Rob Smyth's Blog, page 147

England’s Test failures will raise the County Championship’s profile | Rob Smyth

There are 30 or 40 players who could make the first Test against Pakistan and the start of the County Championship on Friday is their chance to stake a claim

The weather is miserable, the football season is approaching the business end – yes, it’s time for hackneyed but well-meaning jokes about the start of the cricket season. The County Championship begins on Friday with some enticing fixtures, including Yorkshire v Essex and Lancashire v Nottinghamshire in Division One. The Spin is so excited that we won’t be able to sit still until we have shared with you, dear reader, our Five Talking Points/Things to Look Forward to This Season. Here they are:

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Published on April 10, 2018 04:48

Chelsea 1-1 West Ham: Premier League – as it happened

An expert finish from Javier Hernandez and some fine goalkeeping from Joe Hart earned West Ham a valuable point at Stamford Bridge

9.08pm BST

6.24pm BST

Chelsea are booed off, which is a bit harsh. They played pretty well and should have won, but Joe Hart made three excellent saves and the substitute Javier Hernandez scored an emphatic equaliser. West Ham are now six points clear of the relegation places, and should have more than enough to stay in this division. Thanks for your company, bye!

6.22pm BST

Peep peep! That’s a terrific result for West Ham.

6.22pm BST

90+4 min Fabregas’s corner bounces across the box to Pedro, whose shot endangers low-flying aircraft in Stamford Bridge region.

6.21pm BST

90+4 min Arnautovic wins a corner for West Ham, who make a balls of an attempt to waste time. Chelsea’s break and Pedro’s shot deflects wide for a corner at the other end.

6.19pm BST

90+2 min Cahill heads straight at Hart, who saves comfortably. Joe Hart has had an excellent day.

6.19pm BST

90+2 min Willian’s cross is put behind for a corner by the heroic Arnautovic. Evra heads the corner clear.

6.18pm BST

90 min There will be five minutes of added time.

6.16pm BST

88 min Giroud’s towering header bounces up towards the far corner and is pushed onto the post by Joe Hart! It wasn’t quite as good as the earlier stop from Alonso but it was still high-class goalkeeping.

6.14pm BST

86 min Arnautovic almost wins it for West Ham! He flicked the ball one side of Azpilicueta and ran round the other before surging into the area. He was about to shoot when Kante appeared from the side to make a wonderful tackle. Arnautovic wanted a penalty but the referee wasn’t interested. Chelsea broke and Hazard’s low shot from a right angle was pushed away by Hart.

Edit: I was wrong, it should have been a penalty to West Ham. Kante actually went through Arnautovic to win the ball, though that was only apparent after a few replays.

6.11pm BST

84 min A West Ham change: Josh Cullen replaces Joao Mario.

6.07pm BST

80 min This is pulsating stuff now, with both teams trying to win it.

6.07pm BST

79 min: Great save from Hart! Alonso turned on the edge of the area and hit a sizzling rising drive with almost no backlift. Hart flew to his right and fingertipped it over the bar. That was a brilliant stop.

6.06pm BST

78 min Arnautovic, who has been outstanding in the last 15 minutes, skins Rudiger and hits a cross that deflects wide off Cahill.

6.05pm BST

78 min And Olivier Giroud replaces Alvaro Morata.

6.04pm BST

78 min Chelsea make a change, with Pedro replacing Victor Moses.

6.02pm BST

76 min “The moronry of fantasy football teams is in a class of its own, I think,” says Charles Antaki. “We presume to be knowledgeable not only about form, fitness and statistical probability, but also on the tactical shrewdness of playing the various odds-enhancing jokers at just the right time, and so on and so forth. And were we but to know it, the leaderboard is composed either of very clever 13-year olds who can actually manage all of that, or of complete jammy beggars who get lucky every week. But I have Azpilicueta, hooray!”

Yep. It’s a lamentable mess. Grown men and women panting furiously until they find out WHO GOT THE EFFING ASSIST. I hate myself for doing it, but I hated myself beforehand so it’s a no-lose no-lose really. And I’ve got Arnautovic, so.

6.01pm BST

75 min “Fritz Lung,” suggests Bjoern Treugut.

6.01pm BST

74 min The chance came from a mistake by Cahill, who headed a long ball across his own area. Arnautovic cut the ball back on the turn, and Hernandez finished like the expert he is.

6.00pm BST

A goalscorer comes on as substitute and scores a goal straight away. It’s a brilliant finish from Hernandez, smacked low past Courtois from a really clever cutback by Arnautovic.

5.57pm BST

70 min Javier Hernandez, who scored some big goals against Chelsea in his time at Manchester United, replaces the disappointing Edmilson Fernandes.

5.56pm BST

69 min After a mistake from Masuaku, Moses sweeps a left-footed curler just wide of the far post. Good effort.

5.55pm BST

68 min A terrific cross from Moses is well cleared by the noggin of Ogbonna.

5.54pm BST

67 min We know 1-0 is a dangerous lead - almost as dangerous as 2-0, the most dangerous lead in christendom - but there is no real sense that West Ham are going to score. I’m surprised they haven’t brought Javier Hernandez on. Maybe goals are overrated.

5.53pm BST

65 min “You called Azpilicueta’s goal ‘Andrex-soft’,” says John. “It made me wonder if there’s a product placement bonus to be had from MBM-writing..?”

What the Diesel L-QUAD Leather Biker Jacket are you talking about?

5.51pm BST

64 min “Kidney Poitier,” suggests Martin Utley.

5.51pm BST

63 min Cresswell is unable to continue. He’s replaced by Chelsea fan favourite Patrice Evra.

5.48pm BST

61 min Arnautovic really needs help. He’s playing Chelsea on his own. It’s a shame West Ham don’t have a proven goalscorer on the bench.

5.47pm BST

60 min “Film director anatomy?” says Dom. “How about Stanley Cuteprick? Or is that just homoerotica?”

I don’t know about homoerotica, but it’s a heck of an unlikely typo.

5.46pm BST

59 min For the second time today, Morata has a goal disallowed for offside. This one came from Willian’s low cross, and... replays show it was again the right decision. Daft bugger, he’s in my fantasy team. (Yes, I have become a Fantasy Football Moron.)

5.45pm BST

58 min Cresswell is going to try to run it off, though at the moment it’s more of a hobble.

5.43pm BST

56 min Cresswell is in a lot of pain after landing awkwardly. The physio is on the field manipulating his ankle.

5.42pm BST

55 min Willian’s outswinging corner is headed over at the near post by Morata. That was a decent chance.

5.40pm BST

53 min West Ham started the match fairly well but it has been hopelessly one-sided since Chelsea took the lead.

5.38pm BST

51 min Another chance for Chelsea. Alonso’s low cross flashes past Willian in front of goal and is retrieved by Morata, who tees up Moses. He spanks the ball into orbit from the edge of the box.

5.35pm BST

48 min “Ian Copestake’s 36th-minute mentioning of ‘Brain de Palma’ made me wonder how many other celebrated directors might be typoed into a lesson in human biology,” says Mac Millings. “Venereal Herzog? Peter Jacksie? Alfred Itchcock?”

5.34pm BST

47 min A decent effort from Arnautovic, whose low shot from 20 yards is comfortably saved by the plunging Courtois.

5.34pm BST

47 min Willian misses an excellent chance, poking wide of the far post from 10 yards after a nice dragback from Hazard.

5.33pm BST

46 min Noble is booked for pulling Hazard back.

5.32pm BST

46 min Peep peep! West Ham begin the second half.

5.18pm BST

Half-time reading

5.17pm BST

Peep peep! That was an increasingly comfortable half for Chelsea, who played some classy stuff and then took the lead through a pathetic goal from Cesar Azpilicueta. West Ham look pretty toothless. See you in 10 minutes for the second half!

5.15pm BST

45 min “I don’t think there’s another manager quite like David Moyes,” says Joe Harvey. “Can’t think of another manager where the teams, when they’re good, look like they’re winning in spite of him, and when they’re bad, completely look like they’re ignoring every word he says. How frustrating it must be to be a West Ham fan to hire someone so synonymous with long, slow, demoralizing failure.”

Don’t take this the wrong way, but have you forgotten his 11 years at Everton?

5.14pm BST

44 min West Ham have offered the square root of bugger all in attack. Arnautovic is far too isolated.

5.13pm BST

42 min There’s been some lovely link play between Hazard and Morata - reminiscent of Yorke and Cole in their angles, movement and use of the dummy.

5.11pm BST

40 min “In a non-Rooney response to Benjamin Park, if I may, I was far from expecting entertainment (after all I am not an entitled child), but I was not expecting such an assault of non-achievement on every level,” says Ian Copestake. “There was not a single element of satisfaction to be gained other than my need to watch it being ended by the ref’s whistle.”

‘An assault of non-achievement’ is a glorious phase, and one I will be stealing at the precise moment you read this.

5.08pm BST

38 min The original chance for Willian - which ultimately led to the goal - came from some beautiful quick passing between Fabregas, Morata and Hazard. When they play at pace they can be scintillating.

5.07pm BST

Hart makes a brilliant save from Willian - but then Chelsea score from the corner. It’s an Andrex-soft goal, with West Ham’s defenders half asleep as Azpilicueta pokes a volley into the net from five yards.

5.05pm BST

36 min “Chelsea’s dominance brings to mind an observation made by the film critic Pauline Kael about the horror oeuvre of Brain de Palma,” says Ian Copestake with a formidably straight face. “In the end you want the tension to be broken by someone being killed/a goal being scored.”

5.04pm BST

35 min Arnautovic is getting no real support. Edmilson Fernandes is having a beast and Joao Mario has been peripheral.

5.03pm BST

34 min “Anybody who actually expected Everton v Liverpool to be exciting deserves the corresponding torture,” says Benjamin Park, who is great at parties.

5.02pm BST

33 min Whenever Chelsea quicken their pace of play they create something. Next stop, rocket science.

5.01pm BST

31 min A short corner is worked to Willian, who shapes a fine curling shot just wide of the near post. I think Hart had it covered, mind.

5.00pm BST

29 min Beautiful play from Chelsea. Hazard plays a one-two with Fabregas on the left side of the box and stabs a first-time cross towards the near post with the outside of his right foot. Morata improvises superbly to flick the ball behind his standing leg and just wide of the far post.

4.57pm BST

27 min Possession watch: Chelsea 63-37 West Ham.

4.56pm BST

26 min So much for my prediction of 4-2.

4.54pm BST

24 min Morata has a goal disallowed for offside. It was beautifully worked with Hazard but Morata made his run too early and was definitely offside.

4.53pm BST

22 min “Having delayed watching Everton v Liverpool till a matter of hours ago,” says Ian Copestake, “I feel my own bud has already been well and truly trimmed.”

The video of that match will soon be used as an instrument of torture.

4.52pm BST

21 min Willian, who does look quite sharp, makes space for a left-footed shot that deflects wide off Cresswell. Azpilicueta heads the corner over at the near post, a half chance at best.

4.50pm BST

19 min West Ham are having a good share of this game, and will be encouraged by the fact that Chelsea are not exactly full of pizazz.

4.48pm BST

17 min “Dear Friend,” writes Hydroponic. “Are you looking for hydroponic bud trimmers? We are Chinese Factory producing all kinds of bud trimmers. With more than 10 years experience, our bud trimmer style is the most complete in China, no one could compete with us. We sell over 12 thousand pcs of bud trimmer each year!”

4.46pm BST

16 min A truly disgusting square pass from Fernandes goes straight to Willian, who zig-zags into the box and hits a low cross that is desperately cleared by a combination of Hart and Ogbonna.

4.45pm BST

14 min Masuaku drives a terrific pass over the top for Arnautovic, who controls the ball on the run and hits a shot that deflects behind off Cahill. As Andy Hinchcliffe says on commentary, perhaps Arnautovic should have taken that first time on the volley. By controlling it, he gave Cahill the chance to make the block.

4.43pm BST

13 min So who will/should be Chelsea’s manager next season?

4.42pm BST

11 min After a slow start, West Ham are looking more confident in possession.

4.39pm BST

8 min Chelsea have lost five of their last seven league games, their worst run since Jose Mourinho went rogue in 2015-16.

4.37pm BST

7 min Arnautovic seems okay for the time being, and almost gets on the end of Masuaku’s low cross. It’s kicked behind for a corner, which comes to nothing.

4.35pm BST

4 min Hazard scoots towards the area, moves the ball away from Ogbonna and whips a low shot from 20 yards that flashes fractionally wide of the far post. That was so close.

4.34pm BST

4 min Marko Arnautovic, who scored the winner against Chelsea earlier in the season, is struggling. It might be a hamstring problem.

4.33pm BST

3 min Hazard’s dummy allows the ball to run to WIllian, whose 20-yard shot is blocked. It’s been a lively start from Chelsea.

4.30pm BST

1 min Alvaro Morata gets the match under way. Chelsea are kicking from right to left, if you like to imagine these things in the televisual style.

4.30pm BST

After a heartfelt minute’s applause in memory of Ray Wilkins, it’s time for the match to start. Prediction: Chelsea 4-2 West Ham

4.09pm BST

It has finished Arsenal 3-2 Southampton, so West Ham still have a five-point cushion from the relegation places. Chelsea are now only two points ahead of Arsenal, though they have this match in hand.

3.56pm BST

Good news for West Ham Arsenal have taken a 3-2 lead against Southampton through a sly foul from Jack Wilshere.

3.51pm BST

And here’s one of his greatest goals, a comically nonchalant lob against Belgium at the European Championships.

3.51pm BST

Here’s Ray speaking for the nation after England were robbed in Rotterdam in 1993 (NB: contains adult language)

3.42pm BST

What were you doing when you were 18? Yep, me too. At the same age, Ray Wilkins was captain of Chelsea.

3.37pm BST

Chelsea were Ray Wilkins’ boyhood club - and his adulthood club too. This is their first match since his death, and the club have set up a special area where fans can leave their tributes.

3.34pm BST

Chelsea (3-4-2-1) Courtois; Azpilicueta, Rudiger, Cahill; Moses, Kante Fabregas, Alonso; Willian, Hazard; Morata.
Substitutes: Caballero, Christensen, Emerson, Drinkwater, Bakayoko, Pedro, Giroud.

West Ham (3-4-2-1) Hart; Rice, Ogbonna, Cresswell; Zabaleta, Kouyate, Noble, Masuaku; Fernandes, Joao Mario; Arnautovic.
Substitutes: Adrian, Evra, Pask, Cullen, Diangana, Hugill, Hernandez.

2.49pm BST

Hello and welcome to live coverage of the Glen Johnson derby from Stamford Bridge. It’s been a difficult season for Chelsea and West Ham, two clubs who seem addicted to discontent. Both could do with a result today, Chelsea in particular. They probably need to win their last seven games to have any chance of qualifying for the Champions League.

West Ham should be safe, but it’s unwise to assume too much in what has been a logic-defying relegation battle. A draw today would be an excellent result, though they also have the chance to do the double over Chelsea for the first time since 2002-03. They were relegated that season, so I’m not quite sure what point I’m trying to make. Let’s move on.

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Published on April 08, 2018 10:24

Manchester City 2-3 Manchester United: Premier League – as it happened

Paul Pogba scored twice in 97 seconds as United came from 2-0 down to spoil City’s title party in an extraordinary derby

7.47pm BST

7.28pm BST

United were 2-0 down at half-time, a scoreline that seriously flattered them. But then Paul Pogba scored two terrific goals in the space of 97 seconds, and Chris Smalling volleyed the winner. The end of the match was a furious free-for-all, in which a number of players might have been sent off. It was wonderful.

City will still win the league but it’s been a miserable week for them, reminiscent of those desperate few days that cost Arsenal the Treble in 2004. Who knows: in time we might look back on this as a turning point in Jose Mourinho’s spell as United manager. Thanks for your company, goodnight!

7.23pm BST

Gadzooks! United have crashed City’s title party with the most extraordinary victory.

7.20pm BST

90+4 min Pogba wins a corner for United. United waste a bit of time by bringing on Victor Lindelof for Herrera.

7.19pm BST

90+3 min Jesus is booked for a hack at Herrera. His head has completely gone.

7.19pm BST

90+2 min Kompany is booked for loss of noggin.

7.17pm BST

90+1 min Danilo is booked for fouling Rashford. They are five minutes of added time.

7.17pm BST

90 min: Sterling hits the post! A right-wing corner was volleyed towards goal by Otamendi and came to Sterling in the six-yard box. He adjusted his feet as quickly as possible but could only divert the ball on the inside of the post. This is unreal stuff.

7.16pm BST

89 min: GREAT SAVE FROM DE GEA! Sane’s cross was headed towards goal from close range by Aguero, and De Gea flew to his left to tip it over with his right hand. It’s yet another brilliant stop for his highlights reel.

7.15pm BST

88 min Danilo plays a stunning through pass down the right for Sterling, whose attempted cutback goes behind for a corner. Nothing comes of the corner but City keep the ball until De Gea comes confidently to claim Delph’s cross.

7.12pm BST

85 min City have been quite brattish in the last 10 minutes, losing their rag every time a free-kick is given against them. In their defence, they should have had a penalty (and probably a red card for Young), so you can understand why they think the world is against them.

7.11pm BST

85 min Another change for United. Scott McTominay replaces Jesse Lingard.

7.10pm BST

84 min This is football.

7.09pm BST

83 min “It’s one flashpoint away from all going off here,” says Gary Neville. De Bruyne’s deflected cross looks set to dribble towards Aguero when Young appears to whack it clear.

7.09pm BST

82 min Marcus Rashford replaces Alexis Sanchez.

7.08pm BST

81 min Pogba takes a yellow card by fouling Otamendi, and there’s another frank exchange of views by the players on both sides. This is great stuff now, full of aggro.

7.06pm BST

80 min Fernandinho was booked for a nasty kick at Lingard. He might have walked too.

7.06pm BST

79 min Replays suggest that not only was it a clear penalty but also probably a red card for Young, who went in high and with both feet off the floor. Aguero has now been booked for dissent.

7.05pm BST

79 min There’s a proper row going on now, with the players from both sides shoving each other. Fernandinho started it with a foul that got him booked, though I didn’t see what happened as I was frantically typing about the penalty appeal.

7.04pm BST

78 min How is that not a penalty! City broke from a United free-kick and De Bruyne slid the ball to Aguero, who seemed to be clearly taken out by Young. Martin Atkinson was having none of it.

7.03pm BST

77 min It’s getting lively, with Sane penalised for a shove on Lingard.

7.02pm BST

76 min Sergio Aguero, who is on 199 Manchester City goals, replaces Ilkay Gundogan. This match could easily end up 4-3 to City or 5-2 to United.

7.00pm BST

74 min Replays suggest Smalling’s shoulder was probably just offside. Oh VAR where art thou.

7.00pm BST

73 min Marcus Rashford was going to come on at 2-2 but there’s no sign of him.

6.58pm BST

72 min A double substitution for City: De Bruyne and Jesuis replace David Silva, who has been wonderful, and Bernardo Silva.

6.57pm BST

71 min If City win this 4-3, it’ll be a million times more rewarding than a 4-0 cakewalk.

6.56pm BST

70 min Smalling may have been fractionally offside; it was very close. What is certain is that it was a great ball in from Sanchez and a really deft finish.

6.56pm BST

United are in front! I do not believe this. Sanchez clipped in a free-kick from the left, and Smalling ran behind the defence to cushion an excellent volley past Ederson from eight yards.

6.55pm BST

67 min Those two Pogba goals came in just 97 seconds. That’s the kind of thing that can change a career, and make livebloggers look very stupid.

6.52pm BST

65 min Gundogan clips a free-kick over the bar. City are starting to come back into the game after going AWOL for 10 minutes.

6.51pm BST

64 min “Rob, are you as jelly legged (or finger) as I am?” says Don Mihsill. “I don’t know if I’m happy, surprised, confused, confounded or all of the above and other things I haven’t found a way to articulate yet. Is this what they call football? Is this why we’re like little kids when we watch it?”

I’m a professional, Don. Frankly it’s bang out of order to suggest I would allow emotion to influGET THE EFFING THING IN THE BOX!!!

6.49pm BST

63 min Sterling is booked for a foul on Lukaku.

6.48pm BST

61 min Sanchez’s pass almost puts Lukaku through on goal. This match is so open now, with both teams chasing a famous victory.

6.47pm BST

60 min Lingard belts a good effort not far wide from 25 yards. This is wonderful stuff.

6.45pm BST

58 min A clipped straight pass from Fernandinho clears the United defence and is taken down beautifully on the run by David Silva, but his cross is too close to De Gea. This is pulsating stuff now.

6.44pm BST

57 min “Pogba’s a great effing player,” says Niall Mullen. “Youse are all effing idiots.”

6.43pm BST

56 min What a crazy twist. Pogba made two outstanding late runs into the box for the goals. The first finish was routine but the second was terrific. It was a fine pass from Sanchez as well.

6.42pm BST

Pogba has done it again! Sanchez, in his usual inside-left position, dinked a fine pass over the defence to find Pogba, who surged beyond Otamendi and steered a superb header into the bottom corner! Oh my word. Give me a plate of humble pie quicksmart.

6.40pm BST

This is a superb goal. Sanchez turns away from Otamendi on the right and lifts a cross towards Herrera on the edge of the box. He chests it cleverly into the path of Pogba, who makes an excellent run and clips it over Ederson. Fair play, that was lovely.

6.38pm BST

52 min “Mourinho-type players?” says Andrew Price. “I think they’ve all retired.”

Ahem.

6.37pm BST

51 min Sterling turns smoothly around Bailly in the area and tees up Gundogan, whose sidefooted shot clips the outside of the post!

6.36pm BST

50 min “Matches like this confuse me,” says Matt Dony. “I may have mentioned once or twice that I’m a Liverpool fan, but if I’m honest, I don’t absolutely hate United. (Arsenal and Chelsea make me much angrier.) I don’t like them, naturally. But I definitely don’t hate them. Jose is a good addition to the league, as long as he’s not managing Liverpool. And, I really respect City, and the way they have built up to this. They spent the first few Big Money years progressively buying better players and built a team relatively slowly, compared to the insane purchasing policy under Abramovich. They’ve also ploughed an absolute fortune into the academy and facilities. BUT I really, really hate Barca, and no one represents their self-righteousness quite like Pep. He’s a genius, but I do not like him. Having said that, it will be enormously, fantastically entertaining to see them win the title against United. But, will that give them the confidence to score a hatful on Tuesday? Argh, my head hurts.”

6.36pm BST

49 min Pogba’s left-footed shot from 22 yards is comfortably saved by the plunging Ederson.

6.35pm BST

48 min Lukaku moves onto Sanchez’s pass to win a corner for United. It flashes off the head of Kompany at the near post and right across the face of goal.

6.33pm BST

47 min “I have to disagree,” says Francis Mead. “I think Pogba is a totally a United player - perhaps not so much a Mourinho player though.”

He’s got the swagger of a United player but not much else.

6.32pm BST

46 min Peep peep! City are 45 minutes away from winning the title with six matches to spare. Six matches!

6.28pm BST

Craig Bellamy the pundit He’s really good.

6.25pm BST

“It’s worrying for Pogba’s career trajectory that he’s clearly trying very hard to prove how good he is today,” says Matt Loten, “and only succeeding in proving exactly why so many people are not convinced that he’s really all that.”

I’ll be surprised if he’s at United next season. He’s not a Mourinho player or a United player.

6.20pm BST

“Hi Rob,” says Peter Oh. “The snot-laser farmer’s blow technique displayed by Herrera in response to his yellow card is the most impressive thing I’ve seen United do so far in this match.”

A timely tribute to the legendary Brian McClair.

6.18pm BST

A dream half for City, who are storming to the title on a night that will live forever. They have totally outplayed a dreadful United and could be 5-0 up. The first goal from Vincent Kompany demonstrated their superior desire, the second from Ilkay Gundogan their superior skill. See you in 10 minutes to see how many cherries they can put on the cake.

6.17pm BST

45+1 min “Think I might go and do the grocery shopping,” says Adam Roberts.

I’ve got a £93.2m busted flush you can have if you like.

6.16pm BST

45 min Lukaku hasn’t had a kick - until now. He has a hack at Kompany and is booked.

6.15pm BST

44 min Though I expected a City win, I thought it would be closer than this. City have been good to very good; United have been hideous.

6.14pm BST

43 min City miss another great chance! Gundogan runs off Pogba, who could not give one solitary toss, and heads Fernandinho’s driven pass straight at De Gea.

6.13pm BST

42 min Sky have just shown a replay of Kompany’s goal in this match six years ago. Smalling was marking him then too.

6.12pm BST

41 min Sane scoots past Bailly and cuts the ball back towards Bernardo Silva. It’s behind him but comes to Sterling, whose left-footed shot from 15 yards is easily saved by De Gea. That wasn’t nearly as good a chance as the first two.

6.11pm BST

40 min The olés have started from the City fans. It’s not even half-time. This is turning into a humiliation for United.

6.11pm BST

37 min Herrera is booked for a hack at Fernandinho. Born of frustration.

6.10pm BST

39 min City have not been at their best and they should probably be 4-0 up. It makes you realise how well Jose Mourinho has done to get United into second place because this is a desperately ordinary side.

6.07pm BST

36 min Another great chance for Sterling! Again he was put clear by David Silva, and again he clipped over the bar. United are being ripped to pieces.

6.05pm BST

33 min Sterling misses a glorious chance to make it 3-0, slapping over the bar from David Silva’s through pass. United are all over the place.

6.03pm BST

City are surely champions now! A poor kick from De Gea went straight to Sane, who started another City attack. It ended up with Sterling, on the left of the box, who played a little pass back to the late arriving Gundogan. He took the ball in his stride with a dragback, spun away from Matic in the same movement and stabbed a low shot across De Gea. That was a gorgeous goal.

6.01pm BST

30 min “It was a fairly typical piece of Smalling defending,” says Adam Roberts. “More interested in wrestling his man than playing the ball.”

6.00pm BST

29 min Sane is lucky not to be booked for a snide foul on Lingard.

5.59pm BST

26 min Kompany’s face was a picture of joyous disbelief after that goal. He was smiling so broadly that he almost broke his face. That was such a special moment.

5.57pm BST

Vincent Kompany gives City the lead with a thumping header! He wanted it more than his marker Smalling, who was trying to pull his shirt, and stormed onto Sane’s outswinging corner to batter a header past David De Gea. He scored the only goal against United in April 2012, which effectively gave City the title, and he’s done so again.

5.56pm BST

25 min Valencia, forced to use left foot for the first time since 2011, shanks a clearance onto the roof of his own net. From which...

5.54pm BST

22 min City have the first big chance. Sterling, off balance and in the process of being flattened on the edge of the box, plays a clever little pass through to Bernardo Silva, whose stabbed close-range shot is blocked by the legs of De Gea. Silva was also off balance and under pressure from Matic, so it was a slightly trickier chance than it first looked.

5.51pm BST

21 min Sterling plays a square pass to David Silva, who drives well wide from 25 yards. We haven’t had a shot on target at either end.

5.49pm BST

18 min It’s all pretty cagey. So far the decision to use Bernardo Silva as a false nine hasn’t really worked; he’s struggling to get involved in the game.

5.47pm BST

15 min As things stand, City would go to Wembley next week needing a win against Spurs to clinch the title.

5.45pm BST

14 min Kompany, in his own area, plays a dreadful pass that is intercepted by the lively Herrera. Fernandinho comes across to concede a corner. Nothing comes of it.

5.43pm BST

13 min Pogba is fouled on the left wing by Danilo. Sanchez’s free-kick is poor and easily claimed by Ederson.

5.42pm BST

12 min A fine low cross from Danilo is excellently intercepted by Herrera, with David Silva waiting behind him.

5.41pm BST

11 min United are struggling to keep the ball. City are not.

5.40pm BST

9 min Sterling gets the wrong side of Young, who somehow gets away with wrestling him to the floor just outside the area. That should have been a foul and a yellow card.

5.39pm BST

8 min City are starting to dominate possession, with David Silva looking especially bright.

5.37pm BST

5 min City have a big appeal for a penalty turned down by Martin Atkinson. Fernandino slid a superb pass to find David Silva in space on the left. He fizzed a low cross to the far post, where Young slipped and handled the ball. It wasn’t deliberate but it denied Sterling a simple chance.

5.33pm BST

3 min Nothing to report so far. United are pressing City fairly high up the pitch, though they did at Anfield before retreating as the match progressed.

5.31pm BST

2 min It’s Bernardo Silva rather than Raheem Sterling who is playing as a false nine.

5.30pm BST

1 min After a minute’s applause for the former United midfielder Ray Wilkins, Jesse Lingard gets the match under way.

5.26pm BST

The players are out and it’s time for business. One way or another, this is going to be immense.

5.21pm BST

“I think an underappreciated part of the Pogba story is Guardiola’s steel, and the bit of spite too, to sit on it then roll it out the day before the game,” says Christopher Faherty. “I approve, even though we’re on the end of it. Qualities needed in a manager at the top level.”

5.19pm BST

Jose Mourinho speaks about Paul Pogba apparently being offered to Manchester City in January “Guardiola says that, the agent says otherwise, so one of them is telling the truth. I’m not interested in which one is a liar.”

5.09pm BST

“If that’s a strong City team - missing the world’s second-most expensive defender, Mr Shoo-In for PFA Player of the Year, and our top goalscorer (or indeed any recognised striker) - then I’m an aardvark,” grunts Ewen Atkinson. “Pep is missing the best chance to reward the fans today with what they want most, which won’t be the first bad decision he’s made in selection in the last few days.”

Has Pep taken City as far as he can?

5.06pm BST

An opportunity like this makes you realise how lucky Arsenal fans have been. Their team has won the title at Spurs (twice), Liverpool and Manchester United. Some memories there. Won’t somebody think of the grandchildren!

5.04pm BST

Catching up with a couple of old friends before the big kick-off! #cityvutd #mancity pic.twitter.com/Ep32uYbFCE

4.58pm BST

Pre-match reading

4.37pm BST

That’s a surprisingly strong City team, even though Kevin De Bruyne, Sergio Aguero and Gabriel Jesus are on the bench. If I was Pep - at home, on Championship Manager 2001-02, in my underpants - I’d have rested most of my best XI.

4.36pm BST

Manchester City (4-3-3) Ederson; Danilo, Kompany, Otamendi, Delph; Gundogan, Fernandinho, D Silva; B Silva, Sterling, Sane.
Substitutes: Bravo, Walker, Laporte, De Bruyne Y Toure, Aguero, Jesus.

Manchester United (4-3-3) De Gea; Valencia, Smalling, Bailly, Young; Herrera, Matic, Pogba; Lingard, Lukaku, Sanchez.
Substitutes: Pereira, Lindelof, Rojo, Mata, McTominay, Martial, Rashford.

11.09am BST

When the fixtures were published last summer, this had the look of a title decider. But we didn’t think that, with seven matches remaining, it might be a title clincher. Manchester City, as you’ll know if you’ve been vaguely sentient for the last 72 hours, can win their fifth league championship today. By beating Manchester United. All the money in Abu Dhabi can’t buy an opportunity like this.

Usually titles are won against teams like QPR and West Ham, or when you’re not even playing. Nothing will ever beat the Aguero moment, but a City win today – especially if they humiliate United with a glorious demonstration of Pepball – would give them another story to talk about forever.

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Published on April 07, 2018 11:31

Everton 0-0 Liverpool: Premier League – as it happened

A subdued Merseyside derby ended goalless, with an otherwise passive Everton missing two big late chances to beat an under-strength Liverpool

3.01pm BST

2.19pm BST

Peep peep! That wasn’t much of a game, though Everton could have won it during an eventful last five minutes. Both sides will be happy enough with the result. I would say it’s been a worthwhile experience for all concerned, including you and me, but it wasn’t. Bye!

2.16pm BST

90 min Three minutes of added time.

2.15pm BST

89 min Danny Ings is replaced by Trent Alexander-Arnold.

2.15pm BST

88 min Now Calvert-Lewin has missed a great chance! It came from a right-wing cross by Coleman that was miscontrolled on the edge of the area by Gueye. No matter because the ball fell beautifully for Calvert-Lewin, who opened his body up and then sidefooted it miles wide of the far post.

2.14pm BST

87 min Everton should have won it! Walcott beat Klavan with ease - why didn’t he do that an hour ago - and stood up a deep cross to the far post. Tosun wrestled for position with Van Dijk and, though he won that battle, he was off balance when the ball came to him and could only head it back past the far post. There was still a chance for Coleman to turn it in from a couple of yards, but he couldn’t reach the ball on the stretch.

2.11pm BST

85 min Both sides will sleep well if the result stays like this. Baines stands up a cross that is well claimed by Karius. Everton have been good in the last 10 minutes.

2.08pm BST

82 min This is Everton’s best spell of the match. Tosun’s deflected shot looks set to fall perfectly for Walcott at the far post - and then he slips over! Oh, Theo.

2.07pm BST

81 min “Hi Rob,” says Pat Boivin. “Apropos of nothing, really, but I was reading up on the MLS the other day. Did you know that there’s a Brazilian who plays for Orlando who is simply referred to as ‘PC’? Bet he’d be a dream to MBM about, compared to Wijnaldum anyway. No need to Ctrl+V there! There is also the fabulously named Joe Scally, of NYC FC; and my personal favourite, Shaft Brewer Jr, who plies his trade for LA FC. Maybe we’ll see Rooney cutting his best peripheral figure next to one of those lads next season.”

2.05pm BST

79 min Everton make their final change, with Tom Davies replaced by Beni Baningime.

2.04pm BST

78 min “I was thinking more of Lou Reed’s Metal Machine Music in terms of quality,” says Mark Grice. “For those who haven’t heard it, imagine every crap pass played by Everton today being accompanied by grinding sounds.”

That sounds quite Mexico to me.

2.04pm BST

77 min Two sniffs in a minute for Everton! Baines plays a neat give-and-go with Davies and flashes a superb ball across the six-yard area that just - and I mean just - evades the sliding Tosun.

2.03pm BST

76 min A sniff of something for Everton. Gueye surges forward and finds Calvert-Lewin, whose deflected cross-shot flashes across the face of goal.

2.01pm BST

75 min A Liverpool change: Mane off, Firmino on.

2.00pm BST

74 min Mane finds Solanke, whose shot from 20 yards is blocked by Coleman - as is the follow up. Fine defending.

1.59pm BST

73 min “Rob, how very dare you!” says Colin Young. “Brian Eno’s music ‘scruffy and uneventful? Not a bit of it. It has rich texture, conceptual freedom, the occasional burst of glory and always ends with a plateau moment. Unlike this game in just about every way. Harrumph.”

Oh, don’t get me wrong. I love his music too. But nothing actually happens, does it.

1.58pm BST

72 min Unique genius Roberto Firmino is getting ready to come on.

1.57pm BST

71 min “It’s a Godot of a game, innit,” says Jim Morrish. “Where nothing at all happens….. twice.”

I wish this game was Morrish.

1.57pm BST

70 min “Your olfactory powers appear to be waning Bobbie,” says Mac Millings. “Watford-Burnley positively *reeks* of a 3-3 thrilla. You heard it here first, although I am also prepared to deny everything.”

1.56pm BST

69 min Oxlade-Chamberlain has an instant impact, surging past Schneiderlin before smashing a rising drive just over the bar from 25 yards. Excellent play.

1.54pm BST

68 min Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain replaces the excellent James Milner, who will be a key player on Tuesday at Manchester City.

1.53pm BST

67 min Some Everton players have shown a great attitude, particularly Coleman and Baines, but the collective lack of confidence and quality is almost excruciating.

1.53pm BST

66 min We should have known it would be 0-0. Quasimodo predicted all this.

1.52pm BST

65 min I honestly don’t know what to say. This has been such a scruffy, uneventful second half - not so much heavy metal football as Brian Eno football.

1.50pm BST

64 min “At least,” says Michael George, “we know which game will be on last on MOTD tonight!”

I wouldn’t be so sure. I’ve had a vision of the future, and Watford 0-0 Burnley don’t smell too good.

1.48pm BST

62 min Liverpool are totally dominant in terms of possession, though Pickford has only had two difficult saves to make in the match.

1.47pm BST

61 min Poor old Yannick Bolasie is replaced by Dominic Calvert-Lewin. It’s a straight swap.

1.46pm BST

59 min Coleman and Ings square up to each other over nothing in particular. Ings seemes a bit bemused as to why Coleman had it in for him, but it all ends amicably enough.

1.45pm BST

58 min “The game is passing Rooney by,” says Roy Allen. “Last week and this. The only question is which MLS team will he be banging in hat-tricks for by the end of the summer?”

It’s been passing him by for ages, sad to say. By heaven, though, what a player he was from 2002-10.

1.43pm BST

57 min An Everton substitution: Idrissa Gueye replaces Wayne Rooney, who is not remotely enamoured of the decision. “Bullshit!” he announces to everyone and no one.

1.42pm BST

55 min Schneiderlin wins possession smartly, looks forward ... and sees absolutely nothing, so goes back to Baines. This is hard to watch. Everton are dreadful.

1.40pm BST

54 min There are more jeers as Bolasie is robbed by Ings. The poor bloke is having a beast and looks desperately low on confidence. I doubt he’ll be on much longer.

1.38pm BST

53 min See 49 min.

1.36pm BST

50 min Milner, who was one of the stars of that awesome win over Manchester City on Tuesday, has been excellent again both with and without the ball. He is bang in form at the moment.

1.34pm BST

49 min Liverpool have started the second half as they ended the first, with an indecent amount of possession. This is ominous for Everton.

1.34pm BST

47 min There’s an increasingly funereal atmosphere at Goodison Park. Wimbledon 94 it ain’t.

1.31pm BST

46 min Peep peep!

1.29pm BST

Half-time reading

1.16pm BST

Peep peep! A slow, forgettable half comes to an end. Both keepers made fine saves - Karius’s was a beauty - but otherwise there was little to report. See you in 10 minutes for the second half.

1.16pm BST

45 min “Is that the Midsomer Murders episode where Mino Raiola throws Paul Pogba under the bus?” sniffs Cian O’Mahony.

1.14pm BST

44 min Mane whips a curling shot over the bar from 25 yards. Everton have moved deeper and deeper as the half has progressed. I’m not sure they can get away with approach for another 45 minutes.

1.13pm BST

42 min Ings is in pain after wearing Bolasie’s studs on his ankle. I don’t think there was any naughty intent from Bolasie.

1.11pm BST

41 min Bolasie is jeered after a hideous square pass that goes straight to Ings. Everton are so low on confidence, and the discontent of the crowd is exacerbating that.

1.08pm BST

39 min FYI: Midsomer Murders is on ITV.

1.07pm BST

38 min This is rapidly becoming a very dull match.

1.05pm BST

35 min Van Dijk’s long-range free kick is well held at ankle height by Pickford.

1.02pm BST

32 min Liverpool are starting to dominate possession. It’s not a great game, in truth, with both sides not at their best in attack. What do you mean this is Everton’s best?

12.59pm BST

29 min Another good save from Pickford, who flies to his left to palm an ambitious curling shot from Milner behind for a corner. It was a really good effort, curled towards the far post from the left side of the box.

12.56pm BST

25 min Remember how horrible it was to play Bolton away when Sam Allardyce was in charge? There is little of that fibrous menace, or the oft-forgotten Okochian quality in this Everton team. They don’t look like a Sam Allardyce side.

12.54pm BST

23 min What a save from Karius! Bolasie moved the ball onto his right foot and set a beautiful long-range curler outside the far post that shaped back in and would have sneaked into the net off the post. Karius flew across his line, leapt to his left and just brushed it round the post with his fingertips. He gets plenty of stick but that was spectacularly good.

12.52pm BST

22 min Replays confirm it definitely wasn’t a penalty.

12.50pm BST

19 min Everton appeal for a penalty when Tosun goes over in the box after a challenge from Van Dijk. Michael Oliver isn’t interested. They were trying to get to a low cross from Bolasie that eventually ran through to Karius. We haven’t seen a replay yet but I don’t think there was much in it.

12.48pm BST

18 min A long free-kick bounces up in the Liverpool box and is shanked just wide of his own goal by Klavan.

12.47pm BST

17 min Although it was a brilliant save by Pickford, Solanke should probably have scored. Had he put it anywhere near the corner, Pickford would have had no chance.

12.46pm BST

16 min That’s a brilliant save from Pickford. A cross from the right by Clyne bounced off an unsighted defender and came straight to Solanke, who swept it instinctively towards goal from six yards. Pickford showed superb reactions to dive to his right and push it away.

12.43pm BST

13 min Tosun turns on a bouncing ball and tries a snapshot from 20 yards that flies over the bar. It was a decent effort, vaguely reminiscent of Graeme Sharp’s legendary goal in 1984, but it didn’t dip enough.

12.42pm BST

12 min Liverpool are stealthily starting to dominate this game. Ings’ stabbed pass finds its way through to Milner on the left of the box. He stands up a cross that is headed wide from 10 yards by Solanke. That was a decent chance, though there wasn’t any pace on the cross for him to work with.

12.39pm BST

10 min “I guess I’m not alone amongst Bluenoses in liking Jurgen Klopp and really hoping that Rafa Benitez can see out the relegation battle for Newcastle,” says Gary Naylor. “When it comes to managers, it’s a reversal of that old joke about children and farts - it’s just our own that we can’t stand.”

That is so modern football.

12.39pm BST

9 min Wijnaldu marches confidently onto a loose ball, 30 yards out. Goal kick to Everton.

12.36pm BST

6 min It’s all pretty frantic at the moment. Everton are certainly having a go, albeit without much quality so far.

12.34pm BST

4 min It has been hooting down in Liverpool and the pitch is pretty wet as a result. Coleman visits the canvas after slipping.

12.34pm BST

3 min “Well, Rob,” says Matt Dony. “I am a Liverpool fan, and I was already concerned about Tuesday. (We know better than most that a 3-0 half time lead is fragile.) Yes, Liverpool completely did a number on City, but they are the best team in the country, and they are capable of replying in kind. If it had been 2-2, I’d have thought we were in with a chance, but I’d have sportingly accepted a loss. As it is, if City do pull it off, it’s going to hurt. A lot. Looking for today to be some kind of relief. A couple of early goals will settle the nerves.”

Yes, I think it’ll be really close, but if Salah is fit I can’t see you not scoring. And you’d never concede five at City.

12.31pm BST

2 min It’s the usual fast start in a Liverpool match - but this time it’s from Everton. Van Dijk, who plays elite football with a resting heart rate, calmly heads away Coleman’s cross.

12.30pm BST

1 min After a minute’s applause for Ray Wilkins, whose death this week hit everyone so hard, Everton get the match under way.

12.20pm BST

Plug plug plug

12.17pm BST

If I was a Liverpool fan, and thank goodness I’m not, I’d be slightly concerned about Tuesday. They’re dropping like flies. I know it’s only Alberto Moreno but if Andy Roberts- actually, no, I’ve defeated my own argument with the words ‘Alberto Moreno’. As you were.

12.14pm BST

SOMEBODY FIRE UP THE BLOODY BREAKING NEWS TICKER PRONTO

There's been a late change to our team...

Rafa Camacho is now on the bench, with Alberto Moreno dropping out due to a thigh injury.https://t.co/QquZcN8ZnT pic.twitter.com/i3NKHVtiYg

12.12pm BST

“Hi Rob,” says Aaron Alexander. “Can you possibly confirm if this would be a first team debut for 19-yr-old Irish centre half Conor Masterson, who joined Liverpool at the age of 13? Cheers.”

What’s it worth?

12.10pm BST

Matt Loten’s got beef about teef “How could Simon possibly leave out Suarez when talking about Liverpool and significant sets of teeth? He may not be the hipster’s choice but when it comes to Mersey-based, headline-grabbing chompers, Suarez surely can’t be beat.”

12.07pm BST

Tacticswatch “Any chance that Liverpool 4-3-3 is actually a 3-4-3 with Clyne and Milner as wing backs?” asks Neil Creasey. “I think I’d rather play it that way than have Klavan at left back.”

Oh darling, there’s always a chance. But I doubt it.

11.49am BST

“Greetings Rob,” says Simon McMahon Klopp really does have the most magnificent set of gnashers. Possibly the finest since Frank McAvennie. Or, for slightly different reasons, Joe Jordan.”

Tell it to Kenny Burns. I wish there was footage of this.

11.41am BST

Jurgen Klopp speaks! “Mo is injured, but hopefully he’ll be available for Tuesday. It’s the same with Robbo (Andy Robertson). We need fresh legs so that’s why we’ve made changes, I don’t know exactly how many we’ve made. Everton deserve all our respect and we know it will be a tough game.”

11.35am BST

Pre-match reading

11.33am BST

Liverpool make five changes, though they still have a pretty strong side. Roberto Firmino is on the bench; Mo Salah is not. Everton bring in Tom Davies for Dominic Calvert-Lewin.

Everton (4-3-3) Pickford; Coleman, Jagielka, Keane, Baines; Rooney, Schneiderlin, Davies; Walcott, Tosun, Bolasie.
Substitutes: Robles, Martina, Gueye, Niasse, Funes Mori, Calvert-Lewin, Baningime.

11.02am BST

Morning! The Merseyside derby is often the most important game of the season for those involved. This time, it’s not even the biggest game of the week. Liverpool go to Manchester City in the Champions League on Tuesday

while Everton have a six-pointer against Swansea in seven days’ time
.

If Liverpool rest players – and Jurgen Klopp would be a damn gegenpressing fool to not do so – Everton will have a decent chance of their first derby win since 2010. A victory would give their supporters banter rights for a few months, and might even improve Poor Old Sam’s popularity rating by 0.00001 per cent. The alternative scenario, of being embarrassed by Liverpool Reserves, can be filed under unthinkable.

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Published on April 07, 2018 06:20

South Africa v Australia: fourth Test, day five – live!

Updates from the final day of play in JohannesburgEngland frustrated as New Zealand take series winFeel free to get in touch on email or tweet @JPHowcroft

9.34am BST

36th over: Australia 97-6 (Paine 5, Cummins 0) Rabada’s had a few no-ball issues this morning and they continue in an over delivered largely short and wide of Paine’s off stump.

“What would Australian fans say if, for instance, the Pakistan captain, vice-captain and a player were fined, not penalised and given a one match ban respectively for a similar ball tampering offence?” asks Ross McGillivray. “I reckon they would be outraged. We hold our players to a higher standard and rightly so. This might send a message to a few other countries and the ICC.”

9.30am BST

35th over: Australia 95-6 (Paine 4, Cummins 0) Philander now three wickets for two runs this morning. Flawless line and length, toying with Australia’s batsmen like an infant with a wobbly tooth.

Heaviest ever Aust defeat by runs was 675 to England in Brisbane in 1928. Today Aust need to reach 204 to avoid the second heaviest, after a 408-run loss to West Indies at Adelaide in 1980 #SAvAUS

9.27am BST

Philander has spent all morning on his trademarked line and length and it pays off for a third time, Handscomb inside-edging onto his pegs to a length delivery outside off stump. He never looked at ease at the crease, poor bloke. At least now he should be in pole position to secure an aisle seat on the flight home.

9.25am BST

34th over: Australia 95-5 (Handscomb 24, Paine 4) Rabada bowls a maiden to Paine. Meanwhile, Warne has not stopped talking about people “walking around and owning the space” like the well-credentialed behavioural psychologist he isn’t.

"You never know, Handscomb and Marsh batted through the fifth day at Ranchi a year ago..."

Two Marshes out in four balls.

"Yeah, nah."

9.19am BST

33rd over: Australia 95-5 (Handscomb 24, Paine 4) Shane Warne on commentary says the Marsh brothers need to behave like David Hasselhoff (yes, he name-checks The Hoff) and stick their chests out more when they’re playing cricket. The mind boggles. Was The Hoff in Warnie’s mural?

Best avg at the time of taking 200th wkt:

20.29 S Pollock
20.33 J Garner
20.61 Waqar Younis
21.21 I Botham/ C Ambrose
21.63 M Marshall
21.72 F Trueman
21.83 V PHILANDER

** Avg of other bowlers is at the end of inngs where they took the 200th#SAvAUS

9.14am BST

32nd over: Australia 94-5 (Handscomb 24, Paine 3) Kagiso Rabada’s opening over is less eventful than Philander’s despite Handscomb not looking overly convincing at the crease. Rabada’s pace is back up into the high 130s kph, which is nice to see after some spells this match dropping into the low 120s.

Like Richard Liddle, you best get your banter in quickly because we might not be here for very long at this rate. “I think that it is a valid point to make that the ICC’s punishment is only a one game ban, however the impact caused by this has been huge. The millions in sponsorship etc. All because; Warner thought he was untouchable, Bancroft did what he was told and Smith wasn’t tough enough to say no. I don’t think the bans are disproportionate to the impact they have caused. Although i do expect to see them halved.”

9.09am BST

31st over: Australia 89-5 (Handscomb 23, Paine 1) That was Philander’s 200th Test wicket, by the way, secured at an average of 21.8. Top drawer stuff.

9.06am BST

Get out of town! Another Philandery delivery, another Marsh caught behind the wicket, this one a regulation nibble to the keeper. Get that Qantas drinks trolley stocked.

9.04am BST

Oi oi! First ball of the day and Marsh is on his way! Very Philandery delivery has Marsh leaning forward, inside-edging onto his thigh and lobbing a catch to Bavuma in the gully. Get that Qantas engine warmed up.

9.01am BST

That’s lovely. South Africa have formed a guard of honour for Morne Morkel as he jogs out for the final time in Test cricket. 309 wickets at an average of 27.6 with one more bowl to go for the big lad.

8.59am BST

South Africa remember have injury concerns over all three frontline pacemen. Vernon Philander has strapping to deal with a groin issue, Kagiso Rabada has a stiff back and Morne Morkel has a side strain. It will be fascinating to follow Faf du Plessis’ handling of his attack as the day wears on. Much will rest on the spinning fingers of Keshav Maharaj.

8.54am BST

South Africa’s pursuit of victory could yet be derailed by the weather. It’s sunny at the moment but the chance of showers increases after lunch.

8.52am BST

Considering how much assistance there has been in this pitch for bowlers it’s a miracle the Test has reached a fifth day, but here we are. Expect plenty of turn and bounce again for Keshav Maharaj who shapes as the day’s defining protagonist.

The final day.#SAvAUS pic.twitter.com/8oB9ORTP7Z

8.48am BST

In other cricket news England were denied a series draw in New Zealand by some redoubtable batting by the Kiwi tail in Christchurch.

8.43am BST

The latest development in the ball-tampering scandal is a call from the Australian players’ union for Cricket Australia to reconsider the length of the bans handed out to the three players found responsible for plotting to alter the condition of the ball in the third Test.

8.37am BST

It’s also Darren Lehmann’s final Test as coach of Australia. Big Boof will retire with one of the more contested legacies as a consequence of the ball tampering affair.

Here he is a few months ago in conversation with one of the frontrunners to take his old job.

8.17am BST

One of the many sub-plots to today’s play is the retirement of Morne Morkel. The paceman is battling with a side strain but managed to climb off the physiotherapy table to snare two late wickets yesterday. It would be fitting if such an excellent servant to South African cricket was farewelled with a win.

It’s a lovely day for a send-off. Help us bid farewell to @mornemorkel65 by joining us at the Bidvest Wanderers Stadium For Day 5 of the fourth #SunfoilTest. First 2000 people at the gate enter for free! #MyMorneMoments #ProteaFire #SAvAUS pic.twitter.com/OWuU1LYdYC

2.48am BST

Hello everybody, congratulations, give yourself a big pat on the back, because you’ve made it, finally, to the very end of the Test series between South Africa and Australia. After more plot twists than Lost and with a storyline equally as fanciful, South Africa are going to beat Australia in a Test series at home for the first time since 1970. All that remains to be determined is the margin of victory: 2-1 or 3-1.

Seven Australian wickets stand in the way of a South African victory in Johannesburg after four days of soul crushing dominance by the Proteas in the wake of their opponents’ ball-tampering scandal. Yesterday’s play was especially brutal with South Africa batting long after they had choked the life out of any hope of an Australian victory, grinding an already demoralised attack into the Wanderers’ dust. And then when it seemed like we were in for a repeat of the timeless test of 1939, they snuck out three Australian batsmen before the close of play.

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Published on April 03, 2018 01:34

South Africa v Australia: fourth Test, day four – live!

Updates from the final match of the series in JohannesburgFeel free to get in touch on email or tweet @JPHowcroft

9.35am BST

60th over: South Africa 142-3 (Elgar 39, du Plessis 42) Cummins to Elgar results in another maiden while Shane Warne fat shames Graeme Smith on TV. As you were.

Robin Hazlehurst wants us to consider the butterfly effect of ball tampering. It’s worth chewing over. “One thing I haven’t seen discussed anywhere is any possible victims other than the culprits themselves. There may not have been any here, but ball-tampering is not necessarily a victimless crime. Try the following thought experiment:

9.30am BST

59th over: South Africa 142-3 (Elgar 39, du Plessis 42) The first short ball of the day becomes the first boundary of the day. Du Plessis rolls his wrists over a compact pull shot leaving fine-leg no chance on the rope.

9.26am BST

58th over: South Africa 136-3 (Elgar 39, du Plessis 36) Cummins is next to have a bowl and he sends down a maiden to Dean Elgar from around the wicket. Largely dry lines outside off stump carefully left alone by one of the most patient batsmen in the world.

Jim Maxwell's all-time Australian XI and World XI, of the players he's seen. Thoughts? pic.twitter.com/6j2c5s7koS

9.20am BST

57th over: South Africa 136-3 (Elgar 39, du Plessis 36) Two runs from the opening over of the morning sent down by Josh Hazlewood.

“Nice to hear its cheering up in SA because here in England it’s bloody snowing again. Just when the last of the snowdrops had died down and the daffodils were coming out, Spring is delayed again.” John Starbuck reminding me why I emigrated to Australia ten years ago.

9.15am BST

The players are out on the Bullring. It’s 15 minutes later than planned but play is about to get underway. Huzzah!

9.09am BST

“The fog as to why this happened seems to be clearing,” emails Tony O’Hanlon. “Some sections of the media are reporting that The Australian Cricket Team have been left as a shag on a rock for some years. Media reports and comments on many blogs are stating that the “Men in Suits” not only managed the business affairs of team but also had a presence in the shed. No way do I excuse those involved in the ball scandal but if media reports are true it would seem Cricket Australia became a business model with a total focus on profit that put enormous pressures on players to “WIN’ at any cost, leaving players to find their own way to achieve that result. I am afraid that we are witnessing this result in many sports worldwide.”

Agreed Tony, the comparison between the decades-old turned blind eye with the draconian overreaction of recent days is stark.

9.03am BST

It’s brightening up a bit over the Wanderers, the umpires are shuffling about like white shirted wombles and - hold the phones - play will get underway at 10.15! It’s an Easter miracle.

9.01am BST

Let’s check in with some emails while we wait for a call on an acceptable level of gloom.

“Going back to the ball tampering saga,” writes Neha Mehta, “don’t you now feel that Steve Smith is going to be rehabilitated a lot more easily whereas David Warner has got a battle on his hands.” Yes, absolutely.

8.54am BST

This pitch has offered pace, bounce and plenty of sideways movement for seamers and spinners alike, yet it hasn’t provoked an avalanche of wickets. South Africa will hope the low bounce that crept into the game yesterday continues to develop so they have a greater chance of winkling out ten Australian batsmen over the next 180 or so overs.

Day four deck #SAvAUS pic.twitter.com/WjOz0xKv51

8.54am BST

Update: play delayed due to bad light. Not a great sign. We’ll keep you posted on #SENTestCricket pic.twitter.com/iUE7WHJqqa

8.53am BST

The floodlights are fully on in Johannesburg but the players are not yet out. We’re hearing the umpires will take a light reading at the scheduled start of play to establish a base measurement for what is acceptable for the remainder of the Test. This is all very cricket.

8.50am BST

“It’s not looking great for him, but he’ll be there if we do need him” says AB de Villiers about the injured Morne Morkel. “He’ll slot in if it’s an emergency.”

8.48am BST

And bang on cue word filters through that the umpires are unhappy with the light situation and play may not begin on time.

8.46am BST

There’ll be plenty of weather chat over the next two days as showers continue to dance around the Wanderers. It’s remarkable how the Test has gone unscathed so far, let’s hope that good fortune continues.

It is overcast on the morning of Day 4. Covers are off as final preparations are made before the start of play at 10 at the Wanderers. #SAvAUS #SABCcricket pic.twitter.com/amiEw7e65k

8.44am BST

Clive Darwell starts the ball rolling on the emails. “Of all the articles I read in the last week this one (below) really hit the nail on the head - I think they’re just bullies, even Bancroft who cynically and miserably twisted innocent, good-natured friendliness (i.e. Bairstow - a wonderful example of how to live life I’d say) into ‘head-butting the line’. I don’t wish them any ill but as Oscar Wilde said: ‘You’d have to have a heart of stone not to laugh’.”

8.44am BST

Since Jan 2000, the longest Australia have batted in the 4th innings of a Test is 119.1 overs & that came v SA in the 2016 series. The longest they have batted to not lose a Test is 110 v NZ in Perth, 2001.

There are a possible 180 overs remaining in this game.#SAvAus

8.43am BST

Over in New Zealand, the final Test with England is set up for a cracking fifth day after an eventful fourth in Christchurch.

8.37am BST

Day 4 loading... who’s ready for #ProteaFire?! #SAvAUS #SunfoilTest pic.twitter.com/IUuWszvMgB

8.36am BST

Missed anything yesterday? Catch up on all the action here.

12.58am BST

Hello and welcome to live OBO coverage of the fourth day’s play from Johannesburg, host city of the fourth and final Test in this series between South Africa and Australia.

The Proteas are in a dominant position at the start of play, leading by 401 runs with seven wickets in hand. All that remains is a declaration. Quite when (or if) this arrives was complicated yesterday by a side strain to Morne Morkel, limiting South Africa to just three frontline bowlers. His fitness will likely determine how long Faf Du Plessis can risk exposing his undermanned attack. Leading 2-1 in the series Du Plessis is not required to take any unnecessary risks.

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Published on April 02, 2018 01:35

New Zealand v England: second Test, day four – as it happened

The New Zealand openers survived a new-ball interrogation before bad light curtailed play with the home side needing 342 more runs to win

6.13am BST

The umpires have surrendered to darkness. We all do eventually. Play has been abandoned for the day with 24 overs lost, though eight of those can theoretically be made up tomorrow. The final day’s play will not start early because of concerns about the dew, so it’s likely those will be lost to bad light tomorrow evening. It doesn’t look great for England, who are facing a series defeat and a record 13th overseas Test without victory.

Thanks for your company today. Please do join Tom Davies for the first session of the final day, which begins at 10.30am local time and 11.30pm in England. Goodnight!

5.50am BST

The umpires speak...

"This is unfortunate, the game is nicely poised. If we don't get back, we'll have 98 overs tomorrow, starting half-an-hour earlier [23:00 BST]." Umpire Marais Erasmus

@5liveSport extra
https://t.co/SVtds8nZXT #bbccricket #NZvENG pic.twitter.com/Zg7qZR6s2u

5.41am BST

The umpires are going to inspect in five minutes’ time.

5.32am BST

Play can go on until 7pm, which is 8am English time. But there are no signs yet of the light improving.

5.29am BST

Fantasy County Cricket

Now, the folks who congregate below the line on our county blog have organised a Fantasy League for the upcoming season. If you’re interested in joining, click here. The code you need is RZIFESUJ.

5.22am BST

Gone off for bad light at Hagley Oval but still playing in park opposite... pic.twitter.com/x46s32wgEp

5.17am BST

If there is no more play today, we will have lost 24 overs.

5.14am BST

Well played Tom Latham and Jeet Raval. They had to work so hard, Raval in particular, to survive an interrogation from James Anderson and Stuart Broad. As a result of their efforts, New Zealand are tantalisingly close to a first series win over England since 1999.

5.13am BST

The umpires are looking at the light meter again. And they’re off! Ach. I fear that will be it for the day.

5.11am BST

23rd over: New Zealand 42-0 (Latham 25, Raval 17) Latham shapes to sweep Leach, realises it’s a bit too wide and aborts the shot. One from the over.

5.08am BST

22nd over: New Zealand 41-0 (Latham 25, Raval 16) Joe Root, rather than Dawid Malan, will come on at the other end. This is far from ideal from England but it beats going off for bad light, especially as New Zealand are focussed almost entirely on survival. Root starts with a maiden to Latham.

5.05am BST

21st over: New Zealand 41-0 (Latham 25, Raval 16) The umpires have told Joe Root that play will only continue if he bowls spin, so Jack Leach is coming back into the attack. A brilliant leg-side take from Bairstow leads to an appeal against Raval, but the ball flicked only the pad. A decent start from Leach, a maiden.

5.02am BST

20th over: New Zealand 41-0 (Latham 25, Raval 16) Anderson and Broad couldn’t have done much more in this innings; they have bowled beautifully and have combined figures of 17-8-25-0. Latham and Raval have been almost strokeless since tea, mainly because of the accuracy of the bowling. There is also a sense that they are playing for bad light. I don’t think it will be long before ethe umpires take the players off the field.

4.57am BST

19th over: New Zealand 39-0 (Latham 24, Raval 15) Another LBW shout is turned down, this time Anderson against Latham. I think it was sliding down from around the wicket, and there was a doubt over height as well. The umpire Bruce Oxenford is having an excellent day.

“Is there something similar about the young Laths?” says Adam Hirst. “I think it is in the smile.”

4.54am BST

18th over: New Zealand 38-0 (Latham 23, Raval 15) The umpires are looking at the light meter, which is ominous for England - not just for today, but tomorrow as well. Play will continue for now, but I would suggest that odds of 2/1 on the draw are extremely generous. (When the fun stops, stop.)

4.49am BST

17th over: New Zealand 38-0 (Latham 23, Raval 15) Latham is dropped by Vince! He had another loose drive at Anderson and edged the ball low towards third slip. Vince dived acrobatically to his left but couldn’t hang on. It was a pretty tough chance. Another maiden from Anderson. New Zealand have scored four runs in five overs since tea, a reflection of some immaculate bowling.

4.45am BST

16th over: New Zealand 38-0 (Latham 23, Raval 15) Raval survives another big shout for LBW from Broad. There’s no review from England. “I think it’s got to have pitched outside leg,” says Broad, though that didn’t stop him appealabrating when it first happened. This is extremely good bowling from Anderson and Broad, who are almost demanding a wicket with their intensity and accuracy.

4.41am BST

15th over: New Zealand 38-0 (Latham 23, Raval 15) Anderson moves around the wicket and beats Latham with a tempting wider delivery. Latham went for the drive but the ball popped away off the seam. A maiden.

4.37am BST

14th over: New Zealand 38-0 (Latham 23, Raval 15) Broad is running in with extreme prejudice. He and Anderson have been excellent and deserve the wicket of Raval between them. Latham has looked pretty comfortable.

4.34am BST

13rd over: New Zealand 35-0 (Latham 22, Raval 13) Anderson returns after tea, and picks up where he left off by beating Raval’s outside edge. Raval is racking up false strokes like Richie Tenenbaum did unforced errors on that fateful day.

“Morning world,” says Guy Hornsby, his body clock set to ‘new parent’. “382 feels eminently defendable, especially given how well Stummy Broaderson bowled first up, but is anyone else feeling the mild creep of existential dread yet? It’s a really long way to go, and England shouldn’t panic, but if we don’t get a wicket or two before close then I think I’ll get the smelling salts for tomorrow night.”

4.10am BST

12nd over: New Zealand 34-0 (Latham 21, Raval 13) That’s a cracking pull stroke from Raval off Wood, slammed behind square for four. After a torrid start, he is starting to look good. The same can’t yet be said of Wood. Since his recall last summer, he has taken one wicket for 279 runs. We need to be patient with him. And England will need to be patient if they are to win this game, because New Zealand go to tea having avoided any early damage. See you in 15 minutes for the evening session.

4.07am BST

11st over: New Zealand 30-0 (Latham 21, Raval 9) It’s a double bowling change, with Jack Leach replacing James Anderson. In other words, it’s 1-0 to New Zealand in more ways than one. There hasn’t been much in the pitch for the spinners, who have combined match figures of nought for 141, but Leach gets one to turn sharply onto the pad of Latham. The ball loops up to short leg, prompting a big appeal for a bat-pad catch. Bruce Oxenford says no and replays show it missed the inside edge.

4.04am BST

10th over: New Zealand 27-0 (Latham 21, Raval 6) Mark Wood replaces Stuart Broad with 10 minutes to go before tea. His first over is loose and Latham drives sweetly for consecutive boundaries. This is becoming a really good start for New Zealand.

In other news, this is a lovely gesture towards one of the great cricket writers of our lifetime.

NZC would like to congratulate @scyldberry on covering his 450th Test match. He first covered a match involving New Zealand in 1973. Prior to play Kane Williamson presented Scyld with a Pounamu pendant in recognition of his remarkable milestone. #NZvENG = @PhotosportNZ pic.twitter.com/xFFG3tpOYj

3.59am BST

9th over: New Zealand 18-0 (Latham 13, Raval 5) Latham plays out a maiden from Anderson. While Raval has struggled, he has played really well against some high-class new-ball bowling. It would be such a bonus for New Zealand to get through Branderson’s first spell without losing a wicket.

“I just wouldn’t have Bairstow as a keeper,” says Adam Hirst. “We’ve got Butler and Foakes who could both do different types of jobs that could be good for the team while Bairstow clearly would strengthen the top order as a pure batsman. I have no idea why England seem to be letting Root and Bairstow decide what they want to do. It isn’t about where they want to play, it is about where the team uses its resources in the best way possible. With no good top-order batsmen, it badly requires Bairstow in there to stiffen things up. We’ve only got two good Test batsmen at the moment, we’re wasting one with the captaincy and one with the gloves.”

3.55am BST

8th over: New Zealand 18-0 (Latham 13, Raval 5) Broad is trying to follow through straight, so much so that Marais Erasmus has had a word about him doing so on the danger area. He slips one onto the pads of Raval, who puts it away through square leg for four. Good shot.

“Forgive my ignorance here,” says David, “but where did Alec Stewart bat in the order when he was wearing the gloves? Why does Bairstow have to be relegated so low?”

3.50am BST

7th over: New Zealand 13-0 (Latham 12, Raval 1) Raval survives a big caught-behind appeal after being turned round by a stunning delivery from Anderson. There was a noise but it was ball on pad. Splendid umpiring from Bruce Oxenford. Raval, who was beaten three times in that Anderson over, will do well to survive this spell.

3.47am BST

6th over: New Zealand 13-0 (Latham 12, Raval 1) Latham survives a pretty big shout for LBW from Broad. It pitched outside leg stump and might have been too high. Raval then pads up to a ball that jags back off the seam and thumps into the ribs. That looked thoroughly painful, and there’s a short break in play while he receives treatment. He’s a skinny lad and there was an unpleasant sound as the ball slammed into his body.

“There are benefits in life to just carrying a little round the midriff,” says the commentator Ian Smith, prompting a deadpan response from Mike Atherton: “That half a cow you ate last night would have helped...”

3.41am BST

5th over: New Zealand 9-0 (Latham 9, Raval 0) Raval edges Anderson just short of Vince at third slip. He hasn’t had much of a series, with eight runs in two innings before this, and he is beaten again later in the over by a lovely delivery. Good stuff from England, though they need early wickets.

3.38am BST

4th over: New Zealand 9-0 (Latham 9, Raval 0) Broad has four slips and a deepish short leg. Latham, who has started confidently, drives through mid-off for two. Broad’s length is good - or rather full, which is good. Oh look it’s 3.36am here; you know what I mean. Broad looks sharp, and it can only be a matter of minutes before somebody observes that his knees are pumping as he runs in.

3.33am BST

3rd over: New Zealand 7-0 (Latham 7, Raval 0) Anderson’s second over passes without incident. Thus far he’s only had one delivery at Raval, who he tormented in the first innings.

“Re Bairstow,” says Ian Forth. “A No7 left with the tail gets many advantages as well. The bowlers are less fresh; he can play with a determinedly positive mindset, having been given license to do so; runs are a bit more of a bonus, because he’s got another job; and most significant, the fields get pushed back and he can scamper twos and threes as he would in one-day mode. In short a lot of the pressure of batting No4 or 5 is off.”

3.29am BST

2nd over: New Zealand 4-0 (Latham 4, Raval 0) A brilliant start from Broad, who slips consecutive, full-length deliveries past Raval’s defensive push, and does so again off the final ball of the over. A maiden. England are such a different team, so much more menacing, when Broad is in form.

England's final batting averages for the 2017-18 season #NZvENG pic.twitter.com/3ny0RNjxRr

3.25am BST

1st over: New Zealand 4-0 (Latham 4, Raval 0) Anderson doesn’t usually do looseners but this is an exception - his first ball drifts onto the pads of Latham and is put away for four. It’s a quiet over thereafter, with a hint of outswing to the left-handers.

“Bairstow wasted yet again there, perfect demonstration of why he should be much further up the order,” says Adam Hirst. “He can play proper Test match innings, just that he starts to run out of partners and has to go into one-day mode. He should be No4 at the lowest.”

3.20am BST

Thanks Tim, good whatever part of the day this is to you all. England have 137 overs to dismiss New Zealand, though we will probably lose some overs to bad light. England are in a huddle, which can only mean one thing: it’s time to give 110 per cent.

3.14am BST

So Joe Root beckons them in, and Jack Leach’s maiden hundred will just have to wait. NZ need 382 to win the match, which should be too much, but you never know. Root will be able to post plenty of slips, but he will surely need the supporting cast to chip in with some wickets. Broad and Anderson can’t do it all by themselves again, can they?

Time for the great Rob Smyth. Thanks very much for reading, writing in and putting up with my technical issues earlier.

3.13am BST

Bairstow hooks a bouncer to deep square, and England declare.

3.08am BST

106th over: England 350-8 (Bairstow 35, Leach 13) Leach cuts Southee for four to bring up the 350. These two have added 38 off six overs – enough to put the game out of New Zealand’s reach?

3.05am BST

105th over: England 346-8 (Bairstow 35, Leach 9) Bairstow cuts loose with a nice straight drive on the up for two, a short-arm pull for four, a clip for two, a help-it-round pull for four and a cover drive for four. After dawdling through most of the morning, England are finally showing proper intent.

2.59am BST

104th over: England 330-8 (Bairstow 19, Leach 9) A rest at last for the Big Man, as Southee returns, virus and all. Leach shovels him past gully for a couple, and then edges a single in the same direction. He bats like that guy in your club team who always make the most of his talent.

2.56am BST

103rd over: England 326-8 (Bairstow 18, Leach 6) The wickets have fallen at the other end, but Boult has been exacting with the new ball – eight overs, none for 16, plenty of swing. The big question now is, will Anderson and the revitalised Broad run through the NZ top order again?

2.52am BST

102nd over: England 325-8 (Bairstow 18, Leach 5) After doing so well, de Grandhomme finally gives the batsmen a few to hit and they take them gratefully. I may have underestimated Leach, who has a decent cover drive.

2.48am BST

101st over: England 315-8 (Bairstow 12, Leach 1) Broad and Wood rattled up 21 off 22 balls, which was what the game needed. Leach, with his specs and his crabby stance, may be a little more sedate.

2.44am BST

100th over: England 312-8 (Bairstow 10, Leach 0) Bairstow inches into double figures wth a big inside edge, whereupon Wood shows him how it’s done by standing tall and pulling de Grandhomme for four. Shot of the day so far – though he almost matches it with a swat through the covers for four. And then he’s bowled.

2.43am BST

Wood plays a gem of a pull, and a gem of a swish through the covers, but then gets trigger-happy and misses a straight one.

2.38am BST

99th over: England 303-7 (Bairstow 9, Wood 1) Wood keeps Boult out.

2.35am BST

98th over: England 302-7 (Bairstow 8, Wood 1) Another tidy over from de Grandhomme, who has 2-23 off five overs in this spell. He’ll be expecting to take the new ball regularly.

2.33am BST

97th over: England 300-7 (Bairstow 7, Wood 0) And now Bairstow is dropped by Boult, off his own bowling – a tough low chance off a firm drive.

2.29am BST

96th over: England 300-7 (Bairstow 7, Broad 5) If you feel Broad is flattered by his promotion to No.8, you should see his first scoring stroke: a pinpoint drive, threaded through a small gap in the covers. Though you might feel the rest of his innings makes your point for you: a couple of slogs, and he’s gone.

2.27am BST

Broad toe-ends a slower ball and picks out mid-on, where Sodhi takes a good low catch. The lead is 329.

2.21am BST

95th over: England 288-6 (Bairstow 7, Broad 1) So Bairstow escapes, and Broad gets off the mark with an edge. But Bairstow manages to end the over with a short-arm drive through the covers.

2.19am BST

Bairstow pushes at Boult, gets a thin edge, Marais Erasmus doesn’t hear it, and NZ can’t do anything about it because they’ve used up their reviews.

2.17am BST

94th over: England 282-6 (Bairstow 2, Broad 0) BJ Watling had come up to the stumps to stop Stokes standing outside his crease, which may have played a part there. And NZ are through to the England tail.

2.15am BST

Another one! Stokes falls over to the off side and skims a low catch to midwicket, where it’s well held by Raval.

2.08am BST

The other issue is all the people averaging 30-odd. Stoneman 30, Vince 30, Cook 33 (even with that 244* in there), Malan 35. These are not batsmen’s averages – they’re allrounders’ averages. But they may not be quite bad enough for anyone to be dropped. And Root is not the only one getting out when well set: England have 22 individual fifties this winter, and only four hundreds, two of them by their wicketkeeper.

1.57am BST

England’s specialist batsmen have now had their last innings of a long winter. Time for some scores on the doors. Most runs: Root, 520. Highest average: Root, 43. Most fifties: Root, 7. Most balls faced: Root, 1099. So solid, so consistent, and yet ... no hundreds, and no match-turning performances. He’ll be frustrated with that. Is it a price worth paying for his captaincy? I’m not sure it is.

1.34am BST

93rd over: England 278-5 (Stokes 12, Bairstow 2) Bairstow plays a couple of nice strokes, but straight to the men in the ring. And that’s lunch. England had it just about all their own way until Malan fell, rather flakily, and Root followed him. But the ginger ninjas have shown some intent and got through the first five overs of the new ball. I’m off for a meal I don’t even have a name for. See you soon.

1.28am BST

92nd over: England 277-5 (Stokes 12, Bairstow 2) A maiden from de Grandhomme, as Bairstow smells lunch approaching.

1.26am BST

91st over: England 277-5 (Stokes 12, Bairstow 2) Boult is getting plenty of snaky swing, and Stokes is playing him on the walk to counter it. He flicks another two to make it 12 off 12. The lead is now 306. Can we see NZ being able to chase, say, 330? I suspect we can.

1.22am BST

90th over: England 275-5 (Stokes 10, Bairstow 2) Unused to taking the new cherry, de Grandhomme begins with a no-ball outside leg, which Stokes helps round for four. Then Stokes edges just wide of second slip for four more. Second slip is Southee, who has returned to the field but not to the attack. Stokes definitely not playing the barnacle.

A tweet from Will Summerlin. “Opportune time to point out that in addition to ‘de Grandhomme’ translating to ‘of Bigman’, ‘Colin’ is french for ‘Hake’. Hake of Bigman has struck.”

1.16am BST

89th over: England 265-5 (Stokes 1, Bairstow 2) Boult is back, finding some swing straightaway. Stokes gets off the mark with a thick inside edge, Bairstow with a more confident tuck for two.

1.13am BST

88th over: England 262-5 (Stokes 0, Bairstow 0) So a partnership of 97 is followed by one of nothing at all. And the tail is only one wicket away. And NZ have a new ball if they want it, which they do.

“Might have been some 40 runs short,” says AB Parker (23:20). “Still confident of the game ending today.”

1.09am BST

One brings two! Root drives at a wide one, NZ have the pair of quick wickets they needed, and they’re back in the game.

1.07am BST

87th over: England 262-4 (Root 54, Stokes 0) So Malan departs, which may not be a bad thing from anyone’s point of view. Stokes will surely not be in his barnacle mode.

An email from Fan T. “Geographically both series, Aus-SA and Eng-NZ are being played at the same pole – but there couldn’t be better polar opposites. This match is an exemplar of the beauty of test cricket. Fluctuating fortunes and intensely professional.” But a touch soporific at the moment?

1.06am BST

Bored of all these dots, Malan chips to midwicket, where Nicholls takes an easy catch. And at long last, we have a wicket taken by someone other than the four new-ball bowlers. Nice one, Colin.

1.01am BST

86th over: England 261-3 (Root 53, Malan 53) Wagner has an lbw appeal against Malan, who went back and across and missed one that jagged into him. Doing too much, umpire Oxenford reckons, and HawkEye backs him up. That’s another maiden. The game is going to sleep, and so is my email.

12.57am BST

85th over: England 261-3 (Root 53, Malan 53) Malan joins Root in waving his bat aloft thanks to another thick edge for four off de Grandhomme. He’s been whole-hearted, if not entirely convincing. Story of his Test career so far.

12.54am BST

84th over: England 256-3 (Root 53, Malan 48) Wagner, who bowled a beamer earlier at Root (not a threatening one), strings together a few dots. Root, frustrated, steps outside off to play a KP flick to leg, and misses, but the ball is outside off too. That’s a maiden.

A tweet has landed from Jim. “The refreshing of the OBO must be without doubt an English Cricket fan’s worst nightmare. Everything is going well one minute then.... Tim, I am writing from a wet Dublin, tucking in to a few Pizza Hut side orders as a treat, how’s the weather in NZ?” The sun has just come out, and the forecast is set fair.

12.51am BST

83rd over: England 256-3 (Root 53, Malan 48) Another hiccup, sorry. The good news is you haven’t missed anything except an announcement about Tim Southee, who is off the field with a virus. Let’s hope he bounces back, or Trent Boult will have to take all the remaining wickets himself.

12.48am BST

81st over: England 251-3 (Root 50, Malan 47) As Williamson holds the new ball back, Root flicks de Grandhomme to long leg for a single and completes yet another fifty. He’s been unruffled. Malan thick-edges for four to take England to 250 and drinks. The first hour has belonged firmly to them. NZ need a couple of wickets fast.

“Rob Smyth will be putting in a shift again?” asks Robert Wilson. “Far be it from me to interfere but the kid’s been in the commentary trenches for a parcel of sessions now. Has anyone looked in on him? During the SA/Aus game earlier on, that boy was talkin’ crazy and had wild eyes. Have none of you seen The DeerHunter?”

12.19am BST

76th over: England 238-3 (Root 47, Malan 37) Boult and Southee have failed to deliver, for once, so Williamson saves them for the new ball and sends for Wagner and de Grandhomme. Still no alarms for England. The main drama at the moment is in the Guardian content-management system, which is struggling to save anything.

Here’s Peter Rowntree. “This has been by far the most absorbing Test Match of the winter, with the teams close enough to create the fluctuations in fortune that make Test Cricket so fascinating. England with their noses in front, but one or two good sessions from the Kiwis and the game could change yet again. But besides the cricket fluctuations, the game has all sorts of other interesting subterfuges such as will Stoneman, Malan and/or Vince do well enough to retain their places; can anyone else take a wicket, for heavens sake, whose names are not Boult, Broad, Anderson or Southee.” Good questions.

12.03am BST

73rd over: England 229-3 (Root 44, Malan 31) Malan sees that tickle and says, “I raise you a classical cover drive.”

An email from Jason Ali. “’.....would a second preamble be an amble, or a reamble?” I am not too bothered.” Er, OK. “However, you have got me to thinking about a nice slice of apple crumble – I believe the correct terminology is portmanteau: A-MBLE (served with a hefty table-spoon of whipped cream). However, It’s 6.55am here in Hong Kong and there is no way I can lay my hands on the said dessert. Bastard.” Well that didn’t go quite where I was expecting. But thank you.

11.59pm BST

72nd over: England 223-3 (Root 43, Malan 26) Root is in the groove already. He gets a four and a two off Southee, both with leg glances: the four the finest of tickles, the two square. Root has been England’s best batsman, as usual, this winter – but with no century to show for it. Is today the day that changes?

11.56pm BST

71st over: England 217-3 (Root 37, Malan 26) No alarms yet for England. They’re looking busy, NZ are taking their time. The commentators reckon a declaration, if it comes, will come before tea.

An email arrives entitled Frankie Howerd, from Kim Thonger. “Frankie would have called them prologues, not preambles. Titter ye not.” Ha.

11.53pm BST

70th over: England 215-3 (Root 36, Malan 26) A single apiece off Southee, and that’s the fifty parrtnership.

“Tim.” John Starbuck, good to hear from you. “One of the things I really value about the OBO is the freedom from betting adverts, yet we are often talking about the odds of this, that and t’other. Let’s speculate, but without putting any actual money on it, eh? That way, we can keep our bit of the game honest, at least, with no attempts to finagle anything.” The OBO: where the ethics come from the readers.

11.49pm BST

69th over: England 213-3 (Root 35, Malan 25) A boundary for each batsman off Boult – a crunching cut from Malan, a silky glide from Root. The 68th over, in case you’re wondering, was a maiden from Southee, who was aiming too wide of off. Some technical issues here, sorry.

11.45pm BST

67th over: England 204-3 (Root 31, Malan 20) Trent Boult opens up, and Dawid Malan gets the day going with a stab to square leg for a single. Joe Root draws a fine stop at gully out of Kane Williamson, then takes a single himself off a thick inside edge. It’s cloudy but dry, which is a big improvement on the day I’ve just had in the East Midlands.

“Evening Tim.” Evening, Phil Sawyer. “I would suggest posting the same preamble twice might be termed a sheambles.” Lovely.

11.20pm BST

I seem to have given you two preambles. Or rather, the same preamble twice. Which raises the question, would a second preamble be an amble, or a reamble?

We need something to raise the tone, and here it is. “Any idea.” asks AB Parker, “what odds you can get for England being bowled out by 250 and the game ending today in a 7-wicket thrashing?” Ouch.

10.25pm BST

It feels like an April Fool – or even, at a pinch, a resurrection. A Test match is unfolding overseas that England are now firm favourites to win. They are 231 runs ahead of New Zealand with seven wickets in hand and two days to go.
After a bruising winter, today ought to be a walk in Hagley Park for Joe Root. His eye is in, his team are on top, a hundred is there for the taking, he has both his elderly fast bowlers in the mood at last, and he may even have the luxury of making a declaration.

But, as ever with England, there are reasons to be fearful. Every Test on this ground has been won by the side batting last, and the finishes haven’t even been close. (Small sample, of course, and the targets were only 105, 201, 105 again and 109.) Today’s early start, in honour of New Zealand’s clocks being on winter time, could bring some lavish movement, and even if it doesn’t, there’s a new ball due in an hour.

7.49pm BST

Tim will be with you shortly.

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Published on April 01, 2018 22:13

South Africa v Australia: fourth Test, day three – live!

Updates from the final match of the series in JohannesburgVic Marks on the week Australian cricket fell apartFeel free to get in touch on email or tweet @JPHowcroft

9.28am BST

44th over: Australia 121-6 (Paine 10, Cummins 12) Maiden from Rabada. the pattern so far seems to be wide and left alone or short, straight, and defended. Not a great deal going on in Johannesburg on what is a torpid morning so far.

Richard Mansell is on the ball today. “Justice has a song called Newlands. I’m not a muso; just someone who knows how to use a search engine.” Great call Richard, and an excellent excuse to share their splendid video clip.

9.24am BST

43rd over: Australia 121-6 (Paine 10, Cummins 12) Paine opens his account for the day with a full blooded pull shot off Philander. Big Vern finds the magic spot later in the over though, boomeranging one past Cummins’ forward prod to a chorus of oohs and ahhs.

Saw this unfortunate piece of advertising on the Guardians OBO for SA v Aus. Seems a little harsh @jphowcroft @jimmaxcricket pic.twitter.com/mF9YMESHlx

9.20am BST

42nd over: Australia 116-6 (Paine 5, Cummins 12) Cummins nudges Rabada behind square leg for two to reach double figures. The bowler responds with the first really slippery delivery of the day, one that climbs on Cummins and beats him by plenty. He follows that up with the latest in a long line of deliveries to slide past the outside edge. South Africa starting to wake up here after a sluggish start.

Richard Mansell indicates “there’s a song called The Wanderers by Tokyo Ghoul, but I don’t think it is referring to cricket.” And asks, “When did the Wanderers start getting called The Bullring? I went there all the time as a kid and it wasn’t called that then.” Can anyone help out with an answer?

9.14am BST

41st over: Australia 111-6 (Paine 5, Cummins 8) A bit of extra bounce forces a false shot from Cummins but there is no short cover in place to accept the opportunity. Otherwise Cummins deals with the over comfortably, nudging a single from the final delivery to end the run of 17 dot balls to start the morning.

Paul Kelly’s Leaps and Bounds is an obvious other cricket ground reference in a song. Everybody: “At the MCG-eeeeeee!”

9.09am BST

40th over: Australia 110-6 (Paine 5, Cummins 7) Kagiso Rabada also begins with a maiden. Felt like a bit of a loosener that one from the young tearaway.

Question for the musos out there... When I type Bullring in reference to the Bidvest Wanderers Stadium in Johannesburg, I am inevitably transported to the opening track from The Streets’ Original Pirate Material which makes reference to Birmingham’s Bullring. How many other songs touch on cricket grounds or their nicknames?

9.05am BST

39th over: Australia 110-6 (Paine 5, Cummins 7) Vernon Philander opens with a maiden. Plenty of tempting wide outswingers for Pat Cummins but they were calmly ignored.

A special day for Grandstand's @jimmaxcricket who started at the ABC as a trainee 45 years ago today! Happy Anniversary Jim - a special milestone and one which has included so much cricket over the airwaves from around the world.

Join him from Jo'Burg 5:55pm aet @abcgrandstand pic.twitter.com/ArdGcYlZxv

8.59am BST

I’m not sure Michael Wickham is taking the quest to find a new coach that seriously. “It has to be Kylie Minogue - untarnished image with the ability to lead the team in singing and dancing, a new paradigm for a good as gold cricket team.”

8.58am BST

The protagonists are making their way onto the Bullring. It’s overcast, gloomy, cool, ideal for bowling.

8.57am BST

Stephen Gelb has a wry take on Morne Morkel’s golden duck yesterday, one drawing similarities with The Don, Eric Hollies, and all that. “Typical tactics by Australia,” he joshes, “they clap Morkel, he gets tears in his eyes, doesn’t see the ball properly and nicks a catch first ball. Those dastardly Aussies...”

8.55am BST

Geoff Saunders takes an interesting view to the future of ball management in the wake of the ongoing shemozzle. “First, it does look as if CA is running a damage-limitation exercise not a genuine enquiry and the press have been very soft on the Aussie team so far. Too many questions left unanswered. More importantly maybe, is what do we do about ball tampering? Something must be done to stop tampering but which still allows the bowlers to protect one side of the ball. Suggestions: 1) No pockets on trousers - ergo, nowhere to hide things. 2) Ban application of anything to the ball. Spit, sweat, everything. If a player is seen adding anything to the ball he is out of the match. 3) Use 2 balls, one for each Umpire. New balls taken as now.”

I like your creative thinking Geoff, but I would go the opposite direction. I’ve never understood the angst towards ball ‘tampering’. Reverse swing is good for the spectacle, we should encourage it. Pitches are flatter, bats are bigger, why are we so obsessed with tiny alterations to the ball which remain unproven actually influence the game? Besides, the skill required to execute reverse swing is phenomenally difficult, it’s not as if it’s a few scratches and Mark Ealham becomes Wasim Akram.

8.47am BST

Some early correspondence to start the day. Feel free to join in yourself as play progresses.

Dave Kalucy kicks us off in an upbeat tone. “Loving the hopeful edge to this Test, and as they say in Spain nothing bad happens without bringing some good. So let me also put my hand up for Mr Gillespie, not only did he have the best haircut in cricket for years, barring of course the Merve handlebar, but is as you have all said he is also intelligent, thoughtful (thanks Guardian podcasts) and brings a totally new take to a team that could use some refreshment. Here’s to new beginnings.”

8.46am BST

If no Australia batsman reaches three figures in Jo'burg it'll be the side's first series since the two-match clash against Pakistan in the UK in 2010 without an Australian hundred - quite a testament to the quality of SA's attack #SAvAUS

8.44am BST

Meanwhile, over in New Zealand, England have the upper hand in the second Test.

8.42am BST

Despite South Africa’s ascendancy the Gauteng weather could delay any result. Thunderstorms are hovering around the Wanderers and it would come as no surprise if some play was lost today, especially after lunch.

8.38am BST

After the deluge of news and comment of recent days today has been altogether calmer. Chance to settle into Vic Marks’ look back on the torrid week that was.

8.35am BST

Some breaking news (pardon the pun). As if Australia’s tour could not get any worse, skipper Tim Paine has suffered a hairline fracture to his right thumb. He intends to continue batting (he is unbeaten on five) and continue in the game as planned.

The injury arrived standing up to Chadd Sayers yesterday morning and at the time it looked painful but Paine soldiered on through the day. It remains to be seen if there is any lasting damage for a man cruelled so often by injuries and set to play a pivotal role in the reshaping of Australian cricket.

12.57am BST

Hello everybody and welcome to live coverage of the fourth and final Test of the series between South Africa and Australia.

It’s been all South Africa so far in Johannesburg and the Proteas will be sniffing victory heading into day three. Australia resume their first innings at 110-6, still 378 runs in arrears. On a pitch that’s offering plenty to the bowlers combined with Australia’s unfamiliar batting order there’s every chance the remaining 14 wickets could arrive in a hurry.

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Published on April 01, 2018 01:28

New Zealand v England: second Test, day three – as it happened

Mark Stoneman and James Vince made important half-centuries as England forged a strong position in the second Test against New Zealand in Christchurch

Read Vic Marks’ match report

11.20am BST

6.50am BST

That’s all from me. Thanks for your company – Vic Marks’ report from Christchurch will be with you before too long. Speak soon!

6.49am BST

And they decided it’s too dark. Bit odd, as the sun is still out. Does look gloomy though.

An excellent batting display from England, then. Cook failed again but Stoneman and Vince made encouraging half-centuries before Root and Malan shored things up. They have the chance to crack on tomorrow and build a huge lead and base for a declaration. Stokes and Bairstow might fancy it, you sense.

6.47am BST

66th over: England 202-3 (Root 30, Malan 19) Wagner steams in, and England pick up just a single Malan single. The umpires are chatting about the light...

6.43am BST

65th over: England 201-3 (Root 30, Malan 18) There’s a review here for caught behind down the legside. Malan the batsman, Sodhi, from round the wicket, the bowler. It turns down the legside, there was a noise, but I don’t think it was bat. They send it upstairs. I was right, nothing doing. Not out. The batsmen take two singles each from this over, then Root pulls the last ball away for four to bring up the 200.

John Starbuck asks: “Will, Do NZ have another spinner to help out when the light is going?”

6.37am BST

64th over: England 193-3 (Root 24, Malan 16) Wagner’s back to bowl some bouncers, and there’s immediately a run out chance! Root pushes to cover, calls Malan through then says no. Nicholls set himself and launched to the nonstrikers, where Wagner doesn’t gather cleanly. Malan, somehow, gets back. Eventually, they do get a single to a similar gap.

6.33am BST

63rd over: England 192-3 (Root 23, Malan 16) Sodhi is threaded through the offside by Root and then the legside by Malan, for a single each. Root is good at counting to six, and he pinches the strike.

6.29am BST

62nd over: England 189-3 (Root 21, Malan 15) The sun is still just about up in Christchurch, and Boult’s finding a little reverse swing. In this over there’s a Malan single and a controlled edge from Root that doesn’t carry to slip. Next ball, he takes one to deep cover.

6.25am BST

61st over: England 187-3 (Root 20, Malan 14) Spin! Sodhi is back on with the shadows now very long. He starts round the wicket to Malan but drops too short and is cut for one. The batsmen trade singles, before Root carts to to mid-on’s right.

6.21am BST

60th over: England 182-3 (Root 17, Malan 12) As soon as Boult goes round the wicket, Root flicks two through midwicket. These are the only runs of the over as he goes back over the wicket.

6.17am BST

59th over: England 180-3 (Root 15, Malan 12) A run! Two, in fact. Malan threads a drive through the offside off Wagner. Ah, that’s better still. Wagner drops shorter and Malan cuts brilliantly for four. He loves that shot. Malan takes two more through that area later in the over, which is a good one for England. 10 left tonight.

6.13am BST

58th over: England 172-3 (Root 15, Malan 4) Root’s started to free his arms here, but keeps finding fielders. There’s another maiden.

6.09am BST

57th over: England 172-3 (Root 15, Malan 4) With England’s lead over 200 and without a great deal happening, it’s worth wondering how England will play it. It’s getting a little dark and they may not bowl all 12 of the remaining overs. England would probably want four sessions to bowl NZ out on a flattie like this. Stokes and Bairstow are obviously capable of kicking on, as are these two. So two big sessions of batting tomorrow would give them a total New Zealand couldn’t chase.

While I thought that through, Wagner bowled a maiden to Malan.

6.05am BST

56th over: England 172-3 (Root 15, Malan 4) Boult is still just hanging the ball outside Root’s off-stump with a packed offside field. Root cannot get through.

6.02am BST

55th over: England 172-3 (Root 15, Malan 4) Again, Root gets a single first ball then Malan blocks out the rest of the over.

5.58am BST

54th over: England 171-3 (Root 14, Malan 4) Root eases himself off strike, then Malan gets himself off his pair! Shot. Tall pull through square-leg for four.

5.54am BST

53rd over: England 166-3 (Root 13, Malan 0) Malan is on a king pair, then. He’s struggling for runs a little, and has been a bit static of foot movement. He leaves his first ball to negotiate the king pair but is still on a pair at the end of the over.

23 wickets to the same four bowlers now, by the way...

@willis_macp morning Will, I assume all the media talk will be about Stoneman & Vince failing to go on, whilst ignoring the failure of Cook, yet again.

5.50am BST

52nd over: England 165-3 (Root 12) Boult to continue after the short break. Root picks up a single through cover, then Vince does the same. Boult’s bowling very wide of off stump without a fine leg, so Root has to reach to squeeze another single through backward point.

OH, JAMES VINCE WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?! He’s thrown the hands really hard at a drive and been caught sharply by Taylor, who is at a floaty second slip position. Quality catch, lovely innings but a slightly needless dismissal. And one we have all seen before.

5.41am BST

51st over: England 162-2 (Vince 75, Root 10) A double change: Wagner on. I’m going to shock you here: he’s started with a bouncer. Root sways that one, but pulls another very fine and gets four. Shot. And there’s another pull, but in front of square and straight to the fielder. A single each ends the over, and that’s drinks.

5.37am BST

50th over: England 155-2 (Vince 74, Root 4) A change of bowler and angle, then. Boult’s on, and I think that’s a good move. The Barmies are warbling away as Boult bowls a decent over, which sees just one Root single and a pulled two from Vince.

5.33am BST

49th over: England 152-2 (Vince 72, Root 3) Root scampers a tight single to mid-on but Vince keeps finding fielders! He’s just gone a touch quiet. That’s better, a very hard-run two behind square on the legside.

Zaph Mann’s in my inbox again. “At this point it’s possible that 4 different bowlers could get a 10 for in the match - surely without precedent. However, I predict that the run-chasing fear will involve England’s new spinner Leach who will be a hero or villain as he takes wickets or ships sixes...”

5.28am BST

48th over: England 149-2 (Vince 70, Root 2) Root’s just feeling bat on ball from CdG. There are 21 overs after this one today – surely Boult, Wagner and Sodhi will all have a decent trundle each? Root waits until the fifth ball to score, flicking one wide of mid-on.

No big score, but Stoneman ends the series with an average north of 40. Talk of dropping him seems oddly-timed, I reckon.

5.25am BST

47th over: England 148-2 (Vince 70, Root 1) Root’s busily away with one to fine leg, then Vince plays out the over.

Stoneman was the 50th time a batsman has been caught Watling bowled Southee. Nice. That’s the wicketiest pairing for New Zealand.

5.22am BST

Finally, they have caught one! It’s Watling, and it’s a belter. He dives to his left to take a thick outside edge off a drive. Stoneman will be kicking himself because he’d been living a charmed life.

In other news, 22 wickets have fallen in this match, and still only four bowlers have taken any. That’s Southee’s seventh.

5.18am BST

46th over: England 147-1 (Stoneman 60, Vince 70) For the first time in Test cricket, Mark Stoneman is out of the fifties! He has passed 50 five times, but this is the first time he’s converted it into a 60. He gets there with a push into the offside off CdG, who then bowls a wide to Vince.

5.15am BST

45th over: England 145-1 (Stoneman 59, Vince 70) Stoneman just needs to calm down a touch. He misses a wafty cut off Southee. Anyway, he gets off strike with that very shot, before Vince is wise to some canny variations from Southee.

It’s also April Fools, of course.

@willis_macp cherry blossom season here in Japan, when we admire fleeting beauty. A James Vince innings would usually be the perfect accompaniment. Good to see him digging in today.

5.11am BST

44th over: England 144-1 (Stoneman 58, Vince 70) Dropped! Again. Stoneman’s had another reachy drive at CDG and Southee, at wide slip, gets two hands to it at full stretch but can’t hang on. Taylor (who is now off the field) dropped him on 48, now Southee has on 57. Anyway, they scamper one, then Vince gets two through the offside.

David Griffiths is confused. “Wasn’t Vince regularly out to late swing in the Ashes tests?” he asks. “Doesn’t seem to bother him against NZ.”

5.07am BST

43rd over: England 141-1 (Stoneman 57, Vince 68) Southee is just getting the old ball to tail a touch. For Vince, he has stuck two catching midwickets in. Vince plays out a maiden, mainly because his attacking strokes kept picking out fielders.

5.03am BST

42nd over: England 141-1 (Stoneman 57, Vince 68) Suddenly, there are singles everywhere. Vince and Stoneman cover drive one each, the latter’s giving him his highest Test score. Vince’s ends the over with a flicked one to midwicket, and England’s lead is 170.

5.00am BST

41st over: England 138-1 (Stoneman 56, Vince 66) Stoneman gets us moving by dabbing Southee to deep point for one. Vince doesn’t bother dabbing cuts, and he has a huge yahoo at one – and misses. Never mind, he’s just come down the track to a swinging ball and squeezed it to mid-on’s left for four. Shot. And then he cover-drives for two, then one.

4.56am BST

40th over: England 130-1 (Stoneman 55, Vince 59) A brilliant piece of fielding from Henry Nicholls saves a run at the start of CdG’s new over. Vince pulls beautifully in front of square, and Nicholls sprints round to dive and cut it off. Stoneman ends the over with a cut for one.

Zaph Mann’s been in touch. “OK I won’t stay silent so you know you’re in company,” he says (“thanks,” I respond.)

4.52am BST

39th over: England 126-1 (Stoneman 54, Vince 56) There’s Mark Stoneman’s half-century! He gets there a bit chancily, with an edge over the cordon for four. Never a chance, but Southee is not very happy and has plenty to say. That’s his fifth in Tests, and came from 121 balls. A nice drive to the man in the deep brings one, then Vince pinches the strike.

4.47am BST

38th over: England 120-1 (Stoneman 49, Vince 55) Stoneman’s trying to pierce the gaps on the offside, and not making much progress off CdG. He nips an inside-edged single to leg, and that’s the over’s only run.

4.44am BST

37th over: England 119-1 (Stoneman 48, Vince 55) Southee at the other end. And there’s a shout for a strangle against Vince! Has he got a tickle on this? Umpire says no, Kiwis say yes and review! He’s going to survive here – there’s nothing on HotSpot or Snicko. There was a noise, but it was Vince’s trousers I reckon. Anyway, it’s a maiden over.

This is nice to know. There haven’t been many Tests at Hagley Oval. It’s new. Anyway, here’s the ground’s record page. Here’s the list of matches – all four won by chasing teams...

@willis_macp

Will any idea of what the top run chase is at this ground, who it was got by and when?

Oboers are still with you Will it's just they are too tired to type. Raining in Dublin here. England have the Weather on their side, it can be wet in NZ no? Jim#NZvENG

4.37am BST

36th over: England 119-1 (Stoneman 48, Vince 55) Big Colin is round the wicket to Stoneman, who angles it through backward point for two. Well run. And now he’s edged low through the vacant slip area for four! To be fair, it wouldn’t have carried.

Dropped! Stoneman’s been dropped on 48! He’s got a thick edge on a cut and Ross Taylor, stationed at thirdish slip, has got one hand to a very sharp chance but it’s popped out! A life.

4.34am BST

Colin de Grandhomme will get us going in the final session. 34 overs remain today.

4.33am BST

The action is moments away, but there’s time for this email from Jason Ali in Hong Kong. He’s got Alastair Cook in his sights.

“The unavoidable question is what should England do with Alastair Cook?” he fumes. “The team needs him, like all of its players, to be regularly making a contribution. The occasional big score which then gives him a reprieve is no use to us. Test series are, generally, played over several matches and your team has, at the very least, to turn up for N-1 of them. Discuss.”

4.24am BST

Rather than curtailing his aggression, Vince is doubling down on it in this innings. So far against pace he has attacked 44% of deliveries and left just 9% - the highest and lowest figures respectively of any innings in his career where he has faced at least ten balls. #NZvEng pic.twitter.com/PiZZopNP8A

4.22am BST

John Butler is endearingly easily pleased!

“Enjoying following the cricket on a train in Tokyo,” he writes from, err, Tokyo. “111-1 off 33.3 overs brought on a chuckle.”

4.20am BST

Vince, then. He’s played nicely here, and has a brilliant chance to secure a spot and enhance England’s position in the game. Can he seize it?

4.16am BST

The sleep-deprived Simon McMahon is in my inbox.

“Top of the morning/evening to you, Will,” he grins. “Having a 19 year old daughter certainly helps keep you awake at night, especially at weekends. Back at 3.15 tonight / this morning. So pretty early really. Very useful for England tours to New Zealand.”

4.12am BST

35th over: England 113-1 (Stoneman 42, Vince 55) The Barmies are making lots of noise because England are on Nelson, so Vince gets them off it with a push through cover off Sodhi. Stoneman cuts one and Vince leaves the last.

And that’s the tea break. A good session for England. I’ll be back in a tick.

4.09am BST

34th over: England 111-1 (Stoneman 41, Vince 54) Wagner’s bumping Stoneman again. He gets off strike, and Vince keeps pulling - this time just for one. Speaking of Wagner, Sachin Paul doesn’t rate the great man. Stoneman evades the rest of the over, which is the penultimate one before tea.

“Wagner doesn’t do it for me,” he grumps. “You can’t have a bowler who bowls *only* bouncers. Yes, he’s likely to win you the odd match but you’re giving away the initiative by bowling such a predictable bowler. Williamson is losing the match through this spell.”

4.06am BST

33rd over: England 109-1 (Stoneman 40, Vince 53) Stoneman turns Sodhi away for one, then Vince gropes at a big leggie outside off. He’s bowling nicely now. Just as I type that... he drags down horribly, and Vince pulls away for four to move to 49.

And there’s his 50! With the signature stroke – a gorgeous cover drive. Well batted, but there’s plenty still to do. It’s taken 71 balls, and included nine lovely fours.

4.01am BST

32nd over: England 100-1 (Stoneman 39, Vince 45) Field is set for Vince to pull Wagner, and he does! The bumper doesn’t get up and he pulls fine for four. Shot. There’s another bouncer next ball, and he pulls one. Stoneman will get more of the same. He gets under some bouncers, and also turns two fuller balls away through midwicket for two, then one. Tea is a couple of overs away.

3.56am BST

31st over: England 92-1 (Stoneman 36, Vince 40) The batsmen trade singles off Sodhi. Vince turns one to leg off the googly; is Vince picking him?

3.53am BST

It’s not an outside edge! It’s taken Stoneman’s upper arm, with just the sleeve disturbed.

3.51am BST

30th over: England 89-1 (Stoneman 35, Vince 38) Right, now we are talking. Wagner goes round the wicket to Stoneman, and bumps him. Short leg’s in there, and Stoneman turns one round the corner. Vince is bumped too and, with three men back, takes on the pull. He gets one to fine leg. Back over the wicket to Stoneman, with leg gully in now too, there’s an outside edge and Watling snaffles a low catch! The batsman reviews...

3.46am BST

29th over: England 87-1 (Stoneman 34, Vince 37) Sodhi can make Stoneman’s life tough from round the wicket with those footmarks, but he overpitches and the leftie gets off strike. Vince wants to get after the leggie, and misses a big drive. One from it.

3.43am BST

28th over: England 86-1 (Stoneman 33, Vince 37) Classic Wagner. Full or short. Stoneman is resistant, and takes a single – guided through backward point – off the final ball.

3.39am BST

27th over: England 85-1 (Stoneman 32, Vince 37) Vince pinches a single to mid-off from Sodhi’s first ball, so the leggie goes round the wicket to Stoneman. One off the inside edge past short-leg follows. There are footmarks there. The trouble for New Zealand here is that England are just milking singles, with four coming from this over.

3.36am BST

26th over: England 81-1 (Stoneman 30, Vince 35) I sense today’s final session will see one of those Wagner spells where he just chugs in for hours, and then a couple more overs for good measure. Stoneman is defensive here, and it’s a maiden.

3.32am BST

25th over: England 81-1 (Stoneman 30, Vince 35) Vince is careful to Sodhi until, again, summoning a brainfade. He pulls hard, just short of the man at deep midwicket. They run one, then Stoneman gets a single too. Sodhi goes wide and floaty and Vince just nails one of those cover drives for four utterly gorgeous runs.

Root, I reckon, will absolutely relish this situation. One of his swift 50-somethings would be very handy.

@willis_macp

Somehow I got some sleep and am fresh as a daisy Will. Not good. I backed NZ at 7/4 draw no bet and am getting worried. These two may put on a score. Not sure the rail will be as lucky. All about Root though. He is the wicket....

Who replaces Cook? Jim....

3.29am BST

24th over: England 75-1 (Stoneman 29, Vince 30) Wagner’s back. Always a pleasure! The only run is a pulled single for Vince from the over’s last ball which, strangely, is the first proper bumper.

Alex Butler’s been in touching with a “Hello from Qingdao, the home of Chinese beer!”

3.25am BST

23rd over: England 74-1 (Stoneman 29, Vince 29) Sodhi drifts onto Stoneman’s pads and he takes one to deep midwicket. Vince is watchful, and picks the wrong’un before sending a half-tracker away for one to bring up the fifty partnership. It took 85 balls. Right now, Vince has 501 Test runs, and Stoneman 482 (from 10 Tests to Vince’s 13).

3.22am BST

22nd over: England 72-1 (Stoneman 28, Vince 28) More from Big Colin. From round the wicket, he is looking to tempt Stoneman into a big drive – there are two catching covers and two gullies (no slip...). Stoneman drives past all these men for one, but it’s a no-ball. Vince defends the second effort under his nose.

3.18am BST

21st over: England 70-1 (Stoneman 27, Vince 28) Nice start from Sodhi. Bit of drift and loop and Stoneman gets an inside edge for one past short leg. Vince defends a few under his nose and then, utterly maddeningly, premeditates a sweep, but there’s a legslip there! It bounces just before him. Vince makes up for it with two to leg to end the over.

3.15am BST

Good morning/afternoon/whatever. Will here, to guide you through the 49 overs that remain in the day. It’s been a superbly entertaining day while Rob was at the wheel, and I’m hoping for the same luck. Hagley, as ever, looks a picture.

England are in pretty good nick. Their lead is 96, Stoneman and Vince have 26 each and a huge chance to bury some doubts.

3.11am BST

20th over: England 67-1 (Stoneman 26, Vince 26) James Vince plays another lovely stroke, driving de Grandhomme through mid-on for four. He has raced to 26 from 32 balls. That’s drinks, and time for me to hand over to Will Macpherson for the rest of the day. Thanks, goodnight!

3.07am BST

19th over: England 61-1 (Stoneman 26, Vince 20) If this innings goes well for England they will need to think of a declaration at some stage, though I suspect that won’t be a consideration until tomorrow. We’re about to reach the halfway point of the Test so there is plenty of time left, though the pitch is unlikely to deteriorate much.

3.04am BST

18th over: England 60-1 (Stoneman 26, Vince 19) Stoneman back cuts de Grandhomme for four more. I would definitely give him another chance next summer - his Test career has been frustrating, with all those unfinished starts, but he has shown enough to suggest he can handle Test cricket. England lead by 89.

“Regarding the inevitable conclusion of Cook’s career,” says Chris Wright. “What are your views on the merits of: a) retirement after the fact, with the match concluded, with no big send-off and guard of honour and all that; b) announcing retirement ahead of a home tour (or at least a final match) and thus getting to farewell your public but also perhaps creating extra pressure on yourself and the team through that tour?”

2.59am BST

17th over: England 56-1 (Stoneman 22, Vince 19) Neil Wagner is coming into the attack to replace Trent Boult (8-1-23-1). With the pitch flat and the ball not doing much, this could be a Neil Wagner sort of day. Vince greets him with another sweet cover drive for four. Jeez he looks so good. But we all know how this story ends.

2.56am BST

16th over: England 52-1 (Stoneman 22, Vince 15) A beautiful, flowing cover from Stoneman races away for four. He has got his eye in once again, and will be desperate to avoid another nothing score.

2.52am BST

15th over: England 48-1 (Stoneman 18, Vince 15) Boult continues to tempt Vince with full, wide deliveries. Vince resists those and pushes a straighter delivery for two.

“Wotcha, Bob,” says Mac Millings. “I thought I would write to say how good Vince looks, although my main purpose is to see if he’s out by the time this gets to you.”

2.49am BST

14th over: England 46-1 (Stoneman 18, Vince 13) Colin de Grandhomme replaces Tim Southee and has a huge LBW shout against Vince turned down. It was a very full delivery but looked like it was angling down the leg side.

“Sometimes it is best to just stay inside and be old,” says Adam Hirst. “Just heard what sounded like a chase through the streets below, one car shooting repeatedly at another. Saturday night in Rio…”

2.44am BST

13th over: England 45-1 (Stoneman 18, Vince 12) That’s nice from Stoneman, a confident cover drive for four off Boult. He looked a bit nervous before lunch but has been comfortable since then.

2.41am BST

12th over: England 38-1 (Stoneman 11, Vince 12) Southee has an LBW shout caught in the throat after an inside edge from Stoneman. Then Vince, who has started assertively, cuts smoothly for four. He has 12 from seven balls.

2.36am BST

11th over: England 34-1 (Stoneman 11, Vince 8) Boult angles one across Vince, who squirts it wide of the slip cordon for four.

2.34am BST

10th over: England 29-1 (Stoneman 10, Vince 4) Cook has had such problems with left-arm quicks this winter. England’s next opponents are Pakistan, who have Mohammad Amir and Wahab Riaz, although India are unlikely to bring a left-arm quick for the five-Test series that follows. They do have Ravindra Jadeja, though. I agree with Nasser Hussain, who says Cook should give himself the summer and get some rhythm with Essex, but I’m not sure he will.

“Hi Rob,” says Joe Maitland. “I’m writing from Mexico where I’m having the surreal experience of watching a series of small children swinging wildly at and missing a piñata. The comparison to the recent performances of England’s top order is too obvious to make, but I’ve had a couple of beers so I’ll make it anyway...”

2.29am BST

9th over: England 28-1 (Stoneman 8, Vince 4) Cook was visibly annoyed when he got out, which is not something you see too often. I think he might decide to retire after this game. The new batsman Vince, who is probably playing his last Test innings, gets off the mark with a typically gorgeous extra-cover drive for four.

2.26am BST

Cook has gone! He’d started his innings really well but that’s irrelevant now. He felt indecisively outside off stump at a ball he could have left, and Watling took a nice tumbling catch.

2.24am BST

8th over: England 23-0 (Cook 14, Stoneman 8) A short ball from Southee is spanked through midwicket for four by Cook, who then edges a flashing drive over the slips for four more. I think he deliberately went up and over with that shot.

“Rabbits!” sniffs John Starbuck. “I too watched MOTD but then went to bed as the rum was making me tired. However, I woke up some time back as I’d forgotten to take my various medicines, so won’t leave it until daylight to check the OBO. Welcome to old age.”

2.19am BST

7th over: England 15-0 (Cook 6, Stoneman 8) Cook, sent back by Stoneman, survives when Wagner’s throw whistles past the stumps. He might have been safe anyway. Cook and Stoneman look pretty comfortable at the moment.

“Lunchtime shenanigans, guess where I am,” says Jo Beasley, sending a picture of BLOODY CHRISTCHURCH AND CRICKET AND PEOPLE HAVING FUN. I always wanted to go to New Zealand. I hate you all, and you can all bugger off.

2.15am BST

6th over: England 14-0 (Cook 5, Stoneman 8) Southee starts after lunch. There hasn’t been much swing with this new ball, which is good news for England, and there are already signs that Southee is starting to pull his length back a touch. Stoneman gets up on his toes to time a lovely boundary through the covers.

“Gorblimey, Aus/SA this morning and Eng/NZ tonight, you’re really putting in a shift, young Smyth,” says Robert Wilson. “Your dreams must be spectacular (your wistful demand for partygoers to write in was one of the saddest things I’ve ever read). Knockout stuff from Southee. Can you still love the game on doubletime? I hope you still have enough hope and cheer in your heart to concede that whatever ails cricket, this Kiwi team may well be the cure.”

1.34am BST

That mini-session wasn’t too fraught for England, with Cook looking encouragingly light-footed. There’s still plenty of work to do against this new-ball pair of Boult and Southee after lunch. See you in 30 minutes for the afternoon session. Meantime, here’s an old favourite.

1.32am BST

5th over: England 7-0 (Cook 4, Stoneman 2) Boult bowls the last over before lunch. Stoneman, who looks a bit nervous, plays a loose back-foot force and is beaten on the inside. He gets off the mark with a couple off the final ball of the over - and that’s lunch.

1.28am BST

4th over: England 4-0 (Cook 3, Stoneman 0) Stoneman is beaten, feeling tentatively at Southee. I would give him another chance even if he fails here, but there’s no guarantee that’s what will happen. You suspect that, in his head, he’s playing for his Test career. A maiden from Southee.

1.25am BST

3rd over: England 4-0 (Cook 3, Stoneman 0) A quiet over. Cook is obviously determined to get forward as much as possible against the new ball, and so far he has looked good against his nemesis Boult.

1.21am BST

2nd over: England 3-0 (Cook 3, Stoneman 0) Southee’s first ball is a good inswinger that Cook just manages to shovel to safety. His feet seem to be moving a bit better that in the first innings, though, and he gets forward to drive through extra cover for two.

New Zealand might have to do without Neil Wagner for a while - he is off the field, presumably being assessed after that blow to the head from Broad.

1.18am BST

1st over: England 1-0 (Cook 1, Stoneman 0) Boult starts with a good over, making Cook play at everything. Cook gets off the mark with a leading edge for a single. I have a feeling that, if Cook fails here, he might retire after the match.

“Rob,” says Brian Withington. “Given the performances of the respective England and NZ upper orders and support bowlers, are we witnessing a new type of Test cricket: five-a-side?”

1.14am BST

This is the first time in over 100 years (1912 the previous) that the four opening bowlers have taken the first 20 wickets to fall in a Test match, and just the third time in history!

Wowzer!

@5liveSport extra
https://t.co/Heb7IlG4Hh #bbccricket #NZvENG pic.twitter.com/Ce9KgvCbhz

1.13am BST

Cook and Stoneman will face a tricky 15-minute spell before lunch. This game is beautifully poised. The pitch is not expected to deteriorate, so New Zealand will not fear a fourth-innings chase.

1.06am BST

Broad finally ends the nonsense. Boult top-edges a pull towards fine leg, where Malan takes a well judged catch despite looking straight into the sun. Broad ends with six for 54 and shares all 10 wickets with James Anderson. England have a lead of 29 and plenty to fear.

1.03am BST

93rd over: New Zealand 278-9 (Wagner 24, Boult 16) The frustration continues when Boult mishits Wood just over the head of Broad at short mid-off.

If dressage can be an Olympic sport, so can Trent Boult’s batting

1.01am BST

Trent Boult survives an appeal for a catch down the leg side off Wood. England decide to review on Bairstow’s recommendation, but replays show it missed the bat.

12.57am BST

92nd over: New Zealand 276-9 (Wagner 22, Boult 15) There have been a few twists in this match already, and this last-wicket partnership has provided another. Boult chips Broad breezily down the ground for a couple to reduce the lead to 31.

12.51am BST

91st over: New Zealand 273-9 (Wagner 22, Boult 13) Mark Wood replaces Jimmy Anderson, presumably with instructions to bowl full and straight. Boult carts him wide of mid-off for three more and then blasts an outrageous four through the covers. England’s lead has been trimmed to 34. I swear they are playing the theme from Jaws on the tannoy.

“A lot of spring chickens emailing in tonight bemoaning turning 40 as excuse for a quiet evening in. It was my 60th last week so no prizes for guessing where I’m sipping my Malbec,” says Brian Withington. “Lovely to see a couple of veteran bowlers proving there is still life in the old dogs after a tough winter tour. In the words of Mickey Flanagan, Watling’s dismissal by Anderson was a clear case of ‘going out, out’.”

12.45am BST

90th over: New Zealand 265-9 (Wagner 21, Boult 6) Wagner carves Broad for four more. This partnership is worth 28 - not exactly on a par with Dave Richardson and Paul Adams, who produced the most miserable 10th-wicket partnership in history, but still extremely handy in the context of the match and series.

“In response to Martin Burley’s question on when daylight savings will occur on Easter Sunday again the answer is not in the foreseeable since NZ is switching daylight savings to the third Saturday in March from 2019,” says Kevin Burley. “Enjoy the opportunity while it lasts I say!”

12.39am BST

89th over: New Zealand 259-9 (Wagner 15, Boult 6) Wagner edges Anderson for four over the slips and then top-edges a falling hook for six! Thirteen from the over, and Anderson is about to misplace his rag.

“Perhaps England should face facts and change their order,” says Ian Copestake, “so that the walking wafters and edgers can be spared the new ball and open with Bairstow and Cook instead.”

12.32am BST

88th over: New Zealand 246-9 (Wagner 2, Boult 6) Boult, skidding around the crease like a foal on roller skates, misses an almighty slap at a short ball from Broad. England have a useful lead of 63 but they certainly aren’t immune from defeat. The pessimist in me fears for England’s top order against the new ball. There is a lot pressure on Cook, Stoneman and Vince, any of whom might be about to play their last Test innings.

“Lovely sunny day to be sitting on the embankment here in Christchurch,” says Martin Burley. “Just enough of a breeze. And I think it was very considerate of England to wait half an hour to get their first wickets of the day, since I imagine a few people would’ve arrived late due to an April Fool double bluff (“You’re saying the match is starting earlier because of daylight savings change? Nice try!”). Wonder how many years it’ll be until Easter Sunday plus April Fool’s Day plus the daylight savings change will next be in conjunction?”

12.27am BST

87th over: New Zealand 243-9 (Wagner 1, Boult 4) That’s Anderson’s fourth wicket. He is in sensational form: in the last year he has taken 63 Test wickets at 18.58. Not bad for a 35-year-old.

12.24am BST

Anderson ends the fun and games with another good delivery. It was on a full length with just enough movement to beat Southee’s yahoo and send the middle stump flying.

12.21am BST

86th over: New Zealand 239-8 (Southee 50, Wagner 1) Wagner visits the canvas after being hit by a beautiful bouncer from Broad. It jagged back off the seam and followed Wagner before ramming into his helmet. Wagner springs straight to his feet and tells Broad he’s fine, though the physio has come on to make sure.

After a bit of treatment, including ice and painkillers, Wagner continues and fences another short ball wide of short leg for a single. That brings Southee back on strike, and he takes a single to bring up an impressive, menacing fifty from just 45 balls.

12.13am BST

85th over: New Zealand 236-8 (Southee 48, Wagner 0) Southee top-edges an almighty pull stroke over the keeper’s head for four. England fans should not count a solitary chicken while he is still at the crease.

Tim Southee is the sixiest contemporary Test cricketer ... and no, that's not the accent ... #NZvEng https://t.co/uoGvySspqO

12.09am BST

84th over: New Zealand 231-8 (Southee 43, Wagner 0) That was the last ball of the over. Anderson, Broad, Southee and Boult have shared all 18 wickets in this game.

12.08am BST

Broad gets his five-for! Sodhi fiddles outside off stump and edges straight through to Bairstow. That’s Broad’s first five-wicket haul since he flattened South Africa at Johannesburg a couple of years ago, and a reward for all the work he put in after the Ashes.

12.03am BST

83rd over: New Zealand 231-7 (Southee 43, Sodhi 1) Southee edges Anderson wide of the slips for four and is then cut in half by a big nipbacker. Anderson is making it talk.

11.59pm BST

Anderson has cleaned Watling up with a stunning delivery. It was a full-length outswinger that beat the outside edge and rammed into the stumps as Watling tried to flick to leg. That’s an absolute peach, and ends an admirable innings of 85 from Watling.

11.58pm BST

82nd over: New Zealand 226-6 (Watling 84, Southee 39) Stuart Broad shares the new ball and locates the fuller length that brought so much joy yesterday. Watling looks really solid in defence, however, and tucks the last delivery off the pads for a single. Good cricket from both gentlemen.

“Evening Rob,” says Phil Sawyer. “Hang on. Gin and rum? Chris Green (75th over) mixes my kind of cocktails.”

11.54pm BST

81st over: New Zealand 225-6 (Watling 83, Southee 39) James Anderson takes the second new ball and gets it to move straight away, beating Southee with a lovely outswinger. Southee responds with a thumping straight drive for four. Shot! This has been a scintillating innings, 39 from 36 balls. In the context of a slow-scoring, lowish-scoring Test, it’s been a gem.

11.49pm BST

80th over: New Zealand 219-6 (Watling 83, Southee 34) Watling edges Stokes wide of slip for four. These are useful runs for New Zealand and irritating for England, who could face a dose of the third-innings blues if they don’t wrap this innings up before lunch. The second new ball is due.

“I’m not so much ‘on the town’, as I am ‘eating cheese and crackers and drinking red wine while watching Match of the Day and reading about cricket’,” boasts Matt Dony. “Young rock n roll Matt is disappointed in what he will become. You either die a hero, or live long enough to become the villain...”

11.46pm BST

79th over: New Zealand 215-6 (Watling 79, Southee 34) Jack Leach comes on for one over before the second new ball. That’s an interesting decisioin from Joe Root, because Southee will surely go after him. And so he does, crashing a boundary down the ground off the second ball. Leach got a hand on it but it would have been a miraculous catch.

“Morning/Evening Rob,” says Simon McMahon. “Does lying on your sofa half asleep with a can of warm beer and some peanuts count as being ‘out on the town’? If it’s after 10 o’clock in the evening, it does in my house.”

11.41pm BST

78th over: New Zealand 209-6 (Watling 78, Southee 29) Watling is a lovely, orthodox batsman, and defends immaculately throughout that over from Stokes. A maiden.

“May I engage in bravado,” begins Ian Copestake, “and state that as someone well past 40 I am not in the least bit tired and this is only partially to do with the beverage being consumed and more with eating the peach of glorious weekend sporting banter.”

11.38pm BST

77th over: New Zealand 209-6 (Watling 77, Southee 29) There’s a bit of reverse swing for England, though I’m sure it won’t stop them taking the second new ball after 80 overs - not least because Southee is looking really dangerous. He ends the over with consecutive boundaries off Wood, smoking a full ball down the ground and clouting a pull through midwicket.

11.34pm BST

76th over: New Zealand 200-6 (Watling 77, Southee 21) Ben Stokes is going to bowl, so Anderson and Broad will be saved for the second new ball. Southee is a dangerous customer at No8 - an absurd 27 per cent of his Test runs have come from sixes. Right on cue, he smashes Stokes’ third ball of the day over midwicket for six. Stokes responds by beating the bat with the next two deliveries.

11.30pm BST

75th over: New Zealand 192-6 (Watling 77, Southee 13) Mark Wood has one ball remaining of his 18th over. It swings into Watling, who defends solidly. Next!

“I had to respond to your request for people partying late at night in the UK,” says Chris Green. “As I’m approaching 40, I must admit I’m nearly ready for bed... but have indulged in a few fine glasses of gin and rum this evening. Happy Easter! This match seems a mite more finely balanced than the last. My friends have been muttering about Root the captain being ‘too soon’, but I think give him a chance - even if that chance takes five years to develop. What do you think?”

11.22pm BST

“Morning Rob,” says Andy Bradshaw. “England to balls this up by bowling too short & not at the stumps. Allow NZ to get within spitting distance & then an almighty collapse by the joke that is our top order. It might seem a tad defeatist, but I have no confidence in this side at the moment. Still, happy sugar coma to everyone for the morrow.”

11.15pm BST

11.09pm BST

An email! “It’d be some turnaround for Broad to get a five-fer today, and I doubt many bar himself would’ve predicted it,” says Guy Hornsby. “But I’d be cock-a-hoop if he did. This little series may be overshadowed by *other events* but it’s about more than sandpaper, and an England win would arrest a significant slide, and frankly, be a breath of fresh air in a winter tour that is more stale than Jimmy’s insoles.”

11.01pm BST

Fantasy County Cricket

Now, the folks who congregate below the line on our county blog have organised a Fantasy League for the upcoming season. If you’re interested in joining, click here. The code you need is MVAMFAYQ.

10.21pm BST

This is not without charm

11 years ago, I asked for this picture... 11 years later I’m in an @englandcricket squad with 2 of them

10.20pm BST

Play will start at 10.30am local time today. That’s 11.30pm in England. If you’re out on the town, do get in touch. I’m all for some vicarious partying to enliven the long night ahead.

2.08pm BST

Hello. Stuart Broad’s career has been defined by matchwinning performances. There have been a dozen or so in Tests, yet they have all occurred in two countries: England and South Africa. He might add New Zealand to the list in the next few days. A rejuvenated Broad and the marvellous James Anderson look like England’s best hope of drawing the series and ending their long run without a Test win overseas. Welcome to England’s future; it looks quite a look like their past.

Broad’s first task is to complete his first five-for since he routed South Africa at Johannesburg in January 2016. He took four of the six wickets to fall yesterday, and looked somewhere near his rampaging best. New Zealand will resume on 192 for six, a deficit of 115, with the new ball due in 5.1 overs. There will be more twists, as there always are in mid-scoring Tests. But with Broad in this mood, England at least have a chance of victory.

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Published on March 31, 2018 22:50

England lead by 231 at stumps on day three of second Test in New Zealand

Mark Stoneman and James Vince made important half-centuries as England forged a strong position in the second Test against New Zealand in Christchurch

6.50am BST

That’s all from me. Thanks for your company – Vic Marks’ report from Christchurch will be with you before too long. Speak soon!

6.49am BST

And they decided it’s too dark. Bit odd, as the sun is still out. Does look gloomy though.

An excellent batting display from England, then. Cook failed again but Stoneman and Vince made encouraging half-centuries before Root and Malan shored things up. They have the chance to crack on tomorrow and build a huge lead and base for a declaration. Stokes and Bairstow might fancy it, you sense.

6.47am BST

66th over: England 202-3 (Root 30, Malan 19) Wagner steams in, and England pick up just a single Malan single. The umpires are chatting about the light...

6.43am BST

65th over: England 201-3 (Root 30, Malan 18) There’s a review here for caught behind down the legside. Malan the batsman, Sodhi, from round the wicket, the bowler. It turns down the legside, there was a noise, but I don’t think it was bat. They send it upstairs. I was right, nothing doing. Not out. The batsmen take two singles each from this over, then Root pulls the last ball away for four to bring up the 200.

John Starbuck asks: “Will, Do NZ have another spinner to help out when the light is going?”

6.37am BST

64th over: England 193-3 (Root 24, Malan 16) Wagner’s back to bowl some bouncers, and there’s immediately a run out chance! Root pushes to cover, calls Malan through then says no. Nicholls set himself and launched to the nonstrikers, where Wagner doesn’t gather cleanly. Malan, somehow, gets back. Eventually, they do get a single to a similar gap.

6.33am BST

63rd over: England 192-3 (Root 23, Malan 16) Sodhi is threaded through the offside by Root and then the legside by Malan, for a single each. Root is good at counting to six, and he pinches the strike.

6.29am BST

62nd over: England 189-3 (Root 21, Malan 15) The sun is still just about up in Christchurch, and Boult’s finding a little reverse swing. In this over there’s a Malan single and a controlled edge from Root that doesn’t carry to slip. Next ball, he takes one to deep cover.

6.25am BST

61st over: England 187-3 (Root 20, Malan 14) Spin! Sodhi is back on with the shadows now very long. He starts round the wicket to Malan but drops too short and is cut for one. The batsmen trade singles, before Root carts to to mid-on’s right.

6.21am BST

60th over: England 182-3 (Root 17, Malan 12) As soon as Boult goes round the wicket, Root flicks two through midwicket. These are the only runs of the over as he goes back over the wicket.

6.17am BST

59th over: England 180-3 (Root 15, Malan 12) A run! Two, in fact. Malan threads a drive through the offside off Wagner. Ah, that’s better still. Wagner drops shorter and Malan cuts brilliantly for four. He loves that shot. Malan takes two more through that area later in the over, which is a good one for England. 10 left tonight.

6.13am BST

58th over: England 172-3 (Root 15, Malan 4) Root’s started to free his arms here, but keeps finding fielders. There’s another maiden.

6.09am BST

57th over: England 172-3 (Root 15, Malan 4) With England’s lead over 200 and without a great deal happening, it’s worth wondering how England will play it. It’s getting a little dark and they may not bowl all 12 of the remaining overs. England would probably want four sessions to bowl NZ out on a flattie like this. Stokes and Bairstow are obviously capable of kicking on, as are these two. So two big sessions of batting tomorrow would give them a total New Zealand couldn’t chase.

While I thought that through, Wagner bowled a maiden to Malan.

6.05am BST

56th over: England 172-3 (Root 15, Malan 4) Boult is still just hanging the ball outside Root’s off-stump with a packed offside field. Root cannot get through.

6.02am BST

55th over: England 172-3 (Root 15, Malan 4) Again, Root gets a single first ball then Malan blocks out the rest of the over.

5.58am BST

54th over: England 171-3 (Root 14, Malan 4) Root eases himself off strike, then Malan gets himself off his pair! Shot. Tall pull through square-leg for four.

5.54am BST

53rd over: England 166-3 (Root 13, Malan 0) Malan is on a king pair, then. He’s struggling for runs a little, and has been a bit static of foot movement. He leaves his first ball to negotiate the king pair but is still on a pair at the end of the over.

23 wickets to the same four bowlers now, by the way...

@willis_macp morning Will, I assume all the media talk will be about Stoneman & Vince failing to go on, whilst ignoring the failure of Cook, yet again.

5.50am BST

52nd over: England 165-3 (Root 12) Boult to continue after the short break. Root picks up a single through cover, then Vince does the same. Boult’s bowling very wide of off stump without a fine leg, so Root has to reach to squeeze another single through backward point.

OH, JAMES VINCE WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?! He’s thrown the hands really hard at a drive and been caught sharply by Taylor, who is at a floaty second slip position. Quality catch, lovely innings but a slightly needless dismissal. And one we have all seen before.

5.41am BST

51st over: England 162-2 (Vince 75, Root 10) A double change: Wagner on. I’m going to shock you here: he’s started with a bouncer. Root sways that one, but pulls another very fine and gets four. Shot. And there’s another pull, but in front of square and straight to the fielder. A single each ends the over, and that’s drinks.

5.37am BST

50th over: England 155-2 (Vince 74, Root 4) A change of bowler and angle, then. Boult’s on, and I think that’s a good move. The Barmies are warbling away as Boult bowls a decent over, which sees just one Root single and a pulled two from Vince.

5.33am BST

49th over: England 152-2 (Vince 72, Root 3) Root scampers a tight single to mid-on but Vince keeps finding fielders! He’s just gone a touch quiet. That’s better, a very hard-run two behind square on the legside.

Zaph Mann’s in my inbox again. “At this point it’s possible that 4 different bowlers could get a 10 for in the match - surely without precedent. However, I predict that the run-chasing fear will involve England’s new spinner Leach who will be a hero or villain as he takes wickets or ships sixes...”

5.28am BST

48th over: England 149-2 (Vince 70, Root 2) Root’s just feeling bat on ball from CdG. There are 21 overs after this one today – surely Boult, Wagner and Sodhi will all have a decent trundle each? Root waits until the fifth ball to score, flicking one wide of mid-on.

No big score, but Stoneman ends the series with an average north of 40. Talk of dropping him seems oddly-timed, I reckon.

5.25am BST

47th over: England 148-2 (Vince 70, Root 1) Root’s busily away with one to fine leg, then Vince plays out the over.

Stoneman was the 50th time a batsman has been caught Watling bowled Southee. Nice. That’s the wicketiest pairing for New Zealand.

5.22am BST

Finally, they have caught one! It’s Watling, and it’s a belter. He dives to his left to take a thick outside edge off a drive. Stoneman will be kicking himself because he’d been living a charmed life.

In other news, 22 wickets have fallen in this match, and still only four bowlers have taken any. That’s Southee’s seventh.

5.18am BST

46th over: England 147-1 (Stoneman 60, Vince 70) For the first time in Test cricket, Mark Stoneman is out of the fifties! He has passed 50 five times, but this is the first time he’s converted it into a 60. He gets there with a push into the offside off CdG, who then bowls a wide to Vince.

5.15am BST

45th over: England 145-1 (Stoneman 59, Vince 70) Stoneman just needs to calm down a touch. He misses a wafty cut off Southee. Anyway, he gets off strike with that very shot, before Vince is wise to some canny variations from Southee.

It’s also April Fools, of course.

@willis_macp cherry blossom season here in Japan, when we admire fleeting beauty. A James Vince innings would usually be the perfect accompaniment. Good to see him digging in today.

5.11am BST

44th over: England 144-1 (Stoneman 58, Vince 70) Dropped! Again. Stoneman’s had another reachy drive at CDG and Southee, at wide slip, gets two hands to it at full stretch but can’t hang on. Taylor (who is now off the field) dropped him on 48, now Southee has on 57. Anyway, they scamper one, then Vince gets two through the offside.

David Griffiths is confused. “Wasn’t Vince regularly out to late swing in the Ashes tests?” he asks. “Doesn’t seem to bother him against NZ.”

5.07am BST

43rd over: England 141-1 (Stoneman 57, Vince 68) Southee is just getting the old ball to tail a touch. For Vince, he has stuck two catching midwickets in. Vince plays out a maiden, mainly because his attacking strokes kept picking out fielders.

5.03am BST

42nd over: England 141-1 (Stoneman 57, Vince 68) Suddenly, there are singles everywhere. Vince and Stoneman cover drive one each, the latter’s giving him his highest Test score. Vince’s ends the over with a flicked one to midwicket, and England’s lead is 170.

5.00am BST

41st over: England 138-1 (Stoneman 56, Vince 66) Stoneman gets us moving by dabbing Southee to deep point for one. Vince doesn’t bother dabbing cuts, and he has a huge yahoo at one – and misses. Never mind, he’s just come down the track to a swinging ball and squeezed it to mid-on’s left for four. Shot. And then he cover-drives for two, then one.

4.56am BST

40th over: England 130-1 (Stoneman 55, Vince 59) A brilliant piece of fielding from Henry Nicholls saves a run at the start of CdG’s new over. Vince pulls beautifully in front of square, and Nicholls sprints round to dive and cut it off. Stoneman ends the over with a cut for one.

Zaph Mann’s been in touch. “OK I won’t stay silent so you know you’re in company,” he says (“thanks,” I respond.)

4.52am BST

39th over: England 126-1 (Stoneman 54, Vince 56) There’s Mark Stoneman’s half-century! He gets there a bit chancily, with an edge over the cordon for four. Never a chance, but Southee is not very happy and has plenty to say. That’s his fifth in Tests, and came from 121 balls. A nice drive to the man in the deep brings one, then Vince pinches the strike.

4.47am BST

38th over: England 120-1 (Stoneman 49, Vince 55) Stoneman’s trying to pierce the gaps on the offside, and not making much progress off CdG. He nips an inside-edged single to leg, and that’s the over’s only run.

4.44am BST

37th over: England 119-1 (Stoneman 48, Vince 55) Southee at the other end. And there’s a shout for a strangle against Vince! Has he got a tickle on this? Umpire says no, Kiwis say yes and review! He’s going to survive here – there’s nothing on HotSpot or Snicko. There was a noise, but it was Vince’s trousers I reckon. Anyway, it’s a maiden over.

This is nice to know. There haven’t been many Tests at Hagley Oval. It’s new. Anyway, here’s the ground’s record page. Here’s the list of matches – all four won by chasing teams...

@willis_macp

Will any idea of what the top run chase is at this ground, who it was got by and when?

Oboers are still with you Will it's just they are too tired to type. Raining in Dublin here. England have the Weather on their side, it can be wet in NZ no? Jim#NZvENG

4.37am BST

36th over: England 119-1 (Stoneman 48, Vince 55) Big Colin is round the wicket to Stoneman, who angles it through backward point for two. Well run. And now he’s edged low through the vacant slip area for four! To be fair, it wouldn’t have carried.

Dropped! Stoneman’s been dropped on 48! He’s got a thick edge on a cut and Ross Taylor, stationed at thirdish slip, has got one hand to a very sharp chance but it’s popped out! A life.

4.34am BST

Colin de Grandhomme will get us going in the final session. 34 overs remain today.

4.33am BST

The action is moments away, but there’s time for this email from Jason Ali in Hong Kong. He’s got Alastair Cook in his sights.

“The unavoidable question is what should England do with Alastair Cook?” he fumes. “The team needs him, like all of its players, to be regularly making a contribution. The occasional big score which then gives him a reprieve is no use to us. Test series are, generally, played over several matches and your team has, at the very least, to turn up for N-1 of them. Discuss.”

4.24am BST

Rather than curtailing his aggression, Vince is doubling down on it in this innings. So far against pace he has attacked 44% of deliveries and left just 9% - the highest and lowest figures respectively of any innings in his career where he has faced at least ten balls. #NZvEng pic.twitter.com/PiZZopNP8A

4.22am BST

John Butler is endearingly easily pleased!

“Enjoying following the cricket on a train in Tokyo,” he writes from, err, Tokyo. “111-1 off 33.3 overs brought on a chuckle.”

4.20am BST

Vince, then. He’s played nicely here, and has a brilliant chance to secure a spot and enhance England’s position in the game. Can he seize it?

4.16am BST

The sleep-deprived Simon McMahon is in my inbox.

“Top of the morning/evening to you, Will,” he grins. “Having a 19 year old daughter certainly helps keep you awake at night, especially at weekends. Back at 3.15 tonight / this morning. So pretty early really. Very useful for England tours to New Zealand.”

4.12am BST

35th over: England 113-1 (Stoneman 42, Vince 55) The Barmies are making lots of noise because England are on Nelson, so Vince gets them off it with a push through cover off Sodhi. Stoneman cuts one and Vince leaves the last.

And that’s the tea break. A good session for England. I’ll be back in a tick.

4.09am BST

34th over: England 111-1 (Stoneman 41, Vince 54) Wagner’s bumping Stoneman again. He gets off strike, and Vince keeps pulling - this time just for one. Speaking of Wagner, Sachin Paul doesn’t rate the great man. Stoneman evades the rest of the over, which is the penultimate one before tea.

“Wagner doesn’t do it for me,” he grumps. “You can’t have a bowler who bowls *only* bouncers. Yes, he’s likely to win you the odd match but you’re giving away the initiative by bowling such a predictable bowler. Williamson is losing the match through this spell.”

4.06am BST

33rd over: England 109-1 (Stoneman 40, Vince 53) Stoneman turns Sodhi away for one, then Vince gropes at a big leggie outside off. He’s bowling nicely now. Just as I type that... he drags down horribly, and Vince pulls away for four to move to 49.

And there’s his 50! With the signature stroke – a gorgeous cover drive. Well batted, but there’s plenty still to do. It’s taken 71 balls, and included nine lovely fours.

4.01am BST

32nd over: England 100-1 (Stoneman 39, Vince 45) Field is set for Vince to pull Wagner, and he does! The bumper doesn’t get up and he pulls fine for four. Shot. There’s another bouncer next ball, and he pulls one. Stoneman will get more of the same. He gets under some bouncers, and also turns two fuller balls away through midwicket for two, then one. Tea is a couple of overs away.

3.56am BST

31st over: England 92-1 (Stoneman 36, Vince 40) The batsmen trade singles off Sodhi. Vince turns one to leg off the googly; is Vince picking him?

3.53am BST

It’s not an outside edge! It’s taken Stoneman’s upper arm, with just the sleeve disturbed.

3.51am BST

30th over: England 89-1 (Stoneman 35, Vince 38) Right, now we are talking. Wagner goes round the wicket to Stoneman, and bumps him. Short leg’s in there, and Stoneman turns one round the corner. Vince is bumped too and, with three men back, takes on the pull. He gets one to fine leg. Back over the wicket to Stoneman, with leg gully in now too, there’s an outside edge and Watling snaffles a low catch! The batsman reviews...

3.46am BST

29th over: England 87-1 (Stoneman 34, Vince 37) Sodhi can make Stoneman’s life tough from round the wicket with those footmarks, but he overpitches and the leftie gets off strike. Vince wants to get after the leggie, and misses a big drive. One from it.

3.43am BST

28th over: England 86-1 (Stoneman 33, Vince 37) Classic Wagner. Full or short. Stoneman is resistant, and takes a single – guided through backward point – off the final ball.

3.39am BST

27th over: England 85-1 (Stoneman 32, Vince 37) Vince pinches a single to mid-off from Sodhi’s first ball, so the leggie goes round the wicket to Stoneman. One off the inside edge past short-leg follows. There are footmarks there. The trouble for New Zealand here is that England are just milking singles, with four coming from this over.

3.36am BST

26th over: England 81-1 (Stoneman 30, Vince 35) I sense today’s final session will see one of those Wagner spells where he just chugs in for hours, and then a couple more overs for good measure. Stoneman is defensive here, and it’s a maiden.

3.32am BST

25th over: England 81-1 (Stoneman 30, Vince 35) Vince is careful to Sodhi until, again, summoning a brainfade. He pulls hard, just short of the man at deep midwicket. They run one, then Stoneman gets a single too. Sodhi goes wide and floaty and Vince just nails one of those cover drives for four utterly gorgeous runs.

Root, I reckon, will absolutely relish this situation. One of his swift 50-somethings would be very handy.

@willis_macp

Somehow I got some sleep and am fresh as a daisy Will. Not good. I backed NZ at 7/4 draw no bet and am getting worried. These two may put on a score. Not sure the rail will be as lucky. All about Root though. He is the wicket....

Who replaces Cook? Jim....

3.29am BST

24th over: England 75-1 (Stoneman 29, Vince 30) Wagner’s back. Always a pleasure! The only run is a pulled single for Vince from the over’s last ball which, strangely, is the first proper bumper.

Alex Butler’s been in touching with a “Hello from Qingdao, the home of Chinese beer!”

3.25am BST

23rd over: England 74-1 (Stoneman 29, Vince 29) Sodhi drifts onto Stoneman’s pads and he takes one to deep midwicket. Vince is watchful, and picks the wrong’un before sending a half-tracker away for one to bring up the fifty partnership. It took 85 balls. Right now, Vince has 501 Test runs, and Stoneman 482 (from 10 Tests to Vince’s 13).

3.22am BST

22nd over: England 72-1 (Stoneman 28, Vince 28) More from Big Colin. From round the wicket, he is looking to tempt Stoneman into a big drive – there are two catching covers and two gullies (no slip...). Stoneman drives past all these men for one, but it’s a no-ball. Vince defends the second effort under his nose.

3.18am BST

21st over: England 70-1 (Stoneman 27, Vince 28) Nice start from Sodhi. Bit of drift and loop and Stoneman gets an inside edge for one past short leg. Vince defends a few under his nose and then, utterly maddeningly, premeditates a sweep, but there’s a legslip there! It bounces just before him. Vince makes up for it with two to leg to end the over.

3.15am BST

Good morning/afternoon/whatever. Will here, to guide you through the 49 overs that remain in the day. It’s been a superbly entertaining day while Rob was at the wheel, and I’m hoping for the same luck. Hagley, as ever, looks a picture.

England are in pretty good nick. Their lead is 96, Stoneman and Vince have 26 each and a huge chance to bury some doubts.

3.11am BST

20th over: England 67-1 (Stoneman 26, Vince 26) James Vince plays another lovely stroke, driving de Grandhomme through mid-on for four. He has raced to 26 from 32 balls. That’s drinks, and time for me to hand over to Will Macpherson for the rest of the day. Thanks, goodnight!

3.07am BST

19th over: England 61-1 (Stoneman 26, Vince 20) If this innings goes well for England they will need to think of a declaration at some stage, though I suspect that won’t be a consideration until tomorrow. We’re about to reach the halfway point of the Test so there is plenty of time left, though the pitch is unlikely to deteriorate much.

3.04am BST

18th over: England 60-1 (Stoneman 26, Vince 19) Stoneman back cuts de Grandhomme for four more. I would definitely give him another chance next summer - his Test career has been frustrating, with all those unfinished starts, but he has shown enough to suggest he can handle Test cricket. England lead by 89.

“Regarding the inevitable conclusion of Cook’s career,” says Chris Wright. “What are your views on the merits of: a) retirement after the fact, with the match concluded, with no big send-off and guard of honour and all that; b) announcing retirement ahead of a home tour (or at least a final match) and thus getting to farewell your public but also perhaps creating extra pressure on yourself and the team through that tour?”

2.59am BST

17th over: England 56-1 (Stoneman 22, Vince 19) Neil Wagner is coming into the attack to replace Trent Boult (8-1-23-1). With the pitch flat and the ball not doing much, this could be a Neil Wagner sort of day. Vince greets him with another sweet cover drive for four. Jeez he looks so good. But we all know how this story ends.

2.56am BST

16th over: England 52-1 (Stoneman 22, Vince 15) A beautiful, flowing cover from Stoneman races away for four. He has got his eye in once again, and will be desperate to avoid another nothing score.

2.52am BST

15th over: England 48-1 (Stoneman 18, Vince 15) Boult continues to tempt Vince with full, wide deliveries. Vince resists those and pushes a straighter delivery for two.

“Wotcha, Bob,” says Mac Millings. “I thought I would write to say how good Vince looks, although my main purpose is to see if he’s out by the time this gets to you.”

2.49am BST

14th over: England 46-1 (Stoneman 18, Vince 13) Colin de Grandhomme replaces Tim Southee and has a huge LBW shout against Vince turned down. It was a very full delivery but looked like it was angling down the leg side.

“Sometimes it is best to just stay inside and be old,” says Adam Hirst. “Just heard what sounded like a chase through the streets below, one car shooting repeatedly at another. Saturday night in Rio…”

2.44am BST

13th over: England 45-1 (Stoneman 18, Vince 12) That’s nice from Stoneman, a confident cover drive for four off Boult. He looked a bit nervous before lunch but has been comfortable since then.

2.41am BST

12th over: England 38-1 (Stoneman 11, Vince 12) Southee has an LBW shout caught in the throat after an inside edge from Stoneman. Then Vince, who has started assertively, cuts smoothly for four. He has 12 from seven balls.

2.36am BST

11th over: England 34-1 (Stoneman 11, Vince 8) Boult angles one across Vince, who squirts it wide of the slip cordon for four.

2.34am BST

10th over: England 29-1 (Stoneman 10, Vince 4) Cook has had such problems with left-arm quicks this winter. England’s next opponents are Pakistan, who have Mohammad Amir and Wahab Riaz, although India are unlikely to bring a left-arm quick for the five-Test series that follows. They do have Ravindra Jadeja, though. I agree with Nasser Hussain, who says Cook should give himself the summer and get some rhythm with Essex, but I’m not sure he will.

“Hi Rob,” says Joe Maitland. “I’m writing from Mexico where I’m having the surreal experience of watching a series of small children swinging wildly at and missing a piñata. The comparison to the recent performances of England’s top order is too obvious to make, but I’ve had a couple of beers so I’ll make it anyway...”

2.29am BST

9th over: England 28-1 (Stoneman 8, Vince 4) Cook was visibly annoyed when he got out, which is not something you see too often. I think he might decide to retire after this game. The new batsman Vince, who is probably playing his last Test innings, gets off the mark with a typically gorgeous extra-cover drive for four.

2.26am BST

Cook has gone! He’d started his innings really well but that’s irrelevant now. He felt indecisively outside off stump at a ball he could have left, and Watling took a nice tumbling catch.

2.24am BST

8th over: England 23-0 (Cook 14, Stoneman 8) A short ball from Southee is spanked through midwicket for four by Cook, who then edges a flashing drive over the slips for four more. I think he deliberately went up and over with that shot.

“Rabbits!” sniffs John Starbuck. “I too watched MOTD but then went to bed as the rum was making me tired. However, I woke up some time back as I’d forgotten to take my various medicines, so won’t leave it until daylight to check the OBO. Welcome to old age.”

2.19am BST

7th over: England 15-0 (Cook 6, Stoneman 8) Cook, sent back by Stoneman, survives when Wagner’s throw whistles past the stumps. He might have been safe anyway. Cook and Stoneman look pretty comfortable at the moment.

“Lunchtime shenanigans, guess where I am,” says Jo Beasley, sending a picture of BLOODY CHRISTCHURCH AND CRICKET AND PEOPLE HAVING FUN. I always wanted to go to New Zealand. I hate you all, and you can all bugger off.

2.15am BST

6th over: England 14-0 (Cook 5, Stoneman 8) Southee starts after lunch. There hasn’t been much swing with this new ball, which is good news for England, and there are already signs that Southee is starting to pull his length back a touch. Stoneman gets up on his toes to time a lovely boundary through the covers.

“Gorblimey, Aus/SA this morning and Eng/NZ tonight, you’re really putting in a shift, young Smyth,” says Robert Wilson. “Your dreams must be spectacular (your wistful demand for partygoers to write in was one of the saddest things I’ve ever read). Knockout stuff from Southee. Can you still love the game on doubletime? I hope you still have enough hope and cheer in your heart to concede that whatever ails cricket, this Kiwi team may well be the cure.”

1.34am BST

That mini-session wasn’t too fraught for England, with Cook looking encouragingly light-footed. There’s still plenty of work to do against this new-ball pair of Boult and Southee after lunch. See you in 30 minutes for the afternoon session. Meantime, here’s an old favourite.

1.32am BST

5th over: England 7-0 (Cook 4, Stoneman 2) Boult bowls the last over before lunch. Stoneman, who looks a bit nervous, plays a loose back-foot force and is beaten on the inside. He gets off the mark with a couple off the final ball of the over - and that’s lunch.

1.28am BST

4th over: England 4-0 (Cook 3, Stoneman 0) Stoneman is beaten, feeling tentatively at Southee. I would give him another chance even if he fails here, but there’s no guarantee that’s what will happen. You suspect that, in his head, he’s playing for his Test career. A maiden from Southee.

1.25am BST

3rd over: England 4-0 (Cook 3, Stoneman 0) A quiet over. Cook is obviously determined to get forward as much as possible against the new ball, and so far he has looked good against his nemesis Boult.

1.21am BST

2nd over: England 3-0 (Cook 3, Stoneman 0) Southee’s first ball is a good inswinger that Cook just manages to shovel to safety. His feet seem to be moving a bit better that in the first innings, though, and he gets forward to drive through extra cover for two.

New Zealand might have to do without Neil Wagner for a while - he is off the field, presumably being assessed after that blow to the head from Broad.

1.18am BST

1st over: England 1-0 (Cook 1, Stoneman 0) Boult starts with a good over, making Cook play at everything. Cook gets off the mark with a leading edge for a single. I have a feeling that, if Cook fails here, he might retire after the match.

“Rob,” says Brian Withington. “Given the performances of the respective England and NZ upper orders and support bowlers, are we witnessing a new type of Test cricket: five-a-side?”

1.14am BST

This is the first time in over 100 years (1912 the previous) that the four opening bowlers have taken the first 20 wickets to fall in a Test match, and just the third time in history!

Wowzer!

@5liveSport extra
https://t.co/Heb7IlG4Hh #bbccricket #NZvENG pic.twitter.com/Ce9KgvCbhz

1.13am BST

Cook and Stoneman will face a tricky 15-minute spell before lunch. This game is beautifully poised. The pitch is not expected to deteriorate, so New Zealand will not fear a fourth-innings chase.

1.06am BST

Broad finally ends the nonsense. Boult top-edges a pull towards fine leg, where Malan takes a well judged catch despite looking straight into the sun. Broad ends with six for 54 and shares all 10 wickets with James Anderson. England have a lead of 29 and plenty to fear.

1.03am BST

93rd over: New Zealand 278-9 (Wagner 24, Boult 16) The frustration continues when Boult mishits Wood just over the head of Broad at short mid-off.

If dressage can be an Olympic sport, so can Trent Boult’s batting

1.01am BST

Trent Boult survives an appeal for a catch down the leg side off Wood. England decide to review on Bairstow’s recommendation, but replays show it missed the bat.

12.57am BST

92nd over: New Zealand 276-9 (Wagner 22, Boult 15) There have been a few twists in this match already, and this last-wicket partnership has provided another. Boult chips Broad breezily down the ground for a couple to reduce the lead to 31.

12.51am BST

91st over: New Zealand 273-9 (Wagner 22, Boult 13) Mark Wood replaces Jimmy Anderson, presumably with instructions to bowl full and straight. Boult carts him wide of mid-off for three more and then blasts an outrageous four through the covers. England’s lead has been trimmed to 34. I swear they are playing the theme from Jaws on the tannoy.

“A lot of spring chickens emailing in tonight bemoaning turning 40 as excuse for a quiet evening in. It was my 60th last week so no prizes for guessing where I’m sipping my Malbec,” says Brian Withington. “Lovely to see a couple of veteran bowlers proving there is still life in the old dogs after a tough winter tour. In the words of Mickey Flanagan, Watling’s dismissal by Anderson was a clear case of ‘going out, out’.”

12.45am BST

90th over: New Zealand 265-9 (Wagner 21, Boult 6) Wagner carves Broad for four more. This partnership is worth 28 - not exactly on a par with Dave Richardson and Paul Adams, who produced the most miserable 10th-wicket partnership in history, but still extremely handy in the context of the match and series.

“In response to Martin Burley’s question on when daylight savings will occur on Easter Sunday again the answer is not in the foreseeable since NZ is switching daylight savings to the third Saturday in March from 2019,” says Kevin Burley. “Enjoy the opportunity while it lasts I say!”

12.39am BST

89th over: New Zealand 259-9 (Wagner 15, Boult 6) Wagner edges Anderson for four over the slips and then top-edges a falling hook for six! Thirteen from the over, and Anderson is about to misplace his rag.

“Perhaps England should face facts and change their order,” says Ian Copestake, “so that the walking wafters and edgers can be spared the new ball and open with Bairstow and Cook instead.”

12.32am BST

88th over: New Zealand 246-9 (Wagner 2, Boult 6) Boult, skidding around the crease like a foal on roller skates, misses an almighty slap at a short ball from Broad. England have a useful lead of 63 but they certainly aren’t immune from defeat. The pessimist in me fears for England’s top order against the new ball. There is a lot pressure on Cook, Stoneman and Vince, any of whom might be about to play their last Test innings.

“Lovely sunny day to be sitting on the embankment here in Christchurch,” says Martin Burley. “Just enough of a breeze. And I think it was very considerate of England to wait half an hour to get their first wickets of the day, since I imagine a few people would’ve arrived late due to an April Fool double bluff (“You’re saying the match is starting earlier because of daylight savings change? Nice try!”). Wonder how many years it’ll be until Easter Sunday plus April Fool’s Day plus the daylight savings change will next be in conjunction?”

12.27am BST

87th over: New Zealand 243-9 (Wagner 1, Boult 4) That’s Anderson’s fourth wicket. He is in sensational form: in the last year he has taken 63 Test wickets at 18.58. Not bad for a 35-year-old.

12.24am BST

Anderson ends the fun and games with another good delivery. It was on a full length with just enough movement to beat Southee’s yahoo and send the middle stump flying.

12.21am BST

86th over: New Zealand 239-8 (Southee 50, Wagner 1) Wagner visits the canvas after being hit by a beautiful bouncer from Broad. It jagged back off the seam and followed Wagner before ramming into his helmet. Wagner springs straight to his feet and tells Broad he’s fine, though the physio has come on to make sure.

After a bit of treatment, including ice and painkillers, Wagner continues and fences another short ball wide of short leg for a single. That brings Southee back on strike, and he takes a single to bring up an impressive, menacing fifty from just 45 balls.

12.13am BST

85th over: New Zealand 236-8 (Southee 48, Wagner 0) Southee top-edges an almighty pull stroke over the keeper’s head for four. England fans should not count a solitary chicken while he is still at the crease.

Tim Southee is the sixiest contemporary Test cricketer ... and no, that's not the accent ... #NZvEng https://t.co/uoGvySspqO

12.09am BST

84th over: New Zealand 231-8 (Southee 43, Wagner 0) That was the last ball of the over. Anderson, Broad, Southee and Boult have shared all 18 wickets in this game.

12.08am BST

Broad gets his five-for! Sodhi fiddles outside off stump and edges straight through to Bairstow. That’s Broad’s first five-wicket haul since he flattened South Africa at Johannesburg a couple of years ago, and a reward for all the work he put in after the Ashes.

12.03am BST

83rd over: New Zealand 231-7 (Southee 43, Sodhi 1) Southee edges Anderson wide of the slips for four and is then cut in half by a big nipbacker. Anderson is making it talk.

11.59pm BST

Anderson has cleaned Watling up with a stunning delivery. It was a full-length outswinger that beat the outside edge and rammed into the stumps as Watling tried to flick to leg. That’s an absolute peach, and ends an admirable innings of 85 from Watling.

11.58pm BST

82nd over: New Zealand 226-6 (Watling 84, Southee 39) Stuart Broad shares the new ball and locates the fuller length that brought so much joy yesterday. Watling looks really solid in defence, however, and tucks the last delivery off the pads for a single. Good cricket from both gentlemen.

“Evening Rob,” says Phil Sawyer. “Hang on. Gin and rum? Chris Green (75th over) mixes my kind of cocktails.”

11.54pm BST

81st over: New Zealand 225-6 (Watling 83, Southee 39) James Anderson takes the second new ball and gets it to move straight away, beating Southee with a lovely outswinger. Southee responds with a thumping straight drive for four. Shot! This has been a scintillating innings, 39 from 36 balls. In the context of a slow-scoring, lowish-scoring Test, it’s been a gem.

11.49pm BST

80th over: New Zealand 219-6 (Watling 83, Southee 34) Watling edges Stokes wide of slip for four. These are useful runs for New Zealand and irritating for England, who could face a dose of the third-innings blues if they don’t wrap this innings up before lunch. The second new ball is due.

“I’m not so much ‘on the town’, as I am ‘eating cheese and crackers and drinking red wine while watching Match of the Day and reading about cricket’,” boasts Matt Dony. “Young rock n roll Matt is disappointed in what he will become. You either die a hero, or live long enough to become the villain...”

11.46pm BST

79th over: New Zealand 215-6 (Watling 79, Southee 34) Jack Leach comes on for one over before the second new ball. That’s an interesting decisioin from Joe Root, because Southee will surely go after him. And so he does, crashing a boundary down the ground off the second ball. Leach got a hand on it but it would have been a miraculous catch.

“Morning/Evening Rob,” says Simon McMahon. “Does lying on your sofa half asleep with a can of warm beer and some peanuts count as being ‘out on the town’? If it’s after 10 o’clock in the evening, it does in my house.”

11.41pm BST

78th over: New Zealand 209-6 (Watling 78, Southee 29) Watling is a lovely, orthodox batsman, and defends immaculately throughout that over from Stokes. A maiden.

“May I engage in bravado,” begins Ian Copestake, “and state that as someone well past 40 I am not in the least bit tired and this is only partially to do with the beverage being consumed and more with eating the peach of glorious weekend sporting banter.”

11.38pm BST

77th over: New Zealand 209-6 (Watling 77, Southee 29) There’s a bit of reverse swing for England, though I’m sure it won’t stop them taking the second new ball after 80 overs - not least because Southee is looking really dangerous. He ends the over with consecutive boundaries off Wood, smoking a full ball down the ground and clouting a pull through midwicket.

11.34pm BST

76th over: New Zealand 200-6 (Watling 77, Southee 21) Ben Stokes is going to bowl, so Anderson and Broad will be saved for the second new ball. Southee is a dangerous customer at No8 - an absurd 27 per cent of his Test runs have come from sixes. Right on cue, he smashes Stokes’ third ball of the day over midwicket for six. Stokes responds by beating the bat with the next two deliveries.

11.30pm BST

75th over: New Zealand 192-6 (Watling 77, Southee 13) Mark Wood has one ball remaining of his 18th over. It swings into Watling, who defends solidly. Next!

“I had to respond to your request for people partying late at night in the UK,” says Chris Green. “As I’m approaching 40, I must admit I’m nearly ready for bed... but have indulged in a few fine glasses of gin and rum this evening. Happy Easter! This match seems a mite more finely balanced than the last. My friends have been muttering about Root the captain being ‘too soon’, but I think give him a chance - even if that chance takes five years to develop. What do you think?”

11.22pm BST

“Morning Rob,” says Andy Bradshaw. “England to balls this up by bowling too short & not at the stumps. Allow NZ to get within spitting distance & then an almighty collapse by the joke that is our top order. It might seem a tad defeatist, but I have no confidence in this side at the moment. Still, happy sugar coma to everyone for the morrow.”

11.15pm BST

11.09pm BST

An email! “It’d be some turnaround for Broad to get a five-fer today, and I doubt many bar himself would’ve predicted it,” says Guy Hornsby. “But I’d be cock-a-hoop if he did. This little series may be overshadowed by *other events* but it’s about more than sandpaper, and an England win would arrest a significant slide, and frankly, be a breath of fresh air in a winter tour that is more stale than Jimmy’s insoles.”

11.01pm BST

Fantasy County Cricket

Now, the folks who congregate below the line on our county blog have organised a Fantasy League for the upcoming season. If you’re interested in joining, click here. The code you need is MVAMFAYQ.

10.21pm BST

This is not without charm

11 years ago, I asked for this picture... 11 years later I’m in an @englandcricket squad with 2 of them

10.20pm BST

Play will start at 10.30am local time today. That’s 11.30pm in England. If you’re out on the town, do get in touch. I’m all for some vicarious partying to enliven the long night ahead.

2.08pm BST

Hello. Stuart Broad’s career has been defined by matchwinning performances. There have been a dozen or so in Tests, yet they have all occurred in two countries: England and South Africa. He might add New Zealand to the list in the next few days. A rejuvenated Broad and the marvellous James Anderson look like England’s best hope of drawing the series and ending their long run without a Test win overseas. Welcome to England’s future; it looks quite a look like their past.

Broad’s first task is to complete his first five-for since he routed South Africa at Johannesburg in January 2016. He took four of the six wickets to fall yesterday, and looked somewhere near his rampaging best. New Zealand will resume on 192 for six, a deficit of 115, with the new ball due in 5.1 overs. There will be more twists, as there always are in mid-scoring Tests. But with Broad in this mood, England at least have a chance of victory.

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Published on March 31, 2018 22:50