Nancy Wilson's Blog, page 49

Testing

Things happen. Unexpected things happen. Hard things happen. Life is funny that way. So, how do we react when tough things happen? We should view it the way the Bible tells us to view it. This is a test. God sends His children pop quizzes and tests from time to time to see if we are learning our lessons, if we are paying attention, if we are reading our assignments.

If we view unexpected events as tests from a loving Father, we know how to proceed because we all know how to take tests. We have done our homework. We can roll up our sleeves and try to ace the test.  Unless we've been dozing in class, not doing our homework, and spacing out during the lectures. In that case, we need to repent, and then we need to get back on task.

Life is full of trials and tests. We are told to count them all joy. If we've been learning our lessons, and the pop quiz comes unexpectedly (like all pop quizzes do), we are prepared. And it's a whole lot easier to count it all joy when we meet various trials (and tests) when we are prepared.

Debrief

It's Sunday night and with the  the Femina Conference, the Grace Agenda Conference, Sabbath dinner, two worship services, and a huge church picnic and psalm sing now behind us, I must thank the Lord for crowding us with so many kindnesses these past few days. Tired? Yes. Blessed? Very much!

Highlight of it all was meeting Mark and Grace Driscoll. Mark  addressed us twice, and he nailed it both times. We so appreciate them making the trip over. Grace looks like a much-loved woman, which made Mark's ministry to us all the sweeter. (And she's fun!)

Now for a few highlights:

From Pastor Mark: Are you more disposed to sin being religious or sin being rebellious? Good questions and easy to get nailed in that talk.  He used the prodigal son story for that one, and he pointed out that there is a perfect Third Son who is neither religious or rebellious. He gave a talk on masculinity, the need for men to be tough and tender. Tough to outsiders who would harm the wife, the home, the kids. Tender to the people inside the home.

Doug interviewed Mark, and I couldn't help but feel like those two have a lot in common. Rachel summed it up when she said that Mark feels like a cousin or something. Familiar and almost family.

Nate reminded us to keep our eyes open to the wonder all around us and not to grow numb to all the glory in this fantasy world of ours. Ben spoke to us on how to pray, bringing all our desires to God just like He told us to do. Pestering Him about those things just like the neighbor in the parable who needs some bread.  Doug reminded us that we become like what we worship, which explains why our culture is so confused. When you refuse to acknowledge your Creator, and want to shape your own identity according to your own whims, you end up blurring every distinction. And God loves distinctions: male and female, heaven and earth, moon and sun, etc.

Heather spoke to the unmarried women about using their time wisely and the importance of connecting to community. My favorite point of hers was that when Nate made it clear to her that he was going to be living in Idaho, not near the ocean, she thought about all the best books she'd read and about the main characters she admired most in them. What would they do? So she did the same thing. The courageous thing!

Bekah urged the married women to think about what kinds of things their husbands would like them to do, or not do, that they have ignored. Rachel emphasized the role of the mother in making the home all about good fellowship with one another.

Hats off to Tora Whitling and her team who made the Femina conference attendees a beautiful and delicious lunch, and to Donna Foucachon who was such a lovely m.c. for our Femina conference.

Thanks to all of you who came! What a blessing you all were to us. And thanks to those who told us you were praying for us. We are so very grateful!

The Heart of the Matter

Here's an article my husband linked to a few days ago on his blog. He mentioned that it should be widely circulated, and since reading it myself, I heartily agree.

Femina Conference

We are gearing up for our first Femina conference this coming Friday! Just in case you haven't seen the line-up, I'll be speaking first on defining what we mean by "dangerous" women, Bekah will be applying this definition to wives, Rachel to moms, and Heather to the single women. I'm so pleased at the numbers of women who are coming, and a special hoorah to all you Femina readers who are making a trip to Moscow for this and for the Grace Agenda Conference which follows.

Our ninety-something degree weather is supposed to give way to nice fall weather in the seventies and sixties, so bring a sweater! And bring an extra bag for all your book and Amoretti clothing purchases! Happy Travels!

Courtship Contradictions

Let's be honest: courtship is fraught with perils. No two scenarios are the same. Some of the rockiest courtships end up being stable, happy marriages, while some young women who are determined to get married at the first opportunity find themselves at loose ends after the wedding. Now what? This road is full of twists and turns for some couples, while for others, it is a smooth four-lane highway. Who can understand these things?

In this little post I'm not undertaking to explore all the things that can go wrong in a courtship. I'm simply going to make a few observations here about one kind of woman, and that's the woman who wants to be married, but doesn't really. When a fine young man shows an interest in this kind of woman, she finds all sorts of things to be roadblocks. And so she either says no, or it ends up being one of those rocky courtships that starts and stops and starts and stops, etc.

As I said above, who can understand these things?  But here are a couple of thoughts about what might be going on in her head.

1. Wanting to be married is more desirable than actually being married. In the wanting, a woman can sketch out any number of delightful scenes in her mind. But in reality, he doesn't wear knee-high riding boots and own a large estate. So she recoils from the thought of marrying him.

2. Marriage requires a kind of death. Though this is required for both husband and wife, the wife dies in a unique way. She takes a new name, and she has a new calling. This is what scares some women off, despite their desire for marriage and children.

3. Some women have a higher estimation of their own attractiveness and desirability than is actually true. This may not be a conscious thing, but nevertheless, they think anything less than a crowned prince would be throwing themselves away. This woman says no to someone for being  "out of her league" (assuming he is beneath her) when he actually is "out of her league" because he is way ahead of her. This muddleheadedness can come from identifying  far too much with Emma and nothing less than a Mr. Knightley will do. (At the same time, I'm not suggesting anyone be like Charlotte in Pride and Prejudice and settle for a Mr. Collins, just to be married!)

4. Another snare lies in the whole concept of falling in love. Hollywood is not a trustworthy instructor in how to conduct a relationship. Yet many of our assumptions about love come from Cinderella and all her descendents. A woman is required to respect her man. I'm convinced that if she does, and if he is treating her like a good man should, she will fall in love with him, though perhaps not on the first date. This is particularly true when a man is behaving himself, keeping his hands to himself, and honoring her and her parents. A woman is aroused by touch, not just by sight, no matter what the world says. So part of protecting her is holding back until there is a covenant. In this matter a woman has to proceed by faith, trusting that if this is the right kind of man, God will also bring all the right kind of emotions once the romance really begins. The world gets physical first; a Christian saves that for later.

5. Marriage is a lot of work. It is a means to an end, not an end in itself. It is a means of glorifying God. Living with someone else, who is not at all like you, requires sacrifice. Bearing children requires tremendous sacrifice. Some women are quite happy by themselves, not having to take someone else into account in everything they do. So no matter how godly he is, a woman may shrink back from letting go. She knows that marriage means someone else will have the final say. That's why it is of the utmost importance that a woman consider his character. If he is a godly man, and if she respects him highly, then she can trust God to lead her through him.

6. Finally, I must conclude with this. A woman is free to marry whomever she likes, so long as it is in the Lord. If he is a Christian, a woman is free to marry him. Or not. She doesn't have to have lofty reasons for saying no. She can say no because she doesn't like his nose or his taste in music. She is a free woman. But she ought to at least consider some of these things I've mentioned, in case she is exercising her freedom in a way even she would say is contradictory: "He's everything I want, and yet I don't want."

Busy is as Busy does.

Horrible quality picture, I know. And yet. It just sums Blaire up so well. I especially like how this action shot captured her chubby little arm in the midst of a full throttle Cheerio toss that went down only this morning. I was sweeping in the kitchen at the time. It isn't for no reason that "Busy" is the nick-name that stuck to this one. She answers to it too. If you can't find her, just yell "Busy! Where are you?" and she will come right out of whichever bathroom she was in, and tell you cheerfully (and indecipherably) all about splashing in the potty. "Good news! The door to the bathroom was open again! "

I have never had a child get so committed to potty splashing. The fact that we have three bathrooms now adds to it. I think also the fact that two three -year-olds are in and out of said three bathrooms all day. Add to that the fact that Blaire is apparently part mountain goat: scaling tables, laundry piles, and chairs in no time. She could be on any floor at any time, getting into any potties. She's fast, that one.

It's a Wedding, Part II

Since my husband is the one who actually officiates at so many weddings, I asked him for his top ten pointers. And here they are.

1. Don't lock your knees. (He's only lost one groomsman in all these years!)

2. Respect the customs surrounding weddings. (In other words, the mother of the groom doesn't run the wedding).

3. Decorate according to your taste, but stick with what is the established norm. Don't try to invent a whole new way of having a wedding.

4. Don't use trumpets unless you have a world-class trumpeter.

5. Don't make the bride look good by making all the bridesmaids look bad. (Okay, I must add an editorial comment here. My husband really thought for years that there must be some custom of making the bridesmaids look awful. I know, that's sad, isn't it? See my point #5.)

6. The attendants always face the bride, where ever she is. She is the crown, the focal point of the coronation.

7. Give mile-markers at the reception, such as, "The bride and groom will be leaving at eight o'clock…" That way your guests have an idea of how long the party will be going.

8. Just an observation here: It's a lovely custom for the bride and groom to give gifts to their attendants at the rehearsal dinner.

9. Use standard vows; don't write your own. And don't be affected by egalitarianism and feminism when it comes to taking your vows. Stick to the Bible.

10. Honor the Word of God at your wedding: have it read, declared, and have your vows based on it.

It's a Wedding!

A few years ago the church secretary made an attempt to count how many times my husband has tied the knot. She estimated somewhere between eighty and a hundred weddings over the past thirty years or so. That's a bunch, to put it mildly.

Weddings are one of the few remaining events in our culture where we dress up and follow traditional rules of conduct. We receive and rsvp to formal invitations, we are seated by ushers and handed programs. We sign guest books and (sometimes) go through receiving lines. A wedding requires incredible planning and requires a lot of its guests. Here is my own little list of ten things a bride should think about while planning her wedding. (I wish I had read this before my own wedding!)

1. Make the invitation clear. Don't make the invitation so colorful and cluttered that your guests may miss the main details (which are in 3 pt font printed up the side). And remember to write out all the names on those invited, so there is no ambiguity about the children.

2. When you go to buy a dress, keep the context in view. If you're having an outdoor wedding in July, don't buy a dress with a train that looks like you're headed for Westminster Abbey! Stay on task, no matter how elegant everyone says you look in it.

3. Stay in your budget. There is nothing in the world wrong with a reception of cake, punch, and mints. If your parents are offering to buy you a full sit-down dinner for 400 guests, then God bless them, and go for it. But if you are operating on a different kind of budget, no one will mind a simple slice of (delicious) wedding cake and a cup of punch.

4. This is a party in your honor, but you still want to honor your guests, so  when you pick a time for your wedding, consider whether it will work for your family and friends.

5. Be kind to your bridesmaids and don't ask them to pay $200 for a dress they'll never wear again. And don't pick a dress that only one of your ten bridesmaids will actually look good in. Remember that the first view most of the guests get of the dress is the back, so make sure the dress is cute in the back, not just in the front. Not everyone looks good from every angle  in a backless, strapless wonder.

6. Make certain if you invite five hundred that you actually have five hundred seats, not four hundred fifty.

7. Keep the reception moving so your guests can actually stay until the end. If you plan a lengthy reception, you'll necessarily lose some of your guests. It's always better to have everyone wishing it would last a little longer than have them wishing it would end, and fast.

8. Beware the open mike. It's always better to ask a few very specific individuals to offer the toasts or wedding speeches. It is something to prepare for, not something to be given off the cuff.

9. Let go of the details, once it's planned. If the bows on the aisles are not exactly what you had hoped for, don't worry about it. Look over them to find the eyes of your groom.

10. Be sure to thank your parents and kiss them goodbye.

What are you wearing?

When was the last time that you thought of jewelry and hair when someone mentioned the topic of modesty? Apparently both the Apostle Paul and the Apostle Peter thought of those two things, as well as clothing, when admonishing the women to keep it reeled in.

Paul writes in 1 Timothy 2: 9 that women ought to "adorn themselves in modest apparel, with propriety and moderation…." and he specifically mentions the flagrant violations: "not with braided hair or gold or pearls or costly clothing…"

Then Peter has the same three things in mind when he tells the women to remember they are supposed to be pretty on the inside, not just on the outside: "Do not let your adornment be merely outward—arranging the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel…" (1 Peter 3:3).

When we think of adorning ourselves modestly and with a gentle and quiet spirit, it means we have thought through more than just our clothes. We've considered our hairstyle and our jewelry as well. What does the world want us to do with our hair? What does the world want us to do with jewelry? These things apparently matter because we have two apostles mentioning all three things in two different passages addressed to women.

When we think world-viewishly about music and literature and marriage and children, that is good. But we must not neglect to work it into these other areas as well. What is the world trying to get us to wear? Why? What do these things mean? What does God think about them? Why does the world care? The world wants to get Christian women to wear whatever the current uniform is for hair, jewelry, and clothing. Chances are always pretty good that said uniform will not be modest (or appropriate or moderate). God wants us to wear something else.

Blog Plug

I bet you moms of little ones would enjoy knowing about this fascinating blog called I Spy Animals. You and your kiddos will learn some crazy things here, and the writer, Jan Perley, used to be a dolphin trainer, which is enough right there to grab you and your kids' interest.  You can also view Jan's artwork here.