Gary L. Thomas's Blog, page 23

The Five Things Men Need More than Sex

I recorded this for Focus on the Family some years ago when my book Loving Him Well first came out (a rewrite of Sacred Influence). I’m not sure I like a title that has the word “needs” in it, but it’s what I was asked to answer, and the intent is to talk about some things other than sex (though the last point does go there) that can particularly bless a husband. While a husband may not “need” these things, most husbands will feel blessed to receive them. I was just at Focus again last week for an entire day of recording (and speaking at their monthly chapel service), and the question put before me this time was what a wife wants from her husband, so I don’t mean to overly focus on husbands here–it’s a natural consequence of being at Focus years ago to talk about a book written for wives.

Watch this interview HERE.

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Unlearn a Naturalistic Worldview, Part 2

The Biblical Witness of Angels

This is part two of an excerpt from a chapter on discarding a naturalistic worldview and accepting the reality of angelic protection and oversight. You can read part one HERE.

It sometimes feels a tad embarrassing to speak of angels because they have been so misrepresented in art and lampooned beyond all biblical recognition, with the sense that to say you believe in angels is to sound to so many others like you believe something patently silly, like the tooth fairy or the Easter bunny. But the best response to popular culture’s misappropriation of angels isn’t a denial of what is, but a more accurate representation to replace the false one.  

It’s even sadder that Christians tend to speak of demons more than angels. I hear people speaking about demons all the time; angels? Not so much.

Emphasizing demons over angels runs counter to the biblical emphasis. If you look in a concordance, the Bible mentions demons thirty-eight times, either referring to actual demons or in passages where the apostles teach and warn about demons. Thirty-eight occurrences aren’t insignificant so it’s not inappropriate for believers to speak of demons on occasion.

By contrast, the Bible mentions angels over three hundred times, an almost ten-to-one ratio! If the Bible mentions something three hundred times, we should probably pay attention to it. We need to unlearn an overly naturalistic worldview and learn the blessings and reality of worshipping a supernatural God who watches over us in supernatural ways.[i]

Continue reading this blog over on Substack HERE.

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5 Things Newlywed Women Need to Know about Married Sex

A famous politician once said that the problem with the other party “isn’t so much that [they] are ignorant. It’s just that they know so many things that aren’t so.” That’s true of many married couples as well. Some couples question the quality of their marriage and certainly their intimate lives because they think they aren’t normal or that the problems they face are unusual. Shaunti Feldhahn and Dr. Mike Systma shatter these myths in their new book “Secrets of Sex and Marriage.” We’re featuring an excerpt from this book in today’s post. We aren’t paid for recommending such books by the way (though we do get an affiliate fee if you click on the link and buy it from Amazon). We’re offering it because we believe it’s a book that you’ll gain much from when you read it together, discuss the findings, and grow in empathy and understanding.

If you’re a newlywed couple or about to get married, sex is probably at the front of your minds in one way or another. Whether the idea of sex is exciting, daunting or confusing, there are often hurdles to overcome as you launch into a lifetime of this deep form of intimacy. Based on a three-year research study we recently conducted with more than five thousand individuals, these five steps will help. 

Read this blog on Substack HERE.

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Unlearn a Naturalistic Worldview

Learn to Worship a Supernatural God

In this excerpt from the book in progress, “The Art of Unlearning,” I risk going to a place that could bring ridicule. When you begin to talk about supernatural beings instead of just rational beliefs, people might start to look at you differently. But as I hope to demonstrate in the next few posts, it’s important for us to remember that we’re not alone. God has appointed messengers and spiritual warriors to watch over us. 

When I preached my first sermon at the Woodway campus of Second Baptist Church in Houston, Texas, I was a guest preacher. Coming from the state of Washington, I was a bit in awe, because Washington churches don’t have buildings like the one I was about to preach in (two balconies!).

I was also introduced to my armed guard. That was also a first for me.

I vividly remember sitting near the front of the sanctuary when, during the worship, I thought I needed to use the men’s room. I almost certainly didn’t need to, but I get nervous sometimes and think I do. In this august sanctuary, I didn’t want to “feel the urge” halfway through my sermon and start shaking my leg like Elvis Presley in a concert.

I figured that if I got up while everybody was standing during a song I could slip out unnoticed, only to find out, to my chagrin, that when you are a guest preacher at Second Baptist, the armed guard goes where you go. He escorted me out and then stood just outside the men’s room until I came back out.

There shouldn’t be any shame associated with needing to use the men’s room, but I was still very embarrassed. I manufacture shame like McDonald’s creates French fries.

After the service, the armed guard escorted me to my car. When I pulled out of the parking lot, there was an almost humorous sense of loss. My armed guard was gone! I had only had one for about .000001% of my life, but it was kind of nice while it lasted.

Continue reading this blog over on Substack HERE.

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Russia, Refugees, the Power of Story, the Dangers of Nationalism, and a Foretaste of Heaven!

If you think the political divide between Republicans and Democrats in the United States can threaten church unity, just consider what it must be like to pastor a church in California that has families from both Ukraine and Russia…

At the end of April, Lisa and I enjoyed some wonderful Slavic hospitality when I was asked to speak at Bethany Slavic Missionary Church in Rancho Cordova (just outside Sacramento) on Sacred Marriage.  Bethany is a huge cornerstone church for the Slavic community that has supported and/or launched dozens of other Slavic churches throughout California.

This congregation has a large property with two very impressive meeting rooms (and numerous side rooms) because they purchased a former U.S. military compound in the late nineties. The media firestorm was typical: “The Russians are taking over a former military installation!” but the “Russians” who moved in are some of the godliest, most Spirit-filled people we’ve ever met: they love God and Scripture, celebrate the work and presence of the Holy Spirit, support families and refugees, and proclaim the name of Jesus with earnest hearts. Perfect neighbors! 

Continue reading this blog post over on Substack HERE.

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Growing in Kindness

Jodie Berndt has written a fantastic devotional book for married couples. You might be thinking, “Another marriage book? Really?” I get it, but this one really is different. In addition to offering some really solid marital advice (as a woman who has been married for several decades), Jodie adds very helpful and detailed prayer guides at the end of every chapter. Instead of just reading about marriage (though there is plenty here to benefit from), if you took the time to pray these prayers over your marriage, I believe it would be a transformational experience.

We’re giving you just a taste to sample on your own. 

Continue reading over on Substack HERE.

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Unlearn Apathy Toward the Church, Part 3

You Can Rest in Heaven: Pouring Ourselves Out in Service to the Church

This is part three of our chapter on unlearning apathy for the church. We recommend you read part 1 HERE and part 2 HERE first before reading this one. And please, share your comments with us: constructive or positive, we’re open to all.

Serving More than Suffering

In my marriage seminars I have to be careful because I’ll use stories of heroic love in the face of a spouse’s death, but most of us think if our spouse is facing something terminal, we’ll step up. Most often, however, marriage calls us to daily service more than heroic suffering, and the same is true of the church.

Daily, “mundane” service for the church includes:

·      The challenges of living with stumbling believers.

It can be frustrating and embarrassing to be associated with anti-intellectual people, hypocrites, or narcissistic people who co-opt Bible studies and small groups with silly questions and comments. I don’t love the church because it’s lovable; many times, it’s not. I love the church because I worship Jesus, and the church is his bride. While many church members inspire me with their devotion, inform me with their intellect, and humble me with their love, many others feel more like the “embarrassing uncle” at the family gathering who has a right to be there, but likely wouldn’t be invited otherwise.

·      Time and talents

The church needs Bible study teachers, student teachers, deacons, elders, facilities help, etc. Who has time for that? Suffering servants make time. The question isn’t, do I have the time? The question is, Am I called?

·      Giving money

If we don’t wince a little bit at the end of the year when we do our taxes and see what we’ve given, we’re probably not giving passionately and we’re certainly not giving sacrificially. We’re like the spouse who gives their husband or wife nothing more than a grocery store card and grocery store carnations on our 25th wedding anniversary: “I know I have to give you something, so here you go.”

·      Fighting against false doctrine

Being a suffering servant for the church can mean confronting false doctrine, as Paul does throughout his epistles. Calvin’s Institutes for the Christian Religion is one long running argument against his opponents, living and dead. To be honest I have little stomach for this, as I like to “chew the meat and spit out the bones.” But I know there’s a place for it. Fortunately, God raises others up with a better disposition and superior intellect for these tasks. We are called to serve the church, not be the entire church!

Every age has its heretics; those who faithfully cling to truth will be attacked. This will require patience and faithfulness:  “He is the one we proclaim, admonishing [challenging the false] and teaching [presenting the alternative] everyone with all wisdom, so that we may present everyone fully mature in Christ” (Col. 1:28).

Paul models doing this to the Colossians: “See to it that no one takes you captive through hollow and deceptive philosophy, which depends on human tradition and the elemental spiritual forces of this world rather than on Christ” (2:8).

Sometimes it’s almost humorous. If I do a blogpost about anger, it is certain to make a lot of people…angry. And there are certain “hot button” issues that some will even say, “Don’t go there.” And I wonder why I do, knowing it will stir up a storm. However, to be a servant of the church, sometimes, we must go there.

·       Showing Up on Sunday

It’s not easy to get to church, especially if you have young children (or, in the case of Texans, a ranch house getaway in the Hill country, or for Coloradans, a ski chalet in the mountains). At the end of a long work week and the cusp of starting another one, it makes total sense to me if families say, “we’re just too tired.” But by point of reference, the early church existed in a world where Sunday was the first day of the working week. Why is that significant? To honor the resurrection, they had to get up very early to celebrate before starting their workday. Church didn’t meet on the “weekend.” The equivalent today would be churches meeting on Monday morning, from 6 to 7. They didn’t traditionally get the “day off” to go to worship for several centuries. That’s the commitment on which the church was built, and that’s the commitment it will take for it to continue to grow.

As one who has worked on the staff of several churches, I believe church staff has a responsibility to make the members’ time worthwhile with engaging sermons and inviting worship, fostering fellowship and creating opportunities for everyone to serve rather than just listen. But church attendance isn’t primarily a statement regarding your opinion about your local church staff’s competence; it’s a statement about worshipping the resurrected and ascended Jesus.

You can take this the wrong way, but in a sense, a full parking lot preaches a sermon to all who pass by, especially those who would never venture inside a church. It’s a visual picture that if many are taking time on Saturday evening or Sunday morning to worship Jesus—maybe they should consider him, too.

Continue reading this blog over on Substack HERE.

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Do Men Have Less Empathy than Women?

I often hear it said that husbands struggle with demonstrating empathy in comparison to most wives. Perhaps this is true, and, perhaps, Dr. Louann Brizendine, a neuroscientist, was onto something when she demonstrated that both men and women tend to express empathy in different ways: women through the MNS(the mirror- neuron system), and men toward the TPJ (the temporal- parietal junction). It can be enormously beneficial for wives to realize how their husbands are trying to express empathy, even though it may not feel like it, and for husbands to realize how their wives often perceive their mode of demonstrating empathy as actually being a lack of empathy.

This is a video excerpt from a lecture I gave to a class at Cherry Hills Community Church, that was part of my online class for Western Seminary.

Watch this video over on Substack HERE.

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What Mountain Are You Climbing?

Of all the things you could give your efforts to, there’s one that God promises will exalt you and honor you: the pursuit of wisdom. This sermon makes the case that developing our minds is especially crucial in an age of groupthink. While reading has historically been a preferred method of gaining wisdom, Gary also addresses other avenues Christians can engage in to pursue wisdom, as God’s word commands us to.

Watch this sermon over on Substack, HERE.

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Unlearning Apathy Toward the Church, Part 2

The Work and Worth of the Church

We’re continuing to look at “unlearning” our apathy toward the church and learning instead to be a suffering servant for the church. This excerpt begins by defining what I mean when I use the word “church.” It’s recommend that you read part 1 HERE before reading this excerpt.

What Is a Church?

By God’s mercy I estimate I’ve spoken in about five hundred churches, representing just about every major denomination, geographic location (all fifty states and a bunch of countries), and demographics. Very few are alike, but they are all called “church.” Not every organization that calls itself a church is necessarily a church, however, so for the sake of clarification, let me offer a description. I don’t pretend to be a biblical scholar, so this isn’t the kind of definition you’d get from a theology professor. I’m telling you the assumptions I’m making when I refer to a “church” for the purposes of this chapter.

·      A fellowship of people who regularly gather and are committed to each other as brother and sister in Christ, and who proclaim Jesus as their sovereign Lord and Savior. There are regular meetings and a sense of belonging and commitment.

·      A commitment to obey, listen to, and discuss the Word of God as revealed in the 66 books of the Bible.

·      A connection to and agreement with the historical beliefs of the Christian church in at least its broadest form, such as the Nicene or Apostles Creeds, adhering to the Trinity, Jesus as the only path to salvation, and other historic and core Christian beliefs.

·      A focus around the worship and proclamation of Jesus that invites all generations, all ethnicities, and all socio-economic classes, so that Jesus is the only center of their fellowship. Gathering to golf or knit is a hobby, not a church.

·      There is a connection with the historical church and scripture directives in terms of the ordinances of baptism and the Lord’s Supper. There should also be an emphasis on missions (evangelism/outreach) and giving to the poor, as these are emphasized in Scripture. 

The central theme of the church is worshipping our creator God and participating in his renewal of the world through sending his Son, which was followed by the sending of his Holy Spirit, who empowers us to carry on his work. We gather to make disciples who are eager to obey the commands of Christ (Matthew 28:19-20).

Continue reading this blog over on Substack HERE.

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