Mark A. Rayner's Blog: Mark A. Rayner's Goodreads Blog, page 137

Cubistry at Work

Hannibal Woncaweik passed on shortly after discovering the patent and blueprints for the Nostril-Stretching and Nose-Hair Clipping Device. He was bent on improving the design, which had killed its inventor at the turn of the century.

When I say "passed on", what I really mean is that he died in a horrible explosion of flesh, cartilage and

congealed nose hair.

Clearly, his redesign was every bit as lethal as the original.

Alltop and humor-blogs.com are both fans of Michael Flannigan's work....

The Merchant Banker Awards

Bruno had a very small but fanatically loyal client base.

They especially liked his aggressive stance vis-a-vis derivatives and lopping the heads off of their competition.

Alltop and humor-blogs.com enjoy credit-swap de-cranialization. Originally published January 2007.
More of Toulouse Le Grandfig's work can be found in the Toulouse Le Grandfig category.

Furnished room for let

The Kelly Gang was notorious, not only for their 1905 pancake rampage through East Ham, but for their queer genetic makeup.

In the back row, you can make out the vacant gazes of Bertie (left), Wayne (middle) and Herbert (right). For some reason, all of the older brothers were either confused, half-witted or smelled like bacon.

In the front row, you can see the younger brothers are a little more intelligent: Jefferson (left), Enid (middle) and Patrocles (right). Jefferson and Patrocles had s...

Chester Takes a Snap

Chester was drunk on his own power and the length of his twin-focus, multi-plexiform, maxi-twilled lens.

He especially enjoyed the way the lady's track team always decided to stretch just in front of the massive gravitorm field his lens produced.

Also, the magni-voxiterm housing hid his "composition" efforts quite effectively.

Alltop and humor-blogs.com love Estonian dance. Originally published December 2006.More of Toulouse Le Grandfig's work can be found in the Toulouse Le Grandfig...

Lolconqueror

The last time Zendrophon the Cruel had conquered the known universe, things hadn't been so difficult.

He'd had to deal with the X-crapion menace, and then there were all those space pirates in the Horsehead Nebula. Not so hard.

But this time he had worms and it was cramping his style.

Not to mention his lower intestine.

Alltop and humor-blogs.com enjoy the occasional cramping. Originally published December 2006.More of Toulouse Le Grandfig's work can be found in the Toulouse Le Grandfig...

A Star Forlorn

Shortly before opening night, Nancy Wiggenstern- plasticbucket-mopsweat- massivepants (nee Pithybush) discovered that her husband, Mr. Arthur Siddly Kramp-gotten Wiggenstern- plasticbucket- mopsweat-massivepants was having an affair with the entire women's chorus of the Estonian National Ballet's production of Vile Kelley's "Bingeputty!"

Unfortunately for the chorus, Nancy Wiggenstern- plasticbucket-mopsweat- massivepants was a sixth dan black belt in the little-known Estonian martial art of S...

At the bottling plant

One day, Ernie Squingy just couldn't take the brutal mechanization anymore, and started filling the bottles "manually".

[From the Toulouse Le Grandfig Necrobiblia Collection]

Alltop and humor-blogs.com spent a summer filling bottles at the plant. Originally published April 2006.

2010: How the Earth Ends

But somewhere out in the inky cold of space, there is one that our atmosphere cannot consume, that cannot be contained by even a lake of cream cheese.

An extinction-level bagel.

[From the Toulouse Le Grandfig Necrobiblia Collection]

Happy New Year!
Alltop and humor-blogs.com are hoarding lox even now. Originally published March 2006.

Jolly Good Chappie

Upon reflection the Council agreed that the "Hug a Bobby" campaign had been ill-conceived and badly mismanaged.

In an age of suicide bombers and rampant oral sex, the very act of hugging strange Londoners involved a great deal of danger for the police constables, both moral and physical. The city's population had not responded with much enthusiasm anyway.

Of course, it didn't help that their promotional poster showed Constable Berty Righnworm, standing in a pool of his own urine.

[From the

At the Abattoir

Their coworkers at the Fun-Time-Happy-Japanese-Kobe Beef Slaughter- and Tea- House had been fools not to spot the signs sooner.

Bob always had that insane grin on his face as he cut through the flesh.

And Simon, well, first of all there was the mustache. And then what reasonable person would whistle Pachabel's Wedding March while using a bonesaw?

[From the Toulouse Le Grandfig Collection]

Alltop and humor-blogs.com have both tried their hands at amateur butchery. Originally published February 2...