The Fiver | Time to do one apace to the Kerguelen Islands?

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Five more years. Five more years of that lot celebrating, grandstanding and hogging the news to such an extent that the only chance of escaping it all, and preserving what’s left of our sanity, is to source a wireless-free bunker in a less populous corner of the Kerguelen Islands. Yep, it’s a dark day for Everton and Manchester United fans, with the news that Jürgen Klopp has extended his contract at Liverpool until 2024. Klopp’s unique combination of heavy-metal football, infectious cackling, impressively low net-spend and official replica baseball caps has turned Liverpool into the best team in the world, a status that should be formally verified in Doha a week on Saturday.

Related: Jürgen Klopp signs Liverpool contract extension to 2024

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