Rob Smyth's Blog, page 155

August 16, 2017

Celtic 5-0 Astana: Champions League play-off first leg – as it happened

Scott Sinclair scored twice as Celtic thrashed the Kazakhstan champions to all but book their place in the Champions League group stages

Match report: Celtic 5-0 Astana

12.14am BST

9.37pm BST

Peep peep! Celtic have qualified for the Champions League group stages with a match to spare. There is a second leg to be played on Tuesday but their five-goal lead is insurmountable. The scoreline flatters them a touch - it includes two own-goals and a controversial third - but Celtic will not care about that, and nor should they. Thanks for your company, night!

9.31pm BST

Another own goal finishes off a perfect night for Celtic. Griffiths’ shot was going well wide before it took a decisive deflection off Shitov. It’s a shame that’s an own goal because Griffiths deserves a goal after an utterly brilliant centre-forward performance.

9.27pm BST

85 min There is some atmosphere now, a mixture of disbelief and joy. I don’t think anybody expected this score.

9.24pm BST

83 min Celtic Park has turned into a bouncy castle.

9.24pm BST

82 min Celtic make another change, with Forrest replaced by Stuart Armstrong.

9.23pm BST

82 min Astana’s final substitution: Muzhikov off, Grahovac on.

9.22pm BST

What a lovely move that was. Ntcham drove a long crossfield pass to Griffiths, who had stretched the defence with yet another excellent run in behind. He took the ball down smartly, waited for some movement and played a beautiful reverse pass to Forrest. He pitter-pattered into the area and, from a tight angle, slid the ball calmly across Mokin and into the far corner. Great goal.

9.20pm BST

This is a marvellous goal!

9.20pm BST

79 min Astana played well for long spells of this game, but since going 3-0 down they have been all over the place.

9.20pm BST

78 min Shomko shoots from 45 yards. You can guess the rest.

9.19pm BST

77 min Astana make another substitution, with Murtazayev replacing Tomaso.

9.16pm BST

75 min Sinclair, whose confidence is suddenly stratospheric, is muscled over on the left wing. Another free-kick for Griffiths to whip into the box. It’s a poor one, and headed away at the near post.

9.14pm BST

73 min Astana have lost the collective noggin. They are putting the boot in all over the pitch. One such free-kick almost leads to a fourth for Celtic, with Griffiths’ free-kick flashing right across the face of goal.

9.13pm BST

72 min “Hey Rob,” says JR in Illinois. “Good to see they’ve finally started to take head injuries seriously outside the U.S. Not. I thought officials were required to stop games for obvious head injuries. How could the ref have let play continue after that nasty clash of heads? Seems very wrong.”

The strange thing is that he looked at it, saw them fall over and then decided to play on anyway.

9.11pm BST

69 min Marvellous old-fashioned thuggery from Shitov, who rampages through Sinclair and and then Tierney in the space of a couple of seconds. He’s booked for the first challenge.

9.09pm BST

68 min “The refereeing around that goal,” says Matt Dony, “was absolute Shitov.”

9.09pm BST

67 min Kabananka wriggles past his man in the area and attempts a cutback that deflects over Gordon and onto the roof of the net.

9.07pm BST

66 min An Astana substitution: the injured Logvinenko is replaced by Beysebekov.

9.06pm BST

64 min Griffiths scampers onto a long pass from Tierney, moves into the box in the inside-left channel and then splatters a shot well wide of the near post. That was another decent chance.

9.05pm BST

63 min Tom Rogic is replaced by Callum McGregor. Logvinenko will miss the second leg because of that yellow card.

9.04pm BST

62 min Both players are still being treated. Rogic has a gash in the back of his head as is gong to come off, while Logvinenko has a bandaged head. I suspect he’ll be going off as well. As he is moving gingerly off the field, the referee books him for the challenge on Rogic!

9.02pm BST

There was a nasty clash of heads between Rogic and Logvinenko near the halfway line. They both went down, but the referee didn’t stop the game and Celtic broke two against two. Griffiths played a nice pass down the side of the defence for Sinclair, who timed his run excellently and finished first time under Mokin.

9.01pm BST

A controversial third goal puts Celtic in a wonderful position.

8.59pm BST

56 min Astana are settling into the second half now, moving the ball with the same confidence they showed in the first half. The last man Simunovic makes an excellent sliding challenge after a smart one-two between Kabananga and Kleinheisler.

8.57pm BST

55 min Kabananga is deliberately muscled to the floor by Simunovic, who might have been booked.

8.55pm BST

53 min For at least the third time tonight, Griffifths is played through on goal and then flagged offside. This one was very tight, though still the right decision.

8.53pm BST

52 min Muzhikov’s left-wing corner flicks off a head at the near post and flashes across the area to Kabananga, whose acrobatic shot is crucially blocked.

8.52pm BST

51 min It’s been a sluggish start to the second half from Astana, surprisingly so in the circumstances. That said, a 2-1 defeat would be an excellent result for them so there’s no need to panic,

8.51pm BST

49 min Tierney is booked for a high foot on Shitov.

8.48pm BST

47 min “I’m Phil, currently of Astoria, Queens, and I care for neither the Guardian nor Celtic,” says Phil Podolsky. “In fact, I don’t like or enjoy anything anymore. There’s a medical term for it: it’s called being extremely cool.”

8.47pm BST

46 min Peep peep! Celtic begin the second half. They’d be happy to hear the final whistle now.

8.42pm BST

Half-time reading (thanks to David Bolam)

8.33pm BST

Stat of the night

Celtic have had one shot on target. They lead 2-0.

8.32pm BST

A nervous half for Celtic ends with a wonderful scoreline. Two slightly fortunate but very timely goals have put them in a great position in the tie, particularly if they can keep a clean sheet tonight. See you in 10 minutes for the second half.

8.29pm BST

The goal came out of nothing. Rogic, in the centre circle, tried to play the ball out to the left. He was challenged by Kleinheisler and the ball deflected behind the defence for Sinclair, who read the play and made an excellent run. He scampered into the box, to the right of centre, and sidefooted the ball through Mokin and into the far corner. The keeper might have done better. Celtic give not one fig.

8.27pm BST

Never mind the run of play, Celtic are 2-0 up!

8.27pm BST

41 min On reflection I think Brown was booked for a sort of hand-off/elbow.

“Re that Astana chance on 34 mins - watching the game from my home in the southerly part of Glasgow, I’m surprised to learn that my next door neighbour is a Kazakh,” says Jim Crane. “At least that is all I can surmise from his roar of anguish as the chance went begging…”

8.25pm BST

40 min Scott Brown is booked for opening his mouth once too often in the vicinity of the referee.

8.24pm BST

38 min Tierney gallops down the left and slides a fine ball across the face of goal, but there are no Celtic players there to finish it.

8.23pm BST

37 min Twumasi wins another corner. Astana have responded brilliantly to the goal, with some menacing attacks. This corner leads to another, which is eventually cleared. Celtic still don’t look comfortable.

8.21pm BST

35 min “That goal,” says Brendan in Spain, “really tied the room together.”

That’s just, like, your opinion, man.

8.19pm BST

34 min Astana should have equalised there. In fact, Postnikov should have equalised his own goal. He had a freeish header, six yards from goal from a left-wing corner, and thumped it just wide of the near post. It came off the side of his head I think.

8.18pm BST

I take it back, it’s an own goal. Rogic slithered superbly through the defence on the right of the box and dinked the ball over the advancing keeper with his right foot. It was spinning wide of the far post, but the stretching Postnikov - who was trying to clear a shot he thought was going in - put it into his own net.

8.17pm BST

This is a fine goal from Tom Rogic!

8.16pm BST

31 min “Speaking of fake news as you almost were,” says Ian Copestake, “all this talk of alt-right and alt-left seems utterly based in twaddle, as nothing happens when I press them on my keyboard.”

I blame alt-J. For everything, but primarily for the fact I can never lick a crisp packet again.

8.16pm BST

30 min Tierney’s dipping cross is headed behind for a corner. It’s played short, tossed deep, and headed behind by Lustig. Bah.

8.14pm BST

30 min Forrest looks sharp for Celtic, the biggest attacking plus for them. Sinclair has been quiet, as has Griffiths, with Rogic good in patches.

8.13pm BST

28 min “I’m Diego from Guatemala, a big fan of the Guardian and vivid Celtic supporter,” says Diego Ortiz, challening Brendan for the Unique Sentence of the Night award. “Do you think we have a shot of qualifying to the CL Group Stage and making a good run? Or do we have more chance in Europa League and maybe think of winning it?”

I’m not sure about winning the Europa League, but with a fair wind they could go to the later stages. In the Champions League, they’d do extremely well to get out of the group stages. But they’ll get more money and the players will learn more. If it was me I’d quite fancy the Europa League.

8.11pm BST

26 min Celtic are pretty fortunate that Shitov’s deep cross from the right goes just over the head of the unmarked Kabananga, allowing Lustig to head behind for a corner.

8.10pm BST

25 min “Evening Señor,” says Jim Crane. “The Standing Section (pleasingly) is priced as standard - but perhaps unsurprisingly all spaces are sold out via Season Tickets. I understand the emotion attached to the issue with some supporters, but having stood there a couple of times I would say that it’s not only a safe experience but also a fantastic addition to the matchday experience (Christ, I sound like Richard Scudamore).”

It sells Michelin-star food as well, right?

8.09pm BST

24 min That shows what I know: according to the stats, Celtic have had 63 per cent possession. FAKE STATS.

8.08pm BST

23 min The crowd are somewhere between restless and nervous. Astana have dominated possession and are playing with a striking confidence.

8.07pm BST

22 min Muzhikov strikes a bouncing, wobbling shot from 25 yards that is excellently held by Gordon. It was straight at him but the movement - both sideways and up and down - made it a very awkward ball to hold.

8.06pm BST

21 min Twumasi cuts inside Tierney 25 yards from goal and whacks the bouncing ball well wide of the near post. The two wingers, Twuamsi and Tomaso, look dangerous.

8.05pm BST

21 min Brown is a little fortunate to avoid a yellow card for a foul on Twumasi.

8.04pm BST

19 min “Evening Rob,” says Simon McMahon. “Always nice to see Scottish teams doing well in Europe, especially seeing as Celtic have a healthy number of Scots in their starting eleven. Though it’s not exactly McAlpine, Stark, Malpas, Gough, Hegarty, Narey, Bannon, Milne, Kirkwood, Sturrock and Dodds, is it?”

That’s just asking for the finger.

8.01pm BST

17 min Astana have been the better team in general play, yet Celtic have had those two excellent opportunities. It’s a really interesting game.

8.00pm BST

16 min Kabananga eyes immortality from 25 yards. Goal kick to Celtic.

8.00pm BST

15 min Ntcham sprays a nice pass wide to Tierney, who takes it well on his chest and swings in a good cross that is headed away by Postnikov. Or Logvinenko. I haven’t a clue, to be honest, I’m just assuming it was a centre-half.

7.58pm BST

14 min “Prowling like a demented animal in a zoo clicking refresh on my phone the way they would if they had fancy phones,” says an unnamed correspondent. “I now have to go to the pub. Impossible to get the BBC Scotland radio coverage over my network to my phone and I have no blinking wifi (relationships ending have incalculable consequences). C’mon you Hoops!”

I like that you have to go to the pub.

7.58pm BST

13 min The elegant left winger Tomasov, a former Croatia international, looks a threat. Astana are a decent side, though that won’t come as a surprise to Celtic after last year.

7.55pm BST

9 min “The issue with Griffiths there,” says Brendan in Spain, “was he has far too much hair.” Larry David would have buried it.

7.53pm BST

8 min What a chance for Griffiths! Forrest, found by Rogic, curls an excellent first-time cross towards the six-yard line. Griffiths gets ahead of his man, hangs in the air - and heads it just wide of the near post. Brendan Rodgers had his arm up in celebration as it came off Griffiths’ head.

7.51pm BST

6 min Postnikov is booked for unapologetically taking out Rogic near the halfway line. Celtic had a break on so it was a a sensible piece of cynicism.

7.50pm BST

5 min Astana have started confidently in possession, with Tomasov beating Lustig easily on the left before flashing a cross that is headed clear by Simunovic.

7.49pm BST

4 min Forrest runs at Shomko down the right and wins a free-kick. Griffiths swings a lovely inswinging ball that bounces off Maevski on the six-yard line. It falls slightly behind Sinclair, who slices an instinctive snapshot wide of the far post. That was a chance.

7.47pm BST

2 min Here’s Ian Copestake. “Regarding the onset of entitlement and Scotland’s possible status as a Lost World, preserved from vulgar things like cash and evolution, do tickets for safe-standing seats cost an and arm and a leg, or is this a way for the wee man to sneak back into footer?”

Good question. I don’t know. What do you think this is, a national newspaper? Anyone know how much they cost?

7.46pm BST

1 min Peep peep! Astana, in yellow, kick off from right to left. Celtic are in the hoops.

7.44pm BST

The players emerge from the tunnel to a familiar din. This is some atmosphere. And they haven’t even played the Champions League music yet!

7.37pm BST

The defenestration of impartiality

Come on Celtic!

7.36pm BST

An email “I am an Australian following Celtic with great interest from Santiago de Compostela in Spain,” writes Brendan, winning the prize for ‘Unique Sentence of the Night’ before a ball has been kicked. “Looking forward to your updates!”

7.35pm BST

Longshot

Is anyone reading this who lives in Orkney and has an interest in a regular game of five-a-side?

6.49pm BST

Celtic (4-2-3-1) Gordon; Lustig, Simunovic, Bitton, Tierney; Brown, Ntcham; Forrest, Rogic, Sinclair; Griffiths.
Substitutes: Armstrong, de Vries, Benyu, Ajer, McGregor, Ralston, Miller.

Astana (4-2-3-1) Mokin; Shitov, Postnikov, Logvinenko, Shomko; Maevski, Kleinheisler; Twumasi, Muzhikov, Tomasov; Kabananga.
Substitutes: Eric, Anicic, Grahovac, Beysebekov, Tagybergen, Maliy, Murtazayev.

12.36am BST

Good evening. With the possible exception of u, nothing compares to European nights in Scotland. The atmospheres are like something from the 1980s, cacophonous and entitlement-free. It’ll certainly be an ear-splitter at Celtic Park tonight, as Celtic try to take out the Kazakhstan champions Astana for the second year running.

Celtic needed an injury-time penalty to win the third qualifying round match between the sides a year ago, and that was with home advantage in the second leg. Astana, in the best traditions of crack eastern European teams (sic), are formidable at home and a bit useless away, so Celtic will want a decent win tonight: 4-2, 3-1, 2-0 and 1-0 would all be acceptable.

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Published on August 16, 2017 13:37

A youth spent staring at the ZX Spectrum 128k | The Fiver

In today’s Fiver: Celtic begin their Big Cup campaign, Nigel Clough summons the spirit of Brian and Jesé Rodríguez raps

Big Cup’s back then. After three qualifying rounds that were largely ignored by those who shape the narrative, things went up a notch last night with the start of the play-offs. What a season it’s going to be: MORE British clubs, MORE noise, MORE stories that are described as “narratives” to make them sound grander than they actually are, MORE of Jake Humphrey’s smart-casual banter, just … MORE. There could be as many as six British teams in the draw for the group stages, and the good news is that all six of them are going to win it! Let’s all have a disco!

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Published on August 16, 2017 09:00

August 13, 2017

Barcelona 1-3 Real Madrid: Spanish Super Cup, first leg – as it happened

The substitute Cristiano Ronaldo scored a screamer and was sent off in strange circumstances as Real Madrid won impressive at the Nou Camp

12.51am BST

Match report:

10.50pm BST

Real Madrid are strong favourites to win the Super Cup after this terrific win. It was an ill-tempered game at times and will be remembered for an eccentric contribution from the substitute Ronaldo, who became the first man in football history to be sent off for having a six-pack. Sort of. The second leg is on Wednesday at the Bernabeu. Thanks for your company, night!

10.48pm BST

What a goal this is! Real shred Barcelona again on the counter-attack. Vazquez runs 50 yards into space and angles a pass towards Asensio on the edge of the box. He pushes the ball in front of him and then, with his second touch, smashes a rising left-footed shot past Ter Stegen at the near post. That was right off the sweet spot.

10.43pm BST

86 min “These referees are supposed to be top-of-their-profession experts,” says Sean Roe. “How do they keep falling for dives like Suarez’s when we amateurs can all (a) predict it and (b) spot it when it happens? Also Ronaldo is a covfefe. Insanely talented but a covfefe nonetheless.”

10.42pm BST

85 min It’s kicking off all over the pitch now. Vidal is trying to pick a fight with Casemiro, I’m not sure why. A minute ago Carvajal was being shoved by Busquets. This is turning into a proper pre-season unfriendly. I’ve lost count of the yellow cards. There have been at least nine.

10.40pm BST

82 min Ronaldo was clear on goal when Umtiti challenged him and, while I’m not sure it was a penalty, I’m pretty sure it wasn’t a dive. Umtiti’s shoulder barge put him off balance, which is why he fell over. I think; who knows any more. He reacted to the red card by pushing the referee in the back, which might get him in trouble.

10.39pm BST

This is bizarre. Ronaldo was booked for taking his top off after scoring and now he’s been given a second yellow card for diving.

10.38pm BST

81 min Real make their final change, with Lucas Vazquez replacing Gareth Bale.

10.38pm BST

Pick that out! Ronaldo has scored a belter on the counter-attack. The superb Isco led the break, easing the ball out left to Ronaldo. He ran at Pique, cut inside and screamed the ball into the far top corner from 18 yards. He celebrates by whipping off his top to show the kind of six-pack that shames us all. He looks like a weightlifter.

10.35pm BST

78 min “A bloke at the Astoria diner where I’m watching this opined that Barcelona ‘are weak without Neymar’ and while there’s clearly more to it than just this, he’s not wrong!” says Phil Podolsky. “ A third attacker who’s the best player in the world-in-waiting, with a ridiculous goal rate, who can create something out of nothing when Messi has a day off. Look, late capitalism is a farce and all that but PSG kind of knew what they’re doing.”

10.34pm BST

A cool penalty from Messi, sidefooted low to his left as Navas went the other way.

10.34pm BST

It’s a tricky one. Messi’s deflected shot came to Suarez by the left touchline. He was going nowhere but Navas was committed and Suarez went over him. He certainly made the most of it, but that doesn’t mean there wasn’t contact.

10.33pm BST

Real Madrid are furious, thinking this was a dive by Suarez.

10.32pm BST

75 min Messi’s stinging long-range shot is excellently saved by the diving Navas, who springs to his feet to save the follow-up as well. But...

10.32pm BST

75 min We’ve just seen a different replay of the Ronaldo disallowed goal which suggests he was definitely offside. I give up.

10.31pm BST

74 min Busquets misses a great chance! Denis Suarez’s blocked shot fell perfectly for him eight yards out, but he leant back and sidefooted it over the bar.

10.29pm BST

72 min It’s livening up now. At the other end, Denis Suarez shoots tamely at Navas from the left side of the box.

10.29pm BST

71 min Isco and Ronaldo combine brilliantly to free Marcelo, whose fierce shot from a tight angle is chested away by Ter Stegen. Moments later, Ronaldo has a goal wrongly disallowed for offside. It was a tight call but he was just onside.

10.28pm BST

70 min Bale’s deep cross from the right is met by a spectacular scissor kick from Ronaldo. Thankfully for the humour of Barcelona fans, he slices it wide.

10.25pm BST

68 min Another substitution per side: Sergi Roberto for Iniesta, Marco Asensio for Kovacic.

10.24pm BST

67 min Vidal tries to lash a bouncing ball towards goal from 25 yards. Know your limits, son.

10.22pm BST

64 min That was almost another own goal. Suarez’s sharp cutback from the left touchline hit the shin of Varane at the near post and looped just wide of goal.

10.20pm BST

62 min Isco opens the game up with a great reverse pass to Kroos, who helps in on further to Ronaldo. He is one against one with Pique, who does well to ignore 474 consecutive stepovers and block Ronaldo’s eventual shot.

10.17pm BST

60 min Isco, on the stretch, heads Bale’s right-wing cross high over the bar at the other end.

10.17pm BST

59 min Luis Suarez’s header is tipped over by Navas. It was a comfortable save, right above his head.

10.15pm BST

59 min Both teams make a substitution: Cristiano Ronaldo replaces Benzema for Real, and Denis Suarez comes on for Deulofeu.

10.14pm BST

57 min Sergio Busquets is booked for being Sergio Busquets.

10.13pm BST

55 min Jordi Alba makes his second goal-saving contribution of the night. This one was even better than the first. Benzema destroyed Pique with a series of stepovers on the left of the box. He slid the ball across the face of goal to Carvajal, whose sidefoot was cleared off the line brilliantly by the sliding Alba.

10.11pm BST

54 min Isco has been very good again tonight. Perhaps the biggest compliment you can pay him is that there are times when he reminds you of peak Iniesta.

10.11pm BST

53 min That was a great chance for Barcelona. Vidal broke into the area and crossed low towards Messi, who just couldn’t reach it on the stretch. It came to Deulofeu, who shaped a curler across goal that went under Messi in the six-yard box and whistled just wide of the far post.

10.09pm BST

52 min Benzema leads a fine Real break down the left. He tries to cut the ball back into the area and it hits Pique again before deflecting wide of the near post.

10.08pm BST

Gerard Pique gives Real Madrid the lead. The goal was created by Marcelo, who made a good overlap to receive Isco’s pass and drove in a dangerous low cross. Pique was at the near post, not knowing what was behind him, and slid in to try to clear. As is so often the case when a defender is facing his own goal, all he could do was slice it into the net.

10.05pm BST

48 min Messi slithers into the area, getting past the first wave of defenders but not the second.

10.02pm BST

46 min Peep peep! Real begin the second half, kicking from left to right.

9.47pm BST

Peep peep! That was fun, although neither side has created many clear chances. See you in 10 minutes for the second half!

9.46pm BST

45 min Bale heads over from Carvajal’s deep cross. He had the run on Vidal, but was under enough pressure to ensure he couldn’t get a clear header at goal.

9.45pm BST

44 min Some slick one-touch passing from Barcelona to get Alba free on the left. His cross is headed away.

9.42pm BST

42 min And now Carvajal is booked for fouling Iniesta.

9.42pm BST

41 min Now Bale is booked for a late tackle on Busquets.

9.41pm BST

40 min Messi is booked for crunching Casemiro. That looked a bit harsh; it seemed to be Busquets who made most of the contact.

9.39pm BST

37 min Isco swaggers into the box from the left, teasing the hapless Vidal before playing it back to Bale. He sweeps a first-time shot towards goal that is pushed over the bar by Ter Stegen. It was straight at him.

9.37pm BST

36 min Suarez plays a little one-two with Rakitic and hares for goal. The right-back Carvajal is in Big Ron’s Wide Awake Club and comes across to concede a corner.

9.35pm BST

35 min Deulofeu has had a poor game so far. He looks nervous, understandably so.

9.35pm BST

33 min A classic through pass from Iniesta finds Alba, who crosses low first time towards Messi at the near post. The alert Kovacic slides in to concede a corner.

9.33pm BST

32 min Suarez tries to run the last man Varane, who deals smoothly and calmly with the danger. France have a disgusting amount of young talent, don’t they.

9.31pm BST

29 min Jordi Alba makes a goal-saving header clearance. Marcelo did well on the left, beating Vidal with ease, and stood up a lovely cross towards Bale at the far post. He was about to head the ball in when Alba appeared on his blindside to clear.

9.28pm BST

27 min Pique is booked for deliberate handball in the Real area.

9.27pm BST

26 min “Madrid’s kit looks more aquamarine than turquoisey to me,” says our colour correspondent Laurence Ball. “Much, much harder to distinguish from Barça’s shirt than their traditional white, but that very practical matter won’t shift the units in China and the Middle East, will it?”

It’s the thin end of the wedge-grubbing. Goodness know what they’ll all be up to by 2037.

9.26pm BST

25 min Messi, fouled by Bale, gets up and curls the free-kick just over the bar. Navas had it covered.

9.23pm BST

22 min “This assist from the first post-Pep Super Cup involves some good close control, in my opinion,” waxes Phil Podolsky.

Yeah I like those first touches where the player pushes it into the space in front of him. Two touches for the price of one.

9.22pm BST

20 min It’s kicking off! Casemiro is booked for taking a shortcut through Messi, and all the Barcelona players charge in looking for trouble and/or a red card. That would have been excessive.

9.19pm BST

18 min Isco moves into the box from the left, turns Vidal inside out and drags a low shot into the side netting at the near post.

9.18pm BST

17 min “Greetings once again from the colonies, Sir Rob!” says James Thomas. “James in Louisville, KY answering that all consuming question...no, Gerard Deulofeu, sadly, is not enough for Barca tonight. They’re simply not as good at the tiki taka as they used to be without the Pep-Tito gaffers and the likes of Cesc Fabregas, David Villa and Carles Puyol, who they never really replaced. They’re more vulnerable than they were a few seasons ago, and it shows. And Real have brought in better, younger players. They’ve figured some things out, too. And Zidane has done a masterful job leading them. Not sure if anyone saw that coming.”

I sure didn’t. I’d never have had him down as a successful manager. I agree with you by the way. Madrid could run away with the league this year.

9.17pm BST

16 min Vidal lumbers into the box on the right, but his pull-back is between Suarez and Messi. Kovacic clears.

9.16pm BST

13 min “Not a great jersey pairing for the colourblind,this,” says Peter McDonnell. “Why can’t Real just wear white?”

I assume it’s a cheap bit of markerching.

9.11pm BST

10 min Suarez deftly kills a nice ball over the top from Iniesta before hitting a left-footed shot from 15 yards that is comfortably saved by Navas.

9.10pm BST

9 min Real have been the better side so far, though there isn’t much in it. There’s a striking intensity to the match, given its pre-seasonish nature.

9.07pm BST

6 min Rakitic sprays a nonchalant crossfield pass to Alba, who runs Carvajal and wins a corner. Messi takes it, Ramos heads clear.

9.06pm BST

4 min Real have started confidently, as befits the champions of absolutely everything. The days of them having 30 per cent possession at the Nou Camp are long gone.

9.04pm BST

2 min “Am I alone in thinking that Neymar’s departure isn’t that big of a deal for Barcelona?” says Edouard. “I’ve always found him to be the least important player of the MSN and I rate Suarez higher than him. Was never a fan of stacking that many forward superstars in a team either.”

I think Suarez is better too but I’d still say it’s a big deal. Whoever replaces him is unlikely to have the same understanding with Suarez and Messi. And it ruins a good acronym. I suppose they could buy Luciano Narsingh from Swansea.

9.03pm BST

1 min A poor pass from Ter Stegen is intercepted, and Kovacic tries to lob him from 35 yards. He doesn’t get enough on it and Ter Stegen backpedalls to make a comfortable save. That was a chance for Madrid.

9.02pm BST

1 min Peep peep! Barcelona kick off from left to right. They are in their usual red-and-blue kit. Real are wearing a turquoisey strip.

8.37pm BST

An email! “Greetings Rob,” says Alfredo. “Alfredo here, writing all the way from Guatemala. I have a question for you… I think that the blood of the gods is going to flow like the ancient rivers of Babylon for Bartomeu and his presidential gang if Barça don’t perform well in this SuperCup. With Neymar flying the coop, what do you think they’ll need to do to keep the people of Catalonia happy?”

Are you saying Gerard Deulofeu is not enough?

8.05pm BST

Barcelona (4-3-3) Ter Stegen; Vidal, Pique, Umtiti, Alba; Rakitic, Busquets, Iniesta; Messi, Suarez, Deulofeu.
Substitutes: Cillessen, Semedo, Denis, Mascherano, Alcacer, Digne, Roberto.

Real Madrid (4-D-2) Navas; Carvajal, Varane, Ramos, Marcelo; Casemiro; Kovacic, Kroos; Isco; Benzema, Bale.
Substitutes: Casilla, Nacho, Ronaldo, Theo, Lucas, Asensio, Ceballos.

12.19pm BST

Ambassador, with three Clásicos before the end of August you are spoiling us. After the pre-season friendly in Miami, Real Madrid and Barcelona now meet in the two-legged Super Cup. It’s the first time they have played each other in this competition since 2012, when it was Tito Vilanova against Jose Mourinho.

The two clubs have swapped roles in recent times: Real Madrid are the ones who practice stability and are setting the standard for every other team in the world. This, quietly, is a golden period in their history – the first time that they have been champions of Spain, Europe and the world at the same time.

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Published on August 13, 2017 14:50

Manchester United 4-0 West Ham: Lukaku hits double on debut – as it happened

Romelu Lukaku scored twice on his league debut for United, who produced a very confident statement of intent by battering West Ham

6.11pm BST

And here’s Daniel Taylor’s match report from Old Trafford.

5.50pm BST

Peep peep! That was a very confident statement of intent from United. Matic was good, Lukaku scored twice, and there were patches when United played with devastating speed in attack. Most importantly, they scored four goals, something they managed only once in the league in the previous two seasons. It would be wrong to jump to conclusions, so that’s what everyone will do, but United were good today, particularly when the game opened up in the second half. Thanks for your company, I’ll leave you with this from Matt Dony: “Welcome back, Joe Hart.”

5.47pm BST

Paul Pogba completes a very good day’s work with an excellent goal. Martial ushered him forward with a simple little pass into space, and Pogba marched onto it before opening his body to curl the ball under the diving Hart from 20 yards.

5.45pm BST

88 min Mkhitaryan, who has had a quiet game yet created two goals, is replaced by Jesse Lingard.

5.44pm BST

This is a nice goal. Mkhitaryan slips a superb first-time pass through the defence for Martial, who takes it in his stride and sidefoots crisply under Hart.

5.42pm BST

86 min Pogba comes infield from the left, plays a square pass to Lukaku and keeps running. Lukaku dinks a nice return pass over the top which Pogba takes on the chest before swishing a half-volley that is crucially blocked by Zabaleta.

5.41pm BST

85 min Matic plays a give-and-go with Martial before overhitting a through pass to Lukaku, who had made another terrific angled run behind the defence. That was a fairly straightforward pass for Matic.

5.37pm BST

82 min Another West Ham change: Aaron Cresswell replaces Masuaku.

5.37pm BST

81 min This game is over. United know it, West Ham know it. Even educated fleas know it.

5.36pm BST

79 min Another Manchester United substitution: Anthony Martial for Marcus Rashford, who had a good game in his newish role on the left wing and made the first goal.

5.34pm BST

78 min A cross from the left falls nicely for Arnautovic, in space to the right of the box. He controls the ball on his thigh but then blasts a half-volley into orbit.

5.32pm BST

77 min “I do like Mkhitaryan,” says Matt Dony. “Very much ‘one that got away’ for Liverpool. Still, at least he got his wish and joined a ‘big team’. (7, 4, 5, 6...)”

With banter like that, it’s on!

5.32pm BST

76 min A like-for-like substitution from United: Juan Mata is replaced by Marouane Fellaini. Mata was his useful busy, skilful self.

5.31pm BST

75 min Lukaku finds himself in space 25 yards out, draws back his left foot ... and batters the ball into orbit.

5.30pm BST

73 min Rashford wins a corner with another eye-catching turn of speed down the left. Blind makes a mess of it.

5.30pm BST

72 min How do you think Henrik, son of Hamlet, will get on this year, after a patchy first season?” sniffs David Wall. “Can he be, or not be, at the level he achieved at Dortmund again consistently?”

It would be so much better if he regularly played No10, but you can’t really do that with Pogba in the side, not in the tougher games when Mourinho will want the protection of Matic and Herrera. He’ll be fine though; he’s class.

5.28pm BST

71 min United’s full-back almost combine for a great goal. Valencia rampages down the right and picks out a very deep cross from Blind, whose deliberate volley goes into the ground and bounces up onto the roof of the net.

5.25pm BST

68 min United look like a side who are ready to challenge for the title. Mind you, we said that last August. It’s probably worth reserving judgement until we are 10 games into the season.

5.23pm BST

66 min Rashford hits the base of the post with a quite brilliant curling shot from 20 yards. That was a beautiful effort, whipped extravagantly around Hart from an inside-left position. It curled appreciably but not quite enough before rattling off the inside of the post and across goal.

5.20pm BST

63 min Mkhitaryan dances into space and hits a fierce low shot from 20 yards that is well held by the plunging Hart.

5.19pm BST

63 min Just before that Lukaku chance, Sakho made a mess of a free header from a corner, flicking it right across the face of goal.

5.18pm BST

62 min Zabaleta makes a great block to deny Lukaku a hat-trick. He was teed up beautifully by Rashford and Mkhitaryan, and drilled a low right-footed shot that would probably have gone in the corner but for Zabaleta’s desperate sliding block.

5.17pm BST

61 min West Ham made a double change, with Declan Rice and Diafra Sakho replacing Noble and Fernandes.

5.16pm BST

60 min Valencia is booked for a late tackle on Arnautovic.

5.15pm BST

59 min Arnautovic hits the bar! It was a terrific looping header from Fernandes’s lofted pass. De Gea backpedalled but didn’t get there, and it hit the top of the bar before going behind.

5.13pm BST

57 min Mkhitaryan has a goal disallowed for offside against Rashford in the build up.

5.11pm BST

55 min West Ham have a job on now. Only Spurs conceded fewer league goals than United last season, and that was before Matic.

5.09pm BST

It was another straightforward goal. Mkhitaryan curled a free-kick in from the left, and Lukaku got in front of Masuaku to flick an accomplished downward header into the far corner. That’s a really good finish.

5.09pm BST

Another one for Romelu Lukaku!

5.07pm BST

51 min Zabaleta is booked for fouling Rashford just outside the area.

5.07pm BST

50 min Rashford misses a decent chance to make it 2-0. He vroomed away from Reid to meet Pogba’s through pass before opening up his body to try to curl it into the far top corner. He didn’t get enough curl on it and it flew high and wide.

5.02pm BST

46 min Peep peep! West Ham begin the second half. If you like to picture these things in the TV style, they are kicking from right to left.

4.53pm BST

“I see that John Hone ‘Can’t believe that nobody has come up with the stat that Lukaku never failed to score against West Ham in ALL his time with Everton!’” says Mo Holkar. “There might be a reason for that.”

4.48pm BST

Half-time statgasm

“Can’t believe that nobody has come up with the stat that Lukaku never failed to score against West Ham in ALL his time with Everton!” says John Hone. “That goal makes it 10 in a row!”

4.48pm BST

Peep peep! West Ham defended very well for all bar a few seconds of the half, when Romelu Lukaku scored a goal that brought Ian Rush to mind: a perfectly timed angled run behind the defence and an emphatic first-time finish

4.47pm BST

45+1 min West Ham almost equalise on the stroke of half-time. Ayew plays a short pass into the area for Noble, who flicks it cleverly behind him while being clattered by Valencia. Fernandes runs onto the ball and thrashes a shot from 17 yards that takes a slight deflection off Bailly and is beaten away by De Gea.

4.44pm BST

44 min “Hi Rob,” says Felix Wood. “The sale of Matic to Man U is so baffling for me. Why on earth did Chelsea do it? You must know. You must.”

Look, it’s all related to the 9/11 Cover Up and the Brexit vote. If I say any more than that, I’ll be find in a dump truck.

4.42pm BST

43 min Bailly is booked for a hack at Hernandez.

4.40pm BST

40 min Hernandez’s deft lay-off finds Fernandes, whose stinging 20-yard shot is blocked.

4.39pm BST

40 min Matic goes on a superb, twinkle-toed run down the right before giving the ball away. He has been the best player on the pitch. He looks a serious signing.

4.37pm BST

38 min United win their ninth corner of the half. It’s half cleared to Valencia, whose low shot is kicked clear. West Ham are being ushered in the direction of the ropes.

4.36pm BST

36 min I didn’t give Matic enough, or indeed any, credit for his part in the goal. He got in Obiang’s face and blocked his attempted pass, which diverted it straight to Rashford.

4.35pm BST

35 min Pogba dances into the area and goes down after a double challenge from Obiang and Arnautovic. Obiang got the ball so Martin Atkinson is right to ignore the penalty appeals.

4.34pm BST

That’s why United bought him. He has done bugger all apart from score a goal. Obiang, just inside the United half, played an abysmal square pass to Rashford, who scooted 40 yards and then slipped a nice through ball into the area. Lukaku had made a good angled run behind the defence and clattered the ball in off the near post with his left foot.

4.33pm BST

Romelu Lukaku scores on his league debut for United. It was a simple goal, whacked in off the post from 10 yards.

4.32pm BST

32 min Get Fellaini on.

4.32pm BST

31 min So far, so last season for United. You’d expect them to sharpen up as the match and the season progress but at the moment they aren’t creating much.

4.30pm BST

28 min “Has the Premier League mandated simplified, two-tone badges as a new feature of their recent rebrand?” says Matt Loten. “I see Spurs in the last game and West Ham in this one are sporting more modern crests than in previous years. The cynic in me wonders if it’s an attempt by club marketing departments to make themselves more easily identifiable to a global audience, but I’m sure that would never happen in the old-fashioned world of football.”

Sorry Matt, I missed that, I was enjoying a beverage from the Guardian’s official Hot Drink Partner.

4.28pm BST

27 min Mata misses a great chance. Pogba found him with a glorious chip over the defence. Mata made another superb, stealthy run and controlled the ball deftly on the six-yard line. He should have shot but tried to square it to Lukaku, and Ogbonna cleared from under his own crossbar.

4.26pm BST

26 min SOMEBODY GET ME MATIC’S PASSING STATS RIGHT NOW.

4.26pm BST

25 min Rashford beats Zabaleta twice on the left of the area before hitting a shot that deflects behind for a corner. Blind’s outswinger flashes all the way across goal.

4.25pm BST

24 min Matic is playing like he has been at Old Trafford for a decade. He looks so comfortable and authoritative. That aside, United have been average so far. The attacking play hasn’t clicked.

4.21pm BST

22 min West Ham will be really pleased with this start. Hart has only had that one block to make, and they have been bright in possession.

4.21pm BST

20 min Noble plays a terrific angled chip over the defence to find the run of Hernandez, who mishits his left-footed volley across the area. It was a half-chance at best.

4.19pm BST

18 min A good chance for United. Mkhitaryan’s pass through the inside-left channel finds Mata, who makes a lovely angled run behind the defence. His attempted clip across goal is blocked by the leg of Hart. It comes back to Mata, who feeds it towards Lukaku on the six-yard line. That leads to a scramble between Lukaku and two defenders, and eventually West Ham clear.

4.16pm BST

16 min “Carroll’s unavailable for West Ham?” sniffs John Beaven. “I’m shocked, shocked I tell you....”

But for injuries I reckon he’d have won the Ballon d’Or by now.

4.14pm BST

14 min After that sluggish start, United are starting to impose themselves. Matic drives a fine long pass to Mkhitaryan, who wins a corner. Matic has started excellently.

4.11pm BST

12 min A dismal defensive header from Masuaku goes straight to Mkhitaryan on the right corner of the box. He swings a left-footed shot high over the bar.

4.10pm BST

11 min United enjoy their first extended spell of possession until Pogba’s low cross is well cleared by the sliding Reid.

4.09pm BST

9 min “Just take a look at the bench Slaven Bilic has named: a goalkeeper, two senior centre halves, two senior full backs, a junior centre half (the highly promising Declan Rice), and a forward who’s barely played a game in two years,” says Daniel Barnett. “What do you think his plan B could possibly be in the unlikely event that West Ham are behind in the second half? It does seem a trifle unambitious. Then again, if a backs-to-the-wall defensive display ends up with Mourinho spitting furiously about “19th-century football”, there can be no complaints. I would love to hear Bilic claiming to have “out-tacticed” him.”

In his defence, he has loads of players unavailable: Lanzini, Cresswell, Feghouli, Carroll, etc.

4.08pm BST

8 min Lukaku scorches down the left to win United’s first corner. Blind’s outswinger is met in front of the near post by Bailly, whose header flashes across goal before a West Ham defender boots it clear.

4.06pm BST

7 min Get Fellaini on.

4.06pm BST

6 min West Ham continue to play like the home side, moving the ball away with a lot of confidence.

4.04pm BST

5 min It’s been a frantic start, with both sides full of attacking intent. Thus far West Ham have been the more accomplished in possession.

4.02pm BST

3 min Jones gets a talking-to after taking a clumsy shortcut through the back of Hernandez. It’s been a bright start from West Ham.

4.01pm BST

2 min If you’re into the whole tactics thing, Mkhitaryan rather than Mata is playing as a No10.

4.00pm BST

1 min Peep peep! United kick off from right to left. They are in red, West Ham are in claret.

3.57pm BST

The players emerge from the tunnel on a cool Manchester afternoon. Joe Hart looks very happy to be back in the Premier League, and in Manchester.

3.52pm BST

Since you asked, West Ham’s last win at Old Trafford was in 2007 - a game no Hammer will ever forget.

3.36pm BST

In the early game, Spurs got their title challenge off to a solid start with a 2-0 win at Newcastle. You can read about it here.

3.29pm BST

Pre-match reading

3.03pm BST

Man Utd (4-2-3-1) De Gea; Valencia, Bailly, Jones, Blind; Pogba, Matic; Mata, Mkhitaryan,Rashford; Lukaku.
Substitutes: Romero, Smalling, Darmian, Herrera, Fellaini, Lingard, Martial.

West Ham (4-3-3) Hart; Zabaleta, Reid, Ogbonna, Masuaku; Noble, Obiang, Fernandes; Ayew, Hernandez, Arnautovic.
Substitutes: Adrian, Rice, Byram, Collins, Fonte, Cresswell, Sakho.

10.44am BST

What comes next in this sequence: 1, 1, 2, 1, 2, 1, 7, 4, 5, 6? It reads like a maths puzzle that even Max Fischer couldn’t solve. In fact, as you have doubtless realised, these are Manchester United’s league positions in the last 10 years. There have been plenty of reasons for United’s league struggles; this year, however, everyone at the club will at least expect them to challenge for the title for the first time since Sir Alex Ferguson retired. It’s not as easy as it seems – a very good team will finish sixth this season – but this looks like a very powerful, very Mourinho team.

United’s biggest problem last season was that they repeatedly thrashed teams 1-1 and 0-0 at Old Trafford. Today will give us an early indication whether they will be more clinical this season. The signing of Romelu Lukaku, a small-game specialist at this stage of his career, should certainly help.

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Published on August 13, 2017 09:50

The scariest Test England ever played: terror at the hands of West Indies

In 1986, England went to the Caribbean fancying their chances. After Patrick Patterson inspired a brutal first Test thrashing, a 5-0 defeat was inevitable

Graham Gooch’s specialist subject is West Indian pace bowling. He is probably the leading authority on what it was like to face the four horsemen of the apocalypse. From 1980 to 1995, when the West Indies dominated Test cricket, nobody scored more runs against them than Gooch, and only Allan Border faced more deliveries. Gooch also played the greatest innings of all time, 154 not out at Headingley in 1991. It is worth listening, then, when he says that only once in his career did he feel unsafe: Friday 21 February 1986 at Sabina Park, the first day of a much anticipated series, and the start of a weekend festival of chin music.

England had a bespoke batting line-up full of men who didn’t understand the concept of pain, yet they were still brutalised inside three days. It was horror bingo: they had to contend with a corrugated pitch, a low sightscreen, an umpire with a laissez-faire attitude towards bouncers and the volcanic pace of the debutant Patrick Patterson. “It was the first time,” said Gooch, “I’d ever really got the whiff of danger in the nostrils.”

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Published on August 13, 2017 01:00

August 12, 2017

Brighton 0-2 Manchester City: Premier League – as it happened

The home side defended admirably on their Premier League debut but eventually succumbed to Sergio Aguero’s strike and a Lewis Dunk own goal

7.22pm BST

Peep peep! It’s a great day for Brighton, despite the result. They are a Premier League team, and did enough to suggest they will pick up their share of points against teams outside the top six. The self-inflicted manner of the goals will irritate them though. City were smooth, if a bit one-paced for a Pep Guardiola team, and fully deserved to win. Thanks for your company, goodnight!

7.17pm BST

88 min BT Sport’s Man of the Match is Kyle Walker. He’s been excellent, though I’d have given it to De Bruyne.

7.16pm BST

87 min Both sides have done their work for the day. Brighton will be happy to have avoided a pasting, and to have defended so well for large parts of the game.

7.13pm BST

84 min City are now playing a freestyle 3-1-6-0 formation.

7.12pm BST

83 min Aguero is replaced by the new boy Bernardo Silva.

7.11pm BST

82 min Sterling is booked for a cynical foul on Glenn Murray.

7.10pm BST

81 min Knockaert runs onto a brilliant long pass from Dunk, tries to wriggle between two defenders and falls over. No penalty.

7.07pm BST

78 min The superb Gabriel Jesus is replaced by Raheem Sterling.

7.07pm BST

77 min Just before that second goal, De Bruyne played a lofted pass - a golf shot, really - of extraordinary precision onto the head of Silva. He nodded it across the face of goal and it was half cleared, before Brighton lost the ball and City scored the second. It’s worth looking out for on the highlights, because it was the touch of a genius.

7.05pm BST

76 min Brighton have brought on Anthony Knockaert for March.

7.05pm BST

Brighton again gave the ball away, this time to Aguero. It went wide to Fernandinho, who curled a cross onto the six-yard line. Dunk challenged for it with Jesus and unwittingly headed it into his own net.

7.04pm BST

That’s it.

7.03pm BST

72 min It’s such a cliche, but good Premier League teams can be ruthless at punishing little mistakes. One moment Stephens dithered on the halfway line, the next moment Aguero scored.

7.02pm BST

71 min “With Brighton defending with 10 men in their half,” says Phil Podolsky, “it feels like City could use the calm, elegant midfield presence of a Yaya Toure to give the clever pass, no?”

They are definitely short of clever passers.

7.00pm BST

City break Brighton on the counter-attack. It came from a mistake by Stephens, who gave the ball to De Bruyne on the halfway line. He played it into Silva, who slipped a killer first-time pass to put Aguero clear on goal. He took a touch, looked up and crashed the ball past Ryan.

6.57pm BST

68 min A City substitution: Leroy Sane replaces Danilo.

6.57pm BST

67 min De Bruyne thrashes a drive that hits the hand of Dunk in the area. Michael Oliver ignores City’s penalty appeals. Dunk was a fair way from the original shot and, although he was trying to pull it away from the ball, it was in an unnatural position. That could easily have been given.

6.55pm BST

65 min De Bruyne wins a corner with a terrific run down the right. He plays ballboy for himself, grabbing the ball before running over to take the corner. He is the most admirable, brilliant footballer.

6.54pm BST

64 min De Bruyne’s imaginative scoop is too far in front of Walker and goes through to Ryan. City look frustrated. Leroy Sane is about to come on.

6.52pm BST

63 min It’s not happening for City, despite the purposeful probing of De Bruyne in particular. I’m surprised Guardiola hasn’t changed anything because at the moment they don’t look like scoring.

6.51pm BST

62 min “Completely agree that the judgement over a handball is open to interpretation,” says Ben Paul. “What I’m puzzling over is whether a handball can be deliberate enough to warrant a free-kick, but at the same time accidental enough that a yellow card is harsh. Is it not one or the other? And if it’s deemed accidental then the goal should have stood, no? I know this is one of this instances where the law is often applied in a rather loose way, but it seems odd that the law should be explicit about the deliberate nature of a handball offence for referees to then interpret it based on the situation. I remember in the Barcelona - Inter Milan UCL semi-final, Iniesta scored a very late goal that would have seen Barcelona go through only to see it ruled out for a handball that was clearly accidental. Rankles me to this day that that goal should have stood.”

I remember that, and was surprised how little fuss there was about it at the time. Didn’t suit the story I suppose. It’s hard to say without checking the law but I think there are three tiers of handball, at least in the way the law is enforced: cynical and bookable, accidental but sufficiently reckless and/or significant to be a foul, and then accidental and no foul. I agree though, it’s a bit strange. I suspect if we all read the laws we’d find all kinds of things we didn’t know, or that don’t quite make sense.

6.49pm BST

59 min Another Brighton change: Glenn Murray replaces Tomer Hemed up front.

6.47pm BST

57 min Ederson is all over the place from the corner. He palms it straight to Dunk, whose shot is blocked by the feet of Ederson. His follow-up is blocked again, this time by a defender, and ricochets to Propper, who thrashes a superb low shot from 25 yards that goes just wide. Ederson didn’t look good there.

6.46pm BST

56 min The corner is half cleared to Duffy, whose snapshot goes fractionally wide of the post with Ederson beaten. Another corner is given, so maybe it took a deflection.

6.45pm BST

55 min A good attack from Brighton. Suttner swings a deep cross that tempts Ederson from his line. He’s stuck in no man’s land and Danilo, under pressure from Propper, heads onto the roof of his own net for a Brighton corner.

6.43pm BST

53 min Aguero misses a sitter! It was gifted to him by Duffy, whose blind backpass was woefully short of the keeper Ryan. Aguero intercepted it, opened up his body to place it in the far corner - and instead sliced it well wide.

6.41pm BST

52 min Jesus has another goal disallowed, this time for offside against Silva in the build up. It was the right decision, though it was much closer than it looked at first sight.

6.40pm BST

50 min A long, slow build-up from City, lasting two minutes or so, until Fernandinho rakes a low drive from distance that is comfortably held by the sprawling Ryan.

6.37pm BST

48 min The second half has started as the first ended, in the Brighton half. It’s been a strange game so far, with City enjoying a total yet harmless domination.

6.35pm BST

47 min Sane, Sterling and Silva (B) are already warming up for City.

6.35pm BST

46 min Peep peep! Brighton begin the second half.

6.31pm BST

Tomer Hemed not doing enough work up front for Brighton. Needs to quicken up. Bruno, Duffy and March have been good. 0-0 ht.

6.28pm BST

More importantly...

“Pep has basically dressed as Larry David today,” says Jeremy Dresner. “Beige trousers sensible normcore sweater and white ‘soccer shoes’. Pretty pretty good!”

6.18pm BST

Brighton will be very pleased with that. They have hardly touched the ball, it’s true, but far more important is that the keeper Matt Ryan has hardly touched the ball. Aside from one terrific save from Jesus, he hasn’t had much to do. And although City have been bright and busy, the 3-1-4-2 formation hasn’t quite worked as they would have hoped. See you in 10 minutes for the second half.

6.16pm BST

45 min “Just a quick point, but if the Jesus handball was (as you say) accidental and not deserving of a yellow card, then shouldn’t the goal have stood?” says Ben Paul. “By the laws of the game, a handball is only a handball if it’s a deliberate act. An accidental handball should result in continuation of play, even if what follows might be deemed an unfair outcome for the opposition team. I know it would seem harsh to concede a goal in that way, but isn’t that the law?”

Isn’t It partly an issue of interpretation? I can’t be sure as I haven’t done my revision but I thought the law didn’t specify what constituted ‘deliberate’.

6.15pm BST

45 min Brighton win a free-kick on the right wing, their first set piece in a decent position. Gross curls it onto the head of the backpedalling Dunk, whose looping header is easily held by Ederson.

6.12pm BST

41 min That was a chance for Brighton. Stephens drives an excellent angled pass over the defence for Murphy, who gets the wrong side of Walker but miscontrols the ball in the area.

6.08pm BST

38 min Brighton break four against four, but March overhits his pass and it goes out for a goalkick.

6.08pm BST

37 min Brighton aren’t camped in their own half; they’re camped in their own third.

6.05pm BST

34 min Ryan makes an excellent save from Jesus, who then hits the post with the follow-up. City played some lovely rat-a-tat passes down the right before Aguero clipped an excellent cross onto the head of the unmarked Jesus. His header was clawed away by Ryan, who had to change direction after scampering across his line, and Jesus was under pressure from Bruno when he slapped the rebound off the outside of the post.

6.01pm BST

32 min De Bruyne smacks the free-kick into the wall.

6.01pm BST

31 min Stephens takes a needless shortcut through Silva 25 yards from goal. It’s another free-kick in a good position for De Bruyne, slightly to left of centre.

6.00pm BST

30 min Brighton will be pleased with how well they have defended in the first half hour. It’s been hard work against a very good attack, yet they have restricted them to half-chances.

5.58pm BST

27 min Jesus has a goal disallowed for handball. He ran behind the defence to meet a tremendous through pass from De Bruyne a few yards from goal. As the ball bounced up Jesus tried to take it on the chest but miscontrolled it onto his hand, which then knocked the ball past Ryan. Jesus is booked, which is a bit harsh because it was completely accidental.

5.54pm BST

23 min Brown limps off, to be replaced by Jamie Murphy. The corner is half cleared to Silva, whose awkward inswinging cross skims off the head of Stephens and drifts this far wide of the post.

5.52pm BST

22 min Aguero’s cross goes behind off Dunk for a corner. Before it can be taken, Brown needs treatment for a problem with his right left. I think his game is over.

5.49pm BST

19 min Brighton’s problem is not how little they have of the ball - that was inevitable - but how little they are doing with it when they get it. They keep giving it straight back to City.

5.48pm BST

18 min City have had 77 per cent of the possession so far.

5.47pm BST

17 min ... and he wobbles it straight into the welcoming embrace of the keeper Ryan.

5.47pm BST

16 min Silva is fouled by Stephens, 25 yards from goal. De Bruyne will take it...

5.46pm BST

15 min A few uneventful minutes, which is just what Brighton needed. Pep Guardiola, wearing beige slacks, has a confused look on his coupon and seems unhappy with one of his team.

5.44pm BST

14 min Silva’s outswinging corner is headed well wide by the under pressure Fernandinho.

5.42pm BST

12 min The good thing for Brighton is that Ryan hasn’t had a save to make yet, but he will soon if it carries on like this.

5.41pm BST

11 min Brighton can’t get hold of the ball. City have the full swagger on. I’ve just realised, incidentally, who Silva’s body movement reminds me of now that he has a shaved head: Freddie Ljungberg.s

5.38pm BST

8 min This is ominous for Brighton. City look extremely sharp in attack, prompted inevitably by De Bruyne. Walker and Jesus are also right on it. At times City’s formation is almost 4-0-6.

5.36pm BST

7 min Fashion watch: David Silva has had a buzzcut, and now looks like an extra from Trainspotting.

5.36pm BST

6 min Brilliant play from Jesus, who lobs the ball over Dunk’s head and scoots into the area before sidefooting a low cross that is sliced behind for a corner.

5.35pm BST

5 min From an attacking point of view, this system is perfect for City. It allows them to play two playmakers, two strikers and two de facto wingers. Defensively? We’ll see about that.

5.34pm BST

4 min Walker plays a smart one-two with De Bruyne and cuts the ball back to Aguero, who fresh-airs his attempted shot at the near post. That was a chance. The ball is recycled to Jesus, who tries to make room for a shot but is crowded out.

5.33pm BST

3 min As expected, City have started in a 3-1-4-2 formation, with Danilo and Walker very high up the pitch.

5.30pm BST

1 min Peep peep! City kick off, from right to left if you like to visualise these things in the TV style. They are in claret; Brighton are wearing blue-and-white stripes.

5.29pm BST

There is a tremendous atmosphere at the Amex Stadium, so much so that you can barely hear the BT Sport commentators. (Insert your own joke here.)

5.28pm BST

“Hey Rob,” says Pete H. “Why is B. Mendy not suited up for MCFC? Is he injured? Not match fit?”

Yeah, he has a thigh injury.

5.16pm BST

You’ve doubtless heard about Chelsea’s inventive approach to defending their title. Now you can read about it.

There are title defences. And then there are Chelsea title defences. As an exercise in exploring just how quickly a steamrollering champion team can be reduced to a frazzled, meandering rabble, Chelsea’s opening half of the season against Burnley at Stamford Bridge is likely to take some beating.

5.13pm BST

What are you doing tomorrow?

As you may know, our much-loved colleague Dan Lucas died suddenly in March at the age of 31. In south London tomorrow, there will be a cricket match in his memory, and to raise money for charity. Here are some details from his girlfriend Liz.

Dan loved his cricket – whether it be his passionate writing for the Guardian OBO, his enthusiastic commentary for Guerrilla Cricket or in his day to day encyclopaedic cricket chat with friends and family – it’s fair to say he adored the sport. The wonderful guys over at Guerrilla Cricket came up with the idea of holding a cricket match for Dan each year to remember him and his love for the game.

On August 13th 2017 we are going to hold a cricket match for Dan. The event will see two teams play against each other for 30 overs, made up of Dan’s Guerrilla colleagues, his friends, family, fellow Guardian writers and OBO readers. The event will also aim to raise money for Juvenile Diabetes research (JDRF). On the day, they’ll be an afternoon tea, BBQ, music, raffle and a quiz with some wonderful cricket and music themed prizes.”

5.13pm BST

Pre-match reading

4.35pm BST

Brighton & Hove Albion (4-4-1-1) Ryan; Bruno, Dunk, Duffy, Suttner; March, Propper, Stephens, Brown; Gross; Hemed.
Substitutes: Maenpaa, Huenemeier, Rosenior, Sidwell, Murphy, Knockaert, Murray.

Manchester City (3-1-4-2) Ederson; Kompany, Stones, Otamendi; Fernandinho; Walker, De Bruyne, D Silva, Danilo; Jesus, Aguero.
Substitutes: Bravo, Sterling, Mangala, Sane, B Silva, Yaya Toure, Foden.

11.34am BST

Right on! To the delight of Guardian readers everywhere, Brighton are back in the top flight for the first time since 1983. If ever there was a day for celebratory Prosecco and foie gras ramekins, this is it.

Yes, yes, enough of the clichés. Brighton & Hove Albion are a Premier League side for the first time, and today will be one big party, unless they lose 6-0. It’s a story with no side to it; a feelgood tale we can trust. The club has been through so much to get here, and they have received plenty of goodwill as a result - and also because of their manager Chris Hughton, a strong contender for the most decent man in football.

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Published on August 12, 2017 11:22

Watford 3-3 Liverpool: Premier League – as it happened

The thrilling start to the Premier League season continued as Watford and Liverpool shared six goals in a wildly entertaining match

2.29pm BST

Two games, 13 goals. No, not the 1990 FA Cup semi-finals but the first two matches of the 2017-18 Premier League season. This was a scruffy yet very entertaining match, and a draw is probably about right. Thanks for your company. You can follow the 3pm kick-offs with Barry Glendenning. Bye!

2.27pm BST

90+5 min Britos looked offside when Richarlison put the ball across goal, though whether he was technically active, I don’t know. It’s absurd to say he wasn’t, because he was jockstrap-tight to Mignolet, but the law is the law is an ass.

2.25pm BST

The corner was mishit to the near post, where Wijnaldum’s attempted headed clearance hit Richarlison. He smacked the ball across goal and Mignolet, who stuck out an arm instinctively, diverted it onto the bar with his right bicep. It bounced down and was forced over the line by Britos. It’s his goal.

2.23pm BST

Watford have equalised from the corner!

2.23pm BST

90+3 min Richarlison is fouled by Gomez down the Watford left. Holebas free-kick loops up in the air and is punched clear by Mignolet. It comes to Britos, who whips a shot towards goal from just outside the box. Mignolet moves to his left to punch it behind with both fists.

2.20pm BST

90+1 Trent Alexander-Arnold, who has had a good game, is replaced by Joe Gomez.

2.20pm BST

90 min There will be five minutes of added huff and puff. Watford look like they have shot their bolt.

2.17pm BST

88 min Simon Mignolet is booked for timewasting.

2.16pm BST

86 min James Milner replaces Mo Salah, who will be the subject of many headlines tomorrow (and this afternoon, haven’t you heard of the internet grandad?) if the score stays like this.

2.15pm BST

86 min Salah wafts a long, diagonal pass to Mane, who moves into the area and plays a precise pass that allows Wijnaldum to strike first time from the edge of the box. He slices it miles wide.

2.13pm BST

83 min Liverpool’s defence looks more in control than at any stage in the match, which doubtless means Watford are about to equalise.

2.11pm BST

81 min Divock Origi replaces the weary Firmino, who made one and scored one in the second half (and also made the penalty that he eventually scored). He’s a beautiful player that lad, so underrated.

2.09pm BST

State of it @finnysteve pic.twitter.com/ywvaXeFtPc

2.07pm BST

78 min “It was Alexander-Arnold and not Firmino who took the corner that Matip headed onto the crossbar,” says Thomas Johannessen. “Should’ve gone to Specsavers :p”

That’s the problem: I did.

2.06pm BST

77 min Salah could have had a hat-trick today. Mane plays him in with another fine through pass, and he stabs the ball into the side netting at the near post. He was under pressure, and the angle was tight.

2.06pm BST

75 min I wouldn’t like to be punched in the face by Andre Gray. His muscles are almost bursting through his shirt.

2.04pm BST

74 min “One more year is better than selling Coutinho now with no replacement,” says Tim. “That was the mistake with Suarez, trying to replace him with Rickie Lambert and Balotelli. Maybe say give us one more year, and we’ll line up a replacement (or hope Gruic turns out well). I think the fact Can has yet to sign a new contract probably doesn’t help...”

I would certainly try that. Whether he’ll accept is another matter.

2.04pm BST

73 min A mix-up between Mignolet and Lovren, who can’t work out who should deal with a routine straight pass and almost end up giving it to Cleverley. The ball bounces kindly for Liverpool and Mignolet is able to claim it at the second attempt.

2.01pm BST

71 min Salah, found in loads of space on the edge of the area by Can, wallops a bouncing ball a few yards over the bar. After a slow start he has been increasingly influential.

1.59pm BST

70 min Another chance for Liverpool. Alexander-Arnold’s excellent corner from the right is flashed across goal by the head of Lovren, and Gomes moves smartly to his right to push it away.

1.57pm BST

67 min Holebas is fouled near the corner flag by Salah. Firmino heads the free-kick clear.

1.54pm BST

65 min From the resulting corner, whipped in by Firmino, the stooping Matip shoulders the ball onto the crossbar.

1.53pm BST

64 min Liverpool are slowly rediscovering their swagger. Moreno brushes aside Fermenia on the edge of the box and slashes the bouncing ball towards goal with his left foot. Gomes leaps to his right to make an excellent save.

1.52pm BST

63 min It’s time for Watford’s record signing Andre Gray, who replaces Stefano Okaka.

1.51pm BST

62 min “Couldn’t agree more with Tom Walker re Klopp and Sakho,” says Tim. “I am a fan of Klopp, but he does seem to be shooting himself in the foot with Sakho, and for not seeming to consider anyone other than Van Dijk. I also disagree with the pre-match Coutinho discussion. For as long as Liverpool keep selling their best players each summer, they’ll never aspire to more than the occasional fourth place. While we are no spendthrifts, Man City have spent three times as much as we have this summer just on full-backs. And it’s not our fault if Barca screwed up with Neymar’s buyout clause (I see Isco’s is now £600m, how long before PSG pay that too?).”

If you keep him and he refuses to play, what do you do then? It just becomes a damaging distraction. At best you can ask him to give you another year, like Ronaldo and Suarez, before selling him.

1.50pm BST

61 min Alexander-Arnold is booked for a foul on Richarlison.

1.49pm BST

61 min Salah just fails to reach Alexander-Arnold’s curling through pass. He is lightning.

1.48pm BST

59 min That’s what Liverpool can do. They’ve been poor for most of this game but lead due to isolated moments of brilliance from their superb front three.

1.48pm BST

Mo Salah gives Liverpool the lead on his debut. Lovren wafted a pass down the inside-left channel to find Firmino in far too much space. He controlled it beautifully and lifted a lazy chip high over the outrushing Gomes. It wasn’t going in, but it didn’t matter because Salah followed in to bundle the ball over the line.

1.46pm BST

This is Liverpool.

1.44pm BST

Firmino drives a solid penalty into the bottom-left corner, with Gomes going the other way.

1.43pm BST

Anthony Taylor took an age to give this. Firmino stabbed a great pass round the corner to Salah, who knew Gomes was coming and deliberately pushed the ball away from goal. A split-second later Gomes took him out, and it was a clear penalty.

1.40pm BST

51 min It’s hard to reconcile this Liverpool performance with their exciting pre-season. They look really sluggish by their high-octane standards.

1.38pm BST

49 min Richarlison, the exciting young Brazilian, replaces Pereyra.

1.38pm BST

49 min A good move from Liverpool. Eventually Wijnaldum plays a nice pass to Salah, who shuffles the ball to the side and curls a decent effort a few yards wide of the far post.

1.36pm BST

48 min More injury problems for Watford, who lost Janmaat in the first half. Now Roberto Pereyra has limped off, and is going to be replaced in a minute.

1.35pm BST

47 min “Liverpool just need a really good centre-back,” says Tom Walker. Hard to get in the current market, though there is this bloke that plays for France, was immense for Crystal Palace at the end of last season going relatively cheap…oh…wait… I fail to understand why Klopp hasn’t had more scrutiny over his handling of the Sakho situation. Less feted managers would have had the third degree from the press over the inability to resolve a personal issue with a player that the club desperately need, who appears committed, and who surely deserves a second chance with the club. Whatever Sakho’s past transgressions he’s no Balotelli.”

1.34pm BST

46 min Liverpool kick off from right to left.

1.25pm BST

Half-time chit-chat

“I guess Okaka could only be considered ‘inactive’ if you don’t consider a 215-pound goalscorer distracting to defenders,” says Johnathan Kaszynski. “He definitely influenced the play with his presence in an offside position. No goal for me.”

1.22pm BST

Your half-time homework

1.22pm BST

Your Sunday starts here

1.19pm BST

The goalicious start to the Premier League season continues. We’ve had ten in one and a half games, and I’d bet my bottom Rolo that there will be more in the second half. Watford deserve to be ahead, having done a savvy counter-attacking job on a subdued Liverpool. See you in 10 minutes for the second half.

1.18pm BST

45+3 min Oof, that was close to an equaliser. Firmino swerves a left-wing corner towards Mane, who flicks an excellent header across goal and just wide of the far post.

1.15pm BST

45 min Apart from that wonderful goal from Mane, Liverpool’s football hasn’t been heavy metal so much as ambient. They can play a lot better than this, and I suspect they will in the second half.

1.14pm BST

42 min Replays show that Watford’s second goal was fine. Okaka was only in an offside position at a point when he was inactive.

1.13pm BST

40 min “Amongst all football’s metrics (how did we ever appreciate the game without them?), is there one for ‘Team minutes spent in opposition penalty box’?” muses Gary Naylor. “Strikes me that adding one more man to an attack turns bad final balls into good ones - and goals. I always felt much of Beckham’s crossing reputation was built on having lots of targets.”

Yes, there’s something in that. The great 1998-2001 United team usually had four, sometimes five or six players, in the box. Beckham didn’t hit targets so much as areas, but he got such devastating whip and dip that they were very hard to defend.

1.09pm BST

38 min Salah misses an excellent chance to score on his debut. Matip played a sharp pass into Firmino, who tried to stab it first time through to Salah. Holebas got his feet in a muddle, allowing Salah to rob him and scoot into the area. He tried to poke the ball past Gomes with his left foot, and instead toebunged it high over the bar.

1.07pm BST

36 min “Is this game going to follow the route of last night’s ding-dong?” asks Hubert O’Hearn. “I hope so. Tuned in late, but just in time for Mane’s goal. Have a great season (that applies equally to Reds and MBM journos)!”

It’s a tough old season for MBM journos. No winter break, not even a summer break with the World Cup. It’s a good thing we all love our work so much because it’d be hard work otherwise.

1.05pm BST

34 min There’s a suggestion that Watford’s goal might have been offside. It can’t have been Doucoure, as he was always behind the ball, but maybe somebody in the middle was offside when Cleverley put in the low cross that led to the goal.

1.04pm BST

The goal was created on the right, where Amrabat wrestled Moreno to win a loose ball. He stabbed it back to Doucoure, who marched forward and angled a good pass to find Cleverley in space on the right of the box. His dangerous low cross pinballed around the six-yard box and fell perfectly for Doucoure, who swept it into the net from close range.

1.02pm BST

Watford are back in front straight away!

1.00pm BST

That really was a beautiful team goal. Liverpool moved the ball around 30 yards from goal before exploding into life. Moreno fed a short angled ball towards Mane, who dummied it and kept running. Can stabbed the ball brilliantly round the corner to find Mane, who controlled the ball and then opened his body to finish emphatically into the far top corner. There was plenty of wit in that move all right.

12.59pm BST

This is a magnificent goal!

12.57pm BST

28 min There has been a lack of wit in Liverpool’s attacking play. They haven’t played well at all, at least not yet.

“Liverpool only play second halves, once they have been abused by Klopp,” says Ian Copestake. “Their priority is not to be 4-0 down at the break.”

12.56pm BST

26 min “Football players’ contracts are fixed-term contracts, which means they either expire at the date agreed upon or can be terminated extraordinarily,” says Konstantin Sauer. “Regular terminations are not possible for both club and player. As there are certain prerequisites for fixed-term contracts, especially their renewal. there’s an ongoing legal dispute about that question between Bundesliga club Mainz 05 and their former goalkeeper Mueller.”

12.55pm BST

25 min Mignolet makes a vital interception to deny Okaka a second goal. Oh, he was miles offside, forget it.

12.52pm BST

22 min “Not even one and a half games into the season and there seems to be a trend of unbelievably crap defending at set pieces,” says JR. “It’s like they don’t even care. People just standing around. It’s crazy. Perhaps one of these big clubs should sign up Tony Pulis as set-pieces coach.”

It’s kids these days. They just don’t respect set pieces any more.

12.51pm BST

21 min The game still feels a bit formless, even though we’re halfway through the first half. Liverpool are having a bit more of the ball, though with no sign of penetration. I can’t remember Salah touching the ball.

12.48pm BST

19 min “Afternoon, Rob!” says Matt Dony. “Afternoon, all! Afternoon, Premier League! Obviously, in an ideal world, Coutinho would want to stay, play a great season, and finish it off with some kind of silverware. That plan has fallen at the first, so take the money and run. £90m is crazy money, and the attack has options. Lallana has consistently improved, and maybe the extra responsibility will push him even further. He can find the defence-splitting pass when teams sit back and lock down. Mane and Firmino marry work-rate to flare, and I’m excited about Salah. I’ll miss Coutinho, but not as much as I missed Suarez, and definitely not as much as I (still!) miss Torres. Ah. Just saw the score while writing this. Yup. Welcome back, Premier League. It’s like you never left.”

12.48pm BST

18 min The injured Janmaat is replaced by Kiko Femenia at right-back.

12.47pm BST

17 min In the absence of Coutinho and Lallana, Liverpool’s midfield lacks a bit of pizazz. They haven’t really got going yet.

12.45pm BST

16 min There’s a break in play while Janmaat receives treatment. Jurgen Klopp takes the opportunity to remind his team to EFFING DO SOMETHING.

12.43pm BST

14 min Watford have been the better side since the goal, with Liverpool looking a little sluggish at this juncture.

12.43pm BST

12 min “Hi Rob,” says John Barry. “A footballer could certainly resign, like any other person. But given that the club holds his registration, he wouldn’t be allowed to play for any other team in a FIFA-backed league. He could go to a non-FIFA league, like Alfredo di Stéfano and others did going to Colombia, but there aren’t really any of those leagues around these days. Oh and the club wouldn’t pay him anymore, either...”

Well that’s the clincher. A man needs his £300,000 a week to buy bread and water for his family.

12.41pm BST

11 min That was a bad goal to concede. I’m not sure why Firmino was marking Okaka in the first place, as he is a beast, but he didn’t do his job properly anyway. He just allowed Okaka to run off him, and from that range Mignolet had no chance.

12.39pm BST

It was an offensively simple goal. Holebas swung a right-wing corner into the six-yard box, where Okaka ran away from Firmino at the near post and thumped a header straight through Mignolet. Dreadful defending from Liverpool.

12.38pm BST

New season, old problem: Liverpool have conceded from a set piece.

12.38pm BST

8 min Mignolet makes a good save to deny Pereyra. He received a good through pass from Okaka in the inside-left channel, twisted Lovren one way and then the deny other and then drove a low left-footed shot that was deflected behind. Actually the touch was by Lovren rather than Mignolet.

12.36pm BST

7 min A good couple of minutes for Watford, with Matip heading away a dangerous cross from Janmaat.

12.34pm BST

5 min Watford have started pretty defensively, with the lone striker Okaka already looking a bit isolated. They have some decent options on the bench if they need them later in the game, including Andre Gray and Richarlison.

12.33pm BST

4 min “Just thinking about Coutinho has me wondering why footballers can’t resign from their contracts like normal workers?” says Even teachers can hand in their notice, though at fixed points in the year. Surprised that no one has legally tested that in the current climate.”

They could give their notice by email as well.

12.33pm BST

3 min Liverpool have had plenty of possession in the first few minutes. Janmaat fells Mane, who has started on the left because of the signing of Salah.

12.30pm BST

2 min “Completely agree with the assessment that selling Coutinho and signing a few £30-40m players,” says Matt Turland. “However, they’d need those deals done pre-sale or they’ll see a huge inflation in prices. Just look at Barca. Pre-Neymar, I don’t think they’d have expected to have to pay in excess of £100m for Dembele or Coutinho. But now they’re flush with cash (or, shpuld I say, flush with even more cash), clubs will rinse them. Or not. Who knows.”

That’s a good point. That said, I think Neymar and a few other deals have thrown everything so far out of whack that nobody has a clue what a fair price is anymore. It’s like when those two beards starting charging £4.50 for a bowl of cereal. It was chaos.

12.30pm BST

1 min Peep peep! Watford, in yellow, kick off from right to left on the television screen. Liverpool are in red.

12.26pm BST

The players emerge from the tunnel, their business faces diligently applied for the new season. Let’s have a game of football!

12.26pm BST

“Good afternoon Rob and congratulations on the Sambas,” says Paul Ewart. “Phil Coutinho is, of course, a regular winner of The Golden Samba, awarded annually by supporters. Does something similar happen at Guardian Towers? Lots of pressure on Henderson today. I expect he’ll be the deep-lying playmaker in Coutinho’s absence. Look out for quick switches to Mane & Salah to stretch the play. Moreno’s name in a starting XI fills me with horror, but he has had a strong pre-season.”

They’ll miss Lallana too. His movement is so important to this team. You’d expect them to have enough today though. As for the Golden Samba, what a great idea. We could let the readers vote for

the writer they’d most like to eliminate
their favourite writer each year.

12.15pm BST

The first email of the day!

“Welcome back Rob; I’m sure I’m not the only one giddy with excitement for the first lunchtime kickoff of the new season in The Greatest League on Earth,” chirps Matt Tolen. “What’s your take on the Coutinho situation? I’d be devastated to see the league deprived of one of its most watchable talents, but if I was FSG, I’d take £100m and invest in a top goalkeeper, centre-half, and Duracell Bunny-type defensive midfielder. Salah, Mane, Firmino, Lallana, Sturridge and Solanke have the ability to survive post-Coutinho life, but without a reinforced backline Liverpool will fall short of a proper title challenge.”

12.11pm BST

Words are overrated

⚽ Updates
Photos
Videos
Stats

Follow our live blog for extensive coverage of #LFC's @premierleague opener: https://t.co/w9WN2zPRI3 pic.twitter.com/Pt2QLzhvMR

11.47am BST

Some more pre-match reading

11.35am BST

Watford (4-2-3-1) Gomes; Janmaat, Kaboul, Britos, Holebas; Doucoure, Chalobah; Amrabat, Cleverley, Pereyra; Okaka.
Substitutes: Pantilimon, Prödl, Femenía, Watson, Capoue, Richarlison, Gray.

Liverpool (4-3-3) Mignolet; Alexander-Arnold, Matip, Lovren, Moreno; Can, Henderson, Wijnaldum; Salah, Firmino, Mane.
Substitutes: Karius, Klavan, Gomez, Milner, Grujic, Solanke, Origi.

10.32am BST

Ah, the first day of a new season. A time to dream; a time to lovingly unwrap your 48th consecutive pair of Adidas Sambas; a time to wonder whether effing Barcelona are going to nick your best player again. It’s pretty sad that Liverpool’s opening game at Watford will be partially overshadowed by Philippe Coutinho’s decision to submit a transfer request. It’s another reminder that, in Football Inc., the actual football becomes less important with every passing year. (It’s also why the transfer window should shut in the first week of August, but that’s another story.)

Coutinho isn’t fit for today’s match against Watford, which is probably a blessing for all concerned. Even if they lose him to Barcelona, Liverpool have a chance of winning their first title in 28 years. At their best they are the most exhilarating side in the country. Their concerns are a lack of consistency and a return to the Champions League, which means an increased workload for a pretty thin squad. Oh, and effing Barcelona.

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Published on August 12, 2017 06:33

August 10, 2017

The Fiver | The least chilling threat since Ken Barlow offered to sort out Mike Baldwin

In today’s Fiver: Danny Rose, Barcelona’s Millions and Lil’ Mickey Owen on Creed

The Fiver loves Spurs. They give hope to habitual losers around the world that, one day, they too might finish second. In our case, they allow us to dream that one day the phrase “Lads, it’s The Fiver” will be met with something other than a weary sigh or the confused question: “Is that thing still going? I thought they put it out of its misery years ago.” In addition to that, Spurs are an antidote to the tedious excess of modern football and modern society. Their low-key, financially responsible excellence makes them the most admirable club in the country. That’s one interpretation, anyway. The other is that SPURS GOTTA BUY SOMEONE QUICKSMART BECAUSE DANNY WANTS A NEW TOY TO PLAY WITH.

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Published on August 10, 2017 07:59

August 1, 2017

As Roland-Jones showed us, it’s rotation that makes the sporting world go round | Rob Smyth

England’s cricket selectors need to follow Alex Ferguson, whose tinkering helped him get the best out of his Manchester United stars on the big occasions

In Fight Club, his incendiary rumination on the existential thrill of being punched in the gob, David Fincher does a spectacular job of skewering the “Ikea nesting instinct” that lives in most of us. One quote has always stayed in the Spin’s mind. After his condo is burned down – by himself, the daft bugger, but he doesn’t know that yet – Ed Norton’s character tells Brad Pitt: “When you buy furniture, you tell yourself: ‘That’s it, that’s the last sofa I’m gonna need. Whatever else happens, I’ve got that sofa problem handled.’”

Cricket teams are constructed in a similar way. We have the same nesting instinct, to build a team piece by piece. It came to mind again after Toby Roland-Jones’s wonderful debut at The Oval. Whatever else happens, England have got that backup third-seamer problem handled.

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Published on August 01, 2017 06:11

July 30, 2017

Arsenal 1-2 Sevilla: Emirates Cup friendly – as it happened

Arsenal won the Emirates Cup despite losing to Sevilla, with the record signing Alexandre Lacazette scoring his first goal at the Emirates

6.09pm BST

Sevilla win the match; Arsenal win the Emirates Cup because they scored a load of goals yesterday. This was an enjoyable game and another decent workout for both sides. The positives for Arsenal? Lacazette scored, and Oxlade-Chamberlain was a force of nature on both wings. The negatives? None, it’s pre-season.

Thanks for your company, goodnight.

6.06pm BST

90 min There will be three minutes of added time. Can Sevilla get the goal that would take them to Emirates Cup glory?

6.02pm BST

86 min Ramsey, who has had a good game, plays a nice ball back to Bramall and sets off towards the area. Bramall returns the ball to him 20 yards out, and he cracks a curling shot a few yards wide. It was a decent effort but never troubling the keeper.

6.01pm BST

85 min Free-kick to Arsenal on the right. Ozil wastes it.

5.59pm BST

83 min Corner to Arsenal, on the left. Ozil wastes it.

5.58pm BST

80 min The odd thing about the end to this game is that Arsenal are really pushing for an equaliser, and in doing so may concede a goal that would give Sevilla win the Emirates Cup. Not that it matters, it’s just interesting. I thought so, anyway.

5.54pm BST

78 min We haven’t seen Reiss Nelson today but you can, right here.

5.53pm BST

77 min Lacazette is limping quite heavily, and is about to be replaced by Theo Walcott.

5.52pm BST

76 min Another terrific run from Oxlade-Chamberlain, who storms past Lenglet before his cutback is intercepted.

5.50pm BST

73 min Oxlade-Chamberlain has been a force of nature in this match.He goes on another strong run infield before hitting a long-range shot that is deflected over the bar. Andre Marriner gives a goalkick.

5.45pm BST

Pick this out! A throw-in from the left dribbles towards N’Zonzi, 25 yards out, and he waves the most insouciant curling lob over Cech and into the far corner.

5.42pm BST

66 min Sevilla have picked up where they left off before the goal, with a lot of possession. Ganso thrashes a half-chance over the bar from the left side of the box.

5.39pm BST

The public gets what the public wants: Alexandre Lacazette scores his first goal at the Emirates, a precise sidefoot at the far post after a thrilling run and cross from the excellent Oxlade-Chamberlain.

5.34pm BST

58 min Lovely stuff from Arsenal. Ozil’s gorgeous angled pass finds the late run of Ramsey, who lays it off first time to Lacazette just inside the area. He sweeps a shot towards goal that is comfortably saved by the keeper.

5.31pm BST

55 min Arsenal have been camped in their own half since Sevilla scored. Correa’s cute backheel finds Escudero, whose cross is put behind for a corner. Banega’s inswinger is unwittingly headed away by the Sevilla defender Carrico.

5.30pm BST

52 min As things stand I think - think - Arsenal will win the Emirates Cup on goals scored, despite Sevilla winning both their games.

5.25pm BST

This is a nice goal. Krohn-Dehli on the left played a gentle pass infield towards Correa on the edge of the box. He ran past the ball, allowing it to reach Ben Yedder, who screwed a nice first-time pass round the corner. Correa had continued his run, controlled the ball square across the box and then reversed it gently past the outrushing Cech. Arsenal thought he might be offside, but he was level with the last defenders.

5.23pm BST

48 min Ramsey crackles into life with an excellent run before playing the ball wide to Oxlade-Chamberlain, now playing as right wing-back. His cross is headed away.

5.22pm BST

46 min Peep peep! There will be loads of substitutions as the second half progresses. I’m not going to list them all, for obvious reasons, so don’t be surprised if some unfamiliar names pop up. Like that of Cohen Bramall, who has replaced Hector Bellerin at half-time.

5.20pm BST

Half-time chit-chat “I see that in the Guardian Sports Dept straw-picking stakes you seem not to have drawn a long one, what with cricket being on elsewhere,” says Charles Antaki. “Still, the chance to watch a half-baked show of poor decision-making, appalling misses and generally desultory football must have some merit, if only as a taster for the Premiership to come.”

5.07pm BST

Peep peep! That was bright, breezy and almost entirely meaningless. See you in 10 minutes for the second half.

5.06pm BST

45 min Sevilla should have scored there. Pareja drove a long, bouncing pass straight through the Arsenal defence to put Nolito clear on goal. He should have had a shot himself but tried to square it for Ben Yedder, and Koscielny recovered to kick the ball over the bar.

5.05pm BST

45 min Lacazette watch: he hasn’t had a great half, though I realise that means absolutely nothing. The Pires Principle should - should - teach Arsenal fans not to rush to judgement even if he has a poor first season, never mind a poor first pre-season.

5.04pm BST

44 min I always thought you have to behead somebody to get a yellow card in a pre-season friendly.

5.03pm BST

43 min Escudero is booked for a foul on Bellerin. When did booking people in friendlies become a thing?

5.02pm BST

42 min If things stay like this, Arsenal will be Emirates Cup champions for the fifth time!

4.59pm BST

38 min Welbeck’s low cross, which would have given Lacazette an open goal, is crucially intercepted by Pareja.

4.57pm BST

37 min Willock tries to dribble out of defence and loses the ball to Mercado, who drags a shot well wide from just inside the area.

4.57pm BST

36 min “I’d actually like to defend Quest’s programming from Matt Loten,” says Conor Lundy. “Just before this match came on there was a man teaching us about French polishing. Naturally I thought it was an infomercial for some product, but it appeared to just be a tutorial on the best way to do it. In this world of constant ‘turned up to eleven’ bombast, I welcome this interesting turn towards the sedate.”

Quite. There will be nohing sedate when the season starts. Last year, Sky Sports News had a countdown to the announcement of the team news. For Everton v Crystal Palace.

4.55pm BST

35 min “Hey,” says Kristof. “I don´t know what professional footballers are taking these days, but why the heck does Hector Bellerin look 10 years too old on that photo?!?”

He’s Bellerin Button. (Sorry.)

4.54pm BST

34 min It’s been a bright, enjoyable game, better than many a pre-season friendly. When Elneny’s defensive header drops conveniently, Nolito slams a fantastic long-range volley just wide of the far post. Cech wouldn’t have got to it.

4.52pm BST

32 min Ramsey slithers through three defenders of the box with a combination of skill and luck before whapping the ball well wide.

4.49pm BST

29 min Welbeck picks up a loose ball 45 yards out in the inside-left channel and decides to go straight from goal. He moves smoothly past the lumbering Carrico and into the area, only to inexplicably toebung the ball well wide of the near post. It needed the trademark Thierry Henry finish across the goalkeeper.

4.47pm BST

28 min Corner to Sevilla. Banega’s outswinging dipper lands on the head of Carrico, who is unsighted and heads well wide of the far post.

4.46pm BST

25 min “’Oxlade-Chamberlain’s free-kick will appear on air traffic control any second now,’” quotes Bill Hargreaves. “Comment reminded me of when my brother used to go to see Notts County at Meadow Lane in the 70s. Whenever a shot went well over the crowd would cheer ‘Three points to Wigan’ in an Eddie Waring voice.”

I suspect Wigan racked up some bloody high scores.

4.42pm BST

22 min Bellerin misses a great chance at the end of a lovely move. Oxlade-Chamberlain played a smart one-two with Lacazette, vroomed away from Mercado and crossed deep to find his fellow wing-back Bellerin in loads of space. Bellerin had to take the shot first time, almost on the half-volley, and shinned it miles over the bar.

4.40pm BST

20 min Monreal is fouled just outside the box. Oxlade-Chamberlain’s free-kick will appear on air traffic control any second now.

4.39pm BST

17 min Sevilla appeal for a penalty when Nolito’s cross hits Willock in the area. It may have hit his arm but he was close to Nolito and I’m not sure there was much he could do to avoid it.

4.37pm BST

17 min Sevilla have been more like the home side, with lots of patient possession either side of the Arsenal counter-attacks.

4.36pm BST

15 min Ben Yedder hits the post! Banega clipped a superb pass between Elneny and Koscielny to put Ben Yedder clear on the edge of the box. His first touch was excellent; his second beat Cech and hit the face of the post.

4.32pm BST

13 min Banega waves a shot well over the bar from 30 yards.

4.29pm BST

10 min There has been some nice passing from both sides. Arsenal have been a bit more urgent and progressive in the first 10 minutes.

4.27pm BST

8 min A loose touch from Joe Willock goes to Ben Yedder, who starts a patient passing move. Eventually Ben Yedder’s inswinging cross from the left skips through to Cech.

4.25pm BST

5 min Oxlade-Chamberlain’s inswinging corner finds the head of Koscielny, who heads tamely at Soria. N’Zonzi did enough to ensure Koscielny couldn’t get any power in his header.

4.23pm BST

3 min Elneny is playing at the back, in the David Luiz role, and shows his value with a beautiful straight pass out of defence to Ramsey. Within seconds Arsenal go from one box to the other, with Bellerin’s cross just evading first Lacazette and then Ramsey. That was delightful from Elneny.

4.21pm BST

2 min On the subject of sponsors, is anybody looking to sponsor a Sunday League team? If so, send me an email.

4.20pm BST

1 min Peep peep! Sevilla, in their black, sponsorless, Sunday Leagueish kit, kick off from right to to left. Arsenal are in red.

4.18pm BST

Here come the players, to warm applause and the familiar, rousing strains of Right Here, Right Now by Fatboy Slim. Damn he produced some belters in the late 1990s.

4.14pm BST

“Hey Rob,” says JR in Illinois. “What’s with these 4:20 kickoff times? Don’t they know people have other things to do at 4:20?”

You don’t wanna know, believe me.

4.13pm BST

Some pre-match reading that has absolutely nothing to do with this game

4.11pm BST

Pre-match build-down

“I wandered out of the room following the Leipzig/Benfica game,” says Matt Loten, “and when I came back in assumed the other half had stealthily changed the channel, liking as she does to send me subtle messages about watching too much sport at the weekend. But no, Quest TV really are showing a programme on the aerodynamics of wheelchairs and how to build a horse’s saddle in the break between matches. I’m not saying that modern football coverage has spoilt me, but I’m considering cancelling the Sky subscription in outrage. As the kind of man who will happily watch six hours of buildup and analysis before any given match, I am suffering from quite severe withdrawal symptoms.”

4.10pm BST

It's all over in today's first #EmiratesCup match

RB Leizpig claim a 2-0 victory - now our focus turns to #AFCvSEV https://t.co/Hbx2psg8px

3.33pm BST

Arsenal (3-4-2-1) Cech; Koscielny, Elneny, Monreal; Bellerin, Ramsey, Willock, Oxlade-Chamberlain; Ozil, Welbeck; Lacazette.

Sevilla (4-3-3) Soria; Mercado, Pareja, Carriço, Escudero; N’Zonzi, Krohn-Dehli, Banega; Correa, Nolito, Ben Yedder.

12.25am BST

Pre-season friendlies used to be played in front of one man and his dog. They are big business these days - there were 54,000 at the Emirates yesterday - yet they can still be played to a backdrop of one man and his dog. Arsenal’s 5-2 over Benfica was overshadowed by talk of Alexis Sánchez’s sickie and the Instagram picture of him looking and his beloved hound.

Arsène Wenger says there is nothing suspicious about it, and that he will be back this week, but it’ll be the most widely discussed topic in the pubs of Islington before the game. That and last night. You what, mate? You don’t even remember getting to the Garage?

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Published on July 30, 2017 10:09

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