Mark A. Rayner's Blog: Mark A. Rayner's Goodreads Blog, page 117

Excruciating Album Cover Art — Mike Terry

You take one look at this and think, "hey, I didn't know that Terry Jones had a twin separated at birth — how ironic that they share a name and enjoy sitting at a piano in unconventional modes of dress."

But alas, the tale is much more interesting than that. Mike Terry, is, according to this Independent article, a "cabaret artiste". It also mentions his weight (20 stone, which is, I believe 280 pounds or 127.3 kg.), and the fact that he does a Dorothy Squires tribute act. It also mentions a...

Excruciating Album Cover Art — Boned

Okay, somebody's been watching Spinal Tap over and over and over, and thought, "hey, there is a fine line between clever and stupid, and let's see if we can manage a standing broad jump over that line with electric guitars stuffed down our taught, bulge-revealing pants." Frightening really. Glory in this AC/DC-like band's debut album, "Up At the Crack" (released in 2004.)

You can read a review of the seminal work here, though I should warn you that some of the track titles don't even have...

Excruciating Album Cover Art — Mr. Bat Sings

"Can't sleep, clown will eat me."

–Bart Simpson

I always used to think one of the silliest phobias was coulrophobia — the fear of clowns — until I saw this album cover.

This thing is terrifying. I mean, it just reeks of menace! Mr. Bat is wearing some kind of traditional Pagliacci-type of outfit, and though I do find the color scheme kind of foreboding, it's not so bad. And he has your usual whiteface on, but instead of a nice happy red smile, he has a black frown painted over his mouth....

Excruciating Album Cover Art — Fancy (Raving Queen)

You may not be aware that Fancy (born Manfred Alois Perilano), was a popular Euro-dance, Synth-Dance artiste in the mid-to-late 80s. You may not be aware that Euro-dance, Synth-Dance were once popular forms of musical expression. I certainly wasn't until my eyes were assaulted by this cover and I just had to know if it was a hoax or not.

Not. This is from Fancy's 1987 single, "Raving Queen". (This is the 'turbo dancer remix", which caused at least a dozen pelvic explosions at the 1987...

Furious George

Angry monkey with a chaingun. I've been there.

Alltop would never give a weapon to a lower primate. From Otipess.

Short Fiction: Jesussic Park

Jesussic Park

Jesus was visiting a lost valley that was reputed to hold a few holy men who separated themselves from the rest of the world so they could better understand the nature of God. He was hoping to talk to them alone, but he'd made the mistake of healing a few of the sick (he couldn't remember if they were lepers, blind or tone-deaf cantors) in the town nearby.

So instead of a quick Messiah-to-Hermit conference, he'd accumulated a large crowd.

"What do you think we should do, Oh Son...

Contest: extended to September 9th!

Don't miss this opportunity to win a walk-on role in my next book, which I've extended a couple days past Labour Day. All you have to do is sign up for The MonkeySphere, my monthly newsletter, or join my Facebook page, and you could win:

a chance to appear in a walk-on role in my next book
a chance to win one of three copies of Marvellous Hairy, a novel in five fractals
the exciting chance to have a "mystery" item from my desk sent to you.

Even better, join both — you'll double your...

Excruciating Album Cover Art — Let Me Touch Him

This masterpiece from The Minister's Quartet is not so terrible. It's more a problem of context, really, than anything else.

Clearly, they are referring to Jesus, and what could be more natural than a man of the cloth wanting to "touch" the Savior and Messiah — metaphorically, you pervs!

Of course, here at The Skwib, we are not completely unaware of the news media, and so, have heard some of the stories about clergy abusing the younger members of their congregation. Did you know that as many ...

Excruciating Album Cover Art — Cerrone's Paradise

Did you know that fewer than 12% of French households actually had a fridge in 1977? And did you know that it is quite common for advertisers to market orange juice, eggs, wine and other breakfast foods with images of naked women?

That is the kind of marketing genius that is behind Cerrone's Paradise. Of course, this cover only worked in France (where Cerrone is from) in 1977, where they understood the inherent sexiness of small fridges with naked women draped over them. And of course...

Excruciating Album Cover Art — God's Power

Run Satan! Mike Crain, the Katarist [sic:] Preacher, is coming to kick your ass!

This is a disturbing cover. At first I thought Mr. Crain was wearing a WWII helmet, and then I realized, "oh, that's just his hair." Perhaps after he finishes splitting blocks of wood, he can go see "Sheena, God's Stylist".

Actually, if the goal is for us to take the idea that his mighty karate is the work of God seriously, then it's not that badly designed. I especially like the way the crucifix is beaming its ...