T. Strange's Blog, page 22
May 15, 2014
Is This Question Appropriate?
I made a little flow chart for those moments when someone wants to ask a (gay, trans, non-binary, aboriginal, etc.) person a question and aren't sure if it's something they should ask. In this case, 'normal' is defined by the person who wants to ask the question.
I realize that (hopefully!) most of the people reading my blog will already be aware of how rude being interrogated about some aspect of your identity is. Most likely, the people who really need this chart won't see it.
But I have to try!
If you're in the habit of asking your "normal" neighbors and coworkers things like,
"Which one of you is the man?" "Can I touch your hair?""How far along is your surgery?"
Then please continue!
Otherwise...yeah, you probably shouldn't be asking someone you hardly know.
I realize that (hopefully!) most of the people reading my blog will already be aware of how rude being interrogated about some aspect of your identity is. Most likely, the people who really need this chart won't see it.
But I have to try!
If you're in the habit of asking your "normal" neighbors and coworkers things like,
"Which one of you is the man?" "Can I touch your hair?""How far along is your surgery?"
Then please continue!
Otherwise...yeah, you probably shouldn't be asking someone you hardly know.
May 14, 2014
BDSMidweek - Looking For Input
So, here's a question: what are some kinky/BDSM topics you'd like to have discussed on a BDSMonday? You don't have to submit or write anything, just send me a thought. I will always post them anonymously unless I'm specifically told not to.
Speculums
"A speculum (Latin for "mirror") (plural specula or speculums) is a medical tool for investigating body cavities, with a form dependent on the body cavity for which it is designed.Vaginal and anal specula are also sometimes used as sex toys, but this is uncommon."
Speculums feel great. A toy I love that I don't play with often enough. It's not something I would want to do every day, but it's definitely wonderful from time to time. A great toy for any medical scene (and everyone needs more of those), or just for shits and giggles--I guarantee both.
Something I really like about speculums is that they can be used to stretch an orifice, which I enjoy the feeling and thought of, but you have more control over the expansion than, say, an inflatable toy. Inflatable toys go from size to size in big jumps, and sometimes the interval is too much, so it hurts. Speculums, however, can be adjusted in very small, controlled increments.
Our speculum came like this, with three prongs. Unless you are into serious anal pain, I recommend taking the third prong off, leaving only the top two! Otherwise, the third prong sticks out a bit, and loves to catch your delicate anal flesh. It's easy to do: you just loosen the knob shown in the picture (the bottom one), remove the third prong, and put the knob back.
Another thing I love about speculums (once you've removed the third prong as mentioned above) is that there's a tempting space between the prongs where flesh is revealed. Just the right size for a finger. This feels amazing.
May 13, 2014
Reviews
I'm curious about other people's opinions about reviews.
Ideally as authors, we'd all be getting 5 star reviews with lots of in-depth commentary about the story.
Ideally as readers, we'd be reading reviews that say, "You personally will like this book", or "You personally will not like this book."
But obviously that's not going to happen.
Authors - Would you rather get a review giving your story 4 - 5 stars, but doesn't go into much detail about the story, or a review with 3-4 fewer stars with has more content?
Readers - Same question. Which type of review makes you more interested in reading a story? Do you just look at the number of stars, or do you find an analysis of the story more helpful?
Ideally as authors, we'd all be getting 5 star reviews with lots of in-depth commentary about the story.
Ideally as readers, we'd be reading reviews that say, "You personally will like this book", or "You personally will not like this book."
But obviously that's not going to happen.
Authors - Would you rather get a review giving your story 4 - 5 stars, but doesn't go into much detail about the story, or a review with 3-4 fewer stars with has more content?
Readers - Same question. Which type of review makes you more interested in reading a story? Do you just look at the number of stars, or do you find an analysis of the story more helpful?
May 12, 2014
BDSMonday - M ≠ S, S ≠ D
It's BDSMonday!
Today's thought is about roles in BDSM.
First, and please bear with me for a moment if you already know this, BDSM doesn't just stand for four things. It actually stands for six: Bondage and Discipline; Dominance and Submission; Sadism and Masochism. (I mention this only because I've seen a number of print books only mentioning four. They were written from a vanilla perspective, about sexuality, but c'mon! Just Google "BDSM"!)
A lot of people believe--some of them very adamantly!--that, if you're a masochist, you're also automatically submissive. And if you're a sadist, you're automatically Dominant. It's so ingrained that I catch myself thinking it quite often. Now, I do happen to be a submissive masochist, so that's what most of my characters are, because that's the role I know best. My wife, however, is a sadist but not a Dominant. She's Dominant to me, but most of our play is S/M rather than D/s.
Some of the scariest sadists I've ever met were subs.
There are no universal combos of B, D, S and M. It's not a McDonald's. You can be into just one role, or all of them, or any number that makes you happy. Don't let anyone else tell you your role, not even if they're older/more experienced/an author/a prominent person in the community/your partner. The only person who gets to decide your role is you. And believe me, there are a lot of people out there who want to tell you what you are or what you should be. Don't let them.
I'm not saying that you should never listen to others. Not at all. Experience is valuable, and it doesn't hurt (okay no that's a total lie, it can hurt. But in a good way ;) ) to learn from people who've been doing something longer than you, especially when it comes to safety. But there's a big difference between, "Have you tried spanking like this?" and, "You're a sub? Oh, you must love nipple clamps!"
Have you experienced someone trying to tell you your role? Did you listen to them because they "knew better", or were you able to tell them to kindly fuck off?
---
If you're interested in doing a guest post for BDSMonday, please let me know! You can comment, or email me: tq.strange (at) gmail.com
May 11, 2014
Why Free Reads and Giveaways Are Important - A Personal Example
A while ago, I made a new rule for when I visit the library: I always have to get at least one fiction book, for when I'm brain-tired but still want to read something. I couldn't find any from my TBR that were actually physically present at the library with me, so I was aimlessly browsing the adult paperback section. Gunmetal Magic by Ilona Andrews caught my eye, so I grabbed it. I enjoyed the book, and now I'm reading Magic Bites with Magic Burns requested from the library.
It was the same with Patricia Briggs' books. A Mercy Thompson book caught my eye in a bookstore, I started flipping through it, and now I've read all of them and purchased at least two.
It was the same with Patricia Briggs' books. A Mercy Thompson book caught my eye in a bookstore, I started flipping through it, and now I've read all of them and purchased at least two.
May 10, 2014
John Reinhard Dizonhjre
1. How do you work through self-doubts and fear?
You have to believe in your product, and reinforce that belief with validation. From there you have to aggressively market your product. If you fail, you have to let go and let God.
2. Why do you write?
It’s what I’m good at, and it’s the one thing at which I remain competent as all the other doors begin to close at this advanced age.
3. What writing are you most proud of? (Add a link if you like)
That’d be a tie between Tiara and Nightcrawler. Here’s the Tiara link:
http://www.amazon.com/Tiara-Anniversa...
4. What are you most proud of in your personal life?
In order of achievement: having been a ‘founding father’ of punk rock in Brooklyn during the 70’s, wrestled professionally during the 80’s, earned degrees in Korean martial arts and my BA at UTSA in the 90’s, resurrected The Spoiler heavy metal band in the 00’s, and published fifteen books (and counting) in the 10’s.
5. What books did you love growing up?
I owned the entire James Bond collection as a teen and the entire Conan the Barbarian anthology in my twenties. Ian Fleming and Robert E. Howard have had a great influence on my writing style.
6. Who is your favorite author?
I’d have to go with William Shakespeare as the master of brevity and conciseness. I’d also have to mention Franz Kafka in having influenced me as a postmodernist author.
7. What book should everybody read at least once?
The Bible. It’s a matter of life and death.
8. Location and life experiences can really influence writing, tell us where you grew up and where you now live?
I grew up in Brooklyn NY, did eighteen years in San Antonio TX, and will die here in Missouri. Most of my novels are centered around NYC, though a few feature backdrops in Texas. I also write novels with a Missouri background as well. I recognize it as God’s plan for my life, allowing me to experience three of the most disparate yet essential areas of the USA to draw upon for my writing.
9. Where do you get your inspiration from?
Half of the time I’m looking for new worlds to conquer, so if I see a genre previously unexplored I’ll give it a whirl, as I did with steampunk in writing Stxeamtown. The other half of the time I come across a current topic or event that I can weigh in on. Women’s issues are also important to me, and I feature strong female characters in all my novels.
10. What marketing works for you?
Your best chance is word-of-mouth promotion and having the reviews to back it up. My major focus is on social media, hoping that the work will eventually fall into the right hands with time remaining.
11. Do you find it hard to share your work?
Not at all. I’m at the 20/80 point right now (20% writing, 80% promo) throughout my workday.
12. Do you plan to publish more books?
I’ve got Transplant coming out on Assent Publishing in May 2014, it’s a suspense/thriller novel. I’ve also got Superstition, a supernatural Western, getting ready to self-pub. Stay tuned!
You have to believe in your product, and reinforce that belief with validation. From there you have to aggressively market your product. If you fail, you have to let go and let God.
2. Why do you write?
It’s what I’m good at, and it’s the one thing at which I remain competent as all the other doors begin to close at this advanced age.
3. What writing are you most proud of? (Add a link if you like)
That’d be a tie between Tiara and Nightcrawler. Here’s the Tiara link:
http://www.amazon.com/Tiara-Anniversa...
4. What are you most proud of in your personal life?
In order of achievement: having been a ‘founding father’ of punk rock in Brooklyn during the 70’s, wrestled professionally during the 80’s, earned degrees in Korean martial arts and my BA at UTSA in the 90’s, resurrected The Spoiler heavy metal band in the 00’s, and published fifteen books (and counting) in the 10’s.
5. What books did you love growing up?
I owned the entire James Bond collection as a teen and the entire Conan the Barbarian anthology in my twenties. Ian Fleming and Robert E. Howard have had a great influence on my writing style.
6. Who is your favorite author?
I’d have to go with William Shakespeare as the master of brevity and conciseness. I’d also have to mention Franz Kafka in having influenced me as a postmodernist author.
7. What book should everybody read at least once?
The Bible. It’s a matter of life and death.
8. Location and life experiences can really influence writing, tell us where you grew up and where you now live?
I grew up in Brooklyn NY, did eighteen years in San Antonio TX, and will die here in Missouri. Most of my novels are centered around NYC, though a few feature backdrops in Texas. I also write novels with a Missouri background as well. I recognize it as God’s plan for my life, allowing me to experience three of the most disparate yet essential areas of the USA to draw upon for my writing.
9. Where do you get your inspiration from?
Half of the time I’m looking for new worlds to conquer, so if I see a genre previously unexplored I’ll give it a whirl, as I did with steampunk in writing Stxeamtown. The other half of the time I come across a current topic or event that I can weigh in on. Women’s issues are also important to me, and I feature strong female characters in all my novels.
10. What marketing works for you?
Your best chance is word-of-mouth promotion and having the reviews to back it up. My major focus is on social media, hoping that the work will eventually fall into the right hands with time remaining.
11. Do you find it hard to share your work?
Not at all. I’m at the 20/80 point right now (20% writing, 80% promo) throughout my workday.
12. Do you plan to publish more books?
I’ve got Transplant coming out on Assent Publishing in May 2014, it’s a suspense/thriller novel. I’ve also got Superstition, a supernatural Western, getting ready to self-pub. Stay tuned!
May 9, 2014
Sounding!
I came across a post about sounding over on S. L. Danielson's blog (though the actual post is by Dakota Trace).
This post is NSFW. You have been warned.
Sounding or urethral sounding is the medical use of probes called sounds to increase the inner diameter of the urethra and to locate obstructions in it. Sounds are also used to stretch the urethra in order to receive piercing.Urethral sounding and urethral play are also used to refer to this practice in a sexual context.Urethral play can involve the introduction of either soft or rigid items into the meatus of the penis (as well as farther in). Objects such as sounds are usually only inserted about halfway into the glans and can usually be easily retrieved. Other toys and items, such as catheters, may be introduced deeper (in some cases even into the bladder). Some items may even be allowed to curl several times or expand within the bladder. This action in the male may be directly or indirectly associated with stimulation of the prostate gland and some types of bladder control.
Personally, I love sounding. My set are curved or Pratt sounds:
We originally got them for my wife, but it turned out that she didn't like them as much as I do. I haven't used them for a while, but I absolutely recommend sounding. It's a very different experience than getting a catheter (I've had both--catheters are not fun! I've done catheter play and I've had one in the hospital. 1/10 would not recommend!)
Unless you're into pain in that area (and it's okay if you are, as long as you're safe and careful), sounding should not hurt. That's right. A lot of people look at sounds and get scared off, thinking they'll be painful.
The trick with sounds is to NOT push them. At all. Once you have the tip in, just let gravity do its job and let the sound slide down the urethra. Pushing will just hurt; gravity will follow the curves naturally and without pain. Allow the weight of the sound to slide itself further in. You shouldn't force it, or you might tear some very delicate tissue and that would be very bad. Use lube.
Most people will tell you to use an autoclave to clean your sounds. It's excellent advice, but not very practical for most people (I saw one person recommend taking sounds to their local piercing shop or hospital and asking to use their autoclave! That wouldn't raise any awkward questions. Nope). I wash the sounds well with soap before and after each use, and I wipe them with hand sanitizer right before playing with them. I'm very prone to bladder infections, and I've never had any problems after using my sounds. For extra protection, the person doing the sounding can wear latex (or latex-free) examination gloves.
Be careful. If you don't know someone well, you might not want to let them use sounds on you, unless you have personally washed them and they meet your hygiene standards. The sounds, that is. But maybe the person, too.
There is a lot of information out there about how dangerous sounds can be, and I don't disagree. I've had bladder infections (not from sounding) and they massively suck. I can only imagine that things get exponentially worse from there as surgery and things get involved, never mind the shame factor.
Sounding feels good. The first few times, of course, can have some ouchness as you get used to getting the sound in properly and things like that, but that's the same for most forms of penetration. A friend of ours mentioned that he likes sounding, but that it always burns when he pees for a few days. I seem to remember this the first few times, but it doesn't happen for me anymore, even when I go a long time between soundings. Now, the most I seem to get is a pleasant kind of pressure down there--kind of a mild ache,that doesn't really hurt, just reminds.
Here's a woman getting sounded. It looks kind of funny, like it's just sprouting out of nowhere.
And here's a man about to get sounded. It's all medical and everything. Despite the vibrating sound (which I've heard are actually really bad for you.)
Sounding's not something I'd do every day, or even every week. But oh man. The feeling of being diddled with something in your bladder and your ass...now that's ownership. That's fullness. Even the sound alone is an amazing feeling, and it really requires you to let go, relax, and just be aware and go with it. It's like the next step after anal, for me, anyway.
This post is NSFW. You have been warned.
Sounding or urethral sounding is the medical use of probes called sounds to increase the inner diameter of the urethra and to locate obstructions in it. Sounds are also used to stretch the urethra in order to receive piercing.Urethral sounding and urethral play are also used to refer to this practice in a sexual context.Urethral play can involve the introduction of either soft or rigid items into the meatus of the penis (as well as farther in). Objects such as sounds are usually only inserted about halfway into the glans and can usually be easily retrieved. Other toys and items, such as catheters, may be introduced deeper (in some cases even into the bladder). Some items may even be allowed to curl several times or expand within the bladder. This action in the male may be directly or indirectly associated with stimulation of the prostate gland and some types of bladder control.
Personally, I love sounding. My set are curved or Pratt sounds:
We originally got them for my wife, but it turned out that she didn't like them as much as I do. I haven't used them for a while, but I absolutely recommend sounding. It's a very different experience than getting a catheter (I've had both--catheters are not fun! I've done catheter play and I've had one in the hospital. 1/10 would not recommend!)
Unless you're into pain in that area (and it's okay if you are, as long as you're safe and careful), sounding should not hurt. That's right. A lot of people look at sounds and get scared off, thinking they'll be painful.
The trick with sounds is to NOT push them. At all. Once you have the tip in, just let gravity do its job and let the sound slide down the urethra. Pushing will just hurt; gravity will follow the curves naturally and without pain. Allow the weight of the sound to slide itself further in. You shouldn't force it, or you might tear some very delicate tissue and that would be very bad. Use lube.
Most people will tell you to use an autoclave to clean your sounds. It's excellent advice, but not very practical for most people (I saw one person recommend taking sounds to their local piercing shop or hospital and asking to use their autoclave! That wouldn't raise any awkward questions. Nope). I wash the sounds well with soap before and after each use, and I wipe them with hand sanitizer right before playing with them. I'm very prone to bladder infections, and I've never had any problems after using my sounds. For extra protection, the person doing the sounding can wear latex (or latex-free) examination gloves.
Be careful. If you don't know someone well, you might not want to let them use sounds on you, unless you have personally washed them and they meet your hygiene standards. The sounds, that is. But maybe the person, too.
There is a lot of information out there about how dangerous sounds can be, and I don't disagree. I've had bladder infections (not from sounding) and they massively suck. I can only imagine that things get exponentially worse from there as surgery and things get involved, never mind the shame factor.
Sounding feels good. The first few times, of course, can have some ouchness as you get used to getting the sound in properly and things like that, but that's the same for most forms of penetration. A friend of ours mentioned that he likes sounding, but that it always burns when he pees for a few days. I seem to remember this the first few times, but it doesn't happen for me anymore, even when I go a long time between soundings. Now, the most I seem to get is a pleasant kind of pressure down there--kind of a mild ache,that doesn't really hurt, just reminds.
Here's a woman getting sounded. It looks kind of funny, like it's just sprouting out of nowhere.
And here's a man about to get sounded. It's all medical and everything. Despite the vibrating sound (which I've heard are actually really bad for you.)
Sounding's not something I'd do every day, or even every week. But oh man. The feeling of being diddled with something in your bladder and your ass...now that's ownership. That's fullness. Even the sound alone is an amazing feeling, and it really requires you to let go, relax, and just be aware and go with it. It's like the next step after anal, for me, anyway.
May 8, 2014
BDSMonday Archive - March 10 2014
It’s BDSMonday! (Better late than never, right?)
Today’s guest post comes to you from the blog of Ekatarina Sayanova! The topic is sub- and dom-drop.
Today’s guest post comes to you from the blog of Ekatarina Sayanova! The topic is sub- and dom-drop.
May 7, 2014
BDSMonday Archive - March 3 2014
It’s BDSMonday!
Today’s thought: setting up aftercare before you start playing can make a huge difference. Putting drinks and/or snacks (etc) nearby means you don’t have to get up later—and there are definitely scenes you don’t just get up and walk away from! (My Sir would like to add that sometimes the top doesn’t want to leave the bottom alone after a scene, not even for the few minutes it takes to get snacks)
Today’s thought: setting up aftercare before you start playing can make a huge difference. Putting drinks and/or snacks (etc) nearby means you don’t have to get up later—and there are definitely scenes you don’t just get up and walk away from! (My Sir would like to add that sometimes the top doesn’t want to leave the bottom alone after a scene, not even for the few minutes it takes to get snacks)
