Rob Smyth's Blog, page 110

June 23, 2020

Tottenham Hotspur 2-0 West Ham United: Premier League – as it happened

Harry Kane scored his first goal of the year to seal an ultimately comfortable victory for Spurs against a determined but limited West Ham

10.26pm BST

Jacob Steinberg’s match report has landed, so I’ll be off. Thanks for your company, goodnight!

10.23pm BST

Spurs’ first goal should definitely have been disallowed. Replays confirm that the ball hit Sanchez’s arm before Soucek’s own goal. I’m afraid that’s yet another VAR cock-up.

10.21pm BST

Harry Kane speaks “As a striker, you want to score goals, you want to help win games for your team. It was a tough game. It took us a while to break them down, but it was nice to finish it off at the end. When you’ve been out for over six months, you need to get that feeling back on the pitch. You can train as much as you want. I probably should have scored at least one other, so it was nice to put that one away. If I miss chances it doesn’t bother me too much, I’m always ready for the next one.”

10.10pm BST

Peep peep! Harry Kane’s first goal of the year sealed a much needed victory for Spurs. They started slowly but ultimately had a bit too much ability for a determined West Ham.

10.06pm BST

90+1 min Bergwijn misses a decent chance, thrashing into the side netting after a four-on-three break.

10.06pm BST

90 min Five minutes of added time.

10.04pm BST

88 min This win moves Spurs above Sheffield United and up to seventh, a point behind Wolves and Manchester United. Despite all their problems this season, they could still qualify for the Champions League.

10.02pm BST

87 min West Ham’s next game is a tough one, at home to Chelsea, but the fixtures get a bit easier after that. I still think they’ll stay up, with the current bottom three going down. But it’s becoming uncomfortably tight.

10.00pm BST

86 min Another Spurs change. Harry Winks on, the ever excellent Son off.

9.59pm BST

84 min “Something that I think could work would be implementing a time limit of 15-20 seconds on how long they can review what happened,” says Ben Chapman. “This accomplishes two things: it keeps the game from moving and if you can’t find a mistake in 15-20 seconds, it’s not clear and obvious.”

It’s a nice idea in theory. But in practice, I can already smell freshly printed lawsuits.

9.58pm BST

Harry Kane scores his 300th goal under Jose Mourinho. He ran through from the halfway line, onto Son’s pass, and finished emphatically from the edge of the area. An excellent goal that seals Spurs’ first victiory in eight games.

9.57pm BST

82 min Spurs last win was on 16 February, a 3-2 thriller at Villa Park. They look a bit nervous now, with West Ham having more of the ball than at any stage in the match.

9.56pm BST

80 min “If we are doing questions, Rob, where do you think Liverpool sit/stand in the form standings?” says Ian Copestake. “Watching City even now is like some artwork being unveiled, whereas the possible champions look one Lovren short of a picnic.”

There’s only one form horse in this league, and it’s being giddied up by Mr Roy Hodgson.

9.54pm BST

78 min: Bowen hits the post! West Ham almost grab an equaliser. Cresswell’s free-kick from the right was headed up in the air by Antonio in the six-yard box. Anderson cushioned the ball back to Bowen, whose snapshot smacked off the outside of the near post.

9.51pm BST

76 min Antonio’s cross is hooked behind by the diligent Bergwijn, who tracked Lanzini all the way. Cresswell takes the corner shortish to Anderson, who drives a low shot wide from 20 yards.

9.49pm BST

75 min “That is a weekend beer league goal,” says Mary Waltz. “Eye of the beholder, I guess, but no one will be bragging about that ten years from now.”

I bet Jose will be including it in his maths lessons to the media.

9.49pm BST

74 min Tottenham kill a bit of time by keeping the ball. Eventually Bergwijn chips an excellent anbled pass over the defence to Aurier, who makes a mess of his first-time cross.

9.47pm BST

73 min “So what’s the solution on VAR, Rob?” says Ben Mimmack. “Some sort of margin of error on distance offside under which it won’t be corrected - a bit like Umpire’s Call in cricket? Or perhaps an apple related colour scale of how red Jose Mourinho’s face gets when he thinks the system is about to disallow a Spurs goal? If it’s just a Fuji, go ahead and disallow. If it’s the full Honeycrisp, allow the goal.”

9.46pm BST

71 min A double change for West Ham: Manuel Lanzini and Felipe Anderson replace Noble and Fornals. And Spurs bring on Steven Bergwijn for Lucas Moura.

9.46pm BST

70 min Replays show the ball probably brushed Sanchez’s arm before Soucek’s own goal. David Moyes won’t be thrilled when he sees that.

9.45pm BST

69 min Drinks break.

9.42pm BST

67 min Davies is booked for a foul on Bowen.

9.41pm BST

65 min There was nothing much Soucek could do about that.

9.39pm BST

Spurs take the lead through an own goal from Tomas Soucek. Lamela’s corner from the right was flicked on at the near post and hit the unsighted Soucek before dribbling miserably into the net.

9.37pm BST

62 min Lamela drives into the side netting from a tight angle. A goal is coming at one end or another.

9.36pm BST

61 min “The idea that technology can crush human joy is the train of thought that leads directly to Marvin, the paranoid android,” says Matt Dony. “Mind you, maybe I’m just old school, but I don’t need technology to extinguish that faint flicker of joy. I can bring myself (and others around me) down with no technological aid at all. It’s a singular skill.”

9.36pm BST

60 min A half chance for West Ham on the break. Rice drives a long pass over the defence towards Antonio, who lashes a half-volley into orbit on the stretch.

9.34pm BST

59 min A Spurs change: Erik Lamela replaces Dele Alli.

9.34pm BST

59 min: Chance for Kane! Cresswell’s corner is headed away and Spurs break four on three. Son and Lo Celso combine efficiently to find Kane, who drives a left-footed shot just wide of the far post. He probably should have scored.

9.33pm BST

58 min Brilliant play from Rice, who beats Sanchez twice during the same run before cutting onto his right foot and driving a shot that is deflected wide.

9.31pm BST

58 min “Personally I do not take advantage of a lot of technology out there but I am not a luddite,” says Mary Waltz. “Technology is simply a tool that humans use properly, or that humans abuse. There is nothing wrong with VAR per se, humans just don’t know how to use it properly.”

Yes, the real question is whether it’s time for technology to dispense with humans.

9.31pm BST

56 min Alli shoots well wide from 25 yards after a nice one-two with Son.

9.30pm BST

55 min That’s the Harry Kane we know, admire and in some cases love. He cuts in on his right foot, on the edge of the area, and whistles a shot just over the bar with Fabianski leaping desperately in an attempt to save.

9.29pm BST

54 min: Fornals misses a great chance! West Ham should be ahead. Bowen, on the right, played a one-two with Noble and dragged a good cross back towards the penalty spot. The unmarked Fornals ran onto the ball but mistimed his shot so badly that it dribbled across the area, miles wide of goal.

9.27pm BST

52 min “To add to what Ian said,” begins Aditi Modi. “If technology is not allowed anywhere near sport, we wouldn’t be able to watch said sport in this new world.”

9.26pm BST

51 min Bowen wallops over from distance.

9.26pm BST

51 min Kane is booked for a high challenge on someone, Balbuena I think.

9.26pm BST

50 min: Good save by Fabianski! Aurier fizzed a low cross to the near post, where the unmarked Kane flicked the ball daintily behind his standing foot. Fabianski was well-positioned and blocked the shot, with the ball rebounding back off Kane and behind for a goalkick.

9.24pm BST

49 min Fine play from Eric Dier, who marches forward from his centre-back position and curls a shot just wide from 25 yards. Fabianski had it covered but it was an admirable injection of purpose from Dier.

9.24pm BST

49 min Lots of Spurs possession at the start of the second half, though it’s all in front of this well-organised West Ham defence.

9.22pm BST

47 min “I may be over-thinking or just thinking, but the implicit critique in Mary Waltz’s observation is that technology kills human joy,” says Ian Copestake. “If human joy comes from sport then technology should not be allowed anywhere near it. Am I right, Hal?”

You’re not wrong, Walter…

9.20pm BST

46 min Peep peep! Spurs begin the second half.

9.07pm BST

“Even though Son’s goal was erased it was a joy to see some quality,” says Mary Waltz. “Other then City, all these teams can’t seem to string three passes together.”

9.06pm BST

Half-time entertainment

Enliven your

commute
dog walks with our new podcast series, Forgotten Stories of Football.

9.05pm BST

Peep peep! The break comes at a good time for West Ham, who were hanging on a bit after making a comfortable start to the game. See you in 15 minutes for more entertainment.

9.04pm BST

45+3 min Lucas Moura misses a great chance, sidefooting well wide from 12 yards after being picked out by Davies.

9.03pm BST

Spurs have been VARed. The non-goal was made by Lo Celso, who picked up a loose ball just outside the D and wriggled away from two players before playing the ball out to Son on the left of the box. He cut back inside Fredericks and rammed an emphatic low shot past Fabianski at the near post. But VAR showed his toenail was offside. Jose Mourinho will love that.

9.01pm BST

A moment of quality at last. Son has given Spurs the lead with a good goal, though it’s being checked for offside.

8.59pm BST

42 min Son’s left-wing corner hits a West Ham defender at the near post and bounces back towards Dier, who smashes a cross-shot that deflects behind for another corner. The second corner is cleared at the far post.

8.57pm BST

41 min West Ham have been fine defensively, with their back four well protected by the midfield trio of Rice, Noble and Soucek. You’d expect the game to open up a bit in the second half. By heaven, it needs to.

8.55pm BST

39 min After a good break from West Ham, Fredericks’ cross is well claimed by Lloris.

8.53pm BST

37 min I’m not a rich man, nowhere near, but I’d still pay a lot of money to hear Daniel Levy’s internal monologue right now. It’s fiendishly difficult to see this ending well.

8.52pm BST

36 min “Do you think the audio boffins at Sky are using actual songs from Spurs supporters,” says Stephen Carr, “or are they just using another team’s but at half speed?”

Heh, very good. At this rate, even the virtual fans will be booing Spurs off at half-time.

8.51pm BST

35 min Davies knocks Son off his feet by belting a cross straight at his noggin. This isn’t great. Moments later, Alli slashes well wide from the edge of the D.

8.49pm BST

34 min Stephen Carr knows.

8.47pm BST

31 min Aurier, in space on the right, dumps a cross into the middle. Kane gets above Balbuena but heads over under pressure. It was only a half chance.

8.45pm BST

29 min “Wotcha, Bob,” says Mac Millings. “No matter which temperature scale you use, it’s absolutely steaming here in South Carolina today (which is the equivalent of the 1950s everywhere else), but a lot of that heat is generated by me sweating over almost every result involving the Relegation Mini-League. It’s bad enough having to watch my Hornets from between my fingers, but now I have to cry myself through all these other games. On top of that, wanting Tottenham to win sits very uncomfortably, and even worse, I had to be happy that Chelsea won on Sunday. CHELSEA, FFS.”

I’ve missed all this. When I say ‘missed’

8.44pm BST

28 min A smart bit of play from Fabianski, who controls Diop’s awkward back pass on the chest and knocks it away just before Alli arrives on the scene.

8.43pm BST

27 min A decent effort from Kane, who has a sudden pop from 22 yards. It bounces up awkwardly in front of Fabianski, who does well to hold it. I think he held it, anyway. Look, it didn’t lead to a goal, that’s all you need to know.

8.42pm BST

26 min Noble is booked for pulling back Lo Celso.

8.40pm BST

24 min “Greetings Rob from a part of the world where the mercury is on its way to 37C/99F,” says Peter Oh. “27C sounds rather mild. You wrote ‘Lo Celso’ but I think you meant Low Celsius.”

8.39pm BST

23 min And that’s drinks.

8.39pm BST

22 min: Good save by Fabianski! Lucas Moura turns away from a West Ham player, 25 yards from goal, and cuts across a vicious, swirling shot that is tipped over by the leaping Fabianski. The shot was central enough for it to be a relatively comfortable save, certainly for a keeper as good as Fabianski.

8.38pm BST

21 min “How does one get an invite to the dedicated Antarctica MBM?” says Travis Johnson. “Oh, just for Patreon subscribers, then.”

We need proof of Antarctican address as well, and of course your bank details.

8.37pm BST

20 min: Good save from Lloris! A long free-kick from the right ran through to Antonio, whose shot on the stretch was blocked by Lloris at the near post. The ball rebounded to Bowen, whose follow-up shot hit Dier. The flag then went up, I think for offside against Antonio at the original free-kick, so it wouldn’t have counted anyway.

8.35pm BST

19 min It’s still an even game, with Spurs yet to gain much attacking momentum.

8.32pm BST

16 min Aurier is still limping after that challenge from Fornals, who caught him on the right ankle. I think he’ll be okay.

8.30pm BST

14 min Fornals is booked for a lunge at Aurier.

8.29pm BST

13 min A good attack from Spurs. Lucas Moura plays a fine pass inside Cresswell for the overlapping Aurier, whose hit-and-hope low cross is kicked behind by Diop.

8.25pm BST

10 min West Ham have made a pretty positive start, with Cresswell and Fornals combining nicely on the left and Bowen looking lively on the other side.

8.24pm BST

8 min In other news.

8.22pm BST

6 min Another corner to Spurs, this time on the right. Lo Celso takes it short, gets it back and whips in a deep cross that is headed clear.

8.22pm BST

4 min “For those of us in the former colonies, territories etc. (e.g., USA) who have stuck with fahrenheit, you might mention that 27 C is 80 F,” says David C Hunter. “Also, not that sweltering, but everything’s relative, right?”

You should see what I said about it in our dedicated Antarctica MBM

8.20pm BST

3 min Son’s left-wing cross deflects off Fredericks and is almost shovelled into his own net by Fabianski. Turns out it had gone out of play before it reached Fabianski, so Spurs get the first corner of the game. Nothing comes of it.

8.19pm BST

2 min A bright start from West Ham. Cresswell’s deep cross finds Antonio, who does superbly to take it on the chest and reverse it with the outside of the boot towards the onrushing Noble. He takes the ball in his stride, just inside the area, but Sissoko tracks him all the way and makes an important interception. Good defending.

8.16pm BST

1 min Peep peep! West Ham, in claret and blue, kick off from left to right. Spurs are in white.

8.12pm BST

The players emerge on a sticky night in north London, 27 degrees it says here. Prediction: Tottenham Hotspur 12-7 West Ham.

8.10pm BST

“Football has been largely crap since the restart,” chirps Stephen Carr, “so a Mourinho v Moyes match-up doesn’t exactly whet the appetite does it?”

I don’t know what you’re talking about.

8.06pm BST

“Was I wrong in thinking that the long break would have given players the opportunity to develop some innovative free kicks and corners?” sniffs Gary Naylor. “I thought that they might have practised execution too. Instead, they’re worse than ever. Brighton kicked two corners out of play! Imagine rugby players being as slapdash about penalties and conversions.”

I don’t know, I’d be tempted to reserve judgement until we see the first rugby matches after such a long break.

7.59pm BST

It’s all over at the King Power Stadium. You will believe the score!

7.25pm BST

Pre-match reading

7.24pm BST

It’s Leicester 0-0 Brighton at the King Power Stadium. You won’t believe the score!

7.18pm BST

Tottenham Hotspur (4-2-3-1) Lloris; Aurier, Sanchez, Dier, Davies; Sissoko, Lo Celso; Lucas Moura, Alli, Son; Kane.
Substitutes: Gazzaniga, Alderweireld, Vertonghen, Winks, Lamela, Sessegnon, Ndombele, Fernandes, Bergwijn.

West Ham United (4-3-2-1) Fabianski; Fredericks, Balbuena, Diop, Cresswell; Noble, Rice, Soucek; Bowen, Fornals; Antonio.
Substitutes: Randolph, Ogbonna, Johnson, Anderson, Lanzini, Wilshere, Yarmolenko, Ajeti, Silva.

4.03pm BST

Hello and welcome to live coverage of Tottenham Hotspur v West Ham United from the Tottenham Hotspur Stadium in Tottenham. Both teams come into this match in a bit of a funk. Spurs had a perfectly good result on their return to action, a 1-1 draw at home to Manchester United, but for one reason or another the mood around the club hasn’t been great for a while now.

The same is true of West Ham, apart from the bit about a perfectly good result. They lost 2-0 at home to Wolves, a scoreline that did not flatter them, and are only outside the relegation places on goal difference. After a good start to the season - they were fifth are seven games - they have taken only 15 points from 23 games.

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Published on June 23, 2020 14:26

The Fiver | Tottenham, Arsenal, fiascos and a maths lesson for the ages

The world has been turned upside down in the last few months, nowhere more so than in north London. Arsenal and Tottenham, used to fighting for supremacy, are now battling to see who can be the bigger laughing stock in the closing weeks of the 2019-20 Premier League. Arsenal made a formidable statement of intent with their tragifarcical defeats at Manchester City and Brighton. Then Spurs boss José Mourinho upped the ante with a maths lesson for the ages, during which he awarded Didier Drogba an extra 113 goals under his management.

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Published on June 23, 2020 08:34

June 21, 2020

Everton 0-0 Liverpool: Premier League – as it happened

Liverpool

12.37am BST

9.05pm BST

Andy Hunter’s match report has landed, so I’ll leave you with that. Thanks for your company, goodnight!

9.02pm BST

Dominic Calvert-Lewin speaks “We had a few chances at the end but it wasn’t our day. I thought we defended very well; we were resolute and it’s unfortunate we couldn’t nick it. The match wasn’t as sharp as you’d expect. The players are a bit rusty and my timing was a bit off. You can’t replicate that; it’s something that comes with games.

“I thought we got up in their faces quite well, we didn’t give them too much time on the ball, and our fitness levels were good. I think a draw’s a fair result. It was a little bit bizarre to play a game of this magnitude with no fans. Usually the place is bouncing. It was strange, I can’t lie to you.”

8.55pm BST

The earliest Liverpool can now win the title is at home to Crystal Palace on Wednesday. But they need Burnley to get at least a draw at the Etihad tomorrow. These are the dates on which they might win it:

8.52pm BST

Liverpool fail to win for only the third time in 30 league games this season. They missed the injured Mo Salah and especially Andy Robertson, struggling to create clear chances despite dominating possession throughout. It was a sterile match. Everton, who defended admirably, almost stole it at the end when Tom Davies’s deflected shot hit the post.

8.51pm BST

Peep peep!

8.51pm BST

90+3 min Moise Kean replaces Dominic Calvert-Lewin.

8.50pm BST

90+2 min It’s Fabinho who takes it, in fact,. It’s a decent effort, curled over the ball, and Pickford leaps to fingertip it over the bar. That was a comfortable enough save.

8.49pm BST

90+1 min Richarlison fouls Oxlade-Chamberlain 25 yards from goal, to the right of centre. This is another opportunity for Alexander-Arnold.

8.48pm BST

90 min Only three minutes of added time. That’s slightly surprising given all the substitutions and the drinks break.

8.46pm BST

89 min It’s not over yet. There should be a fair bit of added time, maybe four or five hours.

8.45pm BST

87 min Another Everton substitution. Bernard on, the hardworking Alex Iwobi off.

8.43pm BST

85 min Origi is booked for a foul on Coleman.

8.41pm BST

84 min “Sigh,” says Matt Dony. “I’m not enjoying this match as much as I thought I would.”

On the plus side, if you don’t win today you may well end up winning the title at the Etihad.

8.40pm BST

82 min And another chance! Richarlison moves into the area from the left, cuts back outside Lovren and whacks a shot from a tight angle that is beaten away by Alisson. He had options in the middle as well but choose to shoot. “Maybe it was the wrong decision,” says the Sky commentator Martin Tyler.

“I’ll tell you what the right decision is,” says Jamie Carragher, quick as a flash. “Play on Lovren.”

8.39pm BST

81 min Another chance for Everton. Sigurdsson’s left-wing corner is headed on by Holgate and headed wide at the far post by the flying Calvert-Lewin. It was just too far in front for him to steer the header back towards goal.

8.38pm BST

80 min: Davies hits the post! Everotn almost steal the lead on the break. Richarlison’s low cross from the left was backflicked ingeniously towards goal by Calvert-Lewin. Alisson scrambled across his line to save but could only push the ball towards Davies. His shot took a slight deflection off the lunging Gomez before beating Alisson and bouncing off the far post.

8.37pm BST

80 min Everton have defended so well. Liverpool will surely create at least one more chance, but for the time being Everton are relatively comfortable at the back.

8.35pm BST

78 min “With reference to Matip’s injury, Liverpool had used their three blocks earlier,” says Nimit Jain. “Any idea why Liverpool are allowed to make a fourth substitution?”

One of them was at half-time, which doesn’t count as a block because it doesn’t interrupt play.

8.33pm BST

76 min “Hi Rob,” says Peter Oh. “Duncan Ferguson’s gloves look sleek but they also have a certain assassin vibe about them. And Ancelotti’s t-shirt and blazer look is positively Miami Vice!”

8.32pm BST

74 min Mane’s flicked header bounces harmlessly through to Pickford.

8.31pm BST

74 min Actually, Salah couldn’t have come on anyway as Lovren is the fifth substitute.

8.31pm BST

74 min Lovren comes on for Matip. No Mo Salah, so we won’t be seeing him today.

8.30pm BST

73 min Matip is struggling and is going to be replaced by Dejan Lovren. That means this is Liverpool’s final chance to make a substitution, so Mo Salah may also come on.

8.29pm BST

71 min A quiet spell in the game. We’re 19 minutes away from a third consecutive 0-0 in Merseyside derbies on this ground.

8.25pm BST

68 min And that’s drinks.

8.24pm BST

67 min Everton continue to defend with determination and diligence. They must be shattered, though, because they have had very little respite since the first 10 or 15 minutes.

8.22pm BST

65 min A double change for Liverpool: Gini Wijnaldum and Divock Origi replace Naby Keita and Roberto Firmino.

8.21pm BST

63 min Alexander-Arnold’s free-kick nicks off the head of Andre Gomes and flies over the bar. That was an important touch because it looked like the original shot was on target.

8.20pm BST

63 min The free-kick is 22 yards from goal, slightly to the right of centre. This is perfect for Alexander-Arnold...

8.19pm BST

62 min Digne makes a fine challenge on Mane just outside the area. Mike Dean gives a free-kick, and books Digne as well.

8.19pm BST

61 min A half chance for Everton on the break. Calvert-Lewin drives a good pass over the defence to find Richarlison, who gets away from Matip but blazes his shot high and wide from a tight angle.

8.17pm BST

60 min Sigurdsson replaces Anthony Gordon, who had a quiet full debut. Everton barely had the ball, so it was hard for him to show his skills.

8.16pm BST

59 min Digne hoofs a long ball straight into Alisson’s arms. Everton have been poor in possession, which is why Gylfi Sigurdsson is about to come on.

8.15pm BST

58 min Alexander-Arnold’s outswinging corner is headed down by van Dijk and claimed by Pickford, just in front of a Liverpool player in the six-yard box.

8.14pm BST

57 min Everton can barely get out of their third, never mind their half.

8.12pm BST

54 min Mane bursts into the area from the left, but Coleman recovers to make another excellent tackle. Those two are having a cracking battle.

8.10pm BST

54 min Even though Everton have two up front, the ball keeps coming back at their defence. A Liverpool goal feels increasingly inevitable.

8.10pm BST

53 min “Hi Rob,” says Paul Morris. “The canned crowd sounds would seem more authentic with some shouts about the ref needing to visit Barnard Castle, or speculation as to which manager is getting furloughed in the morning.”

8.09pm BST

51 min Beautiful play from Liverpool. Matip, on the right wing in open play, picks out Keita on the edge of the D. He flips a first-time pass into Firmino, who chests it back for Keita to volley towards goal on the stretch. The shot flies well wide, but the build-up was lovely.

8.06pm BST

49 min “Keita receives the ball beautifully every time - he might be the difference today,” says Stephen Carr. “Especially as Everton appear to be happy to have conceded the midfield.”

8.06pm BST

48 min Van Dijk plays a terrific pass down the inside-left channel for Gomez, who surges into the area before Coleman stretches to make a fine tackle.

8.04pm BST

47 min “Surely,” says Rudd Hughes, “this from Pink Floyd is the most appropriate song for this fixture.”

8.02pm BST

46 min Peep peep! Everton begin the second half.

8.02pm BST

Liverpool have made a half-time change. Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain is on for Takumi Minamino.

7.48pm BST

Half-time entertainment

7.47pm BST

Peep peep! A very quiet first half at Goodison Park. Liverpool were the better team, though both sides were a little subdued. Roberto Firmino missed the best chance, shooting wide from the edge of the area, while Joel Matip headed wide from Trent Alexander-Arnold’s free-kick. See you in 15 minutes for the second half.

7.44pm BST

44 min Mane crosses low towards Minamino, whose shot on the turn is excellently blocked by Holgate.

7.44pm BST

44 min “Hi Rob,” says Peter Pearson. “Personal vote here for best crowd noise coming from The KLF (although I think the sample is from a U2 live record).”

7.42pm BST

43 min A Liverpool substitution: the injured James Milner is replaced by Joe Gomez. It looks like a muscle problem for Milner.

7.42pm BST

42 min “Should I ever get around to writing my memoirs,” says Matt Dony, “can I borrow ‘The Wrong Option, Poorly Executed’ for a title?”

It’s what you do best, mate!

7.41pm BST

41 min Alexander-Arnold hits a good free-kick that takes a nick off Keane in the wall and is comfortably saved by Pickford, plunging to his right.

7.40pm BST

40 min Mane rolls Coleman superbly, just inside the Everton half. Then he cuts inside Keane, who flattens him and is rightly booked.

7.37pm BST

38 min Liverpool have been the better side, though there isn’t much in it. They are certainly missing the relentless, mildly terrifying energy of Andy Robertson on the left.

7.36pm BST

37 min “Hi Rob,” says Gary Naylor. “If this is a bit dull, here’s Lucas Digne reading The Tiger Who Came To Tea in the most French way possible.”

7.36pm BST

35 min “Tom Davies,” says Christopher Faherty. “A player I’ve filed as ‘There’s A Player In There’ for a bit now. Thoughts?”

The same. He’s still only 21, so there’s plenty of time. I don’t devote every waking hour to Everton FC, so this might be completely wrong, but it feels like his career has been a bit stop-start. That never helps, especially when you’re a young player.

7.35pm BST

34 min Firmino misses a good chance, dragging a tame left-footed shot wide from inside the D. He had Keita in a great position to his left and should have played him in. It was the wrong option, poorly executed, which is very unlike Firmino.

7.32pm BST

32 min Richarlison heads Gordon’s free-kick onto the roof of the net. It wouldn’t have counted, though, as he’d been flagged offside.

7.31pm BST

30 min Matip misses a decent chance, heading Alexander-Arnold’s free-kick wide from 10 yards. It was a lovely ball in from Alexander-Arnold, but Matip saw it a fraction late and that’s why his downward header went well wide.

7.30pm BST

29 min “Background noise,” begins Jim O’Donoghue. “Maybe they could just use the Mogwai soundtrack to ‘Zidane’.”

It’s quite majestic, isn’t it, especially Black Spider.

7.28pm BST

28 min Most of the games since lockdown have started slowly before coming to life in the second half. This will be the same. You have my word.

7.28pm BST

27 min Davies lunges dangerously at Mane, who does him a big favour by getting straight to his feet. Had he made more of that, it would have been at least a yellow card.

7.26pm BST

25 min “Hi Rob,” says Kailash. “Watching the game on TV. I can hear some chants and fans in the background. Isn’t this supposed to be with no fans? Where is the noise coming from?”

It’s artificial, designed to make the viewing experience more normal. In most places you have the option or watching the game with or without it.

7.23pm BST

23 min Time for a drinks break. It’s been a quiet first quarter.

7.23pm BST

21 min “With his new lockdown beard, Mike Dean is beginning to look like Robert Stewart, isn’t he?” says Rotimi Styles Obisesan.

Do you mean the son of James V, or is there another Robert Stewart?

7.19pm BST

20 min Milner is booked for taking out Richarlison.

7.17pm BST

17 min Henderson and Alexander-Arnold are starting to look dangerous down the Liverpool right. Alexander-Arnold’s delivery has been a bit rusty so far but he is getting into some dangerous positions.

7.14pm BST

14 min Liverpool have livened up in the last few minutes and are starting to dominate possession.

7.12pm BST

12 min Richarlison is penalised for a challenge on Fabinho, 30 yards from goal. The free-kick is slightly to the right of centre. Alexander-Arnold decides to cross rather than shoot, but clips it straight out of play. That was unusually imprecise for him.

7.10pm BST

10 min Gordon loses the ball to Fabinho in the centre circle. Mane picks up the loose ball and finds Minamino, who moves forward and blooters a rising drive from 25 yards that flies a few yards wide.

7.07pm BST

7 min It’s been a decent start from Everton. Liverpool haven’t come out of the blocks as many of us expected, unless you count Sadio Mane’s sprint before the kick-off.

7.05pm BST

4 min The first half chance goes to Everton. Richarlison runs at Matip on the left side of the area and drives a low cross shot that whistles just wide of the far post. The ball stayed in play, curling back after it beat Alisson, but at one point it looked like it was going in the bottom corner.

7.03pm BST

3 min “Hi Rob!” says Mary Waltz. “Please excuse some of my fellow Everton fans. Consider the beaten dog. we have been down so long that many of us tend to be a tad sensitive. We are hyper aware of any potential sleight. especially when Liverpool is involved. Come on you blues.”

What is Everton?

7.03pm BST

2 min Anthony Gordon has started on the left, with Iwobi on the right.

7.00pm BST

1 min Peep peep! Liverpool kick off from left to right. They are in red. The other team, I forget their name, are in blue.

7.00pm BST

The players on both sides take a knee before the game. I think Sadio Mane forgot, because he started sprinting into the Everton half as if they had just kicked off.

6.57pm BST

“After a couple of days of warm-ups, Real Football is about to start again,” says Matt Dony. “Yes, we’ve enjoyed Foals on the Park Stage, but The Cure are warming up, about to take to the Pyramid Stage. Of course, football doesn’t really matter in the grand scheme of things, but as we are going to finish the season, I’m very, very excited to see Liverpool in action again. The extended break came at a useful time. After the insane first half of the season (which I can still hardly believe!) results had tailed off slightly. I just hope the last few months have helped everyone to relax and regain some focus. And I’ve got high hopes for Minamino. He seems well liked, he’s got bags of potential, but he’s stepping into some big ol’ shoes. Hoping for a great game!”

I agree about the value of the break for Liverpool, mentally as well as physically. I think they’ll smash every record going now, which I don’t think they would have done had the season continued as normal.

6.54pm BST

“Hi Rob,” says Ray Breen. “I saw the pic of the kids holding the Liverpool flag by the Goodison sign and your one-sided report. Why don’t you leave the reporting to the professionals who avoid bias and have the knowledge to know there are two teams in a football match.”

Well that’s a good start!

6.43pm BST

| A first senior start - in the Merseyside derby, no less - for @EvertonAcademy graduate @anthonygordon59.

Good luck, Ant! #EVELIV pic.twitter.com/N3RgGkk3ZT

6.38pm BST

“Hi Rob,” says Matt Burtz. “I finally get to write to you as a supporter of one of the teams involved, Everton. Of course I’m aware of their dismal recent record against Liverpool, but I just want to point out that Liverpool have only won at Goodison Park once in their last seven visits (and that win required a 94th-minute goal), with six draws thrown in there. The absence of a vociferous and partisan crowd will certainly be a disadvantage for Everton, but those predicting a Liverpool walkover might be mistaken.”

That’s a good point, and one that surprised me a little. Mind you, there’s a counter-stat: the last time Liverpool lost to Everton, Roy Hodgson was their manager. That was forever ago.

6.23pm BST

Pre-match reading

6.14pm BST

Chelsea came from behind to win 2-1 at Aston Villa in the earlier game, a result that puts them five points clear of Manchester United and Wolves.

6.13pm BST

The teenager Anthony Gordon makes his full Premier League debut for Everton, who also have two goalkeepers on the bench. There’s no Andy Robertson for Liverpool, while Mo Salah is only fit enough to be a sub. Takumi Minamino starts up front alongside Sadio Mane and Roberto Firmino.

Everton (4-4-2) Pickford; Coleman, Holgate, Keane, Digne; Iwobi, Gomes, Davies, Gordon; Richarlison, Calvert-Lewin.
Substitutes: Stekelenburg, Virginia, Baines, Martina, Brathwaite, Sigurdsson, Baningime, Bernard, Kean.

10.29am BST

Hello. The good news for Everton is that Liverpool can’t clinch the title at Goodison Park tonight. The bad news is that they still have to play Liverpool. They will approach the match with a fair bit of trepidation, especially as they were beaten by Liverpool Under-4s in the FA Cup. But they will also go into the game with the hope that they can pull off a symbolic victory and delay Liverpool’s party.

Liverpool need six points - either for themselves or the teams playing against Manchester City - to officially become champions for the first time since 1990. It could be over by tomorrow night, when Burnley go to the Etihad, but the likeliest scenario is that they will clinch it against Crystal Palace at Anfield on Wednesday. That’s if they win today, of course. Everton will have other ideas.

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Published on June 21, 2020 13:05

Newcastle United 3-0 Sheffield United: Premier League – as it happened

Allan Saint-Maximin, Matt Ritchie and Joelinton all scored as Newcastle put 10-man Sheffield United to the sword in the second half

5.30pm BST

Louise Taylor’s match report has landed, so I’ll leave you with that. Thanks for your company, bye!

3.52pm BST

Still want more?

Bet you do.

3.51pm BST

Peep peep! Newcastle move up to 12th with a fine victory. The first half was tight, but Newcastle took control once Sheffield United had John Egan sent off. Allan Saint-Maximin and Matt Ritchie put them 2-0 up before Joelinton produced the feelgood moment of the day by scoring his first league goal at St James’ Park.

3.48pm BST

90 min Three minutes of added time.

3.43pm BST

86 min Basham’s low cross from the right just evades the stretching Zivkovic at the far post.

3.42pm BST

85 min Kieron Freeman replaces Oli McBurnie for Sheffield United. And Newcastle make two more changes: Valentino Lazaro and Fabian Schar replace Shelvey and Almiron.

3.41pm BST

83 min Both these teams play again on Wednesday night. Newcastle are at home to Aston Villa; Sheffield United go to Old Trafford.

3.37pm BST

79 min A double change for Newcastle: Andy Carroll and Nabil Bentaleb replace a delighted Joelinton and the brilliant Allan Saint-Maximin.

3.36pm BST

Well in, lad! Joelinton punches the ground with joy after finally scoring his first Premier League goal at St James’ Park. He started the move with a good ball out to Almiron on the left, who waited for Joelinton to get into the area and then picked him out with a perfect low cross. Joelinton charged onto the ball and stabbed it past Henderson from eight yards.

3.34pm BST

77 min Ritchie shoots straight at Henderson from long range.

3.34pm BST

76 min A win would move Newcastle up to 12th in the table - and, more importantly, 11 points above the relegation places.

3.31pm BST

74 min A double change for Sheffield United: Luke Freeman and Richairo Zivkovic replaces Billy Sharp and John Fleck.

3.30pm BST

73 min Stevens misses an excellent chance to get one back. The chance was made by Sharp, who got to the byline and cut the ball back through the legs of Lascelles. Stevens charged onto the ball, on the edge of the area, and smashed a rising drive just past the post.

3.29pm BST

71 min “Hi Rob, says Tom Atkins. “Most of the MBM audience probably aren’t as childish and easily amused as I am but the amount of off-message, clearly audible swearing I’m hearing in this game is making me chuckle. Someone at Sky in charge of these things must be having kittens.”

3.28pm BST

70 min Lascelles is booked for a foul on Sharp.

3.27pm BST

Matt Ritchie seals a fine victory for Newcastle. Hayden found him 35 yards from goal with a good crossfield pass. Ritchie ran at the backpedalling Baldock, used the overlapping Rose by not using him and then thrashed a left-footed drive from the edge of the area that flew past Henderson.

3.23pm BST

67 min Time for a drinks break.

3.23pm BST

66 min A Sheffield United change: John Lundstram replaces the subdued Sander Berge.

3.21pm BST

64 min Sheffield United are having a lot of the ball, despite being down to 10 men. I suppose Newcastle are never shy about protecting a lead.

3.18pm BST

61 min Saint-Maximin skins Robinson down the right, charges into the area and cuts the ball back to Almiron, 10 yards from goal. He sidefoots a first-time shot straight at Henderson. That was a great chance to make it 2-0.

3.17pm BST

59 min: Sharp misses a great chance! Sheffield United should be level. Sharp started the move, hammering an excellent crossfield pass out to Baldock on the right. He clipped an inviting cross back towards the far post, where Sharp charged onto the ball but steered a downward header just wide from six yards.

3.16pm BST

58 min “De Gea would have saved that with his feet,” says Vibanshu Bisht. And I suppose Henderson would have saved Bergwijn’s goal on Friday with his hands, so it’s 1-1.

3.13pm BST

Newcastle are a man up and now a goal up. It was a dismal howler from Enda Stevens, who somehow nutmegged himself as he tried to clear Ritchie’s low cross from the left. The ball ran across the area to Saint-Maximin, who rammed it through Henderson at the near post.

3.11pm BST

53 min Joelinton heads straight at Henderson from Hayden’s cross. It was a decent effort from near the penalty spot, but he didn’t get enough of a flick on the ball to send it towards the far corner.

3.09pm BST

50 min Sheffield United are down to 10 men. Egan, the last man, got ain a tangle and pulled Joelinton back 35 yards from goal. You can make your own joke about a clear goalscoring opportunity, such is Joelinton’s form in front of goal, but I can understand why the referee gave him a straight red. Ah, saying which, it seems Egan was given a second yellow rather, which is definitely a fair decision.

3.04pm BST

47 min Newcastle’s last three home games before lockdown finished 0-0.

3.02pm BST

46 min Peep peep! Sheffield United begin the second half.

2.48pm BST

Half-time listening

2.48pm BST

Peep peep! Lots of endeavour, not much attacking quality. Joelinton had the best chance, by far, but sadly made a show of himself. See you in 10 minutes for the second half.

2.44pm BST

43 min After a promising start, the first half is petering out. Given the defensive record of both sides, the scoreline isn’t really a shock.

2.42pm BST

40 min Fleck’s deep corner is headed back across goal by Egan, lurking beyond the far post. The ball falls kindly for a Newcastle defender to boot clear.

2.38pm BST

35 min It’s been a decent game, but both sides have lacked a bit of composure in the final third.

2.34pm BST

33 min Saint-Maximin concedes a silly foul just outside the area on the right. Norwood curls it in and Lascelles heads clear.

2.32pm BST

30 min Joelinton has an impromptu row with Egan. It was all a bit pointless, and both players are booked.

2.30pm BST

29 min Almiron heads the ball past the last man Egan, who struggles desperately to stay with him. Eventually Almiron goes over in the area and the referee waves play on. There was a slight pull of the shirt from Egan, no more than that.

2.26pm BST

27 min Matt Ritchie has looked really bright in the first half hour. Newcastle missed him so much between August and January.

2.24pm BST

22 min “Dear Rob,” says Oliver Lewis. “Not having watched all that much Sheffield United this season, has it been commented on how pleasant on the ear the combination of Basham, Baldock, and Berge are when the commentators say their names as they pass to each other, like some slightly dodgy law firm.”

It has now!

2.21pm BST

20 min Shelvey’s long-range shot is charged down by Egan. Newcastle have been excellent in the last 10 minutes.

2.19pm BST

17 min Joelinton misses an excellent chance. He ran through on goal after a fine pass from Almiron, but the closer he got to Henderson, the less assured he looked. Eventually he tried to open his body and steer the ball across Henderson, but made a hash of it. The ball dribbled into Henderson’s hands and Joelinton fell on his face.

2.14pm BST

13 min Ritchie’s fierce 30-yard shot is pushed away by the flying Henderson. It was a good save, though one he’d expect to make.

2.13pm BST

12 min McBurnie’s header, from Baldock’s cross, bounces gently through to Dubravka.

2.12pm BST

10 min Almiron’s dangerous low cross towards Joelinton is put behind by Basham. Ritchie’s corner leads to a helluva scramble in the six-yard box before Sheffield United clear. Moments later, Saint-Maximin beats Stephens with a lovely stepover but his cutback is missed by Almiron (I think).

2.10pm BST

9 min Sheffield United are dominating the game, with Newcastle struggling to get out of their half at the moment.

2.07pm BST

6 min Norwood’s big, inswinging corner from the left just evades the leaping Robinson at the far post. It’s been a decent start from Sheffield United.

2.06pm BST

5 min Baldock zips between Saint-Maximin and Rose and is fouled. Fleck’s inswinging free-kick is headed away by Shelvey.

2.05pm BST

4 min Nothing to report yet. The fake crowd are in excellent voice though.

2.01pm BST

1 min Peep peep! Newcastle, in black and white stripes, kick off from right to left. Sheffield United are in red and white stripes.

1.58pm BST

The players are out on the field. It’s a cloudy afternoon in St James’ Park, very pleasant conditions for football.

1.52pm BST

“Hey Rob,” says J.R. “Wouldn’t the Aston Villa v Sheffield United game four days ago qualify in the both-managers-in-charge-of-their-boyhood-club-derby category?”

Yes, yes it would.

1.50pm BST

Pre-match reading

1.22pm BST

Live football, while u wait

1.03pm BST

Newcastle United (4-2-3-1) Dubravka; Manquillo, Lascelles, Fernandez, Rose; Hayden, Shelvey; Ritchie, Almiron, Saint-Maximin; Joelinton.
Substitutes: Darlow, Schar, Krafth, Yedlin, Lazaro, Bentaleb, Carroll, Gayle, Muto.

Sheffield United (3-5-2) Henderson; Basham, Egan, Robinson; Baldock, Berge, Norwood, Fleck, Stevens; McBurnie, Sharp.
Substitutes: Moore, Jagielka, K Freeman, Lundstram, L Freeman, Osborn, Rodwell, Zivkovic, Mousset.

10.03am BST

Hello. During lockdown, Newcastle United became a moral compass, with endless chat about the rights and wrongs of their proposed takeover by a Saudi-based consortium. This afternoon, they revert to being a football club. This fixture at home to Sheffield United is their first since the 1-0 win at Southampton on 7 March, a game which, if I am to be honest, I had completely forgotten about.

That win moved Newcastle very close to safety, a fine effort from Steve Bruce given the limitations of his squad and the pathetic abuse he received at the start of the season. If he has had a good season, Chris Wilder has ejoyed a spectacular one. Sheffield United will move up to fifth if they win today, a level of overachievement that verges on the surreal.

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Published on June 21, 2020 07:54

June 20, 2020

Bournemouth 0-2 Crystal Palace: Premier League – as it happened

Luka Milivojevic and Jordan Ayew scored excellent early goals to give Palace a quietly emphatic victory over a subdued Bournemouth

9.41pm BST

Peep peep! Palace move up to ninth, above Arsenal, after a quietly emphatic victory at the Vitality Stadium. Luka Milivojevic and Jordan Ayew scored fone goals in the first 23 minutes, and after that Palace kept Bournemouth at arm’s length with their usual excellent defending. It was an immaculate away performance. Thanks for your company, goodnight!

9.36pm BST

90+3 min No red card for Cook.

9.36pm BST

90+3 min Kouyate is down after wearing Lewis Cook’s elbow in the neck. VAR are looking at it.

9.33pm BST

90 min Six minutes of added time, it stays here.

9.31pm BST

89 min A Palace change. Jairo Riedewald on, James McCarthy off.

9.31pm BST

88 min Townsend wins a corner for Palace, who have managed the game perfectly in the second half. Bournemouth haven’t come close to scoring.

9.29pm BST

86 min Cook is booked for a lunge at Ayew.

9.26pm BST

84 min Stanislas smacks it into the wall.

9.26pm BST

83 min Callum Wilson is fouled on the edge of the D by van Aanholt. Lerma and Stanislas are over it...

9.24pm BST

82 min Lots of Bournemouth possession, but they still don’t look like getting behind Palace.

9.21pm BST

78 min A loose ball comes to Stanislas on the right side of the area. He chops the ball away from McArthur and drives a left-footed shot well wide of the far post.

9.19pm BST

76 min A Palace substitution: Andros Townsend replaces Christian Benteke.

9.17pm BST

73 min Van Aanholt’s angled free-kick is headed down by Benteke to Cahill, who lashes a volley over the bar from 15 yards. It was a very difficult chance, though he is an excellent finisher for a centre-back.

9.14pm BST

72 min Joel Ward is booked for a lunging tackle on someone or other.

9.14pm BST

72 min Bournemouth’s next game is away to Wolves on Wednesday. On the same evening, Crystal Palace go to Liverpool.

9.11pm BST

68 min Solanke shoots well wide from 20 yards. Bournemouth can’t lay a glove on Palace.

9.10pm BST

67 min Lewis Cook is booked for a foul on Ayew. I’m not sure it was a foul, in fact, but it was given.

9.09pm BST

66 min Ake is going to continue, though he doesn’t look great. I don’t know whether he has had a concussion test or not.

9.08pm BST

65 min A Palace substitution: James McCarthy for Luka Milivojevic, whose lovely free-kick gave them the lead.

9.08pm BST

65 min While Ake is being treated, the players take their drinks break a couple of minutes early.

9.07pm BST

63 min Ake’s header, from Stanislas’s outswinging corner, is comfortably saved by Guaita. Ake headed the back of Cahill’s head in his follow through and is receiving treatment. He looks okay, if a bit groggy.

9.04pm BST

61 min Another Bournemouth substitution. David Brooks, who did well on his return but is struggling with cramp, is replaced by Junior Stanislas.

9.01pm BST

58 min Palace are slowly draining the enthusiasm out of Bournemouth, as they did in the first half. A goal would change everything, but at the moment Palace are in control.

9.00pm BST

56 min “I always remember Gerard Pique’s anecdote about Carles Puyol on concentration,” says Mike MacKenzie. “One game, Barca were 4-0 up in the second half. Something humorous occurred and Pique laughed out loud. Puyol shouted at him ‘Focus!!’ (in Catalan of course!).”

8.59pm BST

55 min “Hodgson is indeed an excellent defensive coach,” says Matt Dony. “Now, as a Liverpool fan, I’m never going to be overly enamoured with him, and as a Welshman, there are few things funnier than THAT Iceland game (although, in fairness, much of the humour came from Steve McClaren’s reaction), but he is often unfairly dismissed. His record is long and impressive, and few British coaches can touch his work abroad. I hope he sticks around in the league for a little while yet.”

He’s a superb coach of smaller teams. It sometimes feels like he’d finish in mid-table whether he was in charge of Barcelona or Accrington Stanley.

8.56pm BST

53 min Lewis Cook shoots wide from 25 yards. Bournemouth cannot get behind this terrific Palace defence, hence all the shots from long-range.

8.54pm BST

51 min Lerma’s long-range shot is blocked by Dann. Bournemouth have made a bright start to the second half.

8.52pm BST

49 min Dominic Solanke replaces Josh King.

8.52pm BST

48 min King is being helped off the field, putting very little weight on his left ankle. And there’s no red card for Cahill.

8.51pm BST

47 min Lerma puts the ball out of play so that Josh King can receive treatment. It was a full-blooded tackle from Cahill, who won the ball and then followed through into King’s ankle. VAR are checking for a possible red card, and I reckon Cahill will walk for this.

8.48pm BST

46 min Peep peep! Bournemouth begin the second half.

8.47pm BST

Bournemouth have made a half-time change: Harry Wilson off, Arnaut Danjuma Groeneveld on.

8.33pm BST

Half-time listening

8.33pm BST

Peep peep! Palace are on course for victory to thanks to excellent goals from Luka Milivojevic and Jordan Ayew. They have been immaculate in defence and ruthless in attack; Bournemouth haven’t.

8.32pm BST

45+2 min Adam Smith is booked for a foul on Zaha.

8.30pm BST

45 min Ayew is booked for a late tackle on Lerma.

8.30pm BST

44 min “Hey Rob,” says J.R. in Illinois. “You’re darn tootin’ Roy Hodgson is an outstanding defensive coach. Remember that time he resigned from the England job and was forced into a press conference and he said he couldn’t understand why he had to have a press conference? Boy was he ever defensive.”

8.27pm BST

41 min “‘Palace are finding it so easy…’,” says Gary Naylor. “Well, not really. Hodgson’s approach requires real concentration on the pitch and on the training ground and, though we always talk about a ‘lapse in concentration’ like it’s the default state, it isn’t. Sustained concentration, as anyone who has seen a student change over three years, is both difficult and a learned behaviour. I wonder if Uncle Roy has worked on this - it’s his kind of thing. If so, Mikel Arteta should give him a call.”

Yes, that’s a good point - and it applies equally to attacking teams. Sir Alex Ferguson always spoke about the importance of concentration, and you can really see it when you watch Liverpool and Manchester City.

8.25pm BST

39 min Palace are so comfortable, with and without the ball.

8.20pm BST

35 min Brooks beats van Aanholt with a neat bodyswerve but then misplaces a simple pass to Harry Wilson and waves his arm in frustration.

8.17pm BST

32 min Lerma’s snapshot from 20 yards goes well wide.

8.17pm BST

30 min Bournemouth continue to bang their head against the brick wall. I was wrong about Palace’s two banks of four; it’s one bank of four and another of five, and Bournemouth already look like they’ve had enough of trying to break them down. Roy Hodgson is an outstanding defensive coach.

8.12pm BST

27 min Josh King shoots from 30 yards, and finds Boscombe High Street.

8.10pm BST

25 min And with that, it’s time for a drinks break.

8.10pm BST

Any team in the Premier League would have been happy to score a goal like that. Zaha, on the left, teased Smith and then slid a beautiful pass between him and Harry Wilson to find the overlapping van Aanholt. He looked up and cut it back towards Ayew, who ran round the ball and steered a precise low shot past Ramsdale.

8.09pm BST

What a fine goal from Crystal Palace!

8.08pm BST

23 min That Milivojevic goal has deflated Bournemouth, who had made a jaunty start to the game. Palace have the game under control at the moment.

8.07pm BST

21 min A win today would move Palace above Arsenal, level with Spurs and only four points off Manchester United in fifth. I would love to see Palace in the Champions League. Let’s see how Bayern Munich and Barcelona deal with a Roy Hodgson defence.

8.05pm BST

19 min Milivojevic shoots high over the bar from long range.

8.02pm BST

18 min “I get the sense that there’s been less VAR action in the games so far (including, obviously, one incident that was exactly the type that had people bleating for the magic of technology in the first place),” says Tom Hopkins. “Is that just me, or have the used the break to quietly bin it?”

They haven’t binned it – see the Spurs game – but they might have turned it down a notch.

8.02pm BST

17 min Callum Wilson flicks a header over the bar from Brooks’ inswinging cross. A half chance at best.

8.02pm BST

16 min Brooks plays a nice reverse pass to King, who does likewise to Callum Wilson in the area. His touch is poor and Cahill clears. Brooks looks very bright in the No10 role.

7.59pm BST

13 min Ramsdale did get a hand on Milivojevic’s free-kick, but he was at full stretch and in mid-air so I wouldn’t give him the full Roy Keane.

7.58pm BST

He was interested all right! Luka Milivojevic has given Palace the lead with a classic free-kick. He curled it over the wall, through the hands of the stretching Ramsdale and in off the underside of the bar.

7.57pm BST

11 min Zaha is fouled by Brooks, 22 yards from goal. The free-kick is to the left of centre, and Milivojevic looks interested.

7.56pm BST

11 min A half chance for Zaha, who flashes over from the left side of the box after good play by McArthur. “Ooooh!” scream the fake fans, about five seconds after the ball has cleared the bar.

7.56pm BST

9 min Nothing much to report. Plenty of good intentions from both sides, Bournemouth in particular, but they are not yet at their sharpest.

7.52pm BST

5 min Brooks, playing his first game of the season because of a bad ankle injury, beats van Aanholt on the right with a lovely piece of skill, a kind of Cruyff-turn chop. Bournemouth will be thrilled to have him back.

7.49pm BST

4 min A slow start, as has been the case in most of this week’s games. Palace’s defensive shape is as solid as ever though.

7.46pm BST

1 min After the players on both sides take a knee, Palace get the game under way. They are wearing their beautiful third kit; Bournemouth are in red and black stripes.

7.25pm BST

Bournemouth have had some good news before kick off. West Ham, the team directly above them, have lost at home to Champions League-chasing Wolves.

6.50pm BST

Bournemouth (4-2-3-1) Ramsdale; Smith, Ake, Stacey, S Cook; Lerma, L Cook; H Wilson, Brooks, King; C Wilson.
Substitutes: Boruc, Rico, Kelly, Mepham, Gosling, Surman, Stanislas, Solanke, Groeneveld.

Crystal Palace (4-3-3) Guaita; Ward, Cahill, Dann, van Aanholt; McArthur, Milivojevic, Kouyate; Ayew, Benteke, Zaha.
Substitutes: Hennessey, Sakho, Tavares, Mitchell, Meyer, Townsend, McCarthy, Riedewald, Keutcha.

6.47pm BST

Pre-match reading

6.42pm BST

The BBC has a rich tradition of Saturday night entertainment. Bruce Forsyth’s Generation Game, The Two Ronnies, Noel’s House Party - and now it’s time for Roy Hodgson’s Two Banks of Four*! Yes, live top-flight football is back on the BBC for the first time since March 1988 (overseas readers, this is a very big deal over here, don’t ask me why), and they are starting with one of the games of the season: Bournemouth v Crystal Palace from the Vitality Stadium.

The defensive excellence of Roy Hodgson’s Palace means they are ensconced in mid-table, and could yet challenge for a European place next season. Bournemouth just want a Premier League place. They start the match in 18th, quite a collapse for a team that was seventh in November. But they were showing signs of improvement before lockdown, with seven points from their last three home games. If they can make it ten from four, they will start to feel the winter months were just a bad dream.

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Published on June 20, 2020 13:41

Brighton 2-1 Arsenal: Premier League – as it happened

Neal Maupay was involved in the aerial challenge that led to a nasty injury for Bernd Leno and then scored a dramatic 95th-minute winner at the Amex

7.12pm BST

5.17pm BST

5.07pm BST

Neal Maupay speaks “It’s our first win of the year and I’m so happy for the team... At half-time I went to Mikel Arteta to apologise, because I never meant to injure their keeper. I just jumped to get the ball maybe, and when he landed he twisted his knee. I have been through a bad injury myself and I never meant to hurt him.

“Some of the Arsenal players need to learn a bit of humility. They were talking a lot in the first half, and in the second half they got what they deserved. Until the keeper gets to the ball, you never know what could happen, so I just went to get the ball. I think it was shoulder against shoulder - it’s football, and there was contact. I never meant to hurt him and I’m really sorry he was injured.”

5.02pm BST

That’s such a bonus for Brighton, who were in serious trouble when they went 1-0 down. Thirty minutes later, they had won their first league game of the year and completed the double over Arsenal. We’ll hear more about Bernd Leno’s nasty injury, especially as Neal Maupay then went on to score the winner.

4.59pm BST

Arsenal were the better team throughout, they took the lead, and they lost. Some of the Arsenal players went for Maupay at the final whistle, with Guendouzi putting a hand around his throat. He might get a retrospective ban for that.

4.58pm BST

Neal Maupay, who was already in Arsenal’s bad books after the injury to Bernd Leno, has scored the winner. And it was a beauty. He dummied Mac Allister’s pass to allow it to run through to Connolly, who stabbed it first time round the corner and back into the path of Maupay. He surged away from Mustafi and lobbed the ball calmly over Martinez. That’s a delightful goal.

4.57pm BST

Oh, Arsenal.

4.56pm BST

90+3 min Bissouma has cramp, which is no surprise given he has run about 40 miles during the game. He looks quite a prospect. He jogs off the field to be replaced by the Argentina international Alexis Mac Allister.

4.54pm BST

90+2 min ... and Burn heads it away.

4.54pm BST

90+2 min Tierney wins a corner for Arsenal...

4.53pm BST

90 min Three minutes of added time. It looks like Arsenal are heading for the 14th draw of the league season, and Brighton their ninth in the last 15 games.

4.50pm BST

88 min Stephens for Trossard, I think.

4.50pm BST

87 min Arsenal make a triple substitution. Tierney, Nelson and Willock replaces Ceballos, Pepe and Saka. Brighton bring on Dale Stephens for ... I’ll get back to you.

4.47pm BST

85 min The impressive March plays a good pass to the underlapping Propper, whose mishit cross clears Martinez and almost sneaks in the far corner. I think it was a mishit cross, anyway, because the angle looked prohibitively tight for a shot at goal.

4.45pm BST

83 min Mustafi heads straight at Ryan from Ceballos’s floated cross. A half chance at best.

4.45pm BST

83 min Another chance for Aubameyang, who dummies Dunk beautifully 15 yards from goal and hits a shot that deflects wide off Webster (I think).

4.44pm BST

82 min “Lewis Dunk’s nickname has to be ‘Slam’, right?” says Simon McMahon. “Even a global pandemic can’t change that fact.”

Either that or Indonuts.

4.43pm BST

81 min Mikel Arteta is fuming because he wanted to make two substitutions when Nketiah came on. It looks like the fourth official cocked it up. That means Arsenal only have one block of substitutions remaining.

4.42pm BST

80 min Aubameyang’s long-range shot wobbles nastily in front of Ryan, who has to change direction dramatically to push it away.

4.40pm BST

77 min Lacazette seems okay but he’s coming off anyway. Eddie Nketiah replaces him.

4.39pm BST

76 min Lacazette is down and in pain after a clumsy challenge from Bissouma. There’s a lot to like about Bissouma, but I’m amazed he hasn’t been booked in this game.

4.38pm BST

Brighton have equalised! March worked a short corner on the left with Trossard and hammered a low cross into the six-yard box, where the ball ricocheted around before Dunk forced it over the line from a couple of yards.

4.35pm BST

73 min A win today would move Arsenal above Tottenham, and within three points of Man Utd in fifth place.

4.33pm BST

71 min A double change for Brighton. Martin Montoya and the young Irish striker Aaron Connolly replace whoever they’ve replaced. Schelotto and Gross.

4.33pm BST

70 min Four of Brighton’s next five games are against teams in the top five. They are in serious trouble.

4.32pm BST

69 min Arsenal celebrate their goal with a drinks break.

4.31pm BST

Nicolas Pepe, who had produced the square root of bugger all until that point, has scored a beauty. He moved infield from the right, hugging the ball on his left foot, and used the defender as a screen so that he could whip a spectacular curling shot into the far top corner. It was pretty similar to his goal at West Ham earlier in the season.

4.30pm BST

Arsenal take the lead with a fine goal!

4.29pm BST

67 min March’s deep, floated cross is headed straight at the keeper by Schelotto. It was no more than a half chance.

4.28pm BST

66 min At the other end, Aubameyang’s shot on the turn is kicked behind by Ryan, who was well positioned at the near post.

4.27pm BST

65 min ... which is claimed with authority by Martinez.

4.27pm BST

65 min Maupay’s shot hits Bellerin and deflects behind for a corner...

4.22pm BST

61 min Arsenal will be royally hacked off if they don’t win this game, as they have been much the better side.

4.21pm BST

59 min Bissouma fouls Aubameyang 30 yards from goal, a fair way to the left of centre. Ceballos touches it off to Aubameyang, whose shot hits the wall.

4.19pm BST

58 min “Rob, David Luiz is grateful,” says Mary Waltz. “You have replaced Luiz as the most hated man for the Arsenal fan base.”

Can I go to sleep now? Don’t worry about waking me up.

4.18pm BST

57 min “Good to see everyone commenting calmly,” says Ian Copestake. “I knew this country would come out of all its crises with a love of others uppermost.”

It’s so boring. It makes me want to sleep forever.

4.18pm BST

56 min A long cross from the right is pulled down by Maupay, who thrashes it towards goal from a tight angle. Martinez is well positioned and beats it behind for a corner.

4.17pm BST

55 min Bissouma is fortunate not to be booked for a late, high tackle on Mustafi.

4.15pm BST

54 min Lacazette is booked for a late sliding tackle on the keeper Ryan. It was a foul; a yellow card was maybe a bit harsh.

4.15pm BST

53 min Aubameyang has a goal disallowed. He was flagged offside but made a point of running through to score just in case it was the wrong decision. VAR shows he was half a yard ahead of the last defender.

4.14pm BST

52 min Arsenal have continued their domination since half-time, and a goal looks increasingly inevitable.

4.09pm BST

48 min Aubameyang’s low shot bounces awkwardly in front of Ryan, who grabs it at the second attempt with Lacazette waiting to pounce.

4.07pm BST

46 min The second half is under way. Aaron Mooy has been replaced by Solly March for Brighton. Neal Maupay is still on the pitch, despite being wanted by Interpol.

4.06pm BST

“You said, ‘I don’t agree with that. It was a horrible injury but to suggest Maupay was trying to inflict a serious injury is, I think, absurd,’” says James Hupp. “In legal terms, this is what the concept of negligence is all about. He has no play on the ball. He won’t dislodge the ball from the keeper except by way of a foul that would certainly be called. There is no positive purpose to the foul. Yes, he may not be trying to injure him in a serious way, but the only consequence of the contact is either nothing at all or injury. It’s creating a risk of injury where none need exist.”

Along with about 150 actions in every single football match.

3.58pm BST

“Insane to deem that acceptable conduct,” says Alan Pyke. “The fact that strikers do it all the time and go unpunished doesn’t make it ok to toss an elbow into the ribs of a midair keeper. Maupay has no chance of playing that ball. And without his nudge, Leno’s landing under his own control. Why are cards never given for these? They are dangerous, dirty plays - the outcome here points that up.”

I didn’t say it was acceptable, I said it was typical. I wasn’t suggesting that Maupay should be knighted for services to snidery.

3.57pm BST

Half-time chit-chat

“Rob, come on, your United side shining through!” says Andrew Hurley. “It was not nothing, it was the latest piece of unnecessary thuggery to injure an Arsenal player - Debuchy, Diaby, Eduardo...”

3.53pm BST

Arsenal have had enough chances to be a couple of goals ahead, but a combination of Mat Ryan, the crossbar and some desperate defending has thwarted them. The main event of the half, sadly, was a grisly injury to the Arsenal keeper Bernd Leno. See you in 10 minutes for the second half.

3.49pm BST

45+3 min: Vital tackle from Webster! Aubameyang cut infield from the left and found Lacazette. He returned the favour with a lovely backheel, and Aubameyang was about to score when Webster stretched out a leg to concede a corner.

3.46pm BST

45 min There will be five minutes of added time.

3.45pm BST

44 min Mooy’s clever reverse pass is miscontrolled by Trossard in the area. Moments later, Mooy is booked for a foul on Ceballos.

3.43pm BST

42 min Gross’s right-wing corner is headed clear as far as Mooy on the edge of the area. He drills an excellent first-time shot towards goal, and Martinez - who must have been partially unsighted - gets down smartly to his right to make an authoritative save.

3.41pm BST

41 min Martinez replaces Leno.

3.41pm BST

40 min As he is stretchered off, Leno points angrily at Maupay and has a few words. Maupay looks quite shocked by that. It wasn’t a bad foul, just a typical case of a striker leaving something on the keeper.

3.40pm BST

39 min Emiliano Martinez is ready to come on for Arsenal. Leno is being moved carefully onto a stretcher, with his gloves over his face.

3.38pm BST

37 min Leno ran to the edge of the area and jumped to collect a bouncing ball, at which point he was given a little shove by Maupay, almost as an afterthought. It was the landing that caused the injury, possibly to his right knee. The poor bloke is in agony. BT Sport say they are not going to show a replay, because the pictures are “pretty distressing”.

3.37pm BST

36 min Leno is down and in a lot of pain after being shoved over by Maupay. This doesn’t look good at all. A number of the Arsenal players have walked away looking distressed.

3.35pm BST

33 min “Hi Rob,” says Robin Burchfield. “You said, ‘Trossard plays a nice give-and-go with Propper, and then, from a very tight angle, volleys the ball in the direction of Chichester’. Unless a tremendous amount of spin was applied which will change the direction of the ball in mid-air, I would say that it is in fact heading in an Eastbourne direction instead.”

My point exactly.

3.32pm BST

31 min: Chance for Arsenal! Saka’s low cross from the left takes a deflection and bounces up towards Lacazette, who improvises nicely to flick a header towards goal. Ryan dives smartly to his left to make an excellent save.

3.30pm BST

30 min Burn is booked for a poor tackle on Pepe.

3.29pm BST

28 min Propper drives a pass straight out of play. As you’d expect, Brighton look very rusty in possession.

3.27pm BST

26 min Trossard plays a nice give-and-go with Propper, and then, from a very tight angle, volleys the ball into Chichester High Street.

3.26pm BST

25 min Mooy twists Ceballos one way and then the other to win a corner, prompting some not entirely appropriate oohs from the fake fans. Gross’s corner is a poor one.

3.23pm BST

23 min It’s time for the drinks break.

3.20pm BST

20 min Maupay runs at Holding and drives a low cross-shot that is well held by the diving Leno.

3.18pm BST

18 min Arsenal still look the better side in possession. Saka moves into the area and tries to zip past Webster, who stretches to make a clean challenge.

3.16pm BST

16 min “Will Arsenal be playing every day from now on?” says Ian Copestake. “Nice of them to just get on with it rather than moaning about fixture pile-ups as others might have of wont to be (so to say).”

I’ll give you a pile-up, mate.

3.15pm BST

14 min Brighton apply a bit of pressure through a series of set-pieces. Arsenal defend solidly though, and that’s that.

3.12pm BST

11 min “Hi Rob,” says Tom McPeterson. “Looks like it could be a cagey one today, but if it doesn’t end in a draw then I can see one of these teams winning this.”

You’ll look very silly when the match is abandoned after half an hour due to the apocalypse.

3.10pm BST

10 min Brighton are hanging on. Lacazette’s close-range shot is brilliantly blocked by Dunk, who threw himself at the ball like John Terry and stopped it with his bum.

3.09pm BST

8 min: Saka hits the bar! What a superb effort. He picked up a loose ball 25 yards from goal, moved infield and whipped a right-footed shot that beat Ryan and clattered off the bar. He looks a serious player, this kid, a potential superstar.

3.08pm BST

7 min It’s been a good start from Arsenal, who look sharper than Brighton. That’s probably to be expected, given they’ve already played.

3.06pm BST

5 min A dreadful pass from Propper goes straight to Aubameyang, who moves to the edge of the D and slashes a rising drive just wide with his left foot.

3.05pm BST

3 min “If Saka is going to lay as one of a central three, des it not make more sense to put him on the left, rather than in the midfield monster/destroyer/ ogre role in the middle?” says Charles Antaki. “He’s only a little chap.”

Yep, that’s where he’s playing, wth Ceballos to the right and Guendouzi in what is now known as the ogre role.

3.02pm BST

1 min Bukayo Saka is playing in midfield for Arsenal in a 4-3-3 formation. And Arsenal almost score after 33 seconds when Aubameyang’s close-range scissor kick is crucially blocked.

3.01pm BST

1 min Peep peep! Arsenal, in red, kick off from right to left. Brighton are wearing the usual blue and white stripes.

2.57pm BST

It’s a lovely afternoon in Falmer, warm but not sweltering. It’s almost time for some more football action.

2.49pm BST

“Quite an odd line-up for Arsenal, if they are playing 4-2-3-1, with three wingers on the team sheet,” says Marty Bull. “Do you think they will play Pepe in the middle, or 5 at the back with wing-backs?”

I think they’ll play 4-2-3-1 with Pepe in the middle, but that’s just a guess. I’m no tactics tsar.

2.48pm BST

Some pre-match reading

2.26pm BST

It has finished Watford 1-1 Leicester in the lunchtime game. Ben Chilwell gave Leicester the lead with a screamer in the 90th minute; Craig Dawson equalised in injury time with a spectacular overhead kick.

2.18pm BST

“Afternoon Rob,” says Geoff Wignall. “I can’t help thinking that Brighton (and Hove, as I’ve lived in both) could be the team punished by David Luiz’s absence.”

2.06pm BST

Brighton (4-2-3-1) Ryan; Schelotto, Dunk, Webster, Burn; Propper, Bissouma; Gross, Mooy, Trossard; Maupay.
Substitutes: Button, Lamptey, Duffy, Montoya, Mac Allister, Stephens, March, Murray, Connolly.

Arsenal (4-1-2-3) Leno; Bellerin, Mustafi, Holding, Kolasinac; Guendouzi; Ceballos, Saka; Pepe, Lacazette, Aubameyang.
Substitutes: Martinez, Tierney, Medley, Ozil, Maitland-Niles, Willock, Martinelli, Nelson, Nketiah.

11.35am BST

It’s Saturday, it’s 3pm and it’s live? Bob Lord will be spinning in his grave. This match between Brighton and Arsenal - and the one running simultaneously between West Brom and Birmingham in the Championship - is the first English league game to kick off at 3pm on Saturday and be shown on television in the UK. To some it’s sacrilege, to others a logical compromise. I’ll level with you: I can see both sides!

The match itself may also sit on the fence. Brighton and Arsenal are among the Premier League’s draw specialists, with 24 between them this season. Brighton are in 15th, two points above the relegation places. Since their 2-1 victory at Arsenal in early December, they have won only one out of 14 league games, with eight draws in that time.

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Published on June 20, 2020 09:16

June 17, 2020

Manchester City 3-0 Arsenal: Premier League – as it happened

A shambolic performance from the Arsenal substitute David Luiz gave Manchester City a comfortable victory on their return to action

1.23am BST

11.48pm BST

10.22pm BST

“Breaking News!” writes Gary Naylor. “With Arsenal away at the Amex on Saturday, they have decided not to appeal David Luiz’s red card. But Brighton have.”

10.21pm BST

Jamie Jackson’s match report has arrived, so I’ll leave you with that. Thanks for your company, goodnight.

10.19pm BST

ICYMI, here’s what happened earlier.

10.17pm BST

The game ended with a worrying injury to City’s teenage centre-back Eric Garcia, who was stretchered off after being flattened by Ederson. There’s no more news on him at the moment.

10.17pm BST

Peep peep! Manchester City complete a comfortable win over Arsenal. The government hoped the return of the Premier League might lift the nation’s morale, and David Luiz obliged with a slapstick cameo for the ages. After coming on as substitute he made the first two City goals in his own inimitable style.

Luiz set up Raheem Sterling’s opening goal after suddenly forgetting how to control his own legs, and secured victory for City by giving away a penalty and getting sent off just after half-time.

10.14pm BST

90+8 min Almost a consolation goal for Arsenal. After excellent play from Nelson, Aubameyang’s close-range shot deflects wide off the ever diligent Gundogan.

10.11pm BST

90+6 min And now Aguero misses an even better chance, driving into the side netting after a good through pass from Foden.

10.10pm BST

90+5 min Bernardo Silva misses a good chance, spraying well wide from the edge of the area.

10.10pm BST

90+4 min The upshot of this result is that Liverpool can’t win the title at Goodison Park on Sunday. They should now seal it at home to Crystal Palace next week.

10.07pm BST

Phil Foden seals a thumping win for City. It was a brilliant move, started by a stunning, flat crossfield pass from Fernandinho to Walker. Aguero and Sterling then sliced the Arsenal defence open with a lovely give-and-go. Aguero’s shot hit the post via the legs of Leno, and Foden gobbled up the rebound.0

10.05pm BST

90 min There will be 11 added minutes.

10.03pm BST

88 min Garcia is finally moved onto the bigger stretcher and moved carefully from the field. City have used all five subs so they are down to 10 men as well.

10.02pm BST

86 min Ederson is leaning over Garcia to check if he is okay. At first he stayed away, whether because of fear, shock or whatever. Garcia still hasn’t been moved onto the bigger of the two stretchers. And though the players look relatively calm, this is all pretty worrying. He has been down for six or seven minutes now.

10.00pm BST

85 min Garcia is still being treated. The players don’t look unduly worried - Ederson and Aguero are joking about something while Mendy and Lacazette are having a conversation with their shirts pulled over their faces. I’m sure Garcia is concussed; beyond that we don’t know.

9.58pm BST

83 min Ederson charged out of his area to head a long ball clear, and accidentally followed through to flatten Garcia. It was not unlike the infamous Schumacher/Battiston incident in 1982. Garcia is still down receiving treatment, and is about to be moved onto a stretcher. I think he’s in a neck brace.

9.56pm BST

80 min Ederson has accidentally flattened one of his team-mates, who is on his back and surrounded by concerned players on both sides. I’m not sure who it is but there are a lot of medical staff around him.

9.54pm BST

80 min City’s final substitution. Sergio Aguero replaces Gabriel Jesus, so Leroy Sane will have to wait for his return to the first team.

9.54pm BST

79 min Rodri is booked for an old normal tactical foul.

9.54pm BST

79 min The reason Gundogan was in so much space for that chance was that Rodri blocked an Arsenal player, Maitland-Niles I think, so it would probably have been disallowed by VAR had City scored.

9.53pm BST

78 min “To confirm the actual best word ever, may I present ultracrepidarian?” says Lenny. “Ultracrepidarianism is the habit of giving opinions and advice on matters outside of one’s knowledge. No better description of a football fan exists.”

9.53pm BST

77 min: Another good save from Leno! City had a free-kick 30 yards from goal after that Tierney foul. Sterling shaped to shoot and then played into Gundogan in space on the right side of the area. He took a touch and sidefooted a shot that was palmed away at the near post by Leno. He’s been excellent.

9.51pm BST

76 min Tierney is booked for a poor tackle on Gundogan.

9.51pm BST

73 min “Evening Rob,” says Simon McMahon. “So football is back, and already it feels as if it’s never been away. VAR controversy, and Arsenal being Arsenal. Some things don’t need complicated language. Football is as football does.”

9.44pm BST

70 min More City changes. Rodri and Fernandinho replace Aymeric Laporte and the wonderful Kevin De Bruyne.

9.44pm BST

69 min Gorgeous play from City. Gundogan waves a pass out to Sterling on the right side of the area. He waits for the ball to bounce and then flicks it through to the onrushing De Bruyne, whose shot is pushed behind by Leno.

9.43pm BST

68 min “Good evening Rob,” says Duncan Lennox. “Do you think these audio crowds can do a Mexican.wav? Sorry.”

You’ll get plenty of Free Lossless Audio Codec for that pun.

9.42pm BST

67 min Arsenal make their last block of substitutions. Alexandre Lacazette, Ainsley Maitland-Niles and Reiss Nelson replace Guendouzi, Willock and Nketiah.

9.39pm BST

65 min A couple of changes for City: Bernardo Silva and Phil Foden replace David Silva and Riyad Mahrez.

9.39pm BST

65 min David Silva plays a fine through pass to Walker, whose low cross is well claimed by Leno. After a difficult start, this has turned into a very rewarding net session for City.

9.38pm BST

64 min “I regularly floccinaucinihilipilificate David Luiz,” says Dave Scott. “Just thought I’d mention it.”

9.37pm BST

62 min Arsenal have barely had a kick in the last five minutes.

9.34pm BST

60 min “Can we go back to not having football please?” writes

David Lu-
Harry Christie.

9.34pm BST

59 min Jesus blooters the ball straight at Leno from 25 yards. It was a fierce strike but too close to the keeper.

9.32pm BST

58 min Tierney is now playing at centre-half alongside Mustafi, who is back on the field.

9.32pm BST

57 min “So Arsenal could be down to no centre-halves,” says Tracy Mohr, referring to my comment after Mustafi’s injury. “How will we know the difference?”

9.30pm BST

56 min Arsenal played very well for half an hour, but now they are facing yet another heavy defeat to City.

9.29pm BST

54 min Mustafi is now struggling after that Sterling tackle, so Arsenal could be down to no centre-halves. They have three more substitutions but only one remaining block of substitutions under the new rules.

9.27pm BST

52 min Mustafi is down after a lunge from Sterling. It wasn’t a great tackle, and he probably should have been booked.

9.25pm BST

De Bruyne scores with ease, slamming the ball low to the right.

9.25pm BST

49 min David Luiz has given away a penalty and been sent off. It was desperate defending. Mahrez chested the ball past him and moved into the area, at which point Luiz pulled him over by the shoulder.

9.23pm BST

48 min “Rob my dear chap,” says Kim Thonger. “On the subject of the thesaurus, who can possibly deny that the finest word ever invented, in any language, is prestidigitateur? Supplementary question, which footballer is best described thus? I say George Best. Discuss.”

I will, just as soon as

I’ve had chance to google it
the ball goes dead.

9.22pm BST

47 min Ederson’s awesome long pass - Frank de Boer couldn’t have done it better - almost puts Mahrez through on goal. His touch is just too heavy, and that allows Leno to claim.

9.20pm BST

46 min Peep peep! City begin the second half. No half-time changes on either side.

9.17pm BST

Ian Copestake, Liverpool fan “The not great thing for Arsenal, and my positivity, is that David Luiz will now be looking to make amends!”

9.16pm BST

“Maybe Goalref (sensor in the ball) will prove to be a better form of goal line technology,” says Paul. “Today could be a watershed in the development of refereeing aids. However, the VARs were faced with a new situation and were clearly found wanting.”

That’s an excellent point. In their defence, I imagine they are all told to leave the room exactly as they found it.

9.08pm BST

“You can always count on David Luiz,” says Mary Waltz, “to have his ‘Look, squirrel!’ moment.”

9.07pm BST

“Hi Rob,” says Lenny. “I know you’re a wordsmith and all, but for me (Clive), the most satisfying element of that statement by Hawkeye is the learning of the word occlusion. Having now looked up the definition, I’m not even sure it’s the correct usage. It’s for these reasons I’ve missed football so much.”

Lot of people eating the thesaurus these days. Not sure why everyone needs to be so magniloquent.

9.05pm BST

Peep peep! After a slow start, Manchester City went through the gears and took a deserved lead just before half-time through Raheem Sterling’s first goal of 2020. The standard has been decent, however surreal the experience. See you in 15 minutes for more of the same.

9.04pm BST

45+3 min A hat-tip to Stephen Carr, who sent this email a few minutes before the goal. “Nearly all of City’s attacks are in the area patrolled by David Luiz. He’s had quite the impact since he came on...”

9.03pm BST

Raheem Sterling scores the first Premier League goal since the restart, but give credit to David Luiz for a masterful assist. De Bruyne’s ball infield from the right bounced up towards David Luiz, who opened his body to thigh it into the space behind the Arsenal defence, and indeed himself. Sterling ran on to it, waited for the ball to bounce and welted the ball past Leno.

9.01pm BST

45 min Three minutes of added time.

8.59pm BST

43 min Saka’s outswinging free-kick from the left just evades the stretching Mustafi at the far post.

8.57pm BST

40 min “Hello Rob,” says Kári Tulinius. “I had long ago made plans to be in a summer cabin this week in my native Iceland. I was worried I’d miss Arsenal’s first game back. But I checked before going and found that all the summer cabins in this association had pay-per-view through a fibreoptic cable. Anyway, today I found out that this is the only cabin that hasn’t been hooked up yet.”

That’s a shame. On the plus side, YOU’RE IN A SUMMER CABIN IN BLOODY ICELAND, MAN!

8.56pm BST

39 min Another chance for City, who have been magnificent in the last five minutes. De Bruyne plays a simple* through pass to Sterling, who flips the ball over Leno but also the crossbar. He should have scored.

* for him

8.55pm BST

38 min “Nobody panic,” says Jonathan Seyghal. “Yes, 2020’s been strange but... ARSENAL ARE BACK!”

Still 0-0 here at the Etihad.

8.53pm BST

37 min City have upped their game in the last few minutes. A glorious pass from De Bruyne puts Mahrez through on goal, and Leno flies from his line to make an excellent block.

8.52pm BST

36 min “Dealing with Chaka Khan puns now?” says Niall Mullen. “I feel for you.”

Unsubscribe. That was one of her songs, right?

8.52pm BST

35 min Leno makes a much better save, plunging to his left to beat away a shot on the turn from David Silva. It came after a fine passing move from City, their best of the match, and it was a superb stop.

8.50pm BST

34 min Sterling cuts infield from the left and hits a trademark curler across goal that is palmed away by the diving Leno. It was a comfortable save as it wasn’t right in the corner.

8.50pm BST

33 min Garcia drags Nketiah over just outside the area. Anthony Taylor decides it’s not a foul. Nketiah has caused Garcia problems with his movement.

8.47pm BST

31 min “It’s too bad that City’s back-up goalkeeper isn’t playing tonight,” says Peter Oh. “The match could have been billed here in the US as ‘The Tonight Show, featuring Leno and Carson!’”

8.47pm BST

30 min Gundogan overhits a routine (for him) pass to Sterling, a microcosm of a rusty first-half performance from City. The worry for them is that they don’t have many attacking options on the bench either.

8.45pm BST

29 min “Hey, I can do optimism,” weeps Ian Copestake. “If Arsenal draw what are the permutations for the Everton v Liverpool game? Would it be a clincher?”

Nope, you need Arsenal to win. But that is not as absurd a concept as it was 29 minutes ago. They’re playing really well.

8.44pm BST

28 min “Sorry Rob, I’ve been working on my novel in an isolated cabin in the Norwegian mountains for the last six months,” says Phil Grey. “I was expecting Italy - Switzerland tonight. What’s going on?”

It’s the new normal!

8.43pm BST

27 min Arsenal definitely look the sharper side, even though they have already lost two players through injury. It may be a while before they have a better chance to win at the Etihad.

8.42pm BST

25 min De Bruyne gives the ball away just outside his own area. Arsenal work the ball nicely for Aubameyang, who hoofs over from 25 yards.

8.40pm BST

24 min David Luiz replaces Pablo Mari, who is limping heavily as he is helped down the touchline.

8.40pm BST

23 min “Ah, that’s nothing,” says Matt Dony. “I have three months’ worth of bad puns, strained analogies, obscure pop-culture references and crowbarred allusions to Wales all bouncing around my brain. It’s going to be a fun 90-odd games. (For me, that is. Not the poor saps running MBMs, obviously.)”

You should try Twitter. I hear it’s good this time of year.

8.38pm BST

22 min Now Pablo Mari is down with an injury, and David Luiz is getting ready to come on. It looks like an achilles problem. While Pablo Mari is treated, the players take a drinks break.

8.35pm BST

In other news, it’s back!

Hawk-Eye statement on the goal line incident during Aston Villa v Sheffield match this evening. pic.twitter.com/I2u5lqKMqe

8.34pm BST

18 min It’s been a confident start from Arsenal, who look lively in attack and composed in possession: they’ve had 50 per cent of it, in fact. The roof can always fall in pretty quickly against a Pep Guardiola team, but Mikel Arteta will bne pleased with how the match has gone so far.

8.32pm BST

16 min Tierney finds Aubameyang, who wins Arsenal’s first corner. Nothing comes of it.

8.30pm BST

13 min Saka’s inswinging cross from the right is volleyed wide of the near post by Nketiah. He got in front of Garcia but the ball came to him at an awkward height.

8.28pm BST

12 min Both teams look pretty sharp, given they haven’t played since March.

8.27pm BST

11 min Niall Mullen was right: bants really is back, as this email shows.

“Turns out, Xhaka can’t,” says Matt Dony.

8.26pm BST

10 min “Welcome back Rob,” says Gary Naylor. “Riyad Mahrez and Kevin de Bruyne on the same pitch? Reminds me of the heady days of Thierry Henry and Robert Pires. Four footballers who could have danced at the London Coliseum.”

Mahrez is a joy, isn’t he? I love wingers who beat their man through sleight of hip, especially when they are left-footed.

8.25pm BST

9 min A City corner is half-cleared to Walker, whose volley across goal skims the head of Bellerin and goes behind for a ... goalkick.

8.23pm BST

7 min Xhaka is stretchered off with what looks like an ankle-ligament injury. Dani Ceballos replaces him.

8.22pm BST

6 min Xhaka won’t be able to continue, and Dani Ceballos is hurriedly undressing. He twisted his ankle as he was chasing after a City player and then fell into his team-mate Guendouzi.

8.21pm BST

5 min There’s a break in play while Xhaka receives treatment. I’m sure there will be a few muscle injuries in these early games because of the short pre-season. Xhaka looks like he’s struggling.

8.20pm BST

4 min De Bruyne clips the free-kick over the wall but too close to Leno, who leaps to fingertip it over the bar.

8.19pm BST

3 min Sterling is flattened by Pablo Mari just outside the area. It was an abysmal tackle, a Sunday-league hack, and I’m surprised he wasn’t booked.

8.18pm BST

3 min “Hey Rob,” says Niall Mullen. “How will City cope playing in front of a crowd this big?!! Bantz is back amirite?”

It is now!

8.18pm BST

2 min Nketiah misses an early chance, lobbing over Ederson but also the crossbar. No matter as he’d been flagged offside.

8.17pm BST

2 min A slight surprise in the Arsenal formation. Aubameyang is playing from the left, with Bukayo Saka on the right. Eddie Nketiah is up front.

8.16pm BST

1 min Peep peep! Arsenal kick off from right to left.

8.16pm BST

There’s a minute’s silence for the victims of Covid-19, including Pep Guardiola’s mother Dolors Sala Carrio, after which the 22 players and the referee Anthony Taylor take a knee.

8.13pm BST

As the away side, Arsenal have the honour of getting drenched first. They are wearing their third kit, a stylish navy blue number, due to the colour clash between their usual red and Manchester City’s sky blue.

8.10pm BST

“As far as the football schedule goes, it is early spring,” says Mary Waltz. “Rain on the pitch makes perfect sense.”

Good point, although if this continues for half an hour we’ll have moats on the pitch. It’s John Cusack weather!

8.07pm BST

“The opening match delivered no sort of escapism at all,” chirps Ian Copestake. “Just a return to a familiar sort of hell. At least there will be pretty patterns on display in this one.”

Ian, sometimes I wonder whether you are truly living your best life.

8.04pm BST

It’s pelting down in Manchester. It’s the middle of June.

7.59pm BST

Mikel Arteta has just Whatsapped me to confirm that Mesut Ozil, who is not in the Arsenal squad, is not injured. Arteta says he will talk about it after the game.

7.56pm BST

It’s back! It has finished Aston Villa 0-0 Sheffield United at Villa Park. It should have been 1-0 to Sheffield United, but goalline technology went rogue when Oliver Norwood scored just before half-time.

7.51pm BST

“Scrumdidlyupmtious to see you in the seat for tonight’s game, Rob,” says Bill Hargreaves. “Hope you’ve kept well this Covid period. Into the breach, dear friends!”

I don’t know whether it’s an endorsement or an indictment of my life, but I’ve barely noticed any difference in lockdown. I’ve missed deliberately walking into who are engrossed in their phones, but that’s about it.

7.48pm BST

“Very happy about our players taking a knee in support of Black Lives Matter,” says Michelle Peters-Jones. “We need a strong statement from the Premier League and this is it in the strongest possible way, especially compared to the sports leagues across the pond.”

Yes, I’m sure it’ll happen before every Premier League game this week. It’s absolutely a good thing, but it’s probably worth revisiting in five years’ time to see whether it was more than just a PR gesture.

7.41pm BST

An email! “This ‘outside chance’ you mention, Rob, of Arsenal getting into the Champions League,” begins Charles Antaki. “Is this the same kind of outside chance that Captain Oates took, that chilly night in the Antarctic?”

If they win tonight they’ll be two points off fifth place. They’d still cock it up, nowt surer, but I reckon that constitutes an outside chance.

7.39pm BST

More pre-match reading, including a very happy story from Leicestershire

7.30pm BST

7.25pm BST

While you wait, why not ready today’s Fiver? It’s all about the sad end of our world-famous* STOP FOOTBALL campaign.

7.20pm BST

The state of that Manchester City subs’ bench.

Manchester City (4-3-3) Ederson; Walker, Garcia, Laporte, Mendy; De Bruyne, Gundogan, D Silva; Mahrez, Jesus, Sterling.
Substitutes: Carson, Zinchenko, Otamendi, Rodri, B Silva, Fernandinho, Aguero, Sane, Foden.

5.06pm BST

For heaven’s sake, man, cool your jets! This is only game two of 92 in the Great Summer Festival of Football, and you’ve already ingurgitated all the Wagon Wheels. And what’s happened to that crate of Hofmeister? That was supposed to last until Crystal Palace v Burnley a week on Monday!

Yep, the Premier League is back with a view improving the nation’s morale, and probably its obesity levels. Aston Villa v Sheffield United is taking place right now - you’ll be pleased to know the Premier League restart has already descended into farce - with the main course to follow at the Etihad. We’ve sacrificed plenty in the last few months, so now it’s time for a peedie reward: we get to watch Kevin De Bruyne play association football. Unless Pep leaves him out, in which case we can always head over to Fred Dinenage: Murder Casebook on Sky Crime.

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Published on June 17, 2020 14:21

June 16, 2020

Fred Spiksley: wing wizard, film star and POW escapee – podcast

Football is more than just a game. The best stories from the beautiful game that you may never have heard before, written by some of the world’s leading sports journalists, and spanning more than 100 years of sporting history from across the footballing planet.

In this episode: Fred Spiksley dazzled as an outside-left, but found his far-reaching coaching ideas spurned in England after success abroad, having also dabbled in film and been embroiled in a wartime escape mission

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Published on June 16, 2020 21:00

Werder Bremen 0-1 Bayern Munich: Bundesliga – as it happened

Robert Lewandowski’s expert finish, his 31st league goal of the season, sealed an eighth consecutive Bundesliga title for Hansi Flick’s side

9.32pm BST

All the Bayern players are sporting T-shirts with 8 on the front and 30 on the back: eight consecutive titles, 30 in total. Congratulations to them and especially their coach Hansi Flick. Thanks for your company - see you tomorrow for some Premier League action. Goodnight!

9.26pm BST

Bayern celebrate with hugs on the pitch and fistbumps in the stands, although one of the board members got carried away and gave Karl-Heinz Rummenigge a big hug.

9.24pm BST

Full time: Werder Bremen 0-1 Bayern Munich That’s it! Robert Lewandowski’s masterful first-half goal has sealed yet another title for Bayern, their eighth in a row. It was a bit tight towards the end but nobody can reasonably deny their victory - not just tonight but over the whole season. They were seventh in December and in big trouble, so they won 17 of the next 18 games to win the league at a canter. It’s a helluva story, especially for their new coach Hansi Flick. They have been awesome.

9.23pm BST

90+3 min Four minutes of added time. Bayern have a corner.

9.20pm BST

90 min: Great save by Neuer! That was so close to a Bremen equaliser. Bartels floated a lovely ball into the area towards Osako, whose deft header was heading for the bottom corner until Neuer plunged to his right to make a superb reaction save.

9.18pm BST

89 min Kimmich is booked for a retaliatory foul on someone.

9.18pm BST

88 min Langkamp is booked for flattening Lewandowski. And here comes the 41-year-old Claudio Pizarro, who replaces Veljkovic.

9.17pm BST

87 min A vital interception from Boateng, who sticks out a leg to stop Gebre Selassie’s low cross reaching the unmarked Sargent in the middle.

9.16pm BST

86 min Bremen appeal for a penalty when Sargent’s snapshot hits the body of Boateng. The referee isn’t interested. But this is getting a little hairy for Bayern. Replays show that, while the shot did hit Boateng’s hand, his body was in a natural position.

9.14pm BST

84 min Another Bremen change: Davy Klaassen off, Niclas Fullkrug on.

9.12pm BST

82 min A Bayern change: Lucas Hernandez comes on for Serge Gnabry. He has gone to left-back, with Alaba moving back infield. Moments later, Coman flashes a wonderful low cross that just beats the stretching Lewandowski in the six-yard box.

9.11pm BST

81 min Coman almost seals the title for Bayern. He twisted Veljkovic inside out on the left side of the box before whacking a low shot that hit the legs of Pavlenka and went behind for a corner.

9.10pm BST

80 min Kimmich has dropped into the back four, with Alaba moving to left back.

9.09pm BST

79 min Bayern are down to 10 men. Alphonso Davies gets a second yellow card for a block on Veljkovic. It was fairly soft for a second yellow, but then he might have gone in the first half.

9.07pm BST

77 min More sweeper-keeping from Neuer, who wins the ball ahead of Osako but then overruns it, which means he has to keep running and tackle a second Bremen player. No, I have no idea who it was.

9.06pm BST

75 min “No!” says Woolie Madden. “It can’t be! I saw Pizarro on the teamsheet, and assumed it was simply a different Pizarro to the one I first encountered on ISS Pro Evolution – the precursor to Pro Evolution Soccer. His career predates Pro Evo! He began playing professionally the same summer Three Lions was in the charts! Incredible!”

9.03pm BST

73 min Bayern look content to pass the clock down, having twigged that Bremen are almost certainly not going to score tonight.

9.02pm BST

71 min Werder put 10 passes together for the first time in the second half. Eventually Bartels plays a good ball to find Gebre Selassie in space on the right. His dangerous cross into the six-yard box is brilliantly defended by Boateng, who gets in front of Osako to volley clear.

8.58pm BST

68 min Bayern were seventh in December; I can’t quite get my head round that. It’s all a bit Liverpool 81-82.

8.56pm BST

66 min “Cheers Rob,” says Peter Oh. “Re: 60 min. With the title only minutes away, even a wet Flick can chill.”

I’m afraid that needs to be referred to the Guardian Contemporary Pun Committee before it can be published.

8.55pm BST

65 min The second half has been so one-sided, even by Bayern’s standards. Bremen look like they have settled for damage limitation, which is fair enough in the cirumstances.

8.54pm BST

64 min “Don’t forget that Bremen still have Claudio Pizarro on the bench,” says Paul. “He’s still only 41.”

I want to see him up front with Kazuyoshi Miura.

8.52pm BST

62 min A double Bremen change: Fin Bartels and Josh Sargent replace Bittencourt and Rashica.

8.51pm BST

61 min Pavard drags a shot into the side netting after a nice touch from Coman. It’s a matter of time.

8.50pm BST

60 min Lewandowski misses a terrific chance, stooping to head Muller’s inswinging cross wide from eight yards. Replays show the cross took a slight touch off somebody else’s head before reaching Lewandowski, which is probably why he missed.

8.49pm BST

60 min “If they can hold out for this last half hour it’ll be Gene Kelly weather for Bayern in Bremen,” says Justin Kavanagh. “And no chance of Herr Flick being the wally with the brolly when it starts raining beer.”

8.49pm BST

59 min Davies’s low cross is kicked behind by Moisander. Bayern have been more focussed since half-time and are in complete control.

8.47pm BST

58 min “Servus Rob,” says Peter Oh. “If Bayern seal the title today, will the players be allowed in to douse Hansi Flick with a bucket of beer or would that run afoul of the sanitisation rules?”

I think they can do what they like within their bubble, but I don’t think they will be able to lift the trophy or, say, give Karl-Heinz Rummenigge the bumps.

8.46pm BST

56 min Bayern are killing Bremen with clipped passes over the defence. That disallowed goal came from a lofted angled pass from Kimmich that was cushioned across goal by Muller and finished by Lewandowski.

8.45pm BST

55 min: Lewandowski has a goal disallowed! It was a lovely finish, flicked daintily behind his front leg at the near post, but Muller was offside in the build up.

8.43pm BST

53 min Muller misses a chance, mistiming an awkward volley from Goretzka’s sweet pass over the defence, before shouting ‘eff!’ in frustration.

8.41pm BST

52 min Bittencourt plays a long pass over the top for Rashica, forcing Neuer to run 30 yards from his goal to head clear. Splendid sweeper-keeping.

8.39pm BST

49 min A slow start to the second half. It’s a strange thing to say about a team that is 1-0 down, but Bremen have a stick or twist dilemma: should they push for an equaliser or protect their goal difference with the last two games in mind? Those two games, since you asked, are Mainz away on Saturday and Cologne at home on the final day.

8.35pm BST

46 min Peep peep! Bayern begin the second half. Bremen have made a change, with Sebastian Langkamp replacing Kevin Vogt.

8.31pm BST

Half-time chit-chat “It might be interesting to note that the first team to achieve automatic promotion to the Bundesliga next season is Bielefeld, not Hamburg or Stuttgart, who must now compete for the runners-up position in Bundesliga 2,” says Paul. “Bremen are still aiming for the third last place in the Bundesliga together with Düsseldorf, and may well have to play off against Hamburg, if they are to avoid relegation. Hamburg and Bremen enjoy what is known as a ‘healthy rivalry’.”

Relegation/promotion playoffs with teams from two different divisions are great. I’d love to see them again in English football, though that view might not be shared by the polis.

8.17pm BST

Half-time reading

8.17pm BST

Peep peep! Bayern are 45 minutes from another title. They had to work very hard against a diligent, determined Bremen before Robert Lewandowski’s expertise put them ahead just before half-time. See you in 15 minutes for the second half.

Bayern are on their way

Robert Lewandowski bags his 31st league goal of the season as they take the lead just before half-time. pic.twitter.com/AZNyuJuy61

8.14pm BST

GOAL GIVEN! He was just onside. It was a masterful two-touch finish from Lewandowski, his 31st goal in the league this season. That’s a personal best.

8.13pm BST

The big man strikes. He was very close to being offside but I think it’ll be okay. A corner was half cleared to Boateng, 40 yards from goal. He floated a superb pass over the defence to Lewandowski, who took the ball down beautifully on the chest and rattled it past Pavlenka.

8.12pm BST

41 min “That was certainly an evocative filmic rain metaphor,” says Ian Copestake. “I hope you have a list of them, including one referring to the Shawshank Redemption when the loo is blocked.”

I don’t remember that scene, although I haven’t watched Shawshank in about 20 years. I’d forgotten that it was a gross-out comedy.

8.10pm BST

40 min Kimmich’s outswinging corner from the right is headed across goal and well wide by Goretzka.

8.10pm BST

39 min The goal difference is very tight at the bottom of the table, so it’s important for Bremen that, even if they lose, they aren’t thrashed. So far, so good.

8.09pm BST

37 min “Ah, so ‘Rob Smyth’ is really Karren Brady’s nom de plume?” says Matt Dony. “It all makes sense now!”

Right club, wrong person.

8.05pm BST

35 min That shot from Boateng a few minutes ago was the first on target by either side.

8.04pm BST

34 min Crikey, it really is John Cusack weather in Bremen. It only started raining a few minutes ago but the players are already drenched.

8.03pm BST

33 min Boateng’s low drive from 25 yards is comfortably held by Pavlenka. It’s pelting down now, so it’s worth shooting from long range occasionally. Pavlenka dealt with that one very well.

8.01pm BST

31 min The under-pressure Klaassen sprays a shot high and wide from 15 yards. Bremen have done pretty well so far. But they will know that, when you play against Bayern, one goal often brings five.

8.00pm BST

30 min “You’re right, Rob,” says Matt Dony. “Most teams will be absolutely shattered by the time we get to any European Cup matches. Probably best if we just scrap it for this season, and start again next season. For the sake of simplicity and record-keeping, just leave the current holders in place for another year. It seems like the best course of action for everyone.”

I’m not sure we should be playing any football in the current climate, least of all nine league games in a month. I think we all know what the most appropriate course of action would be.

7.58pm BST

28 min Lewandowski is fine, although he may have a swollen face come the morning.

7.57pm BST

27 min Kimmich drives a lovely pass over the defence to Lewandowski. He controls it superbly on the stretch before being tackled by Gebre Selassie, who elbows him in the face in the process. I’m sure it was accidental but Lewandowski has stayed down.

7.55pm BST

26 min Kimmich hits the bar, though it would not have counted as Gnabry was offside in the build up.

7.54pm BST

23 min Pavard’s curling cross is headed just wide by Coman, who got in front of his man near the penalty spot. It was a decent header which beat Pavlenka and flashed past the far post.

7.51pm BST

21 min Bremen are having a decent spell, with Rashica and Klaassen looking lively. Klaassen’s cross on the turn finds Rashica, who falls over after a fair challenge from Alaba.

7.50pm BST

19 min Davies is booked for kicking out at Bittencourt. He probably should have been sent off for that.

7.49pm BST

18 min Moisander feeds a good pass into Eggestein, 25 yards from goal. He turns and rifles a low shot that whistles just wide with Neuer scrambling across his line.

7.44pm BST

14 min A dreadful goalkick from Pavlenka goes straight to Coman. Thankfully for Bremen, he plays a poor pass infield. But it feels like a matter of time before Bayern score.

7.41pm BST

12 min Coman misses a two-thirds chance, driving well wide from 15 yards after a good pass by Kimmich.

7.39pm BST

9 min A good attack from Bremen. Eventually Bittencourt’s firm, deep cross from the left is volleyed into the side netting by the stretching Gebre Selassie.

7.37pm BST

8 min It’s all Bayern, as you’d expect. They are so smooth and confident in possession.

7.37pm BST

6 min “Hi Rob,” says Ruth Purdue. “Am I alone thinking that this Bayern team are one of the favourites for this year’s European Cup?”

Nope. I’d probably make them the favourites, though they might be a bit rusty by the time the competition resumes. Mind you, the other teams could be completely shattered.

7.34pm BST

4 min Lewandowski flicks a pass to Davies, who fizzes a low cross that is poked wide by Muller. Davies was offside, as it turned out.

7.32pm BST

2 min Bayern win the first corner on the left. Kimmich takes it short, gets it back and crosses towards the far post. Friedl heads clear and is fouled by Lewandowski.

7.30pm BST

1 min Peep peep! Bremen get the game under way.

7.29pm BST

Here come the players, to a rousing reception from the tannoy. Bremen are in green; Bayern are in red; Hansi Flick is wearing a special Bayern facemask. The scenes.

7.20pm BST

Borussia Monchengladbach 3-0 Wolfsburg is the final score in the early game. Gladbach were excellent and cruised to victory. Here’s the updated table.

7.18pm BST

“Hi Rob,” says Ewan. “Looking forward to tonight’s game. Bayern have been ace looking at the stats - much better than Man Utd who I happen to sadly support. Managed to get a hold of the living room television tonight - so will be tuning in! My prediction is a 2-0 Bayern win to seal title.”

I fear it could be a big uglier than that for Bremen.

6.55pm BST

Gladbach are hammering Wolfsburg in the early game. A lovely team goal, finished off by Lars Stindl, has made it 3-0 after 65 minutes. Victory will move them into the top four, although Leverkusen have a game in hand. Here’s the as-it-stands table.

6.40pm BST

Some pre-match reading

6.39pm BST

Leonardo Bittencourt returns to the Bremen starting XI, while Claudio Pizarro, 41, is back on the bench. Robert Lewandowski and Thomas Muller return from suspension for Bayern.

Werder Bremen (3-4-2-1) Pavlenka; Veljkovic, Vogt, Moisander; Gebre Selassie, M Eggestein, Klaassen, Friedl; Bittencourt, Rashica; Osako.
Substitutes: Kapino, Langkamp, Bartels, Gross, Bargfrede, Selke, Fullkrug, Pizarro, Sargent,

3.13pm BST

Hello and welcome to live coverage of Bremen’s biggest virtual party of the year. For once, it’s the hosts who want to poop the party: Werder Bremen are desperate to deny Bayern Munich the victory that would clinch an eighth consecutive title. Bremen’s attitude isn’t born of spite or collective sociopathy, or because Tyler Durden has got in their ear. It’s pure necessity. Bremen, who have spent more seasons in the Bundesliga than any other team, are scrapping for their lives.

With three games remaining, Bremen are second from bottom. But they are only one goal behind Fortuna Dusseldorf in the relegation playoff place and three behind Mainz, who they play on Saturday, in 15th. Bremen’s form has been decent of late, with three wins in the last six games, including a 5-1 pounding of the bottm club Paderborn on Saturday.

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Published on June 16, 2020 13:32

The Fiver | We haven't seen form like that since rigging Championship Manager 01-02

The Fiver has a dream. In it, somebODY OTHER THAN EFFING BAYERN MUNICH WINS THE EFFING BUNDESLIGA! It’s nothing against Bayern, who are a spectacularly good association football outfit, but we’d quite like a bit of the old new normal when it comes to football. Italy, Germany, France and to a lesser extent Spain were dominated by one club to an embarrassing degree in the 2010s, and we could do without it in the 2020s. Besides, we’re not sure how many more cliches about Thomas Müller’s excellence we can take.

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Published on June 16, 2020 08:53

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