Jude Stringfellow's Blog, page 52

NAIR - UNDERARM and BIKIKI

 I am so weird sometimes. I found underarm and bikini hair remover in a tube like you'd find in a deodorant. It's from Nair, and it's still cream, but it is packaged in a deodorant-style package and you roll it up from the bottom, it squirts out from the top, and you apply it. You wait 5-10 minutes and you take a shower.  I think I paid $6.99 for it on Amazon. I'm currently in the waiting stage, and like a dummy, I sat down to write the blog though I have a towel under me, I'm no doubt wasting the product, so I'm going to get up now.

    So yeah, now I'm standing, and let me tell you, my desk isn't one of those that lift, so I'm bending over to type. Not the most fun, but when I stood up from the chair I had in fact left a great deal of the product on the towel. I am not going to be a product waster..nope. I do, however, think I want to order one of those cool desks.  I had one when I worked for the trading company, and it was really great. I could do squats while I worked.

    HERE WE GO! I applied the Nair at 12:13 p.m. and I waited until 12:22, which was nine minutes, and it took about a minute to get to the bathroom, turn the water on, get the shower set up, and get into it. So, let's say the cream was in place for 10 minutes.  I used soap to scrub the areas and though I really couldn't see any hair falling off my armpits, which would have been fun, I did see it fall off on the lower area.  While washing the area with a wash cloth and body wash, there was definitely a release of hair from "down there".   It works. The product works. I did go ahead and finish up with a light razoring just to be sure, and it was really smooth already. 

    I will recommend using Nair's cream remover for sure. This one and I don't know if they all do, has coconut oil in it to assist as a moisturizer as well.  I use coconut and/or shea oil anyway after I shave, but it was nice that it is already in the tube. There you go, your first-hand experience review of a product I'm not sponsored by, but would recommend.  There are certain scents that people may not like. The remover component does still have a scent to it. There is a tinge or tingle of that "burning" feeling, but nothing like it would be if you put the harder stuff down there. I didn't feel anything at all under my arms.

    Have fun people! Hope you have smooth sailing -- and/or shaving. 

Photo Credit: Nair.com

Of Kilted Pleasure is a REAL Book Now.

 Well there you go, my book, my first novel, titled "Of Kilted Pleasure" is a real live book now. It has been registered with the Library of Congress, and it has its own ISBN number. Woot! I can do the dance, but I have to reserve my entire enthusiasm for when it is released to the public for purchase. Right now, it is still in the production stages. I have been going through the PDF to make corrections.  

    About 100 years ago, when I wrote my first book through Xlibris, I had to wait for them to send me a hardcopy galley to go through and that was really tough. Not only did they send it in 11-point font, but it was also squeezed together to save paper I guess. I was NOT a happy camper when the finished product came out the same way. I was LIVID because I had made it perfectly clear that I wanted 12-point font, and I wanted more space between the lines. This was my first experience with book publishing. The ONLY thing they could or would do for me is to scrap that project and make a 2nd Edition, and in doing so they really only fixed those issues, not the 100+ corrections I had sent in to be changed on the first edition. Talk about FURIOUS! That book is a mess.

    This is my sixth or seventh book, I'm not sure. It's my first novel. I do know that. I have more experience and I've been working with other publishers as well, so I know a thing or two now, about standing up for myself and telling the publisher exactly what I want. I'm paying for it, right? That's right. So yes, they will listen. Xlibris has been pretty good this time around. I had a few minor issues with the cover designing team not wanting to do an illustration, but after speaking with my project manager, and then paying a little bit more, not the full price by any means, they were able to get that going. The project manager was able to give me the best discounts because he had failed to explain there would be an additional cost for illustration vs. photography-type covers.  I want illustrations, realistic, not photos. This is a Highland Romance book, not another genre.

    Well, I sent off the manuscript last Thursday I think, and it has already been returned to me in book format! Wow, that's really good. I was quite impressed with that. I do have to go through the PDF and make corrections. I am FLAT amazed at how many mistakes I made. Not even gonna lie about it, I suck! I wrote the book in a month, and got it on the screen, but didn't take the time to make sure I had spelled everything correctly, I was more concerned with getting the Scots words spelled correctly. I didn't go flow-blown on using the Scots language because I didn't want the reader to be completely confused. I wanted them to taste the difference, but not be overwhelmed by the flavor.

    So, now I have to go through the PDF, and I am. I will submit the mistakes and the changes I want. They'll redo it on their end and send it back once more for the last and final look-see.  I hope we can get all of the corrections done this time. I hate having that fear that I missed something, but I know it's going to happen. I have people writing to me now to tell me about the first book's mistakes. LOL  Well, that's about it, I'll go back to work now. I just wanted you to know the book is in production and about to be released in May 2023.  The cover will come out soon and I'll post it when it does.

Photo Credit: Me.

The Gourmet in Me.

Cooking and baking have always been something that I've enjoyed doing. I can't give Mom credit for that one; sorry woman, Daddy gets the title of Cook in our family. My mom did bake, and she was decent at it, but her daughter, my sister Linda, is the ESSENCE of awesome! She really does "take the cake"...OMG, I went there. Did you see that? Yeah, OK, that was dumb, but she really is great at what she does. I think Lin should write a book and she should show you just how wonderful she is. Mom and Linda both were cake makers in the 80s and although they have slowed down their work in that area, it still remains that they are both really gifted and talented people when it comes to making and decorating cakes. I am not that kind of a baker. Nothing I make will be baked for a wedding, anniversary, or birthday. I just bake it, and then I eat it.

    What I decided to do is to write my own recipe book since everyone seems to think that recipe books are the way to express yourself.  I mean, I get that, but mine won't be just a book with recipes in it, it will have to be a storytelling type of book as well. I'm thinking something along the lines of a blog book with 100 recipes and stories in it. I'll likely tell a story, share a recipe, and add a photo of what it turned out to look like rather than what it SHOULD have looked like. No one, including myself, is going to call me a gourmet chef. Nope. I cook. I will add that I cook well, but I am not a true gourmet. I use great ingredients.

    My culinary experiences began as a kid when my dad cooked and I helped. I can't remember my siblings helping Dad. I don't know why I can't remember that. I'm pretty sure they had to. Andie (my big big sister) always brought the green bean casserole to the family dinners, so I know she can cook that. Linda (my little big sister, she's under Andie and before Mike. I'm the baby.) was in charge of all the good stuff. She put herself in charge, and we didn't argue. She was really good at it, so yeah, we let that happen.  She brought the sweets and jello stuff. Mike brought the ice...and that tells you a bit about his kitchen skills.  I brought the sweet potatoes and occasionally I'd step over the boundaries and bring a cake or something. 

    When I really got serious about learning to cook well I was really super old. I had already earned my Masters at Oklahoma City University, and I was teaching at the Platt School of Culinary Arts in their General Education department.  I won't say it was the best job out there, but it had its perks that is for sure. All of my students were culinary chefs in the making.  They made us lunch EVERY day, and often they made something in the afternoon that I could pick up and take home with me for dinner or dessert. One student, in particular, decided to teach me the tricks of the trade and he took me in as his personal student since I was giving him extra credit to make up for his lack of writing skills.  It worked out.  He learned not to plagiarize and I learned how to cook really well! Thank you, Patrick.

    The one thing I remember about the school was Master Chef saying to the students, and I was present when he did, that there should always be a party in your mouth when you make something worth eating. You mix salsa and you think it's great, but did you add apples and cayenne to that salsa? Did you add bacon to your taco? He would throw out things that made you think. He had written at least two successful recipe books and he had more than 30 years of culinary experience in Dallas, so I think the man had a bit of experience for the students as well as myself, to glean from -- so we did.  He was a true Artisan with the creations he made. It was mostly about the presentation; the quality of the food, he said, could be secondary. I didn't really like that concept.

    I told myself that I didn't need to present the food in a way that made my dinners memorable, I wanted the guests to say it was good, they liked it, they wished they could do that, you know  -- that's the concept I was hoping for. When it comes to food and anything else, it's OK to disagree with someone. It doesn't change the way we love it. Presentation is definitely a good thing; but not the most important; to me, the person I'm serving is the most important. Does that person like the food? That's what I'm interested in, so that's what I try to achieve. I use my kids as guinea pigs all the time. They usually don't seem to mind. If they do, they've never said so. I like my kids.

    I'll end up going to Pinterest and finding breakfast ideas, lunch ideas, dinner ideas, snacks, appetizers, and dessert ideas. I'll end up taking photos of them and giving credit to the photographer if I can, and then I'll end up making the dish(es) and taking photos of what my food actually looks like. I may need to set up a cool corner in the dining or kitchen to show off the dish(es) before I devour them. I also want my book to be a book that suits a single person or maybe only two people. I'm not into making a lot of food anymore. Those days are very long gone for me. I'm just out there making a good meal for me and my daughter. If I ever do move out, which I hope is sooner than later, she can come over to eat. I can see her that way. 

    There you go. There will be ANOTHER Blog book and it will be the Gourmet Book. So, it will be "Jude's Almost Daily Blog: The Gourmet in Me"  No one can steal that idea because that would be the gourmet in them, not me. I'm the only me there is. Ha! Some are really happy about that fact.  I know I am. So, what's for dinner tonight? Well, I think I'll make Grilled Cheese Brie sandwiches with bacon, spinach, and a tangy avocado balsamic drizzle on top!  Sounds good. Here's a photo of what the Pinterest suggestion is. I'll add spinach and avocado to mine.

Photo Credit: Pinterest. (Yammie's Noshery)

The Hound of the Baskervilles. (Or is it)

 Being an avid reader, when I was less than ten I remember reading every Sherlock Holmes mystery that I could get my hands on, and that was literally every one of them since I was often hanging out at the library. Yes, I was that kid.  You'd catch me walking from 2212 N. Mueller to the corner of 35th and Mueller so I could be at the Bethany Metropolitan Library, and you know, I loved it. It was MY hiding hole. I would find a good spot to sit in, usually up against the wall and on the floor between aisles of reference books since no one ever went there. I would bring my pillow and to my surprise, one of the staff members said I could keep one up there so I didn't have to drag it back and forth with me. What a thought! I did that.

    When I was less than a teen I was in the spot where I found such peace, and I had in my hands the hardcover bound book titled "The Hound of the Baskervilles". I remember the story. It was ONE hound. It wasn't the HOUNDS of Bakerville, as some people would call it. My freaking teacher called it that and YES, I corrected her. I know, I'm not really supposed to do that, but I did. I was in the 5th grade when that happened and my mom was called to the office to speak to me. Can you imagine if that were to happen today? A kid corrects a teacher, and then their parent is asked to come up to discuss it? No. That is what is WRONG with our society today. I was in the wrong for trying to openly and publicly correct my teacher. I get that now. I don't know that I got it then. I was right. I knew I was right. My mom even told me I was right, but it wasn't the best practice. It was in fact, WRONG to correct the teacher the way I did it.

    What I remember about the entire event is that our school media center didn't have that particular book as it was considered too scary or something for elementary kids. We had other books, but not those written by Sherlock Holmes. That was the year I found out (I was corrected) that the books about Sherlock Holmes were actually written by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle!! WHAT? I knew him. I knew he was a writer too. I just hadn't put two-and-two together until the 5th grade. It was likely because when I went to the library to get the books they were all in the same area (Thank you, Dewey Decimal System), and all the books I was looking at said "Sherlock Holmes" on them; so naturally, my ten-year-old brain assumed he was the author. Also, I was flat upset about the fact that Holmes didn't narrate the books, his friend Dr. John Watson did. I couldn't figure that one out either.

    So, here we are so many hundreds of years later, and I am still correcting people when they bring up the book in conversation; or they make a reference to it. They almost always say "The Hounds of Bakerville" as if Baskerville is a place and there were multiple hounds. Nope. It was ONE big dog, and the Baskervilles were a family who lived in a fictional manor on a fictional moor. It's kind of funny really. I mean, I am wrong, absolutely wrong, about so many things. I'm not as wrong as I could be because I get really really upset with myself when I am wrong, so I tend to fight to my own death about decisions I need to make so I'm not wrong. I kick my own ass, no one else needs to stand in line to do that.  

    My good friend got it right! I called her and I said "OK, Sir Arthur Conan Doyle wrote a book about a family who lived on a moor, and one by one the head of the household was either killed by or chased by a big black dog. Do you know the name of the book?"  She answered yes, "but I didn't know his name was Arthur. I thought it was Conan Doyle." I did laugh.  She did however get the title of the book correct, so we're still best friends.  If I turned that around and I had to answer for her who sang this or that song, or what the title of it was, I would be lost in the abyss because I'm not going to get that unless it's a Bee Gee song. 

    I sat myself down this past week and read the book on my Kindle. I recalled so very little of the book from when I was ten. I really hadn't remembered most of it whatsoever, so that makes me think I now need to go back and read every last thing that Doyle ever wrote. Yes, I do. Did you know, and maybe you don't care, but did you know that before he was an author Arthur Conan Doyle was a medical student and he is a graduate of the University of Edinburgh Medical School? WHAT? Yes, he really was a doctor, and Dr. John Watson is not. Dr. John Watson is a fictional character. I can't tell you how hard I took that information when I realized that neither he nor Sherlock Holmes were real people. Just devastated me. I think I was about 12. I had to question my entire existence at that point.

    If Sherlock Holmes wasn't a real person, I asked myself, were the other people in the other books real? That was when I had a long and drawn-out conversation with Sheila Parker; the teacher who lived behind our house. She had kids that we played with, and since she was a teacher, and I had seen her in the Reference section of the library, I figured she might know something about it. She did. She set me straight on fiction vs. non-fiction, and she even told me about TWEEN books and that was fascinating. I didn't do too much reading in that section, but for some weird reason, I loved the Betsy and Tacy books. Geez, now I have to go back and read those again. I have NO clue what they did, but I remember I loved it.

Photo Credit: Audiobookstore.com

Working Out at the YMCA....Again.

 I bitch, and I complain about it, but then I always end up going right back to the YMCA to work out, and I'm not sure if that makes me happy or not. Is being happy the end game? I think being joyful is better, but we'll save that for another blog.  The YMCA is directly across the street from me, so I really have zero excuses not to go. I could complain, and I do, that they charge 3x that of what the mainstream gyms are charging, they don't have a sauna, they don't have a pool, and sometimes they trade out our good machines to other YMCAs who have more athletic clientele.  We have a bunch of old people at ours. Truth.

    So, why is it that I stay, and why is it that I leave?  Simple. I'm not one to be inconvenienced I really am not; I can say that with the straightest face, and people don't believe me because I'm not showing the proper amount of fury, I guess. If I'm put out I leave. It's very digital at times. I could be standing there in the gym and realize that they close in 20 minutes and I think, "Damn it, it's only freaking 11:40 a.m. and its SATURDAY, the day that most people work out, so why are you closing?" Then, after I say that, I storm out and quit the place. Such a baby. 

    I could also be working out and then realize that about 1/3 of the machines are needing to be serviced. This YMCA doesn't call the maintenance guys out until there are several that need to be fixed or worked on, so we have to wait on more to break!! That's another reason I just quit once, or twice.  I get pissy, which is not the same thing as it is in Great Britain, just so you know. Being pissy in the U.S. means I'm mad.  I get that way. I don't fume. I don't fuss. I just walk away. I complain in writing. I would never complain to a worker. It's not constructive, and it would be rude to do that to a person who simply works there for extra cash.

    Why do I come back? I like the workout. I like that it's close to my apartment. I like that I can go during lunch now that I'm working from home again, and I have decided to take the morning challenge of getting to the gym before 11 on Saturday so I can get a full workout in before they close. I work out for an hour on Saturday, and about 30 minutes during the week on alternate days, I go 3x during the week. I go back because they do have good exercise equipment that I need and can't afford. I don't have a place for it in my apartment either. I go back because they have an indoor track that I can walk if it's raining or snowing or too hot to walk outside. I go back because I'm wanting to stay in shape and tone. I need it.

    I'm one of the younger people that goes; then again, that's changing too. We have younger sets coming in, but they get frustrated like I did, and they leave. Most of them come from other areas of the city where they have YMCAs but they are crowded and they don't want to wait for equipment. They hear about us, so they come by and use ours. I don't appreciate that, but they pay their dues, so I can't change it. They do tend to fall off after two visits. I've noticed that. I go back because I need the routine and I need the motivation. I want to always be the best me I can be, and working out is going to keep me in that mindset.

    I was really excited to see that the YMCA added a back extender to the floor equipment. We had one last year and they gave it to some other Y. This one is good and I love it. I spent 6 minutes on it today and think it's going to be a really good addition to the cool-down part of the workout now.  My son is my trainer, I think I've mentioned that 100 times. He tells me what I should be targeting, and asks how I'm doing. I assume he cares. He seems to care. Whenever someone approaches me at the gym and wants to talk to me I tend to pretend I'm talking to Reuben on the phone rather than just listening to music. I nod, I walk off, and I don't have to communicate with anyone. Sorry if that sounds mean, but I'm not there to chat.

    The workout I tend to do is this: Shoulder pull, pec pull from sitting position, then the pec push from reclined, and pec push from sitting (lateral), then I do the rowing machine for 5 minutes, and now the back extender, but I want to do that last now. I do the leg press, the leg extender, and the leg/butt push-up. I hang for a few reps and I walk the track.  When I get home I do the small stuff, the yoga, the ball or kettle, and the squats. I don't do those at the gym. Someone else can stare at themselves in the mirror; not my thing. I'm really inspired when I see people in their late 70s and 80s working out. Super happy to see them there. One lady, in particular, has a real struggle but she's there and smiling and I do talk to her.

    I came home today thinking I made the right decision to go back - - again. I hope I keep it up, I hope I don't block myself again. I need to be consistent and I need to be diligent. I need to stop being such a Karen to myself and realize that life happens and we're not always going to get what we want!  Such a grown-up!  I'm gonna feel this tomorrow. 

Photo Credit: Me

I Bought Drumsticks.

 I have an acoustic guitar that I named Wally. I bought him on Facebook Marketplace about two years ago. A drummer in a country rock band owned the guitar and he never played it. He bought it so he could learn how to play, but he never got around to it.  Wally sat in the man's garage for over two years and outside of needing new strings, the instrument was pristine. The sale price for the exact Yamaha model number was over $500 when I first bought Wally for $100; so I feel like I got a really good deal. I don't know if the drummer paid that much, he had a friend at Guitar Center who used his personal discount. I know the entire story.  

    When I brought Wally home I had intentions of learning to play him as well. I bought a book, I bought a CD on training yourself, but my fingers are not being very cooperative with my brain. My brain is not the issue here, the fleshy tenant of my skull is directing my fingers to do this or that, but they just sort of sit there; without being nimble and without being the least bit motivated. I can only do what I can do. So, what I'm doing now is intellectually training myself through reading, videos, etc, and if my hands ever do get around to wanting to partner up with my mind, I'll have a really good time playing Wally.  Until then, I just strum along, sing little songs to my dog Ginger, and pretend I'm some sort of master.  Don't laugh, we all do that.

    Did you read the title of the Blog? I bought a pair of drumsticks. There was NO reason whatsoever for the purchase. The ONLY reason they ended up in my hands was that I took them from a toddler who was about to try and put them in his mouth again. His mother wasn't paying attention and the boy could have thrust them down his throat if he fell. Yep, that's me, Granny, on the spot! I was on top of that boy in less than a flash and grabbing those sticks from his open mouth. He stared at me, but I stared right back at him. I wonder if he actually has ever experienced a Southern Grandma before. He could be traumatized, I don't know.

    Anyway, I walked around with them because they were covered in his drool and I didn't want to put them back on the shelf where someone could pick them up unsuspectingly; I'm so nice sometimes. Then, because I was walking around with them, trying to find the hand sanitizer, I thought I would just go ahead and buy them, clean them when I got home, and use them to torment the animals. Good plan. They are the best tormenters out there really. I have no idea what I'm doing when I beat and pound on things, I'm just channeling my memories of Alex Van Halen, and trying to make some sense of the world.

    I did however because I'm cool like that, email the guy who sold me Wally. I told him the story and he said he would have grabbed the sticks and beat the mother with them. He and me both really. I can't blame or fault the woman though, you can't watch the baby 24/7/365. It's impossible. That's why God made angels, and that's why angels use Grammas.  Reuben was about 17-18 months old when I had to let go of his hand to open a door, and he took off into the street behind us. I about died myself that day. I had put the thing I was holding in my left hand over the safety of my child. It happens. We are all fallible.  God is great all the time.

Photo Credit: Musicworks.co.nz

Forced to Look at Handsome Men Today.

 One of the perks of being an author of Highland Romance novels is that I get to design and approve the illustrations that appear on the cover of my book.  If you go into Barnes & Noble, Half-Price Books, or other wonderful places where they sell books, you'll find an entire section for ROMANCE in the larger Fiction section. In the Romance section, you'll find an enormous amount of books written with Highlander men either nearly naked or trying to get to that stage of undress; they are usually wearing a kilt, or some sort of Scottish traditional garb so you know they're Highlanders. I think there needs to be, if there isn't already, an entire genre dedicated just to Highland Romance. That's my thought.

    Because I want my new book "Of Kilted Pleasure" to be up there with all the other fine Highland Romance novels in terms of good-looking Highlander men who are barely dressed, I have commissioned the illustrators at the publishing house to use their digital artists (bots) to create for me the perfect Craig Allan Mackenzie as he is seen throughout the book, holding Aria Campbell from behind, and he's just about to do things that don't require a kilt. The good news I suppose for any Highlanders is that the kilt can be on or off of the man and not really get in his way when he does what he needs (or is expected) to do.

    After a bit of an argument today, my publisher has asked me to go through Getty Images www.gettyimages.com and look through the hundreds or thousands of photos necessary to create the right cover images for my book, and I had no problem agreeing to do so.  You go to the site, you put in what you're looking for, (sort of like Pinterest) and you just pick and choose. In my case, I was allowed to send three images for Craig Mackenzie, three images for Aria Campbell, and three images for the area where they are standing, which are called "the Ruins".  Basically, the Ruins are 500-year-old walls that are the only things standing from a huge manor house from yesteryear. This is where Aria and Ewan go separately and together to dream, pretend, and meet.

    Ewan will not be on the cover of this book but he will be on the cover of the sequel. Craig is the Highlander who needs to be holding the woman while heaving and panting. It's sort of the way things go in the Highlander Romance book genre expectations. Only after you become a successful Highlander Romance book author can you deviate from this expectation...I'm absolutely making that up, but it sounds good to me. Bring me more bulked-up, good-looking, muscular, half-naked Scottish men with their beards, longer hair, and somber faces. I don't mind looking. 

    Now, if I was asking them to print me off a 3-D image of one he would be about six foot, 200 pounds, rounder rather than too bulky, he would have good strong arms, thighs, and butt, and he'd have that three-day beard going on. I do like the longer hair, but as long as it's thick and easy to grab a hold of I'm good.  I'm not into the whole six-pack abs thing. I like a man with life and experience on him rather than him having nothing else to do than hang out at the gym staring at himself in the mirror. Give me a man every time.

    So, that's what I did tonight. I looked at a bunch of men. I found a few and I sent them in to be mixed together, blended if you will, to become Craig Allan Mackenzie. Now, the real Craig Allan doesn't look like that. He's my personal Naked Bearded Man, and he's older, has a lot more life than these guys, and he's nowhere near as fit either. He's been with me for a few years so he's been eating well and resting; when he can. Like the one in the book, my Craig, the real fantasy man, also only speaks Scots Gaelic so I can absolutely not understand him unless he tells me he is OK and has a kitten and a bus. I have those words down pretty well. I'm doing better on Duolingo. Love the content. 

    If you have nothing else to do when you go to the bookstore next time, take a look at the Fiction section, find the Highland Romance section, and just feast your eyes on the big bulky brutes of the moors. You'll not be sorry.

Photo Credit: Gettyimages.com

Publishers - - YOU HAVE A CHOICE Who You Go With

     You know there's the old saying that the Golden Rule is really "Whoever holds the gold makes the rules."  Well, that may be true in some cases, but those are rare cases, and the better understanding of the rule should be the Biblical one; you should treat others as you would want to be treated.  I'm telling you this because the two descriptions of the same rule just collided in my life.

    As an author who only self-publishes, I have been rather hop-skip-and-jump when it comes to the publisher I use for my books. I was really naive in the beginning and had no idea how it worked. I researched it, and since Xlibris had the better ads or perhaps they had more likes, their company links were at the top of the lists you found when you used a search engine. I went with them, not knowing squat when it came to publishing a book, and the sad and uninterested project manager they assigned to me could have cared less. My first book was a DISASTER from the beginning, and it really never got any better. I ended up revising it somewhat, but I had to do an additional edition to do that; which meant more money. I finally just scraped it, it's no longer in print. I paid for services I didn't get, and unless I wanted to hang the company out to dry through the media, there was no way I could have made my project acceptable. So why did I go back to them? I'll explain.

    After the first one or even two books with Xlibris, I decided that they just didn't give a damn about me so I left them and went with iUniverse. iUniverse swore up and down they would take better care of me, and they did I think, my third and fourth books were written with them, and they did more for me, using the images I wanted, etc., but they had issues too. Again, I paid for editing and found many mistakes after the books were published. I'm not sure what that's all about. I wrote a fifth book and went with Palmetto in South Carolina. GREAT company..EXCEPT, they messed up the interior, they used Getty images as they're allowed to, but they left the watermark on them; and published my book!  They had to redo it, send me 100 free copies, and they still messed up the cover with a weird discoloration. What the heck? 

    I was going to use them for the sixth book, my 2nd Blog Book, and yes, we discussed the issues because I'm a rather easy-going forgiving type; I really am. I give people and companies chance after chance. They decided AFTER I had paid for my 2nd book with them, to halt the process to give it to another person who had less experience, because the person working on my project quit before it was finished. Had they mentioned it to me that would have been great, but they just did it, and the person had NO IDEA where to start or what I wanted. It was a nightmare. I still haven't published that book and it's been a year, but they did refund my money. I will give them that.

    OK, so I wanted to write a romance novel. I didn't want to use Palmetto, for obvious reasons, and iUniverse was about $600 more expensive than Xlibris, who was offering me a discount for returning, and they were offering me a free illustration for the cover. I went with Xlibris. I wish I had not. I won't use them again unless they swear up and down in writing what it is that they plan on doing with my book's cover. I'm now being railroaded by their interior and exterior design people, not my project manager, he simply won't return my calls or emails since his boss reamed him for giving me the cover for free.  

    I'm never going to use Xlbris again if they can't figure this out. Let's think about it, it's a $300-400 issue, and I'm willing to send my 4-5 books that I write and submit this year to someone else? Yeah, OK, so simple Math here; I'm not going to give them the $6000 it would cost me to publish if they don't give me the $300-400 I was guaranteed.  YOU WOULD THINK they would apologize, fall all over themselves, and keep their word, but that's not what's happening. I will wait to see what they say, but as of right now, I'm only doing this book with them and only because I've already paid for it.

    This is their last book with me if they can't get their issues worked out. One of the problems is the communication barrier between the American sales force, and the foreign producers. They say they have no issues understanding me, but it's apparent that they do. I want to use a publisher who will keep their word. I am not opposed to outsourcing, but I would rather not have to do so. I understand their reasons, but I need the guarantees I was given to be upheld. Bottomline.  Now I wait. I was given an email from the project manager that pissed me off to the point that I sent it to the American side of things in Customer Service and asked that the woman be replaced. I don't want to see her name in my email box again. She needs to be terminated for being rude to paying customers. Sorry, if that sounds mean, but it's true. We don't deserve to be treated like trash once they get our money.

Photo Credit: Glassdoor.co.uk

The Murder Book : (It's Taking Shape)

         You may not know this, but I'm an author. I am a writer. It's what I do. I write. The "Sex Book" as my daughter calls it, has been written, it's been gone through 10 times, and will be gone through ONE MORE TIME before I send it off to the publisher. I am in the middle of a discussion/argument over the cover right now, so there's that. I am not happy, and if you know me, you know I don't do inconvenience very well. I am probably the first person who will snap at you if I'm inconvenienced, but luckily for everyone I was born and raised in the South, so I try to smile through it and make the person realize they've pushed me too far before I actually stand there blankly staring at them without saying anything - - that's when hell breaks loose. If you know your Southern women, you know that. As long as you can make her talk, you'll survive another day. 

    After the Historical Romance book, which is what I call the Sex Book, I will write the Murder Book. The really cool title for the Murder Book is; wait for it, The Murder Book! Yes, it's so classic, I know, right?  I'm actually in the thick of it now. I have a green notebook, I'll show you, and I'm writing the notes in it that will become the written notes, which will become my paragraph guidelines. The paragraphs then get put into chapters, which are later organized into chronological order, unless I'm using flashbacks.  It could happen.  I write from the ground up, and keep it as organic as I possibly can. 

    Today, I was working out at the YMCA here in OKC, and I asked the manager Sherry, a lady about my age, African American, tall, quite pretty, and active if she wanted to be in the book. She said she did. She and I worked out her role. Now, the book takes place in Oklahoma City, Chicago, and Edinburgh, Scotland. Sherry will be a manager of a fitness center, a YMCA in 1929 in Oklahoma City...as a BLACK WOMAN, can you believe it? She will be so progressive, and so talked about, both good and bad. The man who dies was a co-worker. He was a bigot, a racist, and a narcissistic bastard, and those were his good points. Sherry was NOT upset that he was dead, but she did inform the police of all she knew. She just didn't tell them what she had heard or seen. You can't believe half of what you hear you know, and most of what you see, so when she informed the police, she did so in a very minimal way.

    For me, it's never about the murder, but about the disposal of the body. We'll have three murders, or at least 3 attempted murders. One will survive, I won't tell you which one, but it wasn't the guy in Oklahoma. He died. He was dead the minute he stepped foot onto the ranch. He was and will be enjoyed for years to come by various fish species in and around the greater metropolitan area of Oklahoma. I won't give much more away, you'll have to read the book. I have to write it first, but I'm on my way!! This is gonna be fun.

    This is the first novel in the Nick Posh series. Nick was born in Scotland, his family moved to the U.S. when he was a boy, as his dad was U.S. Army. He has dual citizenship. He broke the OKC case and was loaned out to Chicago Police to help with one of their cases. This case leads to one in Edinburgh, and that's where it gets really good - - love me some Greyfriar Kirkyard shenanigans. It will happen. We'll go up on top of Arthur's Seat, through the wynds of High Street, across the tailored lawns and gardens of Holyrood Palace, and even make an appearance at Hogmanay up under the Castle Rock!  So many things to do, and so many places to visit, and we can't do it without finding out a few interesting facts about my favorite city of all time; Edinburgh.

    So sit back, rest, and relax, you'll be invited to curl up with my good book, and find your way through the herringbone cobbled streets of one of Europe's most incredible cities; Auld Reekie. I'll explain later.

Photo Credit: Me

Still Finding Mistakes

 The thing about life is you're going to always find mistakes no matter how perfect the thing looks or feels. You just can't get it right every time.  No worries. I'm OK with mistakes as long as I know I've done what I can do. I downloaded Grammarly to help me with the issues I was having in my book, but when I used it, believe it or not, where it certainly did a bang-up job on some of the issues, it caused others. I had to go back and reread and rewrite the changes I had allowed Grammarly to make. My writing wasn't necessarily MY writing anymore. It was more polished, more sophisticated, less edgy, and of course, less raw. 

What I found myself doing in writing my book, was that I would write as I speak, and then I'd try to dress it up with language used in the 18th Century. I did that on purpose since the book takes place from 1731-1746 basically. I mention other dates, but the book actually takes place over that period of time. I used Wilson's Border Tales series to find like language and style, and I think it worked out pretty well, thank you very much.  I did find that I had to change a few words so I'm not repeatedly saying the same words too close together. CHALLENGE!!

Reading your own work is hard work, let me tell you. I tend to gloss over my own mistakes the first several times. I have to put the book down, or in my case, not open it on the desktop, and then I have to give it a few days before trying to read it for issues. I have probably gone over it more than 10 times. I've read and reread my own book at least 10 times. It's not something I can say I have ever done with someone else's book. I thought I had it all done, and ready to send to the publisher, but then I found another mistake...in Chapter One.  Only six pages in and I'm screwing up. I can handle it. I'll go back over the thing ONE MORE TIME and look for tiny details that need to be changed.  Geez!

I had to laugh.  I was so happy about having finished it, and having it ready to send to the publisher, that I sent it out again (again) to the 10 people who have been reading it for me. They tell me about mistakes and they make suggestions about the Scots language or tell me when I should have been more specific (or less) about a certain Scottish city, site, phrase, idiom, etc.  I love it. I was so excited about getting the last revision to them that I accidentally sent the dang thing to a man I have been purposely NOT speaking to; at his request.  Yes, I can be an annoyance at times. I was asked not to contact him, and there I go, sending him a sex-filled crazy historical romance novel that takes place in his own country! OOPS!  Well, maybe he'll enjoy himself after he begins to read the first few pages. (Maybe not, he may think I'm a total whack at that point.)

Anyway, the point of the blog is you can't make things perfect and if you did someone wouldn't like it. Someone would disagree with you. Someone would say it's this way or that way. I do know I need to go through the book to change the wrong words; I get that, and I'll work hard on it for sure, but I won't be going through it to change much about the landscaping, or the type of things one may expect an 18th Century whore to say to her husband; sorry....it stays the way it is. I like it.

This brings me to another point. I like the book.  I have literally read this book 10 times and I like it. I did move a few chapters around to make it more chronological, and that was a good decision, but I like this book. I like the characters. I like the colors, I like the way they make decisions. I like the way it ends. I like the dog...she's my dog, of course, I'm going to like the dog.  I really hope others like the book too. I don't measure my success by how many books I sell, but by whether or not I think the book is worth reading. It is.  I tell people I would rather be a successful author with books I love than books that I don't like that made money for me. I'm not lying. I prefer quality over what could get someone's attention. That being said...I think Chapter One is bound to get a few people's attention. Just....just... sayin'. 

Photo Credit: Incomediary.com