Kevin L. O'Brien's Blog: Songs of the Seanchaí, page 15

Dreamlands Bestiary: Kouricauns

The Kouricauns, also known as the Korreds, are a race of humanoid creatures that live in the Dreamlands, but are able to cross over into the Waking World. Their normal appearance is some three feet tall, with wild hair and beards, and goat legs, much like a Leng Man. They can, however, alter their appearance to look like normal, if short, stout, hirsute, people. They always carry a cudgel no matter their form, and when not disguised they wear gray jackets. Their skin and eyes are also gray, while their hair is coal-black. They wear a belt around their waists, from which dangles a purse of sand, dried leaves, and horsehair, containing at least a small knife and a pair of shears.

They live in the Enchanted Woods, but like the Zoogs they travel throughout the Dreamlands and have established colonies in other places. Their homes consist of dolmen and rings of standing stones. They are somehow able to enter the stones, which they use as dwellings and for instantaneous travel to other stones. They apparently use them to cross over into the Waking World, since they are associated with similar structures there.

They live in family units that band together into clans or tribes. They are master craftsmen, musicians, and storytellers, and they have frequent ceremonies where they dance and sing inside the stone rings under the moon. They are also masters of Dream-magic and illusion.

They are solitary and peaceful, suspicious of strangers, antagonistic to intruders, and hostile towards anyone who interrupts their ceremonial revels. However, they are vegetarians. They have been know to curse people they do not like with dancing nonstop until they die of exhaustion, but they are unusually sensitive to iron, and less so steel; silver does not harm them at all. They can accept people who treat them with respect and courtesy, and befriend those who are skilled artisans, players, singers, and raconteurs. Ways in which people can get on their good sides include getting the last word in a conversation, stumping them with riddles, teaching them new songs or stories, and making their bland meals taste better. Those they especially favor will be allowed to participate in their revels, and will be given a purse with its usual contents, which will turn to gold when sprinkled with holy water.

The Kouricauns are enemies of the Zoogs. Normally the two races leave each other alone, or at worst engage in a kind of cold war as they compete for allies and resources, but sometimes they will attack one another. However, they are on good terms with Cats, who often side with them against the Zoogs. They have even been known to rescue Cats in trouble. They tend to ignore other races unless provoked in some fashion, but as with Humans they can befriend individuals who treat them well.

Synopsis: Grand Quest I-Part 2

Once More Unto the Breach, Dear Friends

Continued from Part 1

At moonrise, they depart on a cloud barge. It heads for the center of the light side of the Moon to avoid detection from the dark, then skims along just above the surface as it approaches the terminator. The Moon is dotted with ruins, but there are many cats playing and cavorting among them. Just short of the dark side, it lands in a sea of oily liquid and cruises towards a dock. Once it ties up, the girls and Differel, with Medb, Uilmheidhrea, Ubasti, and Kami, disembark and head up a road towards the Moonbeast city. Saighlíne and Ssas'sashu'ra decide to remain behind with the barge. As they get close, Kami leads them overland around to the Leng Man slums and through the alleys to the dwelling of the leader of a resistance cell.

He is reluctant at first to help them, being as he fears discovery, but finally he reveals that the Moonbeasts have been having meetings with a Fomorian and an ambassador from a foreign power. He agrees to take then to where they can listen in on a meeting scheduled for tonight, but he doubts they will hear anything useful. He claims to know nothing of vast quantities of rubies being shipped to a secret location. He gives them food and drink and then leaves to conduct some business. Differel and Eile doesn't trust him, but Kami vouches for him, and Medb seems willing to accept her word. However, she is convinced he is holding back.

Some time later, he returns and leads them into the Moonbeast city. He takes them to a central tower complex and up to a chamber above the meeting hall. There, they can hear everything that is said, and see through a spy hole. He then leaves again, having official duties to attend to. It isn't long before two persons enter the hall. One is Bres; the other is a tall, thin being with smooth golden skin, long bluish-white hair, and piercing red eyes. They are soon joined by a Moonbeast, who is accompanied by the resistance leader. The Moonbeast speaks in a non-vocal language, which the Leng Man translates, though it understands what the other two say. It is upset with Bres that he has been unable to liquidate the Girls and Differel, and now they have involved Medb hErenn.

He assures it that it is only a matter of time, and that in any event they cannot stop their plan now. They have acquired sufficient cunae juice and rubies to achieve their goal; all they need now is a last batch of morbidun and they can build their army. The golden man then states that it is being collected now and will soon be delivered to Hazuth-Kleg. The Moonbeast seems pleased that their part in this venture is finished, but it reminds them of their agreement and admonishes them not to cheat. It then leaves, and the Leng Men escorts Bres and the golden man out. Differel's suspicions are enhanced by the fact that their contact is so intimately involved with the Moonbeasts, but Kami points out that that makes him invaluable.

A little later, the Leng Man returns to guide them back to his dwelling. As they pass through a plaza, however, he stops and informs Kami that he met with the other resistance leaders earlier, and they agreed that her party poses too great a threat to their cause. They are surrounded by armed Leng Men and forced to surrender. They are taken to another tower complex, and there stripped and placed in a cell. From the comments made by the Leng Men who incarcerated them, Kami realizes that the resistance is actually a sham, perpetrated by the Moonbeasts to weed out those in every generation who have the will to resist them. The revelation seems to crush her spirit, and the Girls feel sorry for her.

In a short while, the Leng Men herd them into a room that is set up for torture. The women are secured to stocks and they watch as various implements and devices are made ready. Eventually a Moonbeast enters, with the resistance leader translator. He translates a statement that they are to be put to death. As if to underscore that, Kami is unshackled and manhandled over to a platform, into which she is strapped. However, he continues, if any of the others wishes to cooperate and explain their mission, that person will be spared. Medb replies that she wishes to do so, since the others are expendable. She is freed, but before she talks she would like to know what is going on; it could have a bearing on what she needs to tell them.

The Moonbeast admits it doesn't know all the details. However, they had been approached by the Fomorians with a plan to create an army that would conquer the Dreamworld. This army was to be created by Dream power, the soldiers literally called into existence out of nothing. That's why the rubies are needed, to make their forms permanent. In exchange for their cooperation, the Moon would be left independent and the Moonbeasts could rule over the North, from their base at Sarkomand. It doesn't know what the cunae juice or morbidun will be used for, but it assumes they are needed to help make the army. When she tries to ask what morbidun is, the Moonbeast cuts her off and demands she explain their mission. She smiles, and says, "Now."

Saighlíne and Ssas'sashu'ra appear, along with a dozen cats. The cats attack the Leng Men while Saighlíne frees the women. Medb blasts the Moonbeast, but before she can subdue it, the resistance leader attacks her, allowing the Moonbeast to escape. Ssas'sashu'ra has the women's clothes and weapons, and as they dress and rearm themselves, Saighlíne frees Kami, then helps the cats take care of the Leng Men torturers. Medb subdues the resistance leader in short order, and demands that he talks, but he refuses. Having no time to interrogate him and not wishing to hamper themselves by taking him along, Medb gives him to Kami. However, she decides it is not the time or place for personal revenge, and she knocks him unconscious. She then snatches up her clothes and weapons and leaves with the rest.

Saighlíne and the cats lead them out of the tower and through the city. They encounter resistance, but are able to make it out. Medb offers to let Kami stay behind, but she decides to come with them. Leng Men militia close in, but they are intercepted by a legion of cats. However, more militia cut them off. Then Sunny notices a discarded metal trough. She and Eile get everyone in it, Medb pushes them off a slope, and they toboggan down through the militia towards the barge. Medb runs ahead of them, knocking militia out of the way, and the cats bring up the rear. They reach the barge and board, while the cats hold off the militia. Then they watch as the cats jump clear of the Moon back to the Dreamlands. They caste off and beat a hasty retreat.

Even as they climb away, however, a dozen black galleys rise up in pursuit from various locations. Saighlíne orders full speed, but the galleys still close in. The barge exchanges shots with the galleys as Saighlíne orders flank speed and Differel prepares to repel boarders. The galleys come close enough to exchange archery fire, when a fleet of barges bearing the royal standard of Ooth-Nargai sweep in and drive them off. They then form up with the women's barge and escort it back to Serannian. Along the way, they discuss what to do next. They decide that it is imperative they find out what morbidun is and what it can be used for. Afterwards, when Kami confesses that she feels lost without her cause, the Girls and Differel point out that it won't die as long as she continues to believe in it.

65 days left

Upon their arrival back in Serannian, they are taken immediately to Kuranes. The ambassador from Karchedon has arrived, and he will want to hear their report. Kuranes receives them in a private audience chamber, where they are given drink, and then the ambassador is announced as the Marquis of Elissa. Differel has her back to him, but as soon as he speaks, she goes into shock and whirls around. They lock eyes, and the Marquis seems as stunned as she is. She seems to fly into a panic as she pulls a pistol and points it at him, but she is trembling so violently she cannot hold it steady. She shouts at him about how he's supposed to be dead as he approaches her slowly, speaking in a calm voice. When he reaches her, she breaks down, collapses into his arms, and begins crying hysterically as he holds her. When the girls ask what's going on, he explains that he is or was her husband.

Kuranes suggests they leave them alone and he takes the others into a sitting room. They tell him about the plan and the morbidun. He has never heard of it, but orders his sages to research it immediately. He then suggests they rest, since it will take time to get an answer. They are shown to quarters, but the Girls find it hard to settle down; they are too worried about Differel. Finally, they go look for her. They are told she and the ambassador have gone to his suite, and they pay a visit. They find him up and he invites them in, explaining that Differel is asleep. When they ask about her, he says she'll be fine, she's just had a shock on top of everything else. He asks how they know her, and they explain about their first meeting and subsequent adventures.

He then explains about himself and her. His name is Victor Edward Plunkett, formerly Viscount of Dunwich. He first met her at a government conference in 2001, though he had known of her for some time. He was attached to the foreign office as a special troubleshooting envoy and diplomat, and he often had to smooth over ruffled relations after the Caerleon Order conducted on operation on foreign soil. He was taken with her right away, though she seemed mildly hostile towards him, and he spent a great deal of free time trying to meet her socially, despite her sometimes brusque brush-offs. She seemed irritated with his charming, friendly, and easy-going manner, and especially by the fact that it seemed impossible for her to offend him.

Nor did the end of the conference deter him, but he continued to leave her messages, then send letters, followed by flowers, chocolates, wine, whatever he thought would break the ice, for weeks on end. He understood that she assumed her indifference would persuade him to cease and desist, so he figured his persistence must have surprised her. Nonetheless, she never told him to bugger off, so he felt encouraged. Finally she agreed to have lunch with him, probably hoping that would satisfy him. She probably figured that if she was polite but cold he would finally get the message. Unfortunately, it backfired. She became so comfortable that she actually relaxed, and ended up having such a good time that "lunch" ran well into the afternoon.

They met numerous times over the next several weeks, first lunches, then dinners, then brunches, walks in the park, the theatre, the cinema, and finally weekend jaunts to their respective ancestral homes. He would have been satisfied if they had just remained friends, but she became attracted to him, and he was very happy when she confessed as much. As such, while in public they maintain the appearance of mere friendship, in private they engaged in more affectionate, intimate pastimes. Their affection grew into mutual love, and became stronger with each passing day, until he proposed to her at midnight on Christmas Eve, in the middle of a park, ground and trees covered in snow, light flurries drifted down around them. She said yes, and that night they consummated their love.

They were married in January and the subsequent three years were the happiest in his life. Unfortunately, relations with the Vatican had turned sour, and the Holy Order of St. Antony Demons-Bane became convinced he and Differel were monsters who had infiltrated the British government. They sent an Archangel, a monk specially trained to hunt monsters, to kill them. He attacked them on a Sunday morning at his family estate, when and where they would be most vulnerable. To give her a chance to get to a weapon, he engaged the assassin bare-handed to distract him, and was cut down. He must have been killed instantly, because his next memory was standing in the Cavern of Flame, being told he was dead. When they ask him how he had found his way there, he demurs, saying that is another story, and they need their rest.

Differel awakens and finds herself in a bed. She hears Victor talking in the other room, but as she gets up to go see, he walks in. He is surprised to see her up, but she assures him her collapse was just nervous exhaustion. Besides, she's more hungry than tired. He rings for a meal, and they sit out on the balcony. She asks him who he was talking to, and he replies her two young lady friends. She then asks how he came here. He begins by explaining that they told him of her arrival. He on the other hand has been a Dreamer as long as he can remember. He pauses long enough to wait until they are served, then continues when the servants leave.

During his childhood, he spent his Dream visits in Ulthar, housed in an orphanage-school set up to accommodate child Dreamers. Child Dreamers are sacrosanct and protected, but when they come of age, that protection is removed. When he came of age, he became an adventurer of sorts to support himself, but he also discovered that he had a talent for diplomacy. It wasn't long before he was being hired as a kind of troubleshooter, solving problems with word or sword, whatever was best. That experience served him well in the Waking World, and unlike many he found he had no problem keeping the two separate or preferring one over the other, though he did occasionally find himself wishing for an automatic weapon or a magic spell while in whichever world hadn't one or the other.

In time, his missions took him to the island nation of Punica and the city-state of Karchedon. He fell in love with both and elected to make them his Dream-home. The Punicae authorities began using him for diplomatic missions, and he distinguished himself so well that they knighted him, then made him a peer. Unlike in England, one could advance in peerage through good service, and he has now risen to the rank of marquis, with an island estate to support him. He serves as the ambassador to Ooth-Nargai, and as envoy to Dylath-Leen, their primary competitor for trade on the Southern Sea. All in all, it has been a good life, but a lonely one; he has missed her greatly, and in deference to her memory, he has never remarried, though he admits that he has had a number of lovers, both before and after his death.

She asks him why he never told her of his life here. He replies that after he had met her, he had hoped she was a Dreamer like himself, but when he could find no trace of her in the Dreamworld, he decided that no good could come of telling his love that she occupied roughly only 1% of his life. Besides, for the first time he found his Waking life more appealing than his Dream life, and he seriously considered discontinuing going there. She asks him why he never remarried, since for all intents and purposes she is dead to him. He turns the tables on her and asks why she never remarried, since he is dead to her, and she realizes his answer would be the same as hers. He then asks how Henry is doing. She had been dreading that question, but she confesses she hasn't seen their son for five years. When he asks why, she explains that she was so grief-stricken that she gave him up to his family. He asks if she regrets it, and she admits she does. He then strongly urges her to reconnect with him at any cost when she returns, before it is too late. She demurs by saying, "If I return."

To change the subject, she asks how he got here so fast, since Kuranes would only have sent for him yesterday. He smiles and takes her up onto the roof. There, in a stable, is a hippogriff. He explains that he found it as a colt after its mother had been killed by Leng Men. He raised it and it bonded to him; it became his steed, his protector, and his most loyal companion. While highly intelligent, it is also sensitive, very possessive, and somewhat solitary. It barely tolerates the servants who care for it, and it will allow no one else to approach it. Differel, remembering her Harry Potter, bows to the majestic animal, and it nods its head, much to Victor's surprise. She then approaches it carefully, holding out her hand, and when she gets close enough it thrusts its head forward, but to request a petting, not to bite. She scratches at its cheek, and it closes its eyes in obvious pleasure.

Victor is flabbergasted, but he recovers quickly and asks if she would like a ride. Though hesitant at first, she quickly ascents. Victor mounts her in front, climbs on behind her, and the hippogriff takes off, soaring out over the pink-marble city. It circles the palace complex several times, gaining altitude, and once Differel sees Sunny out on a balcony, sunning herself. They exchange waves as Eile comes out to join her. The hippogriff widens its path to encompass the whole city, then it turns off and soars out over woodland, that merges with the clouds, and then the clouds dissipate and they are flying over the Cerenarian Strait. The hippogriff drops down closer to the water, and they fly lazily back and forth, past ships and over sea monsters. It drops lower still, skimming the water with its front claws as dolphins cavort around it like they were following the prow of a ship. It then rises up, swings around in a wide arc, and heads back for Serannian. As they approach, the city stands out starkly against the cloud bank, the early afternoon sun gleaming off the buildings. However, instead of landing back at its stable, the hippogriff lands in a clearing in the woods.

Victor explains that after an exertion such as this, it's hungry and needs to eat. They dismount and it immediately trots off into the woods. As Differel watches, Victor comes up behind her and begins touching and caressing her on the shoulders, neck, and face. She surrenders herself to it at first, but then pulls away. Victor apologizes, and Differel explains she doesn't believe this is a good idea. Whether she lives or dies, she'll be gone soon and they will never see each other again. It wouldn't do either of them any good to restart a relationship they cannot continue. He agrees, and they walk back towards the city. But they hold hands as they do.

As Eile and Sunny sunbathe on the balcony, they chat about Differel and Victor. They knew she had once been married, but she wouldn't talk about it. Besides, she didnot strike them as the marrying type. Her outburst had also worried them, but seeing her with him on the back of that hippogriff gladdened them. They wonder if this might be the start of something new and special. Medb joins them, which piques Eile, but she endures it. Medb tells them Kuranes has invited them all to dinner, where a report will be given on the sages' research. However, she is not sanguine about their chances of success. Though they have access to a cyclopean library and a huge mound of intelligence data, there are areas beyond their purview. As such, to hedge their bets, she has already sent Crèmedevoyager to Ulthar to question Mephitis and Aislinn Síle about it. Hopefully they will be able to supply some answers.

The Girls arrive in the private dining room a bit early and find Differel and Victor have arrived ahead of them. They seem to be on intimate terms, and Differel appears to be glowing, which prompts Sunny to poke Eile in the ribs with her elbow and give her a knowing smile. However, Eile isn't as sure they have been intimate in that way. In any event, further speculation is interrupted when Medb and Kuranes arrive, and soon everyone is present, including Ubasti, Kami, and Ssas'sashu'ra, who seem uncomfortable. The girls take charge of them and help them adjust. They have no problem with eating human food, though they are unfamiliar with some utensils, and having no lips, Ssas'sashu'ra might find certain foods difficult. The meal is a twelve course affair: an appetizer, soup, some kind of shellfish, pasta, a sorbet, squab, mushrooms, beef, vegetables, salad, cheese, and pudding, accompanied by a Madeira Sercial, a Riesling, a Sauvignon Blanc, a Chianti, a Burgundy, a dry sherry, a Marsala, and a port. The dinner is purely social; Kuranes enjoys having good company as it reminds him of his days as a member of the landed gentry.

Afterwards, they retire to a sitting room, for coffee, brandy, and cigars, though those who smoke stay well away from the Girls in deference to their fastidiousness. Kuranes reports that his sages have been unable to discover anything definite, though there are references to a fungus called morbidia. However, almost nothing is known about it. Medb then reports what Crème told her upon his return. According to Mephitis, morbidun is a drug that allows a Dreamer to alter his form. It is distilled from the morbidia fungus. According to what Aislinn has learned from her interviews with the Zoogs, morbidia grows in the Underworld, in one of the vales in the Peaks of Thok. There are only two known ways into the Underworld: down the staircase under the city of Sarkomand in the North, and through the stone slab in the Enchanted Woods to descend the Tower of Koth into the City of the Gugs. Both are dangerous, but the latter is the safer route, and the shortest to the mountains.

A debate rages over what is the best course of action, with some advising a direct confrontation with the Fomorians in Hazuth-Kleg, and the rest advocating disrupting their plan by shutting down morbidun production. The latter has two major disadvantages. The first is that the Peaks of Thok are an exceedingly dangerous place, while the second is that, not knowing which of the myriad vales is the right one, they could spend centuries searching and never find it. Medb, however, has been to the Underworld a few times before, and she is confident they can handle the dangers, with some judicious preparation and a little prudence.

Plus, she believes she knows someone who could help, an ancient ghoul wizard that lives near the Vale of Pnath. He probably knows where to find morbidia. Ultimately, the debate ends when Differel declares that she plans to go to the Underworld, alone if need be, and the Girls state they will go with her. Kuranes says that one way or another, a confrontation with the Fomorians is inevitable, and he plans to call for a general mobilization. Victor is not yet ready to commit Karchedonian forces, but he agrees to send a message back to the city-state to have them prepare, just in case the Fomorians or Moonbeasts, or even this foreign power, tries to make a preemptive strike.

Unfortunately, it will take at least a day to mobilize, even if Kuranes comes with just his command barge and few support craft. Differel is impatient to get started - she is running out of time - but it will take two days to get back to Ulthar on foot, whereas a cloud barge can make it in one. Then Victor says he can fly her and the girls there on the hippogriff in less than six hours. When she asks if it can carry that many people, he declares with some pride that it can carry four full-grown men, so it should be able to carry a man, a woman, and two girls. Medb is in favor of them going ahead. There are preparations that need to be made there before they descend into the Underworld, and this way they can be ready to go when the rest of them arrive. Besides, it will keep Differel occupied.

With the basic plan agreed to, they retire for the evening. Victor shows Differel to her suite, but when he makes to leave, she halts him with a hand on his shoulder. She asks him to stay. He is reluctant, reminding her that she felt it wasn't a good idea. She responds, "I don't care. I've missed you,... I need you." He looks at her for a few moments, then closes the door. Saying, "I've missed you, too," he takes her in his arms and they kiss.

Synopsis: Angel's Muse (a Team Girl Alternative Reality story)

In 1950, a reporter interviews Medb hErenn in her capacity as director of the Ceoldráma Mór opera house in Dublin. She plans to write an investigative article that will expose Medb as the composer of house's popular Mystery Operas for the past seventy-five years. Though Medb denies it, the reporter is convinced she is right and plans to go ahead with her article whether Medb admits the truth or not. So Medb decides to tell her a story.

Sonne Hiver is a chorus singer, bit-player, and dancer for the Ceoldráma Mór in 1875. She is currently understudy for the house's famous soprano, Wendy Cleasa. On the opening night of the first of the Mystery Operas, Wendy is found unconscious in her dressing room. When all attempts to revive her fail, Sunny is pulled from the chorus and put in the role of lead soprano. She sings magnificently, to roaring applause.

Afterwards, in her dressing room, she is visited by the Angel of Music, who has been secretly training her voice for the past lustrum. This time he invites her to visit his lair. She agrees, and as she walks through her mirror, she finds a passage beyond. There she is confronted by a spare man dressed in evening clothes and cape, top hat, carrying a cane, and wearing a full-face angelic mask. She follows the Angel down narrow passageways, circular stairs, and twisting tunnels, to a lake in a grotto under the opera house. He poles her across to the opposite shore, where she finds a lavish domicile, but which is really decorated with stage props and backgrounds. Suspecting the truth, she asks the Angel why he brought her there, and he reveals that he is no angel, but the feared Phantom. However, he means her no harm. Instead, he wishes for her to live with him as he trains her more extensively.

Meanwhile, Cleasa is furious over being upstaged by her understudy and accuses her of poisoning her, then running off from fear. She demands police action, but Medb refuses, saying there is no proof. However, Victor Plunkett the Viscount Dunwich arrives, claiming to be a friend of Sunny's father lately returned from service in the British Army. When he learns Sunny has vanished, he calls in the police over Medb's objections. Inspector Differel Van Helsing arrives, hears Cleasa's accusations, and begins a search of the opera house. Though she cannot stop it, Medb observes and occasionally misleads. Meanwhile, Cleasa reclaims her part, but reviews and ticket sales drop off as she is unfavorably compared to Sunny.

After a week, Sunny's voice has improved more than in the past half-decade, but she becomes weary of the grotto and askes the Phantom to return her to her room. He reluctantly agrees, but before she enters her dressing room, he reveals his name is Eile. She then realizes the Phantom is a woman. In her room, she finds Medb waiting for her. It is night and the police have left for the day, so Medb takes Sunny to her office and tells her the story of Eile.

As a young child, Eile loved music, and could play and sing like a master by the time she was ten. However, her family's home was fire-bombed by radical members of the Land League when she was fourteen. Her parents were killed and she was horribly burned. Medb, who was her father's rí, adopted her and retrained her, so that by seventeen she could sing and play as well as ever. However, her scarred face and body prevented her from having a professional career, and she had no interest in farming. Instead, she sold the land and used the money to invest in Medb's opera house. She persuaded Medb to renovate the grotto so she could live there. Medb used foreign workers, so no locals would be aware of the construction. Eile then moved in when it was finished two years later. There she composed music for Medb's productions, while exploring the opera house and watching the performances from Medb's private box. Thus began the stories of the Phantom.

When Sunny arrived in 1871, Eile became enamored with her and took to watching her, even in her dressing room. One evening she heard her singing and fell in love with her voice. She spoke to her through the mirror, offering to teach her to sing like one of the heavenly choir. When Sunny asked if 'he' was the Angel of Music, Eile said yes. She then trained Sunny every night after everyone had left the opera house. She wrote the first of the Mystery Operas just to highlight her talent and give her a momentous debut.

Medb breaks a confidence and informs Sunny that Eile has confessed to being in love with her, not just her voice. Sunny is uncertain, but she agrees not to reveal Eile's presence to the police. Instead, she and Medb concoct the story that after her first performance, she suffered a bout of food poisoning and had been recovering in a private clinic. Back in her dressing room, she finds a single rose, a gold ring, and a note. It tells Sunny that if she wears the ring and remains eternally faithful, Eile will work to make her the greatest prima donna of all time.

Unbeknownst to Sunny, Eile watches through the mirror as Sunny slips the ring on her finger.

The next day, Differel questions her. She is not inclined to believe her story, but has no evidence to the contrary, so cannot act. However, she plans to keep an eye on things for awhile. Cleasa threatens to leave the opera house if Sunny is not discharged. Medb refuses, but realizes she cannot afford to lose Cleasa at least until Sunny becomes more established, so she agrees to send her back to the chorus for the duration of the run of the opera.

For the next two weeks, Eile continues to train Sunny intensely as she works on a new opera. Differel is always around, never underfoot, but always nearby, watching. Cleasa finishes the run of the opera in Sunny's role, but reviews and sales get no better, and she is infuriated.

More importantly, Victor approaches Sunny with the story that her father had charged him with looking out for her, and her estates. Sunny is surprised to hear she owns land. Victor offers to administer it for her, but Sunny begs off making a decision. Meanwhile, she and Victor begin seeing each other socially. Sunny even misses a few training sessions with Eile. This makes Eile jealous.

After the first Mystery Opera's run is finished, the house starts a new opera, The Magic Flute. Eile delivers her latest opera to Medb, who begins rehearsals. Eile insists Sunny must play the lead role, and Medb agrees, so to keep Cleasa out of it, she decides to run this new opera concurrent with the Mozart opera. However, Cleasa demands to play both lead roles or she will walk. Again, Medb has no choice but to give in. Sunny rehearses as her understudy in Eile's opera. Eile continues to train her, but assures her she will play the lead role. However, her jealously grows as Sunny spends more time with Victor and seems to grow infatuated with him.

On the opening night of the new opera, Eile tries to drug Cleasa again, but she refuses to drink anything except the tea she makes for herself. Eile then threatens her. Thinking it was Sunny, Cleasa erupts in a furious fit and storms into Sunny's dressing room. There she discovers Sunny with Eile. She threatens to expose the Phantom as a freak, and Eile attacks her. Sunny manages to pull her off, but Cleasa is dead. As people try to break into the room, Eile abducts Sunny and takes her into the tunnels down to the grotto.

Victor and Differel discover Cleasa's body, but the Inspector concludes she died of fright. A quick inspection of the room reveals the tunnel behind the mirror and they pursue. When they emerge in the grotto, they try to go around the lake behind the waterfall, but fall into a trap that threatens to drown them.

Eile shows Sunny the captives and then asks her to marry her. She then gives her a choice: say yes, and they both go free; say no, and watch both drown. Sunny tries to plead with her, to appeal to her decent nature, but Eile is adamant. So Sunny says yes, and seals the bargain with a tender kiss on the lips of the mask. Eile is so overcome with emotion she breaks down. She frees the captives, but tells Sunny she is free as well, and that she will never disturb her again. Sunny is so touched by Eile's sacrifice that she realizes she loves her. She tells Victor and Differel to leave, that she will follow in a short while. Victor demands she leave now, but Sunny tells him she doesn't love him and that they can't have any kind of life together.

Victor flies into a rage and slaps Sunny hard enough to knock her off her feet. Eile tries to defend her, but Victor holds her and rips off the mask, revealing her hideously scarred face. He taunts Sunny about whether she could love a monster. Differel tries to restrain Victor. They tussle and Victor knocks her out. Sunny attacks him, but Victor knocks her down again. He pulls a bottle out of his pocket and throws the contents in Sunny's face. It's Oil of Vitriol. Eile attacks Victor with her cane sword; Victor pulls her own sword and they duel around the lake up to the sinkhole. There Victor disarms Eile and gloats about how he never loved Sunny, he just wanted her lands. Even as he is about to run Eile through, Sunny appears and grapples with him. They lose their footing and fall into the hole. At the last second, Sunny catches a hold of a rock and Eile pulls her to safety. Only then does she discover that Sunny is burned and blind.

When they return to the domicile, they find Medb tending to Differel. Medb convinces Differel she has no cause or jurisdiction to arrest Eile. Sunny refuses to leave Eile, and Medb promises to provide whatever Eile needs to nurse her back to health, but nothing can be done to heal the acid burns or restore her sight. Differel agrees not to reveal their existence to the outside world, and she and Medb leave the grotto.

Back in 1950, Medb explains that that is the story behind the legend of the Phantom and His Bride, who have sometimes been glimpsed in various places in the opera house. She also explains that, with the exception of the first two, all the Mystery Operas were written by Eile in cooperation with Sunny. The reporter doesn't believe her, so Medb takes her to the main stage. It is midnight, and she tells the reporter to stand in the exact center and listen. At first she hears nothing, but in the profound stillness she just hears faintly a soprano voice singing an aria accompanied by an organ. And the music comes up from below her feet.

The Monmouth Rebellion

Though the protagonist of the novel Captain Blood by Rafael Sabatini and his adventures are fictional, the historical context is not, especially the rebellion of James Scott, 1st Duke of Monmouth, against his half-brother, James II, the penal transportation of the surviving rebels to the Caribbean, and the Glorious Revolution that deposed James in favor of William of Orange and his wife Mary Stuart.

Peter Blood is one of Sir Differel's ancestors on her mother's side, and Judge Jeffreys, who presided over the Bloody Assizes, will preside over the trial of Differel for treason in the Star Chamber Court.

For more information, see this article.

Team Girl Doctor Who -- Story 4

The last adventure based on Dr. Who villains.

While Eile and Sunny are doing an initial, 24-hour pre-screening of a newly discovered Parallel Earth, they hear a report that an organization called the United Nations Intelligence Taskforce -- UNIT -- has taken down that world's version of the Caerleon Order, for being a front for an alien invasion. The former director, that world's Differel Van Helsing, has eluded capture and is on the run from the authorities.

They return to their Earth and file a report, but they also alert their Differel, who had asked them to tell her about those kinds of things. She in turn asks them to accompany her on a return visit for a more in-depth investigation. The Girls help disguise her and they cross over....

Long-story short, they discover that the Master (the Roger Delgado version) is up to his old tricks. He has infiltrated UNIT and set up the Caerleon Order for the fall, being as they were the only independent organization strong enough to oppose him. He is preparing the way for the real invasion which he hopes will make him master of that world. Differel and the Girls join forces with that world's Differel and a Time Lady named Valkyrie, who reminds them an awful lot of Medb, to defeat him, but as always he gets away in the end.

At the end of the story, UNIT is disbanded and that world's Differel starts the arduous task of rebuilding the Order. Meanwhile, Eile and Sunny and their Differel accept Valkyrie's invitation to go traveling with her. Fun times ahead, folks!

The Bride of Dumb Sunny Jokes

Sunny: Hah! Blondes have more fun! Take that!

Eile: Heh, yeah, but brunettes remember it the next day, yah ditz.

=====

Sunny turned on the computer and waited for it to start up. Finally it said, "Press any key to start." And she started to pound the desk in frustration.

Eile stuck her head into the office. "What's wrong?!"

"Where's the freakin' ANY key?!"

=====

Eile and Sunny walk into the lobby of a hotel, their arms loaded down with shopping bags. They walk up to the bank of elevators.

Eile: Call the elevator, would ya?

Sunny: Elevator? Elevator!

Eile: Not that way, ya ditz! Use yer finger.

Sunny [sticks her finger in her mouth]: Elevator! Elevator!

=====

Eile and Sunny are in a laundromat washing their clothes. Sunny sits in a chair, cutting her plaid skirt into pieces.

Eile: Why are you doin' that, ya bimbo?

Sunny: The detergent bottle clearly states not to mix your colors when washing!

=====

One day Sunny wakes up and tells Eile:

"I'm really sick and tired of people thinking I'm dumb!"

"Okay, but what can you do about it?"

"I'm gonna show them I'm not dumb, but I need your help, partner."

"Heh, yeah, sure, what's on yer mind?"

They cut Sunny's hair real short and dye it raven black. Then they go for a drive out in the country. As they pass a pasture, they see a flock of sheep, and Sunny makes Eile stop.

"Ooooo, those're so cute! I'm gonna ask the shepherd if I can have one!"

They get out and go up the shepherd. Sunny says:

"If I can guess how many sheep you have, may I have one of them?"

"Certainly Miss, take a stab at it."

"567."

The shepherd is dumbfounded.

"That's absolutely right, Miss!"

Eile jerks from surprise.

"You mean she's actually right?!"

Sunny looks at her with a triumphant smile.

"You see, I'm not dumb at all!"

The shepherd waves at the herd.

"Pick out your sheep, Miss."

Sunny finds a nice cute, fluffy one and she and Eile take it back to the car. Before they can drive off, however, the shepherd comes up to them.

"Fair's fair, Miss. If I guess what color your hair really is, may I have my dog back?"

Discredited/Dead/Forgotten Tropes

Tropes have a natural life cycle. They are born when someone codifies a message-bearing pattern that had never been seen before. It matures as it become established, and lives a normal life as people use it in storytelling. It grows older as storytellers subvert it, and it grows senile as it becomes overused and people revile it as a cliche. At that point, it becomes a Discredited Trope.

Tropes become discredited not just from overuse, but also misuse, being opposed for various reasons, being subverted more times than played straight, or just for becoming widely disliked for any reason. They can also become discredited because Time Marches On; inevitable changes in society or technology, or changes in our knowledge of history or science, render a trope obsolete. Ultimately, however, a trope becomes discredited because no one dares to use it in a serious manner, except as a Red Herring to mislead the audience.

Three things to keep in mind, though, is that a discredited trope can still be Truth In Television; a discredited trope is not an example of bad writing, but of failing to understand your audience; and a trope that is not Truth In Television is not automatically discredited. Also, it should be pointed out that Omnipresent Tropes are immune to being discredited because they are too intrinsic to storytelling to ever be considered cliches.

When the subversions of a discredited trope become common enough to serve as straight examples of new tropes, the discredited trope becomes a Dead Horse Trope. In other words, it's clearly pointless to try to use the discredited trope at all, even to play with it. If it gets ignored long enough, it finally becomes a Forgotten Trope. (Technically, no trope is ever truly forgotten. In this case, that simply means no one uses it at all in any form anymore, except when emulating some moldy-oldy classic.)

However, some discredited tropes never truly die, because they are still in active use and are not universally reviled as cliche. One example is Awful Wedded Life. These are known as Undead Horse Tropes. In other words, the trope should be dead, but it hasn't been killed off just yet. A few tropes that reach this stage can ascend to become Omnipresent Tropes, while others continue to be used because of a Grandfather Clause; that is, the character or plot requires the use of a discredited trope as part of the story. Superman's "disguise" as Clark Kent (known as Clark Kenting) is an excellent example of this. Handwaving aside, no one seriously believes anymore that simply wearing a pair of glasses will fool anyone, yet after 80 years we accept it virtually without question. (Though few if any modern superheroes can get away with that.) Most, however, serve as Necessary Weasels for a particular genre, or are required for general narrative reasons, because non-cliched conventions have yet to provide suitable alternatives.

A curious offshoot of this topic is known as the Dead Unicorn Trope. This a Dead Horse Trope that never was a trope in the first place. In other words, it's well known for being played with, but was never actually played straight. A good example is The Butler Did It in mystery stories. Though there are a few straight examples in literature from over 50 years ago, the vast majority of instances are Parodies or Played For Laughs, or used as Red Herrings, or the butler is just one of many suspects. In reality, The Butler Did It became popular because it stands as an avatar for "the most unlikely suspect".

As a final note, I should point out that, being as Tropes Are Tools, it is still possible to play these tropes straight, even the forgotten ones, if they can be used in a novel way, if their use is natural for the kind of story being written, or if their use can be justified within the story. In fact, if a dead or forgotten trope becomes popular again, it can become a Cyclic Trope.

The following is a list of discredited, dead (or undead), or forgotten tropes that I have used:

All Just a Dream -- discredited / undead horse trope; at the end of the story the reader discovers that some character dreamed it, and it never actually happened

***** Reviled as an infamous cliche thanks to Dallas, it can nonetheless be used very effectively, as in the series finale of Newhart. This can be applied to the Dreamlands: no matter how realistic their Dream adventures seem, many Dreamers when they awaken cannot be sure any of it really happened.

Brain Fever -- forgotten trope; a character falls into a helpless state, often the result of an emotional shock, characterized by delirium and semi-conscious ranting

***** A common diagnosis in Victorian times, it has now been supplanted by more rigorous and scientific ailments. However, Differel's mother died of this soon after her birth, for all intents and purposes. In fact, in the unpublished story "Personal Retreat", Differel lampshades this trope when she tells Margaret that her mother's doctors began calling her ailment a brain fever in the absence of a more legitimate diagnosis.

Brain Food -- dead unicorn trope; Zombies attack people to eat their brains!

***** Sorry, not in my stories; they eat the whole person. This actually came about some two decades after Night of the Living Dead as a way to poke fun at the Zombie movie genre. Bizarrely, Differel eats brains: one of her favorite breakfasts is eggs 'n' brains (Google it). However, this makes it a food trope, which is actually played straight.

Cement Shoes -- discredited trope; gangsters threaten to embed a victim in cement and drop her into deep water to drown her

***** As opposed to just shooting her in the head and dumping the body in a landfill, as Real Life gangsters would do. Still, in "The Adventure of the Double Image", the Big Bad threatens to have Eile and Sunny "drowned like rats tied to cement blocks". Justified though in that the villain is played for Melodrama.

Christmas Ghost Stories -- forgotten trope; Exactly What It Says On the Tin (ghost stories told at Christmas time)

***** Team Girl does not engage in this tradition, but in the unpublished sequel to "The Adventure of the Christmas Vampires", Angela will describe a memory of her mother telling one just before her father calls them in to see the tree. Then, too, "The Christmas Vampires" is itself a Christmas "ghost" story.

Civilian Adventurer -- forgotten trope; a non-superhero who has an exciting profession and invariably ends up battling criminals and spies

***** Team Girl qualify as this in virtually every respect, including the exciting profession: professional adventurers!

Death By Childbirth -- undead horse trope; a woman dies as or shortly after she gives birth

***** Differel's mother died within a week after giving birth to her, but I subverted the trope in that she died of a mysterious fever, not from complications due to childbirth.

Dumb Blond -- undead horse trope; Exactly What It Says On the Tin

***** Subverted and played straight; Sunny is smarter than she looks, and she can play dumb to throw people off balance, but she can also be remarkably clueless at times. Then again, she has an intuitive knack of hitting on the right solution to get her and Eile out of whatever trouble they find themselves in, and sometimes her bizarre-sounding take on a situation turns out to be frighteningly accurate.

Food Pills -- forgotten trope / dead unicorn trope; a futuristic meal that provides 100% of a person's daily nutritional requirements in the form of "vitamin" pills

***** Even when used in the past, it was more often parodied than played straight. However, I play this straight in my unpublished story "The Horror Beyond Yuggoth". Though the expedition to Eris carries standard spaceflight meals developed by NASA, Dr. Mabuse also brings along emergency rations that take the form of chewable tablets. Though the HOOAH! energy bar used as a field or emergency ration by the US military may be a very close Real Life example.

Good Angel, Bad Angel -- dead horse trope; angelic and demonic personifications of a person's good and evil sides appear to give her advice

***** Differel's personifications are real, and she can see them, especially the demonic one; see "A Deliberation of Morality".

Here There Be Dragons -- dead unicorn trope; blank regions on maps are captioned with this as a way to indicate those areas are unknown and possibly fabulous in nature

***** Averted in the Dreamlands, in that there are places where dragons really exist. As such, unknown territory is more likely to be labelled "Terra Incognita", as it usually was in Real Life.

Highly-Visible Ninja -- undead horse trope; secret, stealthy assassins or spies that stick out like sore thumbs

***** In an unpublished story, Differel is attacked by a ninja and Team Girl save her, but the ninja is standing in the middle of a room in broad daylight.

Horatio Alger Rags to Riches -- forgotten trope; the protagonist becomes rich and successful through hard work and virtuous living (not to be confused with the modern form of the Rags to Riches trope)

***** Team Girl, especially Eile, personify this trope, but subvert it in the same way Alger did in his own stories, in that he stated his protagonists became rich and successful more through amazing luck and the behind-the-scenes actions of a secret benefactor (e.g., Medb hErenn with Team Girl). This is an example of an Unbuilt Trope, which became stereotyped by later writers in a way that misrepresented Alger's own use of it.

Male Roommates -- forgotten trope; two or more male protagonists share a house or even a bed and show no interest in women (e.g., Bruce Wayne and Dick Grayson in the early Batman comics); often used as a way of Getting Crap Past the Radar (sneaking inappropriate material into a story, such as a possible homosexual relationship between two major characters)

***** Inverted and subverted by Team Girl; they're young ladies, not men, and their love affair is no secret, to the audience or other characters.

The Natives Are Restless -- discredited trope; trouble is brewing as Hollywood Natives beat Jungle Drums and become agitated

***** Generally I ignore this trope for being typical Hollywood nonsense, but an unpublished story set in the Dreamlands begins with Team Girl running for their lives from a horde of pygmy jungle natives bent on killing them.

Shrink Ray -- discredited trope; a beam of energy that reduces people or objects to some tiny size

***** One of Dr. Mabuse's inventions, which she tests on Medb and Team Girl. Justified in that it is based on an in-universe scientific theory that is in turn based on Real Life science.

Small Annoying Creature -- discredited trope; Exactly What It Says On the Tin; needs to be annoying to the characters, not just the reader

***** In the Dreamlands, Team Girl befriend a Fear Dearg, a fae that plays pranks and practical jokes on people. Subverted in that he can be annoying, even irritating, but the Girls are genuinely fond of him, and he of them.

Taking the Bullet -- undead horse trope; one character deliberately gets between another character and a gun, crossbow, whatever, and receives the injury instead

***** Differel maintains three doubles trained to take her place when necessary, and one of their duties is to play bait and be targets in her place. As well, Vlad Drakulya will put himself between her and potential assassins as part of his responsibilities as her bodyguard. Also, her staff have all sworn to give their lives to protect her if necessary, and a few take that responsibility very seriously.

Travelers' Tales -- forgotten trope; stories set in exotic foreign locations that are as much travelogue as adventure tale

***** Again, Team Girl personify this trope, as do Sir Differel and Lady Margaret on occasion. Though some Waking World adventures will follow this pattern, it mostly appears in the Dreamlands, Time Travel, and Parallel Earth stories.

Next week, I will discuss what tropes are like before they become famous.

Dreamlands Bestiary: The Nightgaunt

Nightgaunts are a humanoid race that can be found in both the Dreamlands and the Waking World. How, or even if, they traverse the dimensional boundary between them is unknown, but they may make use of ghoul warrens, or they may have a natural ability to cross over.

Their bodies look remarkably human, but they have rubbery whale-like skin, huge bat wings, long barbed tails, horns, hand and feet claws, and their feet are as prehensile as their hands. Their most distinctive feature, however, is their blank, featureless faces. They literally have no eyes, ears, noses, or mouths, or anything that could substitute. They look as if they wear plain masks, except they don't. How they are able to sense their surroundings, eat, or drink is also unknown.

They act as if they are intelligent, self-aware beings, but no one has so far been able to gain their trust so as to study them to learn if they have some kind of culture, or even if they have recognizable families. They are not known to carry tools of their own, but they can use tools created by others, and in ways that display intelligence. They live in desolate places, as far from humanity as possible. Anyone who trespasses into their territory, even inadvertently, is attacked, captured, and carried off. Anyone who struggles is tickled into submission, and if they struggle too hard the 'gaunts will drop them from a great height. Otherwise they are deposited in strange and often very dangerous places; the Vale of Pnath in the Dreamlands is a favored place.

However, 'gaunts can form alliances at times with other beings. They seem to be especially close to Ghouls, and will serve them as scouts, steeds, and air-support during battle. In fact, any Human who is friends with Ghouls and can speak their language will be treated like a Ghoul by the 'gaunts. Humans who know the spells to summon them can sometimes convince them to willingly serve, and they make excellent watchdogs and spies. They have been known to harass Shantaks, just as crows harass hawks, but Shantaks will eat 'gaunts if they can catch them. They seem to respect Cats, but do not appear to fear them as other beings do. Normally Cats and 'gaunts avoid each other, but who can say if an individual or small group of felines was ever carried off, never to be heard from again?

Though the Nightgaunts have been known to serve the Lords of Luz in the Dreamlands and the outre being Yibb-Tstll in the Waking World, their primary master appears to be Nodens, Lord of the Great Abyss. Whenever he appears, he is always accompanied by dozens of 'gaunts.

Synopsis: Grand Quest I-Part 1 (a Sir Differel Dreamlands adventure)

Once More Unto the Breach, Dear Friends

Dracula appears to the girls one day and hands them a note from Sir Differel before leaving. The note is an invitation to dinner at a Japanese grill.

When the girls arrive, they find Medb received a similar invitation. They are taken to Sir Differel's table, and discover that the restaurant is empty except for her. Over the course of dinner, she explains that she needs them to find a way to get her back into the Dreamworld. With the help of Ceithlenn, the Antonians, and the Conclave, the Caerleon Order has been conducting raids on suspected Serpent Person and rogue Fomorian groups and their human proxies, and the intelligence gathered suggests that some kind of buildup is going on in the Dreamlands. She fears it may be used as a launch point for an invasion. Medb discounts the possibility, because of the time differential, and the fact that established gates are too remote and creating even a temporary gate takes a great deal of power. Nonetheless, Differel feels she needs to return to the Dreamlands to check things out for herself. At the very least, she's been feeling quite a bit of pressure lately. She could use a vacation, and the Dreamworld is perfect; she can take a few weeks off while only being incommunicado for a few hours. Medb explains that she can use the same procedure she used for the girls, when they had to return to the Dreamworld suddenly: a potion that will put her to sleep for twelve hours. That should be more than enough time to find out what's going on there, if anything, or to get a good rest. She warns her, however, that the drawback is her body will be helpless, unable to awaken until the potion wears off, but Differel dismisses that as inconsequential. Besides, she will have Dracula guarding her, and Medb states she will want to guard the girls.

After dinner, they return to the girls' home. There Differel and the girls undress and put on robes while Medb prepares the potion. When she is ready, they take the potion and lie down on Medb's bed. They soon drift off to sleep . . .

73 days and counting

. . . and the next thing Differel knows, she is standing in a garden with the girls, still wearing the robe. The girls explain that the garden is a staging area that provides access to the Dreamworld. As for the robes, they normally sleep naked, and they arrive here naked, so they figured this time they had better do something different. They take Differel to the Seventy Steps of Lighter Slumber. Before they start down, however, they tell her that while they can descend together, she will enter the Cavern of Flame alone. It's an idiosyncrasy of the Dreamworld: all persons must pass through the Cavern alone, where their fitness to continue on will be judged by Nasht and Kaman-Thah, the priests who guard the Dreamworld. The girls can do nothing to help her, but they promise that if the priests do not allow Differel to enter, they will find out what's going on for her. They descend the stairway and walk together through the opening into a cavern . . .

. . . where Differel finds herself alone and naked. She is confronted by the priests, who inform her that she is worthy to enter the Lands of the Dreams of Men. She asks them if they know of any unusual activity in the Dreamworld connected with the Waking World, Serpent People, and Fomorians. The priests inform her that there has been a steady influx of persons through the Cavern and the physical gates, but they cannot become involved in the affairs of Dreamers, they can only guard the Lands. She must find out for herself what is going on. However, they report that her first clue may be found in the Zoog village. In the back cavern she finds waiting for her the same adventuring outfit the Girls made for her during her previous visit, along with a pair of glasses and wheellock pistols, plus powder and shot, and a box of cigarillos. She also find Caliburn there as well. After dressing, she descends the Seven Hundred Steps of Deeper Slumber . . .

. . . and emerges into the Enchanted Woods with the girls, now dressed in their adventuring outfits. They are welcomed by the Zoogs who watch the entrance. When Differel explains what the priests told her, the girls take her to the Zoog village. The Zoogs feast them, and the girls regale the Zoogs with a recitation of their latest Waking World adventure. Then they explain who Differel is and why she's there. Differel asks if they know anything. The Zoogs offer a piece of news, but in exchange for a story. So she tells them of the invasion of Britain in 1999 by the Fomorian wizard-king, Grendel. Afterwards, the Zoogs reveal that strange Dreamers from Ulthar have been trespassing through the Enchanted Woods to get to the Oukranos River. They don't know who they are or where they are ultimately going, but they know Seidhlóch the Moneylender is involved, because they are being guided by one of his agents. Which is the only reason the Zoogs haven't punished them for the trespass. When Differel questions the worth of this information, the girls point out that the only reason why people would brave the dangers of the Enchanted Woods when there is a safer route is so they can travel unseen, which suggests they have furtive, if not nefarious, motives. Differel wants to leave for Ulthar immediately, but the girls object, saying it is too risky to travel the Woods by night, even with a Zoog escort. Besides, once they arrived it would be too late to do anything anyways. So they decide to stay overnight in the Zoog village. Differel acquiesces only because she needs the girls to escort her around and make introductions for her.

72 days left

They go to Ulthar the next morning. Upon arriving, they inform a sleepy cat that they need to see Shadow-stalker. They then settle into their house. As they change and clean up, Shadow appears. They tell her about their mission and she leaves to arrange a meeting with the cat council. After a quick breakfast at the Hostel of the Laughing Cat, where they learn that Medb is off adventuring, the girls take Differel shopping for some comfortable city clothes, then they make a stop at Seidhlóch's shop, ostensibly to make a withdraw of money he holds for them to provide Differel with funds. When they mention what the Zoogs told them, he is genuinely surprised. He tells them which of his agents knows the Woods well enough to guide a party though it. That individual is in town and he will send him over to the hostel at noon. They return to their house so Differel can change, when Bettie / Uilmheidhrea shows up, having heard they were in town. When she learns why they're there, she volunteers to help. Shadow appears and informs them that the council will see them that night. They ask Shadow to arrange for a feline stake-out of the hostel. Then they and Uilmheidhrea treat Differel to a couple of hours at Tabitha Grayson's Spa for Women.

At noon the girls and Differel meet with the agent. He denies guiding anyone through the Woods and the girls let him go. Shadow informs them the cats are following him and the girls tail him to a warehouse filled with crates. They sneak in and witness him meeting with a Fomorian. The cats break up the meeting and catch the agent, but the Fomorian gets away. The girls interrogate him with the help of the cats and he reveals that the people he guided wanted to get into the Dark Woods; he doesn't know why. A check of office records show that the crates are scheduled to be transported to another warehouse in Hlanith. Most of the crates contain mundane equipment and paraphernalia, but one contains empty amphorae. Meanwhile, Sunny finds a pot filled with a red liquid that looks a lot like cherry Kool-aid. The girls take a sample, then send word to Burgomaster Kranon to have the crates impounded.

They take the sample to Mephitis the Apothecary for analysis, but she recognizes it immediately. It is the juice of the fruit of the cunae tree, which is indigenous to the Dark Wood. It has the ability to cause hallucinations in Waking people, but in the Dreamlands it allows Dreamers to alter objects, the landscape, even people in the Dreamworld. It is powerful and dangerous, but the Horned Lord guards the fruit as zealously as he does the Golden Mushroom, so how anyone could collect even so small an amount as the girls discovered from under the nose of the Horned Lord is a mystery. The girls decide to journey to the Wood to see him and try to find out. From there they can travel on to Hlanith. Uilmheidhrea agrees to go on ahead to Hlanith to check things out. That night they have a nice quiet dinner at the hostel before heading for the council grove.

There they report on their mission. The cats confirm that they have detected a larger then normal influx of Dreamers into the Dreamworld over the past few years, but that the vast majority have disappeared into the interior never to return, so most people would not be aware of their total numbers. However, recently the influx has seemed to increase, and they also have reports of groups of Waking people entering the Dreamlands through one or more of the physical gates, again disappearing into the interior. They confirm that Ulthar seems to be the collection point for supplies manufactured or gathered from all across the Six Kingdoms, and that these are sent on to Hlanith for subsequent shipment overseas, but to where they do not know. While they knew an agent of Seidhlóch was guiding groups of men through the Enchanted Woods to the Dark Wood, they had/have no idea what they were/are doing in either location, since by treaty or tradition they do not enter either. They welcome the news that the men are simply passing through the Woods, but they report that they have seen these same men leave the Dark Wood carrying filled sacks down river to the town of Tarzi, where they are loaded onto a boat and taken to Hlanith. They have been unable to determine what is in the sacks, but they are disturbed by the revelation of the cunae fruit juice, and agree that an interview with the Horned Lord would be efficacious. They also agree to get a message to Medb. Eile and Sunny believe that the cats are holding back, but Differel seems unconcerned and accepts what they have been told without question. Later, back at the house, she explains that she is used to royal patrons withholding information and using her as a pawn, so she expects it of the cats, but she has also learned to keep her wits about her and not take anything for granted.

71 days left

The girls and Differel get up before dawn and travel north to Kirin, arriving by mid-afternoon. They then take a boat across the Oukranos and enter the Dark Wood. They call out to the Horned Lord and a tree-monster arrives to carry them to the throne clearing. There the Horned Lord welcomes them and they introduce Differel to him. He offers them something to drink, which they accept, and they ask him about the people collecting the cunae fruit. His answers are evasive, and then they realize the drink was drugged. They pass out before they can get away.

When they come to, they find themselves naked, bound and gagged by vines, as more vines emerge from the ground and slowly wind their way around their bodies. The Horned Lord is profuse in his apologies, but he states this is the only way. They will not be harmed; they will just sleep for a few hundred years, but they will be safe.

Just then, Ubasti enters the clearing. Using outré power, she threatens the Wood and coerces the Horned Lord into letting them go. While Sunny restrains Differel, Eile asks what's going on. The Horned Lord explains that he made a deal with a Fomorian to keep the Woods safe, in exchange for several years worth of cunae fruit. Each Autumn a group of men come and pick half the fruit, then carry it down river. The Fomorian appeared in the Wood yesterday and demanded that he destroy the girls and Differel, but he could not bring himself to do it, instead deciding to place them in suspended animation long enough that they would no longer be a threat. Ubasti demands that he let them go, and he acquiesces. The women dress, but while Differel is hostile and Eile feels betrayed, Sunny is more forgiving, and she promises the Horned Lord that she will make sure the Fomorians never bother him or his Wood again.

Back in Kirin, Ubasti explains that Medb had asked her to keep an eye on the girls until they could meet up with her, being as she doubted they would just sit and wait. She also explains that she has been doing her own independent investigation, since she views the Fomorians as threats to felinekind, and she is not concerned with traditions, treaties, or formalities under such circumstances. However, at this time, all she can offer is that while cunae fruit is going into Hlanith, none is coming out, but she has seen amphorae being loaded onto black galleys. What's in them and where they are going she has been unable to determine; whoever is organizing all this has gone to great pains to successfully hamper surveillance. However, the black galleys mean the Leng Men and their Moonbeast masters are involved, which further means this conspiracy is more widespread than a few local criminals and opportunists. She also informs them that she has heard rumors that another foreign power is involved, but who is unknown.

70 days left

The next morning Differel and the girls take a boat down to Hlanith; Ubasti goes with them. Upon arrival in the early afternoon, they check in at the Inn of the Sixth Happiness, where they meet Uilmheidhrea. She reports that she found the warehouse where the crates are delivered to, but there are none there now, and she hasn't been able to discover where they were taken. So they all go to the Tavern of the Amethyst Scorpion to talk with Tyco Brahzie. Though retired, the former thief still takes an interest in criminal activities in the city. He agrees to find out what he can, but in exchange, he asks that the girls entertain his crowd; Vichnia is off tonight. Accompanied by Uilmheidhrea on a concertina, the girls sing songs, tell jokes, and playact, all in a suggestive, even lewd manner. They also help Shadow perform acrobatics. Ubasti juggles her swords and does a magic act that gets a rousing applause. They encourage Differel to participate as well, and after some coaxing she finally gives recitations from Shakespeare that leaves the crowd spellbound. During a break, she confides to the girls that as a little girl she always wanted to be an actor.

Later Tyco reports that he found out that all crates delivered from Ulthar to that warehouse have gone to one location, a building down by the docks that is supposed to be abandoned. He gives them the address and they leave to go back to the inn. Ubasti goes off to reconnoiter. Along the way they are ambushed. They react well, but Uilmheidhrea and the girls are without weapons and there are too many. They are about to be overwhelmed when an armed cloaked figure appears and helps them fight the attackers off. It then escorts them back to the inn, where it reveals itself to be a female Leng Man.

She introduces herself as Nycien Chameril, though she will answer to "Kami". She is a resistance partisan, fighting to free her people from the yoke of Moonbeast oppression. As such, she is loyal to her people, not to Humanity, but for now, Human interests and her own coincide. She is in Hlanith trying to discover why the Moonbeasts have allied themselves with the Fomorians, when normally they are enemies. While spying on a group of Leng Men, she overheard them hiring a band of cutthroats to waylay a group of adventurers who were disrupting an operation they were engaged in. She followed the cutthroats hoping to alert the group and join them, since they seem to be investigating the same operation as she, only from a different direction. She had never dreamed she would rescue the illustrious Team Girl!, known in the Dreamlands as The Twins. To which Eile snorts in derision. She then explains that she is acquainted with Medb hErenn, and it is from her she learned of the girls. Even so, the girls accept her help. She then reports that she has learned the Leng Men are operating out of an abandoned building down by the docks. Strange fruit goes in at dusk, and at dawn amphorae go out and are loaded onto a galley. She snuck aboard one time and looked in one of the jars: it was filled with a cherry-red liquid. The girls indicate they plan to check out the building that night, and they ask her to come along.

They rendezvous with Ubasti outside the building, and she informs them that there are people inside, hard at work. The only guard is quickly dealt with and they sneak in. They see what looks like an assembly line process. The picked fruit have been dumped into vats filled with heated water. Workers skim off floating fruit and pass them to people who make cuts in the outer rind. Next, other people pound on them with mallets to pulp them, then the pulped fruit is dumped into a press. When full, a group of people pressed the fruit, squeezing out the cherry-red juice. The juice is filtered through cheesecloth into a vat, and finally ladled into amphorae, which are covered with resin plugs and sealed with wax. Each filled amphora is loaded into a cart, which Kami identifies as the one that transported the amphorae to the galley. Even as they discuss what to do, they are discovered and attacked. Though well armed, the workers outnumber them and quickly surround them. One of the workers, however, causes a diversion and the women break out. They cause the workers to scatter as they damage the interior and destroy the press. Then the building catches on fire. In the confusion, the half-loaded cart gets away, and the worker leads the women out before they become trapped. They hurry to the docks, but when they try to board the galley, the Moonbeasts in the hold emerge and attack. They retreat to avoid capture, and the galley gets away. Then the city militia arrives and arrests them. But the worker who helped them has disappeared.

69 days left

The next morning, Medb arrives and gets them released after paying a hefty fine. Though she is upset, the girls are surprised that she is not as upset as they thought she would be, and she admits that by now, she has come to expect trouble to follow in their wake. She listens to the collective report, but unfortunately they appear to have hit an impasse: there is no way to find out where the galleys have been taking the cunae fruit juice. However, Medb is intrigued by the worker who helped them; he or she might have the answer. Shadow and Crèmedevoyager organize the city's cats to find this person. Meanwhile, with the Leng Men, Moonbeasts, and this mysterious "foreign power" involved, they will need powerful allies of their own. She believes they should pay a visit to Kuranes and ask for his help.

Eile, Sunny, and Differel go to the Ooth-Nargai consulate to arrange passage to Celephais. Since Differel's last visit, Kuranes has given the girls their own dromon, but it is dry-docked most of the time and needs time to launch, crew, and provision. On their way back to the inn, they are waylaid and captured. They are taken to a seedy tavern, where they are confronted by Marseille Sheraton. She offers them a bribe to leave the matter alone, but she isn't surprised when they refuse. She confides that she would prefer to kill them, but she is simply acting as a go-between in this instance. She will have to consult with her employer, but she feels certain he will now grant her request to execute them. She has the women tied up and locked away in a storage room, but Sunny enspells a rat to chew through her bonds, and she gets the others free. As they try to sneak out, they encounter the worker who helped them earlier. She takes them to where Marseille is meeting with her employer. It turns out to be Eochaid Bres, son of Elatha, the leader of the Fomorians in the Dreamworld. They wait until he leaves, then catch Sheraton unawares and kidnap her, taking her back to the inn. There Medb interrogates her, but in exchange for her freedom, she agrees to tell everything she knows, which isn't much. However, she does know that the cunae juice and other materials are being taken to Hazuth-Kleg across the Cerenarian Strait. Unfortunately, she doesn't know anything about a foreign power.

After Sheraton leaves, Medb reveals that the worker who has been helping them is a Serpent Woman named Ssas'sashu'ra, and she reveals her true form. She also explains that she has been helping them because, while loyal to her people, she would rather reach an accommodation with humans than exterminate them, if for no other reason than that the Serpent People cannot win an open war against Humanity. The girls welcome her help nonetheless. Afterwards, they have an early dinner at the inn, then do some carousing at the Amethyst Scorpion.

68 days left

In the morning, the dromon is ready and they sail across the Strait to Celephais. About half-way across, a strange craft rises out of the sea and attacks. Armed men board, but the sailors are disciplined and fight back. Differel takes charge of the defense while Medb blasts the submarine. The raiders flee from the unexpected stiff resistance and the submarine sink out of sight. Raiders left behind cut their throats or throw themselves in the sea to avoid capture. However, they strip the uniform of an officer before throwing the bodies overboard. Differel suspects the craft belonged to the mysterious "foreign power", but Medb does not recognize the insignia on the uniform. Though no one was killed, enough were badly wounded that the dromon limps into port at sunset. After they report to the harbor captain, they go to the girls' mansion, where after a meal and baths, they retire for the night. However, Eile makes sure to double the guard just in case.

67 days left

The night passes without incident and the next morning they send word to Lady Saighlíne Áirdenté that they seek an audience with Kuranes. She comes by mid-morning to inform them that Kuranes is in Serannian, but she has sent a message to him. She listens to their story and she agrees that this is a matter that concerns the Kingdom of Ooth-Nargai, if for no other reason than that Hazuth-Kleg is involved. However, she does not recognize the uniform either. Whoever this foreign power is, it is beyond the knowledge of the Knights of Celephais. A reply arrives mid-afternoon. Kuranes grants an audience and invites the girls and their party to Serannian. They board a galley at sunset and head north, eventually reaching the fabulous city in the clouds.

They are met be an honor guard at the dock and escorted to a residence. After they get settled in and change, Medb takes them to the Grand Cathedral. They find a choir practicing, and they listen for some minutes before the session ends. The choir master turns out to be Finnabair, one of Medb's daughters by her husband Ailill, the king of Connacht in ancient Ireland. She takes them back to her residence, where they meet her six-year old daughter. They share a meal together, during which it is obvious there is unresolved conflict between Medb and Finnabair, but the two women make nice for the sake of the child and their guests. After the daughter has been put to bed, Finnabair takes them out for a night on the town, except that in Serannian even the most wretched dive is an establishment of grace and refinement. Despite her putting up a brave front, it is so obvious that Medb is having a bad time that the girls suspect Finnabair did it on purpose. Nonetheless, they stay out past midnight and generally have a relaxing time.

66 days left

The next morning, the girls and their party are summoned before Kuranes. They are taken to his palace, where they are given ceremonial robes. They are then led into the throne room and presented along with others as part of a general audience. A summary of each supplicant's petition is read before the court, and Kuranes either accepts, denies, or defers the petition. They are then led out. Kuranes defers the girls' petition, and they are taken to a waiting room. There they are entertained for a couple of hours before Kuranes himself arrives. He sits with the group and chats with them casually, showing no anxiety over Ubasti, Kami, or Ssas'sashu'ra. They explain their mission, and what they have learned so far. Kuranes reveals that in his many travels before he became king of Ooth-Nargai, he had never encountered this foreign power, but he has rumors of them. The technology they displayed in their attack, while not impossible for the Dreamlands, is highly advanced and suggests influence from powerful magic or another parallel dream world. He agrees that it could constitute a threat to Ooth-Nargai, and promises his full support, up to and including military intervention. However, he also recommends that they seek the help of his ally, the city-state of Karchedon in the island nation of Punica. For as he is the premier power in the north with control of the skies, they are the premier power in the south, with control of the seas.

He also supplies what he believes is another piece of the puzzle. Over a year ago, a black galley put into Celephais for emergency repairs. As part of a routine inspection, the Leng Men revealed they were transporting rubies to Dylath-Leen. However, customs soon learned they were transporting slaves as well, so Kuranes ordered the ship, crew, and cargo impounded. In doing so, they discovered that the galley was carrying five times as many rubies as normal. The Moonbeasts committed suicide, but the Leng Men were sent home on another galley. However, one defected, and he revealed that the rubies were not destined for Dylath-Leen. Unfortunately, he didn't know where they were to be delivered, nor did he know what they were for, but he did know they were not being used for their normal purposes. Kuranes reveals that while the rubies are usually used for trade and monetary transactions, they have one known magical property: they allow for Dream constructs to remain in existence after the Dreamer who created them awakens. He suggests a pattern is beginning to form, but he fails to divine what it signifies. Nonetheless, he feels this lead should be pursued. Unfortunately, it would seem that it can be pursued in only one place: the Moon, where the Moonbeasts mine the rubies and have their main base.

Kuranes leaves them alone while they debate what to do. Going to the Moon would be dangerous, and if they were captured, the Moonbeasts would show no mercy, delighting as they do in torture and having an appetite for human flesh. Nonetheless, the chance of finding out what's behind all this is too tempting, and they decide to risk it. When Kuranes is informed, he offers them whatever help they need. They then spend the rest of the day preparing and resting.

Continued in Part 2

Synopsis: Toxic Celebutante (a Team Girl Dreamlands adventure)

Eile and Sunny flee an angry tribe of pygmy creatures bent on killing them for trespassing onto their lands. They encounter the tribe's god, which persuades them to allow the Girls to perform a special task instead. An outcast member of the tribe is made their liaison. He explains that the tribe has been assailed by a mysterious sickness that their shamen cannot cure. The Girls are asked to find one.

He takes them to the outcast camp, where the sick and dying go. Sunny determines through her magic that they are suffering from arsenic poisoning. The tribe gets its water from a stream that flows out of a nearby knot of hills, but sunny determines it is the source of the arsenic. After securing the outcasts an untainted water supply and devising a cure from local plants, Eile, Sunny, and their liaison go upstream to find the source of the contamination.

Their journey takes them into the hills, which the tribe consider sacred. There they find a mining and smelting operation. While spying, they see that the people simply dump the smelting waste into the stream. They are captured and presented to the leader. The Girls recognize her as Marseilles Sheraton, the celebutante heiress of the Sheraton hotel fortune, infamous in the Waking World for her partying private life and sexual escapades. As a result, she boasts about her operation. The hills contain rich deposits of cobalt, in the form of a cobalt-arsenic ore. These deposits are easy to access and extract, allowing her to obtain large amounts of pure cobalt; all she has to do is separate it from the arsenic. When the Girls are mystified as to what use cobalt could be in the Dreamworld, Sheraton explains that it is highly prized for its blue color in glass, ceramics, inks, and paints, and it is used to harden steel. Some magicians even use it in their spells. When the Girls express surprise that she can operate a mine in tribal territory undiscovered, Sheraton explains that the tribe considers the hill taboo and never come up there. When the Girls tell her her operation is killing the pygmy creatures, Sheraton expresses no concern and no remorse. She then orders them taken out and killed, so they cannot tell anyone about her operation.

The men assigned to the task try to rape the Girls before they kill them, but that allows them to escape with the liaison's help. They send the liaison back to the outcasts to get help. Meanwhile they spend the night sabotaging the operation. When the liaison returns in the morning, the Girls devise an attack plan. The plan works and they are able to destroy the operation and kill or drive off the workers. Sheraton escapes, but the healthiest outcasts go in pursuit.

The Girls report to the tribal god and explain what caused the sickness and how to cure it. The god persuades the tribe to use a nontraditional source for their water until their stream detoxifies. The tribe makes the Girls honorary members, with tribal names, and they reinstate the outcasts once they perform the necessary purification rituals. However, Sheraton managed to escape the tribal lands before she was captured.