Joshua Donellan's Blog: JM Donellan's substack, page 7
October 21, 2014
I want to give you synaesthesia
Dearest Person Reading This,
I would like to give you synaesthesia. No, don’t worry, it’s not a sexually transmitted flesh-eating fungal infection. You have to go to some really dodgy Ecuadorian bars to get those (or so I’ve heard). Synaesthesia is a neurological blending of the senses. The lead character in my newest novel Killing Adonis is a synaesthete, and my publishers came up with the wickedly clever idea of making this internet tool.
Vladimir Nabokov, Marilyn Monroe and Wassily Kandinsky all had synaesthesia.
Basically what it does is match each letter and number on your keyboard with a corresponding sound and colour, mirroring the way in which a synaesthete experiences the world. You can write whatever you want and share it as a synaesthetic sound/colour/text experience. Feel free to jump straight in and have a play and write whatever you want. You might even just want to tap out a few tunes. You can write some witty/snarky things and share them around the internet (I believe that is the internet’s primary function after all).
However, if you’re not very good at being witty and articulate don’t feel bad. Neither is Tony Abbott and he somehow managed to become PM so clearly it’s no biggie. Perhaps you have other talents like frisbee golf skillz or being very good at finding the best avocados in the pile. Whatever the case, I’ve made a bunch of presets for you that you can tailor as necessary. There’s a selection of threats, insults, pickup lines. Just the usual stuff that a normal person uses a couple of dozen times a day. Click on the links to see and share them synaesthetically. Have fun, make up and share some your own and whatever happens definitely do not send this message to ASIO under any circumstances.
LOVE
My dearest darling honeyknickers, I have always loved you, despite the fact that you smell exactly like old cheese wrapped in sweaty socks.
Dear Mum, thanks for squeezing me out of your vagina. I hope my annual gifting of a $20 gift card serves as adequate compensation.
Dear [person I am attracted to] I dislike not dating you and would substantially prefer to do the opposite. I do not have chlamydia (at least not according to WebMD).
THREATS & INSULTS
Dear [coworker], if you continue to eat my yoghurt out of the fridge I am going to start flavouring it with industrial strength laxative. And no, I don’t know what industrial strength laxative is but believe me I will find out.
Dear Neighbours, when you have sex it sounds like a pack of rabid wolves playing in a screamo band. PS Do you want to join my screamo band?
If your personality were an album, it would be Chinese Democracy.
If your face were a film, it would be The Room.
POLITICS
Dear Tony, the rumours are not true. There is not going to be a G20 afterparty in Obama’s room. Definitely don’t go there because there will be nothing going on, if there was we would definitely invite you because everyone thinks you are great despite what the polls, commentators etc. have to say. PS Putin says he will meet you on the oval at 4. Come alone. – DC
Dear Mr Pyne, I’m contacting you here because my work email has been hacked. Can you ask Malcolm how to delete emails from the cloud? Cheers. – B. Spurr
MISC
PS I’m just shy of my 1000th twitter follower. If you become number 1000, send me one of these synaesthesia messages using #KillingAdonis and I’ll write you a lil somethin’ somethin’ special in reply.
Tags: Del.icio.us
TweetThis
Digg
StumbleUpon
Comments: 0 (Zero), Be the first to leave a reply!You might be interested in this:
Can you hate the artist but love their art? Birthday letter to the queen by Jake Marshall Dunhill, grade 2 Paper girl festival video interview A BEGINNER'S GUIDE TO DYING IN INDIA BY JM DONELLAN, REVIEWED BY JM DONELLAN Growing pains. Copyright © JM Donellan [I want to give you synaesthesia], All Right Reserved. 2014.
October 15, 2014
Launch party photos
The crew from Supanova came and took some great photos at the launch the other week! Click here to see the full set. I’ll be appearing at Supanova Nov 14 -16, come and say hi!
Tags: Del.icio.us
TweetThis
Digg
StumbleUpon
Comments: 0 (Zero), Be the first to leave a reply!You might be interested in this:
10 of the Best Books Set in India (with its Multitudinous Mysteries) A regicidal thank you story. ebay ad: >>>DEBUT NOVEL: will trade for your house, degree etc. our very first entry: JoffCampbell! LibraryCopyright © JM Donellan [Launch party photos], All Right Reserved. 2014.October 14, 2014
Killing Adonis by J.M. Donellan reviewed by J.M. Donellan
First of all, I was highly disappointed that this novel was not written by Tim Winton. As every reviewer knows, the only good novels in Australia are those that are either written by Tim Winton or try very extremely hard to sound like his work with the addition of a mild idiosyncratic twist. Perhaps a giraffe with OCD and a drinking problem or a sexually confused parking inspector with a penchant for Scandinavian taxidermy.
This book has received a slew of favourable reviews. Books + Publishing said ‘This is a writer with a deft handle on his craft’, Book’d Out called it a ‘surprising page turner‘ and Glamadelaide went so far as to comment that Killing Adonis is ‘great, inventive storytelling from an exciting new Australian author.’ Frankly I don’t see what all the fuss is about. As a post-modern western space opera it leaves a lot to be desired, as an erotic kung fu saga it is (almost) completely lacking in either sex scenes or kung fu sequences and as a technical manual for the Atari 800 it is beyond useless. After reading all 450 pages of this book I am still have no idea how to reboot my mainframe in the event of a lightning strike or zombie apocalypse.
Killing Adonis is incompatible with:
Killing Adonis is completely lacking in digital features. I tried a vast range of swiping and voice commands and it was obstinately unresponsive. The novel is not compatible with OSX , Xbox, Linux or the Matrix and all attempts to connect to WiFi or Bluetooth met with disaster. Furthermore, it proved entirely inadequate as a floatation device in even the most rudimentary inflatable pool testing and when I tried to use it to assemble my newly purchased Ikea wardrobe it was nothing short of unusable.
Under ballistics testing, the book did prove somewhat more capable. Its 450 pages and pleasingly tactile faux leather cover do serve to reduce the velocity of a Walther P99 at a distance of 300 feet. However, at closer proximity the bullet will penetrate all the way through, so use with caution.
Overall I’d give this book 5 stars (out of 100) and unreservedly recommend it as a bullet resistant accessory but strongly encourage anyone who is looking for a Tim Winton penned futureproof Bluetooth enabled erotic space opera to look elsewhere. Available from all good bookstores (and some of the bad ones).
Tags: Del.icio.us
TweetThis
Digg
StumbleUpon
Comments: 0 (Zero), Be the first to leave a reply!You might be interested in this:
Book giveaway REVIEW OF MY EX-GIRLFRIEND'S WEDDING Why I Hate Pandas TOUR DIARY: KING OF THE PENGUINS & HANGING OUT AT THE ASYLUM BLACK CATS & FUTURE SPECSCopyright © JM Donellan [Killing Adonis by J.M. Donellan reviewed by J.M. Donellan], All Right Reserved. 2014.September 22, 2014
I wanted to do a simple reading, but things got out of hand…
Tags: Del.icio.us
TweetThis
Digg
StumbleUpon
Comments: 0 (Zero), Be the first to leave a reply!You might be interested in this:
What NOT to wear this season (because you are cleary incapable of dressing yourself). THIS IS THE EIGHTH OR NINTH WORST THING THAT COULD POSSIBLY EVER HAPPEN. BLACK CATS & FUTURE SPECSCopyright © JM Donellan [I wanted to do a simple reading, but things got out of hand...], All Right Reserved. 2014.September 15, 2014
Killing Adonis launch party sneak preview.
Hey dudes I made a little sneak preview video for the launch with my friend the amazing incredible astonishing etc Sandi Darling who runs a cool parents blog at Milk Eyes. Note: this video features lots of big shiny drugs. Don’t forget to RSVP to Events@PanteraPress.com. Facebook event is here.
Tags: Del.icio.us
TweetThis
Digg
StumbleUpon
Comments: 0 (Zero), Be the first to leave a reply!You might be interested in this:
STUPID WEIGHTS MACHINE FOR JERKS Quotes ebay ad: >>>DEBUT NOVEL: will trade for your house, degree etc. Regurgitator superhappyxmasfuntimes @ the Zoo reviewed for rave magazine Killing Adonis MixtapeCopyright © JM Donellan [Killing Adonis launch party sneak preview. ], All Right Reserved. 2014.September 10, 2014
Killing Adonis now available for preorder TELL EVERYONE AND THEIR GRANDMAS
DEAREST THE UNIVERSE KILLING ADONIS IS NOW AVAILABLE FOR PREORDER LOTS OF PLACES EVERYONE GO BUY IT PLEASE I HAVE KIDS TO FEED.*
Avid Reader
Google Play books
Amazon
Itunes
*Not human children of course, just baby goats. But those things eat a LOT!
PS Don’t forget everyone in the world except Chris Brown and Gina Rinehart is invited to the book launch/warehouse party.
Tags: Del.icio.us
TweetThis
Digg
StumbleUpon
Comments: 0 (Zero), Be the first to leave a reply!You might be interested in this:
On the making of monsters. THE GREATEST COMPETITION OF ALL TIME FROZEN FACE OF POLAR BEAR reviewed by JM Donellan (of Frozen Face of Polar Bear) day one. Pocket Hipster appCopyright © JM Donellan [Killing Adonis now available for preorder TELL EVERYONE AND THEIR GRANDMAS], All Right Reserved. 2014.September 3, 2014
KILLING ADONIS BOOK LAUNCH
All right internet, this is the big one. I’ve been waiting four goddamn years for this and you can bet your grandma’s kitten we are going to have a party to remember. FEAST YOUR EYES ON THIS SWEET LINEUP!
DIZZY MISS LIZZY POETRY IS DEAD
What a bunch of genius babes. Plus there’ll be site design and art from Sandi Darling and Anna Cooke, fireworks, food trucks, cheap beers and all kinds of shenanigans. Entry is just a small donation, 100% of which will go towards the performers. What kind of IDIOT would miss a party like that? Not you, obviously. See you there.
CLICK HERE for facebook event page.
CLICK HERE to download a pdf of the invitation: KILLING ADONIS Book Launch 27 September 2014
CLICK HERE to watch a news anchor being pwned by a chicken.
Tags: Del.icio.us
TweetThis
Digg
StumbleUpon
Comments: 0 (Zero), Be the first to leave a reply!You might be interested in this:
Don't ever contact me again for any reason including the apocalypse. The Price is Free Killing Adonis cover reveal Blog Tour Twitter interview (twitterview? Twinterview?)Copyright © JM Donellan [KILLING ADONIS BOOK LAUNCH], All Right Reserved. 2014.September 1, 2014
POETRY IS DEAD EP/BOOK LAUNCH
&
Dearest the World, we are launching our debut EP/poetry collection this Tuesday September 7pm at the Bearded Lady. Scott Wings will also be performing, fresh from melting faces at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival, which is the world’s largest festival for people with very symmetrical haircuts. FB EVENT HERE
Tags: Del.icio.us
TweetThis
Digg
StumbleUpon
Comments: 0 (Zero), Be the first to leave a reply!You might be interested in this:
Zeb and the Great Ruckus: coming at you like a rampaging bewilderbeast in 2012 A human writes about human rights. 100 books a yearCopyright © JM Donellan [POETRY IS DEAD EP/BOOK LAUNCH], All Right Reserved. 2014.August 20, 2014
6 Things I Have Learned From Teaching Small Children
1 You shouldn’t be scared of lightning because it’s just God farting lasers.
2 Having hearing aids is good because when people say mean things about you, you can just turn them off. LINGUISTIC INVINCIBILITY BITCHES!
3 The reason why daddy sometimes sleeps on the couch is probably because he wets the bed.
4 In the olden days – when Grandma was a baby – people used to ride dinosaurs to work.
5 When you die you turn into a skeleton and when the full moon rises you come back from the dead and go looking for treasure.
6 When the giant volcano erupts, the only things left in the world will be one lion, one diamond and one toilet.
Tags: Del.icio.us
TweetThis
Digg
StumbleUpon
Comments: 0 (Zero), Be the first to leave a reply!You might be interested in this:
What NOT to wear this season (because you are cleary incapable of dressing yourself). Campbell: The Shocking True Story of a ‘Man’ Who Hated The Arts So Much You’d Think An Artist Stabbed His Puppy As Part of an Abstract Performance Piece A human writes about human rights. BNE artist interviews #1: Erica Field Alliance of Best Smelling AuthorsCopyright © JM Donellan [6 Things I Have Learned From Teaching Small Children], All Right Reserved. 2014.July 27, 2014
Killing Adonis cover reveal
Dearest denizens of the interwebs, I am extremely incredibly tremendously and wondrously thrilled to present to you the cover of my forthcoming novel Killing Adonis. I’m hugely impressed with the team at Xou Creative as well as my publisher Pantera Press for coming up with a design that enigmatically alludes to the dark and comedic aspects of the novel in a way that is captivating and unusual. The cover itself will have a faux leather feel, and as a huge book nerd I’m excited that it will have a special little tactile element.
The blurb is as follows:
LIGHT DUTIES.
LARGE PAY.
NO QUESTIONS ASKED OR ANSWERED.
After receiving a curious invitation, Freya takes a job caring for Elijah, the comatose son of the eccentric Vincetti family. She soon discovers that the Vincetti’s corporate rivals have a nasty habit of being extravagantly executed, their labyrinthine mansion hides a wealth of secrets and Elijah was never the saint they imagine him to be.
As if that’s not enough, Marilyn Monroe keeps appearing, apparently unaware of the fact that she’s very much deceased. And there’s something very strange about the story that Elijah’s brother Jack is writing…
Killing Adonis is a tragicomic tale about love, delusion, corporate greed and the hazards of using pineapple cutters while hallucinating.
The launch party will be held at the Motor Room in West End on September 27 and 100% of everyone everywhere is invited. This will not be your ordinary book launch, we are going to have slam poets, bands, circus performers, fireworks and all manner of wonderful weirdness. Official event page and invites will be available soon. See you there.
ex oh ex oh
JD
Tags: Del.icio.us
TweetThis
Digg
StumbleUpon
Comments: 0 (Zero), Be the first to leave a reply!You might be interested in this:
SHOOT art party!! Ball Park Music review (for Rave Magazine) Dearest spawn: words of wisdom for the future How To Do Your Xmas Shopping Without Losing Your Will To Live Copyright © JM Donellan [Killing Adonis cover reveal], All Right Reserved. 2014.
