Kevin L. O'Brien's Blog: Songs of the Seanchaí, page 10

Badass Tropes

The Badass is the Rule of Cool personified, because everything he does is WAY AWESOME!!! He can drive a motorcycle, while standing on the seat, through a cafe’s plate glass window with a gun in each hand, jump off and do three air-borne somersaults while shooting at widely-spaced independent targets, and kill all the terrorists before landing on his feet without hitting a single hostage, even those being used as human shields.

Okay, I exaggerate, but not by much if the page image is any indication.

The use of the male pronoun is deliberate, because by convention the Badass is Always Male. There is a Distaff Counterpart, but while most Badass tropes are either gender neutral or can be applied to women equally as well as men, their names often still include "Badass" even when being applied to female characters.

It should be noted that, while most Action Heroes are Badasses, not all Badasses are Action Heroes. The dividing line can be quite thin and fuzzy, but for the most part it is determined by whether the character uses combat to resolve the story's conflict. If the Badass is a satellite character who simply fights for his or her own purposes or in defense of the group, but does not play a central role in defeating the problem, he or she cannot be an Action Hero.

Action Girl -- the Distaff Counterpart of the male Badass

***** Not all of my female characters, but certainly Medb hErenn, Eile and Sunny of Team Girl, Sir Differel, and Lady Margaret, along with Sunny's parents Maela Hiver and Oda Jaegar, Team Girl's US government sponsor Lt. Gen. Morgan Leia Ross, and many of their friends in the Dreamlands.

Dark Action Girl -- the villainous version of the Action Girl

***** Marseilles Sheraton to Team Girl; Aunt Mandy to Differel

Adaptational Badass -- a character not known for Badass stunts in the original work becomes a true Badass, or even more Badass, in an adaptation

***** Differel is an Expy of Sir Integra Hellsing from Hellsing, but I created her, not only to explore possible aspects of Integra's life not expounded upon in the manga, but also as a way to place Integra center stage in my stories. In Hellsing, Integra is definitely a Badass in her own right, but she plays second fiddle to Alucard throughout until "Black Onyx" and "Sorcerian", and even then she shares the stage with Seras Victoria. Differel plays second fiddle to no one, not even Team Girl (unless she is a guest star in a Team Girl story).

Adaptational Wimp -- a character known for Badass stunts in the original work becomes less of a Badass, or even a Badass no longer, in an adaptation

***** Eile and Sunny are Captain Ersatz characters of Otra & Winter from Girly, but they are not as frenetic or heedless as their inspirations

Ambadassador -- diplomats can kick ass too

***** Victor Plunkett, Viscount Dunwich and Differel's husband, was a special envoy for the British foreign office, which meant that he acted as a troubleshooter who solved problems by whatever means necessary. Differel plays this role on occasion as well.

Asskicking Equals Authority -- the stronger a character is, the more authority he has in society

***** Medb tends to be declared the leader because she can mop the floor with anyone else. Differel is head of the Caerleon Order because she proved her chops as a monster hunter.

However, Vlad Drakulya is more powerful than anyone except Medb, yet he occupies the lowest rung of the authority hierarchy.

Badass Adorable -- Exactly What It Says On the Tin; a Badass who looks absolutely adorable

***** Team Girl; Margaret as a teen and young adult; Snowshoe Kitty. Differel was never adorable.

Badass and Baby -- the hero fights for his life while holding a baby

***** Both Eile and Differel have had to fight monsters and villains while pregnant. Differel once did so while nursing her son, Henry.

Badass Arm-Fold -- nothing says "Badass" like folding your arms over your chest

***** In "Fun 'n' Games", Differel bluffs the Princess in Orange by taking this stance.

Badass Back -- fighting while your back is turned

***** Vlad loves to turn his back on opponents to demonstrate his contempt for their ability to fight him. If they go ahead with an attack, he can take them out without turning around.

Badass Bandolier -- nothing says "Badass" like a bandolier across the chest

***** In "Youthful Indiscretion", Eile and Sunny don bandoliers of ammunition when they arm themselves to take on the Cenobites.

Badass Baritone -- nothing says "Badass" like a low tone of voice

***** Vlad has a deep, rumbling bass voice. Medb and Differel both have low voices for their gender.

Badass Biker -- nothing says "Badass" like a motorcycle

***** In "One-Percenter Vendetta", Differel takes time off to tour the backroads of England as an outlaw biker.

Biker Babe -- Distaff Counterpart of the Badass Biker (includes driving cars and flying planes)

***** Technically Differel, though she's macho enough to be a Badass Biker. Margaret, when she gets behind the wheel of her Ferrari. Eile and Sunny when they ride their trike (a three-wheeled motorcycle). Medb on her chopper hog. Eile flying a Grumman A-6 Intruder bomber in "The Denver Walker".

Badass Boast -- what a Badass says before kicking ass

***** Eile, Sunny, and Dr. Mabuse taunting Pinhead in "Youthful Indiscretion".

Medb has a long one, reminiscent of Gandalf's Badass Boast spoken to the Balrog, which she uses whenever she's in the exact same circumstances.

Badass Bookworm -- a smart physically unimposing character who can kick ass

***** Aislinn Sile in the Dreamlands looks like a scholarly monk, but she knows Judo and Karate. To a certain extent, Differel as well, especially when she was younger.

Badass Bureaucrat -- kicks paperwork and red tape in the butt

***** Maggie King is Differel's Manager, Aelfraed is her Chief of Staff, and Sharona Turing is her Chief Analyst. Together they run the Caerleon Order while she just "supervises".

Badass Bystander -- a background character who kicks ass

***** In "Dark Vengeance", a slave helps Medb hold off the Crusher, allowing the other inhabitants of the house to escape.

Badass Creed -- nothing says "Badass" like an awesome creed of belief

***** Differel: "We hold the line, and this line will not be crossed!"

Team Girl: "Onward to Adventure!" Also, "Never send a man to do a cute girl's job."

Medb: "Generous, Loyal, and Brave." Her highest compliment, based on her barbarian warrior's creed.

Badass Decay -- a Badass becomes less so over time

***** Played straight and subverted with Vlad. The idea that Dracula would willingly enslave himself to a mortal and his descendents is totally at odds with his depiction in Bram Stoker's novel. Plus, in "Man Friday" he confided to Differel the best method to permanently destroy him, so that she would trust him. However, Differel does not dare release him from his vows to protect her and the Van Helsing bloodline, because he is still, first and foremost, a dangerous, bloodthirsty monster of fantastic power.

Lampshaded in a future story when Differel's son, Henry, actually discusses this issue with Vlad, with Vlad telling him he would be a monumental fool to release him.

Although, the real Vlad Tepes suffered from this as well, in that despite his reputation he defended Western civilization, he vastly improved the lives of his people, and he loved his wives and children with a great passion. He was also highly intelligent and a brilliant tactician.

Badass Family -- everyone in the family kicks ass

***** The Van Helsings on Differel's father's side and the Pendragons on her mother's side. There's also Eile and her uncle, and Sunny and her parents.

Badass Finger Snap -- nothing says "Badass" like snapping your fingers

***** The Princess in Orange loves doing this.

Badass Gay -- Exactly What It Says On the Tin; LGBTs can kick ass too

***** Eile's Uncle Gene, who was a USMC drill instructor and a Medal of Honor recipient.

Badass In a Nice Suit -- Exactly What It Says On the Tin; people wearing impeccable professional suits can kick ass too

***** Differel wears $7500 tailored silk pants suits. Vlad wears a suit as his uniform.

Badass In Charge -- Exactly What It Says On the Tin; the boss can kick ass too

***** Differel is Director of the Caerleon Order, the United Kingdom's premier monster-hunting organization.

Badass In Distress -- the Badass is in danger and needs to be rescued (yeah, right)

***** Medb in "Sacrificial Offering" (she saves herself), "The Lions of Inganok" (she is saved by a high priest of the Elder Beings), "Pride and Fall" (she saves herself), and "The Temple of Ubasti" (she is saved by Eile and Ubasti); Team Girl in "The Temple of Ubasti" (Sunny is saved by Eile and Ubasti) and "The Double Image" (they save themselves); Differel in "Feline Savior" (she saves herself but with help from Vlad and a cat); "Gourmand Hag" (she saves herself but with help from her executive chef); "Shenanigans" (she saves herself but with help from Margaret); "The Beast of Exmoor" (she saves herself); "Adventurer's Honeymoon" (she saves herself); and "A Little Hospitality" (she saves herself but with help from a camp-mate).

Badass Longcoat -- nothing says "Badass" like a long coat

***** Vlad wears a greatcoat over his suit rather than a suit jacket. Differel wears one in the Dreamlands, and occasionally in the Waking World when leading her troops.

Badass Minds Think Alike -- two or more Badasses, with no time to plan, nonetheless cooperate perfectly when kicking ass

***** Aelfraed and Giles Holt in "Man Friday"; Medb and her animal companions in "Lions of Inganok"; Differel and Victor in "Adventurer's Honeymoon"; Eile and Sunny in "The Peril Gem" and in "The Double Image"

Badass Moustache -- nothing says "Badass" like a moustache

***** Vlad has a thick Hungarian style; Holt has a bushy natural style; Victor wore one as part of a Van Dyke beard.

Badass Native -- indigenous people can kick ass too

***** Medb's Northwest Amerindian companion T'lingit in "Dark Vengeance"; the natives guarding "The Peril Gem" from Team Girl.

Badass Normal -- a character without superpowers in a world of superpowers who can kick the ass of superpowered opponents through intense training and sheer determination

***** Differel can take on monsters barehanded if she has no other choice. And to a certain extent Vlad before he became a Vampire.

Empowered Badass Normal -- a Badass Normal gains superpowers

***** For this trope to be viable, the Badass Normal must acquire superpowers as part of character development, and cannot have had them all along. That disqualifies Differel, since she could summon Caliburn from the start. However, Vlad counts when he became a Vampire. Also, Eile acquired Vampiric powers when she was Turned, and kept some of them after she was cured. Ditto Sunny and her Lycanthropic powers.

Badass Princess -- princesses can kick ass too

***** Queen Elizabeth I, who after her "death" became one of Medb's companions, then later struck off on her own. She loved being a pirate on the high seas. Also, Queen Elizabeth II, both in real life and in my Universe. Princesses Margaret and Anne get Badass duty in my stories. Differel can count, being a descendent of King Arthur, but as she puts it, he's so far distant she can't really feel it. Margaret is the daughter of a duke, making her more of a Badass Aristocrat

Badass Teacher -- teachers can kick ass too

***** Though a paraplegic, Dr. Padraic Trevelyan, Differel's tutor, had several episodes where he kicked ass.

Badasses Wear Bandanas -- nothing says "Badass" like a bandana

***** Medb once accidentally hypnotized Sunny into being a bimbo Rambo. And while Mr. Holt trained Differel and Margaret to handle the Royal Marine commando assault courses, they wore bandanas to keep their long hair under control.

Big Badass Bird of Prey -- Exactly What It Says On the Tin; a large predatory bird that kicks ass

***** Differel's Wakiya, Eleanor d'Aquitaine in the Dreamlands; see "Adventurer's Honeymoon" and "A Little Hospitality".

Boisterous Bruiser -- overly loud blowhards can kick ass too

***** Rothgar the Reaver in the Dreamlands; see "Barbarians R Us". Vlad has moments as this as well.

Colonel Badass -- colonels can kick ass too

***** Colonel Eile and Major Sunny in "The Denver Walker". Also, Differel (though technically she holds the rank of Brigadier).

Crouching Moron, Hidden Badass -- the plucky comic relief can kick ass too

***** Sunny; duh. Oh, and Margaret too.

Cultured Badass -- connoisseurs can kick ass too

***** Differel; duh. Oh, and Margaret too. And Aelfraed.

Cute Bruiser -- cute girls can kick ass too

***** Eile; she's a boxer, Medb taught her stick fighting and wrestling, and Giovanna Borgia taught her savate.

Dare To Be Badass -- someone dares a character to kick ass

***** Downplayed in "Shenanigans", when Margaret dares Differel to lose her virginity. She settles for stealing a bottle of perry from the liquor closet in the butler's pantry instead.

Determinator -- the Badass who never gives up ... ever

***** Differel; duh.

Four-Star Badass -- generals can kick ass too

***** Lt. Gen. Morgan Leia Ross, US Army, head of Unit 666. A former special ops soldier, she trained Team Girl for clandestine missions only two young adorable girls can pull off.

Genius Bruiser -- smart people can kick ass too

***** Medb; Sunny (in her own way); Differel; Dr. Mabuse.

Girly Bruiser -- feminine girls can kick ass too

***** Sunny knows some karate (taught to her by her father), Medb taught her wrestling and stick fighting, and Giovanna Borgia taught her savate.

Heartbroken Badass -- the Badass loses the one he/she loves the most

***** Differel practically went insane when her husband Victor was assassinated, and she carried the guilt of his death within her for many years.

Historical Badass Upgrade -- an historical-domain character kicks way more ass in fiction than he/she ever did in real life

***** Definitely Vlad. The real Vlad Tepes was already a Badass, but my Vlad became a Vampire. Also, Queens Elizabeth I and II, Princesses Margaret and Anne, and Prince Charles.

I Just Want to Be Badass -- a Badass character who acts as audience wish fulfillment

***** If any of my characters fit this trope, most likely it's Eile and Sunny.

Implacable Man -- the Badass who is unstoppable

***** Medb and Vlad.

Killer Rabbit -- cute fluffy animals can kick ass too

***** Cats are conscious, intelligent, self-aware beings in my Universe, which makes them 1000 times more dangerous than the average Real World house cat. Also, in the Dreamlands, Zoogs look cute, until they served you up on a platter as a suckling pig, apple and all.

Lantern Jaw of Justice -- nothing says Badass like a square manly jawline

***** Vlad and Mr. Holt. And, despite being an Always Male trope, Medb.

Lightning Bruiser -- a fast attacker who is also strong and tough in equal measure

***** Medb, hands down; also Vlad.

Little Miss Badass -- children can kick ass too

***** Differel and Margaret when they were children; Team Girl's daughters, Connie and Liza.

Mama Bear -- mothers can kick ass too

***** Medb, Eile and Sunny, and Differel, whenever their children were in danger.

Mistaken For Badass -- an innocent bystander who is not in any way shape or form a Badass is thought to be a Badass when he accidentally kicks ass

***** Team Girl never shies away from adventure, and often times seeks it out, but there are also numerous times in which adventure is thrust upon them, however reluctant they are to accept it. Under such circumstances they may not want to be Badasses, but they are forced to act as Badasses against their will.

Never Mess with Granny -- grandmas can kick ass too

***** Differel, after her grandchildren are born. Also Lady Muriel Plunkett, Victor's mother, Differel's mother-in-law, and Henry's paternal grandmother.

No Badass to His Valet -- the person who refuses to be intimidated by the Badass

***** Aelfraed, Mrs. Widget, Margaret, Vlad, and Team Girl are this to Differel.

One-Man Army -- a Badass who can wipe out whole armies all by himself

***** Medb and Vlad. Also, according to legend, Caliburn is suppose to be able to defeat whole armies, but Differel has never put it to the test.

Papa Wolf -- fathers can kick ass too

***** Victor, while he was alive. Also, Eile and Sunny are "fathers" to Liza and Connie, respectively.

Pint-Sized Powerhouse -- the smaller a combatant, the more ass they can kick

***** Connie and Liza; Differel and Margaret when children; Cats in general.

Pop Cultured Badass -- pop culture fanatics can kick ass too

***** Sunny is Little Miss Pop Culture Queen, according to Eile.

Pregnant Badass -- pregnant women can kick ass too

***** Eile and Differel; both of whom took advantage of the fact that supernatural and some paranormal monsters are forbidden to harm the unborn child.

Retired Badass -- Exactly What It Says On the Tin; a Badass no longer kicks ass and just lives out his years in peace (yeah, right)

***** Team Girl once their daughters marry and have families of their own. Eile's Uncle Gene and Sunny's parents. Differel, after Henry turns takes over the Caerleon Order at 25.

Retired Badass Roundup -- a group of retired Badasses join forces for one last round of ass kicking

***** Medb once did this to defend the world against an Eldritch Abomination.

Rugged Scar -- nothing says "Badass" like a scar

***** Differel acquires a facial scar from a katana slash, and will lose two fingers off her right hand and her lower left leg. Also, alternative versions of Eile and Sunny often have scars, missing eyes, etc.

Sealed Badass In a Can -- a Badass who is locked and sealed away until he is needed again

***** In "Feline Savior", we learn that Differel's grandfather locked Vlad up in a sarcophagus. Later in the upcoming "Birthright" we learn why. Then there is Medraut Pen Draig, Arthur's bastard son known as Mordred and Differel's great-great-[ad infinitum]-granduncle, who is cursed to continue living until Arthur returns. As such, he hides himself from all except Differel.

Submissive Badass -- a Badass who submits to the authority of another character

***** Vlad is submissive to Differel, as is Aelfraed and Mr. Holt. Differel is in turn submissive to HM Government in Whitehall.

Took a Level in Badass -- a character who wasn't a Badass before becomes one as a result of character development

***** Eile knew boxing and Sunny some karate, but when they created their freelance adventuring company, Team Girl Inc, Medb insisted on teaching them how to better defend themselves. That included stick fighting, pankration and kapu kuialua (Greek and Hawaiian wrestling), and Bruce Lee's Jeet Kune Do. They also learned parkour for evasion and dodging. Later, Giovanna Borgia taught them her savate technique, Lt. Gen. Ross had them trained in SEAL team commando close order combat, and Differel taught them swordsmanship. In the Dreamlands, Medb and others taught them how to use medieval melee weapons.

Beginning at 12, Differel began training in pistol shooting, dagger knifework, fencing, Royal Marines hand-to-hand close order combat, jujitsu, bartitsu, and monster hunting, with Aelfraed, Mr. Holt, and Vlad. Later she learned kendo and kenjutsu, and trained in the Pendragon technique of greatsword fighting with her Uncle Mordred. She also taught herself longsword, rapier, and broadsword fighting, and figured out how to incorporate gymnastics into her various fighting techniques. And she received special Royal Marine and SAS training in survival, evading capture, and resisting interrogation.

When Margaret learned about all the training Differel received, she asked her to teach her as well. She also convinced Holt to train both of them to complete the various Royal Marine commando assault courses.

Trench Coat Warfare -- a Badass keeps an entire arsenal under his Badass Longcoat

***** Vlad keeps his pistols and ammunition hidden under his greatcoat, though he relies on a Hyperspace Arsenal rather than pockets.

Underestimating Badassery -- Exactly What It Says On the Tin; when the villains fail to respect the power of the Badass

***** Eile and Sunny look like adorable young girls, so it happens to them all the time, and that's exactly how they want it. People who are not familiar with her reputation will misjudge Differel as a mere woman, and a weak one at that due to her stature. Similarly Margaret is often dismissed as a typical clueless arrogant spoiled dilettante aristocrat. Even Medb could be seen as a pampered and helpless pleasure princess by a chauvinistic Proud Warrior Race Guy.

The Worf Effect -- the villain establishes just how dangerous he is by defeating the most powerful Badass available

***** Aunt Mandy defeats Vlad without breaking a sweat in "Feline Savior", a Fomorian rips him apart twice in "Man Friday", the Spirit of the Oak imprisoned him as easily as the mortal members of the Caerleon Order in "Oak Do Hate", the Jester in Violet managed to cut him to pieces in "Rhapsody in Orange" before being dismissed, and the Cenobites shredded him twice in "Youthful Indiscretion". However, in all other stories in which he appears and plays a major role in resolving the conflict, he devastates the enemy without taking injury. Subverted in "Gourmand Hag" when he appears to have been destroyed, but at the end reveals he purposely laid low to teach Differel a valuable lesson.

In the upcoming "Birthright", Vlad actually acknowledges that Caliburn can destroy him.

Justified in that Vlad is not invulnerable, but is indestructible; that is, he can be practically destroyed, but he always reforms and comes right back (though he may need some help). Also justified in that in most of my stories Differel is supposed to be the hero, so I need to find some way of temporarily putting Vlad out of commission.

World of Action Girls -- every woman in existence kicks ass

***** In my Universe, not quite, but close.

World of Badass -- every person in existence kicks ass

***** Subverted; most characters don't, but the important ones do.

The Magnificent Seven Samurai -- a group of Badasses team up

***** As Sunny would say: DOYNG! Story idea!

Medb is the only one who remains unchanged when the world suddenly converts into a crapsack dystopia. Unable to change things back on her own, she must recruit a team of anti-heroes based on altered versions of people she knows, such as Team Girl as Badass Normal vigilante crimefighters, and Sir Differel as an Arthurian freedom fighter trying to lead a revolution.

Next week I will present part 1 of Weapons Tropes.

Dreamlands Bestiary: Mermaids

Mermaids are an aquatic race native to the Dreamlands. At one time scholars thought they were the Dream-form of either a species of dolphin or some other unknown creature, but they have since learned that Mermaids originated in the Dreamlands itself. They closely resemble the legendary creatures of Waking World lore, with a tubular body shape rather than a flattened one as in most ocean fish. However, their overall physiology and anatomy is piscian with no mammalian features except two: they are warm-blooded, and they have functional breasts. Even the humanoid region has fish-like structures, including gills in the neck and upper chest and back. They do have shark-like eyelids that close in from the sides, and their hair is a fiber that augments respiration, waste disposal, and maintaining osmotic balance. They have prominent fins on their backs and arms and lower body as well as vertical caudal fins on the ends of their tails, and while they have human hands, the spaces between the fingers are webbed. Their skin and scales are like those of sharks, with smaller scales in the human region and larger ones on the lower body and tail. They also have shark-like teeth, that continually replace themselves as they wear out.

Mermaids can live in any marine environment except arctic waters or depths greater that a thousand feet. However, being adapted to saltwater they cannot tolerate exposure to freshwater for periods longer than an hour, and even as short an exposure as 15 minutes can cause serious, even permanent harm. However, because their tissues have a lower salt content than the surrounding seawater, they are constantly losing water through their skin and gills while absorbing salt. As a result, they must drink constantly to replenish their lost water; their gills actively discharge excess salt; their stomachs and intestines are adapted to absorb water and release salt, which concentrates in their feces; and their kidneys reclaim as much water as possible, producing a concentrated high-salt urine. All bodily waste is excreted out a single orifice called a cloaca. They also possess swim bladders so they can remain afloat while motionless.

They are hermaphroditic, producing both sperm and eggs. However, they are unable to self-fertilize. The eggs are released into a womb-like pouch, where they are stored until the Mermaid can find a willing partner. The two of them then extrude penis-like structures from inside their cloacae, which they insert into the cloaca of their partner up into the pouch, and release their sperm. Mermaids never carry more than four eggs at a time; extras or those that do not fertilize are expelled. The eggs develop in the pouch until the fry can live outside the Mermaid’s body. They are then birthed through the coaca. However, they cannot yet survive on their own, so the Mermaid suckles them until they wean. Even then they stay close to their mother until they become sexually mature. Two Mermaids who partner for mating will share in suckling and raising the fry, and these can form extended family groups, with sisters, aunts, and grandmothers helping out as well.

Mermaids are carnivores and hunt cooperatively, taking any kind of large sealife they can catch, much like sharks. They tend to live in groups, but will also go off on their own for extended periods of time, especially before partnering or after a partner has died. Communal Mermaids avoid other races, especially Humans, but solitaries often live close to coastal homesteads and communities. They will take land-based prey that enters the ocean or comes to drink at a river that empties into the sea. Some become maneaters, taking swimmers or fishermen, or taking advantage of their resemblance to Human women to lure men out to them. A favorite tactic is to come in close to shore at night and pretend to bath in a tidal pool. In the darkness a man or woman usually does not recognize them for what they are until the Mermaid embraces her prey for a neck bite. Strangely enough, however, solitaries can form what appear to be friendships with select Humans, either male or female. There are verified cases of a Mermaid partnering with a fisherman for a share of the catch, helping a cottager harvest seaweed, and serving as a guide for a boatman as he ferries people through a treacherous, rock-bound, foggy channel. Such associations can last for years before the Mermaid finally returns to her people, and in a few cases they have been known to return to renew their acquaintances even decades later. There is even one case where the children and grandchildren of a Mermaid kept the friendship going with the Human’s children and grandchildren.

In an erotic twist, these associations sometimes turn sexual, as a Mermaid takes a Human lover, male or female. In fact, Mermaids appear to be as sexually sensitive as Humans, with numerous erogenous zones, and can be stimulated both through their breasts, cloaca, and penal structures. However, such associations are more volatile and tend not to last as long as more platonic relationships.

Mermaids are as intelligent as Humans, they have their own language, and they can learn others as well, though they are far more adept at sealife languages. They can make and use tools, but they are restricted by the corrosive nature of saltwater in what materials they can work with. Though formidable hunters with just their teeth, they also use weapons. They farm certain fish and seafood to ensure a bountiful supply. They do not wear clothes, but they adorn themselves with ornaments made from shells and precious stones. They do not build shelters, but they do live in caves and coral castles which they decorate to make more comfortable and aesthetic. They celebrate with ornate dances, and they are wondrous singers, both underwater and above the surface. In fact, a common basis for a friendship is when a Mermaid partners with a bard.

Despite being carnivores, Mermaids are on good terms with other races. Except for Humans and Cats, they rarely associate with land-races, but they do not like Leng Men or Moonbeasts, who sometimes hunt them, for both sport and food. However, they consider predation by Manticores to be an acceptable risk. They consider Gnorri to taste terrible, and the two races rarely compete, so they are fairly friendly and often cooperate. They have complex treaties with Dolphins, allowing them to hunt them, but also allowing the latter to defend themselves. They seem to almost worship the Kraken as gods.

They often form trading associations with certain merchants or communities, offering valuable shells, coral, and sunken treasure, along with fish and seafood, seaweed, turtles and sea mammals, and even building stone and fine sand, in exchange for gold and gem jewelry, china, glass objects d’art, exotic foods, spices, and liqueurs, and songs and stories. However, some groups engage in protection rackets, extorting island-bound or isolated coastal villages. Others will lend themselves out as mercenaries, to harass helpless communities or slaughter sailors and soldiers who fall into the sea during a battle. Finally, there are those who aid smugglers, wreckers, and pirates for a piece of the action.

Synopsis: Differel Squared Part 2

Continued from Part 1

The majordomo and the senior staff meet with Differel to go over their list of untrustworthies after lunch. Differel would prefer to fire all hirelings, but they assure her there are those whom they consider loyal. The problem is the family staff. The contracts with the previous Knight guarantee they cannot be let go without just cause, and while legally she is not bound by them, it would cause unrest if she simply set them aside. Besides, as family an attempt should be made to rehabilitate them, or to give them the opportunity to leave on their own. They finalize a list of people to fire with severance as a cost-saving measure, when they hear a horn being blown. The captain announces that there is an attack at the main gate. He goes to order his men to defend the gate while the majordomo states that the staff has trained to assemble in the entry rotunda to exit out whatever gate is clear. Differel orders the guard recalled from defending the gate and into the rotunda, with the front doors sealed. She then orders them to get the staff out. The captain objects, saying she is likely the target of the act, not them, but she orders him to obey and stays behind with the ghouls to confront the attackers. As the guards escort the staff out the stable gate, the attackers break down the door and Differel and the ghouls attack. There are too many, however, and they retreat up the stairs to the second level. There three guards appear and try to drag her away, but one is killed by an arrow. Differel sees Sunny with her archers covering Eile and her swordsmen and Saighlíne and her retainers as they attack the brigands from behind. Victor appears on the second level balcony and kills a second guard as the third attacks Differel. She cuts him down, then she and Victor must confront the brigands who made it up the stairs. The spider crashes into them and scatters them, and Medb and her Danann mercenaries drop down from the third level. Those brigands not killed take their own lives; only one survives, because he was knocked unconscious.

The ghouls and the Danann do a sweep of the mansion to make sure it is clear, then the staff is brought back. Differel oversees the removal of the bodies, searching each one for any clue as to who hired them, but all she finds is a piece of paper with a strange symbol on it. She then interrogates the prisoner. She is more careful this time, and uses psychological methods, namely the threat of Ney and his ghouls. Unfortunately, he can tell little. He tells how he was recruited in a town south of Celephais by the brigand leader, who is now dead; he doesn't know who backed their hire. He can only reveal one tidbit: xxxxxxx. She turns him over to Saighlíne, who leaves with the girls and Medb. Differel asks Victor to stay.

She then calls a meeting of her staff. She begins by telling them that three attempts have been made on her life by their colleagues. Not knowing who she can trust, she suspects them all. It would be safest for her to replace them all, but she doesn't have time to train a whole group. She would rather keep them and familiarize them with how she wants things done. As such, she will offer the following deal. She will keep their salaries, benefits, and other perks in place, with no changes or eliminations, and she won't fire anyone. In exchange, she will do away with their contracts and institute a loyalty oath. As long as they are loyal to her, she will be loyal to them. Infractions will be punished as follows: minor ones will result in a temporary reduction in pay and suspension of benefits, plus forfeiture of the next bonus; major ones with demotion, a permanent reduction in pay and benefits, and cancellation of future bonuses; and critical ones with termination of employment with no severance. No action will be taken against an offense without a full hearing by herself and the senior staff, with proper documentation, and the procedure for termination will be followed, but she wants the freedom to send anyone packing whom she cannot trust, whether family or hireling. Anyone who wishes to leave may do so within the next five days without prejudice and with full severance, but all who stay past that will undergo a probationary period of 30 days, at the end of which time they will either be kept on or let go. If they chose to stay, nothing will change for them, except that she will be assured of their loyalty, but future infractions will be dealt with harshly, as befits a betrayal of trust.

She then dismisses them, except for the seniors. She explains that they are not exempt, however, because of her experience so far, she plans to shorten their probation to five days, since she will need them to manage things while she is away. She then asks the majordomo to accompany her and Victor to her study. There she expresses regret that she had to be that harsh, but she would rather lay everything on the table so there is no uncertainty or anxiety. Also, she could not exempt the seniors, even though she has no question about their loyalty, without causing dissension. After they have been passed early, it can be made known that the probation period can be cut short if a person clearly demonstrates his or her loyalty. As for why she didn't fire the suspected untrustworthies, she has come to the conclusion that those who betrayed her did so on the spur of the moment, for whatever reason, rather than as part of a conspiracy. As such, she is willing to gamble that the others will see that it is in their best interests to cooperate rather than enact whatever schemes they may be hatching on their own or have become involved in. As well, while she didn't say anything to the rest, she wants him to know that she rewards loyalty just as she punishes disloyalty, and she will make that obvious in short order. Finally, while technically he is on probation as well, she wanted to assure him that she has never doubted his loyalty, hence unless he leaves on his own accord, his status is guaranteed. He tells her that he believes she did the right thing, that while there may be some initial resentment, once they all have a chance to think about it, they will see she is dealing with them quite fairly under the circumstances. And she wasn't harsh, but firm; classic carrot-and-stick approach. She had to lay down the law, but as long as she sticks to her word, they will remain loyal. Finally, he states that while he cannot guarantee it, he doubts anyone will leave, and while he cannot be certain of anyone's motives, a few may have nefarious plans, he believes the vast majority will stay because they are impressed by the fact that she was willing to risk her own life to ensure their safety. That is almost unprecedented. Most Knights are kindly, but few have ever been that selfless. As such, while she can talk all she wants, it is her actions that have been most convincing. He does, however, suggest that she remain in her private quarters for the rest of the evening, to give the staff time to sort this all out. Victor volunteers to stay with her, so she agrees. Before he leaves, the majordomo tells her that an auction has been scheduled for mid-morning the next day.

The senior staff meet to discuss Differel's announcement. They are grateful that she is neither a pushover nor a martinet, and that she is a traditionalist but also progressive enough to keep their needs and concerns in mind. They are, however, concerned about her recklessness. As much as they appreciated her putting herself in harm's way for their sake, they would prefer she had a little cowardice, just enough to make her more prudent. In any event, they decide they like her and want to keep her around.

The conspirators meet to discuss the failed assassination attempts. Now that Differel is on her guard, they feel the coup cannot succeed. They want to lay low, at least until she awakens, but the privy council lady insists that they proceed. They can deal with Differel once Kuranes has been eliminated.

35 days left

The next morning at breakfast, the majordomo asks Differel to attend a meeting afterwards. There she is shown designs for the crest, new uniforms, the décor of her private rooms, and the Ghouls' den in the basement, which she approves. The accountant goes over the investments made so far, reporting that after the auction, they should have enough money to make enough investments to cover for the loss after the previous Knight's death, though it will be several months before returns start coming in. Finally they surprise her with her version of the new uniform design. They had worked feverishly to have it done before the auction, her first official event. It consists of a shirt and trousers, a waistcoat, and an overcoat. It has a belt for carrying Caliburn and three pistols, and a sash that will display her honors. Starting at just below the left shoulder will be the badge for her Order of Cornwall, followed by the George Cross, the badge signifying her as a Knight of Celephais, the badge naming her Spider-Friend, and the badge of Defender of Hazuth-Kleg. The medal that establishes her as a Citizen of Ooth-Nargai will hang off the end under her right arm. The silver Ankh given to her by the Ghouls is hung from the right breast pocket of the overcoat, which was designed to hold her cigarillos rather than a handkerchief. The amulet indicating her rank as a Paladin of Karchedon is hung from a copper chain from the left pocket of her waistcoat. The gold chain and gorget that indicates her status as a Lord Marshall is hung from the shoulder epaulettes. However, as a token of Differel's status as a Dreamer, her uniform is augmented with an ascot, secured with a pin made from the cameo indicating Feline Patronage, and a beret, both of which no one else will have. Differel is speechless, but at Victor's urging, she tries it on. It will need some adjustment, but otherwise fits fairly well. She asks him to escort her to the auction, and he agrees. The captain escorts them with an honor guard of six. Outside they encounter Eile and Sunny with an escort, and Medb with some of her Danann mercenaries. They all go to the auction together.

Differel is amazed at how many people are attending, even though it was short notice, but decides that news travels fast in Celephais. She has to endure numerous nobility coming up to her and introducing themselves as they try to ingratiate themselves, but one in particular catches her attention: the Privy Council member named as a conspirator in the plot against her and Kuranes. She invites Differel to afternoon tea after the auction. Kuranes makes a surprise entry with Yang Cheng, and the auction begins. During one break, Differel informs Victor, the girls, and Medb of the invitation. They advise her to refuse, but she decides to take the risk; she hopes she might learn something important. During another break, Kuranes informs her that in three days she will need to attend a special ceremony in which her position as heir presumptive will be made official. She has that long to decide whether she will abdicate.

After the auction, she and her honor guard accompany the council member back to her estate. The guard is entertained as she follows the councilor into the house. During tea they banter back and forth, as they both probe for information. At some point, however, Differel realizes she's been drugged, but before she can get away the council member reveals herself to be Aunt Mandy and she prevents her escape. Differel collapses unconscious.

The guards are poisoned, but the captain refused to drink. He is attacked, but though wounded he manages to get away and hide on the street.

Differel awakens to find herself strapped to a rack. Mandy appears, and has the windlass tightened just enough to keep her immobile and uncomfortable without actually causing pain or injury. Mandy taunts her, explaining that the purpose of torture is to break a person's will using pain and degradation, and make them susceptible to behavior modification. She would rather use more sophisticated methods, but they are not available here; however, sometimes the old methods work best. She expresses curiosity as to what it would take to break Differel, and speculates that anger rather than fear would be the key, but she has no time to experiment. Instead she steps away, and a black, indistinct, bat-like creature drops down from the ceiling. It covers Differel's face and torso, penetrates her, and begins to rape her. Differel fights to maintain control, but as her body responds and an orgasm ripples through her, she feels the creature penetrate her mind. After her orgasm subsides, the creature rises up, flies over to Mandy, and wraps itself around her. It then shifts its appearance and forms itself into the appearance of Differel. The real Differel passes out from shock and exhaustion.

The cats find the wounded captain and tell the girls, who get him back to Differel's manor. Even as the majordomo assembles the rest of the guards for a rescue mission, Differel(M) reappears, explaining that she escaped. The girls are suspicious, but the majordomo is relieved, until he sees that the burn mark on her hand is missing. However, with no other proof, he says nothing. Differel(M) retires, and he meets with the senior staff and Ney to voice his suspicions.

34 days left

Differel(M) meets with Victor, Medb, and the girls to explain that the council member wishes to turn in her conspirators in exchange for leniency. She will be meeting with her over the next couple of days to work out a deal. They offer to help, but she explains the councilor will deal with no one but her. The girls also notice the missing burn mark, and afterwards tell Medb and Victor.

Differel(M) returns to the councilor's estate. The creature has another session with Differel. She manages to resist longer this time, but she finally succumbs and the creature scans more of her mind.

Victor, Medb, and the girls meet with the majordomo, the senior staff, and Ney. They agree something is wrong, and decide that this Differel is probably an imposter. They agree to catch her and force her to reveal herself, using whatever means necessary.

Differel(M) returns to the estate. Even as the others are prepared to sequester her, they notice the burn mark has returned. Uncertain as to what's going on, they decide not to proceed. However, Ney reports she doesn't smell right, and Victor, Medb, and the girls all notice minor personality changes. Victor volunteers to investigate further. That night he makes love with her.

33 days left

Victor declares that he is certain this is not the real Differel. However, before they can act, Differel(M) returns to the councilor's estate. There the creature has a third and last session with Differel, extracting the final aspects of her mind. Differel(M) orders Differel killed, but after she is released she surprises them and gets away. Pursued, she has no choice but to drop down a well into the sewer. Differel(M) orders her people to go after her, since as long as she is alive, she cannot command Caliburn.

Differel(M) returns to the estate. Ney reports she smells fine, all the previous personality quirks are gone, and even Medb cannot tell the difference. However, no one buys it. Unfortunately, without definitive proof, any actions against her at this time could be misconstrued as treason. They realize they may have waited too long, and now the only place to get proof would be the estate of the councilor.

Differel is severely weakened after her experience and her only weapon is Caliburn. Mandy's guards chase after her, but they are picked off by Wamps and other creatures. However she becomes lost in the maze of sewers under the city.

While the majordomo keeps Differel(M) busy, the girls and Morgiana break into the house while Medb and Victor create a distraction. They discover that despite appearances, the house is in disarray. The guards put up a fight, but are soon defeated. The servants surrender and explain that their mistress was usurped by Aunt Mandy some time ago. The girls realize Mandy must have been playing a long con, working to take over Celephais even as she created her chigger army. The servants confirm she had held Differel captive, but they heard she had escaped into the sewers. The girls realize Mandy must be seeking to kill Kuranes and frame Differel, and she'll probably act during the ceremony the next day. The only way to prove it is to find Differel.

Differel(M) realizes that the majordomo is on to her and slips out of the house. She goes to the councilor's estate and discovers that the girls, Medb, and Victor have been there. She summons up a monster and releases it into the sewers to find and kill Differel.

The girls, Victor, Medb, and Morgiana return to Differel's estate and go with Ney and the ghouls into the sewers. Their exploration of the sewers gives them a good idea of where to look.

Differel(M) meets with the other conspirators and organizes their plans for the attack during the ceremony.

Differel is trapped in a cul-de-sac by a group of Wamps, when the monster attacks. She dispatches it, but is gravely wounded. Two ghouls and Sunny find her. As Sunny and one ghoul carry back to the estate, the other goes to round up the others.

Back at the estate, the physician attends to her with Sunny's help as the others arrive. He says she will recover, but only if she has complete bed rest for a week. Unfortunately, that puts them in a blind. Without Differel, they cannot stop the ceremony. the only thing they can do is try to be ready for an attack. They go back to the girl's estate to make a plan, but Victor stays to tend to Differel.

32 days left

Differel(M) realizes Differel is still alive when she is unable to summon Caliburn. Instead, she creates a replica, as well as a counterfeit George Cross, for the ceremony.

Differel awakens and Victor explains to her what is going on. She insists upon trying to stop Mandy, even though her physician warns her that if she goes, may have a relapse from which she will not recover. Victor helps her dress, and as soon as she puts on her sash, the George Cross envelops her in light and cures her injuries. Differel goes to the captain of her guard and uses the GC to cure him as well. She then has him assemble the entire guard and team with Victor's guards, and follow her to the Palace of Seventy Delights.

She expects to have trouble getting into the palace, and she hopes she won't have to use her own troops to fight her way in, but the palace guard never challenges her, and she assumes it was due to Victor. He leaves her at the door to the royal hall to join their forces. When she enters, she sees Differel(M) standing before the dais. Kuranes is giving a speech while Saighlíne stands beside him, Ubasti behind him, and the girls flank him. Differel strides into the hall and challenges Differel(M), calling her an imposter. Differel(M) throws the charge back at her. The assembled nobles are uncertain how to resolve the issue, when Yang Cheng offers a suggestion: trial by combat. Only the true Differel can wield Caliburn, the sword no one can resist, and command the George Cross, that protects from harm. They agree and strip down to shirts and trousers, wearing the Crosses around their necks. The duel is savage, but neither seems to gain the upper hand until Differel(M) causes her counterfeit Cross to flash, temporarily blinding everyone. She then turns and charges the dais, to attack Kuranes. However, as she reaches him, he changes form to Ssas'sashu'ra, who then blasts her.

Differel(M) calls out, and attackers come out of the crowd. Saighlíne and the girls throw off their robes to reveal weapons and move in with Ubasti and Ssas'sashu'ra to engage them, as Medb and her mercenaries appear along with Victor and the guardsmen. Differel(M) tries to get away, but Differel intercepts her and they renew their duel. Victor is knocked unconscious, but his spider retainer stands over him to protect him, despite receiving wounds. Sunny and Eile close in on the Differels to help the real one, but in the confusion they have lost track of who's who. Yang Cheng tells Sunny to shoot both; it's the only way to be sure. As she takes aim at one, she sees the Cross glowing, so she shoots the other in the side. Differel(M) shrieks, then the bat-like creature leaps from her body and tries to fly off. Sunny shoots it again and it falls dead. Aunt Mandy is revealed, and as she presses the attack, Sunny shoots her in the neck. Differel runs Caliburn through her heart, then cuts her in half through the midriff.

With Mandy dead, her fellow conspirators try to flee but are rounded up. Yang Cheng then reveals himself to be Kuranes in disguise, which surprises even the girls. Apparently, when Medb and Saighlíne went to warn him of the plot, they cooked up the plan to have Ssas'sashu'ra impersonate him to try to draw the conspirators out. The wounded are taken to spare rooms in the residential wing, and Differel stays with Victor until he awakens. She then accepts his proposal of marriage. When Differel goes to report to Kuranes what she knows about the conspiracy, she tells him she will accept the position of heir presumptive.

Kuranes meets with the Atullian ambassador. With the Privy Council in disarray, he is free to release him and extend an invitation for diplomatic relations. The ambassador agrees to escort a delegation back to Atullia to confer with his leaders.

31 days left

The following day the ceremony is repeated and Differel is confirmed as heir presumptive. At the same time, her engagement to Victor is announced. During the reception, Kuranes tells them that the Atullian ambassador will be ready to leave in three days. Saighlíne will escort him back in her cloud barge, and Differel may choose her negotiating staff. She asks the girls and Medb to come. Medb declines, but suggests Morgiana in her place, and the girls agree without hesitation.

Back at her estate, Differel is gratified none of her senior staff wish to resign, and she confirms their continued employment. Though the probation period will continue in her absence, she gives them the authority to confirm anyone they believe is deserving. She tells the majordomo she intends to marry Victor, but they haven't discussed living arrangements yet.

The girls get excited planning Differel's marriage, and Medb and Saighlíne keep reigning them in to prevent them from blowing it all out of proportion.

The Atullian ambassador receives a message from his government. They welcome Kuranes's delegation, in the hopes that an alliance with Ooth-Nargai will help them against their mortal enemy.

Deep in the Forbidden Lands, at her fortress lair, Aunt Mandy meets with her sponsor. It expresses displeasure at the failure of her latest plan, but she assures it that this was all part of her grand plan, and everything is working out perfectly.

Epilog

Dracula asks how much longer the drug will last. Medb estimates a little over four hours. However, their adventures are not over yet.

Synopsis: Contrite Vixen (a Team Girl Bedtime story)

The fox princess Kojoro is babysitting Connie and Liza. When she puts them to bed, they ask for a funny story about a fox. So she begins:

Long ago and far away, there once lived a poor farmer (who looks like Eile) and his wife (who looks like Sunny). They had only a poor stretch of land that could barely grow enough grain to feed them, but they had three chickens, and their eggs sustained them. The farmer was so proud of his chickens that he often boasted of them to his fellow villagers, none of whom had chickens so fine.

One day, a fox princess (who looks like Kojoro) overheard his boasting and decided to see for herself. She came that night, and was so impressed with what she saw that she stole one chicken away and gave it to her family for their supper. In the morning, the farmer and his wife were besides themselves with grief over the loss, but at least they had two chickens left. However, that night, the fox princess returned and she stole the second chicken. The next day, the farmer was frantic, and he resolved to stay up all night to catch the thief. But alas, he fell asleep, and the fox princess came and stole the third and last chicken.

When the farmer awoke, he was so filled with anger that he vowed to set a trap for the thief. He took some tar and molded it into the shape of a chicken, then his wife ripped open a pillow and covered it with white feathers. They set it in the coop, and the farmer went into the village and boasted that he had a new chicken, one that could lay the eggs of the previous three together. The fox princess overheard, and was so intrigued that she came to see for herself that night. But when she tried to snatch the chicken away, she became stuck in the tar and could not escape. In the morning the farmer found her, but before he could kill her, she pleaded for her life, beseeching him not to orphan her family, and saying that if he would spare her for their sake, she would serve him for three tasks that would make him rich and prosperous. So saddened was he by her pitiful story, and not wishing to visit hardship upon those who had never done him harm, he agreed to spare her, but only on the condition that if she was unable to fulfill even one task, he could kill her. She agreed.

After the farmer got her free of the tar, and his wife had cleaned her up, she first instructed him to offer to cut wood for all the samurai. Though he objected, saying he didn't know how, she insisted, so he went to all the samurai and offered them fire logs in exchange for gold. They agreed, and the next day the fox princess took him into the woods. There, as he watched, she called upon the forest oni, and they came and crashed through the forest, ripping up every tree and smashing them together, until they were all broken up into fire log-sized chunks. Then they stacked them into piles and departed. The fox princess than took half the wood and carried it back to the farmer's home. The farmer went to the samurai to tell them the wood had been cut, but they didn't believe him, so they sent their servants to check. When they returned, however, and confirmed that the wood had all been cut, the samurai were forced to pay him. Upon his return he had so much gold that he could barely carry it.

The next day, the fox princess suggested they go to the daimyo (who looks like Sir Differel) and ask for work. The daimyo told them to plow his field. Taking the gold paid to the farmer by the samurai, the fox princess bought two young calves. She and the farmer took them to the field, where a dozen men were already plowing with a dozen fat oxen. She hitched the calves to a plow and called upon the power of Inari, the god of grain. Then, with a snap of the whip, the calves began to move, and with them she and the farmer worked the land. By noon she had plowed six times as much land as the men with their twelve oxen. The other men saw this and they decided to buy the calves. While she and the farmer ate, the other men came to them and asked them to sell the calves, but she demanded a bushel of gold and the twelve oxen in payment. So the men went to the daimyo and persuaded him to buy the calves. As the fox princess carried off the bushel and the farmer drove the oxen home, the men tried to plow with the calves, but without the power of Inari they would not move. Going to the daimyo, he demanded the farmer return. The fox princess laid her hand on the plow, cracked her whip, and the calves started plowing. Saying, "That's how it's done," she and the farmer went back to their home, but after she left the men still could not get the calves to work.

The next day the fox princess suggested they go to the shogun (who looks like Medb) to ask for work. He set them to work threshing his wheat, and the fox princess grabbed a stack and threshed it in five minutes. When she had finished the wheat, she threshed the rice, oats, corn, millet, everything, and was done by noon. However, the shogun admonished her for not separating out the grains. So she returned the barn, and called upon Susanowo, the god of storms. He appeared in the form of a whirlwind, and he blew the grain into the air. The fox princess sorted the grains into separate piles and Susanowo left. When the shogun saw the piles in their own bins, he thanked them and asked what payment he owed them. She said, one sack of rice. So he told them to return for it anytime.

She and the farmer returned home, and they and his wife collected all the linens in the house and sewed them together to make the bag. When they had finished, they returned to the shogun, and he ordered they be allowed to fill their bag. But the rice only filled a tenth of the bag. So they went to the shogun to complain. He was angry that he had been tricked this way, but he had given his word, and he was honor-bound to keep it, so he gave them permission to take any other grain they needed to fill the bag. But, they could not keep it unless they could carry it away. The fox princess added all the wheat, then the oats, corn, millet, in fact all the grain she could find, and it still didn't fill the bag, but that was all there was, so she had to be content with that. She lifted the bag onto her shoulders and stalked off; she was so angry that she didn't even thank the shogun or say goodbye.

With her three tasks completed, the fox princess was free to leave, but the farmer and his wife now had wood, grain, oxen, and gold, and were thus the richest people in all the land. They begged her not to leave, offering to make her their daughter, but it was in vain; she had her own family, and she missed them. The farmer and his wife continued to prosper, eventually becoming important retainers and advisers to the emperor, but they never forgot the fox princess, and each year on the anniversary of her stealing their chickens, she returned and served them as a daughter for three days. When they finally died, during the state funeral as their bodies were burned, fox spirits came and escorted their souls to Heaven, where the great Amaterasu Herself welcomed them, and there they dwelt in eternal bliss, with the fox princess and her family.

Ancient Roman Apartments

In the previous post in this series, I discussed ancient Roman houses, called domus. They were the homes of the wealthy, particularly the patricians. However, even at its height, there were probably only about 2000 domus in the city of Rome, yet the population is estimated to have been as high as one million at times.



The rest of the people were plebeians (the general body of free Roman citizens who were not patricians) and slaves. Slaves tended to live in the households of their masters or barracks if they were owned by the state in general, but only the wealthiest of plebeians could buy or rent a domus. The rest lived in apartment blocks known as insula (plural, insulae).

Imperial edicts limited the height of insulae to 60 or 70 Roman feet, but a typical insula could be 6 or 7 stories tall, and some were as tall as 9 stories (though 3 to 4 stories were more typical). They were invented to solve the problem of overcrowding during the reign of Augustus as more and more people poured into Rome. At first they were constructed of a rough form of concrete (the bottom-most floors) topped by wood and mud bricks. This made them prone to collapse and vulnerable to fire. After the Great Fire of Rome in 64 AD, the Emperor Nero stipulated that all new insulae had to be constructed from better quality concrete and fired bricks, thereby making them more durable and safer.

Insulae were often built around courtyards, and they had open windows to let in light. The ground floor was always devoted to tabernae (retail space), though communal areas such as a common kitchen, latrines, and a well would be located there as well. Between the first and second story was a mezzanine, that provided storage space for the shops below. The upper floors were devoted to living space, with the larger, more expensive apartments on the lower floors and the smaller, cheaper apartments on the upper floors. The lower floors were accessed by stone stairs, while the upper floors used wooden stairs. The lower floor units usually had their own latrines and running water, and were often heated, but the upper floor units had none of these amenities. All tolled, an insula could hold from 200 to 400 people, depending upon how many floors it had. That many people in so small an overall space meant the insulae were crowded and noisy, and while the lower floor units might be suites of two or three rooms, the upper floor units were single-room dwellings that got progressively smaller the higher the floors went.

There were far more insulae in Roman towns and cities than domus; estimates range from 80% of dwellings were insulae to 19 out of 20 families lived in insulae. As tenements, they were built by landlords, usually patricians seeking to increase their income by renting living and retail space. However, domus and insulae were rarely segregated. In fact, it was not uncommon to have two or three insulae along with the landlord's domus all in the same city block. Alternatively, the ground floor of the insula could be devoted to a domus instead of multiple tabernae.

The Royal Family of Carcosa (King in Yellow)

One of a number of blasphemous tomes and grimoires that reveal the true nature of what we call reality, The King in Yellow is an allegorical two-act play that deals with a group of aristocrats having a party in the city of Carcosa on the shore of the Lake Hali in the Hyades under Aldebaran.

The first act opens just before the stroke of midnight, as the guests gossip of each other, during which they reveal the depths of their decadence and depravity, and their contempt for the deific and near-mythical royal family, even as they claim to praise and honor them. When the the bell tolls, the guests unmask one by one, but they soon reach one who refuses. He is dressed as a wandering prophet or priest, but avers that he wears no mask, revealing himself to be the Phantom of Truth. He reviles them for their blasphemy and decadence, and gives the ominous warning that the Royals are not mocked. The act closes as the aristocrats attack and kill the Phantom.

The second act opens just after the Phantom is killed, but the body has disappeared, leaving only the bloodstain on the floor. The guests continue to unmask, but at the end six remain who no one remembers seeing, all wearing reproductions of the dreaded Pallid Mask. These reveal themselves to be the Royals, as each unmasks and presents a soliloquy. The last to unmask says nothing but he attacks the guests, slaughtering them in a most hideous fashion. He then turns on the audience (and by extension the reader) and makes for them as the curtain closes. It is left to the imagination of the reader whether the curtain closes before the attacker reaches the audience.

The reputation of the play is such that, anyone who reads the second act all the way through either dies or is driven mad, though the madness is in the form of ennui that gradually brings about nihilism, fatalism, and finally catatonia, if not suicide. (Those who die are said to be killed by the rampaging Royal.) The second act reveals, through the soliloquies of the Royal characters, blasphemous secrets no man was meant to know even as the characters reveal themselves.

The Carsosan Royal Family consists of:

The King in Yellow, the personification of pestilence and decay

The Queen in Red, the personification of carnage and bloodlust

The Princess in Orange, the personification of madness and depravity

The Prince in Blue, the personification of depression and grief

The Chamberlain in Green, the personification of wickedness and cunning

The Jester in Violet, the personification of torture and death

The Phantom of Truth, the mortal prophet and high priest of Carcosa, who is resurrected every time he (or she?) is killed.

There are numerous other minor beings associated with this pantheon, but little is known of them beyond their names: Cassilda, Camilla, The Pallid Mask, Hastur, Naotalba, Aldones, and Yhtill.

Who or what these beings really are is not revealed directly, just through metaphor. Despite the mythological trappings, these entities are not a family in the standard sense, nor do they have a palace where they gather. How they came to be associated with one another is therefore anybody's guess. What is made clear is that whatever they are, the Human mind cannot comprehend them and so creates an illusion to cover them so that it does not go mad. This form seems to come from the collective unconscious, because the form varies little from one person to another, though it cannot be discounted that the Royals may influence how the mind perceives them. The colors appear to be significant, but it is difficult to say how beyond certain allegorical symbolism.

L. Neil Smith and Insane Troll Logic

Having thoroughly established the paranoid nature of L. Neil Smith’s view of the modern world, the question still remains: how can he or anyone else develop a worldview that is so vastly at odds with the way the rest of humanity sees it?

There is always the possibility that his writings, even his fictional works, are some form of stealth parody. After all, Poe’s Law tells us that any parody of something extreme is virtually indistinguishable from the real thing (but beware: if a real thing sounds extreme enough it can be mistaken for parody). Smith may right now be enjoying a hearty laugh at how easily he can fool all us suckers. [I should point out that he believes that “[a]ny publicity is still publicity -- and there are those for whom your disapproval constitutes a recommendation” ("Some New Tactical Reflections"), implying that even something that castes him in a bad light will nonetheless help him sell books.]

However, assuming he really believes that what he says is true, then the obvious answer is that it stems from his anarchist ideology, but that still doesn’t explain how he comes up with his bizarre and surreal arguments. It’s obvious that they are based on flawed, irrational reasoning, but I couldn’t pinpoint the kind of reasoning he used until just recently, as I continued my study of tropes. There is one that has emerged from Internet culture called “Insane Troll Logic”. This is when someone says something so totally off the wall that, if he isn’t kidding, he must really believe it. Insane Troll Logic cannot be argued with. It is so demented that any attempt to make it more rational would just render it more incomprehensible. It is, of course, the favored logic of Internet trolls, but it crops up elsewhere as well, and it didn’t originate with the Internet; you can find examples in comics, pre-digital TV shows, and even classic literature.

The thing is, what makes Insane Troll Logic truly insane is not that it comes to conclusions we disagree with, but because it uses methods that make no sense to anyone not already indoctrinated in the ideology. In other words, the only way you can follow Insane Troll Logic is if you know what its arguments are based on, otherwise it’s just gobbledygook. Some Trolls will even admit this, though they usually try to make it sound like all you need to do is educate yourself in the True Knowledge. This is the exact opposite of classical logic, which uses formulas and rules of procedure to arrive at conclusions and is ideologically neutral. The point is, anyone who understands the rules and formulas can follow any classical logical argument, even if he doesn’t know the basis for the argument.

Another way in which Insane Troll Logic differs from classical logic is that everything in classical logic must be supportable, either by other arguments or documented evidence, and responses to counter-arguments must themselves be based on logic. Insane Troll Logic, on the other hand, never supports itself with anything except the Troll’s assertion that it’s true, and when challenged he usually responds with some form of “Because I said so!” Also, he tends to respond to counter-arguments with accusations that his opponent is lying. To my knowledge, Smith has never actually asserted that he’s right and we must believe him, but he never documents his arguments with hard facts and his entire attitude is that we must take his word for everything he says, otherwise we’re evil collectivists or their dupes.

I struggled for some time trying to find what I thought would be a good example of Smith’s Insane Troll Logic, because much of what he says can sound reasonable, at least until he waxes apocalyptic. But damn if he didn’t go and provide a near-perfect example! In an article published on The Libertarian Enterprise entitled “Economic Genocide”, he makes the following claim:

Over a fairly long lifetime, so far, I have come to the sobering realization that all that leftists, communists, socialists, Democrats can do--aside from stealing everything they can from everybody who works for a living, and stamping out every simple pleasure that makes the travails of life worth enduring--all they ever think about is killing.

As usual, he provides no evidence to back up his claim -- probably because there is none! -- but he can’t leave such a provocative statement unsupported, so he presents the following argument:

1. The average individual is forced by the government to surrender one-third of his or her earned income to the government; ergo

2. for every three such individuals so taxed, one whole human being has been economically obliterated. He calls this “economic genocide”.

Out of curiosity, he asked a colleague to calculate just how many people the government has obliterated in this fashion. Here is what Smith reports:

It turns out to be a very difficult question to answer. Tax rates have varied over the years, and so has the number of Americans subject to taxation. In the end, my colleage [sic] estimated that it [the government] had consumed the productive capacity of some fifty million (50,000,000) innocent human lives. That's roughly four times the number of victims claimed by Adolf Hitler. It almost equals the number of individuals killed in all of the Second World War. It fits in somewhere between the number of Russians slaughtered by Josef Stalin and Chinese killed by Mao Zedong.

For Smith, the consequences of this are significant, even major: “So now you finally know where your flying car went, and why there's no cure yet for cancer. You know why there's no luxury hotel aboard a Big Wheel space station, no vacation resort on the Moon, and no scientific base on Mars or Titan. All of those things, and many more that we expected to have ... by now, were devoured, sometimes quite literally, by grants to investigate the territoriality of tree frogs, programs to feed individuals who can't--or won't--work ..., programs to keep people from smoking the wrong vegetable or ... shooting, snorting, or rubbing it into their bellies, not to mention enforcing laws against licking the wrong toad.”

Some people might argue that Smith is being metaphorical; that he does not mean the government literally snuffed out 50,000,000 people. Perhaps; he is careful to refer to “productive capacity” and the like. But my impression is that Smith is seldom metaphorical in his rants, and he did connect “economic genocide” back to actual genocide:

By carrying out economic genocide, as I've discussed above, through relentless cultural genocide against gun owners in particular, but against the inhabitants of "flyover country" in general, plain old-fashioned genocide against the American Indian as well as Russian refugees in France following World War II (look up "Operation Keelhaul"), and now, in an act of world democide that would stagger Hitler, Stalin, or Mao: in collaboration with eco-fascists and eugenicists in the United Nations, the systematic extermination of nine-tenths of the human race for the sake of saving "Lovely Mother Gaia"--the mindless, insensate ball of rock and dirt that we call Earth. ... 6,300,000,000 innocent, productive human lives.

Note his terminology: “productive human lives”. The same kind of terminology he uses to describe economic genocide, and all this is used to support his claim that leftists, Democrats, etc., only think about killing people. Still need convincing?

Barack Obama wants you dead. Eric Holder wants you dead. Nancy Pelosi wants you dead. Harry Reid wants you dead. Diane Feinstein wants you dead. Charles Schumer wants you dead. Henry Waxman wants you dead. Carolyn McCarthy wants you dead. John Boehner wants you dead. Diana DeGuette wants you dead. The entire Udall family wants you dead. And Sheila Jackson Lee wants you dead. Some of them get wet imagining it.

So it seems clear that Smith equates the economic genocide of productive human lives with the physical genocide of actual human lives. And he uses that to justify calling liberals and Democrats killers.

If this makes absolutely no sense to you, if you find it impossible to wrap your brain around this argument, if you’re tempted to dismiss it as a joke or believe I have misrepresented it, don’t worry about it. That’s the point of Insane Troll Logic. Unless you’re an anarchist who hates leftists and believes they are out to enslave or even kill you, you will never comprehend this kind of thinking.

Next week I will start examining specific claim that Smith has made, but if you find his arguments hard to believe, just keep in mind you probably weren’t meant to, or even that Smith may just be pulling all our legs after all.

Action Heroe Tropes

The Action Hero (the term is gender neutral) can be best described by the motto: any problem can be solved by the application of a foot to the right guy's ass. In other words, Action Heroes are characters who primarily use combat to achieve their goals in the story. Their most important characteristics are that they deliver ass-kicking on their enemies, and they do it personally. Action Heroes can use other methods to solve problems that cannot be beaten into submission, but when it comes time for the Final Battle, they know that Violence Really Is the Answer.

Even so, simply having a fight scene does not make a character an Action Hero. He or she must use combat in ways that directly relate to the plot, not just for incidental fighting or self-defense. If a character does not use combat to accomplish the primary goal, then he or she is not an Action Hero.

For example, I conceived of Sir Differel Van Helsing as being an Action Heroine, and in "The Beast of Exmoor" she certainly lives up to that conception, but in "Oak Do Hate" she shuns the use of combat to solve the problem through diplomacy. So sometimes she plays the Action Heroine and sometimes she doesn't (though this can be justified on the basis of character development and the difference in her ages between the two stories).

Action Fashionista -- kicking ass while dressed to the nine's

***** Eile and Sunny are clothes horses, who buy the best-looking outfits they can afford. Sir Differel wears $6000 tailored silk pants suits. Lady Margaret has dressed in the latest styles since she was a teenager. Even Vlad Tepes Drakulya dresses smartly. Also Jade from "Felis Ex Machina".

Action Girlfriend -- your girlfriend kicks ass better than you can

***** Eile and Sunny to each other; Differel to Victor Plunkett, her husband; Jade to January Ian "Jaim" Mariposa.

Action Mom -- your mother kicks ass better than you can

***** Medb hErenn, Eile and Sunny, and Differel whenever their children are in danger; Sunny's mother, Oda Jaegar.

Action Pet -- your pet kicks ass better than you can

***** Snowshoe Kitty; Medb's animal companions ["The Lions of Inganok"]; Mr. Mistoffelees ["Feline Savior"]; Differel's Wakiya in the Dreamlands ["Adventurer's Honeymoon"]; Bastet, the feline familiar of Jaim ["Felis ex Machina"].

Action Survivor -- a non-fighter finds himself in a dangerous adventure and must resolve it to survive

***** Eile started out as this when she first met Sunny; ditto Margaret to Differel.

Almighty Janitor -- the character with the lowest rank is the strongest, most skilled fighter

***** Vlad; while not a janitor, he ranks the lowest in the Caerleon Order. Differel treats him like a weapon, and he encourages that attitude (though she has trouble maintaining it at times).

Authority Equals Asskicking -- the higher a character is in a hierarchy, the better he is in a fight

***** Played straight with Differel and most of her senior staff, especially Aelfraed and Mr. Holt ["The Beast of Exmoor"]. Inverted with Vlad; he technically has no authority within the Caerleon order, but he is its most powerful member.

Battle Butler -- your servant kicks ass better than you can

***** Aelfraed Dalton Walters, the master of the Syles-Fairbairn commando dagger ["Feline Savior", "Man Friday", "The Beast of Exmoor"].

Beware the Nice Ones -- the nicer a character is, the more ass he'll kick when finally pushed too far

***** Eile of Team Girl ["The Temple of Ubasti", "The Golden Mushroom"].

Beware the Silly Ones -- the comic relief is the most dangerous character in the story

***** Sunny of Team Girl ["The Temple of Ubasti", "The Golden Mushroom"].

Bond One-Liner -- a character quips a pun or joke right after beating someone

***** Margaret is most prone to this, but Medb, Eile and Sunny, and Differel get their chances as well.

Braids of Action -- action heroines wear their hair in braids (that's how you know they're action heroines)

***** Medb wears a waist-long braid off either side of her head ["Barbarians R Us"].

Chef of Iron -- your chef or cook kicks ass better than you can

***** Madam Phillipa Trumbo, Differel's executive chef ["Gourmand Hag"]; Sunny's father, Maela Hiver; Sunny herself on occasion.

Contralto of Danger -- the lower a female character's voice, the more ass she can kick

***** Played straight with Medb and Differel, who have the lowest voices; also Eile compared to Sunny.

Damsel Out of Distress -- the damsel in distress rescues herself by kicking ass

***** Differel ["The Beast of Exmoor"] and Team Girl ["The Double Image"].

Dying Moment of Awesome -- a character's death is something to be proud of

***** Mr. Mistoffelees ["Feline Savior"]; Differel's first estate troops commander ["Man Friday"]; The Beast of Exmoor ["The Beast of Exmoor"]; Lt. Richard West ["Pyrrhic Victory"]; "Cowboy" ["The Denver Walker"]; Team Girl ["Survival and Sacrifice"].

Extraordinarily Empowered Girl -- an action heroine with a little something extra ordinary women do not possess; the fantastic expression of "girl power"

***** Medb knows magic ["Desperate Acts"]; Eile has enhanced strength, endurance, and speed thanks to a remnant population of vampiric parasites; Sunny has enhanced agility and keen senses of hearing and smell thanks to a low titre of a lycanthropic virus in her blood; Differel has inherited the iron will of her ancestor Abraham Van Helsing and the indomitable spirit of her Pendragon foremothers.

Fedora of Asskicking -- nothing says "I can kick ass" like a nice hat

***** Differel likes to wear berets and uses a wide-brimmed sunhat in the Dreamlands; Vlad wears a wide-brimmed planter's hat.

Girls with Guns -- stories about strong female leads being awesome with firearms

***** Team Girl: "Survival and Sacrifice"; Differel: "Man Friday", "Oak Do Hate", "The Beast of Exmoor".

Good Is Not Soft -- do not mistake kindness for weakness

***** Team Girl ["The Steel Gazelle", "A Typical Friday Night", "The Denver Walker"].

Hero Killer -- a villain so terrifyingly powerful that he strikes fear in the hearts of the characters; whenever he shows up, they are in danger of dying

***** The goal of any monster, at least those intelligent enough to have goals, is to destroy Differel either by devouring her alive, tearing her to pieces, or torturing (or raping) her to death ["Man Friday"; "Gourmand Hag"]. Inverted by Vlad, who is this to monsters.

Imperturbable Englishman -- total and utter equanimity in the face of mortal danger

***** Aelfraed ["Man Friday"]; his sister Mrs. Helena Widget (though she has something of temper) ["Feline Savior"]; Differel has her moments as well, but mostly she plays the Ice Queen; Margaret is quite good at bluffing monsters.

Invincible Hero -- this hero never loses

***** Vlad; he doesn't always win, but he cannot be destroyed, and he ALWAYS comes back! Medb also qualifies (except she can be destroyed).

Kick Chick -- a female character who fights almost entirely with her legs

***** The girly Vampire, Giovanna Mencia Borgia, is a master of a form of savate that emphasizes leaping kicks over punches ["The Christmas Vampires"], and she has taught it to Eile and Sunny.

Kicking Ass in All Her Finery -- an action heroine that fights while wearing feminine, pretty, opulent clothes

***** Margaret, and Team Girl when they dress in frilly girly clothes; subverted with Differel, who tends to rip her dress off instead; inverted with Medb, who fights in the nude. Played straight with Jade ["Felis Ex Machina"].

Lady of War -- a female fighter who retains an air of grace and reserve not usually associated with violence

***** Subverted and played straight with Differel; she tends to be this when participating in a duel of honor, otherwise she fights as dirty as she needs to to survive ["One-Percenter Vendetta"].

Ignored with Medb; though she is a highly skilled fighter, her great strength tends to override finesse and grace ["Gruff Tolls"].

Let's Get Dangerous -- a moment in the story when all the quirky, eccentric cast members stop being quirky and eccentric and start demonstrating a sudden ability to kick ass

***** Mr. Mistoffelees ["Feline Savior"]; Maggie King ["Fun 'n' Games"]; Team Girl ["Rhapsody in Orange"]; Ohbaeda ["The Lions of Inganok"].

Major Injury Underreaction -- a character reacts to great pain with a deadpan comment

***** Ohbaeda ["The Lions of Inganok"]; Vlad tends to be this way as well, but he's Made of Air.

Master Of All -- the best of the best of the best ... in EVERYTHING

***** Differel, hands down. Aelfraed is like this in many areas as well. Medb's extensive experience throughout her long life makes her surprisingly knowledgeable about a very wide variety of topics.

Minored in Asskicking -- an otherwise intelligent and wise character who can kick ass as well as or better than highly trained fighters

***** Dr. Padraic Trevelyan, Differel's childhood tutor. What's even more amazing is that he's paraplegic.

More Deadly Than the Male -- women kick ass better than men can

***** Medb, Team Girl, Differel, Margaret; duh.

Nerves of Steel -- a character can face the worst situations with the equanimity of cold tea; he is nigh-unshakable

***** Pretty much played straight with all my main characters except Medb. If Team Girl were to confront an indestructible unstoppable serial killer like Michael Myers or Jason Voorhees, Eile would most likely thump him in the chest and tell him to stop being a butt-head, but in situations where Eile is in a state of panic, Sunny can be icy calm. Despite her temper, Differel has the discipline and fortitude during a firefight to take her time to carefully aim before shooting. Margaret can flimflam monsters like a master grifter even as they roast her on a spit. Jade has the fortitude to participate in a Victorian Era autopsy.

Medb does not qualify because her ability to face down cosmic horrors comes from the fact that she is Nigh-Invulnerable.

Ninja Maid -- your maid kicks ass better than you can

***** Mrs. Widget rose through the ranks as a maid to become Differel's housekeeper, and along the way learned to kick monster ass.

One Riot, One Ranger -- when only one man (or woman) is sent to deal with a dangerous national crisis because he (or she) is the best qualified to deal with it

***** Team Girl to the US government and Differel; Differel to HM government; Vlad to Differel.

Plucky Girl -- brave and optimistic

***** Sunny; Eile also has her moments.

Powers Do The Fighting -- a character exerts almost no physical effort during combat but instead exercises his or her powers to defeat the enemy

***** Medb can mow down whole armies with a word and level whole cities with a song. Differel can just sic Vlad on any enemy that attacks her.

Rated M for Manly -- stories that are heavily dependent on things, situations, or actions that are stereotypically masculine

***** Medb: "Dark Vengeance", "The Lions of Inganok", "Gruff Tolls", "The Price of Folly"; Team Girl: "The Temple of Ubasti", "A Typical Friday Night", "The Peril Gem", "The Denver Walker", "Survival and Sacrifice"; Differel: "The Beast of Exmoor", "One-Percenter Vendetta"; Miscellaneous: "No Torrent Like Greed", "Felis Ex Machina", "Pyrrhic Victory".

Scarf of Asskicking -- nothing says "I can kick ass" like a neck wrap

***** Though not exactly a scarf, Differel has worn cravats since she was a teenager. However, Margaret and Team Girl sometimes wear scarves.

She-Fu -- the martial art that utilizes gymnastics moves as part of the fighting style

***** Averted with Medb and Team Girl. Medb is a brawler and a wrestler, who can lift an opponent over her head and toss him across a room. Eile is a boxer and Sunny knows some karate from her father, and Medb taught them Greek pankration, Hawaiian Kapu Ku'ialua, and Bruce Lee's Jeet Kune Do.

Zigzagged with Differel. Her Master-at-Arms Giles Holt taught her commando close quarters combat, jujutsu, and bartitsu, with an emphasis on rapid disabling and lethal force. However, so many opponents are so much more powerful than her that she incorporated her gymnastics training so she could keep them at a distance and prevent them from grappling her.

Margaret took dance lessons when she was younger, and she incorporated some of those moves into the training Differel gave her.

Waif-Fu -- the martial art that utilizes agility and precision strikes as part of the fighting style

***** Played straight with Differel and Margaret when they were children and teens, in that they weren't strong enough to take on even normal adults in a toe-to-toe slug match, so they had to rely on agility and precision strikes. Also subverted in that they fight dirty. Team Girl can be this at times, but more often subverted because their fighting techniques are more brute force, though considering that Medb taught them that perhaps is to be expected.

Silk Hiding Steel -- a proper lady kicks ass better than you do

***** Differel eats monsters for lunch (Aelfraed makes her breakfast), but when it comes to politicians she must walk a fine line between being "a mere woman" and breaking skulls. Hard experience has taught her how to balance aggressive negotiation with demure acquiescence. Margaret, on the other hand, is a master politician, having learned from her father, the Duke of Anglin. She can even use her feminine wiles to manipulate older, stuffier ministers.

Team Girl can be like this at times, using their gender and youth to make people underestimate them, but subverted in that generally they are less diplomatic. Averted with Medb; she just busts heads.

Jade, Jaim's detective partner and lover, is an actress by trade and an adventuress by profession. She has experienced things few proper Victorian ladies even dream of.

Specs of Awesome -- nothing says "I can kick ass" like a pair of glasses

***** Differel and Sunny both wear glasses, as do Aelfraed and Mrs. Widget.

Cool Shades -- nothing says "I can kick ass" like a pair of dark glasses

***** Vlad; sometimes Team Girl and Margaret; occasionally Medb.

Tranquil Fury -- an outward display of calm serenity hides an inner roaring rage

***** When Medb gives you the Kubrick Stare over her shoulder, you had better apologize instantly, or you'll be dead before you can utter your next insult. And even Aelfraed and the rest of the staff know enough to give Differel space when she displays the Ice Queen stare with the smouldering eyes. (Only Margaret and Victor can face down that expression and survive.)

Unflinching Walk -- a character walks away from a violent event without reacting to what happens behind him

***** In "The Temple of Ubasti", Eile walks out of the collapsed ruins of the temple as if nothing happened.

Warrior Monk -- a religious monk kicks ass better than you can

***** The Daughters of Cwenthryth are warrior nuns who fight pagans, heretics, and monsters alike, and are both admired and feared for their fanatical devotion. Pope Julius II excommunicated the order when it refused to give up fighting. It has never been rescinded, and neither have they repented, so in the eyes of the Church they are damned and condemned to Hell, a fate they accept without complaint. Each generation there is one among them who is specially consecrated and thereby permitted to wield Durendal, the Paladin Sword. The current owner, Walpurga, is the last of her order except for an aged Grand Mistress and a number of novices in training.

A popular legend among the warrior nuns states that when enough of them have been sent to Hell, they will rise up in revolt and overthrow Satan to end his rebellion and restore the rule of God.

Warrior Prince -- a prince kicks ass better than you can

***** Prince Charles; no, really! He actually saves Differel and Vlad.

Medb is the daughter of an ancient Irish High King.

As voivode, the real Vlad Tepes fits this trope well.

As a descendent of King Arthur, Differel could qualify as a distaff counterpart.

Margaret would be a Warrior Aristocrat.

Next week I will discuss Badass tropes.

And as long as we are discussing Action Heroes and Badasses, the weeks after that I will discuss Weapons and Combat Tropes.

Dreamlands Bestiary: The Wamp

Wamps are creatures native to the Dreamlands. There is considerable debate as to whether they are simply some kind of animal or a true race, with no firm consensus, but the majority opinion among scholars is that they are a race. Part of the reason is that they display Human-like intelligence, including abstraction, but it is unknown whether they have their own language. Their vocalizations sound like chuckling or giggling, yet they seem to be able to communicate ideas to each other when they need to.

A Wamp is white in color, ranging from very light gray to brilliant snow-white. It has an egg-shaped body, with the head attached at the pointed end. The head is porcine-shaped, with a longish pig-like snout and knife-like pointed ears, but it has no eyes. The mouth is full of needle-sharp teeth. A Wamp has nine legs; four on either side, with the ninth attached to the rounded end of its body in place of a tail. The feet have five digits arranged in a circular pattern. Each toe consists of a pad with a hooked claw attached to the upper side. The digits are webbed. The feet and lower legs are splashed with scarlet, as if the Wamp had waded through gore. A Wamp has a sharp sense of touch, hearing, and smell, and can navigate in total darkness.

Wamps are the reason why Ghouls do not feed on Dream-corpses; the Wamps have the monopoly on that, and defend it viciously. In fact, they feed on carrion, garbage, and any form of unspeakable waste. As such, they are drawn to ruin and decay, and inhabit abandoned communities, sewers, cemeteries, and wasteland. However, their home must have plenty of water, because they appear to be partially amphibious. At least, no Wamps have been encountered in deserts or mountains except in bogs or polluted waterholes. Wamps are also active hunters, especially on dark nights, and will take anything they can catch, including Cats. Their favorite tactic is to attack from ambush. If the prey is weak enough, they will pin it to the ground and savage it; otherwise they will take a bite out of it then retreat and wait for it to collapse from blood loss. If it is strong enough to run away, they will track it until they find it again. Sometimes, however, prey can escape, and even survive the wound, but Wamp saliva is contaminated with all manner of hideous ailments. It is not uncommon for a bite to become gangrenous and infested by fungi and worms, or for a victim to succumb to blood poisoning or some hideous disease. Even if it survives the infection, it will be disfigured and even crippled.

Wamps are solitary by nature and they claim foraging grounds; however, the extent to which these are treated as territories is much debated, because the resident Wamp will not drive away any new Wamps that settle there as well. They still keep to themselves, but Wamps living in close proximity have been observed to sometimes congregate. Why is unknown; they do not appear to mate, nor do they hold council or participate in mutual entertainment. At best they will hunt together, but only if it’s a large prey, or a herd of some kind, and even then they make their own kills, though they do not fight over kills either. The degree of their intelligence is also hard to judge; they do not appear to converse with each other, but they can solve problems and invent tactics, and occasionally a Wamp is observed to doodle or perform simple arithmetic. At best they seem unusually clever, even diabolical, an impression helped along by their incessant chuckling.

Wamps do not reproduce in the normal manner. No one knows how long a Wamp can live, but some time after a Wamp has died or been killed, a baby Wamp emerges from the dead Wamp’s head, as if by spontaneous generation. It’s first act is to then consume the body of its “parent”. As such, it can be extremely difficult to clear out a Wamp infestation unless the heads are crushed or the bodies burned. Some scholars even suggest an old Wamp may “give birth” to several babies in a voluntary act of suicide, but this has never been observed.

Synopsis: Differel Squared Part 1 (a Sir Differel Dreamlands adventure)

Prologue

Medb and Dracula have been watching over Differel and the girls for a little over six hours. Medb knows from the passage of time how long they have been in the Dreamlands, and she remembers what they have done, because the events are part of her past. They went there to investigate the possibility that it could be used as a staging area for an invasion of the Waking World. While this turned out to be false, they uncovered a plot by Miranda Guinevere Pendragon, Differel's Aunt Mandy, to conquer the Dreamlands and turn it into a nightmare realm through which she could enslave the human race. They managed to thwart it and destroy her. They now have some forty days left before they will awaken and return. She remembers that they thought their job was finished and they could now relax, but she knows there are still trials ahead of them.

41 days left

The day they all arrive back in Celephais, Kuranes meets with the Atullian ambassador. He informs him of the Atullian defeat and the destruction of Mandy and her Chigger army. While his nobles and privy council are demanding his trial, Kuranes offers to reinstate the non-aggression pact they negotiated days ago, with a few changes, in exchange for opening relations between their two nations. Surely more can be accomplished through diplomatic exchanges and commerce than by war. Either way, the ambassador is free to go as soon as passage can be arranged for him, but they are now aware of his people and can keep watch for any future aggression. It is up to them whether there will be peace or continued strife.

40 days left

Victor proposes to Differel. She at first objects, since after a few more weeks she'll never see him again, but the girls assure her the Medb in the Waking World can make it possible for her to return. Victor proposes again, but Differel can't decide. This is all kind of sudden and she needs time to digest it. The girls are disappointed and Sunny goes so far as to ask what's there to think about? But Medb hushes them and Victor grants Differel whatever time she needs. They then retire for the evening. Differel asks Victor if he's really okay with her request for time to consider his offer, and he assures her she has nothing to worry about. He then suggests that in the meantime, even if technically they may not be married now (death after all did part them), they could act as if they were. Differel states she is not adverse to that.

39 days left

The next morning, most of the party leave for their respective lands. The only ones who stick around are Capt. Ney and his Ghouls, the spider who has become retainer to Victor, Medb's Tuatha Dé Danann mercenaries, Ssas'sashu'ra, Morgiana, and Ubasti. They return with Differel, the girls, Medb, and Kuranes to Celephais. Upon arrival, Lady Saighlíne Baroness Áirdenté takes Victor, Medb, and Differel to their estates in the city, so they can get settled in. Differel is greeted by the majordomo of the estate, who introduces her to the staff and gives her a short tour. Though the estate itself is smaller than her Waking World family holdings, the mansion is much larger, and employs a bigger staff. He has made arrangements for the former Knight's personal belongings to be distributed in accordance to her will, and then plans to brief Differel on the inventory of what's left, and the audit of the estate's accounts, the following day. For now, however, he suggests she rest. Differel cannot help but notice that the staff seems to be in mourning for their previous master, and despite their best attempts to hide it, are not particularly happy with her takeover.

Victor finds out that his estate serves as the official Karchedonian consulate, with the staff being Punica citizens, augmented by Ooth-Nargai workers. After settling in and changing, he then is briefed on the operations of the consulate and advised of communiqués from the Queen.

Medb discovers that her estate is essentially a ruin. It had suffered a devastating fire a few centuries ago and had never been rebuilt or reoccupied. Though at first upset, she realizes that Kuranes knew she would want to remake her estate in her own image, so he gave her a clean slate to work with. The last the girls see of her she is walking into the ruins rolling up her sleeves to get to work, her mercenaries following her.

The girls return to their estate, and after a massage, bath, and meal, meet with their own staff for a briefing of everything that went on while they were gone. Afterwards, a cat official of the city tells them that the cats have gotten intelligence of an intrigue brewing over Kuranes and Differel. They ask the cats to keep their eyes and ears open.

Differel is given a meal and then shown to what would be her private suite. She suddenly realizes that she's bored; with no adventure, crisis, or administrative work to keep her busy, she has nothing to do. She considers asking the majordomo to brief her now, when he appears and announces she has a visitor. She is taken to a study, where she finds Kuranes waiting for her. She orders tea for them and they sit by the fire. He asks how she is settling in. She remarks that it hasn't been a day, but she thinks this may not be a good idea. For one thing, she feels like an intruder in someone else's home. For another, the servants seem to resent her presence. She isn't used to either, having lived in an ancestral home all her life. Kuranes admits that these transitions can be difficult, but he points out that this is not a family estate. It is one of a group that are given to newly-made knights, so that it has changed hands several times over the past few centuries. As a result, its décor is a hodgepodge accumulated by various tenants over time. Eile and Sunny had been in a similar situation when they acquired their estate, but they dealt with it by treating it as a rented furnished summer home and making few if any changes. On the other hand, he expects Medb will deal with her transition by gutting her own mansion and redecorating it entirely in her personal style. But that reflects their basic natures: the girls are here so seldom, their "home" is in Ulthar, whereas Medb only rented rooms there, so she is likely to make her estate her home. He realizes Differel may need time to sort out her personal plans, but in the meantime he suggests that she take steps immediately to put her own stamp on the place, especially in those rooms that will be her private domicile, so that she can feel more comfortable about living here. As for the servants, he points out that like an English family estate, it is they who live here permanently, whereas Differel is expected to use it only when in Celephais. Naturally they think of it as their own home and their masters as merely tenants. They will need time to get to know her, to get comfortable with her being there. Besides which, the previous Knight had been a populist who didn't believe in master/servant caste systems, and treated the staff as family, though he suspects that may have had more to do with her being an orphan in the Waking World. In any event, they had a great deal more freedom than most servants do. They have heard that Differel is an aristocratic blue-blood, and they are afraid they will lose those freedoms. He suggests that when her majordomo gives her his briefing on the mansion, its contents, and its finances, that she ask him to explain about the staff's situation. Then she should carefully weigh any changes she wishes to make, and finally explain them to the staff so that they understand her reasoning. In any event, he believes she will discover that, as long as she treats them fairly and with respect, once they become comfortable with her they will accept whatever changes she wishes to make, even if they curtail some of the freedom of action they had previously enjoyed.

He then tells her there was a legitimate reason for his coming. He explains that the reason the Order of Cornwall is so seldom awarded is because, as the highest award in the Ooth-Nargai honors system, it makes her the first among peers. In other words, it literally makes her the highest ranking noble in their society, above even a duke. There is no one she need be deferential to, save himself, and all must defer to her. That news so surprises her that her cigarillo droops in her mouth. More than that, as the holder of the OC, it makes her his heir presumptive, and second in command of the whole kingdom. This time the cigarillo falls out when her jaw drops. She tries to catch it and burns herself when she grabs the lighted end. He explains that under most circumstances, it is more of a formality than anything else, though there are a number of ceremonial aspects to the role. However, she is expected to run the country when he is visiting Serannian or otherwise abroad; she will lead his armed forces in time of war; and she will represent him to other leaders. While not quite an ambassador, she will nonetheless have plenipotentiary powers, and she will be fully authorized to negotiate in his name. And, if anything should happen to him, she would be crowned the new ruler of Ooth-Nargai. He realizes this is probably more than she bargained for, and she will be given time to reconcile herself to her new role, but he wanted to explain it in person. He also understands that her time is limited and she is likely never to return, but he wanted a way for her to be honored for however long she remained. Besides which, it is highly unlikely she will be called upon to handle any official duties aside from a few ceremonial appearances. She is so stunned that she cannot get her mind around the idea, and Kuranes leaves.

After it has a chance to sink in, she decides she needs to talk with someone, and she heads over to the girls' estate. The majordomo suggests she take an escort, but she refuses, believing she is safe. When she arrives, she finds that Ssas'sashu'ra, Morgiana, and Ubasti are staying with them, but they agree to leave her alone with the girls. She explains what Kuranes told her, but to her dismay the girls are actually excited. Sunny even goes so far as to ask when the coronation will be. Then she realizes they simply do not understand, being Americans and too young. She decides she should go talk to Victor, but to avoid hurting their feelings she agrees to stay for lunch. During that, she learns that Ssas'sashu'ra has been appointed to Kuranes's personal staff. That prompts Differel to ask the girls how they treat their household staff. Eile was a business major before her life took a nosedive and made a business career impossible, but she still remembers the theory. In Celephaisian society, servants and retainers have to be cared for by the knight or peer who takes them on. The girls pay theirs a salary in addition to giving them room and board, and provide full benefits as in the Waking World, including retirement and long term disability programs. Through investments, they have amassed a fortune too large for the them to spend, so they use it to benefit others. It's certainly true that here a manorial model might make more sense, but they need a loyal staff to take care of things while they are away, and not being of a Celephaisian family with a long history, and not being highly charismatic leaders, they have chosen to adapt the Waking World industrial, commercial model. Though Differel's paradigm is that of servants who themselves were born and raised in families that lived alongside the family of the lord, such were still paid salaries and given benefits, so she is familiar with that system.

After lunch she goes to see Victor. He congratulates her on the honor, but he understands how she feels, both on a personal level and within the bigger picture. Personally, he tells her that if the George Cross has not convinced her she truly deserves the honors she has been awarded, he doesn't know what will. He also points out that Kuranes is not of royal blood himself, so why must his successor? Besides, as a Pendragon, she has more royal blood than he does. As for the bigger picture, he sees the purpose in making the holder of the OC the heir presumptive. Kuranes is not married and has no children. As such, there is a need for a designated heir to allow for a smooth transition of power should anything happen to him. The holder of the OC would have proven both himself capable of ruling and his loyalty to Ooth-Nargai. Presumably he could be counted on to rule in the best interests of the kingdom and not his own. Also, there is no chancellor or prime minister to act as second in command. Technically, that would be the Privy Council, but they do not always speak as one voice. The holder of the OC would fill that role, though there wouldn't be any administrative duties, just ceremonial ones. Personally, he would rather see Differel in charge than most of the Celephaisian nobles, but if she is really dead set against being the heir, she can abdicate her OC; there is precedence for that. He advises against it, but whatever she decides, he will support it. He asks her to stay for dinner, but she declines. She has a lot to think about and she needs to set her estate in order. She suggests breakfast at her place, which he accepts.

On her way back to her estate, she is ambushed by a group of mercenaries. Though she fights back, she is surprised and they nearly overwhelm her when uniformed guards intervene and rescue her. At first she thinks they are the city guard, but then she recognizes the uniforms as being those of the guard of the estate she inherited. They escort her back and she thanks the majordomo for sending them, saying that the girls had assured her Celephais was safe. He explains that they did not lie, but there is intrigue that she must watch out for. Winning the OC has made her some enemies, people who either felt they better deserved it, or who resent her "low" status, or who do not want to see an heir presumptive. She asks him to schedule his briefing tomorrow as early as possible, so she can learn everything she needs to know to adapt. She also asks him to prepare a report on the staff and their status under their former master, and that Victor will be joining her for breakfast.

The cats inform the girls of the attempt on Differels' life. Victor and Medb, who are visiting, overhear. The girls ask the cats to keep an eye on her and alert them all should anyone try to attack her again.

At dinner, she smokes the last of the cigarillos from the box she obtained in the Cavern of Flame. Afterwards, she meets with the majordomo to discuss ideas on redecorating her private quarters and study, designing a standard and crest for her new station, and redesigning the estate's livery. Before she finally retires, he tells her that the staff is pleased and honored to be part of the household of an OC, and that they will do everything they can to help her make this estate her own.

38 days left

Victor arrives bright and early the next morning and Differel meets him in the entry hall. The servants watch them embrace and kiss, and the majordomo nods to the housekeeper, who surreptitiously disappears into the house. After Differel makes a few introductions, the majordomo takes them to a small table set up in the inner courtyard patio, where they are served. The servants keep a discrete distance and only approach when signaled. Afterwards, Differel and Victor take a walk under the pergolas in the garden, seemingly alone, but under the watchful eyes of the hidden guards.

When Victor leaves, Differel turns to the majordomo and thanks him for his consideration. He then takes her to the great hall, where the whole staff is assembled and everything is laid out for the briefing.

First he introduces the staff: accountant, boots, butler, charlady, chauffeur, chef, companion, cooks, dressmaker, footmen, gardener, groom, groundskeepers, hall boy, handymen, herald, housekeeper, laundress, maids, musicians, pages, personal guards, personal trainer, physician, saucerer, seamstresses, secretary, spicerer, stable hands, stable master, and valet. She asks about the companion. It turns out that the previous Knight used him for a bedmate and similar sexual purposes. Differel has no need for those services, but promises him that if he wishes to stay she will find other duties for him.

Next he explains their service status. Most of them are family, having lived in this house since it was first constructed. He himself is a direct descendent of the first majordomo. Some of the footmen, maids, groundskeepers, stable hands, and guards are recent hires, as are the accountant, companion, herald, personal trainer, and physician. They also temporarily hire extra help for parties and special occasions. They started out in a standard servant/master arrangement: in exchange for their services, the lord would provide them with room and board. However, as time went on and more modern Dreamers took over the estate, their condition improved as they received greater and greater benefits. As of now, they receive rather generous salaries, health benefits, life insurance, disability insurance, generous severance packages if they leave service, and retirement pensions. Of course, most of these are simply extensions of what they would have received under the original arrangement, but they are spelled out in contracts that the previous Knight, the one she is replacing, had signed with them. Also in place are specific protocols for hiring and firing, occupational safety regulations, bonuses and rewards for faithful or extraordinary service, and more. More than that, the former Knight acted more as family patriarch than a master, including providing education for the servants' children, throwing parties for birthdays and other milestones, and taking an interest in their lives, hopes, and ambitions. Though at first they found such behavior uncomfortable, they have since grown used to it.

He then shows her maps and a model of the estate. It reminds her of a mansion in the heart of London: a large house with small surrounding grounds. It is surrounded by a wall, with three gates: a main one leading up to the front entrance; a servant's gate, now used for deliveries; and a stable gate. Though the wall is defensible, only a handful of the guards man it, mostly at the gatehouses. The front and side grounds are narrow; most of the open space is in the back where the central courtyard opens into the garden. The house itself is three stories, plus a basement. The front entrance is at the base of a tower, and two wings branch off from that. The west wing contains the living quarters, while the east wing contains shops and offices. The basement is used for general storage, but it also has a dungeon. The ground floor is the servants' floor, the first floor a guest floor, and the second floor the living space for the current Knight.

Next he gives her a complete report on the contents of the estate, while presenting an overview. Differel is surprised at the sheer volume of items, most of which are in storage in unused rooms. She asks about its disposition. The majordomo explains that technically it all belongs to the estate, and while she is free to sell it, the money would belong to estate, though she may keep a percentage for herself, and a percentage would go to the staff. She understands that it represents the accumulated wealth of the estate, and her own experience with her Waking World estate has taught her that the value of the objects goes beyond their monetary worth.

Finally, the accountant takes her through the finances. Traditionally, these estates have three sources of money. The first is a grant provided by the city for the upkeep and maintenance of the estate. The second is the stipend paid to the Knight. Differel's will be four times normal being a Lord Marshal and an OC. The third is the Knight's personal finances. The previous Knight's investments will revert to the crown as per her agreement with Kuranes. Some investments are in the name of the estate, but they are not enough to make up the loss. Since Differel has no money of her own, that will reduce the estate income but not as much as originally thought due to her larger stipend. Nonetheless, it is important that she begin to invest or otherwise acquire other sources of income, or the estate will suffer from a shortfall.

Differel thanks the staff for their cooperation and dismisses them, then talks to the majordomo alone. She tells him that for the time being, she will make no changes in the staff's arrangements. She wants to see it in operation for a time, to assess its efficiency. She may make some changes at a future date, but she considers her main priorities are to get settled in and provide for the estate once she is gone. The majordomo agrees, and once again promises to make her transition as smooth as possible.

Kuranes arrives at Victor's estate to seek his advice on what to do about the Atullian ambassador. His Privy Council is pushing to place him on trial, but Kuranes believes he is the best hope to make a permanent peace with Atullia. Victor agrees. Kuranes asks him to request the support of the Karchedonian Queen for his release and repatriation. After Kuranes leaves, the girls arrive to let him know they plan to take Differel on a tour of the city, and ask if he would like to come along. He declines, saying he has official matters to attend to, but they encourage him to find time to be alone with her. When they leave, he considers their words good advice.

Differel spends the rest of the morning going over plans of the mansion and investigating its history. The girls come by at noon to take her on a tour of the city. She permits an honor guard of three to accompany them, and they spend the afternoon seeing the sights. She discusses with the girls her need to find sources of income, and they tell her about their own investments. During this time they visit Medb and find her hard at work directing surveyors and architects as they map the mansion. She offers to let Differel invest in some of her business concerns and encourages her to contact Seidhloch in Ulthar. He has any number of ventures that he would like to have financed.

Victor receives word from Karchedon. The Queen supports Kuranes's desire to let the Atullian ambassador go, and authorized Victor to go with him to negotiate peace with Punica. He sends word to Kuranes of the news.

Differel and the girls return to the estate by evening and have dinner with her, during which the majordomo surprises her with a box of cigarillos. He had taken the liberty of filching one to have it copied. She is touched by the gesture, but in deference to the girls doesn't light it until after they leave. She strolls through the garden in the dusk, and Victor arrives on the hippogriff, to see how she's doing. He agrees to stay the night with her.

When the girls return to their mansion, the cats warn them that a plot is developing to assassinate Differel and Kuranes. They know who is involved, but as yet they have no proof, and while feline testimony is admissible in Ooth-Nargai courts, by itself it is insufficient to convict. The girls instruct the cats to keep watch and let them know where to obtain proof if they find any.

The companion meets with a group of men and women at a dockside tavern. They offer him money to sneak a group of assassins into the mansion. He admits that he hates Differel for demoting him, but not enough to betray her. Then, one of the women reveals who she is and offers to hire his services at double his present salary. She even offers to have him adlected to the gentry, with land of his own. His greed and ambition get the better of him, and he takes the bribe, but offers to kill her himself. He knows a way to strike when she is most vulnerable. They agree to let him try.

37 days left

The next morning, Victor leaves after breakfast. The majordomo briefs her on decorating ideas, the new design for the livery, and a personal crest design. She talks with the accountant about the investment ideas the girls suggested. He informs her that there is little leeway in the funds without cutting back on amenities, however, he suggests that she could raid the benefits pool, since currently there is no one using the pension or disability funds, and the bonuses are tied to estate prosperity. However, Differel refuses to consider it. Instead, she asks him to draw up a list of stored items that could be sold. It would be a short-term way of getting needed funds, and would provide her with money to invest. She talks with the majordomo about wanting to create a lair in the basement for Ney and his ghouls. He informs her of the possible cost, as well as the cost of acquiring the new décor she wants for her rooms. There simply are no funds available. However, he tells her the staff is willing to offer her ten percent of their salaries and pensions, and to give up their bonuses for the year, to be used as an investment pool, in exchange for partial ownership in the estate. Again she is touched by the gesture, but postpones a decision until she can acquire some money herself; she would like controlling interest and the majordomo agrees that is only fair.

The girls meet with Saighlíne, Victor, and Medb to inform them of the plot. They pledge their support, but Victor is upset that Differel has not been warned and they intend not to. Medb, however, is impressed that the girls are willing to play that sort of game, and argues that the best way to get proof is to let an attack go forward and catch the conspirators red-handed. If Differel is warned, that would put her on her guard and alert the plotters. Victor is uneasy, but he goes along with it. Saighlíne, however, insists that Kuranes be informed, and Medb agrees that he should. Saighlíne and Medb then go off to brief Kuranes themselves.

A summons from Kuranes takes Differel to his palace in the afternoon, where she finds Medb, the girls, and Saighlíne. He announces that he has made an agreement with the Atullian ambassador and that he will be returning to his homeland within the week with a joint Ooth-Nargai-Karchedon legation. Victor will represent the city-state, and Kuranes wants Differel to represent Kuranes. He will return the ambassador's cloud barge to him, but in lieu of the decision by the prize court, he will purchase the barge from the claimants. They agree and the funds are paid out. Differel is surprised but pleased by the amount. Afterwards, Kuranes serves them tea, and introduces them to a friend from his own adventuring days, an oriental gentleman named Yang Cheng, who is staying with him. Ubasti is there too, as one of Kuranes's new bodyguards.

Upon her return to her estate, Differel makes arrangements with the accountant to invest an amount that will provide her with 55% interest. The remainder of the pool will be used to pay for the redecoration and basement modifications Differel wants, and she will repay the fund out of her percentage from the sold items. The accountant and the majordomo have drawn up a list of valuable items that nonetheless will not be missed. He can arrange for the auction in a couple of days.

The girls and the cats meet with Ney and the ghouls in secret to inform them of the conspiracy. Like Victor, they are uncomfortable with withholding information from Differel, but they agree to help the cats with the surveillance.

The majordomo overhears their conversation. He understands the import of what they are saying and decides to take matters into his own hands. He confers with the housekeeper, and they confer with the senior staff. They all agree that Differel's safety is their primary concern.

After dinner, Ney reports that his ghouls have excavated a tunnel down to the sewers and would like to explore the city's underworld. She grants permission. After she retires to her study, the majordomo surprises her by exiting a secret door. Though at first she suspects treachery, he persuades her he means no harm, and tells her what he overheard. He assures her that he and the senior staff have her back, but he warns that some of the junior members may be untrustworthy, particularly those who are not family. She instructs him to make no changes in the daily routine for now, but to quietly place the guards, those whom the captain can trust, on the alert. She also asks him to keep an eye on the juniors and hirelings, and to report any suspicious activity. As he leaves, she first admonishes him to take her on a tour inside the walls sometime, and then sincerely thanks him for his loyalty.

The senior staff meet in secret and discuss whom else they can trust among the staff. At the top of everyone's list of untrustworthies is the erstwhile companion. They decide he should be kept under constant watch.

During the night Differel is awakened when someone straddles her and places a pillow over her face. At the same time, she feels her assailant try to rape her. She strikes back and manages to throw him off. She grabs a pistol, but in the dark she misses. The attacker then comes at her with a knife. He cuts and stabs her before she can subdue him. As she tries to light a candle, however, he throws a strap around her neck and tries to garrote her. Again she manages to subdue him, this time pinning him down on the floor. The guards arrive and she discovers it is the companion. She has him locked up, and after the doctor tends her wounds, she returns to bed, with a couple of female guards watching over her.

36 days left

In the morning she sends word to Victor, Saighlíne, Medb, and the girls, then interrogates the companion. In the Waking World she has to use restraint, but here she allows the captain of the guard to use whatever method to persuade him to talk. He knows only one name, which he finally reveals. When Saighlíne arrives, she turns him over to her for trial on charges of attempted murder and rape. She then tells Victor, Medb, and the girls that she knows about the plot. However, she is not angry and she shows impatience with attempts to apologize for placing her in danger; her own carelessness let her down. Saighlíne is astonished that the woman the companion named would be involved, because she is a high-ranking member of the Privy Council. However, if anything happened to Kuranes before Differel's winning the OC, she was the odds-on favorite for becoming the next ruler. However, a forced confession is no more admissible here than in the Waking World, but at least now they have something to go on. Even so, they cannot move openly, or the conspirators will be alerted and go to ground. They have to stop this now, or live with a Damocles sword hanging over their heads forever. Nonetheless, they have the cats and ghouls concentrate their surveillance on the councilor while they pretend nothing is wrong.

Differel announces she wants to take a bath. However, once the maids leave her alone splashing in the tub, she gets out, dries off, dresses, and opens a secret panel in the wall leading to the hidden passageways. There she meets the majordomo and Ney with his ghouls. The majordomo takes them on a tour and explains that very few of the previous Knights ever knew about them, but they have been a family secret for centuries. Even then, only the seniors know their full extent, and the hirelings know nothing about them at all. Or shouldn't. He returns Differel to her bathroom before too much time has passed. Before she gets back in the tub, she instructs Ney to thoroughly explore the passages so that he and his ghouls can move freely throughout the mansion.

The cats alert the girls that armed men have been slipping into the Knights' neighborhood one and two at a time, and rendezvousing at a tavern. They where no livery or insignia, and don't look like city folk. The girls suspect an attack and put their household guard on alert. They also send word to Victor and Medb.

After she finishes her bath, Differel goes into her dressing room. She is surprised to find a maid present but not alarmed. As she dresses, however, the maid attacks with a poisoned dagger. She catches a glimpse of her in a mirror and is able to evade her. The maid had counted on surprise and is otherwise ineffectual; Differel has no problem subduing her. A ghoul appears out of a wall, and keeps her cowed. Differel finishes dressing, then summons the majordomo and the captain of the guard. The latter takes her away while the majordomo explains that she had been the companion's lover; the attack was probably motivated by revenge rather than politics. Nonetheless, Differel is fed up with two assassination attempts in her own mansion and decides to weed out the deadwood. She's rather be understaffed with people she can trust than have to constantly watch her back.

Victor takes his spider retainer out beyond the walls of Celephais and puts it through some paces. He notes that the spider is quick and strong, both fast and maneuverable, but its method of attack is to run down an opponent, pummel him with its pedipalps, then bite with its fangs. As such, Victor is able to demonstrate that that leaves it vulnerable for attacks to its face, where it could be blinded or even stabbed in the brain. He instructs it in what for a human would be hand-to-hand combat, teaching it to parry and block blows as it seeks an opening to knock the opponent off his feet, then subdue him before delivering the fatal bite. As they prepare to call it quits for the day, a cat runs up and announces that Differel's estate is under attack.

Continued in Part 2