Mark A. Rayner's Blog: Mark A. Rayner's Goodreads Blog, page 138

A Proposal: The Uber-List

It's nearly the end of the year, and you know what that means: lists. And ferret-wrestling matches, though I don't want to get into that now. No, the end of the year is a time when we look back, and compile lists of things. And happenings. And celebrity deaths. Usually ordered backwards, though in the case of the famous the lists are usually ordered by cultural importance or the number of original teeth the celebrity had at their death.

This year there is an extra impetus for list...

Gunter tries again

His twelve hundred unsuccessful attempts had led to a fused neck, six back surgeries, and three failed marriages.

Many felt that Gunter was a pervert, but some secretly admired his persistence…

For her part, Eustace loved him for his plimsoles.

[From the Toulouse Le Grandfig Collection]

Alltop and humor-blogs.com have also tried this. Originally published January 2006

Alonsy Is Late

Alonsy had spent the better part of the morning trying to get the tortoise to turn around and perambulate in the right direction.

Then it struck him. Even if he did, he was never going to make it in time!

They would have to start the opera without him.

[From the Toulouse Le Grandfig Collection]

Alltop and humor-blogs.com both like hearing the fat lady sing. Originally published December 2005.

The Lost PowerPoint Slides (Winter Festival Edition)

Thag presents "Less darky!" (circa 11,564 BC) –> Only slide
Shortest day in year
Less darky after this
More light good
Pass mammoth rib please!
Catullus presents "Saturnalia ho!" (circa 69 BC) –> Slide 6
gifts
gambling
tomfoolery (masters serve the slaves, nudge, nudge)
public nudity
the best of times!
Snagur Snarfasson presents "Yule be guessing" (circa 215 AD) –> Slide 3

Julebukking is the best:

Disguise ourselves in masks and costumesCarry dead goat's head in honor of ThorVisit...

A Traditional 'Christmas' at the Tundra Household

Dr. Maximilian Tundra was heading home again for the holidays, dread clutching his heart like an iron fist. He'd managed to avoid Thanksgiving, but there was no escape from The Feast.

The Feast, as it was known amongst Clan Tundra, was a toxic stew of carbs, fats, and pharmaceuticals that had a tendency to drive the family bonkers.

Not that they weren't certifiable to begin with.

Dr. Tundra's sister, Eugenie, was a brilliant "installation" artist, who was nevertheless, seriously bi-polar. His y...

The Phrase Freak: Moving Forward

This piece of hackery is most often heard in business settings, but I'm afraid it has even crept into the hallowed halls of academe, where one is as likely to hear Latin freakery such as sui generis.

It tends to be used in one of two ways, both of which are like dragging a mailed glove over a blackboard (see video below).

The most common use is to say something like, "moving forward, this project will take us into the future, where happy unicorns and horny leprechauns will help us impact the ...

Ask General Kang: How did you deal with climate change on your planet?

An interesting question. Because my planet is so far advanced of yours, we experienced our major climate changes about a millennia ago.

Like you are currently experiencing, on Neecknaw we discovered that our oil and coal-based economy increased the carbon dioxide load in our atmosphere past the point of the planet being able to deal with it. (Unlike Earth, the main culprit was not the car but our massive fez and tutu industries.)

As is happening here on Earth, the primitive nation-states...

Are you SAD?

A public service announcement from The Skwib

This time of year can be troubling for bloggers; the days get shorter, the holiday season has its own particular stresses, and for those running weblogs, there are the dangers of SAD.

Statistical Affective Disorder (SAD) is caused by an abrupt and inexplicable drop in the visitor statistics to your blog. Early symptoms include:

sudden weepingshout at the ceiling: "why, why, gods of blog … why?"desperate attempts/plans/Fred Flintstone-like schemes to...

What do you say we make apple juice and fax it to one another?

I think this may be an advert for apple juice. Or perhaps it's just brilliant absurdity.

Click here to view the embedded video.

Or view Happy in Paraguay at YouTube.

Jesus is a raisin!

Alltop and humor-blogs.com have, in fact, scratched themselves that hard.

The Lost PowerPoint Slides (Pope Leo X Edition)

Leo X Rejoices (circa March 11, 1513) –> slide 2
It has served us well, this myth of Christ.
God has given us the papacy
Let us enjoy it
That means party like it's 1599!
Secretary intimus of Leo X presents a short list of things required for next Papal parade (circa 1514)
–> slide 5
24 tuns of wine
12 panthers
3 jesters
plus, Hanno, the white elephant.
Alfonso Petrucci presents "The Pope must die" (circa 1517) –> slide 6Spends too much money on himselfAlways drunkThis "St. Peter's...