Rob Smyth's Blog, page 120

December 27, 2019

South Africa v England: first Test, day two – live!

Live updates from the second day at SuperSport ParkAnd feel free to email Tanya here or tweet @tjaldred

9.26am GMT

12th over: England 27-2 ( Denly 1, Root 6) England’s agony is briefly lifted as Pretorius replaces Philander. But Denly’s luck stretches on after he pushes forward at Pretorius and the ball narrowly misses popping back onto the stumps.

9.22am GMT

11th over: England 25-2 ( Denly 1, Root 6) Oooh, Denly survives as an outside edge is dropped by van der Dussen at first slip. He’s standing well back and the ball somehow popped out of his hands, low to the ground. Rabada puts his head in his hands. And three balls later, with an awkward prod, Denly is off the mark at last, after 28 balls.

9.18am GMT

10th over: England 25-2 ( Denly 0, Root 6) I’m quite impressed by Denly’s sang froid. He’s now gone 22 balls without scoring, without looking either too jumpy or too desperate . Here he manages a calm(ish) leg-bye, and potters up to the other end. And that’s Philander’s fifth maiden.

Good morning Tanya, writes Simon McMahon. I hope you are well, and had a merry Christmas. Thanks to you and all the OBO team for your sterling work in bringing us cricket from around the world.

9.11am GMT

9th over: England 25-2 ( Denly 0, Root 6) Root survives the final two balls of the over.

An email pings in from Tom Dunn. Good morning Tanya.

9.07am GMT

8.4 overs: England 25-2 ( Denly 0, Root 6) A sigh of relief, as Root kisses a four through the covers, but respite is brief. He’s then has to perform some kind of pike leap, cut in half by a bouncer that rises off the pitch. Ye gods, then Rabada sends one short, and Root heads the ball off the top of his helmet to the boundary for four. And as Root is checked for concussion, they take DRINKS.

9.02am GMT

8th over: England 17-2 ( Denly 0, Root 2) Denly, 16 balls without scoring, is batting well out of his crease to Philander. Philander dangles the ball at various lengths, but Denly holds his nerve. Four overs, four maidens for Philander.

8.59am GMT

7th over: England 17-2 ( Denly 0, Root 2) Root runs through his multiple batting skills, ducking, diving, prodding, surviving. More Rabada magic.

8.56am GMT

6th over: England 15-2 ( Denly 0, Root 0) Denly somehow survives a Philander special, just escaping an lbw squeeze, then just nibbling, but not enough, at one on a perfect line. Philander and Rabada are quite the bowling double-act - one blows you away, the other dissects the remains.

8.52am GMT

5th over: England 15-2 ( Denly 0, Root 0) Rabada gave Sibley a thorough working over there, probing outside his off stump, though he did stray briefly onto his pads where Sibley nudged him through the onside for four. Then bang.

A suggestion for OBO over readers who like wallowing in England discord.

@tjaldred For OBO readers wanting radio coverage, may I suggest the fun folks @guerillacricket ? They are not geo-blocked and so can be heard worldwide online. They are on https://t.co/umVV4VwQiA, @TuneIn and also on Facebook. Irreverent, well informed, experienced, and funny.

8.50am GMT

Oh dear. Sibley gets a sniff at a rocket slightly wide of the stump and pushes slightly desperately at it. He’s given not out but South Africa review straight away. Sibley then starts walking, but Denly calls him back, but Reiffel tells him to keep walking. Confusion a-go-go. Anyway, he’s out.

8.42am GMT

4th over: England 11-1 ( Denly 0, Sibley 0) Replays show the ball nicked Burns’s thumb as it went past. Such a peach from Philander, whose skills with the ball are pseudo-magical, especially against left-handers. Denly successfully plays out the rest of the over.

8.37am GMT

Burns falls to his very first ball from Philander, a beauty, that rockets up from nowhere and Burns dutifully nibbles away.

8.36am GMT

3rd over: England 11-0 ( Burns 9, Sibley 0) Rabada is going for it here. Burns somehow, with a kind of twisted bat, directs a 90mph ball through gully for four. He looks awkward, but was ever thus, and how he’s compiled those runs.

8.32am GMT

2nd over: England 6-0 ( Burns 4, Sibley 0) Jelly babies and ginger nuts , Sibley plods forward heavily and gets within a lego brick of an edge to Philander. And so it continues.

8.29am GMT

1st over: England 6-0 ( Burns 4, Sibley 0) And just as it was in the South African innings, so it nearly was in the England innings. Rabada sent down a very full ball, that shaped in and Burns looked as if he’d got a tickle, he turned immediately to see the ball fall into de Koch’s gloves. He was given out on the field but, hesitatingly reviews, and it seems the noise was a foot or a glove. Not out. His working over continues for the rest of the over as Rabada sends down two no balls at top speed and hits him on the hip as he awkwardly twists. Advantage Rabada.

8.19am GMT

Four wickets each for Broad and Sam Curran. Let’s see what Philander and Rabada have up their sleeve. Rob Key has just suggested that Philander is similar to Darren Stevens...

8.15am GMT

Just a sniff short of the 300 they were hoping for, we are about to see how good a score this is. Sibley, Denly, Burns - a top three to inspire what? Confidence? Trepidation? Lying down in a dark room? Another mince pie?

8.12am GMT

Philander reviews the most obvious caught behind since Burglar Bill broke into Burglar Betty’s house, for reasons currently inexplicable. And that’s that.

8.06am GMT

84th over: South Africa 278-9 (Philander 29, Nortje 0) Sam Curran is on the prowl for his fifth wicket, it would be his first Test five-fer. Nortje, not completely convincingly, survives the last four balls of the over.

8.03am GMT

83rd over: South Africa 277-9 (Philander 28, Nortje 0) Broad, long limbed, slightly rounded back, reels in and finishes off yesterday evening’s over.

Morning Tanya, writes Guy Hornsby, another great day of cricket in store. But with more players going down with this gastro bug it’ll be a miracle that it won’t affect the result, but it’s Friday so I’m being optimistic and saying we’ll have them out quickly and runs from Burns and Root today. The problem is that we said this in NZ and we folded, so we’re fragile. So it’s as likely 175 all out as 290-5, I’m afraid.

7.59am GMT

The players are out, Stuart Broad has the ball...

7.54am GMT

Did you know? writes Finbar Anslow, “that until yesterday three of the top ten run scorers in Australian test cricket played for Somerset?”

Ah, no. But I do now. Time for an emergency piece of toast and marmite. Hope that dog is behaving Graeme - you’ve got six minutes. ..

7.50am GMT

Graeme Smith, South African’s new interim director of cricket, is chatting to Ian ‘n’ Mike. His shoulders could have their own chat show.

“I was looking forward to being in the comm box, but South African cricket has got into a lot of challenges into the last while and I wanted to get in and see if I could make a difference and help. The biggest challenges? I’m still working to try and add a bit more intensity, a bit more experience, a bit more leadership.

7.42am GMT

Graeme Arthur drops a note.

When does play begin? Have I got time to take the dog out?

And, out of interest, what would have happened if England had failed to field 11 fit players from their squad? Or, indeed, should a number of the current team have to leave the field? Is there a point beyond which play is abandoned / suspended?

You’ve got time for a quick stroll round the block - play starts at 8am GMT. As for the illness question, I think they could keep calling people up ad infinitum. Back in 1986, you could whistle for an old pro in a suit pressing the flesh in a hospitality box...

7.37am GMT

We’re on, Rob Key has ironed his shirt and is calling it “a crucial day.” Ebony Rainford-Brent praises Sam Curran.

Nasser Hussain and Ian Ward are out on the pitch in matching white shirts, no ties. The clouds are out, it is humid. Nasser says day 2 is the best day for batting. Shaun says said the pitch is as good as he’s seen it for a few years . The cracks in the pitch are not yet in play - too far outside off stump.

7.31am GMT

It is especially poignant to read the report on the future of the Melbourne Test while England play in South Africa. It was only a couple of years ago that all grade cricket had to be cancelled in the Cape Town area because of drought, and the touring Indians were donating money to water charities.

Drilling deep into the report, particularly prescient in Australia right now, with burning bush fires and controversy over the future of coal, it suggests that the Boxing Day Test will soon no longer be able to exist in its present form because of rising temperatures, and will have to be moved to the evening or a different time of year.

7.15am GMT

Good morning everyone! An intriguing day ahead at Centurion. While we wait for the coverage to start, a couple of things. Firstly, there is more sickness in the England camp to report - now Mark Wood joins Jack Leach, Ollie Pope, Chris Woakes and two members of support staff in the sick bay.

Also, do read this important report into the future of the Boxing Day Test in this era of climate crisis.

Rising temperatures could imperil future of Boxing Day Test cricket, report warns | Environment | The Guardian https://t.co/iiXmeRegS4

12.15am GMT

Tanya will be here soon. Here’s Sam Curran’s thoughts on the first day of play:

“It’s been a tough week as a squad and we’re pleased how we’ve stuck together as a group. It was tough out there, warm with not much breeze. Of course we would like to have bowled them out by the close. But I would say it’s been an even day. [Quinton] de Kock played beautifully, yet all in all we’re pretty pleased.

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Published on December 27, 2019 01:26

December 22, 2019

Tottenham Hotspur 0-2 Chelsea: Premier League – as it happened

Willian scored both goals as Chelsea produced an outstanding performance in a match that was marred by racist abuse towards Antonio Rudiger

7.41pm GMT

Some player ratings

7.01pm GMT

Here’s Dave Hytner’s match report from Stamford Bridge

6.59pm GMT

Here’s Jose Mourinho

“First half they were the best team. We have to blame ourselves for both goals. In the second half we were much better, but then we lose a player and to have one player less against a team that has very, very good technical players is difficult.

6.47pm GMT

Cesar Azpilicueta

6.42pm GMT

Here’s more on the racist abuse of Antonio Rudiger

6.34pm GMT

“Hi Rob, just wanted to point out that to Mike Mackenzie that picking Baresi as someone who would have got multiple VAR red cards is a terrible choice,” says Giovanni Pisoni. “I’m no AC Milan fan, but you just can’t touch Franco: he was the ultimate elegant, clean defender. I’d say you’ve barely seen him in action.”

Yes, that’s a very fair point. Claudio Gentile, on the other hand, would regularly have been sent off in the warm-up.

6.31pm GMT

Frank Lampard is celebrating wildly in front of the Chelsea fans. He deserves every last clench of the fist, because his young team played with so much maturity and class. It was a hammering.

6.28pm GMT

Peep peep! Chelsea move six points ahead of Spurs after a quite outstanding performance. It was an unmitigated triumph for Frank Lampard, whose 3-4-2-1 formation worked even better than it had in his imagination. Willian scored both goals, and Chelsea were in control long before Son was sent off for a petulant kick at Rudiger. Alas, the story of the game will be the racist abuse towards Rudiger that occurred soon after.

6.27pm GMT

90+7 min A half-chance for Kane, whose shot has the sting taken out of it by the lunging Tomori before being comfortably saved by Kepa.

6.25pm GMT

90+5 min “I suspect that had VAR been used back in the day in Serie A, then Franco Baresi would have set a record for red cards,” says Mike MacKenzie. “And other famous Italian CBs wouldn’t have been far behind.”

There would surely have been at least one great VAR-fixing scandal as well.

6.24pm GMT

90+3 min Willian plays a stunning pass into space for Batshuayi, who moves to the edge of the area, comes back omto his left foot and smashes a shot just wide. Willian, one of Jose Mourinho’s favourite players, has had an absolute stormer.

6.22pm GMT

90+2 min Spurs again appeal for a penalty because of manhandling at a corner, this time by Alonso on Alli. I’m not sure why that wasn’t checked by VAR, as Alonso could have had few legitimate complaints had a penalty been given.

6.21pm GMT

90+1 min There will be eight minutes of added time because of all the VAR and racism stoppages.

6.21pm GMT

90 min “Would an abandonment actually be a bad thing?” says David Wall. “Perhaps that is what it is going to take to finally make some of these idiots get the message.”

No, it wouldn’t be a bad thing at all. But I do wonder where it all leads, because a lot of racists won’t get the message regardless.

6.19pm GMT

89 min Willian surges down the left and crosses deep to James, who takes the ball down on his chest and hits an acrobatic shot that is blocked superbly by Alderweireld.

6.18pm GMT

88 min Eriksen’s free-kick is headed behind by Batshauyi. Chelsea break devastatingly from the Spurs corner, with Willian flicking a pass over the top to find the marauding Kante. He comes back onto his left foot and is about to shoot when Eriksen makes a vital interception.

6.17pm GMT

87 min: No penalty

6.17pm GMT

86 min Zouma is penalised for a trip on Dele Alli, this far outside the area. VAR are checking for a penalty, but I doubt this will be overturned.

6.16pm GMT

85 min The racism will overshadow an immense performance from Chelsea, who came into the match in dreadful form. Frank Lampard switched to a back three and it worked like a dream. The key was the performance of the two attacking midfielders, Willian and Mason Mount.

6.15pm GMT

84 min Here’s a short report from the news wires on the racist abuse of Anonio Rudiger:

There was a stadium announcement after 75 minutes saying that “racist behaviour among spectators is interfering with the game”.

Stills from Sky Sports of Rudiger appeared to suggest he was claiming a fan made a monkey gesture towards him.

6.14pm GMT

83 min The match is petering out. It’s been a miserable day for Spurs, and for humanity. We’re not far away from a Premier League match being abandoned because of racism.

6.11pm GMT

82 min I’ve just remembered that Son is my Fantasy League captain. Well done, Bobby!

6.11pm GMT

81 min “Son can have no complaints really,” says Niall Mullen. “With the possible exception of being stuck, during his peak years, with a manager who just wants to watch the world burn.”

6.10pm GMT

80 min Michy Batshuayi replaces Tammy Abraham, who has run himself into the ground. While that is happening, replays show Rudiger signalling to his captain Cesar Azpilicueta that there had been monkey chants towards him. Azpilicueta then comes off to be replaced by Reece James.

6.09pm GMT

79 min “VAR 25 years ago would have been an absolute treat,” says Stephen Carr. “Roger Milford constantly rewinding a cassette with footage of Duncan Ferguson throttling Steffen Freund to see if it constitutes a telling off.”

Imagine breaking the news to the Butcher of Bilbao that a man with a state-of-the-art Betamax had deemed his tackling to be somewhat overzealous.

6.08pm GMT

78 min Rudiger is booked for taking out Sanchez.

6.08pm GMT

77 min Aurier appeals for a penalty after being held by Kante at a corner. He had a case, though VAR decided it wasn’t a clear and obvious one.

6.05pm GMT

75 min “How long before ad breaks during VAR checks...?” asks Richard Coopey.

Lordy, I hadn’t thought of that. It’ll happen one day; of course it will.

6.04pm GMT

74 min Spurs make a double change, with Tanguy Ndombele and Danny Rose replacing Jan Vertonghen and Lucas Moura.

6.02pm GMT

73 min “If that had been a push with the arm with the same force, it’s never a red,” says Gareth Rogers.

Agreed. But you don’t have studs on your hands, do you.

6.02pm GMT

72 min Apparently that earlier break in play was caused not by a cup of water being thrown at Kepa, but because of a racist remark towards Anthony Rudiger after Son was sent off. For heaven’s sake. For heaven’s effing fucking sake.

6.01pm GMT

71 min Chelsea are content to pass the clock down, hence the introduction of Jorginho. They have done an emphatic number on Spurs today. In fact this has probably been their best performance under Frank Lampard.

5.59pm GMT

70 min “Somewhere,” says Niall Mullen, “Mark van Bommel is having a little chuckle to himself.”

5.59pm GMT

69 min “Yeah probably,” says Phil Podolsky of the great Porto/Chelsea debate that has captivated twos of people (see 59 min). “But then Porto didn’t have to deal with a Barcelona featuring peak Ronaldinho, Deco and Eto’o.”

Or a Liverpool featuring Traore, Biscan, Baros and Nunez.

5.58pm GMT

68 min Jorginho replaces the excellent Mateo Kovacic, who has become a serious player for Chelsea in the last few months.

5.57pm GMT

66 min Alderweireld is booked for something or other. Spurs are experiencing a collective loss of noggin.

5.55pm GMT

65 min There’s a break in play, I think because something has been thrown from the crowd. Yes, something was thrown at Kepa. He then appealed to the home fans for sanity, at which point a small boy looked him up and down and called him a “wanker”.

5.53pm GMT

62 min Son cannot believe what has happened, but the laws of the game are pretty clear and that is classified as ‘violent conduct’. Rudiger made a meal of it, and it wouldn’t have been a yellow card 25 years ago, but Son did push his studs upwards into Rudiger’s chest as he fell over. That’s Son’s third red card of the year, I think.

5.51pm GMT

62 min After a long VAR check, Son is given a red card.

5.50pm GMT

61 min I think Son is going to be sent off.

5.50pm GMT

60 min Rudiger fouls Son, who pushes his studs upwards into Rudiger’s chest as he falls over. The contact was pretty soft, but he might be sent off here.

5.50pm GMT

60 min Chelsea’s two attacking midfielders, Mount and Willian, have been fantastic today.

5.49pm GMT

59 min “Speaking of Mourinho’s Porto, that won the Champions League, and Mourinho’s Chelsea, that didn’t, I still think the former was a marginally better team overall simply because they had a higher average technical quality,” says Phil Podolsky. “Tidier in transitions, that kind of thing. Granted, Drogba (especially after they bought Shevchenko), Essien (before his knees went) and Robben (on the very few occasions he actually played) were amazing.”

I agree about the technical quality, mainly because of Deco, but overall I would take his Chelsea team. They would have walked the 2003-04 Champions League.

5.48pm GMT

58 min Sissoko is booked for a lunge at Willian.

5.46pm GMT

55 min: Disallowed goal for Chelsea! Eriksen’s long-range shot is kicked away by Tomori and Chelsea break dangerously. Eventually Alonso’s shot is spilled by the unsighted Gazzaniga and put in by the offside Abraham. Replays confirm the original offside decision was correct.

5.44pm GMT

53 min The mood of the match has changed slightly, with Spurs pushing Chelsea back for the first time in the game. Kane threatens to wriggle free in the area before Kante makes an important block tackle.

5.42pm GMT

52 min Replays show that Abraham was just offside when he had that chance a couple of minutes ago, so it would have been VARed had he scored.

5.42pm GMT

51 min “Did Spurs have turkey & Xmas pud for lunch?” says Mike Nagle. “Or was it another lasagne? Chelsea are so much sharper!”

Indeed. Given the importance of the game and the amount of energetic players they have, Spurs have been almost bizarrely lethargic.

5.41pm GMT

50 min That was almost 3-0 to Chelsea. Mount played a fine through pass to Abraham, who shaped to shoot on the turn but then tried to play a reverse square pass back to Mount. It was crucially intercepted by Alderweireld. If Abraham had his time again I’m sure he’d shoot.

5.37pm GMT

47 min It looks like Spurs have switched to a back three, with Lucas Moura and Aurier as wing-backs in a 3-4-1-2 system.

5.35pm GMT

46 min Peep peep! Spurs begin the second half.

5.34pm GMT

Spurs have made a half-time change, with Christian Eriksen replaces

Paulo Gazzan
Eric Dier.

5.31pm GMT

“How is Gazzaniga still on the pitch for that?” asks Ruth Purdue.

I’m not sure it was a red-card offence, as it was more bizarre than dangerous. Had he hit Alonso studs-first I’m sure he would have gone.

5.21pm GMT

“Lampard’s Chelsea offering Mourinho’s Spurs a textbook example of how to do things in a Mourinho’s Chelsea style,” says Stephen Carr.

More like Mourinho’s Derby for me, or was it Lampard’s Porto?

5.20pm GMT

Peep peep! Chelsea have been brilliant - faster, slicker, smarter, braver - and fully deserve their two-goal lead. Willian scored both, although the second will be remembered for a preposterous piece of goalkeeping from Paulo Gazzaniga.

5.18pm GMT

It was a good penalty, placed confidently into the bottom-right corner. Gazzaniga went the wrong way.

5.18pm GMT

Willian scores!

5.17pm GMT

45+3 min Quite right too. It was an absurd error from Gazzaniga. Alonso almost certainly wasn’t going to get to the ball, either, so he could have let it bounce out of play. Could have used his hands as well.

5.17pm GMT

45+2 min It should be a penalty, for mine.

5.16pm GMT

45+2 min What the hell has just happened? Gazzaniga runs out, misses the ball completely with a flying kick and clatters into Alonso. But Anthony Taylor gives a foul to Spurs. This will be checked for a penalty.

5.15pm GMT

44 min Actually, there wasn’t much to it. Alli overran the ball and took an impromptu piggyback on Kovacic. They both fell over, at which point Kovacic, not unreasonably, asked Alli what the eff he was doing. Then they squared up and shoved each other, and that was about it. The 1974 Charity Shield it wasn’t.

5.13pm GMT

43 min Alli and Kovacic squared up to each other off the ball. I’m not exactly sure what happened, because the camera followed the ball, but both have been booked.

5.12pm GMT

43 min: It’s all kicking off!

5.10pm GMT

40 min An overzealous Sissoko charges into Arrizabalaga a split-second after the ball has gone. It was dumb rather than dangerous, and there is no yellow card.

5.09pm GMT

39 min A long period of pressure for Chelsea comes to an end when Abraham overhits a cross.

5.06pm GMT

35 min A quiet period in the game. Chelsea aren’t as dominant as they were for the first 25 minutes.

5.02pm GMT

31 min Zouma is booked for stopping Kane from taking a quick free-kick. It’s starting to get a bit niggly.

5.00pm GMT

29 min Spurs are starting to create opportunities. Kane runs down the right and curls an excellent low cross that bounces up towards Son beyond the far post. He has to take the shot first time, from a tight angle, and launches it into orbit with his left foot.

4.58pm GMT

28 min A chance for Spurs. It came out of nothing, when Sissoko sudently charged into the area on the right. He cut the ball back towards Kane, whose snapshot from 10 yards went high over the bar. He probably should have done better.

4.57pm GMT

26 min I’m surprised Jose Mourinho hasn’t made a tactical change, even at this early stage, because his team are getting battered.

4.56pm GMT

25 min More superb play from Chelsea. Mount takes a return pass from Willian on the left edge of the area, zips smoothly between two defenders but then slices his shot across the penalty area. He was falling as he took the shot, which is why he sliced it so badly.

4.55pm GMT

24 min A dangerous Chelsea counter-attack. Abraham floats a lovely angled pass over the defence for Mount, who takes it down on the chest and is about to shoot when Sanchez comes across to make a vital interception.

4.54pm GMT

23 min “Aurier,” says Matt Loten. “Quite simply, Rob, he’s naff. It’s quite remarkable that the man who brought us Paulo Ferreira is willing to put up with his complete lack of defensive nous, but I suppose he doesn’t have much choice. Surely the first head on the chopping block when Jose prises the chequebook from Levy’s cold, dead hands.”

Yep, agreed.

4.52pm GMT

22 min The corner is headed away by Harry Kane, a welcome touch of the ball for him.

4.52pm GMT

21 min Spurs are getting battered. Willian wins another corner for Chelsea, whose 3-4-2-1 system has thus far worked perfectly.

4.51pm GMT

20 min Alonso’s cross finds the backpedalling Abraham, who can’t steer his header on target. He was off balance as he made contact, which made it a much harder chance. That’s Chelsea’s fifth attempt on goal to Spurs’ none.

4.49pm GMT

19 min Dier goes down after a robust, slightly high block tackle from Mount, who is probably fortunate not to get a yellow card.

4.46pm GMT

16 min Spurs look half asleep, it’s most peculiar.

4.44pm GMT

14 min Serge Aurier, discuss. He gave away a needless corner in the first place as well.

4.43pm GMT

Willian took a short corner to Kovacic, who returned the ball to him on the left wing. Willian zipped infield, evaded a half-arsed challenge from Aurier and smacked an emphatic curling shot that flew through the crowd and into the far corner.

4.42pm GMT

Chelsea take a deserved lead with a cracking goal!

4.42pm GMT

12 min Spurs have been noticeably passive, defending very deep and allowing Chelsea to dictate the game. And now they’ve paid for it!

4.39pm GMT

10 min Rudiger drives over the bar from 30 yards. The fact he was in that position in open play, however, is a reflection of Chelsea’s dominance.

4.39pm GMT

9 min “Is this a record,” says Ian Sargeant, “for the number of syllables for a pair if goalkeepers in a top-flight game?”

What, Kepa? Yep, all week I’m afraid. And most of next year an’ all.

4.38pm GMT

8 min Chelsea have started really well. Kante’s first-time cross finds Abraham, whose header deflects behind for a corner. I’m not sure it was on target anyway but the build-up was excellent.

4.36pm GMT

6 min Mount forces a pass into Abraham, whose shot on the turn goes well wide. He was under a lot of pressure from Alderweireld.

4.33pm GMT

4 min It’s been a cagey start to the game, with lots of Chelsea possession in deeper areas.

4.31pm GMT

2 min “Now that the ‘Official Undisputed Greatest Club In The Whole World Trophy’ has been won, it barely seems worth continuing with the Premier League,” says Matt Dony. “All seems a bit academic. If we must continue, though, I just hope José lets the ‘humility’ mask slip and does something really, really José. The man is a genius, and I love having him in the league. Just nowhere near my club.”

4.30pm GMT

1 min Peep peep! Chelsea, in blue, kick off from left to right. Spurs are in white.

4.29pm GMT

The players are ready, and there’s a cracking atmosphere at the Tottenham Hotspur Stadium. Before the match, there’s a minute’s applause for the late Martin Peters.

3.51pm GMT

Watford have beaten Manchester United 2-0 in the early game. A generous assessment of United’s performance - it’s the season of goodwill, after all - is that they were a risible shambles. But Watford were great, and have a puncher’s chance of staying up.

3.47pm GMT

Pre-match reading

3.36pm GMT

Spurs are unchanged from last weekend’s stirring win at Wolves. It looks like Chelsea have switched to a back three.

Spurs (4-2-3-1) Gazzaniga; Aurier, Sanchez, Alderweireld, Vertonghen; Sissoko, Dier; Lucas Moura, Alli, Son; Kane.
Substitutes: Vorm, Rose, Foyth, Winks, Lo Celso, Eriksen, Ndombele.

3.17pm GMT

Hello. Tottenham Hotspur v Chelsea was already one of the Premier League’s spicier fixtures – and then Spurs added a few Carolina Reaper peppers to the recipe by appointing Jose Mourinho as their manager. Jose against Chelsea is always a big game. Jose’s Spurs against Chelsea - Frank Lampard’s Chelsea at that - is on another level.

All things being equal, these teams will spend the rest of the season battling each other for the lucrative Fourth Place Trophy. When Mourinho took over on 20 November, Spurs were in 14th place, 12 points behind Chelsea. If they win today, they will go above them. Neutrals are advised to have the popcorn to hand for the next few hours.

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Published on December 22, 2019 11:01

December 18, 2019

Barcelona 0-0 Real Madrid: La Liga – as it happened

Gareth Bale had a goal disallowed in the second half as el clásico ended goalless for the first time in 17 years despite a confident performance from Real Madrid

9.33pm GMT

Sid Lowe’s match report has landed, so I’ll leave you with that. Thanks for your company and emails - goodnight!

9.00pm GMT

Sergio Ramos speaks

“When you don’t win a game you feel disappointed. I felt Real Madrid deserved more. It’s a very complicated game – it’s difficult to come here, but we took the game to them and caused them problems. We didn’t make the kind of mistakes that have cost us so much in previous clasicos. We controlled the game quite well, especially the transitions. It’s not easy to do that in the Camp Nou.

8.56pm GMT

Barcelona stay top of the table on goal difference. The match wasn’t a stinker, but nor was it one of the great 0-0s. Real Madrid were much better in the first hour, though Barcelona were more dangerous after bringing on Arturo Vidal and rejigging their midfield.

8.53pm GMT

Peep peep! For the first time since 23 November 2002, el clasico ends goalless.

8.51pm GMT

90+3 min Both teams would like to win, but what they really, really want is to not lose. It shows.

8.50pm GMT

90+2 min Carvajal is booked for a hack at Ansu Fati, and then has the effrontery to signal that he got the ball.

8.49pm GMT

90+2 min “Hi Rob,” says Luke Loteng, “does MBM mean motivated by money? Just wondering.”

Lord, I wish it did.

8.49pm GMT

90+1 min Five minutes of added time.

8.48pm GMT

90 min Carvajal runs into the area, onto a return pass from Modric. He overruns the ball but still manages to hit a shot that is blocked by Jordi Alba.

8.46pm GMT

87 min Ansu Fati wins a corner for Barcelona. He takes it himself, driving it beyond the far post, where the under-pressure Suarez heads well wide. The last goalless draw between these sides, since you asked, was 6734 days ago.

8.41pm GMT

84 min Bale is fine. Lenglet looks a bit groggier but is going to continue.

8.41pm GMT

83 min There’s a break in play after a clash of heads between Lenglet and Bale. While they are being treated, the 17-year-old Ansu Fati replaces Antoine Griezmann.

8.38pm GMT

80 min A double change for Real Madrid: Rodrygo and Luka Modric replace Isco and Fede Valverde. Both were excellent but have looked tired in the last 10-15 minutes.

8.36pm GMT

78 min Sergio Ramos gets his mandatory clasico booking, either for dissent or a foul on Messi.

8.36pm GMT

77 min “I can happily confirm that people in countries other than England read the Guardian MBM and are interested in el clasico,” says Clare Lawrence. “Especially since this MBM is on the front page of Guardian Australia.”

8.35pm GMT

76 min Isco is booked for a lunge at Griezmann. Just as Barcelona’s three yellow cards told the story of the first half, so Real’s three tell the story of the last 10 minutes.

8.34pm GMT

76 min Real Madrid were so dominant for so long, but it is starting to feel like they are hanging on for a point. Barcelona have been so much better since the introduction of Arturo Vidal.

8.33pm GMT

74 min After a frantic counter-attack from Barcelona, Suarez whacks a curler high and wide from the left side of the area.

8.32pm GMT

NO GOAL! Yes, the offside decision stands.

8.31pm GMT

They are checking the offside but I am pretty sure Mendy was offside.

8.31pm GMT

73 min: BALE HAS A GOAL DISALLOWED FOR OFFSIDE! It’s the right decision, just about. Mendy was a fraction offside when he ran onto a crossfield pass and cushioned a volley across goal for Bale to score from close range.

8.30pm GMT

72 min A neat lay-off from Suarez finds de Jong, who surges forward and hits a low drive from 20 yards that is comfortably saved by Courtois.

8.29pm GMT

71 min “Thanks for throwing the rule book in my face, Rob,” says Colin Chamberlain. “You do invite musings to be emailed to you, remember?”

Musings, aye.

8.28pm GMT

70 min Bale is booked for a late tackle on Griezmann.

8.27pm GMT

68 min: Good chance for Bale! Valverde slalomed infield from the right, all the way to the edge of the box. After his first attempted pass was blocked, Valverde poked the loose ball through to Bale in space on the left side of the area. He allowed the ball to run across his body and lashed a rising drive that rippled the side netting at the near post. He should have done better.

8.25pm GMT

67 min “You HAD to link to that a Ronaldo header, didn’t you?” says Matt Dony. “I’m still scarred by a similarly towering header he put away a few summers ago. Still, on a vaguely related note, very happy to see Bale playing for Madrid. Should he score the winner, I’m sure many things will be forgiven.”

Based on your emails during the MBM, I’m surprised you can remember anything about that night.

8.24pm GMT

66 min Casemiro is booked for a foul on Suarez. Barcelona are having their best attacking spell of the game.

8.24pm GMT

65 min A very deep cross from the right is headed off the outside of the near post by Benzema. It’s not as dramatic as it sounds: ter Stegen had it covered and watched it all the way.

8.22pm GMT

64 min Griezmann has a snapshot blocked and Madrid break dangerously, only for Benzema to play a poor ball to Valverde.

8.21pm GMT

61 min A couple of points on that double chance. Had Messi scored, it might have been disallowed for an accidental handball by Griezmann in the build-up; and I think Suarez had miskicked before Ramos challenged him, though it’s hard to be sure.

It was in the same attack as the Messi miss, so presumably the Griezmann handball would still have been a factor. I’ll level with you: I haven’t a clue about the laws these days.

8.19pm GMT

60 min: Lionel Messi turns into a pub player! What a miss that was. He was found by Griezmann’s low cross, eight yards from goal, but he miskicked the ball completely. A few seconds later, Sergio Ramos made a desperate last-ditch tackle to deny Luis Suarez. At first look I thought it was a penalty; the referee did not.

8.18pm GMT

57 min “So if it’s on tele why do people follow it on the computer?” sniffs Colin Chamberlain. “A barca is a boat in Spanish. FC Barcelona’s nickname is Barça in Catalan.”

Okay.

8.14pm GMT

55 min Arturo Vidal replaces Nelson Semedo for Barcelona, which means Sergi Roberto will move to right-back.

8.13pm GMT

54 min Valverde has far too much time to tee up another sweet long-range strike that deflects wide off poor old Pique. Barcelona are being battered 0-0.

8.11pm GMT

53 min “I’m interested in this game, if that helps,” says Mac Millings, although quite why The Guardian thinks people are interested in Colin Chamberlain’s opinion is beyond me. I’m calling that personal attack a ‘tactical foul’ by the way, but only to annoy Stephen Carr.”

8.10pm GMT

52 min Another long spell of possession from Real. It’s been a while since they’ve dominated like this at the Camp Nou.

8.08pm GMT

50 min Messi skedaddles thrillingly from centre to left before driving a low cross that is cleared a split-second before reaching Griezmann.

8.07pm GMT

49 min Bale is flattened by Lenglet, a clear foul that the referee can’t be bothered to give. That was a bit odd. Apparently Arturo Vidal is warming up for Barcelona, which is no surprise given the way Real dominated the midfield in the first half.

8.05pm GMT

47 min The impressive Isco wins an early corner for Madrid. It’s headed away by Pique, who has been Barcelona’s rock so far.

8.04pm GMT

46 min Peep peep! Barcelona begin the second half.

8.02pm GMT

“The amount of space that Barca’s pressing leaves is a cause for concern,” says Hrishabh Narayan. “Roberto playing RM but finding it hard to cast off the right-back in him. Needs to be forward more and a little more centre. For he has always made a difference with those diagonal through runs.”

8.01pm GMT

“Why do The Guardian think people are interested in this,” says Colin Chamberlain. “Everton are playing Leicester City in the League Cup 1/4 final. By the way, in Spain they are known as Madrid, not Real.”

Well, the Everton game isn’t on TV, so there’s that. There’s also a developing - if controversial - school of thought that people in all countries are interested in the most glamorous fixture in world football.

7.57pm GMT

“I’m petitioning Uefa to introduce mandatory yellow cards for use of the term ‘tactical foul’,” says Stephen Carr.

This one will run and run. Until somebody stops it with a tactical foul.

7.51pm GMT

“I’m late to the play,” says Charles Antaki. “Just settling into my seat for the end of Act I of the Panto, and it seems that Sergio Ramos is still on the pitch. Theatre just isn’t what it used to be.”

He’s setting a new record for clasico appearances tonight. I suppose we all hoped he would behave accordingly, but he hasn’t tried to maim anyone yet.

7.49pm GMT

Half-time reading

7.48pm GMT

Peep peep! Both teams had attempts cleared off the line in a relatively subdued first half. Madrid have been the better team and should probably be ahead, with Barcelona struggling to get control of the midfield. For once, the story of the half can be told in the number of bookings: Barcelona 3-0 Madrid. See you in 10 minutes for the second half.

7.46pm GMT

45 min Lenglet is booked for a cynical foul on the breaking Isco. Just before that, Suarez’s cushioned volley across the six-yard box took a vital deflection off Mendy, with Messi waiting behind him to score.

7.44pm GMT

44 min Another sweetly struck long-range volley from Valverde is well saved by ter Stegen, falling to his right.

7.44pm GMT

43 min “Hey Rob,” says Neil McGwyre. “Just watching that video of Ronaldo nutting that header home made me think that he might have a future in Aussie rules when he decides there are no more worlds to conquer on the association football scene. The ability to get up like that and take a mark is a much-revered talent and would have him on many an end-of-season highlights reel. If he’d like to a grow a mullet and get many more tattoos then he can only increase his chances. I’m quite sure he’d also be fond of the very short shorts and the sleeveless tops to show off his guns.”

7.42pm GMT

41 min: Jordi Alba misses a great chance! Messi played an exquisite chip over the defence, right into the path of Alba’s run, but his sidefooted volley from eight yards bobbled just wide of the far post.

7.40pm GMT

40 min Suarez reminds everyone he’s on the field by giving the assistant referee an unmerited bollocking and then, seconds later, getting himself booked for a foul on Casemiro.

7.37pm GMT

37 min Kroos, given far too much space 25 yards from goal, shoots well wide. Barcelona look really vulnerable in midfield; Sergio Busquets is having a marvellous game.

7.35pm GMT

35 min Barcelona are having plenty of possession now, but Real still look the more dangerous side.

7.34pm GMT

33 min That header from Ronaldo is utterly ludicrous.

7.32pm GMT

31 min This is warming up nicely. Pique heads a cross away to Valverde, who swishes a beautiful volley from 25 yards that beats ter Stegen and flashes this far wide of the far post. His technique was immaculate.

7.31pm GMT

31 min Jordi Alba’s cross is punched away by the flying Courtois. The ball runs to Messi, whose snapshot is superbly cleared off the line by Sergio Ramos!

7.29pm GMT

29 min This game could do with a bit of Ronaldo.

Look at the leap by Cristiano Ronaldo. Easily the greatest header of the ball of all time. pic.twitter.com/NKJ694mdZ2

7.26pm GMT

27 min The resulting corner is headed behind by the backpedalling Varane.

7.26pm GMT

26 min Another nice move from Madrid. Valverde frees Benzema on the right side of the area, and his low cross towards Isco is kicked away by ter Stegen. The ball reaches Casemiro 30 yards out, and his curling shot is palmed behind for a corner by the diving ter Stegen.

7.24pm GMT

24 min Isco has been terrific. He combines with Bale to find Benzema, whose cross is booted away by the beleaguered looking Pique.

7.23pm GMT

22 min I’m dedicating this entry to Antoine Griezmann because I don’t want him to feel left out.

7.21pm GMT

21 min Rakitic is booked for a tactical foul on Isco. Real are much the better team at the moment.

7.20pm GMT

20 min This is a superb spell for Madrid, with Barcelona struggling to get out after a series of Real corners. Eventually they get a slightly generous free-kick for a foul by Varane on Jordi Alba.

7.19pm GMT

19 min After another Real corner causes problems, Casemiro has a low shot kicked away by Lenglet, just in front of ter Stegen in the six-yard box.

7.18pm GMT

18 min That was a vital piece of defending from Pique. He wasn’t on the post, but smelt danger as the cross came in and ran back towards the goal-line to head it clear.

7.18pm GMT

17 min Casemiro’s long-range shot deflects behind for a corner. It’s taken short to Carvajal, whose cross is headed towards goal by Casemiro and cleared off the line by Pique!

7.15pm GMT

16 min Isco wriggles away from Semedo on the left, but his cross is headed clear by Pique.

7.14pm GMT

14 min The last few minutes have been scruffy and frantic. Calm down lads, it’s only a game, eh? Eh?

7.12pm GMT

11 min Barcelona appeal unsuccessfully for a penalty when Jordi Alba’s low cross hits the sliding Carvajal. Just one problem: it didn’t touch his hand, and even if it had it wouldn’t have been a penalty because the ball deflected off his body.

7.10pm GMT

10 min Real have their first good spell of possession. Isco is eased over by Pique on the edge of the box but the ball runs square to Benzema, whose snapshot is straight at ter Stegen. Good strike, though.

7.09pm GMT

9 min Messi looks in the mood. He ignores challenges from Kroos and then Casemiro before playing a fine pass through the lines to de Jong. Nothing comes of it but it was an imperious bit of play from Messi.

7.08pm GMT

8 min Barcelona have started with a relaxed confidence in possession. Real have done a lot of chasing in the first few minutes.

7.05pm GMT

5 min Messi sprays a gorgeous crossfield ball to release Jordi Alba, who half-volleys a first-time cross towards the unmarked Suarez in the area. He can’t control it and the ball runs away to safety. With a surer touch he would have been in, though it wasn’t the easiest ball to take.

7.04pm GMT

4 min Lots of Barcelona possession in the early minutes, though nothing remotely troublesome for Madrid. Bale is playing as a right-winger when Barcelona have the ball.

7.01pm GMT

2 min The early signs are that Real are playing a midfield diamond, with Isco scheming behind a front two of Benzema and Bale.

7.00pm GMT

1 min Peep peep! Real Madrid kick off from right to left as we watch.

6.59pm GMT

The players are out on the field. The captions, Lionel Messi and Sergio Ramos, embrace warmly. That’s the pleasantries out of the way.

6.42pm GMT

Busier than I’ve ever seen outside Camp Nou in 20 years of covering games here. Queues are big but protests and strict security control slowing things. People are getting into stadium ok. pic.twitter.com/06YXZosjAW

6.10pm GMT

Thanks to David Warren for alterting us to the news that Ivan Rakitic has replaced Sergio Busquets in the Barcelona XI. It’s not exactly Ronaldo and the World Cup final, but it’s still a bit mysterious. Barcelona say it was a “misunderstanding” and “a technical decision”; other reports suggest Busquets has a fever. One thing’s for sure: when the full story emerges, we’ll be the 12th to break it.

These are the revised teams.

5.41pm GMT

Alternative MBM action, while u wait

5.35pm GMT

Pre-match reading

5.35pm GMT

Gareth Bale starts for Madrid; Luka Modric does not. Barcelona have picked Sergi Roberto in midfield ahead of Ivan Rakitic and Arturo Vidal.

Barcelona (4-3-3) Ter Stegen; Semedo, Pique, Lenglet, Jordi Alba; Sergi Roberto, Busquets, de Jong; Messi, Suarez, Griezmann.
Substitutes: Neto, Rakitic, Alena, Vidal, Umtiti, Carles Perez, Ansu Fati.

4.24pm GMT

Hello. Nine and a half months is a long time between clásicos; the longest gap, in fact, since 1996. When Barcelona and Real Madrid met at the start of March, the world was a different place. Real were European champions, Barcelona were European champions-elect. And football was the main topic of conversation.

Tonight, sport and politics have no choice but to mix. This match has already been postponed once because of the Catalan crisis, and there is a major security operation in place at the Camp Nou. Both teams have arrived at the ground without any problems.

The Real Madrid players heading into Camp Nou around 10 minutes ago @sidlowe #tsfpAtTheGames pic.twitter.com/o6JXNWnsWc

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Published on December 18, 2019 13:00

The Fiver Christmas Awards 2019

Give the one you love something special this year: a free subscription to The Fiver. The gift that never starts giving

Welcome to the 2019 Fiver Christmas Awards. We lost count last year of how many times we’ve done this, so don’t be expecting us to furnish you with a number now. All we know is, it’s been too many. You know it too. But despite the grinding familiarity and futility of it all, we go again. It’s a time-honoured festive tradition, see, like crackers, carols and crying. So here it is, merry Christmas, everybody’s trudging on. Charge your glass with a generous shot of your cheapest aftershave, top it up with a little turps, dig out the packet of tablets you should have taken for your bad back a few months ago but decided to save for the holidays, and sink into a gorgeous haze of delight, the better to deal with the next few minutes of existence. Make sure to have a couple of rolls of that Regina Blitz to hand, just in case you wake up with a start in a puddle! Enjoy, enjoy.

George Barker, for Gosport Borough, with your goal of the weekend contender pic.twitter.com/JbmvRYKQ67

Key penalty in the Copa Verde shoot-out for Paysandu against Cuiabá pic.twitter.com/RtdK8BcF23

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Published on December 18, 2019 04:10

December 15, 2019

Arsenal 0-3 Manchester City: Premier League – as it happened

Kevin De Bruyne scored twice as Manchester City roared into a 3-0 lead before half-time in a non-contest at the Emirates

6.45pm GMT

Here’s Dave Hytner’s match report from the Emirates. Thanks for your company - goodnight!

6.23pm GMT

Peep peep! Manchester City beat Arsenal for the sixth match in a row, and they barely needed to break sweat. Kevin De Bruyne, playing as a No10, scored two majestic goals, with Raheem Sterling getting the other. It could have been a lot worse for an Arsenal team who looked excruciatingly low on confidence and purpose.

6.19pm GMT

90 min Sterling misses a good chance, driving just wide with his left foot after another penetrative pass from De Bruyne. This could have been worse for Arsenal.

6.17pm GMT

89 min Arsenal are desperate for the referee Paul Tierney to put them out of their misery. It’s been a pretty chastening day.

6.14pm GMT

87 min “Evening Rob,” says Simon McMahon. “To be fair, Jamie Carragher’s 54th-minute assessment of the Arsenal defence could be applied to a fair number of other people and organisations that I could think of. Present company excluded, of course.”

You misspelt ‘being the ultimate example’.

6.14pm GMT

86 min Sterling plays in Mahrez, whose close-range shot is blocked by Leno. He’s had a decent day in the Arsenal goal, believe it or not.

6.13pm GMT

85 min Benjamin Mendy is replaced by Oleksandr Zinchenko. The Emirates is emptying apace.

6.12pm GMT

84 min “Struggling to see how Arsenal are going to get a new manager that is any good,” says Alexander Scrutton. “I don’t even want to play with them in FIFA career mode anymore.”

I’ll do it if nobody else wants it. I’ve got passion, I’ve got ideas, I’ve got a revolutionary 4-3-(1)-2 system.

6.09pm GMT

81 min Arsenal’s final change: Joe Willock replaces Lucas Torreira.

6.07pm GMT

79 min The second half has been a non-event.

6.05pm GMT

77 min City have kept the ball with greater ease in this half, and Arsenal have struggled to get a kick in the last 10 minutes.

6.03pm GMT

75 min Sterling moves into space and drills a low shot that is blocked by Chambers. Manchester City have been able to run through midfield at will all day.

6.01pm GMT

73 min Torreira drives a long ball forward to Aubameyang, whose speculative first-time shot from the left edge of the area bobbles well wide of the far post.

6.00pm GMT

72 min Sokratis is booked for leaving one on Gabriel Jesus.

5.59pm GMT

72 min “According to Gary Neville, tactical fouls are in the opposition half,” says Alex Sargent. “Mendy just fouled him.”

I don’t agree with that. A particular type of tactical foul, possibly the most insidious, takes place in the opposition half but they can happen in either half in my humble one.

5.58pm GMT

70 min Another City change. Ilkay Gundogan is replaced by Riyad Mahrez.

5.56pm GMT

68 min “On the American feed, the moments of absolute silence are allowing numerous F-bombs and other salty insults to be picked up by the mikes,” says Mary Waltz. “I would advise the Arsenal players to wait a few hours before they leave the stadium. Your loyal fans are rightfully outraged.”

I feel a bit sorry for them. Their attitude hasn’t been particularly bad today; they just aren’t good enough, especially not when their confidence is so low.

5.55pm GMT

67 min City enjoy a long spell of possession. The atmosphere at the Emirates is not exactly Bundesligan.

5.53pm GMT

65 min “I’m starting to think that my memory must be playing tricks with me,” says Matt Dony. “I’m certain that Ozil used to be one of my favourite players to watch. He definitely used to do some beautiful, skilful, impudent things with a football. He used to, y’know, affect games and do things. Didn’t he? DIDN’T HE? I’m worried I’ve Beautiful Mind-ed my way to an invented reality.”

He did. He’s a genius, really, but his heart hasn’t been in it for a few years now.

5.50pm GMT

63 min Mendy is booked for another tactical foul, on Pepe I think.

5.50pm GMT

62 min A bad mistake from Chambers allows Jesus to run through on goal. His shot is superbly blocked by Leno, flying from his line, and Chambers puts a bit of credit back in the bank by blocking Sterling’s follow-up.

5.49pm GMT

61 min Gundogan is booked for a

tactical
foul on Smith Rowe.

5.48pm GMT

59 min Another change for Arsenal: Mesut Ozil is replaced by Emile Smith Rowe. Ozil strolls off the field and then volleys his gloves away. Even his displays of anger are half-arsed.

5.44pm GMT

56 min Phil Foden is replaced by Bernardo Silva. Pep knows, I don’t.

5.43pm GMT

54 min De Bruyne picks up the ball in the centre circle, surges to the edge of the area without being challenged and hits a low left-footed drive that is blocked by Chambers. “They haven’t got a clue what they’re doing,” says Jamie Carragher of the Arsenal defence.

5.40pm GMT

52 min Gabriel Jesus sweeps a first-time curler over the bar at the end of an excellent City counter-attack. That was a decent chance.

5.39pm GMT

51 min “It’s upsetting to see just how bad Arsenal are,” says Kim Smith. “What manger will want to take on this job and what players will want to come here? They are a disgrace. I have supported this team for over 40 years, and at this time I am unhappy to let people know I support them.”

Your secret’s safe with both our readers.

5.38pm GMT

50 min Ozil plays an inviting pass to tee up Torreira, who blooters it into the crowd from 25 yards.

5.36pm GMT

48 min That’s better from Arsenal. After a nice passing move, Maitland-Niles’s cross is headed wide by the under-pressure Aubameyang. In fact, I think it came off the back of his neck as he was challenged by Otamendi.

5.34pm GMT

47 min “Arsenal Foundation are sponsoring Arsenal’s shirts today,” says Padraig Stapleton, lovingly lining up the irresistible punchline. “Their defence are no strangers to act of charity anyway.”

5.33pm GMT

46 min Peep peep! Arsenal begin the second half.

5.26pm GMT

Half-time reading

5.20pm GMT

“The phrase ‘tactical foul’ is further evidence that football analysis has jumped the shark,” says Stephen Carr. “Trying to imply some sort of Machiavellian intent overlooks the reality - it’s a frigging foul, end of.”

Did you see Claude Makelele play?

5.20pm GMT

Peep peep! Manchester City are cruising to their semiannual victory over Arsenal, who are booed off at the break. Kevin De Bruyne, playing in a relatively unusual No10 role, made one, scored two beautiful goals and would have had a hat-trick but for a flying save from Bernd Leno. See you in 10 minutes for more KDB porn.

5.16pm GMT

45 min Three minutes of added time. Phil Foden, who was anonymous for 35 minutes, has been a huge threat since moving to the right.

5.13pm GMT

43 min: Leno denies De Bruyne a hat-trick with a stunning save! Foden came infield from the right, beat a couple of players and then left the ball to De Bruyne, who ran onto it and slammed a first-time curler towards goal from 25 yards. It looked certain to go in the corner of the net, but Leno flew to his left to fingertip it onto the post!

5.11pm GMT

41 min Kolasanic, who was off the field when the third goal was scored, is replaced by Bukayo Saka.

5.11pm GMT

The move started when Foden, who had just switched from left to right, came infield and played a short pass to De Bruyne. He rolled Guendouzi, moved to the edge of the D and swept an emphatic curler into the bottom corner with his left foot. It was another brilliant goal. He used the backpedalling Chambers as a screen and shaped it beautifully into the corner with his weaker (sic) foot.

5.10pm GMT

Brilliant. Utterly, gloriously, irresistibly brilliant.

5.07pm GMT

38 min Kolasinac is struggling. He twisted his ankle when he landed after being fouled by Rodri a few minutes ago, and I don’t think he’ll be able to continue.

5.04pm GMT

35 min Rodri is booked for a tactical foul on Kolasinac.

5.04pm GMT

33 min Arsenal are having more of the ball, as they have throughout the game. It’s been an unusual performance from City, who have been happy to let Arsenal have the ball and then kill them on the counter-attack.

5.02pm GMT

31 min More from Charles Antaki, a world-renowned expert on accentuating the positive. “Aubameyang almost touched the ball just now.”

5.00pm GMT

30 min “Rob, your and Mary Waltz’s predictions will help us prepare mentally for what is sure to be an ample fulfilment (though not necessarily including the Arsenal goals),” says Charles Antaki. “Mental preparation doesn’t always cash out in emotional acceptance, however, and the ugliness will be hard to take.”

Indeed. There are unconfirmed reports of crowd trouble at the Emirates, with apparently more than one supporter making a weapon out of their elderflower panna cotta, chilli pineapple carpaccio, pistachio shortbread biscuit.

4.57pm GMT

27 min Ozil’s cross is headed away to the edge of the area, where Guendouzi hits a snapshot that is blocked in the six-yard box by Fernandinho. Moments later Guendouzi falls dramatically just inside the area. Paul Tierney isn’t interested; nor is VAR.

4.54pm GMT

24 min Martinelli is struggling a little after Kyle Walker accidentally trod on his left hand. Can you run off a hand injury? Probably.

4.52pm GMT

22 min Gundogan swishes high and wide from 25 yards.

4.51pm GMT

21 min Playing Kevin De Bruyne as a No10 didn’t really work at Anfield, but he has been imperious today. He really is the most brilliant footballer.

4.49pm GMT

20 min “This is becoming an advert for the Arsenal to hire Arteta,” says Bill Hargreaves. “If he’ll have them.”

4.47pm GMT

17 min Fernandinho is booked for fouling Aubameyang.

4.47pm GMT

Arsenal tried to press high up the field and City just passed straight through them. Rodri and Foden were involved at the start, passing their way out of trouble in their own half. Then De Bruyne played a give-and-go with Jesus and ran at Chambers on the left side of the box. He drove a low cross that took a slight deflection, which wrongfooted Kolasinac and allowed the ball to reach Sterling at the far post. He swept it into an open net from six yards.

4.45pm GMT

Another beautiful goal from City!

4.42pm GMT

12 min A quiet period in the game. Arsenal look a threat going forward, particularly when Martinelli has the ball.

4.39pm GMT

8 min More rousing play from Martinelli, who skins Walker and hits a stinging cross-shot that is palmed away by Ederson. It comes to Pepe, whose follow-up shot is blocked by Otamendi. I think it was going wide anyway.

4.36pm GMT

7 min “The deluge has begun,” says Mary Waltz, who predicted a 5-2 City win before the game. “Arsenal has zero ability to have any midfield organization and the back line is a sieve. This will be ugly.”

4.36pm GMT

6 min City’s tactics are interesting. It’s essentially 4-2-3-1, with Foden playing from the left and Sterling from the right

4.35pm GMT

4 min Kevin De Bruyne is a disgusting genius.

4.33pm GMT

What a brilliant finish! Fernandinho moved forward from the back and slid a good, straight pass to Jesus on the left side of the area. He lost Chambers neatly and cut the ball back speculatively from the byline. It cleared everyone at the near post and reached De Bruyne at the far post, 15 yards from goal. He watched the ball bounce, adjusted his body and sidefooted a blistering shot into the roof of the net. The precision and technique were off the reservation. Almost every other player in world football would have put that over the bar; most would have put it out of the ground.

4.31pm GMT

Manchester City take the lead with a majestic goal!

4.31pm GMT

35 seconds: Ederson makes a fine save from Martinelli! Crikey, that was some start. Martinelli collected a long ball forward, wriggled away from Fernandinho on the edge of the box and hit a left-footed shot that was superbly blocked by the outrushing Ederson.

4.30pm GMT

1 min Peep peep! City, in their black away kit, kick off from right to left. The Arsenal are in red and white.

4.27pm GMT

The teams emerge from the tunnel, all looking very serious about their work. Prediction: Arsenal 2-4 Manchester City.

4.23pm GMT

“Hi Rob,” says Tony McPeterson. “I’m not usually one to stick my neck out for these sort of things, but if this game isn’t a draw then I can see one of these teams taking this.”

You haven’t factored in the apocalypse.

4.21pm GMT

Another email! “I’m very much enjoying the Martinelli & Greenwood tributes to 1993-era Robbie Fowler,” says Niall Mullen. “Prodigious finishers papering over the cracks of massive clubs in a slump.”

I don’t think I’ve ever seen a footballer embody the thrill of youth quite like Fowler. I had to keep my love for him a secret for at least a decade.

4.13pm GMT

The 2pm games have finished. Spurs grabbed a late winner at Wolves to jump to fifth in the table, and the extraordinary Mason Greenwood denied Duncan Ferguson another victory as Everton manager.

4.11pm GMT

The first email of the day

“Hi,” says Bill Hargreaves. “Clearly my message to Mesut to avoid Mark Lamarr’s barber went unread.”

3.33pm GMT

Phil Foden starts a Premier League game for the first time this season.

Arsenal (4-2-3-1) Leno; Maitland-Niles, Chambers, Sokratis, Kolasinac; Guendouzi, Torreira; Pepe, Ozil, Martinelli; Aubameyang.
Substitutes: Martinez, David Luiz, Saka, Willock, Smith Rowe, Lacazette, Nelson.

3.04pm GMT

Pre-match reading

12.09pm GMT

Hello and welcome to live coverage of Arsenal v Manchester City from the Emirates Stadium. We know what to expect from this one: electric attacking, rococo defending and at least one passage of play that will have a profound impact on Graeme Souness’s Christmas cheer.

The 2019-20 season has thus far been a desperate disappointment for both teams. City are 17 points behind Liverpool, Arsenal are 17 points behind Leicester. Pep Guardiola looks like a man in need of a sabbatical, Arsenal are in urgent need of a permanent manager.

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Published on December 15, 2019 10:45

December 14, 2019

Southampton 0-1 West Ham: Premier League – as it happened

The recalled Sebastien Haller finished off a fine move to give West Ham a deserved win and take some pressure off their manager Manuel Pellegrini

8.14pm GMT

7.26pm GMT

West Ham deserve their victory. Sebastien Haller scored the only goal, while his strike partner Michail Antonio was immense for the first hour of the game. Southampton put them under increasing pressure in the last half an hour, with Danny Ings hitting the bar and having a fine goal disallowed, but the West Ham keeper David Martin barely had a save to make. Thanks for your company - goodnight!

7.24pm GMT

Peep peep! Manuel Pellegrini should still have a job at Christmas thanks to this excellent victory.

7.23pm GMT

90+5 min Martin is going to continue, though he is clearly struggling. Southampton should shoot from anywhere if they get the chance.

7.22pm GMT

90+4 min Now Martin is down with what looks like a thigh injury. West Ham have used all their subs, so an outfield player may have to go in goal for the last few seconds.

7.21pm GMT

90+4 min Martin is booked for timewasting.

7.20pm GMT

90+3 min Nothing happens from the corner. Southampton are running out of time.

7.20pm GMT

90+2 min Djenepo wins a corner for Southampton. Just before that, Adams dithered in the area and allowed Ogbonna to stab the ball to safety.

7.19pm GMT

90+1 min There will be four added minutes.

7.18pm GMT

90 min Ward-Prowse’s free-kick goes straight into the loving embrace of David Martin

7.17pm GMT

89 min Balbuena is penalised for a challenge on Djenepo just outside the area on the left. I’m not sure there was any contact, and West Ham will be fuming if this leads to an equaliser.

7.15pm GMT

88 min Another West Ham change: Issa Diop replaces Mark Noble. I’m surprised Antonio is still on the pitch, because he ran himself into the ground in a blistering first hour.

7.14pm GMT

87 min Southampton’s last chance - Cedric off, Che Adams on.

7.14pm GMT

86 min Cedric’s cross flashes across the face of goal before being half cleared to Hojbjerg, who screws a half-volley just wide from 12 yards. Martin had it covered. Southampton have been much better in the last 20 minutes. The improvement has probably been fuelled by desperation as much as anything.

7.11pm GMT

84 min Southampton make their second change, with Stuart Armstrong replacing Shane Long.

7.08pm GMT

81 min Another chance for Southampton. Stephens, picked out nicely by Hojbjerg’s cut-back, slices miles wide from 15 yards.

7.06pm GMT

80 min The goalscorer Sebastien Haller is replaced by Carlos Sanchez.

7.06pm GMT

79 min Yarmolenko misses an excellent chance, lobbing over the bar with his right foot after a neat West Ham move.

7.05pm GMT

77 min This game has come to life. McCarthy makes a brilliant save, plunging to his left to tip Haller’s smart header round the post.

7.04pm GMT

76 min: Ings has a goal disallowed! He was penalised for fouling Yarmolenko moments before he lashed a spectcular long-range shot past Martin. That looks a bit soft, though VAR can’t intervene in such incidents.

7.01pm GMT

74 min This is Southampton’s best spell of the match, with West Ham looking a bit rattled for the first time all night.

7.00pm GMT

73 min Andriy Yarmolenko replaces Robert Snodgrass for West Ham.

6.59pm GMT

72 min: Now Ings hits the post! He had been flagged offside, though it looked very tight and might have been overturned by VAR had he scored.

6.59pm GMT

70 min: Ings hits the underside of the bar! That was the closest Southampton have come. He pulled down a cross from Djenepo, waited for the ball to bounce up and slammed a left-footed shot that beat Martin and clattered off the underside of the bar. It rebounded to Long, who slammed the loose ball into the side-netting. He should have got it on target, though I suspect Cresswell would have blocked it had he done so.

6.56pm GMT

69 min Although Southampton have dominated possession in the second half, West Ham still look the more threatening side.

6.53pm GMT

67 min If West Ham win they will move up to 15th - but they would be only six points behind Sheffield United in fifth place. I can’t remember the last time the middle of the Premier League table was so tight.

6.52pm GMT

66 min Djenepo curls over the bar from 23 yards.

6.51pm GMT

65 min “No lack of energy and effort from Southampton,” says Mary Waltz. “Serious lack of a plan to produce a goal.”

Yes, they do look a wee bit witless.

6.50pm GMT

64 min Djenepo, who looks Southampton’s biggest threat in open play, wins a corner. It’s headed away to Hojbjerg, who splatters a long-range half-volley into Row O.

6.48pm GMT

62 min “When it’s cold, you can wrap up, McMahon,” says Matt Dony. “Last night, S4C showed a glamour tie from the Welsh Premier League, Barri v Y Seintiau Newydd. I honestly can’t remember the last time I saw such a wet game of football. The fact that it was played on a 3G pitch prevented it from becoming a mud bath, but it gave the pitch a surreal bright green sheen. Proper football.”

I’ll show you proper football. Wait for the kick-off.

6.47pm GMT

60 min Snodgrass’s corner is flicked on at the near post and flashes across goal.

6.46pm GMT

59 min Antonio rampages down the left wing, leaving Cedric in his slipstream, and hits a cross that is put behind for a corner by Stephens. Snodgrass will take it...

6.44pm GMT

56 min Fredericks is booked for a late tackle on Djenepo.

6.42pm GMT

54 min It would have been a memorable goal from Antonio. He rumbled straight through two defenders and whistled a half-volley into the bottom corner. He has been immense today, the perfect personification of the phrase “on one”.

6.41pm GMT

That’s fair enough, as he accidentally controlled the ball with his hand as he ran through.

6.40pm GMT

VAR check I think this will be disallowed for handball.

6.39pm GMT

If ever a man deserved a goal...

6.37pm GMT

49 min Cedric’s booming cross from the right is headed up in the air by Ward-Prowse and reaches Djenepo beyond the far post. His attempted cross is put behind for a corner. Nothing comes of it, but that was more promising for Southampton.

6.34pm GMT

46 min: Fine save from McCarthy! Fornals almost makes it 2-0 after 31 seconds of the second half. Haller lobbed the ball towards the edge of the box, where Fornals ran round the ball and swished a rising half-volley towards goal. McCarthy thrust out his left hand to tip it over the bar.

6.32pm GMT

46 min Peep peep! West Ham begin the second half. Southampton have made a half-time change, with Oriel Romeu replacing Nathan Redmond. That means a switch to 4-2-3-1, with Djenepo on the left wing and Long on the right.

6.27pm GMT

Half-time reading

6.19pm GMT

Peep peep! West Ham have been the better team and deserve to lead through Sebastien Haller’s goal. The star has been his strike partner Michail Antonio, who has embodied West Ham’s greater intensity and desire. See you soon for the second half.

6.16pm GMT

45+2 min Snodgrass is booked for pulling back Bertrand.

6.16pm GMT

45 min Two minutes of added time.

6.13pm GMT

43 min A decent chance for Hojbjerg, who heads well over the bar from Cedric’s cross. He was unmarked, 12 yards from goal, and should probably halve done better.

6.11pm GMT

42 min “Evening Rob,” says Simon McMahon. “I see JR’s Southampton v West Ham anti-glamour tie, and I raise him an Arbroath v Dundee United at Gayfield this afternoon. It was what I imagine football would be like if they dropped in a pitch at the North Pole and had polar bears up against arctic foxes, with a wolverine as referee. But colder. And the North Pole has better toilets.”

6.10pm GMT

39 min Michail Antonio looks like he’s on a one-man mission to keep Poppa Pellegrini in a job. He is roaming the green with furious, almost deranged intent.

6.09pm GMT

That was a fine move. The outstanding Antonio zipped past Bednarek on the right and just managed to keep the ball in play before guiding it back to Snodgrass. He stood up a deep cross to Fornals, who cushioned a careful header back towards Haller, 12 yards from goal. He didn’t connect cleanly with his left-footed shot, but it bounced past McCarthy and went into the net off the far post.

6.07pm GMT

West Ham take a deserved lead!

6.06pm GMT

37 min Hojbjerg is booked for a foul on Haller.

6.05pm GMT

35 min “The amount of pointless running about is extraordinary,” says Stephen Carr. “I’m not sure the players would notice if there wasn’t a ball on the pitch.”

6.05pm GMT

34 min Antonio is getting very frustrated with the refereeing. I’m not surprised - three or four decisions, including the penalty appeal, have gone against him for no apparent reason.

6.03pm GMT

33 min A nice bit of play from Southampton. Djenepo slides a pass infield from the right towards Ings, who slides to scoop a cross from the byline that is just too close to Martin.

6.00pm GMT

28 min “So the ol’ MBM is bringing people together now is it?” says Hubert O’Hearn. “Thought that was what Soulmates was for. Let’s try Pawmates. Since my dear border collie Stella passed away I’ve been looking to re-home similar to no avail. If any doggy devoted MBM readers want to make an only slightly eccentric writer happy, send said pooch. Extra-long walks on holiday mornings and every Saturday is sausage day. Cheers!”

6.00pm GMT

27 min The more you see that appeal, the more it looks like a penalty. It’s precisely the kind of foul that defenders won’t be able to get away with when video technology is introduced.

5.56pm GMT

VAR decision: no penalty West Ham aren’t happy. I thought the appeal was for the challenge on Haller, but replays suggest West Ham had a far better claim for a foul by Bednarek, who had his arm round the neck of Antonio.

5.56pm GMT

25 min Cresswell crosses deep towards Haller, who goes flying after a little shove from Bertrand. Martin Atkinson says no penalty, but this may be given by VAR.

5.55pm GMT

25 min Cedric cuts infield onto his left foot but lashes high over the bar from 25 yards.

5.50pm GMT

20 min “Yup I like Antonio up front in a two, or on his own with two behind,” says Ian Sargeant. “He’s been likened for a fully loaded shopping trolley heading downhill with a broken wheel. No one knows what’s going to happen - least of all him - but more often than not he comes off.”

5.48pm GMT

18 min Nothing much to report at the moment. West Ham certainly don’t look like a team who want a change of manager.

5.44pm GMT

14 min “A different look at this match,” says Mary Waltz. “High quality? Probably not. High drama? I say yes. Two managers fighting for their job. Do the players match this desperation or do they prefer a new gaffer? Relegation battles always have a car crash quality to them. You can’t help but stare.”

5.43pm GMT

13 min After a slow start, Southampton are starting to have more of the ball. Hojbjerg crosses from the left towards Long, whose looping header is comfortably saved by Martin.

5.40pm GMT

9 min A question for West Ham fans. Whenever I see Antonio play up front he is really impressive, an unpleasant handful for defenders. Have I just caught him on a few good days or should he start at centre-forward more often?

5.38pm GMT

8 min West Ham have started really well and almost took the lead a moment ago. The impressive Antonio drove a speculative low cross on the turn from the right. It reached Fornals, whose stabbed shot on the run deflected off Cedric and dribbled just wide of the far post.

5.36pm GMT

7 min ... and bugger all will eventuate from it.

5.36pm GMT

6 min It’s rare to see a match in which both teams are playing with a front two. Michail Antonio, who has started with considerable intent, wins a corner for West Ham. Snodgrass will take it...

5.34pm GMT

3 min “Hey Rob,” says JR in Illinois. “I’m not really intending to insult anyone but this game wouldn’t be referred to by anyone as a ‘glamour tie’, would it? In fact, I’d say this game is the opposite of a glamour tie, whatever that is called. Ah well, maybe I’ll watch a bit. It will help pass the time until the second session of the darts is on.”

I trust you saw Humphries v Wattimena this afternoon? Blistering stuff.

5.32pm GMT

2 min: Disallowed goal for West Ham! Antonio turns smartly on the left wing and is fouled by Stephens. Snodgrass’s excellent free-kick is headed in confidently by Rice - but he’s fractionally offside. The assistant raises the flag, and VAR confirms it was the correct decision

5.29pm GMT

1 min Peep peep! Southampton kick off from right to left.

5.27pm GMT

The players emerge from the tunnel, all looking ready for business. It’s a glorious night on the South Coast. Little brisk.

4.45pm GMT

4.44pm GMT

Pre-match reading

4.38pm GMT

Felipe Anderson is out with a stomach problem, so Sebastian Haller returns to the West Ham side. Southampton are unchanged.

Southampton (4-2-2-2) McCarthy; Cedric, Stephens, Bednarek, Bertrand; Ward-Prowse, Hojbjerg; Djenepo, Redmond; Long, Ings.
Substitutes: Gunn, Yoshida, Vestergaard, Romeu, Armstrong, Adams, Obafemi.

4.33pm GMT

Hello and welcome to live coverage of Southampton v West Ham from St Mary’s. Christmas is a time of giving, and the word is that West Ham will give Manuel Pellegrini a freshly printed P45 should they lose today. Their recent form is desperate, with seven defeats in the last nine games, whereas Southampton have shown since of improvement since that fiasco against Leicester at the end of October. If they win today, they will move out of the relegtation places - and above West Ham.

Kick off is at 5.30pm GMT.

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Published on December 14, 2019 11:26

Liverpool 2-0 Watford: Premier League – as it happened

Mo Salah scored two classy goals to give Liverpool another victory, but they had to ride their luck against Watford in a strange match at Anfield

2.55pm GMT

2.27pm GMT

Post-match reaction

James Milner

2.23pm GMT

2.22pm GMT

Peep peep! Liverpool move 11 points clear with an uncomfortable victory over Watford in a very strange game. Mo Salah, who played up front in a 4-2-3-1 system, scored two classy goals to punish Watford for a number of missed chances. Liverpool were sloppy, nervous, unconvincing ... and they still won.

2.21pm GMT

The goal itself was a beauty. Liverpool split Watford open with two fine passes from Alexander-Arnold and then Oxlade-Chamberlain, who slid the ball down the inside-right channel to release Mane. He cut it back carefully to Origi, who made a hopeless mess of his first-time shot. It was bobbling wide of goal when Salah improvised to flick the ball behind his standing leg and into the net. It looked like it was going to be disallowed for offside, but eventually the VAR folk decided his heel was level with Kabasele’s.

2.18pm GMT

GOAL GIVEN! Liverpool 2-0 Watford I have no idea.

2.18pm GMT

VAR check I think Salah is offside.

2.17pm GMT

Mo Salah seals victory with a lovely bit of improvisation.

2.16pm GMT

89 min Here’s David Nevin. “You hear so much rubbish from all that want the reds to fail chelski prawn sandwich brigade accept you’re all 2nd rate.”

Nice one David, keep it up.

2.14pm GMT

88 min A substitution apiece. Liverpool bring on Origi for Firmino; Watford introduce Quina for Doucoure.

2.13pm GMT

87 min Alexander-Arnold wastes 20 seconds before taking a Liverpool corner. This time there are no boos.

2.13pm GMT

86 min “The pessimism is a result of the gap since the last league title,” says Niall Mullen. “Like England fans didn’t really believe they’d won the Ashes in 2005 until the umpires came out & knocked the bails off at the Oval. Just like the England fans thought that somehow Shane Warne could come out in the gloaming and win it for the Aussies so Liverpool fans imagine that the lovechild of Federico Macheda & Demba Ba will inevitably thwart us.”

Ah yeah, I get that, but I still think it applies to most teams. For example, I remember being unsure when Man Utd were 14 points clear in 1993-94. And I was bloody right to be pessimistic, because Blackburn almost reeled them in.

2.12pm GMT

85 min This is one of the oddest games of 2019.

2.11pm GMT

84 min Alexander-Arnold’s imaginative through pass to Mane is just intercepted by the sliding Kabasele. He has had a blinder. At the other end, Doucoure shots high over the bar from inside the D. Watford deserve at least a point in this game. At this rate, Liverpool could drop to fifth in the xG table by tomorrow night.

2.10pm GMT

83 min Sarr belts a volley well wide from inside the D.

2.08pm GMT

82 min “Hi Rob,” says Mike MacKenzie. “I can stop this festive goodwill ... the refereeing sucks big time! Not just this match but in most of them. Way too many fouls missed and bad calls on out of bounds. I know it’s not easy but too many obvious calls aren’t made.”

Each his own and all, but I think they do a pretty amazing job in the circumstances, especially as it has become so much harder since the advent of social media and VAR.

2.08pm GMT

81 min The resulting corner from Deulofeu hits the outside of the near post! Alisson was scrambling across his line, and I’m not certain he had it covered. Liverpool have been so sloppy today.

2.07pm GMT

80 min Van Dijk almost scores an own goal! He was under no pressure when he slid the ball past the outrushing Alisson and, thankfully for Liverpool, just wide of the near post.

2.05pm GMT

78 min “Richard Curtis has optioned the script for OBO The Lonely, starring Rafe Spall as a KP nut and Emily Blunt as a keen fan of The Hundred,” says James Debens. “Music by Roy Orbison and The Hoosiers.”

I’m not sure about casting Danny Dyer as Andy Bull, though.

2.04pm GMT

77 min Watford break promisingly through Hughes and then Gray, who finds Sarr in the inside-left channel. He overruns the ball just enough for Gomez to make a strong interception. Watford have had so many opportunities in attack today.

2.02pm GMT

76 min Oxlade-Chamberlain’s excellent cross is nutted over his own bar by Mariappa. Watford have defended admirably today.

2.01pm GMT

75 min Andre Gray replaces Troy Deeney, who looks shattered.

2.01pm GMT

74 min Robertson plays a slick one-two with Mane and picks out Firmino with an immaculate low cross. He takes too long to get his shot away, and it hits Hughes before dribbling through to Foster.

2.00pm GMT

73 min This has been a peculiar game. Liverpool have been both fortunate and in almost complete control.

1.56pm GMT

70 min Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain replaces Xherdan Shaqiri, who had a 6/10 kind of game. (It would have been 7/10 but for that pesky VAR.)

1.56pm GMT

70 min “As a Chelsea fan, it’s funny to listen to the pessimism from Liverpool fans,” says Alexander Scrutton. “If any other team was this far ahead, playing this well, at this stage of the season, we would have them nailed for the title.”

Isn’t the point that we’d have them nailed on unless it was our own team? But really, Jose Mourinho said it best the other week in the Sky studio, something along the lines of: “When I know I have the best team, and we have a lead, goodbye.”

1.55pm GMT

69 min Henderson wallops over from distance.

1.53pm GMT

66 min “I’m watching all the football today and tomorrow in a cafe in Laayoune, Western Sahara,” says Sarah Saunders. “Anyone keen for a tea and some footy?”

What’s with all the sociability and goodwill today? Didn’t you all get the memo?

1.52pm GMT

65 min A second Liverpool goal is imminent. Andy Robertson’s introduction has changed the game and energised them.

1.51pm GMT

64 min Firmino, put clear by Salah, overruns the ball. Jurgen Klopp is baring his teeth at allcomers, because he wanted play brought back for an earlier foul on Salah.

1.50pm GMT

63 min Salah, put through by Milner, dithers and is eased off the ball by Kabasele. He wants a penalty but, as with the Sarr appeal at the other end, there was nothing in it. Moments later, Salah drives miles wide with his right foot.

1.49pm GMT

62 min Firmino’s sharp low drive from the left side of the box is well held by the plunging Foster. Mane and Salah were waiting for a rebound.

1.47pm GMT

60 min Sarr surges past van Dijk in the area and falls over. It will be checked but it’s not a penalty. Van Dijk did lean into him, but not with enough force for it to be a foul.

1.46pm GMT

60 min It looks like Wijnaldum’s knee rather than his hamstring. He’s leaving the field a little gingerly, to be replaced by Andy Robertson. That means James Milner will go into midfield.

1.45pm GMT

59 min “Hey Rob,” says Kristof Künssler-McIlwain. “Has it ever happened that a couple actually found each other over MBM? What a story that would be!”

It certainly did with the cricket OBO - the thoroughly lovely couple of Lynn Bashforth and Jeremy Theobald met that way.

1.44pm GMT

58 min Gini Wijnaldum is down with what might be a hamstring injury. Liverpool are falling apart. Has Jurgen Klopp taken them as far as he can?

1.44pm GMT

57 min Milner is booked for a foul on Sarr, who, that one hideous miskick aside, has been pretty impressive today.

1.43pm GMT

56 min It’s no exaggeration to say Watford could be two goals ahead, yet there is still no real doubt - to the neutral - that Liverpool will win. It’s been a strange game.

1.42pm GMT

54 min: Fine save! Alisson makes an excellent block to deny Deulofeu, who was through one on one. Deulofeu appealed for a shove from behind by Alexander-Arnold, but there was nothing in it. He hit the shot well but it was too close to Alisson, who is brilliant in one-on-one situations. He reminds me a little of Peter Schmeichel in the way his presence unsettles attackers as they run through on goal.

1.38pm GMT

Mane was a millimetre offside. Shame as it was a lovely goal - a fierce cross from Shaqiri on the left, and an emphatic flicked header from Mane at the near post.

1.37pm GMT

VAR check Mane may be offside here.

1.36pm GMT

The best attacker in the world scores another superb goal.

1.35pm GMT

48 min Another chance for Watford! Sarr plays a one-two with Doucoure and slides a close-range shot from a tight angle that is smothered by Alisson. Deeney was screaming for a ball into the six-yard box.

1.32pm GMT

47 min “David, I am in the Irish American sports bar,” says Keith Dugdale. “Looks like I need a half-time taxi. Thanks to the Guardian for providing the Vietnam blind-dating service.”

It’s what we do best.

1.32pm GMT

46 min Peep peep! Liverpool begin the second half.

1.18pm GMT

Half-time reading

Twitter: follow us at @guardian_sport

1.18pm GMT

Peep peep! Well, that was a bit odd. Liverpool lead through Mo Salah’s splendid goal, but Watford had the two clearest chances of the game either side of that. See you in 10 minutes for the second half.

1.16pm GMT

45 min “Rob,” says Mac Millings. “I think it’s lovely that the Guardian is bringing people like Keith Dugdale and David Baines together. Can I have a go? Is anyone else out there watching the game while slumped on a couch in last night’s clothes in South Carolina?”

1.15pm GMT

44 min It’s all happening now! Salah plays in Mane, who stabs the ball over the outrushing Foster on the edge of the area before being crowded out by Kabasele.

1.14pm GMT

43 min Henderson is booked for pulling back the dangerous Deulofeu.

1.13pm GMT

42 min: Watford miss another great chance! It’s another shocking miskick. Deulofeu skinned Alexander-Arnold on the left of the area and fizzed a low cross-shot into the six-yard box. The diving Alisson pushed it out as far as Sarr, eight yards from goal, and he shanked the bouncing ball so badly that it flew off the side of his boot at a 90-degree angle.

1.11pm GMT

40 min You see what happens, Nigel? You see what happens if you win a corner against this Liverpool side?

1.09pm GMT

Watford won a corner after that Doucoure chance, and 15 seconds later they were behind. The corner was half cleared towards Firmino, who improvised superbly to volley the loose ball over his head to Mane. He moved it down the inside-left channel to Salah, who Cruyff-turned away from Kiko Femenia on the edge of the area and toed a right-footed curler that drifted into the far corner. Brilliant goal.

1.07pm GMT

A classic Liverpool counter-attack!

1.07pm GMT

37 min: Great chance for Watford! They should be ahead. Sarr played a nice pass into space for Capoue down the right. He moved into the area and carefully picked out Doucoure, who miskicked completely in front of goal.

1.06pm GMT

35 min Firmino twists Kabasele inside out to win a corner. Nothing comes of it. This has been a dog of a game so far, devised and hosted by Nigel Pearson. He’ll be thrilled with how Watford have played.

1.03pm GMT

34 min “Alright, Rob,” says Adam Griffiths. “In this crazy, upside down state of flux/fluxed world in what we live the MBM is a rare constant. So cheers to you and your fellow MBMers for the sterling work you do, and a Merry Christmas/Happy Hannukah/kick-ass Kwanzaa/tiptop Tet to all the listeners out there in MBM-land.”

Cheers Adam. Merry Christmas to all you listeners!

1.03pm GMT

33 min Doucoure breaks down the left and into the area before crossing low into the six-yard box. Van Dijk takes up a perfect position and lumps it clear.

1.01pm GMT

32 min Liverpool are missing the relentless threat of Andy Robertson on the left. They should still win comfortably; they just need to be patient .

12.58pm GMT

28 min Watford are working so hard without the ball, and will be really pleased with how the game has gone so far. It’s hard to see them sustaining this for 90 minutes, but it’s been an encouraging start for Nigel Pearson.

12.57pm GMT

27 min Salah falls over in the area under challenge from Kabasele. Nothing doing. I don’t think it was a dive, since you asked. It certainly wasn’t a penalty.

12.56pm GMT

26 min “I’m a Watford fan in the States getting up at 5 a.m. local time and thinking it will be a miracle if the Orns keep it within three,” says Shaun Kuter. “No one ever accused me of being smart.”

It’s the hope of a noble 2-0 defeat that kills you.

12.55pm GMT

25 min Salah scurries infield from the right wing and flips a curling shot well wide of the far post. Every goalkick allows Watford to waste a bit more time; the crowd and Liverpool players are getting a bit irritated.

12.54pm GMT

24 min Hughes is harshly booked for a foul on Henderson. Moments later, Mane hooks an optimistic volley over his shoulder and the bar from the edge of the box.

12.53pm GMT

23 min It’s raining shots! Will Hughes surges forward from midfield and drives a left-footed shot a few yards wide from just outside the box. Alisson had it covered but it was a purposeful run.

12.52pm GMT

23 min Mane’s deep cross is half cleared to Henderson, who slaps the bouncing ball into orbit from 12 yards. It was an awkward ball to hit on the run. I think that’s the first shot of the match at either end.

12.50pm GMT

21 min Deulofeu wins a corner for Watford, and walks over to take it at approximately 0.0002 miles per hour. More boos.

12.50pm GMT

20 min “Sitting in fast response ambulance thanking my lucky stars I’ve got the BT Sport app!” says Richard Howes. “And hoping south London will be quiet for the upcoming 90 mins. At some point will Liverpool rest van Dijk? Hopefully they’ll win. I need something to cheer me up after Thursday’s results... and that’s not a reference to the Europa League games!”

Mason Greenwood does look good though, eh. As for van Dijk, he plays with a resting heart rate so I doubt he needs a rest. It’s telling that he is the one player who hasn’t been left out in the last few weeks.

12.49pm GMT

18 min Watford have already started timewasting. There are a few boos as Mariappa delays a throw-in, and their new coach Nigel Pearson breaks into a gentle smile that says, ‘I could not give a solitary flip what any of you think.’

12.46pm GMT

16 min Alexander-Arnold is starting to threaten. There’s a greater onus on him today in the absence of the rested Andy Robertson.

12.45pm GMT

15 min “What bar is Keith Dugdale (6 mins) in?” says David Baines. “I’m watching it in Cheers, the Hanoi Reds home bar.”

12.43pm GMT

13 min Alexander-Arnold, roaming infield, plays a dangerous through ball towards Salah that is crucially intercepted by the sliding Cathcart.

12.41pm GMT

11 min Milner plays a neat one-two with Mane, only to overrun the ball. It was another neat touch from Mane, who for my money is the best attacker in the world right now.

12.40pm GMT

10 min “It’ll take a better stats person than me, but if we take the best second halves of a season for Manchester City and Leicester City and then take Liverpool’s worst (okay, we’re not quite at 19 games yet), Liverpool surely cruise home regardless?” says Gary Naylor. “People keep puffing air into the title race balloon, but it’s not going to happen.”

No, no chance, unless Liverpool lose van Dijk, Mane, Robertson, Alexander-Arnold and Alisson to long-term injuries, and inexplicably replace Jurgen Klopp with Terry Christian. Even if Manchester City win their remaining 22 games, they won’t catch Liverpool.

12.39pm GMT

9 min Liverpool are slowly getting into their work. There’s no real atmosphere, as is often the case with early kick-offs.

12.37pm GMT

6 min “My 24-year-old son still has not seen Liverpool win the league,” says Keith Dugdale. “So here I am in a bar in Hanoi, beers in hand and still nervous of the game despite the opposition and our home record. At least mathematically we can’t be relegated. Next step is Champs League qualification.”

I used to think I was a pessimist, but I’ve got nothing on Liverpool fans this season. You’re the best team in the world and are going to win the league by March. Relax. Fakkin enjoy it.

12.35pm GMT

5 min Watford almost take the lead! Sarr’s superb low cross from the right just evades the stretching Deeney in front of goal. He went with his wrong foot, the right, and made no contact with the ball.

12.33pm GMT

3 min It’s been a quiet start to the game, with Liverpool yet to threaten. It gives me no pleasure to say this, but I think we have to ask a difficult question: has Jurgen Klopp taken Liverpool as far as he can?

12.31pm GMT

2 min “As a lifelong Watford fan,” says Mark Hawkins, “should I be ashamed at the fact I have substituted Watford players for Liverpool players in my Fantasy Football team?”

The only thing you should be ashamed of is putting an Emma Bunton song in my head.

12.30pm GMT

1 min Peep peep! Watford kick off from left to right. It’s a lovely day in Liverpool. Little brisk.

12.26pm GMT

The teams emerge from the tunnel, with Liverpool’s players looking relaxed and content. What have they got to be so pleased about?

12.25pm GMT

“I’m also unsure whether Steve Alvey is being serious or not, but I do absolutely see the point!” sniffs Matt Dony. “Yes, yes, I know the numbers, I’ve seen the table, I’m well aware of the probabilities. And yet, and yet. Honestly, at this point, I don’t know what Liverpool could possibly do to make me stop feeling The Fear. I wish I had your confidence, Rob. (And charisma. And integrity. And good looks...)”

Definitely serious.

11.54am GMT

The first email of the day

“Liverpool’s last good chance to close the goal difference on Leicester before the Club World Cup and a run of hard league matches,” says Steve Alvey. “An important detail as I expect they will drop points somewhere.”

11.43am GMT

Pre-match reading

11.40am GMT

Liverpool (4-2-3-1) Alisson; Alexander-Arnold, Gomez, van Dijk, Milner; Henderson, Wijnaldum; Shaqiri, Firmino, Mane; Salah.
Substitutes: Adrian, Robertson, Williams, Keita, Oxlade-Chamberlain, Lallana, Origi.

Watford (4-2-3-1) Foster; Mariappa, Cathcart, Kabasele, Kiko Femenia; Doucoure, Capoue; Sarr, Hughes, Deulofeu; Deeney.
Substitutes: Gomes, Foulquier, Dawson, Chalobah, Quina, Gray, Success.

9.24am GMT

Hello and welcome to live coverage of Liverpool v Watford from Anfield. You know the context: top v bottom (or 2nd v 13th if you’re into the whole xG thing), champions-elect v Championship-bound, etc, etc. Nothing speaks of the differences between these sides quite like the number two: that’s how many points Liverpool have dropped in the Premier League this season, and how many managers Watford have sacked.

Their third boss of the season, Nigel Pearson, takes charge for the first time today. Even the ostriches know Watford are in serious trouble, though there has been enough encouragement in some of their performances to suggest they are not yet a lost cause.

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Published on December 14, 2019 06:36

December 13, 2019

The Fiver | Time to do one apace to the Kerguelen Islands?

Five more years. Five more years of that lot celebrating, grandstanding and hogging the news to such an extent that the only chance of escaping it all, and preserving what’s left of our sanity, is to source a wireless-free bunker in a less populous corner of the Kerguelen Islands. Yep, it’s a dark day for Everton and Manchester United fans, with the news that Jürgen Klopp has extended his contract at Liverpool until 2024. Klopp’s unique combination of heavy-metal football, infectious cackling, impressively low net-spend and official replica baseball caps has turned Liverpool into the best team in the world, a status that should be formally verified in Doha a week on Saturday.

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Published on December 13, 2019 08:04

December 7, 2019

Bournemouth 0-3 Liverpool, Tottenham 5-0 Burnley and more: clockwatch – as it happened

Liverpool breezed into an 11-point lead with victory at Bournemouth and Spurs commandeered the Goal of the Month competition while thrashing Burnley

5.17pm GMT

That’s it for today’s clockwatch. I’ll leave you in the Fairy Liquid hands of Scott Murray, who is watching the Manchester derby. Thanks for your company, goodnight.

5.11pm GMT

Tottenham Hotspur 5-0 Burnley

5.11pm GMT

The Man of the Day award goes to...

5.08pm GMT

Final scores

You can check all today’s results here. These were the final scores in our featured games.

5.05pm GMT

Liverpool P16 W15 D1 L0 F40 A16

You might not like them, but you’d have to be a rare old plonker to deny their sheer brilliance. They would give any team in English football history a run for their money. ‘Run’ being the operative word. The buggers never stop. They are the perfect fusion of attitude and aptitude.

4.59pm GMT

Despite a ferocious late onslaught from the home side, Bristol City hold on to beat Fulham and move up to fourth in the table.

4.58pm GMT

Bournemouth 0-3 Liverpool Ben Fisher has already filed his report from the Vitality Stadium, where the best team in the world swaggered to victory.

4.57pm GMT

Jose’s swashbucklers move up to fifth in the table. They are now only six points behind Chelsea.

4.55pm GMT

Fulham 1-2 Bristol City Fulham are denied an apparently stonewall penalty, and it’s all kicking off at Craven Cottage as a result.

4.54pm GMT

“Not all good news for Liverpool,” says Niall Mullen. “We have just ended our record run without a clean sheet.”

4.53pm GMT

A tedious game ends with a bit of aggro. In a surprising development, Wilfried Zaha was heavily involved.

4.51pm GMT

Liverpool move 11 points clear with another comprehensive victory. Not even the apocalypse can stop them now.

4.50pm GMT

“A clean sheet for Liverpool,” says Ian Croasdale, “would be most welcome!”

You’ve got Joe Gomez in your Fantasy team, I can tell.

4.47pm GMT

Aboubakar Kamara gives Fulham a bit of hope at Craven Cottage.

4.47pm GMT

A couple of goals in our featured games Northampton have pulled one back at Exeter - they trail 3-2 now - while Hibs have gone 3-0 up against Aberdeen.

4.45pm GMT

Watford 0-0 Crystal Palace The scoreline still flatters both sides, it says here.

4.45pm GMT

“IF, IF it happens,” says Peter Butterworth of Liverpool winning the title, “we do promise to be utterly unbearable.”

I’m quite sad that I won’t be around to experience such a momentous occasion. I had no idea this was on the cards when I booked a nuclear bunker in the Kerguelen Islands from March-June 2020.

4.40pm GMT

“Rob,” says James Boyle. “The Fiver had a Stop Football campaign some years ago, If we Stop Football this weekend, do Liverpool win the league?”

No, I think Everton and Manchester United do.

4.39pm GMT

Bristol City have doubled their lead at Craven Cottage, and are on course to move level on points with third-placed Fulham.

4.38pm GMT

Poor old Sol His Southend were 2-0 up at Bristol Rovers. They now trail 3-2. He might have to play himself at this rate.

4.37pm GMT

“Hi Rob,” says Matty Spillum. “Does Burnley’s recent form strike a fearful blow to the proper football man set?”

Why are you asking me? I’m wearing my Julian Nagelsmann underpants.

4.36pm GMT

Steven Fletcher has scored again! His second goal in five minutes gives Sheffield Wednesday the lead against play-off rivals BRENTFORD.

4.35pm GMT

The team news is in for the Manchester derby, and Scott Murray is about to dispense it.

4.34pm GMT

The reinvention of Jose Mourinho continues. Moussa Sissoko has put his freewheeling Spurs side 5-0 up against Burnley.

4.32pm GMT

Steven Fletcher’s penalty brings Sheffield Wednesday level, deservedly so, against Brentford.

4.31pm GMT

“Winning at a canter is my preference as it is much better for my blood pressure,” says Mike MacKenzie. “My fear is that around May 1 the PL will determine that Liverpool failed to register some secondary player who made 10 late substitute appearances and we’ll lose the 30 points from those matches.”

4.29pm GMT

Bournemouth 0-3 Liverpool “Given the number of late winners and VAR controv, I wouldn’t be calling this season a ‘serene procession’, for Liverpool” says Marv. “Fun, though.”

You’re not looking at the whole pie, Jenny.

4.28pm GMT

The latest scores in our featured games

Premier League

4.27pm GMT

Two goals from Martin Boyle - yes, yes, I missed the first - have put Hibernian in control against Aberdeen.

4.26pm GMT

Two in two minutes for Exeter.

4.26pm GMT

Ramy Bensebaini’s injury-time penalty has put Monchengladbach seven points clear of Bayern, who drop to sixth in the table.

4.24pm GMT

Exeter have come from behind to lead in-form Northampton.

4.23pm GMT

The leaders have stolen victory against the champions!

4.23pm GMT

“Here’s a truly terrifying thought about this year’s Liverpool side,” says Hubert O’Hearn. “I was saying to my friend David who was born in Liverpool and knows the team from Shankly’s days, ‘If a young Ian Rush arrives on the training ground, who does he replace?’ Neither of us had an answer. If Ian freaking Rush can’t start for your team, you’ve got one hell of a team.”

Or you have a team that doesn’t play with a classical No9. It’s almost impossible to compare Roberto Firmino and Rush, because apart from their phenomenal defensive work they have very little in common.

4.19pm GMT

It’s there!

4.17pm GMT

“STOP TALKING ABOUT US WINNING THE TITLE!!” says JJ. “Every time people mention it I break out in cold sweats that the whole team is going to break out with a severe bout of norovirus, Hicks and Gillett are going to buy us in the new year and we re-sign Charlie Adam, Stewart Downing et al.”

In fairness, Andy Carroll has hit form of late, and you can never have too much squad depth.

4.16pm GMT

Bundesliga Jadon Sancho has scored twice for Borussia Dortmund, who are crushing Fortuna Dusseldorf 5-0. They will move up to third unless Bayern get a late winner in Monchengladbach.

4.13pm GMT

“That Son wonder goal immediately reminded me of George Weah’s 1996 solo run vs Verona, which is here in full Channel 4 glory,” says Jeremy Dresner. “In the sexy sprinting category for sure!”

4.13pm GMT

Harry Kane gets his second of the game with another thumping strike.

4.13pm GMT

An insouciant flick from Mo Salah puts Liverpool 3-0 up, and 11 points clear.

4.12pm GMT

League Two The leaders Swindon are in complete control at Blundell Park; they lead Grimsby 3-0.

4.11pm GMT

Great solo goals We’ve updated an old Joy of Six to include Son’s masterpiece.

4.09pm GMT

“You can give it the big ‘Liverpool are going to be champions’ all you like, I’m not buying it,” says Matt Dony. “93 minutes into Newcastle away, if they’re still top, I might start to believe. But even then, I think I’ll probably worry that the whole season could be under VAR review: ‘Decision Pending - No Title.’”

Here’s a question for Liverpool fans: will it feel weird, after waiting for so long, to win it at a canter? I always assumed that, when it happened, it would be an emotional rollercoaster (like 2013-14 would have been) rather than a serene procession.

4.05pm GMT

4.04pm GMT

“Rob,” says Simon Pennington. “They’re already playing that Son goal on a loop at half time.”

And that’s just at Watford.

3.56pm GMT

Ramy Bensebaini rams a header past Manuel Neuer to bring the Bundesliga leaders level!

3.55pm GMT

Here’s Simon McMahon, generously doing my job ... so I don’t have to!

“Hi Rob,” says Simon. “Runaway Scottish Championship leaders drawing 1-1 with lowly Alloa at a dreich Tannadice. Nicky Clark with the leveller on the stroke of half time. Expect Lawrence Shankland to finish the job from the bench in the second half. Elsewhere, Arbroath lead beleaguered Dundee 1-0, as do Inverness at home to Ayr. I think there‘s a game tomorrow between two Glasgow teams as well...”

3.54pm GMT

“We aren’t champions yet, it’s early December - don’t jinx it!” says Sam Trenery. “Unless that’s the intention. Aside from that - I’m really happy to see Keita on the scoresheet. There’s a seemingly unending hope from our fans that he will come as good as he was meant to be when we signed him. Let’s hope he can kick on now.”

The problem for him, and Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain, is getting a regular game. It’s hard to see that happening, certainly in the short-term, even though they are both cracking players. In fact, Oxlade-Chamberlain is probably more deserving of a regular place with his country than with his club.

3.53pm GMT

The half-time scores in our featured games

3.48pm GMT

Bundesliga As things stand, RB Leipzig are top of the table. They lead Hoffenheim 2-0, while Bayern are 1-0 up at Monchengladbach.

3.47pm GMT

Everything Jurgen Klopp rotates turns to gold. Divock Origi and Xherdan Shaqiri scored against Everton in the week; now Naby Keita has probably sealed victory at Bournemouth with a cool finish from Mo Salah’s beautiful backheel. There’s no two ways about it: Liverpool are going to be champions.

3.43pm GMT

Sol Campbell’s Southend lead 2-0 at Bristol Rovers. ICYMI , this is a cracking interview with Sol by our own Jonathan Liew.

3.42pm GMT

Tottenham 3-0 Burnley Jay Rodriguez heads a simple chance wide from Dwight McNeil’s gorgeous cross.

3.41pm GMT

Ivan Perisic gives Bayern a deserved lead in the meeting of the Bundesliga leaders and champions, lashing a shot through Yann Sommer.

3.40pm GMT

A quickfire equaliser for Exeter. Randell Williams is the man spreading cheer around St James Park.

3.39pm GMT

These are the latest scores in our featured games. I’ve even got the correct opponent for Sheffield Wednesday this time.

3.36pm GMT

Moments after Nathan Ake limps off injured, Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain gives the leaders Liverpool the lead from close range. They are on course to go 11 (E-L-E-V-etc) points clear.

3.35pm GMT

Charlie Goode has given in-form Northampton the lead in League Two’s big game.

3.34pm GMT

Keane... Will Keane!

3.33pm GMT

Son has made it 3-0 with an astonishing solo goal. He picked the ball up on the edge of the area. The Spurs area. Then he ran the length of the pitch, beating allcomers in the process, and slipped the ball past Nick Pope.

The king of the solo goal, Matt Le Tissier has a big dumb grin on his face and has proclaimed it the Goal of the Season on Sky Sports.

3.32pm GMT

Bryan Mbeumo gives Brentford the lead, heading home from a wrongly awarded corner.

3.31pm GMT

Tottenham 2-0 Burnley “If there’s one thing that makes me worry more than Spurs going two down in the first ten minutes,” says Ian Davis, “it’s Spurs going two up in the first ten minutes.”

Surely Spursiness and Jose Mourinho are mutually exclusive concepts?

3.30pm GMT

In the battle between third and fifth, Bristol City take a deserved lead through an emphatic header from Josh Brownhill.

3.28pm GMT

A lovely moment on Sky Soccer Saturday, where Paul Merson’s voice crackles with childlike glee as he realises how easy it is to pronounce the name of Bournemouth winger Danjuma.

3.26pm GMT

Watford 0-0 Crystal Palace By all accounts, the 0-0 scoreline flatters both sides.

3.25pm GMT

Bournemouth 0-0 Liverpool It’s all quiet on the southern front. Liverpool have dominated the match without creating any clear chances.

3.24pm GMT

Tottenham 2-0 Burnley Robbie Brady has hit the underside of the bar for Burnley, so perhaps that match isn’t over. Talking of which...

“Have you forgotten the new law that specifies Spurs have to concede two goals in every game they play under Jose?” writes Anthony Turi. “Do you mean we can just write this game off as a score draw right now?”

3.17pm GMT

Tottenham 2-0 Burnley Now Dele Alli has missed a great chance for Spurs, who are thoroughly rampant.

3.17pm GMT

Tottenham 2-0 Burnley Moussa Sissoko has hit the post for Spurs, who are all over Burnley like a cheap cliché.

3.13pm GMT

The latest scores in our featured games

3.11pm GMT

“I’m not worrying about Virgil not getting a rest, as he rarely seems to exert himself,” says Matt Dony. “Often, the only real stressful part of his game is the energy he has to put into shouting at his fellow defenders.”

3.10pm GMT

Lucas Moura scores from a yard to double Spurs’ lead against Burnley. That game is already over.

3.08pm GMT

Live scores! You can follow all the goals as they go in around Europe by clicking this thing here.

3.07pm GMT

Bundesliga It’s still Monchengladbach 0-0 Bayern, but Bayern have been very dominant and could easily be a couple of goals ahead.

3.05pm GMT

“Hi Rob,” says Peter Oh. “Right about now, Klopp is probably ordering his crew to set phasers to stun.”

I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT ANY OF THIS STAR TREK STUFF MEANS.

3.05pm GMT

Harold Kane Esquire gives Spurs an early lead with a fierce hit from 25 yards.

3.03pm GMT

“There is a view,” says John Tumbridge, “that the only reason Ferguson was still employed at Everton was because no one had the courage to tell him to sling his hook.”

There’s a drone for that.

3.01pm GMT

Peep peep! It’s 3pm, which means the 3pm kick-offs have kicked off!

2.57pm GMT

“If teams are Star Trek line-ups,” begins Ian Copestake, “then Arsenal quite possibly provide the guys beamed down to the planet with Kirk that no one has seen before or will see again.”

That’s extremely harsh on André Clarindo dos Santos (born 8 March 1983), more commonly known as André Santos, is a Brazilian footballer who most recently played for Figueirense.

2.51pm GMT

Bundesliga It’s Borussia Monchengladbach 0-0 Bayern Munich after 20 minutes of the big game in Germany. Bayern have had most of the ball but neither side has had a shot on target, it says here. RB Leipzig, who are second, lead Hoffenheim 1-0.

2.45pm GMT

Premier League And here’s Andy Hunter’s report on Everton 3-1 Chelsea.

2.33pm GMT

La Liga Here’s more on Real Madrid’s comfortable with over Espanyol, which put them top of the table for at least the next few hours.

2.33pm GMT

“Gosh Rob, I’d be scared to tell van Dijk he was out of the line-up and I wonder if Jurgen Klopp feels the same,” says Hubert O’Hearn. “I’m sure VVD has his light and whimsical side, but from all I’ve seen – and this is my club, remember – if they were still making Star Trek movies and you needed an athlete to play a Klingon (as basketball’s James Worthy did) could you think of anyone better? ‘Prune juice. A warrior’s drink.’”

2.29pm GMT

Championship Leeds have gone top of the table with a 2-0 win at Huddersfield. Both goals were crackers - Ezgjan’s Alioski’s volley and a header from Pablo Hernandez to complete a lovely counter-attack.

2.25pm GMT

Premier League Everton have beaten Chelsea 3-1 in the early kick-off at Goodison Park. The infectious fervour of Duncan Ferguson made for a classic Goodison occasion; his celebrations alone were worth the ticket price, and I suspect Everton fans will be talking about this day for years. Not because they beat Chelsea, but because Big Dunc’s team beat Chelsea. Brilliant stuff.

2.17pm GMT

Liverpool’s packed schedule has forced Jurgen Klopp to embrace rotation in the last couple of weeks. For today’s game, Sadio Mane and Trent Alexander-Arnold are rested.

It’s notable, if unsurprising, that there is one player who is yet to be rotated. Virgil van Dijk has started Liverpool’s last 66 Premier League games. (I’m pretty sure that statistic is correct. If it’s not, deal wiv it.)

2.06pm GMT

Tottenham Hotspur v Burnley team news

Tottenham Hotspur (4-2-3-1) Gazzaniga; Aurier, Sanchez, Alderweireld, Vertonghen; Sissoko, Dier; Lucas Moura, Alli, Son; Kane.
Subs: Rose, Lo Celso, Sessegnon, Eriksen, Skipp, Whiteman, Parrott.

2.04pm GMT

Watford v Crystal Palace team news

Watford (4-2-2-2) Foster; Femenia, Kabasele, Cathcart, Masina; Doucoure, Capoue; Pereyra, Sarr; Deeney, Deulofeu.
Subs: Gomes, Mariappa, Chalobah, Gray, Hughes, Success, Foulquier.

2.03pm GMT

Bournemouth v Liverpool team news

AFC Bournemouth (4-4-2) Ramsdale; Francis, Mepham, Ake, Rico; Fraser, Lerma, Billing, Danjuma; Solanke, Callum Wilson.
Subs: Boruc, Gosling, Surman, Ibe, Lewis Cook, Stacey, Simpson.

2.00pm GMT

Championship Leeds, who started the day in second, lead Huddersfield 1-0 thanks to a sizzling volley from Ezgjan Alioski. There are just over 20 minutes remaining in that game.

1.59pm GMT

La Liga Real Madrid have beaten Espanyol 2-0 to go top of the table. Raphael Varane and Karim Benzema troubled the scorers.

1.54pm GMT

The leaders Liverpool will go 11 points clear, at least for the next 23 hours, if they win at Bournemouth. They famously lost 4-3 at the Vitality Stadium three seasons ago, having been 3-1 up, though that was in the slightly shambolic days before VAR - Virgil, Alisson and Robertson. On their last two trips to Bournemouth, Liverpool have won emphatically, 4-0 each time.

1.24pm GMT

Hello and welcome to coverage of another bumper afternoon of association soccer. There are only three 3pm kick offs in the Premier League, but there are plenty of other sources of the old entertainment. One of the more intriguing fixtures is in Germany, where the leaders Borussia Mönchengladbach host the champions Bayern Munich.

You can see a full list of fixtures here. We’re unable, in the absence of 482 hands, to focus on all of them. So these are our featured games this afternoon (all 3pm kick-offs unless stated, but you probably knew that anyway, and in truth we could have done without this parenthesis, especially as it’s starting to go on a bit. For heaven’s sake, it’s taken up more than half of this paragraph!).

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Published on December 07, 2019 09:17

December 3, 2019

Burnley 1-4 Manchester City: Premier League – as it happened

The champions were back to their best at Turf Moor, with Gabriel Jesus scoring twice in an emphatic victory

12.18am GMT

12.10am GMT

10.07pm GMT

Jamie Jackson has filed his match report, so I shall leave you with that. Thanks for your company - goodnight.

10.06pm GMT

Peep peep! Manchester City move to within eight points of Liverpool, at least for the next 24 hours, after a swaggering performance at Turf Moor. Gabriel Jesus scored two fine goals, the superb Rodri scorched a third and the substitute Riyad Mahrez added a fourth. It was close to peak City, although they will be annoyed that they again failed to keep a clean sheet.

10.02pm GMT

90 min Three minutes of added Prime.

10.01pm GMT

No clean sheet for City. The ball ricochets around the area and falls kindly for Robbie Brady, who slams it past the outrushing Ederson.

10.00pm GMT

Riyad Mahrez hadn’t settled for 3-0. He beats Mee with a stepover on the edge of the area and drives a low right-footed shot into the bottom corner. That’s another excellent goal. In fact, City have produced quite a portfolio tonight.

9.58pm GMT

86 min Hendrick is booked for a naughty lunge at David Silva.

9.57pm GMT

85 min Fernandinho is replaced by Eric Garcia.

9.57pm GMT

85 min Both teams have settled for this scoreline. Saying which, Angelino whistles a cross shot just wide of the far post.

9.55pm GMT

83 min “Decent win for City,” says Matt Dony. “Looks like they’re really taking control of the battle for third place #bantz”

You should banter responsibly.

9.52pm GMT

80 min Phil Foden comes on for the last 10 minutes. He replaces the majestic Kevin De Bruyne.

9.50pm GMT

77 min Mahrez’s imaginative pass/cross towards David Silva is headed behind by the stretching Tarkowski.

9.48pm GMT

76 min “I wish the person Jesus pretends to phone every time he bags a goal would hurry up and call him,” says Ian Copestake. “Like me, it’s getting seriously old.”

9.47pm GMT

75 min Another Burnley change: Robbie Brady replaces the ever impressive Dwight McNeil.

9.44pm GMT

OH. MY. WORD.

What a screamer from @ManCity's Rodri #PLonPrime pic.twitter.com/B8aPqxZXPQ

9.44pm GMT

72 min Riyad Mahrez replaces Raheem Sterling, who was a booking away from missing Saturday’s Manchester derby.

9.43pm GMT

70 min Rodri has had a fine game, perhaps his best for City.

9.42pm GMT

Rodri makes it 3-0 with a thumping finish. David Silva had a shot blocked by a Burnley defender, with the ball rebounding to Rodri just outside the D. He waited for it to sit up before cutting across a vicious first-time shot that beat Pope and flew into the top of the net.

9.41pm GMT

Pick that out.

9.38pm GMT

65 min Burnley have had a bit more of the game since reverting to 4-4-2. City still look very comfortable, mind.

9.36pm GMT

64 min “The only suspense left in this fixture,” says Mary Waltz, “is whether City can keep a clean sheet.”

It’s been a while – 26 October was their last.

9.34pm GMT

62 min A good header from Rodriguez finds McNeil, who galumphs down the left and hits a fine, deep cross that is headed behind by Angelino.

9.33pm GMT

61 min Rodri goes shoulder to shoulder with Barnes, who dives to win a free-kick. McNeil swings a decent effort on target from 25 yards that is comfortbaly saved by Emerson.

9.32pm GMT

60 min “Palace are 5th with 21 points,” says an anonymous emailer. “Add 12 points and they would only go up to third. Take away 12 and they’d be bottom.”

9.31pm GMT

59 min A double change for Burnley: Jay Rodriguez and Ashley Barnes replace Danny Drinkwater and Chris Wood.

9.31pm GMT

58 min De Bruyne drives high over the bar from 25 yards.

9.30pm GMT

57 min Walker’s shot deflects wide, and then Bernardo Silva’s cutback is cleared desperately. This could get very nasty for Burnley, such are the waves of City attacks.

9.27pm GMT

55 min City have been excellent tonight, especially Gabriel Jesus and the midfield three of Rodri, David Silva and Kevin De Bruyne. Burnley have struggled to lay a glove on them.

9.27pm GMT

In other news, Crystal Palace have gone fifth in the table after being Bournemouth 1-0 at Selhurst Park. Roy for England!

9.26pm GMT

53 min Gabriel Jesus comes this close to his hat-trick. He turned Tarkowski deliciously on the left side of the area, moved the ball onto his right foot and placed a curling shot just wide from a tight angle.

9.23pm GMT

Another fine goal from Gabriel Jesus gives City a deserved two-goal lead. They moved the ball around for ages before Bernardo Silva, on the right, whipped an inswinging cross towards the far post. Jesus got in front of Bardsley, six yards from goal, and adjusted his body smartly to slam a volley into the net via the post.

9.21pm GMT

49 min City have picked up where they left off, with the game being played almost exclusively in Burnley’s half.

9.19pm GMT

47 min “Hi again Rob,” says Simon McMahon. “I’ve just bought a 7-in-1 multi grooming kit and some chewing gum. It’s getting delivered yesterday, for free. All this, and football too. Jeff Bezos for President!”

If he wants my vote he needs to start selling time travel.

9.18pm GMT

46 min Peep peep! City begin the second half, kicking from left to right on the old Amazon Prime app.

9.05pm GMT

Half-time chit-chat

“‘The Sprawling Pope’” says Hubert O’Hearn. “How has this pub name not been taken?!?”

9.04pm GMT

Half-time reading

9.02pm GMT

Peep peep! City lead deservedly through Gabriel Jesus’s delicious curler. Burnley’s 4-2-3-1 system has not really worked, and I’m sure we’ll see Ashley Barnes in the second half.

9.01pm GMT

45 min David Silva has been the best player on the field. I thought, earlier in the year, that he was over the hill but he has played beautifully of late. In other news, McNeil’s volley in the 43rd-minute actually hit his team-mate Wood.

9.00pm GMT

44 min Burnley need half-time. At 1-0, they are still in the game. At 2-0, they are likely to suffer.

8.58pm GMT

43 min A chance at both ends! McNeil’s fierce volley was blocked by one of many City bodies in the six-yard box; City raced down the other end, where Bernardo Silva’s low shot was kicked away by Pope.

8.57pm GMT

40 min “Hiya Rob,” says Matthew Rodriguez. “With all the tech talk, any chance we will ever see the interface you guys use to upload your commentary?”

Of course. I’ve taken a quick selfie to give you an idea.

8.53pm GMT

38 min Burnley have their first attack in a while. McNeil’s excellent cross is headed behind by the stretching Walker. Hendrick swings it under the bar, where Drinkwater is penalised for manhandling Ederson.

8.51pm GMT

36 min De Bruyne’s deflected long-range shot is comfortably saved by the sprawling Pope.

8.50pm GMT

35 min Burnley haven’t had a kick since going behind.

8.48pm GMT

32 min: Great save from Pope! City moved the ball around for an age before Bernardo Silva released De Bruyne on the right of the area. He crossed low into the six-yard box, where Sterling and Jesus arrived almost simultaneously. Sterling got to the ball first and stabbed a shot that was crucially blocked by the outstretched leg of Pope.

8.47pm GMT

32 min “Evening Rob,” says Patrick Cullen. “I was going to try and make myself seem clever by pointing out where the Sparkle Motion quote comes from, but I think we’ve all seen Bonanza...”

8.46pm GMT

31 min City have looked more relaxed in possession since the goal. This is a dangerous spell for Burnley, who have struggled to get out of their half in the last few minutes.

8.44pm GMT

29 min “Evening Rob,” says Geoff Wignall. “Is it just me or have referees this season been more alert to Citeh’s penchant for the tactical foul and readier to award cards for it? I’ve no theories about any coincidental decline in performance.”

Let me just ask Cyril what I think.

8.42pm GMT

26 min City are unhappy with Tarkowski’s ball-and-man challenge on David Silva near the halfway line. He followed through into the side of Silva’s leg with a fair bit of force, though the officials saw nothing wrong. It has changed the mood at Turf Moor, though, with an affronted home crowd now making plenty of noise.

8.41pm GMT

25 min De Bruyne was down for a little while after a challenge from Cork during that City break. He seems to be fine now.

8.40pm GMT

Pieters crossed too close to Ederson and City were straight on the counter-attack. Eventually David Silva played a simple ball to Gabriel Jesus on the left wing. He moved into the area, used Bardsley as a screen and bent a glorious rising shot into the far corner. That was a classic finish, and Pope had no chance.

8.39pm GMT

What a beautiful goal!

8.37pm GMT

22 min City have had lots of the ball, with De Bruyne influential as ever, but they are yet to create a chance. I suspect Sean Dyche will be the happier manager just now.

8.33pm GMT

18 min Otamendi is warned by the referee Jon Moss after a foul on Wood. He looks a wee bit rattled by Wood’s fibrous approach.

8.32pm GMT

17 min Bardsley plays a speculative ball over the top for Wood, who is just beaten to it by Ederson. Good goalkeeping.

8.31pm GMT

17 min It’s been a pretty open start to the game. Burnley look like they can cause City problems, which hasn’t always been the case in this fixture.

8.30pm GMT

15 min Bernardo Silva is booked for a tactical foul on McNeil.

8.28pm GMT

12 min De Bruyne surges forward from the halfway line, moves the ball away from Mee and hits a low left-footed shot from 25 yards. It’s too close to Pope, who makes a comfortable save.

8.25pm GMT

11 min “So,” says Cromwell49, “Bournemouth game not worthy of minute-by-minute coverage, eh?”

You haven’t read the preamble, have you? Sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to Sparkle Motion.

8.25pm GMT

10 min Bernardo Silva cuts infield and hits a 20-yard shot that is blocked.

8.24pm GMT

9 min A long ball forward gives Wood the chance to manhandle Otamendi, who ends up on all fours in the City penalty area. Nothing comes of it but I doubt Otamendi will be relishing the next hoof forward.

8.23pm GMT

8 min “Where’s Hendrick playing, Rob?” asks Paul Neilan. He’s in the Pereira role, as a kind of defensive No10.

8.22pm GMT

7 min: JESUS HAS A GOAL DISALLOWED! He was offside. It would have been a lovely goal, mind. De Bruyne drove the corner to the edge of the box, where Angelino belted a volley towards goal. It was slightly off target and came to Jesus, who instinctively flicked the ball behind his standing leg and into the net. He was, alas, a long way offside.

8.21pm GMT

6 min Walker’s cross deflects off Pieters and onto the roof o fthe net. Pope had it covered but it’s a corner for City, the first of the match...

8.19pm GMT

4 min Jesus scoots into the area on the left, turns back inside Mee and is tackled by Tarkowski. No matter: he was offside.

8.18pm GMT

2 min City deal slightly uncomfortably with a couple of long punts forward.

8.15pm GMT

1 min Peep peep! Burnley, in claret and blue, kick off from left to right. City are in their black change strip.

8.14pm GMT

The players emerge from the tunnel. It’s a nice December night in Burnley. A little brisk. Burnley’s walk-on music is Wake Up by Arcade Fire, a gesture which makes the world a marginally better place.

8.09pm GMT

Proud moment for Mamadou Sakho as he becomes the first Premier League player sent off live on Amazon Prime.

8.07pm GMT

It’s almost time for the actual football to start. Shame, really, I was enjoying the build-up.

7.59pm GMT

“Hi Rob,” says Gary Naylor. “For Amazon’s first match, top left of the screen says ‘Cry Bou’ - which accurately sums up Mamadou Sakho’s night.”

In case you’re not a subscriber, Sakho has been sent off for an old-fashioned, thigh-high lunge at Adam Smith. You can follow that match, sort of, here.

7.47pm GMT

“Evening Rob,” says Simon McMahon. “I think today, Tuesday 3 December 2019, will be remembered as the day civilisation reached its peak. Streaming live football through an online global website, whilst at the same time buying a voice controlled smart device that enables me to buy more content from said retailer, and having it delivered by a drone at half time while putting up Christmas decorations and emailing the OBO through thought alone. Herbert Chapman and Stan Cullis would have been proud, don’t you think?”

Let me just ask my smart assistant, Cyril, what I should think.

7.20pm GMT

Ashley Barnes is only fit enough for the bench because of a groin problem, so Burnley have switched from 4-4-2 to 4-2-3-1.

Burnley (4-2-3-1) Pope; Bardsley, Tarkowski, Mee, Pieters; Cork, Drinkwater; Lennon, Hendrick, McNeil; Wood.
Substitutes: Hart, Lowton, Gibson, Brady, Barnes, Rodriguez, Vydra.

7.06pm GMT

The lights in the Manchester City dressing-room are not working, apparently. That all sounds very Beckiavellian.

No lights in the away dressing room?

We've got you covered, @ManCity

Join us for all the build-up: https://t.co/BSPd2aSoTV #PLonPrime pic.twitter.com/noE8SezQpJ

6.01pm GMT

Good evening and welcome to a brand new episode of Black Mirror. This one has a cracking synopsis: an American tech giant gets its paws on England’s most popular sport, and all manner of dystopian larks ensue. Well, possibly. We can only surmise the long-term impact of Amazon’s Premier League landgrab but it does feel like 3 December 2019 will eventually sit alongside 16 August 1992 as a landmark in TV coverage of football.

For now, the only thing we can say with certainty is that Amazon Prime will be showing 10 live Premier League matches across the next three evenings. Their all-streaming, all-dancing coverage begins with two games tonight: Crystal Palace v Bournemouth and Burnley v Manchester City. The Guardian pockets, alas, are not quite as chasmic as Jeff Bezos’s, so you’re stuck with just one MBM for the match at Turf Moor.

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Published on December 03, 2019 14:07

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