6 Things I Have Learned From Teaching Small Children

1 You shouldn’t be scared of lightning because it’s just God farting lasers.

2 Having hearing aids is good because when people say mean things about you, you can just turn them off. LINGUISTIC INVINCIBILITY BITCHES!

3 The reason why daddy sometimes sleeps on the couch is probably because he wets the bed.

4 In the olden days – when Grandma was a baby – people used to ride dinosaurs to work.

5 When you die you turn into a skeleton and when the full moon rises you come back from the dead and go looking for treasure.

6 When the giant volcano erupts, the only things left in the world will be one lion, one diamond and one toilet.

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