Janet Fouts's Blog, page 7

Back to the workplace? Lori Mihalich-Levin on the #MindfulSocial podcast

Whether you are going back into the office or the workplace after parental leave from work, from caring for a loved one, or because of the pandemic, how can you put your best foot forward and integrate without losing yourself in the process?

My guest this week, Lori Mihalich-Levin, JD  believes in empowering working parents, and in the coming months, many of us are heading back into the office for the first time in a while. How can we as leaders help everyone during this transitional time?
Listen to the podcast below and see!

About Lori Mihalich-Levin, JD  
Lori is the founder and CEO of Mindful Return, Author of Back to Work After Baby: How to Plan and Navigate a Mindful Return From Maternity Leave, and co-host of the Parents at Work Podcast.  She is mama to two wonderful red-headed boys (ages 9 and 11) and is a health care lawyer in private practice.  Her thought leadership has been featured in publications including Forbes, The Washington Post, New York Times Parenting, Thrive Global, and The Huffington Post. 

Lori’s links:

https://www.mindfulreturn.com          https://www.linkedin.com/in/lorimihalichlevin/https://www.linkedin.com/company/mindful-return/https://www.facebook.com/mindfulreturnhttps://twitter.com/mindfulreturnhttps://www.instagram.com/mindfulreturn/https://www.pinterest.com/mindfulreturn/https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/parents-at-work/id1239258343

Acceptance as a success strategy

We all have a general sense of what it means to “accept” something. There are many aspects of life that we could simply “accept” – financial circumstances, unhealthy relationships, unfulfilling jobs, etc. BUT, in psychology, acceptance means “taking a stance of non-judgmental awareness and actively embracing the experience of thoughts, feelings, and bodily sensations as they occur” . There’s even a therapy called Acceptance and Commitment Therapy which we talked about with Dr. Diana Hill on Mindful Social!

One of the key ideas underlying acceptance is that difficult emotions are an inescapable part of life: at different times we will find ourselves sad, angry, disappointed, bored, frustrated, grieving, heartbroken, etc… No one, even the most even-keeled individual, is free of these emotions. When these emotions inevitably do arise, there are two ways that we can react: resistance or acceptance. For many of us, resistance is our default reaction. After all, these emotions are not necessarily “pleasant” to experience. But psychologists have found that trying to resist or avoid certain difficult experiences can cause further psychological harm (Hayes et al., 2006).

Why Acceptance Is Important

Experts suggest that acceptance is the healthier option. For example, Tara Brach writes, “believing that something is wrong with us is a deep and tenacious suffering”. Your experience of yourself consists largely of your emotions, thoughts, and actions, and so learning to accept these (even when they seem difficult or undesirable) is a helpful tool for well-being.

To be more accepting, it can be helpful to reflect on your habitual attitude towards yourself. Ask yourself:

Do you ever speak harshly to yourself about a perceived mistake you made or an embarrassing thing you said?Are you ever feeling overwhelmed with emotion, and on top of everything, frustrated with yourself for feeling this way?How might you be able to take a more understanding and gentle attitude towards yourself?How To Be More Accepting1. Cultivate acceptance by noticing when you are resisting.

How do you tend to resist your experience? Do you snack to stave off boredom, or binge TV when you are sad? Most of the ways we resist our experiences are unconscious—we do not always understand why we do certain things at certain times. So, resistance can become habitual. The first step toward changing any habit is simply becoming aware of its existence.

2. Cultivate acceptance by questioning your patterns.

Once you have started to notice when and how you resist your experiences, try to dig a little deeper to consider why these patterns might exist. When you were sad or angry as a child, how did the adults in your life react? Did they allow you to work through these emotions, or did they (perhaps with the best intentions) tell you to put on a brave face or stop throwing a tantrum? Do you think these experiences might have influenced the way you process emotions today? It might be helpful to write out some of these reflections to remind yourself of your habitual patterns. It can also be a good opportunity for self-acceptance in that you can see that formative experiences, outside of your control, may have shaped your current patterns. The good news is that any pattern is open to change, as long as you are aware of it.

3. Cultivate acceptance by being mindful.

So how can we even become aware of our habitual patterns? One way is with mindfulness. Mindfulness involves both awareness and acceptance of our experience. A traditional method of practicing mindfulness is through meditation, which involves dedicating a period of time to simply observing experience nonjudgmentally. However, you can bring mindful moments into your everyday life, even without meditating.

4. Cultivate acceptance by thinking of your inner child.

We are often our own harshest critics. Accepting ourselves can be difficult because we are most likely so used to judging ourselves for thinking, feeling, and acting certain ways. It is rare that you would judge a loved one as harshly as you judge yourself. One helpful technique in the meantime is to think about yourself as a child. This can help remind you of your most innocent and vulnerable self, which may make it easier to be gentle and understanding when your experience is difficult.

5. Cultivate acceptance through practice.

Acceptance is just like any other skill: it takes practice. People who are accepting of themselves and others have made acceptance a mental habit by continuously choosing a more accepting mindset over and over again. After a while, these repeated mental choices become habitual and natural and do not require as much effort. So, next time you find yourself struggling with difficult emotions, try to use this as an opportunity to practice acceptance.

Remember

Remember, acceptance is not the same as resignation. Acceptance refers to acknowledging and allowing your present experience – not necessarily your life situation. Through awareness and practice, you have the ability to increase acceptance in your own life and enjoy the benefits that it may bring.

The Path to Happiness #MindfulSocial with Dr. Rick Hanson

On the #MindfulSocial podcast this week I talk with Dr. Rick Hanson, Ph.D. about learning to actually change the structure of our brain through positive neuroplasticity and ways we can learn from our experiences to have more well-being, happiness and emotional balance in our lives.

I’ve learned an incredible amount from Rick over the last few years. I first heard about his work was at the Search Inside Yourself Leadership Institute, and then I dug into his books  Resilient, and Hardwiring Happiness which played an important role in my personal and professional growth. I’ve taken his positive neuroplasticity course for professionals which inspires my work with clients.  I incorporated some of his practices in my own book When Life Hits the Fan, dedicated to self-care for the family caregiver. 

About Rick Hanson
Dr. Hanson is a psychologist, Senior Fellow of the Greater Good Science Center at UC Berkeley, and New York Times best-selling author. His books are available in 28 languages and include Resilient, Hardwiring Happiness, Buddha’s Brain, Just One Thing, and Mother Nurture.

He edits the Wise Brain Bulletin and has numerous audio programs. A summa cum laude graduate of UCLA and founder of the Wellspring Institute for Neuroscience and Contemplative Wisdom, he’s been an invited speaker at Oxford, Stanford, Harvard, and other major universities, and taught in meditation centers worldwide.

Dr. Hanson has been a trustee of Saybrook University, served on the board of Spirit Rock Meditation Center, and was President of the Board of FamilyWorks, a community agency. He began meditating in 1974, trained in several traditions and leads a weekly meditation gathering in San Rafael, California.

His work has been featured on the BBC, CBS, and NPR, and he offers the free Just One Thing newsletter with over 135,000 subscribers, plus the online Foundations of Well-Being program in positive neuroplasticity that anyone with financial need can do for free.

Find Rick on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and  YouTube.

Burnout? Post Traumatic Stress? Mindfulness can help.

When people discover that I’m a mindfulness coach, they tell me stuff. Friends, family, clients, and the barista at my favorite coffee shop have mentioned how overwhelmed they are feeling right now. After more than 2 years of pandemic, fear, isolation, and disruption, plus climate crisis after climate crisis, increasing gas prices and war around the world, who wouldn’t be burned out and seeking release?

The fact is that many of us are in a state of Post Traumatic Stress (PTS) and have been for quite some time. Not everyone recognizes this because they think PTS is only for severe trauma, but it is much more common than we think.

Everyone responds to PTS differently. We may get depressed, lonely, frustrated, and angry. The Journal of American Medicine reports a dramatic increase in alcohol use associated with the pandemic, which can lead to worsened mental health issues like anxiety and depression.

Some of us adopt avoidance behaviors like watching endless reruns on streaming services, getting lost in books, or physical exercise. Some dive into creation, taking up baking sourdough, remodeling, knitting, crafting, or writing. We all have our own way of trying to cope.

The thing is, many of the ways we try to cope avoid looking directly at the problem and so it does not get resolved. We live soaking in the stress hormone Cortisol. Cortisol can affect our memory significantly, even after minimal exposure to stress. Long-term it can lead to heart disease and a number of other issues.

Bottom line?
We need to face our stress and manage it so we can move out of PTS and get on with living our lives with joy and fulfillment!

My answer to reducing the effects of all that stress? Mindfulness is an excellent form of self-care. When we are mindful, and living in the present moment, we have an opportunity to step away from the stress and change our perspective. To see with fresh eyes.

Being here, now.
Being in the present moment has been demonstrated to help reduce stress in general by helping to mitigate our relationship with avoidance and negative thinking to traumatic stress.

When we are in the present moment, we are not reliving the past or worrying about the future. When are caught up thinking about the past, we can have a set idea on what is going to happen. This stops us from having the actual experience of that moment. We get stuck on autopilot, and we miss out on what is likely to be the unique experience of this particular moment.

Take a breath
When anxiety hits we tighten up. Our body becomes stiffer, our hands may clench, our mind too becomes less flexible, and our breathing can be short and not fully filling our lungs. We need that oxygen!

Take a moment to notice the tension in your body. Be aware of how you are experiencing this anxiety. Are you restricting or holding your breath? Are there areas of tightness or restriction? Are you clenching your jaw or your hands?

With your attention on your breath, breathe in fully. Feel how you experience this breath. Your chest rising, your belly expanding and contracting. Where do you feel it the most? How does it feel to fill your lungs with air?

Now exhale with a long slow breath. Feel your body relaxing as you exhale and visualize the stress leaving with the air.

Often one or two breaths like this will calm your nerves and activate your parasympathetic nervous system, helping to calm and relax your body and mind.

When we are proactive about our self-care it instills a sense of agency. We are not without the ability to control our mindset and emotions. And that, my friend, is amazingly powerful!

These small actions are microdoses of mindfulness. Drop by drop they add up to help you be more present, mindful, and happier in your life. The more microdoses you enjoy, the more you will begin to be mindful throughout your day, and better able to handle the stressors in life.

Give these small but mighty mindfulness practices a try and let me know how it went for you.
I’m here to help.

Why emotional intelligence matters

Emotional intelligence is often defined as the ability to understand and manage your own emotions as well as the emotions of others. When we use our emotional intelligence in positive ways to relieve stress, communicate effectively, empathize with others, manage difficult emotions more easily. We can identify and name an emotion and then apply that to objective thinking, problem-solving, and communication. Emotional intelligence is often referred to as EQ or emotional quotient. (kind of like the emotional version of IQ).

What are the dimensions of emotional intelligence?Perception of emotion: Being able to identify and differentiate between different emotions and feelings.Use of emotion to facilitate thinking: Being able to use emotions to foster reasoning, problem-solving, and interpersonal communication.Understanding and analyzing emotions: Being able to understand the causes and meaning of emotions.Reflective regulation of emotions: Being able to prevent, reduce, enhance, or modify one’s own and others’ emotionsBenefits of emotional intelligence

Emotional intelligence is linked to really important positive outcomes including:

Better self-managementAbility to approach problems with an analytical mindset less emotional turmoilBetter communication with co-workers, family, friends, and customersDeeper, richer relationshipsImproved social skills in day to day situationsBetter mental healthBetter social relationships:Improved academic and workplace successSkills to increase emotional intelligence

Just like other types of intelligence, you can grow your emotional intelligence. You can build your emotional skills and engage in activities that help you better understand and work with your and others’ emotions. Here are some examples of skills you can build to increase your emotional intelligence.

Positive thinkingResiliencyEmpathyReappraisalAssertivenessEmotional expressionEmotion regulationAnd many more

To grow your emotional intelligence, focus on improving these four aspects of yourself:

1. Self-awarenessBecome aware of the emotions you are feeling in this moment, and the nextHow do these emotions make you feel or act?Ask yourself, why do you do the things that you do?Reflect on your personal values to understand the why behind what you do.Get clear on your emotions to understand what you feel and why.2. Self-managementClose your eyes and breathe deeply for a few moments to be more present.Reframe the situation to see if you can find the silver linings.Take time to solve complex problems in your life and find the right solutions for you.Without judgment, ask yourself how you could have acted differently?Take care of your body and your health.3. Social-awarenessStay focused, and make a conscious effort to be more present in your social interactions.Practice empathy and compassion to better understand why people who are different from you do the things they do.Put yourself in their shoes. What might they be experiencing?Have a “back-pocket” question on hand—or a question you can ask to start up a conversation or defuse awkwardness.4. Relationship managementPractice gratitude for all the little things.Express your emotions by telling other people when you appreciate them, care for them, admire them, or feel positive about them in some other way.Explain your decisions and be willing to listen and learn about why others make the decisions they make.

Building any or all of these skills can help boost emotional intelligence.

Why emotional intelligence is important

Emotional intelligence is an important set of skills that improve the quality of your life, your communication and reduce stress in yourself and those around you. These skills can be built, even as an adult.

Need help with evaluating or developing your emotional intelligence? Reach out to me, I’m happy to chat about how I can support you on your journey to a happier, more resilient emotionally intelligent way of being.

Science-Based Emotion Regulation Skills You Need to Know.

When we can be effective with regulating our emotions we just feel better–in that moment and in the future too. Ah, but when we don’t do such a great job managing our emotions, we may rely on unhealthy strategies like avoidance, substance abuse, or overeating. While that strategy may make us feel good in the short term it will feel worse in the longer term.

With a little energy directed at our emotion regulation skills, we manage our emotions with healthier strategies and feel better about ourselves and our relationships with others.

Ready to get started? Here are some skills to focus on:

Self-awareness

Self-awareness is most definitely an emotion regulation skill. If we are not self-aware, of our emotions how the heck are we supposed to recognize and manage them until they get out of hand? When we are more aware of our emotions early, we can take a breath and choose our response to the emotion more intelligently.

Emotional acceptance

Emotional acceptance is a skill that involves experiencing negative emotions without judging them or yourself. This one’s important because the judgment of our negative emotions just amplifies them making them stronger, last longer, and become harder to regulate. To accept your emotions, practice putting judgment and self-blame aside. The emotion that is present exists, right? Now that you’ve recognized it you can make a choice or make a plan to manage it.

Emotional cognition

Sometimes when we interact with someone we can sort of latch onto the emotions they’re expressing. This is called emotional contagion, which is exactly what it sounds like (You’re MAD, so I’m MAD! You’re EXCITED so I’m EXCITED!). Seeing that another person is experiencing an emotion helps us to relate to them better and consciously choose our next steps. We don’t have to absorb it. We may choose to not engage with it or to offer compassion if needed. It’s the stepping back and observing what’s happening that gives us the space to choose.

Emotional attention

How many times have you been told “We get what we focus on”? It’s so true you know. Focusing on the negative things makes us feel worse; shifting attention to the positive helps us feel better. One study trained participants to focus on neutral instead of threatening faces in a computerized task, and this training resulted in reductions in social anxiety. Build this skill by focusing your attention on the positive.

Reappraisal

When we get caught up in a negative mindset like “I just can’t get ahead!” or “Life just isn’t supposed to be so hard.” It can be good to get a better look at the subject. Reappraisal is an emotion regulation skill that involves cognitively reframing an experience as more positive or less negative. Building this skill can both increase positive emotion and decrease negative emotion simultaneously. We can replace negative thoughts with more productive ones. For example: What am I learning here? Or looking at the issue as a challenge to overcome instead of a problem that is weighing you down.

Temporal distancing

When things just suck, and that happens from time to time we can use temporal distancing to feel better about it and shift the way you think about your present situation by thinking about it from a time in the future. This technique helps regulate our emotions if we can see that these emotions won’t be so bad after some time. Basically, we remind ourselves that “I’ll get through this in time and feel better”

Self-distancing

Self-distancing is an emotion regulation skill that involves looking at your situation as “a fly on the wall.” Emotionally distancing yourself from your experience and looking at it from an outsider’s perspective helps you disconnect from your negative emotions and see them in a new way. You can get out of the emotion and into seeing the experience from a different point of view. Getting out of our own head, as it were.

Gratitude

​Gratitude helps us feel good and makes others feel good too. Gratitude can increase positive emotions while also improving the quality of our personal relationships. We can practice gratitude with gratitude lists, gratitude notes, and gratitude letters. When we are grateful, take a moment to really soak in the feeling of gratitude. Gratitude has so much power to open our hearts and minds to better relationships with ourselves and others, better health, and resilience.

If you’d like to learn more about emotional regulation strategies, reach out, and let’s talk. I have open office hours available every week just to chat!

Science-based emotional regulation skills you need to know

When we can be effective with regulating our emotions we just feel better–in that moment and in the future too. Ah, but when we don’t do such a great job managing our emotions, we may rely on unhealthy strategies like avoidance, substance abuse, or overeating.

.These may make us feel good in the short-term but worse in the longer term. By building our emotion regulation skills, we can more effectively manage our emotions with healthier strategies and avoid using these unhealthy strategies.

Emotion regulation skills include a variety of strategies that help us feel better and generate a lasting sense of well-being. Try some of these and see:

Self-awareness

Self-awareness is sometimes considered an emotion regulation skill. If we are not self-aware, it can be a real challenge being aware of our emotions. How can we regulate emotions we aren’t even aware of? By increasing self-awareness, we build a better foundation for future effective emotion regulation.

Acceptance

Emotional acceptance is a skill that involves experiencing negative emotions without judging them or telling stories about them to yourself. Emotional acceptance is a key emotion regulation skill because the judgment of our negative emotions simply amplifies them making them stronger, last longer, and become harder to regulate. To accept your emotions, practice mindfulness and non-judgment.

Reappraisal

Reappraisal is an emotion regulation skill that involves cognitively reframing an experience as more positive or less negative. Building this skill can both increase positive emotion and decrease negative emotion simultaneously.

Cognition

There are all sorts of processes in our brains that aid emotion regulation. More specifically, activating regions of the brain associated with positive concepts may be beneficial. One way to do this is to recite and memorize positive words. Bringing these words to mind can strengthen emotion regulation processes.

Attention to the positive

Another way to regulate our emotions is to re-direct our attention towards the positive. Focusing on the negative things makes us feel worse; shifting attention to a brighter view helps us feel better. One study trained participants to focus on neutral instead of threatening faces in a computerized task, and this training resulted in reductions in social anxiety. Build this skill by focusing your attention on the positive.

Temporal distancing

Temporal distancing involves shifting the way you think about your present situation by thinking about it from a time in the future. We know that life will change, and things could be a whole lot better when the current situation changes.

Self-distancing

Self-distancing is an emotion regulation skill that involves looking at your situation as “a fly on the wall.” Distancing yourself from your emotional view of the experience and looking at it from an outsider’s perspective helps you disconnect from your negative emotions and see them in a new way.

Savoring

Savoring involves giving a little extra attention to positive experiences and the emotions they produce. When we savor our good moments and experiences, we generate more positive emotions and create longer-lasting positive experiences. See the Mindful Social podcast with Dr. Rick Hanson to learn more about this technique.

Gratitude

​Gratitude helps us feel good and the added benefit of making others feel good too. Gratitude has been shown to increase positive emotions while also improving the quality of our personal relationships. We can practice gratitude with gratitude lists, gratitude notes, and gratitude letters.

Managing our mindset with mindful self-awareness

Have you ever had the experience that even when everything seems to really be working well in life we just can’t believe it, and start to cast doubt it will last? It happens to everyone at some point, it’s not just you.
We may think “Wow, things are going really good right now!” followed shortly by “this can’t last, something’s going to go wrong.” The next thing we know, we are obsessed with stopping that bad thing from happening and our fixation on the negative thing that just maybe could happen kills the happiness we were feeling. Pretty much ensuring that something IS going to happen.

If we have success and immediately feel a sense of foreboding and worry about what’s going to happen next, we just might replace the elation of success with a feeling of impending doom. We don’t want to repeat that feeling and so we dampen or discount the success and discourage ourselves from having more of that. This is sometimes called catastrophizing- seeing only the doom and gloom in anticipation of the (not necessarily gonna happen ) failure. Negativity takes over and kills all the joy we could have.

We can change this.
We can see negativity for what it is. When we have a success, we can allow ourselves to celebrate it, and when we catch ourselves catastrophizing once again we can name it. Oh, I’m making this a catastrophe instead of appreciating my good fortune.  Oh, there’s negativity again, that’s not celebrating!

But, if we quietly, kindly, and calmly bring our mind back to the thing we are celebrating and allow ourselves to fully feel it? We can nourish ourselves with the feeling of success and prepare our minds to be ready for more success. New opportunities appear as if by magic because we are taking care to nourish ourselves.

This is about mindset.
Not that kind of mindset where we ignore reality and pretend everything is going to be OK. This is the kind of mindset where we recognize what happens in our lives and consciously choose to celebrate the opportunities and successes that lead us in the direction we want to go.

Neurons that fire together?
The saying “Neurons that wire together fire together” first coined by Neuropsychologist Donald Hebb in 1949, is hugely important here. He discovered that The more the brain does a certain task, the stronger that neural network becomes, making the process more efficient each successive time.

When we consistently see the connection between positive experiences and ourselves, we gain a new lease on our own happiness. When we repeatedly see something as negative we may just get more of that. The good news is that recent discoveries in Neuroplasticity can help us reprogram our responses and develop a happier approach to life.

Start celebrating
Celebrating our success is a way to ensure we have more success. If it feels good, we will naturally want more of it.

So when success happens, give yourself a few moments, or even just a single breath, to let it soak in. To appreciate how it feels and connect success with the pleasure you feel in that moment.

When there’s a failure, or a negative experience simply acknowledge it. Ask yourself, what is the lesson here? Now give yourself a moment to evaluate the lesson and what you can learn from it? How can you take that lesson and use it to move toward a new success? How will it feel when you learn and turn your knowledge into another success? Give a moment for that feeling of learning the lesson to sink in. Now you’re able to keep moving forward to the next challenge.

Hey, how do you celebrate your successes?
Does this post resonate with you? Tell me in the comments!

Glass half empty? Try a new perspective from positive psychology

When everything is rolling along smoothly in our lives, sometimes we just can’t believe it, and start to cast doubt it will last. We may think “Wow, things are going really good right now!” followed shortly by “this can’t last, something’s going to go wrong.” The next thing we know, we are obsessed with stopping that bad thing from happening and our fixation on the negative kills the happiness we were feeling. That can pretty much ensure something IS going to happen.

Why do we let doubt get the upper hand?
If we have success and immediately feel the dread of what’s going to happen next, we just might replace the elation of success with a feeling of impending doom. We don’t want to repeat that feeling and so we dampen or discount the success and discourage ourselves from having more of that. This is sometimes called catastrophizing- seeing only the doom and gloom in anticipation of the (not necessarily gonna happen ) failure. Negativity takes over and kills all the joy we could have.

We can change that. We can see negativity for what it is. When we have a success, we can allow ourselves to celebrate it, and when we catch ourselves catastrophizing once again we can name it. Oh, I’m making this a catastrophe instead of appreciating my good fortune.  Oh, there’s negativity again, that’s not celebrating!

Then we can quietly, kindly, and calmly bring our mind back to the thing we are celebrating and allow ourselves to fully feel it. We can nourish ourselves with the feeling of success and prepare our minds to be ready for more success. New opportunities appear as if by magic because we are taking care to nourish ourselves.

This is about mindset. Not that kind of mindset where we ignore reality and pretend everything is going to be OK. This is the kind of mindset where we recognize what happens in our lives and consciously choose to celebrate the opportunities and successes that lead us in the direction we want to go.

What about the negative? We recognize that too and then ask the question “What does this have to teach me?” without getting caught up in the negative feeling or emotions.

The saying “Neurons that wire together fire together” is hugely important here. When we consistently see the connection between positive experiences and ourselves, we gain a new lease on our own happiness.

Celebrating our success is a way to ensure we have more success. If it feels good, we naturally want more of it.

So when success happens, give yourself a few moments, or even just a single breath, to let it soak in. To appreciate how it feels and connect success with the pleasure you feel in that moment.

When there’s a failure, or a negative experience simply acknowledge it. Ask yourself, what is the lesson here? Now give yourself a moment to evaluate the lesson and what you can learn from it? How can you take that lesson and use it to move toward a new success? How will it feel when you learn and turn your knowledge into another success? Give a moment for that feeling of learning the lesson to sink in. Now you’re able to keep moving forward to the next challenge.

How do you celebrate your successes?

When everything is rolling along smoothly in our lives, s...

When everything is rolling along smoothly in our lives, sometimes we just can’t believe it, and start to cast doubt it will last. We may think “Wow, things are going really good right now!” followed shortly by “this can’t last, something’s going to go wrong.” The next thing we know, we are obsessed with stopping that bad thing from happening and our fixation on the negative kills the happiness we were feeling. That can pretty much ensure something IS going to happen.

Why do we let doubt get the upper hand?
If we have success and immediately feel the dread of what’s going to happen next, we just might replace the elation of success with a feeling of impending doom. We don’t want to repeat that feeling and so we dampen or discount the success and discourage ourselves from having more of that. This is sometimes called catastrophizing- seeing only the doom and gloom in anticipation of the (not necessarily gonna happen ) failure. Negativity takes over and kills all the joy we could have.

We can change that. We can see negativity for what it is. When we have a success, we can allow ourselves to celebrate it, and when we catch ourselves catastrophizing once again we can name it. Oh, I’m making this a catastrophe instead of appreciating my good fortune.  Oh, there’s negativity again, that’s not celebrating!

Then we can quietly, kindly, and calmly bring our mind back to the thing we are celebrating and allow ourselves to fully feel it. We can nourish ourselves with the feeling of success and prepare our minds to be ready for more success. New opportunities appear as if by magic because we are taking care to nourish ourselves.

This is about mindset. Not that kind of mindset where we ignore reality and pretend everything is going to be OK. This is the kind of mindset where we recognize what happens in our lives and consciously choose to celebrate the opportunities and successes that lead us in the direction we want to go.

What about the negative? We recognize that too and then ask the question “What does this have to teach me?” without getting caught up in the negative feeling or emotions.

The saying “Neurons that wire together fire together” is hugely important here. When we consistently see the connection between positive experiences and ourselves, we gain a new lease on our own happiness.

Celebrating our success is a way to ensure we have more success. If it feels good, we naturally want more of it.

So when success happens, give yourself a few moments, or even just a single breath, to let it soak in. To appreciate how it feels and connect success with the pleasure you feel in that moment.

When there’s a failure, or a negative experience simply acknowledge it. Ask yourself, what is the lesson here? Now give yourself a moment to evaluate the lesson and what you can learn from it? How can you take that lesson and use it to move toward a new success? How will it feel when you learn and turn your knowledge into another success? Give a moment for that feeling of learning the lesson to sink in. Now you’re able to keep moving forward to the next challenge.

How do you celebrate your successes?