Hal Young's Blog, page 40

Real Men and Abortion

What does Raising Real Men have to do with abortion? Everything.

Years ago we lived in a town with an abortion clinic and often stood outside offering to help the desperate women that came there. Although everyone had a different story, in many respects they boiled down to this: the baby’s father didn’t take responsibility.

According to the Centers for Disease Control, in 2009, the latest year with data compiled, 85% of women who aborted their children were unmarried. Where were the fathers? I had to wonder, talking to these moms who kept saying, “My boyfriend split” and “My fiance doesn’t want a baby” if they would have even thought about coming to that place of death if the fathers had been willing to acknowledge the baby.

The really sickening ones are when a mother pulls up with her boyfriend or husband. Her shoulders are down and eyes are sad, but his are determined. He’s going to sacrifice his child on the altar of pleasure and irreponsibility. He’s taking the easy way out. Pay some money, endure her tears, and keep on living for himself.

Ugh. Not the kind of man we want our sons to grow up to be. So, how do we make sure they don’t?

Teach your sons that sexuality outside of marriage is wrong. ““You have heard that it was said to those of old, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” Matthew 5:27-28
Teach your sons that marriage is a good thing. “He who finds a wife finds a good thing, And obtains favor from the Lord.” Proverbs 18:22
Teach your sons that men must take care of their wives and children. “But if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.” 1 Timothy 5:8
Teach your sons that life begins at conception. “Then the word of the Lord came to me, saying: “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you; Before you were born I sanctified you;…” Jeremiah 1:4-5a

Children are our messengers to the future. They are the ones that will carry our heritage and beliefs to future generations. There are 55 million children who will never do that. Fifty-five million grandchildren are missing now – slaughtered since abortion was legalized in the United States. What love, what gifts, what joy, what discoveries are we all missing because of their loss?

When parents of boys are doing their job, perhaps the men those boys will become will do theirs, too. And when the majority of men are again providers and protectors, abortion will likely become increasingly rare. May it be so.

Photo Credit: babykrul

If you need help teaching your guys about purity (and who doesn’t?), our workshop Shining Armor: Your Son’s Battle for Purity will give you practical, doable help!

MAN FOOD: Green Chili Casserole

[image error]Here you go, folks! Here’s the recipe I converted for bulk cooking at the Exploring Homeschooling conference this weekend during my Cooking as Easy as Pie workshop.  This delicious recipe was given to me many years ago by Robin Graff-Spies when we lived across the street from one another and our children were young. Happy memories!

This is a fantastic recipe to use for your first try at bulk cooking layered casseroles — your children will enjoy it tremendously if you let them help!

Green Chili Casserole

1 1/2 lb hamburger

1 medium onion, chopped

1 pkg flour tortillas

1 can cream of mushroom soup (or homemade version from white sauce)

1 can cream of chicken soup

8 oz sour cream

small can of green chilis

1 1/2 cups grated cheddar cheese

Brown hamburger with onion and drain. Mix meat, soups, sour cream, and chilis to taste. Layer tortillas, meat mixture and cheese like lasagna, ending with cheese. Freezes very well. Bake at 350 degrees until bubbly. Makes one 9″x9″ casserole. Great with a salad, refried beans, sour cream and salsa. Chips are a great side dish, too. Fruit or ice cream for dessert.

Here’s the bulk cooking version:

Green Chili Casserole Bulk Cooking

And for those of you who missed the conference, but would love to hear the workshop, we usually call it Sanity’s in the Freezer and you can download it or order it below!

 

H/T to Stephen Bain at Wikimedia Commons for the green chili art.

 

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The Great Western Tour

Thirty Days – Twenty States – 6300 Miles -  and Four Conventions!

It’s our 2013 Great Western Tour!

May 23-25 – Winston-Salem, N.C.

North Carolinians for Home Education (NCHE) Conference and Book Fair

May 30-June 1 – Omaha, Neb.

Teach Them Diligently Convention

June 7-8 – Nampa, Id.

Christian Homeschool Organization of Idaho State (CHOIS) Convention

June 14-15 – Phoenix, Ariz.

Arizona Families for Home Education (AFHE) Convention

 

This map only shows our confirmed speaking events, but there are more to come!

If you’re along our route, would you like for us to stop and speak at your church, support group, or some other gathering?

It’s easier than you think, and it can be more economical than you might expect.

Email us at speaking@RaisingRealMen.com and we’ll send you more information about setting up an event in your area

A Christian’s Parrot

There’s an old saying that it takes a real Christian to leave his parrot with the town gossip. A test of real virtue is what we do when no one’s looking. And evidence of our true self is left behind in the places no one is expected to go.

I read that Tim Tebow decided to get rid of the 18-year-old car he drove in college, and realized that it might be enough of a collector’s item that it could raise some funds for his charitable foundation. They decided to have NASCAR legend Richard Petty restore the inoperable 1995 Thunderbird, which is newsworthy enough, but I thought this was interesting:

When the foundation and the Petty people picked up the car, it still had music CDs in it as well as the air freshener that people might recognize from an ESPN documentary just prior to the draft where Tebow is shown driving the car. The car had cobwebs in it and lots of notes—from phone numbers of scouts to notes likely just left on Tebow’s car while on the Florida campus.

“It was not your typical college football player’s car by no means,” Petty’s Garage CEO Jeff Whaley said. “We found a list (of numbers) of when he was being courted to go to school, but there were no beer can lids, no cigarette ashes.”

I’m sharing this with my family — not as a commentary on the evils of beer and cigarettes, but on the evidence we leave behind us. If somebody cleaned out your floorboards, your desk drawer, your briefcase, or your browser history, what kind of picture would the evidence suggest? Would it be consistent with the image you try to uphold for others to see? Would  it reflect the way you see yourself?

Would it be evidence of the kind of person you want to be … or just the kind of person you are?

Hal

Are you or a family member struggling with a common secret sin? You might want to download and listen to

Shining Armor: Your Son’s Battle for Purity – it’s not just sons who battle with it.

Try To Act Your Age …

We had an interesting discussion with one of our elders after church on Sunday. We’re all concerned about understanding and strengthening the relationship between parents and their young adult children, particularly those still at home. Melanie and I were talking about it later with one of our own, and we had an insight – we need to be encouraging our kids to act their age.

Of course that usually means “Grow up!” as in, stop whining, take responsibility, deal with your disappointments, and so on. It means, like Paul said, it’s time to put away childish things and commit to think, speak, and act, like an adult (1 Corinthians 13:11)

But our son observed that many of his friends were struggling with some of their parents’ long-standing advice. “We’re regulating ourselves beyond what’s really intended or necessary,” he said. As young adults, they are finding it hard to step out of boundaries which their parents laid out many years before – to a young teenager, not someone in their mid-twenties.

That’s the crux of the problem in some families. When our sons and daughters are younger, we put restrictions on their freedom to come and go, on their choices of friends and entertainment, and on their self-expression and romantic inclinations. With good reason — there are traps and life-changing consequences in areas which are unfamiliar to them. We don’t want them to get hurt, or to hurt other people, so we establish boundaries to keep them away from trouble and temptation while they are growing up.

But now that they’re finished with their basic education and are mostly-matured into responsible young men and women, many of those areas are open for them to explore. We put fences around our 14-year-olds to keep them from acting like they were 24. We work hard to develop strong character in them and teach to them discern good and bad, right and wrong, and to make prudent decisions with the information they can find. It takes time and intentional action for both parents and progeny; that’s what parenting and growing up are all about.

But guess what? There is a problem if our 24 year olds are still acting like they were 14 – dependent, purposeless, irresponsible. And that problem, the “endless adolescence” which seems to be rising all around us, is inappropriate and harmful, too.

You might have a mental picture of the deadbeat in the basement, adrift, with more ideas about comic books and video games than about college, career, and starting a family . More often, we find, it looks very different. Often it’s showing up as young men (and young women) who are afraid to work up their own opinions and plans about life. They are indecisive and insecure because we parents may not have let them take reasonable risks and make decisions—and work out the consequences—before they reached the years of adult stature.

There are good reasons your adult children might be living at home. More than half of recent college graduates are unemployed or working in lower-skill jobs than their degrees qualified them to do. Delays in career prospects tend to delay marriage prospects as well. If they’re back home, may not be for failure of vision or lack of trying.

But we need to remember that even if our young adults are back in the bedroom they left for college five years ago, they are not the teenagers you packed into the freshman dorms … and they’re definitely not the budding adolescents you were raising five years before that.

 

Our own children have never made an outright rebellion against our “house rules”—some respectful discussion from time to time, but not insurrection. But have we considered when they need to be released from those rules?

“Many of my friends were simply told, ‘No, don’t do that,’ when they were twelve or thirteen,” our son said. “It would have been helpful if they were told, ‘No, you can’t do that now, but there will be a time for it later.’”

In other words, when the rules are put in place to keep your 14-year-old from thinking he’s 24, have you considered what you’re going to do to keep your 24-year-old from thinking he’s still 14?

Each way, they need to learn to act their age, and we parents need to be, well, parenting, to show them how to do it – and then give them the freedom to carry it out.

A New Tradition for New Year’s

When we think about New Year’s, what comes to mind? Glitzy parties, fireworks, watching the ball drop, Auld Lang Syne, or perhaps if you love classical music, the Vienna Philharmonic playing The Redetsky March. Oh, and resolutions. I always liked the idea of starting new when I was younger, but I had an appallingly bad record of keeping my resolutions. A few years ago, we came up with a new way to celebrate the new year that has been a real blessing for our family.

On New Year’s Eve, we sit down together, sometimes in the afternoon, if we have a gathering to attend that evening, but tonight, it’s going to be in the evening – we have a houseful of sick folks! Those that keep journals, like Hal, bring notes, the rest of us bring our memories and we talk about all that God has accomplished in our lives that year. Year after year, we’ve been amazed when we hear it all at once. The blessings of God are so incredible – and so easily forgotten in all the hectic days that follow. When we think back over all the answered prayers, all the things the Lord took care of before we even knew we needed something, the links of providence in our lives, it builds our faith and helps us to trust Him more. I think this is what God had in mind when He commanded the Israelites to celebrate the Passover and told them to explain it to their children.

How can you do that with small children, though? It takes a little more planning! Come prepared with lists of the important happenings in the year and be sure to remember the things that are small to you, but important to your children like special outings or gifts. Bring photographs and a calendar. Give them a chance to share, too. You may be surprised at all they remember! Be sure there are snacks and don’t be hurt if the youngest just want to sit in the floor and play. I’ve been stunned many times by the things our youngest children have picked up when I thought they were paying no attention whatsoever.

Finally, stop and pray together and thank God for all He has done for you this year and repent of the ways we have failed Him and accept his love and forgiveness through the sacrifice of His son, Jesus Christ for our sins. What a great way to start a new year – forgiven and full of thankfulness!

On New Year’s Day, we have a huge family brainstorming session. We are very frank with our children about the state of the family exchequer and exactly where our ministry/business stands. This has been great for preparing them for life and it’s been good for us, too. Our sons have come up with many terrific ideas – some of which you’ve probably seen on this site or even bought for your family! We even use a PowerPoint projector to shine reports up on the wall, so everyone can be on the same page. We don’t just talk business, though, we brainstorm about everything – managing the house, schoolwork, hobbies, the hopes and dreams of different members of the family. It is a fantastic time to support each other and encourage one another. It’s a great time to help the children understand that they are a vital member of the team and that God has a purpose for this family to accomplish. They are a part of that!

We do have to remind each other not to be too critical. If you stomp on a dream too quickly as impractical, you’ll miss some of the really revolutionary ideas! Instead, we encourage the children to entertain even the big, outrageous ideas for a time: Is there any way to make this work? If not now, maybe in the future? After all, a decade ago, none of us would have every dreamed we would become full-time authors and speakers. Who knows what God has planned for your family?

How do the little guys fit into this? Sometimes they jump in with ideas. Some are silly or impractical, but others are surprisingly good. Lots of times they get bored, but we encourage them to play or read in the room with us. We think it’s worthwhile for them to just be in that atmosphere.

One of the big payoffs of doing this is that our sons really “own” what we do as a family. They know the final decisions are their parents’, and ultimately Dad’s, but they know that they are valued members of our team, that they’re important in what they do, that they can make a difference. It’s changed the way they think about our work as a family and it’s made them far more creative and entrepreneurial themselves. They’ve learned to think about the future and to have vision. That’s a great thing for a young man!

What are you doing to help your sons think about the future? We’d love to hear your ideas, too!

Happy New Year!

 Hal & Melanie Young

Want to learn even more? Here’s our post today on The M.O.B. Society, a post discussing our tradition from a little different angle, a post from Hal on how his journaling came about, and a post reviewing a helpful tool for this time of year.

And if you have a boy in or approaching those challenging years between and 9 and 12, we are starting a new session next week of our exclusive, interactive online series for parents: Boot Camp 9-12: Getting Geared Up for the Teen Years. Register now at a $15 discount (the price is going up in a few days! 

Boxing Day Secrets

It’s the day after Christmas, and I’m working in the living room this morning, happily surrounded by my new books and the noise of our younger children playing. But there’s the question: What are we going to do about all the new toys in the house? Here are some startling truths we’ve discovered in 23 years of parenting:

1. It’s okay not to replace batteries.

As a child I wished for some of the automated toys I saw in the Sears catalog, but as an adult I’ve been able to admit they often don’t live up to their marketing. Sometimes there’s more play value in the unpowered, silent toy, when the child’s imagination fills in the action and dialog. We have a few toys which were enjoyed for years, by multiple children, after their first and only set of batteries ran out.

2. It’s okay to relocate some toys.

Our children have a game system, a gift from a well-to-do relative, which stays at a grandparent’s house. That makes it fun for a visit, but keeps it from becoming a tyrant in our home life. Moving some particular toys to another place can declutter a bit at home, and it gives some options to entertain the children when Grandma’s tired or out of ideas. You can do this with duplicated items, things which tend to distract your children from their normal routines, or things which might not work well in your own home (toys which need lots of outdoor space, like Grandma and Grandpa’s yard, and can’t be enjoyed in your townhouse courtyard).

3. It’s okay to create some rules.

With six boys, we’ve accumulated a lot of construction toys. A LOT. THOUSANDS of LEGO bricks. MULTIPLE thousands. This is not a bad thing, maybe, but because we don’t have acres of space inside, we’ve had to put a rule in place: “No Monuments.” We are delighted when our sons build elaborate models of cities, airports, ships, and all, and cover table tops or their bedroom floors with gigantic constructions. However, we do require that they put them away after a few days — we don’t have the space to house these things indefinitely, so our sons understand that their creations are temporary models to enjoy, not everlasting monuments. A few creative guidelines or regulations can keep everybody happy for the long run.

4. It’s okay to control or even put away some toys.

You might look at some gifts and say, “Wow, that’s an evil-looking toy,” and decide there’s a moral imperative to take it out of your family’s life. But there are other reasons which are valid, too. Have you ever seen the popular toddler toy known as a “popper”? Or toys which have a microphone and a speaker … who in the world ever thought it was a good idea to give a small boy an amplifier? As the parents in our families, we have to manage our homes for the peace and productivity of our whole family. It’s okay to decide that a toy is too noisy, or promotes too much boisterousness, or seems to encourage bad feelings between siblings, and therefore needs to be limited in some way.

Occasionally we’ve gone through the toy bins and picked out the irreparably broken bits, the outgrown and unloved and such, and quietly ushered them out of our homes. It’s a good time to gather the parts which have become separated from their sets, too. It works best to do it when the younger kids aren’t home. I call it “A Visit From Anti-Claus.”

 

We always try to keep in mind that our kid’s toys are their tools for learning, and some of them are keepsakes — a special gift from a friend or relative, or a favorite thing from their earlier childhood.  We aren’t harsh or unsympathetic to our young children’s wishes; a worn out toy may be worn because it’s loved, not undesireable because it’s worn.  But it’s good to remember that God put us in charge of our children and their home, including the things and activities we allow, and sometimes in our child-centered and consumer-driven culture we need encouragement to be the Dad or Mom our kids need. It’s okay – give yourself permission.

Is Destruction in Their Wake Normal?

A reader asked:

As a mother of 4 young boys, (oldest is 10), we have a lot of furniture, walls, toys, etc destroyed in their wake. Is this normal for boys??? I feel like I can’t have anything nice around.

Dear Friend,

I feel your pain! The frustrating part about raising girls is that they seem to want to visit every single public restroom in the world. The frustrating part about raising boys is that they destroy things without ever meaning to. Yes, it’s normal. It helps to have some rules like “No throwing or slinging or swinging ANYTHING in the kitchen or living room.” and “You may only go down the stairs on your feet, one step at a time.” But even if they are careful and so are you, they are active and strong and get very big and even stronger and accidents happen. One of our teens shoved a bench over in our kitchen and not knowing his own strength, shoved it right through the wall! I was so upset, but so was he! He had NO idea that would happen.


So, here are some things that may help:


Rules about normal use of furniture and the house


Remember that you can’t lose it if you don’t have it. Generally, it’s better to use your good stuff and accept that some things will be lost, but it’s worth it to have been able to use it and enjoy it.


If you can’t bear to lose it, put it up high or protect it.


Have them help fix or pay for things they destroy (makes them more careful). You have to adjust this to their age – a four year old may only be able to stand there and hand you tools, while a seventeen year old can fix a wall himself and paint it.

It gets better, really!
Melanie & Hal

For practical help raising boys that are a blessing, get our award-winning book, Raising Real Men now! For more buying options, including eBooks, click here.

Just Do the Next Thing

At an old English parsonage down by the sea,

there came in the twilight a message to me.

Its quaint Saxon legend deeply engraven

that, as it seems to me, teaching from heaven.

And all through the hours the quiet words ring,

like a low inspiration, ‘Do the next thing.’

Many a questioning, many a fear,

many a doubt hath its quieting here.

Moment by moment, let down from heaven,

time, opportunity, guidance are given.

Fear not tomorrow, child of the King,

trust that with Jesus, do the next thing.

Do it immediately, do it with prayer,

do it reliantly, casting all care.

Do it with reverence, tracing His hand,

who placed it before thee with earnest command.

Stayed on omnipotence, safe ‘neath His wing,

leave all resultings, do the next thing.

Looking to Jesus, ever serener,

working or suffering be thy demeanor,

in His dear presence, the rest of His calm,

the light of His countenance, be thy psalm.

Do the next thing.

Read Elisabeth Elliot’s remarkable story of how this poem helped her through the martyrdom of her husband, Jim Elliot. That’s where I first heard this wonderful piece.

If you are a homeschooler wondering how you’re going to make it through the trial you are facing, our workshop CD, Homeschooling in Hard Times. may be a blessing to you. Please let us know if you are unable to afford it.

If you are suffering or helping those who are, Melanie did a Ladies Retreat called Walk by Faith with three talks on how to survive, glorify God and comfort one another in the way we’ve been comforted. Again, if you can not afford these, please let us know.

Making Winter Cooking Easier

Mmmmmm… how nice to think of just waltzing over to the freezer and back to the oven to produce a lovely dinner in the midst of the holiday rush.

We were forced to learn freezer cooking. Melanie has always had train wreck pregnancies with  lots of bedrest time. We quickly figured out that we’d have to do some heavy duty preparation if we didn’t want to live on fish sticks and frozen pizza! Freezer cooking to the rescue!

Cooking in bulk can be intimidating, though. Visions of counters full of freezer-burned mystery meals and pictures of a completely wrecked kitchen give us the collywobbles! Melanie does a workshop session on freezer cooking and it’s always packed with families who want the payoff of easy dinners, but it’s never worked well for them in the past. We always suggest starting with something easy.

One of the easiest ways to simplify meal times is to get a stock of pre-cooked meats in the freezer.  Next time chicken breasts go on sale, buy 20 pounds of them and a big bag of charcoal. Seriously. You can cook about 20 pounds on that bag of charcoal on a good-sized grill – and this is wonderful grilling weather!

Once you get home, Mom should divide the chicken into four or so big bowls or pots and put a different marinade in each one. We usually do Italian, Greek, Fajita, and Cajun. Meanwhile, Dad should get the charcoal started. Chicken marinades quickly, so it’ll be ready by the time the coals are. Mom should take Dad one bowl at a time as he has room, and he should keep the flavors segregated on the grill. Bring out a fresh platter (or cookie sheet) for each flavor as it comes off the grill.

Once it’s cooled a bit, put each breast in its own sandwich size Ziploc bag and all the little bags of each flavor in one gallon size Ziploc bag, labeled. Oh, and choose some to eat that night hot!

What then? Say you’re craving chicken fajitas. Pull out the right number of breasts and nuke them in the microwave for about 1-2 minutes each *in the baggy* or in a tightly covered bowl. Making sure it’s covered tightly lets the steam go through and through it and makes it taste hot off the grill. While it’s cooking, sauté some onions and peppers, heat up some tortillas and refried beans, pull out some grated cheese, salsa and sour cream and you’ve got a wonderful meal of Grilled Chicken Fajitas in about 15 minutes flat.  You can use your chicken to make Gyros, Greek salads, Fajita salads, Chicken Tostadas, Grilled Chicken Sandwiches, Chicken Spaghetti, Chicken Fettuccine Alfredo, and lots more. Imagine how much time that will save you this winter! Just try it!

Enjoy!

Hal & Melanie Young

For lots more ideas for making freezer cooking easy, including our make-your-own Universal Marinade Recipe, grab our mp3 download, Sanity’s in the Freezer.

First published in the October 24th issue of The Homeschool Minute , an electronic publication of The Old Schoolhouse Magazine.