Chris Illuminati's Blog, page 9

I’ll Put A Comma, Wherever, The Fuck I Want,

“Life is a series of commas, not periods.” That’s a quote from one of the deepest thinkers in the game right now, Mr. Matthew McConaughey. He’s right.

NFL’s Worst Thanksgiving Tradition: Throwback Jerseys

They looked cool in 1994, but don't make much sense in 2016

How 1991 WWE Survivor Series Changed Wrestling

The Undertaker won his first title and Shawn Michaels would start his reinvention.

Thanks, Taco Packet

I was feasting at Taco Bell because my body is a temple. I'm drizzling taco sauce on my eighth El Fresco taco. El Fresco makes the taco "healthier" by using a fresh salsa instead of cheese.

The Closest Exit May Be Behind You

The miniature white capsule lays on the terminal carpeting and screams to be swallowed. So you pick it up and swallow it instead of telling the owner it dropped out of his pants pocket. It might be prescription heart medication. It could be a narcotic.

Penguins

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Where The Fuck Am I Going To Put All These Apples?

I want to make it incredibly clear that this date was awesome. Absolutely fantastic and a top five all time on my list of third dates. Our first date failed to crack my top five first dates but our second date stands firmly at number two of best second dates.

Things I Wish I Knew About Teens Before Kidnapping This One

I wanted to think I was ready to handle a teen boy, but I didn’t realize the rocky road I was in for. Caring for a teen is hard, especially while trying coordinate his return in exchange for a large sum of money from his uncooperative father.

Disney Princesses Gone Bad

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These Are Your Coffee Mugs

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