Mark A. Rayner's Blog: Mark A. Rayner's Goodreads Blog, page 135

A Short History of Groundhog Day

On February 2, it is customary in Canada and the United States to celebrate an annual tradition wherein we allow a chubby burrowing rodent to forecast the weather. This is an important ritual, but not for the reason that many people think.

Many believe this "holiday" can be traced back to an ancient pagan ritual called Imbolc, which was duly adopted by early Christians and turned into Candlemas. (This means Mass of the Candles, in which the clergy would perform ear candling on the most...

The Skwib's History of Groundhog Day

On February 2, it is customary in Canada and the United States to celebrate an annual tradition wherein we allow a chubby burrowing rodent to forecast the weather. This is an important ritual, but not for the reason that may people think.

Many believe this "holiday" can be traced back to an ancient pagan ritual called Imbolc, which was duly adopted by early Christians and turned into Candlemas. (This means Mass of the Candles, in which the clergy would perform ear candling on the most...

Professor Quippy: Danger Jokes

Neuroscientists are engaging in the deadly serious activity of why humor is so dangerous.

It turns out, it all has to do with whether the joke is funny or not. Funny = laugh. Not funny = no laugh and/or brain explosion. (The incidence of brain explosion due to un-funny jokes is very low, especially since the death of vaudeville — most theatres in the vaudeville era were fitted with sluices to help with the clean-up of grey matter after a performance, but with the advent of the moving...

Seaside Holiday

The brochure had said it would be peaceful and calm. It had even pointed out the great sea view. It had mentioned "more beach than you'd ever need", which was accurate, but slightly misleading. (It was shale, not sand.)

It had described the deck chairs as "quaint", which he supposed was true, if by "quaint" you meant having to sit on something clearly created by the Marquis de Sade, and designed to pinch your genitals with just enough force to cause vomiting, but not death.

But the...

iPad Cartoon Template

iPad Cartoon Template, originally uploaded by lunchbreath.

A more sophisticated approach than Mad TV.

Alltop really wants one too.

Ostern Geruchwochenende (Easter Smellweekend)

One day the world would be willing to accept them, but for now, Orlando Bloom and his rabbit would have to stare wistfully from the doorway of their Uber-shack. Orlando thought of better times, other sets of pointy ears that he'd worn, and how, really, it all came back to those days in Florida, when he was just a zygote.

Meanwhile, Alexis Deathhracka planned his revenge. Yes, very soon his plan would come to fruition and the world would tremble before his awesome power. He would destroy...

Controversy on Campus

Chauncey Migswith-Pigerton thought that everyone was making too much out of the whole goat-monkey thing. Whether you had a fondness for cute white ungulates or you had a preference for our hairy, poo-flinging relatives, Chauncey didn't see why everyone on campus had to make such a big deal about it.

His seminar in Post-Euclidian Psychodynamic Self-Gratification had been completely ruined by it, mostly because his teaching assistant, the lovely, but carpal-tunnel challenged Belinda, kept...

Bibendum's Career Woes

When Michelin let him go, Bibendum thought he would be fine. That lazy brother of his, Bonhomme, had been pestering him to take over his duties at the Quebec Winter Carnival for years, and the gig paid well. (Though Bibendum finally understand why Bonhomme wanted to be in the Caribbean in February.)

But the money had run out, and he hadn't found any other work for nearly a year; he'd ended up crashing on his other brother's couch. Eventually, even the Pillsbury Doughboy kicked him out on...

Wankle Rotary Engine

"Never was so much owed by so many to so few."

–Winston Churchill, shortly after Pepper, of the Glorious Jack Russell Ratter Brigade, landed in Berchtesgaden, leg-humping Der Fuhrer, and violating his German Shepard, Blondi.

Later that week, the Germans invaded Russia.

Alltop is the only one to survive the vicious leg-humping. RIP humor-blogs.com. Photo by Susanna's. Originally published April, 2007.

Early Adopter

John was starting to see the disadvantages of certain technologies; to whit, his all-in-one thermal eye-socket digital video, audio and pornograph implants were causing more than just a little radiation damage.

There was nothing they could do about their miniature schnauzer, Noodles, but the doctors said there was still some hope that his three children and wife, Yolanda, could be saved.

Then again, Noodles had been delicious.

Alltop and humor-blogs.com also enjoy pasta. Part of the Toulouse Le...