Janet Fouts's Blog, page 8

Glass Half Empty? Try a new perspective from positive psychology.

When everything is rolling along smoothly in our lives, sometimes we just can’t believe it, and start to cast doubt it will last. We may think “Wow, things are going really good right now!” followed shortly by “this can’t last, something’s going to go wrong.” The next thing we know, we are obsessed with stopping that bad thing from happening and our fixation on the negative kills the happiness we were feeling. That can pretty much ensure something IS going to happen.

Why do we let doubt get the upper hand?
If we have success and immediately feel the dread of what’s going to happen next, we just might replace the elation of success with a feeling of impending doom. We don’t want to repeat that feeling and so we dampen or discount the success and discourage ourselves from having more of that. This is sometimes called catastrophizing- seeing only the doom and gloom in anticipation of the (not necessarily gonna happen ) failure. Negativity takes over and kills all the joy we could have.

We can change that. We can see negativity for what it is. When we have a success, we can allow ourselves to celebrate it, and when we catch ourselves catastrophizing once again we can name it. Oh, I’m making this a catastrophe instead of appreciating my good fortune.  Oh, there’s negativity again, that’s not celebrating!

Then we can quietly, kindly, and calmly bring our mind back to the thing we are celebrating and allow ourselves to fully feel it. We can nourish ourselves with the feeling of success and prepare our minds to be ready for more success. New opportunities appear as if by magic because we are taking care to nourish ourselves.

This is about mindset. Not that kind of mindset where we ignore reality and pretend everything is going to be OK. This is the kind of mindset where we recognize what happens in our lives and consciously choose to celebrate the opportunities and successes that lead us in the direction we want to go.

What about the negative? We recognize that too and then ask the question “What does this have to teach me?” without getting caught up in the negative feeling or emotions.

The saying “Neurons that wire together fire together” is hugely important here. When we consistently see the connection between positive experiences and ourselves, we gain a new lease on our own happiness.

Celebrating our success is a way to ensure we have more success. If it feels good, we naturally want more of it.

So when success happens, give yourself a few moments, or even just a single breath, to let it soak in. To appreciate how it feels and connect success with the pleasure you feel in that moment.

When there’s a failure, or a negative experience simply acknowledge it. Ask yourself, what is the lesson here? Now give yourself a moment to evaluate the lesson and what you can learn from it? How can you take that lesson and use it to move toward a new success? How will it feel when you learn and turn your knowledge into another success? Give a moment for that feeling of learning the lesson to sink in. Now you’re able to keep moving forward to the next challenge.

How do you celebrate your successes? Need a little help working with these tools? Grab some time on my calendar for Open Office hours.

Defining your personal mission statement

Each of us has our own unique values, purpose, and desired direction, but often exactly what they are can be elusive. That’s why it’s useful to have a personal mission statement—something which gives us clarity about how we want to live our lives and ultimately achieve personal fulfillment and well-being.

Writing a mission statement can help us get clear on our values and better understand whether we are spending our time in the best ways. It can also provide a sense of inner stability during times of change (Searight & Searight, 2011).

A personal mission statement is a written declaration of your unique direction or purpose. This statement makes it clear not just what you intend to do in this world, but how you intend to do it. It’s sometimes just one sentence, but it can be as long as you need.

What is Your Personal Mission?

Many of us have spent very little time thinking about our personal mission in life. We’re too caught up in dealing with immediate, urgent tasks to think about what we want to do in this life and where we want to end up. As a result, we may be experiencing a low level of discontent—we know the way we’re living our lives is not making us happy, but we’re not sure why. Thinking about our mission can be one way to begin to resolve this discontent.

Answering these questions can help you gain more clarity on your life’s mission.

What impact do you want to have in the world?How do you want to make an impact?Who do you want to have an impact on?What makes you feel most happy and alive?Consider the End

Another way to gain more clarity on what you want to do in life is to think about the end of your life and what you hope to have accomplished. Then, work backward. It’s been suggested that we could imagine attending our own funeral. Think about what would be said in the eulogy and whether it reflects your values and goals (Searight & Searight, 2011). If you find this examination of today’s version of you isn’t what you really want, clarify for yourself what you do want and consider how your mission statement may guide you to that end goal.

What Are Your Values?

Next, ask yourself, what are your values? That is, what are the underlying traits, beliefs, or experiences that drive you and make you feel like you?

Some values might be Love, Honesty, Freedom, Creativity, Kindness, Adventure, Loyalty, etc…

Make sure that your mission reflects these values so that you don’t end up pursuing a goal in ways that are not a good fit for your values. This way you’ll have a better chance of feeling more fulfilled as you strive to achieve your mission.

Get Clear On Your Goals

In addition to your values, it is helpful to get even more clear on your goals. It can be easy to focus on short-term goals, but thinking about medium-term and long-term goals can help you make sure your short-term goals don’t lead you astray.

Ask yourself about your goals:

What do you want to have accomplished in 1 year? 5 years? 10 years? 20 years?Where do you want to be in 1 year? 5 years? 10 years? 20 years?How do you want to be spending your time in 1 year? 5 years? 10 years? 20 years?

Take a moment to think about your short-term, medium-term, and long-term goals –like a pathway. Ask yourself, how will your current goals lead to medium-term goals, and how will those lead to your longer-term goals?

Writing Your Personal Mission Statement

Sometimes a personal mission statement is just one sentence. For example:

To do [X Action] for [Y group of people] to [have Z impact] with [optional: other details].

Tweak it until it feels right. It’s okay to revise, rewrite, or make it longer. For most of us, creating a personal mission statement takes some work. This process doesn’t have to be a “one and done”. In fact, it is pretty unlikely. Mission statements frequently change and evolve over time, just as we do!

Defining Your Personal Mission Statement

Each of us has our own unique values, purpose, and desired direction, but often exactly what they are can be elusive. That’s why it’s useful to have a personal mission statement—something which gives us clarity about how we want to live our lives and ultimately achieve personal fulfillment and well-being.

Writing a mission statement can help us get clear on our values and better understand whether we are spending our time in the best ways. It can also provide a sense of inner stability during times of change (Searight & Searight, 2011).

A personal mission statement is a written declaration of your unique direction or purpose. This statement makes it clear not just what you intend to do in this world, but how you intend to do it. It’s sometimes just one sentence, but it can be as long as you need.

What is Your Personal Mission?

Many of us have spent very little time thinking about our personal mission in life. We’re too caught up in dealing with immediate, urgent tasks to think about what we want to do in this life and where we want to end up. As a result, we may be experiencing a low level of discontent—we know the way we’re living our lives is not making us happy, but we’re not sure why. Thinking about our mission can be one way to begin to resolve this discontent.

Answering these questions can help you gain more clarity on your life’s mission. ​

What impact do you want to have in the world? How do you want to make an impact? Who do you want to have an impact on? What makes you feel most happy and alive?Consider the End

Another way to gain more clarity on what you want to do in life is to think about the end of your life and what you hope to have accomplished. Then, work backward. It’s been suggested that we could imagine attending our own funeral. Think about what would be said in the eulogy and whether it reflects your values and goals (Searight & Searight, 2011). If you find this examination of today’s version of you isn’t what you really want, clarify for yourself what you do want and consider how your mission statement may guide you to that end goal.

What Are Your Values?

Next, ask yourself, what are your values? That is, what are the underlying traits, beliefs, or experiences that drive you and make you feel like you?

Some values might be Love, Honesty, Freedom, Creativity, Kindness, Adventure, Loyalty, etc…

Make sure that your mission reflects these values so that you don’t end up pursuing a goal in ways that are not a good fit for your values. This way you’ll have a better chance of feeling more fulfilled as you strive to achieve your mission.

Get Clear On Your Goals

In addition to your values, it is helpful to get even more clear on your goals. It can be easy to focus on short-term goals, but thinking about medium-term and long-term goals can help you make sure your short-term goals don’t lead you astray.

Ask yourself about your goals:

What do you want to have accomplished in 1 year? 5 years? 10 years? 20 years?Where do you want to be in 1 year? 5 years? 10 years? 20 years?How do you want to be spending your time in 1 year? 5 years? 10 years? 20 years?

Take a moment to think about your short-term, medium-term, and long-term goals –like a pathway. Ask yourself, how will your current goals lead to medium-term goals, and how will those lead to your longer-term goals?

Writing Your Personal Mission Statement

Sometimes a personal mission statement is just one sentence. For example:

To do [X Action] for [Y group of people] to [have Z impact]  with [optional: other details].

Tweak it until it feels right. It’s okay to revise, rewrite, or make it longer. For most of us, creating a personal mission statement takes some work. This process doesn’t have to be a “one and done”. In fact, it is pretty unlikely. Mission statements frequently change and evolve over time, just as we do (Li, Frohna, & Bostwick, 2017).

Are you interested in learning more about crafting and tuning your mission statement?
Let’s talk, I’ve got a great framework to dig deeper into this that works for individuals as well as teams.

References

Li, S. T. T., Frohna, J. G., & Bostwick, S. B. (2017). Using your personal mission statement to INSPIRE and achieve success. Academic pediatrics, 17(2), 107-109.Searight, B. K., & Searight, H. R. (2011). The value of a personal mission statement for university undergraduates. Creative Education, 2(3), 313.

Living in Gratutude

I’ve been thinking a lot about gratitude lately, not just because of Thanksgiving on the horizon, but actually because of a loss in our family. Our little dog passed away quite unexpectedly and it was heartbreaking for our family to sit with her in those last hours.

This morning in the shower I was reminiscing of all the wonderful moments we had with her, how she always knew when someone needed a smile or a cuddle. Dogs are natural empaths and we have a lot to learn from them! My heart was heavy, yet full of gratitude and love at the same time.

My thoughts turned to how grateful I was that I knew her, and how often we forget to sit in that feeling of gratitude, how we have made “gratitude practice” into something we “need to do” rather than fully experience it.

We make gratitude lists. We say what we are grateful for at the end of the day, but we don’t give it our full attention. We don’t bask in the warmth of the feeling of appreciating what we are grateful for.

When we don’t fully experience the feeling of gratitude–but rather make it a note and then move on to our busy day–we miss the opportunity to appreciate. We lessen the value and the impact of it on our hearts and minds.

Standing in the shower, I looked up through the steam and saw a bird flit past the skylight, casting a flicker of a shadow for a moment and it just delighted me. The blue sky, the cloud of steam, the fleeting glimpse of wings, it was like a moment in the clouds. (I know, writing this it feels a bit hokey, but stay with me.)

I gave myself a moment to savor how that made me feel. I appreciated how it all came together. Even in a moment of grief, that glimpse of beauty lifted me up. Appreciation is a pure form of gratitude.

With all that happens in our lives and around us, there is always something to be grateful for. We can learn to live in gratitude.

I recorded a short guided gratitude meditation on living in gratitude here. Have a listen!

https://anchor.fm/nearlymindful/embed/episodes/Living-IN-Gratitude-emuf09

Improve your digital well-being

Although people define digital well-being in many ways, digital well-being is generally thought to be the extent to which our digital lives help or hurt our well-being. So, digital well-being can involve the physical tools we use to manage the amount of time we spend online, the behaviors we decide to engage in while online, and the emotional tools we use to manage our experiences online.

Physical Tools for Digital Well-Being

Google’s Digital Well-Being App is one tool that can help people better understand how they spend their time online and how to disconnect more often. It shows you how often you use different apps, how often you check your phone, and it allows you to set limits that can help protect your sleep and focus. Knowing your current digital habits is a good step in understanding yourself.

Setting limits can indeed be helpful for well-being. If digital well-being tools’ primary purpose is to help us be on our phones less, this means that it has an inherent assumption that more digital interactions lead to worse well-being. And the research doesn’t quite support this assumption. Set a timer for watching those cat videos on Instagram!

Although movies like The Social Dilemma point to clear problems with the ways in which Internet apps are being developed, these leave out important information that can help you better improve your digital well-being. Indeed, app designers are trained in psychological techniques that get users addicted and reliant upon these apps for a sense of connectedness, emotion regulation, and just surviving in the modern world. This can be especially problematic for those prone to addictions and can significantly hurt the well-being of some people.

But the research shows that some apps improve well-being for some people, and in some circumstances. In fact, Hopelab published a fascinating study showing that youth who suffer from depression benefited from accessing other people’s health stories through blogs, podcasts, and videos. Overall, research reviews suggest that technology use is not bad for all and not bad in all circumstances.

Behavioral Tools for Digital Well-Being

Given the research, behavioral and emotional tools are likely also useful for enhancing digital well-being. In other words, we need to choose to avoid apps or experiences that make us feel bad and instead choose to engage with apps and experiences that make us feel good. If Google’s Well-Being App helped us understand how different apps affected our well-being, that would be a far more effective tool. But for now, we’ll have to make use of the information out there, be introspective, and self-reflect on how our digital time is spent, and make the right decisions for us.

Emotional Tools for Digital Well-Being

Many of the emotional tools we need for digital well-being are the very same emotional tools we need for real life. We just need to apply them in our digital lives. Here are some specific tips:

Be More Mindful

When we’re more mindful of how we live our digital lives, we pay more attention to our experiences and emotions, and also to others. This heightened awareness can help us make decisions that help us better appreciate the good and manage the bad. It can also keep us from falling down the rabbit hole and spending WAY too much time online instead of experiencing what is right in front of us.

Focus on Others

When we are on social media, we tend to focus mostly on ourselves—our feelings, opinions, and experiences. But heightened self-focus can actually amplify negativity. Paying attention and being kind to others are fulfilling ways to boost our own well-being and theirs too. This means avoiding engaging with apps or social media in the presence of others. You know what I mean, that time you were at the dinner table tweeting? Checking your email in the middle of a meeting? Be present, not absent, and give the respect your companions deserve.

Look for the Good

While online, try to look for the good things or the silver linings. If you find something positive, consider sharing it with others (#SilverLinings). Practicing this skill both on and offline can help you improve your well-being. I created the hashtag #peoplearegood and use it to share stories that reinforce the goodness in humanity around the world. There are many others on topics like kindness, and gratitude to lift your spirits.

Practice Gratitude Online

Our digital lives are a great place to practice gratitude. It’s fantastic for well-being, and we can practice it both on and offline. Practice gratitude with gratitude journaling apps, share your gratitude in texts, or create a gratitude collection on Pinterest. Make a habit of sending a different person you appreciate a short note of gratitude each day!

Cultivate Self-Esteem

The amazing things people post on social media can make us feel bad about ourselves. Maybe we don’t feel attractive enough, smart enough, or popular enough. To fight the negative self-talk, remind yourself that most people only show the brightest high points in their lives on social media. The lows, the self-doubt, the losses don’t pop up nearly as much, and our negative bias toward our own selves can help us to only see the good in everyone but ourselves! Try to spend more of your digital life doing things that boost self-esteem (like learning skills or creating something and sharing it) and less time pouring over what everyone else is doing.

Transformational Conversations with Toi B. James #MindfulSocial

In our disconnected world, it’s harder than ever to have a conversation that allows participants to truly understand each others’ perspectives. Especially if we are not seeing each other eye to eye. When we come to a real meeting of the minds, it can transform the relationship and the perspective that each brings to the table.

So how do we learn to have these transformational conversations? I recommend you start by reading Toi B. James” book- Talk About It: 12 Steps to Transformational Conversations…Even When You Disagree.

  “A transformational conversation doesn’t have to end with a huge “ah-ha.” It could give birth to understanding a nuance you never considered but may now cause you to adjust what you do, how you respond, or what you say.

Listen to the podcast below and then go get this book!

Note: Mindful Social listeners will receive a discount on the soft copy of Talk About It:

Website (only): https://store.bookbaby.com/book/Talk-About-ItDiscount: $4.99 off (excludes ebook)Discount code: thankyouDates: Nov. 4 – Nov. 30, 2021

About  Toi

Toi B. James is the founder and chief impact officer (CIO) of RedInk Enterprises, LLC, a boutique coaching and consulting firm – specializing in inclusive engagement and communications. RedInk provides collaborative, transformational experiences that ensure every individual is seen, heard, and respected to create an unyielding sense of belonging in all populations. She brings years of experience in the fields of DEI&B, communications, corporate responsibility, and public affairs – working within both private and public sectors – which prepared her to engage others at various levels to provide exceptional experiences and results. Toi is also the author of Talk About It: 12 Steps to Transformational Conversations…Even When You Disagree, where she shares successful techniques used in coaching sessions that will help you or your organization talk about the things that matter.

 

Links
Website: www.redinkenterprises.com

Book: https://www.redinkenterprises.com/book-talk-about-it

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/redinkenterprisesllc/?hl=en

Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/toibjames/

Transformational Conversations with Toi B. James on MindfulSocial

In our disconnected world, it’s harder than ever to have a conversation that allows participants to truly understand each others’ perspectives. Especially if we are not seeing each other eye to eye. When we come to a real meeting of the minds, it can transform the relationship and the perspective that each brings to the table.

So how do we learn to have these transformational conversations? I recommend you start by reading Toi B. James” book- Talk About It: 12 Steps to Transformational Conversations…Even When You Disagree.

“A transformational conversation doesn’t have to end with a huge “ah-ha.” It could give birth to understanding a nuance you never considered but may now cause you to adjust what you do, how you respond, or what you say.

Listen to the podcast below and then go get this book!

About Toi

Toi B. James is the founder and chief impact officer (CIO) of RedInk Enterprises, LLC, a boutique coaching and consulting firm – specializing in inclusive engagement and communications. RedInk provides collaborative, transformational experiences that ensure every individual is seen, heard, and respected to create an unyielding sense of belonging in all populations. She brings years of experience in the fields of DEI&B, communications, corporate responsibility, and public affairs – working within both private and public sectors – which prepared her to engage others at various levels to provide exceptional experiences and results. Toi is also the author of Talk About It: 12 Steps to Transformational Conversations…Even When You Disagree, where she shares successful techniques used in coaching sessions that will help you or your organization talk about the things that matter.

Links
Website: www.redinkenterprises.com

Book: https://www.redinkenterprises.com/book-talk-about-it

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/redinkenterprisesllc/?hl=en

Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/toibjames/

Getting Back to Normal at Work? #MindfulSocial with Roshaunda Green

We are still trying to navigate through what has become a perfect storm of crisis, with a pandemic, economic uncertainty, racial conflicts, political craziness, firestorms, floods, and hurricanes ravaging our country. The impact goes deep into our lives, both at home and at work.

Will we be going back to a normal work environment soon? Ever? It’s not likely that that’s going to be an easy transition for most of us. If we continue working from home, we’re going to have to give a lot more thought to both our home and work environment as well as the culture of the organization.

What will the virtual and in-person workplace look like? If it’s a hybrid, how will we manage to align with the values and culture of the organization? How will we look for work with virtual interviews and use social media to get a clearer idea of the corporate culture before we take a position?

Expectations have changed in so many ways. This week on Mindful Social, I’m with Roshaunda Green. She shares her perspective on some fresh ways to look at leadership and culture in this new normal, and some tips to network and the hunt for a job that fits the way we want to work going forward. Have a listen!

About Roshaunda
Roshaunda Green was employed at Turner Broadcasting System, Inc., a Time Warner Company for seventeen years where she served in several roles. She held positions in Recruiting for four years, Organizational Development for three years, and Project Management for three years. Roshaunda was the Diversity and Inclusion Consultant in the People Development department for seven years. In this capacity, Roshaunda has also worked at several other organizations during her career. She worked at Georgia Highland College as an Adjunct Professor of Business Communications, Randstad USA as a Diversity Project Specialist and Cox Automotive in Sales.

Roshaunda earned a Bachelor of Arts degree in Organizational Management, a minor in Human Resources Management, and a specialization in Project Management from Ashford University where she graduated Cum Laude with 3.5 GPA on the Dean’s List. Roshaunda also earned her Master of Business Administration with a concentration in Organizational Leadership from Ashford University.

Please feel free to connect with Roshaunda on LinkedIn www.linkedin.com/in/roshaundagreen and Twitter https://twitter.com/RoshaundaDGreen  to learn more about her.

Can We talk?

What happens when your manager sticks her head in your office and says “Can we talk?”
Does your mind leap to assumptions? Do you get a little queasy?

Do your team members feel the same thing when you say “Can we talk?”

How can we have those difficult conversations at work without second guessing what we should have said, or what the other person is thinking and feeling during and after the conversation?

If we want everyone to come out of the conversation with positive feelings and a clear idea of their action items, we need to set up that successful conversation for the best possible outcome. That’s just what Roberta Matuson’s new book Can We Talk? Seven Principles for Managing Difficult Conversations at Work addresses. Have a listen to the podcast, and be sure to stay to the end for a special offer from Roberta!



About Roberta

For more than 25 years, Roberta Matuson, president of Matuson Consulting, has helped leaders in highly regarded companies, including General Motors, New Balance, and Microsoft, and small to medium-size businesses, achieve dramatic growth and market leadership through the maximization of talent.

She’s the author of six books including her newest book, Can We Talk? Seven Principles for Managing Difficult Conversations at Work is just released!

Roberta is one of a handful of people who have appeared as a guest of Bill O’Reilly’s on Fox’s O’Reilly Factor, and who left the show unscathed.

Connect with Roberta on:

TwitterFacebookLinkedin

What do we want? JOY! When do we want it?

When do we want to feel joy? What a question. Now would be good, wouldn’t it?
It can seem like we’ve lost our ability to feel that sense of joy when everything seems in chaos around us. There’s a lot to feel icky about right now, but that really, REALLY doesn’t have to kill our sense of joy. Not at all. So what are you gonna do? You can mope around missing joy or you can find it right where you are, even when you think it’s left the building.

t’s just that we are out of practice really. Joy is right there, patiently waiting for us to find it again.

Join us for this workshop to uncover the joy that’s right here, all around you in this very moment. Even in moments of challenge and struggle, joy is right there waiting to lighten our load.

Janet will share strategies and tools to help reveal the secrets of experiencing joy in life, at home and at work and how that joy affects everything we do, everyone around us.

About the workshop:

Date: October 16Time 10 AM PST- 12 NoonWhere: Zoom (link provided when you register) Register here for this virtual workshop.

What you’ll need

Bring an open mind, a sense of humor, and be ready to connect with others like you who want more joy in their lives!

The retreat is held on Zoom. You’ll need a webcam and a microphone ( a headset is just fine).

The retreat is interactive and we will be doing practices together, sharing ways to incorporate joy in our lives, and diving deep into our mindsets with mindful attention to self-nurturing and care.

What to expect

• Gentle guidance to key concepts of mindfulness

• Simple ways to nourish joy in daily life

• Guided mindfulness meditation

• A safe and caring container for discussion and introspection

• Simple microdoses of mindfulness to continue your practice

• Free access to a weekly mindfulness meditation group