Nancy Wilson's Blog, page 2

A Little Post for Daughters

Lots of space on this blog has been devoted to the subject of mothering , so I thought I would write a little something to the daughters, particularly daughters who are still living at home, who might be reading.

The problem of writing to daughters about their duties toward their mothers is that the mothers might read this and become critical or discontent. This article is not for the mothers to rub their daughters’ collective noses in. In other words, this is a word of encouragement to daughters, not a set up to stumble moms. Given that little word of caution, here are a few suggestions to daughters.

First of all, the obvious: Remember that your mother is a lot like you. Not only is she a woman, like you are, she is also a daughter. So take note of how she treats or speaks of or remembers her own mother.  Remember, it’s not just your mom speaking; it’s another daughter speaking to you about her mom. Sometimes we let position (mother, daughter) or age difference create distance between us. But the mother-daughter relationship is one of the closest, so we should do all we can to keep it healthy and strong.

Mom is your role model, so pay attention. What does she do well? Imitate her. Ask her to show you how. You both have lots to learn, but she has had more time to learn some things. She is the one designated by God to teach you how to be a faithful woman, so be an eager learner.

But what if she isn’t a Christian? She still has things to teach you. Don’t feel superior. Be humble.

Be quick to listen to your mother. Ask for her advice and value her opinion. And if you are still young and in her home, be quick to obey her.

Speak respectfully to your mom. Don’t interrupt or argue or roll your eyes. Treat her with deference and courtesy. She is your mom after all!

How is your mom doing? Have you asked her lately? Don’t take her for granted.

Pray for your mom.  Who else prays for your mother? Be constant in your prayers for her, always giving thanks to God for your mom.

It’s easy to find faults with everyone, including your mother. But rather than picking at her faults, show your gratitude instead. Thank God for her strengths, talents, and the work she does for you.

Don’t compete with your mom. Some girls do.

Be loyal.  Don’t share your mom’s failures with your friends. Guard her name and protect her reputation. Be quick to extend forgiveness when she sins against you.

Be thoughtful. Does she need a little encouragement? A little help? Be the kind of daughter who sees it and be quick to help out.

Don’t wait until Mothers’ Day to express your love and appreciation. It’s always welcome.

Keep Mom in the loop, so she knows what’s going on with you and how you are doing. Don’t make her ask you a thousand questions to find out how you’re doing. Offer information and don’t keep things (important things) from her.

If your mom is not the kind of woman you should imitate, you can still pray for her, forgive her, and be a faithful daughter. God may use you to bring about change.

Remember that your mom’s problems are not yours to solve, but they are yours to pray for. At the same time, when you pray, ask God if you are any part of the problem.  If you are, your repentance will be a help toward a solution.

 

 

 

Six Sisters Christmas Gifts

Our friend Michelle and her sweet daughters have a lovely online business called Six Sisters Beadworks. Not only do they sell personalized jewelry for grandmas, mamas, and babies, but they have great ideas for gifts for every occasion, even including gifts for the bridal party. If you go to the Christmas page, you’ll see some sweet earrings for little girls as well. Happy shopping!

Another Give Away

Since you all were so eager for the last Christmas giveaway (congratulations, Melissa!) here’s another one, very literally hot off the press. This time it is for the older woman on your Christmas list. Leave a comment, and we’ll draw the winner on December 5!

Canon Press Christmas Catalog is Here!

Time for a little Canon Christmas Catalog shopping! Be sure to check out the Hello Ninja coloring book!

A Little Christmas Giveaway

If you’d like a free copy of Eve in Exile for someone on your Christmas list, leave a comment, and we’ll have a drawing on November 21 to see who wins!

 

Revving Up for Christmas

To register visit Canon Press!

webinar schedule:

November 29 and December 1, 10:00 – 11:00 AM Pacific Time (1:00 PM Eastern)
Session recordings will be available through December 20th.

In these sessions, Rachel will give practical encouragement for mothers preparing to celebrate. A realistic look at a glorious holiday – we will discuss traditions, joy, stress, laughter, giving, receiving, and worshiping.

Hey! Guess What!

So anyways, I wrote a book! What?!

(Is it unseemly to mention it? Possibly, possibly.) On the other hand, if I don’t mention it, how would you know that you could pre-order it and get the sale price? In fact, if you pre-order now I hear that it’s possible you may even receive your copy before the official release date of September 27. So there you go!

Oh. Did you want to know what it’s about? It’s about the whole, “What does it mean to be a faithful Christian woman” question. Does it mean we have to look and act like 1950s housewives? (Please no.) Does it mean we should fling ourselves into the corporate world and hope we get to witness to someone along the way? (That’s a pretty limp aspiration.) Should we care about the feminists? Should we agree with the feminists? Should we look at whatever the feminists are doing and then do the opposite? What is the chief end of woman? Do denim skirts turn out to be the key to all godliness and holiness? (You don’t have to buy the book – I’ll just tell you the answer to that one. The answer is no.) I tried to work through those kinds of questions in the book – in an attempt to offer a  vision of what feminine faithfulness could look like right now, in the twenty-first century, as we look at the ever-quickening swirl of cultural chaos around us. How can we not merely stand against the crazy but actually use our uniquely feminine strengths to push back against the tide?

Mothering Flashback

Now that I am a Nana of seventeen wonderful grandkids,  I have the leisure to look back at the “glory days” from a different perspective than I had when I was home in the trenches. If I could speak to that self of mine home with the littles, here are a few things I would say.

1. Repetition is a glorious thing! Enjoy the repeat performance every day.

2. Steward the events (the planned and especially the unplanned) of each day with contentment.

3. Pray more! Worry less. Much less.

4. Express thanks and praise every chance.

5. At the end of the day, never say, “I didn’t get anything done.”

And just to be fair, here are a few things I look back on with gratitude. Gratitude that God inspired us to do these things. They were far more potent than we realized at the time.

1. After-dinner reading that sometimes stretched on for hours.

2. Hot towels from the dryer after baths.

3. Jammy rides for ice cream and a visit to grandparents.

4. Open tap on the milk in the fridge.

5. Bedtime songs and stories.

 

 

Where is Wisdom?

Wisdom is intensely practical once you find it, and finding it is what we are to be doing. We are to “seek her as for silver, and search for her as for hidden treasures” (Proverbs 2:4).

But, ah, where do we find wisdom? This is Job’s question: “But where shall wisdom be found? And where is the place of understanding?” (Job 28:12). If we are supposed to seek and search, where do we start digging?

Before the question is answered, Job points out two things: You can’t find wisdom anywhere on earth; and even if you could, there is not enough wealth on earth to buy it. Think of trying to put a price tag on the Pacific Ocean. And if the value could be ascertained, no one could afford it. That is like wisdom.

Job asks the question again in verse 20: “From where then does wisdom come? And where is the place of understanding?”

Answer: It is hidden from both the living and the dead (verses 21-22).

However, “God understands its way, and He knows its place” (vs. 23).

And then God provides us with the full answer: “And to man He said, ‘Behold, the fear of the Lord, that is wisdom, and to depart from evil is understanding'” (vs. 28).

So we have a two-fold answer to the question. We find wisdom by (1) fearing God, and we find understanding by (2) departing from evil.

We see this pairing of wisdom and understanding together elsewhere in Scripture, and we find the pairing of fearing God and departing from evil together as well.

“The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom; a good understanding have all those who do His commandments” (Psalm 111:10).

The more distance we put between ourselves and sin, the more we grow in wisdom. The more we obey God, the wiser we become. “There is no wisdom or understanding or counsel against the Lord” (Prov. 21:30). If you are getting advice or ideas that are contrary to the Lord and His Word, whatever it is, it is not wisdom. There is absolutely no wisdom that is against the Lord. Period.

“For the Lord gives wisdom; from His mouth come knowledge and understanding; He stores up sound wisdom for the upright; He is a shield to those who walk uprightly” (Prov. 2:6-7).

Wisdom is for the upright.  God has plenty stored up for those who want to do what He says. But for those who disobey God, those who interpret His commands loosely or disregard them all together,  they are shut out from wisdom. They are wise in their own eyes, and that is the extent of their wisdom.

“Do not be wise in your own eyes; fear the Lord and depart from evil” (Prov. 3:7). There it is again. Fear God. Obey His commands. Rather, be wise in God’s estimation, not your own. Fear God and do what He says.

 

 

Trials and Temptations

I’ve been thinking about different kinds of temptation lately – and something just struck me about the whole category of “mental” sins. When I say mental sins I am distinguishing them from those obvious and tangible sins like murder, rape, theft, adultery . . . although of course we do know that those things launched their careers as the purely mental sins of hatred, lust, or greed. Right now I’m talking about the sins that come to roost in your head like discontent, moping, anger, self-pity, or the inability to forgive – basically those sins that, one way or another, interfere with joy.

They seem to always be provoked by an external trial of some sort – and that trial can be big or small, real or imagined. Maybe your house is too small, or your husband isn’t a spiritual leader, you don’t have a husband and wish you did, your best friend turned sour on you, your kids colored on the couch, you don’t have money to pay the bills, you were abused, or you are struggling with a crippling illness. Whatever it is, whether it is a genuine trial or just an imagined trial that could be filed under the category of first world problems (you don’t have very many followers on Instagram), the point is that this is the moment at which the temptation sprouts.

But here’s what I’ve noticed – there are always two things in play. The objective trial is one thing – the temptation to sin about it is another. But temptation is a master of disguise, and what it usually does is pretend to be the trial itself. I think that falling for this little ruse can often be why we struggle with something that just seems unconquerable – we’re looking at and fighting against the wrong thing and that’s why we don’t get the victory.

So here’s what I mean. The Bible has a lot to say about trials, and the general gist of it all is that we are meant to rejoice through them. Joy in hardship is not just possible, it’s commanded. In Philippians 4, in the same passage in which he commands us to rejoice in everything, Paul says that he knows how to be abased, how to abound, how to be hungry, how to suffer need. The joy of the Lord is consistent throughout the great inconsistencies of life.

So let’s say that there’s something truly difficult – let’s say that your house is genuinely too small and everything is very cramped and very hard to keep organized and clean. And you’re tempted to feel really sorry for yourself, to dwell on how difficult your life is, to compare your lot to that of your sister who has much more money than you. That’s just plain old, garden variety discontent. But when we’re caught up in the grip of it, that’s not what it feels like. It feels like the house is too small. It feels like the Great Foe you have to fight against is the impossible situation that is your house. It’s the house’s fault that you’re unhappy, and there seems to be no way to overcome the problem – especially given the lack of closets. But here’s the thing. The actual enemy is not the house, it’s your attitude – but it’s your attitude wearing a camoflage suit and pretending to be a small, untidy house. There’s no spiritual discipline that will transform an outdated apartment into a spacious and beautiful, Pinterest-worthy home . . . and we all know that. So it all seems hopeless, and we dwindle further into the sadness and the self-pity. But – there is a spiritual discipline that can conquer a bad attitude . . . and it turns out that it’s a very easy one. It requires looking past the trial and looking at the temptation – and this is what the temptation is working very hard to keep you from doing. The whole strength of the temptation lies in its pretending to be a huge, unconquerable giant of a problem. But when you look directly at the temptation itself you discover it to be a small, petty, ugly little thing that is easily swept away by a prayer of repentance.

Similarly, let’s say that you found out that your best friend had been saying some really unkind and untrue things about you. That’s the trial, and it’s an objective hardship. The temptation to anger that you feel is a different thing though. On the excel spreadsheet, it belongs in a separate column. At the top of one column there is the label “Trials” and underneath it we should file things like best friends who say ugly things. But the next column is labeled “Temptations” and in that column we put things like anger, resentment, bitterness, grudges. Falling to one of those temptations is what makes you unable to forgive her, even when she’s asked your forgiveness. You’re still angry and you don’t think you can get over it. The more you think about it, in fact, the angrier you get. Once again this is because we easily confuse the trial and the temptation and think they are the same.

But the trial is not actually the problem. If Paul can rejoice while being hated, persecuted, chased, imprisoned, flogged, and executed – then we can infer from this that it is possible to rejoice when your best friend was unkind about your outfit or your housekeeping. It’s possible. What makes it feel impossible is when we keep looking at the trial itself – in this case, the things she said. They were rude. They were wrong. You have never talked that way about her AND it was completely unprovoked. But the more you focus on those things the unhappier you get, and the whole cycle seems like it has no exit. On the other hand, if we stop looking at the trial and instead look at our own anger or lack or forgiveness – it turns out that’s an easy fix. Our attitude is masquerading as the trial itself – and there’s nothing we can necessarily do about the objective trial. But once again, when looked at straight-on, our attitude turns out to be a small little dragon that loses all its ferocity when we name it accurately and repent of it.

The severity of the trial obviously makes some temptations harder to resist than others. Corrie ten Boom no doubt had to wrestle much harder to overcome her temptations to depression than I have to when Boden is sold out of the cute shirt in my size. I’m not implying that someone who has faced shattering trials should just be able to “snap out of it” with no effort. But the Christian life is all about fighting, battling, and overcoming our temptations, whatever our trials might be – and the Bible and the history of the church give us example after example after example of our brothers and sisters who have done just that. We aren’t supposed to make treaties with our temptations and figure out how to coexist, we’re supposed to conquer them. When Christ and the apostles told us to rejoice in suffering, they were men who knew what suffering was. They knew pain, they knew torture, they knew betrayal. I would venture to say that they understood suffering and trials more than any of us – and yet they told us to count it all joy, they did not tell us to learn to live with our depression.

When we get rid of our bad attitudes it doesn’t mean the trials will necessarily disappear. Sometimes they will – if they were imaginary trials to begin with. But when we’re faced with legitimate hardships then those will probably still be there after we repent of our sin. But think of it this way. A legitimate trial is something serious to contend with and it takes a lot of strength to face. Imagine having to do something complicated that required a good deal of focus and concentration, like removing a splinter from the bottom of your foot in uncertain light. But the wind keeps blowing all of your hair straight into your face so you can’t see anything and it’s getting in your eyes and sticking to your chapstick and getting tangled up with your tongue so you can’t talk. That’s what it’s like trying to face a trial while we’re in sin. Repentance is that amazingly freeing feeling of pulling your hair up into a ponytail and getting it out of your eyes and your mouth. Now you can see what you’re doing, you can take a deep breath and you can tackle what you need to tackle.