Rob Smyth's Blog, page 114

The Fiver | The Less Obviously Nihilistic One

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How the mighty have fallen. Fifteen years ago today, Jose Mourinho delivered Chelsea’s first title in 50 years. He was the best manager in the world, adored by his players, with a roguish twinkle in his eye, a Clooneyish flash of grey in his hair and face muscles that still worked. Now he’s delivering vegetables. Sure, there’s a global pandemic and all that, but the Fiver is merely following the scien- sorry, stating the facts. In 2005, Mourinho was the best manager in the world. In 2020, he’s a grocer’s lackey, no better than David Moyes.

Related: Mourinho says talk of Premier League return offers 'light at end of tunnel'

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Cricket quiz: England in the 1990s

Who scored? Who misspoke? Who was ‘the prat without a hat’?

Which England batsman was the world’s leading Test runscorer in the 1990s?

Alec Stewart

Mike Atherton

Graham Gooch

Graham Thorpe

Devon Malcolm made South Africa history by taking 9/57 at the Oval in 1994. Who picked up the other wicket?

Phil DeFreitas

Joey Benjamin

Martin McCague

Darren Gough

The BBC cut away from the cricket just before Graham Gooch reached a triple-hundred against India at Lord’s in 1990. What were they showing instead?

John Craven’s Newsround

The World Equestrian Games

The EBF Sandwich Maiden Stakes from Ascot

The Six O’Clock News

Who took eight wickets on his debut but played only one more Test for England?

Peter Such

Neil Mallender

Joey Benjamin

Phil Newport

Who was the only England batsman to make a century on their Test debut in the 1990s?

Andrew Strauss

Mike Atherton

Nasser Hussain

Graham Thorpe

Who took the most Test wickets for England throughout the decade?

Angus Fraser

Darren Gough

Devon Malcolm

Andy Caddick

How many Ashes Tests did England win in the 1990s?

One

Three

Five

Seven

Zimbabwe’s Eddo Brandes took a hat-trick against England to complete a 3-0 ODI series win in 1996-97. What was his day job?

Pet food taster

Snake milker

Chicken farmer

Ostrich babysitter

Who scored the most Test runs against England in the 1990s?

Brian Lara

Steve Waugh

Gary Kirsten

Michael Slater

Mike Atherton got in trouble for having a go at a Pakistan journalist during the 1996 World Cup. What did Atherton call him?

Numpty

Pillock

Buffoon

Wand

Who was described as “the rat that joined the sinking ship” by the Australian media when he made his England debut during the 1993 Ashes?

Martin McCague

Alan Mullally

Craig White

Adam Hollioake

How did Simon Pack, the ECB International Teams Director, greet Duncan Fletcher when he arrived to be interviewed for the job of England coach in 1999?

Hello David

Hello Dav

Hello Bob

Hello Bumble

What was the highest UK chart position reached by Dave Stewart’s All Over the World, the official theme song of the 1999 World Cup?

31

49

97

It didn’t chart

Ian Botham missed the first half of England’s 1991-92 winter tour because he was starring in which pantomime?

Dick Whittington

Jack and the Beanstalk

Snow White

Aladdin

What unusual feat did Adam Hollioake achieve during England’s 3-0 ODI series win over Australia in 1997?

He hit the winning runs in every game

He pulled out two run-outs in every game

He hit Shane Warne for six in every game

He took a wicket with his first ball in every game

Graham Gooch’s immense 154 not out inspired a famous victory over West Indies at Headingley in 1991. What was the next highest individual score in that innings?

17

27

37

47

Who did the Sun christen “the prat without a hat” when he suffered sunstroke during England’s tour of the West Indies in 1993-94?

Alan Igglesden

Devon Malcolm

Phil Tufnell

Chris Lewis

2 and above.

You swung and you missed.

3 and above.

You swung and you missed.

4 and above.

You swung and you missed.

5 and above.

You swung and you missed.

6 and above.

You swung and you missed.

7 and above.

That's a decent innings.

8 and above.

That's a decent innings.

9 and above.

That's a decent innings.

10 and above.

That's a decent innings.

11 and above.

That's a great score.

12 and above.

That's a great score.

13 and above.

That's a great score.

14 and above.

A sensational score.

15 and above.

A sensational score.

17 and above.

A sensational score.

16 and above.

A sensational score.

0 and above.

You swung and you missed.

1 and above.

You swung and you missed.

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My favourite game: Van Gerwen v Van Barneveld, 2017 PDC World Championship | Rob Smyth

This was darts at its most compelling and brilliant, and from Van Gerwen came a display of genius under pressure

I have a few favourite games, probably about 20. Most are memorable for reasons of drama or partisan delight, but there are a couple that provided a different kind of euphoria: watching sheer mind‑blowing greatness. In that particular category, Michael van Gerwen’s 6-2 win over Raymond van Barneveld in the 2017 PDC World Championship semi-final falls slap bang in the middle of the bullseye.

Plenty of you will sneer, this being darts, and I hope you’ll accept my sincere pity for your unfortunate ignorance. To those who get darts, it is the most psychologically fascinating sport of all. None of the others require such surgical precision under constant, extreme pressure. It’s like a never-ending penalty shootout, only the drama is authentic rather than contrived. Oh, and the same two people are taking all the penalties.

Related: Oche computer: Darts at Home shows vital importance of bells and whistles

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Italy 3-2 Brazil: 1982 World Cup, second round Group C – as it happened

Paolo Rossi’s incredible hat-trick put Brazil out of the tournament in the greatest match in World Cup history

9.45pm BST

That’s it! Italy have put Brazil out of the World Cup. Their players are almost too exhausted to celebrate. They have given so much. Average at best in this tournament before this game, they’ve elevated themselves into the pantheon with a display that was staunch yet not a little sassy too.

Brazil, meanwhile... oh Brazil! The most popular team on the planet won’t be lifting the trophy, but they do leave Spain with one title: the best team never to win the World Cup. A few older folk in Hungary, Holland and, yes, back in Brazil will be breathing a sigh of relief for the first time in years.

9.45pm BST

90+1 min Eder has to move one of the advertising hoardings to make room to take the corner. He swings it right under the crossbar where Zoff, under considerable pressure, punches clear decisively. The old boy has been immense!

9.43pm BST

90 min Brazil now playing a freestyle 1-4-5 formation. They win another corner. This is like nothing you will ever see. Falcao, in an inside-right position, plays the ball into Leandro, who lofts a return pass into the area. Falcao’s flying volley is blocked by Graziani at the expense of a corner.

9.43pm BST

89 min: WHAT A SAVE BY ZOFF! They so nearly did equalise and put Italy out of the tournament. Eder was fouled on the left wing and curled the free-kick beyond the far post, where Oscar came round the back of a crowd of players to thump a header towards goal. Zoff plunged to his left to stop the ball and then, as it slipped from his grasp, grabbed it right on the line with Brazil appealing it had gone over. It hadn’t, and that might just be it for Brazil.

9.42pm BST

88 min: Italy have a goal wrongly disallowed!!! That should have been the end of Brazil’s World Cup. The tireless Antognoni started and finished the move, launching another counter-attack before putting Rossi free on the right-wing. Rossi ran into the area and slipped the ball back to Oriali, who played an angled pass across the area for Antognoni to ram home from six yards.

The flag went straight up, but replays show he was being played onside - probably by Junior and certainly by Oscar. That’s a terrible decision, and one we’ll never hear the end of if Brazil equalise in the last couple of minutes.

9.38pm BST

86 min A good couple of minutes for Italy, with Brazil struggling to get the ball. The tension is ridiculous.

9.37pm BST

84 min Eder plays a through ball towards Junior. Zoff charges outside his box to get there first and then completely shanks his clearance. Luckily for him it goes to Oriali. Moments later Isidoro’s cross flicks off the head of Gentile towards Socrates, whose goalbound half-volley is magnificently blocked on the six-yard line by Conti!

9.36pm BST

83 min Scirea goes on a ridiculous surge upfield for Italy and almost finds Rossi. Where’s he going?! There’s no catenaccio here, no bolting of the door; everyone is caught up in the mood of an astonishing match.

9.35pm BST

81 min For the first time in the tournament, Brazil are on the desperate side of urgent. The Samba beats are going at 78 rpm rather than the usual 45.

9.34pm BST

80 min: Socrates has a goal disallowed for offside! This game is almost too dramatic to function. Socrates ran on to Leandro’s through pass and went round Zoff – who admittedly had stopped playing after hearing the whistle – to score. There are no real complaints from Brazil. It’s hard to be certain if it was the right decision as the only replay is from a poor angle, although it does suggest he was probably offside.

9.32pm BST

79 min Oriali has his name taken for a foul on Eder. He has won that battle emphatically today. Eder strikes the resulting free-kick just wide from 35 yards, although Zoff had it covered.

9.31pm BST

78 min Brazil have already scored four equalisers in this tournament. Can they find yet another one to reach the semi-finals?

9.30pm BST

76 min Tardelli, who injured himself in the course of the greatest miskick of his life, has been replaced by Giampiero Marini of Internazionale.

9.29pm BST

This is unbelievable! Italy are in front again and Rossi has a hat-trick! They had been on their knees since Brazil’s equaliser and then they scored out of nothing.

It started when Antognoni’s deep cross was headed behind a little needlessly by Cerezo. Conti drove the corner towards the edge of the area, where Bergomi, Zico and Socrates all went up for the header. It came off Socrates’ head and dropped to Tardelli, who mishit a volley through a crowd of players that was turned in from four yards by Rossi.

9.27pm BST

74 min Junior finds the marauding Cerezo down the left, and his clipped cross is claimed at the second attempt by Zoff with Isidoro about to pounce.

9.25pm BST

72 min Zico teases Gentile on the right corner of the box, the mouse toying with the cat, before going past him and then Scirea. Bergomi comes across to make a vital clearance. Italy are hanging on desperately.

9.25pm BST

71 min Italy have been ragged since the goal, and Brazil could put them away with another quick one here. The hitherto faultless teenager Bergomi loses the ball to Eder, and for a second Brazil have two-on-one. But Eder tries to go alone and is superbly tackled by the last man Scirea, who then blocks Falcao’s follow-up shot.

9.25pm BST

70 min Isidoro is on, for Serginho as expected. It looks like Socrates is going to play a bit further forwards. Never mind 2-7-1; Brazil are now playing 2-8-0!

9.22pm BST

The best player in the 1982 World Cup may well have put Brazil into the semi-finals with an outstanding goal. Junior swaggered infield from the left, ignoring a challenge from Conti before stabbing an outside-of-the-foot pass to Falcao, just outside the box to the right of centre.

With Cerezo’s long swerving run on the outside distracting Tardelli, Scirea and Cabrini, Falcao had time to run into the D and spank a left-footed shot into the net. Zoff dived to his right but he was beaten for pace as much as anything.

9.20pm BST

67 min The right-winger Paolo Isidoro is about to come on for Brazil, presumably for Serginho, who has been better without the ball than with it.

9.19pm BST

66 min Talking of age… “Some players play on into their late 30s or so, and it’s easy to forget how old they are,” says Matt Dony. “Zoff isn’t like that. He wears his 40 years fairly clearly. I can’t imagine the effort involved in playing elite level sport at that kind of age. Although, to be fair, I’m not yet 1.”

9.18pm BST

65 min We call referees effs and cees often enough, so we should point out that the little Israeli Abraham Klein has been magnificent today. His performance is even more impressive given the 90-degree heat and Klein’s age: he’s 48!

9.17pm BST

64 min We may have said this before, but Brazil’s movement off the ball and awareness of opportunities for one-twos is awesome.

9.17pm BST

63 min Brazil have so many men forward, it’s ridiculous. Junior – the effing left back, their Kenny Sansom, their Frank Gray – is the main midfield conductor at the moment. Cerezo, on the edge of a packed area, plays the ball back to Junior and runs in behind Tardelli for the return. Junior lifts a golf shot over the top, but it’s a fraction too firm and Cerezo, sticking out his telescopic leg, can only volley into the side netting at the near post from a tight angle. Zoff had it covered.

9.15pm BST

62 min Graziani, who with his straggly hair and slightly clumsy gait has the air of a hapless movie bankrobber, is fouled by Oscar down the left. He has been a superb foil for Rossi in this game and has taken up some excellent positions on the counter-attack.

9.14pm BST

60 min Tardelli launches another dangerous counter-attack which eventually comes to nothing. Meanwhile here’s an urgent APB: WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING, STOP IT, THIS IS ONE OF THE GREAT WORLD CUP MATCHES. IF YOU ARE AT WORK, BUGGER WORK, GET UP, GO HOME OR TO THE NEAREST PUB OR RADIO RENTALS WINDOW IF THEY’RE STILL OPEN, THIS IS WORTH GETTING SACKED FOR.

9.13pm BST

59 min A better free-kick from Eder is very well held by Zoff. It was straight at him but dipped nastily at pace just in front of him, a very difficult ball to hold, especially as Serginho and Zico were on the sniff for a rebound.

9.12pm BST

58 min: BRAZIL SHOULD BE OUT OF THE WORLD CUP! Both sides could have scored in the space of a minute! First Brazil. Junior’s chipped ball into the area was not far enough in front of Cerezo for him to go for goal, so he cushioned a header towards Serginho. He challenged for the ball with Bergomi and, as it broke loose, improvised a backheel that was saved by the legs of Zoff.

Within 19 seconds, Rossi missed an unbelievable chance to complete his hat-trick and kill Brazil off. Graziani swerved away from Falcao down the left and, with defenders drawn towards him, crossed low towards Rossi at the far post. Rossi had an entire postal district to himself, eight yards from goal. Somehow he sliced his shot wide.

9.10pm BST

56 min This match is pulsating and entirely magnificent.

9.09pm BST

55 min: Zoff makes a brilliant save from Cerezo! That chance came out of nothing. Cerezo set off an imperious, leggy run from midfield, into the space vacated by Serginho’s clever off-the-ball run, while Zico protected the ball near the centre circle. Then Zico suddenly played a wonderful through pass which took four Italian players out of the game.

Zoff, sensing the danger, dragged his 40-year-old limbs kicking and screaming to the edge of his area at pace and blocked Cerezo’s first-time shot. Then delivered an impassioned bollocking to his defence.

9.08pm BST

54 min Leandro meanders forward from right-back and has a pop from 25 yards. It was a well struck, rising drive but straight at Zoff, who patted it down comfortably.

9.07pm BST

53 min Zico, tired of watching Eder clank free-kicks into the wall, has a go himself and curls a decent effort over the bar. Brazil have 37 minutes to score again or they are out.

9.06pm BST

52 min This game feels more clearly defined than ever: Brazil attack, Italy counter-attack. But actually it’s Italy who are looking more menacing just now. Rossi falls over in the box after a shoulder charge from Luizinho and the referee Klein waves him to his feet. That looks the right decision, although it was a risky challenge from Luizinho.

9.05pm BST

51 min Oriali wins the ball decisively from Eder, who has hardly had a kick apart from the free ones, and launches another Italian counter-attack. Conti plays the ball to Antognoni, runs onto a beautifully chipped return pass, comes inside Oscar on the left corner of the box … and then stabs a weary shot wide of the far post. In his defence he had run 60 yards. In Brazil’s defence ... there is no defence.

9.04pm BST

50 min Brazil have eight men forward in attack – eight – but Junior wafts a poor pass out of play. Their formation is usually listed as 4-4-1-1 or 4-2-2-2, but the full-backs play so far forward that in many ways it’s more like 2-7-1.

9.02pm BST

48 min We talk a lot about what Brazil do with the ball, not unreasonably, but their movement off the ball in this game has been outrageously good, particularly the late runs from midfield of Socrates and Falcao.

9.02pm BST

48 min “Scirea,” says John Foot, “is one of the best defenders ever.”

He’s easily the best sweeper since Beckenbauer, although there’s a Danish bloke at Anderlecht who’s also very good.

9.02pm BST

47 min: Gorgeous football again from Brazil! Falcao, just inside the Italy half to the right of centre, feeds an angled pass to Junior and sets off. Serginho and Zico drag the defenders the other way, allowing Junior to play a return pass into the area for Falcao, who bursts past Tardelli and then sidefoots just wide of the far post from a tightish angle.

Zoff may have had it covered but most credit goes to Scirea, the only man who didn’t buy Serginho’s and Zico’s off-the-ball runs and got across just in time to ensure Falcao had to take the shot under considerable pressure. That was outstanding defending.

8.59pm BST

46 min Peep peep! Italy kick off from left to right. It remains unthinkable, but Brazil are only 45 minutes away from going out of the World Cup.

8.47pm BST

“Hi Rob,” says Peter Oh. “Isn’t Socrates a doctor? He has scored one but he needs another one if he wants to tell the Italians to ‘take two of these and call me in the morning!’”

8.47pm BST

Nobody predicted this scoreline. But then nobody thought Italy were going to come out and play gorgeous football. They’re making quite a match of this. Quite a match indeed.

8.47pm BST

45+2 min A Junior corner from the left causes havoc and almost leads to an equaliser. One Italian defender headed it off the back of another at the near post, after which it deflected to Zico on the byline.

He improvised and lobbed over Zoff towards the far post, where it hit the under-pressure Serginho on the back before being hoofed to safety by Oriali. That’s the final touch of the half, an unbecomingly agricultural end to a stunning half of football.

8.46pm BST

45+1 min An Eder free-kick hits the wall for the 47th time today. This time it flattens Tardelli, smacking him straight in his sweat-soaked phizog.

8.45pm BST

45 min Graziani combines with Antognoni on the left, gets past a woolly challenge from Cerezo and is denied a simple chance by a vital lunging tackle from Oscar. For all the brilliance of Brazil’s attacking play, Italy have probably had the greater chances.

8.43pm BST

44 min Oriali introduces Socrates to an advertising hoarding – Caloi bicycles, since you asked – with a gentle shove. Socrates signals an elbow at Klein with mild irritation and then gets back to business.

8.42pm BST

43 min There have been some mighty performances in this half: Rossi, Zico, Falcao, Scirea, Antognoni, Cerezo (that shocking mistake aside) and Klein have been especially good.

8.42pm BST

42 min Zico becomes the first player to be undressed in a World Cup match. You don’t need me to tell you that Gentile is the man who disrobed him. He’s basically ripped Zico’s shirt in half!

Socrates’ through ball somehow found its way through to Zico, who managed to escape Gentile’s wandering hands just long enough to strike an off-balance shot that was beaten away by Zoff.

8.39pm BST

40 min A sweet move from Brazil, a languid relay run down the centre of the field involving Leandro, Cerezo, Junior (whose nominal position of left-back really is little more than a basis for negotiation) and Serginho, ends with Falcao’s first-time shot from the edge of the area being deflected wide. The resulting corner from Eder flashes right across the face of goal with Zoff flapping.

8.37pm BST

38 min It’s a steamy/sultry/bloody hot day in Barcelona, over 90 degrees, and most of the players’ kits have turned into wetsuits. Brazil have some particularly striking sweat patches dotted around their yellow tops.

8.35pm BST

36 min Rossi is flattened as he goes for a high ball with Luizinho. The referee Klein, like a father telling his weeping son it’s only a scratch, wanders over, pats him on the side and then lifts a wincing Rossi to his feet. He is so impressive, the best referee in the world, and it will be a scandal if he doesn’t get the final this time.

8.33pm BST

34 min Collovati is replaced by Giuseppe Bergomi, who is making his second appearance for Italy. He’s only 18, although he has one of the thicker moustaches you’ll ever see. He makes Norman Whiteside look like an actual teenager by comparison.

8.33pm BST

33 min Eder spanks the free-kick straight into the wall. A few seconds later, with Italy temporarily down to 10 men, Socrates almost grabs his second goal! Cerezo curled over a good cross from a deep, narrow position on the right which cleared a big posse of bodies around the penalty spot. Socrates, arriving late in space at the far post, headed spectacularly but straight at Zoff from 12 yards. That was a decent chance.

8.31pm BST

32 min Before the free-kick is taken, Collovati goes down in the area. There’s no suggestions of funny business – I don’t think there was anyone near him – but he’s struggling and the referee Abraham Klein has called for a stretcher.

8.30pm BST

31 min Gentile fouls Zico just outside the area on the right, a decision with which he’s not entirely enamoured. The two players shake hands as Zico gets to his feet.

8.28pm BST

29 min This game, eh. I thought Brazil were going to wipe the floor with Italy.

8.27pm BST

27 min The goal doesn’t seem to have affected Brazil one iota. They have picked up exactly where they left off, playing the same beach football we have seen in the last two weeks. Italy look dangerous, though, in a way they previously haven’t in this tournament. They certainly haven’t lived down to expectations. And Rossi, who came into this game without an international goal since 1979, has scored twice in the first half an hour.

8.25pm BST

What an appalling mistake from Cerezo! Italy are back in front! It all came from that Antognoni free-kick. Waldir Peres faffed around a bit and then threw the ball out to the right-back Leandro. He laid it square to Cerezo, 30 yards from the Brazil goal, and he knocked another lazy square pass towards a pocket of Brazilian players.

The problem was that they were loitering with all the urgency of civil servants in the tea room and had no idea the ball was coming. It also bisected them perfectly. Luizinho was trotting upfield, Falcao wasn’t expecting the pass and it was too late by the time Junior realised what day it was. He dived in; Rossi beat him to the ball, ran to the edge of the area and thrashed a shot straight through Waldir Peres.

8.24pm BST

24 min A bit of respite for Italy, with Tardelli fouled 25 yards from goal. Antognoni’s deflected free-kick loops gently into the arms of Waldir Peres.

8.22pm BST

22 min “Socrates has to be one of the coolest footballers ever, Rob,” says Simon McMahon. “I want to wear a headband and have a beard like his when I’m older (I’m ten and a half). Though my dad says he smokes like a chimney and also likes a drink, as well as being a ‘leftie’, and that I should aspire to be someone a bit more wholesome, like, say, Alan Hansen. But where’s the fun in that? Can you tell him, please.”

I’ll send my dad, who is well hard, round to tell him.

8.18pm BST

19 min Brazil are playing beautifully now, with this wonderful midfield pair of Cerezo and Falcao galloping forward at every opportunity. This looks a bit ominous for Italy.

8.16pm BST

17 min Falcao, inside his own half, plays the ball into Zico and keeps running. Zico holds off Gentile, turns to face him and plays a wonderful angled pass back towards Falcao, who had run off the back of Cabrini. With a better first touch he would have been through on Zoff, but the ball bobbled awkwardly and he was pushed wide.

Brazil have been so good at these long-range one-twos in the tournament, usually through Zico: Junior’s goal against Argentina, Socrates’ today and now Falcao’s chance. Forty seconds later, Cerezo’s teasing cross is headed further across the area by Falcao, and Serginho is just shaping to blooter a volley into orbit when Collovati stretches to head clear.

8.15pm BST

16 min There’s a cracking pace to this game. Brazil are dominating possession but Italy look very dangerous when they do they attack. “I’ve never known anything like it,” says the BBC summariser Bobby Charlton. “The most fantastic start to any World Cup match I’ve ever seen.” I say!

8.13pm BST

14 min: Gentile is out of the semi-final! He’s been booked for taking a shortcut through the back of Zico, and he won’t play on Thursday if Italy make the semis. Yellow cards are usually a bit of an event but you can’t really call this a surprise, can you? Gentile got away with maimage against Maradona the other day, but Abraham Klein has shown him a yellow card for his first bad tackle. The happiest man in the world might be Zbigniew Boniek: if Italy get through to the semi-final against Poland, Gentile will not be there to mark him.

8.12pm BST

What a beautiful equalising goal! This is a masterpiece of elegant simplicity. It involved just two players, Socrates and Zico. Socrates, just past the halfway line, slipped a straight pass into Zico and kept running. Zico, 25 yards out, ignored Gentile’s burgeoning plan to defile him with a majestic Cruyff turn and then stabbed a sudden, disguised pass for Socrates, down the side of the sweeper Scirea.

Socrates ran off Tardelli, past the slightly flat-footed Scirea, lit up a couple of Gauloises and then, from a tight angle, simply passed the ball in at the near post. Zoff will probably feel he should have done better but Socrates may have given him the eyes. And the whole thing was so smooth that, frankly, it feels wrong to dwell on any defensive inadequacies. That’s a fitting addition to Brazil’s absurd portfolio of goals in this tournament.

8.12pm BST

12 min Saying which...

8.11pm BST

12 min Conti, receiving a throw out from Zoff in a dangerous position on the edge of his own box, moves cockily away from Eder. That’s a reflection of the confidence with which Italy and Conti in particular have started.

8.10pm BST

11 min: OH, WHAT A MISS! The knives have been out for Serginho for most of this tournament, and a few more serrated ones will be unsheathed after this appalling miss. Socrates started the move with a crisp ball into Serginho, 35 yards out. He was dispossessed by a combination of Cabrini and Collovati - but then, in a whirl of collisions and cartoon clouds, Scirea’s attempted clearance hit Serginho and went to Zico, who played a simple pass to put Serginho through on goal.

He was 14 yards out, with just Zoff to beat – and he lummoxed a hopeless shot well wide of the far post. That was desperate. He attacked the ball with all the calmness and control of a teenage boy attacking his firs- well, never mind, let’s just say that his his hamfooted shot bobbled past the post. “The sort of miss that a Sunday morning player shouldn’t have been guilty of,” says the BBC commentator John Motson.

8.09pm BST

9 min Shambolic play from the left-back Junior gives Italy another chance. First he played a nonchalant pass down the left; it looked good but there was no Brazilian player within 20 yards; seconds later, after Brazil had regained possession, he was contemptuously dispossessed by Conti, who launched a counter-attack with a long pass by Rossi.

Leandro got there first but then haplessly miscontrolled it straight into the path of Rossi. He backheeled it to Graziani, who thrashed his 20-yard shot over the bar. That was pathetic defending from Brazil. The camera cuts to the Italy coach Enzo Bearzot, shouting desperately to his team. With his rimless sunglasses, stern visage and bright lilac shirt, he looks like the greatest nemesis Theo Kojak never had.

8.07pm BST

8 min Zico is fouled by Gentile, not far the last time, 30 yards from goal and a little to the left. This is first chance for Eder, whose preposterous free-kick against Argentina hit the bar and led to Zico’s opening goal. This time his run-up starts somewhere near La Rambla, and he hammers it straight into the wall.

8.06pm BST

7 min Zico tries to score straight from the kick-off. A lively conceit at the best of times, even more so against the great Dino Zoff. Zico miskicks and Zoff claims it somewhere near the corner flag.

8.06pm BST

6 min The last team to stir the beast by taking the lead against Brazil, poor old Scotland, were dismantled 4-1. The kick off has been delayed because an Italian fan has lobbed a firecracker into the Brazilian penalty area in celebration. The delay is over a minute until, with the camera lingering on the firecracker, a shoe appears from out of shot to hoof it straight back towards the Italian fans! Have some of that!

8.05pm BST

Precisely 60 seconds after that miss, Rossi has given Italy the lead! It was a beautifully worked goal. Bruno Conti circled lazily away from Cerezo near the halfway line, made 15 yards, swerved away from Eder’s token challenge and then swept a regal outside-of-the-foot crossfield pass to the onrushing Cabrini on the left.

He coaxed an excellent cross to the far post where Rossi, given far too much space between Luizinho and Junior, planted a decisive header back across Waldir Peres from six yards. Could we have a major shock on here? As things stand, Italy will be playing Poland in the semi-final!

8.04pm BST

4 min “So much of Brazil’s mythology has grown from their 1958 win,” sniffs Matt Dony. “And that was only because they didn’t face John Charles in the quarter finals. (In the end, some young Brazilian fella hogged the headlines in that match instead of Il Gigante Buono.) In memory of his time at Juve, I hope Italy pull this off. Can’t see it, though. The proverbial snowball’s chance against a beautiful Brazil side.”

8.04pm BST

4 min: What a chance for Paolo Rossi! A patient move from Italy ended with Antonio Cabrini lofting a fine pass down the left for Marco Tardelli, who fizzed a superb cut-back to Rossi, in a bit of space 12 yards out. He completely missed his kick, beaten by the pace of Tardelli’s cut-back, and then as he attempted a second go he fell on his backside after running into Toninho Cerezo.

He made a rare old mess of that chance. That’s Rossi tournament in miniature. We know he is a class act, but he is having a miserable time. His last goal for Italy was 1,118 days ago, and he looks so rusty after his two-year ban for his involvement in the Totonero betting scandal.

8.02pm BST

3 min It’s a very open start, this, at both ends. Whisper it, but Italy may have come to play.

8.01pm BST

2 min The good news for Zico is that he was passed fit to play today. The bad news for Zico is that he was passed fit to play today: he’s going to be marked by Claudio Gentile. For an attacker that invariably means pain in the post, and usually by special delivery.

8.00pm BST

1 min Peeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep peeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep! Brazil kick off from left to right to the distinctive peep of caxirolas that have been such a part of this tournament. The pitch markings look like they have been done by Jackson Pollock’s marginally more methodical brother. There are straight lines along one part, angled lines across another and little white circles dotted all around the pitch. It’s a seriously hot afternoon at the Sarrià Stadium in Barcelona, the kind we are contractually obliged to describe as either sultry or steamy.

7.59pm BST

Zico and Serginho look very relaxed as they wait to kick off. Wouldn’t you if you were playing in this team?

7.45pm BST

Team news You know what they say: if it’s perfect, don’t fix it: Brazil are unchanged from the team that humiliated Argentina 3-1 on this ground three days ago.

This is the fourth consecutive match in which they have named the same XI. It includes Roma’s Falcao, the only man on either side who plays his football overseas. Falcao wasn’t guaranteed a place a month ago but he has been the player of the tournament so far.

4.46pm BST

If today’s match were on a movie poster, the tagline might be: Brazil v Italy. Attack v defence. Jogo bonito v Catenaccio. Good v evil. Brazil are, depending on your preferred metaphor, playing football from the future or playing a different sport altogether. Of the 12 goals they have scored in four consecutive wins, nine have been genuine belters. They have soundtracked España 82 with the unfettered joy of samba beats. (Literally, as their fans give it plenty.) The world has fallen hopelessly in love, our hearts beating to every jazzy syncopation.

Italy have engaged one of the other senses. Thus far their clunking, ersatz form of catenaccio has stunk the place out. They were lucky to get through the group stage without winning a single game. And although they were better in beating Argentina 2-1 six days ago, only their third win in the last 15 games, would you believe, that victory was down to well-rationed counter-attacks and Claudio Gentile’s man-marking job on Diego Maradona – not so much a case of persistent fouling as occasional non-fouling. There has been no great attacking fluency. And yet, for all that, in two hours’ time, Italy could be in the semi-finals ahead of Brazil.

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Football quiz: when Blackburn won the Premier League 25 years ago

Who lifted the trophy? Who scored the goals? Who complained?

More quizzes: misses, photos, assists, managers and rants

Which sponsorship logo adorned Blackburn’s shirts that season?

Foster’s Export

McEwan’s Lager

Tennent's Super

Carlsberg Special Brew

Who missed the first eight months of the season with a broken leg, returned to score against Crystal Palace in April – and was then substituted after breaking his leg again?

David Batty

Mike Newell

Jason Wilcox

Kevin Gallacher

Blackburn beat Newcastle 1-0 in their last home game thanks to a spectacular performance from the goalkeeper Tim Flowers. Which word did he use repeatedly in a memorable, animated post-match interview?

Men

Bottle

Cojones

Tickedyboo

Who scored the BBC’s Goal of the Season against Blackburn at Ewood Park?

John Barnes

Matt Le Tissier

Mark Hughes

Guy Whittingham

Who was sent off after 72 seconds in the 1-1 draw at home to against Leeds?

Chris Sutton

David Batty

Jason Wilcox

Tim Flowers

Which Dutch international, who played at Italia 90, joined Blackburn on loan in March, played one game at West Ham and later called the town “poor and ugly”?

Hans Gillhaus

Wim Kieft

Richard Witschge

Johan Cruyff

Which future West Ham defender played alongside Colin Hendry at centre-half on the title-winning day at Anfield?

Ian Pearce

Tony Gale

Paul Warhurst

Henning Berg

Who, as club captain, was first to lift the Premier League trophy?

Colin Hendry

Alan Shearer

David Batty

Tim Sherwood

Complete the Alex Ferguson quote from April 1995: “Blackburn can only throw the league away now. We must hope they do a …”

Jana Novotna

Greg Norman

Jimmy White

Devon Loch

The SAS, Shearer and Sutton, scored 49 of Blackburn’s 80 league goals between them. Who was the next highest goalscorer with six?

Mark Atkins

Mike Newell

Stuart Ripley

Tim Sherwood

When Alan Shearer was too nervous to watch Manchester United’s televised game against Leeds in April, what did he do instead?

Give the garden fence an extra coat of creosote

Sit in the bath as long as the match remained 0-0

Listen to Radio One

Watch Tranmere v Middlesbrough on ITV

Which team were the top scorers in the Premier League in 1994-95?

Newcastle United

Manchester United

Nottingham Forest

Blackburn Rovers

8 and above.

You could have won it but ended up doing a Devon Loch

9 and above.

You could have won it but ended up doing a Devon Loch

6 and above.

You could have won it but ended up doing a Devon Loch

7 and above.

You could have won it but ended up doing a Devon Loch

5 and above.

You were in contention but ended up doing a Devon Loch

4 and above.

You were in contention but ended up doing a Devon Loch

3 and above.

Title winner? As if! You've been relegated

2 and above.

Title winner? As if! You've been relegated

1 and above.

Title winner? As if! You've been relegated

10 and above.

You could have won it but ended up doing a Devon Loch

11 and above.

You, like Tim Sherwood, are a champion

0 and above.

Title winner? As if! You've been relegated

12 and above.

You, like Tim Sherwood, are a champion

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The Fiver | There’s a bumper weekend of retro football entertainment ahead

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The Fiver’s got the weekend sorted. We’re tempted to go down to Westminster Bridge and stand gormlessly within two metres of as many people as possible, in accordance with new social distancing guidelines. But that would involve getting dressed, so we’ll probably stick to the usual routine of booze and football. Smarter readers may note that the lockdown hasn’t had much impact on The Fiver’s life. The only differences are that the football is old rather than LIVE!, and we’ve had to scale down from Premium to Value Tin. It’s a subtle palate cleanser: moreishly vile, with notes of Bonjela, turps, bleach and desperation, but at least we can afford it.

Related: Football quiz: England at Euro 96

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Football quiz: England at Euro 96

England reached the semi-finals but do you remember the details?

More quizzes: iconic photos, assists, English managers and rants

How many goals did Alan Shearer score in the tournament?

One

Three

Five

Seven

Of the players who did not make the Euro 96 squad, who made the most appearances under Terry Venables?

Peter Beardsley

Rob Lee

Rob Jones

Graeme Le Saux

Who captained England in the semi-final against Germany?

Alan Shearer

Tony Adams

Paul Ince

David Platt

Which player won his second England cap when he came on as substitute against Scotland?

Jamie Redknapp

Phil Neville

Robbie Fowler

Sol Campbell

Paul Gascoigne celebrated his spectacular goal against Scotland by putting himself in the dentist’s chair. Who was the first player to spray water into his mouth?

Alan Shearer

Steve McManaman

Teddy Sheringham

Jamie Redknapp

Which club had the most players in England’s 22-man squad?

Arsenal

Liverpool

Newcastle United

Tottenham Hotspur

Excluding penalty shootouts, how many times did England go behind during the tournament?

None

One

Two

Three

England beat Spain on penalties in the quarter-final without needing to take their fifth kick. But who would have taken it?

Teddy Sheringham

Robbie Fowler

Nick Barmby

Gareth Southgate

Four England players were included in Uefa’s 18-man Allstar squad: Seaman, Gascoigne, Shearer and who?

Tony Adams

Steve McManaman

Paul Ince

Darren Anderton

Which song knocked Three Lions off the top of the charts twice in the summer of 1996?

Forever Love, Gary Barlow

Ooh Aah… Just a Little Bit, Gina G

Killing Me Softly, The Fugees

Wannabe, The Spice Girls

1 and above.

Don't worry. It was a long time ago.

2 and above.

Don't worry. It was a long time ago.

3 and above.

Don't worry. It was a long time ago.

4 and above.

Don't worry. It was a long time ago.

5 and above.

Well played.

6 and above.

Well played.

7 and above.

You nearly made it – like Gazza's slide in the semi-final.

8 and above.

You nearly made it – like Gazza's slide in the semi-final.

9 and above.

You nearly made it – like Gazza's sliding effort in the semi-final.

0 and above.

Don't worry. It was a long time ago.

10 and above.

You aced it, like Germany.

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The Fiver | It’s almost time for the start of the EPL Festival of Self-Interest 2020!

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The Fiver must level with you: we’re getting a bit bored now. There are only so many times we can post pictures of our dinner on Social Media Disgrace Twitter, or retweet a message about Captain Tom Moore with an additional comment that hints at our own unassuming virtue. It’s just not the same without association football. FIVER BORED! WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! FIVER WANT JAKE HUMPHREY! FIVER WANT SUPER SUNDAY! FIVER WANT TWO HOURS’ POST-MATCH ANALYSIS OF BURNLEY 0-0 WATFORD! FIVER WANT THE PANEL TO CRACK ANOTHER ONE ABOUT CROUCHY BEING WELL TALL!

Related: Steven Gerrard brands SPFL's handling of season-ending vote 'absolute mess'

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England v West Germany at Italia '90 – as it happened

The BBC are replaying the World Cup semi-final in full online at 3pm BST on Sunday. Watch and read along with our retro MBM

4.06pm GMT

This is an edited extract from And Gazza Misses The Final, a collection of 22 minute-by-minute reports from classic World Cup matches written by Rob Smyth and Scott Murray. Scroll to the bottom to get started ...

4.05pm GMT

It’s not too trite to say that neither side really deserved to go out. England were the better side in normal time and West Germany in extra time. The Germans will go on to their third consecutive final, hoping to avenge their defeats in 1982 and 1986. England go into a third-place play-off with Italy on Saturday after a night of raw emotion and proud heartbreak that will live with us all for ever. Gazza has tears streaming down his reddened face as he salutes the England fans. Time to listen to ‘World in Motion’ on loop while drowning a million sweet sorrows.

4.03pm GMT

WADDLE MISSES AND ENGLAND ARE OUT! England 1–1 West Germany (3–4 pens) Waddle smashes his penalty inches over the bar – although such is its dramatic trajectory it soon looks like he’s missed by yards – and England’s dream is over. It’s the cruellest way to go out, particularly after such a wonderful performance. Many of us have never seen them play better. Waddle sinks to his knees, crestfallen. Matthäus breaks away from the German celebrations to help him to his feet, which is a nice touch from a truly world-class player. Bobby Robson smiles ruefully but also proudly, gently punching the air as if to say, ‘Bugger our luck.’ He knows how desperately close England were – not just to reaching the final but to winning the World Cup. Their campaign started farcically and ended glori­ously. Yes, okay, gloriously and farcically.

4.02pm GMT

THON SCORES! England 3–4 West Germany. England are on the brink now. Thon places another accurate penalty into the bottom-right corner. Shilton went the right way yet again but, again, got nowhere near it. It’ll be Waddle rather than Gascoigne, who is presumably too much of an emotional wreck to take a penalty, and if he doesn’t score England are out.

4.01pm GMT

PEARCE MISSES! England 3–3 West Germany. Oh no. Stuart Pearce, so reliable from the spot for Nottingham Forest, has had his kick saved by Illgner. In truth it wasn’t a great penalty, blasted almost straight down the middle but low enough so that, even though Illgner had dived to his right, he was able to save it with his feet.

4.01pm GMT

RIEDLE SCORES! England 3–3 West Germany. Again Shilton goes the right way and again he’s nowhere near saving it. In fact, it seems he’s waiting to see where the kick is going before he dives. That’s a dodgy tactic because the German penalties are so accurate. That one, from Riedle, was whipped high into the right of the net.

4.00pm GMT

PLATT SCORES! England 3–2 West Germany. That was a bit close for comfort. Platt sidefooted it to his left but it was at a saveable height and Illgner managed to get fingertips on it. Thankfully for England it was far enough out of his reach that he couldn’t get a full hand on it and he could only help it into the net. Platt trots back to the halfway line with the nervous smile of a man who has avoided a firing squad.

4.00pm GMT

MATTHAUS SCORES! England 2–2 West Germany. You don’t save those. Matthäus booms a frighteningly certain penalty low to Shilton’s right. Shilton went the right way again but was getting nowhere near that.

3.59pm GMT

BEARDSLEY SCORES! England 2–1 West Germany. Beardsley shuffles forward a little nervously then takes another excellent penalty, high to his right. Illgner went the right way but couldn’t get near it.

3.58pm GMT

BREHME SCORES! England 1–1 West Germany. An even better penalty, placed carefully into the bottom-left corner with his right foot. Shilton dived the right way but it was a wonder­fully accurate penalty, right into the side-netting. When Brehme took a penalty at the 1986 World Cup he used his left foot. You can’t get much more two-footed than that.

3.58pm GMT

LINEKER SCORES! England 1–0 West Germany. Did you expect anything else? Lineker drills it confidently into the left side of the net as Illgner dives the other way.

3.57pm GMT

Before Sunday’s game against Cameroon, England had not had a penalty for four years. Now they will have taken at least seven in four days. There are 17 years between the goalkeepers: Peter Shilton, 40, and Bodo Illgner, 23. Illgner will be first in action because England are going to kick first. It’ll be Lineker, in fact.

3.54pm GMT

With England hanging on for dear life, the referee blows five seconds early. So England are into virgin territory: a penalty shoot-out. Both sets of players embrace warmly. This has been a cracking game and there’s a general recognition that neither side deserves to lose. The mutual respect is quite moving.

3.52pm GMT

118 min: NOW BUCHWALD HITS THE POST! Can you take any more of this? Germany were so close to winning the match there. Riedle broke forward from the halfway line and played the ball to the right of the box for Matthäus, who came inside and had his left-footed shot blocked by Pearce. It broke to Buchwald – the bloody centre-back – who controlled it calmly 20 yards from goal and then, using Steven as a screen, placed a lovely curler to the left of Shilton that bounced up on to the outside of the post! Unbelievable stuff.

3.52pm GMT

117 min: The corner comes to nothing and Germany break dan­gerously. Augenthaler drills a superb 40-yard pass to Klinsmann, who heads it beyond the last man Walker and, for a moment, looks like he has him beaten for pace. Don’t be silly. Walker catches him up on the right of the box, stays on his feet and makes a superb interception. He has been simply majestic.

3.51pm GMT

116 min: John Motson says that Bobby Robson told him this afternoon that the five penalty takers, if needed, would be Lineker, Beardsley, Gascoigne, Pearce and Platt. We almost didn’t need them because Illgner fumbled Steven’s cross from the left awkwardly over his own bar for a corner.

3.50pm GMT

115 min: England are starting to look tired now. Brehme, a man with two right feet, zips infield from the left and plays a one-two with Riedle before spanking a vicious right-footed shot just over the bar from 20 yards. Shilton had it covered but it came right off the sweet spot.

3.50pm GMT

114 min: GOOD SAVE FROM SHILTON! Thon has far too much space to take possession on the edge of the D and shape a lovely right-footed curler towards the far post. Shilton springs a long way to his left to catch the ball – a slightly showy save but still a good one.

3.47pm GMT

113 min: It’s credit to Platt and Gascoigne in particular that Matthäus has been so quiet as an attacking force tonight. He has had his hands full defensively.

3.47pm GMT

Level was offside in 1990. Even so this (after 116m) could easily have been given: http://t.co/YUuiq0GWrV

3.46pm GMT

112 min Platt, arriving late in the box, leaps almost backwards to head Parker’s flat cross over the bar from the penalty spot.

3.45pm GMT

111 min: PLATT HAS A GOAL DISALLOWED! From the resulting free-kick, swung in by Waddle, Platt flicked a smart header past Illgner but he had been flagged offside a split-second earlier. There are no complaints but that was seriously tight. The Germans pushed up but Berthold stayed a bit deeper and was so close to playing Platt onside. He was level at worst, as was Gascoigne further across the line. Platt was fractionally onside and Gascoigne fractionally off. So it’s the right decision but it was painfully close.

3.44pm GMT

110 min: Gascoigne shields the ball down the right wing and Brehme simply boots him up in the air from behind. That’s an appalling tackle – much worse than Gascoigne’s on Berthold – and he is rightly booked. Brehme and Gascoigne shake hands and pat each other on the head. There’s been a huge amount of goodwill in this game. You have to admire Gascoigne’s response to that yellow card. If anything it’s given him a second wind.

3.43pm GMT

109 min: Riedle nutmegs Walker down the left and toe-bungs a dangerous cross towards Klinsmann. Gascoigne, running towards his own goal at the near post, just manages to divert the ball away from Klinsmann.

3.41pm GMT

107 min: England have switched their wingers so that they are playing on the ‘wrong’ side: Steven on the left and Waddle on the right. Steven plays a beautiful pass on the turn down the left but Pearce is fractionally offside.

3.40pm GMT

106 min: England kick off the second period of extra time. Fifteen minutes without a goal and England will be involved in their first-ever penalty shoot-out. West Germany have had three: they lost in the final of Euro 76 but won matches at the World Cup in 1982 and 1986.

3.39pm GMT

Who needs a drink?

3.39pm GMT

105 min: WADDLE HITS THE POST! England come within an inch of going ahead with the last kick of the half. When Steven’s cross from the left was partially cleared, the same man leapt above Berthold to head it back towards the area. It came to Waddle, 12 yards out on the left side of the box, and he smacked a brilliant first-time shot across Illgner and flush off the inside of the far post. That’s desperately unlucky – not least because Platt was within a whisker of putting the rebound in, but it flew off the post so quickly that he couldn’t react in time.

3.36pm GMT

103 min: After that initial wobble, Gascoigne has managed to refocus and is doing some diligent defensive work.

3.34pm GMT

101 min: Thon, 25 yards out, swooshes a very good shot not too far wide of the near post. West Germany have been much the better side in this half.

3.33pm GMT

A different angle on Gazza's booking (1h7m into the video). He goes through 472 different emotions in 20 seconds. http://t.co/JVSEoIEvZF

3.32pm GMT

100 min: . . . AND GAZZA MISSES THE FINAL. England have to get there first, of course, but if they do, Gascoigne will not feature against Argentina on Sunday. This is horrible. He is on the cusp of tears and the proud English tradition of the stiff upper lip is taking a serious hit: Gazza’s is wobbling all over the place. Lineker says something to Gascoigne and then pulls his Grave Face before saying ‘Have a word with him’ to the bench. That is just too cruel. It does rather seem that the West Germans got him booked, which is a desperate shame because this game has otherwise been played in an incredibly good spirit. Poor old Gazza. He has been the star of England’s tournament and now his whole world has collapsed. It’s not just Gazza, either; English football has just had its heart broken into a million tiny pieces.

3.32pm GMT

99 min: HOLD ON . . . THERE COULD BE TROUBLE HERE . . . Gascoigne overruns the ball in midfield and then lunges with typically naive enthusiasm at Berthold. It’s a clear foul but does not merit Berthold’s reaction – 77 rollovers – or that of the rest of the German camp, who are all at the referee, both on the field and from the bench. Gascoigne, realizing the implications, put both hands up in apology like a kid who has used that whoopee cushion on his teacher once too often and will never do it again I promise but please don’t punish me this time. He immediately goes to apologize to Berthold. It looks like he’s got away with it, for ten seconds at least, but then, with Hitchcockian suddenness, out comes the card . . .

3.31pm GMT

97 min: England are rocking. Beardsley gives the ball away cheaply on the halfway line and, seconds later, Walker just gets in front of Riedle at the near post to put Brehme’s cross out for a corner.

3.30pm GMT

96 min: KLINSMANN MISSES ANOTHER CHANCE! West Germany could easily be ahead. Wright came deep with Klinsmann to try to win possession and, as he followed the ball, Klinsmann kept running into the space behind. The ball came to the sweeper Augenthaler, who flipped an inviting angled pass over the top. Klinsmann was free, 12 yards from goal and in line with the left-hand post, but he screwed his left-footed volley across goal and just wide. It was a harder chance than it looked because the pass was coming almost over his shoulder and there was no pace on the ball, but again a player of his class should surely have done better.

3.28pm GMT

95 min: GREAT SAVE FROM SHILTON! Shilton has had scarcely anything to do all night but now produces a superb save from Klinsmann. West Germany moved the ball slowly, all the way across the field from right to left, with Thon eventually shifting it down the line to Brehme. He curled over a wonderful first-time cross and Klinsmann, towering above Walker on the six-yard line, thumped a downward header towards goal. Shilton plunged to his right to make a superb reaction stop with both hands. It wasn’t right in the corner, and someone as good in the air as Klinsmann might feel he should have done better, but it was a brilliant save. That mistake against Uruguay just before the tournament seems a long, long time ago.

3.26pm GMT

93 min Pearce wins the first corner of extra-time. It’s swung in by Gascoigne and nicks off the head of a defender at the near post, but the stretching Wright can only loop the ball up in the air for Illgner to claim easily.

3.25pm GMT

92 min: A bit of danger for England as West Germany break two on two. Klinsmann runs into the box but is superbly tackled by Walker. He really is imperious.

3.23pm GMT

91 min: West Germany kick off from left to right. England haven’t used their final substitution.

3.19pm GMT

Bobby Robson is wandering round rallying the troops and giving tactical instructions to Parker; Waddle and Bull are having a laugh about something. England look pretty relaxed. ‘We’ve got another half-hour and we might have penalties,’ says Des Lynam. ‘Are you ready for this?’

3.16pm GMT

How’s your ticker? For the third game in a row, England are going to extra time – the first time that has ever happened in any World Cup. It’s the least they deserve after a fine, sophisticated performance, their best of the tournament by a mile.

3.14pm GMT

89 min: England are passing the ball around at the back and both sides look happy to take extra time now. That’s all well and good for them but some of us planned to watch M*A*S*H on BBC2 at nine.

3.12pm GMT

87 min: A little bit of West German pressure, with an extended series of throw-ins on the right wing, but England defend them comfortably enough. Walker and Wright have been outstanding.

3.10pm GMT

85 min: Beardsley is still on, the plan to introduce Bull having been aborted after the goal.

3.09pm GMT

84 min: Gascoigne nails a glorious 60-yard crossfield pass to Lineker, who is just about to put the ball back in the box when Platt is penalized for some off-the-ball tomfoolery

3.09pm GMT

83 min: That’s Lineker’s tenth World Cup goal: four this year and six in 1986. What a gem. He started this tournament slowly but has looked really sharp tonight and he took that beautifully. It was a more difficult chance than it looked.

3.07pm GMT

England have saved themselves in the last ten minutes again! Parker swung over a long cross towards Lineker from near the halfway line on the right. It hit the thigh of Kohler, who was running towards his own goal, and as it bounced up Lineker kneed it away from Augenthaler and Berthold before cracking an excellent left-footed shot across goal and into the far corner. The Germans had too many cooks in the box but it was clinical finishing. On the bench Bobby Robson reclines in his seat while wearing the most beautiful smile: warm, benign and extremely proud.

3.06pm GMT

79 min: The tireless Parker runs Brehme down the right to win a corner. It’s tossed deep by Beardsley and Wright’s looping header is comfortably saved by Illgner. Bobby Robson is about to roll the dice for the last time: Steve Bull is preparing to come on, presum­ably for Beardsley.

3.02pm GMT

75 min: The game is meandering a bit. England are doing okay but West Germany look reasonably comfortable.

2.57pm GMT

71 min: Pearce goes on a barnstorming, leggy surge from the halfway line, all the way to the edge of the box where he falls over after a double challenge from Berthold and Augenthaler. It looked like Berthold got something on the ball but the referee gives the free-kick, 20 yards from goal. This is a great opportunity for Gascoigne – but in fact Waddle lays it square to Beardsley, whose shot is blocked desperately by Matthäus. Before the kick was taken, Trevor Steven came on to replace Butcher, so England are back to 4-4-2.

2.55pm GMT

69 min: HOW IS THAT NOT A PENALTY? England are des­perately unlucky here. Waddle, on the left of the box, draws the tackle from Augenthaler with a swing of the hips and then shifts the ball to his left just before Augenthaler takes him down. That is a clear penalty but the referee waves play on. In his defence, nobody appealed – Waddle just got straight up with that hangdog gait – and on first viewing it was hard to be certain it was a penalty. But when you see the replays there is no doubt whatsoever.

2.53pm GMT

68 min Waddle makes a lovely angled run behind the defence but Gascoigne overhits his through ball this much and that allows the last man Kohler to come across and concede a corner. Kohler has been fantastic tonight.

2.53pm GMT

67 min: West Germany make their second substitution: Stefan Reuter replaces Hässler, who hasn’t recovered from the tackle from Pearce that led to Brehme’s goal. Reuter is normally a right wing-back but he has gone straight into midfield.

2.52pm GMT

65 min: You have to admire the spirit England have shown since going behind. No sulking or feeling sorry for themselves after such an unfortunate goal; just a quiet determination to get an equalizer. Gascoigne swerves away from Augenthaler on the edge of the area and is baulked. He is so good at taking defend­ers out of the game in the middle of the pitch, a rare quality indeed among midfield players. The free-kick hits the wall and moments later Parker clatters Buchwald, bringing the first yellow card of the game.

2.49pm GMT

63 min: WHAT A CHANCE FOR ENGLAND! That was des­perately close to an equalizer. After he was fouled on the left, Gascoigne swung in a superb free-kick and Pearce, getting in front of Riedle at the near post, flicked a backheader across goal and just wide of the far post with Illgner motionless.

2.48pm GMT

62 min: Matthäus moves away from Butcher far too easily and charges to within 25 yards of Shilton before shooting across goal and well wide. England just need to keep their nerve and make sure they don’t go two down because if they do it’s over.

2.48pm GMT

61 min: Is Shilton at fault for the goal? Difficult to know. His feet didn’t move quite as quickly as they might but it was a horrible and unexpected deflection.

2.45pm GMT

It had been coming but England are desperately unlucky with the manner of this goal. Pearce fouled Hässler 22 yards from goal, to the right of centre. The free-kick was touched off to Brehme, whose shot took a vicious deflection off Parker before looping high in the air and agonizingly over the stranded Shilton, who couldn’t back-pedal quickly enough and ended up helping it into the net as he fell backwards.

2.44pm GMT

58 min: A lucky escape for England. Matthus goes on a trade­mark robotic charge down the left wing, away from Waddle, Gascoigne and Walker, but when he gets into the box he slips over just as he is about to pick out a cross. ‘England are under siege now,’ says John Motson.

2.43pm GMT

57 min West Germany are really turning the screw. Matthäus lays the ball back invitingly for Thon, who drags a 25-yard shot well wide of the near post.

2.42pm GMT

56 min: Lineker is flattened by Kohler, who then picks him up and pats his sweaty head. There’s been a lot of that in a match that has been played in a really good spirit.

2.40pm GMT

54 min: This game is extremely open at the moment – too open – and Wright makes a really important block from Riedle on the edge of the box.

2.38pm GMT

53 min: England win a corner – and almost concede a goal within 20 seconds. After Pearce miscontrolled the ball 35 yards from goal, West Germany broke in a flash. Walker tackled Klinsmann but the ball came to Thon, who ran 25 yards into the box before shifting the ball to the left of the last man Parker and hitting a shot that Shilton had to beat away to his left.

2.34pm GMT

49 min A good move from England. Waddle, on the right wing, flips a superb first-time return pass over the top for the onrushing Parker. He gets beyond Brehme and into the box, but his touch is a little heavy and Augenthaler comes across to clear.

2.33pm GMT

48 min: West Germany have started this half as they finished the first and are having a lot of the ball.

2.32pm GMT

47 min: Matthäus plays a dangerous one-two with Riedle before breaking into the box but four England defenders manage to crowd him out.

2.31pm GMT

46 min: West Germany kick off from right to left.

2.18pm GMT

Half-time chit-chat. The BBC boys are full of praise for Walker, with Terry Venables describing him as ‘unbeatable’. That’s what they sing. Jimmy Hill, channelling William Morris, says it’s ‘a pleasure to see an England team give such a display in the arts and crafts of the game’.

2.16pm GMT

HALF TIME: England 0–0 West Germany. After a few hairy minutes, England get the breather they need and deserve for a superb first-half performance: controlled, mature and rousing. There weren’t any clear-cut chances for either side but it’s been a very good game.

2.12pm GMT

42 min: GET BEHIND THE SOFA. IT’S HAPPENING! West Germany are suddenly all over England, having their best spell of the game by a mile. A sustained spell of high-tempo pos­session in the England half ends with Buchwald failing to win a free-kick on the edge of the area. England are hanging on and could really do with half time.

2.10pm GMT

41 min: West Germany’s best chance yet. They win a free-kick 25 yards out, left of centre, and while everyone is expecting a shot Brehme instead lays it square to Augenthaler. He cuts across a very good, swooshing right-footed strike and Shilton has to move smartly to his right to tip it over two-handed, falling off his feet in the process.

2.09pm GMT

39 min: Riedle replaces Völler, who is being helped down the touchline. He must be doubtful for Sunday’s final when, sorry, if West Germany get there. What a tournament he has had: sent off for being flobbed on in the second round, suspended for the quarter-final, now injured in the semi.

2.08pm GMT

38 min A patient West German move ends with Hassler finding Thon 25 yards out. He dummies Platt and then crunches a good left-footed shot that Shilton saves comfortably despite a potentially awkward bounce just in front of him.

2.07pm GMT

36 min Völler is still down and Karl-Heinz Riedle is getting ready. Völler barely got a kick from Walker, who has been immense. Again.

2.04pm GMT

34 min: CHRIS WADDLE HITS THE BAR FROM 45 YARDS! It wouldn’t have counted, as the referee had blown for a foul by Platt a split-second earlier, but that was an incred­ible effort. The ball broke loose off Augenthaler and Waddle lofted it first time towards goal, a golf shot really, and Illgner had to jump backwards to tip it on to the bar. That was reminis­cent of Pelé in 1970 but this time it was a bloody Englishman doing it.

2.03pm GMT

33 min Völler may have to go off here: he deliberately kicked the ball out of play and immediately waved to the physio. It looks like he’s pulled something in the back of his leg.

2.00pm GMT

30 min: That was a bit of a scare for England. Völler ran down the right-hand side of the box on to an angled pass from the sweeper Augenthaler. Shilton came to meet him unnecessarily and Völler moved away from him before Gascoigne came round to block his cross. That was an important interception because Shilton was out of the game.

1.58pm GMT

28 min: Platt and Gascoigne play a classy one-two on the halfway line, and Platt keeps running into the space down the left wing, all the way into the area before trying and failing to take on Augenthaler. He should have looked for Waddle or Lineker but that was a rare bit of immaturity from a player who has been one of the surprise joys of this tournament.

1.57pm GMT

27 min: Terry Butcher does a backheel! We’ve seen everything now. Butcher, in the centre circle, backheels the ball to Gascoigne and then swans off back to his position with the studied indiffer­ence of a man who has just saved the world but, honestly, it’s no biggie.

1.54pm GMT

24 min: Another good effort from Gascoigne. Waddle’s free-kick from the right is headed clear by Klinsmann; it comes to Gascoigne, who controls the ball on his chest 22 yards from goal and then lashes the bouncing ball towards goal. It was a sweet strike but straight at Illgner, who held on.

1.54pm GMT

23 min John Motson reminds us that there are three England players who will miss the match if they get booked tonight: Pearce, Gascoigne and McMahon. West Germany also have three on a yellow card: Berthold, Matthaus and Klinsmann. Argentina will be without four players in Sunday’s final because of cards they received last night.

1.49pm GMT

19 min: Lineker’s movement and link play have been really smart. He shifts the ball away from Kohler on the left and hammers over a deep cross towards Parker of all people, and he heads wide under pressure. The BBC co-commentator Trevor Brooking says this is ‘easily England’s best start’ of the tournament.

1.47pm GMT

17 min: A delightful move from England. Platt, with six West German defenders surrounding him, waits and waits and then plays a smart pass in behind the defence for the onrushing Pearce. He hits a first-time cross towards Lineker at the near post and Kohler slides in desperately to concede a corner. A great tackle, and lovely stuff from England.

1.45pm GMT

15 min: Gazza cockily Cruyff-turns away from Klinsmann on the halfway line. He has been very confident and influential so far, more so than Matthäus. This really is his stage.

1.42pm GMT

12 min: West Germany have their first half-chance. Hässler, a mischievous little player, dupes Butcher on the edge of the box before hitting a left-footed shot that spins off Pearce and not too far wide of the far post.

1.41pm GMT

11 min: ‘England are playing some tidy football,’ exclaims the BBC’s John Motson, shocked by a display of incontrovertible Anglo-competence.

1.40pm GMT

10 min: Another decent opening for England. Beardsley breaks the offside trap on the right wing but, with only Lineker in support, he shanks his cross wide of the near post.

1.38pm GMT

8 min West Germany haven’t got into this game at all as an attacking force yet. Walker and Wright are jockstrap-tight on Voller and Klinsmann.

1.35pm GMT

5 min: Difficult to know how to break this to you, but England have started brilliantly. Lineker lays a loose ball off to Gascoigne, who shimmies smartly inside Augenthaler on the edge of the box before his thumping left-footed shot is well blocked by Kohler.

1.33pm GMT

3 min: Butcher, rather than Wright, is playing as the spare man at the back. Perhaps they don’t trust his legs in a one-on-one against these two quick West German forwards. Walker is taking Völler and Wright is on Klinsmann.

1.32pm GMT

2 min: WHAT A START FROM ENGLAND! England come storming out of the traps and Lineker wins a corner on the right inside 15 seconds. It’s taken by Beardsley and half-cleared to the edge of the box, where Gascoigne hooks the bouncing ball back whence it came with his left foot. It’s a beautiful effort and, although it’s swerving just wide of the near post, Illgner leaps to his left to palm it behind. That leads to a second corner, which leads to a third. That leads to nothing but England almost get in again thirty seconds later when Beardsley, played onside by Buchwald, breaks into the box from the left. He has Lineker and Waddle in support but tries to take on Buchwald, who dispos­sesses him well. Rousing stuff from England.

1.29pm GMT

1 min: England kick off from right to left. They are in white; West Germany are in their funky epilepsy-inducing green away kit.

1.27pm GMT

Anthemwatch: The England fans boo the West German anthem. For heaven’s sake, you bastards. Gascoigne, who has had some absurd criticism from humourless clowns for sticking his tongue out during the anthem, settles for just easing the tip out and smiling gently.

1.25pm GMT

The players are in the tunnel. Wright has a big plaster on his left eye; it’s a right mess, like someone applied it while blindfolded and high on Hofmeister. Waddle has chopped off his mullet (insert your own Samson joke here). Gascoigne gives Beardsley a kiss on the right cheek. This is just another game in the park to him, isn’t it? He has spent the last month taking the piss out of everyone, from Ronald Koeman to Mark Goodier on Top of the Pops, so why should this faze him? West Germany look calm, businesslike and other German clichés. This really is just another game for them, their eighth semi-final out of nine attempts in the last 20 years. You probably don’t need me to tell you how many England have been in during that time. Clue: it’s less than one.

1.14pm GMT

Back in the studio, homoerotic comedy duo Terry Venables and Jimmy Hill shake hands before saying a word. Let’s give it two minutes before they disagree over something. They make for great TV. Alongside them, Bryan Robson exudes the impo­tent frustration of a man looking in on his own party. Hill says he is ‘frightened out of my life’. He’s not the only one.

1.03pm GMT

Build-up: The BBC – don’t say you’re watching it on ITV, you’ll have missed Pavarotti for a start – begin their coverage with an obvious but neat montage contrasting the classes of 1966 and 1990. The highlight is Bobby Robson shaking his head back and forth in utter confusion, like a man contemplating the promise of a night of unbridled lust with Cindy Crawford, as he considers the possibility of winning the World Cup: ‘Well . . . I’ve been in the game now 40 years . . . it would be lovely to . . . To win the . . . the biggest prize the game had to offer, the world championship.’ What a lovely man he is.

12.58pm GMT

Bobby Robson said that ‘4–4–2 saved us’ against Cameroon on Sunday but while that formation will always be his beloved wife, he was always likely to return to his sexy foreign bit on the side against such formidable opposition. That means the extra defensive cover of a sweeper system and just one change from the side that started against Cameroon: Peter Beardsley for the injured John Barnes. Des Walker and Mark Wright have been passed fit, although Wright has six stitches above his left eye. England’s five substitutes include Trevor Steven, so impres­sive when he came on against Cameroon, and Steve Bull of the Second Division.

West Germany bring in two impish schemers, Thomas Hässler and Olaf Thon, for Pierre Littbarski and Uwe Bein. Rudi Völler also returns, having served his one-match suspension for being used as a hankie by Frank Rijkaard; Karl-Heinz Riedle drops to the bench.

2.57pm GMT

Are you sitting uncomfortably? Then we’ll begin. This is England’s biggest match for 24 years, since the day some people were on the pitch thinking it was all over. You might want to lie down as you contemplate this, but when England step on to the field to face West Germany tonight, they will be 90 minutes away from a World Cup final.

In real terms, they are arguably already in one. ‘If we can win tonight, we’re in the final, with a great chance of beating Argentina,’ says Bobby Robson. ‘Great chance. This is the big one. Germany’s the big one.’ Although Diego Maradona’s side played well to lubricate Italian eyes last night, they have otherwise been poor in this tournament and will be without four suspended players for the final, including the superb but very stupid basketball star Claudio Caniggia.

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Oldham Athletic 3-3 Manchester United: 1990 FA Cup semi-final – as it happened

On the 30th anniversary of the FA Cup’s greatest day, we relive the classic semi-final at Maine Road

Crystal Palace 4-3 Liverpool: as it happened!

6.10pm BST

6.07pm BST

(Further reading, via Biff Tannen’s Almanac)

Related: How Oldham Athletic's pinch-me season won over a nation | Rob Smyth

6.02pm BST

Peep peep! That’s it! Joe Royle and Alex Ferguson shake hands, and then Royle puts his arm round Ferguson. There is such generosity of spirit about him and his players; they’re the most loveable team in England. Ferguson, meanwhile, has the expression of a man who has just been told his firing squad are stuck in traffic.

The teams will be back here on Wednesday night for the replay, which Des Lynam has confirmed will be shown live on Sportsnight. For now, let’s glory in surely the greatest day in FA Cup history: 13 goals, 13 different goalscorers and two games that will never be forgotten. Those of us who thought that having two live games on the same day was a disastrous idea are about to have a late Sunday dinner of roasted humble pie.

5.59pm BST

120+4 min We’re still playing.

5.59pm BST

120+3 min Holden goes another run. He has been quiet for much of the game but now he looks like he could go all night.

5.58pm BST

120+2 min: SO CLOSE FROM HOLDEN! Rick Holden comes within a few inches of winning it for Oldham! It was a spectacular effort, and with his right foot as well. Pallister’s header came to him in the inside-left channel, 30 yards from goal. He shaped to go down the line, as usual, then shuffled infield and swished a brilliant rising shot that arrowed into the side netting. Leighton was scrambling desperately across his line; I’m not sure he would have got there. This is unbelievable stuff!

5.58pm BST

120+2 min Another booming cross from Holden is beautifully held by Leighton, just in front of Marshall.

5.57pm BST

120+1 min We’re still playing. There can’t be much stoppage time surely.

5.56pm BST

120 min: FINE BLOCK BY HALLWORTH! Webb’s lofted pass is headed back infield by Robins towards Hughes in the area. He launches himself towards the bouncing ball and is just beaten to it by Hallworth, who bravely punches clear and is clattered by Hughes as a result. “There’s no more fearsome sight at a bouncing ball than Mark Hughes bearing down on you,” says Trevor Brooking on BBC1.

5.55pm BST

119 min: MARSHALL HEADS WIDE! Don’t these idiots know they can come back for a replay? Both sides are chasing a winner as if abolishing the poll tax depends on it. Holden, who looks fresher than he has all day, storms past Phelan and hits a booming cross beyond the far post. Marshall gets to it before Gibson but the angle is too tight and his header goes wide of the near post.

5.54pm BST

118 min: GREAT EFFORT BY WEBB! Wallace’s outswinging corner from the right found Webb, who pulled into some space at the near post and hit a sweet flying volley that was brilliantly blocked by Milligan.

5.54pm BST

117 min United are really pushing for a winner. Webb eases a pass into the area for Hughes, who backs into Andy Holden and lays it off for Wallace. He is about to shoot when Barlow gets a vital foot in.

5.51pm BST

115 min Wallace’s cross just bounces away from Robins in the area. This is an absolute free-for-all, with both teams swinging weary haymakers in the general direction of one another.

5.50pm BST

114 min Pallister goes on a spectacular run out of defence, beating four Oldham players before laying the ball off to Gibson. His first touch is a custodial offence, for the second time today, and he gives the ball straight to Warhurst.

5.50pm BST

113 min: GOOD SAVE FROM HALLWORTH! Webb, who must be on about his fourth wind, storms down the right, has a quick look and lofts a superb cross towards Robins at the near post. He gets in front of Irwin and flicks a header across goal that is smartly saved by Hallworth. There would have been a neat symmetry in Robins taking United to Wembley, given that he started it all with that winner at Nottingham Forest in the third round.

5.50pm BST

113 min: McCLAIR MISSES A GREAT CHANCE! Now it’s United’s turn. Webb holds off Barrett on the right of the area and stretches to manufacture a cross. Irwin takes the ball off the toe of Hughes but it breaks for McClair, who thrashes into orbit! In his defence he was under pressure from the sliding Milligan, but he wasn’t exactly the personification of composure.

5.48pm BST

112 min Warhurst lays the ball off to Redfearn, whose rising drive from 20 yards whistles over the bar. Oldham have a spring in their step again. Adrenaline 1-0 Fatigue.

5.47pm BST

111 min “Hi Rob,” says Dene Brown. “As I currently live in Edinburgh, where the match is not being shown, I’ve had to drive south of the border to watch it. We’ve taken my mate’s TV/Radio/Cassette player to watch it on. It only has a 4-inch screen. Black and white of course. It is well beyond its sell by date. There are three of us in my car in a layby on the A1 trying to watch the action. I hope the battery lasts until the end of extra time.”

In a different way, I suspect a few of the players share the sentiment of that last sentence.

5.45pm BST

109 min Joe Royle has an even broader smile on his face now. How can you not love Oldham Athletic? The intrepid brilliance of this team of cast-offs and nobodies almost brings a lump to the throat. They play like a team that has overdosed on Dead Poets Society. Carpe diem? They’ve seized the whole bloody season!

5.44pm BST

108 min: GOAL! Oldham 3-3 Manchester United (Palmer 108) For the umpteenth time this season, Oldham conjure an equaliser with time running out. The goal came from the free-kick that was given for Pallister’s foul on Marshall. Pallister headed it away, to loud cheers, but then Robins’ pass was intercepted by Milligan.

He chested it down and slid an instant pass to find Marshall in space on the left. United’s defence, who were in the process of pushing out after Pallister’s header, were all over the place. Marshall screwed a perfect first-time pass across the six-yard box, where Palmer walked the ball into the net.

5.42pm BST

106 min Marshall chases his own header and is hacked down by Pallister. He looks like a complete pain in the arse, and I say that with love. He’s relentless. All he does to defenders is nag, nag, nag, nag, NAG!

Pallister injured himself in the act of fouling Marshall and looks a bit groggy. United have no substitutions left. Jim McGregor wafts some smelling salts under his nose; I hope he didn’t mix them up with the poppers.

5.42pm BST

106 min After a quick changeover, United kick off from left to right.

5.42pm BST

Oldham need to go to the well yet again.

5.41pm BST

105+3 min Martin has surrendered to cramp, with Mark Robins replacing him. It’s not quite a like-for-like substitution. Robins will play as a makeshift left-winger, with Colin Gibson dropping to left-back.

5.39pm BST

105+2 min: FINE DEFENDING BY BARRETT! Ince finds the angle to release Wallace on the right with a great pass. He slides a low cross into the six-yard box towards Martin, who looks set to score only the second goal of his career (and he knew bugger all about the first) when Barrett appears to poke the ball off him and behind.

At first it looked like Martin had shanked it but I’m pretty sure Barrett got a touch first. Des Walker couldn’t have played better than Barrett today. I’m not sure Franco Baresi could have played better.

5.39pm BST

105+1 min: GOOD SAVE BY LEIGHTON! Barlow’s long ball forward somehow ran all the way through to Marshall, who got the wrong side of Bruce and poked it towards goal. Leighton flew from his line to narrow the angle and make an excellent block.

5.38pm BST

105 min Joe Royle has moved Neil Redfearn infield to play behind the front two. Oldham are now playing with one centre-back, Andy Holden. One centre-back! Barrett has gone to right-back, with Irwin moving into midfield.

Alex Ferguson responds by dropping Neil Webb into midfield to give extra protection. United are now playing 4-5-1, Oldham a kind of 3-4-1-2. Is that even a formation?

5.35pm BST

103 min A wishy-washy punch from Leighton almost causes problems for United, but Redfearn is penalised for pushing Webb. Now Webb is down with cramp, which is probably fair enough after so long out.

5.35pm BST

101 min Lee Martin, United’s young left back, is struggling with cramp. Joe Royle is still smiling, still having the time of his life. The man’s an animal.

5.32pm BST

100 min “It’s Joe Royle’s 41st birthday today,” says Alex Metcalfe, “which might explain why he looks so happy.”

That and the fact he’s in charge of the most charming football team in the country.

5.32pm BST

98 min Irwin’s cross goes straight out of play. With one or two exceptions, Ince the most notable, both teams look really tired. I’m amazed Oldham have anything left at all, this being their 461st game of the season.

5.28pm BST

95 min Roger Palmer, Oldham’s record goalscorer, comes on to replace Ritchie. He has had a fine game but, like Robson, he has been out for a while and he’s not in the first flush of youth. His race is run.

5.28pm BST

95 min Some good first-time passing from Webb, Wallace and McClair threatens to put Hughes through on goal. Barrett comes across, and you know the rest. He has been magnificent.

5.28pm BST

94 min “Big decision on Wednesday night if Oldham manager an equaliser,” says Vic Rushton. “ITV are showing Arsenal v Aston Villa live. A vital game in the title race or the replay of this on the BBC. What will people be watching?”

Despite the considerable temptations of Elton Welsby, I’ll be watching BBC1 if there is a replay. Nine times out of ten, the FA Cup > the title race.

5.25pm BST

United are ahead again! They barely had a kick for the first 90 seconds of extra time; and then they scored. A rare poor touch from Ritchie allowed McClair to nick the ball inside the United half. He moved away from the half-arsed challenge of Warhurst and clipped the ball straight down the middle of the pitch. Holden and Barrett had been pulled out of position by Webb and Barrett, which allowed Wallace to charge into a huge gap, away from Barlow and onto McClair’s pass. He had plenty of time to think about the shot - perhaps too much, because he scuffed it pretty badly. But it bobbled past the outrushing Hallworth and drifted slowly into the far corner.

5.24pm BST

91 min: BRUCE CLEARS OFF THE LINE! Well, sort of. Holden ran at Phelan and stood up a deep cross to Redfearn beyond the far post. He got above Martin and nodded it down to Marshall, whose snapshot was kicked away by Bruce in the six-yard box. Leighton was right behind him and probably had it covered, but it was another chance for Oldham.

5.23pm BST

91 min Oldham kick off from left to right.

5.18pm BST

For the second time today, we’re going to extra time. So much for After the Lord Mayor’s Show: this is the Lord Mayor’s Show Part 2!

5.17pm BST

90 min The camera cuts to the Oldham bench, where Joe Royle has a huge smile on his face. It’s not even a forced or nervous smile; he looks like he’s having the time of his life.

5.15pm BST

89 min More desperate United defending, this time from Bruce, who does really well to head Marshall’s cross away.

5.14pm BST

87 min This is a really strong finish from Oldham. Irwin’s cross just clears Marshall and is headed away desperately by Phelan.

5.13pm BST

86 min: CHANCE FOR OLDHAM! Marshall may look like an Emmerdale character but he’s a serious player and has been a handful for United all day. On this occasion, Rick Holden swings the ball towards him just inside the United half. He controls it deftly, slips away from Pallister and charges into the area from the left. Ritchie is waiting in the middle but Marshall goes for the shot and slices it well wide of the near post. The ball bobbled hideously, in his defence. But had he looked to his right he would have seen Ritchie waiting in front of an open goal.

5.11pm BST

84 min Oldham make their first substitution: Paul Warhurst, a lightning-quick 20-year-old who was once on Manchester City’s books, replaces Nick Henry in midfield.

5.10pm BST

84 min: A DOUBLE CHANCE FOR UNITED! Wallace moseys infield from the right and flicks an insouciant through pass to Webb. He runs away from Andy Holden and smashes a first-time shot that is beaten away by Hallworth. It bounces back towards Hughes, whose vicious shot is blocked on the six-yard line by – yep – Earl Barrett.

5.07pm BST

80 min Rick Holden, who has been very quiet for most of the game, is starting to look a little more dangerous. His cross is very well held under pressure by Leighton.

5.06pm BST

80 min This is becoming a bit repetitive, I realise, but there’s some more majestic defending from Earl Barrett to report. Ince slid a through pass to Hughes, who tried to run the last man Barrett and was swiftly disabused of the notion.

5.04pm BST

77 min Ince storms through the midfield before being legged up by Henry. He gets up looking for a row with the referee – but Joe Worrall settles for a word with Henry. There have still been no yellow cards, which is either brilliant refereeing or an egregious display of gross negligence, I can’t decide which.

5.04pm BST

77 min What a cup tie! What a day of cup ties!

5.04pm BST

They’ve done it again! No matter how many times Oldham are kicked, they keep springing back up with puppy-dog enthusiasm. Four minutes after going behind, Ian Marshall has walloped them level!

It was created down the right. Irwin took a short throw to Redfearn, who returned the ball back to Irwin. He shovelled it infield again to Redfearn, whose poor first touch turned into a happy accident that took him away from Ince.

5.03pm BST

76 min A speculative ball into the United area almost finds Redfearn. Bruce comes across to make a good interception.

4.59pm BST

Manchester United are 17 minutes from Wembley! And Neil Webb, who has only just returned from that awful Achilles injury, has scored his first goal since August! The substitute Wallace played a big part in the goal. He lost Barlow on the right with a good dummy and then sliced a left-footed cross beyond the far post. Gibson headed it back towards the six-yard line, where Webb looped a header over the outrushing Hallworth into the net.

I’m not sure Webb knew much about it: he jumped with Hallworth and Andy Holden, felt the ball hit his head and then started looking around to see where it had gone. It wasn’t exactly the goal of the 1990s, but nobody connected with United will care – least of all Ferguson, whose gamble to play Robson and Webb has paid off in spades.

4.58pm BST

72 min The first substitution: Danny Wallace replaces Bryan Robson, who has run himself into the ground. He hasn’t been as influential as usual in general play, probably because he’s about 40 per cent fit, but he imposed his will on the game with that equaliser in the first half. Brian McClair will take Robson’s place in midfield, with Wallace moving to the right wing.

4.57pm BST

71 min Now Oldham break three on three, but Redfearn delays too long and is eventually dispossessed by Pallister. Ritchie gives him a heartfelt brollocking for holding on to the ball too long.

4.57pm BST

70 min This is a decent spell for United, with the tireless Ince driving them forward. With 20 minutes remaining, all bets are off.

4.56pm BST

70 min: GREAT DEFENDING BY IRWIN! Webb played a good pass through to Hughes, who took the ball in his stride and was about to shoot when Irwin dived in to poke the ball away.

4.55pm BST

68 min Barrett is having a storming game. He beats Robson on the halfway line, then sells Hughes a dummy and waltzes past him as well. He’s a Rolls Royce of a defender.

4.55pm BST

68 min Irwin’s dangerous long cross towards Ritchie is cleared calmly under extreme pressure by Phelan.

4.55pm BST

68 min McClair puts Gibson clean through on goal – but the flag goes up against Webb to his right. Gibson might be glad that it did, even though it was a very dubious decision, because his first touch was a custodial offence and ran through to Hallworth.

4.53pm BST

66 min Redfearn has a goal disallowed for a push by Ritchie in the build-up. It was a confident finish from close-range, though everyone else had stopped playing by that stage. I’m not certain it was a foul by Ritchie, mind you. I’d like to see that again.

4.52pm BST

66 min United have only been given one penalty all season, on the opening day against Arsenal, and they missed that.

4.52pm BST

65 min: UNITED HAVE A BIG PENALTY APPEAL TURNED DOWN! Martin cuts infield from the left and floats an angled cross towards Webb, who goes down after a clumsy challenge from behind by Barlow. It was somewhere between a fair shoulder charge and an unfair push. Webb, and most of the United players, were certain it was the latter. Barlow certainly put hands on Webb, though it wasn’t as strong as Leighton’s push on Ritchie in the first half.

4.51pm BST

64 min Rick Holden tries to run Phelan, who matches him for speed and takes the ball confidently. Phelan has played Holden expertly until now.

4.49pm BST

63 min Leighton’s shorts were ripped during the collision. He whips them off, to a chorus of wolf whistles, so that the physio Jim McGregor can put on a new pair. I hope he gets paid well. Marshall then walks up to apologise and shake Leighton’s hand. There was nothing malicious in the challenge; they both threw themselves at the ball.

4.48pm BST

62 min Another long ball towards Marshall, this time from Ritchie, leads to a collision between Marshall and Leighton. Both missed the ball singular, but Marshall’s studs went right into Leighton’s plural.

4.48pm BST

61 min: GOOD SAVE BY LEIGHTON! Irwin’s long pass down the inside-right channel is gloriously controlled on the run by Marshall. He galumphs into the box, away from Pallister, and hits a stinging drive from a tight angle that is beaten away by Leighton. The power of the shot almost knocked Leighton off his feet.

4.48pm BST

61 min “The contrast between the two managers is stark,” says Peter Harthan. “Ferguson has looked out of his depth ever since he came to England from Scottish football and surely won’t last long. Royle has a long future and will probably be England manager in time, mark my words.”

He might be the next England manager. There are strong rumours that he’s on the FA shortlist if they need to replace Bobby Robson after the World Cup. As for Ferguson, our own David Lacey made a good point yesterday - that, if United win the FA Cup this season, it could be the equivalent of Matt Busby’s breakthrough triumph at Wembley in 1963. They were almost relegated that season as well. Five years later they were European champions.

4.47pm BST

60 min Hughes’s attempted through pass to McClair is blocked by Barrett. The ball runs loose between them, at which point Hughes boots Barrett straight up in the air. That was a tackle of pure frustration, although it’s probably generous to call it a tackle. It was a hack, essentially, and I’m slightly surprised Hughes didn’t have his name taken by Joe Worrall.

4.46pm BST

60 min And now Barrett does some more superb defending, coolly dispossessing Hughes down the United right. He then ignores a sliding tackle from Gibson, dummying him with a hint of disdain before passing the ball back to Hallworth. This kid is a class act.

4.46pm BST

59 min The pace is still frenetic, with no sign of either team slowing down. Ince does some more excellent defensive work, making up lots of ground to nick the ball off Henry. He has put out a lot of fires in front of the United back four.

4.45pm BST

57 min “I can see Ferguson getting the boot in the morning,” says Andy Poyner. “I am enjoying this in the Platt Lane End instead of studying for my GCSEs.”

4.43pm BST

56 min Ince, the last man in the United defence, does well to hold off Ritchie and Redfearn before being fouled. There’s a hint of aggro but then the pair shake hands and Ince pats Ritchie on the balding head.

4.41pm BST

55 min Oldham have been much the better team since half-time. United look like a team who are too aware of the consequences of defeat for their own good.

4.38pm BST

52 min: GLORIOUS SKILL FROM MILLIGAN! This deserves to go one of those ‘best of’ Christmas VHSes. He was running towards his own goal, having intercepted a loose ball, with Ince and Webb on his tail. Then, like a pickpocket scooting down an alleyway, he lost them both with a high-speed Cruyff turn.

Ince instinctively stuck out a leg and brought Milligan down, but it’s a reflection of how well Milligan had duped him that, by the time Ince’s momentum stopped, he had run so far that he was out of shot. What a player Milligan is: dynamic, composed, tough, intelligent, very mature for a 23-year-old. If he can’t get in Ireland’s World Cup squad – and it doesn’t look like he will – they must be in bloody good shape.

4.37pm BST

51 min United have started the second half as sluggishly as they did the first. Joe Worrall has a word with Steve Bruce – not about United’s sluggishness, it’s none of his business, but because of a very late tackle on Ritchie.

4.37pm BST

50 min “Afternoon Rob,” says Simon McMahon. “On the Barrett goal: surely, in such a technologically advanced society, it can’t be beyond the wit of man to come up with a foolproof method of deciding whether a player is offside or not? Some sort of video assisted linesman, if you will, or VIDAL for short. I doubt it’ll ever happen, though. And anyway, what would we moan about if all decisions were correct thanks to the wonders of TV evidence?”

‘Technologically advanced’! I guess one of us didn’t spend all of last night unsuccessfully trying to load R-Type on the Spectrum.

4.36pm BST

49 min Ritchie loses Pallister with another classy turn on the halfway line. Along with Webb, has been the cmost imaginative player on the pitch.

4.34pm BST

47 min Ritchie holds off Ince, surges away from Robson and stabs a pass towards Marshall on the edge of the D. He drags his shot well wide under pressure from Pallister.

4.31pm BST

46 min United begin the second half.

4.16pm BST

Oldham can’t play on grass, discuss.

4.16pm BST

45+2 min Webb twists away from Barlow on the right and curls a wicked cross that bounces across the six-yard box before being put behind by Irwin.

4.14pm BST

45 min Ritchie holds off Pallister on the left and plays a classy reverse pass towards Henry, who is tracked all the way by the increasingly impressive Ince.

4.12pm BST

43 min Gibson clips a pass forward to Hughes, who holds off Andy Holden just outside the area and hammers a left-footed shot that is held by Hallworth. That’s much better from Hughes, who has spent large parts of the first half in Earl Barrett’s pocket.

4.11pm BST

42 min The resulting corner, taken by Webb on the left, flashes past Hallworth and right across the face of goal.

4.11pm BST

41 min: NOW ROBSON ALMOST GIVES UNITED THE LEAD! We’ve had three near misses into the space of 90 seconds, culminating in this chance for United. McClair, found by Hughes, clipped a superb, dipping cross from the right. Webb lost Barrett smartly but then lost his balance. Behind him, Irwin got to the ball a split-second before Gibson and diverted it partially away from goal.

Robson charged imperiously onto the loose ball and looked certain to get his second, only for Irwin and Barrett – who had both been hurtling towards their own goal - to change direction and throw themselves at the ball to block the shot. Six or seven players ended up in a heap, including Robson, a demonstration of the total commitment on both sides. This is pulsating stuff!

4.09pm BST

40 min: OFF THE LINE BY INCE! Oldham almost take the lead from the corner. Leighton, under pressure from Ritchie, could only flap it straight to Henry in the D. He cracked a shot that went through the crowd, including Leighton, and was kicked away by Ince on the near post.

4.09pm BST

40 min: CHANCE FOR OLDHAM! Redfearn plays a good pass down the right to Irwin, who charges into a big space behind the United defence. Eventually he gets his head up and lofts a precise cross to the far post, where Marshall’s header is crucially blocked by Pallister.

The ball runs loose to Rick Holden, who is challenged by Pallister at the expense of a corner. The first intervention was the most important: with Leighton wrong-footed, Marshall’s header was going in.

4.07pm BST

38 min Oldham have responded really well to the disappointment of United’s equaliser. Milligan and Henry are still having the better of Robson and Ince in midfield. It’s a cracking battle, mind, and Ince has probably been United’s best player.

4.05pm BST

35 min Leighton takes a risk by blatantly shoving Ritchie in the back at an Oldham corner. Technically that should have been a penalty, even though it would have been soft. Leighton just wanted Ritchie out of his personal space, but you’re not really supposed to use both hands to push someone in the back. Joe Worrall definitely saw it, because he had a word with Leighton before the next corner was taken.

4.04pm BST

34 min Rick Holden gets away from Phelan to win a corner. Nothing comes of it but that will encourage Oldham, as it’s the first time Holden has had any joy down the left. He’s usually such an influential player.

4.01pm BST

31 min An Oldham free-kick is headed away to Redfearn on the edge of the area. He volleys it into orbit.

4.01pm BST

31 min Bruce is penalised for a late tackle on Ritchie. There’s a heck of a din now, 95 per cent of it from the United fans.

4.01pm BST

31 min: Brilliant defending from Barrett! United almost made it two in two minutes. Phelan drove a long angled pass up to Webb, who cushioned an excellent header into the path of McClair on the edge of the box. He was shaping to knock the ball into the area when Barrett flew through the air to stud the ball away. Plenty of the United fans appealed for a free-kick/penalty/ANYTHING REFEREE FOR HEAVEN’S SAKE IT’S BEEN A LONG SEASON, but the players realised it was a fair tackle.

4.00pm BST

30 min Alex Ferguson will be thrilled that the two players he gambled on, Webb and Robson, combined for the goal. It was a really good ball from Webb, a serene touch of class in this frenetic game.

4.00pm BST

If you want a job done properly, do it yourself. Having watched his team-mates blunder around for half an hour, Bryan Robson has dragged them level! After a game of pinball in the Oldham half, Bruce slid in decisively near the halfway line to beat Marshall to a loose ball. It ran through to Webb, who took a touch and angled a soft, early pass into the space behind the defence. Robson, who was on his arse a split-second earlier after a late tackle from Milligan, marauded through and forced a right-footed shot through Hallworth.

It wasn’t a perfect finish – Hallworth got a good piece of it – but it trickled over the line. This is the fourth FA Cup semi-final in a row in which Robson has scored – and it says a lot about his personality that three of those were equalisers. How many times is he going to pull United out of the malodorous stuff? He’s nowhere near fully fit, but here he is, bending yet another big match to his will. The word ‘hero’ doesn’t begin to do him justice.

3.58pm BST

29 min The Oldham captain Milligan, who is having a marvellous game in midfield, cushions a fine volleyed pass to Rick Holden on the left. His dangerous cross is excellently claimed under pressure by Leighton.

3.56pm BST

27 min Barrett dispossesses Hughes with another classy piece of defending. Ince then ploughs through Marshall, and snarls at the referee Joe Worrall for having the temerity to give a free-kick. He’s a fine player, Ince, but he’s got quite a mouth on him.

3.55pm BST

26 min “This match might be being played on grass, but Boundary Park is clearly the future,” says Matt Dony. “I’m pretty certain that, in ten years, all top-level football will be played on artificial turf. I’d stake my reputation on it.”

3.53pm BST

24 min Ritchie spots Leighton slightly off his line and tries an imaginative flat chip that drifts a few yards wide.

3.53pm BST

23 min “That Irwin lad looks pretty decent for Oldham,” says Charlie in Sheffield. “I can see him ending up at a big club like Man City next season.”

And get in the team ahead of Paul Lake? I don’t think so.

3.52pm BST

22 min Phelan’s long throw is collected by Hughes at the near post. He plays a bit of keepy-uppy, shielding the ball from Barrett, before volleying a cross on the turn that is stabbed away by Irwin in the six-yard box. That was a vital clearance because Robson had arrived late in the box with considerable intent.

3.52pm BST

22 min For the 42342393245425th time in his career, Barry Davies nails it:

If there’s a word that would sum up Manchester United’s performance so far, it is ‘uncomfortable’: all over the pitch, they are not enjoying what they are being asked to do.

3.52pm BST

22 min Hughes rumbles into the area and is muscled off the ball by the impressive Barrett. He runs the ball to safety and is then hoofed up in the air by Robson, who gets a talking-to from Joe Worrall. Barrett has been the best player on the pitch thus far. Never mind his goal; he has done an immaculate marking job on Hughes.

3.49pm BST

21 min After a bit of a scramble near the halfway line, Irwin lobs a clever pass over the top of the United defence. It looks like Ritchie is through for a moment, but Ince shows admirable pace to get back and clear the danger.

3.49pm BST

20 min “Despite that early goal I don’t fancy Oldham,” says Vic Rushton. “They were absolutely dreadful last Saturday in losing at Ayresome Park, despite Boro also having a Wembley hangover. Can also see there being a few goals as Hallworth and Leighton have been performing erratically all season.”

They’ve been the livelier team so far, though you do worry about how much they’ll have in the tank if it’s still tight in the second half.

3.48pm BST

19 min Webb, running away from goal on the right, digs out a splendid cross that is headed away by the under-pressure Irwin. Webb, on whom United are so dependent for creativity, is starting to look a bit livelier. He’s playing very high up the pitch, almost as a second centre-forward.

3.46pm BST

17 min There have been lots of offsides at both ends. That often leads to a ponderous, stop-start game, but not today. As soon as play resumes, both teams start charging round at 100mph again. It’s not entirely sophisticated but it has made for rollocking entertainment.

3.44pm BST

15 min Ince tries to surge away from Milligan, who matches him for speed and then dispossesses him with a beautifully judged sliding tackle. He plays the ball up to Ritchie, who loses Pallister with a lovely dummy.

The move came to nothing in the end but it showed both the graft and the class of this wonderful Oldham side. It’s a minor scandal that Andy Ritchie is not playing in Division One. It might be too late for him, at the age of 29, unless Oldham get promoted. But one way or another, it’s a matter of time before Milligan is playing in the top flight.

3.43pm BST

14 min Webb’s inswinging corner from the left is superbly claimed under pressure by Hallworth, arching his back like a limbo dancer in mid-air.

3.41pm BST

12 min Webb suddenly finds a bit of space on the right of the area and wins United’s first corner. It’s half cleared by Oldham and then headed down to Ince in the D. He waits for it to bounce and leathers a left-footed shot that is well blocked by Barlow.

3.40pm BST

11 min United have been really scruffy in possession. Hughes keeps getting caught offside, and their playmaker Webb has barely touched the ball. He’s nowhere near the pace of the game.

3.39pm BST

10 min The first signs of life from United. A long goalkick from Leighton is headed on by Hughes towards Gibson, and Andy Holden comes across to make a tremendous last-ditch challenge on the edge of the area.

3.37pm BST

8 min United are behind for the first time in this season’s FA Cup. They don’t have the happiest memories of this ground, either, having been plugged 5-1 in the derby last September.

3.37pm BST

7 min Bruce is penalised for a foul on Ritchie. There have been some crunching tackles all over the pitch.

3.36pm BST

7 min The replays of the goal aren’t conclusive on the Barrett offside, though my hunch is that he was onside when the cross came him. One thing that replays do confirm is that Leighton should have done better. He was under pressure from Ritchie, it’s true, but it was still a pretty straightforward take for a keeper of his class.

3.36pm BST

David has landed another one on Goliath: Oldham have taken the lead! It came from that corner on the right, which was headed back to the taker Holden. His awkward cross bounced through Leighton at the near post, and Barrett – in splendid isolation, with a whiff of offside – tapped it into the open net from four yards! His centre-back partner Andy Holden gives him a peck on the cheek in celebration. What a start for Oldham!

3.34pm BST

5 min A big scare for United! Ritchie’s cross from the right led to a mix-up between Leighton and Phelan, who was spooked by the hot breath of Rick Holden behind him. In the end Phelan knocked the ball past the outrushing Leighton and just wide of his own goal.

3.33pm BST

4 min In the build-up to this game, Alex Ferguson said that Oldham are one of the quickest teams in England, and that they would try to win the game in the first half hour. His prediction looks right; it has been a seriously frantic start to this game.

3.32pm BST

3 min Bryan Robson, who doesn’t really understand the concept of feeling your way back after injury, introduces himself to Andy Ritchie with a ferocious man-and-ball tackle. “The ball must have squealed!” says the BBC commentator Barry Davies with a squeal of his own.

3.31pm BST

2 min United are playing with Mike Phelan at right-back, Brian McClair on the right of midfield and Neil Webb much further forward, just behind Mark Hughes. Oldham are in their expected 4-4-2 shape.

3.30pm BST

1 min Peep peep! Oldham kick off from right to left as we watch. They are in their blue Bovis kit. United, sponsored by you-know-who, are in red.

3.24pm BST

Here we go, then. Oldham v Manchester United, for the right to place Crystal Palace at Wembley next month.

3.15pm BST

There’s another reason why so many people fancy United today: the match is being played on grass. All Oldham’s giant-killings have taken place on the plastic pitch at Boundary Park, which is also where they’ve picked up 42 of their 57 league points.

But they also played well in drawing away to Everton and Southampton before finishing them off in a replay, and Graham Taylor and George Graham – whose Villa and Arsenal sides were hammered at Boundary Park – both said it had diddly squat to do with the pitch.

3.13pm BST

Alex Ferguson has gambled big-time by picking both Neil Webb and Bryan Robson. Webb has started only one league game since August. Robson hasn’t played any first-team football since Christmas.

Oldham make one change from their defeat at Leicester in the week, with Jon Hallworth replacing Andy Rhodes in net.

9.55am BST

Hello and welcome to live coverage of After the Lord Mayor’s Show. The greatest match in FA Cup history ended a few minutes ago, with Crystal Palace beating Liverpool 4-3 in an absolute astonisher at Villa Park. Spare a thought for the players of Oldham and Manchester United, who have the impossible task of trying to replicate the drama when they kick off at Maine Road.

As if they’ll give a flying Fibonacci about that! A place in the FA Cup final is at stake, for goodness sake, and both teams would happily take the ugliest 1-0 win in history. Especially United. The FA Cup has become an obsession for them and their hapless manager Alex Ferguson, who was on the brink of the sack at the start of their cup run. If they lose today, he’ll be back on the brink.

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