Rob Smyth's Blog, page 146

April 15, 2018

Manchester United 0-1 West Brom: Premier League – as it happened

Jay Rodriguez’s goal gave West Brom a shock victory in a dreadful game at Old Trafford - and clinched a fifth league title for Manchester City

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Read all about it...

5.53pm BST

Manchester United are booed off after a bizarre game of football. They were hideous, and deserved to lose to a West Brom side who had won just one of their last 30 league games. Hell, bloody football and all that. City win the title with five matches to spare, which equals the Premier League record set by United in 2000-01. Congratulations to them and West Brom, commiserations to United. Thanks for your company, bye!

5.50pm BST

Full time: Manchester United 0-1 West Brom (Rodriguez)

It’s all over. West Brom have won the Premier League!

5.49pm BST

90+3 min Yacob on, Brunt off for West Brom. He’s been terrific today.

5.48pm BST

90+3 min Valencia’s driven cross is headed straight at Foster by Smalling.

5.46pm BST

90 min There will be four minutes of added time.

5.45pm BST

89 min West Brom are defending their lead comfortably. Lindelof’s nothing pass is headed away by Gibbs and lumped downfield by someone or other.

5.44pm BST

88 min “Sunderland 2006,” says Mike Gibbons.

5.42pm BST

86 min United are struggling to go down with a whimper, never mind a bang. It’s bizarre. They haven’t been helped by a home crowd whose only noises have been groans and boos.

5.41pm BST

85 min Another West Brom change: Salomon Rondon is replaced by former footballer Daniel Sturridge.

5.40pm BST

84 min United have been tactically naive today, constantly trying to play through the middle even though the only space is out wide. They have hardly got behind the full-backs all day.

5.39pm BST

83 min The word ‘shocker’ feels inadequate to describe what United have had today. This is a desperate mess.

5.38pm BST

82 min “If last week’s mugging wasn’t frustrating enough for a City fan, are United are now going one better by not even allowing them to win it on the pitch?” says James Evans.

5.37pm BST

81 min United don’t really look like scoring. West Brom’s defending has been extremely impressive. McClean surges forward from the halfway line and lashes a cross-shot a few yards wide of the far post.

5.36pm BST

79 min Before today West Brom had won one of their last 30 league games, at home to Brighton.

5.34pm BST

78 min “I’ve seen both McLean & Lingard shout Foxtrot Oscar directly into the referee’s face today within any punishment,” says Niall Mullen. “I can only imagine what Buffon said to Michael Oliver.”

5.33pm BST

77 min Nyom is finally booked for a hack at Martial.

5.33pm BST

77 min West Brom make a chance, with Matt Phillips replaced by Grzegorz Krychowiak.

5.32pm BST

76 min If it stays like this, Manchester City will be champions, and United will have completed a bizarre week in which they won away to the champions and lost at home to the bottom team.

5.31pm BST

75 min Marcus Rashford replaces Ashley Young. Don’t ask me what formation United are now playing.

5.31pm BST

75 min Sanchez picks out Martial, who mishits a shot over the bar from 15 yards.

5.29pm BST

Hahaha, West Brom have scored! Brunt’s deep corner from the right was headed back across the face of goal by the under pressure Matic, and Rodriguez arrived late to plant a stooping header past De Gea.

5.28pm BST

72 min The lively Rodriguez leads a three-on-three break and finds Phillips, who wins a corner. It would, let’s be honest, be pretty hilarious if West Brom won this game.

5.27pm BST

71 min A draw today would not mathematically give City the title, though they would be 15 points and 30 goals clear with five games to play.

5.26pm BST

70 min West Brom are camped in their own half now. Mata plays an inviting square pass to Lingard, who slashes a shot just wide from inside the D. Lingard wanted a corner, and replays show that it did indeed deflect off Brunt.

5.24pm BST

68 min “I found United more fun to watch when they had an attack consisting of several talented and likable youngsters like Martial, Lukaku and Rashford,” says Phil Podolsky. “The arrival of an ageing big-name mercenary in Sanchez made them less fun to watch for this neutral. I’m sure Jose will be fascinated with this tactical analysis.”

5.22pm BST

66 min: Great save from Foster! That’s more like it! Matic swings in a cross from deep on the left towards Lukaku, who bullies Gibbs and thumps a downward header towards goal from ten yards. Foster plunges to his right and just tips it away at full stretch.

5.21pm BST

65 min “I’m obviously no fan of United, but I accept they have a weird public persona this season,” says Matt Dony. “If someone were to base their knowledge purely upon thinkpieces, they would assume that Liverpool and Tottenham are comfortably above United in the league. It’s hard to love Jose’s style of football, but I’ve always loved him as a manager and a presence in the league (Although, I would HATE to have him at Liverpool). One thing that’s been noticeable this year is, they’ve rediscovered the ability to come back. Ferguson’s United hardly ever looked beaten; you always, always expected them to mount a come-back. Without being exciting, or even particularly consistent, they’ve had some of that steeliness this year. I respect them. Grudgingly. Bitterly. Annoyingly.”

5.20pm BST

64 min Martial has looked lively since coming on, and Sanchez is still scurrying around relentlessly.

5.18pm BST

63 min “Bored,” says David Flynn. “The most likely scorer in this game is Harry Kane.”

5.18pm BST

62 min It’s now pouring down at Old Trafford, the heavens weeping at the memory of a Giggs-Scholes-Keane-Beckham midfield.

5.17pm BST

61 min “Hey Rob,” says JR in Illinois. “I’m finding this game very similar to that 5-5 game five years ago with the exception of the ten goals.”

5.16pm BST

60 min Martial runs at Nyom, who shoves him over with all the subtlety of a ramraider. The free-kick leads to a corner which leads to sweet, sweet nothing.

5.15pm BST

59 min “Generally, if you say it’s two good goalkeepers playing well, it would give the impression of a freeflowing open game,” says Adam Roberts. “This fixture disproves that theory. I’d write more but the lethargy induced by watching this has overwhelmed me.”

Embrace the lethargy. I’m so bored that I’m starting to get a kind of Valium high.

5.14pm BST

58 min A United change: Anthony Martial replaces Paul Pogba, who was poor.

5.11pm BST

55 min Pogba, already booked, shoves McClean over just outside the box. It wasn’t enough for a second yellow card but he needs to be careful. The free-kick is a long way to the left of centre, and Brunt spanks it into the wall.

5.09pm BST

54 min This match is absolute muck.

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53 min Mata whistles a 20-yard shot well wide.

5.08pm BST

52 min Imagine following that City comeback with this.

5.07pm BST

51 min “My United supporting friend also says that this team should get more respect,” says Niall Mullen. “I think they do get respect but not a lot of love (like most Mourinho teams they are not that lovable). The respect is mitigated by the fact that they’ve essentially failed to trouble the scorers in the two big competitions despite spending a lot of dough & hiring a blue-chip manager. Also United fans asking for their team to get more respect is indicative of the post Fergie slide. I’m used to a bulletproof United swagger that doesn’t really give a fig what people think of them. That seems to have disappeared.”

5.05pm BST

49 min Lukaku isolates Gibbs, beats him with his 12th stepover and hits a low cross that deflects into the warm bosom of Foster.

5.04pm BST

49 min De Gea makes another comfortable save from a Rondon header.

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47 min Lingard almost scores straight away with a shot that is crucially blocked in the kamikaze style by Dawson.

5.01pm BST

46 min United begin the second half. Lingard has, in fact, replaced Ander Herrera.

5.00pm BST

Manchester United have made a half-time change, with Jesse Lingard coming on to replace all 10 outfield players.

4.59pm BST

“If this game carries on in the same vein,” says Ryan, “this MBM could be up there with Jacob Steinberg’s fabled MBM of the FA Cup 5th round replay between Fulham and Sheffield United in 2014. Sometimes when I’m feeling down, I find that page in my bookmarks and remember that at least I’m not being forced by my employer to watch that terrible match. There’s certainly a place beside it for another one, and you just might be in the process of suffering for this art.”

4.58pm BST

“Watching Leicester in the 70s, there would sometimes be a quick break,” begins Adam Roberts. “It would reach Jon Sammels on half way and he would put his foot on the ball, look around, slow the game, let the defence organise itself and lose all momentum. Paul Pogba’s playing that role today.”

He’s got the keys to the kingdom but hasn’t got time to use them because he’s having too much fun on his smartphone.

4.56pm BST

“You said earlier that this United side deserves more respect; isn’t this sort of game exactly the reason they don’t get it?” says Nick Parish. “I expect they’ll win comfortably 2-0 in the end, having survived a few scares along the way, but compare how City, Liverpool, Spurs or any of Fergie’s great United sides would have put this West Brom team to the sword. That’s how you earn respect.”

Yep, fair point. I still think United/Mourinho deserve more respect for the fact they are above Liverpool and Spurs, but they didn’t half test my remaining generosity of spirit in the first 45 minutes.

4.46pm BST

Half-time reading

4.46pm BST

Let us never speak of that half again.

4.45pm BST

45+1 min Pogba links up well with Sanchez and whacks a shot that deflects off Hegazi and over the bar. United have their first corner!

4.43pm BST

44 min Can you die of boredom?

4.42pm BST

42 min West Brom win the first corner of the match - and almost score from it. Brunt swings the ball beyond the far post to Dawson, who heads it dangerously into the six-yard box. There’s nobody there for West Brom and Smalling hooks it clear.

4.41pm BST

41 min “At LEGOLAND Windsor getting wet,” says Ian Sargeant. “At least I’m not watching this match.”

4.37pm BST

38 min A sustained spell of pressure for United ends when Pogba wafts over the bar from near the touchline.

4.37pm BST

37 min “As an Arsenal player Sanchez used to terrify me by picking the ball up between the lines & then being able to turn & create havoc.,” says Niall Mullen. “That sort of player is not one that generally thrives in a Mourinho side. I wonder if that’s why he’s not been on top form since arriving (or does he just have too many miles on the clock)?”

He’s looked much more like himself in the last couple of weeks, I think. He needs better movement around him though. This isn’t a particularly mobile side.

4.36pm BST

36 min Herrera’s miscontrol turns into a perfect through pass for Lukaku, who himself miscontrols the ball through to Foster. A triumph for all concerned.

4.34pm BST

34 min “West Brom are typically a fairly likeable team (unless your loyalties lie elsewhere in the midlands, I guess), and Chris Brunt has a magnificent left foot, so it’s been sad to see their season turn out to be such an unrelenting sequence of inadequacy,” says Matt Dony. “But even more frustrating that, in the midst of all that, they completely deservedly smashed Liverpool out of the FA Cup. Typical. They’re down, obviously, but I wish them a speedy return.”

4.32pm BST

32 min There are a few groans when Pogba stands still with the ball, waiting for some movement in front of him. United’s attacking player has been far too slow.

4.29pm BST

30 min “In the office with one eye on the MBM, waiting for the rain to abate so I can cycle to the curry house,” says Philip Wainwright. “Is that two saves with the mush from Foster? I wonder what the record saves with face is for a match. One for The Knowledge?”

The only question from this game for the Knowledge is: did anyone who watched the entirety from the first half-hour emerge with their sanity intact?

4.28pm BST

29 min Pogba is booked for deliberate handball in the West Brom area.

4.28pm BST

28 min This is crap!

4.25pm BST

25 min McClean’s very deep cross finds Rondon, who stretches over Lindelof to head towards goal. De Gea gets down to his right to make a comfortable save.

4.23pm BST

23 min Sanchez and Mata look bright for United. Pogba has been pretty quiet.

4.21pm BST

21 min “No Pardew today means no dancing I guess,” laments Niall Mullen. “It’s been all downhill for him since that moment of hubris. Has any other footballer/manager suffered in a similar way after such an act? I can only think of Joe Hart screaming at Pirlo before watching both a Panenka and his career at an elite level sail by.”

4.19pm BST

19 min Mata threads a clever through pass to Lukaku, whose shot hits the face of Foster. Sanchez’s follow-up is also saved, this time in more authentic fashion. Replays suggest that was a foul by Dawson on Herrera, though he also made the most of it.

4.18pm BST

18 min United have a penalty appeal turned down when Herrera is challenged in the area by Dawson. I thought it looked a penalty, though we haven’t seen a replay.

4.16pm BST

16 min It’s all a bit pedestrian and sloppy from United. West Brom look like they fancy their chances.

4.13pm BST

13 min McClean’s cross is headed over by Rondon, 10 yards from goal. That was a decent chance too, though he was under pressure from Lindelof. West Brom have started very well.

4.12pm BST

12 min De Gea makes a good save from Livermore! The move started when the busy Rodriguez robbed Herrera near the halfway line and found Rondon. He eventually moved the ball across the area for Livermore, who came back inside onto his left foot and hit a low shot towards the far corner. De Gea got down smartly to his right to palm it away. Livermore should probably have scored.

4.10pm BST

11 min “I always adhere to that great Greek philosopher of sport, Willamus Parcellus: ‘You are what your record says you are,’” says George Melkie. “Chelsea fan I am, so no skin in this: Man City rule 2018, Man U also ran, we ate dirt.”

If Chelsea are dirt, I shudder to think what West Brom have eaten.

4.09pm BST

10 min Foster saves with his face from Mata, who was offside anyway.

4.08pm BST

9 min United are having loads of possession, with Sanchez looking lively. West Brom’s defending has been good so far.

4.08pm BST

8 min “In the 5-5 game, it was Romelu Lukaku who scored the hattrick to deny SAF the perfect farewell,” says Anwesh Mishra. “Hope the big lad does something similar today. Although, he has always been a goalscorer, his all-round game has had a decent improvement after the dry spell he had. He was easily one of our best players against Chelsea and that sordid affair against Sevilla.”

He also missed that great chance in Seville, though I agree there have been promising signs in the last few weeks. I’m still not convined about him.

4.05pm BST

5 min Rodriguez robs Matic in a dangeroua area, tries to go past the last man Lindelof and slips over on the edge of the box.

4.04pm BST

4 min I thought United might try to blow West Brom away at the start but that hasn’t happened - it’s been pretty low key so far.

4.00pm BST

2 min “Hey Rob,” says JR in Illinois. “I’m looking for a big game from Jake Livermore today. Perhaps a goal and an assist in addition to patrolling and dominating the midfield. Nah, just fooling around. He shouldn’t even be playing. What a disaster this season has been for my Baggies. The not brief enough tenure of King Pardew possibly being the worst part of it. Just a few more indignities to suffer before it’s over. At least today’s expected beatdown should be a big boost for my fantasy team.”

4.00pm BST

1 min Peep peep! West Brom get the game under way.

3.55pm BST

The players are in the tunnel, This Is The One is on the tannoy. It’s time for some association football.

3.47pm BST

Jose Mourinho speaks “We want to try to finish second, which is a position where we have been stable for many months. It’s not about delaying City winning the title. When I congratulated them I was being serious, I was not trying to be clever. It’s about us getting as many points as possible and finishing second.”

3.39pm BST

An email! “I don’t subscribe to the idea that Mourinho is past it, and I think a lot of the criticism is down to his personality having shifted, for many, from cheeky to grating,” says Matt Loten. “However, as the season has gone on, I’ve felt more and more that Mourinho has been doing well with a limited squad, but also that he needs to take a little more blame for those limitations than he might like. Mourinho has done a very good job of identifying the weaknesses in his squad and moving decisively to address them; unfortunately several of his signings have managed to look less astute as the season has gone on as they did when they were made.

“Lindelof, Pogba, Bailly, and Sanchez all probably look less impressive captures than they did upon announcement, to varying degrees, Ibrahimovic is gone, Lukaku has scored goals but still has a question mark against parts of his game. Matic is probably the only Mourinho signing who has been an unarguable success. I think Jose will continue to add trophies to the Old Trafford cabinet, but I think he needs to re-examine his recent transfer history.”

3.28pm BST

In other news, Rafa Benitez’s impressive Newcastle have confirmed their survival with an excellent 2-1 win over Arsenal.

3.06pm BST

Manchester United (4-3-3) De Gea; Valencia, Lindelof, Smalling, Young; Herrera, Matic, Pogba; Mata, Lukaku, Sanchez.
Substitutes: Pereira, Jones, Rojo, Lingard, McTominay, Martial, Rashford.

West Brom (4-4-2) Foster; Nyom, Dawson, Hegazi, Gibbs; Phillips, Livermore, Brunt, McClean; Rondon, Rodriguez.
Substitutes: Myhill, Gabr, Yacob, Burke, Krychowiak, Field, Sturridge.

11.29am BST

Pop quiz, hotshot: when did Manchester United last score five goals in a league game? You probably know the answer. It was, symbolically enough, their last game under Sir Alex Ferguson, the 5-5 draw with West Brom in May 2013. They will hope to change that today against a team who accepted relegation a long time ago.

United only need a draw to ensure Manchester City do not clinch the title - but after last weekend’s glorious victory at the Etihad Stadium, they will want a thumping win to reinforce the feeling that next season is going to be different.

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Published on April 15, 2018 09:53

Wolves 2-0 Birmingham City: Championship – as it happened

Promoted Wolves eased to victory through classy goals from Diogo Jota and Benik Afobe

2.39pm BST

1.52pm BST

Peep peep! That was a fairly comfortable win for Wolves, who now need one point to formally clinch the title and five to reach 100. Diogo Jota and Benik Afobe scored classy goals, and some of the football they played was really lovely. Thanks for your company, congratulations to Wolves, bye!

1.48pm BST

89 min Gardner’s overhit free-kick from the left bounces off the top of the Wolves crossbar.

1.47pm BST

From 1-1, almost, to 2-0. Afobe, put clear by a fine angled pass from N’Diaye, chips the ball classily over the outrushing Stockdale.

1.46pm BST

86 min Birmingham almost nick an equaliser! A long free-kick is headed down towards Jutkiewicz in the six-yard area. Ruddy smothers the chance but the ball breaks to Jutkiewicz, whose shot on the turn is blocked by the keeper. He should have played it back to Morrison, who would have had a clear shot at goal from eight yards.

1.44pm BST

84 min Yet another lovely move from Wolves. Helder Costa releases Douglas, who looks up and cuts the ball back to Afobe in space. He moves the ball onto his leftg foot and smacks a rising shot just wide from 12 yards.

1.43pm BST

83 min Birmingham just can’t get the ball, which must be a particularly miserable state of affairs when you are a goal and a man down.

1.41pm BST

80 min “I haven’t actually seen too much of Wolves this year,” says Matt Dony. “Do you think Neves is really good enough to tear up the Premier League? Or will he merely be ‘a decent player’, one of those ones who kind of fall in between the Championship and the Premier League?”

I don’t think he’ll tear it up but he’ll be comfortable. Wolves should do well next season.

1.38pm BST

79 min In the last ten minutes, Wolves have had 93 per cent possession. Birmingham make their final change, with Craig Gardner replacing Ndoye.

1.37pm BST

78 min Wolves are passing the clock down. They are so smooth and confident in possession. After a long passing move, Helder Costa flashes a low ball across the face of goal.

1.35pm BST

75 min N’Diaye fouls Maghoma 20 yards from goal, a fair way to the left of centre. Maghoma curls the free-kick a few yards over the bar. Ruddy had it covered and pulled his hand down at the last minute.

1.34pm BST

74 min Another Wolves change: Benik Afobe replaces the goalscorer Diogo Jota.

1.33pm BST

74 min On reflection, I don’t think that was a penalty - Roberts put hands on Saiss but it was not enough for a foul.

1.33pm BST

73 min A brilliant little through pass from Bonatini releases Saiss, whose stabbed low shot is saved well by Stockdale. It looked like Saiss was being manhandled by Roberts in the area before he shot, but there were no appeals for a penalty.

1.29pm BST

70 min A Wolves substitution: the brilliant Ruben Neves is replaced by Alfred N’Diaye.

1.25pm BST

66 min Diogo Jota wins a corner off Harding. It’s swung in by Douglas and claimed confidently by Stockdale.

1.24pm BST

64 min Birmingham are stll in this game you know. A right-wing corner breaks to the substitute Maghoma, whose low shot is kicked away by Douglas in the six-yard box.

1.21pm BST

62 min Another Birmingham substition: Maghoma replaces Grounds.

1.21pm BST

61 min Another slick move from Wolves. Doherty plays a one-two with Bonatini and drives a low cross that is cleared inside the six-yard box by Roberts.

1.17pm BST

58 min Birmingham almost equalise through a fine effort from Jutkiewicz, who rolls Coady and whacks a rising drive from a tight angle that is fingertipped over by the leaping Ruddy.

1.15pm BST

57 min “You’re doing a championship MBM on a Sunday?” sniffs Nick Parmenter. “Is this a punishment or demotion of sorts?”

1.14pm BST

55 min Word to the wise: don’t mis-spell Harlee Dean’s name when you Google him.

1.13pm BST

54 min Birmingham bring on a defender, Marc Roberts, for Kieftenfeld. When play finally resumes, Neves whistles a fine free-kick just wide of the far post.

1.12pm BST

52 min Harlee Dean is sent off for denying a clear goalscoring opportunity. He was the last man and lunged desperately at Helder Costa, who was about to skip through on goal.

1.10pm BST

51 min Wolves have picked up where they left off before half-time. Birmingham are doing well to stay in the game as they are being outclassed.

1.06pm BST

47 min Boly dinks a nice pass down the left for Diogo Jota, who scoots away from Harding and through on goal. Stockwell comes to meet him and makes a good save with his chest.

1.05pm BST

46 min Peep peep! Birmingham begin the second half.

1.01pm BST

“Afternoon Rob,” says Simon McMahon. “Congratulations to Wolves, one of the truly great names in English football. About time they were back in the big league. Anyone who has read Scott Murray’s The Title can’t fail to have a soft spot for the team of the magnificent Stan Cullis.”

Amen to that. It’s a glorious book, too. Do yourself a solid and buy it.

12.49pm BST

Peep peep! Wolves lead through a classy team goal, scored by Diogo Jota, and have controlled the game without creating many chances. Birmingham aren’t out of this, but they need more going forward. See you in 10 minutes for the second half.

12.48pm BST

45+3 min Helder Costa plays a lovely reverse pass to release the underlapping Doherty, whose first-time shot is vitally blocked by Morrison.

12.45pm BST

45 min This is a decent little spell for Birmingham. Harding swings a long angled cross to Jutkiewicz, who heads over from 15 yards. It wasn’t much of a chance.

12.43pm BST

43 min Morrison is booked for a foul on Diogo Jota.

12.42pm BST

41 min Grounds’ cross is won in the air by Jutkiewicz and almost comes to Davis. Ruddy rushes from his line to claim the ball.

12.41pm BST

40 min As well as Birmingham have defended, they have been poor going forward. There was that early chance for Colin, but generally they have struggled to keep the ball. They need to find a way to get Jota into the game.

12.39pm BST

38 min Wolves’ passing is so clean and confident; it’s lovely to watch. It will be fascinating to see if they have the courage to play the same way in the Premier League. I hope and think they will.

12.36pm BST

35 min Helder Costa turns superbly away from Grounds down the right and cuts the ball back to Bonatini, whose deflected shot is comfortably saved by Stockdale.

12.33pm BST

32 min Grounds is booked for a fierce body check on Diogo Jota.

12.30pm BST

29 min A long spell of Wolves possession is accompanied by olés from the fans. Eventually Douglas loses the ball to Colin, and that’s that.

12.28pm BST

27 min It’s been a game of few chances, one per side really. Wolves are still dominating possession.

12.24pm BST

24 min The Wolves fans are unhappy that Davis was not penalised for a lunge at Neves. He did get the ball, though his studs were showing.

12.23pm BST

Wolves take the lead with a lovely team goal. Neves and Saiss played fine passes to release the right wing-back Doherty, who fizzed a beautiful first-time cross into the six-yard area. Diogo Jota got in front of Harding to tap it into the net. That was a goal of gorgeous simplicity.

12.18pm BST

17 min Neves tries to hit another Goal of the Season contender from 25 yards. It’s too close to Stockdale, who saves comfortably.

12.16pm BST

16 min An early Wolves substitution. The injured Cavaleiro is replaced by Leo Bonatini. I think he’s torn a muscle in his leg.

12.15pm BST

15 min Birmingham will be really pleased with this start. They have kept Wolves at arm’s length and had the best chance on the break.

12.13pm BST

11 min Colin is denied by a superb double save from Ruddy! Jutkiewicz’s short pass put him through on goal - he was offside but not flagged - and he belted a left-footed shot that was beaten away by Ruddy. The ball came back to Colin, who adjusted his body smartly to hit a deflected volley back towards goal. Ruddy got straight to his feet and leapt to his left to palm the ball away.

12.09pm BST

9 min It’s all Wolves, though Birmingham have been solid and compact defensively.

12.09pm BST

7 min “Ah, Conor Coady,” says Ian Copestake. “He is one of the reasons why I never allow myself (any excitement) to believe that youth players bigged up as the next Gerrard, etc will be anything but sold on. Woodburn included.”

I’m the same. I never got over Jules Maiorana.

12.07pm BST

6 min Wolves are having lots of possession, with the centre-backs spread as wide as the pitch allows. It’s a very expansive system.

12.03pm BST

3 min A quiet start to the match - on the field, that is. Off it, the Wolves fans are making a wonderful racket.

12.01pm BST

1 min Peep peep! After a belting chorus of Hi Ho Wolverhampton, the home side kick off.

11.50am BST

I say this every time I MBM a Championship game, but Keith Andrews is such a good pundit. I hope somebody has signed him for the World Cup.

11.47am BST

Nuno speaks! “I’m very, very proud. We have done fantastic work in all parts of the club. Thank you to all our fans. The boys are focused and relaxed today, which is the best way to be to play a football game.”

11.25am BST

Wolves’ promotion was confirmed last night, and there have been suggestions that the players will have been celebrating by quaffing pints of Promotion Juice. In the circumstances I think it would be pretty distasteful if, when the match kicks off, the Wolves players are anything other than 100% ABV.

11.12am BST

Pre-match reading

11.08am BST

Wolves (3-4-3) Ruddy; Bennett, Coady, Boly; Doherty, Neves, Saiss, Douglas; Helder Costa, Diogo Jota, Cavaleiro.
Substitutes: Norris, N’Diaye, Batth, Afobe, Gibbs-White, Hause, Bonatini.

Birmingham (4-4-1-1) Stockdale; Harding, Morrison, Dean, Grounds; Colin, Ndoye, Kieftenbeld, Jota; Davis; Jutkiewicz.
Substitutes: Kuszczak, Roberts, Maghoma, Gardner, Lowe, Dacres-Cogley, Lubala

10.21am BST

Hello and welcome to live coverage of Wolves’ promotion party at Molineux. Yep, the pack is back! Today’s game against Birmingham will be the backdrop to a celebration of the 42 matches that have gone before – the ones that have put Wolves back among the elite of English football. It’s faintly absurd that a club of this size have spent only four of the last 34 seasons in the top flight, but they have a chance to change that over the next few years.

Nobody would begrudge them this achievement, except maybe Neil Warnock. They have clearly been the best team in the Championship. They have played some beautiful football. Most of all, they have kept feeling fascination; looking, learning, moving on.

The Moment.#ThePackIsBack pic.twitter.com/yVbzv1Ptdq

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Published on April 15, 2018 05:53

April 14, 2018

Liverpool 3-0 Bournemouth: Premier League – as it happened

Mo Salah scored his 40th goal of the season as Liverpool completed a perfect week with a crushing win over Bournemouth

7.43pm BST

Meanwhile, in the Championship …

7.42pm BST

7.21pm BST

Peep peep! Liverpool end a perfect week with an easy, feelgood victory over Bournemouth. The Fab Three all scored, with Mo Salah’s 40th goal of the season the champagne moment. It was a brilliant header from an even better pass by Trent Alexander-Arnold. Liverpool were terrific and Bournemouth couldn’t cope. Thanks for your company. You can join Niall McVeigh for Spurs v Manchester City if you like. Goodnight!

7.17pm BST

90+1 min Firmino comes off to be replaced by Dominic Solanke.

7.17pm BST

Roberto Firmino finishes off a lovely evening for Liverpool, dragging a disguised near-post shot past the wrongfooted Begovic after a driving run and pass from Oxlade-Chamberlain.

7.16pm BST

89 min Oxlade-Chamberlain rifles a terrific long-range shot fractionally wide of the far post.

7.15pm BST

88 min “Whilst following the absorbing commentary, my mind drifted to rather more exciting times from this afternoon,” says Charolude Govett. “I was undecided after minutes of deliberation, so can you decide on antique white or white ivory paint for my bedroom please.”

Have you considered Roy Keane Black?

7.12pm BST

85 min King’s low shot is blocked by Milner. This is Bournemouth’s best spell by a distance, though you suspect it’s mainly because Liverpool are winding down. A goal would make things interesting.

7.11pm BST

84 min Another chance for Bournemouth! Wilson gets behind Van Dijk, controls a long pass deftly and smacks it wide of the far post from a tight angle.

7.10pm BST

83 min A Liverpool change: Klavan on, Lovren off.

7.09pm BST

82 min A great chance for Bournemouth. Francis’s dangerous cross was miscontrolled by Mousset but fell nicely for Gosling, whose snapshot was slapped away by the off balance Karius.

7.06pm BST

79 min The contest is petering out, if indeed it ever petered in. It’s been like an exhibition match.

7.05pm BST

78 min I knew that Alexander-Arnold pass reminded me of Beckham. It wasn’t quite in the same class but there were a lot of similiarities.

7.04pm BST

77 min A Liverpool change: Mane off, Milner on.

7.03pm BST

76 min Callum Wilson, who must have come on for Jermain Defoe when I wasn’t paying attention, wins a corner for Bournemouth. It leads to a disallowed goal from King, who was clearly offside.

7.02pm BST

74 min Firmino misses a great chance. Oxlade-Chamberlain slid a pass to put him through on goal, where he decided to dummy both Begovic and Cook in the Romario style. They ended up on the floor, but the time that Firmino took allowed Gosling to get back and make a vital tackle. The ball dribbles towards goal nonetheless and is kicked off the line by Ake.

6.59pm BST

73 min Bournemouth make another change, with Andrew Surman replacing Lewis Cook.

40 - @22mosalah has become only the third different player in Liverpool history to score 40+ goals in all competitions in a single season after Roger Hunt (1961-62) and Ian Rush (1983-84 and 1986-87). Unstoppable. pic.twitter.com/0IrUc8Wmio

6.57pm BST

70 min Mane flashes a low shot just wide from 22 yards.

6.56pm BST

Mo Salah gets his 40th goal of the season with a delightful header! Alexander-Arnold, whose distribution has been brilliant all night, curled a long, Beckhamish pass over Ake from near the halfway line. Salah got the wrong side of Ake, backpedalled sharply and lobbed an ingenious header over Begovic. Brilliant. The pass from Alexander-Arnold was stunning.

6.54pm BST

67 min Salah goes down in the area after a little shove from Ake. The referee says no penalty. It wasn’t much of a push, so I can understand why the referee didn’t give it.

6.51pm BST

65 min It’s still 1-0. How is it still 1-0?

6.49pm BST

62 min Liverpool break four on four, with Salah on the ball. He takes the wrong option and mishits a disguised shot from 20 yards that is comfortably held by the diving Begovic.

6.47pm BST

60 min If Bournemouth win this, it’ll be the most unlikely comeback since lunchtime. Or maybe Wednesday. Or Tuesday. Or last Saturday.

6.46pm BST

59 min Wake me up when something happens.

6.44pm BST

58 min A Bournemouth substitution: Lys Mousset replaces Jordon Ibe.

6.44pm BST

57 min An unlikely one-two. Cook’s long throw is punched unconvincingly by Karius and comes back to Cook, who sidefoots a long-range volley out for a throw-in.

6.43pm BST

56 min A sweet long-range strike from Van Dijk flies a few yards over the bar. Begovic had it covered but it was well hit.

6.42pm BST

56 min Maybe Bournemouth’s plan is to lull Liverpool into a false sense of consciousness. They are so dominant that you couldn’t blame them for falling asleep en masse.

6.41pm BST

54 min Oxlade-Chamberlain is booked for a lunge at Ibe.

6.40pm BST

53 min Bournemouth have been unusually poor in possession. The good news is that a) it’s only 1-0 and b) no team has won as many points from losing positions in the Premier League this season.

6.39pm BST

52 min “I knew I drank too much when we beat City on Wednesday night, however I didn’t realise we also beat Roma and are now in the CL final,” says Frank. “At least that’s what it says in your PREAMBLE.”

That’s okay, no need to apologise.

6.38pm BST

51 min It’s all Liverpool, as it was in the first half. Jermain Defoe is having to come to the edge of his own area to get the ball. Henderson is lucky not to get booked for a high tackle on Defoe.

6.36pm BST

51 min “’That attack ended quicker than Mac Millings’ wedding night’,” suggests Mac Millings.

6.36pm BST

50 min A Bournemouth break is ruined when Fraser plays a poor pass to the disappointed King. They’ll be arguing about who owns the Coldplay CDs in no time.

6.35pm BST

49 min “Hey,” says Matt Dony, “there’s a famously fine line between ‘witty and urbane’, and ‘deserving of pity and smelling like cheap whiskey.’ Either way, I’m definitely not invited because of my delicate first touch and ability to thread a pass.”

I now have this image of you in my head.

6.33pm BST

48 min Jermain Defoe had three touches in the first half, and one of those was the kick-off.

6.32pm BST

47 min “Not to distract anyone from this mighty tussle but wondered what your thoughts were regarding the new 7.45pm Saturday PL matches?” says Colin Young. “Are these a welcome addition to the calendar or just another nail in the coffin of the traditional Saturday night? I don’t imagine rival TV schedulers are all that pleased about it... I mean isn’t this overkill? I wonder what our fellow Graun readers think about this...”

6.32pm BST

46 min Peep peep! Bournemouth begin the second half.

6.26pm BST

“Thought I’d let you know I’m following Liverpool’s progress against Bournemouth via your MBM as I’m at my cousin’s wedding,” writes our own Sachin Nakrani. “To make me feel involved, any chance of you getting wedding-related puns into your updates, ie: ‘this is champagne football from Mo Salah’, or ‘Eddie Howe’s midfield two are really well attached’.”

I shudder to think what the mind of Mac Millings will do with that invitation.

6.23pm BST

“It occurred to me that Virgil van Dijk is a tremendous porn name,” says Mac Millings, “and that has ‘inspired’ me to come up with a Liverpool-Bournemouth Porn Star XI. Enjoy.

6.19pm BST

Your half-time task is to sign up for the Fiver. I get 10 per cent commission so you’d be doing me a great favour.

Related: Sign up to The Fiver email

6.18pm BST

Liverpool lead through Sadio Mane’s early goal, and it should probably be 3-0. They look high on spring, full of the joys of life, and produced a swaggering, happy first-half performance. Bournemouth barely had a kick. See you in 10 minutes for the second half.

6.16pm BST

45 min Liverpool are so dominant that even Lovren can walk forward and put in a good cross that the diving Mane heads wide at the near post.

6.14pm BST

44 min The Liverpool crowd appeal for handball in the area when Alexander-Arnold’s cross hits Francis. The referee wasn’t interested.

6.12pm BST

42 min Robertson’s cross is headed onto the roof of his own net by the flying Fraser. Bournemouth have been battered. Alexander-Arnold takes the corner and Cook heads clear.

6.09pm BST

38 min The impressive Alexander-Arnold starts another Liverpool attack with a confident run. Mane plays a superb scoop over the defence to find Salah, who miscontrols the ball when through on goal. It wasn’t the easiest ball to control, but Salah would usually have done so.

6.06pm BST

35 min Oxlade-Chamberlain’s long-range shot deflects wide for a corner. Begovic punches Henderson’s inswinger away. In other news, a word to the (London-based) wise.

Fabric Of Football London

Join us at 133 Bethnal Green Road for the #fabricoffootball exhibition displaying the greatest shirts of all-time

The event will support @BobbyMooreFund for #footballshirtfriday pic.twitter.com/siNP1dB0k5

6.03pm BST

32 min More excellent play from Liverpool. Salah plays a slick one-two with Henderson and is about to shoot when Cook slides to make a vital tackle.

6.01pm BST

31 min The biggest danger for Liverpool is complacency, because this has been much easier than they would have expected against a good Bournemouth side.

6.00pm BST

30 min “Hmmm,” says Matt Dony, “I feel like Phil Podolsky (11th minute) has nailed the only reason I ever get invited to 5-a-side games...”

Don’t flatter yourself.

5.59pm BST

28 min Another chance for Liverpool. Henderson’s deep cross is headed back across goal by Robertson and just evades the stretching Mane.

5.57pm BST

26 min Francis plays an abysmal pass to Salah, who dances into the D and shoots over the bar. That’s the scary thing about Salah this season - as well as the goals, he has missed a lot of chances and half-chances. He could have scored 50.

5.54pm BST

24 min Defoe has a goal disallowed for offside against Fraser, whose cross he turned into the net. It was the right decision.

5.52pm BST

21 min Henderson’s pass over the top is beautifully taken down on the run by Mane, whose shot deflects wide off the covering Francis.

5.51pm BST

20 min King wins a corner for Bournemouth down the left. Karius punches it clear.

5.50pm BST

19 min Bournemouth are starting to have a bit more of the ball, though not in dangerous areas. Liverpool have become so much better without the ball since they signed Virgil Van Dijk.

5.48pm BST

18 min Begovic makes another save, this time a comfortable catch from Salah’s low 20-yard shot.

5.47pm BST

16 min Alexander-Arnold’s disguised free-kick from 25 yards is pushed away by the diving Begovic. I think it was going wide anyway but it was a clever effort.

5.46pm BST

15 min Bournemouth have their first extended spell in the opposition half. When they lose the ball Liverpool break superbly and Ake is booked for a foul on the marauding Oxlade-Chamberlain.

5.45pm BST

14 min On reflection, I think that offside decision against Mane was correct. Not that it matters, I just don’t want people to write in and call me an effing cee.

5.44pm BST

13 min Begovic makes a good one-on-one save from Mane, though it wouldn’t have counted as Mane had been wrongly flagged offside.

5.43pm BST

12 min This is a very pleasant game, for richer and poorer. There’s hardly been a tackle.

5.42pm BST

11 min “Milner should travel with the squad even if he’s not included,” says Phil Podolsky. “He would be a kind of elder statesman, a witty and urbane presence who can lift the younguns’ spirits by regaling them with choice anecdotes and bon mots.”

Couldn’t they just bring Jack Whitehall’s dad?

5.41pm BST

10 min There’s a notable swagger in Liverpool’s football. Bournemouth are under constant pressure.

5.38pm BST

8 min Jordon Ibe, playing against his own goal, wafts over the bar from 20 yards.

5.38pm BST

Liverpool’s dominant start is rewarded with a goal. Henderson’s ball in from a narrow position was headed towards goal by the unmarked Mane. Begovic made a sharp save to his right but the ball came back to Mane and he rammed it through both Begovic and Francis on the line.

5.36pm BST

4 min “I’m not a fan of applause as a replacement for a minute’s silence,” says Tim, who was in Pen 3 at Hillsborough on 15 April 1989. “Did they expect Bournemouth to not observe a silence? It seems unlikely. A minute’s silence seems so much more appropriate for such an emotionally heavy memorial.”

Yes, I wondered about that. There are times when it makes sense, as much as anything because of the fear that silence will be interrupted, but that was never an issue today.

5.34pm BST

3 min Salah misses an excellent chance, stabbing wide at the near post after a marvellous low cross from Trent Alexander-Arnold.

5.33pm BST

3 min Liverpool have had almost all of the ball in the first few minutes. Bournemouth are shuffling diligently from side to side like the aliens in Space Invaders.

5.32pm BST

2 min Bournemouth are playing with a back three

5.31pm BST

1 min Roberto Firmino gets the match underway. Bournemouth are in their neon blue away kit.

5.29pm BST

Tomorrow is the 29th anniversary of the Hillsborough tragedy, and there is a minute’s applause for the 96 before the match.

5.21pm BST

Another email! “One reason Milner is keeping his engine going and his powder dry is precisely because he is not doing the international gigs,” says Ian Copestake. “No need to change that.”

Not much banter in that email mate.

5.20pm BST

In case you missed it, the Mo-ssiah has unsurprisingly been included on the shortlist for PFA Player of the Year.

5.12pm BST

There’s another bit of sport going on in Liverpool today. The Grand National is about to start, and you can follow it with Niall McVeigh.

5.06pm BST

“True...” says Marie Meyer. “but have you seen the state of the current England team?”

I quite like it. But yes, fair point. You could certainly make a case for him starting in midfield.

5.05pm BST

It’s a gorgeous evening in Liverpool, and there’s a feelgood mood at Anfield. I’ve got a feeling this could be a pr-etty special game.

5.03pm BST

An email! “Looks like Klopp understands that Milner is so important he has to be kept in cotton wool until the Roma match!” says Marie Meyer. “Couldn’t agree more. What is Gareth Southgate waiting for - can’t he get the Queen to order him to unretire from international duty?”

Really? Don’t get me wrong, I like Milner a lot and I’d certainly have him in the squad, but we’re not exactly talking about peak Paul Scholes.

4.58pm BST

Pre-match reading

4.33pm BST

Liverpool (4-3-3) Karius; Alexander-Arnold, Van Dijk, Lovren, Robertson; Wijnaldum, Henderson, Oxlade-Chamberlain; Salah, Firmino, Mane.
Substitutes: Mignolet, Milner, Klavan, Moreno, Woodburn, Ings, Solanke.

Bournemouth (3-4-2-1) Begovic; Francis, S Cook, Ake; Frasier, L Cook, Gosling, Daniels; Ibe; King; Defoe.
Substitutes: Boruc, B Smith, Simpson, Surman, Pugh, Wilson, Mousset.

11.51am BST

Hail the conquering heroes! Liverpool return home to face Bournemouth after a glorious week in which they beat Manchester City and Roma to reach the Champions League final. They don’t have that much to play for today – they are going to finish in the top four regardless – but Jurgen Klopp’s sides usually play for the sheer love of football and sweat. You’d expect them to put on a show tonight.

Bournemouth will come to play as well, so this should be a really enjoyable game. They have lost only two matches since Christmas and are still in with a chance of equalling last season’s ninth-placed finish. In their own modest way they are an amazing team. The story of Eddie Howe’s Bournemouth will make a cracking book one day; so will the one about Jurgen Klopp’s Liverpool.

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Published on April 14, 2018 11:21

Southampton 2-3 Chelsea: Premier League – as it happened

The substitute Olivier Giroud inspired a crazy comeback from Chelsea, who were outplayed until they scored three goals in nine minutes to shatter Southampton

3.52pm BST

Read our match report.

2.24pm BST

As my colleague Daniel Harris would say: Hell, bloody football. That is a savage blow to Southampton. They played so well for the first 69 minutes and deserved to lead 2-0, but the substitute Olivier Giroud inspired another crazy comeback in this memorable week of football. He scored two fine goals, either side of an equaliser from Eden Hazard, and Southampton could not come back from the Chelsea comeback. They stay in the relegation zone and are running out of time.

Please do join John Brewin for the 3pm games. Thanks for your company, bye!

2.21pm BST

90+4 min Cahill is booked for a foul on Long.

2.20pm BST

90+2 min Manolo Gabbiadini replaces Jan Bednarek.

2.19pm BST

90+1 min The substitute Sims forces a good save from Courtois! He broke onto a loose ball in the inside-left channel and smacked a low shot from 12 yards that was beaten away by Courtois.

2.19pm BST

90 min There will be five minutes of added time. Southampton are having lots of the ball now but don’t really look like scoring.

2.16pm BST

88 min Bertrand’s outswinging corner is headed firmly towards goal from 12 yards by Hoedt, and Courtois leaps to his left to hold onto the ball. Good save.

2.16pm BST

88 min The match is slipping away from Southampton, who are running round in a bit of a daze. You’d do the same if you’d been mugged by a handsome Frenchman.

2.14pm BST

87 min “Did Southampton have a man sent off or something?” asks Colin Young. “9+0+0+0+0+0+0+1 = 10.”

You’re not one of those hipsters who includes the keeper in the formation, are you?

2.14pm BST

86 min Two weeks in a row Southampton have played excellently against a leading side and (in all probability) lost 3-2. They have easier fixtures to come but this is a savage blow. Meanwhile, Chelsea make a change: Victor Moses replaces Eden Hazard.

2.12pm BST

85 min “The Cock n Bull in Venice, LA opens for games at 4.30 am and I found myself yapping like a Pavlovian dog for a Guinness once,” sniffs Ian Copestake. “Alas I was rebuffed as they were only allowed to serve from 7am!”

2.11pm BST

84 min Another Southampton substitution: Dusan Tadic is replaced by Josh Sims.

2.11pm BST

83 min “I actually think some of the more dislikable characters in the Premier League are doing a stellar job of promoting English literacy throughout the masses,” says Paul Fowler. “How many people would use words like sanctimonious, myopic and narcissistic if it wasn’t for Guardiola, Wenger or Mourinho?”

2.10pm BST

82 min Willian is booked for offending Mike Dean’s sensibilities.

2.09pm BST

81 min Shane Long is booked for a tired hack at Pedro. Southampton’s heads, and possibly their legs, have gone. This is pretty cruel because they were superb for so much of the game.

2.09pm BST

80 min Charlie Austin replaces James Ward-Prowse. I cannot believe this scoreline. Chelsea were garbage for 70 minutes and then they scored three in nine minutes!

2.08pm BST

79 min Giroud’s performance here is another reminder of the value of the specialist substitute. They are pure gold.

2.07pm BST

Olivier Giroud completes a spectacular, unforeseeable comeback with another excellent goal! A free-kick led to a bit of head tennis in the area before falling to Giroud, who dragged an excellent half-volley into the corner from 15 yards.

2.06pm BST

77 min “Earliest drink before a game...” says Nicholas Alvarez. “I clock it at 05.45 in Fremont, California watching the FA cup final between Spurs and Coventry on a satellite transmission from Canada...the only place in the Bay Area showing the game...black coffee and Kaluha. Cheers!”

I hope you were a Coventry fan.

2.05pm BST

76 min Southampton look shocked. They were in total control at 2-0; six minutes later they are hanging on for a point.

2.04pm BST

75 min “What’s this I’m hearing about the media quashing a Chelsea fan campaign to install John Terry as manager?” says Matt Loten. “Personal thoughts on Terry aside, when will fans realise that a good manager a club legend does not necessarily make? Parachuting in someone with 600 appearances for the club is no more of a guarantee of success than someone who’s never even visited the ground before, and risks tarnishing their legacy forever. Actually, on second thoughts, maybe they should give JT the job.”

2.03pm BST

It’s 2-2! Willian beats Cedric on the left of the box and flashes a cross into a crowded area. It comes to Hazard, who controls it calmly with his right foot and sweeps an emphatic left-footed shot past McCarthy.

2.03pm BST

74 min Southampton have temporarily switched to a 9-0-0-0-0-0-0-1 formation. It’s all Chelsea.

2.02pm BST

73 min Hoedt is back on the field but so are Chelsea, who didn’t come out for the second half until that Giroud goal. Now they have renewed pep in their step.

2.00pm BST

71 min Hoedt was injured as he challenged Giroud for that cross and is off the field receiving treatment.

1.59pm BST

Giroud gets Chelsea back in the game with a fantastic header! Alonso crossed towards the near post from a deep position, and Giroud dived away from Hoedt to steer a brilliant header past McCarthy from 12 yards. That is a fine goal that came out of nothing.

1.58pm BST

69 min If Chelsea lose this they will have taken 12 points from 12 league games this year: W3 D3 L6. That’s not ideal.

1.56pm BST

67 min “Magnificently childish ball-to-the-face from Hazard,” says Matt Dony. “It’s not big, it’s not clever, but it’s damn entertaining!”

Up with this sort of thing!

1.55pm BST

66 min Long, who has worked his sock off, leads another counter-attack that ends with an unpenalised backpass to Courtois.

1.54pm BST

66 min “Well thank god the damn dog woke me up early,” says Rachel Clifton. “But suffering through games like these sans booze is tough. 2-0 come on.”

What’s the earliest you’ve ever had a drink because of a football match? I remember having a few before work when England played Brazil at 7.30am during the 2002 World Cup.

1.53pm BST

65 min Bertrand is booked for blocking Azpilicueta’s attempt to take a throw-in.

1.52pm BST

64 min This scoreline doesn’t flatter Southampton one bit. Hazard is booked for throwing the ball into the cface of Hoedt.

1.49pm BST

61 min Chelsea make a double change: Pedro and Giroud replaces Zappacosta and Morata.

1.49pm BST

61 min That was such an accomplished finish. Cahill might feel he could have done better, with the ball sailing over his head, but it was a very difficult free-kick to deal with from the excellent Ward-Prowse.

1.48pm BST

Jan Bednarek has scored on his first Premier League start! A huge dipping free-kick from Ward-Prowse on the right cleared everyone and fell nicely at the far post for Bednarek, who controlled a sweet half-volley past Courtois from six yards!

1.47pm BST

59 min Another corner to Southampton on the left. Ward-Prowse’s big dipper is accidentally volleyed away from goal by the stretching Bednarek, who was off balance after a wrestle with Alonso.

1.45pm BST

57 min “What is wrong with Morata?” says Paul Neilan. “Should he not, at least, be playing for a move? My concern may be Fantasy Football-based concern but concern nonetheless.”

He’s sulking. He’s got a conspiracy complex. Some brilliant players just don’t take to English football and he’s another.

1.44pm BST

56 min Make that three good efforts. The corner is played short and worked to Willian, who curls low towards goal from inside the D. McCarthy sees it very late and does really well to get down to his left and save. The rebound comes to Hazard, who is offside.

1.43pm BST

55 min Two good efforts from Chelsea. Fabregas’s sizzling volley is blocked, and moments later Hazard squeezes a shot towards the near post that is pushed round by McCarthy.

1.42pm BST

54 min Long almost makes it 2-0 with a superb solo counter-attack. He ran behind the defence onto Hojbjerg’s long pass and seemed to be pushed over just outside the area by the covering Christensen. Long burst straight to his feet, moved the ball onto his left foot and mishit a shot that looped towards goal before being tipped over by Courtois.

1.39pm BST

49 min “Wait a minute, Mac Millings can’t bring himself to hate anyone in football anymore?” says Matt Dony. “So where does he get his enjoyment from? What’s the point of it all? My irrational/rational (delete as appropriate) hatred of Chelsea FC, Arsene Wenger, Fun-time Bobby Huth, Pep ‘Mes-Que-Un-Sanctimonious-Club’ Guardiola, and a whole host of other people I haven’t met and don’t really know is the main thing that keeps me going through a season.”

Hating others is for the young. You know you’ve grown up when you turn it all inward.

1.38pm BST

48 min Southampton win an early corner on the left. Ward-Prowse is one of the best set-piece takers in the league and this is another beauty. It dips wickedly onto the six-yard line, where there is a slightly strange block tackle between Yoshida and Courtois before the ball ricochets to safety.

1.34pm BST

47 min “Sir,” says Geoff James. “Those are formidable mental gymnastics to conclude that (i) Alonso was “clumsy”; and (ii) Dean didn’t see it.”

Thanks very much.

1.33pm BST

46 min Southampton begin the second half. AS IT STANDS they are out of the relegation places.

1.32pm BST

Antonio Conte has left the dressing-room early and is sitting alone on the bench. Oh dear.

1.24pm BST

Half time: Orkney 6-0 Bunillidh

Orkney are North Caledonian League champions for the first time!

1.20pm BST

Half-time business

Want football to be fun? Then sign up for the Fiver, our occasionally funny teatime email!

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1.19pm BST

Southampton’s extra hunger was the difference betwen the sides for much of the first half - not least when Ryan Bertrand made the only goal for Dusan Tadic with an admirably determined run. Chelsea have been half asleep. See you in 10 minutes for the second half!

1.18pm BST

45+2 min “It would be a great shame if Southampton go down so I hope they win today,” says Kira Nelson. “A great club with a great academy. They have produced so many world class players and used to play such attractive attacking football. I remember the Southampton of a few years ago when they demolished Sunderland 8-0. Where has that Southampton gone? They just need the right manager to give them their mojo back, so they deserve the chance to set matters straight. Not to mention, where would Liverpool get their players from?”

I think your second question answered the first one.

1.17pm BST

45+1 min Three minutes of added time. Fabregas’s shot deflects just over the bar, and Christensen flicks a header wide from the resulting corner. It wasn’t much of a chance.

1.16pm BST

45 min In Alonso’s defence, I think the tackle was more clumsy than malicious - he had to jump over the grounded Fabregas and then couldn’t adjust his feet before his studs ploughed into Long. But it was a bad tackle and he should certainly have been booked.

1.15pm BST

44 min Ward-Prowse is booked for a vigilante foul on Alonso, who had just got away with a nasty tackle on Long. He jumped studs first into the back of Long’s leg. I don’t think Mike Dean saw it.

1.12pm BST

43 min Hojbjerg is penalised for a scissor tackle on Zappacosta, and then hoofs the ball into the crowd in frustration. Mike Dean books him for one or the other, I’m not sure which.

1.12pm BST

42 min A lovely, dipping free-kick from Ward-Prowse is headed wide by Yoshida, who was under pressure and couldn’t twist his neck enough to divert the ball towards goal. It was a decent chance.

1.10pm BST

40 min Southampton have been so much better since the goal, which gave them an intravenous injection of confidence. Chelsea are still dominating possession, but Southampton look more dangerous on the break.

1.09pm BST

39 min “If we win today (can hardly believe I’m daring to entertain the thought) then we have a small chance of staying up, that’s as far as I dare go,” says Arwen Verrall. “Somewhat out of the habit of dealing with the great escape years but how quickly it comes flooding back.”

If you need to win the last game at home to Manchester City, you should register Le Tissier. He would touch the ball twice in the first 89 minutes before roofing a matchwinning volley from 30 yards.

1.08pm BST

38 min Ward-Prowse’s smart snapshot from 20 yards is well saved by Courtois, sprawling to his right. He gets to his feet to save Tadic’s feeble follow-up, though that wouldn’t have counted as he was offside.

1.06pm BST

36 min Long moseys infield from the left, realises he has no relevant support and decides to shoot from 25 yards. It whistles a few yards wide.

1.05pm BST

34 min Morata has an accidental clash of heads with Yoshisda and then shoves Hojbjerg. Not for the first time this season, he looks like he thinks the world is against him.

1.04pm BST

32 min “What’s your opinion of Mark Hughes as a manager?” says Shaun Wilkinson. “I feel that, although at times he has done himself no favours in PR terms, his record is really not that bad; it seems some self-consciously modern football observers are always so desperate to show their contempt for ‘proper football men’, and because Hughes comes into that category for them, they try to make him out to be a hapless chancer who keeps getting jobs because he is one of the aforementioned PFMs. His record doesn’t really deserve that for me. What do you think?”

Yes, I agree. I think his best years were early in his career, with Wales and that excellent Blackburn side, but he did a decent job at Stoke as well. The Man City job must haunt him, especially that weird run of draws in the winter of 2009. If he could have held onto that job until the start of the following season, his career might be very different.

12.59pm BST

29 min Willian’s inswinging corner from the left almost sneaks straight into the net! The backpedalling McCarthy just managed to flap it away at the last minute.

12.58pm BST

27 min A lofted ball to the far post is headed back across goal by Zappacosta, who seemed to foul Bertrand in the process, and headed wide by the stretching Morata. There would have been ructions had that gone in because Mike Dean didn’t give a foul.

12.57pm BST

26 min What an opportunity this is for Southampton. Chelsea are full of class but they are not exactly oozing professional pride. If Southampton win today, they have every chance of staying up.

12.55pm BST

25 min Long’s dangerous inswinging cross from the left just evades the stretching Cedric. Southampton have been superb since the goal.

12.53pm BST

23 min “Dear Tracksuit Dave,” says Mac Millings. “Despite giving it my best effort, I haven’t felt as much emotion in 46 years of life as Antonio Conte shows in 90 minutes. How somene would be able to summon the energy to fake that is quite beyond me. Maybe it’s his constant delight at keeping John Terry out of a job.”

12.52pm BST

Southampton take the lead! Dusan Tadic is the scorer but it was made by a storming run from Ryan Bertrand. He covered half the length of the pitch before swerving around Azpilicueta and into the area. From there he was aware enough to cut the ball back perfectly for Tadic, who sidefooted past Courtois from eight yards.

12.48pm BST

18 min Alonso strolls forward and is fouled by Romeu 30 yards from goal. It’s far to the left for a shot, so Willian clips it into the area. It just evades the stretching Morata and bounces into the loving embrace of McCarthy.

12.45pm BST

16 min “Bobbo,” says Mac Millings. “I’m old now, and life is too short to go looking for conflict, so I haven’t been willing to muster up enough bile to hate anyone in football for a long time - but if John Terry became Chelsea manager, I think I might be prepared to make an exception.”

Can’t you just let bigots be bigots? Bygones, I meant bygones.

12.44pm BST

15 min Morata runs the ball out of play. Corner to Chelsea. Thankfully for the referee Mike Dean, nothing comes of it.

12.43pm BST

14 min This is all a bit cautious from Southampton. They are up against a decent team, of course, but I expected a bit more oomph. Maybe their plan is to stay in the game for an hour and win it with their attacking substitutes.

12.42pm BST

12 min The PFA shortlists are in, and Emerson Palmieri has just missed out.

12.40pm BST

10 min Chelsea continue to dominate possession, with Southampton playing on the break. The pace of play from both sides has been a bit slow.

12.39pm BST

8 min Big news from Kirkwall, where Orkney are 2-0 up after five minutes. They’re going to be champions!

12.38pm BST

7 min “You are a funny guy,” says Tracksuit Dave. “Now we will have 90 mins of him jumping up and down in his technical are to make out that he cares. But again you in the media aren´t allowed to question the authenticity of Conte´s touchline pain are you?”

Lighten up Dave, it’s the weekend. This whole idea of the media having a party line is, in my experience, hardly ever true. I’m sure there’s some unconscious groupthink but it’s rarely a deliberate policy. Also, Conte won you the league last season!

12.36pm BST

6 min A couple of good crosses, first from Bertrand and then Tadic, flash across the area. Southampton only had Long in the box, which might be a problem with this formation.

12.35pm BST

5 min Chelsea have had a lot of early possession but all in front of Southampton.

12.34pm BST

4 min “That “madman” line has reminded me of my favourite Ferguson quote,” says Mac Millings. “’In the evening I have one of those rewarding and satisfying obligations: helping to judge a painting competition for primary school children, organised by the Rainbow Trust in aid of St. Francis Hospice...It’s amazing how brilliant the kids are when they are encouraged to express themselves...I’m loaded with flu but I was never going to miss this engagement.’ I’ve often wondered how many of those vulnerable children survived Typhoid Fergie’s visit.”

Ah man, I miss Fergie. I’m re-reading Daniel Taylor’s brilliant This Is The One at the moment, and some of the Fergie passages read like Irvine Welsh. Imagine having that bloke on your side. You’d think you could climb Everest in your slippers. I used to think he was the greatest football manager of all time; I’m now almost certain he’s the greatest living human.

12.32pm BST

3 min A quiet start, nothing to report.

12.31pm BST

2 min “As I don’t care a bit about the match at hand, the business about the FA Cup does interest me,” says Hubert O’Hearn. “I do wish UEFA would butt out and leave each nation to its own way of sorting out its Champions League entries. Of course England would allot at least the top 2 of its 4 entries to the 1st and 2nd place finishers. But beyond that? Who’s to say? Why not a playoff between the FA Cup and League Cup winners? Or a plaoff amongst finishers 3-6? Or (and this one I really like) let the fans choose any team outside of the top 3? Let’s have some fun for a change!”

This is not “fun”, Hubert. This is football.

12.30pm BST

1 min Peep peep! Chelsea kick off on a bright, sunny afternoon.

12.27pm BST

The players are in the tunnel. If nothing else, Southampton deserve to stay up because of their kit, a snazzy tribute o the Ranx Xerox classic of the early 1980s.

12.24pm BST

The really big game this lunchtime is at Kirkwall Grammar School, where Orkney FC are aiming to win the North Caledonian League for the first time in their history. They just have to win their last game at home to Bunillidh Thistle ’Mon the Reds!

12.24pm BST

“Funny how Antonio only starts playing Willian and Hazard when it´s obvious his sabotage has gone too far,” says Tracksuit Dave. “Maybe Roman has told him he will have to sue for his payoff? We want JT but no-one will come out in the media and say it.”

I can’t speak for other companies, but at the Guardian we get daily email reminders not to say it.

12.14pm BST

A bit of the old pre-match reading

12.11pm BST

“You mentioned the FA Cup,” says Ian Copestake, “and it reminded me that I had forgotten the poor thing was still going on.”

Technically it’s been dead since the early 2000s. But they keep wheeling it out, like Jimmy White’s brother.

11.56am BST

“Drinkwater not even on the bench today?” says Chris. “He’s rightfully expressed his concern about lack of playing time but I can’t see why he’s been banished like this. He’s still a CFC player and this smacks of silly beggars by Conte.”

Sir Alex Ferguson used to say, re: his team selection, that you should never try to read the mind of a madman. With Chelsea, that applies to the whole club.

11.35am BST

Southampton (3-4-2-1) McCarthy; Bednarek, Yoshida, Hoedt; Cedric, Romeu, Hojbjerg, Bertrand; Ward-Prowse, Tadic; Long.
Substitutes: Forster, McQueen, Sims, Lemina, Boufal, Austin, Gabbiadini.

Chelsea (3-4-2-1) Courtois; Azpilicueta, Cahill, Christensen; Zappacosta, Fabregas, Kante, Alonso; Willian, Hazard; Morata.
Substitutes: Caballero, Emerson, Barkley, Bakayoko, Moses, Pedro, Giroud.

12.31am BST

Morning. Southampton are not too good to go down – but they bloody well should be! It makes precisely no sense that a team with so many accomplished footballers, who have finished between sixth and eighth for the last four seasons, should be scrambling desperately to avoid relegation. They have won only one of their last 19 league games, and that was against West Brom, so it doesn’t really count.

What does count is their display at the Emirates last weekend. Southampton’s fine performance in the 3-2 defeat at Arsenal might be a turning point, especially if they can back it up with another good performance - and ideally a result - against Chelsea today. It’s their first home match for six weeks, and a chance to change the

narrative
story of their season. A win would take them out of the relegation places, for a few hours at least, and give them plenty of momentum.

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Published on April 14, 2018 06:27

April 13, 2018

The Fiver | Something sinister: a striker who is obsessed with scoring goals

It’s hard to know who’s had a worse week: bald fraud Pep Guardiola or bald-faced fraud Harry Kane. The two will meet at Wembley on Saturday, when Harry Kane Team face Pep Team in the Premier League. The Fiver thought Kane was a nice guy, but this week he has been exposed as something sinister, something chilling: a striker who is obsessed with scoring goals. In Monday’s Fiver: a horrific tale of the diabolical magnate who liked money.

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Published on April 13, 2018 07:54

Football transfer rumours: Manchester City to sign Leon Bailey and Julian Weigl?

Today’s fluff needs some Shakabuku

Even before their septem horribilis, Manchester City were planning to break the habit of a lifetime and spend some money in the transfer market this summer. Today’s rags suggest those plans have not changed too much, with Pep Guardiola wanting only a defensive midfielder and a winger – not an entirely new defensive concept. He has a number of targets for both positions. Midfield possibilities include Borussia Dortmund’s Julian Weigl, Napoli’s Jorginho and São Paolo utility player Éder Militão. Chelsea and Manchester United are also keen on Militão.

The wingers for whom the new Tinder partners would swipe right, left, whatever include Riyad Mahrez, Monaco’s Thomas Lemar and the Jamaican sensation Leon Bailey. City aren’t the only big club who will splashing the cash this summer, even if that phrase is a bit redundant in an age of digital bank transfers and contactless payments. Not that you could use contactless for a £50m payment.

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Published on April 13, 2018 00:51

Premier League: 10 things to look out for this weekend

Spurs aim to give City the jitters, Newcastle could profit from Arsenal’s poor away form, and Burnley can close in on Europe

Long after Manchester City win the Premier League at a canter, the utterly futile and unwinnable debate will continue to rage over whether a season in which they won two trophies but came up well short in their quest for the Holy Grail of the Champions League can be considered a success. While a fourth consecutive defeat across two competitions would provide no shortage of grist to the mill of reactionary halfwits who have already written off this season as a failure, it is unlikely to be a source of too much concern for many Manchester City fans. Nevertheless, should the gap between themselves and Manchester United be reduced to 10 points (11 if you include the massive gulf in goal difference) with five games to play, there will almost certainly be City fans of a certain vintage who start experiencing mild but all too familiar feelings of discomfort. On a weekend in which the Grand National is arguably the sporting highlight, it is inconceivable that even a club with City’s proud tradition of spectacular pratfalls could somehow do a Devon Loch on this particular run-in. Inconceivable, but not impossible – as Roy Keane famously observed of his former club’s cross-town rivals, “it is in their DNA to mess things up”. BG

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Published on April 13, 2018 00:20

April 12, 2018

World Cup Fiver | Lusty cheering that could only signal the start of the apocalypse

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In the summer of 2006, as England blundered inexorably through the early stages of the World Cup, Team Fiver made a pact. Should England reach the final, we would spend the entirety of the match going round and round the Circle Line on the London Underground. The train would be totally empty, with the entire country watching the game, allowing us to solemnly quaff cans of Super Tin while praying there would eventually be a slow, weary procession of the glum and the heartbroken, impotent tears slowly moistening the Union Jack paint plastered across their beetroot phizogs. If the opposite happened, and we heard the kind of lusty cheering that could only signal the start of the apocalypse; well, we had the emergency Derringer for that.

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Published on April 12, 2018 04:29

April 11, 2018

Bayern Munich 0-0 Sevilla (agg: 2-1): Champions League quarter-final – as it happened

Bayern eased into another semi-final with a muted goalless draw against Sevilla, who had Joaquin Correa sent off in injury time

10.58pm BST

9.50pm BST

That’s it. Bayern move comfortably, if underwhelmingly, into another Champions League semi-final. Sevilla had a few chances and hit the bar, but for the most part Bayern kept them at arm’s length. Thanks for your company. NOW DO ONE AND FOLLOW THE GAME IN MADRID BECAUSE THERE’S A PENALTY!

9.39pm BST

90 min Four minutes of added time.

9.38pm BST

90+2 min There’s an almighty rumble on the touchline after a poor tackle from Correa on Martinez. It was so late that I think the referee missed it, but somebody told him and he eventually produced the red card. I think that’s slightly harsh; it was probably halfway between a yellow and a red. Anyway.

9.35pm BST

89 min The most striking thing about this Bayern side is their speed - the lack of it, both with and without the ball. Liverpool’s front three would cause them plenty of problems.

9.33pm BST

88 min Somebody’s going to use the phrase “German efficiency” in reference to this match, aren’t they.

9.31pm BST

86 min Another Bayern change. Rafinha, who has had a superb game, is replaced by Niklas Sule.

9.31pm BST

85 min “When’s the draw for the semi finals, Rob?” says Simon McMahon. “On the One Show tomorrow? I hope Liverpool and Roma are drawn together; the thought of them meeting in the final would bring back too many painful memories. Though to be honest, the idea of Dundee United being in the European Cup final, and of a potential nuclear holocaust, seems positively quaint compared to what’s going on today.”

It’s on Friday afternoon. The draw for the final follows straight after.

9.29pm BST

84 min Sevilla are running out of time, and they look like a team who have accepted an honourable defeat.

9.27pm BST

81 min Banega holds off Javi Martinez, who goes down holding his face. Banega is booked. That was ridiculously harsh.

9.25pm BST

81 min Franco Vazquez is replaced by Nolito, the last Sevilla substitution.

9.25pm BST

80 min Robben’s cross loops across goal and is put behind for a corner by Jesus Navas. Nothing comes of it. I don’t know why I bother with corners.

9.24pm BST

78 min Bayern have controlled the game a lot more in the second half. They still haven’t looked particularly good, though, and there’s not much for Liverpool to fear.

9.22pm BST

77 min The wounded Lewandowski is replaced by Sandro Wagner.

9.22pm BST

76 min Hummels is robbed by Luis Muriel by his own corner flag. Eventually the ball runs back to N’Zonzi, who belts it into orbit from 20 yards.

9.21pm BST

75 min N’Zonzi, who has been booked, is penalised for an awkward lunge at James. That could have been a second yellow card.

9.20pm BST

74 min “Sticking with this match, not distracted by all the ‘noise’ and ‘goals’ in the other one,” says Zach Neeley. “No thank you sir.”

9.17pm BST

72 min Robben goes on the outside this time, beating Escudero with ease before slapping the ball into the side netting at the near post. Lewandowski was in a great position in the middle.

9.15pm BST

70 min A Bayern substitution: Thiago Alcantara replaces Franck Ribery. And Sevilla make another change too, with Sandro Ramirez on for Pablo Sarabia.

9.15pm BST

69 min The match and the tie are starting to peter out. Sevilla have had their moments but Bayern are in control now.

9.11pm BST

66 min Robben comes infield on his left foot, spanks it miles wide.

9.10pm BST

65 min Sevilla make their first change, with Luis Muriel replacing the willing Wissam Ben Yedder.

9.08pm BST

63 min James’s pretty curler from 15 yards is well saved - and caught - by the diving Soria.

9.07pm BST

62 min I know Barcelona and Real Madrid like to outdo each other but this is ridiculous.

9.07pm BST

61 min “Kane has completed his hattrick in Madrid,” says Marie Meyer.

9.06pm BST

60 min The excellent Banega pings a long-range shot a few yards wide.

Meanwhile, it’s now Real Madrid 0-3 Juventus. No, I am not having a bubble.

9.05pm BST

59 min: Correa hits the bar! Sevilla almost take the lead. Banega’s curling free-kick from the right was won emphatically in the air by Correa, who flicked an excellent header off the face of the bar with Ulreich motionless.

9.02pm BST

57 min Bayern have been more dominant in the second half. Heynckes evidently owns more than one type of hairdryer.

8.59pm BST

55 min “Just remember,” says Peter, “that at this point Sevilla has outscored Bayern.”

And own-goals count double in the event of a draw.

8.59pm BST

54 min Muller’s shot from 15 yards is punched away by Soria, who seems to be allergic to catching the ball.

8.59pm BST

53 min Ribery plays another crafty reverse pass – this time to Rodriguez, who drills a low shot from a tight angle that is kicked away by Soria. He was almost caught out at the near post.

8.56pm BST

51 min Rafinha makes his second goal-saving interception of the night! Ben Yedder, found in the area by Vazquez, came inside Boateng and was about to shoot when Rafinha picked his pocket. Brilliant defending.

8.55pm BST

49 min A lovely move from Bayern. Ribery plays a reverse pass to the overlapping Rafinha, who stands up a superb firs-time cross beyond the far post. Lewandowski hangs in the air for ages but can’t quite get round the ball and heads it into the side netting.

8.53pm BST

48 min Sevilla will have a hard-luck story to tell at the end of this tie, having had chances in both legs. The equivalent of the Bullseye Bus Far Home, I suppose, but it’s better than being plugged 10-2 on aggregate.

8.51pm BST

47 min “Possible semi-final draw: Sevilla – Juventus, Roma- Liverpool,” says Krishnamoorthy V. “How much you would have laughed if someone said this when the group matches started?”

Don’t tell me they’re quantifying laughter as well? ARE NONE OF LIFE’S PLEASURES SAFE FROM THE NUMBERWANG MASSIVE?

8.50pm BST

46 min Peep peep! Sevilla begin the second half.

8.50pm BST

“Are you sad to be missing Real v Juve,” says Adam Roberts, “or relieved you haven’t got another crazy comeback game to do?”

I’d like to think the level of ambition evident in all my writing answers that question, Adam. I always want to do the boring easy game.

8.39pm BST

Half-time chit-chat

“Good evening Rob,” says Grant Tennille. “In the 37th-minute entry, I believe you mean ‘orgasmic’ rather than ‘orgiastic’. What is this minute-by-minute coming to...”

8.34pm BST

Peep peep! That was an interesting half, with both teams missing good opportunities. Sevilla are still in this, though you’d expect Bayern to play with a bit more aggression in the second half. See you in 10 minutes.

8.31pm BST

45+1 min Rafinha is beating treated after injuring himself making that tackle. I think Sarabia followed through onto his shoulder.

8.30pm BST

45 min Martinez gives the ball away to Vazquez, who cuts a pass into Ben Yedder. He pushes it ingeniously through to Sarabia, who just overruns the ball in the area. That allows Rafinha to come across and make a vital tackle. Sevilla have had some excellent opportunities in this half.

8.26pm BST

41 min Bayern are playing some good stuff now. Robben plays the ball to the overlapping Muller, who guides a lovely angled pass into the corridor of uncertainty that takes the keeper Soria out of the game. Ribery is waiting to put it into an open net at the far post when Jesus Navas appears to slide the ball behind for a corner. Terrific defending from the Spanish Ashley Young.

8.25pm BST

40 min Robben wafts over from the edge of the area.

8.24pm BST

39 min Oh my: it’s Real Madrid 0-2 Juventus (aggregate: 3-2)! You may wish to go elsewhere.

8.23pm BST

38 min Bayern’s best chance. Robben slides a ball across the face of the area to Ribery, who skips inside Jesus Navas and then Mercado before hammering a shot that is beaten away by Soria. It was a spectacular save, though Ribery should probably have scored.

8.22pm BST

37 min “Quantifying orgasms soon?” says Matthew Turner. “Doesn’t everyone always do that? It’s qualifying orgasms that’s the refined trick.”

Ah, good point. I meant quantifying the orgiastic experience. Sometimes I suffer from premature publication.

8.19pm BST

34 min A Bayern corner is only half cleared and comes to Hummels, who marches into the box from the right and hits a left-footed heatseeker just over the bar. That was a tremendous hit.

8.18pm BST

32 min A Bayern goal wouldn’t be the end of the world for Sevilla, or even the end of the Europe, as they need to score twice anyway. A 2-0 win would put them through; a 2-1 win would take the game to extra-time.

8.16pm BST

29 min Bayern are playing with 0.00% oomph It’s a good job they’re a German side or I’d be tempted to accuse them of complacency.

8.14pm BST

26 min A patient move from Sevilla ends with a half chance for Escudero. Banega, Ben Yedder and Correa combined to release Escudero on the left side of the box. He slid his left foot around the covering Kimmich to shoot wide of the far post. It wasn’t much of a chance, but the move was lovely. Banega has played some classy, penetrative passes tonight.

8.11pm BST

24 min “Evening Rob,” says Simon McMahon. “Is talking about ‘conversion rates’ a thing in football now too? Joe Root will be relieved.”

They’ll be quantifying orgasms soon.

8.07pm BST

22 min Robben combines well with Kimmich, whose dangerous low cross is kicked away at the near post. It’s been an interesting first quarter, with plenty to keep Sevilla interested.

8.06pm BST

20 min The age of this Bayern side, and the relatively ponderous speed of their play, will interest Liverpool should they play each other in the semi-finals.

8.05pm BST

19 min Ribery wins a corner off Jesus Navas. Nah, nothing.

8.03pm BST

17 min Replays suggests that penalty appeal wasn’t particularly strong. It hit Boateng’s arm but it was tight to his body.

8.02pm BST

16 min Sevilla will be pleased with how much of the ball they are having. Bayern have started in second gear - and they almost pay for it when Correa knees Jesus Navas’s cross towards goal from 10 yards. It’s blocked by a defender and Correa is harshly penalised for fouling Ulreich on the rebound. That was a decent chance too, though it came at an awkward height for Correa, who didn’t have time to adjust his body.

8.00pm BST

15 min Sevilla appeal unsuccesfully for a penalty when Sarabia’s shot hits Boateng, possibly on the arm. That looked a quietly decent shout, though we haven’t seen a replay.

7.59pm BST

14 min Kimmich receives the ball on the right, Robbens infield onto his left foot and shoots wide from 25 yards. This is a pleasant, open game.

7.58pm BST

12 min “Robben cutting in from the right to shoot with his left, death and taxes,” says ‘Our’ Ian Copestake.

7.57pm BST

11 min: Great chance for Sevilla! Banega played a sharp angled pass into the area for Sarabia, who skipped smartly inside Rafinha to create a shooting chance - and then whacked it high and wide.

7.56pm BST

10 min A promising attack for Sevilla, with Correa’s cross booted clear from inside the six-yard box by Hummels. N’Zonzi, meanwhile, is booked for embedding his studs in Lewandowski’s foot.

7.55pm BST

9 min “Amazing that Bayern reached the semis seven times in nine seasons and they only have one trophy to show for it,” says David Brennan. “A very poor conversion rate. Germany under Low have fine trophy to show from five semi-finals (six if you count his Klinsmann assistance in 2006).”

That’s what fascinates me about Real Madrid – they win as many European Cups as La Ligas, whereas Bayern/Guardiola/pretty much everyone else have nothing like the same ratio.

7.53pm BST

7 min Lewandowski strains his neck muscles to loop a header towards goal that is tipped over by Soria. A comfortable save. Bayern look like they can score whenever they want.

7.51pm BST

5 min Bayern are happy to let Sevilla have the ball and hit them on the break. Robben does just that, working the ball onto his left foot and curling a few yards wide of the far post.

7.49pm BST

4 min “My prediction,” says Marie Meyer. “Your inbox filled with Harry Kane jokes as soon as someone scores.”

That really was a bit … odd, wasn’t it.

7.49pm BST

3 min James curls the free-kick just over the bar.

7.48pm BST

2 min Mercado is lucky to stay on the pitch after taking down Lewandowski 25 yards from goal. He was the last man and, though I’m probably missing something obvious, I can’t understand why he was only booked. It looked a clear goalscoring opportunity for a donkey, never mind Lewandowski.

7.47pm BST

2 min “I can’t hold it in any longer, Bobby my boy,” says Ian Copestake. “WE AE IN THE EFFING SEMI-FINALS!“

You a Roma fan, blud?

7.45pm BST

1 min Peep peep! Bayern, in red, get the match under way. Sevilla are in white.

7.38pm BST

It’s nearly time for kick off. Any predictions? I can’t see comeback lightning striking twice: Bayern 4-1 Sevilla (agg: 6-2)

7.34pm BST

I know this is old, but as we’re on the subject of old managers

7.13pm BST

Sevilla are aiming to reach the semi-finals of this competition for the first time in their history. Bayern hope to do so for the seventh time in nine seasons. It’s hard to believe that, between 2001 and 2009, they didn’t reach the last four at all.

6.45pm BST

Bayern Munich (possible 4-1-4-1) Ulreich; Kimmich, Boateng, Hummels, Rafinha; Javi Martinez; Robben, Muller, James Rodriguez, Ribery; Lewandowski.
Substitutes: Starke, Wagner, Sule, Thiago Alcantara, Bernat, Rudy, Tolisso.

Sevilla (4-2-3-1) Soria; Jesus Navas, Mercado, Lenglet, Escudero; N’Zonzi, Banega; Sarabia, Vazquez, Correa; Ben Yedder.
Substitutes: Rico, Daniel Carrico, Pizarro, Muriel, Nolito, Arana, Ramirez.

3.12pm BST

If you type “best football managers of all time” into Google, the first thing that comes up is a row of photos. There are 51 managers in total. Scroll across and you’ll see everyone from Sir Alex Ferguson to Bob Paisley; Arrigo Sacchi to Helenio Herrara; Sam Allardyce to Diego Maradona. Yep.

Jupp Heynckes is not on the list. Nobody really talks about him as one of the great managers. He’s certainly not one for the hipsterati. He doesn’t talk in philosophies; he knows how to use a razor; and his hair looks like a Phil Leotardo tribute. But in six weeks’ time he could become only the third coach to win the European Cup three times, after Paisley and

Harry Kane
Carlo Ancelotti.

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Published on April 11, 2018 13:40

April 10, 2018

Manchester City 1-2 Liverpool (agg 1-5): Champions League quarter-final – as it happened

Liverpool survived a torrid first half to ease into the semi-finals through goals from Mo Salah and Roberto Firmino

10.06pm BST

9.35pm BST

Liverpool are through to the Champions League semi-finals for the first time in a decade. They fully deserved it overall, even if the aggregate scoreline flatters them a touch. City were extremely good tonight until the moment Mo Salah produced the most savage plot twist with a devastating equaliser in the 56th minute. City jacked it in after that, their hearts broken into a thousand tiny pieces.

Liverpool were nervous as hell in the first half but they got the job done and have a serious chance of winning this competition. Their front three is as good as anything in Europe, and Virgil Van Dijk has made a huge difference to their defence. Thanks for your company, night.

9.32pm BST

89 min “Small margins indeed,” says Niall Mullen. “As a Liverpool fan I’m happy that we’re finally in a position to take advantage when they go our way. As it happens I thought it was a foul on Van Dijk for the opener (but I guess I would say that wouldn’t I?)”

I thought it was too, though obviously it was nowhere near as clear cut as the disallowed goal. It does go both ways: Pep Guardiola’s first Champions League victory came in no small part because that Norwegian referee turned down 12 clear penalties for Chelsea.

9.30pm BST

89 min A Liverpool change. Danny Ings replaces the truly, madly, deeply magnificent Mo Salah.

9.29pm BST

88 min “Only now able to catch up on tonight’s events,” says Matt Dony. “I’m fairly relieved that I didn’t sit through that first half. I’m rather attached to having fingernails. Still nervous (comes with the territory), but ever thankful for Salah. What a player. What a bargain!”

The best thing about that goal was the calm awareness. While everyone else was skidding around all over the place, he looked like he was able to press the pause button and decide what to do before each touch.

9.26pm BST

86 min If Liverpool get Roma in the semi-finals...

9.26pm BST

85 min City’s next game: Spurs away.

9.25pm BST

84 min “I am old enough,” says Arthur Tee, “to remember when Pep’s City was the best team we’d ever seen in the Premier League.”

Arf. This reminds me of that week in April 2004 when Arsenal were knocked out of the FA Cup and Champions League. Folk still remember that team, and I’m sure it’ll be the same with City, especially if they set a new points record.

9.24pm BST

83 min Nathaniel Clyne replaces Trent Alexander-Arnold. Meanwhile, it’s Roma 3-0 Barcelona - as things stand, Barcelona are out! Bugger off to Paul Doyle’s MBM right now!

9.22pm BST

82 min The wonderful Roberto Firmino is replaced by Ragnar Klavan.

9.21pm BST

81 min City have another goal disallowed for offside. Gundogan was the scorer but it was the creator, Sane, who was just offside.

9.20pm BST

79 min The slim margins of football, part 4123423948219582345324. If that Sane goal had been given, City might be 4-0 or 5-0 up by now. We’ll never know. The icy genius of Mo Salah killed the tie at a stroke.

9.19pm BST

78 min The referee patted Otamendi on the head in sympathy after that mistake. Bit weird.

9.18pm BST

Liverpool are through to the Champions League semi-finals! Otamendi makes his usual mistake, giving the ball straight to Firmino on the left wing. He dances into the area and passes the ball calmly into the net off the far post. Lovely finish.

9.17pm BST

76 min Sane’s deep, lofted cross is headed wide from a prohibitive angle by Aguero.

9.16pm BST

75 min If it stays like this, future generations will see a 4-1 aggregate score and assume it was comfortable for Liverpool. But the first 53 minutes tonight were about as comfortable as an ice bath with a peckish marmot.

9.14pm BST

74 min Ilkay Gundogan replaces Bernardo Silva. It’s over, you don’t need to tell me.

9.14pm BST

72 min Niall Mullen asks: “Is Paul Dickov on the bench?”

9.11pm BST

70 min Laporte’s long-range shot takes a deflection off the head of Lovren and whistles just over the bar with Karius wrong-footed.

9.09pm BST

67 min City have started to stir after 10 minutes of understandable sulking, but deep down everyone knows this is over. Salah’s goal was a devastating sucker punch at a time when City were miles ahead on all three judges’ scorecards.

9.06pm BST

66 min A Manchester City substitution: David Silva is replaced by Sergio Aguero.

9.06pm BST

65 min Mane skins Laporte by the right touchline, only to bisect Firmino and Mane with his cut back. That was another chance for Liverpool. City break and Van Dijk is booked for a perceived foul on Sterling. Not sure he did much wrong.

9.05pm BST

64 min An amazing Champions League comeback is still on.

9.03pm BST

63 min That Salah goal was such a savage plot twist that, for the time being, City’s heads have gone. Liverpool have had more promising attacks in the last 10 minutes than they did in the first 50.

9.02pm BST

61 min City have been grieving for the last five minutes, running round without their usual purpose. De Bruyne tries to snap them out of it with a long-range shot that is easily saved by Karius.

9.00pm BST

60 min The mood of the match has changed completely. Salah drives a brilliant long pass to Firmino, who gets the wrong side of Walker but dithers just long enough for Ederson to come out and claim the ball. That was a good chance.

8.59pm BST

58 min As you almost certainly know, Manchester City now need to score four goals to go through.

8.58pm BST

That was such a cool finish. Mane surged into the area onto Salah’s pass and fell over after a challenge from Fernandinho. While everyone looked to see if a penalty would be given, Salah picked up the loose ball, danced around Ederson and dinked the ball gently over Otamendi on the line. That is just a sensational goal.

8.57pm BST

The little genius has done it again!

8.56pm BST

56 min A few of you have emailed to say that Ederson should have been sent off for repeatedly shoving Mane. He did act the goat, that’s undeniable, but I still think a yellow card was correct. Mind you, I haven’t read the Laws of the Game from cover to cover for at least a fortnight, so I’m a bit rusty.

8.56pm BST

55 min Firmino, who has already been booked, gets away with a strong shoulder-to-shoulder challenge on the breaking De Bruyne. I think that was the right decision. But had a foul been given, Firmino might have been sent off.

8.53pm BST

53 min It’s been a slightly weird game in that, although Liverpool have been absolutely battered, their keeper hasn’t had any difficult saves to make.

8.53pm BST

52 min Salah is becoming ever more isolated up front for Liverpool, whose familiar 4-3-3 has become a 4-5-1 out of necessity.

8.51pm BST

50 min David Silva’s deep angled cross is headed back across goal by Sane. Lovren gets in front of his man to head clear. City have started the second half strongly.

8.49pm BST

48 min Liverpool have been unusually indecisive in attack. I wonder whether that’s the old stick/twist dilemma floating around their subconscious.

8.48pm BST

47 min No tactical changes on either side. City are pressing Liverpool high up the pitch, as they did at the start of the first half when Sterling’s challenge on Van Dijk led to the goal from Jesus.

8.46pm BST

46 min Peep peep! Liverpool begin the second half.

8.39pm BST

“That Gabriel Jesus goal,” says Martin Rylance. “Has Harry Kane claimed it yet?”

8.38pm BST

The disallowed goal “You could see the assistant speaking quite firmly into his headset after he made the offside decision on the Sane goal,” says Chris Burke. “I would lay odds that he was immediately asking who the ball had cannoned off — a City player or Liverpool. From his position, he certainly wouldn’t have had a clear view of something that happened so quickly, and he might not have even seen it (eyes across the line rather than on the ball). I’d lay the blame for that decision on the center referee, Sr. Lahoz.”

8.37pm BST

The referee didn’t take too kindly to that outburst and has sent Pep to the stands.

8.36pm BST

“Have to say,” says Ezra Finkelstein, “it’s refreshing to see games that are non-stop and intensive. Makes you remember why you fell in love with this sport.”

8.35pm BST

“This ref,” says Evan Crocker, “is a complete clown.”

But is this clown a smart guy?

8.33pm BST

That was quite a first half. City got an early goal, hit the post and had a goal wrongly disallowed. They were totally dominant. Pep Guardiola is on the pitch, shouting at the referee. I’ve rarely seen him so wild-eyed. He seems to be trying to determine once and for all whether looks can kill.

I’m off for a lie down. See you in 10 minutes for the second half.

8.31pm BST

45 min: Chance for Liverpool! Oxlade-Chamberlain storms onto a return pass from Salah, goes around Ederson and smacks the ball wide from a very tight angle. He could maybe have gone down after the challenge from Ederson.

8.30pm BST

44 min That Bernardo Silva shot skimmed off the head of Lovren, though I’m not sure whether it changed the flight of the ball. There’s so much happening that I barely know my own name.

8.28pm BST

42 min: Sane has a goal wrongly disallowed for offside! Karius’s diabolical punch hit Milner and flew back towards the empty goal, where Sane tucked it into the net. He was in an offside position but the ball was played to him by Milner, not a City player, so the goal should have counted.

8.27pm BST

41 min: Bernardo Silva hits the post! He came infield from the right and launched a sizzling rising drive from 25 yards that flew across Karius and smacked off the post! It might have taken a slight deflection.

8.26pm BST

40 min That’s a bit better from Liverpool. Firmino finds Oxlade-Chamberlain and curls straight at Ederson from 25 yards.

8.24pm BST

39 min A gorgeous crossfield pass by De Bruyne is controlled perfectly in the area by Bernardo Silva. He moves Robertson one way and then the other before whacking a shot that deflects off the stretching Robertson and just wide of the far post. That was beautiful play from City.

8.22pm BST

37 min Fernandinho drives wide from 25 yards. The one good thing for Liverpool is that, although they have been under so much pressure, Karius hasn’t had too much to do. Yet.

8.21pm BST

35 min “I’m not saying the ‘Pool should park the bus but boy do they need to stop the flow of the match,” says John Rogers. “Cross field passes via the outside of the boot are beautiful and all but they’re worse than useless if it just gives the ball back to City. Can Klopp bring some, dare I say, Mourinho nous to the party?”

You’ve gone too far this time, Rogers.

8.20pm BST

34 min A rare Liverpool corner leads to a City break. Firmino takes a yellow card for the team, pulling back the rampaging De Bruyne. This has been a fraught first half for Liverpool.

8.19pm BST

33 min Sane, on the left, and Sterling, playing behind Jesus, have been terrific for City.

8.18pm BST

33 min Another challenge by Robertson on Sterling brings another appeal for a penalty. Again it was a risky tackle but not enough for a penalty.

8.17pm BST

32 min City appeal for a penalty when Robertson humps Sterling in the back. It was a zealous and risky challenge, probably not enough for a penalty though.

8.16pm BST

30 min Another near miss for City! David Silva’s fierce cross is punched away by the diving Karius but goes straight to Bernardo Silva 10 yards from goal. His cracking half-volley is crucially blocked by Milner. I think it hit his arm but there was nothing he could do to get out of the way. Bernardo Silva is then booked for dissent.

8.14pm BST

29 min Alexander-Arnold is booked for a foul on Sane, who beat him with delightful sleight of hip. Liverpool are a bag of nerves.

8.14pm BST

28 min “Well it’s confusing at the drinking spot in Accra where both matches are being shown on several screens with teams playing left to right in sky blue and right to left all in red,” says Brendan Dempsey. “Don’t mind admitting I got excited there when Edin Dzeko looked to have equalised for Liverpool.”

Wait until the beer kicks in. You’ll be seeing Ian Rush in his pomp – for Roma.

8.13pm BST

27 min Liverpool have made a tactical change, with Mane moving to the right, Firmino to the left and Salah up front. If that’s not a chalkboardgasm, then I don’t know what is.

8.12pm BST

26 min De Bruyne’s low shot from 20 yards is comfortably held by the plunging Karius.

8.09pm BST

24 min City have a man over but David Silva plays his one poor pass for the year, behind the onrushing Leroy Sane. That was a chance.

8.08pm BST

23 min Salah has been very quiet, though I think that’s more to do with the flow of the game than any fitness concerns.

8.06pm BST

20 min It’s all City. De Bruyne plays a great pass to Sterling, whose cutback hits Jesus at the near post; moments later, Sane’s deflected cross is flapped away by Karius. Liverpool are in a lot of trouble just now.

8.04pm BST

18 min “When,” says Tom Barneby, “is it acceptable to completely freak out as a Liverpool fan?”

Sixteen minutes ago.

8.03pm BST

17 min This could be on, you know. Liverpool look very nervous at the back, and there is a stick/twist indecisiveness about their counter-attacking.

8.02pm BST

16 min A foul of rare stupidity from Lovren on Sterling gives City a free-kick near the left corner flag. De Bruyne rolls the free-kick to the edge of the area for Sane, whose mishit shot deflects wide off Van Dijk.

8.00pm BST

14 min Mane, who was sent off here in September, slips over and slides studs-first into Otamendi, who rolls around in pain. Ederson charges from his line and shoves Mane once, twice, maybe the full Lionel Richie. Mane and Ederson are both booked. There was no intent there from Mane, who slipped over just as he was about to challenge Otamendi.

7.58pm BST

13 min “Best possible start for Liverpool,” says Hubert O’Hearn. “A smack in the face, therefore Attack! Now i feelo confident. Easy win, 4-2 for the match, 7-2 for tyhe tie.”

Given the usual cleanliness of your emails, the number of typos suggest a degree of nervousness not entirely consistent with your bullish message...

7.58pm BST

12 min It’s actually been a fairly quiet start, with the obvious exception of the goal.

7.54pm BST

9 min “Hi Rob, says Peter Oh. “In these times of deep division, it’s comforting to know that we can at least agree on one thing. The Zadok the Priest- butchering CL anthem is just abominable. Now, back to the match. I do hope Liverpool can Handel what City throw at them.”

Booooooooooo!

7.53pm BST

8 min De Bruyne coaxes a shot over the bar from 25 yards. Liverpool haven’t started well.

7.52pm BST

7 min “Evening Rob,” says Simon McMahon. “Very pleased to hear that Andy ‘Robbo’ Robertson starts tonight; doesn’t seem that long ago he was strutting his stuff at Tannadice, where there also happens to be a big game tonight. In fact the league could be won, not by United but by visitors St. Mirren. United have been in free fall since round about the time Robertson left. Some reflected glory tonight perhaps, as we struggle to hold on to a play-off place.”

What would Dundee United know about the latter stages of European competition, eh? European Cup semi-finalists, you’ll never sing that.

7.51pm BST

6 min I think it was a foul by Sterling, but it was a tight call. Either way Van Dijk made a mistake - he stopped playing, appealing for a foul. Play went on and City ripped Liverpool apart in the space Van Dijk would usually have been covering.

7.50pm BST

5 min “Good evening Rob,” says Grant Tennille. “Regarding Jürgen Klopp’s exhortation that Liverpool be prepared for a City ‘thunderstorm’, I’m trying to imagine just what might precipitate an evolution from last week’s shower.”

Honk!

7.49pm BST

4 min I’d like to see that Van Dijk incident again. He fell off the pitch after being challenged by Sterling, which meant he was out of position when Fernandinho ripped that pass through the defence.

7.49pm BST

Fernandinho sliced the defence open with a long, fast through pass to Sterling, who got his head up and squared the ball perfectly for Jesus. He finished emphatically beyond Karius from 10 yards. Virgil van Dijk was furious, thinking he’d been fouled by Sterling before the ball went to Fernandinho. But it was a superbly constructed goal, with two immaculate passes and a ruthless finish.

7.47pm BST

What a start! It’s a beautiful goal too.

7.47pm BST

2 min De Bruyne is fouled by Mane down the right. He swings the free-kick into the area and Oxlade-Chamberlain clears. It looks like City are playing a 3-1-4-1-1 formation, with Sterling behind Jesus.

7.45pm BST

1 min Let’s get this bloody party started.

7.43pm BST

There’s a hostile atmosphere at the Etihad - and that’s just towards the Champions League anthem, which is lustily booed.

7.40pm BST

The players are in the tunnel. Business faces are on. My prediction? Manchester City 12-9 Liverpool.

7.38pm BST

A shameless pre-match plug

If you like old football, click this!

7.32pm BST

“My Conventional Wisdom Hat says that the best way to haul back a deficit like they have to is to actually start as they normally do, trust in what they’ve been doing all season and look to build momentum steadily within the game,” says Christopher Faherty. “Yes they need three but it’s over ninety minutes. The pressure could turn on Liverpool during the game. Going like they have done, Cith might have a (ludicrous) early swarm, but if that doesn’t bring fruit it might tilt the other way, and the potential for Liverpool counters is so potent. We’ll see, it should be really exciting.”

7.25pm BST

“If he wanted some real praise,” says Ian Copestake, “Pep should have parked the bus (not that one) and picked Liverpool off on the break. But yeah this is going to be tennis score.”

In other news, no windows were harmed during the arrival of the Liverpool team bus.

7.25pm BST

“Good evening Rob,” says Andrew Hurley. “Two things, I think City will win 3-1 or 4-0, however hasn’t Pep rather shown too much? They don’t need to score three goals in the first 30 minutes. Isn’t playing all his offensive players a little like telling a girl you love her at the start of the first date? This (sadly) echoes this in my memory (bloody Proust):

Mark: Saying ‘I Love You’ is like firing first in a duel; if you miss, you’re fucked!

7.17pm BST

“Pep’s XI,” says Gary Naylor, “reminds me a bit of this.”

The more I think about it, the more I really like his team. It’s selfless, brave and most important of all it ensures I won’t have to report on a tedious 0-0.

7.10pm BST

Jurgen Klopp speaks “Mo is 100 per cent fit and so is Robbo. City’s team is a statement – nice and offensive, so this will be exciting. They are going to try everything, and so will we.”

7.10pm BST

Pep explains his team selection “We have to attack. We need to score goals, so we need players with quality, and Fernandinho can play with the central defender. Sergio Aguero is not ready to play 90 minutes.”

6.53pm BST

An email

“Not many (none) midfielders on the bench for Liverpool tonight,” says Conor Murray.

6.51pm BST

Pre-match reading

6.41pm BST

Mo Salah and Andy Robertson start for Liverpool. Vincent Kompany has been dropped by Manchester City, who are playing Nicolas Otamendi in a back one. Sergio Aguero is only on the bench, but it’s still a seriously attacking line-up. It’s a very selfless selection from Guardiola, because if it goes wrong he will receive far more criticism than if he had stuck with the usual 4-3-3.

Manchester City (possible 3-1-3-3) Ederson; Walker, Otamendi, Laporte; Fernandinho; B Silva, De Bruyne, D Silva; Sterling, Jesus, Sane.
Substitutes: Bravo, Kompany, Gundogan, Aguero, Delph, Zinchenko, Foden.

5.47pm BST

For a man who has won the Champions League twice as a coach, Pep Guardiola has a fair bit to prove in the competition. Since leaving Barcelona his teams have generally won the league by 50 points, only to be eliminated – and often stuffed – the moment they meet a decent team in Europe. And Guardiola has been blamed for tinkering too much in most of those defeats.

It was the same again last week, when his collection of central midfielders were ransacked 3-0 at Anfield. It’s unlikely that City will turn it round and reach the semi-finals. But it’s not impossible: seven of their 16 home results in this season’s Premier League would be enough for them to go through or least force extra-time, including that 5-0 win against 10-man Liverpool in September. If the matches between these teams have taught us one thing, it’s that none of us have a clue what is going to happen.

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Published on April 10, 2018 13:37

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