Rob Smyth's Blog, page 176

Arsenal 2-0 West Bromwich Albion: Premier League – as it happened

Two excellent first-half goals from Alexis Sanchez gave Arsenal an easy win over West Brom

9.34pm BST

An easy win for Arsenal, who played some lovely football throughout the match and move up to third place. Alexis Sanchez scored both goals, the first with help from referee Jon Moss, and those who turned up will be glad they did. Thanks for your company; goodnight.

9.31pm BST

90 min “When Walcott looked in the folder,” begins Ian Copestake, “did he say ‘Is that what I think it is?’”

Ah, that’s racist.

9.29pm BST

88 min Giroud’s shot from close range hits the face of Foster, who knew the cube root of bugger all about it, and rebounds away from goal.

9.29pm BST

89 min “With all the magnificent cultural icons that have passed this year,” begins Chris Gardiner, “soon all that will be left to fill the cultural void will be Ant n Dec and Stephen Mullhern. That’ll mean PJ & Duncan topping the charts and Mulhern wanting to be known as ¥. We must act now people.”

You’re right, we must. I’ll put the steaks on.

9.28pm BST

86 min Campbell almost scores straight away, driving a cross shot just wide. This game is over, as it has been for about an hour.

9.27pm BST

85 min Walcott and Joel Campbell replaces Alexis Sanchez, who was outstanding, and Mesut Ozil, who was very good.

9.26pm BST

84 min Steve Bould is showing Theo Walcott the contents of a folder, and you know what that means. Yacob wallops a 30-yarder well wide.

9.24pm BST

83 min “If only we lived in the late 15th century,” says Ian Copestake, “when ‘obsequious’ was not deprecatory and Arsenal narrowly missed out on fourth.”

9.23pm BST

82 min Iwobi, who is going be a star and maybe a super one, is replaced by Coquelin.

9.22pm BST

80 min “I’ve worked out how we’re going to concede these two goals,” says John Cox. “After his two saves from Berahino, Gomes conceded two penalties last night. Berahino’s going to score two penalties for West Brom in this last ten minutes, isn’t he?”

John, I don’t know how to ask this, but are you sure you locked the back door when you went out this morning?

9.21pm BST

79 min Iwobi’s decision-making is generally superb for a teenager, but he picked the wrong option then after an excellent run into the box. He should have played a reverse pass to Ozil but ran into trouble.

9.19pm BST

77 min “With all this Prince sadness about, let’s not forget that it’s Arsenal’s most famous fan’s 90th birthday today,” says Justin Kavanagh. “No doubt she’s having it recorded for later, when she can put her feet up on an obliging corgi with a nice cold beer. Strange to think that the Queen has outlived Prince though.”

9.18pm BST

76 min Nothing is happening.

9.15pm BST

74 min “This is the most contrived thing I’ve ever thought of, yet it amused me,” says Hubert O’Hearn. “I hope Jon Moss referees an Everton match where a hard foul in the box does not result in a penalty. That way you could write ‘a writhing Stones gathers no Moss.’ Right. Back to listening to obscure Prince tracks.”

9.14pm BST

73 min Cech comes for a corner like a wino chasing a balloon, gets nowhere near it and the unsighted Rondon, stretching at the far post, can’t turn it into the empty net from a few yards.

9.13pm BST

72 min “I think the last person who wants his side to be awarded a penalty is Berahino,” says Ian Copestake. “Referee Moss would probably then make him retake it.”

‘Referee Moss.’ You’re so obsequious.

9.12pm BST

71 min Sanchez dummies Iwobi’s pass, allowing it run through to Ramsey, who slips and screws a cross-shot over the bar.

9.09pm BST

68 min Foster makes a fine save from Ozil after Sanchez managed to find space in a phonebox. Seconds later, Ozil’s close-range shot is vitally blocked by Olsson. He was played through superbly by Iwobi. Arsenal have played some gorgeous football tonight.

9.06pm BST

64 min West Brom’s final substitution: Craig Gardner replaces McClean.

9.05pm BST

63 min “Charles Antaki (half time) can speak for himself,” says John Cox (no relation). “For this Arsenal fan, all those two goals have done is make me reflect how much more painful it’s going to be when we inevitably find a way to concede twice than it would have been if we’d only conceded once.”

If you don’t win this game, I’ll present Blue Peter in my underpants.

9.04pm BST

62 min Another penalty appeal for Arsenal. Won’t somebody think of Jon Moss! It was a beautiful move: Ozil’s crisp square pass from the left, Giroud’s dummy and Elneny’s surge into the box before falling over. I think there was a foul but possibly just outside the box.

9.01pm BST

59 min Arsenal appeal for a penalty when Iwobi goes down in the box. I thought it was a foul by Dawson but Jon Moss disagreed. Replays aren’t conclusive either way, but you can understand if Jon Moss never gave another penalty in his life.

8.59pm BST

58 min BREAKING NEWS: THEO IS WARMING UP.

8.58pm BST

56 min “Enough with the Ramsey shite, it’s not funny to any involved,” says Tom Cullinan. “Ridiculous.”

Cheers Tom, good lad.

8.57pm BST

55 min West Brom have been much better going forward since half-time. Two terrific passes from Fletcher and Dawson release Sessegnon on the right of the box, and Ramsey gets back to make an excellent and important challenge.

8.53pm BST

51 min Dawson’s deep cross from the right is met with a spectacular 15 yard header on the run by McClean. Cech saves comfortably but it was a good effort.

8.51pm BST

50 min Berahino is tripped by Koscielny, giving West Brom a free-kick on the right. Sessegnon’s cross is cleared by Giroud. Not sure why I bothered with this entry to be fair.

8.50pm BST

49 min West Brom are leading 5-0 on corners. Their fifth is punched clear by Cech.

8.49pm BST

48 min Giroud forces Foster into a plunging save with a crisp shot on the turn from the left of the box.

8.48pm BST

47 min “Please when you refer to Mike Dean in the future,” says Ian Copestake, “could you give his full title of ‘Mike Dean, Wirral.’ Thanks, luv.”

8.47pm BST

46 min West Brom begin the second half, having made two substitutions: Rondon and Olsson on, Chester and Sandro off. So it is, paradoxically, an attacking switch from 4-3-3 to 4-4-2.

8.39pm BST

“Has there been any medical research into the healing properties of goals?” says Charles Antaki. “These two have acted like best-quality balm on the sore wounds of the Arsenal faithful. A few more and we enter into the world of narcotic oblivion, where even the rancour and abuse will be left behind. But Wenger will have to take off Giroud first.” What if he replaces him with Walcott?

8.32pm BST

A comfortable half for Arsenal, with Alexis Sanchez scoring both goals, the first a beauty. See you in 10 minutes for the second half.

8.28pm BST

43 min After a lovely build-up, Ozil so nearly finds Monreal in the box with a lovely curling pass from deep. Arsenal are enjoying themselves.

8.26pm BST

42 min Jon Moss books McAuley for this or that, I’m not sure which.

8.25pm BST

41 min “Accent on the second E: ven-GAIR-a,” says Allan Castle. I’m confused.

8.24pm BST

40 min That was clever from Giroud, though not as good as this.

8.23pm BST

Sanchez scores his second! Giroud stood in the wall, then moved the top half of his body to the side to create space for Sanchez to whip the ball through the gap and into the net with Foster unsighted.

8.22pm BST

37 min After a fine run, Ramsey is fouled in the D. From which...

8.21pm BST

35 min Ramsey tries to score a goal and kill a celebrity at the same time, launching into a spectacular overhead kick that connects only with the body of James McClean.

8.19pm BST

34 min “It has come to the point that the mere sight of Walcott warming up makes my blood boil,” says Allan Castle. “His career arc feels like a metaphor for the great promise and underwhelming delivery of the later Wengera. By the way that’s my own copyrighted portmanteau.” So how do you pronounce it?

8.18pm BST

33 min Ozil’s weak long-ranged shot is Taibid between his own legs by Foster, but luckily for him Dawson was behind him to clear it off the line.

8.16pm BST

31 min Bellerin roams infield, plays a one-two with Giroud and splatters a drive high over the bar from 20 yards.

8.14pm BST

30 min Talking of referees playing good advantages, thanks to my colleague Jim Powell for this delightful video celebrating the excellence of Mike Dean.

8.14pm BST

29 min McAuley hits the bar! It was a carefully steered header across goal from McClean’s right-wing corner, and Petr Cech was nowhere near it.

8.11pm BST

26 min West Brom’s best attack. Sessegnon dupes Monreal and cuts it back to Fletcher, whose first-time shot is deflected behind for a corner. That leads to a second corner, from which Sanchez miscontrols the ball into his own arm. West Brom wanted a penalty but it was completely accidental.

8.10pm BST

25 min Bellerin, the only Arsenal player in the PFA Team of the Year, plays a one-two with Sanchez, whose contribution is a gorgeous disguise cushioned backheel volley with pike. Bellerin runs to the edge of the area into before hitting a rising drive off target at the near post.

8.08pm BST

23 min “Also,” says Phil West, “when Prince was writing ‘Sexy M.F.’, how did he know about Mathieu Flamini?”

8.05pm BST

20 min West Brom, 1-0 down, are being booed for timewasting. They haven’t really threatened going forward, but as Palace showed on Sunday, the trick with Arsenal is to stick in the game. If it’s 1-0 after 70 minutes, the crowd will get fidgety.

8.04pm BST

19 min “Pint on me,” says my colleague Dan Lucas, “ if you stick a reference to Darlin Nikki Bendtner in.”

But he plays for Vfl Wolfsburg, Dan?

8.02pm BST

17 min There’s a break in play because Giroud is having trouble with his contact lenses. At least he’s not a goalkeeper: poor Jim Leighton lost one of his during that decisive World Cup qualifier between Wales and Scotland in 1985.

8.00pm BST

15 min “With Prince’s truly unfortunate passing today,” says Robert McDonald, “does that mean we are in a strange temporal paradox in which Aaron Ramsey will have scored to retroactively have contributed to Prince’s death?”

I wondered about this. The esteemed Dr Emmett Brown reckons a Ramsey goal could disrupt the space/time continuum and destroy the entire universe.

7.58pm BST

13 min That goal has relaxed Arsenal, who are playing some excellent stuff now. Sanchez, in particular, is literally oozing menace.

7.57pm BST

12 min “Evening Rob,” says Simon McMahon. “I was never cool enough to be into Prince properly. But I can use Wikipedia. So, with Arsenal ‘still waiting’ for the league title, Wenger’s ‘strange relationship’ with the fans continues. Is it time for him to ‘gett off’? Nothing if not predictable, that’s me.”

7.55pm BST

10 min “Arsenal fans staying away from a match that could see their team move up to third place in the table?” says Peter Oh, and you know where this is going. “It’s a Sign ‘O’ the Times.”

7.55pm BST

9 min Ozil almost makes it two but his close-range shot, from Monreal’s cut back, is blocked crucially by McAuley.

7.54pm BST

8 min Niall Quinn on Sky points out that the entirely incompetent, useless Jon Moss played an excellent advantage in the build-up to the goal, when Sandro fouled Sanchez as he was being turned. Moss, alas, did not copy Mike Reed at Anfield in 2000 by celebrating when his advantage led to a goal.

7.52pm BST

A brilliant goal from Alexis Sanchez gives Arsenal the lead. He received a pass 30 yards out with his back to goal, sensed Sandro approaching and turned him superbly before drilling a firm, precise shot into the bottom corner from outside the area.

7.50pm BST

5 min Nothing much happening on the field. There’s a slightly eerie feel to the match.

7.47pm BST

4 min “I can’t believe this game is going ahead,” says Ian Copestake. “Talk about insensitive.” In fairness, loads of Arsenal fans have stayed away to pay tribute.

7.46pm BST

3 min “Can’t you get one of the tech folk to make all the text on tonight’s MBM purple?” says Chris Bond. “In fact, get them to do the whole website while you’re at it.”

7.46pm BST

2 min There are loads of empty seats at the Emirates, although apparently there’s a problem with the Piccadilly Line. We’ve become a nation of entitled brats, haven’t we.

7.45pm BST

1 min Peep peep! Jon Moss - yep, him - blows his whistle, and Arsenal kick off from left to right.

7.43pm BST

“Sometimes it snows in April, Rob,” says Matt Dony. “I know the MBM is a place of almost endless mirth (and sarcasm and pretension), but I am genuinely very sad at the new of Prince’s death. I’m not sure I’d be able to push myself to enjoy an Arsenal loss, even. Sigh.”

7.30pm BST

Anyone out there? You’re all listening to Prince songs aren’t you?

7.03pm BST

Arsenal (4-2-3-1) Cech; Bellerin, Mertesacker, Koscielny, Monreal; Ramsey, Elneny; Sanchez, Ozil, Iwobi; Giroud.
Substitutes: Ospina, Chambers, Gabriel, Coquelin, Campbell, Walcott, Welbeck.

West Brom (4-3-3) Foster; Dawson, McAuley, Evans, Chester; Sandro, Fletcher, Yacob; Sessegnon, Berahino, McClean.
Substitutes: Myhill, Olsson, Gardner, Anichebe, McManaman, Rondon, Leko.

7.03pm BST

Preamble Hello. At some point in the nearish future, Arsenal fans will look back with fondness on the admirable stability they had in the second half of Arsene Wenger’s time at the club. They have been third or fourth every season since 2005. The problem is that they are currently looking back with fondness to the astonishing success of Wenger’s first nine years at the club. If they hadn’t seen such riches, they could live with being comfortably wealthy.

The abuse (not to be confused with criticism) of Wenger is completely out of order, but this is the modern way. It seemed this would be the season when Arsenal left their safe place – and they still might, but only by dropping out of the top four for the first time under Wenger rather than by breaking into the top two. It would be pretty cruel if that happened on the eve of Wenger’s 20th anniversary, but sport has always shown a fascinating lack of sentiment and respect.

4.22pm BST

Rob will be here shortly. Whilst you wait, have a read of David Hytner’s take on Arsenal’s current slump:

Arsène Wenger had had enough. The Arsenal manager, as usual, had wanted to look ahead to the next game – in this case, West Bromwich Albion’s visit to the Emirates Stadium on Thursday night – yet the issue at hand was the continuing autopsy into his club’s Premier League season, with all the gory and familiar trimmings.

“I would like to remind you that if we win against West Brom, we are third in the league and, if you look at the history of the club, over 140 years, and the consistency of the club, you will see that it’s not a shame,” Wenger said. “Even if we are not happy with it.”

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Barcelona 1-2 Valencia: La Liga – as it happened

Barcelona completed a miserable week by losing a third consecutive league game for the first time since 2003

9.20pm BST

That’s it! Barcelona lose again, and have taken just one point from their last four league games. They are still top, on head-to-head record, but Atletico are level and Real a point behind. The team who were unbeaten for months now can’t stop losing. There are five games remaining in what has suddenly turned into a helluva title race. Thanks for your company, night!

9.17pm BST

90 min The last time Barcelona lost three league games in a row was under Louis van Gaal in 2002-03. They have three added minutes to change that, or rather to not change it.

9.16pm BST

89 min What a miss from Pique! Iniesta crossed from the left, Pique pulled it down nervelessly on his chest, eight yards from goal - but then bobbled his shot across goal and wide

9.15pm BST

89 min “It wasn’t Barcelona who demanded that Fifa ban all football worldwide on the day of their 100th birthday,” says Simon Frank. “There isn’t a club more sanctimonious than Real Madrid.”

Is that true? That’s absolutely hilarious if so.

9.14pm BST

88 min Alcacer misses a sitter the counter-attack for Valencia! He was eight yards out, coming on to a low cross from the left, and somehow screwed his shot to such an extent that it went almost square across the penalty area.

9.13pm BST

87 min “Given the tension and the time wasting,” says Paul Griffin, “I’m predicting four, or even five, days of added time.”

9.12pm BST

86 min Neymar is booked for a foul on Cancelo, though it looked a bit harsh.

9.12pm BST

85 min Pique’s shot is blocked by Parejo, another crucial interception. Valencia break and Bravo makes a brilliant save from Rodrigo, though he had been flagged offside.

9.11pm BST

84 min Och, what a chance for Neymar. He pulled down a long cross from the right on the chest and whacked a shot that hit Mustafi on the six-yard line and deflected just wide of the far post.

9.09pm BST

83 min Busquets steals possession on the right, galumphs forward and whips a dangerous cross that just eludes the noggin of Suarez at the near post before flashing across goal.

9.08pm BST

81 min Valencia break two on two, and Parejo has a great chance to play Alcacer in. He wastes it, stabbing an understandably weary pass straight at Mascherano.

9.06pm BST

80 min “It’s the beauty of the MBM, Rob - feeling all emotional about people you’ve never met, and looking for their team’s results every weekend,” says Simon McMahon. “Yes, I’m talking about you, Matt Dony. I love you, man. The fact that I’ve had a fortnight off, drinking the odd bottle of wine on holiday in Paris, eating falafel, coming home to see your team lose on penalties in the Cup semi final, followed by a cocktail or three before going back to work tomorrow, is irrelevant. BTW, Dundee United have played four, won four against Barcelona. They’re not all that.”

9.04pm BST

78 min Suarez is ticking. Enrique has already exploded and is punching the air at every decision that goes against his side.

9.04pm BST

77 min Another stunning pass from Messi frees Alba on the left of the box. He could shoot but tries to pull it back to one of the many Barcelona players in the area. It’s a poor cross, however, straight at a Valencia defender.

9.02pm BST

75 min Great save from Alves! Rakitic received a pass near the penalty spot with his back to goal, turned superbly and hit a left-footed shot that was sneaking in until Alves plunged to his right to palm it round.

9.00pm BST

75 min Another Valencia substitution: Joao Cancelo replaces Enzo Perez.

9.00pm BST

74 min Alves saves from Pique, who was offside anyway. Next!

9.00pm BST

73 min “Accusing Messi of not standing up (when in in fact he is standing up) is just the sort of heightism that led to all those “injections” of physical therapy when he was tiny, I mean, younger!” says Ian Copestake.

8.57pm BST

70 min Neymar manufactures some space with a stepover on the left of the box and hits a low shot that is well held by the sprawling Alves. Then Messi takes the wrong option, going it alone when Barcelona have four on four. Abdennour makes an excellent tackle to clear the danger.

8.57pm BST

69 min “Can I throw my two cents into the mix, Rob?” says Ruth Purdue. “I think it is the smugness of Barca sometimes. They know that a lot of the time they have won the game without even stepping on the pitch. Playing on the Més que un club slogan, and the arrogance that surrounds it, but have now sold out like every other club. People like the to be there when such a successful team fails. This team doesn’t fail that often, with the players they have/have had in the past. I personally like the beautiful play wherever it takes it form and Barca have contributed immensely since a certain No 14 played for them.”

Well, nobody’s perfect.

8.55pm BST

69 min Andre Gomes is booked for timewasting.

8.53pm BST

67 min “Drinks all round!” says Matt Dony. “Cheers, Brad. I’m on the spiced rum. Let me pour you one. What the hell, McMahon can have one, too. He deserves one for his admirable commitment to getting Dundee United mentioned in MBM’s. (And, yes, I’m aware that throwing in McManaman’s name earlier might leave me open to accusations of hypocrisy there.)“

8.52pm BST

66 min Messi doesn’t always stand up when his team really needs him, but he has been magnificent since half-time.

8.52pm BST

Messi shimmered infield from the right and played a pass towards Neymar. He ignored it so that it could go through to Alba, who cut it straight back into the area. Messi had continued his run and tapped it into the net from 10 yards. That was such a clean, crisp move. It’s Messi’s 500th goal - and unlike some of the greats, that tally doesn’t include goals scored in the back garden when he was seven.

8.50pm BST

What a goal this is.

8.49pm BST

64 min “Don’t want to downplay Barca’s stunning loss of form,” says Juan Hidalgo, “but you’ve mentioned a few times that this would be their fourth consecutive defeat, by my reckoning this would only be their third in all competitions. Easy to forget that they beat Atletico in the first leg, and since then have lost to Real Socieded and Atletico again. Don’t mean to nitpick, just trying to convince myself its not really as bad as it seems! Would be interesting to know last time they went 3 games without scoring though.”

Oh crikey, you are right, my mistake. Thanks.

8.48pm BST

62 min Valencia’s work-rate has been wonderful. Wilsonesque, even.

In 30 years as a journalist Thomas De Quincey wrote one book & 250 articles. In 16 years, I've done 8 books and around 6500 articles. #lazy

8.47pm BST

61 min “In response to Matt Dony’s reasons for supporting Madrid over Barca - I once went on the stadium tours of both the Bernabeu and the Nou Camp, long before Barca’s recent period of dominance,” says Matt Collins. “I started supporting Barcelona when I saw how many times the words ‘which is way more trophies than Barcelona have won’ everywhere during the Bernabeu tour (I may be paraphrasing). Hard to believe they were ever the underdogs in Spanish football.”

8.47pm BST

60 min Paco Alcacer replaces Santi Mina for Valencia.

8.46pm BST

59 min A goal is coming. After another terrific run from Messi, Sergi Roberto’s cross deflects to Neymar, who takes too long and is dispossessed.

8.45pm BST

59 min “Matt Dony is spot on,” says Brad. “I naturally, genuinely root for any team Barcelona play, and I’ve never been able to articulate quite why. I’m not denying the occasional (OK, regular) awesomeness of their play, or the individual brilliance of Messi and many others, but sanctimonious is just the word.”

8.45pm BST

58 min For Valencia, the clock has stopped. For Barcelona, it’s on fast-forward. Suarez makes an excellent run into space on the right of the box, but his cross is booted away. Moments later Messi plays a fine pass to Alba, who can’t decide whether to shoot or cross and ends up clodhopping it out for a goalkick.

8.42pm BST

57 min “Credit to John McEnerney for sticking his head above the parapet,” says Simon McMahon of our pre-match email, “but I’d appreciate him emailing in again to say that Dundee United will be relegated this season, and that I’ll gain 10 pounds before summer.”

8.41pm BST

55 min Andre Gomes drills a low shot from the edge of the area that is comfortably held by the crouching Bravo.

8.40pm BST

54 min Barcelona have started the half excellently. They’ve played pretty well going forward - especially Suarez - and could feasibly have scored five.

8.39pm BST

52 min ... and Messi hits it into the wall, again.

8.38pm BST

51 min Parejo is booked for a late tackle on Neymar. The free-kick is in a good position, 25 yards from goal...

8.34pm BST

48 min It is possible to have a slump like this and win a league. Barcelona need their own Macheda moment.

8.33pm BST

47 min A brilliant move involving Messi and Suarez ends with Rakitic shooting meekly wide of the near post.

8.32pm BST

46 min Barcelona, who were out on the field a long time before Valencia, begin the second half. They’ll either win this 4-2, or Suarez will give somebody’s arm a special kiss.

8.29pm BST

“I’ve been a Madrid fan since McManaman moved over there,” says Matt Dony, “and I absolutely hate the (admittedly slightly faded now) sanctimoniousness of Barca, and their attitude towards styles of play, and their ‘Mes que un club’ self importance. Long story short, I’ve thoroughly enjoyed these last couple of weeks!”

8.21pm BST

This is astonishing. Barcelona did not lose for 39 games; now they are facing a fourth consecutive defeat for the first time in decades. The mind, eh? Bloody hell.

8.17pm BST

It was a lovely goal. Parejo, just outside the area, played an angled pass between two defenders to find Santi Mina, who opened his body and sidefooted it calmly across Bravo and into the far corner.

8.15pm BST

It’s 2-0 to Valencia! Oh my word.

8.13pm BST

42 min A brilliant long pass put Sergi Roberto clear on the right of the box - and he miscontrols it. Sergi Roberto is playing because Dani Alves has been dropped for having a personality.

8.11pm BST

41 min Thanks to Cameron Camiña Martinez, who tells us that Barcelona haven’t lost four games in a row since the turn of the century. Nope, not even in Louis Van Gaal’s second spell. I think Suarez was booked for dissent by the way.

8.10pm BST

40 min “What’s wrong with Messi?” says Ottar Gadeholt. “He rarely even breaks into a trot and wanders around with the demeanour of an OAP who wonders whether he remembered to lock the garden door.”

8.09pm BST

38 min Perez fouls Messi just outside the area. Barcelona are very unhappy that he isn’t booked. The free-kick is just outside the D, and Messi hits it into the wall. The ball is tossed straight back into the box, and Messi’s header from eight yards is saved dramatically by the plunging Alves. Messi should have done better.

8.07pm BST

37 min This was supposed to be the night when Barcelona equalled Juventus’s record of 43 matches unbeaten in all competitions, the most by a team in one of Europe’s big leagues.

8.05pm BST

35 min Pique is booked for a foul on the breaking Perez.

8.03pm BST

32 min Another chance for Valencia! Andre Gomes again ushers Seiquira forward, this time on the outside, and he splatters a shot well wide of the near post from the left side of the box. He had more time than he realised.

8.00pm BST

30 min Anyone know when Barcelona last lost four games in a row?

7.57pm BST

I think this is an own goal from Rakitic. Andre Gomes ushered the underlapping left-back Siqueira into the box with an excellent angled pass. He tried to clip it first time across goal, and it deflected off the boot of the sliding Rakitic before squeezing past Bravo at the near post.

7.56pm BST

Barcelona are behind!

7.55pm BST

25 min Another terrific save from Alves. Bravo collected a corner and struck an excellent pass to Neymar, just inside Valencia’s half. He moved forward and gave it to Messi, who tried to place curler inside the far corner from 25 yards. Alves flew to his right to beat it away.

7.53pm BST

22 min It’s gone a little quiet after that flying start. Barcelona have a corner on the left. Rakitic’s inswinger is flicked on by Mascherano in the Steve Bould position, and the stretching Suarez, no more than a yard out at the near post, heads over the bar. Alves was committed to an attempted punch so I don’t think he would have saved it had it been on target. Suarez couldn’t get over the ball.

7.48pm BST

17 min Valencia could have taken the lead. Busquets lost possession in a dangerous area, and Perez slipped a nice through pass to Rodrigo. He had a defender alongside him and curled a low shot just wide of the post from the edge of the area. He should have worked Bravo.

7.47pm BST

16 min Valencia cross the halfway line. Trust me, this is news.

7.45pm BST

15 min Barragan is booked for leaving his foot in on Neymar.

7.43pm BST

12 min After a quick free-kick, Neymar’s lob is volleyball-slammed away by Alves as he leaps backwards; that’s another superb save. Valencia are being battered.

7.41pm BST

11 min Alba’s sidefooted low cross just evades the sliding Suarez six yards from goal. A goal is coming, Frank said.

7.39pm BST

9 min Rakitic’s flick finds Suarez, who drags a shot well wide from the edge of the box. Barcelona look sharp.

7.38pm BST

7 min Wonderful football from Barcelona. Suarez beats his man on the left of the box, declines the chance to go down and then, with all the other players on his side of the box, picks out Messi beyond the far post wit a wonderful pass. He controls it on the chest and flicks a short-range volley that is very well saved from Alves.

7.35pm BST

5 min The first chance for Barcelona. A slick move ends with Alba’s cut back to Neymar, whose shot from eight yards is blocked desperately.

7.34pm BST

4 min “Hi Rob,” says Alex Hanton. “If Barcelona do miss out on the title this year, where do you think it’ll rank in the pantheon of great football chokes? I’m sure there have been teams who frittered away a bigger lead, but Barca looked so imperious earlier this season that I think their collapse is all the more astonishing. Definitely remarkable than Real Madrid ‘04 in my view.”

Yes I agree. It’s hard to immediately think of many precedents, given how good they have been. Maybe Napoli in 87-88? Arsenal in 02-03 and 04-05 are other examples of teams who played astonishingly well earlier in the season but didn’t win the title. That said, I suspect Barcelona will win the league fairly comfortably.

7.32pm BST

3 min A quiet start to the match. Messi drills a crossfield pass out for a goalkick.

7.30pm BST

1 min Valencia kick off from right to left. They are in white; Barcelona are in red and blue.

7.17pm BST

“Evening Rob,” says John McEnerney. “FCB going through a bit of a ‘Spiethdown’ at the moment but I expect things to return to normal tonight meaning a 3-0 or 4-0 victory for the hosts. They peaked a tad too early, look flat & Messi looks like he’s ready for the knacker’s yard edging close to season burnout little like Neymar. They have too much of everything for Valencia. Home win.”

6.41pm BST

Atletico Madrid lead Granada 2-0, and will move level on points with Barcelona unless they concede two late goals. I wouldn’t like to be hunted by Diego Simeone.

6.37pm BST

Barcelona (4-1-2-3) Bravo; Roberto, Pique, Mascherano, Alba; Busquets; Rakitic, Iniesta; Messi, Suarez, Neymar.
Substitutes: Ter Stegen, Douglas, Alves, Bartra, Munir, Adriano, Aleix Vidal.

Valencia (4-3-3) Alves; Barragan, Mustafi, Abdennour, Siqueira; Fuego, Parejo, Enzo Perez; Santi Mina, Rodrigo, Andre Gomes.
Substitutes: Alcacer, Ryan, Danilo, Santos, Negredo, Cancelo, Gyan.

6.02pm BST

Good evening. Tonight, Matthew, Valencia return to the place where they were maimed in February, yet their attackers are the ones who have the fear. Barcelona’s world has collapsed in the last fortnight, with three consecutive defeats, and the Madrid clubs are right on their tail. They

must
need to restore order to their season tonight; if they do so, they should still win La Liga.

Their remaining six games are against teams in the bottom half, and unlike their rivals they have no European distractions. Although the penultimate fixture at home to Espanyol will bring back some painful memories of Raul Tamudo and all that that, you’d expect them to win most if not all of those games. Conversely, if they lose tonight, it will be a full-blown crisis and every remaining match will look fraught with peril.

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Leicester 2-2 West Ham: Premier League – as it happened

Leonardo Ulloa scored a 95th-minute penalty to earn a point for Leicester, who had Jamie Vardy sent off for diving in a match full of controversy

Read Daniel Taylor’s full match report here

4.09pm BST

Read Daniel Taylor’s match report here:

Related: Leonardo Ulloa steals in at last to earn Leicester draw against West Ham

3.27pm BST

Jon Moss has just given Leicester a point with a debatable penalty and he is being booed off the field. There’s an argument that it’s West Ham who were robbed, not Leicester, but it’s hard to say without having a proper look at the various replays. You can certainly understand why both sides are aggrieved as most of the key decisions were tight calls.

All that really matters is that Leicester are eight points clear, and a result that felt like a defeat when Carroll scored his penalty felt like a victory 13 minutes later when Ulloa scored from the spot at the other end. After a dull first half, the second was riotously entertaining. Thanks for your company; bye!

3.23pm BST

That was pretty much the last kick of the game, and Leicester go eight points clear after a melodramatic second half.

3.22pm BST

It was a good penalty, sidefooted to the right as Adrian went the other way. That took a fair bit of courage. The Leicester fans are going doolally.

3.21pm BST

ULLOA SCORES!

3.21pm BST

It was Carroll on Schlupp, right on the corner of the box. It was a clumsy challenge from Carroll, but a bit of a soft penalty. Vardy and Mahrez are off the field, so Ulloa will take it.

3.20pm BST

Oh my.

3.20pm BST

90+3 min Leicester are having more of the ball but there is no sense that a chance is coming.

3.19pm BST

90+1 min There will be four minutes of added time.

3.17pm BST

90 min Leicester implore the referee to give a penalty when Huth, trying to get to a long throw from the left, goes down after Ogbonna puts his arm around him from behind. That could easily have been given, and probably should have been given the precedent at the other end.

3.16pm BST

89 min “2-1 to the referee,” has been chanted for the last five minutes. Hmm.

3.15pm BST

88 min There’s no need for Leicester to panic. It’s still comfortably in their hands. The concern will be that the inevitable knee-jerk reaction of social media foghorns might start to insidiously undermine them. But their next fixture is a good one, Swansea at home, and there is no guarantee Spurs will win at Stoke tomorrow.

3.14pm BST

Antonio did brilliantly on the right and sent over a cross that was partially cleared by the head of Simpson. It came to Cresswell, 18 yards out towards the left side of the box, and as it bounced up he swished a magnificent shot into the far top corner. That was the best Ian Woan goal that Ian Woan never scored. Suddenly, this is getting very interesting - Spurs could be four points behind tomorrow.

3.12pm BST

What a stunning goal!

3.12pm BST

86 min After a poor first half Payet has been increasingly influential. He has an incredible amount of courage to always demand the ball and always try things.

3.11pm BST

85 min Morgan will legitimately argue that those things happen all the time. It did look like a foul though.

3.10pm BST

With Mark Noble off the field, Carroll steps up and scores with an excellent penalty, sidefooted at pace into the bottom-right corner. Schmeichel went the wrong way.

3.09pm BST

It’s soft but probably correct, with Wes Morgan putting his arms around Reid. They have been taking a risk on corners all day.

3.09pm BST

Oh my goodness. The referee is going to need a police escort.

3.08pm BST

82 min A cross from the left is headed up in the air and comes to Valencia on the corner of the six-yard box. With Huth storming towards him, he mishits a volley into the ground and Schmeichel claims it as it bounces up. Moments later, Payet’s corner is headed behind for a corner by Morgan. For the first time there is a slight desperation to Leicester’s defending.

3.07pm BST

81 min “Hawrite Rob,” says Ryan Dunne. “Exciting game. Not as much as a derby cup tie involving rivals from different leagues that ends in a 5-4 penalty shootout though!” You’re not a Glasgow Celtic fan, are you?

3.04pm BST

79 min The free-kick is 25 yards, slightly left of centre. Payet gets it up but not down: it’s way over the bar.

3.04pm BST

78 min Before the free-kick is taken, Mahrez is replaced by Daniel Amartey. He didn’t do a lot, but he did make the goal with a marvellous pass.

3.03pm BST

76 min Leicester’s reaction to their first significant adversity in six weeks has been excellent. West Ham have only really had one chance, Reid’s flick, and that was from a set piece. The pressure is building however, and Morgan is booked for fouling Carroll in Payet Territory(TM).

3.01pm BST

74 min A driven corner by Carroll is headed down to Antonio, 10 yards out with his back to goal. He plays an impromptu game of keepy-uppy while he tries to manufacture some space to turn - and then kicks it into his own face and falls other. That’ll be on Soccer AM next week.

2.59pm BST

73 min Emenike drills a long-range shot miles over the bar as the Leicester fans continue their increasingly tedious abuse of the referee.

2.58pm BST

72 min Victor Moses, who started well and faded, is replaced by Enner Valencia.

2.57pm BST

71 min Leicester could do with keeping the ball a little better, but defensively they look solid with their two banks of four.

2.54pm BST

69 min Leicester have coped really well since the red card. Drinkwater and Kante have been extremely good all game, but especially in the last 10 minutes.

2.54pm BST

Vardy not happy with being sent off !!! pic.twitter.com/mqWHFiKIrd

2.51pm BST

65 min This doesn’t change that much for Leicester, given the score and their tactics. It just means they don’t have Vardy’s furious pace on the counter-attack, and at the moment West Ham are having a lot of the ball.

2.50pm BST

63 min Lanzini replaces Noble, who wasn’t quite owned by Drinkwater, but was his rented property for 63 minutes.

2.49pm BST

62 min A superb cross from Payet on the right comes to Reid on the six-yard line at the near post. He is under pressure from Morgan and improvises a flying volley behind his front leg (you can’t call it the standing leg as he was in mid-air) that goes just wide of the near post. It might have hit the outside of the post in fact.

2.47pm BST

62 min “Actually,” says Eddie Besley, who is a Chelsea fan, “on second thoughts I think Ranieri is a sweet old chap who looks like a super intellectual studying why fireflies poo in a certain place.”

2.46pm BST

61 min “Will Vardy miss any games as a result of the red card?” asks Sean Boiling. As it was two yellow cards he’ll miss one game, Swansea at home next week.

2.46pm BST

“Another unlikely title was 1. FC Kaiserslautern back in 1998, winning the Bundesliga directly after being promoted,” says Stefan Ruile. “In that season, they had a fierce battle with Bayern Munich and won it one week early with a victory over VfL Wolfsburg, which were promoted in the same year.At the time, Andreas Brehme, the young Michael Ballack, Ciriaco Sforza and Fussballgott Olaf Marschall (scored 21 in 24 appearances, a true Jamie Vardy) featured in the team. Manager was Otto Rehagel, who won the European Championships with Greece a few years later and became King Rehakles subsequently. Keep pushing, Leicester.”

Ah, Andy Brehme, the man with two right feet.

2.45pm BST

59 min That was brave refereeing as well, as he could easily have bottled it and not showed a second yellow. Anyway, Leicester make a change, with Ulloa replace the lone striker Okazaki.

2.44pm BST

58 min “You’re not fit to referee,” chant the Leicester fans, all of whom had a perfect view of the incident.

2.43pm BST

There was contact between Vardy and Ogbonna, but I doubt it was enough for a penalty, and certainly not enough for the flying leap that followed. His first yellow card was extremely harsh; that one, less so.

2.42pm BST

It looked a preposterous dive on first viewing.

2.41pm BST

55 min Okazaki’s mishit low shot from the left of the box is this far away from Vardy, who would have had a simple tap-in at the far post.

2.40pm BST

54 min “It’s Mac’s cat who should write the autobiography,” says Gary Naylor.

2.40pm BST

53 min Fuchs’s outstanding cross from the left is headed wide by Huth. He was only four yards out but he had jump backwards to reach it and couldn’t get over the ball. Moments later, Jeffrey Schlupp replaces Marc Albrighton.

2.37pm BST

52 min “Rob,” says Mac Millings. “My life reached its zenith on Friday night, when I watched The Godfather on the big screen, in a beautiful theatre, with the score played by a highly accomplished live orchestra. It doesn’t quite cancel out the time I spent the day at work not realising I was wearing a white shirt that reeked of a bright yellow cat pee stain, or the time my wife laughed all the way through our wedding vows, or the time I peed my pants at cub scouts, but you can’t have everything. Or anything, mostly.”

You should write an autobiography. Seriously. I’d buy it.

2.36pm BST

50 min A corner to West Ham is delayed because of an impromptu wrestling match between Huth and Carroll. There are some beasts on the pitch now - and one of them, Andrew Carroll, heads wide from Payet’s chance. It was a difficult chance because the ball dipped sharply and he had to dive towards the ball, 10 yards from goal. He couldn’t get enough on it and it went well wide of the near post.

2.34pm BST

49 min It seems that Huth was lucky not to concede a penalty for a foul on Reid moments before Leicester scored. That passed me by completely. Sorry!

2.34pm BST

48 min “What’s the Chelsea fans’ attitude to Ranieri?” asks Rob Moline. “Do they love him as they should, like the rest of us? Or revile him for tinkering and costing them Big Cup in 2004, where they certainly (cough!) would have beaten Mourinho’s Porto if they had got past Monaco?”

No idea. I suspect he’s loved. Anyone? I doubt they’d have beaten Porto anyway.

2.32pm BST

47 min “I like Leicester fans a bit more now,” says David Acaster. “Only two, possibly three of the fans in that picture are on their phones, the rest of them are actually watching their players celebrate in front of them. Good.” Yeah I’ve never understood that. You’re taking a picture to recall a special moment that you didn’t properly experience because you were taking a picture.

2.31pm BST

46 min Peep peep! West Ham have made a substitution, with Andy Carroll replacing Pedro Obiang.

2.16pm BST

Textbook stuff from Leicester, who lead through Jamie Vardy’s brilliant counter-attacking goal. See you in 10 minutes!

2.15pm BST

45 min A corner to West Ham on the left, to be taken by Payet. Huth nuts it away.

2.14pm BST

44 min Mahrez sparks another counter-attack with a beautiful pass to Drinkwater, who then gives it away.

2.12pm BST

42 min Payet is booked for a poor tackle on Vardy. He apologised straight away.

2.09pm BST

40 min Noble is booked for a sliding foul on Drinkwater, who is winning their battle.

2.09pm BST

39 min Payet is having a poor game, with lots of misplaced passes, though that’s unavoidable when you try as many original and daring things as he does.

2.06pm BST

35 min This game has played out perfectly so far for Leicester - sit deep, score on the break, sit even deeper, try to score again on the break. I suppose the only danger with not conceding for ages is that you don’t know how you will react when you do, but for now they look comfortable. Danny Drinkwatercarrier is having another fine game.

2.00pm BST

30 min Reid is booked for trying to sidefoot Okazaki down the right touchline. On the other touchline, Claudio Ranieri and Slaven Bilic are literally having a laugh. Imagine not liking Claudio Ranieri.

1.59pm BST

28 min Vardy is booked for a late tackle on Kouyate. That looked a bit soft. West Ham are having a lot of the ball but Leicester, who have kept clean sheets in seven of their last eight league games at home, are defending fairly comfortably.

1.57pm BST

27 min “Vardy’s first touch for the goal,” says Simon Christopher. “Absolutely 100% crucial with the defender coming in.” Yeah, it was terrific, he had almost no margin for error. He’s a much more accomplished footballer than most people think.

1.56pm BST

25 min Emenike chases a long ball forward and bounces comically off Morgan before falling over. They’ve just shown a replay off the goal. Everything about it was so good: Schmeichel’s throw, Mahrez’s pass, Kante’s surge and Vardy’s emphatic finish.

1.54pm BST

25 min “I’m trying to explain the difference between 4-4-2 and 4-4-1-1 / 4-2-3-1 to my 18 year-old son to convince him that Okazaki is not an authentic forward,” says Gary Naylor. “He just hasn’t seen enough twin forwards to recognise them. It’s making me feel old.”

Now you know how Ted felt.

1.53pm BST

23 min There’s a bit of a row between Morgan and Emenike, who wasn’t enamoured with a tackle from behind. Great to see that sort of thing.

1.50pm BST

Mahrez received Schmeichel’s throw on the halfway line, turned and opened the game up with a fine angled pass to Kante. He moved forward and played another good ball to Vardy on the left of the box; he controlled it into the space in front before driving an emphatic finish back across goal with his left foot. After Schmeichel threw the ball Leicester took just nine touches to score.

1.48pm BST

A superb goal from Jamie Vardy gives Leicester the lead!

1.46pm BST

16 min Moses gets behind Fuchs and into the box but his low cross is cleared by Huth. West Ham look fairly dangerous.

1.41pm BST

11 min Mahrez slaloms infield to the edge of the area and then lays it back to Drinkwater, whose rising drive is a few yards over.

1.40pm BST

10 min Leicester appeal for a penalty when Vardy and Ogbonna tangle in the box as they go for Fuchs’ long throw. That was stunad from Ogbonna, who has his arm round Vardy’s neck at one stage. Moments later he concedes a needless free kick down Leicester’s right - and Leicester should score from it. Albrighton’s floated free-kick found Huth, six yards out, but his downward header bounced up and just wide of the far post.

1.37pm BST

7 min “Sometimes,” says Niall Mullen, “they go in.”

1.36pm BST

6 min West Ham have started strongly, with most of the ball. Leicester won’t mind that, such is their counter-attacking prowess.

1.34pm BST

4 min “My country Kenya are the cup winners in the Singapore Sevens that just concluded,” says Timothy Kipkirui. “We are soo happy here. Now looking forward to that Leicester game.”

1.32pm BST

2 min Kouyate hits both posts! That is ridiculous. Payet’s free-kick from the right was headed towards goal by Kouyate at the near post. Schmeichel, stretching a long way to his left, made a brilliant save but could only tip it onto the post. It seemed sure to rebound into the net, but instead it bounced all the way across the line and onto the other post before bouncing back into Schmeichel’s loving embrace. Believers in destiny are currently wearing a smug smile.

1.29pm BST

1 min Peep peep! West Ham kick off from right to left.

1.28pm BST

The players are in the tunnel, all having applied their business-face. Ready? Let’s cook.

1.20pm BST

Mind The Time When...

Sampdoria’s title win 25 years ago is the most unlikely and charming I’ve ever seen, and will remain so for at least another seven days.

Related: The forgotten story of … Sampdoria's only scudetto | Rob Smyth

1.10pm BST

An email “One of the joys of Leicester’s run this season has the use of simple tactics and using square pegs in square holes,” says Nick Parmenter. “Too often now managers seem to be overcomplicating the game!”

12.55pm BST

This is lovely: Thierry Henry interviews Dimitri Payet.

12.48pm BST

There has been plenty of talk about Leicester’s 1962-63 season, when they almost did the Double. This is the definitive piece on the subject, from the great Rob Bagchi.

Related: The forgotten story of … Leicester City: Ice Kings | Rob Bagchi

12.38pm BST

Leicester (4-4-2) Schmeichel; Simpson, Morgan, Huth, Fuchs; Mahrez, Kante, Drinkwater, Albrighton; Vardy, Okazaki.
Substitutes: Schwarzer, King, Amartey, Schlupp, Gray, Ulloa, Wasilewski.

West Ham (4-3-3) Adrian; Antonio, Ogbonna, Reid, Cresswell; Obiang, Kouyate, Noble; Moses, Emenike, Payet.
Substitutes: Randolph, Byram, Tomkins, Collins, Lanzini, Valencia, Carroll.

11.06am BST

Preamble Hello. If you had suggested in August that Leicester City would win the league, you’d have been accused of talking nonsense. And your accuser would have been right. This Leicester story makes no sense at all. Probably never will. Who cares? One of the manifestations of English football’s sad cultural cringe is the need to explain and analyse everything to within an inch of its life. How did it happen? What have we learned? Where does it rank? What does it mean?

The brain has taken primacy from the soul. But the soul will always take you to higher places you can’t reach with a listicle, a chalkboard and a spreadsheet. Forget trying to make sense of it all; just feel it. This is the time of our football-watching lives – and we’re just the neutrals. Heaven knows how euphoric Leicester fans must be.

Continue reading...

Chelsea 0-3 Manchester City: Premier League – as it happened

Sergio Aguero scored a hat-trick and Kevin De Bruyne excelled against his old club as City shredded the champions on the counter-attack

7.35pm BST

Related: Manchester City’s Sergio Agüero hits hat-trick as Chelsea’s Thibaut Courtois sees red

7.20pm BST

Peep peep! An emphatic win for Manchester City, who were extremely good on the counter-attack and only screwed up two or three times in defence. Sergio Aguero scored a fine hat-trick, while Kevin De Bruyne played superbly on his return to Stamford Bridge. Thanks for your company, good night!

7.16pm BST

90 min Costa forces a decent save from Hart with a curling shot. The ball rebounds to Kenedy, in front of an open goal, but he miscontrols it and he’s offside anyway.

7.15pm BST

87 min This is City’s third consecutive league win. Before this run they hadn’t even managed two straight wins since October. The injuries haven’t helped, but it still feels slightly criminal that a side this good aren’t challenging for the title.

7.11pm BST

85 min City’s final substitution: Kelechi Iheanacho replaces the almost entirely magnificent Sergio Aguero.

7.10pm BST

83 min “Hawrite Rob!” says Ryan Dunne. “Now I might be 50% of the MBM regulars Scottish division, but one trusts the Glorious Glasgow Rangers game tomorrow will be getting an MBM? You could always come in on your day off or do it on your lunchbreak or something.”

Yep, it is as well. I wish I was doing it but I’m on the Leicester game. More of this sort of thing please! (And a red card or five.)

7.07pm BST

81 min “Regarding Nasri’s situation, no one likes to see that,” says Ian Copestake. “But his injury is also a shame.”

7.06pm BST

Asmir Begovic, the substitute keeper, replaces Mikel. Aguero is on a hat-trick and will take the penalty. He missed against PSG on Tuesday night – but he scores here, clipping it into the left corner as Begovic goes the other way. Excellent penalty.

7.05pm BST

Fernandinho ran straight through on goal from the halfway line, beating the last man Cahill. Courtois came out to the edge of the area, Fernandinho went round him and was tripped. It was a clear penalty. I thought he might get away with a yellow card as there were some defenders getting back, but you can see why Mike Dean gave the red card.

7.04pm BST

It gets worse for Chelsea.

7.03pm BST

77 min City have declared at two, allowing Chelsea to have a bit more of the ball. Kenedy’s 20-yard shot deflects gently through to Hart.

7.01pm BST

76 min Fabian Delph replaces the limping Nasri. That looks like an injury that will rule him out of the Champions League semi-final against Cristiano Ronaldo.

7.01pm BST

75 min “Do these much needed matchday hashtags consistently work?” asks Ian Copestake. “Are there no Wanderers versus Kerala games to cause internet outrage, sackings and faux apologies?”

7.00pm BST

74 min Chelsea appeal for a penalty when De Bruyne makes a clumsy tackle on Kenedy just inside the box. Mike Dean declines the opportunity to assume the position, though that could easily have been given.

6.58pm BST

72 min Mikel is booked for a kick at Nasri.

6.56pm BST

70 min Chelsea make a couple of substitutions: Bertrand Traore and Kenedy replace Pedro, who was excellent, and Willian.

6.53pm BST

66 min A City substitution: Zabaleta comes off, Bacary Sagna comes on. Zabaleta was going off one way or another, though he still complains about the decision.

6.51pm BST

65 min That should have been 3-0. Aguero opened up the defence with an angled pass to Nasri, and Courtois did very well to save his sidefoot from close-range. Moments later Zabaleta, already booked, brings down Pedro on the left wing. I’m very surprised he wasn’t given a second yellow there.

6.50pm BST

64 min I don’t know if Chelsea had Marsellus Wallace on loop in the dressing-room before the game, but they have not exactly been full of professional pride in this match.

6.49pm BST

63 min If City can be bothered, they could win this by four or five. Azpilicueta is booked for handball on the edge of the area. The free-kick is 20 yards out, to the left of centre, and Yaya Toure is looking at the ball with love and intent. His free-kick hits the wall.

6.47pm BST

62 min “It does seem that no one Houchens or Andy Grays the ball anymore,” says Ian Copestake. “Oh and stop describing the game, mate, and publish your friends’ emails yeah?”

Internet friend!

6.47pm BST

61 min City are battering Chelsea now. Chelsea don’t seem unduly bothered. Even Diego Costa hasn’t tried to get cakey with anyone.

6.46pm BST

60 min “When I was in school, a lad came in one day with a new, slightly outlandish haircut,” says Matt Dony. “ In an embarrassing display of mob mentality, we abused him all day. The next day he came in with a short crop, his mum had cut it for him. Although his hair had been stupid, I’ve always judged him for not sticking with it (even though it was, yknow, partly my fault). Nasri doesn’t seem like too likeable a guy, but I respect him for persisting with idiotic hair. Good man!”

The worst thing was when you received an, a-hem, erratic, post-lunch LOOK HE WAS HAMMERED OKAY haircut that could only be redeemed by a grade 1, which wasn’t really an option for a 12-year-old at Catholic school. Some lad at our school did that; he just had to wait while it grew back apparently.

6.43pm BST

57 min Nasri, Aguero and De Bruyne look so good together. Let’s not bother with the acronym though, eh.

6.42pm BST

55 min Mind The Time When...

6.42pm BST

One moment Costa was debating whether to fall over in the City box, the next moment Aguero had scored. De Bruyne picked up the loose ball, tricked a defender and ran up to the halfway line before playing it to Nasri. He took his time and then, when Aguero was back in an onside position, slid a fine pass down the side of the defence. Aguero ran through the inside-right channel and whipped a shot across Courtois and into the far corner. That was wonderful.

6.40pm BST

This is a glorious counter-attacking goal.

6.38pm BST

52 min Corner to Chelsea on the left. Willian hangs it up, Hart punches it clear.

6.37pm BST

51 min Chelsea have started this half strongly. There’s your minute-by-minute update!

6.36pm BST

50 min “Reading up on the link provided,” says Pierre Bernardi, “I see that the honey badger ‘bears more anatomical similarities to weasels’ and ‘is primarily a carnivorous species and has few natural predators because of its thick skin and ferocious defensive abilities’. I don’t know about the last bit...”

6.36pm BST

49 min Fine play from Pedro, who dupes Zabaleta and fires a dangerous ball across the face of the six-yard box at chest height. It was crying out for a Houchen, but Loftus-Cheek tried to stretch out his right foot and could only divert it away from goal. Moments later Loftus-Cheek makes space cleverly 20 yards from goal only to batter a shot high over the bar.

6.34pm BST

48 min Nasri is booked for embedding his studs into Gary Cahill’s foot.

6.33pm BST

47 min Chelsea have only won five out of 16 league games at home. Four of those victories were against the bottom four. You can guess the fifth team – and if you can’t, here’s a clue: Jose Mourinho was manager at the time.

6.31pm BST

46 min Chelsea kick off from left to right. Again we go.

6.28pm BST

Half-time chit-chat

“Seeing he’s always been a bit of an aggro little so-and-so,” says Mark Jelbert, “it seems appropriate that Samir Nasri seems to have modelled his new hairdo on the ratel/honey badger, officially the world’s most aggressive animal.”

6.16pm BST

That was a lot of fun. A slick City were increasingly dominant and deserve to lead, even if Sergio Aguero’s goal was deflected. See you in 10 minutes!

6.16pm BST

45+1 min ... Willian wafts it into orbit.

6.15pm BST

45 min Otamendi is booked for hoofing Diego Costa up in the air. Free-kick to Chelsea, 22 yards from goal and a fair way to the right of centre...

6.12pm BST

43 min De Bruyne invites Aguero to scamper towards goal with another penetrative through pass, but the last man Cahill makes an immaculate sliding challenge on the edge of the area. That was brilliant, not least because there would have been consequences had he missed.

6.12pm BST

42 min “Nasri does seem to have followed the new-age mantra of ‘change your hair, change your life,’” says Ian Copestake. “Unfortunately his life now seems to be lived on a council estate in the late eighties.”

What makes you say that?

6.11pm BST

41 min A quiet period. City are in control.

6.09pm BST

39 min “What chance Aguero will be the league’s top scorer?” asks Anthony Abdool. “The weird thing is, his radar’s been off these past few games, but you can’t keep a good man down.”

You can with the right clawhammer. But yes, he is fantastic, easily the best striker in the league and probably the best player.

6.08pm BST

37 min “Greetings from Australia,” says Brian D’Costa. “A drizzle of a good quality, cold pressed, extra virgin olive oil really makes a difference, as well as some fresh basil.” Are we still talking about bruschetta or life generally?

6.07pm BST

36 min City look so much better with Nasri and particularly De Bruyne in the team. They really shouldn’t be 15/2 to win the European Cup.

6.05pm BST

35 min “Have you tried Chiellini with prosciutto?” wonders Dr Ian Copestake. “Is divine. If almost impossible to pronounce around Guardian readers.”

6.04pm BST

Chelsea win a corner; City score within 15 seconds. De Bruyne and Aguero broke quickly, with De Bruyne eventually returning the ball to Aguero in the D. He shifted it to his right and whipped a shot that took a decisive deflection off the stretching Cahill before spinning away from Courtois and into the bottom-right corner.

6.02pm BST

31 min “Having watched Newcastle v Swansea purely for ‘the passion’,” says Ian Copestake, “this is a lot easier on the eye (if not on the conscience), especially with Toure doing his incisive passing thing.”

6.00pm BST

30 min Pedro’s cross is miscontrolled behind for a corner by Kolarov. It came from a good through pass in the inside-left channel from Fabregas; that’s how Chelsea destroyed City’s reserves in the FA Cup game here in February.

5.59pm BST

30 min “Shame about Dundee United – not sure what has happened to them, but it sounds upsetting,” says Charles Antaki. “May I recommend to Simon McMahon that when he turns to the solace of falafel, he be sure to make them properly, out of fava beans, and not the inferior chick peas like you get in the kebab shops?” I’m learning so much here, I can’t wait to get home and get in the kitchen.

5.58pm BST

29 min Zabaleta is booked for a late sliding tackle on Fabregas.

5.57pm BST

27 min Another chance for City! Aguero’s beautiful through ball from left to right ushers Nasri through on goal. With Courtois roaring from his line Nasri had to take it first time, and his poked shot hit Courtois. Terrific goalkeeping.

5.56pm BST

26 min This is a richly enjoyable game, probably helped by the fact there is relatively little riding on it. You get the impression that, because of that, it’s enjoyable to play in as well. Navas nutmegs Baba Rahman deliciously and breaks into the box, but his low cross towards Aguero is cleared by Cahill.

5.55pm BST

24 min “I hope that although you’re all reading about bruschette that you’re pronouncing them right in your heads,” says Jonny Mills. “BrusKetta. Brushetta doesn’t exist, much like a good avocado in Italy.” My ability to pronounce some foreign words correctly is almost entirely down to football and, in this case, Giorgio Chiellini.

5.54pm BST

23 min Courtois denies his Belgium chum De Bruyne. Toure split the defence with a simple straight pass – think Paul Ince to Lee Sharpe at Villa Park in 1993 – that allowed De Bruyne to scoot through on goal. He got into the area before striking a shot that hit Courtois and flew wide for a corner.

5.52pm BST

22 min Willian’s corner from the left deflects across the box to Cahill, who hooks a bouncing ball towards goal. His shot hits Mangala and goes behind for another corner. In other news, Davie Provan is a terrific co-commentator isn’t he?

5.51pm BST

22 min “Apparently the medics didn’t think Nasri would recover until mid-May, so City didn’t take the chance on including him in a limited squad for the CL,” says Matthew Cobb. “He returned to fitness about a month sooner than expected.” Ah, fair enough. I’m happy to admit I was wrong.

5.51pm BST

21 min Here’s part one in a new series called Mind The Time When...

5.50pm BST

19 min An excellent effort from Loftus-Cheek. He abracadabrad some space on the left of the box and hit a low left-footed shot that would probably have crept in the far corner had the diving Hart not almost imperceptibly touched it round the post. The referee gave a goal-kick.

5.46pm BST

17 min If De Bruyne scores today, I hope he strips to his underpants in celebration. None of this fake respect nonsense.

5.45pm BST

16 min City win a corner on the right. De Bruyne’s outswinger is headed clear by Mikel.

5.43pm BST

13 min I didn’t realise Nasri wasn’t included in City’s Champions League squad. I know they were restricted, and he was injured, but even so.

5.41pm BST

11 min Fabregas is warned by Mike Dean for a late tackle on Aguero.

5.39pm BST

9 min Costa has a goal disallowed for offside. It was the right decision. Baba Rahman harassed Navas down the Chelsea left and sent the ball through to Costa. He chipped Hart confidently but the insouciant manner in which he did so suggested he knew he was offside.

5.37pm BST

7 min This has been a triffic start. De Bruyne forces a plunging save from Courtois at one end, and then Zabaleta does well to clear a dangerous pass across the area.

5.36pm BST

6 min Otamendi redeems his own cock-up by clearing off the line. He allowed a long, swirling pass from the right bounce through to Costa, who tried to wriggle away from Hart. The ball broke to the edge of the area, where Pedro drove a shot through Hart. Otamendi was waiting on the line to hoof it clear.

5.34pm BST

5 min “Evening Rob,” says Simon McMahon. “I recently discovered falafel whilst in Paris. Very nice it was too. Kinda made my year. I’m going to try and make them myself. Maybe have a falafel party on cup final day. Sorry, but this is what you’re reduced to when you support Dundee United.”

Falafel. The hipsters got to you as well. Falafel indeed.

5.33pm BST

4 min A goal-saving block from Gary Cahill. Navas and De Bruyne sliced Chelsea open with two excellent first-time passes, the latter a cutback from De Bruyne to Aguero. He was eight yards from goal, with Courtois out of the game, and his sidefoot was blocked by Cahill.

5.31pm BST

2 min A little shout-out to Kenya’s No1 MBM fan, Timothy Kipkirui Korir.

5.30pm BST

1 min Pip pip! City, in their lime green away kit, get things going from left to right. Chelsea are in blue.

5.27pm BST

“Bruschetta doesn’t work with just any old toast, though,” writes

Nigell
Mark Turner. “As The Guardian’s very own Nigel Slater pointed out as far back as 2002... ‘...Bruschetta will have a rough, crisp surface imbued with the merest hint of garlic. It will be lightly charred at the crusts, and beyond the initial crispness, soft inside, chewy, with a faint yeasty sourness.’”

Related: Nigel Slater: Perfect bruschetta

5.19pm BST

The rest of the boys get their run-out! #CMONCITY #cfcvcity #mcfc pic.twitter.com/glEGElCB5c

4.33pm BST

Chelsea (4-2-3-1) Courtois; Azpilicueta, Cahill, Ivanovic, Baba Rahman; Mikel, Fabregas; Willian, Loftus-Cheek, Pedro; Diego Costa.
Subs: Begovic, Miazga, Matic, Kenedy, Traore, Pato, Falcao.

Manchester City (4-2-3-1) Hart; Zabaleta, Otamendi, Mangala, Kolarov; Fernandinho, Toure; Navas, De Bruyne, Nasri; Aguero.
Subs: Caballero, Sagna, Demichelis, Fernando, Delph, Bony, Iheanacho.

10.07am BST

Preamble Hello. What were you doing at 8.59am on 17 June 2015? Perhaps you were eating an avocado bruschetta. The way to make that, I’m told, is to halve the avocado; scoop the flesh into a bowl, along with the lime juice, then mash roughly, using a fork, and season to taste. Spread clumpingly on each waiting piece of toast and sprinkle with the parsley.

Yes, perhaps you were doing that. Whatever you were doing, you were surely aware of the announcement of the Premier League fixtures for 2015-16. Upon perusing those fixtures, you doubtless noticed that Chelsea and Manchester City were scheduled to meet in the middle of April. Like millions of others, you probably came to the conclusion that it would be a title decider.

Continue reading...

Norwich City 0-3 Sunderland: Premier League – as it happened

Sunderland were clinical on the counter-attack and won a controversial match through goals from Fabio Borini, Jermain Defoe and Duncan Watmore.

3.14pm BST

Read Barney Ronay’s match report below …

Related: Duncan Watmore seals Sunderland victory over Norwich in survival battle

2.40pm BST

That was a really impressive performance from Sunderland, even if the scoreline flatters them a touch. There was plenty of controversy, but Sunderland controlled the match as it progressed – Cattermole was immense – and crackled with menace on the break. Norwich weren’t terrible, far from it, but conceding just before and after half-time sapped their confidence. Thanks for your company; bye!

2.37pm BST

That’s it. Sunderland move to within a point of Norwich, and with a game in hand.

2.36pm BST

90+4 min “Did anyone see that?” says somebody who didn’t sign their email. “Camera showed the crowd and in the bottom left of the screen there was a Norwich fan knitting!!”

2.35pm BST

90+3 min It’s far from beyond the realms that this could go to goal difference, so that third goal might be more than a piece of icing. If this match was a six-pointer, that that’s worth two goals!

2.35pm BST

Norwich were trying to push up after a Sunderland attack when the ball came to Larsson, 30 yards from goal. He played a clever angled pass towards Watmore that took out the defence, and Watmore swerved round Ruddy before hitting a left-footed shot from a tight angle that deflected into the net off Ruddy’s outstretched hand.

2.33pm BST

That’s it! Duncan Watmore seals a huge win for Sunderland.

2.32pm BST

89 min Yet another penalty appeal! Defoe ran on to a huge hoof from the keeper, and was challenged by Olsson as he tried to get the bouncing ball under control. I don’t think that was a penalty. Just before that, Wisdom went down after a strong block tackle – I’m not sure who it was, possibly Cattermole, but I’d like to see that again as it looked painful.

2.29pm BST

87 min Redmond, who has been excellent, finds Hoolahan and he helps it on for the onrushing O’Neil at the edge of the box. As O’Shea flies in, O’Neil crashes a first-time shot high over the bar.

2.28pm BST

86 min Hoolahan’s nice pass finds Jerome on the right of the area, and he screws a cross shot miles over the bar.

2.27pm BST

85 min Another Sunderland substitution, with John O’Shea replacing the excellent Kirchhoff.

2.26pm BST

83 min Norwich appeal for a penalty when Bassong falls over in the box. Cattermole did put his hand on Bassong’s back, which was silly, though it probably wasn’t enough to knock him over.

2.25pm BST

82 min Redmond’s corner bounces up and is headed towards goal by Howson. Mannone would have had it covered but Cattermole lumped it clear anyway.

2.23pm BST

81 min Redmond’s fierce rising shot is tipped over by Mannone. It was too straight to really trouble Mannone but well struck. The resulting corner is flicked on by Bennett, all the way across the box and out for a goalkick.

2.21pm BST

78 min Almost a third for Sunderland. Defoe’s high-class angled through pass – he’s not just a pretty good goalscorer – puts Watmore clear on goal. He tries to go round Ruddy but overruns it after an unwitting second touch and it goes out for a goal-kick.

2.20pm BST

77 min If it stays like this, Sunderland will be a point behind Norwich with a game in hand. They have similar run-ins and both play Arsenal next. At the same time, which is a bit weird.

2.17pm BST

75 min It’s gone a little quiet. Norwich need something, even a missed chance, to get the fans going. As the commentators have said on BT Sport, Kirchhoff and Cattermole have been extremely good in midfield today.

2.16pm BST

73 min Norwich’s final substitution: Cameron Jerome replaces Naismith.

2.14pm BST

72 min Right here, right now, 12.47 per cent of Norwich fans are uttering the phrase “If we get one...”

2.13pm BST

70 min “Sunderland are surely dead certainties to stay up from here, they’ve been playing consistently well in recent weeks without reward,” says Patrick Wills. “Norwich having to travel to the Emirates and host Man United back to back could well sap their confidence and give Sunderland a lead you can’t see them relinquishing.”

2.10pm BST

68 min Wisdom and Van Aanholt have a bit of an off-the-ball contretemps, prompting Andre Marriner to rollock them both.

2.09pm BST

67 min Another Sunderland substitution: Larsson on, M’Vila off.

2.09pm BST

66 min Defoe now knows how Borini felt in the 58th minute. Watmore and Defoe broke two-on-one, but Watmore tried to go alone and the danger passed, to Defoe’s considerable chagrin. This is breathless stuff.

2.08pm BST

65 min Two more clearances off the line by Sunderland! I thought Mannone was fouled as he came for a free-kick, but play continued and Mbokani headed the loose ball towards goal. It was headed off the line, and then the follow-up was sneaking in the corner before Cattermole cleared off the line for the second time in three minutes. He celebrated that as if he had scored.

2.07pm BST

63 min Cattermole clears off the line! Mbokani was through on goal, but Kone stretched to take some of the heat off his shot before it bobbled past Mannone. It would still have gone in had Cattermole not got back to boot clear. Moments later there’s another appeal for a penalty, this time for a push on Mbokani by Kaboul. I don’t think it was a foul.

2.05pm BST

63 min “Afternoon Rob,” says Simon McMahon. “Hibs could have played me in goal, never mind MVG lookalike Conrad Logan, given the lack of cutting edge Dundee United are currently displaying.”

2.05pm BST

62 min Norwich are putting Sunderland under a bit of pressure now, and Wisdom’s mishit cross would have sneaked in had Mannone not leapt to flap it over the bar.

2.03pm BST

60 min Norwich appeal for a penalty when Mbokani goes down in the area under pressure from Kaboul. That’s hard to call. Kaboul did pull him at one stage, and it was a few seconds later that Mbokani went down, having tried to stay on his feet. I’m not sure whether the first contact – which I suspect was a foul – was inside the box.

2.02pm BST

60 min Wes Hoolahan replaces the disappointing Matt Jarvis.

2.02pm BST

59 min Crikey, it’s all happening. Olsson and Cattermole are both booked for bad tackles.

2.01pm BST

58 min Sunderland break, and Defoe has a great chance to find Borini in space in the area. Instead he tries to wriggle clear to set up a shot and loses the ball. Borini is rightly irritated because he had almost the entire box to himself and there was an easy pass on for Defoe.

2.00pm BST

57 min Redmond hammers an inswinging free-kick from the right with such force that it’s on Naismith too quickly and he can only head it straight up in the air. Then...

1.59pm BST

56 min “Please tell David Crosweller that law 12 states that a direct free kick or penalty is given if a player tackles an opponent ‘in a manner considered by the referee to be careless, reckless or using excessive force’,” says John Beaven. “Totally irrelevant whether he touched the ball first or not. Maybe you could also tell him to learn the rules and stop making himself look stupid...”

Unlike Guardian writers, I’m sure he’ll be able to admit he was wrong.

1.58pm BST

55 min Interestingly, Howard Webb thinks Kirchhoff fouled Bassong as he nicked the ball off him in the build-up to the goal. There was a tangle of legs, so you can see what he means. I can see both sides!

1.56pm BST

53 min Everybody said Norwich would miss Klose, and his replacement Bassong was badly at fault for the goal. He was faffing inexplicably 40 yards from goal, and Kirchhoff nicked the ball off him before playing it down the right to Borini. He passed a brilliant first-time cross into the corridor of uncertainty, and Defoe at the far post stretched to poke it in from six yards.

1.55pm BST

Jermaine Defoe has made it 2-0!

1.55pm BST

49 min “Afternoon Rob,” says James Crane. “With reference to shoving/Big Sam/up-with-this-kind-of-thing ness; in today’s other lunchtime kickoff at Hampden Park, Hibs are giving a debut to the wonderfully Falstaffian figure of Conrad Logan - always good to see characters like these share the stage with the ultra-bots that usually play at the top level of the game (ok, this is Scottish football, but you get my point). Do you/the readers have a particular favourite footballer of ’stature’?”

This is one of the joys of Payet, although nobody will ever top Puskas.

1.51pm BST

48 min Redmond hits the post! That was a superb effort, a fierce, bouncing shot with his right foot from 25 yards that beat the diving Mannone and hit the outside of the left post.

1.49pm BST

47 min A fast start from Norwich, who win a couple of corners in the first 78 seconds of the half.

“Watching this game in Delhi,” says Richard. “Lifelong Canaries fan. Not happening for Nasmith - get him off. He is a yard off the pace and does not look bothered. Given the ball away every time in the first half. Redmond or Hoolahan must come on.” Hoolahan is a lovely player; why isn’t he starting?

1.48pm BST

46 min Norwich begin the second half. Both teams have made substitutions: Duncan Watford for Wahbi Khazri, and Nathan Redmond for Robbie Brady. Khazri was on a yellow card and looking a bit overzealous.

1.47pm BST

“No, he gets the ball first, that is the rule,” says World Cup final referee David Crosweller. “Ball first, what happens next is not designed to prove you are right. Typical Guardian response to email/tweet. Never able to admit you are wrong.”

Bloody hell. Send me your address and I’ll send you the laws of the game for Christmas.

1.45pm BST

More importantly, Luke Haines did crash Glenn Hoddle’s resignation speech.

1.41pm BST

“I am an Arsenal supporter, so no emotional link in the Norwich vs Sunderland game,” says David Crosweller. “The defender clearly gets the ball first. No penalty. Not sure how you can see anything different.” That’s irrelevant when you go over the top with your studs showing.

1.34pm BST

Half-time emails

“G’Day Rob,” says Wiz Khalifa. “I can see the tweet already: Steve Bruce, 17 shoves as player, 6 as manger. Pushy.”

1.33pm BST

The half-time whistle brings misplaced boos and a chant of “you’re not fit to referee”. Andre Marriner’s brilliant decision to award a penalty allowed Fabio Borini to put Sunderland ahead in a taut match. See you in 10 minutes!

1.32pm BST

45+2 min We normally say this about a team who are under pressure, but Andre Marriner needs half-time here. When he gets in, he will see a replay and know it was a great decision. At the moment he must have doubts, especially as the Norwich fans are appealing for anything.

1.32pm BST

45+2 min Sunderland look dangerous now. Defoe, just inside the box on the left, takes him time and picks up Borini, whose first-time shot from 25 yards is high over the bar.

1.31pm BST

45 min There will be two added minutes. Borini shoots wide from 20 yards, though he’d already been flagged offside.

1.30pm BST

44 min “If I was a Norwich player now,” says Robbie Savage, “I’d be onto the referee after every challenge.” Fair play, Rob.

1.27pm BST

It was an excellent penalty, sidefooted at pace into the bottom-left corner. Ruddy went the right way but couldn’t get there. The Norwich fans are booing but they’ll change their mind when they see the replay. In fact, Wisdom could even have been sent off for going over the top of the ball. The fact he got a small piece of the ball was thus irrelevant, and his studs plunged into the top of Borini’s foot. He was booked. “Any higher and it was a red card,” says Howard Webb.

1.25pm BST

Borini scores!

1.25pm BST

Sunderland broke two on four. Defoe found Borini with a long cross from the right, and when Borini came back inside he ran into Wisdom. At first it seemed Wisdom had won the ball, and Borini had just bounced off him, but replays showed he went over the ball. That’s a brilliant decision by Andre Marriner.

1.24pm BST

Oh, this is controversial.

1.22pm BST

38 min “Not defending the witch-hunt but saying that disabled people brought it on themselves in a previous life is pretty bad,” says Nick. “Imagine saying the same about an oppressed minority being to blame for their circumstances. Being entitled to a belief has nowt to do with it.”

I agree but I do think that, had he made the comments a year earlier, he wouldn’t have been sacked.

1.20pm BST

36 min Cattermole wins two tackles, keeps running and then, under a fair bit of pressure, spanks Wisdom’s cross over the bar on the half-volley. He has had a superb game.

1.19pm BST

34 min “Mention of player personal hygiene reminds me I happened to be staying in the same hotel as Man City when they were practicing at Rutgers University, New Brunswick, New Jersey in July 2014,” says the precise David Hunter. “My most distinct memory is of riding in the lift and getting an overwhelming whiff of whatever ‘product’ they had used while or after showering. I guess that’s what made them the champs.”

At least it wasn’t the late 1970s. When Graeme Souness used aftershave, his room-mate Kenny Dalglish “thought I was a poof”.

1.17pm BST

31 min Norwich started well but it’s a lot closer now, and the crowd already sound a bit nervous. Khazri is booked for a bad tackle on O’Neil.

1.15pm BST

29 min “As player and manager do you know whether Big Sam holds the record for shoving top-flight players?” asks Dan Friedman. I’ll get the Opta boys on the case.

1.12pm BST

27 min Another save from Mannone. Olsson whistles a storming long-range shot towards goal, and Mannone reaches up to his right to palm it over. It was a relatively comfortable save but a brilliant strike.

1.11pm BST

26 min Mannone makes an important save from his team-mate Kaboul. It came from a terrific low cross by Jarvis, into the corridor of uncertainty. Kaboul had to go for it and unwittingly diverted it towards goal, where Mannone reacted superbly to save.

1.10pm BST

22 min “For the record and on your point, what a shame for Hoddle, who was onto something special back then,” says Vinny Maddage. “The media almost single-handedly destroyed Hoddle. Footballers and the professionals in the game say and do far worse than Hoddle did in ’99 yet we’ve crucified him for what is a perfectly entitled and well respected (by many in the world) view and belief. By the same standards, footballers who take drugs, commit adultery and far worse (of which there are many in the game today) should be sacked too?”

Oh it was ridiculous, and clearly just an excuse to get rid of him. The only thing I would say is that it seemed like he’d lost the dressing-room by then, and England started their Euro 2000 campaign terribly. It’s a shame because, although his man-management was naive at times, England were a bloody good side at France 98, certainly better than any England side since then. And Hoddle gave a masterclass during that Argentina game.

Related: The Joy of Six: Great performances with 10 men | Rob Smyth, Paul Doyle and Scott Murray

1.08pm BST

21 min Cattermole’s beautiful reverse pass towards Defoe tempts Ruddy from his line. Defoe gets the first, on the left corner of the box, and fronts up Ruddy before trying to find a team-mate, possibly M’Vila, on the edge of the box. The covering Howson gets there first and Norwich are able to clear.

1.05pm BST

20 min Sunderland are coming into the game a bit more, and Borini almost latches on to a loose ball in the box.

1.04pm BST

19 min “Have a Guardian writer over to the house?” sniffs Hubert O’Hearn. “Sounds a fine deal, but who to choose? As iIm in Ireland it would make sense to request Berry Glendenning or Paul Doyle – at least they’d be able to find the house – but a question occurs. Does the writer bring his/her own beer? Or may I ask for a list of teetotal Guardian writers? Oh stop laughing...”

You’d be surprised. They’ve even stopped serving Hofmeister in the canteen.

1.03pm BST

18 min Sunderland almost steal the lead. A free-kick was lumped forward to the edge of the box, where Kirchhoff won it in the air. It came to Borini, at a very tight angle on the right of the box, and he drove a cross-shot just wide of the far post and just in front of the stretching Defoe.

1.02pm BST

17 min Another corner to Norwich, who have been much the better side so far. Brady curls it beyond the far post and it’s headed behind for another corner, this time on the left. It’s headed clear.

1.00pm BST

15 min Kirchhoff is penalised for a tackle on Naismith just past the halfway line. That’s an important battle today.

12.58pm BST

14 min Brady’s deep cross is headed towards goal by Mbokani, but he can’t get any power on it and Mannone makes a comfortable save.

12.58pm BST

12 min Glenn Hoddle, the BT Sport co-commentator, has already made four or five excellent tactical points – the sort somebody who hasn’t played would never pick up. He could have been one of the great coaches.

12.56pm BST

10 min Kirchhoff receives the ball 45 yards out, passes it straight out of play for a goalkick. Jermain Defoe’s face is a picture.

12.54pm BST

8 min “Good positive start from Norwich,” says Robbie Savage. “62 per cent possession...” Jeez, they got Robbie too.

12.51pm BST

6 min A Norwich corner on the right is drilled flat to Howson, in space on the edge of the box. He sidefoots a slightly meek volley that is blocked by Yedlin. But it’s all Norwich just now and moments later Brady forces a routine tumbling save from Mannone with a shot from 25 yards.

12.50pm BST

5 min “Thanks for posting that, Rob,” says Martin Stannard. “I suppose they could just put the whole table there and be done with it..... who has the time to click, for goodness sake?”

We’re actually beta-testing a new service where a Guardian writer comes round to your house and is your servant for the day. They click links for you, they do a bespoke MBM in your preferred tone. How much does it cost? Oh it’s free.

12.50pm BST

It was Cameron Jerome, the Norwich sub, who Allardyce shoved. Great stuff, we want more of this in football. Yedlin is okay, although his head did hit the board with a thump.

12.49pm BST

Yedlin was shoved into the advertising boards by Brady, and moments later Sam Allardyce was squaring up to and shoving a couple of Norwich players.

12.48pm BST

3 min It’s kicking off!

12.48pm BST

2 min An early chance for Norwich. A free-kick from the left was flicked on by Naismith and eventually came to Bennett, who had an open goal six yards out but couldn’t reach the ball properly with his outstretched foot. He ended up stabbing it across goal and Yedlin welted it clear. Turns out Bennett was offside.

12.45pm BST

1 min Sunderland kick off from right to left. They are in red and white; Norwich are in yellow and green.

12.43pm BST

A plug for something I co-wrote department

Related: The Joy of Six: football player-managers

12.42pm BST

Here come the players. Some of the Sunderland fans are engaging in pneumonic banter and have come topless.

12.40pm BST

“Just wondering if it wouldn’t be a good idea to put the bottom half of the table next to the commentary of a relegation battle instead of the top half...” says Martin Stannard. “But the guys who design the Grauniad website don’t think like that, do they?”

Who said it was designed by men? Or are you using ‘guys’ in the Friends sense? Why am I asking these questions anyway? (It’s automated, and I assume it would be tricky to program it to show the top or bottom half depending on who is playing. You can get the full table with just one click, though.)

12.38pm BST

“Good morning from Belize, Rob!” says David Hilmy. “Not yet mentioned but just as relevant to this match, if Norwich earn at least a point this morning, Villa are relegated.”

I find the extent of the focus on when Villa will be officially relegated a bit strange. Last week many reports sai Villa’s relegation was “all but confirmed” by their defeat to Bournemouth, which was kind of true. But then it was all but confirmed about four months ago.

12.28pm BST

It’s nice to cover Norwich games, not least because Dan Brigham does our work for us. His Little Yellow Bird Project has a fine preview of the game here.

11.49am BST

Some news is bad news for Norwich: Timm Klose is unfit, so Sebastien Bassong replaces him. That’s the only change on either side.

Norwich City (4-2-3-1) Ruddy; Wisdom, Bennett, Bassong, Olsson; Howson, O’Neil; Jarvis, Naismith, Brady; Mbokani.
Substitutes: Rudd, Jerome, Hoolahan, Dorrans, Mulumbu, Redmond, Pinto.

10.03am BST

Preamble Whaddaya hear, whaddaya say? This might be the biggest game between Norwich and Sunderland since the 1985 League Cup final*, when David Corner’s decision not to concede a throw-in proved extremely costly for Sunderland and the ginger community. Both sides were eventually relegated that season – Norwich with 49 points – and, while that could still happen in 2015-16, the likelihood is that only one will go. This match is, if not quite a relegation decider, then at least a relegation suggester.

Continue reading...

The Joy of Six: football player-managers

From Bryan Robson’s ups and downs after a cross-dressed unveiling at Boro to Attilio Lombardo’s train-wreck tenure at Palace, the dual role has mixed results

As he smiled for the cameras, Bryan Robson had the look of a man who was halfway through changing by the side of the pitch after leaving work late for his weekly five-a-side match. Above the waist, he wore a suit jacket, a shirt and a tie and he was holding a Middlesbrough scarf above his head; nothing controversial about that. But below the waist, he was wearing football shorts and socks and had a ball underneath his left foot. The baffling clash of styles raised several questions. Above all, why? Why wasn’t he wearing any shoes? Was he wearing shinpads? If he was wearing shinpads, why? And if he wasn’t wearing shinpads, why not? It was a sartorial disaster – the equivalent of serving a bowl of cereal alongside a steak; what happens when you’re too embarrassed to ask what smart casual means.

Related: How Middlesbrough's mid-1990s transfers changed English football

Related: Seven deadly sins of football: Goldberg lives the dream

Despite the short and disastrous reign he had foisted upon him at Palace, he was voted into the club’s Centenary XI

Related: Tomas Brolin at Leeds: the worst signing ever? He doesn't think so | Marcus Christenson

Related: He's back: JB, mangler of metaphors

Related: The Joy of Six: bad ideas in football

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Football transfer rumours: Barcelona to pay £50m for Dimitri Payet?

Today’s fluff is glazed with honey

When it comes to assuaging the impact of life’s vicissitudes, the Mill has always believed in the power of retail therapy. It’s true that we own 47 Top Man T-shirts that still have the labels on them, and that £500 treadmill still hasn’t seen any action, but it was worth spunking the monkey for that instant hit of feelgood goodness that allowed us for a split-second to forget the essential futility of life.

Related: Atlético Madrid’s Antoine Griezmann sends Barcelona crashing out

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The Fiver | Footlose and entitlement-free

In today’s Fiver: the spiritual heir to Matt Le Tissier, Ray Wilkins trying not to cause offence, and His breakthrough in genetics

It’s Big Cup quarter-final night, and Manchester United are in action. In the FA Cup. In a game most expect them to lose. And many of their

supporters
followers want them to lose. Their probable defeat at West Ham will be another excuse for the millions of multiple European Cup-winning managers on Twitter to blame a 64-year-old man for everything from the Panama Papers to Wayne Rooney’s curvaceousness to the travails of human sicknote-generator Phil Jones. Rooney and Jones could return on Wednesday night, and we might even see a beast-off between Andy Carroll and Marouane Fellaini. “We have to go to West Ham, play well and beat them,” said Jones, offering a money-back guarantee that they’d manage at least one out of three. “It has been a difficult season. There is no one more disappointed than the dressing-room,” he continued, as a despondent hack decided against trying to explain that a dressing-room is an inanimate object.

Related: PFA Player of the Year award shortlist: Leicester City trio nominated

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Football transfer rumours: James Rodríguez to Manchester United?

Today’s gossip remembers that picture of Albert Anastasia lying there all amicable on the barbershop floor

And it goes a little something like this: having moved his mind to Madrid last year, Eden Hazard will ship his body to the Bernabeu at the end of the season. According to reports, Real Madrid will get him for a chip-cheap £32.5m.

That means little room at the Bernabeu Inn for James Rodríguez, the winner of the Moral Golden Ball at the 2014 World Cup. He will join Manchester United once they work out how to fit him in a starting XI alongside Wayne Rooney, Zlatan Ibrahimovic, Harry Kane, Marcus Rashford, Anthony Martial and Marouane Fellaini’s chest.

Related: Liverpool line up Bayern Munich fitness coach Andreas Kornmayer for 2016-17

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Manchester City 2-1 West Brom: Premier League – as it happened

Samir Nasri scored the winner on his first start since September as City came from behind to get three important points in the race for fourth

7.22pm BST

Peep peep! City move four points clear of Manchester United, and to within two of Arsenal. Samir Nasri played very well in his first start since September and scored the winning goal after earlier strikes from Sessegnon and Aguero. Thanks for your company; night!

7.22pm BST

90+4 min West Brom win a corner in the last minute of added time. The goalkeeper Foster is in the box. Hart punches it clear to McClean, who volleys this far wide of the post from the edge of the box. That was so close.

Related: Manchester City on track for top four as Samir Nasri sees off West Brom

7.17pm BST

90 min Four added minutes.

7.16pm BST

89 min Aguero off, Gael Clichy on. He’s still limping. It looks like Gardner raked his studs down the back of the ankle.

7.15pm BST

Samir Nasri making his first start since September. His haircut making its first appearance since 1997.

7.14pm BST

87 min After lumbering 40 yards into the box, Kolarov screams one off the outside of the near post from an absurd angle. Foster had it covered.

7.14pm BST

86 min I’m surprised Aguero hasn’t come off or been taken off, with the PSG game on Tuesday.

7.13pm BST

85 min Aguero is limping. He has not tried to leave the field, so maybe it’s just soreness, but he can’t run properly.

7.11pm BST

84 min Gardner pings a free-kick towards goal from 35 yards. It’s straight down Hart’s throat but is wobbling a touch, so he plays it safe by tipping it over the bar.

7.10pm BST

83 min On the day Leko was born, City lost 2-1 at home to Wycombe in the third tier of English football.

7.10pm BST

82 min A lovely effort from Nasri, who uses Dawson as a screen and tries to place a curler into the far top corner from the left of the box. It was only just off target.

7.08pm BST

81 min A West Brom substitution. Jonathan Leko, who was born in April 1999, replaces Sessegnon.

7.07pm BST

80 min Dawson’s superb low cross from the right flashes through the corridor of uncertainty with Berahino just unable to reach it at the far post.

7.06pm BST

79 min City have been sloppy since going ahead. They do seem to have concentration issues.

7.04pm BST

77 min Aguero makes a lovely run behind Evans before drilling a low first-time shot that Foster saves well with his right foot.

7.04pm BST

75 min “I’m reading,” says Colum Farrelly. “I’m reading The Polished Hoe by Austin Clarke. ‘An epic symphony of Caribbean life. Layers of disturbing history slowly unfold through one woman’s intimate, murderous confession.’ says the blurb. It is pretty good.”

7.02pm BST

74 min Another great chance for Berahino! Gardner was block tackled by Kolarov in the act of shooting from the edge of the box. The ball vroomed all the way across the box to Berahino, who was ten yards from goal and miles offside. The flag stayed down, however, and Berahino had time to take the ball down and poke it wide of the far post. He should have scored.

6.58pm BST

71 min Berahino misses an excellent chance to equalise, curling well wide of the far post from 15 yards after being put clear by Chester. Mangala was again gawping at his feet, trying to work out how to use them.

6.57pm BST

70 min City are in complete control now. De Bruyne has changed the game, as much with his urgency as his ability.

6.55pm BST

69 min “There are certainly players who have outperformed Aguero for at least parts of this season, but no one who I would describe as ‘better’ than him,” writes Matt Dony. “Not just his finishing ability (which is obviously ridiculous), but his all round play, his skill level, his tenacity. He’s one of those players you can watch for a whole match and still not be certain whether he’s right or left footed. For all its excitement, and claims about being the best league in the world, there have never been enough truly world class players at the peak of their powers playing here. I really think, if you put a fit, in-form Aguero into any of the top six sides for a season, they’d win the league.”

6.55pm BST

The goal was made by De Bruyne, who burst impatiently down the right and nutmegged a defender to find Navas in the box. He eschewed the chance to shoot with his left foot and instead squared it to Aguero, whose first-time shot was blocked desperately by a defender.

It came back to Aguero, who was about to shoot again when he was challenge from behind, but it didn’t matter because the ball ran to the onrushing Nasri and he sidefooted it into the net from a few yards.

6.53pm BST

Samir Nasri scores on his first start since September!

6.53pm BST

66 min To quote Half Man, Half Biscuit, ‘kinell it’s Ryan Dunne! “Don’t worry Rob, I’m reading (well, checking the score occasionally). Comforting to know that 10/20 years from now we’ll all still be MBMing!”

6.52pm BST

65 min “The best player in the Premier League is clearly Riyad Mahrez,” says Øyvind Røed. “Sixteen goals and counting - from a Leicester midfielder. I know we are all getting used to Leicester dominating by now, but seriously - 16 goals and a number of assists from the Leicester midfield.”

He’s been the best player this season. But if you were building a team from scratch right now and could pick one Premier League player, would it be him? I’d probably pick Aguero, De Gea or Coquelin.

6.50pm BST

64 min Aguero plays a one-two with Toure but can’t wriggle through the 48 West Brom defenders in the box.

6.49pm BST

63 min “I’m reading Rob, but I’m just off to bath the kids so text me if anything happens if you don’t mind,” says Tom Levesley. “Say hello to Juliet and Freddie and they’ll be loyal fans too.” I’ll do anything for fans, even that.

6.48pm BST

62 min “Dani Alves, Neymar, Nasri,” says Ezra Finkelstein. “Do all the stars go to the same hairdresser? And is that hairdresser in the latest Zoolander?”

6.47pm BST

60 min A double City substitution: Kevin de Bruyne and Yaya Toure replaces Wilfried Bony, who sadly did the cube root of bugger all, and Fabian Delph (see Wilfried Bony).

6.45pm BST

57 min Aguero is holding the side of his face after being hit - accidentally I think - by Chester’s right arm. Moments later, West Brom have a strong penalty appeal when Mangala humps Sandro over in the box. That looked a clear penalty. It was certainly awful defending.

6.43pm BST

56 min “I’m reading,” says David Acaster. “But you’re doing a very good job of telling me about two teams going through the motions.”

Yes, I’m going through the motions myself to help convey the mood of the match. That’s what I’m doing.

6.42pm BST

55 min Aguero injects some life into the match, suddenly hitting a low drive towards goal from 25 yards. It zipped up off the wet turf and forced a good save from Foster, who plunged to his right to palm it round.

6.41pm BST

52 min “In response to your comment of the nineteenth minute, do you actually believe Sergio Aguero is the best player in the BPL?” says Steve Devenish. “If you do (no offence here) I can officially brand you among the ignoramuses who believe that the best players must be offensive players, along with FIFA. Sorry about that but it’s true. Thanks and goodbye.”

There’s a valid point hidden in that demonstration of your winning social skills, as evidenced by the contrasting perceptions of the World Cup winners of 1970 and 1998. But who is better than Aguero in the BPL? Am I forgetting someone obvious? I suppose De Gea maybe. Ryan Bertrand?

6.38pm BST

51 min “I’m reading,” says Chris Rendle. “I mean I was. The clock has struck 12.30am here in Thailand and I’m off to bed. Toodle pip!” Night!

6.38pm BST

50 min Nasri has looked pretty bright, playing lots of little one-twos as usual. I’d be tempted to start him on Tuesday night.

6.36pm BST

49 min Sessegnon turns Kolarov one way and then the other on the right side of the box before woefully overhitting his cross.

6.32pm BST

47 min Is anyone reading?

6.32pm BST

46 min Manchester City begin the second half, kicking from right to left.

6.17pm BST

See you in 10 minutes for the second half!

6.14pm BST

45 min Nasri’s inswinging cross from deep on the left is headed well wide by Bony, 12 yards from goal.

6.12pm BST

42 min West Brom have been relatively threatening on the counter-attack, and Chester forces Navas to concede a corner. It’s headed clear and City break through Navas and then Aguero. He runs 60 yards and then whaps a cross straight into the chest of a West Brom defender.

6.10pm BST

40 min McClean appeals for a penalty when his low cross hits the hand of the sliding Zabaleta. It would have been pretty harsh as it hit his between the legs first and deflected onto his arm.

6.09pm BST

39 min At the other end, a very good cross from the influential Kolarov is headed behind for a corner by Chester. Nothing happens thereafter.

6.08pm BST

38 min A brilliant first-time pass from Fletcher puts Sessegnon (I think) clear on the right side of the box, but he overruns it and the danger is cleared.

6.07pm BST

Sad times at Bolton. We'll have a look at their plight with Phil Brown our studio guest @FootballOn5 live 9pm @channel5_tv

6.06pm BST

36 min A long spell of City possession ends when McClean puts hands on Navas without being penalised. That should have been a foul: he pushed Navas in the chest with both hands to stop him running round the outside.

6.02pm BST

33 min Ach, straight into the wall. Seconds later he is booked for a high tackle on Navas, who goes down screaming in the contemporary style.

6.02pm BST

32 min Delph is penalised for handball in the D. This is a chance for West Brom, with Gardner likely to take the free-kick. Here he comes ...

5.59pm BST

28 min A loose ball breaks to the substitute Gardner, 20 yards out, and he drills it not far wide of the far post.

5.58pm BST

27 min “You are correct in saying nobody likes Nasri,” says JR. “Of course there are multiple reasons for this, and now we have another one. His new hairdo is stupid. He looks ridiculous.”

5.53pm BST

23 min City break from a West Brom corner, and Kolarov wafts a well-struck shot just over the bar from 25 yards. Foster had it covered. Actually it was deflected, and Mangala headed the resulting corner over the bar at the near post. He was under considerable pressure.

5.51pm BST

21 min A West Brom substitution: Craig Gardner replaces the injured Rondon, so that probably means a switch to 4-3-3.

5.49pm BST

A terrific penalty from the Premier League’s greatest player. Foster went the right way, to his left, but it was passed low into the side netting.

5.48pm BST

Sessegnon fouls Kolarov just inside the box, a soft but clear penalty.

5.47pm BST

17 min “Failing to guard the near post in one error I just don’t get – that was the one thing I was good at when I was put in goal (i.e. nearly all the time, I was really rubbish at football),” says Phil Podolsky. “Also, nice to see Nasri, who I still think is a great player, though apparently I shouldn’t as that RVP free kick canceled out everything that was good about him.”

Yes, he’s underrated Nasri, possibly because nobody likes him.

5.46pm BST

16 min The atmosphere is, even by English football standards, funereal.

5.44pm BST

15 min Jonny Evans has started this match excellently. Arsenal should have bought him.

5.43pm BST

13 min Anyone know if Roy Keane’s on Twitter?

5.42pm BST

11 min City are racking up the corners, with five already. Not that it’s done them much good so far.

5.40pm BST

10 min There’s a low-key atmosphere at the Etihad Stadium, as if this game is beneath City. Mangala fouls Rondon on the right wing, and Sessegnon whips a dangerous free-kick into the corridor of uncertainty. McAuley, lurking beyond the far post, pokes it wide. It wasn’t much of a chance as he was stretching and it also zipped off the moist surface.

5.38pm BST

9 min That was West Brom’s first shot on target in their last three matches.

5.37pm BST

The goal was made beautifully by the referee Mike Jones. Samir Nasri ran into him while trying to collect a return pass, and City’s attack broke down. West Brom counter-attacked through Fletcher, who curved a fine long pass to McClean on the left. His cross bounced all the way across the edge of the box to Sessegnon, who stretched to control it and then, from a tight angle, whistled a half-volley past Hart at the near post. Hart should have done better, on reflection, though it was beautifully struck.

5.35pm BST

West Brom are ahead through a screamer from Sessegnon!

5.34pm BST

5 min Lots of possession for City but all in front of West Brom’s superbly organised defence.

5.32pm BST

2 min An early corner for West Brom. It’s a poor one from McClean and cleared to Aguero, who sparks a counter-attack that ends with City winning a corner at the other end.

5.30pm BST

1 min West Brom, in red, kick off from right to left. City are in blue. It’s pouring down in Manchester.

5.26pm BST

The players are in the tunnel. I shan’t insult your intelligence by telling you this is one of the biggest games of the season. But I’ll tell you this: if it ends 0-0, I’ll present Match of the Day in my underpants.

4.46pm BST

Manchester City (4-4-2) Hart; Zabaleta, Otamendi, Mangala, Kolarov; Navas, Fernando, Delph, Nasri; Bony, Aguero.
Substitutes: : Caballero, Demichelis, Clichy, Fernandinho, Toure, De Bruyne, Iheanacho.

West Bromwich Albion (4-4-2) Foster; Dawson, McAuley, Evans, Chester; Sessegnon, Sandro, Fletcher, McClean; Berahino, Rondon.
Substitutes: Myhill; Olsson, Yacob, Gardner, Anichebe, McManaman, Leko.

1.00pm BST

Hello. Manchester City and West Bromwich Albion occupy different worlds. But if you compiled a Premier League table from mid-September, they would be next-door neighbours in 10th and 11th. That shows how negligent City have been since winning their first five league games, and that Tony Pulis is probably the best manager in England at ensuring mid-table security.

The flip side of that security is West Brom have little to play for, whereas City need points in their attempt to finish in the top four. They’ve also won 11 of their last 12 matches against West Brom. Then again they have Paris St-Germain on Tuesday, and for most of the season they have played like they couldn’t give a solitary one about the Premier League, so anything’s possible.

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