min Oscar wallops a 25-yard shot not far wide.

5.27pm GMT

69 min City almost get one back. Zabaleta’s cross from the right touchline is just behind Iheanacho, who improvises and tries a backheel from seven yards. He’s no Thierry Henry, however, and it’s blocked by Gary Cahill. Moments later, Chelsea replace Diego Costa and Pedro with Oscar and Bertrand Traore. Pedro was excellent, a constant pain in City’s derriere with his movement.

5.25pm GMT

Caballero was expecting it to go to his right and shimmied across goal for reasons best known to himself. Hazard simply placed it in the other corner. That’s a strange mistake from Caballero.

5.23pm GMT

Hazard just passes the free-kick into the far corner.

5.22pm GMT

65 min Demichelis is booked for an, erm, rugged tackle on Hazard just outside the box.

5.21pm GMT

64 min Fabregas drags a scruffy shot well wide from 20 yards.

5.20pm GMT

63 min For the first time, this is starting to look like men against boys.

5.17pm GMT

61 min I would make Chelsea favourites to win the FA Cup, but there is a better than usual chance for teams in the second tier of English football – Everton, West Ham, Watford, Crystal Palace – to win it this year.

5.16pm GMT

58 min Another simple angled through pass, from Willian to Pedro, beats the City defence. Caballero comes out, Pedro lifts it over him across the face of goal, and Demichelis puts it behind for a corner.

5.13pm GMT

55 min A half chance for City, but Faupala dallies in the area and that allows Ivanovic to clear.

5.12pm GMT

54 min City’s first substitution: Brandon Barker replaces Celina, who had a quiet game.

5.11pm GMT

Hazard’s cross from the left was only half cleared by Fernando, and Cahill rattled a volley through Caballero from 12 yards. On reflection Caballero should probably have done better – it was straight at him, although Cahill did hit it well. It’s the kind of shot that a playground keeper would simply have hoofed away with his feet, but Caballero tried to get down to it with his hands.

5.10pm GMT

Chelsea are into the quarter-finals.

5.09pm GMT

53 min City have been so vulnerable to the through pass today.

5.07pm GMT

51 min “Fabregas is brilliant,” sniffs Mustafa Feeroz. “Hmmm. Yes, against Arsenal of course and once against Barcelona. But can it be so hard to be brilliant against an under-19s team?” Apparently so: the other 10 players haven’t managed it.

5.07pm GMT

Chelsea say anyone identified throwing coins will be banned from Stamford Bridge after objects thrown after Faupala equaliser

5.06pm GMT

Chelsea broke from the edge of their own box, with Willian carrying the ball 50 yards before giving it to Hazard on the right. He played an angled pass back to Willian, who had made a late run into the area and dragged a precise shot across Caballero and into the corner.

5.05pm GMT

This is another very nice goal.

5.04pm GMT

Age of entitlement latest

Related: Leverkusen against Dortmund halted after manager refuses to accept red card

5.02pm GMT

47 min “I know for a fact that I’m not alone,” says Matt Dony. “I’m in a full house, having yesterday moved in to my in-laws’ place while some builders get a wriggle on and, y’know, actually build my house. Being alone sounds wonderful. I envy Copestake. The upshot of a long day spent moving furniture was that I flaked out and went to bed during Match of the Day. Glad to hear it doesn’t sound like I missed much.”

5.02pm GMT

46 min Chelsea become the second half, kicking from left to right.

4.59pm GMT

Crystal Palace are into the quarter-finals after a 1-0 win at Spurs.

4.47pm GMT

That was a whole heap of fun. Two splendidly worked goals, lots of near misses for Chelsea, and plenty to admire from the City kids, especially the Garcias, Adarabioyo and the front two. See you in 10 minutes!

4.43pm GMT

44 min Here’s Ian Copestake: “Coin throwing suggests that ticket prices are just not high enough.”

4.42pm GMT

43 min The effervescent Pedro runs at Zabaleta in the area, comes inside and drills a shot that is well blocked by Adarabioyo.

4.41pm GMT

41 min Caballero makes an excellent save. City were undone by yet another short pass over the top of the defence, this time from Hazard to Fabregas on the left of the box. He clipped it square to Pedro, whose adroit volley from six yards brought a fine reaction save from Caballero.

4.40pm GMT

40 min Some coins were thrown at the City kids while they were celebrating the goal. Won’t somebody think of the children?

4.39pm GMT

39 min “To echo Ian Copestake,” begins Mac Millings, “I feel that a psychological battle will have been won when he starts eating from outside the box of microwave meals for one.”

4.38pm GMT

This was a nicely worked goal. Manu Garcia played a one-two with Fernando and worked the ball into Faupala on the edge of the box. He turned it round the corner for Iheanacho, who slipped it back across the face of goal with the outside of his left foot. There was a bit of a scramble, and Azpilicueta’s attempt clearance hit Faupala and went into the top of the net.

4.36pm GMT

The City bairns are level!

4.36pm GMT

A simple goal for Diego Costa. Fabregas, who has been brilliant, lifted a nice pass over the defence for Hazard on the left of the box. He hooked it first time into the six-yard box, and Costa headed past Caballero.

4.35pm GMT

It had been coming.

4.33pm GMT

34 min Faupala runs at the defence and finds Iheanacho, who sprays a drive over the bar from 25 yards.

4.32pm GMT

33 min “I suppose that for viewer Pep Guardiola this is far more interesting than the usual low-key City tedium with increasingly rare flashes from Aguero, Toure etc,” says Phil Podolsky. “Though most of these youngsters will end up playing for teams with names few can pronounce cause that’s the way of the world, yeah?”

4.31pm GMT

31 min “All we need now is for Gary Naylor to email in,” says Ian Copestake, “and it will be 2005 all over again.”

4.30pm GMT

30 min Baba Rahman lifts a clever cross towards Pedro, who chests the ball past it Caballero but takes it too far away from goal. He had been flagged offside, wrongly, so it wouldn’t have counted.

4.27pm GMT

28 min “With the amount of clever talent on both sides here,” begins Ian Copestake, “I feel that a psychological battle will have been won when one side starts shooting from outside the box.”

4.26pm GMT

27 min Here’s Mac Millings. “Ian Copestake may be alone. There’s no ‘but’ here. That was the end of that sentence.”

4.26pm GMT

26 min Caballero makes a bizarre mess of Baba Rahman’s cross, scooping it up in the air on the half-volley, but he gets away with it.

4.25pm GMT

25 min Chelsea are starting to exert their authority and experience. Pedro is wrongly given offside from Willian’s through ball, although Caballero got there first anyway.

4.23pm GMT

24 min Caballero makes a comfortable save from Fabregas’s 25-yard shot.

4.19pm GMT

20 min That pass from Fabregas to Pedro when he hit the post was well Barcelona.

4.18pm GMT

19 min “How can England expect to develop a world beating Twenty20 team if Man City keep playing highly talented non-English children?” says Ian Copestake with a mouthful of beans on toast.

4.17pm GMT

18 min Hazard picks up a loose ball just inside the box and hits a shot that is blocked by Fernando. It’s a decent game, this.

4.16pm GMT

15 min Cahill is back on the field, although he has just taken one in the coupon from Faupala. His nose is bleeding, so the game is stopped. It was a clash of heads, nothing untoward.

4.14pm GMT

13 min Pedro hits the post! It was Chelsea’s first decent attack, and it was a thing of beauty. Pedro zoomed infield from the right and played the ball to Fabregas, who dropped a delightful return ball into the space behind the defence. Pedro ran onto it and looped a left-footed shot across goal that rebounded off the face of the far post.

4.10pm GMT

11 min “Afternoon Rob,” says Simon McMahon. “Unappetising drivel it may be, but I’ll say one thing about English football. It’s punctual. A four o’clock kick off means a four o’clock kick off.” It’s what William Webb Ellis would have wanted.

4.09pm GMT

10 min Cahill is off the field, gingerly stretching some part of his right leg. That doesn’t look great for Chelsea.

4.07pm GMT

7 min City have probably been the better side so far, with plenty of confidence in possession. I suspect that, in a few years’ time, we will look back on this game as the start of one or two very good City careers.

4.06pm GMT

5 min I don’t think it is, because the existing problem – those outside the elite don’t believe they can win it because of the inequality in English football, and therefore prioritise staying up/finishing eighth - wouldn’t change. Money > glory.

4.03pm GMT

3 min Hello! A swaggering run from Faupala, who nutmegs two Chelsea players on the edge of the box before lashing a shot that is pushed away at the near post by Courtois. It was a fairly comfortable save, but even so, the confidence of Faupala was spectacular.

4.01pm GMT

2 min “Am I alone...” says Ian Copestake. Yes. You know you are. Just look at the contents of that fridg- Oh hang on, there’s more. “... in thinking that yesterday’s football was the most unappetising drivel since drivel appeared on a menu next to something French?”

I quite enjoyed the Bournemouth game, the second half anyway. But yes, the matches did feel like they were on a mezzanine level between friendly and competitive matches.

4.00pm GMT

1 min City, in their ghost green (sic) away kit, kick off from left to right.

3.54pm GMT

“Fair to say the FA Cup is a competition in crisis, that such a big club as City is doing what was once only thinkable in the League Cup in the early rounds,” says Daniel Llewelyn.

The FA Cup is beyond salvation. It’s very sad but the culture has changed to such an extent that no gimmick can save it.

3.48pm GMT

Man City's team today: five full debuts, six teenagers and shirt numbers adding up to 447, including a 72, a 75 and a 76 #magicofthecup

3.47pm GMT

“I must admit,” confesses Nick Parmenter, “that the possibility of Chelsea losing hasn’t even crossed my mind yet.”

A draw certainly isn’t beyond the realms, though a two-goal win Chelsea win is the likeliest scenario.

3.46pm GMT

“I’ve respected Pellegrini all along but this is scandalous,” says Krishnan Patel. “He has had millions and millions to spend in the transfer market and there is no excuse for a team selection like that. It’s not like he has Barcelona or Bayern lined up or he has a big game in the league coming up in three days. The fans deserve a refund.”

What are they going to do, sack him?

3.29pm GMT

Spent some time with Kelechi Iheanacho, Manchester City's 19-year-old striker. His first interview here: https://t.co/d8HojJqYnw #mcfc

3.28pm GMT

“Man City will have lost three in a row after this,” says Nick Parmenter of Manuel Pellegrini’s team selection. “What happened to gaining momentum? Remember Arsenal losing 4-0 to Man Utd in the FA Cup in 2008 - they never recovered!”

It’s tricky, this. On the one hand the FA Cup is winnable; on the other the Champions League and Premier League, though less likely, mean much more. I suppose you have to trust your instinct. Even the great Sir Alex Ferguson sacrificed a potential quadruple with his selection for the FA Cup semi-final in 2008-09.

3.20pm GMT

An email!

“Those numbers in the City debutants’ Twitter handles are almost as depressing as this T20,” writes my colleague Dan Lucas. I was an adult* before any of them were born!

3.16pm GMT

MBMs while u wait

Related: Blackburn Rovers v West Ham United: FA Cup – live!

Related: Malaga v Real Madrid: La Liga – live! | Alan Smith

3.09pm GMT

Just the five full debutants for City then. That’s all.

Congrats to our full debutants today @BersantCelina, @DavidFaups, @97_aleix, @TosinAdarabioyo & @Manugarcia_98. #mcfc #chelseavcity #facup

3.06pm GMT

Chelsea (4-2-3-1) Courtois; Azpilicueta, Cahill, Ivanovic, Baba Rahman; Fabregas, Mikel; Pedro, Willian, Hazard; Diego Costa.

Substitutes: Begovic, Miazga, Matic, Loftus-Cheek, Oscar, Traore, Remy.

12.49pm GMT

Hello. This time last year, Chelsea and Manchester City met at Stamford Bridge in a match that was widely described as a title decider. It wasn’t, but that’s not the point: the point, which I’ll get to any minute now once I’ve stopped meandering like somebody with a word count to fill, is that they were the top pre-eminent sides in the country, and it seemed that, with better players and more money than the rest, they would dominate English football for the foreseeable.

A year later, they have both slipped to such an extent that the FA Cup – and in City’s case, the League Cup – represents their best/only (delete as appropriate) chance of winning a trophy this season. The peculiar thing is that, even though they are 12th and fourth in the Premier League, they are probably still the best two teams in the country – or, at least, the two English teams with the greatest capacity for excellence. Whoever wins this will have a legitimate claim to be favourites to win the FA Cup.

2.14pm GMT

Rob will be here shortly. In the meantime, here is David Hytner’s preview:

Damaging back-to-back Premier League defeats, injuries and the schlep to Dynamo Kyiv for Wednesday’s Champions League game have weighed on Manuel Pellegrini before the FA Cup fifth round’s biggest tie. The Manchester Citymanager has said he will prioritise Kyiv and Stamford Bridge could be a chance for some of his younger players. Chelsea’s focus is rather more narrow and Guus Hiddink will go all-in for a second FA Cup in two attempts. David Hytner

Kick-off Sunday 4pm

Continue reading...

Bournemouth v Everton: FA Cup fifth round – as it happened

Ross Barkley and Romelu Lukaku gave Everton a good 2-0 win over Bournemouth, who missed a first-half penalty

7.08pm GMT

That’s it. Everton are into the quarter-finals. They had a bit more luck and a greater need to win than Bournemouth; those were the decisive factors in a pleasant game that got better as it progressed. Thanks for your company. Night!

Related: Romelu Lukaku deals Bournemouth knockout blow sending Everton onward

7.04pm GMT

90+1 min Coleman is humped over in the box by Ritchie. Martin Atkinson says play on. Those two have been niggling at each other in the last 20 minutes, though that probably wasn’t enough for a penalty.

7.03pm GMT

90 min There will be a minimum of four minutes’ added time. Deal with it.

7.02pm GMT

89 min King’s driven cross from the right towards Stanislas is claimed very well by Joel.

7.01pm GMT

87 min This game isn’t quite done. Another find inswinging cross from Stanislas is headed over by King, six yards out. He couldn’t get over the ball and was under pressure from Joel.

7.00pm GMT

86 min This game is done.

6.57pm GMT

83 min “Barkley really is the new king of the deflected shot isn’t he?” says Owen Parsons. “Think that’s his fourth goal this season that’s found its way to the back of the net via a defender.”

6.54pm GMT

81 min A double Everton substitution: £13.5m striker Oumar Niasse makes his debut, and Kevin Mirallas is also coming on. Lukaku and Barkley go off.

6.52pm GMT

79 min Barkley’s shot is well blocked by Elphick. This has been an excellent second half.

6.51pm GMT

78 min Adam Smith replaces Gosling for Bournemouth.

6.51pm GMT

Oviedo swung in a low corner from the right was flicked dangerously across goal by Barry at the near post, marauded onto the loose ball to score with glee from six yards.

6.50pm GMT

It’s 2-0 now!

6.49pm GMT

76 min Barkley almost gets his second. Lennon made a great run across the penalty area and then laid it off to Barkley, who placed a first-time curler towads the far corner. It was going in until it hit the elbow of O’Kane before deflecting just wide.

6.47pm GMT

73 min Another chance for Bournemouth. King skins Funes Mori down the left and cuts a fast low cross back to Ritchie, who whips a first-time shot wide of the near post from 10 yards. He should probably have worked the keeper.

6.46pm GMT

72 min Gosling misses a great chance against his old club! Stanislas picked him out with a beautiful inswinging cross from the left. He was in a criminal amount of space, six yards from goal, but planted his header straight at Joel.

6.44pm GMT

71 min Murray comes on for Juan Iturbe and wins a corner straight away with a shot that is deflected wide by the stretching Jagielka.

6.43pm GMT

70 min The substitute Glenn Murray is being prepared for Bournemouth.

6.42pm GMT

68 min King is booked for kicking the ball away in a heat-based funk. It’s all a bit scruffy at the moment.

6.39pm GMT

66 min Iturbe is booked for a scissor tackle on Gareth Barry.

6.37pm GMT

64 min Bournemouth’s first substitution, with Matt Ritchie replacing MacDonald.

6.36pm GMT

63 min Oof. Stanislas’s free-kick from 25 yards hits the leaping Lukaku in the wall and deflects fractionally wide of the post.

6.33pm GMT

60 min Bournemouth get a corner. They don’t score from it. This information comes to you on a need-to-know basis.

6.32pm GMT

59 min “Ah, Glenn Hysen,” muses Ian Copestake. “A blast from the past. I always imagined him playing in a suit even when he was bedecked in Candy advertising. A dapper man indeed.”

6.32pm GMT

58 min Lukaku has a goal disallowed for offside. I’m not sure that’s the right decision. He was played in by Barkley and slipped the ball under Federici, though the flag had long since gone up. Replays suggested he was probably behind Barkley when the pass was played and therefore onside.

6.30pm GMT

Barkley received a pass 20 yards from goal, to the left of centre. He shifted the ball infield and tried to curl it towards the far corner. Instead it nicked off Gosling and looped high in the air. Federici, backpedalling desperately, was beaten in the Shilton/Brehme style and the ball drifted into the net.

6.29pm GMT

Ross Barkley’s deflected shot loops over Federici and into the net!

6.28pm GMT

55 min Barkley plays a cute pass into Lukaku, who lays it off for McCarthy to shoot from 20 yards. He splatters it a few yards wide of the near post.

6.28pm GMT

54 min Here’s Doremus Schafer. “No discussion about long-range headers is complete without this Odd goal from Jone Samuelsen.” Tell it to the judge.

6.26pm GMT

52 min “I would rather experience 15 minutes of Ray Winstone querying the small print on a car lease form than the echo chamber of dense grey despondency i’ve just been subjected to,” chirps Craig Smaaskjaer. “Are the chaps in the studio distracted by the possibility of a ‘Brexit’? The discovery of gravitational waves? Time itself?”

6.25pm GMT

50 min Oviedo hoofs King up in the air, then has the brass neck to suggest he got the ball. He didn’t. The free-kick is swung deep by Francis and cleared to the edge of the box, where MacDonald chests it down and smacks the ball over the bar.

“Moved on,” says Gordon Pittendrigh. “Sham 69 and pizza with chorizo, anchovies, capers and Tabasco. Beer as well.”

6.22pm GMT

Right Everton. It's up to you. Which one am I drinking tonight? pic.twitter.com/XasVfn9dzC

6.21pm GMT

48 min Lennon’s shot is deflected wide for the first corner of the half. Cleverley curls it towards the near post, where Coleman arrives late and heads over from six yards. He couldn’t get over the ball.

6.19pm GMT

46 min Peep peep! Bournemouth beginning the second half, kicking from left to right.

6.16pm GMT

“Best long-range header?” says Tomas Kinney. “Another Argentine, Martin Palermo, disagrees with your suggestion.”

6.14pm GMT

Half-time chit-chat “What I love about live football on BBC,” says Mark Power, “is getting to halftime and not being subjected to car commercials or Ray Winstone being Ray Winstone.”

6.03pm GMT

Not the greatest half of football, although Joel’s penalty save from Charlie Daniels was memorable. See you in 10 minutes!

6.02pm GMT

45+1 min Gosling is booked for persistent filth.

6.02pm GMT

45+1 min This, of course, is the best long-range header ever.

6.01pm GMT

45 min Barkley plays a lovely ball wide to Coleman. He crosses back towards the edge of the area, where Oviedo tries to score with a flying header. It goes miles wide.

5.59pm GMT

42 min The game has livened up a bit now. That penalty incident was very strange. McCarthy just controlled the ball with an outstretched arm. It wasn’t as spectacular as Glenn Hysen’s volleyball smash back in the day, but it was still a little peculiar.

5.55pm GMT

Daniels hits a firm, low penalty towards the corner, and Joel plunges springs to his left to make a fine save. Bournemouth should probably have scored from the rebound as well, and if we ever see a replay I’ll be able to do my job and actually describe what happened.

5.53pm GMT

37 min Bournemouth get their first corner. Daniels hangs it up beyond the far post, where McCarthy has a lapse of the brain and brings it down with his arm. A clear penalty.

5.52pm GMT

36 min “For all the furore over John Stones, I find it significant that in the last four and a third games, while he’s been sidelined, we’ve conceded one goal,” says Mark Power. “As you say, great defenders, lousy defence. To paraphrase Francis Urquhart, I couldn’t possibly comment any further.”

5.51pm GMT

34 min Gosling receives a lovely pass angled pass from Iturbe in the D and tries to go round Jagielka, who stretches to make an excellent tackle.

5.50pm GMT

33 min Dear someone on the pitch, please do something. Love, Rob.

5.45pm GMT

29 min Federici makes an important save to keep the game goalless. Lukaku skinned the last man Elphick with a devastating change of pace on the left wing, and kept going all the way into the area until his stabbed close-range shot was blocked by Federici.

5.44pm GMT

28 min Stanislas eyes the top corner from 25 yards, and then eyes Row X as he follows the movement of his wild shot.

5.42pm GMT

26 min Barkley hits a bouncing shot towards goal from 25 yards that is saved easily by Federici.

5.42pm GMT

25 min A fierce wind might be not helping when it comes to precision in the final third. Whatever the reason, the game is getting worse by the minute.

5.39pm GMT

22 min Everton are still dominating possession, and still looking more pretty than penetrative.

5.38pm GMT

21 min Stanislas sprays a good-looking pass across the field to Iturbe. It goes straight into touch.

5.35pm GMT

20 min “Funes Mori is becoming quite the centre half, impressive,” says Mark Turner. “And he’ll get up and score you a headed goal or three from set-pieces. Seems like years ago that John Stones was the man, bet he’s regretting not taking the offers from Chelsea. And Funes Mori’s brother is a kick-butt forward in Mexico, Everton should send a scout.”

The Everton paradox: they have a few fine defenders, and a poor defence.

5.34pm GMT

17 min McCarthy takes a yellow card for Team Everton with a deliberate trip on Iturbe.

5.31pm GMT

15 min Everton’s passing has been accomplished and pleasant, but thus far they haven’t really got behind Bournemouth.

5.30pm GMT

13 min Iturbe leads a stirring Bournemouth break, running a long way before making a weary Horlicks of a low shot from 20 yards.

5.29pm GMT

12 min A patient move from Everton ends when Coleman thunders a delightfully inept cross miles out of play.

5.27pm GMT

9 min “Cleverley is no Iniesta,” bleedinobviouses Phil Podolsky. “But he’s more of an Iniesta than Fellaini is a Toure, if you look at it from United’s perspective, no? A good passer of the ball when given the confidence.” Yeah he’s a decent player when he’s on form, but confidence is a big issue.

5.24pm GMT

7 min This has been a terrific start from Everton, with Bournemouth stuck in their own half.

5.21pm GMT

5 min Anyone out there?

5.20pm GMT

4 min Everton’s first chance. Lukaku runs at the defence and plays a fine reverse pass to Barkley. He’s six yards out, at a tight angle to the right of centre, and mishits a cross/shot/cross-shot that bobbled through to Federici.

5.19pm GMT

3 min Everton have started strongly, calmly demonstrating their interpretation of the concept of tiki-taka.

5.17pm GMT

1 min Everton, in white, kick off from left to right. I may or may not have sauntered off for a coffee assuming this was a 5.30pm kick off, and arrived back at my desk two seconds before the first whistle. Sorry.

4.53pm GMT

Was there really life before Twitter?

VIDEO: @gerardeulofeu and @RomeluLukaku9 arrive at Dean Court ahead of today's @EmiratesFACup clash. #BOUvEFC pic.twitter.com/t0XaYgM7MU

4.44pm GMT

These teams both have shiny, happy memories of the 1984 FA Cup. Bournemouth put out the holders, Manchester United, and Everton went all the way to Wembley on the back of Andy Gray’s patented sliding header. That was the fourth of Everton’s five FA Cup wins, the last in 1995; Bournemouth best FA Cup performance was reaching the quarter-finals in 1957.

4.44pm GMT

Bournemouth (4-1-4-1) Federici; Francis, Elphick, Distin, Daniels; O’Kane; Iturbe, Gosling, MacDonald, Stanislas; King.

Subs: Boruc, Wiggins, Smith, Butcher, Pugh, Ritchie, Murray.

10.10am GMT

Good evening. A weakness can be a strength sometimes. The top level of English football is probably as poor as it has been since football began in 1992, but the upside is that the Premier League is thrillingly competitive and, better still, unpredictable.

The same should therefore be true of the FA Cup. Since Everton won the tournament in 1995, all bar two of the finals have been won by Manchester United, Liverpool, Arsenal, Manchester City and Chelsea. None of those sides are as strong as they were, however, so there is a great chance for the other teams to do something they all dreamed about as kids: to win the bloody FA Cup.

Related: Junior Stanislas strikes twice to rescue battling Bournemouth against Everton

Continue reading...

Arsenal 0-0 Hull City: FA Cup fifth round – as it happened

Arsenal were thwarted by an inspired performance from the Hull goalkeeper Eldin Jakupovic

2.58pm GMT

Amy Lawrence’s match report from the Emirates Stadium has dropped – have a read here.

Related: Eldin Jakupovic’s heroics frustrate Arsenal as Hull force FA Cup replay

2.40pm GMT

The Hull players go over to salute their fans, and Jakupovic runs over to give his daughter a kiss. Ah, that was sweet. He’ll probably get a two-match ban for going into the crowd. He has made some ridiculous saves in the past, but this is surely one of the most memorable games of his career. Thanks for your company, please join Alan Smith for thee latest from the 3pm games. Bye!

Related: FA Cup fifth round, Championship and European football clockwatch – live!

2.38pm GMT

Arsenal almost won it with the last attack of the game. Giroud wriggled free on the right side of the six-yard box and his shot was blocked by Jakupovic, who then scampered across his line to claim the headed follow-up. He made 11 saves in all, one of them great.

.@HullCity 'keeper Jakupovic is clearly impressed with his save! #EmiratesFACup #AFCvHCFC https://t.co/ujrRkA0RLh

2.36pm GMT

Peep peep!

2.34pm GMT

90+3 min Hull are wasting time in the Arsenal half via the medium of the slowly taken throw-in. Few would begrudge them that.

2.33pm GMT

90+1 min The free-kick is too close to Jakupovic, who makes a dramatic save to his right. It was relatively straightforward. There are four minutes of added time.

2.32pm GMT

90 min Sanchez is fouled on the edge of the D by Huddlestone, and is going to take the free-kick himself.

2.31pm GMT

89 min Bruce is booked for a hack at Oxlade-Chamberlain. The Man of the Match is surely the keeper Jakupovic, who made several good saves and one great one. All of which makes me think of this from Paul Doyle.

Related: The Joy of Six: great goalkeeping performances

2.29pm GMT

87 min Oxlade-Chamberlain misses a great chance. Giroud headed a cross back towards him, 17 yards from goal, but he couldn’t control the bouncing ball and drilled it into the ground and wide of the near post.

2.28pm GMT

86 min “What about posh people in the 1920s?” says Robert Petersen. “’Cook’s readying the dinner. Do come through to the drawing room and have a Cinzano and soda while we wait.’”

2.28pm GMT

85 min Aluko, put through on goal by a long diagonal pass, is wrongly flagged offside. Then, moments later, he sidefoots a volley at Ospina from 10 yards after a great cross from Huddlestone. I think the second offside decision was correct.

2.26pm GMT

84 min Arsenal have looked less likely to score since Giroud and Sanchez came on. It’s been a peculiar game – not just the subdued atmosphere, but the contradiction between a sense that Arsenal have lacked penetration and the fact Jakupovic has made five excellent saves.

2.25pm GMT

83 min It’s hard to know when a replay would occur, because of Uefa’s absurd rule about fixture clashes. It might have to be Monday 7th March, which would be 60 hours after Arsenal play at Spurs.

2.23pm GMT

82 min “Yes it is odd on its own,” says Keith Monery of readiedgate. “It should be ‘are being readied for action’; leaving the last bit off might have something to do with football or sports commentary in general.”

2.20pm GMT

79 min There are some big gaps when Hull break, such is Arsenal’s desperation to score. So far they haven’t really taken advantage due to a combination of tiredness and poor concentration, but for the first time in the match you sense they could create a clear chance in open play.

2.19pm GMT

78 min Sanchez receives a long, diagonal pass from Oxlade-Chamberlain, moves confidently back inside Elmohamady – and then smashes a wretched shot high and wide. Hull make their final substitution, with Sone Aluko replacing Nick Powell.

2.18pm GMT

77 min Chambers’ deep cross towards Giroud is superbly defended by Maguire, who heads behind for a corner.

2.15pm GMT

74 min Arsenal’s final substitution: Oxlade-Chamberlain for Iwobi.

“Hi Rob,” says Keith Monery. “I don’t think it is exclusively a football term. Although you would not say the dinner was readied, you might say that the troops were, or the guns, or something / someone who was going into action.”

2.14pm GMT

72 min Hull swarm forward on the break. Powell eases a pass to the onrushing Meyler on the left side of the box - but he slices a weary cross straight into the side netting at the near post. That was Hull’s best chance of the match.

2.12pm GMT

70 min Giroud moves cleverly away from Davies, not once but twice, before drilling a low shot from 20 yards that is comfortably held by the sprawling Jakupovic. Giroud starts limping after the shot, which is bad news for Arsenal.

2.09pm GMT

68 min Mike Dean gives Koscielny, who has been booked, a final warning after a sliding tackle on Meyler. He didn’t take the man or the ball, but lunged in a manner that can sometimes produce a yellow card..

2.08pm GMT

67 min A double change for Arsenal: Giroud and Sanchez for Campbell and Welbeck.

2.07pm GMT

65 min siege n. The act or process of surrounding and attacking a fortified place.

2.05pm GMT

63 min Jakupovic makes his fifth excellent save, flying to his left to repel a deflected Welbeck shot. He had dived past the ball when it changed direction off Curtis Davies, but was able to reach back with his right hand to get the ball to safety.

2.04pm GMT

62 min Alexis Sanchez and Olivier Giroud are being readied. That’s another word that seems to have been invented by football. When else would you use it? Yes, darling, dinner’s just being readied.

2.01pm GMT

60 min There’s a bit more urgency about Arsenal, a response to the unwelcome prospect of a replay.

1.57pm GMT

57 min Chambers is booked for wrestling with Meyler.

1.57pm GMT

56 min A double change for Hull: Tom Huddlestone and Moses Odubajo replace the 16-year-old Josh Tymon, who didn’t screw up once, and Ryan Taylor.

1.56pm GMT

55 min “I’m guessing you mean Failing Light-era Brian Eno, as opposed to the Baby’s On Fire-vintage, right?” says Alix Sharkey. “While the former seems very apt for Arsenal, the latter would more accurately describe Spurs right now, innit. Boom tish.”

1.56pm GMT

54 min Campbell hits the post! It was an excellent free kick, curled low towards the far corner from right of centre. Jakupovic, whose weight was going the wrong way, managed to change direction, plunge to his right and fingertip the ball onto the post. That is a magnificent save.

1.54pm GMT

53 min Meyler did get the ball, just, though some would argue that he went through Chambers to get there. We’ve only seen one replay; I reckon Mike Dean made the right decision.

1.53pm GMT

52 min Mike Dean rejects another penalty appeal after a tackle by Meyler on Chambers. That looked pretty close. The ball breaks to the edge of the box, where Iwobi’s sidefooted shot deflects this far wide of the far post.

1.52pm GMT

50 min A replay isn’t much use to anyone, and there are some very good players on the bench who will come on if it stays like this. In fact, Tom Huddlestone is getting ready to appear for Hull.

1.48pm GMT

47 min Walcott might have given Arsenal the lead there. A good move ended with a crisp cutback by Gibbs towards Walcott. He sidefooted low towards goal from 12 yards, and Jakupovic got down to his right to push it away. Actually, the replay shows that Walcott’s shot deflected off Davies, though it didn’t really change the line of the ball.

1.48pm GMT

46 min The second half begins.

1.32pm GMT

Half-time nostalgia

1.32pm GMT

A very subdued half ends goalless. Hull have defended pretty well, with Jakupovic making two good saves. Arsenal have been Arsenal.

1.29pm GMT

45 min Most of this half has been soundtracked by Brian Eno.

1.26pm GMT

42 min From the resulting free-kick, which is curled in by Taylor, Davies has a snapshot blocked by Flamini.

1.25pm GMT

41 min Koscielny is booked for sitting on Diomande after a good Hull break. Mertesacker was covering, otherwise it would have been a red card.

1.24pm GMT

38 min Welbeck goes on a long, winding run infield from the left, all the way into the box. Then he realises he’s completely knackered and falls over between two defenders. Mike Dean waves his hands in the demonstrative style to signal that it wasn’t a penalty. The Hull fans aren’t happy that he didn’t book Welbeck.

1.22pm GMT

38 min Welbeck and Campbell play a lovely one-two just inside the box, and Welbeck is about to shoot when Bruce makes a fine interception.

1.20pm GMT

35 min Hull win a free-kick on the right wing. Maloney’s ball in is a beauty, and the keeper Ospina is nowhere when the ball skims off Koscielny’s head and away for a corner on the other side.

1.18pm GMT

33 min Maloney is booked for deliberately taking out Walcott to stop an Arsenal break.

1.17pm GMT

31 min Mike Dean misses another chance to give a penalty, and books Maguire for a dive. It was the right decision. Maguire got away from Campbell with a brilliant Cruyff turn on the left; then, as Campbell chased back, Maguire used the slightest brushing of legs as an excuse to go over. The force of the contact, and the speed at which Maguire was moving, was not nearly enough for him to knock him off his feet.

1.13pm GMT

28 min Another good save from Jakupovic denies Walcott, who drilled a low shot from a similar position to Welbeck earlier in the half. This time Jakupovic reacted smartly to save with his right foot.

1.12pm GMT

In an unrelated development...

Related: The glories of the Big Lebowski house – in pictures

1.12pm GMT

26 min There is a whiff of sterility about Arsenal’s domination so far. Jakupovic and Alex Bruce have only had to make one save each.

1.10pm GMT

1.10pm GMT

24 min This almost has the feel of a training game. Arsenal are playing some fairly nice stuff, with Walcott especially lively.

1.07pm GMT

21 min Josh Tymon was actually born on FA Cup final day. In 1999.

1.05pm GMT

20 min Hull’s first attack in ages includes a couple of sensible, economical touches from Tymon, who has looked fine so far.

1.02pm GMT

17 min Moments later, Iwobi shapes a pleasant low curler just wide of the far post from the edge of the box. It’s all Arsenal.

1.01pm GMT

17 min Chambers plays a nice angled pass through to Welbeck, who runs off Taylor and whacks a low shot towards goal from a tight angle. Jakupovic gets down smartly to his right to make a fine save.

1.00pm GMT

16 min Hull are struggling to get out of their third, never mind their half.

12.58pm GMT

12.58pm GMT

14 min Whatever Happened To Nick Powell has been lively for Hull, both in attack and defence.

12.58pm GMT

13 min A goal is coming, Frank said.

12.57pm GMT

12 min Walcott stands up a lovely chipped cross from the right towards Welbeck, who leaps well on the six-yard line but thumps his head straight at Jakupovic.

12.56pm GMT

11 min Arsenal are starting to push Hull back now, and Walcott wins another corner. Nothing comes of it.

12.55pm GMT

10 min “Who do you reckon will be crowned FA cup champions this season?” asks Brooklyn Bell. Whoever wins tonight between Chelsea and Manchester City. I’m going for Chelsea.

12.54pm GMT

8 min Arsenal almost score from the corner. With all the players loitering around the six-yard line, the corner is passed towards Elneny on the edge of the area. He runs onto the ball and sidefoots it towards goal, and it’s blocked by the arm of Alex Bruce. He did lean towards the ball, and there were 10 yards between Elneny and Bruce, so that could easily have been a penalty. Especially with Mike Dean refereeing.

12.52pm GMT

7 min It’s all rather low-key, on the pitch and in the stands. A promising move involving Iwobi and Campbell ends when Welbeck dallies in the box. Moments later, Flamini breaks into the box onto a crisp pass from Elweny; Powell tracks him all the way to concende a corner.

12.50pm GMT

Just sat with ray Wilkings after doing BT watching Arsenal v hull pic.twitter.com/DnmnypuXtk

12.50pm GMT

4 min Hull have started well. Tymon, the 16-year-old, makes good ground down the left but then mishits his cross into the side netting at the near post. Imagine playing at the Emirates at the age of 16.

12.45pm GMT

2 min “Good to see Wenger giving a starting berth to a young man who’s been on the fringes and shown the occasional promising move, in amongst a parade of misplaced passes, hopeless shots and a general air of bewilderment,” says Charles Antaki. “Yes, (elephantine irony alert), Walcott starts.”

12.45pm GMT

1 min Peep peep! Arsenal kick off from left to right. They are in red and white; Hull are in amber and black.

12.42pm GMT

Never mind the football, let’s talk about Brendon McCullum

“His brilliance is only equalled by what a positive character he is, both for his team and cricket in general,” says Andrew Hurley. “The thing that astounds me, and has since he announced his retirement, is why? He has been in the best form of his life the past 2 years, so whilst retiring at the top is great, I have the feeling he is going too early. A legend though...”

12.28pm GMT

“Welbeck’s not a messiah, he comes good once or twice a season,” says Phil Podolsky. “I mean, who can forget the time he decided he was Leo Messi one on one v Neuer?”

12.16pm GMT

An email!

“DSir or Madam,” writes Summer. “Many thanks for your time. We are a large factory to make all kinds of hand crochet toys, hats, headbands, and gloves. Accept small order quantity. Below are some of our handmade products, we send to you to see if you like or want to make your own design. if you do not like, please ignore it.”

12.08pm GMT

It’s not football, but ... how can you not love Brendon McCullum? He has basically perfected living.

12.04pm GMT

Today will be Arsene Wenger's 100th #EmiratesFACup match as @Arsenal manager. Here are his stats... #AFCvHCFC pic.twitter.com/ZFJJtyAJGw

Wenger’s first FA Cup tie was against Sunderland. After a 1-1 draw at Highbury, Dennis Bergkamp put Arsenal on the way to victory in the replay with a goal that was even better than it looked. And it looked magnificent.

12.04pm GMT

Never forget what Phil Brown and Geovanni did for football

FLASHBACK: Great memories from our first-ever visit to the Emirates Stadium in September 2008 #Unforgettable #ARSHULhttps://t.co/rB266Xufh3

11.55am GMT

The score is Arsenal 9-10 Hull. That’s how many changes they have made. No, no I’m not going to list them all.

Dat guy Welbz
Daniel Nii Tackie Mensah Welbeck starts for the first time this season for Arsenal; Hull’s team includes the 16-year-old full-back Josh Tymon. Manchester United’s Nick Powell will play for Hull provided he remembers the match is on.

Arsenal (4-2-3-1) Ospina; Chambers, Mertesacker, Koscielny, Gibbs; Flamini, Elneny, Campbell, Iwobi, Welbeck, Walcott.

9.40am GMT

Hello. It’s 130 years since a side last won three FA Cups in a row. Blackburn Rovers’ achievement could be equalled by Arsenal this season, yet it would probably be judged as a hollow triumph if they fail to win the league. Such are the values of modern football.

They are values to which both managers subscribe. It’s likely that both XIs will reflect their priorities, with Arsenal third in the Premier League and the scandalously underrated Steve Bruce’s Hull top of the Championship.

Continue reading...

The effrontery to imbibe oxygen without apology

Click here to have the Fiver sent to your inbox every weekday at 5pm BST, or if your usual copy has stopped arriving

The Fiver knows a lost cause when it sees one. We’ve got mirrors in the house. And as the most self-aware teatime email around, we are struggling to comprehend why Louis van Gaal and/or Ed Woodward haven’t called off a relationship so barren and loveless that it makes Charles and Diana look like Heathcliff and Cathy by comparison.

Continue reading...

Was this Manchester United's most humiliating European defeat?

Louis van Gaal’s team surrendered feebly in Denmark, but where does it rank on the list of European embarrassments?

The night Alex Ferguson realised just how hard it would be to win the European Cup. Johan Cruyff’s Dream Team savaged United, with their World Cup stars Romario and Hristo Stoichkov playing with a brilliance that verged on cruelty. The absence of Peter Schmeichel (because of the foreign-player rule) and Eric Cantona (suspension) was a red herring: United were out of their depth, and eventually went out in the group stage. Those who were part of the burgeoning ABU (Anyone But United) culture loved it.

Related: Manchester United’s malaise goes all the way down to their academy

Continue reading...

Football transfer rumours: Wayne Rooney to join Shanghai Shenhua?

Today’s gossip had coffee

Look, we could begin this, our daily Mill, with a circumlocutory introduction that would segue conveniently to the first significant rumour. But it’s Friday and we both have better things to do, so let’s proceed straight to the scuttlebutt.

The big news is that Wayne Rooney will be offered £500,000 a week to join Shanghai Shenhua in the Chinese Retirement Community. Manchester United will be offered £27m for his services (sic), but will only accept the bid if they switch back from a marketing machine to a football club.

Related: Wayne Rooney setback will hit Louis van Gaal harder than Roy Hodgson | Daniel Taylor

Continue reading...

New Zealand v Australia: day three of the first Test – as it happened

New Zealand trail Australia by 201 runs with six wickets remainingAdam Voges top scored for Australia with 239

5.41am GMT

Related: McCullum succumbs as Australia tighten grip on first Test | match report

4.57am GMT

Another dominant display from Australia in Wellington, claiming the morning and evening sessions to stride towards victory in the first Test.

The morning was all about Adam Voges who eventually perished for 239. When he did, Australia led by a mammoth 379. New Zealand fought back in the afternoon, losing only the one wicket between lunch and tea to give some encouragement to home fans that this match might be salvageable. Those thoughts have surely now been extinguished with three wickets in the final session leaving the Black Caps staring at a heavy fourth day defeat.

4.46am GMT

63rd over: New Zealand 178-4 (Nicholls 31)

Just three deliveries of that Marsh over will be bowled as the wicket of McCullum brings the day to its conclusion. Such a sombre end to proceedings at the Basin Reserve. Jubilation for Australia nonetheless who toiled hard with the ball all day.

4.44am GMT

Nooooooooooooooooo! McCullum perishes in the final over the day! A squirty drive just evades Jackson Bird at point and then he misses a straight one from Marsh, fired out LBW. The review fails with the ball tracker showing leg stump would have been firmly struck by Marsh’s delivery.

An ignominious end for McCullum’s international career in Wellington.

4.39am GMT

62nd over: New Zealand 172-3 (Nicholls 31, McCullum 6)

The day is drifting towards its conclusion with the very promising Henry Nicholls dead batting Nathan Lyon’s final over.

4.36am GMT

61st over: New Zealand 172-3 (Nicholls 31, McCullum 6)

Marsh really bending his back for his captain late in the day. Bowling in excess of 140 kph on a flat pitch with an old ball is the kind of thing that will keep the all-rounder in the side while his batting average remains below 25.

4.31am GMT

60th over: New Zealand 171-3 (Nicholls 31, McCullum 6)

Oooh! Lucky lucky Brendon McCullum. Beaten by a Lyon delivery that bounced more than expected, squirting off the outside edge just past the fingertips of the diving Smith at slip. That could have halved tomorrow’s gate receipts at the Basin Reserves had it carried.

4.28am GMT

59th over: New Zealand 168-3 (Nicholls 31, McCullum 3)

Mitchell Marsh to see out the day you’d think from one end, replacing the excellent Hazlewood. Two slips for Marsh against McCullum with a touch of reverse swing on offer for the all-rounder. Nothing much doing though with both batsmen in self-preservation mode knowing there are only four overs left in the day.

4.24am GMT

58th over: New Zealand 167-3 (Nicholls 31, McCullum 2)

It might be Valentine’s Day but Bad Company’s “Feel Like Making Love” is still an odd choice for a cutaway package from the host broadcaster featuring super slow-mo footage of New Zealand’s batsmen.

4.21am GMT

57th over: New Zealand 167-3 (Nicholls 31, McCullum 2)

Nice reverse swing from Hazlewood, cramping McCullum for room, almost forcing a chop-on. He’s setting him up for the one that holds its line or moves away, as he did with Williamson’s dismissal.

4.17am GMT

56th over: New Zealand 166-3 (Nicholls 30, McCullum 2)

How will McCullum play Lyon? The Australian comes over the wicket looking for spin into the right-hander and the retiring Kiwi is watchful in defence, playing every delivery cautiously back down the pitch.

4.14am GMT

55th over: New Zealand 166-3 (Nicholls 30, McCullum 2)

Hazlewood’s pressure forces a false shot from Nicholls. His next flash of the blade is far more decisive, sending a beautiful square drive to the backward point boundary.

#NZvAUS pic.twitter.com/6NeWVNHThd

4.09am GMT

54th over: New Zealand 161-3 (Nicholls 26, McCullum 1)

Rapid maiden from Lyon to the watchful Nicholls.

4.07am GMT

53rd over: New Zealand 161-3 (Nicholls 26, McCullum 1)

Hazlewood immediately recalled by Smith to bowl at McCullum and it nearly pays dividends. The Kiwi skipper throws the bat at his first delivery, toe-ending a slash into the cordon on the bounce. He’s not going to leave the arena wondering is he?

4.03am GMT

52nd over: New Zealand 158-3 (Nicholls 24, McCullum 0)

That shot from Latham must infuriate the New Zealand dressing room. He’d done the hard work taking out the first new ball and looked at ease against Lyon. All of that thrown away in a single brain fade.

4.00am GMT

What is he doing!? Suicidal cricket from Latham, out of nowhere advancing down the pitch and trying to loft Nathan Lyon back over his head. He mistimes the shot which skews off the outside edge of his bat and sails to Usman Khawaja at mid-off. Khawaja had some work to do but he made it look easy.

3.58am GMT

51st over: New Zealand 157-2 (Latham 63, Nicholls 23)

Apparently Peter Siddle has a slight ankle injury, which is not the news Steve Smith wants to hear with so many overs ahead of his attack. With the Victorian off the field, Jackson Bird continues to tie down New Zealand’s batsmen.

3.53am GMT

50th over: New Zealand 156-2 (Latham 62, Nicholls 23)

Into the final hour of play now with just 14 overs remaining. Lyon not causing too many problems for this pair of left-handers at the moment.

3.47am GMT

49th over: New Zealand 153-2 (Latham 61, Nicholls 21)

Smith taking the attritional route to dismissing the remaining eight Kiwi batsmen. Line and length from his seamers with plenty of protection to keep the runs down means firmly struck cover drives like this one from Latham are only worth a single. Bird still on the money this spell.

That's the 150 up for the @BLACKCAPS, two wickets down. Latham 60* & Nicholls 21*: https://t.co/T6tZfh79MF #NZvAUS pic.twitter.com/SHHzftoNSu

3.44am GMT

48th over: New Zealand 149-2 (Latham 60, Nicholls 20)

Deary me, what is Nicholls doing? The youngster is batting superbly and nearly needlessly runs himself out, ball-watching instead of backing up with Latham charging towards him. A direct hit from mid-on would have seen Nicholls out by a metre. At the crease he smears another four off Lyon.

3.39am GMT

47th over: New Zealand 143-2 (Latham 59, Nicholls 15)

Tom Latham may have just lost his concentration out there. Jackson Bird forces two play and misses from the opener with deliveries he doesn’t need to be nibbling at. Possibly Bird’s best spell of the match so far.

3.36am GMT

46th over: New Zealand 142-2 (Latham 58, Nicholls 15)

Lyon getting some nice drift and overspin but very little off the surface. Five deliveries are on the money, the sixth is too short and Nicholls rocks back and larrups one through the covers for four. This is a very bright start from Nicholls, taking the attack to Australia without taking unnecessary risks.

3.33am GMT

45th over: New Zealand 137-2 (Latham 57, Nicholls 11)

Bird honouring Hazlewood’s earlier hard work with a similar line and length. Latham is trying to keep the scoreboard moving but there’s precious little for him to attack.

3.30am GMT

44th over: New Zealand 135-2 (Latham 56, Nicholls 10)

Nicholls sweeps Lyon for a very well struck four. the offie responds well with a change of pace nearly beating the young left-hander. A good contest is brewing between the Australian spinner and the young New Zealander keen to assert himself at the crease.

3.26am GMT

43rd over: New Zealand 130-2 (Latham 56, Nicholls 5)

Jackson Bird comes on to give Hazlewood a well earned break after almost an hour-long spell of excellent seam bowling. Bird opens with a maiden that ended with Tom Latham getting suspiciously close to handling the ball.

3.21am GMT

42nd over: New Zealand 130-2 (Latham 56, Nicholls 5)

Lyon rattling through his work, sending down a rapid over for the concession of just one run.

3.19am GMT

41st over: New Zealand 129-2 (Latham 55, Nicholls 5)

A rare errant delivery from Hazlewood and Nicholls cashes in, timing a leg stump half volley for four through mid-on. To be fair, that delivery looks less errant on replay, a genuine in-swinger to the left-hander after slanting a stack across him, almost sneaked through. He repeats the trick later in the over and prompts a full-throated LBW appeal turned down by umpire Kettleborough.

3.14am GMT

40th over: New Zealand 125-2 (Latham 55, Nicholls 1)

Nicholls nearly came a cropper in his desperation to get off the mark, perhaps not realising he was running his sharp single to the predatory David Warner. Lyon getting very little out of this surface.

3.12am GMT

39th over: New Zealand 121-2 (Latham 52, Nicholls 0)

The Glenn McGrath comparisons will only grow if Hazlewood continues to bowl like this. Dot ball after dot ball followed by one that does something a tiny bit unexpected and the best batsman in the opposition is back in the dressing room.

#SteadyTheShip is out... @BLACKCAPS #NZvAUS pic.twitter.com/q9NYhyZVWo

3.08am GMT

Massive breakthrough for Australia! That pressure has finally told with Kane Williamson trudging from the crease. Hazlewood put the first delivery of the 39th over in the same spot many of his previous deliveries have landed but this one just nibbled away off the seam, catching the edge of a weak defensive prod.

3.05am GMT

38th over: New Zealand 121-1 (Latham 52, Williamson 22)

First change since the tea break for Australia with Nathan Lyon back into the attack for his fifth of what promises to be many overs this innings. He starts with a confidence building maiden.

3.03am GMT

37th over: New Zealand 121-1 (Latham 52, Williamson 22)

Another parsimonious over from Hazlewood. New Zealand’s run-rate has dropped to just two rpo in the last hour.

2.59am GMT

36th over: New Zealand 120-1 (Latham 51, Williamson 22)

Another tight over from Marsh. Not much happening out there at the moment to describe but it’s top quality Test cricket all the same. Bowlers on their marks, batsmen on their guards. Nip and tuck.

2.54am GMT

35th over: New Zealand 118-1 (Latham 50, Williamson 22)

Excellent fielding from Nathan Lyon at backward point turns a certain four into just a single for Williamson. Hazlewood continuing his probing line and length to both batsmen.

2.50am GMT

34th over: New Zealand 117-1 (Latham 50, Williamson 21)

Half-century for Latham, brought up with an injudicious stroke and some questionable running. Good short ball from Marsh leads to a top-edged pull that lands safely towards deep square leg. It was a safe two, a tight three, and a direct throw from the boundary could have delivered an unlikely wicket.

50 runs for @Tomlatham2 @BLACKCAPS #NZvAUS pic.twitter.com/Ow0d4MchOt

2.45am GMT

33rd over: New Zealand 113-1 (Latham 47, Williamson 20)

Hazlewood slanting the ball across the left-handed Latham, tempting the opener to flash one of those off drives he’s so fond of. Against Williamson the line is much tighter and Hazlewood beats the bat twice with deliveries that hold their line rather than tail in.

Quality arvo for some Test cricket! https://t.co/T6tZfh79MF #NZvAUS pic.twitter.com/tQkaxVE0pY

2.41am GMT

32nd over: New Zealand 112-1 (Latham 46, Williamson 20)

Mitchell Marsh sharing duties with Hazlewood and he’s shaping the ball in nicely to the right-handed Williamson with a touch of reverse swing. Just the one slip in place for Marsh with catchers preferred in front of the batsman. Controlled maiden for the young all-rounder.

2.37am GMT

31st over: New Zealand 112-1 (Latham 46, Williamson 20)

There will be 33 overs bowled in this session, the first of which by Josh Hazlewood. Latham opens his account after tea with a two through the covers that has the television commentators a touch nervous at how far the left-hander is driving away from his body. Williamson also settles his postprandial nerves with a clip through square leg.

2.29am GMT

Not sure what the point of a cricket session is if we don't all get to discuss the deeper meaning of Adam Voges' average during it. #NZvAUS

2.28am GMT

Remember you can join in the action yourself by emailing me at jonathan.howcroft.freelance@guardian.co.uk or by sending a tweet to @JPHowcroft.

2.27am GMT

Thanks Geoff, a rare Voges-less session for you to narrate there.

It’s been a peculiar day so far. The news of the earthquake near Christchurch has obviously been a distraction, as has the Mount Victoria fire close to the Basin Reserve. Sirens have punctuated the normally sedate sounds of clapping, crowd hum and leather on willow.

2.17am GMT

That’s tea. Geoff Lemon out, Jonathan Howcroft coming in.

It has been New Zealand’s session despite the wicket of Guptill. Although one session does not a Test match make. The other seven have all gone to Australia, meaning they hold a significant advantage in this game.

2.13am GMT

30th over: New Zealand 106-1 (Latham 43, Williamson 17)

Last over before tea, and a mighty appeal from Chesty Siddle as he lands a ball outside Latham’s leg stump then into the pad.

2.09am GMT

29th over: New Zealand 103-1 (Latham 40, Williamson 17)

They have the tea break in sight, the batsmen. Latham plays the patience game some more, except for one full ball that he laces straight to short cover, and the last ball of the over that he pushes straight for one.

2.05am GMT

28th over: New Zealand 102-1 (Latham 39, Williamson 17)

Here’s the hundred up in good time for New Zealand, as Latham does what he’s done all day, working two runs off his pads, this time behind square. Then a single. That’s all that Siddle concedes from another accurate over.

2.03am GMT

27th over: New Zealand 99-1 (Latham 36, Williamson 17)

When Williamson is there, the boundaries come. 17 from 19 balls he goes to, as he cuts Hazlewood behind point.

1.57am GMT

26th over: New Zealand 95-1 (Latham 36, Williamson 13)

Latham finally gets past 35 by driving a single from Siddle straight. Williamson shows how much easier life is for him, hopping up on his toes to punch off the back foot, on the rise, through that cover gap.

1.52am GMT

25th over: New Zealand 91-1 (Latham 35, Williamson 10)

Classical Kane. Bird gets seam movement away from the bat, but he’s banged it in too short, and Williamson cuts with ease for four.

1.48am GMT

24th over: New Zealand 83-1 (Latham 35, Williamson 2)

Williamson gets a single from Siddle’s first ball. Latham hasn’t scored since Guptill was out, and carries on in that vein, seeing out the rest.

1.43am GMT

23rd over: New Zealand 82-1 (Latham 35, Williamson 1)

Australia using their Kevin Pietersen field for Bird bowling to Williamson. Two short midwickets, two slips, gully and point, mid-off, deeper mid-on, fine leg.

1.39am GMT

22nd over: New Zealand 81-1 (Latham 35, Williamson 0)

A wicket maiden for Lyon, he will indeed be the key man today. Kane Williamson to the crease. 350-run stand, anyone?

1.37am GMT

Classical stupidity from Guptill, right out of the MCC Stupid Coaching Manual. Lined up Lyon, tried to slog down the ground, sliced high off the outside edge and eventually Marsh settled under it at mid-on. He’s only made one 50 in 16 innings against Australia, and that approach tells you why.

1.35am GMT

21st over: New Zealand 81-0 (Latham 35, Guptill 45)

The Marsh experiment is over, Bird back on, and he tightens things up with a one-run over.

1.32am GMT

20th over: New Zealand 80-0 (Latham 35, Guptill 44)

Nice ball from Lyon has Latham defending, then good footwork from Latham sees him go back and cut but straight to point. Good battle here. Latham flicks two runs through midwicket to close the over.

1.28am GMT

19th over: New Zealand 78-0 (Latham 33, Guptill 44)

Marsh just can’t stem the flow. A couple of singles, most of his over gone, tidy thus far, then he dishes up the wide one to finish and Guptill puts it through point for four.

1.24am GMT

18th over: New Zealand 72-0 (Latham 32, Guptill 39)

Another probing over from Lyon, another careful approach from the New Zealand batsmen, another pair of singles garnered.

1.22am GMT

17th over: New Zealand 70-0 (Latham 31, Guptill 38)

Marsh to try repairing his figures. The full ball on the pads doesn’t help, Latham mistiming his flick somewhat so that it goes through fine leg rather than midwicket, and takes two.

1.15am GMT

16th over: New Zealand 67-0 (Latham 28, Guptill 38)

Lyon on, and you imagine he’ll be the key given the lack of swing or movement or penetration for the quicks.

1.13am GMT

15th over: New Zealand 64-0 (Latham 27, Guptill 36)

Accidental boundary but safe from Latham, an attempted square drive that took an edge, but the angled bat meant that it ran all along the ground and split the two slips.

1.04am GMT

14th over: New Zealand 53-0 (Latham 20, Guptill 32)

No 13-run over for Siddle here, however, as Guptill ducks a bouncer, defends a couple, then tries a pull that nearly gets him out, top-edges but landing safely as deep square leg came in.

1.02am GMT

13th over: New Zealand 51-0 (Latham 19, Guptill 31)

Michelle Marsh will get a turn with the orb now, and he’s been a highly effective operator in recent times.

12.54am GMT

12th over: New Zealand 42-0 (Latham 15, Guptill 26)

Siddle trying to find his groove, and looks better to Guptill with four dot balls on the off stump. When he tries the short ball, Guptill times the pull shot well to the deep for one.

12.52am GMT

11th over: New Zealand 41-0 (Latham 15, Guptill 25)

Smashed again, Guptill facing Hazlewood this time, and the first of the over gets a full-blooded drive in the air a couple of metres past a diving mid-on.

12.48am GMT

10th over: New Zealand 34-0 (Latham 13, Guptill 20)

Siddle continuing, Guptill eases two runs to start the over, through cover, then gets a single on Khawaja’s misfield at mid-off. Easy run on a defensive stroke. Latham sees out the rest.

12.41am GMT

9th over: New Zealand 31-0 (Latham 13, Guptill 17)

Hazlewood’s Terminator eyes have scanned the reams of incoming data, and re-triangulated his position. His line creeps in a few inches, and Latham starts having to play. Just defending and ducking, though, and it’s another maiden.

12.40am GMT

8th over: New Zealand 31-0 (Latham 13, Guptill 17)

Swat! That’s the Guptill we know in coloured clothes, getting his first ball from Siddle full on the stumps, and whacking it over midwicket with a full swing of the bat for four.

12.37am GMT

7th over: New Zealand 18-0 (Latham 12, Guptill 5)

Very wide from Hazlewood to start the over, and wide to continue. The only ball he pitches straight is turned square for a single by Latham. Guptill gets on strike, ducks the bouncer and leaves the wide.

12.30am GMT

6th over: New Zealand 17-0 (Latham 11, Guptill 5)

Bird is more interested in making Guptill play, a tighter line that Guptill keeps out. Another maiden, but a different type. Ah, the myriad variance of cricket.

12.28am GMT

5th over: New Zealand 17-0 (Latham 11, Guptill 5)

Love it. Five balls angled across the left-hander, one bouncer. Five leaves, one duck. Latham carries on, and Hazlewood clocks a maiden.

12.27am GMT

4th over: New Zealand 17-0 (Latham 11, Guptill 5)

A couple of short balls from Bird before Guptill gets off the mark, knocking a single square of the wicket. Latham turns three through square.

12.20am GMT

3rd over: New Zealand 8-0 (Latham 8, Guptill 0)

Latham getting away alright. A couple of runs off the pads, where most batsmen like to receive the ball, then a boundary from a mistimed pull. Hazlewood is the offended, though not offending, bowler.

12.18am GMT

2nd over: New Zealand 2-0 (Latham 2, Guptill 0)

Hello collected scoundrels. It is indeed I, the Geoff of the Lemons, for your cricketing correspondence needs. New Zealand have a mighty job ahead of them. However, set into the bitumen footway around the ground are two monuments to world-record sixth-wicket stands, each worth somewhere around 350 runs, scored by current players Kane Williamson and Brendon McCullum, each in partnership with the wicketkeeper BJ Watling. And each, if I’m correct without checking, coming in the third innings. So there is precedent, and there is hope.

11.31pm GMT

That first session was a necessary set-up for the important stuff, which will follow after lunch. New Zealand are in big trouble, though they know how to save a match on this ground and the pitch is in their favour. If they can bat seven sessions, they might have a chance!

Thanks for your company, Geoff Lemon will be with you after lunch. Bye!

11.31pm GMT

1st over: New Zealand 1-0 (Latham 1, Guptill 0)

Josh Hazlewood will bowl the solitary over before lunch. His first ball shapes back into Latham, who is only saved by an inside-edge. That’s a little ominous for New Zealand. The remainder of the over is harmless enough, however, and that’s lunch!

@robsmyth0 hey Rob I get the feeling the cricket is interfering with our tweet fest. Hope we can get back on course. pic.twitter.com/PHY5Y6TTym

11.21pm GMT

Australia lead by 379 on first innings, and New Zealand will have one over to survive before lunch. I’m actually a bit disappointed in Voges. He could easily have cut this run going, and given us stattos something to live for, but put the team first and tried to slog as many runs as possible. His Test average is now a dispiriting 97.46.

11.17pm GMT

I always wanted to be Walter Cronkite, and now I get to report on my own JFK moment: Adam Voges has been dismissed. The ball after dumping another six down the ground, he gave a return catch to the bowler Mark Craig. It’s ends a remarkable innings and an astonishing streak: 614 runs in three innings between dismissals.

11.15pm GMT

154th over: Australia 556-9 (Voges 233, Bird 3) “I’ve just worked it out about Voges,” says Robert Wilson. “He’s really not joking. Say what you like, but little beats a humourless batsman.” New Zealand need their own Eknath Solkar.

Voges v Craig:
82 balls, 78 runs (SR 96.34).
0s: 44
1s: 21
2s: 5
3s: 2
4s: 9
6s: 1#NZvAUS #CricVIz

11.13pm GMT

153rd over: Australia 555-9 (Voges 232, Bird 3) Voges swings Mark Craig for the most emphatic six over midwicket. He has now scored more than 600 runs since he was last dismissed in a Test. That is entirely ridiculous.

@robsmyth0 Rob I've been there too, what's your number 3? This one is Grimsey Island, in the Arctic Circle. Enjoy!! pic.twitter.com/k3mgRNozpr

11.08pm GMT

152nd over: Australia 548-9 (Voges 225, Bird 3) Voges glides Anderson for four to move to choochoochoo, I’m not sure footage exists of his last dismissal in Test cricket, so long ago did it occur.

In other news, here’s my erstwhile colleague Paul Cockburn. “Tim Barry: Only 30 minutes from the Basin here, also stunning. I guess we both got a little sun stroke yesterday, because I am also bunking off until lunch.”

11.04pm GMT

151st over: Australia 541-9 (Voges 217, Bird 3) Voges, on the charge, smears a low full toss from Bracewell over square leg for four. He is slogging at everything, a disappointing dereliction of his responsibility to stattos everywhere, and is almost bowled by a delivery that misses off stump by this much. Actually it wasn’t even that much.

Hi @robsmyth0 sounds like you need some company I'm reading in northern Iceland all excited about Voges' numbers! pic.twitter.com/Lr8vtDfxvX

10.59pm GMT

150th over: Australia 536-9 (Voges 212, Bird 3) Voges turns down a single off Anderson’s first ball, but takes one off the fifth. That’s it.

“HELLO MY GOOD FRIEND,” writes Mac Millings. “NOW YOU ARE RICH, PLEASE FOWARD SWIFT PAYMENT OF 2.5 OZ OF DIGNITY TO MY SON, WHO, IN QUICK SUCCESSION, PEED HIS PANTS ON THE SMALL WORLD RIDE AT DISNEY WORLD AND HAD TO SIT IN IT FOR 10 MINUTES AS THE BOAT SAILED ITS COURSE AT SPEEDS OF UP TO 0.002 MPH, AND THEN PROCEEDED TO MAXIMISE A FART AT A BIRTHDAY PARTY. THE “HE’S JUST LIKE HIS DAD” COMMENTS WERE UNWELCOME, PREDICTABLE, AND ENTIRELY FAIR.”

10.55pm GMT

149th over: Australia 535-9 (Voges 212, Bird 3) Bird squirts a drive not far short of point, and then times a nice shot square on the off side for two.

“Hi Rob - by my reckoning the Australian top five now have a joint average of over 300,” says Ivan Dowling. “Not sure how to demonstrate that this is a record but surely it must be?” The Invincibles might run them close. Didn’t Harvey have a huge average at one point? Ah but maybe he was batting at No6, I can’t remember.

10.51pm GMT

148th over: Australia 533-9 (Voges 212, Lyon 1) “Non-cricketing film review,” begins Andy Bradshaw. “Deadpool was excellent, funny, snarky, irreverent & taking the piss out of all other Marvel comic book films.” Yeah but did it have an 11-year-old girl using the bad word like Kick-Ass?

10.50pm GMT

That is a stunning return catch from Corey Anderson. Lyon pushed the ball back towards him, and Anderson swooped dramatically to grab the ball just off the ground.

10.45pm GMT

147th over: Australia 531-8 (Voges 212, Lyon 3) A remarkable shot from Voges, who walks down the track to chip Bracewell over midwicket for six! He has now scored 587 runs since he was last dismissed in Test cricket.

“I’m reading … Gorgeous (and I mean not a cloud in the sky, light breeze, beer in the fridge gorgeous) day here about an hour north of Wellington,” says Tim Barry. “Keeping out of the sun today, after a long day at the Basin yesterday. Hope to see a repeat of the heroics of a couple of years ago,would scupper any work plans for tomorrow if B Mc is churning out another triple century. yesterday lunch time the wicket looked like you’d bat for days on it. It is so good that you can get onto the ground at lunch time with a few thousand others and have an impromptu game, look at the wicket, chat to the ground staff etc.” For a split-second I thought you were addressing me as Gorgeous.”

10.41pm GMT

146th over: Australia 525-8 (Voges 206, Lyon 3) “Yes other people are reading,” says John Rusjan. “Would you like to share that money?” I bet all $2.5m on Adam Voges to be dismissed between 0 and 199.

10.38pm GMT

145th over: Australia 522-8 (Voges 205, Lyon 1) Lyon checks a drive back towards the bowler Bracewell, who can’t quite reach far enough to his left to take the catch. There are a few deliveries stopping in the pitch. “I’m reading Rob,” says Teddy Hempstead. “Lyon will be out for between 5-15 and sadly Bird for a duck. Have a nice night.”

10.31pm GMT

144th over: Australia 521-8 (Voges 204, Lyon 1) The offspinner Mark Craig comes into the attack. Voges works consecutive twos to move to 199, plays a couple of defensive strokes to remind everyone that this game is being played on his terms, and then wallops a full toss for four to reach his second Test 200! Incredible stuff.

Voges has played Tests against three countries. He averages 542 (sic) v WI, 119 v NZ and 28 v Eng. Needs to work on his consistency.

10.27pm GMT

143rd over: Australia 512-8 (Voges 195, Lyon 1) New Zealand are giving Voges a single off the first ball of each over, which he’s happy to take. Lyon edges the last ball low towards slip, where McCullum swoops to take the catch and immediately signals that he doesn’t know whether it carried. Replays show that it bounced a fraction in front of him.

Anyone reading? This is the only email I’ve had so far. “HELLO MY GOOD FRIEND,” writes Barclays Bank London United Kingdom. “NOW WE HAVE ARRANGED YOUR PAYMENT OF ( $2.5M USD)THROUGH SWIFT CARD PAYMENT CENTER ASIA PACIFIC, THIS CARD CENTER WILL SEND YOU AN ATM CARD WHICH YOU WILL USE TO WITHDRAW YOUR MONEY IN ANY ATM MACHINE IN ANY PART OF THE WORLD.”

10.21pm GMT

142nd over: Australia 511-8 (Voges 194, Lyon 1) Lyon calls a ludicrous single to deep point, and Voges is well short of his ground when the throw whistles past the stumps.

10.17pm GMT

141st over: Australia 508-8 (Voges 192, Lyon 0) The new batsman is Nathan Lyon. These two are the undismissables: Voges has been not out in a third of his Test innings, Lyon in almost half of his. Batsmen are usually criticised for playing for a not-out. In this case I’d be offended if Voges did slog one up in the air. A statgasm like this doesn’t come along very often, and he has a responsibility to keep it going as long as possible.

10.15pm GMT

Hazlewood slams a drive towards short extra, where Southee takes a really smart catch. Good captaincy from Brendon McCullum to have the man on the drive.

10.13pm GMT

140th over: Australia 507-7 (Voges 191, Hazlewood 8) Voges muscles a pull for four off Boult. Average watch: he’s moved up to 101.58. We’ve seen other players have brilliant starts to their Test career before regressing to the mean, like Jimmy Adams and Mike Hussey, but this is off the reservation.

10.08pm GMT

139th over: Australia 502-7 (Voges 186, Hazlewood 8) That was Doug Bracewell’s second wicket of the innings. He has figures of one for 107. Hazlewood, the new batsman, gets off the mark by DavidGowering a drive through extra cover for four, and he edges four more to take Australia past 500.

10.04pm GMT

Siddle falls one short of a deserved half-century. It was a good delivery from Bracewell that came back off the seam and maybe stopped n the pitch. Siddle checked his stroke and looped an easy catch to mid-on.

10.03pm GMT

138th over: Australia 494-6 (Voges 186, Siddle 49) Siddle mis-pulls a short ball from Boult, but it loops safely over the head of Craig at midwicket. Boult has bowled excellently this morning, mixing yorkers, bouncers and slower balls. This is a very flat pitch, so New Zealand do at least have a chance of saving the game.

9.58pm GMT

137th over: Australia 493-6 (Voges 186, Siddle 48) Bracewell replaces Southee, who has been disappointing in this match. Voges creams a couple of cover drives that are well fielded; then, as he takes a single, Siddle shows him how to pierce the field with a quite glorious drive through mid-off for four. That shot was almost laughably good for a lower-order batsman.

9.54pm GMT

136th over: Australia 487-6 (Voges 185, Siddle 43) Siddle reaches for a wide slower ball from Boult, timing it nicely through the covers for four, and follows up with consecutive twos. He is approaching his highest Test score of 51.

9.50pm GMT

135th over: Australia 479-6 (Voges 185, Siddle 35) Replays confirm that delivery from Boult was indeed sliding down, though not by much. Voges cuts Southee through the covers for a couple more. There’s a tendency to think of Voges as a bit of an accumulator, but his strike rate in Tests is a very acceptable 59. (By way of comparison, Steve Smith’s is 57.) The rate of scoring means Australia still have loads of time in this match, and don’t really need to hurry towards a declaration.

9.46pm GMT

134th over: Australia 476-6 (Voges 183, Siddle 34) Voges flicks around an attempted yorker from Boult, prompting a big LBW shout. But with Boult bowling around the wicket, it was probably just going down the leg side. Boult has started superbly, as if personally affronted by this match situation.

9.42pm GMT

133rd over: Australia 474-6 (Voges 181, Siddle 34) In his brilliant book last year, Kevin Pietersen said that, when you are in the zone, you don’t see the ball big so much as see it slow. It’s a brilliant observation – at least I think it is; how would I know, my top score Is 22. But if it is true, Adam Voges can almost freeze time right now, so slowly is he seeing it.

Voges has scored 556 runs between Test dismissals, breaking the record set by Sachin Tendulkar. Which is as good a contrived segue as any when it comes to plugging this superb new anthology: Tendulkar in Wisden, edited by Anjali Doshi. And you can also buy the newish Benaud in Wisden, edited by some clown, should you wish.

9.38pm GMT

132nd over: Australia 467-6 (Voges 179, Siddle 29) It’s easy to drift along in a situation like this, but wrapping up the tail – even when you are facing a huge deficit – can be the start of something, as England showed at the Gabba in 2010-11. Trent Boult roughs up Peter Siddle in an excellent first over. One delivery takes the glove and lands safely on the leg side; another smacks Siddle on the helmet as he turns his back on the ball. He’s fine.

9.34pm GMT

131st over: Australia 464-6 (Voges 177, Siddle 29) Tim Southee starts the third day, bowling to Adam Voges, who moves to 177 with a single to leg. There’s a new Vogue Exhibition in London this week, and you know exactly what contrived pun is coming next, don’t you. But this has been a Voges exhibition. Like Chris Rogers before him, he is a brilliant advert for picking older batsmen.

8.57pm GMT

Hello and welcome to live over-by-over coverage of Adam Voges’s Test average. It currently stands at 100.33, the highest in Test history unless you are in Team Ganteaume. His 176 not out has pretty much ensured that Australia will win this Test.

We should have known it was going to be like this. Whoever won the toss was always likely to have a big advantage in the first Test, and after two days Australia are in complete control: they lead by 280 runs with four first-innings wickets remaining. But it would be wrong to ascribe all this to the toss. Australia have also played by far the better cricket, popping the Baz Farewell Party with a performance of intimidating authority.

Related: Voges cashes in as Australia forge huge lead against New Zealand | match report

1.05am GMT

Rob will be in shortly, to take you through all the action from day three of the first Test, but in the interim here’s how things stood at stumps on day two.

Spoiler alert - it doesn’t make for easy reading for home fans.

Related: Voges cashes in as Australia forge huge lead against New Zealand | match report

Continue reading...

The Fiver | Drama, charm, unpredictability, novelty and Claudio Ranieri

Click here to have the Fiver sent to your inbox every weekday at 5pm GMT, or if your usual copy has stopped arriving

Archaeologists stumbled upon something remarkable last Saturday. Radiocarbon dating put the discovery at around 1884 AD. It was found in a Manchester midden, buried nought feet below the ground surface, and was instantly identified as Leicester City Football Club. Since their staggering, swaggering victory at the Etihad Stadium, Leicester have been patronised to within an inch of their life – and not only at the start of this sentence – by pretty much everyone in football. A week ago they were plucky Leicester with that kooky foreign manager; now they are nailed on to win this year’s title and back-to-back Big Cups.

Related: Don’t call Leicester a fairytale – you'll miss what they're doing | Barney Ronay

Continue reading...