Janet Fouts's Blog, page 16

What is Responsibility Fatigue?

In today’s busy world we can get caught up in the frenzy to do, do, do! Our responsibilities to family, friends, work, and community can be overwhelming. It seems there is no time for self-care, for personal growth.

Day to day responsibilities fill our calendar with tasks, but of course, that’s not our whole day is it?
There are all the little things which set our schedules off.

Taking care of home, family, friends
Running to the gym, the store, the airport
The office meeting or conference call that runs over
The late babysitter, partner, co-worker, delivery person
The unexpected call to take care of an ill family member
That request for “just one more thing”
The emergencies that aren’t really emergencies
You can add to this list, can’t you?

When we allow ourselves to get caught up in the implied urgency of life, we pile on responsibilities and can’t let go, even if we don’t have time or energy.

No wonder depression, anxiety, and loneliness are at an all-time. As a caregiver for our family members, responsibility fatigue can become a way of “life” if we let it

That explains why we are so tired allll the time. Why it seems like there’s never enough time, enough space, enough money, enough life. 
Sound familiar? 
Want to learn how to free yourself from this endless loop?

Join us for this webinar on Tuesday, March 12 at 12 noon PT.

What will you learn?
How to identify when your time is being hijacked and what to do about it
How to skillfully deal with unexpected responsibilities
How to say no with kindness
How to care for yourself when you’re feeling overloaded, stressed and needing a time out

Don't wait - sign up!










Sign Up

Compassion in the Workplace- Immanual Joseph on #MindfulSocial

[image error]

This week I’m talking with Immanual Joseph, PhD, about compassion. In the workplace, at home, for others and for ourselves. On the podcast Immanual said: “Compassion is fierce. In the workplace it involves standing up to popular opinion, Standing up to your co-workers and friends to do the right thing. It’s also being vulnerable, Compassion is the opposite of weakness. Compassion is courage with wisdom.”

I couldn’t agree more! Listen to the podcast and add your own insights in the comments.

Immanual shared a technique to develop our compassion muscle:
1. If you are going into a situation you know could be difficult. Take a breath and get grounded.
2. Use that feeling to practice gratitude for what you have and the blessings you’ve been given. In this state of mind, we are more receptive to practicing compassion.
3. Give yourself one moment of sincerely wishing everyone happiness and love. We all deserve to be happy and loved.

This practice can set us up for a much better approach to the meeting and the people we meet with. Automatically priming ourselves to be proactive with compassion rather than being reactive. We are more able to give others the benefit of the doubt when they are not their best selves.

Immanual is working on a book about the different manifestations of compassion. He invites us all to share our experiences and stories for the book. If you have a story to share or are interested in ComassionLeaders? Reach out to him at: Immanual@CompassionLeaders.com

About Immanual Joseph, PhD.
Immanual is the founder and Chief Compassion officer of CompassionLeaders dedicated to improving engagement, productivity and culture in organizations through compassion trailing.
He received his PhD in Biochemistry at the Tulane School of Medicine and was a cancer research scientist before becoming a compassion entrepreneur. He is also a certified compassion leadership coach, Energy Leadership index master practitioner and author.

7 Practices of a Mindful Leader #MindfulSocial with @marclesser

I first met Marc Lesser a few years ago, when he was CEO and lead trainer at the Search Inside Yourself Leadership Institute. The wisdom he imparted those classes, and through his work is still popping into my mind as I go on my own path and I am honored to have been so lucky.

In his new book, “Seven Practices of a Mindful Leader: Lessons from Google and a Zen Monastery Kitchen”
Marc offers an essential guide for leaders of all types, shapes and sizes.
Whether you are leading a corporation, a classroom, a family or a country, there is much to gain by spending quality time with this book.

In our chat this week on Mindful Social, Marc and I talk about the lessons he learned while in the kitchen at the legendary Tassajara Zen Center, about the first practice in the book; Love the work: Start with inspiration, with what is most essential. Acknowledge and cultivate aspiration — your deepest, most heartfelt intentions.

Listening to the replay of the podcast brings home to me the familiar kindness, generosity, curiosity, and sense of humor that we all enjoyed while learning from him. I highly recommend you go get the book and you will see what I mean!

Order Seven Practices of a Mindful Leader by following any of the online retailer links at http://www.marclesser.net/books/seven-practices/. If you pre-order now, before its official release date of February 12, I’ll send you a bonus gift of 7 guided meditations that follow the chapters in the book! 

About Marc
Marc Lesser is internationally recognized for pioneering work in mindful leadership, creating exceptional business cultures, and supporting profound well-being.

Marc helped develop the world-renowned Search Inside Yourself (SIY) program within Google – a mindfulness-based emotional intelligence training for leaders which teaches the art of integrating mindfulness, emotional intelligence, and business savvy for creating great corporate cultures and a better world.

He founded and was CEO of 3 companies, is author of 4 books, and has an MBA degree from New York University.

Marc was a resident of the San Francisco Zen Center for 10 years, and director of Tassajara, Zen Mountain Center, the first Zen monastery
in the western world. He leads Mill Valley Zen, a weekly meditation group. Learn more about his work at MarcLesser.net

The story behind When Life Hits the Fan

When Life Hits the Fan-A Mindful Guide to Caring for Yourself While Caring for Others is written based on my own personal experience and those of over 50 family caregivers who were interviewed for the book.

I wrote it to share some of the tools of mindfulness and emotional intelligence I used in recovering from depression and anxiety while caring for my partner who was diagnosed with breast cancer.

As an entrepreneur, a wife and a mom, the load of caring for my wife and best friend and dealing with the medical system while keeping our heads above water was devastating. My self-confidence, career, relationships and health all suffered, and I had no idea where to turn.

Therapy, drugs, self-medication with alcohol, none of these things worked, and I finally turned to a Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction program as a last resort.

Not only did that course give me what I needed to recover my strength, it gave me a passion to help others realize that they too could find a path to being more resilient and even finding happiness through whatever events occur.

Since that MBSR course I’ve recovered my strength and confidence. I’ve studied Mindfulness, Emotional Intelligence and Compassion. I dug deeper into teaching these skills through training with the Search Inside Yourself Program (started at Google) the Center for Compassion Altrusim Research and Education at Stanford, and an extensive series on Positive Neuroplasticity to train others to reset their state of mind and practice self-care.

I’ve pivoted my career to teaching and speaking about the effects that these tools can have on our lives in all aspects.

Data on Caregivers in the US (source: Caregiving in the US 2015 study by AARP and National Alliance for Caregiving)
At last count over 40 million individuals in the US alone are caring for a loved one. These are the unpaid caregivers, not including the home-health aids and medical teams.
On average, caregivers spend 24.4 hours a week providing care to their loved one.
Nearly one- quarter provide 41 or more hours of care a week (23%).
Caregiving is particularly time -intensive for those caring for a spouse/partner (44.6 hours per week ).

43.5 Million people in the US care for a chronically ill, disabled or aged family member or friend each year
20 hours per week is the average number of hours committed to family care
75% provide care for less than 5 years
12% more than 5 years
Only 53% say they have other unpaid caregivers to support them
60% are also working while giving care, 56% of them full time

When you read the book you'll find real-world strategies to take care of yourself even when life hits the fan!
When Life Hits the Fan: A Mindful Guide to Caring for Yourself While Caring for Others

Forgive for Good- #MindfulSocial with Dr. Fred Luskin

Dr. Luskin is the Director of the Stanford University Forgiveness Project, a senior consultant in health promotion at Stanford University, and a professor at the Institute for Transpersonal Psychology, as well as an affiliate faculty member of the Greater Good Science Center. He is the author of Forgive for Good: A Proven Prescription for Health and Happiness< as well as several other books on forgiveness. He is one of the world’s leading researchers and teachers on the subject of forgiveness.

I’ve been following his work for many years and I’m excited to have an opportunity to dive into the study and application of forgiveness in an everyday setting. Please enjoy the podcast below and add your comments.

You, Me, Empathy, #MindfulSocial with Non Wels

This was a very special episode with Non Wels, creator of the You, Me, Empathy podcast. We met on Twitter and struck up some conversations.  Non hosted me on his podcast in October to talk about self-care for caregivers and a whole lot of other things. Non has a way with interviews that really draws out some unexpected insights. Listen to his podcast with an array of interesting people from all walks of life.

Non tells us about how he manages that crucial word in the English language. No

It’s OK to take care of ourselves by not avoiding the word no because we are afraid. Being curious about our feelings and interactions and understanding what we really want in our lives How what is happening right now is affecting us as well as affecting others.

We talked about the Eneagram test and how it identifies different types, and as we dig deeper into those types we can see a bit more about ourselves and perhaps gain some clarity about ourselves. Both Non and I are helper types, not surprising, but I thought his insights into what being a helper type can get us into. It all comes down to curiosity about ourselves and the world and looking internally to discover more about ourselves.

Here are the 9 types according to this test. Which are you?

THE REFORMER
The Rational, Idealistic Type: Principled, Purposeful, Self-Controlled, and
Perfectionistic
THE HELPER
The Caring, Interpersonal Type: Demonstrative, Generous, People-Pleasing, and
Possessive
THE ACHIEVER
The Success-Oriented, Pragmatic Type: Adaptive, Excelling, Driven, and
Image-Conscious
THE INDIVIDUALIST
The Sensitive, Withdrawn Type: Expressive, Dramatic, Self-Absorbed, and
Temperamental
THE INVESTIGATOR
The Intense, Cerebral Type: Perceptive, Innovative, Secretive, and Isolated
THE LOYALIST
The Committed, Security-Oriented Type: Engaging, Responsible, Anxious, and
Suspicious
THE ENTHUSIAST
The Busy, Fun-Loving Type: Spontaneous, Versatile, Distractible, and Scattered
THE CHALLENGER
The Powerful, Dominating Type: Self-Confident, Decisive, Willful, and
Confrontational
THE PEACEMAKER
The Easygoing, Self-Effacing Type: Receptive, Reassuring, Agreeable, and
Complacent

We also talked about how systems like education and corporate work are changing toward a more humanistic approach, bringing emotional intelligence to the forefront. People want to be satisfied in their lives AND their workplace and leadership is beginning to step up to the plate and provide what the team really needs, and the team members are learning to raise their expectations and ASK for what they want.

About Non
Non Wels is the creator of You, Me, Empathy, a storyteller, and an advocate for therapy and mental health awareness.

Learn more about Non:

NonWels.com
You, Me, Empathy Podcast
Twitter
Facebook Group
Instagram

Give yourself the gift of #Mindful #SelfCare

[image error]

Is January your time to recharge? Me too. This is a great time to look back at the things we want to change from last year, and to look forward to how we want to live moving forward. Setting intentions to take action to reduce stress, both at home and at work.

When we do something specifically with the intent of taking care of ourselves it’s a way of reinforcing that we are worth it. Because we are!

I’ve created an easy way to start the ball rolling on a happier outlook on the new year, one in which we set our intentions to be less stressed, easier on ourselves and others and just generally happier with the place we are in.

This is an interactive 

On celebrating the holidays, wishes and realities of #Caregiving

I’ve been thinking a lot about how this holiday season affects everyone in different ways, no matter what our faith.

For some, it is a season of generosity and giving

Enjoying the act of giving for others and accepting the warm feeling that it brings can fill a person’s heart with joy.

For some, it’s a season of receiving

How many children right now are making a holiday list of all they dream of for holiday gifts? How many will feel pangs of disappointment when they don’t get that one thing?

For others, it is a season of memories

How many of have fond memories of hanging the holiday lights, lighting the Menorah together as a family, laughing over holiday meals or after dinner games and opening presents?

And how much of that has been lost as families move apart or loved ones pass away,  become ill or aged, Alzheimer’s and Dementia may have stolen those very memories we hold so close to our hearts.

For many families, this is a difficult time of year

In my coaching practice and in writing When Life Hits the Fan I’ve spoken to a lot of people who really struggle with letting go of those memories and want to re-create them every year as longs as they can. They want to hold on to them tight, and they feel a deep sense of loss because things have changed.

Buddha’s Four Noble Truths 

I’ve spent quite a lot of time lately thinking about the Buddha’s Four Noble Truths, especially the first two.

The first noble truth is that suffering, misery, and pain exist in life.

The second noble truth is that much if not all of that suffering is caused by craving and desire.

The caregiver experience

As caregivers, we crave the “good old days” when our loved one was full of joy and the holiday season was rich with events and fun. Ice skating on the pond, going to the tree lighting ceremony in the town square, caroling in the neighborhood or going to the Nutcracker with the whole family every year.

We remember when they weren’t sick. When they remembered all of the grandkid’s names when they weren’t in the hospital or a care facility away from family and friends. And it breaks our hearts that they can’t participate the way they used to. Our desire is to hold on to and recreate those memories, wishing time will roll back. But it won’t.

In our new reality, the person we love can’t be as active, can’t or doesn’t want to participate in the large gatherings. Crowds and noise may be overwhelming. They may not want to see people in their current state. Maybe it’s shame, embarrassment or they don’t remember those people and that’s upsetting.

It doesn’t matter

This desire for what used to be isn’t helping us, it’s causing us pain and perhaps those we care for too. We need to look at where we are now and find ways to work with what we have in this moment. What this person, who we so love, needs, and be where they are, whatever that means. We need to ASK what they want, and then listen carefully to the answers. Life changes, and we need to be able to deal with the reality we have right here, right now.

When we notice that we are craving the good old days, we can recognize them as what they are – precious memories. And then we can create new experiences based on our current state of being. We can be with the person we love and bring them happiness, whatever that means to them right now. We can create new rituals, new memories. Cherishing our time with them, being fully present with them, and finding joy in simply being together.

If we can work to reduce the craving, we reduce or even end the suffering. It’s as simple as that. And so we begin to see the wisdom of the last two noble truths. The end of suffering and the path to enlightenment.

My holiday wish for you:

May you be happy

May you be safe

May you be loved

 

 

The path to happiness and well-being. #MindfulSocial With Rick Hanson

On the #MindfulSocial podcast this week I talk with Dr. Rick Hanson, Ph.D. about learning to actually change the structure of our brain through positive neuroplasticity and ways we can learn from our experiences to have more well-being, happiness and emotional balance in our lives.

I’ve learned an incredible amount from Rick over the last few years. I first heard about his work was at the Search Inside Yourself Leadership Institute, and then I dug into his books  Resilient, and Hardwiring Happiness which played an important role in my personal and professional growth. I’ve taken his positive neuroplasticity course for professionals which inspires my work with clients.  I incorporated some of his practices in my own book When Life Hits the Fan, dedicated to self-care for the family caregiver. 

About Rick Hanson

Dr. Hanson is a psychologist, Senior Fellow of the Greater Good Science Center at UC Berkeley, and New York Times best-selling author. His books are available in 28 languages and include Resilient, Hardwiring Happiness, Buddha’s Brain, Just One Thing, and Mother Nurture.

He edits the Wise Brain Bulletin and has numerous audio programs. A summa cum laude graduate of UCLA and founder of the Wellspring Institute for Neuroscience and Contemplative Wisdom, he’s been an invited speaker at Oxford, Stanford, Harvard, and other major universities, and taught in meditation centers worldwide.

Dr. Hanson has been a trustee of Saybrook University, served on the board of Spirit Rock Meditation Center, and was President of the Board of FamilyWorks, a community agency. He began meditating in 1974, trained in several traditions and leads a weekly meditation gathering in San Rafael, California.

His work has been featured on the BBC, CBS, and NPR, and he offers the free Just One Thing newsletter with over 135,000 subscribers, plus the online Foundations of Well-Being program in positive neuroplasticity that anyone with financial need can do for free.

Find Rick on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and  YouTube.

Gaming Mindfulness

 

In case you’re not familiar with the term, gamification is the process of using gaming elements like scoring, competition, play, and rewards to encourage action. It works particularly well with problem-solving where badges or scores indicate competency.

Gamification is certainly not a new way to engage us and create good learning habits. In fact, a Russian scientist named Dmitri Mendeleev may have been the first to use gamification as a learning tool in the 19th century. An avid card player, Mendeleev used playing cards to help remember the elements in the periodic table.

Today, when we think of gamification there are thousands of examples, from games for learning specific tasks, understanding our emotions, encouraging employee engagement, and, of course, to develop mindfulness practices.

Many corporations use gamification to encourage employee engagement, sharing of company information on social media, and meeting performance goals. Just like merit badges in the scouts, or checking in on Foursquare to earn points. These are games that bring us gratification and sometimes financial rewards.

For example; the wonderful game designed by Jane McGonical ”Super Better” a game which has helped thousands deal with real-life health challenges like depression, chronic pain and traumatic injuries and it’s given so much insight into how changing our habits can dramatically improve our lives.

Or Mindful Games from Susan Kaiser Greenland, a recent guest on my podcast, #MindfulSocial who offers us a way to bring mindfulness into the family. Her book and game cards help develop focusing skills, sensory awareness and encourage kindness, generosity and to recognize and regulate our own emotions.

There are also a bevy of meditation apps that use gaming techniques. Headspace, and Calm both lead us through guided meditations and use invitations to complete a series of meditations to reach “new levels”.

One of my favorite meditation apps, Insight Timer, shows an array of stars to show how many meditation milestones one has achieved. It also has an option to auto-post to social networks with a notice you are starting or just completed meditation. The idea of meditating together with 10,000 people around the world is powerful, and I’ve struck up several conversations around these notifications on Twitter.  This particular app also has a community aspect, where people can share their own insights and joining groups around their areas of interest. Is community engagement gamification?

The naysayers

There are some who feel that gamification diminishes the value of mindfulness or meditation practice, and I’ve had some fairly intense conversations about it.

This post “Buddhism, Gamified” states “meditation is practiced to generate good metta (roughly, ‘loving-kindess‘) that improves our level of reincarnation in the next lifetime. The ultimate goal of meditation is originally nirvana, not stress reduction.“

I’m not going to go into that theory here in depth beyond to say I think it’s one person’s perspective. I have used the Muse meditation headband myself, and it gave me quite a bit of insight into how busy or settled my mind can be, or not be, and how much control we do have of that.  In fact, here’s a recent output of the device during meditation. I confess I use it rarely now, but it was a fun way to visualize what was going on in my head.

So, is gamification anti-mindful?

It makes little sense to me to think there’s anything wrong with gaming yourself into practicing mindfulness or anything else.  Especially when it’s common for meditation teachers to use counting breaths as a training tool. But that, right there, that’s the crux of it all. Gamification is a tool, not the end result.

As I have developed a more consistent practice I find I use these tools less often. As someone who actively encourages people to try meditation and mindfulness practices in their daily work and home lives, I suggest apps and tools to help people develop a good habit of practice. It’s the habit that matters at first. When you see results you may not need games anymore at all, unless you want to experiment some more.

Sure, if the only goal is to get the most points, regardless of learning anything, it’s not so mindful in intent, is it? The sneaky bit is, with continual practice you do see an improvement in focus, calmness, and ability to handle difficult situations. That’s a win in my book. How about yours?