Gary L. Thomas's Blog, page 26

Don’t Get Married Until You Hear This Message

Making a wise marital choice will impact the rest of your life like no other choice you’ll make–save your decision to follow Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior. I wrote The Sacred Search because I found that Christians were getting married for the same reasons as non-Christians, none of which accurately predicted marital happiness. In this sermon I talk about those three reasons, explain why they shouldn’t drive our choice to get married, and then call believers to apply their faith by getting married for entirely different reasons.

Watch this sermon HERE.

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How I Broke Every Rule When Counseling Janell-And How You Can Do Better

In an earlier Joe and Janell video (Growing Together When Loss Tries to Pull You Apart) , we talked about how marriage is affected in the face of catastrophic loss—in their case, the loss of their only child. During that video, we mentioned a pastoral counseling session that took place with Janell and me (and two of Janell’s friends) shortly after Garrett died. When we revisited that conversation ten years later, Joe and Janell shared what went right (they were gracious in that regard, coming up with something) but also what went wrong.

Read this blog over on Substack HERE.

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How I Failed as a Pastor

I posted my pastoral failure and discussion with Joe and Janell in video form on the paid side, and then wrote a follow up blogpost on the basic tenets of companioning the bereaved–pointing out how, sadly, I had unwittingly broken just about every one of those tenets. The response on the paid side was such that we felt we really need to share this more broadly. The advantage of the paid subscribers’ side is that I feel I can be more vulnerable and open, which is why these were first posted there. But seeing how helpful some of this information has been, we’ve decided I should step up and show my weaker side to everyone, if it brings benefit to God’s church. So this week we’re showing the video with Joe and Janell where they specifically talk to me about what happened that day when Janell came to me, filled with grief over the loss of her son. And then next week we’ll have a follow-up written post where I go through basic tenets for companioning the bereaved and hopefully equip people to do a bit bitter than I did.

Watch this interview on Substack HERE.

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Unlearning Isolation

Becoming Active Participants Instead of Lonely Observers, Part 1

In the Broadway performance based on his life and music, Bruce Springsteen walks the audience through a dysfunctional childhood with a cold, often menacing father who likely struggled with some degree of mental illness. In such a home, a child often assumes the role of survivor rather than thriver (what we’ve been calling the abundant life). But it’s the language Springsteen uses that intrigues me. He talks about being an “observer” rather than a “participant.”

The best life, the life God wants us to live, is a life of deep and rich relationship—with him first flowing into grace-filled, honest, mutually encouraging relationships with others. It’s not easy to live this life. At times, it feels impossibly hard and seeking it may at times break our heart with disappointment and even betrayal. Even so, until we are participants instead of observers, we will feel like we are stuck in a vicious eddy.

Continue reading this blog over on Substack HERE.

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Improve Your Love Life in 2023

What it would be like to have a marriage where sex is experienced as a tremendous blessing instead of a burden?

How would it feel to hear Dr. David Schnarch describe the couples he has worked with and realize you’re in the category he describes as “the blessed few?”

A new year is a great time to evaluate where you’re at in your marriage. Improving your sex life may not be near the top, perhaps for some good reasons. Maybe you think the one thing you really need to focus on this year is having more fun together—learning to laugh again and being more intentional and creative about date nights. Maybe it’s time to grow your spiritual intimacy—praying together, serving God together, and getting more involved in your local church.

Read the rest of this blog on Substack HERE.

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How I Failed as a Pastor

Janell came to visit me after her son (and only child) died because she believed God told her I had something she needed to hear. While she was able to hear that, this wasn’t my finest moment as a pastor, as I missed what God was doing and did harm as well as help. I’ve asked Joe and Janell to revisit this moment, describe what happened, and offer some suggestions for how pastors, friends and caregivers can do a better job of caring for those in crisis.

Watch this interview HERE.

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Thanksgiving as a Practice

One of the great spiritual challenges to our joy, happiness and relationships is that our default mode of thinking is ‘negative bias’. We take the good for granted; we mull over the frustrating. The stories of a widow and some blind men can point us to a healthier way to think and live.

Watch this sermon HERE.

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An Extraordinarily Insightful and Vulnerable Discussion About Integrity in Ministry

Megachurch pastors get a lot of bad press, and often for good reason. But two very inspirational megachurch pastors, Bob Merritt and Mike Woodruff, joined for an extraordinary conversation about living a life of integrity and pursuing holiness in ministry. They are vulnerable and honest and the fact that most of you may never have heard of them is testimony to the fact that they are ending well (Bob is recently retired; Mike doesn’t seem to be close to that yet) and have never been in the news for all the wrong reasons. As you’ll hear, that’s not by accident. I was so impressed with this podcast that I sent it out to the entire staff at Cherry Hills Community Church and we discussed it during a lunch session. Their words are relevant to every believer, not just those in ministry. If you want to live a life of integrity and you believe that holiness is a blessing, not a burden, you’ll be enlightened, inspired, equipped and strengthened.

Watch this discussion HERE.

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The Best and Most Popular Posts of 2022

I hope you are enjoying this holiday season, with perhaps some downtime, a few more hours with your loved ones, and some great reflections on the gift of Christ’s coming.

This week we’re recounting some of the most popular, shared, and commented-on posts of the year (in no particular order). Most are available to everyone. If you missed any, here’s your chance to catch up. And let’s all pray for even better 2023.

Continue reading this blog over on Substack HERE.

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Making the Most of Married Sex

We were thrilled to hear that Gary and Debra Fileta’s two-day interview on Focus on the Family was chosen as one of their “Best of 2022.” The first interview is on “Designed for Mutual Pleasure” and the second is “Sex and Healthy Expectations.”

Designed for Mutual Pleasure

Almost every disappointment in marriage can be traced to an unmet expectation. The same is true about sex. John, Greg and Erin offer some hope to wives who are struggling to enjoy sex. Featuring Mrs. Debra Fileta, and Mr. Gary Thomas.

You can watch this interview HERE.

Sex and Healthy Expectations

Almost every disappointment in marriage can be traced to an unmet expectation. The same is true about sex. John, Greg and Erin offer some hope to wives who are struggling to enjoy sex. Featuring Mrs. Debra Fileta, and Mr. Gary Thomas.

You can watch this interview HERE.

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