Jude Stringfellow's Blog, page 48

Life With and After Owning a Famous Dog.

People assume that because we were on the Oprah Winfrey Show in 2006, we're either famous, rich, or maybe both. Nothing could be further from the truth. Let's start with why we were on the show, shall we? I owned a very famous dog named Faith. Faith was famous for two reasons: she was bipedal and on television.  She was born without the use of her two front legs. One was never present, and the other was born twisted and set behind her. I don't do dog health, so I can't give you the reasons. I can say that the vets who looked at her said that the mother dog must have been aged or had some sort of genetic illness to pass that sort of thing down to her puppies at birth.  The mother dog was approximately twelve when she had her last litter, the one Faith was a part of.

    The mother dog was a full-blood black Chow, and though Faith was yellow, the only way anyone could have known she was half Chow would be to squish her face. When you did that, you could see the Chow; otherwise, she resembled a Labrador mixed with maybe a shepherd of some sort. Faith stood up and walked on her own back legs and was 37" tall when she did so.  She weighed just about 27 pounds and was the most alert and feisty animal I ever knew. She was on top of the world every waking moment of her life until she became older; she really was a good dog.

    We put Faith directly in the Lime Light on purpose; we wanted to show people that you don't have to look OK to be OK.  You don't have to be perfect to be perfect. You can be you, and that's enough. Faith was the best at being the ambassador of love no matter where she went and no matter who she met. We made over 300 flights together, and before that, we traveled by car locally.  To say the dog was an international success would be accurate. She was recognized the world over. People flocked to us when they saw us in the airports and on stages. She was a show-stopper. The thing I really liked about her is that she, being a dog, was never judgmental. She didn't care who was petting her as long as someone was.

    Taking Faith around the world meant giving up my day job. I was a professor or adjunct professor. I worked for several colleges both on-site and remotely. I was unable to keep that up if I needed to take Faith about, so yes, I made that choice. It wasn't one I wanted to make. I lost a great deal of money, status, and possible tenure, but it was something I felt I needed to do. I think I made the right choice. I know she changed people, and I know they appreciated meeting her and being near or with her. I was reminded over and over again how callous others can be, as I expected to be paid and was often stiffed by colleges, schools, and businesses who would hire us on a Net 30 basis and either not pay or pay us an amount quite less than what we had agreed. It was heartbreaking. 

    After Faith was unable to do what she did, go where she needed to go and do what she was doing, I made the decision to go back into teaching, but it was not the same. I was teaching at the high school and middle school level, and times had really deteriorated from 2005 when I had left to take Faith around the world. It was unreal how students treated teachers and how the administration wouldn't back the teachers up when necessary. I went back into selling and servicing insurance, and that's what I'm doing now. I was recently released from my job because the agent couldn't afford to continue to pay me.  He wanted me to go commission, but that's not what we had agreed upon, and no one in this state wants to use that carrier at this time due to their 50% policy rate increase. No. Salary is the only way to go.

    I'll be OK. I have my licenses, and I have experience. I'll bounce back and, in fact, have an interview today to work as a Claims Adjuster for another good company. If I get it, I'll update it and let you know. I have a good feeling about it. If not, I will pray about it and do what needs to be done. God is in charge today, just like He was in charge when I left one opportunity to pursue another. He has His hand in everything. All I have to do is have faith...well, I did have Faith, didn't I? She taught the world a few things, and she taught me a few things too.  God is just waiting on me to ask, so I'm asking. I'll rest now and do what I'm told; that's the best freedom out there. When you align yourself with God, you are truly free. 

    You can even be a bit feisty if you need to be. 

How Time Changes Everything

 About this time, 18 years ago, in 2005, my son Reuben was graduating from high school, only he didn't.  We were filling out the paperwork and paying for the robe package when the counselor informed me that Reuben couldn't walk with the rest of his 6A class (a very large popular school district) because he was lacking 1/2 of a credit to graduate. It was in ART. What? Are you serious? I was furious!! The counselor had been exhibiting signs of dementia or early onset Alzheimers for about a year or so, but no one on the staff wanted to let her go. She had been there for so long; she was a staple. Everyone had assumed she would live forever, I think.  To put it another way, she was married to a man who was my vice principal 27 years before that. To say she was old was an understatement. 

    I had almost graduated with a Ph.D. in Administration. I was already teaching at the college level when I got an idea. I could pull my son out of high school and enroll him in my school, not the school I taught at, but I could create a school. It would be a home-school situation. The alternative was to sue the school district, and that would take time, and it would be ugly as well. We didn't want money; we wanted Reuben to graduate. He deserved that. The principal agreed, and we never asked the District.

    Reuben was taken out of his school with the colors of orange and black, the mascot being the Pirates, and because he wasn't in the Honor Society or any other club, he was allowed to withdraw and simply walk away.  I enrolled him into my newly created "school," and he was placed in ONE class; a movie. The college I worked at had an amazing film department. The department was headed by famed director and executive producer Gray Frederickson.  He and I had worked together in the past on "The Outsiders." Reu was given the role of "the young cop" in a movie with the working title of "Wisteria."  It was filmed on set in the summer of 2005 but wasn't released for at least two years; under the name "The Gray Man."  It's the biographical story behind the murderer Albert Fish. It was set in New  York City in the late 20s and early 1930s.  Fish was arrested in 1930, escaped, was rearrested, and died in 1936.

    During the film, we were given full access, of course, to the set and everything that happened on it. Reuben was not an extra, but he didn't have any lines. He was an active member, and they used him in several scenes. The sad case was that after the editing, he was only seen in two or three, and you had to look really hard to find him. I can't believe they cut the scene of him tackling a bootlegger running out of the barn in the field! He was amazing!! The director took so many takes because Reuben was too good at the tackle. The actor decided to use a stand-in, but they finally got the scene shot without Reuben looking like he came off the Oklahoma Sooner's line during the OU/TX game. What can I say? He was "enthusiastic." 

    Since that time, the boy enlisted in the U.S. Army went on at least two overseas tours, was stationed in Fairbanks, AK, for four years, and came back to Oklahoma. He joined the Indiana National Guard for a couple of years, and he is still in the Guard, but now he's in the very elite Oklahoma National Guard, 45th Infantry. He'd have to tell you all the numbers and names that follow, but I know he's an E6 and about to become an E7. He came back from the war, enrolled in college at Oklahoma University, and, yes, he is now in the Honor Society. I couldn't be more proud.

    I really do think about things that make these types of changes in our lives. He would never have been able to explore that side of himself if he hadn't been given the raw end of the deal as a Senior in high school. I mentioned the colors and mascot earlier. My son graduated from Putnam City Homeschool, and we (he) was the Privateers. Our colors are black and gold, and I never officially closed it down. My daughters graduated from it, and their transcripts, like their brother's, have been authenticated by the district we live in and by the colleges they later enrolled in. They all took Compass tests to enter college; they are official. We even had a fight song, but it's very graphic, inappropriate, and no, I won't write the lyrics for you. I didn't write it (that's all, Caity).

    So, time rolls on, and I find old pictures that take me back to those particular years. On this day, the day the photo was taken, Reuben had his hair cut by the hair/makeup woman on set. He had shoulder-length strawberry blond curls. She basically shaved him, and she kept the ponytail for herself.  Wow. He was laughing, saying he saved himself about $30!  Mom cried.  It was a great day. (It was filmed in Guthrie, Oklahoma, not New York City.)  I took Reuben to NYC with me that year before he enlisted in the Army. He prefers Guthrie! LOL

Photo Credit: Me

    

People Need To Think

 Recently, and by that, I mean today, I was released from the employment of a man who couldn't make his payroll, but instead of admitting that, he decided to lie about me and to me. I suppose it made it easier for him to accept the loss.  I should have seen it coming, and in a way, I did. I began applying for other jobs about a month ago, and the fact that I only started working for the man about two months ago should tell you that he just didn't think things through completely. I can't say it's 100% his fault, but what he did after he hired me was absolutely 100% his fault. Sorry, Bud! I'm telling your secrets.

    I was hired in early February by an insurance agent; I won't say the name of the firm, as that's not polite. The carrier doesn't make or break the deal either, so we'll just say "Bud" hired me, and he shouldn't have.  When I interviewed him, always by Zoom, he understood that I charge X for my services. He said he couldn't pay X but he could come close, so we decided that if I was to receive the pay he was offering, I would not be doing some of the things he wanted me to do. That arrangement seemed fair to him, and I was hired.  That's the last time I do that without getting it in writing. 

    From the VERY FIRST DAY, may began giving me work that was not included in our deal. He claimed it was needed that most, if not all, customer service reps did this sort of work. I explained to him that I was an insurance producer. I didn't mind doing his customer service work, but that if I was going to do that, I would not do the sales, and I would not bear the responsibility for his metrics, what the company expected of him.  Again, we agreed.  I went through the process of becoming certified under the carrier's regulations, which takes about a month to do fully. I did it, and the entire time he complained that I wasn't doing it fast enough, but if you go faster than the program thinks you need to go, it rejects you and makes you start completely over. He's an idiot. Did I mention that?

    During the time I was being "geared up," he expected me to do sales, but he wasn't going to pay me the extra or the commission.  He took 100% of the credit for anything I quoted. Then he allowed his former employee, the one I replaced, to return, and he let her do the quotes (which was fine since I only wanted to do the service work for the meager pay he was offering), and he still couldn't get it through his head that you get what you pay for. If you want a licensed agent with the many year's experiences that I have, you have to pay for that. You don't get my expertise at zero, and you certainly aren't going to ask me to prospect for you, get the sales, take the credit, and still not pay me for gas, time, etc. Prospecting is not part of CSR work no matter where you go - - far different pay scale. He was unwilling to pay it, and after bringing his former employee back, he was unable to pay us both.

    Because the company carrier he represented had taken a 50-60% increase in home policies this past fall, he was seeing cancellations out the wahzoo!! I mean daily, if not hourly, we had someone cancel their home policy, which meant they took their cars, boats, and RVs with them.  He was bleeding premium and not making it up because NO ONE wants to pay 30% more than the best quote they got the week before. NO ONE.  We couldn't keep the doors open. The other worker and I worked from home. We didn't use the office for anything. The carrier he works for insists that he has a physical office, and this idiot stays with them rather than going independent and taking his clients with him. I guess he thinks he can't do that, but 9 times out of 10, if you do a great job, your clients will follow you! You don't even have to beg them. I guess he knows he may keep only a few.  I wouldn't stay with him. I never let him have my business, but he did threaten me with my job if I didn't transfer my business to him - - too bad, Bud!!

    The day before yesterday, the other co-worker had to leave for a while. OK. I can handle the phones. An entitled client called and wanted something done right then. He expected me to stop what I was doing for another client and get something done for him. I told him he'd need to wait for about 10 minutes. He called Bud and lied about me, and Bud called me out for it. I tried to defend myself, and Bud said, "He pays the bills; he can say that if he wants to."  This was unacceptable. He had allowed several prickish clients to be rude to me and to the other worker. If they had money, he told us to suck it up. If they were mono-policies, he called them to say they couldn't treat us poorly. See where I'm going? This was his way of dealing with ethics. If they had MONEY, they could treat us like dirt, call us names, lie about us, make unreasonable demands, etc.  

    Then, there were the times he showed his ass by being an absolute racist pig. He had been given about 100 Asian clients when another agent had been terminated. The way Bud treated these clients was unreal and unacceptable. IF they had money, he found a way to be helpful, but he also broke several HIPAA laws in the process of working their policies. He didn't care. They paid the bills. I refused. Guess who was terminated!!  I took notes.  I'm meeting with his district manager this coming week and discussing his methods. I am meeting with the Oklahoma Insurance Commissioner's office the following week with or without obtaining satisfaction from the district office. I'm filing a formal complaint. I have evidence that he asked me to be unethical.  Again, sorry...but not really.

    People should think before hiring people. They should only hire the ones they can afford to hire. They should hire ethical people unless of course, they want to run an unethical business, and then that won't (didn't) work out for them. I won't lessen my ethics for him, not if he pays me, and certainly not if he can't or won't. His district needs to see the evidence. He can be retrained - - or whatever they do for their reps and agents. Here's the hard part; he's a Christian. I hate that. I hate it when Christians treat other Christians like dirt and expect it to be OK. Not OK, Bud!! NOT OK.   Yesterday the man told me through chat if I wasn't "able to wrap my head around my job and do things my way," I had the decision to make. I made it. I was allowed the day off with pay.  I used it to apply for more than 50 positions, and I had an interview later in the afternoon.  I go for my 2nd tomorrow. Before you hire someone, you need to think about what they will bring and what they can take away.

    I took a lot. I wrote notes. I gathered facts. I know my job, and I do it well. I've been bullied and hurt by dozens of employers in the past. I don't like to say this, but he's just another unethical man who can't see the service for the dollar signs. It's all about the money for this one. That's too bad because, in the end, we can't take it with us; what we do for others is what really matters. He should think. 

Photo Credit: TheSciencePost.com

Pinball. (A tale) Chapter 1

 Pinball.

By JudeStringfellow

comments: jude.stringfellow@gmail.com

 

          His cousin’s question hit him somewhatout in left field, he wasn’t sure how to address it.

          “Why does your mum call you ‘Lexy’anyway? That’s a girl’s name.” But to be honest, Lexy had never reallyquestioned the matter. Being born Alexander John Wilson, he just thought it wasthe easier thing for his mum to do, to shorten the longer first name to ashorter one. She could have called him John, but he was named after hisgrandfather, and he was called John. Even the thought of being called “Johnnie”was repulsive to the man.  At 40 one thinksabout other things in life, not necessarily about why his mum or anyone else wouldcall him by a name that still others felt wasn’t up to par with the world’sstandards. There weren’t that many Lexy, is it Lexies, who are men; at least hedidn’t think so. Most women who went by the name spelled it with an “i”at that end. He decided not to let it bother him. This was his 4oth birthday;he was the guest of honor at the party, he would smile through it as best hecould. Family could be really annoying.

          After a few well-wishers had passedhim, slapping him on the back or the bum for good measure, and then taking thetime to either give him a few quid or mention they had meant to bring some buthad forgotten their wallets, Lexy found himself walking from the great room of his late aunt’s robust estate to a smaller less used room, the drawing room she once calledit. The room was where there were chairs and small tables for drinks andrefreshments. The windows in the room seemed overly large, but he didn’t noticeany drawing tables; he supposed the term was just a way to describe a smallroom where people talked rather than focusing on some sort of televisedentertainment. There wasn’t a telly in the room either. He wondered how hisaunt and uncle had survived their marriage without a telly. He imagined theremust be one somewhere else in the house.

          Sitting on an attractive golden-tonedsettee, Lexy sighed a long and exhaustive breath, while at the same time, hemade himself comfortable, he glanced over at the door to be sure he hadremembered to close it behind him. His anxiety was kicking in with so manypeople gathered in one place. With most of them rubbing up next to him, touchinghis arms, his back, and his backside, he wasn’t completely comfortable being inthe house. He had remembered it from years back, back when he was a kid, backwhen he was too young to be taken seriously when he had something serious totell his mum and dad about what had happened to him there in the house. He was seven.

          He was seven years old. That means itwas now thirty-three years, and thirty-three years to the day because it had been onthe occasion of his seventh birthday that he had last been inside the grandhome; a place he had vehemently had avoided. Why he had agreed to return to itnow must have had something to do with the passing of his uncle the springbefore his late summer birthday. With Uncle Rabbie gone, there wasn’t really areason to fear the place; unless of course, someone there knew what happened. Noone knew because when he had gathered the nerve to insist that something hadhappened he was immediately met with hush-hush instructions from both hismum and dad. “We can’t talk about it, ever.” His mum had told him. If itdid happen; and he knew it had, it would never be something to discuss withfamily and certainly not with others. This sort of thing can be handled by theadults. The adults never said a word to anyone. At 40, Lexy realized that when heheard from his cousins just how beautiful and wonderful the funeral of their fatherhad been. So many good things were said about Rabbie that day. Lexy knewno one had mentioned that Scott "Rabbie" Wilson had molested the boy rather than givinghim a quid on his seventh birthday or that he had continued to sexually assaulthim for months afterward.

“Oh, thiswill be better than a quid Lexy”, said the letch. “This willbe our secret and we can do it every time we see each other if you want to.”The boy couldn’t lie at that age. What his uncle had done to him did feelincredible; but if it was such as wonderful game they shared, why was it such asecret? Aren’t secrets between two people who trust each other supposed to be somethingthat binds them closer together? Lexy had a secret with his mum at about thesame age too; she would take him to his favorite ice cream store and let himpick whatever he wanted if he promised to sit still in the corner and wait forher to return to the front lobby. It usually only took a few minutes while shetalked to Debra Sterling in the back where they kept the ice cream tubs frozen;Daddy didn’t need to know.

          It didn’t take too long before Lexyshared the gift and secret he had with his uncle with his parents. It may havebeen on their way home that night from his party, or it may have been the next dayas they rode the ferry back to the mainland. He never really remembered when hetalked first about it but he was certain that when he did he was made to shutup about it, never to say it again, and that sort of thing, this sort of thing,can’t be talked about. That’s how big of a secret it was. Whether he knew itwas wrong, the boy wasn’t sure, but it was in fact a secret and he knew thatfrom the moment he opened his mouth. Lexy saw his Uncle Rabbie a few times overthe autumn months, and of course, they celebrated Christmas, but not at the bigestate. Rabbie and his family had left the Isle of Skye to travel to Edinburgh’soutskirt town of Tranent to be with other family members. Lexy let his uncleknow that he had only told his parents, no one else. It was still a secret. 

OnChristmas day Lexy’s father entered a room of his father’s home to find the boycurled up in Rabbie’s lap and whispering into his uncle’s ear.  A long and stern look, a glare really, wasexchanged between the men, but nothing else was said. Uncle Rabbie never cameto another party after that. Excuses were made regarding his health. For thatmatter, Lexy hadn’t seen his cousins more than a few times over the next thirty-threeyears. Uncle Rabbie’s health had kept them from making travel plans as well, itseemed. His death had somehow released them from their otherwise obligatedrestrictions; one or two mentioned the past, but for the most part, it was leftunspoken. Being in the estate didn’t make it any easier for Lexy to enjoyhimself on the Big 40; if anything, he felt closed off. He wasn’t breathingvery deeply. When he took his retreat to the drawing room he couldn’t evenremember if the cake had already been served. He just knew he needed to escape.

When didit all begin anyway? What led him to this state of heightened anxiety wheneverhe thought about being around his own family? It couldn’t have just been thefact that when he was a little boy he was molested, it had to be more. Maybe itwas the fact that he wasn’t even sure if he belonged to that family. SinceRabbie Wilson was Murdoch Wilson’s brother and John Wilson’s son, that wouldmean he was related to the man his mother married but if he was to believe hisown mum’s words, Lexy wasn’t really even a Wilson! He was a Collins, or atleast he assumed he was a Collins.

It wasduring one of his parents’ infamous fights that his father dodged a flying teasaucer that had been hurled at him by his wife of over a decade after he had accusedher of having another affair. He used the word “another” as if it was anongoing thing. His mother’s response was both useless and confusing; she had statedsomething like “You didn’t mind me having an affair with you when I wasmarried to Robert Collins. In fact, if I remember correctly, you rather enjoyedyourself.”  But his father wasn’thaving any of it and retorted that at least he, Murdoch, was a man, and hecould understand if the woman had been with another man, but to cuckold him so thatshe could be with a woman was unthinkable!

          If he was keeping up with the conversation,as he tried to remain hidden behind the door of his bedroom, this meant thathis mum had not only had an affair with his father but that she was now having onewith a woman. Then another thought him right between the eyes; his fatherhad said “After a decade you’d think I’d have figured you out”, a decadeis a period of ten years, but Lexy was 14 when he had heard this particularfight. What about the years before that? Was Robert Collins his actual father?Was someone else his actual father? Lexy closed his bedroom door and made anunscheduled exit through his bedroom window that night. He didn’t return homefor several hours. He needed to think.

          Finding out at the age of 14 that youmay not be your father’s child, and you may not have a mother who even lovesyou enough to tell you the truth about who you are can be devastating to a boy.Being an only child didn’t make it easier; there was no one to confess to, noone to fight with, no one to cry with or share his deepest emotions with.Emotions were another thing Lexy wasn’t really allowed to express in the Wilsonhome. It’s almost as if speaking of one’s feelings somehow lessened their Scottishnessby a degree or two; couldn’t happen. Murdoch saw to that. Upper stiff lip andall, even if that was an English thing, it was a Wilson thing as well. Somewhere along the way their motto seemed to take shape in the words “Never letthem see you cry”. Well, here he was turning 40 and Lexy needed to cry; and hedid. He did so in a room that could have been a trigger point if he had allowedit to be, but instead, he willed himself to allow it to be a place where hecould confront the very event that caused so much turmoil.

          Maybe only a few moments passed in real-time, it seemed that way to the visitors and guests just beyond the door. Oneor two of them had seen Lexy make his retreat. Because everyone in the househad been there before, they knew the larger-than-usual windows were actuallyFrench doors, and that they led directly to the back garden pool and guest house.More than one cousin had spent the summer months enjoying the poolsidepleasures. Lexy wondered silently if these same cousins, not the sons or daughtersof Uncle Rabbie, but the other cousins, the daughters and one son of his fatherand Rabbie’s sister Julia; were fallen victims to the hands and mouth oftheir uncle or was it just something Lexy endured alone? Again, no one to askdirectly, it wasn’t something you brought up under ordinary circumstances.

          When the door opened, and Lexy couldsee clearly the shy and intimate face of his sweet cousin Renee; his Aunt Julia’sfirstborn, he knew he was in good company. As Renee quietly shut the door she allowed him to see her overlyexaggerated face making a funny sort of relieved expression as if to congratulatehim on finding the hidden spot where anyone could step away from the mayhem ofreality, and collide into the soft and inviting cushions of a world long sinceforgotten. The drawing room of an older woman was a haven to them both;something they could have shared a thousand times if Lexy’s father and UncleRabbie were on speaking terms during the past thirty-three years. Lexy quietlysmiled at Renee, deciding to be rather blunt rather than coy. 

          “You found me.” He spoke directly.

          “It wasn’t so difficult. You halfway caught my eye before you came into the room. It’s always been my place tohide, but I can share.”  Sheanswered.

          “Has it always been this way withthe Wilsons? Have there always been dozens of people milling about and takingover the place? I don’t remember I guess because when I was just a boy, Iremember being held back from most of the crowd because I was so little, I maybe squashed.” He half laughed, but only half, knowing that most of what hesaid was true.

          The two cousins sat a few feet from oneanother holding the same golden-colored throw pillows tightly, as if huggingthem made their existence better. Renee was a few years older than Lexy andremembered the rumors that spread quickly after his unfortunate seventh birthdayparty, the one where he forgot to take some of his presents with him, but hadnever returned to retrieve them either. Renee’s mother hadn’t thought to bringthem with her to Edinburgh, to give them over to Murdoch. The presents wereeither given to his cousins, which is the most likely scenario, or they weresimply binned and forgotten. The thought of mailing the toys had never entered Uncle Rabbie's or Aunt Claudia’s mind.

          Claudia Anne Baskerun Wilson, the auntof all aunts. Renee remembered her well enough, but upon her death a few yearsearlier, Renee was shocked to understand that neither the house nor any of herown possessions were to be distributed to her children until the death of her spouseScott Andrew Wilson; her husband and joint survivor of the estate and all thatcame with it. How no one in her family had thought to force a prenuptialagreement between the two is surprising, but again, having only been a youngerwoman at the time her aunt passed from this world, Renee was certain she had noinkling of an idea as to what was and what was not legitimate regarding the marriageof the Rabbie Wilsons; their uncle had kept his lips tight where that was concerned, evenif he opened them to things he should not have, to the children who visited.

          Renee was the first to draw emotionalblood. “Aunt Claudia never knew how he was. You couldn’t have told heranything about Rabbie that didn’t fit into her already iron-clad box of howwonderful she believed him to be.” With a glance of surprise that held its own tinge of embarrassment,Lexy questioned her, more or less feeling out what he could, to see what sheknew. “I’m not sure I understand your meaning.” He started. “Sure,you do. You would; of all people who would know, you would know.” Was hercurt and well-directed response. Adjusting himself into an even more protective posture using his pillowas a shield, Lexy chanced to look his older cousin in the eyes, those wateringsweet clear blue eyes, and without a word, he nodded his agreement. Reneequietly slipped her left hand out from under the pillow she held and offered itto her cousin. In silence they sat; his head lowered, her eyes welling up for asecond time in only a few minutes.

 

Photo Credit: playstationcountry.com

Disagreeing with God

 It's never a good thing when you, we, and I, disagree with God or what His Word says. If it says no, it really does mean no. If it says yes, well, there you go, it means yes. God is the ONE who cannot lie. He cannot lie, He doesn't lie, He will not lie, so we can rest on that. I suppose in 2023, we often say "We can bank on that".  The truth is, that we are the ones who need to polarize ourselves to Him, not the other way around. We tend to either forget this, or we just tend to overlook it, maybe even avoid it. We say (and I hear this all the time) "It's 2023, times have changed. People have changed."  OK, yeah, they're right on all three accounts. (1) it is 2023.  (2) Times have changed. (3) People have certainly changed.  Guess what? God has not changed. 

    What fools we are and what mockery we cause when we arbitrarily, on our own steam, decide or elect to sin knowing that what we're doing is absolutely not acceptable to God. I could pull out one particular sin that has been elevated, celebrated, and plastered all over the media, but I won't. I'll say that all sin, no matter how colorful or prideful it may be, is sin. Sin doesn't become acceptable to God or Jesus just because the calendar has progressed. I added Jesus' name because there are too many churches out there right now that, through the name of Christ Jesus, are claiming that homosexuality is acceptable to Jesus; that He died for all of us. RIGHT AGAIN...He did die for every last one of us, but the sin of homosexuality, or any immoral sexual sin (including premarital sex) is still NOT acceptable to God. 

    Just because most of us are guilty of a particular type of sin (also) it doesn't make it acceptable, and it doesn't make it OK. Sin is still sin. According to God, according to Jesus, according to the Holy Spirit, and according to the Word. We can make up all the excuses we want to, but we are faced with the true fact that we are still WRONG. I read today in Proverbs 13:20 that (20) "He who walks with wise men will be wise, but the companion of fools will be destroyed."  It really can't get much clearer than that. If a man calls another man his bestie, but that bestie isn't within God's plan for friendship; he's not your bestie. He's an agent of the Deceiver. 

    This weekend I chanced across a photo uploaded on a social media account that I frequently check out in order to pray for the person who posts. He's more or less confused about his choices and lifestyle these days, but because he professes to be a born-again Christian, and hangs with certain people (many of them) I continue to ask God to show him the verses and the passages in the Word to give the man more direct understanding of what he's doing to himself, to his witness, to his fanbase (he's an artist) and to his relationship with God. You can't go about slapping someone in the face and expect them to be your best friend after that. God is not our best friend, He is GOD!  He is unchanging and immovable, and He does not compromise because we want to do something that we KNOW is wrong EVEN if the world accepts it. C'mon, this isn't rocket science - - and even if it were, God made that too!

    I'm about to write another short story, maybe 10-12 pages long, and it will deal with this particular type of misguided foolery being displayed for all to see, and for all to respond to. I'll call it "Pinball" because that is what this man's life has turned out to be. Three and a half years ago when God asked me to pray for the man, I didn't know just how deeply he was embedded in this world's confusion surrounding the issue. He was literally born into it. That's the problem. The one woman he thought he could trust turns out to be the biggest liar in his life. When you love your mother it's hard to see that she would be so cruel as to keep you in the dark not only about your birth father, but your life in general - - finding out when you're a teen just made things more difficult. The story I write will NOT be about his life. It will NOT be his experiences. It will be loosely based on some of the events he has faced, not all of them. No one would believe that mess!

    I'll say this; I'm not in love with this man. I love this man. There is a huge difference between those two statements. Through Christ, and through the God of our salvation (OUR SALVATION) I am faithful to my duties of praying for him. I am and will remain so because again, God doesn't change. Just because I want to throw the man out the window or in the bin doesn't mean I have that right. I do not have that right. I have an assignment, and I will do my best to please and honor God through it. I may be hated for it. I may be blamed. I may be called many unfavorable things by the man himself, but one thing is for certain...eternity is a VERY VERY long time, and I know he will be there too; without the sin....thank God, literally, thank God, all of our sins, every last dirty tiny one, has been forgiven. We just need to fix our alignment with God from time to time. He's waiting.

Photo Credit: Pinterest.com

DO NOT use Xlibris to Publish Your Book.

 The 2nd or maybe the 3rd book I published back in 2006, was a poetry book titled "Periwinkle".  It is a lovely book, and though I do have ONE regret regarding the title and/or the poem associated with the title, I know that at the time I wrote it I was well within my rights and emotions to do so. I had no idea at that time, that the person I wrote the poem about would turn out to be the person that he is; not someone I would likely honor with another poem.  Though the poem itself is a good work, I am not happy with the subject of it; still, it doesn't change the fact that the book is a good book. It needs to be read, it needs to be shared.

    I knew little to nothing about publishing at the time I wrote the book and had it submitted to Xlibris for publishing. I will not use Xlibris again. I think the last time I used them was in 2006, and then in 2023, so 17 years went by and they had not changed. I had hoped they would, but they are worse now if you can imagine that. I just have to say it; there are so many more options for writers now.  Choose wisely, and by that I mean do your homework and find a company that both produces and services you in North American or European English. Otherwise, there could be miscommunications and language barriers which could cause you to miss something pretty important. I know I did!! I was flat embarrassed by my first book, and then again in my 2nd book. The poetry book does have one mistake I think, but it's not so noticeable. I notice it of course, but no one else has ever mentioned it.

    Now, one of the reasons no one else has ever mentioned it may very well be because it has not been mass-produced and it was not priced correctly. NO ONE should have to be subjected to paying $40+ for a book that is only 124  pages, and that is a book of poems!! What in the hell were they thinking when they set that price? I had NO WAY of knowing that I could have canceled the project altogether and resubmitted it with another ISBN. That is exactly what I have done. I have also written to Xlibris and asked them to discontinue the one on Amazon at this time with their ISBN number. Great Scott!! They did me such a disservice and I had no idea I had any real control over it. I often wondered but I guess I never took the time to find out. I finally did that.

    I have canceled every single book I have ever written and published with Xlibris and I hope they never darken my email again.  I have said it before, the ONLY people at the place with any withal are Kaye Parsons, and Elaine the illustrator, and now I need to add Michelle Parsons (a manager).  I hope they all move to another publishing company. Xlibris does not deserve them in my opinion.  When I canceled the books I was given a couple of weeks to download my files, which I did. I put them safely into documents, downloads, onto a flash drive, and on my desktop. I wanted to be sure I have them all. I have four books with them, four covers for soft versions, three covers for hardcovers versions, and a 2nd edition for one of the books which were so messed up I had to scrap the first edition and get another ISBN to re-do it, and they STILL messed it up. The size was wrong, the font was off, the color, the material, you name it, they did not get it correct!

    Unless and until you go through the whole experience you may not realize the control you actually have with your own book. You do have much more control than you may think. What I really hated about Xlibris was the way they limited me as an artist giving me two choices for covers or saying I couldn't use this or that image after sending me the link to those images. It was downright disastrous, and I want everyone to know so they can move forward and have a better experience than I had. I will say this; even with the knowledge I have now, I found myself fighting with the project manager and first illustrator over and over again to get what I had paid for. I was lied to, I was harassed, I was ignored, and finally, I just had to compromise to get my book finished. It was just nuts. If you want my opinion, they are a subpar company. I will never use them again.

    They do have a handshake with Amazon, but they take their cut and that leaves you with less than you deserve.  Even going through IngramSpark directly you're still allowing for another middleman, but at least you cut out the publisher. If you can get a KDP (Kindle Direct Publishing) account going, and pay the $600 to upload your eBooks, that is the way to go.  You can then decide if you want to use them for the soft print or paperback as well, but there are benefits of using IngramSpark for that. They do distribute to more places globally and you don't have to deal with those agencies yourself. Best of both worlds: eBook with KDP (Amazon) and softcovers with IngramSparks. My choice. Your choice may vary. It's just crazy to think they charged what they charge. NO WONDER I never sold copies. I'm hoping to do so now. I won't make $$$ on the poetry book, but they will be out there and that's more important to me.

    At $8.99 a book I'll earn about $1.60 for each book because printing is a real thing. I won't put the poetry book in eBook format, it won't look right on the pages.  Again, I'm not expecting to make bank on the poetry, but I do want people to read it. It's really very good. My son wrote 5 of the poems when he was 16-18 years old, so that's cool too. Life.  You just have to live it.

Photo Credit: Snipped from Amazon.com  The new price (and ISBN) will be less th an $8.99 (they may discount it)

Self Publishing is SO CONFUSING.

 I think the main issue here is that I have never been able to get the truth out of anyone because they answer your question from the point of view of their own interest rather than from my interest. The distributor and/or retailer (Amazon) want your business and they naturally say they are the better choice. You have to decide what you're going to do, and you have to find out what you need on your own.  It's not easy, and from the point of view of an author who isn't an experienced publisher, it's really downright confusing; if not utterly frustrating. I'll explain.

    I have published several books but have always gone through a publisher who I suppose has a handshake with the major distributor, namely IngramSpark.  IngramSpark is both a Print-on-Demand (POD) printer and a distributor. They print on demand if someone asks them to, which would be unusual, but they do distribute to Amazon; so Amazon may ask them to print it for them. Either way, it's just six of one and a half-dozen of the other to an author. We just want our books out there so they can be looked up, seen, bought, and then ultimately we are paid! That's all we want.

    First, you write your book. Then you have choices as to who publishes it. You can go through IngramSpark for that too, but I didn't know that. I had NO IDEA that was an option until I left Xlibris and IngramSpark pointed out to me that they could have done what Xlibris did, but that's not to be decided today.  It's done. I spent $1200 getting the damn thing to the point that I have now a PDF interior and a PDF cover which can be uploaded to IngramSpark so it can be distributed. I think (if I had stayed with Xlibris another week) they would have done this for me, but I don't know. We won't know, because I left them after they proved to be nearly useless and I had to fight my way through the publishing process.

    I have the PDF interior and cover to upload. I think I can do that for $49 at IngramSpark for the softcover or paperback, as we used to call them. They then take the interior and cover, upload it and do what they do in order to get it over to Amazon, Apple, Barnes and Noble, and other global markets. That's a good thing. I am pretty stoked about that. They do have an eBook option as well. I'm on the fence about it because I think, (think) that I can upload that for free when I upload my print cover and interior, however, their site wasn't allowing it this weekend and I'm about to pull my hair out over the issue. When I wrote to their customer service you NEVER get anyone to call me back, they email me, and they suggest things that I've already done. NO HELP WHATSOEVER.

    At least I know I can get the print cover and interior uploaded. I may do that and come back to do the eBook, but then again, I may just wait for someone to finally answer me, it should not be this way. There should be people willing to help.  On the flip side of that, the KDP or Kindle Direct Publishing is probably going to be best for my eBook since 95% of my sales will likely be from Kindle. Well, OK, but that's $600 to upload. WHAT?  OK, maybe I'll just wait to save the money and do that since I'll make another $2.00 off each book I sell rather than allowing IngramSpark to take their cut if I go through them, only to have them go through Amazon. It's cutting out the middleman, but there is a cost involved to do it. DAMN.

    Bottom line, I have to wait to save the money to do it, I'm not rich at this point. I have to wait for the eBook but not the print version. I can also go ahead and upload the book on IngramSpark and see if they can run it through Amazon, then after I do have the $600 to take it from Ingram and re-up it at Amazon, but then I'd have to buy another ISBN. It's just too stupid, and it's just too confusing. I am not a fan. I have to admit that it's not for the fainthearted. Books are fun to write, but they do cost $$$ to have published, printed, promoted, and purchased. Maybe it will be worth it. I'll just save and do it correctly, that way I do not regret my decision later. It's only going to take 6-8 weeks to save that so I'll be OK, but damn. I really think it should be FREE to upload since they are making money on the sale. It's an eBOOK not a printed book. Geez!

    Yep, that's what I'll do. I'll upload the printed book on IngramSpark now so it can be out there, then I'll wait 6-8 weeks, save the $600 and upload it to Amazon directly, but I do want it to be global, so if Amazon doesn't have a global market, then I'm going with IngramSpark for sure. I need someone from IngramSpark to answer my questions!! That's what I need. Even a FAQ would be great.

UPDATE: I uploaded the print version of "Of Kilted Pleasure" as well as my poetry book "Periwinkle" onto IngramSpark today. They will be available next week on Amazon in PRINT version.  $19.99 or less for the novel, and $8.99 or less for the poetry book. The eBook will be uploaded when I can get the money to do so. I think maybe 6-8 weeks (June 15-July 1).  The eBook for "Of Kilted Pleasure" will be $5.99 USD I won't upload the poetry book for eBook, it wouldn't look right.  

Photo Credit: Steemit.com

My Two Grandmas.

 So, nowadays people have a multitude of grandparents because of divorce, remarriages, and blended families. I was born in the 60s and my parents were born in the 30s and there wasn't as much of that going around. I had two grandpas and I had two grandmas. Growing up I was privileged to have had a great grandma while I was young as well.  I remember thinking she must be 100 years old to have been Grandma's mom!  My dad's mom was 15 when Daddy was born. Her mom was 17 when she was born. My dad was 29 almost 30 when I was born, and I was when I thought GGM was 100.  Let's do the math. 5+30+15+17= 67.  My great-granny was only 6 years older than I am now, and if you take away 8 years because that's when my sister was born, my great-granny was only 59-60 when she became a GREAT GRANNY!  WOW. I can't even imagine.

    Anyway, all that being known, written, and wondered over, my Grandma Stringfellow or Grandma Olivea was a beautiful woman. She was 45 when I was born, and just stunning to look at all the way up until her last couple of years really. She was just as gracious and trim, and she always dressed to the hilt. She was pristine, to be honest, and that went for her house as well. Nothing was out of place, it looked as if it had been "done up" as they used to say, by the Merry Maids on a daily basis. She didn't cook that I remember; she may have, but not for me.  We never had dinner at her place because there were too many of us. Dad and Mom had 4 of us. Grandma Stringfellow married at age 14 to a man older, but too much older. They had 4 boys before she was 20 years old. Again, I can't imagine that. Let's contrast.

    My maternal Granny, Grandma Edwards, Nancy Melvina Free Edwards, was born in 1894. She was 65 when I was born, making her 70 when I was 5. She was older than my great granny on my daddy's side. When you're a kid that sort of math can be really confusing. Mellie or Granny as we called her because we didn't need to be backhanded for calling her by her middle name; was always (and I do mean always) cooking, cleaning, moving about, and getting ready for something going on at the church. Both ladies were born-again Christians, but my Grandma Stringfellow only attended church, she wasn't really into the social side of it. Grandma Edwards was the reason people socialized at the church, she was the cook!  I was born on Wednesday, and in the church that following Sunday, and in the nursery with my Grandma Edwards rocking my crib.  It never really went downhill. She continued to love me wholeheartedly until she went to see Jesus and let me just say I'm sure she still does love me.

    Grandma Stringfellow died in 1987 at the age of 70.  Grandma Edwards died in 1993 at the age of 99. She had 10 children, 24 Grands I think, and who knows how many other faces showing up for dinner, parties, celebrations, and gatherings. Her house remained spotless too, and there was a reason for it. If we made a mess of any kind we cleaned it up immediately. If we even thought about NOT cleaning it immediately, we were met with a spanking, and it didn't matter how old we were. I remember a cousin once, a foolish child, saying she was going to tattle on my granny for having spanked her.  My granny grabbed that girl, turned her back over the knee, and spanked her again, then told her to tattle that one too! She told the little girl, my sweet cousin, that if she didn't do what she was told she would be dragged to the mess and shown how to clean it up and any number of her children and grandchildren would assist in the instruction. She was not wrong.

    My Grandma Stringfellow never once, not one single time, told me what to do. She told my dad, and he told me or had my mom tell me. She didn't want to be hated or thought of as being mean. I can tell you this, I liked Grandma Edwards WAY WAY better than I did Grandma Stringfellow and it's because we were kids and she understood that. She corrected me. She instructed me. She cared enough to see that I knew what I was doing. She was pushy, bossy, in your face, and very direct, but she never once mistreated me or caused me to think she was going to harm me. Far from it. She would have defended any of us to her last breath. I think I had two or three actual conversations with Grandma Stringfellow because when we kids would try to talk to her she would remind us that the adults were talking. We were to be in the other room playing. With Grandma Edwards, until I got too big to do so, I sat in her lap and she read the Bible to me and explained it. There's a difference right there.

    When Grandma Stringfellow died I can honestly say I was sad for my dad, but I really didn't have any true emotional reaction. When Grandma Edwards died I did. She hadn't been able to cook for 3 years, so at 96 she fed all of us again, but we let her rest up after that Christmas. When the gates are opened and we all get to the place(s) where we meet people and know them again, I will likely have to look pretty hard to see Grandma Edwards. She'll be "Mellie" to us then, but she'll be pretty popular, to say the least.  I'll stand in line. I'm good. It's eternity after all, right? I have the time. Can't wait.  (I'll hug Aunt Wilma and Uncle Marvin while I wait.)

Photo Credit: Mom

PC Madness.

 Earlier this week I was very excited about a new computer that I had purchased to replace the old one (the one I'm using right now) because the old one makes noises and it's really slow.  OK...but now, I'm not really excited anymore, because the new one was really crappy, and no, I don't know what I'm doing, so I just picked one that seemed to fit my budget rather than what I needed. I have since learned my lesson, and I am packing that one up (Laura packed it) and I'm sending it back to the seller because you know what, I won't be used like that. I told the seller EXACTLY what I needed and they assured me that it would be all I needed. They lied.

    So, this one, the new one, is a gaming computer. I'm told it's on the lower end of gaming computers, but then again, I don't game. I should be OK. I will list its specs at the end.  It only has 16G RAM right now, but I'm adding a 16G card to it soon. If I have to have more I'll do it, but I think I should be OK. Again, not a gamer. I sell insurance and write books. (My very unique superpowers include predicting what someone will say when they call in to make a claim or need a quote.) If I think I want to use my new computer to run the world at any given point, I may have to hire an I.T. person to assist me. I am so not techy. I'm a dork, not a geek. 

    The thing is, I really hate having to buy new computers every three years, but it feels like I have to do that. I got this one in 2020 just before the Pandemic hit, I think. I can't actually remember, but I think that. I want to say that. I could be wrong. It's older than that because when I bought it new in the box it had been sitting in the box for a while; that's what I was told by my tech friend who did the whole "about" thing and could tell me everything I never knew about it. I just learned today how to do the thing where you hold down three keys and find out if your CPU needs upgrading.

    My tech friend showed me (over the phone) how to see if my CPU was being overworked. Turns out the new machine was so much worse off than the one I was replacing. It was so so so bad. I'm not having to pay for the shipping label, but I do have to pay a small fee, something like $7.95 for the insurance. I'm good with that. I deserve to carry some of the burdens for not knowing what I needed. My bad. This time I asked my tech friend to write down what I wanted. He went online and found the machine and I applied for the credit line. I got the credit line and added a 2-year warranty package just in case. You just never know. The total cost was $1250 and I can pay that out over the next year if I want to; I won't. I'll pay it off rather quickly, but the good news is, the company reports that you paid as agreed for the next 3 years. That's a bonus.

    Another bonus with the thing was, if I paid for their insurance and didn't end up using it, they'll refund 30% of it; that's a perk. A lot of insurance carriers are doing that now. They invest your money for a while, that's how they can afford to give you back a portion of your premium.  I'm going to go out on a limb here and say I probably won't use their insurance so I'll look forward to that 30% back in 2025.

    When I was going for the credit limit the customer service people questioned me about a fraud alert on my bank account from September 2019. Wow, I had forgotten about it.  In September 2019 I purchased an online LP from a music artist from the UK, about 1-3 minutes later an additional $99 was taken from my account through the same PayPal account and I didn't know it. My bank called me to say there was an alert of suspicious activity and that they refused to pay the 2nd PayPal charge, only allowing the LP to be paid for. Then the same site tried 3 additional times to get the $99 out of my bank before they were reported by my bank to the authorities. Being the nice person that I am, I let the artist know. He was shocked! He should be, it was WEIRD, to say the least. I found out more, but I never told him. He apparently found out on his own, as the couple is no longer married.

    We have a mutual friend, and I called her today (rather late as I think it was nearly 6 p.m. here, so midnight there) and I told her about the questions from the customer service people. She said I wasn't the first one that had happened to but I was the one who alerted the artist to what was going on in his own house. It's sad really, you never think your spouse is doing that sort of thing, but I'm not even techy enough to make that stuff up; it is what it is. It was coming from the SAME IP address; makes you wonder. There's no way he knew. No way.  

    Well, anyway, the new computer will help me keep up with clients, leads, and things I have to save. I watch videos, movies, television shows, and play solitaire - - does that count as "gaming"? I don't think it should, but hey, I'm edgy, right? I'm just super excited to put this old machine into the closet after it's been stripped and reset. I don't want to gift it to anyone, but I may save it just in case the new one kicks and I have to have a backup. I may not reset it now that I think about it. I'll just take off photos or anything that takes up space.  (and this is where anyone with any I.T. expertise laughs at me.)

Here are the specs:  I'll add memory next month.

AMD Ryzen 5 5600G 3.90GHz (4.40GHz Max. Turbo)Radeon Vega 7 1GB Shared (CPU Integrated)16GB DDR4 ‑ 1 x 8GB (2 slots total, 64GB Max)

Photo Credit: scbssnj.com

Making Clotted Cream. (I'm doing it)

 This could be the single most important thing I do all week. I am about to make clotted cream. I will start it at 7:45 a.m. tomorrow morning, and by 7:45 p.m. tomorrow evening it will be done, but I will have to let it set out until it cools to room temperature, and just before going to bed tomorrow night, I'll pop it in the fridge and it will be ready for me on Friday morning. Can't wait.

    HOW you may ask, does one make clotted cream? I can't believe you're asking me that when the real question is, WHAT is clotted cream? Well, clotted cream is the best thing ever and it goes on anything you can think of that you may add butter too; and more things than that even. Clotted cream is literally just heavy whipping cream baked, cooled, and scooped. There is ONE ingredient in clotted cream, and that's...well, cream. It's heavy whipping cream in the United States and in the UK they call it "Double Cream". They have it pasteurized and extra or ultra-pasteurized, but to do the clotted cream correctly you'll just need the regular heavy whipping cream or double cream, nothing too fancy.

    Using a glass rectangular or square glass pan (glass works best) you'll pour the cream into the pan without spraying any oil into it. You just pour it straight in and you pour it about 1.5 inches thick before popping it into the oven at 175 degrees F or 80 degrees C.  You bake it for literally 12 hours, but I check it around the 10-hour mark to see if it's about done. I've been known to take it out at 10, not lying. Then, after you take it out, and it has the light golden colored (tiny bit) thicker top, you can use a spoon to take a bit off the top to see if it's nice and creamy (thick and spreadable) underneath.  You'll set it on the cabinet or table where the cat can't get to it, you may have to put it inside the microwave until it cools to about room temperature. I find that it takes 2 hours to do that.  Then just send it to the fridge to cool off completely.

    SUCH a good thing. In grocery stores in the U.S., if you can find it, it is about $9 for a very small amount. Whole Foods is the only place I know that has it, and yes, it was $8.99.  In the U.K. I bought it for about $3.50 (USD) and it was a bit larger, maybe 5 or 6 ounces vs the 3 oz jar I got at Whole Foods.  A good quart-size carton of heavy cream is about $4.00 USD and will make about 14-16 ozs or so, you will need a container to put it in. Maybe save an old butter tub. WORTH IT.  

NOW...here's the deal.  You have a top or a shelf of clotted cream at the top, and the underneath liquid is there to use to make biscuits or scones. Yep, you don't throw it out, you use it. The skimmed topper is the clotted cream you've been waiting for. Lift it, scoop it out, and put it in a container to use. Be sure to have a lid or a way to cover it.

    If you've never had clotted cream, you are absolutely missing out. If you just won't try it because the name "clotted cream" sounds bad, think of it as roasted heavy cream; that may help you out a bit. Just tell people you're British and need this to keep you going. They may understand. It really really, no really, is really very good...really. You can add jam, jelly, and cheese, you don't have to add anything. I top my bagels, biscuits, cookies, pies, just anything - - but it does add calories; you should know that. 

    OK there you go, one more thing off my list of things to make on Pinterest that has been super great and wonderful. I will likely update the photo when I make mine, but for now, you get the one I found online. Enjoy!!

Photo Credit: thefruitbasketshop.co.uk