Aynoit Ashor's Blog, page 2

Let her cry....

When I met my husband, he told me this song reminded him of me.  The interesting thing is Wildflower could be the soundtrack to the writings in my red journal.  (I met my husband shortly after ending my [red] journal writings.)

My journal writingsI do relate to Wildflower's lyrics.  There are things I have endured that I will, most likely, never tell a soul. 


Someone asked me why I decided to share my journaling. I did it for a few reasons. 1) I hope it will help others heal. 2) I want those who don't understand, to read it and now understand the thoughts and feelings of an abused person. 3) It helps me heal. (Selfish. I know.)

I shared my everyday life experiences in that journal.  I never thought I would share my most intimate thoughts with the world, but I am.

If you would like to read my journey toward healing you can download The Red Journal- Part 1 via Google Play Books or Kindle .

Post the ONE song embodies your darkest hour in the comments section.

******************************
Be social! SHARE, LIKE, TWEET, +1

Twelve Years Later......

Today, while formatting The Red Journal- Part 2, I re-read the 2002 entry and decided to write a 2014 post for the same day. 


******************** Coming soon! Saturday, April 27, 2002
I thank God I am Blessed to be in this program and doing well. 
I have a few things I need to do for my mom this week. I also want to get my lay-a-way out and get my permit.
I wonder where I will be five years from now.
(This entry will appear in The Red Journal- Part 2)
********************
Sunday, April 27, 2014
I woke up in the morning and sat in the back yard with my husband and sipped coffee. We listened to the birds and saw three Blue Jays attacking a Crow.  We actually saw the Jays' strategic plan of attack and wondered what the Crow had done to receive such treatment.
Later in the day we went to Yoga and then the grocery store.  My husband grilled a whole chicken, corn on the cob and yellow squash for dinner.  
My husband, the teens and I all sat at the dining room table and ate dinner while talking about some random stuff.  At eight o'clock (pm) my husband and I turned to ME-TV to watch Columbo.  (It was one I had seen before.)
The telephone rang and I had a nice conversation with my father for about an hour.  After that I went to bed.
********************
God is amazing. Look at how far I have come! If you are just leaving an abusive relationship I encourage you to move forward toward positivity. Keep pushing forward and good things will happen. 

BE SOCIAL : Share, Like and +1 this post.

I'm Ready to Live! (Part 2)

In, I'm Ready to Live! (Part 1), I wrote about "wanting to heal". Be sure to read Part 1 before moving on to this blog entry.

********************The second step one must take to begin living a full life is: Get to know yourself!  Wanting to heal goes hand-in-hand with getting to know yourself.

"Aynoit, what do you mean 'get to know myself'?" When I say "get to know yourself" I want you to learn what it is you like to do.  You may be out of touch with your "like" because you had to live for someone else.  Isn't it great you no longer have to live for anyone else and you can live the life you want to live?



Some may have forgotten what brings them joy because they have had to cater to their abuser for so long. They forgot what is was like to walk in the grass with bare feet, sing We Are The World while taking a shower or simply sit in peaceful silence. Some may have never experienced any of these simple joys due to enduring abuse their entire lives.

In my blog post "Kerosene Cucumbers, Aunt Bea & Me", I mentioned how canning helps me have a peaceful mind and that having a peaceful mind makes a peaceful life. I never thought I would like to can, but it was an interest I had so I decided to try it.

Maybe canning isn't for you because you hate mason jars and think the term "head space" is a dirty term. Well... what do you like to do? Do what makes you feel peaceful and whole.

How does one get to know himself/herself?
Start a new hobby or pick up an old one: Have you ever wanted to make a quilt? What about starting a window herb garden? Do you like to write poetry? Do it! Read an inspiring story or daily devotional: A few books that have inspired me are- The Shack, Light From Heaven (which was really hard to find) and Tapping The Power Within. Remember, "Reading is fundamental" and "Knowledge is power". You can go anywhere and learn anything by reading a book. Advice Book For  Domestic Abuse Survivors.Finish a project once started but put down: Did you begin a painting a picture but had to put it down? Have you always wanted to start a home decorating business but never could? Now is the time to start.
Let's continue the process toward living a full life! Comment below with your thoughts. Feel free to comment anonymously.


Please use the social media icons, below, to share this post with those who may need it. 

Click here to read I'm Ready to Live (Part 3)

I'm Ready to Heal! (Part 2)

In, I'm Ready to Heal (Part 1), I wrote about "wanting to heal". Be sure to read Part 1 before moving on to this blog entry.

********************The second step one must take to begin the healing process is: Get to know yourself!  Wanting to heal (Step 1), goes hand-and-hand with getting to know yourself.

"Aynoit, what do you mean 'get to know myself'?" When I say "get to know yourself" I want you to learn what it is you like to do.  You may be out of touch with your "like" because you had to live for someone else.  Isn't it great you no longer have to live for anyone else and you can live the life you want to live?



Some may have forgotten what brings them joy because they have had to cater to their abuser for so long. They forgot what is was like to walk in the grass with bare feet, sing We Are The World while taking a shower or simply sit in peaceful silence. Some may have never experienced any of these simple joys due to enduring abuse their entire lives.

In my blog post "Kerosene Cucumbers, Aunt Bea & Me", I mentioned how canning helps me have a peaceful mind and that having a peaceful mind makes a peaceful life. I never thought I would like to can, but it was an interest I had so I decided to try it.

Maybe canning isn't for you because you hate mason jars and think the term "head space" is a dirty term. Well... what do you like to do? Do what makes you feel peaceful and whole.

How does one get to know himself/herself?
Start a new hobby or pick up an old one: Have you ever wanted to make a quilt? What about starting a window herb garden? Do you like to write poetry? Do it! Read an inspiring story or daily devotional: A few books that have inspired me are- The Shack, Light From Heaven (which was really hard to find) and Tapping The Power Within. Remember, "Reading is fundamental" and "Knowledge is power". You can go anywhere and learn anything by reading a book. Advice Book For  Domestic Abuse Survivors.Finish a project once started but put down: Did you begin a painting a picture but had to put it down? Have you always wanted to start a home decorating business but never could? Now is the time to start.
Let's continue the healing process! Comment below with your plans.


Please use the social media icons, below, to share this post with those who may need it.

I Got Mail.... A Thank Card for Aynoit.

Earlier this month, I spoke at the Fab Friday for Women event in Richmond, VA at the Meadowbrook Country Club. I was surprised and humbled after receiving this card in the mail from one of the attendees.

At this event, I spoke about being a target, perpetrator and by-stander of domestically abusive relationships.  When people hear me speak, they are taken aback by how down-to-earth and "real" I am.  I weave my story into the presentation to bring it to life. At this event, I used balloons, flying rubber reptiles and a clothesline to teach the attendees about domestically abusive relationships.

It's always humbling to hear that my message is changing lives and helping people heal because my goal is for those in attendance to leave educated and empowered. I am happy God is using me to educate and help begin the healing process.

If you would like me to come and speak to your group, please visit my website.

Love Birds... And a Reminder from God.

I am lucky enough to have a pair of Cardinals visit my yard every day. I think the bread crumbs I toss in the yard each morning encourage their return. ;)

But, I was never been lucky enough to capture a picture of the birds, who are lovingly named after my husband and me, until two days ago.  It's not the best picture, but it's better than nothing. (They usually fly away when I try to capture a shot of them.)

Just a few minutes ago, I was able to observe David and [Aynoit] more closely. David, the bright red male, searched for bread crumbs closer to the house while [Aynoit] searched further back in the grass.  Each time David found a bread crumb, he placed it in his beak, flew or hopped over to [Aynoit] and placed the bread in her mouth.  I didn't realize what was happening in the beginning, but after two or three "feedings" I fell in love with the bird version of my husband.  His birdly-love for his "wife" reminded me of my husband and his love for me.  No matter how small the piece of bread, [Aynoit] took it from her "husband's" beak without complaint. This encouraged David to continue to search and bring more bread. 

My husband goes out daily and brings home the "bread". He supports my dreams and pushes me toward my goals.  When I decided to leave my job in March of 2013, to pursue writing and speaking full-time, I didn't know what we were going to do. It was truly a step into faith!  Each month, with God's help, guidance and support, my husband has brought home the bread.
The Love Birds!



If you are, or were, in an abusive relationship, like I once was, I want you to know there is HOPE. You can find a good man. They are out there.

If you are ready to heal from your abusive past, I check out my book I Have Been There: Sisterly Advice from One Survivor of Domestic Abuse to Another.  This book was written to help those who are ready to heal.  It's currently on sale for $4.99 on my website.

God used my Cardinal friends to remind me that my husband wants to take care of me and my needs. How awesome is it that God used birds as a reminder of what love should look like?!?  God's lessons and reminders are all around us. Sometimes we have to look for them.  

Has God used animals or nature to teach you a life lesson? Post your experience in the comments section.

*Please LIKE, +1, Share and Tweet.

I'm Ready to Heal! (Part 1)

How does one begin the healing process after being in an abusive relationship? First and foremost, one has to WANT to heal. You might say, "Aynoit, of course I want to heal." I challenge you with, "Do you? Really?"

Are you ready? Are you ready to cut off all communication with your abuser? Are you ready to let go of the family members and friends who bring you down? Are you ready to move, if needed? Are you ready to listen to new music and watch positive television shows? Are you ready to get off social media or unfriend people who are not positively impacting your life? Are.You.Ready?

You have to make the decision to be happy. No one can control your happiness. It is your life. Take your power back. Maybe you never had power because you have been abused your entire life. To you, I say, "Claim your freedom!" You can be free. You can be happy. You have to declare it. You have to want it.

There is nothing else I can do or say, at this moment, to help. This is something you have to do on your own.

If you are ready, come back next Monday for action steps you can take to begin healing after abuse. If you want to start healing NOW purchase my book I Have Been There: Sisterly Advice from One Survivor of Abuse to Another. The paperback version, which is on sale at my website, contains journaling pages to record your thoughts. This book is also available on Kindle.

You have the right to be happy. You deserve to be happy. You can be happy.

Share your thoughts in the comments section.


If this post has helped you and/or you think it will help others please click the LIKE, Tweet and +1 icons below.

Kerosene Cucumbers, Aunt Bea & Me!

It's that time of the year.... Time to start canning!  I became interested in canning after watching something on PBS. (PBS always sparks my new hobby ideas- that's how I got my KitchenAid standup mixer. I was watching Cooks Country and wanted to bake cakes from scratch. So my husband bought me one for Christmas 2012.)

I expressed my new canning interest to my husband and, as always, he was 100% supportive of my new hobby. I went to the store, bought mason jars, a water bath pot and a canning recipe book. I was so excited! I took the book and my new supplies into my kitchen and began to read the cookbook. I realized canning wouldn't be so hard.

Soon, I was making strawberry jam to spread on homemade bread baked in the bread maker. The jam didn't last long. The teens thought it would be a wonderful idea to make peanut butter and jelly sandwiches with my precious strawberry jam.  *sigh*

After I had the strawberry jam under control, I decided to try......... PICKLES. Yes, pickles. Now if you are an Andy Griffith Show fan, you most likely have seen the episode: The Pickle Story. For those who have never seen it, let me give you my synopsis:

Aunt Bea (Andy's aunt) made pickles which tasted horrible! Andy and Barney (Andy's best friend and deputy) didn't want to hurt Aunt Bea's feelings so they told her they were the best pickles ever. They didn't realize their words would encourage Aunt Bea to make a lot of pickles and enter her "kerosene cucumbers" to the County Fair. (To find out what happens, watch the episode. You can find it on Youtube.)

The Pickle Story is one of my favorite television episodes of all time. Pure, wholesome comedy! It's a great episode to watch with your children. 

I decided to try my hand at pickles but I took the easy route.... I used mix. Don't judge me. I didn't want to be known as "Aunt Bea, Jr." I mixed, poured, packed and boiled and my pickles were delicious.

Aunt Bea should have used the pre-measured pack of spices.

 ********************************************************When I left my abusive marriage I was confused and unmotivated. I didn't know which way to turn or how my life would end up. If I believed my ex-husband, I would be nothing now and no one would "want" me.  I had to change my mindset. I had to believe I could have better. I had to do things differently.  That meant letting people go and being around positive people.  I know it's hard to "break up" with people, but if one truly wants to be happy, that's what they must do!

I didn't know how to begin healing. I didn't know what to do after I left abuse. I know there are many who feel what I felt back in 2001.  I wrote I Have Been There: Sisterly Advice from One Survivor of Abuse to Another, to help you begin your path to healing.  If you have recently left an abusive relationship buy this book. (It's currently on sale for $4.99 on my website. You can also download it to your Kindle.) If you know someone who has left an abusive relationship, do not buy this book for that person. This is a process they have to begin on their own. No matter how much you want them to be happy, you can not do it for them.  What you can do is refer them to my blog for encouragement.


Canning is something I never imagined I would try. I am at different stage in my life. I am happy and I feel "whole".  I do not care if people laugh at me for canning or listening to old time radio or crocheting. Those things bring peace to my mind. And a peaceful mind makes a peaceful life.

Have you ever canned food? Tell me about your canning experiences in the comments section.

Oh, yeah.... don't forget to "Like", "Tweet" and "+1" this post. :)

April 17, 2002- A Throwback Thursday Post

In 2002, I had recently left my abusive marriage and was living in a transitional facility for women (and children) who had recently left abusive homes. I had many confusing thoughts and didn't know where to turn. I decided to journal as a way to get my thoughts and feelings out.

On this date in Aynoit Ashor history:
************************************Wednesday, April 17, 2002

We had a good group tonight. One of the ladies is going to have her baby tonight. They are going to induce her labor. I spoke to my sister, April*, today. I told her I might be able to go to our brother’s graduation party. I hope and pray I can.  
I am not worried about seeing Lamont* while I am there. I was scared to go because I don’t want to see him because of my feelings. I might want to go back. I might get pissed off.

I want to go and support my brother. I wasn’t able to support him while I was with Lamont because Lamont was jealous of my brother. I was thinking about writing my brother a letter to let him know that I care about him.  
My kids are driving me up the wall and need to go to sleep. They act like they can’t go to bed anymore. Well, they probably always acted like that. Yeah, they did. :-)
(*Names have been changed to protect the innocent and guilty.)
  ************************************ Available on Kindle & Google Play Books
Not only did journaling allow me to get my thoughts and feelings "out", it helped me begin the healing process. When I had no one to talk to I wrote it in my journal. 
Though I never thought I would publish my thoughts and feelings for the world to read, I now think my journey will help others start their journey toward healing. I also believe this journal will help others understand the thoughts, confusion and turmoil of those who are survivors of domestic/interpersonal abuse.
The Red Journal Series is being released in "Parts" because it took a lot out of me, emotionally. As I reread what I had been through feelings of deep sadness, resentment and guilt crept into my heart. I did not want the hurts and shadows of my past to regain control of my life, so I had to create this project slowly.
To follow the beginning of my journey to an abuse free life, read The Red Journal, Part 1, which is available on Kindle and Google Play Books. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~GIVEAWAY ALERT!!! Don't forget to enter Clarissa Wild's 4000 LIKES Giveaway! She has teamed up with some amazing authors, including me, to giveaway books, gift cards, and MORE!

What the numbers are saying- Lost Blog Entry

(Originally written April 2011. Never published.)******************************************************************************** I've been following the blogs of self-publishing gurus Joe Konrath and Amanda Hocking for about a month now.  I read and reread their posts and advice.  One thing Joe has done is shown what his sales numbers are during "experiments" he is conducts.

I've decided to post my numbers, not to brag, but to show my progress and to hold myself accountable. 

[image error] On March 2, 2011 I decided to make I Wish I Would've available a free eBook on Smashwords.  I did this to build a fan base and it's worked out well.  I told my friends and family about my goal of 300 downloads by March 31, 2011, when the free download offer expires).  I tweeted, Facebooked, and emailed this out and asked the recipients to forward to people they think would be interested in reading a free eBook.

Then on March 26, 2011 I decided to have a free sneak preview of Sixty-7* for 12 hours.  I posted this on Facebook and Twitter too.


As of this moment [April 2011], this these are my Smashwords numbers:

I Wish I Would've 
292 downloads (in less than a month), no sales.
#20  Most Downloaded, Free eBook, Women's Fiction
#2 Most Downloaded, African American, General
#1 Most Downloaded, Shorts (<25,000 words), African American, General
[image error]

Sixty-7*
42 downloads (in twelve hours), no sales.
#16 Most Downloaded, African American, General
#7 Most Downloaded, Shorts (<25,000), African American, General


Smashwords is a little tricky because the eBook can be downloaded by the same person more than once.  Meaning, if a person starts reading and doesn't finish, they can go back and download it again and it will be counted as a additional download.  But that's cool with me because to me that means if a person downloaded it more than once, they started to read the book and wanted to finish it. 

My books are now available on Nook and I am waiting for the process on Kindle to be completed. 

I'm excited about my journey and can't wait to see what else the Universe is going to give me!

******************************************************************************** It's always interesting to see how far you have come in life. I've sold over 20,000 copies of I Wish I Would've on Kindle alone! I Wish I Would've appeared on the Kindle Movers and Shakers list in the UK. I Wish I Would've reached #1 in Kindle Drama for the US & UK.

I reached these milestones fairly quickly. Then in 2013, things took a down-turn. I was not selling as many books as I wanted. Quite frankly, I didn't sell the same number of books as in 2012. But, I didn't put in the same work that I had in 2012.

One of my husband's favorite things to say is, "You can't cheat the game." No you can't. This goes with all things in life. You have to put in the work to get results. And though I was putting in work, I was not focused on the right things. I spent a lot of time on social media and not enough time writing.

In 2014, I made goals (not resolutions). I will reach these goals because I am putting in the work and will continue to do so. Two of my goals are to sell 500 eBooks a month and to obtain more paid speaking engagements.

I'm ready for the next level, what about you?

Post some of your 2014 goals in the comments section.

(*Sixty-7 is now titled ProtectHer.)